Connect Journal - Winter 2020: "Practice Not Perfect"

WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 • $8.95

Journal of Children, Youth & Family Ministry

practice not perfect

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Gain practical expertise in Luther Seminary’s Children, Youth, and Family Ministry degree program.

The Jubilee Scholarship covers all tuition costs for admitted M.A. and M.Div. students.

Find a program overview at luthersem.edu/cyf.

For more about scholarships visit luthersem.edu/jubilee.

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WINTER 2020

PUBLICATION INFORMATION Published by:

ELCA Youth Ministry Network www.elcaymnet.org

CONTENTS Welcome! 4

Todd Buegler

Finding True Self-Care in Pastoral Ministry 5

Bishop Kristen Kuempel

The Top 10 Things You Should Know about Intergenerational Formation 7

Jason Santos

Creativity for the Rest of Us

Brenda Bos

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The Six Least-Welcoming Things I’ve Ever Said in My Ministry 12

David Scherer Subscription Information:

call 866-ELCANET (352-2638)

or visit: www.elcaymnet.org connect@elcaymnet.org

Design and Layout:

Michael Sladek

Impression Media Group www.impressionmediagroup.com

What Does the Lord Require of Us? 14

Irene Cho

Letters from the Male Box

Joe Davis

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Practicing Lead Metrics: An Interview with Peggy Hahn 14

Leigh Finke

I’m Practicing Over Here 18

George Baum Managing Editor:

Erin Gibbons

UPCOMING CONNECT ISSUE THEMES: Connect Editorial Board:

Todd Buegler, Nate Frambach,

Erin Gibbons, Dawn Rundman,

Michael Sladek

Childhood and Youth Trauma (Spring ‘20) The Theology of Technology (Fall ‘20) Ministry with LGBTQIA+ Young People (Winter ‘21) Money (Spring ‘21)

ELCA YOUTH MINISTRY NETWORK BOARD Cover Photo:

Michael Sladek www.msladekphoto.com

Becky Cole: Board Member

Kinda Makini: Board Member

Kelly Sherman-Conroy: Board Member

Sue Megrund: Board Member

Dan Fugate: Board Member

Tom Schwolert: Board Chairperson

Rev. Regina Goodrich: Board Member

Rev. Todd Buegler: Executive Director

The ELCA Youth Ministry Network exists to strengthen and empower adult youth ministry leaders in service to Christ as a part of God’s mission.

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WELCOME!

NEWS BITS

Ministry is practice.

NETWORK NEWS

And when I say practice, I’m not talking about the kind of practice where you do something over and over again, to perfect it in time for some kind of a performance or a game. Ministry is the kind of practice where we pick a direction, or a goal or a mission and we begin moving ourselves (and any who join us) in that direction. We keep at it. We have success. Occasionally we have failure. Ministry is a practice in the same way that a doctor “practices” medicine. There is no grand unveiling, no final performance. In ministry, the journey is the destination.

It’s taken me a long time to figure this out. Unfortunately, we live in a culture where this is difficult to live into. Value is placed not on the process, but on the product. And we are often evaluated based not on the practice of ministry, but the product of ministry. “How many showed up?”

“How many hours of service were given?” “How many were confirmed?” Don’t get me wrong. I believe strongly in metrics. We need to figure out how to measure, but first, we need to figure out what to measure. When you practice ministry instead of perform ministry, the metrics look different.

Recognizing that we practice ministry is also freeing. When our focus is on the process, it means that we can be free to experiment, to explore and to innovate.

Years ago, I went to a workshop on innovation and creativity that was taught by a Disney imaginer. He said that for every “good idea” that became a reality, be it a ride or a show or an attraction, there was a file cabinet full of ideas that had been invented, evaluated and then shelved. He said there was tremendous freedom to practice creativity and imagination.

Ministry is practice. That means that we try—we experiment, and we learn both from things that succeed and things that fail. We do this, ultimately, because we are confident in the God who calls us to be disciples. We are confident in God’s grace. We are confident that whether we succeed, or we fail, God is with us. And we pray for God’s Holy Spirit to be alongside us, to nudge us and to guide us in the right direction.

This issue of The Connect Journal explores ministry not as a product but as a process. Our theme parallels the theme for the 2020 Extravaganza in Anaheim (ext20.org). We do this not to repeat what you’ll hear on stage, but rather to expand on it. We’ve asked many of the Extravaganza track leaders and speakers to write for this issue—to set the table for what we will hear and learn. We’ve also asked them to write articles that stand alone, so that you don’t have to go to the Extravaganza in order for them to make sense.

Blessings on your ministry. Our prayer is that your ministry is a practice—that you learn, grow and keep at it. Focus not on the product, but on the journey of faith formation. And remember that you are not alone.

Practice, not perfect.

January 31-February 3, 2020 at the Hyatt Regency in Orange County, California. Our theme is “Practice, Not perfect.” You can get more information at ext20.org

The Network has created a new organizational partnership level for our friends from Lutheran Outdoor Ministries. The goal is to create new ways to link the ministry at our camps and retreat centers to the ministries of our congregations. More information is available at: elcaymnet.org/LOMPartners

We are now accepting registrations for Discipling Cohort small groups. These groups commit to spending a year in conversation around spiritual and vocational formation. (And there is a lot of laughter too!) Groups will meet both face to face and online. Going to the Extravaganza is not an expectation of being in one of these groups. Because of a generous grant from the ELCA, the cost of participation is covered. Get more information at DisciplingCohorts.org

Two new members have been appointed to fill roles on the Network’s Board of Directors.

Rev. Heather Hansen and Rev. Josh Toufar will be filling these important roles. Their terms will begin at the conclusion of the Extravaganza.

Peace, Todd Buegler Executive Director – ELCA Youth Ministry Network Pastor – Trinity Lutheran Church; Owatonna, Minnesota Todd@elcaymnet.org

Registration is still open for Extravaganza 2020, to be held

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WINTER 2020

FINDING TRUE SELF-CARE IN PASTORAL MINISTRY

by Bishop Kristen Kuempel When I was a senior at Luther Seminary, I experienced a gift that I didn’t even realize was a gift until later. My pastoral care professor was the late Dr. Richard Wallace.

I went into his class with some skepticism— new professors are always an unknown quantity, and a black professor in the early 00s was even more of an anomaly than they are today. I wondered if he could really be Lutheran enough, as if Lutheranism is a quantifiable commodity.

Clearly, Dr. Wallace was fighting an uphill battle against a young woman who believed she knew more about suffering and Lutheranism than he did. It was a battle he won quite neatly in his first lecture, and I remember telling my friends (in the youthful parlance of the day), “Dr. Wallace rocked my face off!”

He took a roomful of seminary seniors, most of us freshly returned from internship where we had gazed into the dark underbelly of the beast and learned that we were not quite the churchly badasses we thought we were, and taught us how to triage the work of ministry. He took us into Luther’s Large Catechism and taught us about vocation: When demands are coming at us without mercy, we are to address them in the following vocational order: 1. As a partner.

2. As a parent.

3. As a pastor.

I have used this list nearly every day of ministry ever since, roughly 6,935 of them.

I was always clear with congregations that when all my vocations need me, this is the order those needs will be addressed, because keeping the proper vocational order helps me fulfill all those vocations more effectively.

Except.

Where does the person fit into that? What if I need to connect to myself independent of who I am in relationship with other people?

Can I be a good partner, parent or minister if I’m disconnected from myself and my identity as a beloved child of God?

been recognized across professional fields, my distinct lack of self-care became just another burden I bore—another “should” that I wasn’t doing.

Five hundred years ago, when Luther was developing his theology—a living and active theology that shaped and was shaped by the world around it—it took weeks or months for messages to reach their intended audience. The pace of life was radically different. Now we send and receive missives in mere seconds, from anywhere in the world. Even mindlessly scrolling through our social media can turn into work with a mere brush of our thumb against a screen.

Where can we go to rest from that level of availability? Where do we find or draw the boundaries that will keep us in this gig for the long haul?

Don’t get me wrong. If the discipline of daily time in the Word and prayer work for you, great! Keep it up! They seem to work for my husband. His devotionals look well-used. I have a pristine set of “Bread for the Day” devotionals reaching back several years—only the first 10 days of any given year have been read! I’ve got devotionals for women, devotionals based on Luther’s writings, devotionals based on the two-year lectionary, devotionals based on different biblical heroes. I have various schedules for reading the entire Bible in one, two or three years. I have the NIV, the NRSV, the CEV and the Message Bibles. All beckoned to me with the promise that this time I would crack the riddle of self-care. I would become a disciplined reader of the Word of God for personal care and edification. But for me, the fact that I use the word “discipline” for these activities indicates how my spirit reacts to them.

For many of us, “self-care” is a loaded word. We’ve been taught that self-care is indulgent. We’ve been taught that self-care is reading the Bible for something other than sermon or Bible study prep or maybe getting up an hour early to have “personal time with God” before everyone else in the house is awake; or we’ve been taught that if we’re doing the work of ministry correctly, the work in and of itself is self-care. For years I struggled with the fact that what I had been told was self-care looked and felt an awful lot like…work. And while I love this call with every particle of my being, it is still a job. I thought perhaps I was broken, because all the models of self-care I had been taught didn’t work. Or maybe I was a fraud—if I truly loved Jesus, I would want to spend my free time reading the Bible, right?

But to be honest, the idea of getting up an hour early for anyone—even Jesus—was closer to self-torture than self-care. And recently, as the importance of self-care has 5

Maybe this sounds familiar to you.

How do we learn to care for ourselves as people, as partners, as parents and as ministers when the ways we’ve been told “count” as self-care don’t work for us? And why is it so important that we do so?

The Church is facing a shift that it hasn’t faced since the days of the Protestant Reformation, when Martin Luther first wrote down ways that professional ministers could balance the load of partners and family and parish. In the United States, this shift has resulted in the loss of our “most favored faith” status, to the delight of some and despair of others. Our congregations and structures are aging. Our budgets are shrinking. We’re expected to somehow

recreate the “lightning in a bottle” moment that was the post-WWII population and economic boom—even though literally NOTHING is the same now as it was then.

Youth ministers are held responsible for parents’ inability to get their youngsters to church. We spend vast quantities of our resources trying to reverse the downward trends, as if we have any control over or responsibility for them. We find ourselves defending our sliver of the annual budget more and more, many of us working below synod compensation guidelines because we love this work so much that it’s literally killing us. Is it any wonder that so many of us are leaving ministry after our first call, never to return again? I don’t think so.

We talk about the Church dying. We look around—empty pews, leaky roofs, faltering furnaces, too many funerals, not enough baptisms. I’m not sure that can be classified as “dying.” I’m pretty sure that the Church many of us grew up with, the Church in the United States that roots itself in the “good old days” of the 50s and 60s is already dead.

I think we might be in “Tomb Time”—not alive, but feeling resurrection beginning to bubble in our bloodstream. And what the Church needs in this liminal time between death and resurrection is leaders who are adaptive, imaginative, bold, resilient, hopeful, willing to make mistakes and then willing to make different ones.

We need leaders who cling to the promises given to us in baptism and do not let anyone—even the Church herself—convince us they are not true. We have been reborn children of God. We have been renamed.

We have been re-membered into the Body of Christ. God is in the midst of us, and we shall not be overcome. But when we are in a place where our hope, our imagination, our resiliency is gone, this word sounds too good to be true.

Seen in this light, the light of the coming resurrection, the self-care practiced by

Church leaders becomes critical to the future of the Church herself! Encouraging my congregational leaders to take their days off, to take all their vacation time, to take care of themselves, is akin to the flight attendant reminding passengers to affix their own oxygen mask before assisting others. As leaders, we have been called by God to preach life into death and to bear witness to the light of the coming resurrection dawn—this is the most important work we do! And the reality is that we cannot do this work from a place of exhaustion. If you cannot hear the gospel, you cannot preach the gospel, and frankly, the gospel is all we have left.

I want to be clear: Preaching the gospel is not solely the work of the preacher on Sunday morning. Preaching the gospel is to speak, with absolute clarity and conviction, that God has not abandoned us. That the love that has surrounded us from our birth is still here, holding us, filling us, loving us so that we can love one another. The gospel is all that we need—but we need to be in a place where we can hear it. Selfcare reconnects us to the Creator—and reminds us that we do not need to solve all the world’s problems. Living through our baptismal identities, we will be the solution God provides to the world. Self-care brings us to a place where we can imagine new ways of communicating the message, can be resilient enough that failures don’t make us want to give up—they make us want to try something different, learn from our mistakes and move into the future God has for us.

If this sounds like a hell of a lot of work, it is.

But in the end, it’s the only work that truly matters. And in order to do that, we have to take care of ourselves. So rest. Find what connects you to your primary vocation: being a child of God. Once you do that, it will no longer feel indulgent. It will feel as necessary as breath. Sink into it like it’s a beanbag chair in the youth room, and Jesus is grinning at you from beside the foosball table.

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Don’t worry about if it’s “holy” enough. If it replenishes you to do the work God has called you to, God will make it holy. And in that holiness, you will find what you are looking for. You will find God. You will find rest. You will find imagination. And perhaps most precious of all, you will find hope.

Kristen Kuempel serves as the bishop of the Northwest Intermountain Synod (formerly Eastern WA-ID) and was elected in 2017. Her most reliable forms of self-care are gardening, hiking, photography and time with her family.

WINTER 2020

THE TOP 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT INTERGENERATIONAL FORMATION

By Jason Santos In my travels and teaching, I often get approached by Christian leaders who are curious about intergenerational formation.

Although many have already dabbled in the subject, for most people I encounter, it’s a fairly new way of thinking about formation and discipleship. Some have read articles or books on the topic, while others have experimented with intergenerational formation in their own ministry settings. Yet, in the midst of these encounters I’m often asked the same type of questions: “Can you just give me the most important things I need to know about intergenerational ministry?” While I wouldn’t claim that this list is exhaustive, it does represent some critical points in the intergenerational conversation.

As a way of framing them, I’ve divided them up into three categories: 1-3 are broader concepts, 2-6 are terms and clarifications, and 7-10 are practical considerations.

Without further ado, I humbly offer you, my top-10 list of things to be aware of when exploring and experimenting with intergenerational Christian formation.

1. The intergenerational conversation that is currently happening around the world is both an ancient and a renewed way of approaching religious formation.

Without a doubt our current exploration into intergenerationality is built on the work of many folk and cultures that have come before us. We can look to Scripture to witness various expressions of multiaged communities who likely insisted upon having all ages together for some form of communal worship. We see the mandate in Deuteronomy 6 to pass down the faith from generation to generation. And, we see this emphasis extended through to the New Testament where households were baptized by the first apostles.

That said, this is also a newer conversation that has been a particular focus of Christian educators and clergy over the past century. As the religious education movement propelled Christian discipleship toward more peer-oriented education, there were those in the latter half of last century—like John Westerhoff, Maria Harris and Carl Ellis Nelson—who urged the Church toward a more communal expression of formation. It is particularly on the shoulders of these thinkers (and others) that the current conversation stands.

More recently, we look to scholars like Holly Allen and John Roberto to help us frame our current thinking about intergenerational lifelong faith formation.

2. Intergenerational formation has an internal focus and intrinsic value, rather than an external focus and outcomebased value. It’s important to keep in mind this way of formation is more focused on the internal nature of the Christian community. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t external results beyond the walls of the church, but that’s not its intent. It’s about the quality of the faith community, not quantity of people we can fit into our pews. When our focus is on increasing attendance in church, we run the risk of turning our formation efforts into a means of achieving whatever we deem a successful church.

We live in a world that is dominated by outcome-based foci. We do this or that with anticipated results, and our actions and decisions are based on our hopes for what will result in the end. Intergenerational formation is not focused on growing a church or accumulating a corpus of knowledge that assumedly marks us as good disciples. It is not a program or curriculum that aims at reaching an anticipated outcome. Rather, it’s focused on being the 7

Church. It seeks to bolster the covenantal community toward a more holistic way of being together, in the spirit of Sabbath, where we rest and play. The value of this type of formation is in the expression itself.

It’s how we’re meant to pass down our identity in Christ. The goal (if we must have one) is to be an intergenerational community as a way of being formed together, which is achieved by our very participation in it.

3. Intergenerational formation has an emphasis on experiencing and participation, not on learning and accumulation of knowledge. The essence of intergenerationality is in the participation and experience of the community together.

That doesn’t mean it’s just about providing a good (or fun) time for those involved (though I would hope it would be good… and, at times, fun). It means that the focus is not on the overt or external curriculum that is largely content-based. Rather, its focus is on what it means to be formed together. The internal curriculum that is experienced in Christian practice is that we are all God’s children and we journey together in faith.

By having all generations present and engaged in worship (or some other programmatic activity), we experience solidarity, connection and identity formation, communally. In some ways, it doesn’t matter what we learn content-wise. Our folks will likely forget a lot of the content we teach over the years anyway (consider how much you remember from the last sermon you heard), but what they won’t forget is the intrinsic value of being together and the vision of God’s kingdom that is realized in those moments—something I refer to as “intergenerational holy moments.”

4. It’s critical to understand the difference between “intergenerational,” “cross-generational” and “multigenerational“ formation. Multigenerational formation is where there are several (or all) generations present, but all engaging in formation in different ways. It’s akin to a potluck where everyone goes down into the basement of a church and gets whatever they want from the buffet of strange salads, ample slow cookers filled with baked beans and too many brownies. Then everyone self-segregates into their own groups. Older folks sit with older folks, youth gravitate toward their peers and parents with young children find a place in the corner of the room to keep their rowdy kids under control. In other words, everyone is in the same place but doing their own thing.

Cross-generational formation is where there are two or more generations present, but there is a power differential between the generations. Children’s ministry, youth ministry and college ministry are great examples of cross-generational formation. One generation is serving as the teacher or leader, while the other generation is participating as the learner or follower. Keeping with the meal analogy, it’s like a confirmation sponsor or leader taking a confirmand out for ice cream. They are both having ice cream, but the person from the older generation is participating in an intentional activity to offer something to the younger one.

Intergenerational formation, like multigenerational, has everyone present, but its focus goes beyond mere presence. Its emphasis is specifically on the intersection between the different generations, with an aim of having that intersection be characterized by an intentional mutuality and reciprocity (see more on these terms later). Intergenerational formation is like a Thanksgiving dinner where everyone is eating the same food at the same table.

No one is off at the kids’ table in the foyer.

Then, during the meal, everyone shares what they are thankful for—a new bike, a promotion, good health and the like.

Everyone has value at the table, and their contribution is received and experienced by all.

5. It’s important to understand a few terms or concepts that are associated with the growing intergenerational conversation–“mutuality,” “reciprocity,” “inclusion,” “equity” and “accommodation,” to name a few. Without going too deeply into each of these terms, it’s worth considering what they mean, as they get thrown around a fair amount by those talking about intergenerationality. Mutuality and reciprocity both deal with the nature of the exchange. Is there a common gain (or loss) for all the generations present?

Are all generations giving and receiving in some way? These terms point to the quality or nature of the interaction.

Next, inclusion and equity point to the nature of the activity. Who is included or excluded by the activity or exercise chosen? Is there a sense of equity in what was planned for participants to encounter (note, this is not equality)? This doesn’t mean that everything will be equal in its execution, but that there was an intentional consideration for the equitable nature of the activity for all present and that it doesn’t intentionally or unintentionally exclude anyone from participation.

Accommodation as a way of understanding intergenerationality deals with the nature of the relationships. In other words, who is doing the accommodation? In cross-generational ministry, it’s often the adults doing the accommodation, whereas in Sunday worship, it’s the children and youth accommodating the adults in the traditional practices of worship. In the end, a healthy intergenerational community will have a mutual accommodation during their times together. Accommodations is best understood in relationship to the doctrine

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of the incarnation, in that Christ accommodated us in and through God’s love for us.

6. Are we talking about intergenerational “formation” or intergenerational “ministry” (or worship, or education, etc.)? This has been one of my own points of contention in the conversation, with my personal preference being the usage of the word “formation” over all others (as clearly noted throughout this article). For me, formation is the larger catch-all that describes the essential nature of what is happening.

It’s intergenerational. And, it’s formation.

Ministry, on the other hand, deals with the particular output for the kind of gathering or mission. Ministry often implies something that is being done on behalf of another. We minister to people. We have children’s or older adult ministries. Other expressions, like intergenerational worship or intergenerational mission, fall into the same category. They are expressions of the larger category of formation. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what term you decide to use, so long as the intergenerational aspect of the gathering is intentionally cultivated.

7. It’s important to determine where your intergenerational experiences are happening. For me, the ultimate location is in the Sunday worship gathering. I believe there should be a time during the week where the whole covenant community gathers together for mutual formation.

This ideally happens in worship, where the most sacred rituals and practices of Christianity come alive.

This doesn’t mean that auxiliary or programmatic offerings (e.g., Sunday school, mid-week programming, mission trips) are less important. Auxiliary gatherings and events are great places to experiment with what intergenerational formation might look like in your faith community. There is more freedom to make mistakes and mess up in those places and gatherings.

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No doubt, an intergenerational church is a messy one.

But, keep in mind, our intergenerational efforts shouldn’t only remain in our ministry programs, because if they do, we run the risk of our broader faith community viewing intergenerational formation as just one more option in the smorgasbord of educational offerings.

8. It’s important to consider when and where we use the word “family” when talking about intergenerational formation. When we use family as part of the description of an intergenerational event or activity, we immediately isolate the experience to those who have children.

Though it is not likely our intent, when people in our congregations see the word “family” they often excuse themselves from participation due to their lack of children or kids living at home with them (in the case of those older folk with adult children). Intergenerational community is about the diversity of ages and life stages intersecting.

9. Intergenerational formation is more than crafts and discussion questions. It’s been said in jest that much of intergenerational formation boils down to craft projects and group discussion questions. While there is some truth in this statement, it’s

far from an accurate portrayal of the widespread creativity that we’re seeing in the intergenerational world. Crafts are great “third things” to get multiple generations intersecting, but they shouldn’t be the primary way we experiment. Moreover, discussion questions are a great way to engage multiple generations in dialogue, but they are a means of formation that, if not intentional, can slip too quickly into a cross-generational experience where the older generation is leading the young generations.

There is endless creativity in the Church, and it’s critical that we dive deeply into our creative pools to find new ways that multiple generations might intersect in meaningful ways.

10. Intergenerationality is about being a different kind of church, not doing church differently. It’s not a program to plug in, it’s a way of being that begins by valuing the role and presence that everyone in your community brings to the table.

This is not a technical change that seeks to tweak your communities’ faith life; it’s an adaptive change that will ultimately transform your congregation and faith communities into a fuller expression of God’s kingdom on earth.

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And, it’s worth noting that no adaptive change happens overnight. Intergenerational work happens over the long haul.

That doesn’t mean you won’t see incredible moments of transformation in and between generations along the way–no doubt you will. In the end, however, it’s going to take many years to see the cultural shift in how your folks understand and experience intergenerational formation.

Rev. Jason Brian Santos, Ph.D., is the Mission Coordinator for Christian Formation and Small Church Support at the Presbyterian Mission Agency. He is an ordained teaching elder in the Presbyterian Church (USA) and holds a Ph.D. in practical theology from Princeton Theological Seminary. He is the author of A Community Called Taizé (IVP, 2008) and After Paradise (IVP Academic, forthcoming).

He currently resides in Louisville, Kentucky, with his wife, Shannon and his two sons, Judah and Silas (aka Tutu). In his spare time, he plays and designs board games.

CREATIVITY FOR THE REST OF US

By Brenda Bos It starts in high school. We get separated into groups: the cool kids, the nerds, the jocks, the band kids, smart kids, dumb kids, thugs, cheerleaders. Some of these labels are accurate; some are not. Some of these labels we shrug off in adulthood; some bleed into our later years in unhelpful ways.

You can bet most people who struggle with self-esteem as adults were told they were stupid as kids. Unhealthy adults may have been too sick to exercise as children; they may also have been told they weren’t athletic and became couch potatoes after that. Kids who were told they were “bad” often act that out into adolescence and young adulthood.

The same is true with creativity. Young children believe they are capable of making great art, and preschool teachers encourage this. Draw this, color that, use finger paints to cover the refrigerator (am I the only one?). There are many opportunities to be creative as a child. But at some point, someone tells you your drawings aren’t good. Or we hear the more common response: “You might be talented, but you could never make a living at that.”

The creative urges go away. If you can’t make money at something, you should not waste your time doing it. The label “I’m not creative” gets stuck in our head.

But hold up. Let’s look at God, our Creator.

I mean, that’s one of the main names we give God, right? So if God is the Creator, and if we are made in God’s image…oops.

If we are God’s children and we inherited some of God’s characteristics, we simply are creative.

Humans are amazingly adaptive. We can live in freezing winters or in the desert. We swim and run, and for better or worse, we can eat just about anything. We also make use of tools around us. Remember that lesson in school? We are one of the few mammals who use tools, which gives us the ability to be incredibly creative. Yes, every time you pick up a knife and fork, you are crushing creativity. We also have opposable thumbs, a real game-changer in the animal kingdom.

You think I’m joking. Whenever we use tools, heck, whenever we use our thumbs, we are separating ourselves into a higher class of creature. We can work with that.

The problem is we think being creative means painting pictures or singing songs.

If we are not Beyonce, we are nothing.

Well, that’s actually true, Beyonce gets her own planet, but that’s not helpful for my argument.

Figuring out which way to get to work, negotiating your calendar, choosing which show to binge—these are all creative choices. What to eat, what to wear—all creative.

Nah, you say, they are just choices. It’s just adulting. Yes! This is my point: Making basic choices every day is being creative.

To be human is to be creative.

But wait, there’s more. Some creative types don’t waste their creativity on trivial decisions like what to eat or what to wear.

Steve Jobs wore the same clothes every day, and he was a genius. Anderson Cooper eats the same thing for every meal. Do you think he wants to spend time on a menu when he’s got to be Fabulous 24/7? No, all his brain cells go to more important things.

Next time someone criticizes you for wearing the same sweater for 10 days, point out 10

that perhaps you are a genius. And then go wash your sweater; you’re a genius, not a burden on society.

There is a wonderful TED Talk by Joseph Gordon Levitt (“Looper”, “Inception,” “500 Days of Summer”). He talks about being a successful actor, and how that means getting attention. He acknowledges the accolades can be great. He also acknowledges that paying attention is a deeper, more satisfying part of being an actor. One must observe in order to portray. An actor understands a character because she has paid attention to real people before creating her new character. She also pays attention to herself, to her own reactions to the world. That’s just a whole lot of attention being paid.

So here’s an assignment for you: Pay attention. This is the first step in any creative process. Notice beauty. Appreciate music or laughter or color. Drink it all in. All creators notice the world and people around them. You can too.

Next step: Notice your reaction. All creative types are simply expressing something inside themselves. Something you create does not have to be a masterpiece; it simply has to be honest. And the way to be honest is to truly know what is going on inside you. Did that make you happy? Are you angry and you don’t know why? Why does this move you so much? Pay attention to yourself as you pay attention to your surroundings.

Now tell the truth. Say what you know—in writing, in humming, in banging a drum. Say what you know in a drawing or a doodle or a tweet. Paint a lousy picture that only you’ll look at. Shoot video and then delete

WINTER 2020 it off your phone. Add an extra ingredient to your favorite dish just to see what it will taste like. Write a note to yourself on the inside of your hand and don’t show it to anyone but you. Sometimes our art is secret art. That’s the coolest kind of art possible: the art you make just for you.

Turns out God sees your art too. This is not a bad thing. This is an awesome thing.

I imagine it’s like a parent watching their kid play in the backyard. The kid does not know they are being watched; they are just having a blast. Imagine the joy the parent feels, watching their kid become themselves while also enjoying their surroundings. God wants to watch you enjoy your

surroundings. Or rise up against all that’s wrong with your surroundings. God wants you to have an honest experience in this vast world God gives us. And God knows you’ll do this through creativity.

Really pay attention to your world. Really pay attention to your reaction to the world.

And tell the truth about that reaction. As Dr. Seuss promised, “Oh, the places you will go!” And oh, what fun you can have being creative in those places.

Pastor Brenda Bos serves as assistant to the bishop in Southwest California Synod. She serves pastors and congregations in their quest to proclaim the gospel and find the wonder of God in all places.

Prior to being a pastor, Brenda worked in television sitcoms for 18 years. photo by: Emily Garcia

3RD TUESDAY CONVERSATION: THE PODCAST 3rdTuesday Conversations are monthly podcasts, produced by the ELCA Youth Ministry Network.

3TC provides opportunities to: • take a break from the daily routine of ministry and grow in our vocation • learn from colleagues and experts in the field • participate in conversation with peers who can reflect on ministry, based on the content discussed 3rd Tuesday Conversations are open to all.

Learn more at elcaymnet.org/3tc 11

THE SIX LEAST-WELCOMING THINGS I’VE EVER SAID IN MY MINISTRY

By David Scherer

While I try very hard to model Christ’s welcome for all people, there are times when I completely blow it. As a straight, white, able-bodied, educated, middle-upper-class, Christian male, I have to work hard to be aware of my own biases so that I do not impede God’s liberating mission in the world.

I want our church to be welcoming and inclusive, but sometimes I am a part of the problem and not the solution. This work takes practice, and we are called to learn from our mistakes. I thought I could share some of my biggest mistakes in hopes that others might learn from them. Here are the six least welcoming things I’ve ever said in my ministry: 1. “Let’s all stand up and sing.”

One day I loudly proclaimed to a room full of people in worship: “Everyone stand up and sing!” Suddenly I felt ashamed as I looked over and saw a young woman in a wheelchair unable to stand. It was an innocent mistake, but I had made huge assumptions about the abilities of the people in the pews.

How are you being intentional about explicitly and implicitly welcoming people with different abilities than yours?

Do you use the phrase “stand as you are able” to honor those with different abilities who are present? Do you provide earplugs for autistic children and others who can’t bear loud noise? Do you speak without amplification and assume that everyone can hear the good news being preached?

Is your pulpit wheelchair accessible? How about other spaces? Do you ever provide an ASL interpreter in your service? How open are you to neurodiverse students in your youth group?

2. “You all know this song already, so let’s sing it together.”

As I was leading worship one day, I made the assumption that everyone in an entire church would know a song that I knew. I was dead wrong and bummed out that half of them were fumbling through the words.

It turns out not everyone comes from the same denomination as me, went to the same church camp as me or even has the same faith background.

How are you making intentional efforts in your church to welcome and include those who have grown up with a different faith background than yours?

Do you use insider “Christian-ese” without explaining it to people? Do you assume everyone will know how to navigate your hymnal, when to sit or stand, where to put the communion cup when they are done with it, etc.? Do you call on people to pray aloud and assume they are comfortable doing so? Do you serve pepperoni pizza at a youth outreach program where Muslim students will be attending (or is that just me that made that embarrassing mistake once?).

3. “So, Tyler, do you have a girlfriend?”

As a youth director, I often tried to develop relationships with young people by asking them about their favorite music, video game, etc. For some reason, one day I thought it would be a good idea to break the ice with a student by asking him if he had a girlfriend. Unbeknownst to me, I would discover later that this student was gay, and my heteronormative question had made him really uncomfortable.

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How are you being intentional about explicitly welcoming LGBTQIA+ siblings into the life of your church?

Do you provide space on name tags for people to include their gender pronouns, thus providing affirmation for non-binary and genderqueer folks? When you read stories about families from the Bible do you ever preface it with “Here’s one way that a family can look, but we know there are others as well” to honor LGBTQIA+ families, divorced families, etc.? When splitting up hymn verses do you sort by “women” and “men,” or “low” and “high” voices, so people can self-identify and not feel boxed in?

4. “Here’s an exegetical homily on the missiological implications of panentheism for ecclesial praxis in a post-modern context.”

I was fresh out of seminary. I had a whole bevy of theological words and concepts that I was itching to use. I stood in front of my multi-ethnic congregation situated in a lower socio-economic neighborhood in North Minneapolis and began to spout off abstract theories from early 20th-century German theologians. Meanwhile, I looked at Sarah in the back. She is a woman who never graduated from high school and who was struggling to pay her electric bill.

All of my fancy education didn’t seem to help her understand God’s good news.

Seminary had not prepared me to translate the gospel to someone with a 10th-grade education.

WINTER 2020 How are you widening the circle for people in your congregation and community who do not have the same education level as you?

How many of your programs are geared toward people of a certain education level?

How are your sermons making space for people unfamiliar with the basics of theology, philosophy, science, etc.? Do people in your church greet each other in the narthex by asking which college they went to? If you honor the young people in your church going to college, how are you making space to honor those who are not college educated?

5. “You know us Lutherans. We all love our Jell-O salad.”

I have made many jokes over the years that I am not proud of that have poked fun at my fellow Lutherans: “Lutherans don’t know how to clap on beat,” “Lutherans all wear Norwegian sweaters,” etc. A few of my Ethiopian friends (who come from a place where Lutheranism is growing much more rapidly than the U.S.) don’t seem to get these jokes. All they seemed to do was put up a barrier between us.

How are you not just welcoming people of different cultural backgrounds to the table, but allowing them to help reset the table?

Has your church identified its own shared patterns around time, worship, conflict, decision-making, etc. and identified how those are racially and culturally informed?

Have you ever had a cultural celebration

dinner where everyone got to bring a dish from their culture and explain why it is important to them (tamales and lutefisk alike)? Has your congregation discussed the racism in your church, in your community and in the world?

6. “I met a little old lady the other day from the ‘blue-hair crowd.’”

Just a few weeks ago during a presentation, I used some very derogatory language for “old people” in an effort to be funny (I’m embarrassed to say). Afterward, a good friend of mine confronted me with love and said that he and his wife were very hurt by my stereotypical comment.

How are you modeling the gospel welcome at your church for people of all ages?

What have you done recently to tell the stories of the rich lives that your older congregants have lived? How have you publicly affirmed the child-like faith of your young people? Are your restrooms and other spaces accessible to toddlers, as well as wheelchairs? Have you been mindful of using a sermon illustration that will connect with someone who comes from a different generation than yours (not everyone knows what “Game of Thrones” is!)? Does your contemporary service have something other than music from one age group?

competent and avoiding too many of these microaggressions. This requires a lot of practice. It is a journey. You will make mistakes. But if we want to live as a part of God’s new city with the full “glory of the nations” (Revelation 21), we need to take this work seriously. When someone calls us out for our hurtful behavior, we need to listen non-defensively and do better. Our shame spirals do not help anyone (including ourselves)! God’s grace is abundant.

The Holy Spirit is calling us to be a people who reflect God’s welcome for all people.

It’s a long journey, but we can do this!

David Scherer works with churches and other organizations to help them model the gospel welcome more effectively. He also teaches intercultural competence at Luther Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota and tours as a musician and storyteller

While this takes a bit of work and intention, our Christian witness is dependent on us becoming more interculturally

SEVERAL RESOURCES THAT MIGHT HELP ALONG THE WAY: BOOKS:

WEBSITES:

“She” by Karoline Lewis

“Intercultural Development Inventory” www.idiinventory.com

“Trouble I’ve Seen” by Drew Heart

“Building an Inclusive Church” Training www.Reconcilingworks.org

“What It Means To Be White” by Robin Diangelo

“Country Mapping Tool” www.erinmeyer.com

“Dear Church” by Lenny Duncan

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WHAT DOES THE LORD REQUIRE OF US?

By Irene Cho “It’s all too much. I don’t think I can handle it anymore. I can’t keep pretending that I’ve got everything under control and am this perfect all-star person, when really I’m falling apart.”

I remember Rebecca sobbing in my office.

School had only just begun, but the responsibilities of everything were already too overwhelming—the pressure to maintain her GPA for a college scholarship, heading up three committees at church, being a small group leader, head of the debate team, and senior editor for the paper, volunteering at the elderly home. All she could think of was how she wanted it all to be over. There was no way she could keep going like this. She was suffocating from the weight of potential failure and the shame of disappointing everyone who was looking to her as an example to…well, everyone!

Many of our students can relate to Rebecca. The pressure to be perfect and achieve greatness is massive. Students are told by parents, teachers, future colleges and jobs and the world how important being the best and most successful is.

And sometimes church is equally a space where they feel such burden. As leaders, we may inadvertently be sending a message that they’re required to do what’s right and good and be perfect in order to achieve “superstar Christian” status.

We may preach and teach that God loves them unconditionally no matter what, but many times the message of “be perfect or else” is in the subtext of our Bible study lessons, worship songs and even just basic instructions. This ends up with students graduating from our kids, youth and young adult ministries believing that if they aren’t

these things, then God will love them less, that they’re failures and losers or that God is extremely disappointed with them.

Growing up, I listened to this album called “Bullfrogs and Butterflies.” In it is a song titled “Practice Makes Perfect.”

It begins with a young girl making a lot of mistakes while practicing piano. The first half of the lyrics are how her teacher instructs on the importance of practicing in order to become a concert pianist. The second half are as follows: “Mommy says practice will make all things perfect, And perfect is always the best you can be.

If I practice love like I practice piano, I’ll make others happy and better I’ll be.

“Practice makes perfect, Practice makes perfect, I guess if I practice then better I’ll be.”

It didn’t occur to me until adulthood the unhealthy perspective of God I had from this and other lessons, especially when diving into how difficult it was for me to ingrain into my faith the unconditional, magnanimous grace of God.

PERFECTION ISN’T PERFECT Anecdotal stories aside, is striving to be the best and perfect human actually harmful to a young person’s development? After all, aren’t we all supposed to be hard workers and give our best to God? Let’s take a good look at some numbers: The CDC released a report showing that between the ages of 10 to 24, suicide:1

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• Was the second leading cause of death for this age group.

• Tripled for children between the ages of 10 to 14 from 2007 to 2017.

• Increased among teenagers between the ages of 15 to 19 by 10% per year from 2014 to 2017.

• Increased for young adults between the ages of 20 to 24 by 36% from 2000 to 2017.

Obviously, there are a variety of reasons leading to these numbers. Colleen Carr, the director of the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, says, “It is important to recognize that suicide is not caused by one single factor, but instead a range of factors that include mental health conditions, but also include important situational factors that many of us will experience in a lifetime—including social, physical, emotional or financial issues.” 2 Although we may not have all the answers and we need more research, we as the Church ought to engage this information in a deep reflective manner and ask what we are doing and how we can provide hope to young people.

Unfortunately, the Church doesn’t have a great track record. According to the Fuller Youth Institute’s research, one in two young people walk away from their faith once they graduate from high school.

One of the reasons they’re leaving is because church wasn’t a safe environment for their doubts, questions and journey.

Although young people liked their youth leaders, they ultimately graduated from youth groups not feeling seen, heard or known. 3

WINTER 2020 Generation Z is now the least religious of any generation, with almost double the number of atheists in the group. One of their greatest barriers is an insoluble dilemma of a good God existing when there is so much suffering and evil in the world.

And although they don’t cite Christian hypocrisy as one of the greatest barriers, they many name personally having a negative experience in church. 4 So perhaps the question isn’t whether striving to be perfect is the problem.

Rather, it seems the issue lies in the fact that young people believe that church isn’t a safe place, we aren’t addressing their concerns of the world and life and ultimately our message isn’t different from the world that perfection and achievement is the goal, whether overt or subconsciously, all while lacking transparency in our own struggle toward such perfection.

So how do we move forward?

CHALLENGE ≠ PERFECTION There’s hope among these dire statistics, and it’s that young people are still interested in the spiritual—just not perhaps in the institution of religion. This means that we as the Church can no longer operate in the mode of Christendom we’re still clinging to. 5 Whereas the Church was once the center for guidance, wisdom and communal support, we are now intricately connected as global community on all levels—economically, environmentally, relationally. And young people are born into this global world, grabbing their smart phones while exiting the womb, only knowing a world where humans are connected 24 hours of the day.

Luckily for us, this connection doesn’t remove the deep need for in-person human

intimacy and discipleship. It also doesn’t mean we don’t challenge our young people to strive to be better humans in relationships with one another.

No one is encouraging us to channel Amy Poehler’s “cool” mom character from “Mean Girls” to be the “cool” church. Nor do students want that either. What’s imperative is for us to walk alongside young people especially because of how complicated and connected the world is now.

We can break the never-ending demand from society that competing with one another to be perfect and the best is what’s most important and instead walk honestly and transparently with our young people through their journey. We can slow down our ministry programs to have more genuine interactions with our young people that engages them in deeper conversations, ask challenging questions showing our respect for them, be quiet so we can actually listen to their answers and pastor them toward a mature spirituality founded on empathy, mercy, grace and love.

Most importantly, perhaps in the midst of everything, we can continually encourage our young people that the goal in life is actually the entire journey.

PRACTICE IS ABOUT THE JOURNEY The first time I read “The Alchemist,” I was so frustrated with this idea—that it wasn’t about the ending, but rather the entire journey of the main character. It felt almost incomplete because of my very American, Western, Disney, happy-ending idea of closure that victory always comes at the end of all great struggles. Yet the reality of life is that not everything can be tied up with a ribbon. Considering the Bible isn’t written from a Western or American per-

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spective, how can we better steward and disciple young people to develop a faith that encompasses a both/and framework rather than a definitive one in which all loose ends are tied up. Young people are already wrestling with difficult questions, as they’re more honest with the pains and struggles happening around the globe. It’s the Church that’s failed in providing them space to wrestle with such matters. As leaders, we shouldn’t fear these challenging conversations, but rather welcome them as an evolving mature faith.

Let’s encourage our young people that life is about the discoveries on the journey, not about reaching the actual destination. And asking and struggling with difficult issues is part of the faith journey, not a deterrence.

RELATIONAL, NOT TRANSACTIONAL FAITH We frequently preach Micah 6:8 to challenge young people in what they’re required to do good—to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God. But the word “require” in this verse isn’t probably what we intended to preach to our students.

We in the West often think of “require” as a demand or obligation. I’m required to do good, then I will get blessed by God. A good majority of our capitalistic culture operates with this transactional understanding of requirements. If you do this, then you’ll pass the test or get the scholarship, the newest technology, a perfect life, etc.

It’s no wonder we consciously or subconsciously believe that God operates with us in the same way. Requirements at church to be perfect and do what’s right seem to be the name of the game.

But the Hebrew word for require in this verse— “darash”—isn’t a transactional requirement. The direct translation means “to search carefully.” It’s a word that’s fully relational, not transactional. In the same

way I would search carefully for what’s important to someone I loved and cared for, not because I was obligated, but because I desired to, such is our relationship with God. Darash is the faith that our relationship with God is already in place and has zero requirements from us—because God provided what was required of us. It’s already complete through the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus. “It is finished” are the three most powerful words said to humankind.

So, how can we as leaders shift from preaching a gospel of transactional requirement to preaching overtly on the unconditional grace of Jesus? How can we help our young people develop an intimate relationship with Jesus instead of a faith of obligatory perfection and achievement?

I don’t believe any of us would disagree with anything I’ve shared. But perhaps some of us need to evaluate how our ministries function, programs are planned and sermons are prepared. I challenge us to examine our own faith journey and pursuit for perfection. How are we actually guiding young people in the beautiful intimate relationship we have with God, where we would darash to please our loving, merciful and just Lord? I pray we can live in hope that the God who has called us to shepherd our young people is great enough to journey with us and them through all the valleys and up every mountain.

https://bit.ly/323tT6t Ibid 3 Powell, Kara E., and Chap Clark. 2011. Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

4 https://www.barna.com/research/atheism-doubles-among-generation-z/ 5 Powell, Kara E., and Chap Clark. 2011. Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

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Irene Cho is a national speaker, writer, consultant and advisor, having served over 27 years in youth ministry. Her passion is for the misfits of the world and to bring the gospel message of joy and hope to the least, the lost, and the last. After serving as the Program Manager of Urban Leadership Training for the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) at Fuller Theological Seminary for the last 11 years, Irene is embarking on a new venture of youth ministry resourcing applicable to those on the margins. To find out more, go to FindingtheInBetween.com.

WINTER 2020

LETTERS FROM THE MALE BOX

By Joe Davis As a newlywed, one of my most joyful experiences is learning new ways to be a great husband and friend to my spouse.

This has made me increasingly aware of behavioral patterns I’ve picked up throughout my life as a male-bodied person that are not only annoying to my partner, but contribute to larger cultural patterns that are hurting us all.

I want to do my part to help make things better, so I’ve committed to intentionally developing practices that work toward undoing the harm caused. And I know I can’t do this work alone. This is why I need those of us menfolk who would usually check out of the conversation to hang in there with me. This isn’t about guilt, blame or shame for things we didn’t say or do. It’s about being responsible and holding each other accountable for what we can actually do better together.

Here are three practices that have helped me on my journey of cultivating healthy masculinity.

LISTEN. Hearing and listening are not the same thing. I can hear the words coming out of someone else’s mouth and not give any energy or attention to genuinely understand what they’re saying. I want people to not only hear me, but to listen to what I say without prejudice or assumption, so it’s only fair that I offer the same respect to others when listening to them.

One of the behavioral patterns that I’m learning to curb is my urge to interrupt and dominate conversations. This behavior developed from wanting to make sure my voice was heard and my needs were met.

It may have worked well for me in some contexts, but what about the voices and needs of others around me? My intent was not to ignore, exclude or minimize others, yet that’s exactly what happened when I didn’t make sure they weren’t just heard, but actually listened to them.

Instead of always foregrounding my thoughts and feelings, my practice is to lead with listening to others and simply asking, “What do you think?” or “How do you feel?” And ultimately being open to whatever their response may be, without judgment or defense.

like to talk about my lived experience only to have others question or deny what I say.

I refuse to treat anyone like that.

I want to live in a world where people’s full humanity can be seen and heard. I know that we can listen to each other so intently that we listen each other to life.

Listening—really listening—is one of the most powerful practices I’ve learned, and I truly believe if we as men develop this practice together, we can transform ourselves and the world.

LEARN. I’ve come to call this kind of listening “compassionate curiosity” or “appreciative inquiry,” making space for best intentions of everyone when communicating. I didn’t come up with these terms or practices myself, but they’ve proven extremely helpful in conversations, especially when talking with someone who has a vastly different lived experience from my own.

Really listening allows me to pause and more deeply discover the humanity of another.

For me, this isn’t just about listening to my spouse when she brings my attention to behavior that needs to be addressed, but also listening to the voices of other women and queer folks. This is about not always centering my own needs and the needs of other men at the expense of the larger collective. I’ve learned that it’s possible to communicate and meet my needs without stepping over the needs of others.

When women and queer folks speak about their experiences, I not only listen, I believe them. As a Black man, I know what it feels

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Another practice I carry forward is acknowledging that I don’t know everything and taking every opportunity to learn more. I used to think that being a man meant always having the right answers, knowing how to fix everything and being strong enough to carry whatever needs carrying. No one ever told me any of this explicitly; it’s just what I came to think from watching the men around me.

I thought this until I finally came to terms with the reality that I’ll always have more questions than answers, I can ask for help or pay professionals if there’s something I can’t fix and there might be days when I don’t feel strong enough to carry the weight of my own emotions, let alone furniture or barbells.

Perhaps the most profound part of this realization for me was also learning that just because I don’t always have the knowledge or strength doesn’t mean I’m inadequate, insufficient or not enough. It doesn’t make me any less of man.

In fact, it’s taught me what it really means to be human and to need other humans.

I’m more open to the vulnerability and humility needed to be in healthy relationship with others—relationships where I can mess up and make mistakes and have the grace to grow.

I want my spouse to hold me accountable and to let me know when I say or do things that are hurtful, because I love her and don’t want to hurt her. If she brings to my attention that a joke I though was innocent and harmless actually contributes to a culture where she is unsafe, I not only want to stop anyone from telling that joke, but I also want to do everything within my power to change the culture.

When I’m really listening, I learn more and more every day about how to create a culture and a world that is safe for everyone.

And as much as I’ve learned from my spouse, my mother, my grandmother, my sister, my aunts, my nieces and all the women and queer folks in my life, I’ve also learned to not always burden them with being my teachers. They shouldn’t always feel the need to do the emotional labor of educating us menfolk. We can also learn from books, films, theater, podcasts, etc. I have a computer in my pocket, and Google is a powerful resource! I don’t need to run to the nearest woman to ask all my questions and extract all her wisdom…that even sounds exhausting. Can you imagine how it must feel?

This is a lifelong practice of learning and growing, and we need to do it in community with other men who are always willing to learn and grow.

I can say that I’ve put in work and I finally “get it,” but the second I think that I’ve arrived, there’s a new area of blind spots

and biases that I’m becoming aware of and developing new behaviors around. There will always be more to learn, say and do in this work. Let’s do it together.

LESSEN THE HARM. Harm has already been caused again and again. Listening and learning from women and queer folks, this became clear. When my spouse would bring something to my attention that needed to be addressed, I would feel a tightness in my chest and become defensive. But what was I really defending? My identity. My ego. My sense of masculinity. Certainly not her.

I began to wonder what would happen if I used the same energy I used to defend myself to listen, learn and lessen the harm caused. How can I give more space to restorative practices and less space to behaviors that harm others, even if that harm was unconscious or inadvertent?

None of us wants to live in a world where we do harm to others and contribute to suffering. We want a world of safety of belonging. My friends and family know that I want that world just as much as anyone else, so when I’m checked on my behavior, it’s done in love. I’ve come to frame this as “being called in” instead of “being called out,” because we’re being called into a deeper relationship and being called into a truer sense of self.

I want men to be called into our highest sense of self.

Again, this isn’t about listing a long history of harm caused by men. This is about discovering and developing practices that can cultivate healthier relationships with ourselves and others.

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This is not just about women, but the flourishing of all human beings.

Wanting to protect my wife was my primary motivation and my entry point into this work, but wanting to heal from the ways I’ve also been wounded has given me further motivation and allowed me to recognize how this work is deeply personal and intersectional.

Not all of the ways I’ve learned to be a man are harmful. I’m grateful for my father and the countless men in my life who taught me and continue to teach me how to uphold integrity and authenticity. It’s because of them that I am who I am today.

Yet I can also see the ways I and many others felt encaged and forced to fit inside an impossibly small definition of masculinity. If we practice listening, learning and lessening the harm, we’ll give more space in our bodies and our world to flourish as our most authentic selves.

Joe Davis is a nationally touring writer, speaker, and performer based in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

He is the CEO of production company, The New Renaissance, LLC, frontman of emerging soul, funk, band, The Poetic Diaspora, and co-founder / Artistic Director of H-Cubed: Hope, Healing, Harmony, a grassroots community movement centered on healing through the arts.

As a student and educator, he has served as teaching artist at dozens of high schools and universities and most recently as the Artist-in-Residence at Luther Seminary, receiving a masters in Theology of the Arts. To connect, book or to learn more, please visit JoeDavisPoetry.com.

WINTER 2020

PRACTICING LEAD METRICS: AN INTERVIEW WITH PEGGY HAHN

By Leigh Finke Look to the past (“skip the last 100 years,” Hahn says, and learn from the first century), look to the future and listen to those who surround us.

and families, and then the opportunity we have around the table, which, as far as I am concerned, is a call to how we engage in ministry in our homes.

This conversation has been edited for clarity.

CJ: Is there a way to apply one’s thinking about faithful metrics to children, youth and family, specifically?

Connect Journal: Can you describe what you mean by faithful metrics?

How do we become better at church?

I mean, literally. What does that mean, and how can we measure whether or not we are doing what we need to improve?

That question is at the heart of my recent conversation with Peggy Hahn. Hahn is the author of “Faithful Metrics,” and executive director of LEAD, an organization devoted to growing leadership in churches through “relentless experiments,” as their website puts it.

Hahn’s expertise is in finding ways to improve church leadership through the practices of listening, personal spiritual growth and risk-taking. These skills will, according to Hahn, help churches grow in faithful ways during this time of change and uncertainty. For many churches, the metrics they measure are not telling stories of growth—quite the opposite, in fact.

Some have for years seen their numbers, be it total membership, youth and children or donations, declining.

But these metrics, Hahn says, are the wrong ones. And they’re telling leaders the wrong story.

So, how do we get better at church? According to Hahn, we practice our faith.

Peggy Hahn: I would say, as a Christian community, anytime our metrics are focused on loving God, loving our neighbor and loving ourselves, we are in the box of faithful metrics. Faithful metrics are paying attention to what God is up to in our neighborhood, in our congregation and in our own lives.

CJ: If those are the metrics we’re using, how do we measure success in our churches?

PH: There’s no one size fits all to metrics.

It depends on location; it depends on how we’re living out our call to love God, our neighbor and ourselves. It’s not one size fits all.

CJ: It’s not one size fits all, but do you think there are common goals that churches can work toward?

PH: If there are going to be common metrics for every person of faith, it boils down to prioritizing our lives to be able to practice our faith and to be able to invite others into those practices in ways that are inclusive and generous.

The other common goal that would be crucial would be to orient ourselves around our own theological practices—the work we do around baptism, which is a commitment to serving children, youth 19

PH: This is an opportunity to listen to people who are in our preschools, whether that preschool is at our church or in our neighborhood, to listen to people in our elementary schools and to listen to the needs that are happening in people’s lives. Our ministry is about helping people in their brokenness, in their pain, in their struggles, in their joys and successes of life, to notice that God is up to something in that. That doesn’t matter if you’re serving the first-third of life or the adult population.

CJ: Anytime you’re setting goals, and those goals have metrics, then you set up an opportunity not to meet those goals.

Can you talk a little about failure in the context of faithful metrics?

PH: We teach two different kinds of failure. There’s failure that is the result of leaders taking risks and trying new things, and we think that’s what faithful leaders practicing adaptive leadership need to do in this day and time. It is about listening and learning experiments. And some of those experiments won’t work. And so we’ll have failure. Within that, though, we have the opportunity to do more learning.

But the other kind of failure we see, and actually we see it more, is the failure to try.

Failure to actually take a risk, turn up the heat and try something we haven’t tried before—that fear of failure is not missionary leadership, and I don’t think of it as

setting faithful metrics CJ: If you take a risk, and it doesn’t pan out, what are the consequences of that— if, for example, you’re already looking at declining membership? What do you say to a church who feels like they just can’t take risks?

PH: Here’s the thing, we’re taking a risk either way. We have the risk to try something, to practice our faith in a way that feels very uncomfortable and new to us, for example to invest in the stakeholders in our neighborhood instead of just in our church in a way that feels very risky for leaders. Or we are taking the risk to not try and threatening to just steadily decline and get worse. Either way we’re taking a risk, no matter which risk people are willing to take. By taking no action, we’re actually taking, in my opinion with all the change in our world, a bigger risk.

CJ: In your conversations with churches, how useful are traditional metrics? We don’t have enough kids in the church for youth group or whatever the case may be. What’s the relationship of looking forward, but also using more classical metrics?

PH: Measuring how many people showed up, at worship or confirmation or anything else, is a lag metric. That’s to say, by the time we are measuring, we can no longer change the outcome. Once you’re measuring how many are in confirmation, it’s very hard to change that number. All that energy goes into feeling bad or depressed around the current situation with the numbers, and it doesn’t inspire leaders to make the kind of shifts they need to make in order to change the ultimate lag metric.

The focus that we work with is a focus on lead metrics.

Measuring lag metrics is measuring things that already happened. Lead metrics have the capacity to change the lag metrics.

This is the place we put our energy and can

practice our leadership. I’m not saying lag metrics don’t matter. We do care about numbers because numbers are people and we care about our people. But an overfocus on lag will just make us want to quit.

We’ll quickly decline and feel defeated. A focus on lead metrics is inspiring. It gives us something to focus on that we can do for the future.

CJ: What are some examples of lead metrics?

PH: A lead metric for a church struggling with confirmation could be, let’s connect with 10 parents with confirmation-age children in our neighborhood. Now we get curious about where those families live, what’s going on with them, who they are and how we can build a relationship with them.

Out of that relationship, over time, those parents will bring their children, if those parents themselves grow in their faith.

The opportunities are as vast as our creativity. Confirmation doesn’t have to happen once a week for an hour at church.

We’re limiting our capacity. Why do we think confirmation has to be a group of kids who will ultimately stand in a robe?

This was never the goal. We have institutionalized this in such a way that our lag will always stop us. But lead metrics will empower us and give us innovative vision for how we might think this stuff through.

CJ: What can leaders practice to prepare themselves for making the change from lag metrics to lead metrics? That’s a paradigm shift for measuring success.

PH: The early Christians were called the people of the way. There was a reason for that. There was something different about the way they were following Jesus, the way they were practicing their lives. This is at the heart of our faith. Practicing our faith, our own belief system, in such a way that we believe it, is first. The lead metric for just about anything is for the leaders to

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start practicing their faith like they themselves are curious, like they themselves are wondering what God is saying in this day and time with these sacred texts that we carry with us. We have to pay attention to the things that matter the most.

CJ: What is that?

PH: There are Christian practices that have been true for the Christian world for the past 100 years or so that we have come to believe are normal. And I have to tell you, those kinds of practices are hurting the cause. The most important lead metric that I would encourage any leader to set is to get serious about practicing their own faith lives and how they’re going to practice that. That may boil down to practices that are as mundane as creating habits in our lives.

CJ: Are there some more practical ways that can be applied to practicing risktaking?

PH: It’s only if we’re leading out of our faith that we can have the courage to say, we’re not doing that anymore. When I think about children, youth and family ministers, there’s nothing more important than serving people in the first-third of life. Our church needs that. We have got to pay attention to the children, youth and families who live near us, who are in our neighborhoods. If they speak a different language, if they’re in a different socioeconomic group, get curious. Pray about it. Get a mentor in that community. Don’t take that as an excuse to not do it. Because those communities are exactly who we are called to serve.

Leigh Finke is a reporter living in St. Paul, Minnesota.

WINTER 2020

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I’M PRACTICING OVER HERE So, for a long time I played in a band (technically, a duo) where one of us lived in California and the other lived in various parts of the northeast. We only got together to go play concerts or to record albums. And on tour, probably at least once a day, someone would ask us, “How do you guys practice?”

And our first response was, “Have you ever heard us play?” But then our more esoteric answer came to be this...

We practice music in the same way that your doctor practices medicine. We have a musical practice. A doctor might say, “I’ve been practicing medicine for 30 years,” but you never think to ask, “Are you practicing right now?” But the answer is, yes. Your doctor is practicing on you every time you go to see her. That’s exactly how we practice music. You’re soaking in it.

In other news, back when I was in seminary, I recall our preaching professor telling us she wanted to clear something up. She said that she had recently spoken to several students who told her they really felt guilty about no longer having time to do Bible

by George Baum

study. Like before they came to seminary, they read the Bible every day, but now there just wasn’t time. As she rightly pointed out, we were all doing Bible study all the time.

Every time we wrote a sermon, every time we studied for an Old Testament exam, every time we wrote a paper on the Gospel of Luke, we were engaged in Bible study. It would make absolutely no sense to set aside those deep dives into Scripture in order to find time to dive into Scripture.

In still other news, when I was telling my friend Michael about my proposed angle on writing this little piece he said, “Yeah, I totally get that. It’s like, I wish I had more time to spend with my kids, but I’m so busy making their breakfast, and driving them to school, and helping them with their homework, and putting them to bed, that I just can’t make time for them.”

And all of these instances are not cases of the perfect being the enemy of the good. I have a Jewish friend who tells me the only unforgivable sin is to wish for time to go more quickly. And here’s why I bring that up:

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Whenever we find ourselves wishing that a thing could be over so that we could get back to the thing we are supposed to be doing, maybe we’re just not noticing that the thing we’re already doing is the thing we’re supposed to be doing.

Or, more simply put, when someone rings our church doorbell looking for help with a gas disconnection notice, that’s not an interruption to my ministry. That just means I’m practicing over here.

George Baum is an Episcopal Priest who lives in Cleveland, Ohio, with his family and their cats.

He spent 29 years playing in the band “Lost And Found,” which stopped touring in 2015, but is still available for parties (if they’re good ones).

WINTER 2020 In addition to paying interest, MIF Term Investments also pay it forward.

Lutheran Church of Christ the Redeemer in Minneapolis, Minnesota Used an MIF loan to remodel the lowincome apartments the church rents to Togolese refugees, thus making their new homes a whole lot homier.

The Mission Investment Fund offers a wide range of investments for individuals and congregations, including Fixed- and Adjustable-Rate Term Investments with a choice of terms. What’s more, when you invest with MIF, your investment finances loans to ELCA congregations like Christ the Redeemer. To learn more about our investments and loans, contact us at mif.elca.org or 877.886.3522.

IRAs • Term Investments • Demand Investments • Ministry Loans

Mission Investment Fund investments are subject to certain risks. See “Risk Factors” in the MIF Offering Circular. MIF investments are not bank accounts. As securities issued by a nonprofit institution, the investments are not insured by FDIC, SIPC or any other federal or state regulatory agency. The securities are sold only by means of the Offering Circular. This is not an offer to sell or a solicitation of an offer to buy the securities described here.

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ELCA Youth Ministry Network 150 Oakwood Lane Owatonna, Mn 55060

practice not perfect

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