Prologue
LEEDS,ENGLAND
SUMMER1805
My dearest Wesley,
You insist on knowing my favorite flower, so that you can return and shower me with those blooms, and yet, how can you not realize, I do not need gifts or sonnets or the jewels you talk of gifting me I wish only for your return But as you persist, and I do not want you to believe me coy, I shall share It is
Over the years, LadyEllie Balfour had become veryadeptatcertainskills, none ofthemladylike: Swordplay. Pretend dying.Running.Hiding.
Usually,she’dbeenrunningand hidingfromherthankfullynow-deadfather,theheartlessDukeofSt James Atthisprecisemoment,however,shefoundherselfonthefringeoftheLeedspropertyforaltogether different reasons to avoidtheverymanyremindersofhowmucheveryonehatedher.
Strangers she could have dealt with. Her late sire’s cruelty, she’d even come ’round to accept. But now this vast list includedeveryonesheloved Fromherbrother,CourtlandBalfour,theDukeofSt James,tohisnewwife,Cailin Oh,noonesaidasmuch.
Butsheknewtheydid.
Afterall,havinggrownupwiththedisdainandloathingofherlatefather,she’dbecomeratheradeptatrecognizingwhen peopledirectedthatsentimentherway.
Asasmallgirl,she’dbeenhard-pressedtoidentifyanythingtomeritherfather’sdisgust.
Asagirl offourteen,shecouldn’tsaythesame Thistime,Ellieknew precisely thereasonfor everyone’s loathing Their disdainstemmedfromwhatshe’ddone Elliehadsingle-handedlycoordinatedCailin’sruinandbroughtsocietyrushinginon anintimatemomentbetweentheDukeofBentley’sdaughterandEllie’sbrother.
Granted, Ellie had onlydone so to help the couple hurryalongwiththeir affections, while atthe same time helpingsave herselfandherfamilyfromtheuncertaintyoftheircircumstances
Elliedidn’tblamethemfortheirresentment.ForhowcouldtheyforgiveEllie’sgreatestsinwhenshecouldn’tevenforgive herself?
Itdidn’tmatterthatdebtor’sprisonhadbeenbearingdownonCourtlandandasaresulttheirfamilyfacedfinancialruin Or thatCourtlandsoverydesperatelylovedCailin.
Whatdid matterwasthereasonforCourtlandandCailin’shastyunion Ellie. Oh,everyonehadbeenpoliteenoughthroughtheweddingfestivities
Butshehadn’tdedicatedyears ofher lifetobattlefieldprowess andsharpeningher strategiccapabilities tofail andmiss somethingsoveryobviousastheevasivemaneuversofthosepeopleavoidingher. Theywouldn’tevenlookherintheeyes
Herrighthandclaspedbehindherback,withherleftpalm,Elliecircledthetipoftherapiershebrandishedattheenormous oaktree.
Shetookgracefullungesandengagedinthatpretendbattle.
Becausebattleswerefun
Because since she’d been a small girl playing at military general, she’d welcomed the distraction Then it had been a distractionfromthefactherfatherdespisedherandcalledhera“freakofnature,”alwaysremindingEllieofhowuglyshe,in fact,was.
Shelungedagain,thistimestrikingthetipofherweaponagainstthetree Sweatingfromherexertions,Elliedrewback. Manypeoplehatedher.
Shethrustasecondtime,makinganothermarkuponthatgnarledoak Butshewas used tobeinghated. Breathless, her chestrisingand fallingfastand hard fromher efforts, she stood, staringblanklyahead atthatpretend foe she’dfashionedinhermind Thistime,however,itfeltdifferent. Herbrothersandsisters,they’dalwayslovedher evenwhenthemanwho’dsiredthemhadnot. Elliebroughtherswordbackupintoposition. Guard Courtland,Keir,Hattie,Lottie Lunge. Panting,Elliepropelledherselfforwardontheballsofherfeet. Hernewsister-in-law,Cailin.Nodoubt,Cailin’sbro “Andrecover”
Elliegaspedandspun;losinghergripuponhersaber,thegleamingswordwentsailingthroughtheair,andshewatchedon inhorrorasthetall,broadlymuscledgentleman,cladincrimsonuniform,neatlysteppedoutofitspath.
Herswordlandedwithanoiselessclatteruponoldleavesblanketingtheforestfloor Horrorripplingthroughher,Elliestaredbrieflyatthearticle,andthenlookedbackonceagaintoCailin’sbrother,theDuke ofBentley’sillegitimateson,LieutenantWesleyAudley. Hesmiledbemusedlyatherweapon Nowshe’dalmostgoneandkilledCourtland’snewbrother-in-law “Splendid,”shemuttered.
“Ah,youwere attemptingtorunmethrough,then,littlegeneral?”
“No!”sheexclaimed “Myapologies Iwasmostcertainlynot tryingtokillyou I ”
Shecaughttheglitterinhisemerald-greeneyesandinstantlystopped.“Youwereteasing.”
“IassureyouI’musuallyfarbetteratjests.”
“Yes,well I’m usuallyquiteskilledwithasword”
Suddenly,itseemedveryimportantheknow that.Elliemightnever havepossessedthesocial gracesandeleganceofher eldersisters,butwhenitcametohandlingweapons,therewasn’tamoreskilledwomaninthekingdom.
“I can see that,” he commented, and, dropping to his haunches, he retrieved her saber He studied it for a moment “I observedyouabitwhileyoupracticed”
Sheeyedhimwarily.“Ididn’tknowyouwerethere.”
“No,youwereveryengrossedinyourbattle.”
“Amasterneverallowsthemselvestobecaughtunawares”
That tactic she’d learned long before the military books she’d often read, back when she’d been avoiding whatever punishmentherfathersoughttometeout.
Hershoulderssagged “Great,Ifailedatthis,too” “Whatwasthat?”thelieutenantasked,cuppingahandaroundhisear. “Iaskedhowlongyouwerewatchingme.”
“No,youdidn’t”
Elliescrunchedhernoseup.“IfyouknewwhatI’dsaid,thenwhyask?” Heshrugged.“Fairenough.”
“Howlongwereyouthere?”Elliepersisted, needing toknow.
Heheldherswordout “Longenoughtoknowyouare,infact,asskilledasyousay” Inaninstant,sheforgotallaboutthefacthe’dcomeuponherwhileshepracticedherswordplay,andshefellmorethana littleinlovewithLieutenantWesleyAudley.
Forhiswordsweren’ttheclearplatitudesCourtlandgaveher Courtlandwho Godlovehimforbeingawonderfulbrother andjoininginherbattlefieldgames didn’tknowathingaboutweaponryormilitarycombat.
LieutenantAudleysmiled. He truly had a lovely smile.
“Yoursword,littlegeneral?” Hersword?
Ellieblinkedwildly.Hersword!
She quicklytookbackher weapon “Youknow somethingof fighting, lieutenant,” she said “Do youbelieve I’mskilled enoughtofaceBoney’smen?”Itwasaquestionshe’dneverhavetheanswertoherself.
All ofher siblings combined would have collectivelygroaned atthatqueryand pointed outa lady’s place inthe world. LieutenantAudley,however,consideredherwordsamoment “Someofthem,”heallowed.
Howeasilyitwouldhavebeenforhimtosay:undoubtedly,yes.Afterall,she’dhaveneverknownthedifference.Instead, hespoketruthfullytoherandsheappreciatedhimallthemoreforit.
“Aretheresuggestionsyoumightgiveme?”Shepulledaface “My sisters areforeverinsistingwomenshouldonlyworry aboutthingslikeflowersandsonnetsandanythingnotrelatedtofighting.”
“Whycan’titbeboth?”
Shesnortedwithlaughter,beforecatchingthesolemnityofhisgaze “You’reserious” “Deadlyso.Flowershaveanynumberofbenefits.”
“Evenforsoldiers?”
“Especiallyforsoldiers”
“NowIknowyou’refunningwithme.” “Iwouldn’tdreamofit.”
He looked justbeyond her shoulder, and as he approached anuglyplantnear her, Ellie followed the lieutenantwithher gaze
“Likethatone.”
Shestaredskepticallyatthehideousbloom.“That one?”
“This one It’scalledtheStinkingIris” Ellielaughedagain.
“Ithasallmannerofbenefits,”hesaid.“Youcanapplyittoawoundorbruise.” Heramusementfaded,andshewidenedhereyes “Truly?” Henodded.“WhenIworkedinthemines,therewereanynumberofmenwhohadpoulticesmadefromtheflower,andthe samecanbesaidforbattle.”
Thelieutenantbeckonedhercloser “And,”hewhispered,whenshewasnearer,“theiris also decoratedJoanofArc’sbattlestandard” “Itdid?”shewhisperedinreturn.
Henoddedagain.
Ellieclaspedherhandstoherchest “TheirisshallbetheoneandonlyflowerIfavor” “Averywisechoice,littlegeneral.”
Herfacefell,assherecalled:“Theirismayhelpasoldierheal,buttheydon’tprepareapersontofight.” Hebowedhishead “You’rerightonthatscore” LieutenantAudleycollectedherswordandbrandishedtheweapon.“Alesson,then?” Elliestilled.“Truly?”
“Wouldasoldiereverjestaboutanyformoffighting?” “Never!”
Helaunchedintoalesson.“First,youholdyourweaponinyourhandthatisdominant,”hesaid,pressingthesaberbackinto herhands,andasheguidedElliethroughtheproperwaytoholdthething,hermouth...itwentall weird,hertonguegoing heavy,andherfingerswarmathistouch
Thelieutenanthadbighands.
Shehatedbighands.
Herlatefatherhadbigones
Butthedeadduke’sunsullied,lily-whiteoneshadbeennothinglikethisman’s:callusedandpowerfulenoughtoswallow herentirepalm,tannedbythesun,scarredby...what,sheknewnot,butwassoverycuriousto.
“Didyougetallthat?”LieutenantAudleyasked,andshehadtotellherbraintotellherheadtonod.Foldinghisarmsacross apowerfulchest,thegentlemannoddedtoher “Well?”heurgedgently Well?
Elliepuzzledherbrowandtouchedthefingersnotholdinghersabertoherchest.“You...wantmeto show you.” Hetenderedagentlesmile,anencouragingone “Thatisthepointofalesson,isitnot,Ellie?”
Ellie
Neverhadshemindedtheshortenedmonikerallhereldersiblingshadconferred.Untilnow.
In hearing this man speak it, Ellie found herself wishing she went by something more elegant a sophisticated name belongingtoabeautifulwoman.
Aquestionenteredhiseyesandchasedawayhisslightgrin.“Whatisit?”
“Mysiblingsthinkitischild’splay,andthatwomendon’treallyhaveaplaceatbeingproficientwithasword.”
“Andwhatofyou?”heventured,strollingcloser
“Ithinkitisessentialallpeople, especially women,havethemeanswithwhichtodefendthemselves.”
Herstomachlurched.She’dsaidtoomuch.He’drealizethehideoustalesofherchildhoodandtherageshe’dinducedthat hadledherfathertoregularlyattempttothumpthebadoutofher Whileherfamilyhadlongsuspectedshewasachildplaying atadultgames,she’dbeenmotivatedbytheneedtosurvive.
“Ithinkthatisawisethoughttohave,Ellie,”LieutenantAudleyfinallysaid,andsheslowlypickedhereyesbackuptomeet hisagain
“You...do?”
Henodded.“Whyshouldyounotknow how toprotectanddefendyourself?Becauseyou’reawoman?”Heansweredhis questionthatwasn’taquestion “Howmanytimeshaveweseeninhistorythatwomenare,infact,ascapable?JoanofArc Kit Cavanagh ”Eagerexcitementbroughtherbackup
“You’veheardofher.”Thatlegendarywomanwho’ddisguisedherselfasamanandjoinedtheBritishdragoonstofightthe French,allwhileshe’dsearchedforherhusband.
Henodded “Indeed,andthereareevenmorewomenwho’vegonetobattle”
Theyspokeinunison.
“DeborahSampson.”
SheandLieutenantAudleysharedasmile Herheartshiftedinherbreast.
Courtlandhadindulgedher.
ButneverhadhetrulybelievedEllieshouldholdasword,orthatitwassomethinganywoman,forthatmatter,shoulddo Notasthismanbeforeher
Justthen,someonecamestompingthroughthegrounds.
“Ellie?”
Herheartsank “Oh,hell,”shewhispered,lookingawayfromLieutenantWesleyAudley Splendid. Just splendid.
“Bad?”thelieutenantasked.
“Very ”
Her second-eldestsibling Keir.Theeminentlylessfunofthetwins.Lesspatient.Lessunderstanding.Less everything. Keirenteredtheclearing.“Whatareyoudoing?”hedemanded,bywayofgreeting. Elliestuckherfootout “Asyoucansee,Keir,I’motherwisebus ” “Yourskirtsareamess,Ellie,”heinterrupted,chidingherinthatmatter-of-facttoneofhis. Despiteherself,despitethefactthatshehadcertainlynevercaredaboutstainsonherskirts,Ellienow,forthefirsttimein thewholeofherexistence,wishedsheweresomeoneelse.Shewishedshelookedadifferentway thatshewasn’tlankyand painfullythinlikeacolt,butsoftandroundedandfemininelikehersisters “St.Jamesislookingforyou,”Keirsaid.
Sheperkedup.“Heis?”
Normally, she’d rib Keir for referringto their brother, his twin, byhis title This time, she could onlyfocus onthe hope Courtlanddidn’thatehersoverybadlyafter “Hewantstobesureyouarestayingoutoftrouble.”
Atthatbluntpronouncementfromheralways-brusquebrother,herheartdropped Ofcourse.
“She’sbeennotrouble,”LieutenantAudleyassuredKeir. Thistime,thatorganinherchestliftedandthensoared Sheswunghergazebacktothesoldier Keirswitchedhisattentiontotheslightlytaller,absolutelybroadergentleman.
“LieutenantAudley,”Keir,asawkwardwithsocialexchangesashistwin,Courtland,wasaffableandcharming,offereda belatedgreeting
Elliegaveherbrotheratriumphantlook.“See,I’mnotrouble.”
“Thelieutenantisjustbeingpolite,”Keirsaidflatly,settingherteethonedge.
“Iassureyou,I’mnot,”thegentlemaninsisted.
Andinthatmoment,Ellie,loverofall thingsmilitary,anddetesterofall thingsromantic,fell headovertoesinlovewith LieutenantAudley.
She wentall softinside. Her heartmelted and her tummyfluttered and fireworks exploded, and as she stared atWesley, Elliecouldn’tstopthesmilethatfeltsilly Shelovedh
“What’sthematterwithyoureye,Ellie?”herbrotherdemanded,stompingacrossbrushandsticks,andbringinghercrashing rightbacktothepresent.
“Noth ”HermutteringmergedwithagruntasKeirtookherchinfirmlyinhand Heangledherfaceup.
“You’reblinkingoddly,”hemuttered,peeringintentlyatherface,andblastifhercheeksdidn’tfiretenshadeshotter.“Or youwere”
Battingherlashes and blushing?Egads,thosewere both surefiresignsof“beinginlove” “I’mfine,”shesaidtightly,betweenclenchedteeth. Alas,herbrotherprovedunrelenting.
“You’resure?Becauseyouhavemudonyourface”
Keirwhippedoutakerchief,andbeforeshecouldopenhermouthtoadvisehimagainstit,hewasalreadyrubbingather cheekwiththewhitelinen.“You’vebeenplayingpiratesagain.”
Mortificationbroughthertoescurlingpainfullyinthesolesofherbootsagain,andGodhelpher,ifshe’dhadarealsword, she’dhavelikelycommittedfratricide.
Herbrotherwasn’tdone.
“Wecan’thaveyourunningabouttheduke’sestateswithmudonyourfaceandskirts,Ellie”
Aroundherbrother’sshoulder,shecaughtthelieutenant’ssmile
Grittingher teethall the harder, she yanked her gaze backto Keir, who continued to wipe awaydirt fromher face. She attemptedtodrawback,buthetightenedhisholdgently.
“Willyoustop?”hemuttered “I’mcleaningyouoff”
“Iwasnotplaying atpirates,Keir,”shesaid,ignoringhisbrusquerequest;prayingtotheLordabovethatherbrotherwould justletthisgoandspareherfromfurtherhumiliation.Shetrilledalaugh.“Ihaven’tplayedpiratesinforever.” Why,it’dbeenatleastayearnow Itdidn’tneedtobepointedoutthistimeoreverthatshe’dshiftedherfocusto “That’sright,”hesaid.“SinceNapoleon’shavoc,youandSt.Jameshavemovedontoplayingwar.” Frustrationroilinginherbreast,shewrenchedawayfromKeir’sgrooming.
“Willyoustop?”shesnapped Hisjawslackened,andsurprisefilledhisdarkeyes.
“I’m...notababewhoneedscleaning,Keir.”Sheshotasurreptitiouslookatthelieutenant.“I’magrownwoman.” Keirsnappedhisblondeyebrowstogether.“Ifthat’sthecase,mightIsuggestyoustopbotheringtheduke’ssonandreturnto thehouseholdsothatyoucanresumeyourdeportmentlessonswithEdwina”
Mortifiedheattouchedeverypartofherpersonfromthetopofherhead,allthewayontothetipsofhertoes.Whenshe’d neverevenknowntoes could blush.Apparently,theycould...ifthehumiliationwaspowerfulenough.
Lieutenant Audley’s quiet baritone cut across the awkward silence “LadyEllie reallyis no bother” And spokeninthat firm,confidentway,therecouldbenodoubtingtheveracityofthatassurance.
Ellie’sheartdancedwildlyoncemore.
Keirinclinedhishead “Thatiskindofyoutosay However,Iknowwithherantics,El ” Elliekickedherbrotherhardintheshins.
“Oomph.”Herelderbrotherglaredinreturn.“Ellieissomethingofahellion.”
“Youhavemyassurance,itreallyisnobother Infact,thelady” the lady Asin her “willbesparingmefromtedium” Courtland’snew brother-in-law inclinedhishead;asmileteasedatthecorner ofhisfirmlips,histhefirstmouthshe’dever notedofaman,andshewentallsoftinside.
Shecouldn’thelpit Asighslippedout
“Thatisgracious.”Keirbowedhishead.“Iwill,however,sendonEllie’snursemaidsoshecancollectherwhenyoutire of ”
“Sheisagoverness,Keir,”shesaidthroughclenchedteeth.“MissMeadsisagoverness.”
A lovely, oft-smiling woman who often had her head in a book, and was therefore easy to evade whenever they went outside.
“Nursemaidsareforbabies,”Ellieaddedforgoodmeasure.
“Well,ababyiswhatyouare,andwillalwaysbetome,”Keirsaid,rufflingthetopofherhead,hissuccincttonesatodds withthatbothersomepat.
Glaringsharplyupathim,Ellieswattedhimaway.
Invain
Atlast,hedroppedhishand,andsheopenedhermouthtodisabusehimoftheideathatshewasinfactababyinneedof watchingover.
Butthenstopped
Perhapssheshouldbegratefulhestillsawherashisbabysister Forifhedidn’t,therewasnodoubthe’dnever,everleave heralonewithLieutenantAudley.
Keirlookedtothelieutenantoncemore.“Youarecertainitisnottoomuchofabother ” “Nobother atall”Wesley’sassurancesmackedofsincerity,andher heartcontinuedtopitter-patter erraticallywithinher chest.
Bothmenexchangedbows,andasKeirheadedofftofetchMissMeads,Elliefoundherselfpreciselyasshewishedtobe alonewiththelieutenant
“Thankyoufornotmakingmegobackwithhim,”shesaidsoftly.“I...itishardbeingthere.”
Assoonasshesaidit,sheregrettedit.Thelastthingshewishedtoremindanyoneof especiallythisman wasthefact thatshe’dcoordinatedthefalloftwopeople Evenifsaidcouplewereverymuchinlove Why,thelieutenantwaslikelyonlybeingnice,too Henodoubthatedherasmuchasherownfamilydid Thesamewayher latefatheralwayshad.He’dknownhersoulwascorrupt,evillikehis.
Ellie looked downat the ground and the brittle-lookingbrownand grayleaves aged bythe winter and left as a forlorn reminderoftheseasonspast
Alarge,powerfulhandsettledonhershoulder,stealingherbreathandbringinghereyesflyingup.
“Yourintentionsweregood,”hesaidgently.“Andmysisterisverymuchinlovewithyourbrother,andIseeyourbrother feelsthesameforher So itwasnotallbad” Hereyesstung.“Thankyou,Lieutenant,”shewhispered. Stung? Whatintheholymixed-upworld was this?Dirt.Itwasnothingmore.Nothingatall.Becauseshecertainlydidnot cry She’dnotmanagedtodososinceherfatherhadthumpedherbackwithacanehardenoughtosendherflying,ontoametal soldierwhosetinybayonethadspearedherknee,foreverscarringit.
“Now,” Wesleysaid, his tone more cheerful as he lightlysqueezed her shoulder before releasingher, “would youlike to continueourlesson?”
Elliesmiled “Iwouldlikenothingmore”
Thatwas,asidefromonedaymarryingLieutenantWesleyAudley.
Chapter1
LONDON,ENGLAND
ONEYEARLATER
My dearest Wesley,
I know I once said there was nothing more beautiful than a blue, cloud-filled sky I was wrong There is something far more magnificent knowing I share that sky with you Whenever I wish to feel closer to you, I just look up
Perched onthe window seat, her knees drawnup to her chest, Ellie shifted her focus fromthe rainslantinginsideways sheets uponthe pavement, a deluge thatlefther stuckindoors, to the couple curled up beside one another onthe green button-backvelvet-upholsteredChesterfieldsofa
Cailinlaywithher headonCourtland’slapandher legsflungover therolledarm,readingfromaletter,whileCourtland remained with one hand stroking the top of his wife’s head, and the other holding whatever title it was on fossils that so fascinatedhimandCailin.
Ellieforcedhergazeawayfromthebucolictableautheypresented:ahappilymarriedcouple,withtheyoungwife’sbelly gentlyroundedfromwheretheirfirstbaberested.
CourtlandandCailinhadbeengracious.Certainlymoregraciousthanshedeserved,orthanhermachinationshadmerited.
But Ellie had been obliged to acknowledge one sad truth her relationship with the pair had been forever altered Followinghis marriage, and the pained lecture he’d doled out after he’d learned the truthabout Ellie’s involvement inhis ruination,he’dstoppedjoiningherinhergameplay,andinstructedhertoceaselookingattheworldasabattlefieldplanthere forEllietoarrange
Andthatprovedthegreatestregretofherlife.
It shouldn’t matter. Ultimately, inthe end, all childrenwere forced to hangup their scabbards and put awaytheir wood pistolsandswordsandswapthosepretendgamesforallthatcamewithreallife.
Absently,Ellietracedafingertipoverthewindow “ . . . what is it, love? You’ve those frown lines you get here,” Courtland was saying as he touched the place between Cailin’seyebrows.“Whenyouareupset.”Withthosequietmurmurings,hiswordsrevealedanintimateknowingofthewoman he’dwed,andElliefoundherselfmorethanhalflongingforthat
Alas,sheliftedthebookfromherlapandraisedittoherface,givingthecoupletheprivacysheought,feelingliketheworst sortofinterloper.
Astreakoflightninglitupadarkskywhichwouldhavebettersuitedthenight “...mybrother...”Cailinwassaying.“...Wesley...”
Asharpcrackofthunderrumbledthefoundationsofthehouse,shakingthewindowpanes. Ellielosthergriponthebook
Thump
Itlandedonthefloorwithaless-than-subtle thwack thatbrieflyinterruptedherbrotherandhiswife’sconversationastwo setsofeyesswungherway.
“Droppedmybook,”sheexplained,unnecessarily “Lostmyholdonthepages Thestorm,ofcourse Thatsoundedasifthe lightningstrikewasclose.”
HerbrotherandCailinstaredather
“NotthatI’mafraid ofstorms,” she blurted. “I’mnot.” Exceptthatwas a lie. “Thatscared. I ” You are rambling. Stop rambling. You are not a rambler. Anythingbut.Ellieclearedherthroatnoisilyand,leaningdown,rescuedherbook.“I haave it!”sheexclaimedneedlessly,andthenpromptlycringedinside Snappingthepagesopen,shequicklybroughtthevolumeback intoplacebeforeherface.
“Iseethat,”Courtlandcalledover.“You...uh...maywishtoturnitar ”Elliepromptlyflippeditrightsideup.“ ound,”herbrothercompletedthatwordanddrollresponse
Dedicating all her attentions and energies on her book, Ellie made a show at reading; all the while, her ears remained keenlyfocusedonthepartsandpiecesofthediscussionherbrotherandCailinhadresumed.
“ heartbreaking notsomuchasawordfromher ”Cailinsaid,hervoicecatchingwithtears,andEllieflippedthe unreadpagenoisily.“...shewillnotwritehim.Shewillnotanswerhisnotes.WhatamItosaywhenheasks?”Ellie’ssisterin-lawwassaying.“ThataccordingtoourbrotherHunter,thewomanyouareinlovewithisthedarlingofStaffordshire?” Elliewentcompletelymotionless.
Thewomanhe loved?Herorganinherchestforgotitsjobwastobeat Asin,WesleyAudleywasinlovewith “...thatshe’s enjoyingherselfatall thelocal soirees whileyouareriskinglifeandlimbtokeepEnglandsafefromthat Frenchfrog?”
AsinWesleyAudleywasinlovewithawomanwhollyundeservingofhimandhislove Hatredandjealousymingled,andtogether,souredher tonguelikethevinegar ragher father hadadvisedher nursemaidto stuffinEllie’smouthforusingwordshe’ddeemedinappropriateforaladytoutter.
Hewas inlove
Inallthistimesincethey’dmetlakeside,she’dthoughtofhim.Andmore,she’dthoughtofhim andher together. Granted,hewasmorethanadozenyearsher senior,butshewasnolonger achild,andwitheverypassingdaywherehe wasgone,she’dbecomeayounglady,andhewastoreturnandnoticethatshewasnolongeraganglychild
Just aganglywoman
Butneitherwouldthatmatter,becausehe’dsaidthatdayatthelakeshe’dspiritandstrength,andaskillwithaswordthat he’dadmired,and
Elliegrippedherbookhard,herfingernailsdiggingsharplyintothesoftleatherandleavingcrescentmarksuponthecover andback.
ThehousekeeperappearedanddippedacurtsytoCailin.“IfImightspeaktoyou,YourGrace,aboutthelatestchangesto themenu”
The latest changes,becausewithCailinincreasinginpregnancyandqueasyfromit,everymealwasconstantlychanging. AsCailincametoherfeet,sheofferedawaveandsmiletoEllie,whichshequicklyreturned.
“I’llreturnshortly,love,”theduchesssaidtoherhusband ShetippedherheaduptoreceiveCourtland’skiss Elliehurriedlyavertedherattentionfromthatintimateexchange ThemomentCailinhadfollowedMrs.Dumfrees,Courtlandreturnedtohisbook.
“WhowasCailinspeakingabout?”Ellieaskedafterhersister-in-lawhadgone,andsheandCourtlandremainedalone. Hereldestbrotherglancedoverthetopofhispagesandlookedconfusedlyherway Be breezy. You are breezy. “Thewomanwhoisnotwritingthelieutenant.” Courtlandscrubbedahandoverhismouth.
Foraninstant,shethoughthewouldnotanswer Foraninstant,shethoughthe’drightlypointoutherpastactionsbarredher frompossessionofintimatedetailsthatdidnotexplicitlyinvolveher. Though,inthiscase...theydid.Herbrotherjustdidnotknowit.
“Shealsohappenstobetheyoungwomanwhourgedhimtogotohisfather,theDukeofBentley,sohecouldmakeabetter life for himself.” Her brother’s jaw hardened. “A better life, which in her mind included wealth and land, and attaining everythingshecouldthroughhis commissioninthearmy.”
Thereasonhe’djoinedthemilitary,andriskedhislifeevennow,wasa woman?
Ellie’schesttightenedinanoddway,inawayshe’dneverbelieveditwouldorcouldbecauseofaman,andyetnowitdid atthethoughtofthedashingLieutenantAudleycourtinganotherwomanwhowasdecidedlynotEllie.
Courtlandstartedtorise.
Elliequicklystayedhimwithanotherquestion “Doyouknowher?”
Hestaredconfusedlyather
“Theyoungwoman,”sheclarified.
Herbrothershookhishead.“OnlythathernameisClaireSparrow.Herfather isapartowneroftheCheadlemineswith Hunter”
Thesecond-eldestAudleysibling,followingRafe.WesleyandCailinweretheyoungest.
“ShehasnotbotheredtowriteWesleyinallthetimehe’sbeenofffighting.”
Painknifed awayatEllie’s heartthis time for unselfishreasons: because ofthe hurthe knew, and all for a womanwho couldn’tappreciateWesleyforthemanhewas.
Therecameaflurryoffootfalls,andtheybothlookedup.Cailin’slady’smaid,Sara,rushedintotheroom,breathless.
Ashen,Courtlandjumpedup “Theduchess ?”
“Isfine,”theyoungwomanhurriedtoreassurehim.“HerGracewasaccompanyingMrs.Dumfrees,whowasdiscussingthe menu,andtheduchess...” Sara’scheekspinkened “fellillinthehallway.” Elliegrimaced.Tossedher biscuits,Cailinhaddone.As thepoor expectingmother was always doing,everywhere,these days
“ShetoldmeIshouldnotsendforyou,YourGrace,butIthoughtyoushould ” “Iamgladyoudid,”Courtlandinterrupted,hasteningtothedoor,leavingElliealonewithonlythesilenceoftheroom... and hergazeinchedovertothehastilyabandonedareaherbrotherandhiswifehadoccupied Wesley’sletters Shedampenedhermouth.
It is none of your affair . . . It is absolutely none of your affair Notevenabit.
Thatwas,asidefromthefactthatElliewasheadoverheelsinlovewiththelieutenant. Herbookforgotten,Ellieabsentlysetitdownbesideher,andcameslowlytoherfeet Keepinghereyesonthedoorway,sheinchedoverandstoppedbesidethenote
None of your affair. None of your affair. None . . . Ofitsownvolition,hergazesliddown,landingonthatfoldednote.
Good, a personcould notread a folded note The onlywayto do so would be to pickitup, and openit, and well, Ellie certainlyhadmorethanenoughrestraint. Or...shethoughtshedid.
JustnotwheremattersofWesleyAudleywereconcerned Withasilentcurse,herfingersdoveforthepage,andshequicklysnappeditopenandproceededtoread.
My dear sister,
I write this missive hoping to find you and Courtland and your unborn babe are each faring well I ameager for the day I return, and hope it is one day soon where I amable to see your expanded family
Elliefinishedandturnedthenoteover TherewasnomentionofEllie. Hedidnotsomuchasaskafterher. Notthatsheexpectedheshouldorwould Elliewas,afterall,justanotheroneofCourtland’smanysiblings ShesnappedthenoteshutandreturnedthelettertowhereCailinhadleftit. That,however,didn’tmeanElliedidn’t...hopethathethoughtofherinsomeway. Though,knowinghisheartwasotherwiseengaged andbyawomansocompletelyunworthyofhim itmadesensewhyhe shouldnot
Andshewasstunnedtodiscover,shewasn’tsoveryselfishastowanthimatanycost.Shewantedhimaliveandhappy. Evenifitmeant,whenhereturnedfromwar,hewouldbelongtoanotherwoman.
Ballingher handsintotightfists,Elliesqueezedandun-squeezedthem;all thewhileshewagedasilentwar withherself “Bloodyhell,”sheexclaimedintothequietoftheparlor,andthen,sittingdownatCailin’swritingstation,Ellieavailedherself ofasheetofparchmentandapen.
Dippingitintoaninkwellpot,sheproceededtowrite
My dearest Wesley,
You must forgive me for the delay in my writing My father discovered your notes My only course, our only course, is to send our correspondences through a location where they’re sure to not be discovered
Chapter2
LONDON,ENGLAND
NORTHBANKOFTHETHAMES
TWOYEARSLATER
I do not want you to worry after me or about me, or my undying love or regard for you My only want, my only wish, is for you to focus on the battles you are fighting, so that one day, you may come back to me
CaptainWesleyAudleyhadn’tdiedonthemud-soakedbattlefieldsofBelgium. Hewasoneoftheluckyones.
Orthatwaswhattheysaid,anyway.Thatwaswhattheythought.
ThedockedshipthathadcarriedWesleybacktoEnglandrockedgentlyonthechannel Heclenchedhiseyestightly.
Nobodyknewagoddamnedthingaboutanything.Especiallypeoplewho’dneversetfootuponabattlefield. ButWesleyknew
Justlikeeveryother manwho’dever beenlancedwiththebladeofabayonet,or takenabulletthroughhis flesh,Wesley knewdeathwaseasy.
Itwas living aftersustainingthoseinjuriesthattrulychallengedaman
Onemightaswellbedead.Forpeopledidn’tspeaktoyou.Theyspokeaboutyouandoveryou.ItmatterednotthatWesley had risen frommere lieutenant to captain, commander of his own forces. Or that he’d placed himself between Wellington, savingthegreatcommanderinchief’slife
Whena manfell inbattle, and lost the use of his limbs, he became useless to society Those downed warriors became brokenobjectspeopleeitherignored,orworse,soughttofix.Neveroncedidthosepeoplebothertoseekthesoldier’sinput. Nay,menmarchedtowaraspowerfulwarriorsandreturned intheeyesofall nothingmorethanafeeblechild. Perhapsthatwasbecausetheyknewiftheyaskedeverymanwoundedinbattle,they’dorderyoutoletthemdie,insteadof facing... this.
Lyingflatonhisbackonalitter,hiseyesclosed,Wesleywaitedforthemenhenowreliedupontogethim...anywhere. Waitingfor themtocarryhim Waitingfor themtospeakabouthim,andthis timeclingingtothosevoices todistracthimself fromthefierypainthatrackedhisbody.
“...IhavebeensentbyHisGrace,”someonewassaying.
Itwasanunfamiliarvoice
Asomber,commandingone
Hisfatherhadsentsomeonetoretrievehim.
What did you expect? You are a duke’s by-blow and now a broken by-blow at that. Did you think he would have rushed to collect you?
No,buthehadexpectedattheveryleast,Rafewouldcometocollecthim.Inhismind,Wesleyhadbracedhimselfforthe reunionwithhiseldestbrother.
Andhe’ddreadedit
Because he didn’twanttobe presentedwiththe evidence ofhis brother’s virilityandintactness whenhe himselfwas so brokenandbattered hislegmangled.
Buthisbrotherhadalifeofhisownnow Onethatdidn’teveninvolvetheCheadleminingvillagewherethey’dgrownup andworked.Rather,Rafehadsincemarriedandhadafamilyofhisownandalife...inLondon.Whyshouldheabandonall thattocomeandgatheruphiscrippledbrother?
“CaptainAudley,canyouhearme?”themanservingashisnursemaidasked Wesleyignoredhim,ataskthatwasn’taltogetherdifficult,giventhepainravaginghisbodyandthreateningtopullhimback intothatblessedhazeofunconsciousness.
“Thecaptaindoesn’ttalk,”someonerepliedforhim “Tooweakfromhisinjuries” Tooweakfromhisinjuries. Thatmuchwastrue.
Therecamealowgroanasthefloorboardscreaked,andaslightshadowfelloverWesley’seyes “CaptainAudley,areyou abletotalk?”
Wesleywasn’taltogethercertainonthatscore.He’dbeenunconscious,andwhenhe’dawakenedhadbeentooriddledwith paintodoanythingmore thangroanor moan.Whathe was certainofwas he didn’twantto take questions fromthe damned emissaryhiscowardofafatherhadsent
“Your father, the Duke ofBentley, sentme,” the mansaid once more. “Myname is Dr. Monroe. Youwere injured onthe fieldsofBrussels.Doyourememberasmuch?”
Iflaughingwassomethinghe’dbeencapableofanddoingsowouldn’thaverunhisweakbodyragged,he’dhaveroaredhis hilarity.
Did he remember . . .
Asifoncue,thestaccatoofmusketsfiringblaredinhisearsastheacridstingofrememberedsmokeburnedhisnostrils “ help Put me out I’m on fire heeeeelp ”
Amemorypoppedinoftheyoungboyondrumswho’dcaughtfire,thepungentodorofburningfleshsosharpWesleycould tasteitstill
“Youwereat ”
“Iremember,”herasped,thosetwowordswrenchedfromhimthefirsthe’dspoken,andevenwithhiseyesclosedhefelt thelookspassbetweenthemenwho’dbeenstuckcaringforhimthelengthofhisjourneyhome.
Home
Howgoddamnedhilariousthatwas.
“Good,”thedoctorsaid,apleased-soundingqualitytothatavowal.“Youareconsciousandabletospeak.”
Sohe’dmerelybeentestingWesley?Gaugingwhetherhispatient’smindwasintact? Well,thedamnedjokewouldbeonhim.
TherewasnothingintactaboutWesley’smind.Or,forthatmatter,hisbodyorsoul.
“WearegoingtomakethejourneytoHisGrace’sLondontownhouse Iexpectgiventheextentofyourinjuries,thecarriage ride will bringyougreatpain” The doctor spoke matter-of-factly, dolingouthis words aboutthe plans for Wesleyand his conditionthewayhemightdeliverascientificlectureonsometedioustopic.“Therefore,wewilltakethejourneyslowly.”
Therewassomethingunderlinedwithinthatparticularstatement,somethingthatsuggestedagreaterjourneythantherideto theduke’stownhouse
Drained of energy, Wesley squeezed his eyes shut more tightly and curled up into himself, taking himself out of the discussionwiththedoctor.TherecamethesmallestofmerciesasthedoctorceasedpepperingwordsandquestionsWesley’s wayandturnedthembackonthemenwho’doverseenWesley’scare
WhenWesleycameto...minutes...moments...hours?...later,itwastoablindingpain. Hiseyesshotopen,andheinstantlygroanedastheragingsunburnedhisirises,blinding. Howlonghaditbeensincehe’dseensun?
Theworldhadgonedarkforhim,andhe’dknownnothingbeyondmurkyshadesofgraysandblacks. Atorturedgaspclimbedfromdeepwithinhim,andWesleyarchedhisbackinabidtoescape,buttherewasnoescaping. Whimpering,hetossedhisheadbackandforth.
“Halt ”thedoctorcommandedwiththeeasebettersuitedtothecommandingofficerswhoremainedbehindonthefields ofBrussels.“You’removingtooquickly.Youriskdoingfurtherdamagetohisleg.He’llneedshortbreaksaswego,andthen whenwemove,youmustcarryhimwithgreatercare.”
Asifthatwouldmakeadifference “CaptainAudley?Areyouwellenoughtocontinue?”
Whatwas the alternative? To tip the litter and dump his brokenbodyonthe hard cobblestones? Ifhe’d beencapable of stringingtogetherasemblanceofwordstomakethatqueryaloud,hewouldhave Asitwas,hemanagedonlysilence.
Severalmomentspassedbeforethedoctorspoke,callingforthementoresumetheirwalk.
Wesleyforcedhiseyesopenafraction,andthenduckedhisheadsideways,archingintohispallet,bothrivetedbytheorb hangingintheskyandpainedbythelengthforwhichhestared.Thehulking,crimson-cladsoldiercarryingWesleyperiodically shifted,adjustinghisholduponWesley’slitter,ashedid,pullingWesley’sfaceinandoutofthesun.
Unblinking,Wesleystaredsightlesslyup God,howhe’dlovedthesun.Howhe’dmissedthebrightnessofanuncomplicatedsky. He’dbecomesoaccustomedtoskiesblackandgrayandcloudyfromcannonfire.
Whenhe’dbeenawayfighting,he’dsustainedhimselfwiththe idea oflivingsothathe mightagainfeel those warmrays bathe his face andtanhis skin He’dimagineddoingsowithClaire’s headuponhis lap,as he readtoher fromthose books she’dquotedinherletterstohim,eachnotealifelinetoafuturehelongedtoknow.Untilthelinehad,forasecondtime,been ripped asunder, and he’d had nothing more than a final note, and only silence from her this time, that silence had been permanent
Slippingbetweenpastmemoriesandnewhells,hefeltdarknessclawingattheedgeofhisconsciousness,andhewelcomed thatabyss,anendlessholehesodesperatelylongedtodrownhimselfin.Wesleysurrenderedtotheblackness.
Alongthetrekfromthewharfandduringthejourneyintheduke’scarriage,Wesleymovedinandoutofconsciousness Slumped along the side of the conveyance they’d come and collected him in, Wesley pressed his forehead against the window,thefabricofthecurtainscratchyagainsthischeekandbrow,aviciousjuxtapositionoftheagonythatracedalongthe lineofhisjawfromwhereaknifehadcuthim
Underthebandagewoundabouthishead,hisskinthrobbed Wesley squeezed his eyes shut as the conveyance bumped and swayed along the uneven country road. Every jolt to his twistedlegsenthisstomachrevolting.
“Nauseaisnormal”Thatquietstatementcamefromtheoppositebench
Wesleyignoredtheotherman.
Thecarriagehitanotherrut,andthistime,Wesleycouldn’tstiflethemoanthatfilteredfromhislips. Hepromptlyregrettedit
Thatsoundcausedhisachingheadtopoundalltheharder,andhisstomachflippedoveragain.
“Doyouneedabucket?”Dr.Monroeoffered.
Abucket Tothrowupinto ThebitterironywasnotlostuponWesley He’dleftforglory He’dsoughttobuildanameandfutureforhimselfsothathecouldbemore,sothathecouldhavemore He’dgoneseekinghonorandprestige,andareputationasamanwho’drisenup.Onlytocomebackthis. Asthecarriageswayedoncemore,thecurtainspartedafraction,andhisvisagereflectedback.
Hisfacecoveredwithaheavybeard;awhitebandagewrappedabouthishead;hiseyesbloodshotanddeadened Hewas, inshort,acaricatureoftheliving,breathingmanwho’dmarchednaïvelyofftobattle.
“Itrustthepainissignificant.Iunderstandfromtheattendingdoctorsyourefusedalllaudanum.”
Yes,becauseduringhistimeattheCheadle,he’dwitnessedmenwho’dbeenbadlyinjuredinminingaccidentsdousedwith laudanum.He’dseenfirsthandthehellwroughtonthosewho’drelieduponthatmind-numbingelixir.
“Thereisnoharmin ”
“Willyoushutup?”Wesley’svoiceemergedasaharshgrowl,lackofusemakingitraspyandraw Thateffortcosthimdearly,andablindingpainbroughthiseyesslidingshut,asflecksoflightdancedbehindthem. Death.Deathwouldbepreferabletothis.
AndWesleyrememberednomore.
Thatafternoon,theBalfoursgatheredinaparlorasthey’ddonesomanytimesbeforeattheDukeandDuchessofBentley’s expansiveMayfair townhouse,ChiswickHall Thefamilieswere,asusual,alsojoinedbytheDukeofBentley’seldest son,Rafe,andRafe’swife,Edwina.
The general festiveness thatusuallyaccompanied suchgatherings betweenthemhad beenreplaced bya darkpall, as the Balfours, this time, joined the Audleys in a show of support After all, Ellie’s brother Courtland had married the Duke of Bentley’sdaughter,joiningtheirfamiliesasone.
This time,noonewishedtobehere.Atleastnotforthereasonsthatsawthemassembled Ellieincluded. Sandwiched betweenher elder sisters, unmarried Hattie and just recentlymarried Lottie, ona prettysofa, Ellie glanced aroundthesolemnroom.
Itwas the firsttime since her brother had married CailinthatEllie had ever feltthatwayabouta visitto this particular household
Thekindly,graciousdukehadopenedhishometoher,allowinghertovisithislibrariesandgardensasoftenasshe’dliked, andmanyofthosetimeshejoinedher.
Assuch,fortheduke’spaternal warmthtowardher,thisresidencehadfeltfar morelikeahomethanthehouseholdshe’d grownupin
Thistime,however,beingheredidnotbringEllietheusualcalmitnormallydid.
Thistime,shewantedtoleave.
Becauseshewasacowardinside Andyet,shehadtobehere ShehadtobetherewhenCailin’sbrother,Wesley,atlast returnedhome.
Despitetheyearshe’dspentaway,fightingBoney’sforces,andfallinginbattle,he’dlived,andatlonglast,comehome.
Herstomachchurnedviolently
Wesleyhadsurvived Shetoldherselfthat Sheremindedherselfofthatbeautifulrealityoverandoveragain Itdidnothelp.
Forhe’dalmostnotmadeitback.
Fromthe whispered conversations she’d shamefully listened in on several weeks ago, Ellie had gathered that Wesley’s injurieshadbeensubstantial...andhadalsocomearoundthetimeElliehadstoppedwritinghimletters.Morespecifically, writinghimlettersasanotherwoman.
It is my fault it is my fault
This is whather wickedness hadwroughtthis time.After Miss Sparrow stoppedwriting,Ellie pickedupdoingsointhe otherwoman’sstead.Witheverynote,she’dletWesleybelievehistruesweetheartwastheonestillpenninghimnotes.
She’d soughtto assuage the guiltather deceptionbyremindingherselfWesleyfound hope and a reasonto live fromher letters he’daboutsaidasmuchinhisreturnmissives.
Elliehadreveledineverywrittenwordhe’dsentinreturn...until,oneday,Wesleyhadsharedhisdreamoftheirbeing reunited.
Fromthenon,Ellie’sguiltbecametoogreatandshe’dstopped
Thatdecisionnearlycosthimhislife.
Whatwouldherfamilythinkiftheyknew whatshe’ddone?Thedukeandduchesswho’dbeenlikeamotherandfatherto herthesepastfewyears?
Worse...whatwouldWesleysay?Whatwouldhethink?
Alogshifted inthe hearthand sent off a little pop-pop-pop amongthe embers, drawingEllie’s gaze over, and thenshe wishedshehadn’tlooked
Hisarmsclaspedbehindhim,thedukepacedbackandforthbeforethehearth.
Neverbeforehadsheseenhiminsuchastate...whichwassayingagooddeal,asshe’dseenhimmanywaysthesepast years: Stunned whenhis daughter had beencaughtina compromisingpositionwithEllie’s brother Courtland Terrified and pacinginasimilarwaywhenCailinhadbeengivingbirthtoherfirstbabe
Eventhatday,withthelinesatthecornersofhismouthtense,andhisskinpale,he’dnotlookedashedidnow.
Justthen, the Duchess ofBentleyslid into her husband’s path, cuttingoffhis stride. The devoted couple exchanged quiet words
Periodically,theynodded Histhroatmusclesmoved,andhiseyesgleamed,andthesightofthatsuffering aportendof whatwastocomeanymomentwhenWesleyAudleyfinallyenteredthehousehold,wastoomuch.
Elliewrenchedhergazeaway,stealingapeekattheclockatopthemantel.
“Howareyoureadingrightnow?”Lottiesaidinhushedtonestotheireldestsister
“Ineedadistraction,”Hattiesaiddefensively,drawingherbookcloseagainstherchest.
“Adistraction?”Lottiewhisperedfuriously.“Adistraction?Howcanyouthinkofbeingdistracted?Theysaidheisscarred beyondmeasure Terriblyinjured,andyouaresomehownotworriedaboutseeinghim?” Terriblyinjured.Scarredbeyondmeasure...
Ellie’smindbalkedandrecoiledassheforcedherselftoretreatfromthatquarrel,whichpaintedanimageshedidn’twant ofWesleyAudley
Becauseshepreferredtorememberhimashe’dbeenyearsago:powerfulandlaughingandwhollyintact.Shedidn’twant tothinkofhimchangedandbrokenandhurting
Elliesuckedinadeep,shakybreathandlookedovertowhereCourtlandstoodatthewindow,withCailinbesidehim.The devoted,lovingcouplestaredoutside “...whatharmisthereinmereadingabookwhilewewait...”Hattiewasarguing.
“IswearsometimesIwonderthatI’mnottheoldersister,”Lottiemuttered,withatossofhercurls.
Hattie andEllie exchangeda look Theymightbe differentinmanyways,buttheywere unitedintheir opinionthatsince LottiehadasuccessfulSeason,andaquickmarriagetooneofLondon’smostsought-afternoblemen,she’dbecomesomewhat unbearable.
“Now,doputthataway,”LottieadvisedHattie “Iwon’t,andIcertainasSundaywon’ttakeordersfrommylittlesister.” Lottiegasped.
“Please,”theDuchessofBentleyinterjected “ThereisnoharminHattiereading” Ashersistersstoppedtheirbickeringandsilencefelloncemore,EllieclimbedtoherfeetandjoinedCourtland AnanxiousCourtland,whosegazeremainedfixedonhiswife,Cailin.Ofcourse,devotedandlovinghusbandthathewas, thecenterofCourtland’sfocuswasn’thisbrother-in-law,CaptainAudley’s,impendingreturn,butrather,Courtland’swife,the captain’s sister
AsifhefinallyfeltEllie’spresence,Courtlandglancedover. Worryremainedetchedineverylineofhistroubledface.
“Ellie,”hegreetedabsently “Youdidn’thavetocometoday” He’dsayshehadn’thadtocomebecausehestillthoughtherachild.Theyalldid.
Courtlandcontinued.“It’snottoolateifyou’drather ”
Shecuthimoff “IknowIdon’thave tobehere,Courtland Iwant to” Becausetoeverymemberofherfamily,Elliewasstillasmallchild,nodifferentfromheryoungnephewoftwoyears,who hadtobeprotected.Elliehadn’tmadeherComeOutyet,andshesuspectedevenwhenshedidmakeherentrancebeforePolite Societythattreatmentofherwouldnotchange.
“Whathaveyouheard?”sheaskedinhushedtones Shefeltherbrotherhesitate.
Courtlandstoleaglanceinhiswife’sdirection,andwhenhereturnedhisattentiontoEllie,hespokeinhushedtonesEllie struggledtohear “Theysayhewasspearedwithasaberinhisrightshoulder,andhisleftleg,itwasmangledquitebadly” Apangstruck.Hisrapierfightingarm,ashe’dcalleditthosehandfulofsummersago.Thatsamearmhe’dwavedaboutso adroitlyashe’dinstructedEllieontheproperwaytoreallyhandleasabreand Herheartcrackedopen
“I...fearthedukeisbeingoptimisticinthewelcominghe’splanned,”Courtlandmurmured.
Asin,thedukehadn’tallowedhimselftothinkaboutthepossibilitythathissonhadbeenseverelyhurt.Inhismind,hesaw WesleyreturningthesamewayElliehadpaintedthatreturninherownmind.
Courtlandtensed “Heishere,”hecalledout Elliestiffened.
Tensionwhippedaroundtheparloraseveryonewentmotionless.
Shemanagedtoslidehergazeovertothewindowandherheartthumped
Sureenough,acarriagehadcometoastopatthefrontoftheduke’shousehold Crimson-cladservantshadalreadybegun streamingfrominside,rushingtomeetWesley.
Almost simultaneously, everyone found their feet. The duke led the charge, with the duchess flying fast beside him, impressivelykeepingupwithhertallerhusband
CourtlandhurriedtocatchCailin,andthetwoofthemsetoffafterthewelcomingpartystreamingfromtheroom.
Gatheringherwhiteskirts,Ellieliftedherhemafractionandrushedtojointhefamilyinthefoyer.
Shetookapositionatthelastplaceintheline,alongsideLottie
Lottie clutched her flowers for Wesley Audley close to her stomach and stretched on tiptoes to catch a glimpse of him throughthedoor.
Ellie’schesttightened,andsheremindedherselftobreatheevenandeasily
Andthen...hewasthere.
Only,hewasthereasshe’dnotexpected.
Forinallherimaginingsofhisreturn,she’dneverimaginedhimbeingcarriedonalitterbyseveralservants. Thwack
Dumbly,EllieglancedawayfromWesley’sproneformtotheflowershersisterhaddropped. Lottieswayed.
OrwasthatEllie?
CourtlandrushedtocatchLottiebythearm,tokeepheronherfeet,soitmustbeEllie’seldersister.
Ellie’slegsknockedtogether.
Theduchesssobbedsoftly,andthencaughtthaterrantsoundofgriefanddespairinherfist
Allthewhile,Elliestoodmotionless.HerbreathcameharshandfastinherearsasshestaredatWesley. Wesleyremainedmotionless,hiseyesshut,andhischeekscoveredinathickgrowth.Butfor thelowest,faintestgroanto filterfromhislips,heremainedutterlysilent
What did you think? That he would walk through the doorway?
Andyet,oddly,sherealizedthatwaspreciselywhatshe’dthought.Forinhermind,Wesleywasindomitable,possessedof a strengthandpower ofthe legendarygods,andas such,whenshe’dplayedouthis return,he’dalways beenwalking.He’d havemovedwithaswagger Inthatromanticizeddreamofhisreturn,he’devensportedadashingscardownhischeekwhich wouldhaveonlyleanttohismasculinebeauty.
TheservantscarryingWesley’slitterpausednearEllieandadjustedtheirholdonthehandles. Suddenly,Wesley’seyesopened Elliefroze,hergazelockedwithhis.
Hunted.
Haunted
Hewasamanwhowasboth Asayounggirlwho’dbeenbothofthoseherself,sherecognizedthoseemotionsevenwithin hispain-filledeyes.
“Hullo,”shesaid,hervoicesofaintshewasn’tsureifshe’dactuallyspokenthatgreeting. He glared at her; the coldness in that agonized gaze knocked her back on her heels, and she automatically took a step backwardtoescapeit.
Suddenly,hespoke,hisvoiceaharsh,angryrasp.“Leavemealone.” Andaviciouspainrackedherheart
TheservantscarryingWesleyfrozeandlookeddesperatelyattheDukeofBentleyfordirection.
“Isaid, leave me alone!” Wesleythundered. “All ofyou, justletme be.” He thrashed his head backand forth, shouting, cursing,andEllieprovedacoward,becausesheretreatedseveralsteps What did you think? That upon seeing you, he would have hopped to his feet and recognized you as the woman who’d written him, and be miraculously cured?
ButthenWesleyclosedhiseyesoncemoreandceasedhisshoutingandcursing.Therewasaflurryofmotionasservants rushed forward, and anofficious-lookingmanwithwire-rimmed spectacles hurried alongbehind, and Wesley, once strong, powerful,indomitable,andsmilingWesley,wascarriedabovestairs.
Whenhe’dgone,sheandtheirfamiliesremainedlockedinsilencebrokenonlybytheweepingoftheduchessandWesley’s sister
Elliehuggedherarmstight
What if you’d continued writing . . . What if you were the one to pull back home, and in so doing, distract his attentions from where they truly belonged on fighting?
Bileclimbedherthroat,andherbreathinggrewragged Inbothwritingthoseletters,andthennotwritingthem,Elliehadwrongedhim. Andtherecouldbenoundoingwhatshe’ddone. Ever
