PROLOGUE
Thesquealingoftiresranginmyears,andthestenchofburnedrubberwassostrongIcouldtasteit.Myheadjarredasour carrolledoverandoveronthesmallroad,hurtlingtowardtheOcoeeRiver Thefrontwindshieldshattered,glassspraying alloverus.Dadgruntedfromthedriver’sseat,andMomyelpedasourcarflewofftheroadandsplashedintoadeeppartof theriver,thesoundlikealargetidalwaverollingtoshore.
Windblewthroughthefrontofthecar,andmystomachleaptintomythroat Thecarjerkedandstilled Mybrainshort-circuited. What the hell happened? Did we miss the deer?
Anagonizedgroanfromthefrontseatslammedmebackintothemoment
Wehadtomoveifweweregoingtogetoutofthisalive.
“Mom!”IscreamedasIshakilyattemptedtounbucklemyseatbelt Thedamnthingwouldn’tunlatch
Theenginewasstillhumming,butthatwouldn’tlastmuchlonger.Asthecarsank,therealityofoursituationmademyhead spin.
Ihadtogetmyshittogether,orwe’dalldie
Ibrokefreefrommyconstraintsandclimbedbetweenthefrontseatsofour2018HondaAccord.Islippedandhitmyhead onthecenterconsole,butthepainnevercamebecauseoftheadrenalinepulsingthroughme
Turning to Mom, I pushed the button to roll down the passenger window, knowing that when we were submerged, I wouldn’tbeableto.Atthismoment,wewerestillabovethewater,butnotforlong.
“Wakeup.”Ismackedherface.Nomatterwhatittook,Ihadtogetthemout.
Her head jerked, butthatwas all Igot. Her eyelids didn’tevenflutter. Blood poured fromher head wound, coatingher sandy-blondehairwithcrimson
Dad will know what to do. Healwaystoldmetotakecareofmymother,butitwasn’tworking.Iturnedtowardhim…and myworldtiltedasvomitcreptupmythroat Alargepieceofglasswaslodgedinhisthroat No.
Dadwasgone.
Ignoringtheblood,Icheckedforapulse.Nothing,notevenawheezelikehewasgaspingforbreath. Mythroatdried,andtearsburnedmyeyes,butIdidn’thavetimetoloseit. Notnow
IfocusedonMom,unbucklingherseatbeltjustasthewatermetthebottomofthewindowandbegantricklingintothecar. Wehadtogetoutofherefast IslappedMomharder,andhereyelidsflutteredeversoslightly Progress.
“We’resinking.Wehavetogo!”Myvoicebroke,butIheldmytearsatbay.“Mom.”Ipropelledmyhandforward,butshe caughtmywristbeforeIcouldmakecontactwithherskin
“Iawaaake,”sheslurred,whichcausedmetoworryevenmore.
Sheprobablyhadaconcussionorworse,butatleastshewasalive “Thengetmoving” “Yurfathr,”shesaidandturnedherheadtowardhim.
“Mom,no”Butitwastoolate Herbreathcaught.
“He’sgone.Ichecked.”Somehow,Imanagedtokeepthosewordsintelligible. “Gedd,”shesaidandstartedshaking,butshejerkedherheadasifshewereclearingit
“Ot”Shegesturedtothewindow Iwantedtoargueandsay you first,butnowtheriverpouredinside,andthecarwassinkingfast.Itmightbeeasiertopull heroutaftermesoshewouldn’thavetoworktoohard
Ihalfclimbed,halfswamthroughthemissingwindshieldframe.ThecoldwateroftheOcoeesentshiversjoltingthrough mybody.Iturnedbacktothecar,readytohelpMomout.
Shemovederratically,notlikeherusualself Ihelpedpullherbodythroughthewindow,butwhenshefinallybrokefree, shesankunderwater.
Idoveunder,searchingforher Ifoundheronlyafewfeetdown,hereyesalreadyclosed No.Icouldn’tloseanotherparent.
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaistandkicked,tryingtopullherup,butIwasn’tastrongswimmer Webothwentunder TheharderItried,themoreoxygenIused.ButIrefusedtogiveup.Ikepttuggingatheruntilmybodywentslackandmy mindgrewhazy.
Dadsaidgoingraftingwouldchallengeallofus Andboy,hewasn’twrong Everythingwentblack.
Footsteps tapped toward myroom, and the annoyingbeep fromthe machine monitoringmyheartbeatgrew faster. For two days,I’ddriftedinandoutofconsciousness,andIwishedIcouldstayasleep.Icouldn’tevenfacethehandful offriends fromtheUniversityofTennesseeatChattanoogawho’dcomebytocheckonme.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone or have their questioning gazes weighing on me as they wondered but didn’t ask what happened.
Myrealitywasn’tworthremembering Notanymore.
Moistureburnedmyeyes,andthebackofmythroatconstrictedasIfoughttoholdtearsatbay.Thiswasn’tthetimetocry. ThebelovedTennesseesenator,PatrickMcHale,wasonhiswaytomyhospitalroom.
KnownforhisworkonVeteran’sAffairsandtheUSHouseCommitteeonTransportationandInfrastructure,thesenatorhad a picture-perfectlife withhis Stepford-esque wife and cheerleading, charity-focused eighteen-year-old daughter Theywere theequivalentofaHallmarkfamily.
Beautiful Powerful.
Everythingpeopleaspiredtobe.
Butnotme Notanymore AllIwantedwasforMomandDadtobealive Toheartheirlaughteronceagain,todancewith Momintherainandplayboardgameswiththemwhilewelaughedandaccusedeachotherofcheating.
Istruggled to acceptthattheywere dead We’d justfinished anincredible dayofraftingdownthe Ocoee and had been headinghome,sunburnedandsmiling.
Wecouldn’thaveknownitwouldbeourlastexperiencetogetherasafamily Ifwe’dhitthedeerinsteadofswervingtoavoidit,allthreeofuswouldbealive.
And ifI’d beena stronger swimmer, mymomwould be here beside me. Apparently, after I’d lostmygrip onher, she’d beensuckedawaybythestrongundercurrent Iwasthesolesurvivor.I’dfailedthemboth,andallIcoulddowaslivewiththeregretandmymemoriesofthem. Ifacarhadn’tbeenfairlyclosebehindusandcalled911immediately,Iwould’vediedtoo “Isthisherroom?”adeep,elegantvoiceaskedfromoutsidemydoor.
“Yes,sir,”thenursewho’dbeentendingtomereplied “We’vesentthemediaaway,andwe’ll becareful tomonitorher visitors.”
“Good,”hesaid.“Makesurethatcontinues.Thatgirlhasbeenthroughenough shedoesn’tneedreportersprobingherfor details Thebestthingforheristohealandbeabletomoveonwithherlife,whichiswhyI’mhere”Hepaused “Pleasetake mycard.I’llbepayingforanyhospitalexpensesthatherinsurancedoesn’tcover.” “Ofcourse,sir,”thenurserepliedeagerly “We’llkeepthenoticetorestrictvisitationonherrecords” “You will do more than that.” His voice lowered charmingly. “Do you understand? No one is to talk to her without clearancefromme.”
Myhandsturnedsweaty,andthebeepingofthemachinemockedme.Innewsreports,thesenatoralwaysseemedniceand charming,butIdidn’tknowwhathe’dbelikeinperson.NotthatIwascomplaining.Afewreportershadbargedinyesterday, askingquestionsthathadmademerelivetheaccidentoverandoveragain,andIwasgratefulthatwouldn’thappenagain Icouldstillheartheshatteringglassandtherushofthewater,tastetheburnedrubber,andfeelthechillingwetness.Those thingswerenowingrainedinmymindandwouldbecarriedwithmeforever
Thedoortothestark,drabhospitalroomopened.Iranmyfingersthroughmychestnut-brownhair,tryingtotameit.Ihadn’t brushedmyhair since the morningbefore the accident,andIcouldn’tmake myselflookinthe mirror,afraidofwhatImight see
Pullingthe thinwhite sheetover myfaded blue hospital gown, Istraightened up, hopingto give the appearance ofbeing somewhatputtogether
OneofMom’sfavoritethingstosaywas,“Fakeittillyoumakeit,Evie.”Shesworethat,evenwhenyoufeltbrokeninside, ifyouappearedconfident,everyonewouldbefooled
I’dneverchallengedheronit;Ialwaysnoticedasadnessinhereyeswhenshetoldmethat.Iwantedtoknowwhatcaused it,butIneverasked.Iwouldn’tmakehertalkaboutsomethingthatclearlycausedherpain,soI’dchangethesubjectandmake herlaughinstead She’dhadarighttohersecrets thesameasIdidmine
The senator stepped into the room, one polished blackOxford ata time, his darkeyes focused onme. He shutthe door softly,theskinaroundhiseyestightening
Themanwasevenmoregood-lookinginpersonthanhewasontelevision.Mosteveryonelovedhim,butMomandDad hadn’t I’d asked them several times what they had against a man they’d never met, and they’d laughed it off and said, sometimes,youjustknew.Giventheythoughtthebestofnearlyeveryone,theirdislikeofhimtoldmeeverythingIneededto know.
Hestoodinfrontofme,scanningmelikeIwasabiologyprojectandhewastryingtodecidewheretobegindissecting MySouthernmannerstookover.“Please,sitdown.”Igesturedtothechairafewfeetbehindhim.
“No,thankyou Iwon’tstaylong”Headjustedhisblacktieandclearedhisthroat “Ifigureit’dbebestifIgettothepoint Iknowyou’resuffering,andIdon’twanttooverwhelmyouevenmore.”
“Okay.”Ibitmybottomlipandpickedatmythincovering.Ihadnoideawhyhewashere.Whenthenursehadtoldmethat the senator had requested to visit me, mymind had beenblown. I’d never had anyinteractionwiththis man, and the only plausiblereasonIcouldimagineforhisinterestwasthewreck.Butwhy?
He huffed and shookhis head His jet-blackhair was so gelled into place that it didn’t budge, whichalmost made me chuckle.I’dnevermetamanwhousedmoreproductthanIdid.
Maybe itwas a rich-people thing SomethingIcouldn’trelate to All our familymoneyhad gone toward Mom’s chemo She’dhadaggressivebreastcancer,andwe’dspenteverydimeonher treatments.Itwasworthit she’dbeeninremission. Butthatmeantnothingnow.
“I’msosorryforyourloss.”Thesenatorexhaledloudly.“FromwhatI’velearned,youdon’thaveanyotherfamily.You’re allalone.Isthatcorrect?”
Ifthemachineweren’tbeeping,Iwould’vebetmoneythatmyheartstopped Ihadn’tknownhimforafullminute,andhe wastalkingaboutmyharshnewreality.“Yes.”Iwincedaspainseizedmychestandmyeyesgrewheavy.
Sleep ThatwaswhatIwanted,butIhadthisintimidatingmanhoveringover me,soIforcedthenextwordsout “Thank youforyourcondolences.Itmeansalot.”
“Ihopeyou’llforgivemyintrusion,butwhenIheardaboutwhathappened,IfeltcompelledtocomehereafterIdugalittle deeper” His irises darkened, and a sad smile etched his face “Iknow thatyour familyhome is heavilymortgaged and that you’vetakenoutstudentloanstocoveryourcostsatUTC.”
Istiffened,andalumpformedinmythroat Ihadn’tknownaboutthehouse I’dknownfinancesweretightsincemyparents hadgoneintodebtduetoMom’scancer,buttheyhadn’thintedtheywerethatbadoff.
“So IthoughtIcouldhelpyouout Easeyourfinancialburden”Heshifted,seeminguneasy,hisgazeholdingmine Mystomachchurned,andmylungs burnedwitheachbreath.“Because ofwhere the wreckwas located?” Thatwas all I could thinkof. Near the place we’d flipped off the road, a part of it had beensunkenin, and there’d beenpress about the highway needing repairs The state hadn’t gotten to it yet I remembered seeing the senator on the air, talking about infrastructureandhowtheyweregoingtofixitsoon.
“Notfully Theaccidentwasn’tcausedbytheroad,butfactsdon’tmatterifthepublicbelievestherewasmoreatplay”He hunghishead,sincerityflowingoffhim.“Eitherway,I…I’msodamnsorry.”
Forthefirsttime,somethingstirredinsideme Ienjoyedhelpingothers ThatwaswhyIwantedtobecomeapsychologist tohelpchildrenlikemefindthehometheydeserved.Helpthemfindthementalcapacitytothriveintheirsituation,whatever thatwas.I’dbeensoluckythatMomandDadhadadoptedme,butsomanyothershadn’tbeen.Ididn’tlikefocusingonmyself, preferringtobetheonehelpingotherpeople Andrightnow,seeinghimhurtingtookmeawayfrommyownpain “It’snotyour fault.Likeyousaid,itwasadeer,nottheroad.Youdon’towemeanything.”HadhedriventwohourssouthtoChattanooga justbecausehewasworriedImighttrytochangethestoryandblamethestate?Iwouldn’tdoanythinglikethat Heflinchedandthenlaughedhumorlessly.“Iwouldn’tgothatfar.”
Myskincrawled,thoughIwasn’tsurewhy.Hewasbeingnice,buthislaughsoundedhaunted.“I’msorry?” “Forwhat?”Hisbrowsquirked.
Ihadn’tmeantitas anapology, thoughhe apparentlythoughtthatwas the case. “No, Imeant, whywouldn’tyougo that
far?”
“Oh.”Henoddedandwavedahand.“Forgiveme.I’mjusttired.Ihadafullday.”
Hehadn’tansweredthequestion,andIdidn’twanttopush Maybemyconcussionwasmessingwithmycomprehension “Ofcourse.”Iforcedasmile,thoughIwasn’tsureitstuck.
Anawkwardsilencedescended,andIglancedatmyhandsandpickedatahangnailonmythumb Iwasn’tsurewhattosay, andhedidn’tseemreadytoleave.MaybehethoughtIwantedhimtostay?
Iopenedmymouthtotellhimtogojustashesaid,“Iwanttorunsomethingbyyou” Istaredathim. Whyintheworldwouldasenatoraskme anything? Iscoffedquietlyandglancedathim.Hisexpression wasdeadserious.“Okay.”
“I’vebeenwantingtodosomethingforawhilenow”Hestrolledtotheuncomfortable-lookingchairintheroomandsat gracefully.“Togivebacktothecommunity.”
Itiltedmyheadbutremainedquiet,unsurehowtorespond Heleanedforward,placinghiselbowsonhisknees.“And this horriblesituationpresentedtheopportunity.” Ibitmybottomlip and wanted to avertmygaze ButIrefused Whatever he had to say, Ihad to watchhimsayit “I’m listening.”Myheartthundered.
“I would like to offer you an opportunity.” He steepled his hands and leaned back. “Something that could help you tremendouslyfortherestofyourlife”
Mylungs seized as Itried to thinkthrougheverypossibility. Icouldn’tland onanythingIneeded exceptthe one thingI knewwasimpossible bringingmyparentsbacktolife
WhatIwouldn’tgivetohearMommakingfunofDadforhisoff-keysingingandDadsinginglouderinretaliation,causing allofustoeruptinafitofgiggles.Thoughwe’dneverhadalotofmoney,wehadsomuchloveforeachother.Somuchsothat Iwasnevereventemptedtolookformybirthparents.
Irealizedhewasstudyingme,waitingformyanswer.“I…Idon’tunderstand.”
Hestoodandstartedpacing,hisfacegrowinganimated “IwanttopayoffyourstudentloansandtransferyoutoHallowed SaintsUniversityforyoursenioryearofcollege.”
Iblinked,tryingtoreplaywhathe’djustsaid Itcouldn’tbewhatI’djustheard Myconcussionhad tobemessingwithme, bigtime.“I’msor–”Icutmyselfoff.HewouldthinkIwasapologizingagain.“Canyourepeatthat?”
Ablindingsmilewashisresponse,andhechuckled.“Youheardme,Evie.Iwanttotakecareofyourstudentloansandpull somestringstogetyouintoHallowedSaintsUniversityforyoursenioryear.IdidsomeresearchandHallowedSaintshasone ofthe top undergrad psychologyprograms inthe country. StudyingatHSUwill help to getyouinto anamazinggrad school. AndwithyourcreditsfromUTC,you’llbeabletograduateonschedule”
Theroomspun,andmystomachroiled.“That’saniceoffer.”Morethananiceoffer.HallowedSaintswasasmall,elite private universitynortheast of Knoxville that manydreamed of attending Few could actuallyafford it, and evenfewer got accepted. “But one year there would cost more than the debt I’ve already racked up from student loans at UTC. I truly appreciatetheoffer,butI’llhavetodecline.”
“Ohdear Inmyexcitement,Iwasn’tclear”Hewalkedtotheedgeofmybedandpattedmyarmashecontinued,“Iwill paythetuitionforyoursenioryearatHSU.You’llbeabletoattendwhatevergraduateprogramyouwishforpsychology,and you’llhaveeveryonebeggingyoutointernwiththem It’llbethebestofbothworlds”
None ofthis made sense. This had to be some sortofdream…no, nightmare…no… Iwasn’tsure whatto consider this. Maybeablendofthetwo,butmyanswerwascrystalclear “Iappreciateit,butIcan’taccept It’stoomuch”
Yet,apartofmewantedto.IfIdid,Iwouldn’thavetogobacktothehomeI’dsharedwithmyparents,wheretheirghosts wouldhauntme.Thethoughtofafreshstartsomewhere anywhere whileIhealedwassodamnappealing. Hewinced slightly,anditdisappearedquicklyasifI’dimaginedit Hell,Iprobablyhad “ThisissomethingI’vebeenwantingtodo,andI’vebeenlookingfortheperfectcandidate.Someonesmartanddeserving. After whatlife justthrew atyou, Iwantitto be you” He dropped his hands and removed a business card fromhis pocket “Thinkaboutit.There’snoexpirationdate.”Hestilledandgrimaced.“No,that’snottrue.Thereis.Weneedenoughtimeto rushthepaperworkthroughandhaveeverythinginplacebecauseclassesstartinthreeweeks So,givemeananswerbyendof daytomorrow.”
Itookthethick,fancy,creambusinesscardandrubbeditwithmythumb.“Areyouevensuretheywouldtakemethislate?” “I’montheboard,ahugedonor,analumnus,andI’vealreadyinformedthemofmyintent All Ineedisyour yesandthe completedpaperworktomakeitofficial.”
Neverinmywildestdreamswouldanopportunitylikethispresentitselfagain Thisdidn’thappentopeoplelikeme,yet hereIwas.Therehadtobeacatch.
His eyes twinkledlike he alreadyknew myanswer.“Call me,Evie.Sayyes.Letme dothis for you.” He strolledtothe doorandpaused.“I’llbewaitingforyouranswer.”Thenheleft.
Ilaybackandtriedtoworkthrougheverything.Somehow,sayingyesfeltlikeagreeingtosomethinggreater…somethingI
Aloudthumpstartledmefrommysleep.IreachedoverandsnatchedmycellphonefromtheplasticendtableI’dboughtfor thisplace.Iglancedatmyphoneandgroaned.Itwasthreea.m.,andmynewroommatesweregigglingloudlyupstairs. Ifloppedbackontothebed,staringattheunfinishedceilinginmybasementroom.Theheatoutside,asignatureofAugust weatherinsoutheastTennessee,smotheredme EventhoughHallow,Tennessee,wasattheedgeoftheGreatSmokyMountains and about fiftymiles northof Knoxville, you’d never be able to tell inthe summer. The heat was just miserable. Still, the humiditywasalittlelessintensebecausethetownwasinamoremountainousareathanbackhomeinChattanooga
Ihadn’tinitiallythoughtI’dacceptthesenator’soffer.Butbeinginmychildhoodhomehadbeensodifficult.EverywhereI looked had beena constant reminder of Dad and Mom. Everynight, I’d swornI could hear themcominghome, hear their laughterfromthebedroom.
So,Isaidyes.WhenI’dsoldthehouse,I’dtextedmycollegefriendsaquickgoodbye.Usingeverypennyofmyparents’ estate, I’d hurried here to secure the basementroominthis rental house withtwo other students who were attendingRidge Universityontheothersideofthecity.Theplacewasoldandneededsomework,butitwasbetterthanlivingonthestreets, andsplittingtherentwithtwootherstudentsmadeitsomethingIcouldmoreeasilyafford,thoughI’dneedajobontopofmy heavycourseload.Itwasmysenioryearatabrand-newuniversity,andIcouldn’thelpbutwonderifI’dbeenstupidfortaking thesenatoruponhisoffer.
IknewwhatMomwouldhavesaid She’dhavescoffedandshakenherhead,saying,“Don’tlookagifthorseinthemouth, Evie.”
Myvisionblurred as unshed tears burned myeyes It’d beenover three weeks since I’d lostthem, and the painwasn’t gettinganybetter.Instead,itwasworse.
Moregigglessoundedfromupstairs,followedbyloudbanging Theyweregoingtokeepmeupall nightatthisrate,soI swipedmyearbuds fromthesidetableandputthemin,pickedoneofmyfavoritesongs thatfitthemoment Taylor Swift’s “You’reOnYourOwn,Kid” andtriedtogotosleep.
AFTER TOSSING and turningfor the nextthree hours, Ifinallythrew offthe covers and putmyfeetonthe laminate floor that didn’t come close to passing for wood. I needed to get ready and head over to Hallowed Saints University for a media interviewwiththesenator,buymybooks,thensearchforajob.
Unfortunately,sellingmyparents’househadn’tleftmewithmuchofanything Betweenall thetimeDadhadtakenofffor Mom’s cancer treatments and Momhavingto quither job, our house had beenheavilymortgaged. Insurance had refused to coverMom’streatment,andmyparents’retirementsavingshadbeentappedout Everylastcentofthesalehadtakencareof themortgage,Ihadnomoneytomyname.
Iflipped onthe blacklamp onthe end table and glanced around the room. Itwas large, essentiallythe same size as the ground floor ofthe house, and Ihad a small bathroominthe corner all to myself I’d be able to purchase a cheap deskand could do schoolwork downhere, but the basement had its flaws. Mainly, the washer and dryer were down here, I had no closet,andthewallsweren’twellinsulated,whichmeantIneededtopickupafanforthesummerandaspaceheaterforthe winter.Eitherway,I’dfigureoutawaytosurviveforthenextyear.Forthatshortamountoftime,Ishouldbeabletohandle prettymuchanything
Ishuffledtomyduffelbagandsearchedformybestoutfit.SenatorMcHalehadmentionedtherewouldbeafewreporters oncampus tointerview us aboutmyattendance andtobe prepared.Iwas quite certainthatmeantIneededtodress mybest sinceImightbeoncamera ItwasoneofthereasonsI’dbeenreluctanttoaccepthisoffer Ididn’twanttobethefaceofhis charity.Butthatwasjustprideful.
Although,whenhe’dtalkedaboutcoveringmyroomandboard,I’dputmyfootdown Thetuitionwasenough Ifound mywhite button-downshirt, whichwasn’ttoo wrinkled, and a blackskirt. Simple, conservative, notoverstated. This ensemble would help me remainunremarkable, and the reporters might not focus onme I quicklytooka shower, got dressed,fixedmyhairandmakeup,andslidonmyblack,strappysandals.Thoughmysmallheelswould’vebeenbetter,Ihad atleastamiletowalkandwantedtobecomfortable.
Iglancedinthesmallbathroommirror I’dpulledhalfmyhairintoabraidatthetopofmyheadandleftthebackfalling downinwaves. Mysteel-blue eyes appeared graywiththe lightsmokyeyeliner and eyeshadow thatIused. Idarkened my lashesandpaintedmylipsasoftpink,justenoughcolorthatIwouldn’tlookwashedoutifrecorded
Satisfied,Iwalked tothe door thatseparated myroomfromthe steps and thentiptoedup the old,creakywoodenstairs. HavenandLeahhadfinallystoppedgigglingaboutanhourago,notthatithaddonemuchgood I’dalreadybeencountingdown tothealarmbythen.
WhenIreachedthetopofthestairs,Isteppedintothesmallkitchen.Iopenedthefridgedoortogetoneofmyyogurts,only tofindthespacefilledtothebrimwithboxwineandPBA Nowonderthey’dbeengigglingallnight
Afterlocatingmyblackberryyogurt,Isnatchedaspoonandheadedacrosstheroomtothesmallsquarekitchentableright infrontofawindow
Alowmoancamefromthelivingroom,andIpoppedmyheadoverthethresholdtofindbothofthempassedout.
Haven’slongash-blondehairhadfannedoutaroundherhead,andshewassnoringfaintlyasshesleptontheblackpleather couchwhileLeahlayonthefloorunderneathher.Leahwascurledintothefetalposition,hercopper-brownhairhanginginher face like a blanket. Partofme wanted to wake themup and help theminto their ownrooms, butanother partwas afraid to disturbthem They’dbothseemedlikeokaygirlsatfirst,buttheywereclearlypartiers
Instead,Ioptedtofinishmymeal,tookthethrowsfromthebackofthecouch,andcoveredbothofthemup.ThenIturned andleft,lockingthefrontdoorbehindme
Myphonedinged.Beth,acollegefriend,hadtextedme.
Beth:Goodluck.Haveagreatday!Tellmeeverythingwhenyougethome.
I cringed I’d definitelynot be followingthroughonthat All it would do was lead to more questions about visits and remindersofmyparents.
I noted the time and scowled. I had twenty minutes to walk a mile, which wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for the swelteringheatthatalreadyhadmesweating.Icouldn’tbelate,soIpickedupmypace,hopingtogettherebeforeanyoneelse.
I’D BEEN WORRIED itwouldbehardtofindtheschool,butthatwasn’tthecase.
Iwalkedafew blocksoffthemainroadtoavoidanychanceofSenatorMcHaleseeingmeashedroveinandwondered whatI’dgottenmyselfinto He’dtoldmewheretoparkthismorning,sohewasunder theimpressionIhadacar OnethatI didn’twanthimtorealizewaswrong.
Theneighborhoodaroundtherentalhousewassuspectatbest,evenwiththesunoutthismorning However,Ihadn’tfound anythingelseIcouldafford.Itwouldn’tbesobadifIhadavehicle,butthatwasaluxurybeyondmymeans.
Thesunrosehighinthecloudlesssky,mockingme Thesunbeamswerealreadycausingsweattobeadonmyforeheadand neck.Iheldmyphoneandwatchedthemapfor directions,andsoon,agiganticbrickwall appearedonmyleft,justpastthe mainroad thishadtobetheHallowedSaintsUniversitycampus.
Fromwhat I saw inthe pictures, the wall surrounded the entire school wrought ironor a privacyfence wasn’t fancy enough,Isuppose.Fromwhatthewebsitesaid,theHallowedSaintscampuswasonehundredninety-sixacres,whichwasn’t largebymostuniversitystandards,butitdidn’tneedtobe,giventhesmall,highlyexclusiveclasssizes
Soon,thegrayroofsoftheuniversitybuildingsjuttedoverthetopofthefence.Thebrickofthebuildingsblendedinwith thewall.
I reached the road to the main entrance, which I couldn’t have missed even if I’d wanted to, considering the gigantic wroughtirongateaheadwiththelettersHSUcutintoit.
Iquickened mypace, eager to getthere Ididn’twantSenator McHale to see me walkingin Luckily, the gate was open sincethiswasmove-inweekendfornewandreturningstudentswhohadn’tstayedoncampusoverthesummer.
Ipassedthegreatlawntotheleftofthemainentrance,andassoonasIsawtheareainfrontofthelibrarytotheright,my stomachsank.Theroadbetweenthegreatlawnandthelibrarywaspackedfullofmediavans,andreportershadcongregated onthelawninfrontofthelibrary,micsandcamerarecordersallonhand.I’dthoughttheremightbeonlyafew,butI’dbeenso
wrong.Itlookedlikebothlocalandnationalnewswerehere.
Worse,alreadystandinginfrontofthefour-storylibraryonthematchingbricksidewalkstoodSenatorMcHale,hiswife, and his daughter, as well as the mostgorgeous guyI’d ever seen Theysmiled and waved atthe cameras, and as Ibreezed downtheroad,thesenator’seyeslockedonme.
Asmallfrowntuggedthecornersofhislips Sweatdrippeddownmychestandintomybra Great Notonlyhadheseen mewalkingin,butIwasgoingtomostdefinitelystink.
One of the reporters in the back turned, her Caribbean-blue eyes homing in on me She beamed as she grabbed her cameraman’sarmandtuggedhimtowardme.
The world seemed to tilt as more of themturned inmydirection. Somehow, I managed to keep mylegs propellingme forward Atleast,IthoughtIdidbecauseIkeptmovingclosertothelibrary
Meetingmehalfway,thereporterstarted,“Hi.ThisisMichellewithNewsChannelTen.AreyouEvieStone,theluckygirl thesenatorhasprovidedwithafullridetotheexclusiveHallowedSaintsUniversity?”
Mystomachroiled, and Iswallowed. Iwanted to sayno, butIcouldn’tdo thatto the senator. Notafter everythinghe’d doneforme “Yes,Iam”
Morecamerasswunginmydirectionasthereportersinfrontrealizedtheyweremissingoutontimewithme.Icould feel theircameraszoomingin.
I straightened my shoulders, trying not to look overwhelmed I’d never experienced anything like this, nor had I been prepared for how much chaos surrounded me. I probably should’ve been; the senator and his family were equivalent to celebritiesinTennessee,betweenthefamouspartiestheythrewandthemodelinggigtheirdaughterhadfinishedjustlastweek KatherineMcHalewasbecomingquitethesocialmediainfluencer;evenIhadheardofher.
Itriedtowalkthroughthemasses,butIstoppedmovingforwardasthereporterspiledonme.Myheartpounded,andthe worldseemedtoclosein,constantquestionsbeingthrownmyway.
All ofa sudden,the sexyguywho’dbeenstandingwiththe senator’s familycame plowingthroughthe crowd.His darkgolden-brownhair was slightlymessy, thoughthe lookseemed intentional, and he wore a white polo shirtwiththe school’s mascot agoldjaguarstandingoverHSUinroyalpurple onthechest.Eventhoughtheshirtwasn’ttight,itwasclearhow leanandmuscularhewasunderneath Thatwaswhenithitmewhohewas theotherTennesseesenator’ssonandtheschool’s startingquarterback,CarterGrisham.
“Hey,givehersomespace,”hesaidsternly,hiswarm-chocolate-browneyesdarkeningasheshovedsomereportersback toreachme.Whenhegottomyside,heplacedanarmaroundme,andIcouldseegoldenflecksinhisirises.Theyresembled honey.“Areyouokay?Iknowthiscanbeoverwhelming.”
Mythroatclosed,anditwasn’tduetothereportersandthecrowd Ithadeverythingtodowithmyherobesideme WhenIdidn’trespond,heraisedabrow.
Great,theywereallgoingtothinksomethingwaswrongwithme “I’mfine”Iblewoutabreath “Sorry” “Good.”Hesmiled,andIcould’veswornmyheartstopped.Heedgedusforward,helpingmenavigatethecrowd. IforcedmyselftolookawaybeforeIdidanythingstupid.IfocusedonthegroundinfrontofmesoIdidn’thavetolookat theseaoffaces One foot in front of the other, Ichantedinternally Thatwasaneasytasktofocuson
Whenwereachedthestepstojointhesenatorandhisfamily,SenatorMcHalehimselftouchedmyshoulderandstaredinto myface Hemurmured,“Areyouokay?Ithoughtyou’ddriveandcomethroughthebackentranceaswediscussed”
“Yeah, sorry.” Myface burned, and Ihoped he thoughtitwas fromthe heat. “Ineeded a walk. IthoughtIwould arrive early”
“Reportersalwaysarrivehoursaheadoftime.”Hesmiled,butitlookedjaded.“Nexttime,we’llplanbetter.” Nexttime?Mystomachturned.
The senator nodded at Carter, and I noticed he hadn’t removed his arm Carter guided me to one side so that he stood betweenmeandthesenator’sdaughter.
“My dear, sweet wife, Lisa, and I,” Senator McHale said, placing an armaround his wife, “along with my esteemed colleagueSenatorGrisham,whocouldn’tbeheretoday,haveselectedthisveryworthystudentofpsychologyasourpersonal scholarshiprecipienttoHSU Wearecoveringhertuitionandsupportingherpromisingfuture Whenherpersonaltragedywas broughttoourattention,andwelearnedshe’dnotonlylostbothparentsbuthadalreadydedicatedherstudiestobecominga psychologist to workwithchildrencopingwithloss and changingfamilycircumstances, the three of us knew that this was somethingwewantedtodotogether”
Lisabeamedatherhusband,hermutedcorallipstickmakingherwhiteteethpop.Herskinwassun-kissed,makingherashblondehairalmostappeargray Regardless,shewasbeautiful,justlikeherhusbandanddaughter “Itwastherightthingtodo” Sheturnedtowardmewithaplasticsmile,herbrowneyescold,chillingmetothebone. Shelookedatmelikeshehatedme.Yetthesenatorhadmadeitsoundlikebothofthemwantedtohelpme.
MygazeswungtoKatherine,ontheothersideofCarter,andIimmediatelyregrettedit.Sheworeasimplebuttrendynavy skirt with a sky-blue blouse that brought out her cobalt eyes. In every way I looked frumpy; she looked put together. Her
espresso-brownhair was pulled into a bun with curled tendrils framing her heart-shaped face. The fact that she’d already startedamodelingcareermadesense.Shewasevenmorestunninginpersonthanonhersocialmedia.
“Miss?”atall,middle-agedreportercalledout
Senator McHale came to my other side and placed a hand on my shoulder as he answered the question I hadn’t even realizedthereporterwasasking “EvieStone”
“Thankyou.”Thereporternodded.“MissStone,howdoesitfeelbeinggiventhisamazingopportunitythatanyonewould covet?”
Shemightaswellhavepunchedmeinthegut.Herquestionwascruel,thoughIwassurethatwasunintended.“Well,alittle surreal.Ididn’texpectit.Andhonestly,Ididn’texpecttobeabletocompletemysenioryearatmypreviouscollegesincemy parentsdied ”Myvoicecrackedastheagonyoflosingthemslammedintomeonceagain “Oh,I ”Thereporter’seyeswidened.“I’msorry.Ididn’tmeantoupsetyou.”
“Of course you didn’t” Senator McHale patted my arm “But she’s going througha lot As much as she’s told me she appreciatesthisopportunity,I’msureshewouldratheritnothavehappened.Thatherparentswerestillalive,andIunderstand that Painlikethatwilltaketimetoheal”
Ateartrickleddownmyface,andIbrusheditaway.ThelastthingIneededwastohaveameltdownoncamera.“ButIam verygratefulforSenatorandMrs.McHale’sgenerosityaswellasSenatorGrisham’ssupport.”
“That’ssoheartbreaking”Areporterwhohadtobefreshoutofcollegeplacedahandonherheart “AndCarter,howdo youfeelaboutwhatyourfatherandtheMcHalesdecidedtodo?”
“Ithinkit’samazing”Cartersmiled,makingmyheartstutter “Unfortunately,Dadwasn’tabletobehere,whichiswhyI’m hereinhisstead.ButIhopehe’swatchingsohecanhearhowproudIamthathehelpedSenatorMcHalemakethishappenfor Evieaftersuchatragedy.”
The kindness inbothhis and the reporter’s words, alongwiththe senator’s supportive touch, had a sob buildinginmy chest.Ihadn’tintendedtomakeascene,butIwasbecomingoverwhelmed.
“Ihatetointerrupt,”Katherinesaidinababyishvoice,“butIthinkEvehasalreadyhadoneheckofaday” Iinhaled.Hadshepurposelymispronouncedmyname,orwasitatruemistake?
KatherinesqueezedbetweenCarterandmeandlaidherheadagainsthisarm “Whydon’tCarterandIgiveheratourofthe library?Thenwecanshowherthebookstoreandhelpherfindherbooks.”
Mychestexpanded,looseningthetightcoilinside.IglancedatSenatorMcHale.Gettingawayfromthespotlightwouldbe amazing,butIdidn’twanttoupsethim.
“Thatsoundslikeaterrificidea,honey.”Lisamashedherlipsintowhat might bealookofconcern.“YouandCarterhelp her,andyourfatherandIwillmeetyouthere”
Gratefultogetaway,Ismiledandnoddedmythanks.
Cartertookmyarm,andweturnedandfollowedKatherineintothelibrary
As soonas we stepped inside the older brickbuilding, I tookinthe elegant off-white walls and the crystal chandelier hangingfromthecenteroftheceiling.
Carterturnedtome,stillclaspingmyarm,hisforeheadlinedwithworry “Hey,areyouokay?Ithoughtyouweregoingto passout.”
“She’sfine,Carter,”Katherinebitoutandsqueezedhisotherarm “ItwasjustwhateverlittleactDadputherupto” Myheadsnappedback,andmylungsfroze.“Act?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Oh,youcancutthebullshitwithme”Katherinerolledhereyesandhuffed “Andstoptouchingmyboyfriend” IchokedandslippedmyarmoutofCarter’sgrasp.For all her beauty,shesurewasnastyontheinside.Ishouldn’thave beensurprisedmyparentshadbeenwaryofthefamily.
“Boyfriend?”Carter’svoicehardened,andhesteppedawayfromher “No That wasanact Youaren’tanythingtome I’m onlyheretokeepuppretensesforourfathers.”
Herbottomlipquivered,andhechuckledbleakly “Thatshitwon’tworkwithme”Heshookhishead “YouforgetthatI knowhowyouwork.”
Her face smoothed out, buther voice softened “Carter, youmeana lotto me Ihope you’ll see thatwe canworkthings out.”Shesighed,asadsmilefillingherface.“Whydon’tyougoaheadtothebookstore?IhavesomethingIwanttotalkto Evie hereaboutbeforewejoinyou.”
Carter studied me, and I prayed he was goingto stayso I wouldn’t be alone withKatherine, but his phone dinged He removeditfromhisbackpocketandscowled.Thenheshrugged,hisnosewrinkling.“Whatever.Goodluck,new girl.”With that,heheadedtowardthesidedoorandanswered,“Iaskedyounottocallme”Histoneturnedicy “No,Mom Imadeit ” Hestrolledoutthesidedoor,leavingmebehind.
Well,apparently,hewasn’tconcernedwithsavingmeanymore.Ialmostwantedtocallhimback,butthecoldnessthatnow radiatedfromhimhadmebitingmytongue.
Assoonaswewerealone,Katherinepivoted,asnarlonherface.
CHAPTER THREE
Katherine’snostrilsflared.Shesomehowpulledofftheangrylookwhilestillappearingputtogether.
She stabbed a long, crimsonfingernail into mychest. “Idon’t know what your endgame is, but I’mnot myfather. I won’tletsomebrokegolddiggerblackmailme.”
Mychesthurtwhereherfingerdugintome,butIschooledmyexpression Irefusedtogiveheranyadditionalpower AndI hadtofacefacts;shewastheonewithall thecontrol inthissituation. She belongedhere,whileIwas theonewho’dgotten herebecauseofherfather “Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout I’mnotblackmailinganyone ”
Shedroppedherhandandscoffed.“Please.Daddywouldn’tbedoingthiswithoutareason.Hispollnumbersare amazing hedoesn’tneedsomecharitycasetohelphimpolitically,sothere’sdefinitelysomethingelsegoingon.”
Ihadtoshutthisdownfastfor myownsurvival andpeaceofmind.“I am not blackmailinghim.”Mylungs seizedandI froze.“Wait.DidhetellyouIwas?”Thatdidn’tmakeanysense,butatthesametime,ithadn’tmadesenseforhimtoofferto payformetocomehere,letaloneinvolvetheothersenator
Crossingherarms,Katherineleanedbackonherheels.“Hedidn’t.ButIknow myfather.Theonlylogicalexplanationis thatyou’reholdingsomethingoverhim,andIwanttoknowwhatitis”
Apartofmewantedtonudgeher shoulders toseeifshe’dstumblebackbecauseIcouldn’tfathomhow shewas ableto standinthosestilettoheels.Instead,Iinhaled,tryingtocalmmyracingheart.“Idon’tknowwhyhe’sdoingiteither.I’vebeen tryingtofigureitout All Icantell youisthathevisitedmeoutoftheblueinthehospital Ididn’taskhimto Hell,Ididn’t evenrealizeheknewabouttheaccidentuntilheshowedup.”
Flippingherhairoverhershoulder,Katherinepursedherlips “Thatdoesn’tmakesensetomeeither,butyoubeinghereis importanttoDaddy,soI’llplayniceandgiveyouachance.Butwearen’thangingoutunlessit’sinfrontofthecameras.Got it?”
Someofthetensioninmystomacheased.Shedidn’tlikeme,butsheseemedwillingtoatleastnotbehorribletome.I’d takeit.Itwasn’tlikeIexpectedustobefriendsanyway,butacquaintanceswouldbenice.“Understood.”
“Good After fiveminutes,follow me”Shewhippedaroundandmarchedtowardthedoor onthesideofthelibrarythat Carterhadgonethrough.
Whenshe steppedout,IrealizedIhadnoidea where the bookstore evenwas Ifeltstupid whichwas silly I’dnever beenhere,andIhadaperfectGPAfrommypreviouscollege.ButsomethingaboutKatherinemademefeelinsecure. Ihatedit
Myparentshadtoldmethatpeople’simaginationsplayedtricksonthemandthatthingswereneverasbadastheyfeared.
Onceagain,Ireachedfor myphone,readytocall them.Totell themwhatwashappeningandthatthey’dbeen so wrong. ButasIheldmyphoneinmyhand,IrealizedIcouldn’tcall Theywouldn’tanswer Tearsburnedmyeyes,andIblinkedfuriouslytoholdthemback.Iwasalreadyasweaty,smellymess Ididn’tneedtoadd mascarastreakstotheever-worseningpicture
Iglanced outthe library’s frontdoors and saw thatthe senator and his wife were still talkingto the media. Luckily, the doorsweretinted,andnoonehadseenmyconfrontationwithKatherine.
Afigurewalkedtowardmefromtheinteriorofthelibrary.Myvisionwasstillblurry,soallIcouldmakeoutwasatall, muscularbuild.
“Hey,areyouokay?”thepersonaskedandhurriedtome
Ilaughedandfannedmyhandsbeforemyeyes.Mymindraced,andmyheadthrobbed.Ididn’tknowhowtoexplainthis. “Yeah,sorry Justalittlelost”
“Oh,hey.Happenstothebestofus.”
Finally,myvisionclearedandrevealedanothergorgeousguy.Heworeacasual,short-sleevednavy-blueshirt,andpartof atattoopeekedoutfromunderonesleeve HealsocarriedanHSUroyal-purplebackpack
Myhanditchedtoliftthe sleeve soIcouldsee the restofthe tattoo,butIdidn’twanttomake this encounter evenmore awkward
IrealizedthatIwasblockinghiswayoutofthelibrary.“Oh,I’msorry,”Istuttered,movingoutoftheway.Heprobably feltlikehehadtotalktomesinceheneededtopassme
“Whyareyousorry?”Heranahandthroughhisdark-brownhair,hisbrowsfurrowing. IgesturedtothespotwhereI’djustbeenstanding.“Iwasinyourway.”
“No,youweren’t”Hechuckled,hislight-browneyeswarming “Isawyoutalkingtothesenator’sdaughter,anditdidn’t seemtobegoingsowell.Iwantedtocheckonyou,andnowI’velearnedyou’relost.Wheredoyouneedtogo?”
IfI’d beensmart, Iwould’ve studied a map before cominghere, butI’d beenso focused onfindinga place to live and sellingthehousethatIhadn’tthoughtaboutthecampusyet.“Thebookstore.”
“You’reinluck”Hewinked “BecauseIhaveabsolutelynoclue”
Thecornersofmymouthtippedupward.“Andhowdoesthatmakemelucky?”
“Because we cansearchfor ittogether.Iactuallyplannedonfindingitthis morningtoo.” He glancedoutside,where the mediawas,thengentlyclaspedmyarmandledmetowardasidedoor “There’sonlyonethingbetterthanbeinglostalone” “Oh,really.”Forthefirsttimeinweeks,mypainreceded,andItrulysmiled.“Andwhatwouldthatbe?”
He nudged my arm with his shoulder “Being lost with someone else That way, you can hang out while you’re both desperatelytryingtofigureoutwhichwaytogo.Besides,Iknowthebasiccampuslayout,andIbetwe’llfindthebookstorein thecommons.”Heheldthedooropenforme.“Wecangoaroundthebackoftheauditoriumandthelaketopreventthemedia fromseeingusandheadthere.”
Ibreezedthroughthedoor.“Soyoudo knowyourwayaround?Youseemlikeyou’reolderthanafreshmananyway.”
“Hey, so do you” He scrunched his nose and thrust his hands in his pockets as we took a right toward another large building.“I’mnotafreshman.I’majunior.ItransferredfromanotheruniversitywhenIwasofferedafootballscholarship.”
“Great”Mystomachsank ThatmeantthatheknewCarterGrishamandmightwindupnotwantingtobefriendswithme somethingIcoulduserightnow.
“Thatdidn’tsoundtoosincere.”Hefakedagaspandplacedahandonhischest.“IpromiseI’mnotsomedumbjock.” Ilaughed,thoughitwasalittleforced.Itwastimetoripthebandageoffsohecouldgoaheadanddisregardme.“I’ma senior.SenatorMcHaleandSenatorGrishampulledsomestringsandgotmein.”
“Ah, we have a lotincommon” He chuckled “Senator Grishamwas the one who gotme a scholarship withMcHale’s backingandhelpedmetransferhere.”
So, helpingme wasn’t off-brand for the senators Whywas Katherine actinglike it was unheard of and accusingme of blackmail?
We walked pasta large buildingwitha signthatsaid Hallow Auditoriumand a sparklinglake layabouta quarter mile ahead Afewstudentswalkedpastus,dressedindesignerclothesthatprobablycostmorethanmymonthlyrent Ilookedatthehandsomestrangerbesideme.Hehadatleastsixinchesonme,andIwasadecentheightforagirlatfiveeight Iwantedtogettoknowhimbetter,soIforcedmyselftosaysomething “Tobeadmittedhere,youcan’tbedumb Butare youanygoodatfootball?”
“Actually,Iam”Hesmiled “Andmyoldcollegetriedeverythingtogetmetostay,butmyeducationismoreimportantto me. Besides, a few of the alumni have beenrecruiting fromother places over the last couple of years, and several strong playerstransferredover thesummer.We’rehopingtogotothechampionships this year.WithCarter Grishamas theQB,we haveagoodchance”
“Are youhopingtobe draftedbythe NFL?” The college championships were a huge deal,andiftheydidhave a strong team,there’dbealotofeyesonthem
Heshrugged.“Notmygoal.Eventhoughyoucanmakealotofmoney,acareer intheNFLdoesn’tlastnearlyaslongas oneyoucanenjoyuntilyourmidsixtiesorlonger Ifigured,NFLdraftorjustagreateducation,thiswasthebestplaceforme Eventually,I’llbelivingtheAmericandreamlikealmosteveryoneelse.”
IrememberedsomethingI’dheardonthenews.“Andthefew NFLplayerswhomakeatonofmoneywhenthey’reyoung oftengobankruptbeforethey’remiddle-aged”
“Youknowwhatthatmeans?”Hewaggledhisbrows.
Ipausedandturnedtowardhim “What?”
“Thatwon’tbeme.BecauseIdecidedtogototheschoolatthetopoftheeducationpyramidthatalsohappenstohavea kick-assfootballteam.Eitherway,I’llbepreparedforwhatevercomesnext.”
“Haveyoustartedtrainingwiththeteam?”
“Yeah, over the summer.” He chewed his bottom lip. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but the people here are a
little…”
“Entitled?”Ishouldhaveshutup,butafterthehellishmorning,Icouldn’tlockitdown.“Manipulative?”
Hiswarmeyessparkled “Tellmehowyoureallyfeel”
“I’msorry.”ThelastthingIneededwaswordgettingoutthatI’dbad-mouthedHSUstudents.I’dalreadystartedmytime herewithabang IfIwasn’tcareful,Iwouldlearnhowmuchworseeverythingcouldget “Iwasteasing”
“No, you’re right.” He rubbed the back of his neck, his arm muscles bulging. “I was going to say snobby, but your adjectivesworktoo”
Wereachedthelake.Thebreezerippledthedark,murkywater,andmygutclenched.Iavertedmygaze.Afew oaktrees weregrowingaroundthelake,givingitanaturalfeeldespiteitbeingmanmadeonacollegecampus.
“Momsays ”Icutmyselfoff,myheartbreaking Shedidn’tsayanything anymore “Imean mymomused tosaythatthe oldsaying‘Ifyoudon’thaveanythingnicetosay,don’tsayanythingatall’shouldbeagoldenruleforeveryone.”
“Well, I disagree” He shrugged “I thinkif we were all more straightforward and not as politicallycorrect, the world wouldbeabetterplace.”
Isnorted “Youdon’twanttobePC,yetyoucametotheveryschoolwheremostpoliticianssendtheirchildren” “Icanendureanythingfortwoyears.”
“Isaidsomethingeerilysimilarjustalittlewhileago.”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmywaist,needingsomethingtoholdon to Silencedescended,butitwasn’tawkwardatall maybewecouldbecomefriends. Aswewalkedacrossalawn,heasked,“So what’syourname?”
“Evie.”Ituckedapieceofhairthathadfallenoutofmybraidbehindmyear.“Whataboutyours?” “Grayson.”
Wedidn’ttalkaswecontinuedourtrekbehindmorebuildings,andsoon,weapproachedalargerone.
Katherine,Carter,andsomeother guystoodoutsideit.Theother guyhadbeautiful bronzeskinandastrongjawline.His short,darkhairwasperfectlycut,andhisfacewasclean-shaven
Allthreeofthemcould’vebeenapicturefromacampusbrochure.Butwhentheyzeroedinonus,myheartskippedabeat.
“Atleastsomeonehelpedher,”Cartersaid,histensejawmakinghissculptedfaceevenmorerugged Outofthethreeguys aroundme,hewasthemosthandsomebyfar.
“Yeah,Ifoundher atthelibraryandlearnedwebothneedbooksfor classtomorrow.”Graysonsmiledlazilyandmoved closertome.
Carterplacedhishandsinhispocketsandnodded.“Thanks,man.Shecanhangwithuswhileyougetyourthings.Senator McHaleisonhisway”
Katherinegloweredatme.Alumpformedinmythroat.
Graysonmusthavenoticedbecauseheshookhishead “I’llwaitwithyouall Iwanttothankthesenatorforgettingmein here.”
TheguyIdidn’tknowchuckled.“Damn,Katherine.Yourdadhasbeenbusy.”
“Yes,Samuel Hehas”Katherinerolledhereyes
“Look, two reporters are headingthis wayto talkto us.” Carter nodded atKatherine and me, thengestured atGrayson. “YouheadintherewithSamuel,andwe’llmeetyouinside”
Graysonfidgeted,andhisgazesettledonme.
Cartershifted,lookingagitated Herasped,“Iwasn’tasking,scholarshipboy Nowbounce” MyteethachedfromhowhardIwasclenchingthem.I’dthoughtCarterwasagoodguy,butnowhewasactingjustasbad asKatherine.
Wideninghisstance,Graysonnarrowedhiseyes “IpromisedEvieI’dtakehertothebookstore”
Thesetwoalphamaleswerestaringeachotherdown,andthesenatorwasonhisway.Maybecomingtoschoolherehadn’t beensmartafterall
CarterandGraysonglaredatoneanother.Somehow,I’dbecomethecenterofthisstandoff,andIdidn’tliketheattention.It was going to be hard enough trying to survive this year, especially with Katherine putting a target on my back. Any additionalattentionIreceivedwouldonlymakehermoredeterminedtogetridofme.
“Again,Iwanttothankthesenatorsincehegotmeinhere,”Graysonsaid,andheshuffledclosertome AveinbulgedinCarter’sneck.“Youcantellhimanothertime…orevenwhenwecomeintothebookstore.Rightnow,you andSamuelneedtogetthefuckoutofhere”
Hisvoicewasauthoritative,soundingmucholderthanhisyears.
Graysonglancedatmeagain,turmoilinhiseyes.Hewasagoodguy,asaintcomparedtoCarterandKatherine,andIcould tell he didn’t want to leave me withthem, but at the same time, Carter was his quarterback, and he was probablyused to followinghislead.
Asifhearingmythoughts,Cartergrittedout,“I’llmakeyoupayatpracticeifyoudon’tgetoutofhere”
“Youwouldn’t.”Graysonsneered.“I’mlefttackle.Ifyouhurtme,youwon’thaveprotectionduringthegame.”
Samuelhuffed “Comeon,guys Let’salljustgoinside”
Carterrolledhiseyes.“Wehaveabackupwhowasjustfinelastyear.Wedon’tneedaguylikeyouwho’sheretofurther hisowngainbyassociation.”
Tiltinghis head back, Graysonclenched his jaw “Are yousayingI’mjusthere to hangaround people like you? MightI remindyouthatyour father recruitedmefrommyolduniversity?Nottheotherwayaround.”
“Andyet,youandshe” Carterpointedatme “jumpedatthefirstopportunitytocomehere I’mnotmydad,andIwon’t letsomeoneridemycoattails,soyouneedtogetinline.”
Mychestached Carterhadseemedsoniceatfirst Now,hewasactinglikeadifferentperson Whathadchangedbetween meetinghimandnow?
Comingherehadbeenahorribledecision,butIcouldn’ttakeitback.IhatedthatKatherineandCarterclearlythoughtI’d blackmailedmywayinsoIcouldusetheirconnections ThatwasthelastthingI’deverdo,buttheyweren’tgoingtolisten Well,Iwouldn’tcower.Thatwouldonlymakethemattackmemore.Instead,I’dtrytosaveGraysonfrommakingapermanent enemyofCarter
Glancingsideways,Isawthesenatorandhiswifeheadinginourdirectionwithtworeporters.Iwasrunningoutoftime.
Inhaling,IturnedtoGraysonandforcedasmile “Hey,it’sokay Ifyou’restayingforme,I’mfine Thesenatorisalmost here.” Graysonheldmygaze,thennodded.“Fine.I’llheadintothebookstore.”
“Okay,”Isaidalittletoobrightly,butdamn,Iwantedthisaltercationtoend HekepthisgazeonmeamomentlongerbeforeturninghisattentionbacktoCarter.Headjustedhisbackpackandsmirked, thenwinkedatmeandheadedtothedoor
WhenIlookedbackatKatherine,Carter,andSamuel,IfoundCarter’spiercingeyeshomedinonme.Mypulsespiked,and mystomachsomersaulted.Therewassomethingunnervingabouthavinghisundividedattention,andasmuchasitthrilledme, italsopetrifiedmebecauseIwascertainthatstarewasn’toneofinterest.Iwasalsocertainhewaspissedoffatme,butIhad noideawhy.
“Comeon”SamuelsmackedGrayson’sback “Let’sgetoutofherebeforeCarterkicksyourassinfrontofthecameras” Grayson looked at me one more time before he spun and marched toward the thick cherrywood doors leading inside, Samuelfollowing
“Carter,Iknowyoudon’twantanyanimositybetweenplayersonthefield.”Katherinewatchedthetwoofthemdisappear. “Butbecarefulofhim.Hedoesn’tlikeyoubeingincharge.”
Myentire bodytensed into one bigknot These people assumed everyone wanted what theyperceived as theirs Their status,theirmoney,theircollege…Theegowasextraordinary.
Ihadnointerestinbeingpartoftheirclique AllIwantedtodowaskeepmyheaddownanddomyworksoIcouldgotoa greatgradschool andearnmyPhD;thenmake a difference inkids’lives.Thatwas myonlygoal.Ididn’twanttobuddyup withKatherineandcruiseonhersailboat orwhatevertheheckrichpeopledid
Justthen, the senator arrived, beaming. “I’mso glad youthree gotsome alone time together. Iwas justtellingBob and MichellethatIcancountonthetwoofyoutoshowEviearoundthecampusandhelphergetsettled.”
Themalereporter,whohadtobeBob,heldouthismictous “FromwhatIknow,MissMcHaleandMr Grishamarethe twobeststudentstoshowyouaroundhere.MissMcHale,IheardyoumighthavelandedacameoonLaw and Order. ”
Katherine giggled and blushed, provingshe could do the latter oncommand She glanced at the concrete sidewalkand duckedherchin.“Icannotconfirmordeny.”
Shehadtheinnocentactdown,anditmademeresenthermore Atleastownthetypeofpersonyouwere Iwincedinternally.MyattitudewashypocriticalsinceIhadliedaboutwhyI’dwalkedhere.Iwasn’towningwhoIwas, butIdidn’twantthesenatortoattempttospendmoremoneyonme.He’ddonemorethanenough…morethananyoneelseever hadbesidesmyparents
“Ithinkthatspeaksforitself.”Bobchuckled.
“AndMr Grisham”Michelleleanedforward,andInoticedhow muchmakeupshehadonher face I’dheardpeopleon screenhadtowearthickmakeup,somaybethatwasthereason.SheheldouthermictoCarter.“Wehearthere’sbeenashakeup onthe football teamthis year withsome player transfers. How do youfeel aboutthat, and do youthinkyoucanwinthe championship?”
Carter’s charismatic side shone through again. He smiled, and unlike Katherine, it seemed genuine and not calculated. “Well,wedidwinabowlgamelastyear,andthenew recruitsfeellikethey’vealwaysbeenpartoftheteam Ican’tpredict thefuture,butwithguyslikethemonthefield,nothing’soffthetable.”
Now,bothreportersturnedtowardme,andmychesttightened Ichantedinternally, Please don’t ask me anything Please “MissStone.”Michellepressedherlipstogether.“Whatareyourplansforthisyear?”
Ialmostlaughed.Idoubtedtherealanswer surviving wouldbetakenwell.“ToworkhardandmakesurethatIdon’tlet SenatorMcHale,SenatorGrisham,ortheirfamiliesdown…notwhenthey’vedonesomuchtogetmehere.”
Senator McHale burst out laughing. “Oh, Evie. You don’t need to worry. You had a perfect GPA at Tennessee State University I’msureyou’lldojustfinehere”
Mystomachclenched.Yetanotherthingheknewaboutme,butofcoursehe’dknowthat.He’dneededmytranscriptstoget meacceptedhere
Notwantingtobeoutdone,Bobmovedforward.“Whataboutextracurricularactivities?Whatdoyouplantodo?” Ifroze.Iwasn’tsurehowtoanswerthat.Iwouldn’thavetimetocommittoapermanentactivity Iwasgoingtohaveto getajobtopayforrent,food,andalltheotherrandomexpensesthatI’dhavewhileattendinghere Ididn’twanttolie what iftheyfollowedup?
Cartersteppedforward,placingahandonmylowerback “Eviejustgothere,andshe’sstilltryingtogetacclimated She’s justbeendealtamind-blowingloss.Idoubtshe’shadtimetothinkaboutextracurricularsyet,butshe’llfigureitout.I’msure ofit”
Andjustlikethat,he’dbecomeaniceguyonceagain.Man,Iwasgettingwhiplashbecauseitwaslikethetwosidesofhim wereatwaroverwhichwouldcomeout.Nodoubt,thecamerahadeverythingtodowiththisshowofsupport.
“What’syourmajor,Evie?”Michelleasked
Thatonedidn’trequiremuchthought.“Psychology.Iwanttogetajobwiththestatetohelpchildreninfostercareandhelp evaluatepotentialparentstoensurethey’reagoodfit”
Carter’sbreathcaught,andhisbrowsfurrowed.Hishanddroppedfrommyback.
Hisreactionindicatedsurprise,butIdidn’tknowwhythatwouldbe HemusthaveknownwhatIwasstudying,givenhis fatherhadalsosupportedmyacceptancehere.
“Whatagreatlifegoal.”Michelleplacedahandoverherheartasasadsmilespreadacrossherlips.“That’sanimportant jobthatwillmakeahugeimpact Whatinspiredyoutodecideonthatmajor?”
“Iwas adopted.” Ibitmylip butheld myhead high. “And Inever feltlike Iwas because Ihad amazingparents. They treatedmelikeIwastheirown,andnoonerealizedIwasn’ttheirbiologicalchildunlessoneofustoldthem Iwaslucky,but somanykidsaren’t.Iwanttogiveeverychildachancetofeelsafeandloved,andthisisoneofthebestwaysIknowhowto achieveit.”
Beaming,BobpattedSenator McHale’s armandsaid,“Nowonder youchose tosponsor her.Witha loftygoal like that, she’llhaveaverybrightfuture.Ibettherearen’tmanystudentsasqualifiedeither.”
Myfaceflamed,andIstaredattheconcrete.
“Yes,sheisquiteworthy,”Mrs.McHalesaid,butIheardahintoftensioninhertone.“Butdon’tworry.We’llmakesure wegivehereverythingsheneedstobeindependentfromusandstandonherown”Shecuthergazeatme Messagereceived.Mrs.McHaledidn’tlikehavingmearoundanymorethanKatherinedid.
BobturnedtoCarter “Icanseewhyyourfatheralsowantedtosupportthisyounglady,givenyourworkbehindgettingthe foundationTouchdown4Kidsofftheground.”
Istartled Cartervolunteeredtohelpunderprivilegedkids?Myjawdroppedashereplied,“Touchdown4Kidsisagreat organizationdoingtheir best to give childrenaccess to learningsports no matter their personal circumstances. I have been honored to help themgather the necessarypaperworkto getthe organizationstructured to ensure thatit’s nonprofitand can acceptdonationseasily”
“Andwillyoubefundingtheorganization ”Bobstarted.
“Well,Ihatetocutthisshort ”CartersaidashewalkedoverandwrappedanarmaroundKatherine’swaist
Myheart panged. It had to be the stress and the heat ofthe day. However…it didn’t help that I found Carter extremely attractive,especiallynowthatIknewhewantedtohelpkidstoo
“Katherine and I should take Evie to the bookstore and help her find her books before they’re picked over,” Carter continued,andhereachedoverandgentlygrippedmyarm.
Myskinprickledathistouch Thesensationwasstrangeanddisconcerting However,Ididn’twanttomakeascene,soI didn’tjerkaway.
“Ofcourse”SenatorMcHalechuckled “It’shotouthereanyway HeadoninwhileLisaandIfinishupwithMichelleand Bob.Wewon’tbelong.”
Katherine stepped outofCarter’s grip and kissed her father’s cheekbefore turningaround and loopingher armthrough minelikewewerealreadyfriends.
Thistime,Iwasn’tfooled.She’dalreadyshownhertruecolors,andIswallowedhard,tryingtokeepbilefrominchingup mythroat Aftertoday,thingswouldbebetter Thesenatorwouldn’tbehere,andthemediawouldn’tbearound Icouldcome andgooncampus,andnoonewouldnoticeme.ThiswouldbethehardestdaythatIhad.
Thethreeofusstrolledtothedoorwithmeinthemiddle,forcingonefootinfrontoftheother Carterstill heldmyarm, andthetinglesweresurgingthroughmyentirebody.Katherinegrippedmyotherarmtightly.MaybeshethoughtImighttryto runaway.
Imovedfaster,wantingtogetawayfromthecamerasandfreeofbothofthemtouchingme.
“Slowdown,”Katherinehissed.“Thelastthingweneedisforthereporterstothinkwe’rerunningoff,andbesides,Ican’t runinheels”
Iinhaledandslowedmypace.Whenwereachedthedoor,CarterquicklyopeneditandwavedKatherineandmein. Iwalkedintoalargeroomwithpurplewallsandgraytiledflooring,withatleasttwohundredrectangulartablesspaced aroundit,eachtableseatingeight.Ontheothersideofthespace,anopencafeteriagleamed,readyforstudentstoarrive,with HallowedSaintsCaféwrittenacrosstheawning.Thatspacewasdecoratedinalightershadeofpurplethantheroomwiththe tables
Wecontinuedtowardtheotherendofthebuilding,wheretheentrancetothebookstorewas.Whenwegotfarenoughaway fromthedoors,Katherinereleasedherholdonmewithafrown
Iwaitedforabarrageofinsults,butshedidn’tsayanything;shejustcontinuedtomarchtowardthebookstore.
Carter eyed me Inearlyflinched, butIrefused to give himanysortofreaction Ididn’tneed to make myselfmore ofa target.
“Youdidgoodoutthere,”hesaid.
My body warmed at his praise, and I looked directly at himand immediately regretted it Those eyes were dark, the kindnessgone,andworstofall,calculating,asifheweretryingtoseestraightintomysoul.
“Shediddecently”Katherinespunonherheels “Thelastthingyouneedtodoiscomplimenther Westilldon’tknowwhy she’shere.”
Irolledmyeyes “How isyourfatherhelpingmeanydifferentthangettingGraysonandotherfootball playerstotransfer here?”
“It’snot.”Cartergrimaced.“Thoseassholesshouldn’tbehere.Ourteamwouldbefinewithoutthem.”
“That may be true” Katherine shrugged “But it helps that your dad recruited strong players who were already being scouted.Itensuresscoutswillcomehereandgivesyouabetterchanceofbeingdrafted.”
Shehadapoint,butthewayshepresenteditmadeitseemlikethecameraswerestillrolling “We’d do justas well iftheyweren’there.” Carter scowled. “I’ve worked myass off, and ifIgetdrafted, itwon’tbe becauseofthem.”
Ididn’twanttolistentothisconversation.ThedisgustrollingoffCarterstrengthenedmyurgetoleave.Plus,thelongerI stayedhere,thelesstimeIwouldhavetofindajob.
IbreezedpastKatherineintothebookstore,gladthattheycontinuedtalking.Thatwouldgivemeafewminutes’reprieve.
Aflyerontopofalltheolderonesonapinboardattheentrancecaughtmyeye.
Summer Internships in Spain for Psychology and Business Students
Wow.Atriplikethatwouldbeamazing,butIcouldn’taffordmynextmeal,letalonehopetobechosenforsomethinglike that I’dbeentakingSpanishbecausetherewasalargeHispanicpopulationnearChattanoogaandIwantedtohelpthosekids too,andstudyinginSpainwouldhelpmewiththatgoal.
Pushingthatdreamaway,Iwalkedtowardthebookshelves,readingsignstofindmyclasstexts Graysonappearedatmy side.
Notwantinghimtoaskanyquestions,IpulledmyschedulefrommybackpocketandunfoldeditsoIcouldseewhatbooks Ineeded “Here’swhatI’mlookingfor”Ireadthelistofftohim
Thetwoofuswenttowork,searchingforitall.
Thebookstorewasalotnicerthantheoneatmyformercollege Thecarpetwasthickanddarkpurple,andthewallswere mutedgold,thedecortheshadeoftheschoolcolors.
Luckily, the place was hyperorganized, and Iwas able to find a used copyofeverybookIneeded The new ones were alreadygone,theoppositeofhow thingshadworkedatTSU.ButI’dratherhaveusedbookswithformerstudents’highlights andnotes.
Ifoundeverythingonmylistexceptthecameraneededformyphotographyclass Thatwassomethingthatthey’dloanusin theclassroom.
“Well,that’sit”Graysonglancedathisownpileofbooksandthenmine “Unfortunately,thatmeansthatit’stimetodeal with…”Hetrailedoff,asmirkonhislips.
IturnedaroundtofindKatherinerightbehindme.SheglancedoverhershoulderjustasSenatorandMrs.McHaleentered thestore.
Shemovedtowardmeandsaid,“HerecomesDaddy.You’regoingtoplaynicewithme,right?” Ihated thatshe had suchcontrol over me because Ididn’ttrulyhave a choice Itwas either playalongor have a rough senioryearbeingstuckwithher.“Ofcourse.”
Liftinganeyebrow,shelookedmeover,tryingtogaugemysincerity ShewasafraidIwasgoingtoratherouttoherdaddy Partofmewantedtodojustthat.
Thesenatorandhiswifewerenowonlytwentyorsofeetaway.Thesenator’sattentionwaslockedonKatherine,Grayson, andmewhilehiswifeglancedinthedirectionoftheexit.Iwasprettysureshe’dratherbeanywherebuthere.
Ontelevision,theycameacrossasthepicture-perfectfamily,butseeingtheminpersonexposedsomecracksinLisa’sand Katherine’s facades There was a coldness to themthat made themhard to relate to, whereas the senator was even more charismaticinperson,commandingtheroom,muchlikeCarter.
“I’mserious Let’sbefriendly,okay?Andwecanjustignoreeachotheroncampuswhenhe’snothere”Shebitherbottom lip,buthereyesdidn’tholdanywarmth.
Graysonchuckledandleanedtowardmewhilehemurmured,“Doesshethinkthatwillactuallymakeyouplayalongwith her?EvenCarterisn’tthisbad.He’sjustanarrogantprick.”
Likehe’dbeensummoned,CartersteppedaroundtheclosestrackofHSUT-shirts.Mybreathcaughtaswelockedgazes. Hehadaslightscowlonhisface,whichmademefearthathe’dheardGrayson “Listenhere.”Katherinetossedherhairoverhershoulderslikeshehadearlier.“Youcan’ttalkaboutmyboyfriend ” “Not your boyfriend, Katherine,” Carter gritted outas he stepped beside me “We broke up lastsemester, and there’s no goingback.”
Katherine’s entire body recoiled. “Right. Sorry. I’mstill getting used to us not being together.” She wrapped her arms aroundherselfjustasthesenatorstrodeupinfrontofus
“Andthat’sadamnshame.”SenatorMcHalepattedCarteronthebackandcontinued,“YourfatherandIwereecstaticthat thetwoofyouweredating Wehadvisions ofyougettingmarriedsomeday,butthere’s still time Maybeyou’ll workthings out.”HesmiledhopefullyatCarter.
Pressinghislipstogether,Carterstayedsilent Hisexpressionsaiditall theyweren’tgettingbacktogether
Ourgroupdescendedintoanuncomfortablesilence.Mrs.McHalestrolleduptous,hidingayawnbehindonehand. “Sir.”Graysonshiftedhisbooksintoonearmandextendedhishand.“I’mnotsureifyourememberme,butItransferred fromOhioStateUniversity YouandSenatorGrishamcametheretomeetmeandsomeoftheotherfootballplayers”
Senator McHalebeamedandclaspedGrayson’shand,shakingitenthusiastically.“OfcourseIdo.You’reoneofthebest lefttacklesoutthere Iwasecstaticthatwewereabletobringyouhere”
“It’sanhonortobehere.”Graysonbeamedbeforereleasingthesenator’shand.“AndIwantedtothankyouformakingit possible Cole,Damien,Alex,andIarethrilledtobepartoftheHSUteam”
WithfivebooksinmyhandsplusthebindersI’dpickedup,myarmsachedfromtheweight.Itwasyetanother reminder thatIwasweakerthanIshouldbe.Myheartclenchedatthememoryofmymotherinthecarwiththewaterrushingthroughthe windows, draggingthe vehicle down If I’d beenmore stringent about exercisinginstead of spendingall mytime studying, maybeshewouldstillbehere….Mypulsegrewalittleragged,andsuddenly,theweightdisappeared.
I came back to the present to find my books in Carter’s hands and him, Grayson, and the senator staring at me with concernedexpressions.KatherineandLisawerescowlingasifI’dblankedoutonpurposetogetattention.
“Areyouokay?”SenatorMcHaleaskedkindly.
ThatwasaquestionIdespised,buthisconcernseemedgenuine.“Yeah,sorry.Ijustspaced.Todayhasbeenkindofablur.” Katherineplacedahandoverherheartandbattedhereyes.“Whenyouaren’tusedtothemedia,Iimagineit’sdaunting.” Herwordswerecondescending
ThereweresomanywaysIcouldhavereplied,butnoneofthemwereappropriate.Notwiththesenatorinourpresence.
“Wellthen,let’sgetyourbookstakencareof,andyoucanheadbacktoyourapartmentandrelax”Thesenatorplacedan
armaroundmyshouldersandguidedmetowardthefrontofthebookstore.“Tomorrowwillbeabigday,soyou’llneedtorest uptobeprepared.”
Restsounded nice, butiflastnightwas anyindicationofwhatlife would be like withmyroommates, Idoubted I’d be gettingmuchofit.Still,Iforcedasmile,eagertogetawayfromthisgroup.Betweenmyweird,conflictingemotionstoward CarterandKatherine’shatred,Iwaslookingforwardtonotrunningintoeitherofthemanytimesoon
Awarenesscreptacrossmybody,andthehairsonthenapeofmyneckrose.IknewthatCarterwasfollowingus.I’dnever been so hyperaware of another person before, and of course, it would be him an enigma I didn’t understand who also happenedtobetheobsessionofagirlwhoclearlyhatedmygutsforbeinghere.ButthenIrealized why hewasbehindus he hadmybooks.
Ipausedandspunaround,andCarterdamnnearcollidedwithme
Hiseyesnarrowed.“Whatareyoudoing?Areyoutryingtogethurt?”Iheardclearaccusationinhistone,andalarmbells ranginmyhead
Iscoffed.“What?No!WhywouldIdothat?”
Hisfaceturnedtostone “Oh,peopleusuallyhavetheirreasons”
Therewasahiddenmeaningthere thefuturepsychologistinsidemesensedit butIhadnocluewhatitwas.“Ipromise. Ijustrealizedyouwerecarryingmybooks,andIdidn’twanttoburdenyou.”
Hissternexpressionslippedasheexaminedeveryinchofmyface Achillrandownmyback.Hewassearchingforsomething,andIhadnoideawhatitmightbe.
“Itwasanaccident,Carter”Thesenatortookthebooksfromhim “Nothingmore Don’treadintoit” I started seeing black spots and realized I’d forgotten to breathe. Carter’s eyes were still searching my face, and the scrutinyhadmelosingmymind.
Thenheshruggedandtookastepback.“Well,ifyoudon’tneedmeanymore,I’mgoingtorunandtalktoCoachPrichard.”
“Thankyouforbeinghere.”SenatorMcHalenodded.“AndI’dappreciateitifyoucouldmakesureEvie,Grayson,andthe othernewteammembersfindtheirwayaround Nothinglikehavingthecaptainofthefootballteamtohelpotherstudentsget oriented.”
“Yes,sir”Carter’sgazeshiftedbacktome “Itwasnicemeetingyou” “Same.”Imovedtoturnbackaroundbutthenpaused.He’dalreadystartedwalkingaway.“Carter,”Icalledout,likingthe wayhisnamerolledoffmytongue.
Hestiffenedandturnedtowardme,hisfaceinaneutralexpression.“Yeah?”
“Thanks for your help today.” I wrapped my arms around my waist, hating how awkward I felt around him. “With the media twice andmybooksjustnow Iappreciateit”
He noddedandspunbackaround,thenmarchedtowardthe door.Whenhe passedGrayson,he clappedhimonthe back, actingmorefriendlythanIexpected
Whateverconflictthey’dhadwasapparentlysettled.Musthavebeenaguything.
WhenIturnedbackaround,SenatorMcHalewasstaringatme.Hesmiledasheplacedmythingsonthecheckoutcounter, andthefew remainingreporterssnappedpicturesofustogether Myskincrawledastheyshiftedtheirperspectivetoinclude thecashierringingupallmystuffinaphoto.
“Don’tworryaboutCarter”SenatorMcHalesmiledsadly “He’sagreatman Iwouldn’twantmydaughtertobewithhim ifheweren’t.He’sjustgotsomepersonalissuestoworkout.”
Abitterlaughstuckinmythroat,butIswalloweditwhole Iwantedtosay,“Well,don’tweall,”butthesenatorprobably wouldn’tgetit.Heseemedhappyandfulloflife…everythingthatIwasn’tanymore.
ButthatwaswhyIwashere.Tofocusonmyfutureandforgeacareerthatwouldmakeadifference.MaybeifIgotallthat sorted,Icouldwinduphappy,likehim
I’D BEEN HANGING outnearthelake,awayfromeveryone,fortwohours.Iwasafraidtoleavebecausethesenatorhadn’tleft yet,andIdidn’twanthimorthereporterstocatchmewalkingbacktomyrentalhousewithmybooks.
Itwasn’tthatIwasashamed Alotofpeoplestruggledwithmoney,butthesenatorhadjustpaidmywayintothisschool andforallmybooks.Ifearedhe’dwanttotrytofixthis aswell,andIneededhimtostop.
Iwould’vebeenstupidtoturndownthisopportunity,andI’dbeendesperatetogetawayfromtheghoststhathauntedmein myhometown.Ifeltguiltyaboutthat.LikeIwastryingtoforgetmyparents.ThoughIcouldn’t,evenifIhadwantedto.Their essences were infusedintomyidentity,andthe sacrifices they’dmade for me…evensome biological parents wouldn’thave donethat Ithadbeenanhonorandaprivilegetoknowthem,andI’dgottenevenmorethanthat I’dgottentocallthemmine
For the hundredth time today, my vision blurred. Thoughts of them were never far away, and being in this ridiculous situationwhereIcouldn’tevenleavewithoutmakingascenemademefeeltrapped
Ibreathedslowly,attemptingtostopthe anxietyattackcreepinguponme.Ifocusedonthe lappingwater below me and leanedagainstthetrunkofatree,closingmyeyes.
“Uh Evie?”avoicecalledfrombehindme Shit.Thiswas not makingthingsbetter.
Maybe ifIdidn’t respond, theywould thinktheywere mistaken? But thenIheard the shufflingoffeet hittingthe mulch wheretheconcreteended.
Thepersonwascomingtowardme “Hey.Areyouokay?”Thistime,Irecognizedthevoice. Grayson.
Mystomachdropped, butmymuscles relaxed The combinationwas strange, like hopingitwas someone else, butalso relieveditwasn’tthem.Iwipedmyeyesandinhaledslowly.“Yeah,I’mfine.”
Iglanced over myshoulder and saw Grayson, now wearingblackshorts and a graysleeveless workoutshirt Isaw the tribaltattoothattookuphisentireupperarm.ItwasevenmoreintricateanddetailedthanI’dimaginedandlookeddamngood onhim
His warmeyes filled withconcern, and he pointed atthe bags around me. “I’mgoingto be honesthere and tell youI’m havingahardtimebelievingyou.”Hecamealittlecloser,duckingunderatreelimb,andsquattedbesideme.
Grittingmyteeth,Iforcedmyselfnottocringe Icouldlie,buthe’dcallmeoutonit “Idon’tseewhyyou’dsaythat”
“Well,it’shotashellouthere.You’redrenchedinsweat,andyourbookbagsaresurroundingyoulikeafortprotectingthe princess”Hescannedthegroundlikehewaslookingforathreat
Ilickedmylips.“Imighthaveseensomefireants,andthoughIknowtheycantechnicallystillgetme,itstillprovidesthem anobstaclecourseandnotdirectaccess.”
Helaughed.“Fireants?You’rescaredofthem?”
“Let’s sayIhadanincidentwhenIwas six.”Memories ofthatdaywashedover me.“DadandIwereplayingtag,andI decidedtodashuptothesoftsandbecauseheranslowerthere And ”
“Yousteppedonafireanthill,”hefinishedforme.
“Iknow thattwistwashardtoguess,butyes”Ishiveredatthememory “Myfootfeltlikeitwason ”Itrailedoffand pointedathim.
Heraisedahand.“Letmeguess!Fire.”
“Nowonderyougotascholarshiptothisbougieschool,Grayson.”Ileanedback,feelinglightheartedoncemore.“You,my friend,areagenius.”
“Well,then,letmebetheonetoofficiallyrescuesaiddamsel indistressandgetyououtofthishorrible,life-threatening situation.”Hestoodandextendedhishandtome.
Apartofmewasmorethanreadytotakeit Hewasfunnyandhandsome,andhealreadyfeltlikeafriend ButifIstood andleft,I’dbeouttherewithmybooks,andwhatifthesenatorsawme?“I…”
“I’mnotleavingwithoutyou.”Hepickedupasackofbookswhilekeepinghisotherhandextended.“So…thisisgoingto getreallyuncomfortableifyoumakeusstaylikethisfortoomuchlonger”
Shrugging,Itriedtoappearnonchalant,thoughmylipswerefightingtotiltupward.“Idon’tknow.Itmightbegoodforyou tostanduncomfortablyforaprolongedperiodoftime Itcouldhelpyouwithendurance,whichyouneedforfootball,right?”
“Myenduranceisjustfine.”Hewinked.“MaybeIcouldshowyousometime.”
Face flaming, Iaverted mygaze Had he justpropositioned me? “And here Iwas impressed thatyouhadn’tresorted to pickuplines.”
Alarge hand engulfed mine, tuggingme to myfeet. He said, “Evie, youperv. That wasn’t a pickup line. That was me hintingIwantedyoutocometooneofmygames”
Andthatmademewanttodisappear.I’djustmadeacompleteassofmyself.
Hescannedmyface,smirking Heleaneddownandwhisperedinmyear “Didthosefireantsattackyourcheeksafterall thistime?”
Ashiverranthroughme,butIforcedmyselftoglareathim “No Anarrogantscoundrelistoblameforthat”
“Aw.”Hewinkedandduckedunderthebranchoncemore.“I’monlyteasing.I’mnotsayingI’mabovehittingonyou,but whenithappens,it’llbetotallyclassier.”
Ifroze Myhearthammered Hewashandsome,funny,andsweet,butIwasbroken Ididn’thavethespaceforanythinglike that…notnow.
Whenhesteppedfromunderthetree,heturnedtowardmewithaconcernedexpression “Hey,didIdosomethingwrong?” “It’s just… Myparents just died, and I’mat this new, strange school.” Istumbled frommyspot, movingcloser to him, wringingmyhands.Myheartdropped.JustwhenIthoughtImightbegainingafriend,Ilosthiminthenextinstant.“I…” Hehunghisheadandclosedhiseyes.
Thiswasit.Thiswaswhenhe’dtellmetomovealong.Ididn’twanttohearit,soinstead,Ireachedforthebags.“Look,
I’vegottogo.”Ihadnocluewhere anywherebuthere.Whenheletmehavethem,itconfirmedwhatI’dalreadyknown. AsItookahurriedstepaway,hereachedoutandgentlygrabbedmywrist.
“Evie,wait”
ey,”Graysonsaidasheturnedmeslowlytowardhim.“Don’trushawaylikethat.”
Exhaling,Ifocusedonthesidewalk.Ihatedbeingweak;thiswasn’tlikeme.Butlosingmyparentswasimpacting memoreeveryday.FromwhatI’dread,beinginjuredmyselfhaddelayedmyreaction,andthelonger Iwentwithout seeingorhearingthem,themorerealthelossbecame Graysontookthebagsbackfrommyhandsandsetthemontheground.Hesighed.“Evie,please.Willyoulookatme?” Inhaling,Istraightenedmyshouldersandliftedmyhead Hissympatheticexpressioncaughtmeoffguard.Kindnessemanatedfromhiseyes.
“I’msorryifIupsetyou.”Herubbedthebackofhisneck,hisarmmusclesbulging,makinghistattoodance.“Icanonly imagine whatit’s like tolose a parent ithas tobe hardas fuck. Losingbothatthe same time… Idon’tevenwantto think aboutit. And thento come here and have all the cameras onyouand thatnastybitchspittingfire atyoufor justbeinghere, well that’salottohandle Youdon’tneedsomedouchebaghittingonyouontopofitall” Ineededtolightenthemood.“No,Idon’t.”Iscannedtheareaexaggeratedly.“Doyouseeonecomingtodothat?” Herolledhiseyes “No Atleast,Ihopenot Thatwouldmakethesituationevenmoreawkwardthanitalreadyis” Ichuckled,someoftheheavinessebbingfrommybody.
“Butseriously.”Hedroppedhis handbacktohis side.“I’mthedouchebag,andI’msorry.Iwas justhavingagoodtime withyou,andIfindyouattractiveandfunny itjustkindofslippedout”
Unsurehowtorespond,Ishrugged.Ishouldprobablysaythankyou,butIwantedtomoveonfromthisconversation.“It’s fine Youweren’tbeingadouche Infact,you’reasuper-niceguy”
Hefrowned.“Nice?That’snottheadjectiveyouwantagirltousetodescribeyou.”
“Remember,don’twanttodaterightnow”Icrossedmyarms,determinedtokeeptheconversationlight “Butwhoknows what I’ll think when that changes.” I didn’t want to lead himon. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Besides, he was a footballplayer,andI’dbetthecheerleaderswouldbealloverhimsoon iftheyweren’talready.
Helaughedandpickedupthebagsagain “Iguesswe’llhavetowaitandsee Sowhereareweoffto?” Ibitmybottomlipandtappedmylegs.
“Let’s add super nice and stalker to myrunninglistofappealingattributes” He groaned “This keeps gettingbetter and better.”
Great,Iwastakingusrightbacktoawkwardagain “No,it’snotthat It’sjust ” Hetiltedhishead,waitingformetocontinue.WhenIdidn’t,heprompted,“Just?” There was no point intryingto hide it fromhim. Besides, out ofeveryone I’d met, he would be the one most likelyto understand “Idon’tliveoncampus,andIdon’thaveacar”
Hisbrowsfurrowed.“Youaren’tstayinginoneofthedorms?”
Iplacedahandonmyhip “DoyouneedmetorepeatwhatIjustsaid?” “Lovely.”Hesighed.“Let’sadd stupid totheever-growinglistofmywinningqualities.”Heblew outabreath.“I’mjust surprised.Thesenatorpaidforyourtuitionandbooks Iassumeditwasafullride.”
“That’sthething.”Thathadtobewhythemediaoutletwasallcrazy becauseofthegenerosityoftheMcHales.“It’snota scholarship.Hepaidoutofhisownpockettobringmehere.Heofferedtocoveradorm,butIdidn’tacceptit.He’salready doingtoomuchasitis So,I’llfindajob,buyacheapcar,andvoilà,noproblem” Graysonglancedatthemainentrancetotheschoolandpursedhislips.“So,thesenatorhasn’tleftyet,andyoudon’twant himtoseeyouwalkinghome”
“Hey!”Ibeamedandpointedathim.“You’vegotdeductiveskills,sothere’sthat.”
“Withlowexpectationslikethat,there’sonlyonewayIcango.”Hegesturedtothesky.“Up.SoI’lltakeit,ma’am.AndI candooneevenbetter”
Ileanedbackandcrossedmyarms.“Oh,really?What’sthat?PunchKatherineinthefaceforme?” Helaughed,thesoundsofree “Therequestisjustified,butno Iwon’thitagirl”Hewaggledhisbrows “Wecanjump intomyJeep,andIcandropyouoffatyourplace.Thesenatorwon’tseeyouwalking,yourbookswill besafeintheirbags andwon’tneedtobecarried, and mycarhasAC”
Myheartthuddedagainstmyribcage.Iwasn’tsureifallowinghimtodropmeoffwassmart.Themorepeoplewhoknew stuffaboutme,thegreaterthechanceKatherineorSenatorMcHalewouldhearaboutit.Buttakingtheride would beatsitting aroundintheheatandbeinghungry,andthisentiremorninghadalreadycutintomyjob-huntingtime “Okay,butIneedtohear yousayyouwon’ttellanyonewhereIlive.”
“Ipromise Yoursecretissafewithme,andI’llevenaddthatIwon’ttellthesenatoraboutyourlackofavehicle” Iexaminedhimandthenmotionedforhimtopassme.Iwasdesperatetogetoutofthesun.“Thenleadtheway.”
I GUIDED himthroughthestreetstowardthehouse.Hehadtheairconditioningblasting,andIaimedtheventsonthepassenger siderightonmyface Iwassothankful thathisolder hunter-greenJeepWrangler didn’thaveleather seatsbecause,withthe temperaturetoday,Iwould’vebeendrippingwithsweat,andIwasalreadybeyondglowing.Instead,thevehiclehadthedarkgraycloththatIfavoreddespitetheclip-ontopbeingalighttan.
WepulledupinfrontofthewhitehousewithredshuttersthatIcalledhomefornow,andIreachedforthedoorhandlejust asGraysonturnedofftheJeep.
Ifroze “Youdon’thavetocomein”
Myroommates’beat-upredHondaCivicandgrayMazda3wereparkedinthedriveway,whichmeantthattheywerehere. ThelastthingIwantedwastohaveGraysonwalkinsidetofindthempassedoutdrunkinthelivingroom
“Uh…Firstoff,rude.”Heside-eyedmeandthenliftedtwofingers.“Andsecond,Iwanttohelpyoucarryyour stuffin. Those books are pretty heavy, and who knows…” He leaned over the dashboard, placing a hand over his mouth as he whispered,“Fireantscouldbewaitingforyounearby You’llneedsomeonetodistractthem”
Ishould’ve never toldhimthatstory.Infact,I’mnotevensure whyIdid.I’dgowithheatstroke.“Thatwas a made-up story Iwasjustpullingyourlegtoseeifyouweregullible Unfortunatelyforyou,that’sanothernegativeonthatever-growing listyou’resokeenonaddingto.”
Heopenedhisdoorandscoffed “Lies!Thefearinyoureyescouldn’thavebeenfaked”Hethenopenedthebackdriver’s sidedoorandsnatchedmythreebagsfromthebackseat.
Iheavedasigh.“Letmecheckonmyroommatesandmakesurethey’redecentfirst.”
Hewasdeterminedtocomeinside,andtryingtotalkhimoutofitwouldonlymakehimmoredeterminedtoknowwhy I hurriedtothehouse.
Thereweretwowindowsoneithersideofthedoor,andItriedlookingthroughthewindowontherighttoseeifLeahand Havenwerestillpassedout,buttheblindswereclosed.Icouldhearthemurmurofthetelevision,andIhopedthatwasagood sign.
Iunlockedthefrontdoorandwalkedintothelivingroom.Bothgirlsweresittingonthecouch,clearlystillhungover.They haddarkcirclesundertheireyes,andtheyeachheldasmallplatewithapieceoftoastandamugofcoffeeintheirhands. Havenlookedupandsmiled “You’rehome!”Thenshewincedandclutchedherheadwithherfreehand “Damn Thatwas tooloudevenforme.”
Leahspilledsomecoffeeandgrimaced “Noshit NowIhaveathird-degreeburn” Ihurriedtothekitchenandgrabbedsomepapertowels.WhileIwasinthere,Havenaskedinaquietervoice,“Wherehave youbeen?Whenwegotup,wehollereddownatyou,butthenwerealizedyouwerealreadygone.” They’dlookedforme?“Oh,sorry.Ihadtogobuymybooksforschool.”
“What?”Leahgroaned.“Ithoughtregistrationwastomorrow.Iswear,Haven,ifyoufu–”
“Ididn’t”Havenfrowned “Remember,shegoestoHSU” Leah’sheadtiltedback.“Oh,that’sri ” WhenIsteppedbackintothelivingroom,IunderstoodwhyLeahhadstoppedspeaking Graysonhadopenedthedoor,and hestoodonthethreshold,surveyingtheroom.
Bothgirlsgawkedlikethey’dneverseenamanbefore.
“Grayson,” I exclaimed like I hadn’t expected himto come in What the hell was wrong with me? I handed the paper towelstoLeahjustasGraysonheldupmybagsinhishands.
“Uh sorry?”Hestrolledtherestofthewayinandshutthefrontdoor
Lovely.
He putthe bags onthe cheap laminate floor and shoved his hands into his gymshorts. “Youwere inhere longer thana second,andIwasjuststandingatthefrontdoorwhenagustofwindblewitopen”
Ugh.NowonderIhadn’theardhimcomein.Ihadn’tshutthedoortobeginwith.Iwaswaytooflusteredformyowngood. “Oh,yeah Sorry Leahspilledsomething,andIgotdistracted”
Thetwogirlsglancedateachotherandthenburroweddeeperintothecouch.
NowIwishedtheywerestillpassedout Thiswaswaymoreawkward “So…um.”Heclearedhisthroat.“Wheredoyouwantthebags?”
“Icantakethem.”Ididn’twanttoberude,butIwasuncomfortable.Ididn’tknowhimwell,andIdidn’tknowthesegirls yet,andtheywerehungover “Thankyoufortheride Ireallyappreciateit”
Heopenedthefrontdoorandpulledouthisphone.“Letmegiveyoumynumber.Ifyouevergetintoasituationwhereyou needarideagain,textme”
Irelaxed. I’d feared he would tryto fixmypredicament, buthe didn’t. Justoffered to help me ifIdecided Ineeded it. “Okay”ThewordslippedoutbeforeIevenrealizedI’dagreed Ididn’twanttogivehimmixedsignalsandleadhimon “I mean–”
“It’sonlyifyouneedme,Evie.”Hesmiled,friendly.“Thisisn’tcommittingtodatingme.Hell,youneverevenhavetouse it Justkeepitso,ifyoufindyourselfinabadsituation,youhavesomeonetocall”
Noexpectations.Icouldgetbehindthat.Irattledoffmynumber,andhetypeditinandthensentmeatext.“There,nowI’ll knowit’syouandIwon’tignoreyou”Thenheleft
Thegirls wooedbehindme,makingmyfaceburn.Ihadn’thadclosefriendsgrowingup,andthefewthatI’dhungoutwith wouldn’thaveactedthatway.Theywould’vebeentooembarrassed.
Ihurriedafterhim,shuttingthedooralittletoohardbehindme.
“Grayson,”Icalled.
Hestoppedatthebottomofthetworedstairsthatledtoourdoorandturnedtowardme Hedidn’tsayanything,juststared
“Thanksforeverything.”Iwrungmyhands.“Seriously,andI’msorryifIcameoffrude.Ijustmetthosetwoyesterday,and theygotdrunkwithinanhourofthat”
“Hey,it’sokay.”Heputahandonmyshoulder andcontinued,“It’sbeenaday…for bothofus.Ifyouwannameetupon campustomorrow,justtextmeorgivemeacall.”
Ibitmylowerlip.“Yeah,Imaydothat.”Havingafriendoncampuswouldbenice.Hell,havingafriendatallwouldbe great.Andforsomereason,Ifeltcomfortableinhispresence.
“Yeah?”Hegrinned “ThenI’llmakesuretohavemyphoneon”
“Bye.”Hoveringouthereanylongerwouldbeweird,andIdidn’twanttoleadhimon.Sure,hewasattractive,kind,and funny,butIseriouslycouldn’tevenfathomstartingarelationshipnow Ihadtotakecareofmyself I spun and went back inside, only to find the TVpaused and both girls staring at me. Now, I wished I’d made things awkwardoutside.
“You’regoingtoHallowedSaintsUniversity?”Leah’smouthhungopen “Uhh…yeah.ItoldyouIwasastudent.”Ididn’tlikethelooktheyweregivingme. Havengesturedatthefrontdoor “Andyoufoundasexy-assmanlikehimonyourfirstdaythere?” Ididn’tknowhowtorespondtothat.“Isthisaproblem?”
“No,”Havenexclaimedandthenwincedagain,clutchingherhead Leahdidn’tflinch.“Ifyou’regoingthere,thenwhyareyoulivinghere?Youmusthavemoney.” “SenatorMcHaleispayingmytuitionbutnotforhousing,transportation,orfood.”Itriedtomaketheexplanationsimple. “Andmyfamilyisn’trich quitetheopposite I’mabouttogolookforaneveningjob” “Whatkind?”Leahtiltedherhead.
Thatwasaweirdquestion “Anykindaslongasitmakesgoodmoney” “Mybrotherownsabaraboutamilefromhere.”Leahtookabiteofhertoast.“Heneedssomewaitresses.Icangetyou on,andwecouldworktogetherifyouwant”
Thissoundedwaytoogoodtobetrue.“What’sthepayandhours?” “Minimumwage,butyoukeepallyourtips.”Leahliftedherchin.“It’sgoodmoneybecausealotofpeoplefromHSUgo theresinceit’ssoclosetotheuniversity”
Ahh…thatwaswhyshewaswatchingme.Shewantedtoseeifthatwouldbotherme.Littledidsheknowallthatdidwas enticemefurther Theyhadmoneytotip “I’min” “Sweet.”Sheremovedhercellphonefromherpocket.“I’lllethimknowthatyouandIwillbetheretomorrownightfrom fourtomidnight.”
“Goodchoice.”Havensalutedme.“WaybettermoneythanthecoffeeshopIworkatintheevenings,butIgetoffbynine, unlikeyousuckers,whichmakesitworthit.”
Thatwasthething.I’drathermakemoremoneythangetoffearly.Ineededit.Everythingatthisschoolwasexpensive. NowthatI’dfoundajobandspenthalfthedayoutsideonverylittlesleep,Iwasexhausted,soIheadeddownstairstothe basementandgotmystuffreadyfortomorrow ThenIcrawledintobed ForthefirsttimesinceIgotoutofthehospital,lifedidn’tseemsodire. AllIhadtodowasavoidKatherineandCarter,andI’dbefine
