LoveintheOccultTraumatic
AlexisLuna
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CoverartanddesignbyAlexisLuna&JoshuaLuna
ISBN:979-8-9901697-2-2
Thisbookisaworkoffiction Names,characters,places,andincidentsareeithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorusedfictitiously Anyresemblancetoactual events,locales,orpersons,livingordead,iscoincidental
Thisbookorpartsthereofmaynotbereproducedinanyform,storedinanyretrievalsystem,ortransmittedinanyformbyanymeans electronic,mechanical,photocopy, recording,orotherwise withoutpriorwrittenpermissionoftheauthor,exceptasprovidedbyUnitedStatesofAmericacopyrightlawandfairuse.Forpermission requests,pleasecontacttheauthor
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Tothosewhoareinvisible Untilsomeoneseesthem.
He helps heal minds. She can actually read them. But neither can heal from their own trauma alone.
HeidiBauerwouldgiveanythingtonotbeabletoreadpeople’smemories.Yeteverytimesheseesblood,sheloses consciousnessandgetsaglimpseintotheprivateinnerworldsofthewound’sowner,tracingthroughtheeventsthatcausedthe injury withfrighteningprecision
Shecan’ttellanyonethis,ofcourse.It’sbadenoughthatshehasseverePTSDandhemophobia,butunexplainedmagical powersaswell?She’dratherspiralintojoblesspovertythanadmitthetruthandriskgettinglockedupinsomekindofmental institution.
Thatis,untilshemeetsthehandsomeandcaringDr BùiĐứcKhiêm DespiteHeidi’sintentionsoftellingnoonehersecret, shefindsherselfopeninguptothepsychiatristbetterthanherowntherapist inmorewaysthanone
Andyet,whileDr.Khiêmmaynothaveanypowers,he’shidingsecretsofhisown.Sowhenamysteriousfigurestartsto stalkHeidiinpursuitofherhiddengift,itisn’tjusthersafetythat’sthreatened,butKhiêm’stoo.Together,HeidiandKhiêm learnthatnotallwoundsarevisible andhealingthemmaycostoneoftheirlives
Occult trauma: Atraumaticinjurythatmaynotbeapparentoninitialpresentationorphysicalexamination.
Pleasevisittheauthor’swebsiteforadetailedlistofcontentwarnings.
Asmanypeoplewithnon-EnglishnameslivingintheWestknow,choosingapronunciationand/orspellingisaconstant strugglebetweenhonoringtheoriginalname,andacknowledgingthatmostWesternerswillnotputintheefforttosayorspellit correctlyevenwhengiventhetoolstodoso (Itgetsevenmorecomplicatedwhenregionalaccentsinthenativelanguagemay changethepronunciation.)Forthisreason,thisguidewillincludeoneformofthenativepronunciationaccordingtoIPA,anda Westernized,approximateversion.
Khiêm
IPA:xiəm˧˧(UseanIPAreadertohearit)
Approximatepronunciation:“KEEM”
Đức(Khiêm’smiddlename)
IPA:ɗɨk
Approximatepronunciation:“DOOK”
Bùi(Khiêm’ssurname)
IPA:ɓuj˧˧
Approximatepronunciation:“BOO-I”
Liên
IPA:tʰɨəŋ˧˧
Approximatepronunciation:“THUW-ONG”(asadiphthong;i.e.spokenasonesyllable)
Dũng
IPA:liən˧˧
Approximatepronunciation:“LI-EN”(asadiphthong;ie spokenasonesyllable)
IPA:zuʔuŋ
Approximatepronunciation:“ZOO-NG”(asadiphthong;i.e.spokenasonesyllable)
Waseema(ﺎﻤﯿﺳو)
IPA:wæsˈiːmə
Approximatepronunciation:“WAH-SEE-MAH”
Yusuf(ﻒﺳﻮﯾ)
IPA:juːsuf
Approximatepronunciation:“YOU-SOOF”
SpecialthankstoHavyfortheirassistanceincreatingthisguide!
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14.ScarredforLife Heidi
15.BadBlood Khiêm
16 ComingHome
Khiêm
AbouttheAuthor
Author’sNote
NextintheSeries
UpcomingRelease
ARUSHOFBLOODTOTHEHEAD
WHENYOUMEETANattractivemanforthefirsttime,it’sbesttobeconscioussoyoucanappreciatethemoment.
YethereIam,laidoutonthefloorofthedoctor’sofficelikeastarfish,headswimmingwithvertigoandbodylimpand useless AllbecauseIhappenedtoseealittleblood Myblood Inatube Thatcamefrommyarm Becausethat’swhereit’s supposedtogowhenyou’regettingyourblooddrawn.
Theneedlewasn’teveninmeanymore.Infact,Iwaslongdonewiththeblooddrawandhadalreadyleftthenurse’schair.I wasstandinginthedoorframetothelab,strawdanglingfrommymouthasIslurpedonaboxedapplejuicethenursegaveme andchattingwithherforabitasweswappedstoriesaboutourgardeningmishaps(apparentlyneitherofushavegreen thumbs).Iwasabouttoleavewhenshegrabbedthevialsofbloodfromthearmrestandmovedthemtothecounterbesideher, and oopsie-daisy!theregoesmysenseofbalance.NextthingIknow,I’mflatonmybackandblinkingblearilyatthebright fluorescentlightsoftheceiling.
DoesitmatterthatIsuccessfullyavoidedlookingatthevialstheentiretimemybloodwasbeingdrawn?No OrthatIdidn’t feeldizzyfromtheblooddrawitself?Alsono.Hemophobiaisarealtrip,Itellyou.Atripstraighttotheground.
Thenurseisonmyright,flusteredandfussingovermewithobviousregret.She’sapologizingtome,Ithink,butIbarelyhear her,becausethere’sadudeIdon’trecognizehoveringovermeonmyleft.
Whoeverheis,he’sgotagreatface
HelooksSoutheastAsian,hisskinamedium-brownhuethat’sassmoothandinvitingas sandonanoceanshorethat’sbeentouchedbynothingbutsteadysunlightandgentlewavesofwater.Hisfaceisyouthful I’d placehiminhislatetwenties buthisjawisdecidedlystrongandsquarish,givinghimamature,ruggedlymasculinelook.His low,broadnoseisnestledbetweenprominentroundcheeksthatprotrude,andstretchtwovisiblelinestohischinthatframe hismouthinaslightbutpermanentdimple
“Miss,areyouokay?”heasks.“Canyouhearme?”Hisdarkbrowneyesarefurrowedwithworry.Ivaguelyregisterhis handsmovingaroundmeashetalks,touchinghereandtherelikeadoctorwouldtotestabody’svitalsandreactions.
“Yeah,I’mcool.”Itrytositup.Themysterymanandthenursebothlungeforwardatthesametimetostopme,puttingtheir handoutinfrontofmytorsoandcarefullypushingmebackdown
“Pleasestaystillforamomentwhilewemakesureyoudidn’thurtyourself,”saysthenurse.“Hay nako, Ishould’vepaid moreattention.IwasenjoyingourtalksomuchImovedthosevialswithoutthinking evenafteryouwarnedmeaboutyour condition.I’msosorry,dear.”
“Don’tworryaboutit I’mtotallyfine”
Buttheyforcemetocommittomypositiononthefloorforafewmoreminutes Theytuckadisposablemedicalpillow underneathmyheadwhileIwaitforthemtofinishcheckingonme,makingsureIdidn’thitmyskulloranythingelseonmyway down,andconfirmthatthiswasmerelyahemophobia-inducedfaintingspellandnothingmore.Embarrassing,but understandable.
Eventually,thenursegivesmethegreenlighttogetupandleave Sheoffersmeanotherjuiceboxandaprofuseroundof apologieseventhoughIalreadytoldherit’snotabigdeal.It’smyfaultfordistractingher,andforhavingaweak,cursedsetof eyeballsthatcan’tstandthesightofblood.(NotthatItoldhertherealreasonforwhyitbothersme,though.)
“Wouldyoulikemetowalkyoutotheentrance?”asksthemysterymanafterheandIbothexitthelabandenterthehallway ofthehospital EventhoughI’mbetter,hisfurrowedexpressionofconcernremains Inoticeforthefirsttimethere’sasmall moleabovehisrighteyebrow.Itgiveshisfaceanextraelementofcharm.
“That’snotnecessary.Butthankyou.”
“It’snotrouble,”heinsists.“I’mwalkingthatwayanyway.”
Itakealongerlookathim,wonderingwhyhehasadoctor’sbearingbutwearsnowhitecoatorscrubs Instead,he’sgotona pairofdarkwashjeanswithabeigeshirtandalong,baby-blueknitcardigan.Ithangsoffhiswideshouldersandtall,slim framehandsomely civilianclothes.Whichisweird.BecausenowthatIthinkaboutit,thenursedidn’tstophimfromhelping hertreatme.Asifsheexpectedhimto.
“Doyouworkhere?”Iblurtout
Hiseyeswiden,caughtoff-guardbythequestion.“Oh,”hesaysbeforeregaininghiscomposure.“Ido,inaway.Thisisn’t mybuilding.IonlycamebytodropoffLindra’slunchsincesheforgotitinmycar.”
Imust’vegivenhimaconfusedlook,becauseheadds,“That’sthephlebotomistyoujustsaw.She’smyfriend.We’reina carpoolgrouptogether”
“Andyouworkas ?”Ileavethequestionhangingtoallowhimtofinishit.
“Apsychiatrist.”Heremoveshishandsfromhispockets,extendingonetowardsmeashesmiles.“I’mDr.BùiĐứcKhiêm.” Itakeitandpause,flushingslightlyatthewarmtouchofhisskininmystill-clammypalm.Hishandshakeradiatesagentle, intentionallypatientenergy Asifhecouldeasilymakeitmorevigorousbutchoosesnotto “I’mHeidi HeidiBauer”Hedoesn’ttakebackhishandimmediately,insteadwaitingformetobetheonewhomakesthe movetoremoveit.Somehow,hisunwaveringcalmmakesmenervous.Ijerkmyhandawayalittletoofast.
“Nicetomeetyou,Heidi,”hesays.Ifhenoticedmyhastyretreat,hedoesn’tleton.Thesmilehegivesisasradiantasitis disarming Itreallyisanice,pleasantsmile Itmakesmewanttogettoknowhimbetter
Whichiswhy,whenhegesturesforustostartwalkingtothefrontentrancetogether,Ipanic “I’mnotleavingyet,”Ilie.“Ihaveto,uh,pee.Reallybad.”Islammynextwordstogethersofasttheyblurintoonelong mumble.“Soitwasverynicemeetingyoubye.”
Iturnheelandspeed-walkintheoppositedirection,anydirection,nothavingacluewherethebathroomis Idon’tdarestop tolookatthehospitalsignstofindoutthough,sinceitmightgivemeaway EspeciallybecauseIneverneededtogointhefirst place.
OnceI’veputenoughdistancebetweenus,IturnbacktoseeifmysterymanisstilltherewhereIlefthim.He’snot.
Sigh ScoreoneforHeidiScrewsUpHerPossibleMeet-Cute,Iguess
There’smascaraallovermyface.
Itwasagoodcry Muchneeded,too ProbablylongoverdueifI’mbeinghonest Butthatdoesn’tchangethefactthatmy makeupisincompletedisarrayandIlooklikearaccoon.
Iwanttogettoamirrortofixitrightaway,butunfortunately,Ihavetosquareawaytheinsurancepaperworkformysession first.Thankfully,therapistsarenostrangerstocryingclients,sothereceptionistatthefrontdeskoftheclinicdoesn’tbataneye atmyweepy,disheveledlook IpulloutmyMedicaidcardandhandittoher Igrabatissuefromtheboxatthecounterand makeanotherfutileattempttodabawayatsomeofthemesswhilesheprocessesmyinfoonhercomputer.Withoutbeingable toseemyselfthough,there’snotmuchpoint.Still,itgivesmesomethingtodosoIfeellessawkwardwhilehernailsclack awayatthekeyboard.
Onceeverything’stakencareof,Ithankherandshuffleoutthefrontdoorandintothegreaterofficebuilding Itssterile, corporate-stylehallwaysalllookthesamenomatterwhatflooryou’reonandwhatkindofbusinessesarelocatedthere.Which isquiteafeatwhenyouconsiderthewiderangeofwhat’shidingwithinitswalls.
Forinstance,mytherapist’sofficeissandwichedbetweenafinancefirmandanenvironmentalnon-profit.Oneisfullof peoplewearingimmaculate,tailoredbusinesssuitsthatwouldfitrightinatWallStreet,whiletheotherisalmostaggressively committedtocasualdress flip-flopsandhemp-productseverywhere.Nexttothatisaneducationaltestingcenter,where college-agedstudentscomeinwithfrumpysweatpantsandtanktops,buzzingfromcaffeinehighs,andexitmanyhourslater lookingasexhaustedanddestroyedasIdorightnow.
AndI’mdefinitelyfeelingprettyoutofit It’sdrainingtoplungeintoawellofpainfulemotionswithastrangerandhaveto doitwithintheconfinesofasingle45-minutesession.Felicityisaverynicetherapist,butIwasaquiveringrawnerveallthe same.Itellmybraintheimportanceofthe“GettoBathroomtoFixFace”missionandaimmytiredfeetinthatdirection. Imust’vebeendissociatingandkeepingmyheadbowedtowardstheground,becausesuddenlyIfeelitslamminginto something Wait,no Notsomething Someone
“I’msorry,”theysaywithagrunt.Ithinktheysaiditautomatically,eventhoughI’mprettysurethisbumpisentirelyonme fornotpayingattention.
Ilookupfromtheirchesttoseethefaceofmyvictim.
“Dr Khiêm,”Isayinsurprise NotonlydidIneverthinkI’drunintohimagain,butIdefinitelydidn’texpecttodosoonly twodaysafterourfirstaccidentalencounterattheEvergroveCityHospital HelooksassurprisedasIdo
“Areyoualright?”heasks.Irealizetoolatethatmytear-stainedfacemightgivehimthewrongimpression,makinghimthink ourcollisionisresponsibleforit.
“It’snothing”Ihastilywipeatmycheeksforthemillionth,ineffectivetime EventhebestofmascarasIcanaffordhasthis annoyingwayofmeltinginthepresenceofliquidbutthenstubbornlyremainingonmyskinuntilIattackitwithmakeup remover.“Allergies,amIright?”Isay,tryingtopassitoffassuch.
WhetherDr.Khiêmfindsmyliebelievable,Idon’tknow.Thelookofscrutinyhelevelsatmegivesawaynothingastowhat conclusionsheisdrawing AllIknowisthathereallyhasahandsomefacenomatterwhatexpressionisonitandIcouldstare atitforhours
ExceptIshouldn’t.Mission“GettoBathroomtoFixFace”isstillinplayandIhaven’tcompletedit.I’mnotproudthatI’m runningawayfromhimasecondtimewiththesameexcuse,butatleastthistimeit’sthetruth.
“Listen,Ineedtogoto ”
“Wouldyouliketogetsomecoffee?”Hespeaksatthesametime,cuttingmeoff Iblinkathim.
“Like,rightnow?”
Heletsoutasmallsniffthatmightbethestartofalaugh,butstopshimself “Unfortunately,no,asI’mabouttogetbackto workandyouseembusyatthemoment.IwassimplythinkingI’dliketoseeyouagain.Atatimethatwouldbemore convenientforyou.”
Insteadofacknowledgingthepartwhereheaskedmeout,mybraindoesarecord-scratch.“Wait,youworkhere?Whenwe firstbumpedintoeachother,Ithoughtyousaidyouworkedatthehospital”
Henods.“Yes,Ido.Ialsoworkhere,atSunriseCounseling.”Heturnsandpointsdownthehallway,inthedirectionIjust left.“Iswitchbetweenthetwoofficesduringtheweek.”
Ifeelmymouthfreezeintoaplacidsmileofhorror.SunriseCounselingisareduced-costclinicforpatientswhoare financiallystruggling Likeme.
EventhoughDr.Khiêmlikelydoesn’tknowI’mapatientthereasoftoday,IstillfeellikeInowhaveagiantbillboard flashingabovemyheadscreaming“BROKENBRAIN.ALSOREALLYFUCKINGPOOR.”Theideaofhim oranyoneelse findingoutismortifying
“Ifyou’renotinterestedthat’squitealright,”hesays,misinterpretingmyhorrifiedexpressionandholdinguphishandsin apology.“IhopeIdidn’toverstepbyasking.”
“Ilovecoffee.”
Hestaresatmeforamoment,mostlikelyfeelingwhiplashfrommyunpredictableshiftsinconversationandwonderingwhat mystatementmeans.Becausehonestly,sometimesIdon’tknowwhatImean.Ifhe’sgotthecalmandregalbearingofaBernese Mountaindog,Ihavetheneuroticismandtremblinginsecurityofaneglectedchihuahua.
Thetruthis,Iwanttogettoknowhim.Iwanttoseethathandsomefacesomemore.ButI’mscared.Scaredthathe’llgetto know me
ButIcan’thelpfeelthatthissecondencounterismyopportunitytocorrectmycowardiceandliesfromthefirst.Asif somethingintheuniverseistellingmetoputonmybiggirlpantsandtaketheplunge.Taketherisk.
“I’dlovetogetcoffeewithyou,”Itellhim.
BeforeIknowit,I’vegothisphonenumberwrittendowninagraceful,flowycursiveonthebackofhisSunriseCounseling businesscard
“Youdon’thaveadoctor’shandwriting”
Dr.Khiêmputsdownhiscupofteaontheglass-toptableandlaughs.“Ican’ttellifthat’sacomplimentornot.”
AbreezesweepsthroughtheoutdoorareaoftheVietnamesecaféwe’reat,rustlinghisthickcropofdarkhairandgivingusa momentofrelieffromtheswelteringsummerVirginiaheat.Unlikeme,who’stoopaleandclothedinall-blackgothaestheticto dowellatthistemperature,Dr Khiêmlooksrightathome There’snotasinglebeadofsweatonhim Noteventhepipinghot teahe’sdrinkingorthelong-sleevedshirthe’swearingseemstohaveaneffect.
Meanwhile,Ihavetotakealargeswigofmymuchcoolerdrink adeliciousicedcoconutVietnamesecoffeethathe recommendedtome beforeanswering.“Youknowhowdoctorsusuallywriteinachicken-scratchthatnoonecanreadbut them?Yoursistheopposite It’salmostcalligraphic,likeanartist’s”Iraiseaneyebrowathim,playful “Areyousureyou wentintotherightfield?”
Helaughsagain.“Inmyopinion,understandingthehumanmindislessofascienceandmoreofanart.Infact,I ” Awaitresswalksuptoourtable,trayinhand.BothDr.KhiêmandIinstinctivelyputapauseonourconversationtoturnto her Ioriginallywasn’tintendingonorderinganyfood,butDr Khiêminsisted Unfortunately,Icouldn’treadthemenusince
mostofitwaswritteninVietnamese So,Itoldhimtosurpriseme andnowI’mabouttofindoutwhathepicked “Here’syour chè ba màu, Dr.Khiêm,”saysthewaitressasshetransferstheiteminquestionfromhertrayontothetable.She looksVietnamesetoo,exceptherhairisavibrantdyedredàlaBlackWidowthatbringsoutthewarmtonesinherskin.Her nametagsaysAMBERonit.Veryfitting.“And kem bơ forthelovelylady.”Shehandsouttwolongmetalspoonsbeforegiving aslightnodofherhead “Ifyouneedanythingelse,letmeknow Enjoy!”
“Youcomehereoften?”IaskDr.Khiêmaftersheleaves.Itdidn’tescapemynoticethatshereferredtohimbyname.And thatshewasmaybealittleontheflirtyside,evenifshehiditwell.
“Yes,probablytoomuch.Atleastonceaweek.”
“That’stoomuch?”
Hesmiles.“Itisifyoualwaysorderdessert.”
Iputmyelbowonthetableandleanmychinontothebackofmyhand.“So,you’vegotasweettooth.Haveyoutried everythingtheyhavehere?What’syourfavorite?”
Hereachesacrossthetabletoslidethepileofnapkinstowardme,whichhavethespoonsAmberleftontopofthem “I’m moreinterestedinseeingwhichoneswillbeyourfavorite.”
“You’renotgoingtotellme?”Igraboneofthespoonsoffthetable.Ipreparetodipitintothegreen,ice-cream-looking dessertinfrontofme.“Well,maybeI’lldecidetobelikeyouandnotgiveananswereither.”Ifinishmakingascoopandpop itintomymouth Ifeelawaveofrich,creamysweetnesssweepovermytongue “Ohmygod,thisisdelicious whatisit?”
“Avocadomousseicecream.ApopularstreetfoodinViệtNam,especiallyinsummer.Youlikeit?”
“Mm,it’stodiefor.Silkyandsweet.”Isavorthetasteforamoment.I’mdefinitelyorderingthisagaininthefuture.Oncethe spooniscompletelylickedclean,Iremoveitfrommymouthandpointitatthethin,footedglassdessertcupinfrontofhim.It’s gotthreelayersinside:adark,reddishbottom,ayellowmiddle,andawhite,icytopthat’sgotsizablegreenjellychunks interspersedwithin.“What’dyouget?Thatlooksgood,too.”
“Chèbamàu,orthree-colordessert,”heanswers.HelookspleasedthatI’masking.“Youcanchangeuptheingredientsin eachofthelayersifyouwant,butthisoneisoneofthemostcommonversions,withyellowmungbeans,sweetredbeans,and pandanjellymixedwithshavediceandacoconutsauce Wouldyouliketotryit?”
“I’dloveto Ishouldprobablygetanewspoonthough”
BeforeIcanraiseahandtosummonAmberbacktoourtableandfetchsomenewutensils,Dr.Khiêmhasalreadyprepareda heapingportionofchèbamàuonhisownspoonandisstretchinghisarmacrossthetabletowardsme.
“But ”
“Goon,tryit”Henudgesthespooncloseruntilit’srightinfrontofme Ileandownandbiteit.Dr.Khiêmjerksback,asifhewasn’tpreparedformetodothat.Surprisedbyhis suddenmovement, Ichokeoneverythingthatwentintomymouth.
“Ah,”heexclaims “Ididn’tmean ” Iflapmyhandathim,tryingtosignalthatI’llbebetterinasecond Iendupinacoughingboutinstead Itakeaswigof coffeetogettheclingybitsofjellyandiceoutofmythroat,andfeelreliefwhenmyairwaysopenbackuptoafunctionalsize. “I’mfine,”Itellhim.Still,Itakeanothersipofcoffeetobesafe.“Ibarelygottotasteitthough.”
Dr Khiêmlookstornbetweenofferingmeanotherbite,andburyinghisheadsomewhereintheground “Ithoughtyouwere goingtotakethespoonfromme,not ”Heclearshisthroat “I’msorryforcausingyoutrouble” “No,it’smyfault.Imisunderstood.”
Anormalpersonwould’vetakenthespoonfromhim,notchompedonitlikeanill-trainedanimal Me?I’vegotastomach biggerthanmyeyes.Andapparentlybiggerthanmysocial-cuesensibilities,too.
“Wouldyoustillliketotryit?”
Igivehimawrylook.“I’mworriedthatifsomethinghappensagain,you’regoingtohaveaheartattack.Youlookedlikeyou werehavingmoretroublebreathingthanme”
“Oh.DidI?”Noticinghisstiffshoulders,herelaxesthem.“IguessIwasworriedIruinedeverything.Makingagirlchokeon afirstdatedoesn’tseemlikeagoodstart.”
“Hm,well,dependsonwhatyou’reputtinginhermouth.”
Bothofusfreeze
Ohboy.Meandmylackoffilter.It’sbeensolongsinceI’vebeenonadatethatI’veforgottenhowtoactproperly.Andhow tokeepmyinappropriatejokestomyself.
Dr.Khiêmopensandcloseshismouthacoupleoftimes,likehewantstosaysomethingbutdoesn’tknowwheretostart. There’sasteadyblushrisinginhischeeks Ifeelitmatchedinmine God,thisisembarrassing Iwentfromzerotosixty withoutthinking.
“Anyway, tellmeaboutyourself,”Isay,tryingtoswitchtracks.Iavertmygazeandfocustoointentlyonmoldingaperfect spoonfulofkembơinmycup.“Where’dyougotoschool?”
Dr Khiêmseemsgratefulforthechangeofsubject “Istayedlocal IattendedtheUniversityofEvergroveandmajoredin Psychology,thenwenttomedicalschoolupnorth.You?”
“Noway,Evergroveismyalmamatertoo.It’dbewildifwewerethereatthesametimeanddidn’tknowit.Howlongago didyougraduate?”
“Icouldbewrong,butIbelieveI’mcominguponmytenthanniversarythisyear”
“Tenth Waitaminute,howoldareyou?Ithoughtyouwerelike,twenty-seven,tops.”Helookssoyouthfulthatfora momentIworriedImightbecougaringonhimabit.
“I’mthirty-four.”
“Thirty what?”Igapeathim “I’mthirty You’reolderthanme?”
Hegrins “Everheardthephrase‘Asiandon’traisin’?”
“No,butI’mbelievingit.”Isitbackinmychair,stunned.Helooksdamngoodforthirty-four.
“Whatdidyoustudy?”heasks.
Iwavemyhanddismissively “HistorywithafocusonBabylonianmythology,whichendedupbeinguseless”Ieatanother biteofkembơ “Ioriginallywantedtobearesearcher,butfoundoutIdon’tlikeresearch” “Youdon’t?”
“Okay,that’salie.Iloveresearch.Learningnewthingsisgreat,andIcangetsuckedinforhours.Evenmonths.ButIdon’t likethepoliticsofresearch,ifthatmakessense”
Hetiltshisheadatme,curious “Howso?”
“There’ssomanylayersofapprovalyouhavetogothrough.Soevenifyouhaveanideaofwhatyouwanttostudy,eachstep oftheprocessslowlychipsawayatituntiltheendproductlooksvastlydifferentfromwhatyoustartedwith.”Ifrown.“Itwas quiteawake-upcalltorealizethatwhatshouldbeanobjectiveareaofstudyisanythingbut”
Dr Khiêmnods “Icanrelatetothat Psychiatryfacessimilarobstacles Itcanbequitedifficulttopursuethetopicsyou want.Somuchofitisinfluencedbyyourmentors,yournetwork,youraccesstoresources,yourpreviouscertifications,etc.”
“Yes,exactly Likeifyouhaveanadvisorwho’sbiasedaboutsomething,itcanbealmostimpossibletogetthemtoapprove ofaprojectthatbumpsupagainstthatbias.”Ipause,heavingawistfulsigh.“Itdidn’thelpthatafterIgraduated,findingajob wasevenharder.”
“Sowhat’dyoudo?”Dr.Khiêmeatsabiteofhisdessert,buthiseyesstayonme.
“Igotareceptionistjobatavet’soffice” “Aveterinarian?”
Ilaugh.“Yeah,that’stheusualreactionIget.Myparentswerenotenthused.Notthatit’stheirbusinessanyway,sinceI’mthe onewhopaidmywaythroughschool.”
“Didtheyexpectyoutogotogradschool?”
“Suredid.That’sreallytheonlywaytogetajobinhistoricalresearchanyway.Iknewthat,butIdidn’tfeelmotivated enoughaftermyundergradexperience.Plus,withstudentloans…there’snotmuchroomforjoblessness,youknow?Therewas anopeningatthevetclinicnearmeandIappliedonawhim,notexpectingtogetitsinceIhadzeroexperience.Butthenboom, Igotit”
Hesmiles.“Youmustlikeanimals.I’veheardvetclinicsarequitedifficulttoworkin,evenforpeoplewhohaveapassion forit.”
“Ohyeah,that’sdefinitelytrue.They’reconstantlyunderstaffedandmostoftheworkdaysarechaoticfromstarttofinish.But Igrewupwithalotofpets,soitworkedoutokayforme”Itakeasipofmycoffee,realizingI’mchattinghisearoff “How aboutyou?Doyoulikepets?”
Dr.Khiêmlooksdowntohissideandreachesintohispantspocket,extractingaratherlarge,pristinelookingphone.Hemust beamindfulpersontonothaveasinglescratchonit.Meanwhile,minelookslikeitgotdroppedonatiledbathroomfloor. Becauseithas Multipletimes
“Heretheyare,BánhTiêuandCottonball.”
Thephotoheshowsmeonthescreenisenoughtomeltathousandhearts.Ontheleftsideofthephotoisatinytan-colored dog,withalong,silkycoat,buttonnose,andtwopleadinglylargebrowneyes.Ontheotherisaslightlybiggerdog,witha whitecurlycoatandlightbrownmarkingsonitsearsandface It’sgotanequallyheart-meltyface “Aww,they’rebothsocuteithurts!APapillonanda ”Itakeaguess “Poodlemix?”
“You’reclose.They’rebothmixes.BánhTiêuisPapillonandPomeranian,andCottonballisaBichonandShihZhumix.” “Goodness,Ijustwannasquishtheirlittlenoses.WhatdoesBánhTiêumean?”
Hegivesmeamischievoussmile “Ifwecomebackhereagain,youcanfindout” “Ohho,howsneakyofyou Isthatyourwayofaskingmeoutonaseconddate?” “Perhaps,”hesayscoyly.“I’dloveforyoutopickwhereyou’dliketogothistime.Ifyou’recomfortablewithit,ofcourse.” “Youdon’twanttocomebackheretogivethe uh ”Ihesitate,realizingI’mgoingtobutcherthenameofthethree-layer dessertnomatterwhat “ ’shey-uh bao mao ’ anotherwhirl?”
“Isupposewehavenochoicebuttoconsiderathirddateaswell Iffornootherreasonthantoworkonpronunciation” Ilaugh.“Deal.”
NEVERHAVEIFELTmoregratefulforGroupondealsthanIdonow.
Idon’tusuallyhavetheopportunitytojumpontheirofferssincemostofmyfriendsaretoobusywithwork,orthedealsare foractivitiesI’mnotinterestedin Itdoesn’thelpthatthepricesarealsoexpensive,evenwiththediscounts Thistimeisdifferent.IwanttoimpressDr.Khiêm.Oratleastmakesurehehasagoodtime.So,Ihopehelikesfish,because we’regonnahaveafishykindofday.
We’llstartwithadolphintouratthenearbybeachcityofAnchorsville,onlytwenty-fiveminutesawayfromEvergrove Then,ifthedategoeswellandwewanttokeepgoing,wecanhitupthefamousaquariumthereandgetanevenbiggerdoseof fishyfriends.(Ifnot,wecanbothheadhome.)Theaquariumwillalsopresentabetteropportunitytotalk,sinceit’sjustthetwo ofusandnotagroupactivitylikethedolphintour.
Dr.Khiêmtellsmehe’llhavetomeetmetheresincehehassomeSunrisepaperworktofinishupinthemorningbeforehe canleave Ibookthetourforanafter-lunchtimeslotof2pmtogivehimanicecushion OnceSaturdayrollsaround,Idigout myblacksunhatfromwithinthedepthsofmydisastrouslydisorganizedcloset,slaponathicklayerofSPF50sunscreenand anoverlylargepairofCelebrity-at-the-Airportstylesunglasses,andhoponthesubwayrailtotakemetotheseaside.
Iarriveandstepoutoftheundergroundtunnels.Thewarmthofthenoondaysunfeelsniceonmyskin,pairingwellwiththe saltytangoftheoceanbreeze Todayisgoingtobeagoodday Icanfeelit
Checkinginwiththetourcompanyiseasy.IsendanupdatetexttoDr.Khiêmanddecidetowaitforhimatabenchnearthe parkinglot.There’sonetuckedunderthecanopyofasweetbaymagnoliatree,itsbuttery-whiteflowersprovidingafragrant patchoflemon-scentedshadeandarelaxingatmosphere.
WhenDr Khiêmarrives,however,mystomachstartstoflipwithnerves
Helooksgood.Realgood.He’swearingalong-sleevedjadeshirtandadarkpairofpantsthatfithimlikeaglove.The breezeisblowingfromhisside,makingthefabricofhisshirtrippleacrosshimandclingtohismuscles.It’sgivingmequitea detailedviewofhispecsandarms.Underthatslimframe,he’sjacked.Unf. “Didyouwaitlong?”heasksasheapproachesme “Nope,notatall.”Itrytoignorethefactthathismuscledefinitionisevenmoredistractingupclose.Hisnipplesareso prominentunderhisshirtthattheymightaswellbesayinghellotome.Iresisttheurgetosayhelloback.“Readytogo?The tourstartsinabouttenminutes,soweshouldprobablygetontheboat.”
Wemakeourwaytothedock Dr Khiêmclimbsonboardfirstandreachesbacktogivemeahand,gentlemanthatheis I learnedfromaquickGooglesearchthatthetypeofboatwe’reoniscalledaRIB,orrigid-hullinflatable It’sgotacurved,
ROCKTHEBOAT
Heidi
tube-likeouterringthatwrapsaroundthewholething,whichkindofremindsmeofarmfloatiesforkidsbutatanindustrial size.Itssharp,triangle-shapedbowpointsupwardfromthewaterabovethesternlevel.Itlookslikeit’sgoingtocutthrough thewaterprettyfast.
Anditdoes.Thecaptaingivesashort,thespian-flavoredspielbeforewesetoff,andnextthingIknow,thatgentleocean breezefromearlierbecomesaviciouswhippingforcethatmakesmehavetoholdontomyhatwithbothhands Myhair instantlylosesallthestylingeffortIputintoit.Grr.Imadeitlooksoprettytoo,curlingtheendsintowavestoemphasizethe ombregradientofthejetblackturningintoindigo-blueandthenpurple.
Buttherideisthrilling,soIcan’tbetoomad.Ilovethebeach.Idon’tgettovisititnearlyoftenenough.Ifeelmyfacerelax intoasatisfiedgrin Dolphins!We’regoingtoseereal-lifedolphinssoon IturntoDr.Khiêmtoseehowhe’sfaring,andthatgrinofmineslipsrightoffmyface.
Helooksmiserable.I’vealreadyfiguredouthe’sthestoictypewhodoesn’tshowhisemotionseasily unlikeme,who reallycoulddomoretokeepallthatincheck butthisisdifferent.Heseemsdistinctlymorestone-facedthanusual.There’sa resignedqualitytohisfrown,hiseyeslockedinafarawaystare Likehe’dratherbeanywherebehere
Ileanontherailingtowardshim.“Areyoufeelingseasick?”
Hestartsalittle,likehedidn’tnoticeIwasthere.“No.”
It’shardtohearovertheloudrushoftheboat’smovement,soIinchclosertohim.Ihaveafeelinghewantsmetospeak quietlylikeheis,butIcan’tdothatifI’mtoofaraway “Istheresomethingelsegoingon?”
Heshakeshishead.It’sacurt,almostimperceptiblemovement.“Nothing’swrong.”
Whichisclearlyalie.
Normally,Iwouldn’tpry Ifhe’snotbeingforthcomingwithanswers,that’snoneofmybusiness Theproblemiswe’restuck Onaboat.Fortwohours.Becauseofme.Soifhe’sfeelingawful,I’dliketoknowwhyandseeifIcanhelpcorrectthings.
Ipullbackfromtherailingandturnaround,leaningmybackonitinstead.Itugonthehatstringonmychintosecureit.Can’t takeanychanceswiththisdamnwind.Itakemyphoneoutofmypocketwithbothhandsandputmyelbowsupbehindme.I jamoutsomequicksentencesandhitsend
Dr Khiêmmust’vefeltabuzzinhispocket,becausehisfarawaystaregetsinterruptedforamomentandhereacheshishand downtopathispocket.Buthedoesn’tlookatit.Inudgehimwithmyelbow. “Youshouldcheckit,”Isay,smilingathim.
Hegivesmeaconfusedlook Inudgehimagain Hecompliesthistime,andIcantellhe’sreadmyfirstmessage 2:16 pm
Would texting be easier? I want you to have fun today, and it’s obvious you’re not. Please let me know what I can do to help.
Tomysurprise,Iwatchashisfrownbeginstoturnupwardsandhestartschucklingtohimself Me,beingthetrigger-finger texterIam,ofcoursehastocommentimmediately
2:17 pm
?? What’s so funny? Did I make things weird?
2:18 pm
Not at all. I’m simplyamused that you’re using a technique that mental health practitioners use with non-verbal clients.
2:18 pm I wasn’t expecting it.
Ican’thelpbutbreatheeasier.Atleasthe’stalkingtomeagain,andseemstobeinsomewhatbetterspiritsthanbefore.
2:18 pm
Oh yeah, mylittle cousin is autistic so we often use it with him. I guess I kind of take it for granted?
2:19 pm
I appreciate that you reached out to me this way. I admit I was uncomfortable speaking out loud.
2:19 pm
Do you mind telling me what’s going on?
Hehesitatesforamoment.Icatchhiseyesnervouslyflickingupwardbeforereturningtohisphonescreen.
2:20 pm
I’ll tell you, but you have to promise you won’t look at the person I’m talking about. I don’t want to draw their attention. 2:20 pm I promise!!
2:20 pm Who is it?
2:21 pm
The captain. Ever since I got on the boat, he won’t stop glaring at me.
It’sagoodthinghewarnedmenottolook Becauseifhehadn’t,Iprobablywouldhaveinstinctivelytakenapeek Instead,I keepmyfacegluedtomyscreen,likeIpromised.
2:22 pm
That’s so strange. Do you know why?
2:22 pm
Did you notice his attire? His hat has the Navyemblem on it, and he’s wearing militarygear too.
2:23 pm
I did notice, but I thought that was normal since a lot of people in this area are military
2:23 pm Wait do you have beef with the military???
2:23 pm
Don’t tell me you’re like a James Bond secret agent or something. I don’t want to be a Bond girl, theyalways die. Plus theyhave to have their tits out for no reason
Dr.Khiêmmakesasnortingsound,beforebringinguphishandtohismouthtostiflethelaughthatwantstofollow.
2:24 pm
If you were a Bond girl, your name would have a crude, sexist pun in it. So I think you’re safe.
2:24 pm
No, the reason I think he’s staring is because he’s a veteran from the American War in Việt Nam. His shirt has the Rolling Thunder logo on it.
2:25 pm Oh yikes
2:25 pm
You think he thinks you’re the enemyor something??
2:26 pm
Sadly, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gotten this reaction. American vets generallydon’t like people who have faces like mine.
Webothgoquietforamoment.It’sawkwardtotextaboutsuchserioussubjectsinsteadofbeingabletotalkface-to-face especiallysincewe’rerightnexttoeachotherand,intheory,wecouldusethatoption.Exceptthatitwouldonlymakethings worseifweweretobeoverheard.
Theloudwhirroftheboatsuddenlyquietsdown Ifeelthevehicleslowingunderneathourfeet Myhairsettlesbackonmy shoulders,finallygettingarespitefromtheravagesofthewind Wemusthavegoneoutfarenoughfromtheshoreforthe dolphinwatchtoofficiallybegin.
Theotherpassengersmust’venoticedtoo Thesubduedsoundsofnaturecomingfromthewaveslappingagainstthehulland theseagullscryinginthedistancequicklygetsoverpoweredbythegrowingmurmursofexcitedhumans.Thosewhohavekids havealreadybeguntopositionthemtobeabletopeekoverthesiderailing.
Meanwhile,therestoftheadultsarejostlingeachotherforthebestvantagepoints,eventhoughthere’splentyofroomfor everyoneandnoonebutthecaptainwouldknowiftherearedolphinshererightnowanyway Sheesh,chillout,folks The oceanisn’tgoinganywhere.Andneitherarewe.
Thecaptainstartsperformingagain.Heletshisloud,staccatovoiceboomacrosstheboat.Insteadofagenericseafaring adventurespeechlikehegavebefore,thistimehestartstalkingabouttheAnchorsvilleFort,theNavyshipscurrentlydocked therethatwecanseeinthedistance,andthelonghistoryofUS militaryinthearea Great Unsurprisingly,IfeelmyphonevibratinginmyhandsfromaDr.Khiêmtext.
2:32 pm
When you told me this was a “marine life” tour, I think I expected something different.
2:32 pm asjfdklsdjfkds
2:32 pm
Listen I’m here for the dolphins, I don’t know whythere’s such a focus on the military
2:33 pm
Wait hold on let me look something up
IpullupmyinternetbrowserandtrytoretracemystepsfromwhenIbookedthetour.Ire-readthetourdescription,andfeel myfaceblanch.
2:35 pm
Well that explains it. Check out the link to the tour company’s site
2:36 pm
Oh, I see, it reallyis supposed to be a playon words… marine life and Marine life.
2:36 pm
Also, the companyis called “LibertyTours.”
2:36 pm
You didn’t notice it before?
2:35 pm ; ;
2:37 pm
I saw the words “discount” and “dolphins” and mybrain peaced out after that 2:38 pm
I’m sorry
2:39 pm
Don’t be, you didn’t do anything wrong. :)
“Iseeone!”
BothDr KhiêmandIjerkourheadsupfromourphones Thevoicebelongstoakid,possessingthathigh,slightlysqueaky pre-pubescentqualitytoit
Everyonefollowsthekid’sfingerasitpointsoutintotheocean.Themassofpassengersinstinctivelystompsovertothatside oftheboatasonegiantclump.ThankfullyforDr.Khiêmandme,we’realreadyintheperfectspot thetargetzoneistomy right
Aglistening,rubberygraybodybreaksthroughthewater’ssurface Itcutsthroughitinacleanarc,waterrushingoverits skin,beforedisappearingagain.
Adolphin!Itdidn’tjumpout justskimmedthesurfaceforamoment butit’sdefinitelyadolphin.Abottlenosedolphinto beexact,thekindmostcommonlyseenhere,accordingtomyexpertGoogleskillsfromyesterday (IfonlyIhadbotheredto lookupthedamntourcompany,too Waytogo,me)
Themurmurshavenowexplodedintogaspsandachorusofooh-ah’s.Phonesmiraculouslyappearineveryone’shands, readytocapturethemomentthedolphindecidestobelessshy.
Andboom,thereitis.It’srotatedontoitsback,itswhitebellycatchingthesunlightlikeastreakofpaint.Itsbodyundulates upanddownnearthesurface,asifstillweighingwhetherornottofullyemerge Thenitdelightsusallbywavingoneofits flippersintheair.Asifbymagic,awholepodofhalfadozenotherdolphinsstartstoappearbehindit.Similartohowthe groupofpassengersonourboatmovedasone,sotoodothedolphinsseemtobeonthesamewavelength,theirbodiesmoving inandoutofthewaterinunison.
I’msocaughtupinthethrillofthesightthatIdidn’tnoticethatDr Khiêmhascomecloser Soclose,infact,thathisright armispressedquitesnugglyagainstmyleft.
“Lookhowsmooththeyare,”hesays.“Soplayful.”Excepthedoesn’tsimplysayit.Hepracticallygushes,enthusiasm lightinguphiseyes.
Ajoylikethatsitsonhisfacehandsomely Toohandsomely Betweentheafternoonsunlightpaintinghischeeksinradiant dabsofgoldandorange,andthegenuine,unfilteredawethat’smakinghislipsparteversoslightly…Suddenly,Ibecome very awareofthewarmthofhisbodyonmyarm.
TheheatIfeelquicklystartstospread.Itflowsfast,surgingupmyarmlikeathermometer.SoonIfeelitinmyneckandmy ears Ihavetoresisttheurgetofanmyself,sweatbeadingmoreaggressivelyalongmycollarthanitdidfromthesummer temperaturealone.
“I’veneverseenanythinglikeit.”Dr.Khiêmisleaningsomewhatinfrontofme,hisneckcraningtotherighttogetabetter lookatthedolphinpod.Heseemscompletelyengrossedintheirmovements.“They’resoclose.Itmakesyouwanttoreachout andtouchthem,doesn’tit?”
Heturnstolookatme,andIjoltuprightfromtheeyecontact Ialmostpullawayfromhisarm ButifIdothat,he’llthinkI don’tlikeit,whichcouldn’tbefurtherfromthetruth.Plus,there’sachancethathedoesn’tevenrealizehe’sdoingit.Idon’t wanttoalerthimtoitonlytofindoutheregretsit.
“Itsuredoes,”Imanagetostammer.
“Oh,didyougetasunburnalready?”
“What?”
“There,onyourcheeks.”Hegentlypoints.“You’vegotaslightflush.”
Thankgodforlargesunglassesandtheirabilitytoconcealfiftypercentofhumanexpression.
“I’mjusthot Fromallthe,youknow,heat It’s,uh,veryhotouthereinthesun Imean,whew Aren’tyouhot?”
Hesmilesthathandsomesmileofhis,whichonlymakesmefeelmeltierinside.“IguessI’mlucky.Summerheatgenerally doesn’tbotherme.”Tomysimultaneousdisappointmentandrelief,hepullsawayfromme,severingtheconnectionbetween ourarms.Arushofcruel,coolairflowsintotheemptinessheleaves.Bendingdown,hereachestowardsthebackpackathis feetandunzipsitstopportion Heretrievesadisposablewaterbottlefromit Hehandsittomebeforereachingintograb more.
“Icameprepared,”hesaysasheholdsupeachitemhepullsfromitsinsides.“Ihaveawholesixpackifyouneedit.I’ve alsogotsnacks,bandaids,sunscreen,andaloevera.”
Ican’thelpbutlaugh “That’sverydoctorlyofyou”Iresisttheurgetomakeaninappropriatecommentaboutthesix-pack andthevisualtreatIgotearlierintheparkinglot.
“It’simportanttostayhydrated.”
Iuncapthewaterandpreparetotakeaswig.“Samegoesforyou.Where’syourwater,MisterHealthcareProfessional?”
“Uh”Helookshelplesslyathishands,whicharefullofhissupplies Ilaughagain.“Here,Igotyou.Sayah!”
Imotionathimtoanglehischinupwardsinfrontofthebottleandopenhismouth.Hehesitatesforamoment.It’sonlya millisecondortwo,butit’senoughformetogetnervousthinkingthatI’maweirdoforsuggestingthis.Whenhefinallydecides toopenup,I’msorelievedthatItipthebottleallthewayoverandpouritinwithoutthinking
This,ofcourse,makesthewatercomeoutwaytoofastforhimtodrink Itinsteaddrownshiminit Thewaterelicitsa surprised glub-glub-glub noisefromhisthroatanddrenchesthetopofhisshirtwitheverydropofliquidthatfailedtomakeits waytohismouth.
“Shit!I’msorry”
Astreamofwaterjetsfromhismouthinanarcashespitsitout Heletsoutahackingcough “Isupposethisispaybackfromourcafédate.Wasthatyourplanallalong?” “No,Iswear!”
Hewipesthewateroffhischeekswiththebackofhishandandgrins “Doesthismakeusevenatleast?” Istarttoanswer,andgetcutoffbythesoundofathroatbeingaggressivelyclearedfrombehindus “Lookout,we’vegotawildbottlenoseontheboat.”
Dr.KhiêmandIbothfreeze.Thevoiceiselderlybutauthoritative,edgedwithagruff,entitledexpectationthatwe’lllistento itimmediately Whichisn’tnecessary,becausewedo itclearlybelongstothecaptain Weturnaround Igetagoodlookatthecaptainforthefirsttime Awhitemaninhisseventies,he’sshorterthanbothDr KhiêmandI,maybe5’5”.Hishair oratleastwhat’sleftofit iswhitetoo.It’stuckedunderabluebaseballcapwiththe
US Navyinsignia AsDr Khiêmnotedearlier,he’swearingat-shirtwiththeRollingThunderlogoonitandsomekindof tacticalgearstrappedacrosshischestandhips.Itseemsunnecessaryforthistripwithabunchoftourists.
ThecaptainnodshischinatDr.Khiêm.“Thedolphinsdothattoo,youknow.Spittingoutwater.Buttheydon’tdoitonmy boat.”
“That’smyfault,”Iinterject “Iwashorsingaroundandmadeamess”
Thecaptainturnstome.Icanseethecalculatingexpressioninhisblueeyes,asifheweresizingupthetwoofusandtrying tofigureusout.Especiallywhetherornotwe’dtoleratehimthrowingmoreofhispsychicweightaround.Idon’twanttotake thechancethatDr.Khiêmwouldthrowitrightback.Eventhoughhe’dbejustifiedindoingso,sincehe’sbeingtreatedwith suchsuspicionfornothing
“Isthisyourfirstdolphintour?”thecaptainasks.Heasksmethough,notDr.Khiêm.Asifhewantstomakeapointof showingthathecouldturnDr.Khiêminvisiblewhenhewants.
“It’safirstforusboth,”Dr.Khiêmsaysanyway.
Thecaptainshifts,regardingDr Khiêmmoreclosely “Really?Mostfirst-timerswouldhaveabetterattentionspanforthe dolphins.”
Dr.Khiêmshrugs.“Itwouldappearthatthey’regoingtobearoundforawhile.We’vegottime.”
Althoughhiswordssoundnonchalant,hisbodylanguagesuggestsotherwise.It’sdefiant.Coiledandtense,likeasnake.My skinprickleswiththewarningthatthecaptainwon’tlikethat
“Yeah,we’vegotplentyoftime!”IsayasbrightlyasIcan,tryingtoredirecttheattentiontome.“Butweshouldprobablyget backtowatchingthem.”
Abeatpasseswherenoonesaysanything.Ifret,wonderingifIshouldsaysomethingtothawouttheicethat’sformed,butI havenocluewhatIcouldsaythatwouldn’tpotentiallymakethingsworse
Finally,thecaptaingrunts.“Hm.Well,don’tmissoutonitthen.”Headjustshiscapandstumpsaway.Reachingtheother passengersatthefarendoftheboat,hestartschattingthemup.EvenfromhereIcantellhistoneismuchfriendlierandlighter withthem,thatboomingthespianvoicecomingbackasheregalesthemwithfunfactsaboutbottlenosedolphins.
“Thatwasawkward,”Isay
Dr Khiêmletsoutahuffofannoyance “Tosaytheleast” “Isitalwayslikethis?”
“Withmilitarymen?Itdependsontheagetosomeextent,butgenerallyspeaking,yes.Itdoesn’thelpthatI’mwithyou.” “Huh?What’dIdo?”
“Don’tworry,youhaven’tdoneanythingwrong It’sonlythat” hepausesforamoment,lookingshy “you’revery beautiful.”
Iflushattheunexpectedcompliment.“Oh.”
Hesmiles “Thecaptainhaseyes,soI’msurehecanseeittoo”
Ifeelmybrowspulltogether,confused I’mnotfollowinghowthesethoughtsareconnected “It’skindofhardtoexplain,”Dr.Khiêmsaysinmysilence.“Butbasically,whitemendon’tlikeseeingmenofcolorwith whitewomen.Itputsthemonedge.Makesthemfeel…territorial.”
IthinkbacktowhatIknowabouthowBlackmengettreated theinfamousexampleofEmmettTillsticksoutinmymind anditmakessense Ididn’tknowthatsentimentappliedtoAsianmen,though Ifrown.“Becauseyou’re‘takingwhat’stheirs’?”
“Yes,precisely”Heleansontotherailing,lettinghiseyestraveltowherethedolphinsare Ifollowhisleadandposition myselfnexttohim.
“Youcan’t‘take’whatwasn’ttheirsinthefirstplace.”Iscoff.“Asifwomenbelongtothem.Asifwelikebeingtreatedlike propertyor,godforbid,awalkingfleshlight.”
“Areyoutellingmeyoudon’twishtohaveanamelikePussyGalore?”
IbustoutlaughingattheunexpectedcallbacktoourearlierJamesBondconversation.
“Youknowyour007lore.”
“It’sagoodthingyoudotoo,otherwisethatjokemight’veendedpoorly.”
“You’reright Yousaiditwithsuchastraightfacethatyoureallymight’veendedupsleepingwiththefisheshere”
Oneofthedolphinsmakesthatplayfulcacklesoundoftheirs,drawingourattention.Theentirepodhasapproachedtheboat bynow.Theirnumbershavegrowntoo,sothatthetotalisaboutadozeninsteadofhalfthatamount.Asaresult,thepassengers havebeensufficientlywhippedupintoaphotofrenzy.
Itakeoutmyphoneandstartsnappingsomephotosofmyown Tomydelight,adolphinemergesrightinfrontofusand pokesitsheadoutofthewater.
“Dr.Khiêm,look!It’ssayinghello.”
Rightashedoes,thedolphinopensitsmouth.Wecanseeitssoft,pinktongueandimpressive,somewhatterrifyingrowsof sharpteeth
“It’slikeit’ssmilingatus,”hesaysexcitedly.
“Quick,let’stakeaselfie.”
ItugonDr.Khiêm’ssleevetoprompthimtogetclosertosqueezeintheframe.Hecomplies.Feelinghisarmagainstmine oncemore,awaveofbutterfliessproutsinmybelly,accompaniedbyatinglyawarenessofwherehisbodyistouchingmine Onthephonescreen,Icanseeourfaces.Webothlooksun-kissed,andhappy.Thedolphinbehindusstillhasitsjokester smileonitsface.Perfect.
Isnapthephoto.
Buttruthfully,Idon’treallyneedit Thememoryisalreadyenough
HEIDILOOKSBEAUTIFUL.
Rather,Ishouldsayshelooksespeciallybeautifulrightnow ShewasalreadybeautifulwhenIfirstsawherthisafternoon, dressedtotheninesinabreezy,blackdresswithwhiterosesandthornsonitandawide-brimmedhattomatch Asummergoth look.Fromafar,thetattoosleeveonherleftarmalmostlookslikepartofthefabric.Ourhoursspentonthewatersofthe Atlantichavedonenothingbutdialupthebrightnessonthatinnershineofhers.Hercheeksarerosy,andthere’sasparklein herpalegreeneyes Ibelieveit’ssafetosayshe’shavingfun
Thedarkhallwaysoftheaquariumareaperfectfollow-uptotheoceansunfromearlier AsmuchasHeidiandIenjoyedthe sunlightduringourdolphintour,Ithinkwebothdesiredabreakfromitsrelentlesspresence.So,whensheinvitedmeto continueourdateattheAnchorsvilleaquarium,Iaccepted.
“WhatwereyougoingtodoifIsaidno?”Iaskherasweambledownatunnelinthejellyfishsection.Thelightingisextra dimhere,allowingtheneonglowofeachjellyfishtanktodazzlethroughouttheroom Thejelliesbobupanddowninthe water,gracefullyandlazily,likethey’vegotnowhereimportanttobe.Timeseemstoslowdown.
Heidi,ontheotherhand,appearspeppyandenergized.Herattentiondartsfromonetanktothenextaswewalkbythem.She hasthesamelevelofenthusiasmastheyouthhere.It’sendearing.
“IguessIwasgoingtohoponthesubwayandgohome?”shereplies Westoptolookatthespottedlagoonjellies Heidi snapssomephotosofthem.
“IthoughtyousaidyoualreadypaidfortheadmissionticketsthroughtheGroupondeal.” Heiditurnsbashfulandkickshershoeattheground.“That’saminordetail.”
“Wouldyouhavethrownthemaway?”
Shecontinuestolookdownatherfeet,andIrealizethatmaybehershoesarenotsuitableforallthewalkingwe’vebeen doingandwillcontinuetodo.Ithinkthey’recallededges.Orperhapsitwaswedges;Idon’trecall.Eitherway,theyappear stylish.YetIknowenoughfrommysisters’complaintstounderstandthatfashionmeansnothingintermsofcomfortwhenit comestowomen’sshoes
“I’dprobablygotowherepeoplearewaitinginlineattheentrance,andgivetheticketsawaytosomeonewhohadn’t purchasedanyyet,”shesays.“Maybeafamilywithkidsorsomething.”
“Isee.”Istartsteeringusintothenextroom,hopingtherewillbebenchestherelikeI’veseeninpreviousrooms.“Well,I’m relievedyoudecidedtokeepthemsowecouldusethem Iwashopingtospendmoretimewithyou”
“EvenafterthestringofcatastrophesonCaptainRambo’sboat?”
FISHOUTOFWATER Khiêm
Itrytonottolaugh
Sheclearlythinksshehandledthingsmoredisastrouslythanshedid Idon’tbelievesheknowshow muchthatfirsttextofhersmeanttome.“Yousaycatastrophes,Isayinterestingsurprises.”
“Ilikethat.I’mgoingtousethatonmyresume.TellmynextbossthatIhavenomistakesinmyrecords,onlyinteresting surprises.”
“Nextboss?”
Hereyeswidenwithregret,andIcantellI’veunintentionallystruckanerve. “Look,it’sthefamousmoonjellytank,”shesaysabruptly.
We’vealreadyexitedthetunnelandemergedintoamuchbiggerroom.Insideitisthelargestjellyfishdisplaytankwe’ve seensofar,stretchingfromoneendoftheroomtotheotherandteemingwithdozensofwithmoonjellies Theirround, toadstool-shapedbodiesareeerie,emanatingglowinglightinflashesofpaleceruleansandelectriclavenders.It’snowonder theygetcenterstagehere.Theydeserveit.
Thankfully,thereareseveralbenchesscatteredaroundtheroomasIhadhoped.Igestureatone,andHeidisitsdownalmost immediately
“IshouldprobablytellyouI’mcurrently‘betweenjobs’,”shesayswithasigh.“Betterforyoutofindoutnowratherthan later.”Asexpected,thisseemstobeasorespotforher.Asorenessherfeetalsoseemtoshare shebeginsadjustingthestraps oneachshoe,asifshe’dremovetheshoesaltogetherandrubherheelsifshecould.
Isitdownbesideherandpullopenmybag “There’snoneedtobeashamedaboutjobstruggles We’veallhadthem”I reachinsidetograbtheboxofbandaids.“Here,usethese.”
Shetakesit,butstaresatmeforamoment.“Youreallycamepreparedforeverything,huh?”
“Youcancreditthattoeitheryearsofmedicalschoolortohavingaclumsyyoungersisterwhohasahabitofrunninginto inanimateobjects Yourpick”
Shesmiles.“Howyoung?”
“Twenty-one.HernameisLiên.Ihaveanoldersister,Thương,whothankfullydoesnotinducenearlyasmuchchaosinthe family.”
“IthinkinmyfamilyI’m theelementofchaos,”Heidisayswryly “MyolderbrotherEddieisconsideredthe‘stable’one, whatwithhiscushyrealestateagentjobandallthat Meanwhile,I’mtheperpetualdisappointment”Shemakesaface,once againappearingtoregretherwords.“Itdoesn’tbotheryouthatI’munemployed?”
“Whyshoulditbotherme?”
“Youknow,Icanseewhyyou’reatherapist Youhavethisverychill,verymellowatmospherearoundyou Itmakesmewant tospillmygutsandsaysomethingstupid”
“Likewhat?”
“See,thereyougoagainwiththattherapistvoice.Sodeepandcalm.”
She’swrongthough;I’mnotcalm
Thebenchwe’resittingoniswideandlong intendedtoseatmultiplepatrons whichmeantthatoriginallytherewas plentyofcomfortablespacebetweenHeidiandme.However,awhiteelderlycouplehasdecidedtojoinusontheotherend. Thehusbandisclearlystrugglingtoseathimself,hiscanerattlinginhiswristashiswifehelpshimlowerhimself.Ifeelan unspokenpressuretohuddleclosertoHeiditogivethemmoreroomtomaneuver So,Ido
Thecouplehasseatedthemselves,andnowHeidiandIarequiteclose Thisisdifferentfromtheboat Then,Iwasso distractedbythedolphinsthatIdidn’tnoticethatIhadaccidentallybrushedupagainstherarm.Thistime,I’mtooawareofour
proximity There’sstillagapbetweenus,butithasshrunksignificantly Icanfeeltheairbetweenuscracklewithenergy,asif itpossessesitsownjellyfish-likecharge.Iavoidlookingather.
“Iapologize,Idon’tmeantomakeyoufeelasthoughwe’reinacounselingsession.”
“I’mteasing,”shesayswithagiggle.“Icantellthat’showyounormallyspeak.Ilikeyourvoice.Itreallyiscalming.”
Idon’tknowwhattosay It’snotthefirsttimeI’vebeentoldIhaveatherapistvoice Itis,however,thefirsttimeI’vebeen toldthatsomeonelikesit.
“Doyoueverwonderwhatitwouldbelike,beingajellyfish?”
IturntolookatHeidi,andseetheluminousreflectionofthejelliessparkleinhereyesasshegazesatthetank.Itgrantshera certainkindofmagic,anotherworldlinessthatmakesmewanttosqueezeclosertoher IremainwhereIam,however “Ican’tsayIhave.”
“Yeah,meneither.ButnowI’mwondering.Doyouthinktheyenjoyfloatingaroundalldaylikethat?Withnodirection?Not acareintheworld?Nojobs,nobills?”
Iturntolookatthem,echoingherexistentialgaze “Who’stosaytheylacktheirownconcerns?Maybetheyfinditstressfulto beconfinedtosuchalimitedspace.Maybethere’ssuchathingasjellyfishtrafficjamsandthey’reconstantlyatriskofcreating them.”
“Maybethey’resostressedouttheyneedjellyfishtherapists.”
Webothlaugh
“Thankyouforthebandaids,theyhelpedalot.”
“Noproblem.Ihavemoreifyouneedthem.”
Heidimakesadisgruntlednoise.“Ishould’veknownbetterthantoweartheseshoes.It’sbeensolongsinceI’vewornthem thatIforgottheycomeataprice Iknewtheyhadtobeburiedinthebackofmyclosetforareason”
“Doyouwantmetogotothegiftshoptoseeiftheyhavesomeflip-flopsforsale?”
“Aww,you’resosweet.Butno,I’llbefinenowthankstoyourfullystockedfirstaidkit.”Shebeamsatme.“Readytokeep going?Wehaven’tseenthepenguinsyet!”
Istandupandoffermyhandtoher Shetakesitandshepullsherselfontoherfeet,sendingsparksofsensationupmyfingers andintomypalm Icatchthesweetsmellofmelon-scentedshampoofromthemovement Sheletsgoofmyhand,andIwishI couldthinkofanexcuseforhertotakeitagain.
Sheleadsthewayfurtherintotheaquarium.Thedeeperwego,thelargerandmoreexoticthefishbecome.There’sa noticeablegatheringofsmallchildrenattheclownfishtankthankstothepopularityofFindingNemo,buteventhatisnothingin comparisontotheaudiencegatheredinfrontoftheenormouswhalesharktank
Theroomhereismorelikeanauditorium,withtieredlevelsofflooringthatprovidelotsofseatingoptions atleastforthe children,whodon’tseemtomindsittingonthehardfloor.Fortheadultswhocan’ttoleratesuchunforgivingsurfaces,thereare somebenchesintheback Heidipointsataprintedschedulehangingonthewall Apparently,there’llbeapresentationledby astaffmemberatthestartofthenexthour
Wedecidetowalkaroundthetankareainstead.Itsstructureissolargethattheglasswrapsaroundtheentirelengthofoneof thetunnelsleadingtotheauditorium.Here,visitorshavethechancetoseethemassivebodyofthewhalesharkswimrightover theirheadifthey’relucky Inthemeantime,thereareplentyofotherfantasticalfishswimminginthetanktokeepourattention “Haveyouseenawhalesharkupclosebefore?”asksHeidi Herheadisleanedallthewaybacktolookaboveus Linesof ripplinglightbounceoffherfeaturesasifshewereunderwater,dousingherskininanenchantedbluethatmakesherlooklike amermaid.“I’veheardthey’reasbigasaschoolbus.Theycanstretchaslongassixtyfeet.”
