Chest of Hope Magazine

CHEST of HOPE

CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION MONTH

SAN JOAQUIN COUNTY

Merlyn Pittman

A POETRY CORNER EXCLUSIVE

Young Gifted and Lack

ove of a mother and a father ttention I need to be understood To be able to express myself, to be heard, to be encouraged

I am young, gifted and lack the resources to make me enjoy my days at school if I am able to make it there three or four days a week

I am young, gifted, and lack the ability to have someone read to me a goodnight story before falling asleep.

I am young, gifted, and lack having a snack in between meals or sometimes even a meal

I am young, gifted, and lack having a room in a home to call my own, or even to share with my siblings

Pittman

I am young, gifted, and lack the ability to dream of whom I would like to become…

Instead, I have to fight to survive each and every day, from being taunted by bullies

Those who laugh at my outdated clothes or being yelled at by Those who brought me into this world, or their acquaintance for that month or week.

I am young, gifted, and lack the opportunity of being taught about the birds and the bees, how not to be friendly with everyone I meet How not to sit on anyone’s lap, how to speak up if anyone makes me feel uncomfortable by their unwanted gestures, touching or Groping, or not be bought by money in exchange for favors

I am young, gifted, and lack the ability to see myself going to college, I am always told I am good for nothing

I am young, gifted, and lack the courage to express exactly how I feel I have so many different emotions stirring up inside of me, I am sometimes labeled a disruptive child, a slow child, a distraction, once in a while, a smart child, but for the most part… only I know my feelings inside of being young gifted, and Lack

~ Merlyn Pittman

SPOTLIGHT ON HOPE

Dani Bettencourt, Board Chair for the Chest of Hope, shares her vision for helping the organization advance its mission of transforming lives and creating hope in the lives of those impacted by domestic violence in San Joaquin County "I came aboard to help spread the word throughout the Manteca community

We are a huge, tight-knit community, and we needed to put another footprint into Manteca and start to outreach and use a lot of the resources that we have partnered with So being a board member of the Chamber of Commerce and having affiliates there helped us to be able to put a footprint, so to speak, here

That has actually made us have great relationships with several churches and affiliates locally, which has helped tremendously with the new emergency shelter that we have here"

Chest of Hope is one of several organizations in San Joaquin County that offers resources and support to children affected by domestic abuse and is the only organization in the county offering comprehensive services that include transitional and emergency housing for victims of domestic violence and human trafficking With April being Child Abuse Prevention Month, Bettencourt shared how Chest of Hope serves as a resource and support for children impacted by child abuse. "Chest of Hope has partnered with Parenting and Counseling if needed When they observe the families coming through, they have internal and external resources for counseling for the children and the parents. The main person in the emergency shelter has a very strong background in Early Childhood Development They also have partnered with the Head Start program "Our local office of education has been a big partner, helping them with the Head Start Program " Bettencourt explained that the non-profit has a variety of opportunities for community members to get involved in supporting its mission "The needs are any and all Donations As you know, when they come into the emergency shelter, some of our clients don't have anything. They don't have clothes Hygiene is key Hygiene items are very big We've formed alliances with several churches, and Golden Valley, which helps us with those in need of mental health services We have so many different needs."

Bettencourt stated that the new emergency shelter has helped six families so far and the family rooms are full rooms Rooms for individuals are still available To learn more about Chest of Hope and its program resources, please visit chestofhope org

Dani Bettencourt

Board Chair, Chest of Hope

CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION IN SAN JOAQUIN COUNTY

Child abuse can take many different forms, but it generally involves mistreatment or harm inflicted on a child by an adult or caregiver. Child abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual and can also involve neglect or abandonment. A growing issue in the United States and around the world, child abuse can be difficult to detect and report. It is estimated that one in four children will experience some form of child abuse in their lifetime.

To address this issue, Child Abuse Prevention Month began in April 1983, when President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the month as a time to raise awareness about the devastating effects of child abuse in the United States. The proclamation recognized the importance of preventing child abuse and neglect and called on all Americans to work together to protect children from harm.

Since then, Child Abuse Prevention Month has become an annual observance in the United States. In April, organizations, communities, and individuals across the country come together to spread awareness, educate others about prevention, and promote the well-being of children.

Enacted in 1983, The Child Abuse Prevention Month Proclamation

In San Joaquin County, several agencies work daily towards the safety and welfare of children, including the Child Abuse Prevention Council, a non-profit organization founded in the seventies when three members of the Grand Jury and other community members were moved by the death of a three-year-old child who had died at the hands of her mother's abusive boyfriend Shauna Buzunis-Jacob, Development Director for Child Abuse Prevention Council, expanded on the case, "Latanya Smith died at the hands of her mother's boyfriend It was one of those cases that everyone in the community knew about, similar to the Gabriel Hernandez case She was beaten brutally and pinched with pliers-it's a very graphic story. Doug Wilhout was one of the investigating officers on that case back in the seventies. Sandra Butler Smith was the prosecuting attorney She later went on to be a judge in our community for many years (Continued on page 10)

calls on all Americans to work together to protect children from harm.

TALKING TO CHILDREN ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE

byMaritzaAlvarez

As a parent, our main focus is our children's safety and well-being

With that said, it is important that we start the conversation early with them related to sexuality, unsafe situations and abuse Having an open conversation with them at an early age can help keep them safe and establish trust between them

Teaching your child the correct body part names of their private parts is essential for them to be able to identify them Also, explain to them that their private body parts are not for others to touch and the importance of boundaries You will want to establish a plan of what your child can do in an unsafe situation Express to them how important it is that they communicate to a trusted adult if they are ever in an unsafe situation or someone has crossed their boundaries Our children need to know we love them unconditionally and that no matter what, we are there to support them

By communicating and holding open conversations with our children about sexuality and abuse We are making our children aware that there can be unsafe situations in which they have to use their best judgment and advise an adult and their parents As the child grows older, you can be more descriptive with role-playing situations to make them aware and build on their judgment We have to understand that sexual curiosity will exist as our children grow Understanding typical childhood sexual development can help you identify healthy behaviors from unhealthy behaviors and be able to possibly identify red flags of possible abuse When it comes to setting boundaries, Our children need to know that they are the only ones that can make a decision over their bodies, and they have to respect others boundaries as well

Make it a habit to check in with your children about the Apps they use on their phones, tablets, T V and also check their social media accounts for irregularities Know who they talk to Know who their friend’s and meet their friend’s parents to establish a relationship with them Helps establish an alliance to help each other keep your children safe Speak to them on not sending any images of themselves to anyone, even if they know them It can initially seem innocent but can lead to an unsafe situation

As a mother, I know that it is not a simple conversation to have, but I know that It is a priority to me that I have regular check-in conversations with both of my children It can help them develop their trust in me and also help prevent them from being in an unsafe situation and even possibly be able to prevent abuse They are aware of unsafe situations and understand how to set boundaries and get immediate help if they find themselves in an unsafe situation to help prevent abuse

Maritza is a case worker with Chest of Hope, a nonprofit organization combatting abuse in all forms.

BUYING A HOME OUT OF STATE

BY CARLA CARROLL

There’s definitely been an increase in buyers who want to move out of state since the pandemic began. Even before that, some people have wanted to retire elsewhere or move closer to family. Since the pandemic, many have been given the opportunity to work remotely, perhaps in a less expensive state. You may find a local lender that you already work with to “Pre-Approve” you for a loan if the lender is licensed in that state. In some cases, the lender can co-work the loan with another lender in their company that’s licensed in that state while remaining your primary contact. You will likely get “Pre-Approved” by the lender and need to find a realtor in the desired state. Your lender may also be able to find you a realtor from their lender associate contacts. Or, they may refer you to a local realtor whose company has a “referral” system. Of course, you can use your own preferred realtor if you have one. Once Pre-Approved, you will likely travel to the state you want to move to look at homes. Your realtor may send you some homes online to view and or provide “virtual tours.” Once you start putting in “Offers” and your offer is accepted, the process is similar to buying a home locally. Your loan will go to Underwriting for approval. There will likely be inspections, an appraisal, and “loan conditions” with the “Approval.” Some states handle Title & Escrow differently. Some states have an attorney involved with the final Loan signing. In an attorney state, they replace the escrow company and coordinate the final closing process. Reviewing the process with your realtor and lender early on is good.

CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION IN

SAN JOAQUIN COUNTY

(Continued from page 7)

They were integral with other community members in starting the Child Abuse Prevention Council, and it was because there weren't the fail safes in place like we have today. We can't have little kiddos falling through the cracks like that. So that's how we got started." Buzunis-Jacob describes the organization as one the larger non-profit organizations in the community. "You can think of the Child Abuse Prevention Council as an umbrella-type organization. There are three main pillars that hold up most of what we do. The first is Early Education. We run Head Start Preschool Programs. That allows us to have access to low-income families. When fully enrolled in our preschools we can see up to 900 students per day." The organization's access to low-income families throughout San Joaquin County helps them assess the needs of children and their families: food, clothing, financial support for rent, etc. "Our second pillar is our mental health services. We do specialize in clinical services for children 0-5. We will see them to 18 but 0-5 is our niche. We do contract with Behavioral Health. When there is a referral in that age group, most likely they will be coming

over to our counselors. Our third pillar is our case management. We call that our family services. We work under contract with Child Protective Services. When CPS gets a call, they rank their calls If it's a 1 or 2, then CPS goes out to find out what's happened If it's ranked lower, then it's outsourced to one of three agencies and we are one of those agencies We show up at the door, find out what's going in the house and connect that family with services; get them out of whatever immediate need they have." Buzunis-Jacob explained.

Buzunis-Jacob spoke about child abuse prevention, what it looks like, and the role and responsibility of persons who suspect that a child is being abused. "People really don't understand that it can be any variation from what we would consider normal for that child If you have a child who is really quiet but suddenly they are acting out Or opposite, a child who is usually very sociable but they become withdrawn That's why (Continued on page 11)

It's not the community's job to find out if someone is guilty or not; it's the community's job to report. So if you see something that you think is just off-you report.~Buzunis-Jacob, Development Director, CAPC

CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION IN

SAN JOAQUIN COUNTY

(Continued from page 9)

child abuse is so hard. It's not necessarily you see it and know it's happening. It happens in so many forms-you have verbal abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse. Some of those things don't have outward appearances. If you think something is wrong, it probably is. Trust your gut. It's not the community's job to find out if someone is guilty or not; it's the community's job to report. So if you see something that you think is just off-you report. Again, it's not our job as community members to decide guilt or innocence, and I think people think that, and they get hesitant about calling and protecting our kiddos."

Buzunis-Jacob discussed how COVID isolated all of the mandated reporters away from the children. "CPS calls in San Joaquin County dropped by 50%, but we know that the abuse didn't stop. It just got put behind doors. As things started to open back up, our numbers started to rise, but the cases were much more severe because they had been behind closed doors for so long. It's been rough." Buzunis-Jacob wanted to clarify that being low-income does not mean someone is going to abuse their children. "It just means you probably have a few more stressors than someone else does, and how do we offer our services to help strengthen and support those families."

"CPS calls in San Joaquin County dropped by 50%, but we know that the abuse didn't stop It just got put behind doors As things started to open back up, our numbers started to rise, but the cases were much more severe because they had been behind closed doors for so long. It's been rough."~Buzunis-Jacob, Development Director, CAPC

The Child Abuse Prevention Council Offers a host of programs to help protect children and strengthen families.

Early Childhood Education

https://nochildabuse.org/child-care-and-schoolresources/

Family Strengthening Services

https://nochildabuse org/family-strengtheningservices/ Clinical Services

https://nochildabuse org/clinical-services/ Awareness and Education

https://nochildabuse.org/awareness-and-education/

24-Hour Advice Line (209) 464-4524

Email: info@nochildabuse.org

Social Worker

by Rudy Saga

I wish to do good for the world. For the youngsters who were not given a fair opportunity Because they will be the ones to make the world a better place. They were taught from a young age about pain and sorrow. However, they train themselves how to survive. As a result, resilience and strength are inherent in them. They will flourish with a little kindness and assistance. Children are taught not to injure or dislike others. But, maybe, a social worker will be able to assist in repairing this injustice. Children deserve to be loved and to feel safe. Not just physically but emotionally as well. Nothing is more tragic than a child's soul turning cold. Abused and neglected by those they should be able to rely on Can extract a huge toll on the child's soul Perhaps I can provide an ear while also easing the strain. An ideal job would be to assist in the healing of a child. I'm certain of it.

Legislating Hope

Transforming Legislation To Transform Lives

Child Abuse Prevention Month

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month! Chest of Hope is proud to stand with organizations across the nation against child abuse by being a resource for education, awareness, and support for those in need.

National Child Abuse Prevention Month was first observed in 1983 by President Ronald Reagan's proclamation. President Biden recently reaffirmed his support of this annual proclamation to protect the most vulnerable among us-our nation's children. Recognizing the signs of child abuse and neglect and reporting suspected abuse and neglect o your local law enforcement agency could save a child's life.

Supporting local organizations like Chest of Hope also helps further the mission of protecting children from abuse. To learn more about how National Child Abuse Prevention Month, please visit childwelfare.org. To learn more about The Chest Of Hope, please visit chestofhope.org.

#ChestOfHope #sanjoaquincounty

#NationalChildAbusePreventionMonth

CHILD ABUSE STATS, SIGNS & RESOURCES

By Jessica Alfaro

More than 15 million children in the United States live in homes in which domestic violence has happened at least once. These children are at greater risk for repeating the cycle as adults by entering into abusive relationships or becoming abusers themselves

1 in 7 children experience child abuse

Children under one year of age are the most vulnerable

76% of child abuse perpretrators were a parent to the victim

Children who experience any form of maltreatment have a 13% higher risk of not graduating

Adult survivors are more susceptible to health issues, high-risk behaviors, and may suffer from mental illness

Connecting with children who have witnessed domestic violence

Frequently remind the child that the violence is not their fault, and there is nothing they could have done to prevent it

Avoid making negative statements about the batterer

Provide support, encouragement, and patience

Pay attention to nonverbal communication

Model appropriate behavior by talking about your feelings and labeling them

Help them to identify coping skills

Use language which focuses on the child, not your opinion of the child Instead of saying “I’m proud of you” say “You’re doing great.”

What are the short-term effects of domestic violence or abuse on children?

Children in preschool: Bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, increased crying and whining They may also develop difficulty falling or staying asleep; show signs of terror, such as stuttering or hiding; and show signs of severe separation anxiety.

School-aged children: Children in this age range may feel guilty about the abuse and blame themselves for it They may not participate in school activities or get good grades, have fewer friends than others, and get into trouble more often

Teens Teens who witness abuse may act out in negative ways, such as fighting with family members or skipping school. They may also engage in risky behaviors, such as having unprotected sex and using alcohol or drugs. They may have low self-esteem and trouble making friends They may start fights or bully others and are more likely to get in trouble with the law

Child Abuse Prevention Center (209-464-4524)

Child Abuse Hotline (209-468-1333)

Local Law Enforcement (9-1-1)

National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453)

Stopping Generational Child Abuse Through Faith, Love and Kindness

By Domingo Ramos

Child abuse isn’t just physical We have all experienced it or witnessed it in one way or another Child abuse comes in all different forms that we might not see as abuse It comes in the form of Neglect, in Words spoken, and even in Gifts Some of us might not see it as abuse Because we might have grown up in an environment where it was okay to be left alone for hours on end. Where it was okay to be told that you’re too this or too that or not enough. Or where you were gifted items in an attempt to force you to be someone different than who you are All these forms of abuse are around us, regardless of our social or economic status Much of this abuse comes from generational trauma too From our parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and other “loved ones ”

-Growing up, you might have seen it as “poking fun”, but was it really? Or maybe you were told that it will make you a stronger person. Did it make you stronger? What if you had never experienced that? What if instead, you were told you were amazing and that you were loved and you were given uninterrupted attention just because you are who you are? What if you were told that you were seen and heard and that you mattered? Imagine how much further in life you would be today!

Domingo Ramos, Vice-Chairman, Chest of Hope

Do you see how child abuse isn’t just physical? To this day, I, a 40-year-old man, can still clearly hear the echo of some of those words that abused me as a child Luckily, I learned to use that emotional trauma to catapult me toward my version of success However, I often wonder what more I could have been if I had been told something more excellent Now imagine those other adults that couldn’t get past that verbal abuse, that neglect, those gifts of “here, this is what you are worth to me”

This April, let’s remember that child abuse comes in all forms and that we can make a positive change Let’s start by using kind words, spending quality time, and giving our children the gift of love and faith, creating a new generational effect full of hope Our grandchildren’s world will have endless possibilities for everyone, and National Child Abuse Prevention Month will be a thing of our time.

Testimonials

From the Heart

Chest of Hope has provided my family with a safe place to live and so much more Staying here, we've gotten connected to resources critical to our livelihood The staff is kind and caring For the first time in a long time, we (myself and the children) are at ease There is also a security system here that gives us extra assurance I cannot express enough how much this all means to us I know that my children are happy Their health and happiness are so important to me So being able to be here is everything! I came from Chest of Hope from a very turbulent and was constantly stressed Here, I feel like I can take a step back and breathe! I'm not living in fear or wondering what will happen next That, to me is huge! I will be forever grateful to the Chest of Hope and its staff for going above and beyond for us Thank you for everything!

I really appreciate you guys so much! This has been an amazing experience for us! This is a beautiful home, and I am grateful to have been able to stay here And again, thank you for being there for us when our car broke down You have an awesome staff and should be very proud of that! Guadalupe is especially awesome! She's a beautiful soul! I can tell that you all care deeply about our well-being and what happens to us! I'm forever grateful

My name is Jade, and I am a thirty-one-year-old old single mother of two amazing sons After almost 6-year-long of physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive relationships and a terrifying brush with death, I summoned the courage to leave my abuser Someday I will share my entire story with you, but today I'd like to keep things as short and sweet as possible A few short weeks ago, I was at what felt like one of the lowest points in my life While sitting homeless, cold, wet, and crying by the train tracks in downtown Modesto, I received a call from the Chest of Hope I couldn't believe my ears as the woman on the phone told me that she had received my message and information and was calling to notify me that space in their new emergency house, "Hopes Place," had become available to me She explained that it was a 30-day emergency shelter program and that my children and I would have our own room I was told that I'd be assigned a caseworker to help guide me through a list of resources to work toward gaining stability in my life I remember just completely breaking down, only this time, for the first time in a long time They were tears of joy Within a week, I went from being completely homeless and afraid to have the opportunity to be in a safe place with my children and be gifted the guidance I needed to pull myself out of the hopeless state in which I had been living My time here in this home has been an answered prayer for me Hope's Place has given me a place to feel safe for the first time in six years For the first time in six years, I can sleep, eat, live, laugh, and breathe in a place without fear I have been able to focus on myself and my children and truly enjoy each moment we have with one another This safe and beautiful home has given us the opportunity to strengthen our bond Here we've been gifted a safe space to be ourselves, communicate, play, and water one another to grow from the metaphorical dirt that our experiences had planted us in Despite our struggles, our time in Hope's Place has played a huge part in our healing, and we are closer than ever The trauma that I have lived with for so long has truly robbed me of the ability to see my own capability Hope's Place has given that back to me Without living in a constant state of fear, I've been able to accomplish so many things in my short stay here Words cannot express my gratitude for this foundation and the people who support it The staff here has treated me with such kindness and respect that, for the first time in my life, I actually believe that I am worthy of that I believe in myself as my 30-day stay comes to an end here in this beautiful home; I am filled with many overwhelming emotions and questions about what the future holds for me and my sons But whatever is to come, I know that I have the ability to handle it, and thanks to the Chest of Hope, I know I have the tools I need to handle it I will forever be grateful for the difference this stay has made in my and my children's lives We have made amazing memories and friends Although it breaks my heart that so many people, including myself need shelters and programs like these, I'm here to say from the bottom of my heart thank you to the people who support and make this all possible The Chest of Hope has given ME hope for the future

Disclaimer: Photo for illustrative purposes only. The persons depicted are not the actual client(s) referenced in the testimonial.

FOR CRYING OUTLOUD

A Contributor's Column on Lived Experiences

“A grown man looms behind my threeyear-old daughter Occasionally he will poke or tickle her, and she responds by shrinking. Smaller and smaller with each unwanted advance. I imagine her trying to become slight enough to slip out of her booster seat and slide under the table. When my mother views this scene, she sees playful taunting. A grandfather engaging with his granddaughter. “Mae.” My tone cuts through the din of a familiar family gathering together. She does not look at me. “Mae.” I start again. “You can tell him no, Mae If this isn’t okay, you could say something like Papa, please back up I would like some space for my body.”

As I say the words, my step-father, the bulldog, leans in a little closer, hovering just above her head. His tenebrous grin taunts me as my daughter accordions her 30-pound frame hoping to escape his tickles and hot breath

I repeat myself with a little more force. She finally peeks up at me. “Mama . . . can you say it?” Surprise. A three-year-old girl doesn’t feel comfortable defending herself against a grown man. A man that has stated he loves and cares for her over and over again, and yet, stands here showing zero concern for her wishes about her own body. I ready myself for battle. “Papa! Please back up! Mae would like some space for her body.”My voice is firm but cheerful. He does not move. “Papa. I should not have to ask you twice. Please back up. Mae is uncomfortable.” “Oh, relax,” he says, ruffling her wispy blonde hair.

The patriarchy stands, patronizing me in my own damn kitchen. “We’re just playin’.” His southern drawl does not charm me. “No. You were playing. She was not. She’s made it clear that she would like some space, now please back up.” “I can play how I want with her.” He says, straightening his posture. My chest tightens. The sunbleached hairs on my arms stand at attention as this man, who has been my father figure for more than three decades, enters the battle ring.

“No. No, you cannot play however you want with her. It’s not okay to ‘have fun’ with someone who does not want to play.”

FEATURING LISA NORGREN

FOR CRYING OUTLOUD

This is the same woman who was abducted by a carful of strangers as she walked home one night. She fought and screamed until they kicked her out. Speeding away, they ran over her ankle and left her with a lifetime of physical and emotional pain. This is the same woman who said nothing, who could say nothing as her boss and his friends sexually harassed her for years. This is the same woman who married one of those friends.

When my mother views this scene, she sees her daughter overreacting. She sees me ‘making a big deal out of nothing.’ Her concerns lie more in maintaining the status quo and cradling my stepdad’s toxic ego than in protecting the shrinking three-year-old in front of her. When I view this scene, I am both bolstered and dismayed.

My own strength and refusal to keep quiet is the result of hundreds, probably thousands of years of women being mistreated and their protests ignored. It is the result of watching my own mother suffer quietly at the hands of too many men. It is the result of my own mistreatment and my solemn vow to be part of ending this cycle.

He opens his mouth to respond, but my rage is palpable through my measured response. I wonder if my daughter can feel it I hope she can He retreats to the living room, and my daughter stares up at me. Her eyes, a starburst of blue and hazel, shine with admiration for her mama.

The dragon has been slayed (for now). My own mother is silent She refuses to make eye contact with me. This is the same woman who shut me down when I told her about a sexual assault I had recently come to acknowledge.

It would be so easy to see a little girl being taught that her wishes don’t matter. That her body is not her own. That even people she loves will mistreat and ignore her. And that all of this is “okay” in the name of other people, men, having fun. But. What I see instead is a little girl watching her mama. I see a little girl learning that her voice matters. That her wishes matter. I see a little girl learning that she is allowed and expected to say no. I see her learning that this is not okay. I hope my mom is learning something, too. Fighting the patriarchy one grandpa at a time.”

e x i c a n C o r n S a l a d

¡A Perfect Dish for Cinco de Mayo!

This Amazing Mexican Corn Salad is full of fresh, bright, zingy and spicy flavors It’s the perfect combination of crunchy, sweet, spicy and a bit salty It’s an easy, healthy, quick recipe that makes a simple appetizer, snack, side dish and great for potlucks, BBQ’s or family dinners

INGREDIENTS

4 cups corn (fire roasted)

1 red bell pepper diced

1 jalapeno seeded and diced

1/2 red onion diced

1/4 cup cilantro chopped

1/4 cup cotija cheese crumbled

1/3 cup mayonnaise

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon paprika

Juice of half a lime

INSTRUCTIONS

MCombine: In a large bowl combine the corn, bell pepper, jalapeño, red onion, and cilantro.

Dressing: In a small bowl combine the mayonnaise, chili powder, paprika, and lime juice Add to the bowl and combine the ingredients.

Serve: Garnish with additional cilantro and cotija cheese if desired.