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This novel is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, locations, clubs or events are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Please be advised that some matter in this book may be triggering for some readers. Chasing Shadows explores themes of mental health, family medical drama, physical violence and organised crime. Please read carefully.
PLAYLIST
PROLOGUE
HARLEY
THWACK.
Pain slices through my left cheekbone as my head snaps back from the force of the blow. My body should be used to it with all the fights I’ve been in recently, but the difference with this fight is that I’m outnumbered with no opportunity to protect myself from the blows and no chance to fight back.
“Tell me where my fiancé is, and maybe I’ll let you live, you piece of shit.” The man in front of me sneers before landing a heavy fist into my stomach.
I try to double over, but I’m held in place by the chains holding my arms. I barely have time to brace myself before the next sickening crunch breaks my nose. Whatever they drugged me with has worn off, but the intensity of the pain has me on the verge of passing out again.
“Fuck off,” I wheeze, spitting a glob of blood onto the cement floor in front of me. There’s a real possibility that I’m going to die in this dilapidated warehouse on the outskirts of Blue Haven, but there’s no chance I’m giving him what he wants.
A thick hand wraps around my windpipe from behind and squeezes, causing black dots to dance across my vision. My captor gets up in my face. “The longer this takes, the angrier I get. I will
find her, and when I do, she’s going to pay for your actions here tonight. So… I suggest you think very carefully before you answer my next question. Where the fuck is Isabelle Adamos?”
I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. Air. I need air. With a sharp nod from the fuckwit standing in front of me, the hand around my throat loosens, and I suck in a huge lungful.
“I have no idea who you’re talking about,” I gasp out. Confused is a fucking understatement. How hard did I get hit?
There’s a sharp sting as he slaps my face with the back of his hand. “Stop lying. I saw you two together.”
This guy is fucking crazy. I’m about to tell him just that when a door on the other side of the warehouse flies open, and my blood goes cold.
“Let him go,” she calls out, flicking her long dark hair over her shoulder as she steps into the room, a gun raised in front of her. Wherethefuckdidshegetagun?
“Lily,” I choke out, fear slicing through me like a knife. “What are you doing? Get out of here. You’re going to get yourself killed.”
“Lily?” My captor snorts. “Well, well, well. This is going to be fun, isn’t it, darling?”
Darling?
I don’t even see the fist flying until it cracks against the side of my head, and everything goes black as a gunshot rings out.
ONE HARLEY
Eight months earlier.
March.
I grit my teeth, sweat dripping down my forehead as I try to ignore the biting pain through my junk. “Hurry up,” I hiss at my cousin, Elijah. “Just fucking get it over with.”
“I don’t know, Harley.” He shakes his head, his perfectly shaped blond and pink mohawk almost poking me in the eye. “The most I usually do in one sitting is three. You’re already at five, and you look like you’re about to pass out.”
“I’m fine.” I take a swig from the bottle of scotch in my hand, ignoring Elijah’s muttered curses and rumblings about licences as he sterilises the 12-gauge titanium barbell.
I jump when Elijah lifts my dick in his gloved hands. “Settle down, pussy,” he says with a laugh, and I have to hold back from slapping him across the back of his head. The only thing that stops me is the needle in his hand that’s hovering precariously close to my shaft.
I breathe out through my nose, trying to ignore the sting of the needle as it pushes through the skin. Biting down on my lip so hard
that I taste blood, I focus on the metallic taste in my mouth mixing with the oaky flavour of the scotch to help with the pain. But that’s the point–the pain. It gives me something else to focus on rather than my fucked-up life back home in Blue Haven.
When Elijah’s boyfriend, Kai, suggested it earlier, we’d all laughed it off. But after a few drinks and three ignored calls from my girlfriend, I needed a distraction from my half-brother and his halfsister. So here I am sitting in Kai’s tattoo and piercing parlour in Kings Cross at one in the morning, with my pants around my ankles and my dick in my cousin’s face.
“You know you’re not going to be able to have sex for six to eight weeks after this?” Kai arches his brow from his position leaning up against the doorway.
“That’s kind of the point,” I grunt out as Elijah tightens the ball on the end of the barbell. I’m still not sure how I feel about the fact that my girlfriend’s half-brother is also my half-brother, but I do know it’s put me off having sex with her for the time being.
I do feel like an A grade asshole ignoring Ellie’s calls. I’ve only spoken to her once since I arrived in Sydney three weeks ago, to tell her I just needed some time and space to work through things. It’s now the middle of March, and I know I have to go home soon. Uni starts in a couple of days, and that’s probably what she’s calling for. I’m just not sure I’m ready to face everything back home.
Finding out my dad cheated on my mum when she was pregnant with my older brother Tom was gut-wrenching to say the least. It felt like the biggest betrayal to her memory. Then, to find out that the affair had resulted in Tom and I having a half-brother, that was another kick in the guts. The final nail in the coffin was finding out that my half-brother is also related to my girlfriend. Can my life get any more fucked up?
My stomach churns, and the scotch threatens to reappear. The room begins to sway, and I manage to choke out, “Bucket.”
Quick as a flash, Kai is across the room, a wastepaper basket in his hands. He shoves it at me just in time for the vomit to spray up the sides. Elijah groans, pushing away from me in an effort to move out of the kill zone.
I heave until there’s nothing left before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. My skin feels cold and clammy, and I’m shaking all over.
“I knew six was going to be too much,” Elijah mutters under his breath as he starts to pack up the equipment around me.
“I don’t think it was the piercings, babe,” Kai says quietly, shaking his head. He takes the wastepaper basket out of my hands and leaves the room.
I close my eyes with another groan and lean back against the bed I’m sitting on. My dick is throbbing, my stomach is churning, and my heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million and one tiny little pieces.
THE BASE PUMPS to the same rhythm as the pounding headache currently thumping through my skull. The flashing lights of the club only exacerbate the pain. Elijah and Kai tried to convince me to go home with them after the piercings, but I’ve been trying to avoid that quiet time in between being awake and falling asleep in order to escape from my thoughts.
Instead, I’ve been frequenting Dukes every night until I’m ready to stumble back to their apartment above the parlour and pass out. I lean up against the bar, nursing my drink and trying not to move too much to avoid rubbing against my new piercings.
Dukes has a wide clientele base. They do not discriminate. Whether you’re queer, straight, bi, trans, lesbian, intersex, or anything that defies even those labels, you’re welcome at Dukes. It’s a safe space. Kai’s brother, Benson, is the owner, and I’ve been coming here every night since I arrived in Sydney.
The handy thing for me tonight is that the dress code is so relaxed that no one even blinks twice at my black sweatpants and grey surf club muscle top. I take another sip of my drink, nodding
my head in greeting to one of Elijah’s friends as he dances past me in his tight black leather pants and pink sequined top.
My eyes lock with a petite brunette sitting at a booth with a group of friends. She’s watching me intently, a small smile on her lips, but I quickly turn back to the bar and wave at the bartender to get me another drink. While he’s making it, I swallow back the rest of the one in my hand.
An hour later, I stumble out of Dukes and make my way across the road to the kebab store. I place my order and decide to wait outside for my food. I’m texting Elijah to let him know I’m on my way home when someone shouts, “Look out!”
The sound of screeching car tyres fills the busy street. I look up in time to see the girl from the booth at Dukes standing frozen in the middle of the street as a car comes careening toward her. One of her friends from the club screams from the sidewalk. Without thinking, adrenaline kicks in, and I push off from the wall and sprint onto the road, pulling her out of the way of the oncoming car just in time.
The smell of cherry blossoms invades my senses as I look down at the shaking girl in my arms.
“Are you okay?” I ask, taking a step back and looking over her to see if she’s hurt.
“I-I’m fine,” she says breathily. Her big doe eyes meet mine. “Ththank you.”
I clear my throat, averting my gaze. “It was nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing,” she says, resting her delicate hand on my arm. “You saved my life.”
I stare at where our bodies connect, trying to ignore the warmth of her touch and the throbbing of my cock where the piercings are screaming at me for the impact from saving her.
“What’s your name?”
“Uh, Harley.”
“Well, thank you, Harley. Can I get you a drink or something to repay you?”
“That’s really not necessary.”
“Please,” she insists, squeezing my arm gently. “You’re my knight in shining sweatpants,” she adds with a throaty laugh as she eyes
my clothes. She’s dressed in a black strapless dress that contrasts against her dark tan perfectly. The diamond necklace wrapped around her throat screams money, but my eyes catch on the ink on her right forearm. It’s an elaborate floral design that spans up to her elbow.
“Listen…”
“Lily,” she offers, and my breath hitches, my free hand going to the tattoo on my left pec hidden under my clothes. She cocks her head to the side. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah… uh, everything is fine.” I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Listen, Lily. I’m glad you’re okay, but I can’t get a drink with you. Thanks for the offer, though; it was really sweet.”
Her brow furrows. “You can’t get a drink?”
“No, sorry. I, uh, have a girlfriend back home, and it just doesn’t feel right.”
“Lucky girl.”
I grimace. Not with the way I’ve treated her since finding out Conrad was my half-brother. “Uh, yeah. I guess.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Sounds interesting.” She flashes a bright white smile. “Maybe that drink will be good for you. You can tell me all about this complicated relationship?”
Guilt swirls around in my stomach. I take a step back, trying to extract myself from Lily’s touch. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“Where’s home?” she presses, eyeing my casual attire. “You don’t exactly look like you’re from around here.”
“Blue Haven. It’s a coastal town up near Byron Bay.” My eyes drift over to Lily’s group of friends, who are standing to the side, eyeing us warily. It’s kind of strange that they didn’t come rushing straight over to check on her. Isn’t that what girls normally do? Or anyone, really? “Well, I’ll let you get back to your friends,” I tell Lily, stepping away and gently pulling my arm from her grasp. “Have a good night. Stay safe.”
“Nice to meet you, Harley from Blue Haven,” she says with a warm smile. “Thanks again for saving my life.”
“Stay safe.”
Forgoing my kebab, I head off in the direction of Elijah and Kai’s apartment, but I can’t help casting a brief glance over my shoulder at Lily. She’s still standing on the edge of the sidewalk, her eyes on me while her friends hover a few feet away. None of them have gone to her.
Strange, I think to myself as I walk away. But tonight was enough excitement for me. It’s time for me to go home. I can’t keep hiding away from everything in Blue Haven. At the very least, I need to talk to Ellie. It’s not fair to just keep freezing her out. She’s done nothing wrong. The quicker I accept the inevitable, the quicker I can move on.
TWO HARLEY
IT TAKES ME three days to work up the courage to leave Sydney. I don’t leave Elijah and Kai’s apartment for those three days, though, choosing to face my demons. Conrad Foster is my half-brother. Ellie Foster is my girlfriend. We’ve been together for eighteen months. I love her. And technically, we’re not related, but my guts churn every time I think about how it’s too close for comfort. It kills me to know I’m going to hurt her when I end things, but I’m hoping she understands why I can’t do this anymore.
Tuesday night, before I have to get on my bike and ride back to Blue Haven to make it back in time for classes, I call my best mate, Lachy. If anyone’s going to understand what I’m going through, it’s him.
“Harley,” he says when he answers. “How’s it going? Where are you, man?”
I blow out a deep breath. “I’m still in Sydney. I have to head back to Blue Haven tomorrow. My classes start on Thursday.”
“Have you spoken to your old man?”
I called Lachy when I arrived in Sydney, filling him in on the shitshow that has become my life.
“Nope. I can’t… Not yet. I’m too angry at the bastard. First, he cheated on Mum, and then he caused the car accident that killed
her.” I rub absentmindedly at the tattoo on my left pec thinking of her.
She was my best friend, and she’d been taken from me in the most horrific way when I was only seventeen. I’d forgiven him for taking her from me. Yes, he’d been drinking, but it had been a freak accident with the kangaroo jumping out into the path of the car. If he hadn’t been intoxicated, maybe his reactions would have been better, and he wouldn’t have swerved off the road and into the tree. But the facts still remain the same: Mum’s gone. Forever.
At the time, I still needed my dad. Now, I can’t even think about him without wanting to smash his face in. Lily Breed was the best woman there was, and he never deserved her.
“Dude, you can’t let these things fester away. Trust me. It’s better to talk it through. Keeping things bottled up is just going to hurt everyone involved. What about Tom?”
“You know I haven’t spoken to him.” Lachy’s silence says everything. I know Jordan has been keeping him updated with everything going on back in Blue Haven. I also know Tom’s been talking to Elijah and checking in on me, but I’m angry at him for keeping Dad’s secret from me for five years. “Listen, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I need to ask you something.”
“Go for it.”
“This is awkward, but how did you know calling things off with Ivy was the right thing to do?” There’s silence again, and I pull the phone away from my ear to check whether he’s hung up on me. I sigh. “Sorry, I–”
“It’s okay, you just caught me off guard. I don’t know. I was in a really dark place when Mum passed, as you know. It’s like someone carves your fucken heart out of your chest.”
I grunt in acknowledgement.
“I loved Ives. I always will. But I couldn’t give her what she deserved when I was going through my own shit. It was only fair to let her go. I know I still hurt her, but it was the best thing for the both of us in the long run. I’ve moved on with Chiara, and Ivy seems really happy with Conrad.”
“You’re okay with Ivy being with him?”
“If she’s happy, then yeah, I am. People can change, Harley. If she wants to be with him, I’m going to support her.” He sighs. “I know things are going to be weird with him being your–”
“Don’t say it,” I grunt out.
“So, you’re thinking about ending it with Ellie then?” he says instead.
I close my eyes and rub at the pain in my chest. I’ve been going back and forth over this exact scenario for the last three weeks when I’m not trying to ignore my problems at the bottom of a bottle. I love her. But I don’t think it’s enough. Both of us being related to Conrad is too much for me. This messed up situation that her mum and my dad caused twenty-three years ago has ruined everything.
“I think I have to, man. It’s too close to home. We’re practically related, even if it’s not by blood, and I don’t think I can get past it.”
Lachy sighs. “I get it. It’s a lot. Just make sure you talk to her. You owe her that.”
“I will.”
“I’m here for you, man. Whatever you need.”
“Thanks.”
“Good luck.”
“Yep.”
I hang up the phone and lay back on the bed. I know I’m probably not going to get too much sleep tonight, but I need to try. It’s too dangerous to be riding my bike on lack of sleep.
PULLING MY DUCATI Panigale V2 into the driveway of my childhood home the next evening, I’m relieved to see Dad’s car is not there. I know Tom told me he’d gone to work in Brisbane for a few months for one of his mate’s trucking companies, but something inside me didn’t believe that they weren’t both going to be waiting here to blindside me.
The house is dark when I let myself in, dropping the overnight bag full of clothes I bought while staying in Sydney next to my bed before collapsing onto it. When I’d taken off after my run-in with Dad, I had no idea where I was going. I just got on my bike and rode. By the time I stopped near Newcastle and turned my phone on, I had missed calls from all my friends, including Lachy and Elijah. Realising how close I was to Sydney; I made the decision to go hide out with my cousin.
I swallow a couple of painkillers to help with my throbbing dick, cursing my decision to get it pierced–I wanted to feel pain, but this is next fucking level. Elijah tried to warn me that seven and a half hours on my bike wasn’t a smart idea, but I didn’t listen to him. I’ve just closed my eyes when my phone rings. I roll over with a groan and pick it up from where I tossed it on my bed.
It’s Brady.
“Hey,” I grunt out.
“Will you look at that? He isalive,” he quips.
“Har har,” I say, rolling my eyes even though he can’t see me. “What’s up?”
“Where are you?”
“Home.”
“Blue Haven?”
“That’s where I live last time I checked.”
He snorts. “Yeah right, smartass. You’ve been MIA for three weeks, so forgive me for checking.”
“Get your ass over here, puttana!” Jordan shouts in the background.
“Maybe next time,” I say. “I’ve been on the road for almost eight hours. I’m just going to shower and go to bed.”
“No way, asshole,” Brady replies. “You either get your ass over here, or we’ll come to you.”
“Seriously, man. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
“Uh uh, no way.” Jordan grabs the phone off Brady. “We let you sulk for three weeks; now you’re going to come over and talk to us. Let Uncle Jordan and Uncle Brady psychoanalyse and fix you.”
“My problems aren’t fixable,” I mutter, starting to regret answering my phone.
“C’mon, Harley,” Jordan presses. “We’re your mates. We just want to see for ourselves that you’re in one piece.”
“Who’s there?”
“It’s just me and B. The others are at the game.”
My brow furrows. “The game?”
“The Raiders have their first trial game of the season. Tom and the girls went to shake their pompoms for Conrad…” He lets out a curse. “Ouch. B, what the fuck, man? What did you elbow me for?”
Brady must have grabbed the phone off Jordan because his voice comes down the line. “Just come over for a couple of beers. Low key.”
I rub my hand over my face, knowing that if I don’t agree to go over there, they’ll just come here, and then I’ll never get rid of them. At least if I go to them, I can leave when I want to. “Fine, whatever. A couple of beers.”
I have a quick shower before walking to Wren and Brady’s apartment. I hover outside the door, still contemplating ditching them. Just as I’m about to turn and leave, I hear the buzzer go off inside. Jordan yelling, “Pizza!” is the only warning I have before the door flings open, and I’m nearly mowed down by Brady.
He jumps back, clutching his chest. “Jesus!”
“Nah, just me,” is my lame attempt at a joke. I slip my hands into my pockets and rock back on my heels.
Brady snorts and slips past me, giving me a backslap as he heads toward the elevator. “Grab yourself a beer, and I’ll be back in a sec with the pizza.”
Jordan barely looks up from the television, just waving the PlayStation remote in my direction as he concentrates on pulling off a Sushi Roll in Surf World Series. “Welcome home, loser.”
Leave it to my mates to treat me like everything is normal, which is exactly what I need right now. I flip Jordan the bird as I make my way over to the fridge to grab a beer, popping the top off and sculling half the bottle before flopping down onto the couch next to him.
Brady returns with the pizzas, and we stuff our faces, the conversation remaining surface-level–surfing, uni. I’m grateful that they’re not pushing me to talk about Conrad or my dad before I’m ready. I show them the new tatt that Kai inked on my back–a surfer shredding waves–but I leave out my new adornments. I don’t need them giving me shit.
I’m on my third beer when the door to the apartment opens and Tom, Ronnie, and Wren walk in. Wren’s eyes widen when they fall on me. Her hand goes to her mouth, and I’ve only just gotten to my feet when she races across the room and flings herself into my arms. I grit my teeth as my dick starts to throb painfully from the contact against the new piercings, but I don’t say anything.
“We were so worried about you,” she sobs against my chest. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assure her, even though I’m anything but. She squeezes me hard before pulling away and wiping her hands over her face.
Ronnie steps in, and I hug her, avoiding my brother’s heavy gaze over her head.
“You’re back,” Tom says.
“Looks like it,” I say with a shrug.
The tension in the room has ramped up, and Ronnie’s gaze darts between us before she moves into the kitchen with Wren, calling over her shoulder, “Who wants a drink?”
Tom shakes his head and settles into the single armchair.
“I’ll have another one, pretty girl,” Jordan calls.
I settle back on the couch between him and Brady and pick up the PlayStation remote.
“Is that seriously how you’re going to play it?” Tom asks.
“Yep,” I reply, pretending to be engrossed in the game.
“Real mature,” he mutters. I ignore him.
Brady pulls Wren into his lap. “How was the game?”
She scrunches her face up. “I had no idea what was going on most of the time, but they did win.”
He laughs, but it feels forced. The vibe of the room is now strained, and I know it’s partly my fault, but fuck, Tom could at least
leave it until we get home. We’ve aired enough of our shit in front of our friends.
I toss the PlayStation remote onto the coffee table, ready to leave, when someone knocks on the door. Wren’s face pales as she gets up to answer it. She glances back at me before pulling it open, and my shoulders tense. She steps out of the way, and Ivy gasps. “Harley!”
Conrad’s grip visibly tightens on her waist, and I can’t decipher the look on his face.
“Hi, Ives.”
THREE HARLEY
THE ANGER IS still radiating off me as I climb off my bike the next morning in the BHU parking lot. After Ivy and Conrad showed up to Wren and Brady’s, I made my excuses and left. I’m not ready to face that problem yet.
Of course, Tom followed me home, chewing me out for the way I was treating them. Rich, coming from the guy who’s lied to me for the last five years. The night ended with me slamming my bedroom door in his face and turning my music up as loud as I could until I knew he’d leave me alone.
Am I acting like a brat? Probably. But I just found out my entire life has been a lie. I don’t want another brother. Fuck, right now, I don’t even want the one I knew I had. Conrad may be blood, but he sure as shit isn’t family.
I swing my bag over my shoulder and head to my digital media design class. The benefit of having all of my classes in the arts department means that I don’t run the risk of seeing any of my friends unless I seek them out.
I’m early to class because I didn’t want to hang around and go round two with Tom this morning, so I find a seat toward the back of the room and pull out my iPad. I open up the design I’ve been working on for a new tattoo and get lost in my art. I’m so engrossed
in what I’m doing, I don’t even notice that the room is filling up around me until Robbo pulls out the chair beside me and nudges me.
“That looks sick, bro.”
I glance up at him in a daze, for a second forgetting where I am. “Thanks, man. Just an idea I’m working on for some new ink.”
“Nice.” He takes a sip of his coffee, and I yawn, stretching my hands above my head, wishing I’d thought to stop and get one.
“What are you doing in this class?” I ask him. “Aren’t you studying accounting?” His dad owns a big accounting firm in Brisbane, and last I heard Robbo was going to be following in his footsteps.
“I’m taking this as an elective. Numbers are boring as shit. I had to do something that wouldn’t put me to sleep.”
I laugh. He’s not wrong.
“Where’ve you been, man? I haven’t seen you out on the waves or at any parties. What did you get up to this summer?”
“I’ve been in Sydney visiting my cousin.”
He just nods, and I scratch the back of my head. Well,atleastit looksliketherumourshaven’tstartedyet.
I’m thankful that the professor running our tutorial group walks in, signalling the start of class so I don’t have to answer any more questions. But Blue Haven is a small town; I wonder how long it’s going to take for people to find out.
My morning classes serve as a good distraction for my problems, but as I walk over to the cafeteria to grab some lunch, I run into my biggest one. Ellie stops short when she spots me. Her best friend Sophie, who has her head buried in her phone, runs into the back of her.
“What the hell, Ellie? A little heads up before you…” Sophie’s voice trails off as she looks up and sees me standing in front of them.
“Hey,” I grunt out, lifting my hand pathetically in a wave as I rock back on my heels.
Ellie bites down on her lower lip, and she looks so goddamn vulnerable that, for a moment, I just want to forget all this bullshit
between us and wrap her in my arms. But I can’t. Too much has happened. Instead, my hand drops limply to my side, and I say, “We should talk.”
Sophie lets out a loud scoff and steps in front of Ellie. “Hey?We shouldtalk?” she spits out, mimicking me. “Are you serious, Harley? You ignored her for three weeks, and now all you’ve got to say is, ‘we should talk’? What about an apology, huh? What about–”
“Soph, stop,” Ellie says finally, tugging her friend out of the way. “It’s fine. You go grab something to eat. I’ll catch up with you later.”
Sophie glares at me, but Ellie gives her a gentle nudge, and she walks away. When we’re alone, I play with the strap of my bag as I tell her, “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have just taken off like that; it wasn’t fair.”
“Are you okay?” she asks softly.
I stare at her, taking in her shoulder-length jet black hair and chocolate eyes. She looks nothing like her brother, I realise. Or nothing like our brother. Conrad has blond hair like his mum, but he has blue eyes like Dad. Like me. Fuck. I squeeze my eyes shut, swallowing down the bile that’s rising in my throat. I don’t know if I can do this.
“Harley?” she says, and I feel her hand squeezing my arm.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, stumbling backward. “I can’t do this right now.”
Without looking at her, I turn and hurry back in the direction of the parking lot, fumbling in my pocket for the keys to my bike. I’m a fucking asshole, just leaving her like that. But seeing her face-toface was harder than I thought it would be.
By the time I get to my bike, I’m seconds away from a complete breakdown. I suck in deep, ragged breaths trying to calm my racing heart. What the fuck am I doing? She deserves better than that. I drag my hand through my hair. I can’t keep stringing this out.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and click on her name, praying she’ll answer while knowing she doesn’t owe me anything.
“Hello?” The pain in her voice cuts through me like a knife.
“I’m so sorry,” I rush out. “I shouldn’t have run off on you like that. Will you come for a ride with me?”
There’s a heavy silence as I wait for her response. “Okay.”
ELLIE CLINGS TO my waist, her body pressed firmly against mine as we ride along the coastline up to Glassons Point. When we climb off my bike, instead of taking the stairs to the lookout, I lead her over to the broken wooden fence that takes us out onto the rocky cliff face. I help her climb over, and we walk in silence to the sheltered set of rocks that Lachy, Ivy, Wren, and I used to hang out at when we were younger. There’s less chance of being interrupted here.
I wait for Ellie to sit down first and take a seat next to her, careful to keep my distance. She tucks her hair behind her ears, then leans her elbows on her knees and rests her chin in her hands.
“I’m sor–”
“Can you stop apologising,” she says sharply. “Sorry,” I say, holding my hands up and giving her a sheepish grin. “Last one, I promise.”
She rolls her eyes but can’t stop the small smile tugging on her lips. It doesn’t do anything to hide the wariness in her eyes, though.
My hand twitches, and the pull to hold her in my arms is so strong, but I can’t do it. I can’t hurt her even more. “This is shit,” I say instead, dropping my head into my hands. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah,” Ellie whispers. I can barely hear her over the sound of the waves crashing against the cliff face below us. “It’s over, isn’t it?”
A sharp pain lances through my chest. She’s giving me an easy out. “I… yeah. It is.”
She sniffs, and I risk a glance at her. She’s staring out over the ocean, a single tear tracking down her cheek. She doesn’t even attempt to brush it away. “Thanks for being honest with me.”
“I wish it wasn’t like this.”
She nods.
We sit there in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. My anger at my dad and her mum is growing. They’ve ruined so many lives with their selfishness.
“I got a job offer at the school I volunteered at in the Northern Territory,” she says quietly.
“What?” My pain intensifies. I knew we couldn’t be together, but I never contemplated what that would mean. I never imagined it would cause her to leave Blue Haven.
“I found out the day before I came home. It’s an education support role, supporting the classroom teacher. It would count towards my placement, and I can complete most of my classes via correspondence.”
“Is that what you want?” I manage to choke out, wondering why she didn’t tell me this before. Was she going to give it up for me?
She shrugs. “I loved it there. It’s a good opportunity.”
“What would your parents say?”
“It’s not up to them.”
“Fair enough. Have you told Conrad?”
She shakes her head. “He’ll understand.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too. Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Can you give him a chance? Conrad,” she explains when I look over at her, my brow furrowed. “It’s not his fault, and he’s lost a lot as well. Can you just get to know him?”
I consider my answer. I don’t want to lie to her, but at the same time, I know I’m not really going to have a choice. Tom and Conrad have been hanging out, and I know at some point I’m going to have to accept the fact that we’re related. “I don’t really have a choice,” I tell her honestly. “But it’s going to take some time because accepting him as my half-brother means I lost you.”
A sob bursts free from Ellie, and I pull her into me, resting my chin on her head. My hand rubs up and down her back as she cries. My eyes burn, but I know we’re doing the right thing.
FOUR HARLEY
AFTER MY BREAKUP with Ellie, I lay low, giving her the opportunity to control the narrative. Surprisingly, Tom doesn’t give me too much hell about it. I think now that I’m home, he can see how much I’m struggling with it all. I miss her every single day, and I have to stop myself from picking up my phone and calling or texting her. What’s worse is I know she’s going to be leaving in a couple of weeks. It’s eating me up inside.
She’s waiting until after Ivy’s twenty-first. I’m still trying to decide if I’m going to go. I’ve been friends with Ivy since primary school; it would be pretty shit of me to miss it. But at the same time, her dating Conrad has made things awkward between us. It’s not that I don’t want her to be happy, I do. I’m just not ready to be the guy’s best friend… or brother. And it’s also going to suck knowing I have to say another goodbye to Ellie.
A week after I arrived home, Tom barges into my room, where I’m lying on my bed sketching. Before I have a chance to cover what I’m working on, he pulls my sketchbook from my hands.
“Wow. This is really good.”
“Give it back,” I growl, sitting up and trying to snatch it back.
“It looks just like her.” His voice chokes up as his eyes wash over the half-finished portrait of our mum.
