“Yes.” It had taken me a while to get used to the fact that there were no secrets with him. In some ways it was disconcerting,havinghimalwaysknowwhatIwasfeeling Itwasalsoarelief Therewasnoreasontohideanyofit “Aren’t you?”
Itwas a cycle The newestpantheons gottoo bigfor their britches, theythoughttheyruled the world, and destinycame alongandtookthemdownanotch.Replacedthosewhoweretoocockywithupdatedvariations.
“Perhaps not. However, Vidar has a theorythatthe outcomes canbe redirected.” Bragi was definitelycocky, thoughnot necessarilyaboutbeingagod.Therewereancientpoemsabouthimthough.Thebard.Thefool.Theartistwhodaredtothink hecouldhaveitall,andwouldloseeverybitofit,includinghispower,andhislovers Me.
The redheadedwomanwe’dbothseeninour visions,whocouldn’tpossiblyexistbecause she was a Valkyrie andthere werenomoreofthose.
The cycle had started again. Gods and immortals feared for their lives, and more importantto them the loss oftheir status.
I’dnever takenissue withVidar He was a bitabrasive for mytaste However,Bragi hada literal sense for how honest peoplewere,andifhetrustedVidar,Ididaswell
“I will try not to” He trailed a light touch down my torso, to tease along the top of my trousers “I may need to get somethingelseupinstead,tonumbthedisappointment.”
“Absolutelynot” He broke free and caughtmyhand ina single twistofhis, thencaptured myother wristas well “I’m tryingtofuckyoubecauseIlikethesoundsyoumakeinthethroesofpassion.”
PUBS. SALOONS. TAVERNS. THEY WERE AMONG MY FAVORITE THINGS. A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE COULD IMAGINE THEMSELVES AS anything,andsharethosetaleswithanyone
Isatacross the table fromVidar, inthe one downthe streetfromthe house Ishared withmylove, and letthe ambiance washoverme.Itwasitsownformofworshipandprayer.Patronsgivingthankstotheinspirationsthatkeptthemhoping.
“You told me another came true last month.” I hated to harp on about the subject, however answers were critical to preparingtherestofusforwhatevercamenext.
“Myselfand a handful ofothers are comingtogether,” Vidar said “We feel like there’s notonlystrengthinnumbers, but knowledge Wewanttodiminishthecollateraldamage”
Not that I blamed himor any god. I had a lot left to experience, especially now that I’d discovered love. Especially becausetheancienttextsaboutmeinvolvedNicoaswell ThemanIloved ThemanIwouldobliteraterealityfor “Whatdoyouwantfromme?”Iwashonoredtobeinvited,butIwasn’tafighter Theothergodshe’dmentionedwereall warriors.Symbolsofbattlesandwars.
“Yoursurvival.”Hemeantthewords.
Hints of other feelings lay underneath, marring the sincerity, but that was the case with everyone. Emotions were as complexasthosewhoradiatedthem Itwasrareforanindividualtofeelonethingandonlyoneatanygiventime
The conversationshifted to other topics. Whichcontinents Vidar was frequentingfor worship. Withwhatwere the other godsbusyingthemselves.
Though Vidar was staying with us, there was something about the pub setting that made swapping stories more fun. Id enjoyedVidar’scompanyforcenturies,andtheabilitytosimplysitandreminiscewasoneofthebiggestreasonswhy Iwas ridingthe highofhope whenVidar andIheadedbackto the house thatafternoon. Vidar retired to his room, and I soughtoutNico,whowasbaking.
Hisworrykepthimfromfeelingthesmilehegaveme,ashekissedmeonthecheek “Howdiditgo?”heasked “Wonderfully” This entire plan was going to be amazing The things that Vidar had planned “I know you have your doubts,butthiswillworkoutforus.Whoknows?Perhapssomedayinthefuture,we’llevenmeetourredheadedValkyrie.” Nicofrowned.“MostofthetimeIhopewewon’t.”
A century ago, I had no idea then that Vidar’s plan, Hel’s plan, would mutate to include torture. Brainwashing. Manipulation. Murder. And it never occurred to me that after centuries of what I thought was friendship, Vidar had been manipulatingmyemotions
Hebelievedthatby any means necessary wastheonlywaytokeephimselfgoing Astheyearsanddecadesbledaway,thelittlethingsthatnaggedatmeaboutTOMbecamebigthings Somanytimes,Nico beggedmetostop.Ididn’trecognizeatthetimethatfeelingtheanguishofstudentsdayafterdaywasgnawingatme.Wearing awaymydefenses.
Thefuryandconcernthatsurgedinsidewaspotent.IcalledMagnus’sphone.Whentheotherendofthelineclicked,Ifully expected Vidar’s voice. Ibraced myself, as a planraced throughmyhead. I’d have to call infavors. I’d have to prostrate myselfinfrontofotherimmortalsandbegforhelp.
His even, emotionless deliveryknocked the air frommylungs. “That’s fantastic.” Ididn’thave to fake myenthusiasm. I washappyforhim,thoughthenewsmaynotbegoodforme.
There was still no sound, butIwas assaulted byso manyemotions. Too many. All atonce, until itwas louder thanany shoutandIcouldn’tdistinguishanyindividualfeeling.
Sucha simple response, but it was ladenwiththe noise that screamed at me What I felt wasn’t onlyNico, it was the peopleoutsideinBangkok.ThepeoplethroughthegatethatledtoNEON.
Icouldn’tthinkaboutanythingelse.
Iclosedmyeyes andnamedeachemotion,labelinga mental box,andshovingthe thoughtontoa shelfinthe backofmy mind Thesamewaywe’dbeentaughtinschool
“Youkissed me After,” Nico said “Yousaid youwished I could have backwhat I was missing, and thenI did Your crystalbroke Youscreamedandpassedout Icouldn’tbringyoubacktoBragi,soIcalledDahlia”
Shestuckhertongueoutatme,andIpokedhernose.“Peopleusuallycallsomeone they know.I’mgladI’mhere,”Isaid. “Iknowvillagers.Noneofthemcouldhelpyou.”Nicowasmoreembarrassedbythatthanbymebeingopenaboutsex.“I cuttieswithmostoftheworldwhenIleftBragi.Besides,Iwascallingtogetyouhelp,notme.”
Dahliasqueezedmyhand.Thegestureshouldbesympathy.Thatwaswhatlingeredatthesurface,butIwashitwithawave of complexity. Her adoration for her men. For me. Her distrust for Bragi. Wanting Vidar dead. Wondering if what was happeningtomewasNico’sfault.
“Youhave noidea” IfBragi hadaskedme a few months agoifIunderstoodwhathe felt,Iwould’ve said sure I know what emotions are like But I reallycouldn’t have fathomed this How did he do it for so long? How did it not drive him
TatianawasoneofthefirstwomenaftermetobecomeaValkyrie.Shewasdescendedfromalineofvoodoopriestesses and she not onlyknew magic was real, but practiced it. She was easyto explainthe entire thingto, and had abilities that extendedbeyondaValkyrie’s.
I LEFT THE CABIN ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER TALKING TO NICO. NO REASON TO STICK AROUND IF THEY WEREN’T COMING back Ihitchedaridetotheairport,whichwaswhereIwasnow
Igave a warmsmile to the youngmanworkingthe check-incounter, and handed himmyboardingpass Magnus would probablypointoutIcould’vecheckedinontheinternetoratthekiosks,butIwantedtheinteraction.
WhenIleftTOM, the board had alreadycrumbled The onlyreasonthe campus still existed was because Vidar had the presenceandpowertomaintaincontrolovermanyoftheremainingsoldiers.Ihadn’tcaredwhathedid,aslongasIwasn’ta partofit,andMagnuswassafe.
The elemental and elder gods and spirits knew a lot about death Like Nico, they weren’t death themselves but were experiencedwithit Butitwas difficulttoexplaintoa river spirit,whohadonlyever seentheir ownbanks andshores and
Twelve hours, and far-too-long layover later, I stepped froma car in the middle of a neighborhood that could best be describedas in transition.Totheunpracticedeye,onemightguessthestreetsweredying.Several buildingshadboardedup windows, fences and overgrown grass surrounded others, and still other lots were simply empty Dirt or broken concrete whereastructurenolongerstood
There were hints of life here, though. Not old, vanishing life. New and full of hope, like the first buds of green, on a floweringbushafterahardwinter.
He still hada space inthe basementwhere he honoredthe deadandsentthemtothe nextlife The general public didn’t knowaboutit Ididn’tsuspectmostpeoplewantedtheirautomotiverestorationshopalsoconductingmortuary-typeservices butitwasn’tasecretamongimmortals.
There was a dark-skinned manabout sixinches taller thanme, pullinga wheel off the car corpse The garage lighting glintedoffhissmoothhead,andhisoverallshidthekindofstrengthonlyagodcouldmaintainwithoutalotofwork
Anubis spared me the briefest glance before returningto his task. “Afternoon. Are youinthe market for somethingthat remindsyouofbetterdays?”Hisaccenthintedatablendoflanguagesanddialectsfromthevarioustribesandcountrieswhere hewasstillworshiped,andhisvoicewasdeepandsmooth,liketheslipofsilk.
Ihadnoideaifhewastalkingaboutcarsorbeingmorefigurative “Iwouldn’tcallanythingI’veseeninthelastcenturyor so better days ”
“Itdependsonhowonedefines bring back.Therearetimeswhentheonlythingremaininginthenewisanoriginalhood ornament or a side window” Another few hits with the hammer, and he seemed satisfied He wiggled something free that lookedlikearecordoraflatdonut,withahandfulofrustholesinit.
I could see how applyingthat to Vidar would workintheory, but not inpractice “What if the parts are constructed of indestructiblematerials?”
Anubis stoppedhis work,setdownhis hammer,andfinallygave me his full attention.“ThenIassume thatsortofdecay doesn’thappen.Wouldyouliketoaskmeyourquestionsdirectly,ratherthanderivingmeaningthatisn’ttherefromourexisting conversation?”
Hefilledbothglassesfromthesink,setoneinfrontofmeonacoaster,andemptiedhisinasingleswallowbeforefillingit again Hesatacrossfromme
“I know a lot of you like your vague questions and innuendo, but the dead don’t have any time for secrets or hidden meanings,” Anubis said. “Tell me whatyou’re lookingfor, who do youwantto destroy, and I’ll tell youwhether or notI’m willingtohelp.”
Anubis clenched his jaw. “Too manysouls have crossed mydoorstep who never had a chance to realize their potential, becauseofhim.”
IsupposeditwasagoodthingIwaslookingtodestroyoneofthefewgodswhohadmademorerecentenemiesthanIhad “YourcountrymenhavemoreexperiencewiththisthanIdo,”Anubissaid.“Helblindi,forinstance.Haveyouaskedhim?” Thenametookamomenttoregister.SomegodsusedAnglicizedversionsofournames,andotherssimplypickednewones to matchthe era. Helblindi one ofLoki’s brothers was one who had changed his moniker witheachnew age. Or rather, eachnewincarnationofthewomanheloved
“I’mnotongoodtermswithBlake.”I’dbeenonthe other side fortoolong.“However,afterhemadeMorganaimpotent, Vidargleanedall hecouldfromherandthesituation.Ibelievehe’spatchedall thoseholes.Ifhehasn’t,I’mnotprivytothe detailsfromeitherparty”
The prospect ofananswer was promising, but it wasn’t enough. Everymoment Iwent without a concrete solutionwas anothermomentNico,Magnus,andourchildrenwereindanger
BEFORE I LEFT BRAGI…BEFORE I MET HIM…BEFORE I WITHDREW FROM THE WORLD,I WAS A DIFFERENT MAN. Itwasn’teasytoseewhileIlivedit Myoutlookshiftedwiththecalendar,withthedecadesandcenturies,amillimeterata time Fromonedaytothenext,Isawthesamemaninthemirror
ThatmonthwithMagnus inBragi’s house, where neither she nor Iknew whathe was hiding, itwas atthe surface too. I graspedontoitbecauseIrecognizedit Irecognizedherandthatitwasrecent
She gave a tightlaugh. “Ihave a diffuser onmyhair dryer. Iadore thatthe world is fallingapartaround us, and you’re thinkingaboutmywethair I’mnotgoingtocatchacold”
“That was Tatiana,” she said “She does tattoos, and she doesn’t know ifshe canhelp withwhat Ineed to control this conduitthing,butshesaidweshouldstopbytomorrow,andshe’dseewhatshecouldfindinthemeantime” “Ihopeshecanhelp.”
“It’s almost definitely Dahlia It’s not like the folks are dropping by unexpec ” She trailed off with a frown “Yes, please”
“Asyouwish,mymistress.”Iclimbedfromthebedandgaveheradeepbow. Thatearnedmeatinysmile,andIpocketedtheexpressionasIwenttoseewhowasvisiting. ThemomentIopenedthedoor,Dahliaslippedpastme.“Isshestillsleeping? Get up lazy bum,”sheshouted. “She’sawake Shewantedamomenttogetdecent”
“By get decent he means pull myhair outofmyface” Magnus emerged fromher roomwearingthe same camisole and shortsshe’dsleptin,butherwildcurlswerenowrestrained.“You’resonoisy.”
This wasn’tthe struggling, sad womanIknew fromwhenshe was recoveringatBragi’s And the traces ofparanoia I’d seenonbeingreintroducedafewdaysagohadbeentuckedawayaswell
As withme comparingmyselfto mypast, this was a differentMagnus. Iliked eachaspectofher, butIwanted to know moreaboutthisone.
“I’vegotit.”Magnus’s cheer was acontrasttomydarkeningthoughts.“Iwantthechocolatefrap,extrawhip,andsalted sprinks”
“Ooh” Dahlia continued to studythe menu “Thatsounds good, butIwantcinnamoninstead ofsprinks And a cinnamon roll.Orafruittart.Orablueberrymuffin. Fuck. ”
ThiswassomethingIknewandenjoyed.Sharingfoodandmealtimewithfriends.“Thecinnamonrolldoeslookdelicious.” “It’s decided” Magnus tugged me toward the counter “And don’tworryaboutthe other thing youcanhave your black coffeetoday,butwe’llfigureouthowtoundaultyou”
When we were done with breakfast, we headed to New Orleans. The building was similar in size to my house, with woodenshutters openwide. The paintonthe shutters was chipped and peeling, as were the layers ofstucco, revealingthe differentcolorstheshophadbeenoverthedecades Thesignoverthedoorproclaimed Real Voodoo inneonredletters
“Is she someone youwentto school with?” I’d knownprobablylonger thanthese two thatthe gods atTOMwere doing horrificthings.Knownandturnedaway.BlamedBragiforperpetuatingit,butignoreditmyself.Meetingthepeopleitimpacted drovethatpointhome
Dahliashookherheadandpulledusinside “No She’sfuckedupinherownway” “Who is?” The womanbehind the counter was about the same age as Magnus and Dahlia. She had darkskin, and was nearlyastallasIwas.Slender,andstatuesque.Theshimmeraroundherwasaschaoticastheshopinterior. Iduckedundertheassortmentofmasksandothertrinketsthathungfromtheceiling.
“Youare,”Magnussaid “Hey,girl”
The womangrinned and stepped frombehind a counter covered withcorked bottles invarious shapes and sizes. “Hey, yourself.”ShepulledMagnusintoaquickhugandthenDahlia.
Magnus undid the first few buttons on her shirt and slipped it down her shoulder, showing off her long, elegant neck. “That’snotencouraging.”
“I’mlooking into something stronger, but this will make a difference for now You’ll still have control over what gets through It’llkeepyoufromdealingwithanon-stoponslaught”TatianascootedherchairuptoMagnus,andpreppedthearea for the tattoo. “The glyphs are meant to stop a smaller power, rather than being for someone hosting two other magical entities.”
Shemeantthebabies.
Magnus’snostrilsflaredwiththedeepbreathshetook “Understood Let’sdoit” TatianausedapentodrawaseriesofglyphsontoMagnus’sskin,whileglancingbetweenherphonescreenandherhuman canvas. Ididn’trecognize the symbols, butIknew enoughaboutvarious writtenlanguages to see the precisioninTatiana’s work.
A pale glow buzzed around her tattoo gun as she began the actual inking. While she worked, we all chatted. Banal conversationatfirst Howhadeveryonebeen?Hadanyoneseenorreadanythinggoodlately?WhywasMagnusdecidingnow todothis?
Correction distinctly Cajun. Something I saw with older immortals was that some adopted the accent or dialect of whateverregiontheywerein,tokeepalowprofile.However,whentheywerearoundfriends,theywouldslidebackintotheir preferredlanguage.
Iwasn’tfamiliarwiththewordsshewasusing,butIcouldguesshermeaningwellenoughtomostlyfillintheblanks She thoughtVidarwasbad,anddidn’tknowhowhe’dtrickedpeopleintothinkingotherwise. Dahliaworkedherjaw.“It’sweirdtosaynow,buthe’scharismatic.Attractive.Confident…”Shedidn’tsoundcertainof anythingshewassaying.
“Vidardoesn’twalkuptoanyoneandintroducehimselfbysayingI want to destroy the world you know and you ’ re going to help, ” Isaid. “Notunless he’s givenup onmakinganallyofyou, and he wants youto thinkhe no longer sees youas a threat.”
“Talkingto Vidar whenhe considers someone necessaryis similar to the waywe’re all talkingnow,” Nico said. “He’s warm,friendly,andsympathetic.He’sgoodatreadingapersonanddeterminingwhatdrivesthem,andamaster atusingthat forhisowngains”
Nico watched us the whole time, the concern on his face not offering nearly as much insight into his thoughts as the sympathyspillingfromhim.“Shedoesn’taskyoutogiveheranythingortojoinanycause.She’sapayingcustomer,lookingfor awaytohelpafriend Maybeaprayerforgrief Atinctureofcomfort Whatever you recommend,shesays Yousell her the appropriateitems,andshegoesonherway.”
Nico held up a finger. “I’mgetting there. She comes back a few weeks later. You may not even recognize her at first, becauseshewassimplyanothercustomer Shewantstothankyouforyourhelp,andsaysyouhaveatruegift” “Ido”
“Shewantstoknowaboutit,”Nicosaid.“Aboutyou.She’snotaskingyouanythinginvasive,andnevertoomanyquestions atonce.Shebecomesaregularcustomerandgetsheranswersthroughcasualconversationeachtimeshecomesin.You’renot doinganythingdifferentthanyounormallywould.You’regenuineandkind.Mostofwhatyoutell her comesbacktothefact thatyoudothisjob,soyoucanhelppeoplewithyourgift”
“Whichisthewayhetreatedme,aswell,”Nicosaid.“Forthepurposesofthishypothetical,though.Tatianabeginstolook forwardtothiscustomer’svisits They’rerandom,butfriendly Anicebreakintheday Sometimesshebuyssomethingfor a friend neverforherself andothertimesshewasjustthinkingofTatianaandwantedtosayhello
“This goes onfor a year. Thentwo and three. One day, she’s notactinglike herselfwhenshe visits. She’s distraught. It takessomeworktofindoutwhat’sgoingon,becauseshe’sreluctanttoadmitit.She’ssick.Youwanttohelp,andsurprisingly enough,youknowtherightspell.Sherefuses I’ll be fine.Youinsist. I can do this for you. You do so much for others, let me help just this once ”
Iaccepted,bracingmyselfforthewaveofwhatevershewasfeeling.Itwasawhisperratherthanaroar.Icoulddealwith that “Doyouwanttogowithustogetsomelunch?”
“WillNicofinishhisstory?”sheasked
Niconodded.“Iwill.”
“Thenfuckyes. I’mgonna introduce y’all to real Jambalaya. Whathappens withthe regular customer who forces me to dragthe truthout of her about beingsick?” Tatiana turned to watchus while she walked backwards out of the room “I’ll navigate,whileprettyboytellsuswhathappensnextwithmyselfless,sickcustomer.”
“I’ll be backafter lunch” Tatiana waved to another womanbehind the register, never lookingbehind her, butnothitting anythingasshecontinuedtowalkbackwardsoutoftheshop.“I’mnotfallingforamanipulationlikethat.She’snotgettingme todragthatinformationoutofher.”
Nicoshrugged.“Aren’tyou?Afterthreeyearsofthiswomanbeingnothingbutfriendly?You’renotlookingatitfromthe perspective ofhindsight You’re tellingme youcan’t thinkof a single customer right now who meets this description, who you’dhelpiftheyneededit?”
She made itsound so simple, butshe knew as well as Idid, itwasn’tthatstraightforward. The guiltwas always there, loominginthebackground. Why didn’t I see it? Why didn’t I know better? With Vidar. With Johnny. With Bragi… Hewasdifferent. Is he?
Thiswasn’tsupposedtobemyintrospection IshookasidequestionsIdidn’thaveanswersto,andfollowedTatianaand the others into a restaurant that was mostlya longcounter witha line ofpeople crowded inside. Tatiana knew a lot ofthe peoplebehindtheglassdivider,andwavedatthemwhilesheshoutedout,“Fourplates.FourCokes.”
Theorderechoedthroughthekitchenasonepersoncalleditback,anotherrepeatedit,andthenanother.Wemovedforward withtheline,whenwereachedtheend,thewomanattheregisterpushedfourtakeoutboxesandfourstyrofoamcupstoward us
“Let me.” Nico pulled out his wallet, and no one protested. The three of us women had learned many times never complainwhensomeonewithmorethanacenturyundertheirbeltwantedtograbthetab.
“And you’ll never want it fromanywhere else again” Tatiana looked smug She ate more slowly, like a normal, notstarvingperson.“Iassumethiswomaninthestoryeventuallyletsmehealher.That’sthepoint,isn’tit?Thenwhat?Sheasks forfavorsagainandagain?”
Nicowasheddownhisfoodwithasipofdrink.“Possibly,butmostlikelynot.Youhealwhateveritisthat’scontaminating her Youremovewhatyouthinkisatumor Maybeyouthinkthat’sallyou’vedone Perhapsyoufigureoutthatinsteadofcuring her,you’veremovedthesealthatsomeoneputinplacetokeephermanifestingherfullpower”
“That’show Vidarworks.”Nico’stonewassomber.“Ifyourealizeandkickhimout,hegotfromyouwhathewanted.If you don’t figure out the truth, he’ll be back He’s still your friend He can afford to play the long game It’s been a few thousandsofyears,andhe’spatient Hewill dragouta friendship likethatfor centuries Though,whenitcomes toworking
withyoungerpeople,studentsforexamplewhoarepsychologicallyandphysicallytorturedonaregularbasis,it’seasyforhim toplaywhatIbelieveyoucall good cop. ”
Tatianalookedatme “I’msorryyouwentthroughthat” SeeingVidar’sbehaviorpulledapartthiswaydidn’tmakemefeelanybetterabouthavingfallenforit.“Itdoesn’tmatter. NowthatI we seehimforwhatheis,we’regoingtodestroyhim.”Speakingof…Myfingersdriftedtothenewmarkson myneck.“Idon’tsupposeyoucanteachmetodothiswithhim,butwiththesnapofmyfingers?”MutingVidar’spowerwould beahugeplus
