Consciences and the Reformation: Scruples over Oaths and Confessions in the Era of Calvin and His Contemporaries (Oxford Studies in Historical Theology) 1st Edition
TheArchangelMedrion,architectofthepainthatwrackedme,hadescapedmyvengeance I’dhadhim for a second, I’d had him butI’dhesitated.Myheart,andwhatfoolishgoodnessexistedinsideofme,hadstayedmyhand,preventingmefrom deliveringthekillingblowandsoothingthenightmarishmemoriesIcarriedwithme MemoriesofthetimeIspentin his care Hewaslonggonenow,andIhadnowayoftracinghim.Nowayofknowingwhatrockhehaddecidedtohideundertolick hiswounds WhatremainedofMeridianinthewakeoftheWretched’sattack,Ididn’tknow Allthoseangels,somanyofthem nowdead,consumedfortheirLightbycreatureswhohadnoneoftheirownbutcraveditaboveallelse. Ifeltforthem.
Medrionwas goodatputtingonastrongface thefaceofasavior Their onlycrimewas believinghewas exactlythat, andnotknowingthetruthofhim;notseeingtherotfesteringjustunderneaththemask.Theyhaddiedblindandscreaming… thatwasnowayforanangeltogo
Thentherewas him. TheTyrant
Another I had left behind another I would rather forget. WhenI thought about him and I tried not to all I found was confusion, and inthatconfusion… rage. He had found me, after Ihad fallen. He scooped me up, pulled me awayfromthe Wretchedbarrelingdownonme,andbroughtmetohisBastionwhereIwouldbesafe Safefromit,atleast.
Ihad gottentoo close to him… almostintimatelyclose. Whenever we were near eachother, Lustlurked, invisible, and hungry.Forawhile,Ihadwantedtogivein,tofindouthowitfelttogiveintotemptationandlosemyselfinLust’spowerful current Now,IwasgladIhadn’t,becausewhenIthoughtofhim,Icouldn’tkeepmyselffromseeingher Kalmiya.
Medrionhad captured her duringa raid onone ofthe Tyrant’s convoys I, more thananyone, knew whatthatmeant, and whatMedrionwascapableofsubjectingherto;especiallynowthatallofGod’sangelshadFallenandbecomepartlymortal. But whenwe freed her, and I saw her withthe Tyrant… whenI saw the wayhe looked at her, and cared for her, and demanded thatIheal her, ithad broughtup bile Bile because he hadn’tspared a second to checkwhether Iwas okay Bile becausehehadn’tquestionedAithen’sabsence;Aithenwhohaddiedinsuchabrutal manner,hisskull cavedinandcrushed under Medrion’s foot Bile because Medrionhad told me Kalmiya and the Tyrant were lovers and I hadn’t believed his words.
Iforced mywings to beat again, pushingmyself higher into the air where the clouds were thinner. Ihad gottenused to soaring,togliding.Intruth,itfeltgoodtobeuphere,amongsttheclouds.Itfeltlikehomesomehow,orascloseasIcouldget atleast.ButIcouldn’tkeepthisupforever.Ineededtoland,Ineededtofindshelter,andIneededitfast.
Insteadofcontrollingmydescent,Icurledmywingsupbehindmybackandletmyselfplummet.Therushofwindthrough my hair and my feathers was heavenly, a reprieve, but as I raced through the air, falling rapidly into the mantle of clouds beneathme,Ifeltmymindfloatawayfrommybody.IknewIwasfallingtoofast,butIwastooexhaustedtodoanythingabout it
Somethinginsideofmerefusedoblivion’scall.Ifoughtofftheencroachingdarkness,keepingmyselfawakeandconscious. I opened myeyes, unfurled myachingwings, and witha force of will managed to twist myself around inthe air as I fell, levelingoutandsoaringgentlyabovethesparklingwaterbeneathme
Therewasdefinitelyalightdownthere…bright,shining,andpowerful.Itwasn’tman-made,either;itwaspure,andwarm, and welcoming Abeaconamidstthe vastnothingness all around it This beaconsatonanisland thatwas little more thana rockjuttingoutofthewater.Itwasn’tuntilIdrewmuchclosertoitthatIrealizeditwasn’tjustanisland,orarock,oralight.
ItwasaBastion
Thelightwascomingfromatall,whitetowersetintothesideofalongdeadvolcano.Aroundthetowerweretall,white walls,similartotheonesthatsurroundedMeridian.ThisBastionwasn’tnearlyaslarge,butthetowerwastwiceastall,and itslightshonefaracrossthewater Atnight,Iwassure,thisthingcould’vebeenseenfromallthewayacrossthehorizon ItwasHelena.Icouldfeelit. I had found Helena.
Tears stungmyeyes, and as theyformed, the wind rushingpastmyface picked themup and scooped theminto the air I soaredcloser,myflightpathwobblingasIapproachedtheBastion.Iwasweak.
ThinkingImayhave found shelter, Imayhave found aid, the promise ofa warmbed, a meal, and all the water Icould possiblydrink,hadsuddenlysappedwhatlittleenergyIhadleftinsideofme.
AsInearedthewhitetoweranditswalls,IthoughtIsawmovementontheparapets.People, angels,theirwingsunfurling. Theyweredrawingweapons evenfromuphereIcouldseetheglimmerofsteel but Icouldonlyhopetheywouldaskquestionsbeforeusingthoseweaponsonme,becauseIwasrapidlylosingcontrolofmy limbs, and my vision was again starting to blur, to darken I was getting closer, and while I was able to pull up to avoid slammingintotheparapets,Iwasn’tabletoslowmyselfdown.
Islammed into the ground like a rock, strikingit first withmyshoulder, thenrollingonto mywings, and tumblingover myselflikeasockinadrier.Theworldspun,andspun,andthenslid,untileventuallyIcametoacompletestop.Ididn’tknow whatstateIwasin,orhowseriousmyinjurieswereasIslowlysuccumbedtotheencroachingdarkness.Iheardacommotion,
butthe sounds were distant, and theywarbled like Iwas underwater. Shadows covered me, thenIsaw the faces ofangels, bright,andshining,andasvibrantasthelightthathaddrawnmetothem.
Asmirkcurled the corner ofmymouth “Bythe grace of God ” Iechoed, pushingthe lastword outthroughmyteeth “WhereshouldIbegin,father?”
“Atthebeginning Iamheretolisten”
Iallowedmyselfa momenttoconsider the priest’s words.This was a manwhohaddevotedhis entire life inservice to God,tomycreator.Amanwhobelievedhecouldabsolvethesinsofanother,simplybecausetheyaskedforgiveness. HedidnotknowwhatIknew
Hedidnotknow thecapricious,vengeful natureofthedeitywhobroughtmeintoHer world.Butintruth,I was curious. WhatifthismandidhaveaconnectiontoGodthatevenIdidn’t?WhatifhecouldreachHerwhereIandtherestofmypeople couldnot?
Iowedittomyselftoexplore this option.Ifhe couldindeedspeaktoGod,thenmaybe myproblems were solved.Ifhe couldnot…Iwouldhavetolookelsewhereforanswerstothequestionsthatkeptmeupatnightandplaguedmyeverywaking moment.
“Ishould notbe imperfect,” Isaid. “Ishould be a beingofpurestLight, one ofthe mostmagnificentcreatures inall of creation,butIamhere,rollingaroundinthedirtandthefilthlikeasquealingsow.”
Somewhere outside the confessional, a babybeganto shriekinresponse to the sudden, sharp raisingofmyvoice For a moment,justamoment,Ifeltsomethingrumbleinsideofme.Itwasn’thatred,orloathing,orannoyance.Thoseemotionswere commontome,fartoocommon
Ireachedthroughthepartition,smashingmyhandthroughthewoodenscreenandgrabbingholdofthepriest’sthroat “You have outlived your usefulness, priest,”Isaid,loathingcoatingmywordslikevenom.
Outside, thatbabybeganto scream, as did the womanwho had beenholdingit Her screamwas joined byanother, and another.Chaosensued,asthechurchgoerswhoamomentagoweredeepinsilentprayerbegantopanic,scramble,andtryto flee.
Imadeacirclearoundtheinsideofthechurch,followingtherowsofpewsallthewaytothefront;tothealtar,theshrines, and the giantcrucifixthatstood behind the pulpit. As Istood there, listeningto the bodies hitthe floor ina series ofquick, successivethumps,IallowedmywingstounfurlfrombehindmybackandstudiedtheimageofChristontheCross.
Idescended fromthe pulpitmyhead tilted to the side. The child layonthe ground inhis mother’s clutches, screaming, crying,itsfaceredfromthestrain MyangelsstoodasideasIapproached Oneofthemwasabouttospeak,abouttoaskme whatweshoulddo.
Isimplyraisedmyhand,andhefellimmediatelysilent
Slowly, carefully, Ikneltbeside the corpse ofthe mother, and picked the babyoutofher death-grip. Itwas so small, so light,a weightthatbarely registered evenas weight. The babycontinued to bawl, to scream. Itouched his face, runningmy knuckles across his cheek, his forehead, through his wispy hair So small So pure Though he was being cradled by an archangel,hehadnotbeenrapturedlikehismother.Heseemed…immune.
“Someonewillfindyousoon,”Isaid,andIsetthechildbackdownwiththecorpseofhismother,wherehebelonged When I was done with this place, I ordered my angels to leave. We gathered on the church’s front steps, and without lingering,tooktotheskies Wecouldhaverapturedanyone,buttherewasbetterLighttobefoundinchurchesandthepeople insidethem.
Love them, Sarakiel Above all else, love them, but do not interfere Iwassoaring.
The wind rustled againstmywings as theycarried me throughthe air Earthwas beautiful fromup here Majestic Sunlightbeameddownfromtheheavens,paintingtheworldinnewshadesofblueIfeltlikeIwasalwaysdiscovering.
AsIflew,Iallowedmyeyestocloseandjustlistened.
Ilistenedtothegustasitrushedpastmyears,listenedtothesoundofmypinkhairwhippingaroundbehindmyback There waspeace,uphere.Freedom.Thiswasn’tmyworld,butIstillfeltlikeIwaspartofit,andlikeitwaspartofme. Butitbelongedtothem Mortals.
Thepeoplewholivedhereweren’tlikeus
Weweremadetoserve,toprotect,toguide.Theyweregivennosuchmandate,though.Allthatwasexpectedofthemwas thattheylived as theypleased. Sometimes, theylived good lives. Theyhelped eachother, picked eachother up, comforted eachother
Other times… Ididn’t like to thinkabout the other times. The capacitymortals had for harm, for brutality, for greed, it weighedasheavilyonmyheartasIknew itdidontheheartsofmycompanions Itwasourtasktoservethem,tolovethem, andnottointerfereintheirlivesunlessmandatedto.
Soaring, flyingthroughthe air, eyes closed. The sunlight touched myface, and it warmed me. I smiled inresponse, my cheektinglingfromthewarmth
Was he right?
I opened my eyes again. I wasn’t in the air anymore, but on a rooftop perched upon a tall building. Aconcrete jungle sprawledawayfromme,asfarastheyeyecouldsee.Itwasmorning,theskybathedinpalelight.Allaroundme,peoplewere stirring.Carstooktotheroads,steamrosefromvents,birdschirpedastheyweavedtheirwaythroughtheair.
“Notbad,huh?”cameavoicefrombesideme
Female,butquick,andlively.Iturnedmyheadtotheside,andmyheartsurgedwithLight.“Gadriel?”Iasked. Darkwingsandevendarkerhairsetuponaslightframefitforpurpose;a Seeker’s purpose,tobetheeyesandearsoftheir units,toperformreconnaissanceaheadofthegroup,tofindthethingsthatwerehidden.GadrielwasthequickestangelIhad ever met. Nobodywas faster thanshe was, or more relentless inher hunts. Icouldn’tunderstand whyIfeltso elated to see her…whymyheartseemedtohurtatthemeresightofher.
“You were Now look at you, standing on a rooftop with a sentenced criminal after having rebelled all by yourself Sarakiel,anotherLightbringerwhodecidedtostickittotheWomanincharge.”
“Rebelled?”
“Youtriedtobustmeoutofprison.I’dsaythatcountsasrebellion,wouldn’tyou?” Was she right?
“Youwere mycommander,myLightbringer.Ihave racedaroundthis Earththousands oftimes because youaskedme to, and I’ve done it without hesitation. I knew youcared about me, just as youcared about everyone else inthe squad. But it wasn’tuntilIsawyouthrownintothatprisoncellnexttominethatIknew,youdidn’tjustcare youalsounderstoodme” “Ofcourse, Icared. Istill care. I’mhere because…” Itrailed off, thenshookmyhead. “Imean, Iguess we’re all here becauseHeavenbroke”
The cells underneaththe ChantryBuildingwere close tothe mouthofthe Pit,andthe closer youwere tothe Pit well, time didn’tmove the same waythere as itdid throughoutthe restofHeaven or evenhere. Was Ireallyinthere for years? YearsspentinMedrion’s care
“Ever since you got here, you’ve had to do things you never would’ve done before. You’ve had to learn to adapt, to survive you’veevenhurtpeople Mortals”
“Howdoyou…howcanyoupossiblyknowthat?”
She turned around to face me fully, lettingher elbows rest onthe building’s ledge, her darkwings unfurlingbehind her back.“BecauseI’minyourheart.Icanfeelyou.Iknow you,andbelieveitornot…Iloveyou.Morethananything.” I took a step back, fear suddenly taking hold of my body and moving it without my permission “What are you talking about?”
Itdid The revelationhad stayed myblade justlongenoughfor the Wretched to begintheir assault, and for Medrionto wormhiswayoutofmygrasp.
Gadriel smiled once more “I’ve had front row seats to everything that’s happened in Heaven and Earth since I was imprisoned.Watchingitallgobyandbeingentirelyunabletodoanythingaboutit,unabletohelp,unabletostoptheBurn ” “ stopit?Ibetyoucausedit,”Iinterrupted.
Gadriel’s head lowered, her smirkturningto her gentle, familiar smile. Whenher eyes turned up atme again, theywere glowingwithgoldenlight, as ifthe morningsunitselfwas passingthroughher skull and beamingoutofthem. “I’ll see you soon,myLightbringer”
The coughing fit that followed must have attracted attention, because I soon heard voices on the other side of a door somewhere inthe dark. I realized, now, Icould see it. There was a thinline of light just at the edge of the darkness, light brokenupbymovingshadowsandmuffledwhispers Therewassomeoneoutthere
Thewomanwhohadjustenteredtheroomwalkedcloser tothebedIwas on Shecarriedasmall traywithapitcher of waterandafullglassthatshehandedovertome.“Here,”shewhispered,hervoicelow,andasgentleasthedimlightfiltering intotheroom,“Drink.”
Istruggledeventoholdtheglassupright Whoeverthiswomanwashadtohelpmebringittomylipsandtipitgently It wascold,andfresh,andwhileithurttoswallow,afterawhile,mythroatstartedtofeelmilesbetterthanithadamomentago. WhenIwasdonedrinking,shesettheglassdownwiththepitcheronthenearbyendtableandkneltbymybedside I realized as the light touched the side of her face that she was… beautiful, ethereal, and somehow uncorrupted bythe worldshehadfallento..Herlong,platinumhairwas,keptinadelicateupdowithloosestrandstoframeherfaceanddisplay herslenderneck.HereyespulsedwithinnerLight,andInoticedherpupilsweregold notorange,butgold.
There’s that bile again Itcameupquickly,handinhandwithrage Iwantedtospithisnameout,butIwasn’tsurewhather relationshipwithMedrionwaslike,andshewastheonlyreasonIwasaliverightnow.Icouldn’trisktellingherhowIreally feltabouthim ThelastthingIneededwastogetkickedoutofthisplace “Idon’tknow,”Isaid,forcingthewordsout.“Ilostsightofhim.”
“Don’t bother There were three Wretched they decimated the place Your people won’t find anyone there just the corpsesofwhoevertheWretchedcouldn’tbebotheredtoeat.”
Sheturnedhernecktotheside.“Youcancomein,now,”shecalledout,raisinghervoiceonlyslightly. Throughthe gap inthe door came a shadow, thena person Icouldn’tsee who theywere, notuntil theystepped into the roomandcameuptomybedside.Eventhen,Icouldn’trecognizethe boy Iwaslookingat.Hewasyoung,barelyateenager. This boykneelinginfrontofmehadasoft,roundface,rosycheeks,andcurlyblondhair Ithought,maybe,Irecognized him, butIcouldn’thave possiblybeensure until he spoke. “Sarakiel,” he said, ina softvoice, “Lightbringer ofthe Seventh Choir,TenthofHerName,andall-aroundpaininmyass…”
Myfacefell,myheartsurged,andmygutsfroze Ididn’tknowhowtodealwiththesuddenfloodofemotionstearingall the waythroughme. Iremembered him. Irecognized him. Iknew who he was, and ina flash, Isaw himstaringatme from acrossasetofbars,along,longtimeago,inaplaceIwouldneverbeabletoforget “Micah?!”Icroaked.
Maybe he did… maybe Helena did, too. Buttheyhad broughtme in, theyhad saved mylife, and theywanted me to get better Itwasclearthat,asdistrustful asIwasofthem,theywerepresentingthemselvesasfriends Asallies ThebestthatI coulddorightnowwastakethemattheirwordandaccepttheirhelp.
Helena got to the door and smiled at me. With that, she was gone, leaving me alone with Micah. I looked over at the Cherub,wholookedonlymarginallylikehisformerself.
ButIhadtoreachitbecauseshewasthere Iknewit Icould feel her Everyfiberofmybeingdrewmetowardher Ihad marchedmyentirearmytoMeridiantostopherfromfallingintoMedrion’shands,butinthefollowingattackIwassoblinded bycombat,socaughtupintheadrenalineofthemoment,andthebloodonmyhands,Ihadfailedtoseewhatwashappening Ilosther.
Kalmiya’slifehadbeensaved,butIhadlostSarakielintheprocess So,Ifollowed Overtheland,andacrosstheocean, ondarkwings Iwent,sufferingagainsthunger,andthirst,as was theintentionbehindHelena’s location;toweakenpotential attackersbeforetheyarrived.
Finally,aftertwodaysflyingacrosstheocean,Isawitsbrightbeaconandsteeledmyselfforthecomingattack Tothem,I was ashadow inthesky,astainonthetapestryofthinclouds thatclunglow againstthewater.Idovebeneaththemtogeta betterlookattheirdefensesandwasnotsurprisedtofindthemreadytoreceiveme,weaponsdrawn,wingsunfurled
Thefirstarrowracedtowardme,zippedpastmyearandwentthroughthespacebetweenmywings. A warning shot. The second arrow, I knew, would graze me The third would be a potentially lethal shot I would not simply be allowed into Helena’ssanctuaryunchallenged;IknewIhadtogetpasttheirdefenses.
SummoningmyLight, I created a halo around myself bright enoughto throw off their sharpshooter’s aim, if onlyfor a moment I only needed one moment The second arrow whizzed past me, nowhere near close enough, but I knew the sharpshooterwouldadjusthisaimquickly;thethirdshotwouldnotmiss.
Idoveagain,thistimeswoopingdirectlytowardHelena’swallsandfloodingthemwithLight Angeliceyesopenedwide, scanningthebrightness for thedark,wingedfigureatits heart,butbythetimetheylaideyes onme,Ihadalreadylandedon theirparapetswithahardthud.
The angel closestto me reacted first, lungingwithhis drawnsword. Ihad no weaponofmyown, butIdidn’tneed one here.Ihadseenhisfootwork,Ihadidentifiedhispath,andIknewwherehewouldstrike.Lazily,Idrewmybodytotheleft, allowinghiscuttingthrusttogoharmlesslypastme Inonequickmove,Igrippedhiswithdrawnarm,slammedmyfistintohis hand,andforcedhimtodrophissword.
“Stand back!” I heard another angel call out. This one was larger, clad in a rose-colored full-plate armor that shone brightlyagainstthe sunlightburningoverhead. He was wieldinga polearmand attemptingto corral me awayfromthe child whohadengagedmemomentsago.
Islowlymoved myhands up and awayfrommybody, hopingto signal that Iwas unarmed, and backed awayfromthe pointy end ofthisarmoredangel’sweapon.Notformysafety,butbecauseIhadnodesiretofightmywaythroughtheentire Bastion
“IamheretoseeHelena,”Isaid.“Idemandanaudience.”
“You are in no position to demand anything, fiend, ” snapped the angel. “You will surrender, right now, and submit to imprisonment”
“Notinterestedinspeakingwithyou. ” “Imustspeakwithher, now ”
“Didn’t youhear? You’re not ina positionto be makingdemands. I must say, none of us thought youwould be stupid enoughtocomehereonyourown,buthereyouare” “Isupposeyouexpectedanarmy?”
“Abaddon,”shedeclared,thesoundofmyownnameboilingthebloodinmyveins.“GuardianoftheThirdChoir,Second ofHisName,WardenoftheWord youareherebyunderarrestfortrespassingagainsttheBastionofHelena Comequietly you will not receive a second request. ”
Until now, I had been calm There were few out there who dared use my name, my full name, and Azrael was insufferableenoughtobeoneofthem.She,likesomeothers,thoughttheycouldprovokemebyrecitingthatoldlitany;byusing anamethathadbeentakenfromme..
“AndifIwereyou,IwouldsurrenderbeforeIembarrassedmyself,”shesaid,aslightgrinplayingacrossherlips Shewasgoadingmeintoaconfrontation.Thatwaswhatshewanted.ButIhadcomehereforSarakiel,nottosettlesome old grudge or to prove my superiority to the angels here No I wasn’t going to let this minor Warrior with delusions of grandeurluremeintoapointlessbattle.
“IhavecomeheretospeakwithSarakiel,”Isaid,raisingmyhands “Nottofightwithyouoryoursubordinates although IstandbythepointImadeearlier.Theyarewoefullyunpreparedforanattack,andthatisafatalerror.”
Hereyeslowered “Medrion?WhywouldtheArchangelattackHelena?Weareallies” “The Archangel does well to hide his marks… Ihave sensed his corruptionfor years, butmyaccusations were always rebuked.Now,Ihaveproof,andshe’sflownallthewayherefromthesiteofthebrutalbattle.Ineedtoseeher.Throwmein yourdungeonifyouwantbutgrantmeanaudienceatleast”
Azrael seemed to consider my words carefully. There was now a small gathering of armed angels around us, and she wasn’tlikeme shecaredwhathersubordinatesthoughtofher Thatwashermistake,herflaw,theonlyweaknessIknewto exploitbesidesdefeatingherinaphysicalfight,which… well,IwassureIcoulddo,butitwould’vebeeninteresting.
Enjoy it while you can, Ithought. There would come a time whenAzrael and Iwould face offinthe field again. Iwas certainofthis.Whenthattimecame,Iwouldremindherofthisconversation remindherhowshegloatedwhenIsurrendered, willingly,toherauthority
Azraelreachedme,placedahandonmyshoulder,andspunmearoundtofacehermen “Walk,”shebarked Grittingmyteeth,Iwalked.Themenaheadofmeseemedtohavefoundtheirconfidenceoncemore,judgingbythesizeof their smirks I allowed them to have their moment; the smiles would be wiped from their faces when they learned what SarakielandIknew whatwascomingforthemtoo.
Ihad barelybeenat Helena two days whenI got the news; the Tyrant was here Thoughmysuperficial wounds had healed,theimageofAithen’sbrutaldeathatMedrion’shandsstillplaguedmywakinganddreamingmoments.Ihadn’t reallygottenmuchsleep,andwhenIdid,theArchangelwasthere,grinning,readytodeliveranotherdoseoftorment AndIwassuretheTyranthadsentusbothintohisjaws.
NowhehadfollowedmeallthewayfromMeridian.Why?Hehadhisloverback;hedidn’tneedmeanymore. Let him sit and rot in a dungeon The lastthingIneeded rightnow, while Iwas still onthe road to recovery, was to subjectmyselfto moreofhismanipulations…andyet,asIsatthereinmyroom,whereIspentmostofmytime,Icouldn’thelpbutchewonthe question
Whywashehere, really?
Gettingherewasdifficult,thoughitwasprobablyeasierforhimthanithadbeenforme Ihadnodoubthehadimmediately puffed his chestlike some kind ofdarkpeacockuponlandingand demanded a bunchofthings. The Tyrantwas like that. It wasn’t likehimtogetthrownintoajailthough,andthatwastheconfusingpart.
Curiosityandangerwerefightingabloodybattleinsideofme,butcuriositywaswinning AsmuchasIdespisedtheman who had chased me all the way here, I also couldn’t help wanting to hear what he had to say. Maybe something had happened maybehehadcapturedMedrion
Whenwereachedthedoortothecells,Iaskedtheguardtowaitoutside Heagreed,openedthedoor,andletmethrough ThecellsunderHelenaweren’tdark,orgloomy,butbrightandwelllit.Thewallsdownherewerewhitestoneandmarble,as they were everywhere else. Sconces lit up otherwise dark passages and corners. When I saw the Tyrant, he wasn’t sitting somberlyinapatchofshadow;hewasstanding,glisteninginthelight.
“IfIwere to tell youIhad captured him? IfIwere to tell youhe was sufferingin my dungeons rightnow would that changethescornshootingoutofyoureyeswhenyoulookatme?”
“Now, more than ever,”Ihissed “First,IwantedtohurthimforwhathedidtoGadriel ThenIwantedtohurthimforwhat hedidtome.NowIwanttohurthimforwhathedidtoAithen.”
“Listento me…” he paused. “Medrionlied to you. He knew he couldn’tbreakyouphysicallybecause he had tried and failedbefore.So,heattackedyoumentallyinstead,sowingdoubtandhurtingthoseclosesttoyou.”
I shook my head. “You don’t know anything that happened. You arrived conveniently when you knew Medrion was busy!”
“Itis IwatchedMedrionbreakmanyangelsbeforesendingthemtothepit,unabletointerfere AGuardian,whoseinstincts are to whollyprotect those around him, I could onlytrust that those angels had done somethingtrulyawful against God to deserveit.Isufferedinthatplacefor alongtime,until Gadriel came,andthenyou.Icouldnothelpher…Iadmit,Iwasn’t strongenoughtobreakGod’s rules Butafter Iheardyouspeak,thewayyoulookedatme your pleas for helpandtalkof love.Icouldnotstandidlyby.Iwouldnotdoitagain.”
Myheartwasracingbehindmychest,ajackhammertryingtobreakitswaythroughmyribcageandmakeahastyescape Thiswasn’ttrue.Itcouldn’tbe.Howcouldhehavebeentheangelwatchingovermeinmycell?Whatwerethechances?But then howcouldhehaveknownallthesethings?HowcouldhehavetoldthestoryofmylastfewmomentsspentinHeaven’s dungeons?
“Ihave no reasonto lie to you, Sarakiel,” he said “Whatyousaw withKalmiya we were notlovers We have never beenlovers.ButsheismyoldestfriendhereonEarth.”
“Itwas notmyintention, Ipromise you. Iwanted to save her life, and youwere the onlywayIcould do that. There are thingsIshouldhavedonedifferently,butinthatmomentofurgencyIneededyou,andIdidnotthinkclearly”
IhadonlyspentalittlewhileonEarth,relativelyspeaking.Butafter seeingtheplace,havingexperienceditas Ihave,I knew this was anentirelyinhospitable environmentfor anangel We were notmade to existdownhere, leastofall without God’sword,God’sguidance.Wewouldnotsurvivedownhereifwedidn’tchange.
Adapt Ashehad,andasIhadtoo.
“Thisallsoundstooconvenient,”Isaid
“BelievemywordswhenIsay,Aithen’sdeathisatragedy,”saidtheTyrant.“IlostmanypeopletoMedrion’swarriors,to the Wretched. Theyall foughtand died notfor Kalmiya alone, butbecause they like you know the truthaboutMedrion. I cameafteryoutoensurethedeathswesufferedwerenotinvain Medrionisstilloutthere together,wecouldfindhim” I frowned. “For a moment, there, I hoped youwere goingto tell me you had captured him, and he was sitting in your dungeons”
“IwishIcould,”hesimplysaid.
Iscanned his eyes,his face. Abaddon’s face. His was a darkname, aninfamous one. Ihad onlyever heard ofone other angel with the name of Abaddon… he was one of the first God cast into the pit after Lucifer’s rebellion. Some say that Abaddonwasnowoneofthelordsofthepit,apowerfuldemonthelikesofwhichnoonehadeverseen.
Itwasnowonderhewasthelastofhisname;itwascursed “Even if I believed you,” I said, “And I’m still having trouble with that. What am I supposed to do with all of this information?”
“Iwantyoutocomeback.Thisisn’ttheplaceforyou.”
“Andhowdoyouknowthat?”
Hetookadeepbreathandplacedahandonthebars.“Becausewehaveaswornobjective…tofindMedrionandbring himto justice for the things he has done. If you stay here, you will never leave. Your hate, your rage, will burn away to nothing”
I walked up to the edge of the cell, confident, now, that he couldn’t break out at a moment’s notice if he wanted to. Carefully,IplacedthepalmofmyhandagainsthischestasIleanedclosertothebars.TheTyrant’slipspartedslightly.Icould feelhisheartratequicken,pulsingthroughmyhand,hischestpoundingwitheachvibration
TheweightofitwasheavierthanthesuitofarmorIwore.Iknew Ihadtoprovemyself,show themIwasbetterthanhe was stronger,faster,more loyal Iwasafool AbaddonwasthefirsttobecasttothePit,butothersfollowed;andthenoneby one, eachand everyangel withthe misfortunate ofcarryingtheir names were stripped oftheir grace and authority, for some reasonorother.
Thechamber Ienteredwasgrandindeed,ahuge,circular structurewithamassive,domedceiling.Itwas airy,andopen alongthe sides, offeringa view ofsunnyskies and puffy, white clouds as far as the eye could see Towards the backofthe chamberwasatable,andsittingatthattableonhigh-backed,goldenchairsweresevenangels.
Ihadnotbeeninformedofanyvisionregardingthismortal,andthatwasthecruxofthematter;noneoftheangelsoreven cherubs in her service were ever told the entire story. We followed orders, blindly, without knowing why they were so importantortheeffecttheywouldhaveontheworld
The Psychopomp then raised his hand and continued on her behalf, “He was supposed to murder her. Her and several others.He’sinacomanow,sothosesoulsarestilloutthere,verymuchalive.”
“Isn’tthatagoodthing?”Iasked
“No, it’s not. Their times were up, and now, well it’s thrown off quite a few things that I would not expect you to understand,Guardian”
No Thishadnothingtodowithmyactions,itwasbecauseofmyname WhoIremindedthemof IntheireyesIwasastain onHeaven, a dirtysecretthatneeded to be expunged so thattheycould move on, and pretend Lucifer and his rebellionhad neverexisted.
I wondered over their decision for many nights, standing alone in that Chantry, guarding angels who had supposedly committedcrimesseriousenoughtowarrantbeingthrownintothePit.Icouldnothelpbutrecallthattheyalmostthrewmeto thePitfortheseriouscrimeofallowingamurderertogethitbyacar.IquestionedmyfaithinGodandherword,andoverthe yearsthatfollowedIhadevenbeguntoquestionifperhapsLuciferhadbeenrightallalong AndthenSarakielcame.
