Loud Pipes Save Lives (Vegetarian)
Blackbeanburgeronatoastedonionbun,toppedwithgreensandfreshtomatowithour basilpestomayonnaise
MARIA
“Don’t forget that tomorrow you have a meeting at nine with the fundraiser planning committee, one at 10:30 with the other mid-level executives, lunch with a client, and then three meetings in the afternoon. You’ll need to be ontop of the readingmaterial I emailed youfor the afternoonclients.” Myassistant, Cherry, tooka deep breathbefore she continued. Ifeltmystomachchurnagainand my heart started to race, so I swallowed quickly a few times to hold my nausea at bay. “The budget reportfor the senior partners is due bynine inthe morning,soI’ll needyoutogoover the corrections Imade and send it to me so Icanget it to the printer and pickup the copies onmywayinto workin themorning.”
I nodded my head at Cherry and she nodded back before the elevator doors closed to take me upstairs to my final, most important appointment of the day. I focused on my breathing and tried to slow down my heart rate as the elevator car rushed me up to the momentous occasion I had been focusedonfor thelastfiveyears: myexecutivepartnershipmeetingwiththefivemenwhohadstarted Chalmers,Prescott,andAdams,Inc.
The three Chalmers brothers, alongwithMr. Prescottand Mr. Adams had started this companyin the 1970s and builtitup to be a national success thatmostcompanies could onlydreamabout. With branchoffices onbothcoasts, the corporate headquarters was still located here inNew Orleans, the homeofthefoundingmembersofthefirm.
The doors whooshed open and I calmly strode out into the waiting area that led to the executive suites and conference rooms. The receptionistsmiled atme and waved me toward our meetingroom witha tight smile. Iswallowed the bile downagainas Ilooked toward the thickwoodendoors that wouldswingopentomyfuture.
ItwasafutureIwasn’tevensureIwantedanymore.
“Mrs. Roland?” Iheard a voice thatsounded like itwas comingthrougha longtunnel. “Are you okay?”
I shookmyhead and tried to clear it, the blackspots inmyvisionmakingit hard to focus onthe hall around me. I took a deep breath and swallowed, once again using every ounce of willpower I hadtostopmyselffrompukingontheexpensiverugunder myfeet.
Ilifted myhead and tried to focus onthe source ofthe shrill voice thatwas callingmyname, but
theroomtilted,andIfeltmyselffallingslowlyrightbeforeeverythingwentblack.
“Ms. Roland, I’m Dr. Myers, the resident gastroenterologist here at Tully-Beaux Medical Center.” The doctor,a manwholookedlike he was about15years old,smiledatme as he pulledthe rollingstool over to sitbeside mybed. “Theygave yousome medicine whenyouarrived here inthe emergencyroom.Areyoufeelingbetter?”
“Yes.” Myvoice cracked and the doctor leaned over and picked up the cup of ice chips that the nurse had broughtina few minutes ago. Itookthe cup fromhimand tilted itup to mymouth, holding apieceoficeonmytongueasitmeltedrather thanchew onitandmakethathorriblesoundthatdrove menuts.
“You’ve been here for almost two hours and in that time, your blood pressure has come down considerably. It’s almostdownto a normal reading, butthatmightchange as we talk, so I’d like you totrytoremaincalm.”
“Calm?” Iheard the monitor beside mybed beep and the doctor’s eyes slid to the side to stare at thenumbersfor asecondbeforehelookedbackatme.
“Couldn’tevenholdontoitfor five minutes,Isee.” Dr.Myers shookhis headas helookeddown attheclipboardinhishands. “Whatdoyoudofor aliving,Ms.Roland?”
“I’malawyer,”Ianswered.
“I’mgoingto assume that your positionis a high-stress job,” the doctor stated as he looked over mychart’s details. “Youvomitedinthe ambulance andthe paramedic saw thatthere was bloodinthe fluid. While youwere unconscious, we did a few quicktests and the results I have so far show that youmost likelyhave at least one, but possiblymore peptic ulcers. That’s a tear or infectioninyour stomachliningthatcanbeexacerbatedbystressandapoor diet.”
I blinked at the doctor waiting for him to continue with something I hadn’t already suspected myself.
“Your blood pressure was at such an elevated level that the paramedics brought you in with a preliminarydiagnosisofstrokerisk,Ms.Roland. Doyouhaveahistoryofhighbloodpressure?”
“Idon’tthinkso.”
“Whenwasthelasttimeyouhadaroutinephysical?”
IlookeduptowardtheceilingasIthoughtbacktomylastdoctor’svisit.
“I saw my gynecologist and had birth control inserted in my arm.” I kept thinking and couldn’t come up with a time frame on when I had that procedure. “It was at least four years ago, I think. Maybeevenfive.”
“And you haven’t seen a doctor since then?” the ER doc asked and I could see his confusion. “Youhaven’tbeensickatall infour or fiveyears?”
Itooka deep breathand wondered just how muchinformationIshould give this man, wondering ifitwouldhaveanybearingonhisdiagnosistoknow whatIhaddoneinthepast.
“Ihavebeensickafew times,butIjusthaven’thadachancetogotothedoctor. Ihappentohave some extra antibiotics left over fromanother time, so I take themwhen I feel something coming on. It’snotabigdeal.”
Thedoctor slowlyshookhisheadandreacheduptoscratchthebackofhisneck.
“Iknow. Iknow. It’s notgood to do that, butIdidn’thave the time to make anappointmentor sit in a waiting room.” I shrugged and then put my hand on my stomach, the semi-permanent position I
rested myhand inalmost all the time now. I cringed at the realization. “What time is it? I need to headbacktowork.Ihavemeetingstopreparefor.”
“Doyouunderstandwhatchronicstressdoestoabody,Ms.Roland?”
“Once Igetthis promotion, Iwon’tbe as stressed. Ijustneed to worka little harder, getinto the positionI’maimingfor,andthenI’ll behomefree.”
“And then you’ll be less stressed?” the doctor asked me with his eyebrows raised. “Because there’snobodyinthatbuildingthatwill begunningfor thejobyou’vebeenvyingfor?”
I tilted my head, realizing that he was right. This wasn’t going to go away and it wasn’t ever goingtogetanybetter byignoringit.
“I’mnot a therapist, Ms. Roland, and youcantake or leave myadvice, but Ifeel like youshould take a longlookat your life and the pathyou’re on. Pickyour head up and lookaround youto make sure thatthe place you’re tryingtogetis worthyour life because,honestly,it’s goingtokill youifyou keepgoingatthispace.”
“I’ll listento your advice, doctor, and thinkaboutwhatyou’ve said. It’s close to whatI’ve been thinkingmyself. Iwanttohave kids anda house witha bigbackyard. Iwanta doganda cat- maybe even two dogs and a cat. I want to sleep in on Sunday mornings and make pancakes with whipped creamsmileyfaces. Iwanttosneakoffwithmyhusbandandhave a quickie while the kids are taking a nap. Iwantto quitwearingthese fuckingshoes thatkill myfeeteveryday. Ijustwant. That’s it. I want. Something.” I realized there were tears streaming down my face and I reached up to wipe them away as I took a deep breath. “And it’s not what I’ve got right now. That’s not what I want anymore,ifIever reallydid.”
Ipoured myfeelings out to this man. This stranger. More so thanIhad to anyone since Imoved fromTexas to New Orleans. I had quite a few friends around me that I talked to oftenalthoughthey were realistically not more than acquaintances. Autumn was my best friend here in town and like a sister tome,someoneIconfidedin,butthe things Iwas blurtingouttothis doctor weren’teventhings Irealizedwerethere. TheywerethingsIhadwantedinwhatseemedlikeanother life.
Another lifethatIusedtoimaginehadmyhusbandatthecenter ofit.
“Ms. Roland, itseems like you’ve mapped this outbefore, the life youwant. And I’mnotone to tell a personhow to live, but Icantell youthat ifyoukeep up this stress level, youwon’t be around longenoughtomakeanyofthosethingsareality.”
The doctor stoodupandstuckhis handouttome. Ireachedoutandshookitas he smiledwarmly atme.
Once the doctor leftthe room, Ireached over and pulled the table holdingthe phone closer to the bed. Ineededtocall andfindoutwhatwaskeepingJordan.
I passed out inthe executive suites of myoffice buildingand not one single personhad called to checkonme. None of the menI was tryingso hard to impress had evencared enoughto have their assistantcall tocheckonme,letalonedoitthemselves.
Worst of all, myhusband hadn’t evencalled. He damnsure hadn’t shownup, but he hadn’t even bothered to phone and fake his concern even though he most definitely knew that I had been taken awayinanambulance.
IdialedJordan’sdirectlineandwaitedfor himtopickup.
Hisassistantanswered. NotJordan.
“I’mso sorry, Maria, but he had me transfer his phone and said I was not to disturb him. He’s preparingfor this evening's dinner withsome prospective clients and wants to make sure everything isinorder.”
“I know he has a business dinner, but I reallyneed to talkto him. I was takento the hospital by ambulanceafew hoursago.”
“Oh,yes!Weheardaboutthat.Areyoufeelingokaynow?”
“I’mmuchbetter.JordanknowsI’matthehospital?”
There was silence for a few beats as Jordan’s assistant tried to find a subtle way to tell me that myspousedidn’tfindmeor myhealthnearlyasimportantashefoundhisjob.
“Yes, ma’am. He does know.” The assistant, a new one whose name I couldn’t remember, whispered, “He was walkinginto the buildingand saw thempushingyououtand puttingyouinto the backoftheambulance.”
“Well, then,” I snapped. I didn’t mean to lash out at the poor girl, but it was that or start screaming. “I’ll findmyownwayhome.”
Icalmlysetthe phone onthe table and thenswungmylegs over the bed readyto leave this room, thisbuilding…thislife.
Iwaited for the crosswalksignal and looked downatmyfeet. WhenIputonmyblackheels this morning, I loved how theylooked withmypower suit, but bythe time I walked out of the house, my feetwerealreadykillingme.
Now,walkingdownthesidewalktowardmyoffice,theywerescreaminginagony.
Iglanced up atthe skyand wondered aboutthe clouds thatwere hoveringover the city. The heat was oppressive and we could use a refreshing shower, but I hoped that it would wait until I was safelyinsidemyofficebuildingbeforethepredicteddownpour.
Of course, it seemed like this daywas just destined to be myworst dayever. Before I made it three more blocks the skydarkened and rainstarted pouring. Iwas drenched and freezingwithinjust a few minutes and just couldn’t walk any further in this condition. I glanced around and saw that a few of the shops around me had covered areas infront of their doors. I decided to huddle inone of themwhileIwaitedoutthestormandreassessedmylifechoices.
Since the medics had collected me fromthe hallwayfloor outside myboss’offices, I hadn’t had mypurse whentheywheeled me off. MeaningIdidn’thave a wayto call a cab and evenifIhad my phone,Ididn’thavethemoneytopaythefare.
Withmynow soggyhospital discharge papers clutched inmyhand, Ihurried under the awningof abusinesswhosewindowswerealreadydark. Istoodthereintheshadowsfor afew minuteswilling theraintoslow soIcouldmakeittomyofficeandendthishorriblefuckingday.
Iheard a noise behind me and turned to see a womanunlockingthe door to come out, mostlikely toheadhomefor theday. Instead,thewomanpulledthedoor openandinvitedmein.
“Come in, honey. It’s a rager outthere. You’re goingto getsweptaway!” The older womanwas almostyellingnow justtobeheardover thestorm. “Comein! Comein!”
Without any other choice, I scurried past the woman and into a dark shop. There was a single light on above a desk that was situated close to the back of the space and I could see shadows of shelvesandother furniture.
“I’mAmelie Guilott. Youcome oninhere and dryoff before youcatchyour deathof cold,” the ladymuttered as she tookmyarmand pulled me toward the backofthe store. “Whata prettywoman likeyouisdoingoutaloneinthisterribleweather evenIdon’tknow.”
“Igotstuckdowntownwithoutmypurse or myphone. Idon’thave a wayto call anyone or a way
topayfor cabfare.”
“Stuck downtown? And you’ve walked all this way? Where are you headed? Texas?” Amelie chuckled and I couldn’t stop a smile fromcrossing my face at her outrage. How in the world I had gonefromdrenchedrattoparlor conversationinthespanoftwominutes was completelybeyondme. “You come on up to my place, doll, and I’ll get you dried out and warmed up. We’ll wait out the stormover ahotdrinkandyoucantell meyour troubleswhileIfinishmyhusband’sdinner.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose!” I argued halfheartedly. For some reason though, as odd as it was, Iwanted to trail after this woman. Iwanted to spill myheartto her and watchher make a meal full oflovefor her man.
What the hell is wrong with me? I must have hit my head when I passed out and fell. I knew better than to go into a dark place with some stranger and then to go even further and just walk into her home. No one knew where I was or was evenworried about me. Bythe time theyknew I was gonethiswomanmighthavemybodystuffedinatrunkandonthewaytofeedher petgatorsoutinthe swamplands.
Iheard her chuckle and wondered whatshe thoughtwas funny. Before Icould ask, she opened a door and light spilled froma stairwayahead of us. I held the door as Amelie walked throughit and thenfollowedher up.
“MymanandIlive here above the shop. He works for the roadcrews andis probablyrainedout rightaboutnow andheadedhometome.”
“IfIcanuseyour phone,Imightbeabletofindsomeonewhocancomeandpickmeup.”
“Oh, honey, don’t you bother anyone now. No sense in everyone and their dog being out in this mess whentheydon’thave to.” She motioned toward a table setover inthe kitchenarea ofthe small apartmentaboveher store. “Youjustsitrightdownandmakeyourselfcomfortable. Takethosepretty shoesoffandletyour toesrestfor aminute.”
Honestly, that idea sounded heavenly. I sat downinthe kitchenchair and slipped myfeet out of myheels,lovinghow itfelttobeabletowigglemytoesagain.
“So,tell me,littlemissMaria,whatbringsyoutomystreetintherain?”
And for the second time tonight, I poured myheart out to a complete stranger. For the next hour, shelistenedtometalkas shefixeddinner,setthetable,greetedher husband,andthenputthefoodout for ustoeat.
While we ate, Amelie and her husband Clyde, bothasked me questions about mylife and what I wanted to do withit. Ifeltlike Ihad knownbothfor years and itfeltgood talkingto the two ofthem as we ate dinner together. The cynic inme wonderedwhytwostrangers wouldgooutoftheir wayto shelter me, feed me, and make me comfortable. The lonelyand scared womaninside me welcomed their attentionandsoakeditinlikeasponge.
Once we were finishedwithdinner, Amelie andIwashedthe dishes before Iinsisted thatIhadto go.
“It’s darkout now, Ms. Maria. Let me change and get a better smell about me and I’ll drive you wherever youneed to go,” Clyde said as he stood up and walked toward the hall Ihad seenwhenwe entered the apartment. “Mylove, take her downstairs and talkto her abouther future. Iknow you’ve beenitchingtogetyour handsonher.”
Amelie laughed and Clyde smiled downat her as he dropped a kiss onher nose whenhe passed by.
“Youknow mesowell,mylovelyman.”
“Talkaboutmyfuture?” IaskedAmelie,curiousaboutthethingsClydehadjustsaid.
“Whydidyouchoosemydoor toduckintogetoutoftherain?” Amelieaskedme. “Idon’tknow. ItwasthefirstoneIsaw,Iguess,”Itoldher.
“Youpassed two shops withthe same setup as mine and thenyoucrossed the streetand huddled onmyporch. Itwasn’tthefirstoneyousaw,butitwasthefirstoneyouweredrawnto.” Ididn’tquiteunderstandwhereshewasgoingwiththis,soIjustsmiledatmyhostess.
“Youcame to me because itwas whatyouwere meantto do.” Amelie shrugged and said, “Come downstairswithmewhilewewaitonmymantogetchanged.”
IfollowedAmeliedownstairs,mycuriositypiqued.
“Have a seat, sweet Maria.” Amelie motioned toward a chair that was set up on the opposite side of the deskfromwhere she was standing. “I would like for you to meditate withme for a few minutesandthenI’mgoingtohelpyoufindthedifferentchoicesandpathsyouhaveinyour future.”
“You’reapsychic?” Iaskedher andthensmiledwhenshelaughedandshookher head.
“I’ma little bitofeverythingand all ofnothingjustlike everyone else is. Justlike you.” Amelie lit a candle and thenrelaxed inher chair, her hands restingonthe deskwiththe palms up. “Sit with me and calmyourselffor a few minutes. Letyour energyflow throughyour bodyrather thankeeping itballedupinyour abdomencausingyoutobesick.”
MyeyeswidenedasIstaredatAmelie. How hadsheknownaboutmystomachproblems?
“Sitwithme,sweetgirl. Let’sseewhattheworldhasinstorefor you.”
Ididn’thave anythingtolose,soIsatacross fromher andputmyhands inhers. Iclosedmyeyes and took deep breaths until Amelie ordered, “Match your breathing to mine and clear your mind. Think of colors and rainbows. Think of your favorite sweets you ate as a child, your favorite pie after Thanksgivingdinner. Your bestfriend’ssmilewhenyougaveher agift. Relax.”
Ifocused onAmelie’s instructions eventhoughIdidn’tbelieve inhocus pocus. Itwas the leastI coulddotoshow her respect;thewomanhadshelteredandfedmeafter all.
“Can you feel the power inside you? It’s there waiting on you to remember how to use it,” Amelie whispered. “You’ve lost it, put it aside for other things, let it rest while youwalked behind whatwasmakingyoublue.”
I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. A power within me? I had always been stubbornmaybethatwasmysuperpower,althoughfor mostofmylifeithadbeenmydownfall.
“I see so many colors in your future, Maria. Right now, your world is blue and gray. You’re surrounded byit, clasped inits clutches, butreadyto find your wayoutinto the light.” Amelie gently squeezed my fingers as she held my hands in hers. “Oh, Maria. You have such beauty waiting for you. There is dark and light and as with anything, if you put the two together it will balance you. Thatiswhatyouaresearchingfor,Maria- your balance.”
Amelie was right. I needed to find the balance betweenmymarriage and myhopes for a family andafutureandmycareer ambitions.
“You can find that balance of the dark and the light in the red place. Take a journey with the seasons and go where the land is red to find your peace. Once you’ve arrived, you will find a tree whose roots have always held you and arms to hold you now. In the red place is where you’ll find your balanceandrealizewiththepower ofthree,thereisnothingyoucan’tdo.”
AmeliesqueezedmyhandstightlyandIopenedmyeyestostareather. Shewassmilingatme.
“Whenyouopenyourself up, suchgoodness flows fromyou. Youhave sucha calmand healing power within you. When you find your peace, your calmness and healing strength will help those aroundyou,thosethatloveyou.”
I tilted my head trying to figure out what she meant. Ared place? I didn’t even really like the
color red. Wasshetalkingaboutthedesert? Atreeinthedesert? Iwassoconfused.
I saw Amelie move her chair back and then pull out the drawer above her lap. She pulled a miniaturetapeoutofacassetteplayer andsliditacrossthedesktome.
“I want you to have that so you can remember our conversation after you go away.” Amelie watched me close myhand over the little cassette and thenshe smiled brightlyatme. “And someday, youbringthelightandthedarkbacktomefor avisitandI’ll makeanother dinner for ustoenjoy.”
“I’mnotsureI’ll bemovinganytimesoon,Amelie.”
“You’ll realizethatifyougowest,you’ll findtheredplacewhereyoubelong- theredplacewith the tree and the balance youneed to live the happylife you’ve dreamed of.” Amelie reached outand tookmyhand. “You’re surrounded byblue and gray;your whole life is consumed withit. Youneed to find yourself, find your owncolors, and live a bright and wonderful life with the power of three, Maria. Please.”
“I’ll try, Amelie,” I assured her as she came around the small table and gave me a tight hug. “I promise.”
For some reason, there were tears inmyeyes, butIwasn’tsad. Iwas somethingelse, anemotion Ididn’tquiterecognize. Wasithopeful? WasthatwhatIwasfeeling?
“That is what you're feeling,” Amelie whispered. “And you should hold it close to you, my dear.”
“Mylove,I’mreadywhenMariais,”IheardClydecall outashewalkeddownthestairs. “Sorry ittooksolong,Maria,butIsatdownonthecouchandgotengrossedinthenewsandthenfell asleep. IwokeupandrealizedI’dbeenasleepfor morethananhour! IfiguredmyAmelietookyouhome.”
“Anhour?”
“Well,yes. It’salmostninenow.”
IhadbeensittingherewithAmeliefor over anhour? Itfeltlikeminutes.
“Goodbye,sweetMaria. Goodluck.” Amelie’seyesweretwinklingandIcouldn’tresistanother hug.
This had beenthe oddest eveningof mylife, but I felt so good now, so refreshed. I put myhand on my stomach and realized it hadn’t hurt in hours - not since I cowered from the rain in front of Amelie’sshop.
I followed Clyde through the store toward the front door and heard Amelie call out just before Clydepulledthedoor closed,“Getridoftheblueandthegray,Maria. Findyour red!”
Clyde chuckled as he locked the door to the shop. He popped anumbrella openand covered the twoofus all the waytothe car. Once Iwas inthe passenger seat,he rushedaroundthe car andgotin todrivemetomyofficewheremycar wasparked.
We had gone a few blocks insilence whenClyde finallyspoke, “Amelie’s gota gift, Maria. You shouldlistentoher becauseshe’ll never steer youwrong.”
“I’m going to try and figure out what she was talking about. The gray and blue? I don’t understandit,”Itoldhimhonestly. “I’ll thinkaboutit,though. I’msuresomethingwill cometome.”
“Follow whatshesaysandthenletusknow how you’redoing,youhear?”
“Yes,Iwill. Ipromise.”
“Time togo,sweetheart.” Islappedthe blonde onher ass andthenrolledover andputmyfeeton thefloor asIreachedfor myphonetocheckthetime. “Mattie,wakeup. I’mheadedtotheshower.”
I felt the blonde’s hand move up my back as I tried to remember her name. Amber? Angie? It wassomethingthatstartedwithanA. Iknew thatmuch.
“Can’twe spendthe dayinbed?” Ms.Apurred. “Ihadsomuchfunlastnight. Ican’twaittodo itagain.”
“Sorry, hon. You only get one ticket for the ride and you punched yours more than once last night.” I slowly shook my head and shot her a tight smile. “I’mheaded to the shower; you can see yourselfout.”
Isaw her face change fromhornyto pissed off, but Ididn’t care. She was just one ofmanywho were funfor a few hours, butwould turninto a paininmyass withtoo muchexposure. Better to get her outofherenow beforeIlostthewill tobenice.
“Comehere,baby,”IheardMattiemumblefromtheother sideofthebed. “I’ll takecareofyou.”
The covers rustled and I heard Ms. Agiggle as I shut the bathroomdoor. I shook my head as I turnedontheshower andadjustedthewater.
Peopleshouldn’texpectmetoplaynicebeforemycoffee.
MATTIE
“Youcould have beena little less ofanasshole,” Itold Johnas he walked into the kitchenfor his firstcupofcoffee. “Shewasfun. Imightwanttobringher backhereagain.”
“You know I don’t like to have women here more than once,” John growled as he got his mug downfromthecabinet. “Givesthemideas.”
“Ideas? God forbid a womanhave one ofthose!” Ichuckled. “You’re a fuckingcaveman, John. We’regoingtobealoneforever ifyoudon’treinthatshitin.”
“Women don’t want men like me forever, man. You? They can envision it. Me? Not so much. I’mnotintothatbullshitanyway,andyouknow it.”
“It’s time for us to settle down, John. I want what some of the guys have.” I stared at my best friend and wished he could imagine the same future Iwanted;itwould justmake itso mucheasier if he could. “I want a womanto come home to at night. One we canlaughwith. One that will put up withyour fuckingmoodsandlaughwithmewhenyou’readick.”
“Goodluckwiththat,”Johngrowledashewalkedtowardthefrontdoor. “I’mheadedtotheshop totalktoDaughtryandthenI’ll be upatthe office. Yousitthere andsipyour coffee anddreamabout awomanthatdoesn’texist.”
Ishookmyhead wonderingifJohnmightbe right. Whatwomanwanted to spend her future with two menlike us? Bothof us so fucked up that a sane womanwould probablyrunscreamingfor the hillsafter morethanonenight.
Fuck. Who was Ikidding? Theyalways wanted more thanone night. Butnone ofthemhad ever talkedaboutforever. Notevenone.
The Mother Clucker
Eggsaladonwhite withaside of freshfruit andapickle
MARIA
Once Clyde dropped me off in front of my office building, I walked through the posh lobby towardtheelevator,smilingatthesecurityguardwhowasondutyafter hours.
I rode to the correct floor and walked out into the waiting area. During the day, a pleasant receptionist greeted everyone who came and went from this floor, but now her desk was empty. There were still quite a few lights on, enough to easily see the path I needed to take to get to my office. As I walked through the carpeted entryway, I glanced over at the sedate furnishings and décor.
The entire office had been professionally decorated in shades of gray. I had joked with Jordan years ago that for a multi-million dollar company, CPAMA was boring. There were no colorful murals on the walls or areas of the building that showcased some of the more successful campaigns our law firm had been part of, or any of the illustrious clients we represented. Everything in the buildingwas muted, eventhe plants that were scattered here and there weren’t healthy-looking; they werealwaysjustontheedgeofwilted.
Kindoflikeme.
I followed the dark gray carpet runner down the hall to my office and flipped the light on as I walked in. There were two new stacks offolders onmydeskand Iputmyhand onmystomachas it startedtorumble. Idecidedthatnow wasnotthetime.Igrabbedmypurseoutofthedeskdrawer and hurriedout.
Once Iwas inmycar, Itooka deep breathand tried to calmmyracingheart. The informationthe doctor gavemeaboutmybloodpressureandprobableulcerswasracingthroughmyhead. Isatinmy car for a few minutes, realizing that the instant I walked into that office, my stomach had started to hurtmeandmyheartbegantorace.
I tried not to think about the conversation with Amelie, about being surrounded by gray. The buildingIworked inwas decorated entirelyinshades ofgray. This place and everythingitstood for wasslowlykillingme. Ihadtogetaway.
Ireachedintomypurseanddugoutmyphone. IhadfivemissedcallsfrommyfriendAutumn,but no phone calls or texts fromJordanor anyofmyco-workers. Nota single personinmyprofessional lifehadcalledtocheckonmetoday. Thattoldmethattheideas racingaroundattheedgeofmymind were goingto happen. I was readyto quit myjob. If todaywas anyindication, no one would even noticewhenIwasgone.
I flipped the phone open again and hit speed dial to call Autumn. She answered on the second
ringandIcouldtell byher voicethatshehadbeencrying.
“Honey,what’swrong?” Iaskedher.
“Taylor. That’s what’s wrong.” Taylor, Autumn’s long-time boyfriend, was a subject I tried to avoid at all costs. There was something about himthat didn’t click with me and I worried that my friend was goingdownthe wrongpathwithhim. Ifeltthathe was usingher for her money, enjoying thefactthatshehadmillionsandhehadn’thadtoworkfor adimeofit.Ifhestayedwithher,henever would.
Case in point, Taylor had planned a romantic getaway with Autumn. The two of them flew together to anisland inthe Bahamas justa few days ago and were stayingata five-star resortfor the nexttwoweeks. All paidfor byAutumn.
“Whathappened?” Iputthe phone onspeaker and started mycar for the drive home. “Whyhave youbeencrying?”
“I heard Taylor talking on the phone. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard my name, so I stoppedtolisten.”
This couldn’t be good. I shook my head as I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. “Whatdidhesay?”
“He was talking to some man named Ronnie about an investment and saying that he had brought me here tobutter me upsothatIwouldgive himthe moneyhe needed. He saidhe was boredas hell, wished he was withanyone butme, and couldn’twaitto gethome to his ‘sweetheart.’ I’mnotgoing togiveyouall thedetails,butlet’ssaythatRonnieisamanandheisalsoTaylor’ssweetheart.”
“Oh,shit,”Iwhispered. Ihadn’tseenthatonecoming. “Whatdidyoudo?”
“I canceled his returnflight, checked us out of the hotel, and flew home. Without him.” Autumn saidfirmly. “Itriedtocall your officeandtheysaidyouwereoutsick.” “Iwas. Well,Iwasthere,butthenIgotsick.”
“Areyoubetter already?”
“It wasn’t that type of sickness.” I braced for the explosion I knew would come with my next words.“IpassedoutandwastakentotheERbyambulance.”
“You what?” Autumn screeched. “Where are you now? Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t Jordancall me? Whydidn’tyour assistanttell mewhathappenedwhenIcalledlookingfor you?” “I’monmywayhomenow,”IinterruptedAutumn. “I’mfine.”
“You’ve been walking around holding your stomach for months now and you passed out today. I’malmostpositiveyouarenotfine,” Autumngrowled. “Whereareyou?”
“I’mdrivinghome.”
“WhereisJordan? Whyisn’thedrivingyou? Shouldyoubedriving?”
“Jordandidn’t come to the hospital and I haven’t talked to himall day. He saw themputtingme intotheambulance,Autumn,andhedidn’tdoanything. He’swithclientsthisevening,”Iwhispered.
“Thatsonofabitch!” Autumnyelled. “I’ll bewaitingfor youatyour place.”
Autumn hung up, so I snapped the phone closed and tossed it into my purse. By the time I got home,Autumnwouldhave somethingcomfortingcookingonthe stove,a glass ofwine waitingfor me onthe bar, soothingcandles litthatshe was positive would help mymood and health, and she would beonarampagewishingfor Jordan’sheadonapikeoutinfrontofour building.
Because that’s what best friends did when a man treated you wrong. They ate food with you, soothedyouwithalcohol,triedtocheer youup,andplottedtheasshole’sdeath.
“Thatfucker,” Autumngrowledas IwalkedintoJordanandI’s condo. She wrappedme upinher armsandhuggedme. Thegesturealmostbroughtmetotears. “I’ll cuthisballsoff.” Ichuckled.
“Iwill! I’ll cuthis balls offandthentoss themdownthedisposal. Charliewill kill meifitclogs the pipes, butIdon’tgive a shit.” Charlie was the buildingmanager and he was crankywhenone of the residents messeduphis pristine building. Well,technicallyitwas Autumn’s immaculate building, butCharlieranit.
I had purchased a condo across the hallwayfromAutumnafter Jordanand I had bothbeenat the firmfor a year. While Iwas directingthe movers withour things, Imet Autumninthe corridor. We struckupafriendshipandhadbeenalmostinseparablesincethatdaysixyearsago.
It was almost a year after we met that I found out Autumn owned our building and quite a few others around town. Months after that, I found out that she had millions in the bank, properties all over the world, and was on the board of quite a few major companies. Of course, the best part of learningthatinformationwaswhereIwasstandingwithher whenIfoundoutthedetails.
She and Ihad beenina thriftstore lookingfor a “quirky” table for her entryway. Thatafternoon, sheandIhadstrippedthetable,repaintedit,andthendecoratedittomatchher other décor.
“Letme go and change clothes and thenI’ll come backand we canplothis death.” Ichuckled at AutumnasIpulledoutofher hug.
“I’ll get started ondinner,” Autumnsaid. “I’ve beentestinga new recipe and IthinkI’ve finally gottenitperfect. Youcanbemyguineapig.”
I walked downthe hall into the master. Once I was standinginmywalk-incloset, I tookoff my shoes and set themin their spot on the shelf. I stripped out of my clothes and then dug through the bottomdrawer ofthe dresser tofind mycomfiestpair ofyoga pants andanold t-shirt. Iwentintothe bathroomtobrushoutmyhair andpull itbackawayfrommyface,andthenIwalkedbackthroughthe bedroomonthewaytothekitchen.
SomethingcaughtmyeyeandIlookedtowardJordan’sopenclosetdoor. Iveeredoffmyoriginal pathandwalkedover totheclosetandflippedonthelight.
Jordan’s shoes were lined up perfectlyonthe shelves. His suits hungevenlyonthe racks inthe closet and it struck me that they were all either black, gray, or blue. That was a perfectly natural selection for men’s dress clothes, but the ties were what had drawn me to this closet. The neckties were almost all blue. There were a few others that were gray or silver in his collection, but the majorityofhisnecktieswereblue.
Myoffice was grayand myhusband was blue. The two colors that Amelie had mentioned were surroundingmeandthatIneededtogetawayfrom.
My job and my husband were slowly killing me and if I didn’t make my escape, I would never findhappiness.
With a roar, I started ripping Jordan’s clothes off their hangers. I tossed them all out into our bedroom. WhenI finished withthat task, I started inonthe drawers. All his ties went flying, along withhis underwear and socks. Ina rage, Ithrew his shoes outinto the bedroom. Iheard Autumnlet outa shout, butIdidn’tstop. Icouldn’tstop. Ineeded to cleanouteverythingto do withJordanand mylife. Ineededtothrow itawayandstartfresh.
“Honey,areyouokay?”IheardAutumnsayfromtheclosetdoor.
“Iamnotokay,”Igrowled. “Iamdone. Fucking done!” “Really? You’refinishedwithhim?”Autumnaskedme,her voicehopeful.
“Yes, really!” Ishouted as Itossed more ofJordan’s things outinto the bedroom. Ihad started on hisgolfclothesnow andIwasenjoyingmyself. Maybejustalittletoomuch.
As I glanced over my shoulder at her scream, I saw her dancing on top of a pile of Jordan’s clothes. Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh,thesightofher happinessbreakingintomyrage.
“I’ll get some bags to put his shit in!” Autumn yelled as she ran out of the bedroom. “Keep going!”
When I finished with his golf clothes, I moved on to his dresser. Jordan’s pile of stuff was growing- itwas almostwaisthighinthe middle ofthe bedroomfloor. As Iopened the third drawer to clear it out, I heard Autumn talking to someone as she came closer to the bedroom. I recognized Charlie’s voice instantly and when I heard another man speaking, I realized George, one of the securitymenthatworkedthedeskinthelobby,wasalsohere.
Two men I didn’t recognize followed Autumn into the bedroomand one of themwas carrying a roll of black trash bags. Without a word, the man ripped a bag off the roll and handed it to his partner. The two of them started stuffing Jordan’s things into a bag. When it was full, they tied it closedandstartedonanother.
“Go around and geteverythingyouwantto go and putitinthe center ofthe room. We’ll putitall instorage for Jordan. Charlie and George are changingthe codes onall the doors and the elevator. Jordanwon’tbeabletogetinsideinaboutfiveminutes.” Autumnwasoutofbreathasshebentdown on the floor to help the two men fill a trash bag. “I also called my lawyer and he’s headed to his office to draft your divorce papers. He said he'll need to talk to you first thing in the morning for somedetails,buthecanhaveJordanservedbylunchtime.”
“Holy shit, you work fast,” I laughed. “I take it that you fully approve of me kicking himto the curb.”
“Youthinkit’s as muchas youapprove of me leavingTaylor onanisland withno moneyand no waytogethome?”
“Yep. Ithinkitmightbe justaboutthatmuch.” Ilaughed as Iwalked into the bathroomto gather Jordan’s toiletries. I didn’t even think it was sad that Autumn and I were having so much fun with this. I knew that it would hit me later that I was throwingout five years of marriage like it was just anyoldtrash,butrightnow,itfeltgood.
For thefirsttimeinmonths,thepaininmystomachwasn’tfromstress;itwasfromhunger. Eventhoughitwouldn’tdoanymagiconmywaistline,thisnew feelingfeltrighttome.
“Youlookgood,”Autumntoldmewithasmileasshebreezedintomykitchen.
“Thankyou. I’ve lost two hundred and thirtypounds of ass and I’mfeelingmuchlighter now,” I said witha smile as I sat downat the table. “Have youheard fromGeorge or Charlie about Jordan yet?”
Alittle after three this morning, I started gettingphone calls and texts fromJordan. He was ina rage because he had been locked out of the building. One of George’s security men had called the police because Jordanrefused to leave the property. Whenthe cops arrived, Jordan, who was drunk, wassoworkedupthattheofficer fearedfor hissafetyandtazedJordancausinghimtofall andwrithe onthefloor likeafishoutofwater.
Autumn and I had watched the video at least ten times before she went back to her condo to go backtosleep. Whenwesaw himwethispantsinthevideo,sheandIhadlaughedsomuchwenearly
peed,too.
Thismorningmycheeksandabshurtfromlaughingsohardlastnight. Myheartwasalittleheavy now that the adrenaline had worn off. Those happy children and pancakes with smiley faces were fadingfrommyfuturenow sinceIwasalmostthirtyandsingle.
As I drankmycoffee, I scrolled throughthe texts and emails I had received fromJordanmaking suretokeepthemonmyphone. Thethreats ofviolenceonbothofthose,thetexts sentfromhis phone number, and the voicemails recorded in his voice would come in handy when we went to divorce court. The fact that he had been charged with trespassing, destruction of private property, public intoxication,andassaultingapoliceofficer wouldn’thelphiscasemucheither.
“Ineed somethingnew, Autumn,” Itold myfriend. “The weirdestthinghappened lastnight, and I amprobablycertifiable,butI’mgoingtogowithit.”
“Weird other than you losing your mind and kicking your husband out of the house?” Autumn askedasshesatdownacrossthetablefromme.
“Yeah. Magical weird. Or something. Idon’tknow whatitis.”
“Didyoubumpyour headwhenyoupassedout?”
“No.” Iflippedher offandshookmyhead. “Ididnotbumpmyhead.”
Autumn laughed and shrugged her shoulders, “You’ve been acting differently, that’s for damn sure. Tell me what happened and I will either roll withit or call someone and have youfitted for a long-sleevedwhitejacketwithreallyshinybuckles.”
Ichuckledandsippedmycoffee. “Youknow Idon’tliketowear white. Iwantapinkone.”
“Okay. Whenthemencometotakeyour crazyassaway,I’ll makesureandsuggestthat.”
“Reallythough,doyoubelieveincoincidence? Or thateverythinghappensfor areason?”
“Well, sure. I believe everything and everyone has a purpose. Everything we do affects what happensnext. That’ssimple.”
“Say you have three doors to choose from and open door number three, do you believe that somethingledyoutothatparticular door or wasitjustarandomchoice?”
“Okay, nutso, tell me where you’re headed with this. All that talking in circles makes me need wine.”
ItoldAutumnwhathappenedyesterday,whatthedoctor saidtomeaboutmyhealth,andhow Igot caught walking in the rain. When I started to explain my instant warmth toward Amelie, Autumn’s eyebrowsrose.
“You’re not an instant friendship kind of person, Ria.” Autumn chuckled. “You and I hit it off prettyquick, butI’ve seenhow youare withmostpeople. They’ve gotto workto getinthere justfor a polite conversation. I can’t imagine how much work someone would have to put in to get you to comeintotheir housefor dinner andhoursofconversation.”
“She just asked. And the more I think about it, the weirder it is.” I took a deep breath and blurted,“IjustrealizedInever toldher myname,butsheknew it.”
“Youhad to have told her your name, honey.” Icould tell thatAutumnwas startingto getworried aboutmeandItriedtorelieveher fears.
“No,Iswear. Ididn’ttell Ameliemyname.”
“Okay. So,it’sodd,butwhat’stheproblem?”
“Shetoldmeaboutmyfuture. Well,whatIhadtodotogetthefutureIwant.”
“Youmetapsychicandthat’swhyyoukickedJordanout?”
“No. Yes.” Iputmyhandsupandshrugged. “Fuck. Idon’tknow.”
“Wereyouseriouslastnightwhenyousaidyouweredoneatthefirm?”
“Iwas. Iam. Ipassed outina buildingsurrounded byco-workers and my fucking husband and nota single personcheckedonme after the ambulance tookme away. Idon’towe thema damnthing, leastofall moreofmylife.”
“Iagree. Whataboutmoney?”
“I have money. All of my inheritance from my parents’ estates along with the money from my grandparents.”
“Okay. So,whywereyouworkingyourselftodeathagain?” Autumnaskedsarcastically. “BecauseJordanandIhadaplan,”Iwhispered.
“Andyouwanttochangethatplan?”
“I do. I want to have pancakes withsmileyfaces and get a dog.” I didn’t tell Autumnabout the children,the house,or the quickies withmyimaginaryhusband. “Iwanttohave a life anda family. I wantlove.”
“Okay,”Autumnshrugged. “I’mprettymobile,youknow. Idon’treallykeepaschedule.” “Ineedtomoveaway. Wanttocomewithme?”
“Are we keepingthe condos and goingona road trip or are we goingto rent a movingtruckand takeoff?”
“Whydon’twekeepthecondosasabackupplan?”
“That is the sanest and most reasonable thingyou’ve said inthe last hour.” Autumndramatically wipedher brow andsighed. “Wherearewegoing?”
“Somewherered. That’swhereI’ll findmydarkandlight. That’swhereI’ll findmybalance.” “Andnow we’rebackincuckoocountry,”Autumnlaughed,“ButI’ll goalongfor theride.”
“How long is it going to take that order to come in?” Mattie asked me as he walked past my desk. “I’ve gota customer outthere who wants to have his fuckingbachelor partyhere and we don’t havenearlyenoughear protectiontogoaround.”
“Eight days,” I answered him wondering how in the hell it was a bachelor party if they were comingtothegunrange. “Theydon’tthinkthey’regoingtobefuckingdrinkingouthere,dothey?” Mattielaughedandshookhis head,“Iaskedthe samething. Guysaidtheywereheadedtothe bar after theycamehere. They’ll havealimoandall thatshit. Soundslikeahugeshindig.”
“Screw thatmarriageshit,”Igrumbled. “Never happeninghere.”
“It will happen, John. We’ll find a woman who can’t resist us and want to keep us both around evenwhenwe’retoooldtofuck.”
Ishookmyheadathim.
“Weneedtosettledownandfindawoman,brother. Comeon. Atleastthinkaboutit.”
“Notgonna happen. I’mnotthe settlingdowntype. Somedayyou’ll find a womanand marryher and I’ll come over for Sunday dinner occasionally. I might even let her do my laundry while I’m there, butthat’s all ofme she’ll be doing. You’ll getmarried and pop outbabies, I’ll staysingle and free,andwe’ll all livehappilyever after.”
“I’mgoingtofindusonethatwill changeyour mind.”
“Nowomanis goingtosignupfor thetwoofus for therestofher life,Mattie. Getthatshitoutof your head. We’re fun for a fling, but that’s about it. I know you want what your parents have, but that’safuckingunicorninafieldfull offour-leafcloversasfar asthereal worldgoes.”
“If it can happen once, it can happen again,” Mattie insisted as he walked out of my office. “Watchout,JohnBoy.She’sgoingtohityoulikeatonofbricks.”
The Rice Burner
Stirfrybowlwithtofu,broccoli,sugarsnappeas,mushrooms,onionsandyourchoice of pepperstospice it up. (jalapeno,greenchilesorbellpepper)
MARIA
“MamaShannon! How areyoudoing!” Isquealed,sohappytohear her voice. Mybestfriend’s momlaughedontheother endoftheline. “It’ssogoodtohear your voice!”
“Hi,sweetheart. How haveyoubeen?”
“Life has beencrazy, but I’mbetter now thanI’ve beeninyears. What about youand yours? Is everything okay?” I loved to hear fromShannon even though it usually only happened in Christmas andbirthdaycards,butIrealizednow thataphonecall probablymeantanemergency.
“Honey,everythingisgoingsowell,IhavetopinchmyselftomakesureI’mnotdreaming.”
“Good.” I felt relieved. “I haven’t talked to Willow inages, not since she got intouchwithme aboutsellingher shop. Thatwasmonthsago.”
“Willow isgettingmarried,honey.”
“What?” Ishouted,jumpingupfrommychair. “She’sgettingmarried? Towho?”
Autumnwas staringat me fromthe couch, her favorite spot whenshe was over at myplace, and wewerebeinglazy.
“A man named Lazarus. He’s fantastic, Autumn, and you should see the two of them together. Theyjustfit.”
“Oh, I’mso happyfor her!” I was chokingbacktears, so happyfor myfriend. “Whydidn’t she call me?”
“Ithinkshe’safraidtobother you. Sheknowshow Jordanfeelsaboutus.”
“Oh, fuck Jordan,” I said grumpily. “I ditched his ass months ago. Divorce was final over a monthago.”
“Really?” Shannonasked,hopefully. “Oh,honey,areyouokay?”
“I’venever beenbetter. I’mhealthyagain,feelinghappyandfreeandreadytotakeontheworld. Myfriend Autumnand Iare goingona road trip soon- no specific destination, justsomewhere other thanhere.”
“How quickcanyougetontheroad?” Shannonaskedme. “Why?”
“Willow’sgettingmarriedthisweekend.”
“Oh,Shannon,Ididn’tgetaninvitation. I’dhatetocrash…”
“No invitations were sentout. Youknow Willow. She’s a spur ofthe momentkind ofgirl. She’s
getting married in the park. No white poufy gown, no big drama - just a wedding that suits her and Lout.”
“That’swonderful.”
“She’dlovetohaveyouthere,honey. Itwouldbethebestsurprise.”
“Thisweekend? DoyoumindifIbringmyfriendAutumn?”
“Ofcoursenot! I’dlovetomeether.”
I looked up at Autumnand saw she was curious about myconversation, “Canyouhold onjust a second,Shannon?”
Ather murmuredagreement,Ipulledthephoneawayfrommyear andcoveredthereceiver.
“How aboutwe move up the timeline for our road trip?” Iasked Autumn. “We’d need to leave, likenow.”
“Right this minute?” Autumn asked as she sat up on the couch. “Can we have until tomorrow morningatleastsoIcangetsomethingsarranged?”
“Yeah. We can leave in the morning and drive straight through. My friend Willow is getting marriedandher momwantstosurpriseher andhavemethere.”
“Oh,awesome! I’vealwayswantedtomeetWillow. Shesoundslikeatrip.”
“Shannon?”
“I’mhere,sweetie.”
“We’ll leave in the morning and drive up. I think it will take about twelve hours for us to get there,probablymorebecausewe’ll needtostophereandthereontheway.”
“I’vegotaspareroomfor youandyour friendifyouwantit.”
“Thanks,Shannon. I’ll talktoAutumnandseewhatshewantstodo.”
“Letme know whenyou’re leaving, so Iknow whento expectyouhere intown. I’mnotgoingto tell Willow;Iwantittobeasurprise.”
“Okay,I’ll talktoyouinthemorning. I’msoexcited!”
“Iamtoo,honey. It’sbeenwaytoolong.”
ShannonandIsaidour goodbyesandthenIhungupandturnedtolookatAutumn.
“Wecanjustdriveover thereandthencomehome.”
“We canjustflythere and stayas longas we want,” Autumnsaid witha smile. “I’mnotsittingin a car for twelve hours, honey, butIdo have a plane to getus there. How longdo youthinkwe’ll be staying?”
“Two weeks?” I questioned. “Pack for at least two weeks. That way, we can visit and relax withShannonandher other kidsevenifWillow isawayonher honeymoon.”
“Let’s packfor more thanthat. We’ll go fromyour friend’s farther westlookingfor thatredplace your ladytoldyouabout.”
“Youwanttodothat?”
“Ido. I’mcurious aboutit.” Autumnshrugged as she walked toward myfrontdoor. “I’mbored here,Ria,andIhave beenfor a longtime. IthoughtIcouldfixthatwithTaylor,butIrealize now that hewasjustoneofthosecutelittleBand-Aidsthatareonlyfor show. Hewasn’tanythingofsubstance andhecouldn’tcomeclosetopatchinguptheholeinmylife.”
“Gettingmaudlin?”
“No,justrealistic. I’mnotgettinganyyounger,youknow.”
“You’reyounger thanIam!”
“I’m going to be twenty-six this year, Ria, and I have nothing to show for it. I’m ready for an adventure.”
“Thenlet'sgowest!” IsaidasIpointedtowardthewindow ofmycondo. “Onward!” “That’ssouth,Maria,”Autumnshookher head. “GoodthingI’mnotlettingyoudriveusthere.”
“Youknow what I mean,” I laughed. “I’mgoingto get some laundrythrowninto the washer and startpacking. Isthereenoughroomfor afew suitcases?”
“Wecouldtakeall ofyour furnitureandstill befine,Ria. It’snotalittleplanebyanymeans.”
“You’resofilthyrich.”
“Iknow,”Autumnsmiled. “I’mloaded.”
“That’swhyyou’remyfriend. Iwantyoufor your money.”
“You’redoingashittyjobofitthen. Youwouldn’tevenletmepayfor dinner theother night.” “Itwasmyturn.”
“You need classes on gold-digging, sweetheart. You’re not getting nearly enough out of me.” Autumnlaughedasshewalkedoutofmycondoshuttingthedoor behindher.
“I’mheadedbacktoTexas!” Iwhisperedtomyself,excitementmakingmejittery. “Hell yeah!”
MATTIE
“Ican’tgooutwithbothofyouinpublic!” Brittanyscoffed. “Whatwouldpeoplethink?”
Istared atBrittanyfor a second as Iprocessed her words. Iheard Johngruntand getup fromhis chair at the kitchen table. The sound of his footsteps receded until I heard the door leading into the garageslam.
“It’sour friend’swedding,”Isaidagain. “Iwantyoutomeetour family.”
“I’d love to meet your family, Mattie, but nobody can know that the three of us are together.” Brittanyreachedover andtookmyhandinhers. “IfIsee someone there thatmyparents know,they’ll findoutaboutus.”
“Yousaidlastnightthatyouwanttotrythis- tryus.”
“AndIdo!” Brittanychirped. Idowanttobewithbothofyou! Butwecan’tbeseeninpublic!” “Whataboutifwe getserious? Whatifyoumove inwithus or getpregnant? Whatthen? You’d still wantustohide?”
“Mydaddywill hate the thoughtofme datingeither ofyou, butifhe finds outthatit’s the three of us,he’ll never forgiveme.”
“Don’t you mean he’ll cut off your money?” John asked snidely from the hall. Brittany and I hadn’theard himcome backinand bothofus jumped. “That’s whyyoudon’t wantDaddyto know. Youwanthimto know aboutone ofus, kind ofas a little ‘fuckyou’sortofrebellionbutadmittingto beingwithbothofusmighttakethingstoofar andhe’ll cutyouoff.”
“Ihate the thoughtofmydaddybeingupsetwithme,” Brittanyargued. “Ithas nothingto do with money.”
“So, a girl who works in a boutique 15 hours a week can afford all the shit you do? The fancy purses, the nails, the hair, those clothes? It’s not his moneythat pays for those things?” Johnasked, hiseyesnarrowing.
“We canget your hair done and buyyouprettythings, babe,” I rushed to tell her, afraid that John wasgoingtorunher off.
“No, you can. I’m fucking out,” John said as he turned around to leave again. “It was fun, Brittany,butonlythefirstfew times. After that,youjustgottedious.”
Brittany gasped and then her face got red. She snatched her purse off the table and stomped
towardthedoor.
As she flung the door open, she turned and glared at me - a look I never imagined crossing her face. “Ihad a good time, Mattie, butIcanonlylayaround withthe trashso muchbefore Istartto get dirty.”
Withthatpartingshot, she slammed the door behind her and Isoonheard her little sports car start upandthentiresscreechingoutofthedriveway.
I sat back down in the kitchen chair and put my face in my hands wondering why I always did this. Whydid I believe there was somethingthere whenit obviouslywasn’t? Whyinthe hell did I thinkIcouldever havethelovethatmyparentsshared?
Brittanywasright. Iwastrashandthesooner Iacceptedthatfact,theeasier lifewouldbe.
JOHN
“Itoldyouthattryingtokeepher aroundwasabadidea,man,”ItoldMattieasheandIlockedup the house to head over to Lout’s to talk to Willow about her new building. “You’ve got to get this idea outofyour head thatyou’ll find some hotchickwho wants to have babies and live happilyever after sleepingbetweenus everynight. Ifthat’s whatyoufuckingwant, thenyouand Ishould cutties. Thatwill makeyour chancesbetter,atleast.”
“Andthenwhatwill youdo?”
Ishrugged and finallyanswered him, “I’ll justgetfree and uncomplicated pussyuntil I’mtoo old tofuck,thenI’ll dieahappyman.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” Mattie swung his leg over his bike and looked off into the distance. “Ineedtogofor arideandclear myhead. Tell Willow I’ll betheresoon.”
Without a glance in my direction, Mattie started his motorcycle and walked it back out of the driveway. Once he was in the street and pointed the right direction, he gunned the engine and shot away,never lookingback.
“Fuck,”Igrumbled.
Fromthe dayImetMattie whenwe were 14 years old, he and Ihad beeninseparable. Ayear or solater whenanother friend’s older sister expressedinterestinhavingthe twoofus together,he andI both jumped at the chance. Both of us were virgins and she was hot. She was also offering up a weekendofsexinher parents’lakehouse,nostringsattached.
At damn near 30 years old, I still wouldn’t be able to resist that offer from a woman. Neither couldMattie.
He and I had slept with other women by ourselves after that but seemed to gravitate to the ones who wanted a fling with both of us. Those few curious women who wanted a threesome with two men hit the jackpot when they met us. As we got older, finding those women became easier and easier,soMattieandIjustrolledwiththeopportunities.
On the day we met, I realized that Mattie was everything I wasn’t and could never be. He was funny and charming, cracking jokes and holding doors open for the ladies. He held themwhen they cried during a movie, laughed with them when they needed to, and generally was the perfect boyfriend. Exceptawomancouldn’tkeephisattentionfor verylong. Nothingcould.
I, on the other hand, was the one that could focus on one thing, one person, for hours and never once waver or get bored. I couldn’t talk to strangers, schmooze customers at work, charm women intoasmileandthenbed. Ididn’thaveitinmetolaughandgrinall thetime;itwasn’tinmynature.
Mattie and I were two halves of one person. Apart we were shit, but together we could get shit accomplished. Whether the task was building a bike, hunting a man down, or pleasing a woman, together, Mattie and I could do one hell of a job. Apart, we could accomplish all those things and more,butweweren’tfulfilled. Weweren’thappy.
And findinga womanwho accepted thatwould be a miracle. Awomanwho didn’tcare whatthe world thought when they found out she slept with two men at the same time. A woman who could handle the looks and the whispers behind her back. Awomanwho could ground Mattie whenhe got toomanicandcouldperkmeupwhenIgottoolow.
Basically, we needed a fucking shrink who cooked like someone’s grandma, looked like the hot cheerleader youremember fromhighschool, fuckedlike she couldnever wantanythingmore,andput upwithtwodemandingmenwhileshekepther ownidentityintheprocess.
So, realistically, we were lookingfor a womanthat could never exist outside of fictionor porn. Seriously. Amagical creaturethatwewerenever goingtofind.
And the sooner Mattie figured thatout, the happier the two ofus would be. We could getbackto our lives, hanging out at the club and drinking with our brothers, fucking club pussy until we were bothsatedandspent,andlivingour lives.
If I weren’t sucha selfishsonof a bitch, I’d take off for parts unknownand let Mattie live a life withoutme. Anormal life withthe wife, the kids,and a white picketfence. Alife thatdidn’tinclude myshit.
ButI’dnever beenaccusedofbeingagoodperson,sotherewasnosenseintryingtoworkonthat now,wasthere?
Cocoa and Vanilla’s Good Lovin’
Large pecanbrownie servedwithtwoscoopsof Blue Bellvanillaice cream. Comeswith whippedcreamandacherryontop.
(Dessert isfree if youcantie that cherrysteminaknot inunderaminute without using yourhands.)
JOHN
“Did yougetthe message frommyold lady?” Gruntasked me as Iwalked throughthe clubhouse towardthefrontdoor.
“Yeah. We’ll headfor theairportinaboutanhour.”
“Okay. You’ve got to keep it under wraps until right before the wedding. We’ve got a surprise for Willow andSummer anddon’twantthistohappenuntil rightafter.”
“Okay. This chick Maria's flight arrives in an hour, but you don’t want me to bring her around until thisafternoon?”
“Nope. Do somethingwithher until then. Take her to lunchor some shit. Keep her entertained until theweddingandthenyoucanbefreeagain.”
“Okay. We’ll thinkofsomething,” Itold Grunt. “Code still works onyour house? Icantake her theretodropher shitoff. Thatwill wastesometime.”
“Code is the same. Goahead anddo that,” Gruntsaid witha nod. “Thanks for takingcare ofthis for me.”
“Notaproblem,brother,”Iassuredhim. “So,Lout’sgoingtobeyour son-in-law?” “Yeah,”Gruntchuckled. “Isn’tthatsomeshit?”
“Youshouldmakehimcall youDad.”
“He could fucking try,” Lout said with a growl as he walked into the room. “I’ll call Grunt ‘Daddy’assoonasBirddoes.”
“Shit. Never thoughtofitfromthatangle. You’ll berelatedtoBird,too,man.” “Yep. Brothers all the wayaroundnow,huh?” Loutlaughed. “I’mjustreadytogetthis shitdone andtakemywomanhome.”
“IthoughtyouandMattiefoundyouadate?” Gruntasked. “Didn’tworkout,”Itoldhim.
“She was a gold-digging little bitch who just wanted to throw up a big ‘fuck you’to her daddy. He’s a countryclub type and I’msure he just loved knowingshe was banginga biker.” Lout paused andthenchuckled,“Or two.”
