Economics and Financial Management for Nurses and Nurse
Leaders, Third Edition 3rd Edition, (Ebook PDF)
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ChapterTwenty-Seven
ChapterTwenty-Eight
ChapterTwenty-Nine
ChapterThirty
ChapterThirty-One
ChapterThirty-Two
ChapterThirty-Three
ChapterThirty-Four
ChapterThirty-Five
ChapterThirty-Six
DEAR READER, LET’S go back a month from the end of book five to start our story:
FromthemomentIsteppedontothebar,Icouldfeelhiseyesburningintome,agazesointenseitfeltlikeitwasunraveling theveryfabricofmysoul As“ColdSweat”byThinLizzythunderedthroughthespeakers,Ilostmyselfintherhythm,each movementawild,untamedresponsetothemusic’srawpower.Everysultryglanceovermyshoulderwasasilent communicationmeantforhimalone:Hillbilly.
Hillbillystoodintheshadows,afireIplayedwith,andIwasdangerouslyclosetogettingscorched Iwasfullyawareof thedanger,yetstilldrawntoitlikeamothbewitchedbytheflame.Dangerous,undeniablyso,butirresistiblytempting.
Asthesongclimaxed,Iendedmydancewithaprovocativeflickofmyhair;theroomsnappingbackintosharpfocus Valley,alwaysthecharmer,steadiedmewithanappreciativegrin.“Daphne,thatwashot!Howaboutgivingmeachance?”
Ishothimateasinglook,myeyesflickingtowardsHillbilly,whowasnowstridingtowardhisofficewithapurpose “Valley,honey,you’reacatch,butIplayinthemajorleagues.”
Hislaughterrangout,infectiousandfilledwithlightheartedamusement.“Trustme,Daphne,Ihititoutoftheparkevery damntime”
Ishookmyhead,humorlacingmysmile,asIscoopedupmytrayandbeganweavingthroughthetables.
InavigatedthroughthepulsatingcrowdofTheDevil’sDen,thebaralivewithstoriesandsecrets Theplacewasmore thanabar ithadbecomepartofmyfamily.Greatco-workers,excellenttips,andthentherewasHillbilly,themanwhoturned myworldupsidedown.Heleftmyheadspinningwiththegamesheplayed.
But I was hooked.
Later,asHillbillyreappeared,myheartskippedabeat.Hisblondhairwastiedupinamanbun,astylethatonlyhecould makelookeffortlesslycool Hispiercingblueeyesalwaysseemedtofindmine,ignitingatumultuousstormofemotioninside me.
Valleysnappedhisfingersinfrontofmyface,jerkingmeoutofmyreverie “Youlostinthere?You’vegotatrayofdrinks waiting.”
BeforeIcouldformawittyretort,mygazeinadvertentlycaughtsightofafamiliarfacesidlingupnexttoHillbillyatthe bar. Julie Theblonde,tallbeautywhoseemedtobeincreasinglygluedtohissidemoreoftenthannotlately.Apangof jealousysurgedthroughme,especiallywhenIsawhersmileathiminawaythatmadeitpainfullyobviousthattheyshareda connectionbeyondfriendship
That’sthethingwithHillbilly,themixedsignalsheconstantlysentmyway.Thoseheated,lingeringglances,theundeniable sexualtensionthatcrackledbetweenus,everysimpletouchchargedwithelectricintensity Yet,heflittedeffortlesslyfromone womantoanother,leavingmefeelinglikejustanotherfaceinhisever-growingcrowdofwomen.Hecontinuallyaskedmeout, hisfrustrationpalpableeachtimeIturnedhimdown.Thefactwas,Hillbilly’s‘date’wasnothingmorethananightinhisbed.
ButImadeavowtomyselfthreeyearsago,attwenty,thatIwouldneverletanothermantreatmelikeadisposabletoy,to bethrownawayliketrash.
Never again
Casimir,mybestfriendandbrotherfromanothermother,hadoncetoldme,“Knowyourworth,Daphne.Don’tletanyone
dimtheshinethatmakesyouamazing.”Clingingtothatthought,IlockedeyeswithHillbillyforafleeting,chargedmoment.A challengeseemedtosimmerinhisgaze,anunspokenbattleofwills.
Turningonmyheel,dismissinghimwithanewfoundresolve,Idovebackintothebuzzing,livelyatmosphereofThe Devil’sDen.Irefusedtolethim,oranyone,tarnishmyshine.
Ifhewantedthoseotherwomen,sobeit I’llneverfightfortheattentionofaman,notwhenmyworthdemandsmore No matterhowmuchIwantedhim,Ideservedbetter,andsodidmyson.Iwasmorethanjustafleetingfling,morethana challenge;IwasDaphne,andIrefusedtosettleforanythinglessthanforever
tothatbeatingrhythmontopofthebar,theworldjustshutoff.Itwas likeshedancedthroughthenoisejustforme,everyswivelandswingofthatcurvybodydrivingmewild.Andeverydamn time,itleftmycockhard Aretreattotheofficewasmyonlyoption Dealingwiththearousal,shestirreddeepinmyblood
Butitwasn’tlongbeforeIwasbackoutthere,leaningagainstthecoolwoodofthebar,mygazeinevitablysearchingfor her Daphne withthosewildcurlsIitchedtorunmyfingersthrough,herlaughterthatsoundedabovetherockmusic,lighting upthedarkestcornersofTheDevil’sDen.Shewaslikealivewire,sparkinglifewherevershestood.
Damn unique
AllIwantedwasonenighttodousethisfire,toresetwhateverswitchsheflippedinsideme Butnodice Shejustthrew methatsmirkthatsaid,“Nicetry,butI’mnotoneofyourgroupies.”Itdrovemeupthewall.
“Hillbilly,sweetie,youhearme?”Julie’svoiceslicedthroughmythoughts,anannoyingreminderofreality Shit.Julie.She’slikearecordthatwon’tstopskipping.Iturnedtoher,forcingmyattentionawayfromDaphne.“Sorry, Julie Whatwasthatagain?”
ShewentonaboutthepaperworkfortheoldfamilyfarmIrentedout.IhadJulie,arealestateagent,handleitbecause, hell,steppingfootinthatplacewaslikedivingheadfirstintoathornbush.“I’llcheckitouttonight,”Imuttered,myeyes betrayingme,dartingbacktoDaphneasshethrewherheadback,laughingwithsomeguy,makingmyfistsitch
Julie’shand,coldandintrusive,randownmyneck.“You’vebeenofflately.Youthinkingovermyoffer?”Hervoice dippedintothatsultrytoneIusedtogiveadamnabout beforeDaphne
Ifixedherwithalookthatcouldfreezebourbon.“Wehadadeal onenight.I’mnotthedatingkind.Youknewthat,”I remindedher
Onabusinesslevel,IvaluedJulie.Sheknewherwayaroundrealestate.Shewassmartandgoodatherjob.Ihatedto loseher,butshewaspushingme,showingupherenightafternight.Shedidn’tseemtohearmewhenItoldherIwasn’t interestedinanyrelationshipotherthanbusiness Itwaspartlymyfaultforlettinghertalkmeintobedwithpromisesofitonly beingagoodtime.
Herlipspressedtogether,disappointmentwrittenalloverher,butsheknewbetterthantopush “Wewerejustsogood together,”shesaid,sighing,wantingtosaymorebutstoppingherself,insteadshedroppedaquickkissonmycheekandleft, thankfully.
Goodtogether?Ididn’twanttohurtherfeelingsbycorrectingher.Forme,itwasjustanotherfuck.Itwasn’tanything specialthatIcouldn’tgetfromanyotherwomanfloatingaroundhere.Thetemptationtowarmherbedagainwasnonexistent.
Backtotheonlypastimethatmattered watchingDaphne.Ileanedback,everymuscletensed,everysensehomedinon her.Yeah,womenlinedupforanightwithme,nostringsattached.ButDaphne?She’snotliningup.She’sdancingcircles aroundme,andit’sdrivingmeinsane Iwanther,morethananywomanI’veevermet,buthowtocatchher?
thoughtalonehadmybodytinglingwithneed.
Butthatdesireclashedwiththeyearningforsomethingdeeper,somethingtrue.
Therighttouch,therightlove,couldn’tberushed untilthen,I’dbemyrock,justasI’dlearnedtobeToby’s,justas Casimirwasforusboth.Butcrap,itwasn’tgoingtobeeasysincethemanwassexyasallhell.
Idroppedontothebed,pullingtheblanketsoverme,therestlessnessinmybodystillachinglypresentasIstaredupatthe ceiling.“Gotosleep,Daph,puthimoutofyourthoughts,”Imutteredtomyself,punchingmypillowandturningonmyside.But nomatterhowhardItried,itwasHillbilly’sfaceIsawwhenmyeyesfinallyclosed
crackledinthenight,abeaconforthelostandlonely.Ishovedthedoor open,thecreakofitshingeslostinthesoundofgrittyguitarriffsthatswirledaroundmelikesmoke.Thiswasatempleofskin andvice,andonce,Iwasadevoteddisciple.Buttonight,myeyesweren’tsearchingforaquickthrill;theywerehuntingfor oneman:Jonesy
Theplacethrummedwiththepulseofheavybass,thekindthatyoufeelinyourchestbeforeyouhearitwithyourears. Jonesywasintheback,inourbooth theonewiththeviewofeverythingbutstainedwithshadows Hiseyeswerefixedon thepaperworkinfrontofhim,hispenmovingoverthepaper.Hewasafortressofaman,ablockofice,untouchedbyallthe bareskinsurroundinghim.AndthereIstood,feelinglikeaghostofmyformerself,mysexualvicessnuffedout,allbutforone Daphne.
IslidintotheseatacrossfromJonesy,theleathersqueakinginprotest.Hisgazeflickedup,aflickerofsurpriseinhis steel-blueeyes
BeforeJonesycouldribmeformysuddenappearance,Tanyaslinkedover,alllegsandsmokeyeyes,herhipsswaying dangerously Shebentdownlow,herassetsspillingoutofthebikinitop Atemptingdisplaywastedonme “WhatcanIgetyou todrink,baby?”shepurred,apracticedhungerinhereyes.
“Abeer.Thanks,Tanya,”Ireplied,myvoiceflat,mysmileabarecurlofmylips.
Shehuffedsoftly,clearlymiffedatthelackofattention,andsaunteredoff Jonesy’sgazecutbacktome,sharpandprobing “Beenawhilesinceyoustoppedby.Figuredyouturnedmonkorlosttheuseofyourdick,”hequipped.Buthiseyes...they knew Knewwhymyseatatthisboothhadbeencold,whythegirls’whispersweren’taboutmeanymore
“Istoppedbytotalktoyou,asshole,”Ishotback,ahalf-heartedattemptatlevity.“Don’tseemuchofyouthesedays,with theclubandthebusinesseatingeveryminute”
“Shestillwon’tgooutwithyou?”heprodded,hisvoicealowgrowlofbrotherlyinsight.
Icouldonlynod,myfrustrationaheavyweight.“Hell,no,shewon’t.Actslikeshedoesn’tevencarewhoI’mwith.”At Jonesy’ssnortandraisedeyebrow,IdefendedmytacticwithabravadoIdidn’tfeel “Womenthriveoncompetition,don’t they?”
Jonesyshookhishead,hislipstwitchinginamixofamusementandpity “You’vebeenplayingitallwrong,Hillbilly Daphneisn’tlikeyourregularcrowdofbitches.Sheseesyoujugglingwomen;you’rejustanotherclowninthecircustoher.”
Thebeerarrived,breakingintothemoment Tanya’seyeswereonme,tryingtofigureoutthereasonbehindmystony façadewhenI’musuallytalkativeandflirty.Itookalongswigofmybeer,wonderingthesamedamnthing.
“Maybeanotherwomanwillscratchthatitch,”Imumbled,moretomyselfthantoJonesy.
“Wakeup,”hesaid,hisvoiceharshwithconcernandhisowndemons “Somewomen,theygetinyourblood,andno amountoffuckingotherwomenwillbleedthemoutofyou.”
“TherehasneverbeenawomanIhaven’tbeenabletoforget”
Jonesyjustraisedaneyebrowandgesturedatthespectaclearoundus.“Proveit.”
Myeyesrovedoverthecrowd.Thewomenweresplashesofcolorandmotion,butnoneofthemheldtheuniquebeauty thatDaphnedid.HadthenaturalcurvesIachedtotouch,andthosesexycurlsIwantedtofistwhileIfuckedher.Noquickened
vanishingintothecurve,thesoundofitsenginefadingawayleavingme tomyrestlessthoughts.Scotch’swordsaboutAvajoiningAislynnandDaphneforamallrunhadmeitchingtocatchaglimpse ofher Yeah,lurkingoutsidewasskirtingtheedgesofobsession,butfuck,Icouldn’tshakeitoff Itwaslikeafever ScotchwouldblowagasketwhenhefoundoutI’dofferedAvaajob.Buthell,howcouldIturnmybackonher?Lifehad kickedherdownhard,andsheneededahandup Avawassmart,gutsy shewasperfectforTheDevil’sDen Thethoughtof Scotchplayingguardianangeleverynight,itchingtoflattenanyonewhosomuchasglancedwrongatAva,ateatme.ButIwas gettingdamngoodatdousingfiresaroundthebar,thankstoPatchandLeather
Crackingopenabeer,Islumpedintoachair,half-watchingtheguysshootpool.I’dbidemytimeuntiltheygotback,setting upanother‘accidental’run-inwithDaphne.Leatherslidintotheseatnexttome,breakingmyreverie.“Ponderingthemysteries oftheuniverse?”hequipped
Ifby‘universe’hemeantDaphne,thenhellyeah.ButIplayeditcool.“What’sup?”
“Killingtime‘tilAislynngetsback,”hedrawled,theboredominhisvoiceasthickassmoke Ihesitated,thendovein.“Youevermissthebachelorlifehereintheclubhouse?”
Heshookhishead,convictionsteelinghisvoice.“Nah.Sure,theclubhouseisinmyblood,buthavingawomanwho’s yourrock,wholovesyou,theshotatarealfamily?Thatbeatsanyeasyfuckandfleetingthrill.”
Myvoicebarelyawhisper,weighteddownbydoubts.“Youthinkshemightgetfedupwiththislife...withyou?”
Leather’sgazepiercedthroughme,readingmyconflictedthoughts “Ipraythefucknot ButIdon’twastetimefretting aboutit.It’lldriveyoucrazy.Instead,everydamnday,ImakesureAislynnknowsshe’sgotnoreasontoleave.”Hiswords lingeredasIexhaledaheavysigh
BeforeIcouldrespond,PatchstrolledinwithKatherine,herbellyatestamenttotheirgrowingfuture.Watchingthem,a thoughtstruckme ifPatch,theeternallonewolf,couldfindhisoneandonly,maybethere’shopeforanyofus.Yet,myreal fearwasn’taboutstayingtrue.Itwastheterroroflovingtoofiercely,onlytobeleftflounderinginitsdepth,drivenmadbythe weightofit.
Leather’sphonepinged,andhesaid,“Good,Aislynnisonherwayback”Hestood,headingforthedoorandIfollowed, becauseevenwiththeseheavythoughtsanddoubts,Icouldn’tstayawayfromDaphne.
“ICAN’TBELIEVEIletyoutalkmeintothis!”IgripedatAislynn.ItwasrarewebothhadFridaynightoffandwhenshe foundoutCasimirhadtakenTobywithhimtovisithismother,shetalkedmeintocomingtotheclubhouseforaparty.Buttobe fair,I’vealwayswantedtocomeandseewhatitwaslikebutchickenedouteverytime TheothergirlsIworkedwithsaidit couldgetwild.
“Aren’tyoualwaystheonetellingmeyouneedtoliveandnotsitaroundwaitingforlifetofindyou?”Aislynnquipped, throwingmywordsbackatme.
“Pointtaken,”Ichuckled “Whereistall,dark,andsuffocating?Ifindithardtobelievehe’slettingyougoalone”Her ‘betterhalf’hadatendencytohoverlikeahawk.
“Notachance,”shegrinned.“Hehadsomeclubbusinessandismeetingmethere.”
Iassessedmyreflectioninthemirror,mydressclinginglikeascandaltoeverycurve Asuddenflareofvanitywhispered thatmaybe,justmaybe,Iwashopingtosnagacertainbiker’sgaze.Hillbillyhadawayofrevvingmyheartandbodytohigh levels
“Doyouthinkthisdressisabit...much?”Iventured,suddenlyself-conscious.Iwasn’tlikethosestickthinwomenthat hungoffHillbilly.Mybodyhadmajorcurves.
Aislynnsnorted,“Hardly.Somewomenthatcometotheirpartiesmightaswellnotwearanything.”Shelookedmeover. “Butyou’lloutshineallofthem.”
Irolledmyeyes,playingalong “Flatterywillgetyoueverywhere Shallwe?”Isaid,takingonelastlookinthemirror,my heartariotofnervesandexcitement.“Let’sgetmovingbeforeBradenloseshismindwonderingwhereyou’reat.”
Sheheldupherphoneandsmiled “Toolate”
IfIdidn’tknowhowmuchthatmanlovedher,Iwouldbeworried.“Let’sroll,chick,”Ichuckled,grabbingmykeysand purseoffthesidetable.
Bythetimewerolledupintotheclubhouse,mystomachwasatangleofknots.Theplacewasahiveofpartiers,with bodiesmovinginrhythmtothethrumofrockmusic.Thedoortothe‘other’roomAislynntoldmeaboutopenedandclosed,but Iwasn’treadyforatumbledownthatrabbithole
Avawasslingingdrinkslikeapriestessofspiritsbehindthebar,underScotch’swatchfulandutterlysmittengaze.We foundBradenandtheenigmaticJonesyatatable Jonesygavemewhatlookedtobeasurprisedlookbeforehiseyes disappearedintohisphone.
LeatherpulledAislynnontohislap,immediatelydominatingherattention,likehehadn’tseenheronlyhoursago.Myeyes scannedtheroom,seeingseveralfamiliarfaces,butnottheoneIdreamedabout “I’mgoingtograbadrink,”Isaid,getting readytomingle.
“What’llyouhave?Icangrabit,”Jonesysaid,stoppingme
Islowlysatbackdown,surprisedsinceJonesyhadneverspokentomebefore.Hewasaprettystandoffishman.Itoldhim whatIwantedandwatchedashewenttograbthedrinksfromthebar
Thefirstvodkalimesodawasforcourage,thesecondforwarmth,andthethird,well,thatwasjustforthehellofit,add thefourthtothatthought.Mytonguehadjusttastednumberfive.
And then he entered
Ilaythere,drapedoverhisbarechest acanvasofskinstillwarm fromthesexualfrenzyofournight.Hisbreathsweresteadyanddeep,therhythmicriseandfallbeneathmycheekcomforting me,holdingmeinthemoment Myfingers,withamindoftheirown,playedwithhisbeard,whileIrememberedthewild abandonwe’dsurrenderedtojusthoursbefore.Hewasasculptureofserenestrengthinsleep,andournight God,itwas good sodamngood
Aknotofemotionstangledinsideme.Shame’sdelicatefingersmightlatertouchme,butfornow,itwasbanishedbythe floodofsatisfactioncoursingthroughmyveins.Words,potentandtender,thathehadsaidinthedarkashelingeredovermy body Theyswirledaroundme,wrappingmythoughtsinashroudofwonder Heeventoldmehisrealname‘ChaseWagner’, andwantedmetousehisfirstnamefromnowon.
Mygazewanderedwithatouchofaweoverthecontoursofhishardbody,alivingtapestryetchedwithCelticloreand enigmaticknots.EverywhisperedfantasyIhadharboredabouthimwasnotonlymetbutexceeded;hewastheembodimentof mywildestdreams.
Therewasanarttothewayhetouched,anexpertisethathadleftmebreathless,givingmesomuchpleasureattimesI thoughtIwouldfaint.Hedamnsureknewwhathewasdoing.Therewasn’tapartofmybodythathishandsandmouthdidn’t touch
Theclockblinked itwasnine,andIneededtogetmoving.Myshiftthisafternooncouldn’tbeforgotten,nomatterhow muchItried Ieasedoutofhisembrace,carefulnottowakehim,donningthewrinkledremainsofmyreddress nowa uniformofoursharednight.Retrievingmyshoesandpurse,aflushofheatwashedovermeasIrememberedthedooropening, mypurseflyingintotheroom,slungbyanunknownperson.
Hisvoice,huskywithsleep,snaggedthesilence.“CurlyTop?”Itwasatether,pullingatmetostay.
Mylipsbrushedhisinasoftpromise.“I’llseeyoutonight.”Andwiththat,heslippedbackintosleep,leavingmetoslip outoftheroom
Iescapedthemorning,notencounteringasoulintheclubhouse,clutchingthefragileprideofhavingleftamanexhausted aprivatetriumph
Athome,Ihittheshowerandsnuggledonthesofatogetafewhoursofsleepbeforework.Buttimetoheadincametoo soon,mybodytiredanddeliciouslysore.Yet,inthequietofthehouse,athreadofdisquietstartedtounravel.Myphonelay dormant anominoussilencewherehiswordsshouldhavebeen Itriedtostaveoffthedoubt,torememberhisbreathless confessionsinthedark:
“IthinkIloveyou”“Ican’tgetyououtofmymind”“There’snooneelselikeyou”“Iwillnevergetenoughofyou” Atwork,thosewordsbecamemyanchorasIwatchedthedoorwiththetenacityofabulldoglookingatasteak,buthe nevercame Theghostingwasaloudscreaminsidemyhead
Andwhenthenightbledaway,andIwasonmywayhome,thereitwas hisbike,thevibrantredsteelmockingme outsideTwistedHeat,anemblemofbetrayal.Myheart,thatfoolishgirl,tookadiveasIparked,thepitinmystomacharockat thethoughtofthetruthIwasabouttoface
Inside,Iwasashadowamongtheshadows,andtherehewas Hillbilly,frontandcenter flankedbytwostrippersas theyrubbedtheirtoplessbodiesalloverhim TheirhandsandmouthstouchingwhatIhadonlyhoursearlier Theground beneathmemightaswellhavecrumbled;nauseasurgedlikeawave,andIfledtowardtheexit,runningintoJonesy.Ipushed pasthimandintothenight
MylegsmanagedtocarrymetothebusheswhereIpuked,myhearttryingtopurgehim,tearscarvedriversofmascara
downmycheeks.There,inthequietaftermath,therealizationssettledinlikeash used,discarded,thehauntingconfirmation ofmydeepestfears.Therewasnoonetoblamebutmyself,yetknowingthisdidnothingtodulltheserratededgeofpain. Istumbledtomycar,awraithhollowedbyhurt,navigatingtheroutehomeonautopilot ajourneybacktoanemptiness thatawaitedwithopenarms.
THEHAMMERINGPAINinmyskulldraggedmefromthedepthsofunconsciousness.Myeyes,heavyandreluctant,slit opentothedimlylitconfinesofJonesy’soffice mymakeshiftroomforthenight.“Whatthehell?”Thewordscrawledfrom mylipsasIproppedmyselfup,anauseouswavehittingmewiththesubtletyofasledgehammer.
Withalurch,Iboltedforthebathroom,theacidicburninmythroataheraldoftheimminentupheaval Secondsbeforemy stomachrevolted,Iwashunchedoverthetoilet,theechoofmyretchingbouncingoffthecoldtiles.Theaftermathhadme rinsingoffmyface,thewaterinthesinkfailingtowipeawaythenight’ssins
Themirrorcastbackareflectionofamaninshambles.TryingtopiecetogetherthefragmentsofhowIendedupsprawled inthisoffice,mymindunhelpfullyreplayedmynightwithDaphne,anightthatchangedmylife.Anightthatwassupposedto curemyneedforher,butonlyheightenedittohigherlevels
It scared the shit out of me.
Thememoryofthatteenageboycominghometothelifelessbodiesofhisparents,theweightofhisfather’sfinalnote heavyinhishands,surgedthroughme.Thefear,rawandvisceral,hadmeseekingoblivion,adesperateattempttodousethe firethatDaphneignited
Myreturntotheofficewasastudyindejection,thecouchsoftasIsankintoitsembrace.Thestalescentofperfumewasa ghostonmyclothes,alingeringaccusationofmyattemptstoexorciseherfrommythoughts.
Jonesy’sarrivalwasassubtleashisdisapprovinggaze “Iseeyoufinallywokeup,”hegrumbled,takinghisseatatthe deskthatseemedmoreathroneofjudgment.
Ibracedmyself “WhatthehelldidIdolastnight?”
“Youcameintotheclubalreadyhalflit,drinkingallnight,spillingyourgutstomeandlettingafewofthegirlsentertain you,”herecounted Theclub’shazymemories,thestrippers,thedrinking,allcomingbackinflashes “TellmeIdidn’t?”
“No,youletthemplayabit,butafterawhileyougotupstumblingtowardthedoormumblingaboutDaphneandwantingto gotoher,”heprovided,hisvoiceconcerned “Istoppedyouandmadeyousleepitoffhere”
Jonesy’sconformationwasalifeline.Nolinescrossed.Becausethetruthwas,IwasinlovewithDaphne,andeventhough mypastwasmessingwithmyhead,fuckingoneofthosestripperswouldhavefeltlikecheating Istood “Ineedtogoget cleanedupandtalktoDaphne.”
Jonesygaveaheavysigh.“Idon’tthinkshewantstotalktoyou.”
Idroppedbackontothecouch.“Whatdoyoumean?IknowIfuckedupbyignoringher,butshe’llunderstandonceI explainmyself.”
“Listen,brother,Ihatetotellyouthis butshesawyouwiththosestrippers” “Whatdoyoumean, saw me?”Myearlierreliefwasshort-lived.
“Shesawyou,man,withAshleyandRosie,andyoulookedallin,”hesaid Hiswordswereagutpunch “Howinthehelldidthathappen?”Isnarled,knowingIwastrulyfucked.Daphnehadseenme,andthattwistedtheknifeof guiltalreadyburieddeep,evendeeper.
“Idon’tknow,sheranintomeasshewashurryingtowardtheexit,shepushedpastme,Ifollowedher,anditwasn’tgood,
thatgirlwasbroken,”hesupplied,confirmingmyworstfears.“Ifeltsobadforher,italmostmademegocomforther,butI didn’tthinkshewantedthat,”hetoldme.God,ifJonesyfeltbadforher,thenitmusthavebeenhorrible. Istood,feelingtheweightoftheworldonmyshoulders Theimageofherbrokenspirithauntedme “Ineedtogocleanup andthenfigureouthowtofixthis,”Imurmured,theresolvehardeninginmyvoice.Ilefttheclubandstraddledmybike, roaringittolife,tireskickingupdirtasIspedaway