HER HEART’S CHOICE
Everythingwas a haze ofheatand blood, the groanemittingfromhis lips onlya distantecho. Nothingmadeanyclear senseasGideonfoughtfor control.
Somebodywas thrusting somethinginto his hand, and he tried to speak, tried to askfor help, butall thatcame outwas a low noise thathe barelyrecognized as his voice. And all the while, theacheinhisshoulder grew worse.
“Youmustsignthis. The doctor will notsee youunless youdo.” Eventhatmade verylittle sense. Gideonsqueezedhiseyesclosed,battlingthroughdarknessandpaintoalignhisthoughts.Whyshould the surgeonrefuse to come to the aid ofa gentleman? It was not as thoughhe did not have the money to pay. All the more disorientated, Gideon opened his eyes and tried to focus on the face in front of him,butitwasnaughtbutablur.“Signit.”
The voice was darker this time, the words louder. Trying to work out whether he was sitting or standing, Gideon turned his head as something was pushed into his hand. He blinked rapidly in an attemptto clear his vision. Was thata quill he now held? Whywould his fingers notclamp around it withtheir usual strength?
No further questions could evenbe considered for, atthatverymoment, somethingpressed onhis shoulder,andheletoutascreamofpain.
“Signthis,or youshall dieherewithoutthesurgeonever havingcometoyour aid.”
The pain brought a sudden sharpness to his vision but, even then, Gideon could not comprehend what was takingplace. Without beingfullyaware of what he was doing, his fingers clumsilyetched out his signature as he struggled to focus onthe paper infront of him. His mind was screamingwith confusion, terrified that the threat would come to pass if he did not do otherwise. In an instant, the pain in his shoulder lessened, but the circumstances did not become any clearer. Someone was movinghim,someonewasleadinghimsomewhere–andthencoldair ranacrosshisskin.
Hefell backheavily,another joltofpainslicingthroughhishead.
“Thesurgeon.”
His agonized, desperate call for help was onlya brokenwhisper and, as his visionblurred again, Gideon was trapped in a dreadful fear that he was to be left entirely alone until death slowly beckoned him. He foughtdesperatelyto openhis eyes, catchinga glimpse ofwhatlooked like a redframeddoor.Buthisstrengthbegantofail him,evenashebattledtoworkoutwherehewas,andwho hadbeenspeakingtohim–andafter butafew moments,everythingfadedtodarkness.
IT WAS painthatbroughthimback. Terrifyingand overwhelmingdarkness had pulled himin, butnow itwaswithreliefthatheslowlycamebacktohimself.
“Youhave returned to us.” Avoice pressed inathis consciousness, forcinghimbackall the more quickly.“Wehavebeensoveryworried.”
Somethingcool was pressed against his forehead, but Gideon forced his eyes to open. Takingin heavybreaths, he attempted to pushhimselfup, onlyfor the painto shootdownhis rightside. Ittook him some moments to gather himself, but when his gaze finally cleared, he recognized three of his friendswhohadbeenwithhimduringthepreviousevening’sgambling.
“Whathas happened? His voice was hoarse and dry, buthe urged himselfto situp again, pushing awaythecool compressashegrittedhisteethagainstthepain.“WhereamI?”
“You are in your townhouse. Someone attacked you last evening.” Lord Wiltsham spread his hands, his expressionpinched. “Imyselfhave onlyjustrecovered frommystupor, althoughyouhave agooddeal moretodeal with.”
“Attacked me?” Sitting up a little more, Gideon accepted the glass of water from his servant’s hand,takingalongdraught.“Idonotunderstand.”
Hisbodyfeltweakandtired,buthismindsimplyrefusedtolethimfree.
“You recall that we went to the East End of London last evening? It was on Lord Gillespie’s recommendation.”
“Yes,Idorecall it.Idonotrecall ifhestayedtoplaywithus,however.”
“Nor do I.” Lord Pottinger putin, as Gideonfrowned atthe pallor onhis friend’s face. “Infact, I do not believe that anyof us canrecall where Lord Gillespie went, once he had directed us to those ‘copper hells’.”
“Thatdoesnotmeananything,doesit?”
Still strugglingto understand what his friends were saying. Gideonwinced as he shifted slightly, his shoulder aching terribly. Lord Gillespie was a close acquaintance, known to all of them as a gentlemanofgood character, whichwas whyhe could notunderstand the darkexpressiononeachof their faces. Had they wished to enjoy the evening elsewhere? Or perhaps they had not been as successful in their gambling as Lord Gillespie had suggested. He tried to shrug, then immediately regrettedit.
“Youmustbecareful ofthatshoulder,”LordWiltshammuttered.“Asmuchasitpainsyou,thereis yetmore to say, whichIfear will painyouall the more. Your shoulder will heal. But the injuryIam abouttoreveal toyounow will notsoeasilymend.“
Concerngrew and Gideonshifted forward onhis feet, ignoringthe stab ofpainwhichcame with it.
“Whatareyouspeakingof?”
“Thusfar wehave all discoveredthatour wealthisgone.” Gideonblinkedrapidly.
“Idonotunderstandwhatyoumean.”
LordPottinger ranone handdownhis face andGideon’s stomachtwisted,the paininhis shoulder nolonger appearingtobeofanysignificance.
LordWiltshamthrew uphishands,thenletthemfall.
“Last evening I evidently signed my fortune over to a Baron March, whose name I do not recognize.HehastakeneverysinglecointhatIpossess.Ihavenothingleft.”
“Mine is gone also, althoughnot quite under the same circumstances,” Lord Silvertonstated, his voice so quiet that Gideon strained to make out the words. “I very much fear that you will find
“For thatisthesituationIaminalso,”addedLordThornbridge,whohadnotspokenasyet. Thewhiteofhisfacecontrastedwithhisdark,shadowedeyesandredslashofhismouth.
Gideon’s ownfears beganto grow as he closed his eyes before takinga deep breath. Everything was still cloudedattheedges.Hecouldnotseemtofullygraspall thatwas beingsaidtohim,andyet hisstomachwaschurninguncontrollablyasanoverwhelmingsenseofdreadclutchedathisheart. Coulditbetrue?Hadhelosteverything?
ydear girl.How areyou?”
LadySara sat quietly, staringdownat her hands as theyclasped gentlyinher lap. She could not giveanyanswer toher mother’squestion.Theshockwasstill muchtoogreat.
“But…”Shakingher head,shestruggledtofindthewords,tears buildinginher eyes.“How could hedosuchathing?How canthisbe?”
“It is disgraceful, of course.” Reaching out, her mother squeezed her fingers lightly. “I am glad youarenottowedhim,mydear.Heisclearlyagentlemanwithoutscruples.”
“I… Ido notunderstand.” The tears formed far too quickly, too fastfor her to blinkhimall away, tricklingdownontoher cheeksasshefoughtfor breath.“How canthisbeso?”
Her mother shookher head.
“There is no particular reason, my dear girl, other than to say that he is a gentleman who is unworthyofyou.Icanonlyhope thathe will nothave a single momentofhappiness for the restofhis days, for whathe has done to you.” Her mother placed a lace handkerchiefinSara’s hand, and ittook her a few moments to realize what it was, and what she was meant to do withit. The shockranlike lightningthroughher veins,refusingtofreeher,refusingtoallow her tothinkclearly.How couldLord Coatbridge do such a thing to her? He had promised her so much, and was now abandoning her entirely, leavingher withnothing. “I wishI could sayor do somethingwhichwould take awayyour pain at present.” Her mother’s voice rasped, and she was feeling the pain of all that Sara was enduring.“Itis adisgrace,nothingless.Nogentlemanshouldcourtayoungladyandthentakehimself fromher todeclarehisbetrothal toanother!”
To hear it spoken of again in such clear terms sent an arrow straight through Sara’s heart. Her breath came in uneven gasps as she squeezed her eyes closed, trying desperately not to break down intoyetmorefurioustears.
“Oh,mydear.”Her mother squeezedher handagain.“Mywords werenotwiselychosen.Forgive mefor myinconsideration.”
“Itis notyouthatIneed to forgive, Mama. Intruth, Icanbarelytake itin!Onlyyesterdayhe was sittinginthis veryroomdeclaringthathe cared for me more thanever before. How canhe thengo on todecidethatheis betrothedtoanother youngladyonlyafew hours later? Andhow couldshe accept him,iftheyhavenotbeencourting?Icannotunderstandit.”
“Nor canI.” There were tears inher mother’s voice. “Iwas quite sure he was to propose to you verysoon. Ithoughtwe would be together packingyour weddingchest. Instead, we shall be leftwith the ton asking many questions, wondering why he has set you aside, why he has turned fromyou to favor another.”
Sara shook her head wordlessly, suddenly afraid that her reputation was about to suffer a great deal atLordCoatbridge’s hands.Whereshehadthoughthimconsiderate,itnow appearedthathewas thoughtless. Where she had thought himgenerous, he was selfish. She had believed that he cared for her deeply, but this betrothal proved that there was not even a hint of affection on his part. He had forgottenher already,sether asidesothathemightwedanother.
“ThisLadyNora,whoever shemaybe,will benothingcomparedtoyou,Iamquitesure.”
Saradidnotevenlifther head.
“Ifthatwastrue,Mama,thenhewouldhavechosentobetrothhimselftomeandnottoher.”
Lady Longford opened her mouth but then closed it again tightly. She turned her head away, and silencebuiltbetweenthem.Thatsilencedidnotlastlong- her mother brokeitsoonafter.
“It will be because of her dowry, or whatever fortune her father is willing to give his daughter. Therewill besomereasonfor it,mydear.Itisnotthatyouarelackingin any way.”
The truth did not bring any comfort to Sara’s broken heart. Despite telling herself that the man meant nothingto her, and that she had no need to feel anysuchtorment, she found her tears insisting that they remain rather than flee as she had hoped. Lord Coatbridge had been eager in his attentions towards her, and the fact that he had asked to court her so soonafter their introductionhad sent both excitement and anticipation through Sara in a way that she had never before experienced. She had believed herselfquite safe inallowingherselfsuchfeelings, for he had promised her thattheywould soonbe betrothed, suchwas the depthof his ownfeelings. Now, it seemed that he had beenplaying her for afool.
“You must go on into the Season with your head held high.” Her mother spoke with great determination, her thoughts already on the weeks ahead, rather than the present circumstances. “Everyone will be watching you. They will be eager to see how you respond to this, particularly giventhat Lord Coatbridge will be present also. Youmust give themno cause for gossip. Laughand smile as ifyouare justas youhave always been. There mustnotbe a single trace ofsadness inyour expression,eventhoughyouwill befeelingquitetheoppositeinside.”
Sarashookher head.
“Icannotgointosocietyfor sometime,Ifear.Ineedtimetoconsider all thathastakenplace.” Her mother shookher head.
“No.Wearetoattendthisevening,justaswehaveplanned.”
Sara’sheadshotup.
“Mama, Icannot. Itis muchtoo soonfor me, giventhatIhave onlyjustheard this dreadful news. Myheartisstill toosickwithpain.”
Her mother tossedher head.
“Nonsense. Itwill appear thatyouare greatlyaffected byhis betrothal ifyouremainathome, and thena more gossip would be said aboutyou. Thatwould notbe a wise decisionto take, mydear. We mustshow societythatyouarenotaffectedbythisinanywaywhatsoever.”
“ButI am affected.Deeply, deeply, affected.”
“Be that as it may, you will hide that fromeveryone,” her mother instructed firmly. “I know that the ton will be fullyaware of his betrothal and there will be whispers about youalready, of course. We cannot allow them to grow, so therefore, you must present a happy front to make certain that everyone believes there was nothingof anyconsequence betweenyou. Onlythenwill I be satisfied. Your heartmaybebroken,mydear,butyour reputationmustbeprotected.”
Sara looked away. She could do nothingbutagree withher mother. The ladywould notstand for any sort of refusal on her part. Despite her own misgivings, and in spite of her own wishes, she
would have to attend the ball this evening, puttingonas manyprettysmiles as she could, hopingthat societywouldaccepttheliethatshewaspresentingthem.
“Verywell.”
Her mother beamed as this was the end ofher troubles, as ifthis single agreementwould resolve her difficultiesandsendlightintoher future.
“Good. This is exactly what we need at this moment. Do not allow his behavior to ruin your chances of future happiness.” Wiggling one finger at Sara, her mother rose to ring the bell for tea. “You know very well that gentlemen in society will not be eager to court a young lady whose heart still belongstoanother.”
“LordCoatbridgedidnotsteal myheart,mama.”Sittingupalittlestraighter,Sarashotafirmlook towardsher mother.“Iwill notpretendthatmyhearthasnotbeenaffected,butIcertainlydidnotlove him.Icaredfor him,atleast,butitwasnothingmorethanthat.”
Although I believe it came very close to it.
“I amglad to hear it,” her mother replied spiritedly. “We shall certainly have no cause at all to remainathome this evening. Iexpectyouto be readyand prepared atthe expected time. We will not betardy.”
Sara nodded, mute. Tryas she might, she could notgetrid ofthe feelingthather reputationshould be of lesser importance thanher heart. There was certainlya good deal of anger and upset lingering withinher heart, but there was also a great weight of pain. Painthat she had beendiscarded without evenahintofconsideration.
“IthinkIshouldliketotakeashortwalkinthegarden.PerhapsIwill restfor atimeinthearbor.”
“Anexcellent idea,” her mother replied, a warmencouragement inher voice. “I lookforward to seeingyouthisevening- oh,andmakesuretowear oneofyour finestgowns.”
“Yes,Mama.”
Managing a quick smile, Sara walked to the door, her heart pounding furiously as she fought against a cresting wave of emotion. It was not until she reached her bedchamber, however, that she broke downcompletely. Tears randownher cheeks and she made no effortto dashanyofthemaway. Her mother was sympathetic, certainly, but she was too concerned with reputation and was eager to doall thatshecouldtopreserveitandhaveSararestoredtosocietyasquicklyaspossible.
Had Sara been given the choice, she would have remained at home, resting quietly under the heavyload ofsadness and sorrow. Instead, she would be forced to pushawayeverythingthatshe felt sothatshemightinsteadfocusonappearinghappyandcontentedinfrontofthoseshecaredverylittle about.
“I shall see himthere this evening.” As she spoke aloud, the misery cut to the very heart of the matter. She would be forced to see, and perhaps evenspeakwith, Lord Coatbridge. Perhaps he might seek her out, wanting to make sure that there were no particularly damaging rumors running through societythatmightinjurehisnewlybetrothed.“Idonotknow ifIwill beabletospeakwithhim.”
The memoryofher laughingand speakingwithLord Coatbridge strucka jarringpainthroughher again, but Sara dried her eyes on her handkerchief and set it in her lap, her fingers playing with the laceedge.
It had been true, what she had said to her mother - she was not in love with him. Having never experienced such a great emotion, she was quite certain that she could not be so, for there was no greatintensityoffeelingwhichhad risenup withinher whenever she had laid eyes onhim. Her heart was broken, yes, but that was due to the future he had offered her beingtornaway; the promises that he had given her now completely broken. All of his words were made meaningless, and her
perceptionofhis character was now entirelyshattered and would never be able to be restored again. She would have to attend this evening, and see himwiththis new younglady, knowingthateverything hehadever toldher,everythingshehadever believed,hadbeennothingmorethanalie.
Yet despite my wish to stay at home, my mother insists that I attend this evening so that I am forced to be in his company once more.
Takinga deep breath, she set her shoulders and lifted her chinas a flame of anger lit the edge of her sadness and upset. Her mother should not be forcing her into this, but neither should Lord Coatbridge have treated her withsuchdisdain. Somehow, she was goingto have to find enoughgrace and courage to get throughthe eveningwithout losingeither her composure or her temper… and that mightproveverydifficultindeed.
THE SENSE ofbeingquite atodds witheveryone else inthe roomwas a rather unsettlingone and Sara drew ingreat gulps of air inthe hope that she might be able to keep her emotions incheck. Her face was alreadysore fromher fixed smile, and her hands were clenchingand unclenchingas she walked around the room, hopingto keep to the shadows. She was wearingher finest gown- at her mother’s existence, of course - but her hair had taken so long to style that she had almost fallen asleep in the chair. One large braid curved fromone side of her head to the other just above her forehead, whilst smaller braids came fromunder it, pulling back until long curls exploded, rushing down against her shoulders.Her eyes were clear, buther smile remained forced. Sara was certainthatshe looked well andcertainly,noonewouldbeabletostatethatLadySarahadbeenpaleandwan.
“Goodevening.LadySara.”
Sara started, whirling around and fully expecting to see some gossip of the ton, eager to get to know exactlyhow she was feelingatthe news ofLord Coatbridge’s betrothal, butmuchto her relief, thatwasnoneother thanher dear friend,MissHannahCartwright.
“Hannah.”Reachingout,shegraspedher hand.“Iamso very gladtoseeyouthisevening.”
“Iconfess Iama little surprised to see youpresent. Iwould have thoughtthatyouwould wantto remainathomethisevening.”
Sarapulledaface.
“Youhaveheardthen?”
“Yes,Ihave done so.Ibelieve almosteveryone insocietyhas heardofLordCoatbridge’s sudden betrothal.Itisalittlestrange,isitnot?Ithoughtthathewascourtingyou!”
“As did I.” Sara tried to laughbut the sound did not quite come out of her lips. “This has beena greatshockto me. Iwould have muchpreferred to remainathome and give myselfthe opportunityto come to terms withthis news. But Mama was most insistent that I appear this evening. I believe she didnotwishmetohideaway,thinkingofmyreputation,ofcourse.”
“That must be difficult for you, however.” Looping one arm through Sara’s, Hannah gave her a small smile. “But I amhere with you this evening. You shall be able to face whatever is thrown at you,Iamsureofit.Youhaveenoughstrengthofcharacter toendure.”
“Imusthope so.” Aslightwobble came into her voice, and she looked away. “Ishall tell youthat Ihadcometocarefor LordCoatbridge.Thatmayhavebeenfoolishofme,butafter everythingthathe promised me, Icould nothelp butfeel something. Itwas notanysortofgreatlove, atleast, butIhad beenaffectedbywhathehadpromisedmeintermsofour futuretogether.”
“Iquite understand.” Hannah’s sympathetic voice was a balmto her pain. “Icanwell understand that youwishto keep suchfeelings hiddenfromeveryone else, however. What he has done has been thebiggestbetrayal.”
“I simplydo not understand it. If there was anexplanation, thenI might feel a little better, but as suchthereisnot.”
“Inthatregard, his behavior has beenverystrange, Igrantyou. Ido notunderstand firstly, whyhe would turn his back on you and, secondly, why he would betroth himself to someone else so very quickly.Therehasbeennoobviousattachmentbetweenthem,hasthere?”
“Therehasbeennothingwhatsoever,”Saraagreed.“Notasfar asIwasawareatleast.”
“Not as far as the ton was aware either, otherwise it would not have come as such a great surprise,andtherewouldnotbesomanytongueswagging.”
Sararolledher eyesandHannahsighedinsympathy.
“They are all eager to speak with you this evening. I am sure that I have already heard at least threeladies statingthattheyarecertainyouwill beheartbroken.Iwas quicktoreassurethemthatyou wereagooddeal moresensiblethanthat.”
Sarasmiled.
“Thank you for coming to my defense. Perhaps my mother was right to insist that I attend this evening,loathasIamtoadmitit.”
“Youmustkeep your head held highand a genial expressiononyour face,” Hannahadded. “They will all be looking at you.” She stopped suddenly, her hand tightening on Sara’s arm. “Prepare yourself,mydear.Hehasarrived.”
Evenas Hannahtuggedher intomotionagain,Saradidnotneedtoaskwhoshewas talkingabout. Her stomach dropped to the floor as they continued to promenade slowly around the room. She did notlooktotheleft,nor totheright,albeitwithatinglingawarenessthatLordCoatbridgewaspresent.
“Whereishe?”shehissed.“Canyouseehim?”
Outofthe corner ofher eye,she saw Hannahglance over her shoulder,followedbya swiftintake ofbreath.
“Heiswalkingtowardsus,”camethereply.“Andheisarminarmwithhis…betrothed.”
“Then we must walk a little more swiftly,” Sara determined. “Or mayhap we ought to stand somewhere quietlyso thathe canpass us and make his wayto other guests withinthe ballroom, who arenodoubteager toseehim.”
SheandHannahwereabouttodothelatter whenasudden,familiar voicereachedher ears.
“Goodevening,LadySara.Goodevening,MissCartwright.”
Whatstruckher the mostwas the jovialitywithwhichhe spoke, appearingto indicate thathe was verypleasedtoseeher,whilstfor her,hewasthelastpersonshewishedtobeincompanywith.
Turningaround,shekepther expressioncool,despiteher mother’swarningthatsheoughttosmile in such a situation. When she met Lord Coatbridge’s eyes, one eyebrow arched as she looked back intohisface,seeingtheslightflushwhichcoloredhischeeks.
“Good evening, Lord Coatbridge,” she murmured, entirelyunaware as to whether or not Hannah hadalreadysaidthis.“Pleaseintroduceustotheyoungladyonyour arm.”
She did not look at the young lady in question, but kept her gaze fixed on Lord Coatbridge, who hadnow goneadeeper shadeofred.
“But of course.” He cleared his throat, and his voice cracked a little as he spoke. “This is Lady Nora. Her father is the Marquess ofWesterly.” As he spoke, his eyes turned towards the ladyand he sent her a warm smile, which then faded as he turned back toward Sara. “Lady Nora, this is Lady
Saraandher acquaintance,MissCartwright.”
Fromthe warmsmile onLadyNora’s face, Sara did notthinkthatshe had anyknowledge ofwho she was, inrelationto Lord Coatbridge. Inmanyways, she feltrather sorryfor the younglady, ifshe did not know oftheir connection, nor the tensionthat swirled betweenthemnow. Had she trulybeen naïve enough to believe that Lord Coatbridge’s interest was genuine in its swiftness? Had she not heard that Lord Coatbridge had been courting Sara for these last few weeks? Perhaps she had not beeninsocietyfor verylong.
“Good evening, Lady Sara.” Lady Nora smiled, her eyes bright. “You are well acquainted with LordCoatbridge,Ihear?”
There was a gentleness to her tone which had Sara wincing inwardly. Did this creature truly believe thatthere was onlyanacquaintance betweenherselfand Lord Coatbridge? Was thatwhatshe hadbeentold?
“Yes, we are very well acquainted.” Glancing away from the young lady, she looked towards Lord Coatbridge, a little surprised to see himdrop his head. Was he embarrassed over what he had done? Ashamed, mayhap? Or was it more likely that he simply wished to keep Lady Nora from knowingthetruth?“Infact,LordCoatbridgeandIwerecourtingfor ashortwhile.”
Lord Coatbridge lifted his head sharply, his eyes meeting hers. The red in his cheeks slowly changed to white as he stared ather, butSara did notcare. The injuryhe had caused her had beenso great that she had no willingness now to remainsilent and permit himto merelyenjoythe happiness whichcame withbeingLadyNora’s betrothed. Nor did she wantLadyNora to believe thatthere was nothing of significance between herself and Lord Coatbridge. The young lady deserved to know the truth,shedecided.
“You… You were courting.” Lady Nora blinked, then forced a smile that did nothing to take the shadowsfromher eyes.“Thatmusthavebeensometimeago.”
Sara opened her mouthto saythatithad beenonlyyesterdayand up until today, she had believed theywerestill courting,onlyfor agentlenudgetocatchher attention.
“That is something I believe Lord Coatbridge can discuss with you. Now is neither the time nor the place to be having such discussions.” Miss Cartwright spoke quickly, irritating Sara with her determination to move the conversation on. “My heartfelt congratulations, Lady Nora. Pray excuse me.Excuse us. ”
So saying, she slipped one hand through Sara’s armagain and half dragged her away fromLord Coatbridge and Lady Nora. Anger built like a wave within Sara’s chest as she turned furious eyes uponher friend.
“Whatever didyoudothatfor?Ihadagooddeal moretosay.”
“But you would have been cruel to do so, and you are never cruel, Sara. At least, I believe you arenot.”
When they reached the other side of the room, Miss Cartwright turned so that they were facing LadyNora andLordCoatbridge andSara followedher gaze.LadyNora hadpulledherselfbackfrom LordCoatbridgeandwasstandingwithfoldedarms,lookingupathimwithanangrytilttoher chin.
“Iunderstand thatyouare angry, and youhave everyrightto be so, butitwould notbe like youto causeanother pain.Donotallow your upsettobringviciousnesstoyour actions.”
Saradrew inadeepbreath,andher shouldersdroppedasher anger fadedaway.
“Youare right, Hannah.” She was notcallous, and yethad beenaboutto declare all to LadyNora inthe middle ofthe ballroom, knowingthe damage itwould have done and the scandal itwould have caused. Lady Nora would have been gravely injured by what Sara would have said, and she would
never have beenable to recover fromthat. “Myanger is directed towards Lord Coatbridge, notLady Nora,” she murmured as Hannah nodded. “You are right, my dear friend. I ought not to say anything which would injure the lady, although I do believe that she should know the truth. Thank you for pullingmeaway.”
“IamjustgladthatIdonotalsohavetofaceyour wrath!”MissCartwrightchuckled,makingSara laughsoftlyinreturn. “Come now, attemptto enjoythe ball this eveningas bestas youcan. Ibelieve LordCoatbridgewill havealessthanpleasanttimeofit.” Sarasmileddarkly.
“Whichispreciselywhathedeserves.”
erhapsitisjustaswell thatIcametoLondon.”
“I certainly can recommend it,” Lord Wiltsham chuckled, and Gideon grinned as his friend slippedonehandaroundhisbetrothed’swaist.ItwasgoodtoseeLordWiltshamsohappy.
“If we have managed to give you a little hope, then yes, it is very good that you came,” Lord Foster added, handing a brandy around to everyone. “That is two of us who have regained our fortunesnow.Youshall bethethird,Iamsure.”
Gideonshookhishead.
“I amnot yet convinced to stay in London, however, although I amglad that I was here to be of assistance to you, Wiltsham. Ido notthinkthere is as muchhope for me. Ialreadysigned the contract andamnow aMarquesswithoutfortune.ThatmuchIcanrecall,atleast.”
“Idid the verysame and now here Istand, withmyfortune returned.” Lord Wiltshamputoutone hand towards him. “There is no reasonthatyoucannotdo as we have done, and we are here to be of aidtoyou.”
“Although I am soon to make my way back to my estate in preparation for my marriage,” Lord Foster remindedthemboth.“ButIwouldagreewithLordWiltsham.Youshouldstayhere,Stoneleigh. Iamsurethattherewill bemuchfor youtodiscover.”
“ButIhave verylittle to move forward with,” Gideonprotested. “Ionlyvaguelyremember what happened,andIhavemyongoingdifficultieswithmyarmtoproveit.”
He lifted his right arm as high as it would go, turning his wrist over left to right. There was a stiffness there thatnever lefthimnow, ever since the eveningofthe injury. He was doingall he could to restore it to its full strength, but everything he tried seemed to bring himeither pain or a lack of success,whichirritatedhimall themore.
“All the same, I believe that you should remain here. Go back to where you recall being that evening.Searchfor clues ifyoumust.Iwill dowhatever Icantobe ofassistance toyou, justas Lord Foster was to me. And youare to reside withme for as longas yourequire it. Iwould offer to return youtoyour owntownhouse,butgiventhatitiscurrentlyletouttoanother family…”
LordWiltshamswungonehandthendroppedittohisside.
“I certainly appreciate that.” Gideon gave him a quick smile, silently reminding himself that he had every intention of returning to his estate without delay. “There is much for me to do back at the estate, however. I must look at my situation and attempt to do everything I can to be as financially secureaspossible,giventhecircumstances.”
Besides which, I do not want the ton to become even more aware of the injury to my arm. They would only gossip about me all the more.
“Ithinkyouwouldbewisetogiveyourselfalittlemoretimebeforeyoureturn.”
“Iamwell awareofthat,butImustkeepmyowncounsel.”
“Of course you must.” This time it was not any of his friends who spoke, but rather Miss Carshaw,whowas LordWiltsham’s betrothed“I will say,however,thatLordWiltshamfoundhimself inthe verysame positionas youare at present. He believed that he had no hope and no prospect of findinghisfortune.Butafter ashortwhile,hebegantoseethattherewasinfact,alittlechinkoflight. That light has now brought us together, and our future is secure once more. I amnot suggesting that you cannot keep your own counsel but only to say that there is still a light of hope for you, if you wouldonlyseekitinwhatisotherwiseagreatdarkness.”
Noddingslowly, Gideonconsidered this, knowingfull well that Miss Carshaw was speakingnot onlyofthe situationthatLord Wiltshamhad found himselfin, butalso ofher ownsituationwhichhad onlyrecentlybeenresolved.Couldtherebeanyreal hope?
“Ishall consider itatleast,althoughIdonotknow how oneismeanttoreturntosocietyafter such a thing.” Asorrowful laughbroke fromhim. “Ihave beenafflicted bythe blue-devils since the whole affair tookplaceandIamcertainthat,bynow,thatthe ton will know ofmylackofwealth.”
MissLawrencetiltedher head,havingsatsilentlythusfar.
“You may find yourself a little surprised to know that not everyone is aware of the rest of the gentlemenwhohavelosttheir fortunes.Youhavealways beenarather quietandcontainedgentleman, have younot, Lord Stoneleigh? Perhaps thatis to your advantage inthis situation. Ido notthinkthat’s the ton have anyawareness of your lackof funds at present. However, theywill know that youhave letoutyour townhousefor theSeason.”
“But that could easily be explained by the fact that you did not think you would be coming to London this year and thus thought to serve another family by permitting themto reside there,” Lord Foster suggestedquickly.“Ishouldnotconcernyourselfwiththat.”
Gideonshookhishead.
“The ton will find outsomehow, however. Mayhap itmaybe the wisestcourse ofactionto return home.”
“Well, should youchange your mind, youmaybe sure of our company.” Miss Carshaw smiled at him. “It might be a wise thought to return to society with friends by your side. You shall not be as entirelyonyour ownasyoumightotherwisebe.”
Gideonallowedhimselfasmall laugh.
“Ibelieveyouareall quiteintentonmyremaininginLondon,areyounot?”
Nobodysmiledas he hadexpected.Indeed,nobodyevenlaughedbutinstead,theysimplyglanced atoneanother.
“It is onlybecause we want to see youas we are,” Lord Foster explained. “BothLord Wiltsham and I know the struggles you face at present. That difficulty will not leave you, my friend. You will spendtherestofyour daysinsuchastruggle.Thatis,unlessyouareabletofindawaytochangeyour situation.”
“WhichyoubelieveIamabletodo.”
There was not a great deal of hope left in his heart. Yes, both of his friends had regained their fortunes, but he kept no such hope for himself. After all, he could still recall signing the document. Yes, ithad beenunder duress, butthatmeantverylittle. He had still done it. He had still willingly, if not actually knowingly, signed away his fortune. In that regard, he was entirely different from his friends,washenot?
But all the same, he mused. perhaps it would be a wise idea to make my way back into society
with those I consider my closest friends. That way I will be able to judge society’s response to my continued presence in London. I would know whether or not I am to find any welcome here.
His resolve to return home was fading a little as he looked into each of his friend’s eyes. Both Lord Wiltsham and Lord Foster wished for him to remain, promising that they would do whatever they could to help him regain his fortune. Miss Lawrence and Miss Carshaw were both eagerly lookingat him, a small smile dancingacross eachmouth. It was obvious that theyverymuchwished for himto remaininLondon, clearlyfilled withthe same hope for him, as had broughtthemand their particular gentlemensuchgreathappiness.
“Perhaps I shall attend one ball before my return.” This brought a slight squeal of delight from Miss Carshaw and a warmsmile fromMiss Lawrence. His two friends merely grinned, nodding as thoughtheytookcreditfor beingable to convince himto linger. “This does notmeanthatIamstaying in London. It means only that I am attending just to see what society’s reaction might be to my presence.”
“Regardless of your reason, I amsimplydelighted that youhave chosento stayfor a little while longer.” Lord Wiltsham clapped him on the back and Gideon winced at the resulting jolt of pain whichranacrosshisframe.“Another brandyperhaps?”
“Let us hope that I ammakingthe right decision!” Gideonaccepted a glass fromLord Wiltsham, smilingdespitehisongoingconcern.“Andwhereisitthatwearetogothisevening?”
GideonlookedaroundtheroomasMissCarshaw andLordWiltshamexchangedaglance.
“There is a ball this evening. It is meant to be a grand affair, and indeed there is alreadya great deal ofrumor surroundingit.Perhapsthatwouldbethebestonefor youtoattend.”
Itwasnotlikehisfriendstothinkaboutrumor andgossip.
“Whatrumor?”
MissLawrenceshruggedher shoulders.
“A particular gentleman has decided he is going to betroth himself to a particular young lady, despite having been courting someone entirely different,” she explained. “I can guarantee that everyone present will be talking of that and not of you. It may be a little bit disheartening for the youngladyinvolved,butatleastitwill takeanyinterestinyouaway.”
“Mayhap I should be rather grateful to this young lady - whoever she is - for having stolen this gentleman’s attention and drawn away the interest of the ton. ” Wincing at his own harsh words, he shruggedoneshoulder.“Verywell.Ishall attendtheball thiseveningandhopethatitisasyousay.”
Else I shall return to my estate without delay. I see no reason to linger here any longer than necessary
I AM nervous and I dislike being nervous.
Walkinginto the ballroomwithhis head held high, Gideonlooked around the roomwithwhat he hoped was a distinguished air. He did not want to show any sense of anxiety, aware that hiding himselffromsocietywas perhaps notthe wisestconsiderationatthe presentmoment. Ifitwas as had beensuggested, thenthe ton did notknow abouthis loss offortune since he had returned to his estate very soon after the incident had taken place. Miss Lawrence had been correct to say he was not a gentleman with a loud manner or an obvious desire for company. That went in his favor, perhaps, althoughasyethecouldnotsayfor certainthatitwasso.
“Good evening, how verygood to see youagain. Ihad heard thatyouhad returned to your estate, butnow IseethatyouarebackinLondon!”
Gideonnodded,alittlesurprisedandfrustratedatthetightnessinhischest.
“Yes,thatistrue,butIdecidedtoreturntoLondon- onlyfor ashortwhile,however.”
Just until I can discuss matters at length with my solicitors.
“Iamcertainlyverygladtohaveyouinour companythisevening.”
Lord Gilmartin – their host for the evening - was warm and kind, clearly unaware of the difficultiesGideonfoundhimselfinatpresent.
“Ithankyou.”
Gideonsmiled,nodded,andsteppedaway,followingMiss Lawrence andLordFoster,notingthat her familystoodnearby,althoughnoneofthemwerelookingatMissLawrence.
“Iwassurenothingwouldbesaidofyou.”
ThedelightinMissLawrence’svoicemadehimsmile,despitehisownongoingnervousness.
“Yes,indeedyouwere,anditseemsthatyouhavebeenprovencorrect.”
“ThenIamsure thatyouare glad youcame,” she shotback, one eyebrow liftinggently. “Perhaps youwill notfindyourselfasmuchofastranger herethiseveningasyoufeared.”
“I quite agree. You need not worry so much, I think.” Lord Foster smiled at him, then his brows drew together.“How isyour armthisevening?”
Gideongrimacedandshrugged.
“That is what I find the most embarrassing. I amsure that the ton will speculate as to my injury, andIcannothideitfromthemeither.Ishall havetospeakofit.”
“Youought not to be ashamed of your weakness. It is, after all, aninjurythat was done to you. It will takesometimetoheal.”
Gideonletoutaslow breath.
“Yes, you are quite right.” His smile was brief for while he agreed with everything Miss Lawrence was saying, he did not feel as though he were able to do such a thing with any ease. Whenever a gentlemanwent to grip his hand, he had struggled to put the strengthinto his fingers that he’d once had, and oftentimes winced atothers’stronggrasps. The painshotdownfromhis shoulder towardshishandwiththestiffnessinhisfingersandhisarmfeelingasifitmightnever end.
“Nodoubtitwill bementionedatsomepointsoonthatInolonger havethestrengthinmyarmthat I once used to,” he grumbled as Miss Lawrence smiled softly. “I do not know what I shall say if someoneshouldaskmehow itcameabout.”
MissLawrenceshrugged.
“Youcould simplystate the truth,” she replied gently. “Saythatyouwere attacked byanunknown assailantandthatyour attempts torecover have beensuccessful thus far,butitwill take a little longer for you to regain your former strength. As I have said, there is nothing that you need to be ashamed of.”
Gideontookinanother deep breathand straightened his shoulders, lookingaround the roomas he didso.
“Yousaythatthere are some other whispers this evening?” he reminded Miss Lawrence and Lord Foster, both of whom nodded fervently, with Lord Foster swiveling his head around as he looked abouttheroom,asifinsearchoftheverypersontheyspokeof.Gideonclearedhisthroat.“Mightyou remindmewhathastakenplace?”
“Certainly. Lord Coatbridge has been courting a young lady by the name of Lady Sara. To the ton’s surprise, he has suddenlydeclared himselfbetrothed to another.” Lord Foster shrugged. “There
isnoexplanationfor itasyet.”
Gideonliftedhiseyebrows.
“Indeed.Andhehasgivennoreasonfor hisswiftbetrothal?”
MissLawrencescowled.
“No, which, I believe, is part of the reason that so many will be watching him this evening. I believe that manyare hopeful that this eveningwill explainall to them, althoughI myself have quite myowntheory.”
“Oh?”
Even Lord Foster lifted an eyebrow and Miss Lawrence shrugged, a small, wry smile touching her mouth.
“What reasondoes a gentlemanhave to betrothhimself to a young ladywithout much warning?” sheasked,her eyesdarkeningslightlyandnosmileuponher lipsanylonger.“Perhapshehasbehaved poorly,andtodaymustmakeamends.”
Considering,Gideonliftedoneshoulder.
“Thatmaywell be so, althoughthere are other alternatives, ofcourse. Perhaps the youngladyhas a father eager to wed her to anygentlemanofqualityand Lord Coatbridge has thought it aneasyand suitablematchPerhaps her father has offeredagreatdowryandLordCoatbridgecannotrefusesucha largesum.”
“Which would again make his character a good deal more questionable in my eyes,” Miss Lawrence returned. “Are youacquainted withthe ladyinquestion? LadySara? Her father is the Earl ofLongford.”
“No, I do not believe I am.” Gideon smiled a little self-consciously, as he admitted to Miss Lawrence how little societyhe had enjoyed. “Prior to this - as youmaywell know, givenwhatLord Foster has told you about me - I have not been a gentleman often inclined towards a great many acquaintances.Iamcontentwithonlya few veryclose friends.Ihave never feltthe needtointroduce myself to all and sundry. To my mind, it is a poor gentleman who boasts a vast number of acquaintancesbuthasveryfew friends.”
Asmall flushofheatroseinhischest,butMissLawrenceonlysmiled.
“Idonotthinkthatapoor choice,LordStoneleigh.,Iquiteunderstandit.Iadmireit,infact.”
Her eyes suddenlycaught onsomethingover Gideon’s shoulder and she craned her necka little, forcingGideontogive a small halfturn,noticingtwoyoungladies walkingtowards the three ofthem. MissLawrenceseemedtorecognizethemboth.
“Doexcuseme–andreturnmybetrothedtomeshortly,will you?”
Lord Foster grinned and thenslipped away, as the two youngladies came to jointhem, frustrating Gideon’sattemptstospeakfurther withLordFoster.
“Miss Cartwright, LadySara.” Miss Lawrence smiled warmly, thendropped into a quickcurtsey. “Goodevening.”
“Goodevening.”
Neither ofthe ladies were smiling, butGideonfound his attentioncaughtbythe brightness ofone setofvividblue eyes,althoughhe didnotknow whichyoungladywas whichas yet.Coughinggently, hecaughtMissLawrence’sattention.
“Forgiveme.Allow metointroduceTheMarquessofStoneleigh.”
She continued with the introductions as Gideon bowed, glad to know which was Lady Sara and whichMissCartwright.
“Iamverypleasedtomakeyour acquaintance.”
Now thathe knew whichladywas LadySara,he foundhis eyes lingeringonher witha gooddeal more intensity.She was notoverlytall,andhadgentle curves thatlefthis mindwanderingtoplaces it ought not. He should not be thinkingabout what it would be like to press a kiss to the delicate curve ofher throat,nor wonderinghow blue her eyes wouldbe,shouldhe be standinga gooddeal closer to her. Indeed, it was a verystrange thingfor himto be thinkingat all, for he was not a maninclined to suchthoughts. He had always admired youngladies, yes, and had found thembeautiful, charming, and quitedelightful,buthadnever foundhimselfdrawntooneashewasinthismoment.
“LordStoneleigh?”
Achill ranacrossGideon’sskin,hisfeetshiftingashedroppedhishead,realizingthathehadlost the thread of the conversationentirely. He had beenfar too busytryingto understand all that he was thinkingandfeeling,insteadofpayinganyattentiontowhatwasbeingsaid.
“Iamafraid we have onlyjustarrived, so Icannotsaywhether or notIhave enjoyed this evening asyet.LordCoatbridgewill beabletogivehisownopinion,however.”
“Alas, I have only been here a few minutes myself also.” Relieved that Miss Lawrence had obviously seen the worry in his face, he glanced at her. “I am certain that it will be a pleasant evening.Iamsureyouwill bothenjoyit.”
“Iamcertainthatsomeofusshall,yes,butevenifthereisnoparticular enjoyment,Iexpectthatit will notbedull.”
Her words were almost sharp, and there was a depth of meaning coloring them. Swiftly remembering what Miss Lawrence had told him about Lord Coatbridge and the young lady he had beencourting, Gideonsent another looktowards Miss Lawrence who gave hima small nod. Gideon did not want to make it obvious that he knew of LadySara’s reasons for feelingso miserable but, to hissurprise,foundhimselfdesirousofimprovingtheeveningfor her asbesthecould.
“Imaynotbethemostproficientdancer,butIcancertainlydomyutmosttomakecertainthatyour eveningisalittlelessdisappointing,”hefoundhimselfsaying.“Thatis,ifyoushouldwishtostepout withme.”
Itseemed to take the ladya few moments to realize whathe was askingher, for she stared athim withincomprehensioninher eyes,beforelightsuddenlydawned.
“Youmeantoaskmetodance?”
Gideonchuckled,pushingawaytheslightdiscomfortwhichcamewithher surprise.
“Yes, LadySara, ifyoushould like to dance, Iwould be glad to step outwithyou. And youalso, MissCartwright.”
The latter smiledandimmediatelypulledher dance cardfromher wrist,handingittohimwithout a second thought. Relieved thatatleastone ofthe two showed happiness athis request. Gideontook his time in selecting the dance. His arm was already stiff and sore, and perhaps even more pain would come to himbecause ofthe dancing, butitwould be worthit. He had notstepped outwithany young lady in some time. It was all too easy to forget that he no longer had the fortune he had once possessed, far too easyto simplyimagine himself backina positionof wealthand fortune, and able to give himselfand anyyoungladyhe chose a happyand contented future. Now, this could onlymean adance,andnothingmore.Hewasnotinapositiontobeabletooffer anythingelse.
“Whatsayyoutothecountrydance,MissCartwright?”
“An excellent choice, my Lord,” came the eager reply and he smiled as he signed his name and handeditbacktothelady.
He thenturned his attentionto LadySara, notblinkingwhenhe looked into her eyes, and steeling himselffor her refusal.Shehadnoteventakenthedancecardfromher wrist.
“LadySara?Ifyouhavenowishtodancethisevening,then–”
“No.” The slight lifted to her chinspoke of a suddenand fierce determinationas she slipped her dance card fromher wrist. “Forgive mytardiness, Lord. Stoneleigh. Youfind me a little onedge this evening, whichperhaps has notmade for the bestofintroductions. Forgive me. Ishould be veryglad todancewithyou.Thankyoufor your invitation.”
Havingcarefullyconsideredthedances,itdidnottakehimlongtosignhisname.
“Thequadrille,LadySara.Ihopethatpleasesyou.”
“It does, Lord Stoneleigh.” Taking it back from him, she gave him a brief smile, although there wasaslightglintofsteel inher gaze.“Ilookforwardtosteppingoutwithyou.”
Theytooktheir leave,andleftGideonandMissLawrencestandingtogether.
“So that is Lady Sara, who has been pushed aside by Lord Coatbridge,” Miss Lawrence explained.
“Which is nothing but foolishness as far as I can see,” Gideon replied, speaking without consideration or having any desire to keep his thoughts to himself. “She is certainly quite beautiful and from a suitable family. I am certain that she would have made him an excellent wife.” Miss Lawrence turned her head and gave hima slightlysurprised look, withwide eyes and eyebrows that lifted momentarily. Heat burned in his chest, and he turned his gaze away. “I am being nothing but complimentary.”Heforcedthewordsoutofthecorner ofhismouth.“Nothingother thanthat.”
MissLawrencelaughed.
“Ithinkthatyouhave done her a greatservice. This will bringa little joyto the evening, although ImustconfessthatImyselfamalittleupset.”
“You are upset?” His eyes rounded as she nodded. “Goodness. Whatever have I done? Pray tell meatonce,sothatImightrectifyit.”
Muchtohisrelief,MissLawrenceonlysmiledathim,makinghimrealizethatshewasteasing.
“Why, Lord Stoneleigh, you have asked Miss Cartwright to dance, and Lady Sara also, but you have not asked if I should like to do so. I know that I ambetrothed to your friend, but that does not meanyoucannotstepoutwithmealso,doesit?”
Chuckling,Gideonheldupbothhands.
“Thatis a grave mistake onmypart. One whichIthinkto rectifyat this verymoment, ifyouwill forgiveme?”
MissLawrenceconsideredfor amoment,thenlaughed.
“Ofcourse.”Her smilefaded.“Solongasyour armdoesnotbecomefurther injured.” “Ishall be quite alright,” he assured her, grateful for her consideration. “YoumustpraythatIwill remember all thesteps.IfItreadonyour toes,thenyoushall havetoforgivemyforgetfulness.”
MissLawrencesmiled,thebrightnessinher eyesreturning. “Itcannotbeasbadasall that,LordStoneleigh.”
Heofferedher hisarm.
“Thereisonlyonewaytofindout,MissLawrence.Letusgoandsee.”
“Andhow doyoufeel thismorning?”
Sarashruggedbothshoulders.
“Iamdoingmyutmosttofindalittlejoy,butlasteveningwasrather trying.”
Her friendliftedaneyebrow.
“EvenwithLordStoneleigh’sattention?Hemadeyousmileatleast.”
Sara considered for a moment. Lord Stoneleigh had brought a certain lightness to the evening, definitely,particularlyasshehadbeeninadispiritedframeofmindtostartwith.
“Ishall admitthathewasahelpful distractionfor atime,yes.”
“AndyoudidnotspeaktoLordCoatbridgeagain,Iassume?”
“No, Idid not.” Sara tossed her head. “Instead offeelingsorrow, Ifound myselfrather angry.” A slight flush burned in her cheeks. “Although I certainly am regretful for speaking so unkindly. His newly betrothed Lady Nora did not deserve my harsh words. I was rather thoughtless, was I not?” Her friend did not disabuse her of this notion, nodding in evident agreement. “I should have been a good deal more considerate. I wished to injure Lord Coatbridge, but had you not called me back, I believe I would have injured the ladywho has nothingto do withthis situation. It appeared that she waswithoutawarenessthatLordCoatbridgeandIhadbeencourting.”
“Yes, I would agree with that.” Miss Cartwright pulled her mouth to one side. “My heart does pain itself for her. It seems as though she has been quite taken in by his charm, and perhaps even believesthathefeelsagooddeal morefor her thanhetrulydoes.”
Sarawinced.
“Perhaps she is not as unaware of it now, given what I said. It turns out that I would have been better staying at home last evening just as I said to my mother, although I will admit that I had not expectedtofeel suchanger uponseeinghim.”
“That is something you cannot be irritated with yourself about either,” her friend insisted. “You were done a great wrong. It is natural to feel such things.” She smiled softly. “I did find Lord Stoneleigh’scompanylasteveningmostpleasant.”
As she shot her friend a quick look, Sara’s eyebrows lifted and her heart turned over with concern,onlyfor MissCartwrighttolaugh.
“No,indeedyouneednotthinkthatIamenamoredofhiminanyway.ItismorethatIwasgrateful for a gentlemanwho was eager to listenand did notforce his conversationuponme. Iwas veryglad for your saketoo,didyounotthinkthesame?”
Saraswallowed,awareofthewarmthinher cheeks.
“Iwill confess to youthatIspentthe majorityofmydance withhimlookingover his shoulder to
determine where Lord Coatbridge and his betrothed might be,” she admitted quickly, realizing that LordStoneleighmusthavethoughther averypoor dancer indeed,ifnotdreadful company.
“Goodness.” Her friend’s eyes widened a little. “Then might I say that you missed an excellent opportunityto converse withhim. Lord Stoneleighwas mostengagingto talkwithand, Ithink, would havebeenabletodistractyoufurther fromLordCoatbridgehadyougivehimtheopportunity.”
“Mayhap I shall have the chance to dance withhimagain,” Sara protested a little weakly. “I did notfindanythingwrongwithhisdancing,however.Iwill saythat.”
“He did apologize to me about his arm, although I did not notice it.” Hannah told her as Sara frowned. “Did he not speak so to you? I thought he did very well for a gentleman who had been injured.”
Again, Sara was quite at a loss as to what her friend was speakingof. Spreadingher hands, she triedtosmile,onlyfor her friendtoroll her eyes.
“YoumeantosaythatyouhaveverylittleideaofwhatIamspeakingabout?”
“Ido notrecall himsayinganythingto me abouthis arm. Was this spokento youatthe startor the endofthedance?”
“It was before,” Miss Cartwright informed her. “Given that I danced with himbefore you did, I wouldhaveassumedthathewouldhavesaidthesametoyou.”
Sara slowly began to realize just how dreadful a dancing partner she had been last evening. No doubtLord Stoneleighwould have thoughther veryrude for ignoringhis conversationentirely, or not respondingtoanythinghe hadsaid.Hadhe noticedthe waythatshe hadconcentratedher gaze tolook over his shoulder? Had he noticed her distraction? Onthe whole, she had thought that the dance had gone verywell indeed, but it seemed now as thoughshe had not beenpaying anyattention. And that wastoher shame.
“Ibelieve Imayhave anapologyto make to Lord Stoneleigh,” she murmured quietly. “Goodness, hemustthinkterriblyofme.”
MissCartwrightsmiled.
“Mayhaphe is understanding.Evidently,he knew the cause ofyour difficulties lastevening,given what he said. I amsure that he will realize whyyouwere so distracted, and will not thinkpoorlyof youbecauseofit.”
“He seems to have made anexcellentimpressionuponyou,” Sara remarked as her friend nodded, her eyestwinkling.
“Alas, as favorably as I look upon Lord Stoneleigh, I must confess that I find Lord Millwood a little better – but then I should, as we are to marry!” Her friend laughed. “Although I do think that LordStoneleighwouldbeanexcellentgentlemanfor you toconsider.”
Saraimmediatelyshookher head.
“Ihave onlyjustbeenspurned byone gentleman. Perhaps itwould be wise for me to take a short timeawayfromthemall!”
“From all gentlemen?” Miss Cartwrightaskedas Sara nodded.“Thatis a little severe,doyounot think?TherearemanyexcellentgentlemeninLondon.”
“Thatmaybe so,butIstruggle tofindthem!IbelievedthatLordCoatbridge was one suchfellow, andnow lookwhereIam.IamnotcertainthatIcantrustanygentlemanagain!”
“Thatdoes notmeanthattheyare all as Lord Coatbridge was,” her friend replied simply. “Come now. Let us go to the park for a walk, as we had planned, and I amcertain that we will find some excellentgentlementospeakwith.Theywill pull youfromyour thoughtsofLordCoatbridge.”
Sara sighed and was about to refuse, onlyfor the door to openand for her mother to step inside.
ShemurmuredaquickhellotoMissCartwrightbutmadeher waytoSaraalmostimmediately.
“Mydear,Ihavewonderful news!”her mother exclaimed,immediatelycatchingSara’sinterest.
“Yes,Mama?”
Shiftingalittlefurther forwardinher seat,shewaitedasher mother claspedher handstogether.
“I have just heard from my dear friend, Lady Simpson, that her nephew is eager to make your acquaintanceandhaseveryintentionofcourtingyouassoonashecan.”
Sara’s stomachdropped.She hadnodoubtthather mother was intendingtoencourage her through this, butthe lastthingshe required atpresentwas simplyto be snatched up byanother gentleman. He might simply believe her to be broken-hearted and therefore an easy pursuit, or an easy path to the funds of her dowry. Whether he wished to court and wed her or, in fact, desired to gain her interest for somethinga little less proper, she could nottell, butshe was muchtoo waryto simplyacceptthat the gentleman’s interest was genuine – particularlywhenshe could not be certainthat theyhad even beenintroduced.
“What is the name of this gentleman, Mama?” A quick glance toward Hannah told her that her friend shared the same concern, for there was no smile on her face, and her eyes were a little narrowed,afrownpullingather brows.
“ItisLordBetley,amostdistinguishedgentlemanwhoIbelievehasagreatestateinScotland.” “Yes,Ihaveheardofthefellow.”
After another glance towards Miss Cartwright, the concernwhichlingered inher face lingered in her heartalso, for Hannahfrowned withconcern. Manyrumors were goingaround aboutLord Betley - which her mother obviously had not heard - but as far as Sara was concerned, he was not a gentlemanthatshewishedtospendanylengthoftimewith.
“I believe that he intends to call this very afternoon,” her mother continued brightly, as though Saraoughttobehalfoutofher chair withjoy.“Wemustmakecertainthatyouarefullyprepared.”
“Alas, Mama, I have already agreed to go to the park and walk with Miss Cartwright, accompanied by my maid, and one of our footmen, of course,” Sara interrupted, as her mother frowned. “We also wish to go into town so she might collect her new gloves for the ball tomorrow evening since it is to be her betrothal ball. You must understand that my dear friendship with Miss Cartwrightwill notpermitmetobreakmyword.”
Seeingher friendabouttoopenher mouthinprotest,Sara gave her a small shake ofher headand, thankfully,MissCartwrightfell silent LadyLongfordsighed.
“No,IsupposeIshouldnotaskyoutodosuchathing.”
Her displeasurewasobvious,butSarapaidnoheed.
“Thankyou, Mama. If youwill excuse me, I must go and prepare myself, so that we might leave withinthehour.”
At this, her mother threw up her hands and left the room, leavingSara to fall backinto her chair withrelief,her eyesclosingandonehandflutteringacrossher forehead.
“I believe you have heard the same as I, concerning Lord Betley?” Hannah remarked as Sara nodded.“Itappearsheisnotagentlemanwhoiswell considered.”
“I have heard that he makes himself quite delightful to everymother inLondon,” Sara remarked, openingher eyes.“Butthathisconductinprivateisquiteimproper.Hadmymother heardofthis,then Iamquitesurethatshewouldnotbesowillingtopushmeintohiscompany.”
Hannahsighedandshookher head.
“It is unfortunate that some gentlemencando just as theyplease inthat regard. Theymayhave a
wife and continue onwithanyand everyflirtation, withno one disapproving. I amglad that youare cautious,mydear friend.Heisnotagentlemanyououghttoconsider.Nottomymind,atleast.”
“I quite agree,” Sara acknowledged. “It seems that you are to have your trip into town after all, mydear friend. We mustdepartbefore mymother comes up withanother reasonwhyIcannotsimply gointotownwithyou,andmustinsteadstaytogreetLordBetley!”
MissCartwrightlaughed,risingfromher chair.
“Iamcertainthat we will find excellent company, and youwill forget all about Lord Coatbridge and everything he has done,” she declared as Sara rolled her eyes. “And if not, then we shall make certaintospendour pinmoneyonsomethingbeautiful.”
ThatideabroughtasmiletoSara’sface.
“Acapital idea,”sheagreed,astheywalkedfromtheroom.“AndIhavejustthethinginmind!”
“I MUST SAY, that is the most fetching bonnet, and the ribbon certainly brings out the color in your eyes.”
The proprietor smiled warmlyas Sara tied the ribbons under her chin. She had no need for a new bonnet,butitwasapleasurejusttobeabletolookatthem,andtrythemon.Besideswhich,her father would have no qualms if she purchased something for herself, not after the trouble she had endured thusfar withLordCoatbridge.
“Itcertainlydoes.”
Miss Cartwright agreed, as Sara smiled back at her reflection in the mirror. She caught Miss Cartwright’s gaze, seeingher smile, butalso the slightdancingofher eyes, tellingSara thatshe knew all too well that her desire for a new bonnet came only to soothe her injured spirits, rather than becausesherequiredone.
“I think I shall purchase it.” Waving one hand towards the bonnet she had worn fromthe house, she smiled quickly. “Might you return my bonnet to the house in place of this one? I think I should quiteliketowear thistoday.”
“Yes,ofcourse.”
Obviouslygladtohavemadeasale,theproprietor beamedather andagreedreadily,commenting againonhow well chosenthe bonnethad been. Sara smiled withgentle affection, aware thatthe lady was doingall she could to encourage Sara to come backto her shop again, atanother time whichshe hadeveryintentionofdoing.
“And Iammostpleased withthese gloves.” Miss Cartwrightsetdownthe pair ofsilkgloves that she had ordered last week, and which the proprietor had just delivered to her. “I have a ball tomorrow and Icertainlydo require this new pair. Iamafraid thatmycurrentpair has a slighthole in oneofthefingertipsandIcouldnotallow themtobeseen,particularlyatmybetrothal ball!”
This prompted a flurryofcongratulations fromthe lady, who thenencouraged Miss Cartwrightto returnshouldsherequireanythingfor her weddingchest.
After a shortdelay, theywere able to leave the shop and stepped outinto glorious sunshine. Sara smiled to herself, tippingher head up for just a moment before duckingit againunder the shadow of her bonnet. She did notwantto have evenone freckle, butthe feel ofthe warmthonher face was too delightful toforgo.
“Ithinkthisaveryprettybonnet,”shesighed.“Doyounotthinkso?”
“IndeedIdo,althoughIdonotthinkyoupurchaseditsimplybecauseofhow lovelyitis.”
Sarachuckled.
“Whythen,praytell?”
“You cannot escape my notice,” her friend laughed. “I do hope that it has been successful in its purposeofliftingyour spiritssomewhat?”
Laughing, Sara looked away for a moment as they meandered slowly together along the street, keeping to their own conversation rather than stopping to greet any other, with the footman and the maidtrailingafter thematasuitabledistance.
“Yes, I suppose you are right. I cannot hide such a thing fromyou. It has improved my spirits a greatdeal and Ifind myselfquite pleased withthe day. Indeed, Ihave forgottenaboutLadyNora and LordCoatbridge.Insteadoffeelingaggrieved,Inow feel almostcontented!”
“And all because ofa bonnet,” Miss Cartwright laughed, linkingarms withher friend. “The blue ribbonscertainlydomatchthecolor ofyour eyes.Iwill saythat,”MissCartwrightadded.
“Andareyoucontentedwithyour gloves?”
“Oh yes. I amvery much looking forward to the ball tomorrow. I amstill somewhat shocked to imaginemyselfabride!Itisastonishinginmanyways.”
“Butyouarehappywithyour choice?”
MissCartwrightnodded.
“I could not think of anyone other than Lord Millwood. I am more than content. It is a very difficultemotionto express, and Ido notthinkIcansatisfactorilytell youall thatIfeel for him!Ido notthinkIhaveever beensofilledwithjoy.”
A little surprised at the heat of envy rising slowly from the depths of her soul, Sara patted her friend’sarm.
“PerhapsI,oneday,shall sharethatparticular emotionwithagentlemanofmyown.”
“Iamcertainthatyouwill,solongasyouarepatient.”
“Whatever haspatiencetodowithit?”
Sara blinked in surprise as Miss Cartwright laughed softly, as though she had said something foolish.
“It is to say that such an emotion does not simply appear one day. Perhaps for some, they might feel a great and overwhelming emotion initially, but the depths of feeling that I now experience I believewill takealittletime.Thatiswherepatienceisrequired.”
“Youhavenotalwaysfeltsofor LordMillwood?”
Saralookedather friendastheywalked,notingthesmilewhichseemedtolinger everytimeMiss CartwrightspokeofLordMillwood.
“No, not always. My dear Lord Millwood and I courted for some time before he decided to propose.Myfeelings abouthimwere,bythattime,sogreatthatIwas abletoconsider everythingthat Ifeltand accepted himwithouthesitation, knowingthatitwould be botha practical matchas well as oneoflove.”
“Youmeantosayyoutoldhimall thatwaswithinyour heart?”
Alittlesurprisedattheopennessofher friend,Sara’seyeswidenedasMissCartwrightnodded.
“Of course I did. Because we had been in such close acquaintance for a long time, there had growna greatbond oftrustbetweenus. Iwould nothave keptanythingfromhimfor the world.” The envythatSarahadbattledwithagainroseuplikeafierywavethatshehadtofighthardtopushaway. “That is why I speak of patience,” her friend finished. “Such a close acquaintance can take a good deal of time to develop. You cannot expect it to rush towards you at great speed - although I have
heardonoccasionthatit has donesofor certainindividuals,eventhoughthatisnotmyexperience.”
“Ibelievethatmyfeelings for LordCoatbridgewouldhavegrownstill further,hadIbeencourted byhimfor anylonger lengthoftime.”
Her shouldersdropped.
“But that is good, is it not? It is good that your feelings were not so verygreat, so that youhave not been completely shattered by his betrayal, although I shall not say that you are in any sort of enviable position. I would encourage you to push against your mother’s urge to match you with a suitable gentleman. Take as much time as you can to find a husband who truly suits you. Allow the Season to go by with great slowness and deliberation on your part and use that inquisitive nature of yourstomakecertainthatanygentlemanwhoseeksyour affectionsisworthyofthem.” Saraarchedaneyebrow.
“AreyousayingthatIamalittlenosy,mydear friend?”
Again,MissCartwrightlaughed,butshedidnotimmediatelydisagree.
“Ibelieve Iused the word inquisitive,” came the answer, makingSara laugh. “Come now, we are dear friends, are we not? I know you well – and after our conversation this morning about Lord Stoneleigh, I can already imagine what questions are in your mind when it comes to him.” Sara attempted to find the words to disagree, but her conscience forbade her fromspeakingaloud. “AmI incorrectinmyassumptions?”
Sighing,Sara shookher head,as theyturnedtostepintoa bookshop.Droppingher voice low,she spokealittlemorequietlytoher friendastheywanderedamongtheshelvesstackedwithbooks.
“If you are asking whether or not I amthinking about Lord Stoneleigh, and the injury to his arm, and whether or nothe spoke to me ofit, thenthe answer would be yes. Iwill notpretend otherwise.” She threw a smile to Miss Cartwright, but her friend did not see it as she picked up a book, now scrutinizingthecover.“Ifindmyselfwonderingwherehesustainedsuchaninjury,andwhyhis armis still sopainful tothe pointthathe feltthe needtospeakofit.AndIfindmyselfwonderingwhether or not he spoke to me about it inthe same wayhe spoke to you. Yes, myfriend, I do have a great many questionsaboutLordStoneleigh!”
“Ididspeaktoyouaboutmyarmbeforewebeganthedance.”
Adeepvoicemadeher jumpinsurpriseand,whensheturnedher head,there,standingbeforeher, was none other thanLordStoneleigh.His backwas straight,his headheldhighwithone handholding hishatclosetohisside.
“Ido not… Thatis to say…” Closingher eyes for a moment, she tooka breath. “Good afternoon, LordStoneleigh.”
Aware thatshe was fumblingfor whatshe oughtto sayinsucha circumstance as this, Sara lether gaze dart around the shop rather than looking into his face. How long has he been standing there? How much has he heard from my lips?
“Good afternoon.” Lord Stoneleigh murmured the words, inclining his head as Sara’s heart ricocheted around her chest. She managed to drop into a quick, bobbed curtsey. “And good afternoon toyoualso,MissCartwright.”
Sara caught her friend’s eye for a moment as she gave a soft reply, only to then turn away from Lord Stoneleighentirely- butnotbefore Sara had caughtthe redness inher cheeks. She had no other choicebuttoturnher attentiondirectlybacktoLordStoneleigh.
“Forgive me,Lord Stoneleigh,for whatyouhave,no doubt,overheardfromme.” Sara’s face was burning as Lord Stoneleigh looked at her, his eyebrows a little lifted. His dark brown eyes were in sharp contrast to the fair hair which draped itself across his forehead, and Sara struggled to look
straightinto his face. There was a tightness to his square jaw, and the waythathe dropped his china little to look down at her was somewhat intimidating. Choosing to be honest, she threw out both hands.“Myfriendhasonlyjustfinishedaccusingmeofbeingmuchtooinquisitiveandalas,Ifindthat Imustagree.”
“Soitwouldseem.”
Lord Stoneleigh clasped his hands behind his back, his lips pursing for a moment. His sudden changeinexpressionremindedSarathatshehadspokenofhisarm.
“Forgive me for my lack of attention last evening, my Lord. I believe I was a very poor partner for you, and missed a great deal of your conversation, no doubt due to my own feelings and distractions.”
“You were preoccupied,”heagreed,shiftingfromonefoottotheother,his headturningslightlyas shetookhimin.Hisexpressionwasinscrutable,andshecouldnottell whether or nothewasirritated with her, or whether he found the entire situation a little mirthful. The broad shoulders and obvious strength in his frame were entirely in contrast to Lord Coatbridge, who was rather slender in his frame, and Sara found her heart quickeningall the more. “Ihave beeninformed about the difficulties which you faced last evening, Lady Sara.” His hands swung back but she did not miss the flicker in his dark eyes which came as he did so. Evidently, his arm still pained him. Clearing his throat, he lifted one eyebrow as she flungher eyes backtowards him, onlyjustrealizingthather gaze had been onhisarm.
Tensionburnedtheair betweenthem.
“Pray forgive my inquisitiveness. I shall not be demanding any answers from you, I can assure you.”
LordStoneleigh’ssmilewassudden,bright,andtookher breathfor amoment.
“That is a very great relief. I only spoke a little in apology for being unable to dance with my usual vigor, but did not give anyparticular details. Givenyour ownsituation, I amsure that youcan understandmyreasonsfor doingso.”
His eyes were suddenly lit with a fire that Sara had never seen in him before, and her embarrassmentgrew all themore.Pressingonehandtohisheart,LordStoneleighbowedand,without another word, turned on his heel and made his way fromher company and the bookshop itself. Sara blinked in astonishment, following him with her eyes and wondering whether or not she had seen mirthhisexpression,or ifithadbeensomethingentirelydifferent.
“Goodness, that was most embarrassing.” Miss Cartwright was beside her again in a moment, clearly relieved that Lord Stoneleigh had left the bookshop. “How much did he overhear, do you think?”
Grimacing,Saraletoutalongbreath.
“Icannotsayentirely,butfromwhathe said,Ibelieve thathe caughtme talkingabouthis armand theinjuryhehassoclearlysustainedtoit.”
Her friendpattedher arm.
“Pray, do not give it too much thought. He will forget it soon enough, and you apologized quite beautifully.”
Sara’sembarrassmentdidnotfade.
“Perhaps,althoughIdonotthinkhewill ever askmetodanceagain.”
“Answer me this. After this situation, are yougoingto step backfromsuchcuriosity?” her friend asked, as she returned her gaze to Sara. “Shall youcontinue to wonder aboutLord Stoneleighand his injuredarm,or will youpushhimawayentirelyandfocusonsomethingelse?”
