www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 9 February 2015 Issue 1304 Free
TAKE ME OUT All the action from the RAG charity dating show p.16
The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students
GRINDR: A USER’S GUIDE p. 33
Poly draw first blood as Stan Calvert kicks off
LOVESTRUCK
Est 1948
Can you really fall for someone after 36 questions and 4 minutes of staring? Science investigates p. 35
Full report p. 44
VC goes public with opposition to tuition fee cuts Prof. Chris Brink among 20 senior academics to sign letter against Labour plan to cap fees at £6000
Toon profs rejoice as MPs approve ‘3-parent babies’ By Antonia Cundy Last Tuesday, in a free vote in the House of Commons, MPs voted in favour (382 to 128) of a technique pioneered at Newcastle Uni which uses the DNA of 3 different people during the process of IVF. This is the first step towards legalising a technique that will allow women who carry faulty mitochondrial in their cells to give birth to healthy babies. As Prof. Doug Turnbull, professor of neurology at Newcastle Uni Medical School and lead researcher of the team which devised the technique says, “This is an important hurdle in the development of this new IVF technique, but we still have the debate in the House of Lords, and importantly the licensing by the HFEA [the UK’s independent regulator of fertility treatment and research].”
The DNA of an embryo is mainly contained in two balls of genetic information in the nucleus (one from the mother and one from the father) called pronuclei, which fuse together to create the genetic blueprint of the child. However, a very small amount of DNA is not contained in the nucleus and solely comes from the mitochondria in the mother’s egg cell. The mitochondria are tiny structures in the cell that deal with the production of energy – the cells “battery packs”. Although they only contribute 37 genes to the child’s overall DNA, compared to 22,000 genes in the chromosomes of the nucleus, and do not contribute to genetic characteristics such as personality or hair colour, they are incredibly important. Faulty mitochondrial DNA can lead to serious, and in most cases lethal, mitochondrial diseases. In an open letter to lawmakers, the U.S-based United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation
and groups from France, Germany, Spain and Britain described mitochondrial diseases as “unimaginably cruel… [they] strip our children of the skills they have learned, inflict pain that cannot be managed and tire their organs one by one until their little bodies cannot go on any more.” The new technique, called pro-nuclear transfer, has been sensationally termed by the media as ‘3-parent IVF’ due to the fact that it takes healthy mitochondrial DNA from a third party, a donor woman. Two eggs are fertilised by sperm, creating two embryos – one from the intended parents and one from the donors. The pronuclei from both embryos are removed, but only the ones from the parents’ embryo are kept. These are then transferred into the embryo from the donor with healthy mitochondria, which has had its own pronuclei removed. Continued on page 4
By Antonia Velikova News Editor Newcastle University Vice Chancellor Chris Brink was among the 20 senior academics from universities all over England to sign a letter on behalf of Universities UK opposing Labour’s proposal to reduce university fees. The academics are citing “record high” applications to universities, claiming that the number of applicants from lower socio-economic backgrounds is rising. The letter also states that a cut to the headline tuition fee would not benefit students in any way, since fees are paid back by graduates, so the proposed measure would help the highest-earning graduates. A suggestion for a better course of action has been a concentration of efforts on the Government’s behalf towards better financial support for covering living costs. Professor Brink signed the letter that warns that cuts to university budgets might reach £10bn in the next five years should the tuition fee cap drop from £9000 to £6000. Speaking to The Courier, Prof. Brink said: “Together with the other members of [Universities UK] we have always argued for a sustainable student funding system that makes going to university a realistic proposition for all students, regardless of their background and offers the best value for money.” The letter issued by Universities UK warns that the £10 billion gap which would be created in higher education funding by this move would be almost impossible to fill in the current eco-
nomic climate. Prof. Brink supported this statement: “Reducing the fees cap from £9000 to £6000 would create a £10 billion gap in funding for higher education that would need to be found from other public sources. In the current economic climate it is difficult to see how this gap would be bridged. “Reducing student numbers or cutting public funding to universities as a way to achieve this would have a serious impact on the opportunities open to young people and the quality of students’ education, as well as adversely affecting the wider work we do to benefit the economy.” In return, Labour’s Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls said that the current system was restrictive to students from poorer backgrounds and that the “status quo” is not at all efficient. Balls has said that the introduction of £9000 tuition fees has not benefited taxpayers in any way but has, much to the contrary, resulted in a loss of funds. He has claimed that “almost half of students aren’t repaying fees because they don’t earn enough in their lifetime” and has promised “a huge looming change for taxpayers in the future.” He was, however, unable to confirm whether the new system will result in a loss of funding for universities. As an estimate, this reduction of tuition fees might cost an extra £2 billion a year. In response to Labour’s proposal, Lib Dem schools minister David Laws has said that the proposed measures are simply unaffordable.
More inside The £9000 fee cap might sound counter-intuitive, but it makes sense Comment, p. 10
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NEWS
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Marking boy- cott scrapped as pensions row is resolved
Saturday exams could be axed after Council resolution
COMMENT
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Charlie Hebdo and free speech
CULTURE
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How to help your mates on a comedown Blind Date: Tom meets Frankie
Apple crumble in the micro- wave Oscars: too white, too male, too bland
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
News Editors: Charlie Dearnley, Antonia Velikova and Kate Dewey Online News Editor: Mark Sleightholm courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News
Homeless man’s kindness stuns RAG week organisers and crew By Charlotte Houldsworth
During RAG week, one particular moment of generosity and charitable kindness proved memorable to second year Sociology student Danielle Barker and Paige Roddam, a second year English Lit student. The duo exclusively told The Courier that the instance occurred just as they were beginning to lose hope and feel disappointed by the few and little donations they had received during their stint at money bucket collections near Haymarket metro on Northumberland
Street. Danielle told The Courier that they were beginning to think that “nobody was charitable” and were then shocked by the actions of a homeless man who walked up to them, emptied all his change into their money bucket and walked away without a word. Danielle described how she and Paige felt so overwhelmed by the selflessness
of this man that they went over to thank him and then: “took him into Milligan’s and bought him a pasty and a coffee”. The girls recounted how, upon talking to the man, he told them: “He just wanted to give something back to charity and that he only needed £3 more to get a hostel for the night”. In response to these kind words Danielle said that they proceeded to give
“It just goes to show how totally incorrect negative perceptions of the homeless community are”
him the money he needed and he gave her a hug in return and left. The friends said they returned to their money collecting when, fifteen minutes later, the man came back and told them he’d “managed to get a hostel room for two nights with a free meal at 5pm both days”. The girls said that the man then continued to amaze them by putting his remaining change back in their bucket, reducing them to tears. Paige commented: “It just goes to show how totally incorrect negative perceptions of the homeless community are”.
Record breaking RAG week raises over £8000 By Charlotte Houldsworth Raising and Giving (RAG) is a studentled committee which organises all fundraising within NUSU. This year, Emily Lloyd and Jess Bailey led the committee through their large number of charitable events, including the infamous RAG week. With a greater number of crews than previous years, it appears that students are becoming increasingly willing to give their time to raise money for charity. Fundraising activities included a Take Me Out style night, a vintage tea party, treasure hunt, talent show, comedy night, pub quiz and street collections. Collections took place around the City Centre on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and Emily commented that the crews were great, managing to retain their enthusiasm despite the cold weather. William Herbert, a RAG committee member, helped organize several of the events throughout the week including Newcastle’s very own Take Me Out. This event raised over £2,500 alone. He said it was: “just like the TV show except the
contestants had had too much to drink and the light boxes were made from cardboard boxes from Men’s Bar and bed sheets from Primark”. The pub quiz and comedy night were also highly successful with both crew and non-crew members turning up which Emily said: “is great as we always want to get as many people involved in RAG as possible”. The RAG Officers said that the week ran smoothly and was ultimately a great success. Emily attributes the success to the crew: “[it] couldn’t have happened without the amazing crew members, supervisors or committee”. The team managed to beat last year’s RAG week total within three days raising close to £9000 for their chosen charities: Willow, Dementia UK, Guide Dogs, Young Minds and SCAN. Coming up is the annual RAG fashion show which is taking place on Thursday 19 February in the Students’ Union. With catwalks featuring brands such as Urban Outfitters and Ann Summers, dance performances, singing acts and a special appearance from the rugby boys; this is not something to be missed.
Whale of the week: Valentine’s Day special Interview: Lauren Laverne
NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940
The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Email editor. union@ncl.ac.uk for more information.
Man vs Food, Take Me Out and bucket collecting Images: TCTV and H. Goring
Editor Tom Nicholson News Editors Charlie Dearnley, Antonia Velikova, Kate Dewey and Mark Sleightholm Comment Editors Victoria Armstrong, Matt Corden and Ruth Davis Culture Editor Kate Bennett Lifestyle Editors Tom Tibble, Annie Lord, Jack Dempsey and Holly Suttle Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke, Hannah Fitton and Hannah Goldstein Beauty Editors Charlotte Davies, Charlotte Maxwell and Kathy Davidson Arts Editors Becka Crawshaw, Lucy Chenery and Jess Harman Film Editors David Leighton, Rosie Bellini and George Smith Music Editors Jamie Shepherd, Dominique Daly and Chris Addison TV Editor Helen Daly, Ellie Mclaren and Rebecca Dooley Gaming Editors Sophie Baines and Ben Tyrer Science Editors Penny Polson, Laura Staniforth and Jack Marley Sports Editors Jonty Mawer, Peter Georgiev, Huezin Lim and Josh Nicholson Copy Editors Megan Ayres and Emma Broadhouse
The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s comment pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.
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news.3
Monday 9 February 2015
Holocaust survivor delivers lecture to mark Auschwitz liberation memorial By Rohan Kon Last Monday evening the Jewish and the History Societies held a joint Holocaust Memorial event to mark the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz concentration camp. They invited John Dobai, a Hungarian Holocaust survivor, to speak at the event. It was a valuable and moving experience to hear a first-hand, personal account of the Holocaust. This was a rare opportunity, as many survivors find
oppressors. Dobai thought that his father was just away with the army, and that he was safe. He still had no idea of the persecution of the Jewish people. Life continued as normal for him. Adolf Eichmann took control of Hungary. He was in charge of implementing the ‘final solution’ across all of Europe: to exterminate the Jews. This initially started with forcing every Jew to wear the Star of David, marking them out, as Dobai said, as “not of the same value as other people”.
“Over 90% of the Jews sent to Auschwitz did not return”
“I am fortunate. I am an optimist. I believe that we can triumph over evil and live together with love and kindness” Photo: Becka Crawshaw
it too painful to discuss. And that is the exact word Dobai used to describe this period of commemorating: painful. But he feels a sense of necessity to commemorate, educate, and warn against the potential for a similarly bleak future. Trigger warning: this article contains accounts of racism, genocide and extreme violence. Dobai, 71, spoke to a packed lecture theatre of approximately 240 people. He spent time showing pictures of himself as a child with his family, describing where they lived, what his parents did, and his experiences of school. The message here was to remember that they were ordinary people, like anyone else: they were individuals. He nostalgically remembered people from his childhood, who he feels a sense of a shared experience with. He spoke about how he wasn’t aware of politics at this age – he just wanted to spend time with his friends. Dobai recalled Hitler becoming Chancellor of Germany in 1933 and his revival of anti-Semitism. He emphasises the importance of thinking about racism as a recurring, long-established, and in some ways even comfortable, attitude. The Holocaust was not an isolated event, and should not be confined to history. Hitler’s views were popular as they relieved people of responsibility for the failing economy. He created a scapegoat – he said he would solve the Jewish ‘question’, but he didn’t say how he would do this. Hungary sided with Germany in the 1930s, and Dobai outlined the reasons for this. High proportions of people in high paid positions such as doctors or lawyers were from Jewish families, which led to jealousy and increasing tensions in Hungary. Hungary yearned to gain back a lot of land lost in WW1, which Germany promised to return to them. Hungary actually made the first anti-Semitic law in all of Europe; Dobai said, “I am proud to have been born there, but I wish it would have all been different.” He began to speak of the initial restrictions placed on Jewish people. Dobai’s father was called up to the Hungarian army, only to be dismissed because a law was passed preventing Jews from fighting in the forces. He was then sent to a forced labour camp. Dobai said that his father was lucky; he was sent to a camp in Hungary, not sent out of the country where the possibility for far worse conditions was greater. Dobai described some of the tasks in the foreign concentration camps. Jews were made to carry and build barbed wire fences with their bare hands. 50,000 were killed by being forced to walk on areas rife with landmines, in order to clear the way for their Nazi troop
They then had to hand over all of their material possessions. If a person who was not Jewish walked past them in the street, the Jewish person would have to physically get in the gutter. Dobai summarised: “Everything was designed to destroy the self-respect of the Jews.” Dobai recalled telling a schoolmate that he couldn’t wait to return to school after the holiday; the schoolmate responded that Dobai wouldn’t be returning to school because he was “a dirty, stinking Jew”. His mother couldn’t shelter him anymore. While Jewish men had been sent to forced labour camps, all the women and children were put into accommodation together. Passers-by would throw stones and spit. Opposite was a torture house where Jews would be forced to reveal where they had ‘hidden’ possessions. Meanwhile the food rations were getting lower and lower for the Jews. Dobai’s aunt and cousin were sent to Auschwitz on a three day train on which they had no access to food, water or sanitation. When they arrived they were assessed as fit to work. His aunt hurt her leg and so was sent to a gas chamber. His cousin was forced to continue working. Dobai’s mother tried to protect him again by placing him in a children’s home but he got ill and had to return to her. Three days after he left the children’s home, all the children were taken away and shot. The Jewish people were forced outside the accommodation they were in. All of the non-Jewish population came to look on. Some laughed and pointed, most were passive, and a smaller proportion of people were crying. A man approached and shouted in Dobai’s face, “I hope you die”. This was the moment Dobai realised that anti-Semitism was real – he did not know the man, but the man hated him. The community didn’t realise the extent of what had happened to people until they started returning from the camps. Over 90% of the Jews sent to Auschwitz did not return. Dobai asked the audience to remember, however, that it was not just the Jews who were persecuted in the Holocaust; other marginalised groups, such as people with disabilities and gay people, were also targeted. Dobai ended with a powerful message. He said: “Racial discrimination is still going on. I make no distinction between anti-Semitism and Islamophobia. Do not be indifferent.” He looked to the future: “I am fortunate. I am an optimist. I believe that we can triumph over evil and live together with love and kindness.” The memorial ended traditionally with a poem, prayer and candle to commemorate.
4.news
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
“We’re not playing God...” Continued from front page media: “The biggest problem is that this Thus making an embryo made up of has been described as three-parent IVF. the parents pronuclei, but the donors In fact it is 2.0001-parent IVF. Less than healthy mitochondria that will not de- a tenth of one per cent of the genome velop mitochondrial diseases. is actually going to be affected, … it Although the technique has only re- does not affect height, eye colour, intelceived large amounts of public attention ligence, musicality.” recently, the research behind the tech“Think about bone marrow transnique was started over 10 years ago and plants,” says Peter Braude, emeritus prothere is still a way to go. Prime Minister fessor of obstetrics and gynecology at David Cameron defended the vote, say- Kings College London, in defence of the ing: “We’re not playing god here, we’re technique. “Let’s say unfortunately you just making sure that two parents who have leukaemia and you have to have want a healthy baby can have one.” your bone marrow radiated for the canOther criticisms, cer to be killed and particularly com- “The work of this unit then it is replaced ing from the Robone marrow will have potential to by man Catholic and from someone else Anglican Church impact on thousands - say me. Effectively and other pro-life from that time onof patients” organisations conwards, you will have demn the vote as, like standard IVF, it circulating in your body DNA from me. legalises the discarding of embryos. You won’t be related to me, you may be Bishop John Keenan, the Bishop of grateful to me, but you will have DNA Paisley, criticised the effect it will have from a third person circulating in your on future generations, claiming that the body.” technique “seeks to remove anyone afA more immediately worrying probfected by certain conditions from the lem comes from Professor Justin St human gene pool”. John, who warns that a phenomenon However, Jane Ellison, a Conserva- known as ‘carry-over’ (when diseased tive health minister, told MPs that mi- mitochondria are inadvertently transtochondrial donation is simply like ferred from the patient’s fertilised egg to replacing the battery packs of the cells a donor’s fertilised egg) could result in with a new set of batteries, and that this mitochondrial diseases still being transis miles away from ‘designer babies’ as mitted to an IVF mother’s children and mitochondrial DNA only makes up grandchildren. 0.054% of a persons overall DNA, and The House of Commons will vote on none of the nuclear DNA that affects the technique next. The development personality and characteristics. and legalisation process of the techDr Gillian Lockwood, a reproductive nique is sure to be an interesting one to ethicist, also emphasises how the tech- follow, as genetic history could soon be nique has been sensationalised by the made here in Newcastle.
The Courier
news.5
Monday 9 February 2015
Assessment and marking boycott scrapped Second year English Literature student, Rosie Cleere said: “Although I understand the cause of the proposed inAn Assessment and Marking Boycott dustrial action and empathise with this, proposed by the University and Colleg- I don’t think it is fair that it has such an es Union (UCU) has been called off fol- impact on fee-paying students. lowing a round of intense negotiations “I’m glad that a mutual agreement has surrounding plans for reforms to the been found.” Universities Superannuation Scheme The previous proposals for change to (USS). the USS pensions would have affected The industrial action was originally employees by axing Final Salary penset to take place in November 2014 and sions in order to fill an estimated £13 would affect over billion deficit as 150,000 members “The strike would have well as changing of the UCU. the methods for affected university In a ballot held on determining emMonday 26 Janu- students across the UK” ployees’ retirement ary the proposed incomes. Furtherchanges were acmore, under draft cepted, with a majority vote of 67.1% in proposals that were published back in favour of reforms. May last year, final pensions could have Following talks, changes to the origi- been cut by up to 6%, according to the nal reforms have been decided stating Times Higher Education. that the original £40,000 earnings cap According to the law, members of a above which benefit career average union are expected to take part in any benefits would not build up was risen industrial actions, such as strikes or to £55,000. An agreement that the USS picketing, if they wish to remain memwould continue to work to review fund- bers of that union. ing methodology was also made alongAdditionally, the law states that any side an agreement that any improve- member of a union is legally entitled to ment in USS funding will go towards strike without disciplinary action from improved benefits for members, as op- their employer, as long as the majority posed to being used by the scheme for of that union votes in favour of a strike. the purposes of ‘de-risking’. According to a University statement, The strike would have affected univer- “Following the ballot of members of the sity students across the UK and might University and College Union (UCU) have led to those who were due to com- on January 29 about the revised USS plete assignments seeing a delay in the Pension proposals, the planned indusreturn of their marks. trial action, in the form of an assessIt would ultimately have led to wide- ment and marking boycott, has now spread disruption amongst both stu- been called off. This means that all asdents and university employees during sessments and marking will continue to important assessment periods, especial- be completed as normal.” ly for final year students.
By Sophie Norris
BYE-BYE BOYCOTT: The release of assessment marks will go ahead as normal. Image: KF
Western tactics against ISIS failing, says lecturer By Josh Snell
INSIGHTS: Mr Cockburn speaks to a packed Curtis Auditorium in a new series of public lectures. Image: Josh Snell
Moaz al-Kasabeh, was posted online by Islamic State claiming to show him be“The Islamic State is a manipulation and ing burned alive. use of terror which we have scarcely Some students initially expressed seen in the Middle East since the time concern that Mr Cockburn may not of the Mongols. This is in keeping with shed new light on the ISIS situation; the history of Iraq as a frontier zone of they did not need to worry. In regards great violence and cruelty.” to what caused the formation of ISIS, Those were the words used by veter- Mr Cockburn said: “the Saudi Arabian an Middle East correspondent Patrick variant of Islam is dominant and the Cockburn as he began his talk on the Al-Qaeda-type ideology comes out of origins and consequences of the Islamic that. You can see this with beheadings. State in a filled Who beheads? Curtis Audito“Rarely does any other Clearly, the Isrium at Newcaslamic State but tle University on local event have such pres- as does Saudi Tuesday. tigious speakers discussing Arabia,” which The lecture is met with such imperative issues” was the first part of the silent nodthe INSIGHTS ding of heads Public Lecture series which has re- among the audience. turned to the University after a seven However, Mr Cockburn refused to week hiatus. rule out the West’s involvement in the The free lectures aim to inform, stim- creation of the Islamic State suggesting: ulate and entertain as speakers, who “ISIS would not have happened without are often leaders in their field, discuss a the 2003 overthrow of Saddam Huswide range of topics that affect our daily sein,” sparking echoes of “hear hear” lives. The lectures are available to down- throughout the auditorium. load on the INSIGHTS website and the When asked by The Courier if the conUniversity’s iTunesU page. flict against ISIS represented a new type Martin Farr, organiser of the lecture, of warfare that required new tactics, Mr said: “We like a strong opener, but what Cockburn responded: “Since 2003, the we didn’t anticipate was just how popu- jihadists have developed a cocktail of lar it would prove to be... we had to turn new tactics and, despite large defence around 200 people away.” budgets, we have not done the same and Over 600 students and members of it has shown to be largely not working.” the public crammed into the Curtis AuSeveral students who attended the ditorium and an overspill room, where event found it particularly engaging. the lecture was live-streamed. Most IN- Second year undergraduate Tim RogSIGHTS lectures see around 250 people erson, a second year undergraduate attend. commented: “Rarely does any other loThe lecture took place on the day that cal event have such prestigious speakers a video of captured Jordanian pilot, discussing such imperative issues.”
6.news
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Union to host 24-hour coding marathon
This is the first Hackathon season in UK, and this particular one is the second to be organised in Newcastle. The On 11 February the International of- first took place in November and was fices in Newcastle and Turnitin, the led by students, while this one is sponglobal plagiarism prevention software sored directly by Turnitin. “The first company, will organise a free event in Hackathon was a huge success, so we’re Newcastle University Students’ Union cautiously optimistic about this one as for all students interested in coding: the well,” Andon said. “So far the response Hackathon. has been great even though the middle The event aims to bring young hackers of the week isn’t the best for students.” together in a 24-hour coding marathon Andon expressed his and some other where they will have access to the on- students’ worries about the fact that line grading and peer review features of everything during this Hackathon will the Turnitin service. Participants will be built on Turnitin services and belong compete in teams to them, he said of four and six, that he is still look“You come to the striving to create a event to do something ing forward to this new and innovative great event noneyou love - to code” piece of software to theless. improve the service. “I believe this is Turnitin is currently used by more than a great chance to learn and meet new 15,000 institutions all around the world. people. Hackathons are quite fast-paced “It’s a great event with the best envi- and a lot of work, but a great experience ronment,” Andon Andonov, a computer for anyone who is interested in comscience student in Newcastle University, puter technologies and coding.” Andon told The Courier. “I think a 24-hour assured that this is not a degree-based format is great, because you come to event and all students, even ones who the event to do something you love – to have never tried coding before, are encode. And everyone around you expects couraged to come and take part in it. He nothing else from you but that.” also added that for some who might be Andon, who has a vast experience interested in a career in programming with Hackathons, explained that this and computer science, this is an exceltype of programming event is rather lent way to get noticed by bigger comnew. It started in US only a couple years panies in the industry. The main idea of ago and since then it has spread all the Hackathon is teaming up with peoaround the world as well as in UK. “It ple with similar passions and creating is a competition, but there is no com- something new and great. “Free pizza is petitive spirit around the participants. great as well,” Andon also added. Everyone is very helpful and it is a great Registration for the Turnitin Hackchance to learn something new in an in- athon closes on the 9th of February. teractive space,” Andon added.
By Kotryna Kairyte
HACK-ATTACK: On Wednesday students will undergo a 24 hour coding marathon. Image: Turnitin
The Courier
news.7
Monday 9 February 2015
Desk-hog deterrents a success, says Robbo chief By Jack Parker     Staff at the University’s libraries have spoken to The Courier about the schemes that have been put into place to improve students’ library experiences, as well as the future of the library system. Many of the improvements that have been introduced by the Library Service follow extensive consultations, listening to the needs of students. The most notable change, carried over from last year, has been the reintroduction of the PopUp Library in the Kings Road Centre, in a bid to try and reduce the strain on the main University libraries over the busy exam period. The extended study space provided 100 new PC study spaces, as well as 200 quiet study spaces. With the opening of NUSU Central last year, students had more study space than ever. Wayne Connolly, University Librarian said: “People seem to appreciate it and I like to think that over the past year the Pop-Up initiative has been one of the Library’s successes.� The Library has introduced a new system of providing continuous information to students about availability of study spaces in the various libraries on campus. The system worked as a traffic light system, similar to the one used for University computer clusters, online and on screens in the various locations. Of the introduction of the traffic light
system, Connolly commented: “This seems to have worked well in providing clear guidance to students on where the busiest areas were, and where they could find space without having to hunt around.� Another scheme put in place in the library system, particularly over the exam period, was the introduction of a noise alert system. Students who felt that they were disturbed were able to anonymously text the library service to complain about someone creating noise or a disturbance, ensuring that librarians could take the appropriate action in dealing with students. The Courier can reveal that in January, 29 texts were received by the service, whilst 39 students had their belongings removed from study spaces and desks that they were deemed to be hogging. “We believe that students appreciate the efforts we make in this way, given the pressure on space and the heightened sensitivities about noise and disturbance during revision periods.� Connolly also spoke about the provision of the library extension, the former PWC offices on Sandyford Road, due to open in the summer. “This will make an enormous difference and alleviate much of the pressure on study space during the busiest times. “I think we are fortunate in that we have a suitable building nearby which we will be able to occupy soon, instead of having to wait three or four years for a new one to be built.�
“We believe that students appreciate the efforts we PDNH given the pressure on space and sensitivities about noise and disturbance�
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League table shows Med School could do “a great deal more�, says Medsin President By Valentina Egorova On 21 January the Universities Allied for Essential Medicines (UAEM) and Medsin-UK launched the first UK University Global Health Research League Table in the Houses of Parliament. The table ranks the top 25 funded universities in the UK according to their commitment to global health research. Newcastle University came 23rd, a result Medsin wants to tackle and change. Medsin is a student network and registered charity with more than thirty branches across the UK. For a decade Newcastle Medsin has been tackling global and local health inequalities through educating students, advocating for changes and taking action. Among recent events hosted by Medsin in Newcastle was the conference “Changing Cities: building a healthy future together� in November. Meanwhile, UAEM is a student-led organization with the similar aim to improve access to medicines in developing countries. Together, Medsin and UAEM created the table based on the Medical Research Council grant income from 2010-2011 and the latest publicly available data, aiming to measure the progress of universities and to bring the results to public attention. All universities were graded according to their commitment to global health research, neglected disease research and accessibility of the outputs. Speaking to The Courier, Lotte Elton, co-President of Newcastle Medsin, said of Newcastle’s results: “Newcastle did pretty poorly. While the Medical School has been fairly responsive to Medsin
Newcastle’s efforts to improve the coverage of global health in the curriculum, there is clearly still a great deal more that the University as a whole could, and in my view, should, be doing to improve the accessibility of their research and to direct their research efforts towards neglected diseases.� The league table revealed that only a few top universities for medical sciences invest a considerable proportion of their research funding into global health issues. Most research dedicated to global health and neglected diseased took place only in five universities. University of Oxford took the leading position in the table, followed by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and Imperial College London. The Executive Director for UAEM, Merith Basey, stated in the press release for the Global Health League Table: “The League Table is an important advocacy tool that reflects where universities are making a measurable impact, and where they need to invest further. “Now more than ever students, faculty, and broader university communities need to hold their institutions accountable for implementing policies that will increase access to life-saving essential medicines and medical technologies, for conducting research on the world’s most neglected health needs, and for empowering communities worldwide to strive to do the same.� The first ranking aims to demonstrate the necessity of investing in global health research and to impact on universities. However, the next league table might change considerably with Newcastle University taking a higher position.
Saturday exams on the way out By Mark Sleightholm Online News Editor
Saturday exams could become a thing of the past, if the Student Council gets its way. On Thursday’s Student Council meeting, 68% of councillors voted in favour of a motion to request that the University abolishes Saturday exams. The Education Officer, David Morris, will now work with the University to look into the possibility. The main reason put forward against Saturday exams was that many students have part-time work at weekends, something that is encouraged by the University and is essential for many students to finance their studies. The current arrangement of holding some exams on Saturdays results in students having to take time off work to sit exams. Saturday exams sit outside standard timetabling hours, inconveniencing many students. The Student Council’s motion recognised this, although the ultimate decision is down to the University itself. Most University services, including Student Services and the IT Service Desk, are not available during weekends. Some members of the Student Council raised concerns that moving exams away from Saturdays would extend the exam period, possibly meaning less
time is available for teaching. The Education Officer admitted that he did not yet know how the exams could be fitted in. One suggestion was for more venues to be made available for exams, so that more exams could take place simultaneously. It was agreed by the Council that these matters could be decided at a later date, and Thursday’s motion was merely to look into the possibility of abolishing Saturday exams. Even if the University does agree to no longer hold exams on Saturdays, it is unclear at this stage what the implications of this would be, or when the change could be implemented. Exam and term dates are published at least a year in advance, with exams currently scheduled to take place between 18 May and 5 June 2015, including the two Saturdays within these dates. Many other Russell Group universities have Saturday exams, although some, such as University College London, do not. Some universities have exam periods that do not consist of entire weeks, for example, ending on a Wednesday. The Student Council also passed motions requesting NUSU to oppose the Health and Social Care Act of 2012, which caused extensive debate between members, and a motion calling for greater transparency on University spending.
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Monday 9 February 2015
8.nationalstudentnews
The Courier
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Looking for the nearest loo may no longer be an issue thanks to a University of East Anglia student’s new Flush Toilet Finder app. Jake Ruston’s free, worldwide app was designed to help people locate nearby public toilets. With an existing database of about 100,000 public toilets, the app also lets users add toilet locations that are not yet listed. Using GPS, the Flush Toilet Finder provides information on toilets with disabled access, and whether facilities are free or not. The UEA’S School of Computing Sciences student hopes the app will help tourists and people with conditions such as Crohn’s and IBS. Ruston said: “I got the idea after making an app for the London underground. A lot of people were asking me to include details of toilet facilities for London, but I decided to go bigger and design something for the whole world.� Ruston’s app is available for free in the iTunes Store.
Free WiFi rolled out across Portsmouth
The University of Portsmouth and Portsmouth City Council are keeping everyone connected in the digital age with free WiFi for all. Funded by the Department of Culture, Media and Sport, the new ÂŁ3.5m ‘My City WiFi’ scheme offers citywide WiFi zones. By the end of next month, more than 80 buildings in Portsmouth will have free WiFi through the University’s Eduroam network. Staff and students at the University with existing Eduroam log-ins can access the WiFi normally. Andrew Minter, Director of Information Services at the University, said: “This is wonderful for our students who live across the city and who will now be able to access the University network and the internet using the University’s Eduroam WiFi, but it is also a triumph for the city’s residents, small businesses and visitors.â€? The city hopes the free WiFi will benefit some residential areas where many people don’t have internet access at home.
Nottingham stands for LGBT issues This LGBT History Month, the University of Nottingham is helping to tackle homophobia in classrooms through the Out in Education group. The student-led, not-for-profit group aims to teach children and teens across the Midlands about issues in the LGBT community. Former Nottingham student Lucy Wake set up Out in Education in 2013. Wake said: ‘We have had many victories so far as an organisation: we have received emails from teachers saying that pupils have become empowered enough to create a LGBT Network of their own, some have come out, others are just more tolerant.� Out in Education teaches young people what it means to be LGBT at primary and secondary school. The project hopes to combat homophobia at an early age by discussing stereotypes, cyberbullying, and relationships with students.
Medical discovery at Loughborough Loughborough University researchers have found that a probiotic drink could help control insulin resistance, a major characteristic of diet-induced diseases such as type II diabetes. The study suggests that the composition of the gut microbiota is a key factor in understanding metabolic disease. Seventeen healthy people were split into two groups. One of the groups drank a probiotic fermented milk drink product called Yakult Light each day. Afterwards, both groups were placed on a high-fat and high-energy diet. The study found that high-fat overfeeding for seven days lowered insulin sensitivity by approximately 27%, but the group that drank Yakult Light preserved glycaemic control and maintained insulin action. Dr Carl Hulston said: “The demonstration by this study that a probiotic has the potential to prevent insulin resistance in humans is a significant breakthrough.�
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Images: Flinga, AlanFord, Tim, Fanny Schertzer
Ashley Williams
The Courier
.9
Monday 9 February 2015
Comment
thecourieronline.co.uk/comment
Comment Editors: Victoria Armstrong & Matt Corden Online Comment Editor: Ruth Davis courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment
Should the rise of the ‘plus-plussize’ supermodel be welcomed? Scott Houghton supports this body-positive shift in modelling standards whilst Ruth Davis provides the case against
YES
I think it is a good thing that we, as a society, have seen Tess Munster come to recent fame as a size 24 model. It shows that everyone does not need to be size zero, because this model in particular can be brave enough to show herself without public scrutiny. People can say: “well, size 24 is unhealthy”, and yes, it is, but so is being size 0 which tons of people, especially young girls feel the need to emulate which is equally unhealthy as being size 24. I think we need a whole pantheon of sizes which can be representative of everyone’s own bodies - rather than suck up to the notion that everyone has to conform to a, for most, unattainable and uniform, standard.
NO
I am not disputing the fact that size zero is unattainable for most people, and the mass media coverage of it has created unhealthy ideals of body image, particularly amongst women. This has resulted in many health and mental problems, as people fight against the genetically determined shape and size of their own body in order to have this ideal body. It was a result of these difficulties that the move came to use ‘plus size models’, which are still vastly underused. It was an attempt to promote a healthier size ideal for women, and to counteract the unhealthy influence of size zero models – it was a move attempting to benefit the health of a nation as they value the health of their body over any size ideal. A size twenty four model fully contradicts this promotion of health. Yes, size zero is not attainable or healthy for all. But size twenty four is not a healthy alternative. In order to be that size, a person is almost definitely also going to have to be clinically obese. And as a nation struggling to fight an obesity crisis, I cannot see the sense in promoting an obese body image as acceptable or healthy. Size twenty four is the opposite end of the scale to size zero, and similarly unhealthy.
“Plus size models are an attempt to counteract the unhealthy unfluence of size zero models, but a size 24 model fully contradicts this”
NO
YES
I feel that peoples own size is their own personal choice and should not be a matter for public concern if it’s what they want. We are all too concerned with body imagine in the 21st century - some journalists are even too scared to appear on Newsnight for fear of being mocked for their appearance on Twitter, for example. Indeed being size 24 is a health problem, but i don’t think that will encourage obesity; nobody wants to be that size voluntarily, plus it would evidently make people feel rubbish themselves, but what it will do is, hopefully, make our society a lot more tolerant. It also should in fact pave the way for models of all sizes so that everyone can feel represented.
The Last Clegg Joe Tetlow
N
ick Clegg, ‘for those who know who he is’, has been the failsafe cigarette butt of many a joke. Depicted as the jester of Westminster, a luckless stooge and Cameron’s fag; few have had a rougher time than the cleggster. He can’t move for criticism. Now, I’m far from a ‘future’s bright, future’s orange’, raving Lib-dem looney, in fact i’m not one at all, but I will defend Clegg against the over-simplistic, ignorant slander he suffers. Watching ‘The Last Leg’, on which our Deputy Prime Minister featured, it was apparent just how relatively normal he really is. Compared to Egg Millipede and that Bullingdon everyman ‘Dave’, it’s certainly not
a stern test, but credit where credit’s due. It isn’t just a one-off either; he entertained the controversial debate on drug legalisation with Russell Brand. Impressive because more aloof politicians wouldn’t dare touch it with a barge-pole, let alone the drug laws. So surely the comparative impression of normality detected counts for something. Much of Obama’s success was based on his image. The ‘good-looking one’ in the coalition, the words of the U.S president not I, doesn’t even get the political capital that the swivel-eyed Farage enjoys from something as simple as smoking. The issue is not a just a failure on apportioning praise based on superficiality, but a vacuum where justice is
All Images: instagram @tessholliday
Every person who appears in the public sphere is going to be scrutinized on their physical appearance, this has always been the case. If body size cannot be mocked or obsessed over by the public, then some other aspect of the person will be. It is not a question of tolerance, because sadly, people are overly keen to criticize anything about a person. There is low tolerance to anything in this society, it is not an issue which only effects women of a larger size. This doesn’t take away from the fact that if women can be influenced into putting size 0 as the ideal body shape to strive for, what is to say that celebrating a size 24 body won’t produce the same effect. Obesity levels are higher than they have ever been, particularly amongst children, and positive images of obesity in the media will not help this problem, which the health services are struggling to cope with. Tess has been inspirational in her positive attitude, and her body confidence and positive drive are enviable. However, we cannot afford to run the risk of an audience thinking her size is what makes her modelling career aspirational instead of her personality, as idealising her attitude is good, but her unhealthy body shape is not.
The Lib Dems are struggling to bounce back from their Coalition compromises;; they are weak in the polls and weak in our hearts. But whatever their current travails and past mistakes, we write them off at our peril prized over political substance. Poor old Clegg, you smirk, but while the Greens overtake their membership numbers and UKIP deport them from the stage, it is time to stand up for the moderates, the democrats, the centre-ground. On tuition fees, yes it had to be mentioned, he made a rational choice, a concession. The cruel world of politics and spin has vilified him, but the irony seems to be that most students are too dumb to understand the policy. It is actually a more socially progressive system, acting as an annual 9% in-
come tax paid on earnings above the average salary. It is likely to cost the government more money in the long-term, with many students never earning enough to pay the loan back in full. If anything, it has encouraged people to go into higher education and relieved the ominous mental burden of debt. Despite rising to prominence on the TV debates, the smoke and cracked mirrors of the last 5 years in politics have left his image in tatters. He’s not ‘el maricón’ to his Spanish wife, or even Dave as Peter Brookes will have you believe, he’s a progressive, who has done much to keep the Tories in check and Labour out of power. With the 2015 election approaching and prophecies of Clegg losing his constituency and the Lib dems being wiped out, never should we get so confused that we stub out the orange glow of the ‘colilla’, when the butt will be us in hindsight. All hail Clegg? Well, yes actually.
10.comment
SOAP BOX HIGH ART
Last year, some ‘irresponsible’ philistinic bastard, gave Simon Bill’s Lucky Jim exhibition a nauseated one-star review. It was no Jay Rayner critique of Novikov, but Bill’s artistic merit was about as evident as the namesake restaurant’s culinary prowess. Both experiences are chased with apology; baked and carried in a basket of philosophical tripe and served with an imprinted vacuity. “A picture is a poem without words”; Art must be perceptive, yet still serve a point. To shut it down with a pre-ordained narrative is as foolhardy as to have no narrative at all. As the drumroll of the Oscars rumbles over the Atlantic, a season of Art is reaching a Whiplash-esque crescendo. The best and worst of pretense is in full cinematic view, from the gruelling theatre-on-film tribulations of Birdman, to the indiscernible time-warped headache that is the aptly-named Inherent Vice. Hollywood’s seasonal strapline, distributed in the form of Lindsay Duncan’s Tibitha, is the damning of critics who irresponsibly vanquish any work. So quite rightly, when due, the praise shall sound; but if there is “art for art’s sake” - a frivolity not in review but in subject and money spent, then the “bad” must fully emphasise the “good”. The unexpected virtue of ignorance is that without its own existence, era defining art would not be so intrinsically patent. Joe Tetlow
GO FOR IT I am what could be considered a strong female character, and if I want something I go for it. This also applies to my approach to dating. “It’s so hot when a girl asks a guy out” they say. Don’t believe it, this is the mantra of the hopelessly single guy, too scared to speak to women - and God forbid they would accept one offering themselves. A woman going after a man becomes desperate, or at the very least a bit masculine and therefore instantly unattractive. I am already six foot; I already intimidate half the population just by standing up. But I’m not going to let this knock my confidence. So girls, stick with it. If you like someone then go for it. I for one can’t be waiting up my metaphorical tower (or the Sinners cage) waiting for Mr Right to take his time meandering over. In the meantime I will have ridden off into the sunset (Subway) seeking my own destiny. And boys, I just hope you grow a pair in time before you miss your chance. Alice Brien
BINS: A LOAD OF RUBBISH Bins are the bane of my life. Everywhere I go, my life is made just that little bit more difficult by these receptacles of misery. Firstly, I want to say that the bins in the university are a chore to use. There are about five different ones for every type of rubbish, plastics in here, paper in this one, anything that can be composted in this one – it’s just too much for me! I’m all for recycling, but this level of separation is frankly off putting. It doesn’t help that people quite often switch the bin lids around, so you’re just putting everything in the wrong bin anyway. It doesn’t help that I have issues with the kitchen bin back at the family home. ‘I like them, they go well with the kitchen’ my mother said. That’s all well and good, but it’s hugely impractical, the bin bags require an engineer to fit them. What’s worse is the catch on the lid has broken, again, resulting in me having to assault the thing to get it to close. What’s even worse, is that is the third lid it’s had. Jack Parker
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Churchill: man and myth
The lionisation of Churchill as a national hero and our foreshortened perspective from a distance of 70 years airbrush the popular portrait of our wartime leader
“I’m averse to the one-dimensional, simplistic way in which historical figures are often staged. The truth, as we know, is often more fragmented and complex”
Sheri @ Flickr
W
Will Ibbott
inston Churchill is a historical figure whose legacy we cannot afford to ignore. You do not need me to tell you this: if you are a home student, chances are you have had to sit through school teachers waxing lyrical about him from the age of 8 onwards. While it is true that Churchill led the country through some desperate times and without him things would have panned out very differently indeed, that is not to say that he did not allow some terrible things to happen, as well as harbour deplorable ideas under his expansive political career - something the textbooks seem to have conveniently glossed out. Let’s get to work and stab this sacred cow. Popular belief would tell you that Churchill was a fighter of fascism and staved off racial supremacy. Wrong! In truth, he held a rather dim view towards anyone who didn’t fall into the Caucasian category, and wasn’t a big fan of democracy outside of dear old Blighty. Much of his early days were spent charging around every corner of the
globe, laying whole settlements to waste and coercing native populations into submission under the tourniquet of “colonial civilisation”. Churchill staunchly reproved the idea of Indian liberation, was responsible for the notorious Black and Tan killings which took place in 1920s Ireland, and also suggested that Kurds rebelling under British rule would best be dealt with by the threat of poison gas. In 1943, when a famine broke out in Bengal, officials implored Churchill to deliver aid to the region. He plainly refused, claiming it was the fault of the Bengalis for “breeding like rabbits”. The death toll amounted to three million. It might also be worth mentioning that Churchill was the man who invented Iraq, locking three different groups into one space and causing a conflict so great that it hasn’t ceased since the border was drawn up. Given Churchill’s imperialist and truculent attitudes towards the rest of the world, it makes you wonder whether he was fighting Germany as an oppressive nation, or simply fighting Germany to safeguard his empire against Hitler’s advances. Let’s not get started on the Allied bombing of Dresden in 1945, which Churchill vehemently pushed for, wreaking havoc on a relatively small city and
on a scale that outstripped any atrocities caused by the Luftwaffe in Britain. His reign back at home wasn’t without its shortcomings either: in his position as Chancellor of the Exchequer in the 1920s, he favoured a return to the Gold Standard, an economic model that would lead to the General Strike of 1926 and further trigger economic depression in the UK a decade later. Churchill was also against the idea of universal suffrage. Winston Churchill was never an unwavering hero. He was necessary as a leader in World War II, because Britain needed someone strong enough to ward the country off from an invasion, and Churchill’s infamous stubbornness declared him man for the job. I wouldn’t say that I am wholly averse to Churchill as a person. Rather, I am averse to the one-dimensional and simplistic way in which historical figures and political leaders are often staged. The truth, as we know, is often much more fragmented and complex than that. If Churchill had not come into power, then we would probably be labouring under the Sixth Reich, but hell, that doesn’t mean I have to worship him, and it certainly is not an excuse for the untold suffering he caused in his time.
us all indiscriminately. We tax discriminately and even the lunatic Nigey Farage doesn't oppose that. Oh the irony; those who support the higher caps are labelled as Conservative toffs; the out-of-touch, nepotists, winners of the lottery of birth and who now lounge in the inherited fortunes of their significantly more talented ancestors. Au contraire; such a decision would in fact see those who can afford to pay do so, whilst those who cannot would have significantly more money available to them to aid in paying these fees and the ever-increasing costs of living. If people want to really criticise the university officials, perhaps that's a wiser angle to take? Talks of removing the lower-cost accommodations, such as Ricky Road, abound whilst highercost digs are wildly spraining up like Victoria Halls and Central Link (minimum £100pw). Add to that the £300 average rent increase in Uni halls since September 2012, and the £58,000 of fines for damages levied on freshers in the same period, and the financial squeeze appears that much tighter. The insanity continues: people imagine that if we had lower fees it would mean less debt. If this concern is intended not for flagrant self-interest and rather the financially disadvantaged then you're barking up the wrong tree I'm sorry to tell you. Would it not be infinitely preferable to just give greater scholarships and grants at the time for disadvantaged students, whilst leaving the rest to shoulder the debt which they happily chose to have. It is all too easy to forget: the chance to attend
higher education is a right, but that does not mean attending for free or at a subsidy should be. As a graduate, you benefit from the greater job availability and higher salaries. Why the Government should fund that for those who can afford it anyway is nonsensical. Loans have debt. No one is planning on walking into HSBC tomorrow to request an interest-free loan; so why is it perceived as less insane when it comes to Government loans for university. People talk about the 'societal benefit' but that's mostly self-inflated vanity, let's be honest. Do you really think that your degree will equip you with the skills to indescribably benefit society, and that if you did not have that degree society would suffer for it? The reality is that most graduates are struggling to find employment and there's an abundance of doctors, lawyers, historians, sociologists and what not. The only questionable area is with STEM subjects, and we can already notice significantly more scholarships in that area than others. Sorry, but you and your education are not irreplaceable (cue Beyonce). The moral of the story is short: it's easy to think 'high fees bad', but don't: rise above, see further. It's much, much better for society at large to have high student fees so those who can pay do, whilst granting aid to those who otherwise could not. Now if only the university would stop extorting money via their accommodations and consider financiallyaccessible accommodation. Lol, maybe not.
The case for £9000 fees Victoria Armstrong
A
s we face the 2015 general election, the turbulent issue of student tuition caps looms once again. The iceberg to the LibDems' titanic, this issue has the potential to have great sway in the lead up to the political war of the next election, as observed by the apathetic masses. Newcastle University's own Vice-Chancellor Chris Brink has weighed in, co-signing a letter to the Times opposing Labour's rumored plans of reducing the student fees cap to £6000. In what I imagine is a decidedly uncommon opinion for a student, this seems like a good move on the part of the VC. The common reasoning is chatter about 'increasing accessibility' to university, especially for the socio-economically deprived who may otherwise be unable to enter. A noble and worthy goal, I agree, but quite how capping fees for all students will achieve it without huge economic loss is beyond me. The letter raises a very valid point: the Government would do better to keep the fees at a higher cap but then give greater amounts of money in the form of grants for those in low-income households. No one can deny that there's an abundance of students in Newcastle who come from sufficiently well-off backgrounds that they don't really need a fee cap to enable them to enter higher education. Yet the Government still caps fees for
The Courier
comment.11
Monday 9 February 2015
Charlie Hebdo and the limits of free speech A
Jess Poyner
few weeks ago I was having a slightly heated debate with a friend on the usefulness of terms like ‘racist’ to describe people. For me, as skin crawling as it is to have a group of young white men play the ‘Nigger!’ version of Dick & Dom In Da Bungalow’s ‘Boogies!’ game while walking out of Newcastle Central Station last year, some of the most unsettling and jarring racist comments or actions have been the from white people, often friends, who have just absorbed prejudices unconsciously. Lots of these types of people would be disgusted when I recount stories of intentionally harmful racism, with little realisation that their own ignorance can be more painful. Racial micro aggressions like tutors assuming any non-white students at this university are international students (I’ve personally never been out of Europe…) and white people feeling entitled to grab Afro hair, meeting my protestations with, “You’re over-reacting!” Of course, the most shocking experience was being asked “which animals are from Africa?” – clearly, my skin pigment gives me greater knowledge over the white girls sat beside me about the biodiversity of one of the world’s largest, most diverse continents. It is crucial to understand that despite these people not intending to do harm to me or other people of colour (a term used to speak broadly about those who are not of white European descent) their words still come from ignorance and play into the broader embedded racist values and institutions within our society. The fact is that we still live in a society where every thread of our mainstream, and indeed a lot of ‘alternative’ culture is embedded with racist imagery and ideas that are a lingering hangover from British colonialism. That is: slavery, the development of ‘scientific’ racism to justify slavery and the building of white supremacy. British culture still posits whiteness, maleness, and the able bodied as the norm, and places them most frequently at the centre of our media. There’s an assumption that anyone can relate to this character - as whiteness is considered universal - but the idea of having a black woman as a lead character is considered too niche. Whiteness is so normalised, and non-whites are so othered, that we are unlikely to ever notice that when we do see images of people of colour, they are often negative and are a continuation of stereotypes created centuries ago. So this is why I found it so incredibly frustrating when talking to people about the Charlie Hebdo cartoons attacking marginalised communities who argued that it was all part of attacking the system. Satire that is based on disgusting racist imagery which white Europeans have built up for centuries to demonise and dehumanise people of colour, is still harmful to those who continue to be marginalised. One of their covers depicts French Justice Minister Christiane Taubira, a black woman, as a monkey. I do not care about the white male cartoonist’s political background or that he was involved in anti-racist movements. It is not subversive if it is just using the same colonial racist vocabulary, and if it is the same group of people - white people, particularly white men - who are reproducing this racist imagery. Someone who is anti-racist would listen to marginalised communities saying that this is awful, this is oppressive, this imagery is a part of a culture that causes people to spit in my face and call me racist names down the street. When we obsess over the question “Am I a racist?”, most people confidently answer “of course not!” We shut down critique of the often unconsciously oppressive language and actions that hurt institutionally marginalised groups. We make it about ourselves, and become defensive, rather than prioritising the wellbeing of those who are oppressed. So ultimately, great, cartoonists like those at Charlie Hebdo did not actively believe in the ideologies of white supremacist racism. But did their actions reflect that? No. They did not care that they were hurting marginalised communities. That right there is racism.
T
“Be extremely suspicious of arguments from authority advocating censorship once you grant it, it could one day be applied to you”
Yes means yes
Two writers offer their thoughts on the fall-out following the New police guidelines around rape cases should be terror attacks in Paris Matt Corden
he Kristallnacht orchestrated against Charlie Hebdo, as well as the assault of French society and basic human decency, is a perfect example of the direct clash between what I loath and what I love. I hate bullying, intimidation, and censorship. I love writing and journalism, satire and humour, freedom of expression and the free exchange of ideas. The French protests in solidarity with the satirists was ample evidence that these precious things won’t be capitulated without a fight. The whine of “offence” doesn’t particularly mean anything, it has no value other than an arrogant attempt to silence an opposing opinion. This is not to say people, including myself, can’t be offended; opinion can be vulgar, immoral or extremely misguided, but what right does any legislation (let alone any lynch mobs) have to artificially amend people’s conscience? The American Civil Liberties Union made the correct decision in 1977 to defend the right of the American Nazi Party to march through Skokie, Illinois – a retirement village popular with Jewish survivors of the Holocaust – because to prohibit it would be to violate the First Amendment. You do not have to condone the action or the opinion to defend its expression, rather it is a simple principle of free expression applying consistently or not at all – it is meaningless unless it protects people who think differently. If ideas cannot bear to withstand scrutiny and people have to rely on the law or on intimidation to protect them, then not only does it become a dead dogma, but it also highlights a great insecurity in those who claim to hold unbreakable convictions. You will notice that the religion claiming to be the final and flawless revelation to mankind, as well as a total solution, does not particularly like these absolutist ideas being criticised. Charlie Hebdo was not the beginning. In 1989, Salman Rushdie received a death threat from the Grand Ayatollah of Iran, because his book The Satanic Verses was considered blasphemous. Theo Van Gogh was murdered on the streets of Holland in 2004 for producing a film about the treatment of women within Islam, and his co-writer Ayaan Hirsi Ali still has threats on her life. The embassies of Denmark were burned to the ground in 2006, in countries where demonstrations are normally forbidden, because a Danish newspaper dared to print similar satire on the Prophet Muhammad. All of these cases were met with contemptible drivel from all sorts of commentators that the main issue was offence. Since these actions are considered un-Islamic by many Muslims themselves, then the sensitivities of these assassins shouldn’t be treated with such respect by the media, even if it does mean offending the ordinary Muslim. Thankfully, the tide seems to have turned against this masochistic way of thinking, the expression of solidarity with the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists was truly impressive. We will not live under Islamic blasphemy law through intimidation, and that is non-negotiable. Claiming the right to censor challenging opinions is to assume infallibility, an arrogant assumption that religion in particular suffers from. The Pope – another claimant to infallibility – insisted that religion cannot be insulted. Oh yes it can. I don’t think anyone in this century would claim that we’re a poorer society because of The Life of Brian or Jerry Springer the Opera, two great works of religious satire. At the time of release they too were subject to initial censorship on the basis of some loose and indefinable offence principle. That begs the awkward question: ‘who really decides what constitutes offensiveness?’ Don’t forget that the Russian rock band Pussy Riot were imprisoned in 2012 for “religious hatred” in an obvious political move from the Putin regime. Similarly, the Czechoslovak psychedelic band Plastic People of the Universe were imprisoned in 1976 by Gustav Husak’s senile Communist regime accused of immorality and corrupting the youth. Be extremely suspicious of arguments from authority advocating censorship - once you grant it, it could one day be applied to you.
welcomed, but men’s attitudes need to change too, says Lucy Howarth
W
hen I found out about the new guidelines for how police and courts should approach rape cases, that a man accused of rape must prove that the girl consented rather than the girl trying to prove she didn’t, I thought ‘Good. This is obviously progress’. Finally, things are moving in the right direction. Rape victims will no longer be put on trial for accusing someone, but the accused will be the focus of investigations. It also narrows the worryingly large grey area of consent, leading to clarification for both parties about what is OK. Yes means yes.
“This culture of assumed consent is really quite dangerous”
Unfortunately, and to my surprise, some of my male friends did not share my opinion. (Disclaimer: I understand that this is a cross gender issue and use the gender examples I do for ease of communication only.)They have long been subjected to my feminist rants about this, and were perfectly happy to go along with it. But now it is an enshrined government policy, and not just the ramblings of their token feminist friend, they are not happy. Baffled, I enquired as to why they thought the rules were unreasonable. Their responses were, well, ridiculous and pretty selfish (sorry guys). First of all ‘it would ruin the mood to ask a girl if she is ok with what is happening’. I call bull. Taking a moment to check if a girl is into it, however awkward that might make you, will not only protect her but protect you. You will both know where you stand. Also, after speaking to some girl friends, they said that a guy being considerate and making sure she is game would either be a turn on or else, at the very least, not make them run - unless they are not into it, in which case you have just prevented yourself from accidental rape or coercion. Well done. You can feel like a better human being.
“Not one cried rape, because consent is such a blurry thing”
My friends were also concerned that it would ‘be easier for a girl to cry rape after just regretting it the morning after’. Firstly, if you think a girl is going to regret it, you probably shouldn’t be having sex with her. It might not be ‘rape’, as you perceive it, but why make another human feel like crap? You do not have an automatic right to sex. I know so many girls who have experienced shitty situations that would have been resolved by a simple clarification of consent. For example, waking up from being passed out drunk to find a guy having sex with them, to name a more extreme one. Yet they all blamed themselves, not one cried rape because consent is such a blurry thing. And I’m sure that most of the time the guy didn’t see anything wrong in what they were doing. This culture of assumed consent is really quite dangerous. You might not think you are a rapist, but do you think you’re a decent human being? Then don’t put other human beings in a situation they may regret. 85,000 women, government predictions state, are raped every year. If there has to be a change in social norms which means that you miss out on a lay or two, but that saves others from rape, or stops rapists from going unprosecuted (which is estimated to currently be 98% of them), so what? Anyway, the vast majority of the time consent isn’t even an issue, we are talking about the minority of sexual encounters. If you are worried about being accused of rape, I will leave you with this for your peace of mind- and this is a genuine statistic: you are more likely to get struck by lightning than falsely accused by rape. But one in five women have experienced sexual violence. Think about the bigger picture.
12.lifestyle
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle & Tom Tibble
Valentine’s dismay
Comedown with me
Archie Allett on the Lauren Exell tells us how to handle our friends after a big night out ost of us seem to have that one friend, If your friend needs some fresh air, a perils and pointless- housemate or significant other who nice Sunday walk in Jesmond Dene can’t go that the beauty of alcohol amiss. A childlike venture to the petting zoo ness of St Val’s Day isn’t quitedecides enough to make their night on can really bring your pal back to an innocent state
V
alentine’s Day serves no other purpose than to remind single people how alone they are, and alienate whoever doesn’t want to be involved. I hate the way society dictates that men have an obligation to make their girlfriend or wife feel special on the 14th February. It’s as if to say, “It’s all good if you want to make no effort and be a shitty boyfriend for 364 days of the year, as long as you splash out on February 14th and buy a flimsy card with a sappy message”— a message that you’d be laughed at for ever reciting in real life. Nobody’s ever gotten laid reciting a poem since the Renaissance. Or, they say, buy roses, which will undoubtedly wither even faster than your phoney relationship.
“Nobody’s ever gotten laid reciting a poem since the Renaissance”
And to those wretched souls spending Valentine’s Day alone, wailing over photos of the ex with The Righteous Brothers playing in the background, get yourself together. Have a few drinks and draw some harsh caricatures of the person who broke your heart, perhaps having their leg chewed off by a grizzly bear. I’m not advising you to show these cruel drawings to the crueller ex, I’m merely suggesting it can be therapeutic.
“I’d like to see a card that says ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather eat dog shit then get back with you’”
If Valentine’s Day is a celebration of romantic love, is anyone going to address the incestuous implications of having Valentine’s Day cards that you send to your mothers and fathers? “No, that’s not what it’s about, it’s a celebration of all kinds of love!”. We already have Mother’s and Father’s Day, in case you forgot, which are also stupid events for many of the same reasons I’ve already mentioned. Could you imagine some 16 year old boy handing his mother a card on Valentine’s Day which reads, ‘For you mummy, from your little devil’, or ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, for you daddy’? (These are real cards.)
“Buy roses which will wilt even faster than your phoney relationship”
Upon browsing some more of the Valentine’s Day cards they’ve already shitted out into the market, with the urge to drown some puppies in front of whoever produced these atrocities, I thought to myself, why are there no anti-Valentine’s Day cards? It didn’t come as a huge surprise that antiValentine’s Days do exist but of course the only place you can really find them is online. And even these so called anti-Valentine’s Day cards are actually peppered with love and are clearly intended to be cute, with messages such as ‘Love blows’ and ‘We hate the same things’. But since Valentine’s Day is just a big marketing ploy, what about the sections they’ve ignored? Why don’t they cater to those who are looking to end a relationship, or those who want to celebrate the ending of a relationship? I’d like to see a card that reads ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather eat dog shit than get back with you’, or how about a nice ‘To my darling spouse, I’ve already asked you kindly to leave the fucking house.’ If these Valentine’s Day cards existed, I could maybe actually see myself buying one year.
M
the Toon as incredible as it could be, and so make the somewhat questionable decision to delve into harder substances. Unfortunately, these can have some rotten side effects, and a friend’s gotta help a friend out. When the comedown hits, we should be there to pick up some of the pieces. A comedown is caused by lack of serotonin in your brain - in other words, the stuff that makes you feel happy. MDMA causes copious levels of this to be released, which is why people feel so fab when they take it. However, this clearly makes the day after to be a bit of a struggle as brains try to repair themselves and build back up serotonin lost from the night before. Therefore, the best advice I can give is make sure your pal suffering from a comedown has some company. You only need to talk to Frank to know that loneliness and a subsequent depressive state can be the worst part of a comedown, so having someone there to talk to really does help the ravers to forget their internal troubles for a while. Furthermore, although your friend’s body will probably be totally worn out through throwing shapes and sweating buckets in some abandoned warehouse (or other Newcastle venues I’ll give the common courtesy of not mentioning), chances are they’ll be unable to sleep. Therefore, chilling out on the sofa and chatting to a pal is one of the best ways to relax whilst repairing their brains and bodies.
surrounded by adorable toddlers and slightly dishevelled sheep. Or if your pal would prefer a less strenuous way to return to their inner childhood, stick on a Disney film. Finding Nemo is a sure-fire way to forget the night before, even if Dory’s character is definitely a little pilled-up. Furthermore, your pal’s body will repair so much
“Finding Nemo is a sure-fire way to forget the night before, even if Dory is definitely a little pilled-up”
faster if they have food in it, so be a good friend and cook up something nice for them. Just make sure it isn’t too solid and doesn’t require a lot of chewing. However, if gurning pains are on the list of symptoms, popping magnesium could be the way forward. Available from Holland and Barratt, they relax muscles in your face, reducing the impact of ulcers surrounding the mouth and face. If nothing else, at least make sure your friend has a massive glass of water with them en route to bed. Dehydration is a big concern amongst ravers, and will sure as hell make them feel better when they wake up at 6pm that same day. However, the only way to make sure your friend is 100% immune from a comedown is to avoid the drugs. To any pals considering it, remind them that the highs of tonight may well not be worth the lows of tomorrow.
Vive la resolution?
Josh Nicholson on the obsession with New Year self-improvement
N
ew Year, a time when families come together to celebrate the slow passing of another painful year, or a time for reinvention and a ‘new start’? Having done many new year’s resolutions in the past I can preach to you this: they don’t work unless you start small and work up. You may think, what’s the point, most people give up by the end of January anyway - but for those 31 halcyon days you will feel immense, as though you are actually doing something with your life, as though you’re at one with nature herself, a free, strong, independent person who don’t need no man/woman (delete as appropriate). The obsession lies in probably needing a boost after several drunken nights over Christmas, where you’ve not only had a zillion calories worth of yule log but when you’ve fallen out with your family and the familiar stench of post-pub slithers its way round the house.
“The belief that you need to drastically ‘improve’ yourself to improve your self-worth is unhealthy”
In some ways, yes, I see that you can actually reinvent yourself because it’s nice to have a goal in life. New year’s resolutions set us up with self belief that we can actually change something we don’t like about ourselves - which in some cases is possible. For instance, a few years ago I told myself at New Year I was going to stop lying and try-
ing to cover my arse at every opportunity, and now I feel a much better person for it. This is where starting small comes in. There is no time for grandiose delusions of becoming a body builder within a month, because let’s be honest, we’re all too lazy for that. Small things, working on little personal traits such as sarcasm and patronisation - the list is endless, and easier to achieve. The obsession with hardcore resolutioners is enviable, but do they not know that actually, nobody cares? Nobody cares if your aim is to climb Mount Kilimanjaro or go on a gap year to ‘find yourself ’. This sort of thing is why people wuss out of New Year’s resolutions. Things like ‘I want to lose 16 stone’ are just as stupid as wanting your mates to fund a walk up a mountain. The belief that you need to drastically ‘improve’ yourself to improve your self-worth is unhealthy. Mine this year is just to enjoy what’s coming and get a job. Fairly sensible, I feel, considering I graduate and everything’s going mighty fast. It’s fairly small as well, and nobody has to shell out money they don’t want or need to help you in your quest for New Year self-worth. So, the obsession is unhealthy and in some cases stupid, but it stems from people wanting to a) show off that daddy is buying them a package holiday to get frost bite and b) wanting to feel they have some self-worth in a hungover state on new year’s day when they are hanging out of their arse. It’s fair to say large resolutions are impressive, but smaller ones mean more and are actually achievable and can make you feel better about yourself.
The Courier
.13
Monday 9 February 2015
Culture thecourieronline.co.uk/culture
Culture Editor: Kate Bennett Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV, Gaming and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline
Blind Date
Frankie Spooner, 2nd year Philosophy meets Tom Nicholson, Editor of The Courier
Tom on Frankie
What were your first impressions of Tom? [Giggles] Approachable, friendly, smiley.
Where did you and Frankie go on the date? I wanted to try out this place called Bier Keller, because I’d been to a Bier Keller in Germany when I was on holiday and it was great, just the right kind of fun vibe with large measures of beer.
Do you think you were well matched? Yeah I think we were, he was an enthusiastic guy with a lot to say which meant that there was no awkwardness.
Was Frankie on time? She was not. I was actually waiting outside Bier Keller for 45 minutes.
Did Tom fit into your normal type? No, not really. Personality – yeah. Cause he was, like, really funny and really friendly, but usually I go for like quite tall guys and he’s… not very tall. But apart from that he does. But, just, like, he’s not very tall.
Oh, that’s not good. I think the bouncers were laughing at me. It wasn’t her fault, to be fair. Apparently, there was a breakdown in text communication. Yes, I do believe her.
What were your opinions on what he was wearing? Its so funny cause we had a conversation over text about how we would recognise one another, and he kept joking about how he was gonna wear a blue mac or an ostentatious hat, and when he turned up I recognized him straight away cause he was actually wearing a blue mac. It was really funny and cute.
What was it like when you finally got inside? It was just the fucking weirdest place. I mean, it looked great. It had that kind of post-industrial aesthetic which you’d associate with quite a hip place, big long tables, long benches and things. But they also had disco lights on like you get in your travelling DJ setup at an eight year old’s birthday party, and they were playing ‘The Macarena’ at half past nine in the evening, which shouldn’t really be allowed.
“Usually I go for quite like tall guys and he’s... not very tall”
What did Frankie make of the venue? I’m pretty sure she liked the way it looked, but I don’t think either of us were quite prepared for the way it sounded, or smelt.
Were there any awkward moments? Maybe when the lads next to us started chanting, swaying and clapping and stuff, apart from that no, not at all. Oh and also I was 45 minutes late, I text him at like 7 saying “Are we still meeting at 8?” But I didn’t see a reply, so I text him again at 8 being like “Are we still meeting?” And my phone just like fucked up. He had text me at like 7.30 like. “Yeah that’s cool”. but I hadn’t seen it so I was 45 minutes late. Which made me feel very awkward. But he was really cool about it and I bought him a drink to make up for it.
Did you find Frankie easy to talk to? Really, really easy to talk to. There wasn’t even a lull at the beginning, because she spent quite a lot of time profusely apologising, so the chat was a torrent from the beginning. She was just proper sound and a pleasure to spend time with. Were there any unusual moments in the conversation? I think I got quite excited about Danny Dyer. She mentioned him and I have a lot of emotions and opinions about Danny Dyer. I think I scared her with the force - no, the white hot intensity - of my feelings about Danny Dyer. Did you know he’s won an Oscar?
Who decided where to go? He did and it was the best decision, it was so much fun! Bier Keller has a friendly easy atmosphere, and it was quite different.
How long would you say you were in Alvino’s for? Well we had ourselves an English Rose and were in there for about an hour, before feeling it was a good point to end the evening. It wasn’t, like, dragged out or over too soon, it was just a sensible point to stop.
“My least favourite part about him was his blue mac. It was a bit Sex and the City”
Did you feel attracted to Frankie then? She’s really pretty and a really easy person to talk to, which was the best thing about the date - that we both got each other on a conversational level.
Were you flattered to be get set up with such a prestigious man? I was! He was a really cool guy. I was very shocked that he was single. I mean, what a catch - intelligent, funny, single. God, I am just singing his praises.
Were there any romantic vibes on the date? I didn’t get that impression from her. It’s very hard to create any romantic vibes when a Scouse man is shouting “OOMPA LOOMPA STICK IT UP YOUR JUMPER” and playing the accordion terribly. I wouldn’t propose to anyone in Bier Keller, put it that way.
What was your favourite thing about him and what was your least favourite thing about him? My favourite thing about him was how funny he was, like his wit and my least favourite was, even though it was a funny idea… his blue mac... [giggles] It was a bit Sex and the City.
Any regrets? Only that I’ve blown all my Danny Dyer material. I should’ve saved that for the second date.
How did he dress in comparison to most of the guys you go for? Apart from the blue mac I cant really remember what he was wearing. But if we are going on the blue mac, no.
How did the date end? We were in a taxi on the way back to Jesmond, trying to talk, but the driver just kept talking over us. I couldn’t understand a word he was saying because he had quite a thick accent. He basically quashed any chance of chat we might have had. Then when Frankie got out he started talking to me about the plane crash in Taiwan. All I could understand was ‘Taiwan’, ‘taxi’ and ‘KABOOM’. Any arrangements for future dates made? There was a very rushed, ifyoufancygoingoutagainjustgivemeatextbye! While I doubt that there was any romantic stuff going on, I did have a really good time and feel like I’ve made an actual friend.
Frankie on Tom
Was there much chemistry between you both? No which is strange because he ticked all the boxes, he was intelligent and everything. Will a second date be happening? [Shakes head] He was really cool and ticked all the boxes, but there wasn’t really much between us. But never say never.
Looking for love? Send in your details to c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
Did you kiss or anything? Nope. How would you rate your date? Probably a ten, actually I would say 9 – nothing is perfect.
14.lifestyle
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle and Tom Tibble
February Failures
I
5XWK /RHIÀ HU tells us what we’re already doing wrong
t is now February. The motivation from January is diminishing quickly and you’re left with gym payments, kale in the cupboard and your newly discovered alcohol dependency. Don’t be disheartened. This has been happening since the age of ball-dropping, kisses and general commercialisation of the entire thing. New year’s resolutions fade like your memories after a night of Jagerbombs, and have a similar pang of shame in the aftermath. Here are the top February failures. The gym My God, I have seen enough advertisements for getting skinny this month - apart from the fabulous ‘This Girl Can’ one about jiggling and being gross and sweaty. I have also fallen foul of this failed resolution. Funny how you have much more motivation to go to the gym when exams are underway and you really should be revising. Number one reason why this is the most forgotten resolution? Because exercise is PAIN — to most people anyway. And suddenly the aisles of Londis are bristling with Creme Eggs, which doesn’t help either.
“Suddenly the aisles of Londis are bristling with Creme Eggs”
Saving money You promised yourself you were going to start saving for the summer or the ski trip or just generally more clothes and M&S pizzas. You promised yourself all of this when you were living at home and your mum was doing your washing and your dad was funding your regular Tesco trips. Suddenly, you’ve had to pay for train tickets back to uni and living off pasta is just not the standard you’re used to any more. You have no excuse to keep buying yourself ‘Christmas presents’ but you swear your wardrobe wasn’t this limited when you left for home. Before you know it, the bank balance is dwindling.
Abode with me: choosing housemates
&KDUOLH &RWWUHOO on how to ensure you end up with the coolest co-habiters
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o your first semester has come and gone, and you have already established yourself as one of the greatest things that has ever happened to the university. You struggle to keep up with the Facebook friend requests, and every single one of your lecturers absolutely wants to have sex with you. Strutting around campus dishing out nods to those who are deemed worthy, you are a blueprint for the word ‘popular’. So what do you do when you are engulfed by the inevitable horde of people begging you to pick them as their second year housemate? Indeed, the struggle is real, but look no further for the best advice on picking the best of the bunch. The most crucial part of this process is picking people who are nearly as popular as you are, but are sure not to surpass you. These people are absolutely bound to love everything you love, because that’s what makes you so damn popular! This naturally includes the instinctive hunger to go out and get on the sauce on a very regular basis. Wednesdays are, of course, obligatory; under no circumstances can the customary beer pong pre-lash and Tiger Tiger routine be jeopardised. Trust me, it never gets old.
“The most crucial part of this process is picking people who are nearly as popular as you are”
However, even when you’re not on a three-day bender, you’ve got to be keeping the outrageously good chat going at all times in your house. Anyone who is going to pie off a mid-week FIFA tourney to do ‘reading’ is a complete melt who you should have no interest in being friends with. A family bond within the house is what you’re looking for, because it’s hardly ideal to have your housemates slope off to the library and leave you companionless when you’re in the middle of tearing Ossy Road a new one. You need to choose people who will always put you first, because that’s where you
belong. Another must is to have a photographer in the group. Preferably someone who uses a disposable, so you’ve got plenty of options for your Facebook cover photo. People need to know what’s happening in your life, and if no one is taking pictures then how in hell are your Instagram followers meant to know you’re living the dream? With a bit of luck there will be some selfie sticks doing the rounds, but as long as there’s someone there to snap you knocking back a treble, or indeed vomming it back up, then you’re onto a winner. When you throw the raging house-warming party, people will need to be opening the door to some Project X-style scenes — mental jams are essential. So pick a housemate who has got a killer music taste. Even better if they’re a DJ. Your parties will
“Pick a housemate who has got killer music taste - mental jams are essential” go down in history, so it’s crucial to have someone who knows a solid D&B mix when they hear it. With a bit of luck they’ll be rocking some thumping speakers that will make the bass so heavy you’ll start drooling all over your NOS balloon. As long as you’ve got housemates who meet this criteria, you’ll be the don of the most talked about house in Newcastle, rife with banter, nicknames, and more banter. Cuh-lassic.
The battle of V-day
“Living off pasta is just 5XWK /RHIÀ HU suggests some things to do this V-day instead of sulking in singledom round this time of year, a familiar panic If a one night stand doesn’t interest you, wine and sitting back to snigger like a 14 year old not the standard you’re sets in. The dreaded February 14th is the and you really are looking for THE ONE boy at the two most unlikeable fictional characters one night of the year where singletons on Valentine’s Day, then why not convince since Edward and Bella themselves. So the actors used to after going home everywhere feel like the spotlight is on them. Pizyour flatmates to do a date swap. Think Joey probably aren’t going to win Oscars and the stoza Express has even more offers than usual, cou- and Phoebe in Friends and set each other up with ryline is absolutely vomit inducing, but isn’t that for Christmas” ples seem to be everywhere you look and I swear one of your illusive course mates. Who knows, you the perfect remedy for anyone wishing they had a
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Dry January On your health kick, you told yourself that you’d cut the calories by cutting back on the Chardonnay, when the taste of Echo Falls was fresh on your lips the morning after that regrettable New Year’s Eve. The embarrassing memories have finally faded somewhat and suddenly the dance floors of Flares are calling to you. Somehow, the thought of going there even remotely sober is just absurd. To be perfectly honest, the idea of being a student and expecting to stay sober for a month is ridiculous. It is a necessity in our lives; one of the few things separating us from dreary lectures and Netflix in bed. Without alcohol, our livers may celebrate but the student will grieve.
“You told yourself that you’d cut the calories by cutting back on the Chardonnay”
Apparently it takes 21 days to form a habit. If you have kept any of your New Year’s resolutions up for 21 days, you should definitely congratulate yourself. Whilst you may be dissatisfied with your January efforts this year, there’s always 2016. I’m sure you’ll do far better… that is if your resolutions next year involve having an intimate knowledge of every episode of Jeremy Kyle past and present. Or next month.
there wasn’t as much PDA on the streets before. This is the one night a year where loneliness can seem all consuming and you despair you will be alone forever. Too much? Here are some ideas to help you through this difficult day.
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Going down the self-pity route, you could buy yourself a bottle of red, a tonne of Dairy Milk and the crucial Bridget Jones DVD. To get the most from this night, I would recommend not showering all day and staying solely in those horrendous teddy bear pyjamas your mother gave you last Valentine’s Day. If all your flatmates are out on dates, even more pity to you. And maybe warn them of the probability of them walking in on you shrieking ‘All By Myself ’ when they return…
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This option is the slightly more positive approach, or more accurately, remembering that every cloud has a silver lining. You are single. Every other day of the year this is only a mild problem. Why would it become one on Valentine’s Day? In fact if you remember Barney’s wise words from How I Met Your Mother, this is the one day of the year where ‘10s have the self-esteem of 3s.’ No one wants to be alone on Valentine’s Day so why not head down to Throwback, or dare to venture into Sinners. Lose your control and inhibitions and celebrate the fact that you CAN have a one night stand because you aren’t weighed down by some ball and chain. Make the couples jealous.
3
might find your Mike.
4
The long awaited release of the Fifty Shades of Grey film will ensure that swarms of randy couples head to the back row of cinemas throughout Newcastle. But beating them to it will be the lairy singletons, fresh from the Wetherspoons and oh so ready for Jamie Dornan’s abs. What could be better than having a few glasses of
significant other? And if the storyline doesn’t do it for you, surely the contracts, whips and handcuffs will convince you that love and sex does not guarantee happiness. Although I am almost certain that Jamie Dornan’s body will… So there is no reason for you to hide in your room this Valentine’s Day. Go out there and make those couples wish they were single.
The Courier
lifestyle.15 lifestyle
Monday 9 February 2015
3XE UHYLHZ The Strawberry
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk @ncl.ac.uk | @CourierLifestyle @ncl.ac.uk @CourierLifestyle
Peeping Tom 7RP 7LEEOH reveals all the key locations for campus voyeurs to take up a spying spot
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he Strawberry, within spitting distance from St James’ Park, isn’t really known for being a student place. It’s not surprising seeing as it’s embedded into Newcastle United Football Club history and the hearts of the locals. One customer observed that it has ‘enough NUFC memorabilia to be granted museum status.’ So, woe betide anyone that upsets any of these photos, t-shirts and trophies etc…
“It has enough NUFC memorabilia to be granted museum status”
Its ties to the community are made obvious by the fact that it has clearly been saved from numerous development schemes and now stands alone surrounded by a car park. I see it as a monument to the lasting affection that the locals and football fans obviously have for the place. A lot has changed over the past five years: the Brown Ale Brewery has been replaced by student accommodation and you can’t move for construction sites. But The Strawberry has held its ground.
Though I say it’s the locals’ place, you can’t fault the famed Geordie friendliness. Students have their home there too. Let’s face it, you can’t keep us away if there’s great food with little expense. The beautiful mind of a civil libertarian would say by definition it’s a ‘Public House’ and therefore belongs to everyone. But I would argue that students hold the comfortable role of the welcomed guest. Newcastle University fell-walkers are there every Wednesday, almost without fail, which just goes to show how the place does not only induce loyalty from the locals. Reasonably priced drinks in a generally relaxed atmosphere will make all feel welcome. Normally, it’s not too quiet but not too terrifying for the claustrophobes out there, though my mum says her main reason for going would be for the gammon and chips. However, I think that’s just my family’s extreme foodiness rather than any distaste for the atmosphere. Food, booze and chat is a mix that can’t really go wrong. The Strawberry accomplishes a sense for the retro and time-gone-by without pretension, something students find hard to avoid. I think it’s helped by its down-to-earth yet spirited mentality of football and a good pint along with a juke box in the corner.
There’s no denying it’s a sports pub, what with the not-so-subtle décor and the dedication to rugby and football matches on the wide plasma screens. The only days I would avoid is a match day, just because it’s rammed and I would probably feel weird to be there as a non-NUFC fan. Maybe Friday and Saturday nights too, just to avoid the office workers
“Down-to-earth mentality of jukebox, football and a good pint”
letting loose, which is fair enough (by semester two you’ve learned which nights are student nights and which belong to the locals). The Strawberry isn’t the only culprit and besides, I’ve never felt out of place there and that’s coming from an excessively awkward person. The traditional style, lovely atmosphere and sporting passion all adds up to make it an endearing and fun place to be. If you’ve not already gathered, I would highly recommend you pay it visit. But not all at once guys – crowding can ruin even the best places. Emily Watton
0LFURZDYH PHDOV Apple crumble T
his week I’m going to talk you through how to bake a classic English pudding, the apple crumble, in no time at all and using only eight simple ingredients… with your microwave! Time taken: Quarter of an hour Ingredients: 1 apple, butter, plain flour, white sugar, brown sugar, oats, cinnamon and nutmeg. To bake apple crumble, yes, in the microwave follow these 10 easy steps: 1. Stick the kettle on for a cuppa and gather together the ingredients that you need. 2. To make your crumble topping pop into a bowl: 2 tablespoons each of butter, light brown sugar, oats and plain flour. Add a small shake of nutmeg and a big shake of cinnamon. 3. Use a fork to stir it up! This all should combine to form a sandy, pebbly, beachy mixture. Set it aside for now. 4. Use a sharp knife to chop your apple up into
cubes. Your apple, not your fingers. Take care. Top Tip: I left the apple skin on as I hear it’s where the goodness is stored. 5. Pop your apple cubes into small dish along with a tablespoon of butter. Top Tip: I scooped out a spoonful of butter, then dotted bits all over my apples. For an even spread. 6. Pop your dish into the microwave to warm for 2 minutes, so that the butter melts. 7. Then take it out and sprinkle your apples with: 2 tablespoons of light brown sugar, a tablespoon of granulated sugar and a teaspoon of flour. Once more, add a small shake of nutmeg and a big shake of cinnamon. 8. Then stir it up! This should start to look really tasty, about now. 9. Sprinkle your crumble topping over the top, and pop your dish back in the microwave to heat for 3 minutes, until it’s bubbling and cooked. 10. Safely transport your crumble with you back
into your hibernation zone. I took mine to bed. Top Tip: I then burned my tongue terribly on my crumble, so maybe leave it a minute to cool. And you just made yourself apple crumble using the microwave. Really. You can’t fault this recipe for being cheap, quick, simple and easy to get along with. I call it genius. ANYONE can accomplish this. And it tastes like THE BOMB. This recipe makes for a crumble which is decidedly sweet. It warms you up on a wintry day. And this makes for a bearsized portion of crumble. So, if you’re in the mood for a feast, then this is definitely your recipe. No sharing or saving required. Please, go give this recipe a try. For your belly’s sake and for your happiness. Hayley Godbehere Visit Hayley’s food blog for further recipes and inspiration: http://chefbehere.blogspot.co.uk/
f you’ve ever found yourself so engrossed in a stranger’s life that even after they catch your prying eyes you remain shamelessly staring into theirs, then you’re displaying symptoms of an addiction to people watching. Cynics call it ‘nosey’ and scientists call it ‘naturalistic observation’, but whichever side of the fence you’re watching from, here’s a list of the places best suited to people watching.
“‘Could I sell this trolley for more than a pound?’”
People Watch Spot #3: Jesmond Tesco Shopping is an activity fraught with questions. How do I navigate this narrow and densely populated aisle? Is this Tesco value 45p bread, really bread? Could I sell this trolley for more than a pound? These questions are the undoing of many a shopper and the people watcher lives for the chance to see an in-store meltdown. This marvel is best observed by donning standard issue Tesco worker attire. This gives you free reign to lurk about arousing only minimal suspicion. Top tip: place a classic yellow hazard sign as strategically unhelpfully to customers as possible, to increase likelihood of chaos.
“The people-watcher lives for the chance to see an in-store meltdown”
People Watching Spot #2: Robinson Library During exam periods the library is crammed with people all up for being thoroughly watched. The best way to do this is to find a spot that overlooks countless rows of people. Once you are happy with your position you can start assembling your flat-pack lifeguard highchair. The assembly process can be quite noisy, and people can be intimidating when they ask you what you are doing, but just remember that once you evade these momentary quibbles you will have a throne facing the masses. Top tip: most people will be doing nothing but sitting and working so bring popcorn to keep you entertained during the periods of lull.
“Sit right at the front of a lecture theatre and spend the entire time turned around”
People Watching Spot #1: Lecture Theatre Sit right at the front of a lecture theatre and spend the entire time turned around. You’ll get a good look at loads of peoples’ faces and you can bet that they won’t be staring at the lecture you’ve attended, but rather right at your own face. This makes for a really intense people watching experience. Top tip: wear a hooded jumper and sunglasses to take the heat off others’ stares if you succumb easily to feeling self-conscious. BONUS People Watching Spot: Facebook This is an alternative for when you’re having a tough day out in the real world. After you register a Facebook account you can begin your search for people all over the world. Photos don’t move or talk but you can more accurately predict facts such as birth date and hometown by viewing the ‘about’ section. Top tip: Commenting ‘I’m watching you’ on a profile won’t always give you the same satisfaction as real world people watching, so do not employ this move without measured thought.
16.features
Monday 9 February 2015
Let the raising see the giving
The Courier
Last week, Raising and Giving (RAG) Week swept campus in a blur of fundraising zeal and dodgy fancy dress. Editor Tom Nicholson was at RAG’s Take Me Out event to see exactly how charitable the single lads and lasses were feeling Photos: TCTV
Tom Kelly, 2nd year Mechanical Engineering wooed Sara Macauley, 2nd year Media & Communications with a bizarre act including a beer bong and some potatoes What exactly was your skill? Tom: It was meant to be a backflip, but health and safety concerns meant the organisers didn’t want that to occur. So, my skill was juggling potatoes whilst downing a pint through a funnel. When did you first discover you could juggle potatoes while downing a pint through a funnel? This afternoon. Will you and Sara last? Given my current situation, it might have to be a one-off date, but we’ll see. Your current situation? That sounds quite drastic. Are you being deported or something? Nah, there’s another girl that I’ve got my eye on at the moment. So was Sara your love at first light? No, my first pick was Sophie Barclay, she was the one I said when they asked who I wanted to go on a date with at the start. But she turned her light off. They didn’t ask her why. I’ll ask her later. That sounds a bit sinister but good luck to you, champ.
Why did you leave your light on for Tom? Sara: Tom Kelly is one of my very good friends, and also I was very impressed by his juggling skills. So is this the chance you’ve been waiting for to make your feelings known to him? Besides the fact that he’s my very good friend and that he’s almost got a girlfriend, I felt it was the only chance I’d have to go on a date with TK and have a great time. Will it last? It will last for the duration of a Nando’s date, probably. Of the four lads you saw, would Tom be your first choice? He would be, because he’s hilarious and I feel like he would probably buy me a free Nando’s. I’m quite poor at the minute so it would suit me very well. So you’re anyone’s for the price of a Nando’s. I’m anyone’s for a Nando’s basically, yeah.
George Snape, 2nd year Town Planning and Daisy Mackay, 2nd year Geography and Planning managed to bridge the great Lancashire-Yorkshire divide What grabbed your attention about Daisy? George: She’s a good-looking girl. Even though she’s from Yorkshire she’s a good-looking girl. That’s quite a hurdle. Will it last? Who knows? It’s the future. A rosy future? Into the future. Why are you asking me these questions? Was Daisy your first choice? [A very long pause] It was between Daisy and Linda, and I thought Daisy meant more to me. So I went for Daisy. Daisy, did you know George before you got up on stage? Daisy: I do Geography and Planning, that’s how I know Snape. He took me on a date because I beckoned him over and I said, “Can you pick me? Because I really need a wee.” So it was your bladder that won the date, really. It was the bladder what won it. Congratulations to your bladder. Why did you leave your light on for George? [Slightly too quickly] HE DIDN’T PAY ME. You sound quite twitchy, I’ll be honest. Quite defensive. I really needed a wee. That’s why he picked me. Will it last? We are going on holiday to Amsterdam together. It is a field trip technically but it’s also quite romantic. Of the four boys you saw, would George still be your first choice? George? Er... [non-committal grumblings] Erm. Ehhhh. Actually it’s a no from me, because he’s from Lancashire. Yoooooooorkshiiiiiiiire. [Chanting half-heartedly] Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire... you get the idea. George: [With the air of one cradling a bombshell which will decisively settle the argument] PETER KAY IS FROM LANCASHIRE. Thank you for your time.
Molly Thornton, 3rd year English Literature and Language grabbed a date with Danny Marsden, 3rd year Media & Communications What were you hoping for from this year’s Take Me Out, Molly? Just some fun really, I had a bad experience last year and wanted another go at it. Why, what happened last year? I was with someone on the panel they got a little bit wild in the dressing rooms. Heavens. What made you pick Danny over the other hunks on offer? The beard caught my eye, and the fact he wasn’t wearing tights as he had been all week. [N.B. Danny had been on RAG crew, and as such had to dress in a ludicrous fashion for the good of charity.] Would Danny have been your first choice of all the boys available? Yes! Danny is a good friend of mine and I always have a laugh with him so I’d have always gone with him over anyone else on the stage. Will it last? Probably not, we’re just too good friends and he’s from Lancashire, which is just an insult to my lovely Yorkshire roots.
The Courier
features.17
Monday 9 February 2015
Ben Kenyon,3rd year Mechanical Engineering, won the heart of Sophie Barclay, 3rd year English Lit and Lang with a fairly ropey rendition of an Ed Sheeran classic What made you leave your light on for Ben? Well I just... I knew he was going to sing a song with a guitar, and I love guys that can play guitars, so that was mainly the reason. Even though he couldn’t really remember the words to ‘The A Team’. But I thought that was kind of endearing and cute, because I know how hard he’s been practicing. And yet he was still shit. I know, but he tries hard, and I said before I like a try-hard. Do you like the fact that he tried hard and failed badly? If you never try you never succeed. He tried and did not succeed. But he tried to succeed. But he didn’t. [Wearily] He was the last one, I got a date. THERE WE GO. Finally, we break through
to the truth. Don’t put that in! It’s going in. Do you think it’ll last? I’ll have to see how the date goes. If he takes me for food, I think I’d love him quite a lot. Wagamama’s is my favourite. If he takes me to Nando’s I think I might cry. So either way, it could be quite catastrophic. As long as it’s not Nando’s, it’ll be fine. Have you got a thing about chicken? I just don’t like how overpriced it is. Of the four guys you saw, would Ben be your first choice? [Long pause] Yeah, actually, I think so. I already knew a few of them and I’ve just got to know Ben this week and I’d like to get to know him a bit more. So Ben, what caught your eye about Sophie? Ben: She had her light on. That must have been quite a relief given
that your skill section could have gone a bit smoother. Given my beer consumption I was surprised I could get our the basic tune. It did have a kind of homespun, ramshackle charm. Irritatingly enough, I was hungover the next day, laying in my living room and played it through effortlessly with lyrics. Gutted. Oh man that’s heartbreaking. If you’d had your pick of the girls on stage, would you still have gone for Sophie? Was she your love at first light? I was going to choose Amy but I think she got confused with my questioning if she wanted to keep her light on after my Ed Sheeran interpretation. I’d have been lucky to have any of them! Will it last? I think a friendship will spawn from the experience of drink, poor guitar playing and slurred lyrics. Many a beautiful friendship has sprung from the same source in the past.
Alice Brien, 3rd year English Lit and History put the moves on Michael Darby, 4th year Civil Engineering
Jimmy Guan, 3rd year Combined Honours made Emily Lloyd, 3rd year History and Politics swoon Why did you leave your light on Emily? She’s my type, she’s fit. She’s fit. What first grabbed your attention about her? She’s fit. Anything more specific, at all? She’s blonde. She’s my type. The Jimmy Guan type. Yeah. Will it last? Yeah, I think so. I have no idea. Basically, my plan was to keep my light on for everyone.
Your policy was a scattergun approach. I’m a gentleman. I would give all the girls a chance. That’s a beautiful thing to say, Jimmy. Yeah, this is me. A beautiful man. Thanks. Would you say that Emily would be your first pick of all the girls who got up onstage? It’s quite complicated, but I think she’d be my first pick.
So, Alice, what first grabbed your attention about Darbs? Alice: Oh, well the problem is everyone else turned their lights off. Did you like anything about him? I don’t know. He was the only choice I had. This is a ringing endorsement of Michael Darby. So do you think it’ll last then? As long as the bulb lasts. That’s as long as we shall last. Of the guys up on stage, was Michael your first choice? Well, I only had one choice, which was Darby. Beggars can’t be choosers. So, I didn’t turn his light off because I only had the one. One light. One choice. One love, for the mother’s pride. For the nights we’ve cried, one love. I will survive. Michael, what made you leave your light on for your date? Michael: Serious pair of legs. Always a positive. I also sort of got pressurised by the rest of the crew to leave my light on. They know what’s good for you though. Don’t you think it’s sometimes it’s better to go with mob rule? Hmm... yes and no. To be honest, I don’t really know what’s best for myself so I’m willing to keep an open mind. Will it last? [Another panellist enters the interview area holding Romanian brandy] Why does it smell of onions? I didn’t get a date. Of the four girls, would she be your first choice? I didn’t get a chance to see the others. OH HOW CONVENIENT. She’s a very good looking lady.
Claire Boothman, President of the Union picked Tom Nicholson, Editor of the Courier after he won a no-holds-barred dance-off against love-rival Stu Hello Claire, what do you do? Actually I’ve graduated, just love the student life, that’s why I stayed here. I did biochemistry. I did chemistry, but bio. I did bio at the chemistry. I did chemistry with lots of biological objects like algae and shit... [She continues in this vein for some time.] What was it that first grabbed your attention about your date? About Tom? Well I saw that he had a matching shirt and socks and I’ve heard that if you’ve got your socks in line then you’ve got your life in line. That’s the rule. Nobody else had it. That’s why. Very true. Do you think it’ll last? Until about July, and then we’ll have to go our separate ways but we’ll probably keep in contact all the time like everybody does via Facebook or by email or maybe the occasional tweet. Do you think it’s healthy to set a life expectancy on a relationship? NO TOM I TOTALLY WASN’T. But you’ve got to, like, think for the future you know? I
always go by the Bon Jovi song ‘Always’. [Singing] AAAAAALWAAAAAYS... TIL THE STARS DON’T SHINE AND THE HEAVENS BURST AND THE WORDS DON’T RHYME YOU’LL BE ON MY MIND UNTIL I DIE AND I’LL LOVE YOU... ...until July. [Wailing] UUUUNTIIIIL JULYYYYYY. WHEN MY SUCCESSOOOOR WILL COME AND TAKE MY JOOOOB. AND I WILL BE SAAAAD. Was Tom your first choice, of the boys on the panel? I had my eye on Jimmy Guan but he went quite early. That’s fate isn’t it. Chez la vie. C’est la vie. [Suddenly mournful] C’est la vie, Jimmy Guan. What was it about Stu’s worm which was so disappointing to you? He crossed his legs. That’s not how you do a fucking worm, okay? Look it up in the dictionary. Claire Boothman, thank you very much.
18.fashion
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Fashion Editors: Amy O’Rourke and Hannah Fitton Online Fashion Editor: Hannah Goldstein
RAG tea party
It’s a boy-girl thing
Ellen Dixon
Tessa Jones explores the rise in unisex and non-gendered fashion
RAG host an afternoon of vintage finds, tea and copious amounts of cake
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n the final day of RAG week, the Vintage Fashion Fair and Tea Party was back for another year. After a long week of collecting, attending night-time events, and spending hours in Sinners cage, what people really needed was a cosy get together with loads of tea, cakes (so much cake), a nail bar, and two fabulous local vintage Fashion companies. We were joined by Somewhere Before by LeVintage, a student led company created as a part of a business module, and The Yesterday Society, everybody’s favourite vintage boutique based in Grainger Market. Both stalls had a gorgeous collection of vintage clothes and accessories on sale; we saw boiler suits, Levi’s denim, and a selection of plaid shirts that were to die for. The Yesterday Society are having a significant involvement in RAG this year, providing clothes for the Newcastle RAG Fashion Show on the 19th February, and we can’t wait to see the selection they give us.
“A gorgeous selection of vintage clothes and accessories”
The lovely Courier beauty editor Charlotte Davies and her friend Sarah Holland provided manicures for the day, so people who attended could be treated to a full moisturise, cuticle care, and paint for only £2 a pop. Both the Baking Society and members of the RAG Crew provided cakes for the event, and what a selection it was. We had Oreo and Custard Cream cupcakes made by Clare Fearon who is a baking goddess, a festival cake made by one of the crews, and a variety of delicious brownies and macaroons. The selection of different teas warmed everybody up on the cold day and the organisers were extremely grateful to Mensbar for providing cups, milk and sugar for all the guests.
“Overall the event raised around £175 for RAG’s chosen charities”
Overall the event raised around £175 for RAG’s chosen charities – Dementia UK, Guide Dogs, The Willow Foundation and Young Minds – and the day provided a relaxing place to eat off a hangover, while we got to see and buy gorgeous some vintage clothes. Thanks to all who attended! Follow and Like Somewhere Before by LeVintage and The Yesterday Society on Facebook for updates and news.
I
n a business that can change so rapidly and so frequently, menswear and womenswear have their own distinct trends to keep up with the pace. However, on occasion these trends merge together and in recent times there has been a rise in the number of gender neutral collections being produced by brands. This has culminated in high-end department chain Selfridges’ Oxford Street store launching 5 unisex collections across three floors, with the clothes not being aimed at any specific gender but wearable by both. They have recognised that their shoppers are wanting less and less to be limited by their gender stereotypes in terms of what pieces they’re expected to shop and so, by uniting both genders under the same, non-defined section, the London store is making individual self-expression a lot more accessible.
“This year could finally see the removal of stigmas attached to wearing clothes perceived to be for the opposite gender”
Additionally, popular brands such as the unisex Boy London have long been worn by both genders, having been made even more popular by their famous fans, such as Rihanna. Androgyny is not a new style by any means, with masculine characteristics of clothing being mixed with the feminine for a long time - think Grace Jones’ sharp black suits and David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust playsuit.
Although it could be argued that the surge in women shopping menswear, looking for looser fitting clothing and sharply tailored pieces, is bigger than the alternative, there has also been a surge in designs for menswear incorporating more typically feminine structures. KTZ, for example, in their Spring-Summer 15 menswear show unveiled an Ancient Greece inspired collection featuring pleated skirts and long line tops, putting out the message that these clothing styles are not exclusive to women. The constructs of fashion are redefined with each passing season of designs and this year could finally see the removal of stigmas attached to wearing clothes perceived to just be for the opposite gender, allowing everyone to feel able to dress themselves exactly how they please. As well as clothing, Selfridges plan to have similarly gender-neutral sections for beauty products and accessories. It has long been acceptable for women to alter their natural features using make up and products, but not so for men and they should be entitled to feel free to do the same, whether that is to help their
insecurities or simply because they would like to. By removing the distinction between male and female beauty products, Selfridges will be giving men the opportunity to buy free from any judgements they may expect to receive. I know males
“Shoppers are wanting less and less to be limited by gender stereotypes”
who wear concealer but would not feel okay about admitting this to their male friends, or female for that matter, but if I’m allowed to artificially improve how I look then why can’t he? This is a very optimistic move from Selfridge’s and they will hopefully help promote further progress into allowing people to express themselves via their clothing choices in their own way, and not how our judgemental society tells them to.
Illustration by Daisy Billowes
The 2015 hotlist
Emily Pentony reveals what trends should be on the top of your 2015 wishlist
1970s
Known as the ‘decade that taste forgot,’ the 1970s is set to be the top trend of 2015. It sees the return of suede, flared jeans, and floral boho pieces. Designers have taken a more modern approach, adding that needed touch of taste to make it wearable today. Suede macs and biker jackets are an easy way to add a touch of 70s style to your wardrobe. Flares may seem daunting but are in fact one of the most flattering jean shapes, lengthening the leg and look great with blocked heels. Or if you are daring, try a pair of over-the-knee boots.
Hot colours Forget pastels, it’s all about vibrant and bright colours. From hot pink, electric blue and marigold yellow, the catwalks were electrified with colour. A perfect addition to sporty pieces, stick to small injections of colour for greatest impact. Pairing a simple little black dress with a colour pop clutch or some electric heels is an easy and stylish way to introduce colour into your 2015 wardrobe.
Culottes Culottes were a fashion staple last season, and it looks like the short style trend is sticking around as we move into the new year. Although the culotte can be quite a daring trend to embrace, make the look work by smartening them up with a blazer, some stylish stiletto heels and a button down shirt.
Alexander McQueen The Alexander McQueen ‘Savage Beauty’ exhibition is the most anticipated fashion exhibition of 2015. It is the largest and most extensive retrospective of the late McQueen’s work to be shown in Europe. It will span his work from his 1992 graduate collection to his unfinished A/W 2010 collection. His designs will be showcased within a dramatic staging, paying homage to his theatrical runway shows. It will come to the V&A in spring from 14th March to 2nd August (tickets from £17.50).
The Man Repeller Leandra Medine is a fashion blogger who is not afraid to speak her mind. The name was born from discussions about how the best fashion is always the stuff boys don’t get, and this sets the tone of the blog. She is a strong feminist advocate within the fashion industry with popular posts such as ‘Why I don’t wear makeup’ addressing issues of female conformity and social pressures. It’s a much needed and fresh perspective on the fashion industry that will see her influence grow in 2015. Can be found at: www.themanrepeller.com
The Dressed Chest Forget the ‘selfie’, Instagram’s hot new sensation is the ‘chestie’. Take ‘The Dressed Chest’, who uploads pictures of his chest to showcase his signature tie and shirt combos. Mixing patterns, colours and textures, he creates fresh and unique looks from these wardrobe staples. For any men needing some inspiration for a more sophisticated and polish wardrobe this year, this is a must-follow.
The Courier
fashion.19
Monday 9 February 2015
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Style resolutions
Ellen Dixon shows us what trends should be left in last year
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ith the new Year comes a plethora of new trends, but surprisingly, 2015 arrives with more than a whiff of nostalgia, double denim and bohemian florals are back with a vengeance. As we look back what seems to be forty years into the high street stores and our wardrobes, there are some things that really should be left behind in 2014 until the time comes for them to become relevant again. Not all trends should be left in last year; denim is unquestionably a trend that should be carried into 2015 with both arms. Double denim is even better. In the last decade, the idea of this has been one of the top fashion faux-pas with the all too uncomfortable memory of Britney and JT in their 2001 Music Awards denim overload. But 2015 has made it OK again, and unsurprisingly Alexa Chung has been a catalyst for this with her AC for AG Jeans collection and her stunning denim mini dress.
ooze romanticism. Despite denim being a trend we should continue to embrace, I think it’s time we left behind certain looks for a while. For example, as much as bodycon dresses can look really good on, I’m just a bit sick of seeing them. If however, they were layered with a kimono I’d change my mind. Sometimes it’s best to leave things to the imagination, and a loose or boxy shift dress can look just as good.
“A loose boxy shift dress can look just as good as a bodycon dress” Also, maybe controversially, and maybe because I was never a massive fan, I think the bomber jacket has to go, it should be left with all of the worst parts of last year. In favour of a longer and looser fitting coat, there’s something about the bomber that doesn’t fit with all the wistful and sentimental looks that we’re seeing emerging this season. Finally, I think the tattoo jewellery has had its day. A fleeting trend that only took a selection of people under its wing, the stick on gold and silver jewellery never really had a purpose when real jewellery has always added texture to an outfit that the tattoos just couldn’t.
“Denim is unquestionably a trend that should be carried into 2015 with both arms. Double denim is even better”
Obviously, there are recreations of this popping up all over the high street and Miss Selfridge’s impression is almost just as good. For denim, more is more this season. A shirt dress, whether fresh white, khaki, or denim acts as a perfect transition into the spring and summer months. Grab one now to wear with tights and boots, then bear your legs when the sun comes out. Worn with a loose summer duster coat creates a perfectly layered look for the unpredictable weather. To really embrace the 70s look, flares, maxi-florals, or suede coats as seen in the Burberry Prorsum s/s ’15 show are the way to go, and they
All fur scrote, no knickers
Fashion Editor Hannah Goldstein explores Rick Owen’s autumn 2015 show, where spectators saw more than they bargained for
W
hile the internet was exploding with controversy over page three, playing peek-a-boo with a pair of youthful breasts while the world waited in will-she-won’tshe anticipation, a more nuanced nudity was also gaining attention. Rick Owens, the eccentric designer with lanky curtains of black hair, nonchalantly stumbles into the spotlight a lot, dewey eyed and seemingly surprised by the attention. For his Fall 2015 show Owens continued to push the envelope, deciding to send male models down the runway sans knickers so that their ugly little monsters could eye down the press.
“In the context of censorship in the media, Owens’ show reads as a liberating example of how nudity can be desexualised” September 2014 reintroduced bare breasts to the fashion world, and while nipples couldn’t particularly be classified as “new” (Kate Moss could barely keep her breasts in her top twenty years ago) this organised torso liberation seemed, somehow, different. Rather than display woman’s bodies as something titillating, these models, as they walked down the
runway with sheer bodices that hid nothing, flashed their boobs like one might flash some ankle. Rather than looking at breasts as sexual invitation, the breasts were stripped of their cultural symbolism. Similarly, Owens’ men marched down the runway unabashed, and seemed unperturbed by the breeze tickling their balls. Out of context, this appears as nothing more than a cheap publicity stunt, and even if no more thought was given by Rick Owens to the artistic decision than that, in the context of censorship in the media Owens’ show reads as a liberating example of how nudity can be desexualised. The Sun put some clothes on their naked ladies so now they are almostbut-not-quite naked ladies and called that progression. In a world where there needs to be a distinction made between “nudity” and “objectification”, the two lumped together thoughtlessly so much so that breastfeeding in public is still considered taboo in many American states, Rick Owens is giving a good example of how to tactfully go commando. Because, lets be honest, those male models definitely weren’t wearing their dicks to gain sex appeal.
I’ve got my eye on you Victoria Thewlis
Why glasses are the ultimate accessory
I
t is time that anyone who needs glasses or contact lenses starts embracing eye wear as an extension of their outfits, and this is why. If you’ve tried contacts you will know the inconvenience of trying to take them out after a night out, or even the shock of waking up blind because you forgot to take them out. Why bother? I take advantage of my disadvantaged eye sight and wear glasses that stand out. The styles of glasses you can get are so diverse, whether you choose round or square shape, metal or plastic, Ray Ban or Specsavers own, there are so many possibilities. Take a tip from the celebrities such as Jennifer
“I take advantage of my disadvantaged eye sight and wear glasses that stand out”
Aniston who, when she’s not at a major event, makes her look classy with her glasses. And the likes of Will.I.Am and Jonny Depp are famous for their statement specs, giving them an individual look. Granted, their glasses will be the top of the range designer that we poor students couldn’t dream of being able to afford. Glasses can work out so much cheaper than lenses and there are loads of great, affordable pairs of glasses out there if you’re on a budget. The high street opticians know that not everyone can afford the top prices so they have made their own ranges that are on trend and look expensive. So you see you don’t have to pay designer prices for awesome glasses, it’s time to ditch the contacts and start loving your specs.
Illustration by Daisy Billowes
RAG Fashion Show Newcastle RAG Fashion Show tickets are now on sale, at £8 for a short time only on first release. Walks include Urban Outfitters, Ann Summers, Calvin Klein and Topshop and performances by Newcastle Dance Society and Will Connor. The show is all in aid of the wonderful charities of Caroline’s Rainbow Foundation and Albert Kennedy Trust Buy your tickets online now at www.nusu.co.uk/ragfashion
20.beauty
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Beauty Editors: Charlotte Davies and Charlotte Maxwell Online Editor: Kathy Davidson
Blokey Beauty Valentine’s Day Our beauty bloke Max Thienel talks us through how he gets ready for an evening without Cupid
S
o it is this time of year again. Freezing cold outside, it is still dark when you get up to go to uni, and dark again when you get home. Exams are just over, but still everyone is miserable - except for a bunch of ever-positive hyperoptimists, hoping to find The One. It is the 14th of February and Valentine’s Day. In my eternal quest to avoid any fluffy-hearts-vomiting individuals, I have come up with a new plan for this year. It’s sort of a compromise I had to agree to, but more about that later. As it does involve being seen in public, I have to make a better effort than usual.
“When J. K. Rowling described Harry Potter’s hair as untameable, she might as well have been talking about me”
So off home I go, trying not to listen to the two lovebirds sitting behind me on the Metro and talking about their romantic weekend away. (There should be laws against using the word ‘babe’ more than twice in a sentence.) Having spent all day in lectures and looking like I’ve just come back from a night out at Basement, including the typical smell (how does no one seem to notice how awful it reeks down there?), a shower is in order. My five day old stubble also looks like a bad attempt at the Wolverine look, so that’ll have to go. Of course it has to be one of those days when I manage to butcher my skin, which will make the next step enjoyably painful: aftershave. My choice: Davidoff Cool Water. Looks nice, smells nice, and never disappoints. Make sure to pour a good lug in your hand, and rub it on your skin. That painful sensation means it’s disinfecting, so don’t panic. Next: moisturiser. Something a lot of guys forget and then end up wondering why their face looks like that of The Mummy. I like Nivea Men Originals Rehydrating Moisturiser. It’s cheap, and smells absolutely awesome; you almost want to spread it on toast and have it for breakfast.
Beauty junkies anonymous Charlotte Smith talks us through the products that have eaten up her student loan
N
ewcastle – the land of big hair, long lashes and killer heels. I knew I was going to have to up my game if I was to fit in. In preparation for my big move, I spent over £200 on makeup brushes, eye shadow and contour. And to top it off, during Freshers’ Week, I missed half of pre-drinks because I was taking so long to get ready. Before university, I was a minimalist. My makeup bag contained foundation, blusher, two eyeliner pencils, eyelash curlers and mascara. I never bothered with fancy eye designs or blending and I felt uncomfortable wearing lipstick. The thought of spending more than £20 on an item filled me with disgust and applying makeup wasn’t even a part of my daily routine, it was just something to make me feel like I’d made an effort on special occasions. At least that part of me hasn’t changed to that extent. I very rarely wear it other than on a night out mainly because it’s so expensive and I don’t want to waste it. But when I do wear it, I go all out: concealer; foundation; eye shadow; gel liner; mascara; blusher; bronzer; highlight; lip liner; lipstick and a hell of a lot of blending, all applied with my trusty Sigma brushes. I swear by the fact that makeup can
Get ready with me: Valentine’s date Ellen Walker VKRZV XV KRZ WR JHW D IDEXORXV ¿ IWLHV GDWH QLJKW ORRN little definition of my cheekbones and around my hairline to give my face a more dynamic look.
“For eyes, we’re going to throw it back to the 50s. You can make the flicks as simple or exaggerated as you like”
“My five day old stubble also looks like a bad attempt at working the Wolverine look”
Now it’s time for the next act: getting that white shirt on without getting red dots all over the collar. Seems like tonight is really not my lucky night, so I try to wipe it off as best as I can. (All my other shirts are in the laundry.) I notice I am running late and give up. It will be dark at the cinema anyway. Finally on to deal with the most annoying bit: My hair. I really do not understand how some guys manage to go to uni everyday with perfectly styled hair. I neither have the patience nor the time to have a go at the jungle up there. When J. K. Rowling described Harry Potter’s hair as untameable, she might as well have been talking about me. (How did Daniel Radcliffe ever get that role?) My weapon of choice is called ‘Fudge Matte Head’. Although it looks like 25-year-old mouldy porridge it works well for me. Just put a little in the front, some on the sides, a bit on the back, and then mess it all up again, ever so slightly. Makes it look less like ‘slicked dictator’, and more like ‘lazy bugger’. One last check in the mirror – yes, acceptable. Shoes on, coat on, phone, wallet, keys in pocket, off I go. It is dark and cold outside. Perfect. I cannot wait to see The Woman in Black 2.
only be applied well if you use decent brushes and at £150 for 15, you don’t get any better than Sigma (an American brand but can be purchased on eBay.) And what’s great about the brushes is that if you really take care of them (I use MAC brush cleanser), they will last a long time and you can truly get your money’s worth. A weakness of mine, as a self-confessed beauty junkie, is eye shadow. I always buy palettes rather than individual shadows and the two I’m using at the moment are Urban Decay Naked and MAC Plum Keepsake, together costing me around £70. When I first took an interest in makeup I turned to YouTube for guidance and was introduced to Jaclyn Hill. Everything I know about makeup I learnt from this woman. She taught me the art of blending, cat eyes and contouring and I would definitely recommend any beauty fans to check her out. She uses a lot of MAC products which is great for me to know what is worth buying but not so great for my bank balance. So, the struggles? Time and money. And false
eyelashes! False lashes are my biggest struggle when it comes to beauty. Last week I spent £20 on MAC lashes. £20 and I can’t even put them on properly. They are so tricky and I’m scared I’m going to ruin the lashes or ruin my eyeshadow with the glue. I’ve watched countless videos on how to apply them but no luck as of yet. As for time, it used to take me an hour and a half to completely finish but now I can do it in half an hour if I stick to a simple eye design. I’m not sure I even want to consider how much money I’ve spent on it… If I had to, I would say approximately £340 and although I know deep down it’s a ridiculous amount to pay, I don’t regret it at all. Left to right: Estee Lauder Double Wear Light Stayin-place foundation; Maybelline Fit Me concealer; Urban Decay Naked Flushed; Boots eyelash curlers; MAC False Lash Effect waterproof mascara; Sigma Premium kit brushes; MAC Plum Keepsake; MAC Chromaline in ‘Black Black’; Urban Decay Naked Palette; MAC Duo eyelash glue; MAC false lashes; MAC Amplified Creme lipstick in ‘Half n’ Half ’; No.7 Stay Perfect lipstick in ‘Divine Pink’; MAC lip pencil in ‘Boldly Bare’.
B
eing a university student, I’d imagine you’ve got ready for a night out more times than you wish to remember. Getting ready for a Valentines date, however, might just be something new to you. It’s time to strip back the fake tan and smokey eyes and leave them somewhere on Collingwood Street, because tonight is about classy sophistication and letting your natural beauty shine through. To start my Valentine’s date look I applied a small amount of concealer under my eyes to hide any dark circles as well as covering any blemishes on the skin. I then applied a thin layer of my powdered Bare Minerals foundation so give my skin an even and flawless look without covering it too heavily. I used my Sleek contour palette to create a
I used MAC eye shadow in ‘Embark’ (a simple matte brown colour that matches my natural hair colour) and MAC’s 212SE brush to make my brow’s appear fuller. It’s important not to stray too far out of your natural eyebrow with this and to stick to its natural shape. Do not attempt to redraw your eyebrows as they can easily start to look very unnatural, simply fill in any places that are sparse. For the eyes, we’re going to throw it back to the 50s by applying a simple, nude primer to the lid and patting it gently in place, followed by a classic retro liquid eyeliner flick. You can make the flicks as simple or as exaggerated as you like depending on your personal style. Start by creating a simple line from the inner corner of your eye across your lash line to meet your outer corner, extend this line up towards the outer corner of your eyebrow, stopping when the flick is long enough for you. Now simply wing the liner back to connect with your lash line, finishing by filling in any gaps that may have been left. Repeat this on the other eye until the flick on each side is even. I use Collection 2000’s Fast Stroke eyeliner which seems to last really well and is easy to apply. To finish the eyes, apply a layer of your mascara, and a pencil eyeliner to your waterline if you want to define your eyes even more.
“I used my lipstick as a natural lip liner and painted a border. This helps the lipstick application by keeping it neat”
Sticking with the 50s theme and to inject a little romance into this look, I decided to finish with a classic red lipstick. Using a small lip brush I used
my lipstick as a lip liner and painted a border on my natural lip line; this helps the lipstick application by keeping it neat and ensuring it doesn’t bleed into the skin around your mouth. Once the line was completed and even , I filled in my lips with the lipstick - Rimmel’s ‘Kiss of Life’, number 111. Finally, I used my straighteners to bend my hair into large, bouncy curls, and backcombed a little for some extra volume before adding a spritz of hairspray to keep it in place. Overall, this classy and elegant look is perfect for a Valentine’s date, and it will certainly ensure that your date only has eyes for you.
The Courier
beauty.21
Monday 9 February 2015
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You are what you eat
Beauty comes from the inside: Flo Davies on the foods that will make you beautiful Dark Chocolate There are so many reasons you should always say, ‘yes’ to eating chocolate – particularly if it’s the antioxidant-rich, dark, high-cocoa variety. Need a further reason? The protein, iron and B-vitamins it contains are fabulous for your hair. The secret is cacao, the source of the sweet distinct taste. To snack smart stick to healthy chocolate with at least 70 percent cacao and as long as the content is that high, you can receive the benefits from eating only small amounts. Avocado Using avocado directly on the face is a popular natural beauty treatment, but many people have found that just eating avocado regularly can do wonders for their complexion. Being a great source of antioxidants, the quenching compounds of their high oleic acid content maintains moisture in the epidermal layer of the skin, helping to keep it soft and hydrated. These qualities provide significant protection for your skin from the environmental damage and harsh winter elements. The green fruit
tioxidants) in the tea boost blood flow and oxygen to the skin, which delivers key nutrients to keep your complexion healthy. Try swapping it for your usual cup of builders’ brew and see if it makes a difference. The miracle tea also carries benefits in helping you to achieve luscious locks: washing your hair with green tea or applying it directly to the scalp can help fix troublesome dandruff and add shine, leaving your hair feeling soft and replenished.
is widely known to be a great source of vitamin E, which boosts the skin’s vitality and luminosity, while avocado oil is also thought to stimulate the production of collagen in the skin, which improves its tone and texture. Try to incorporate avocado into your daily meals to reap the benefits!
Vitamin C Whilst Vitamin C is needed for a strong immune system, it provides for beautifully radiant skin and helps blemishes heal properly. Skin-perfecting super foods include blueberries and strawberries, high in iron and brilliant for cleansing your whole system. Strawberries are an all-round, must-eat super food, plus, they taste great, too. To really gain full benefits, eat them on their own (that means no sugar or cream, sorry), or alternatively try quenching your self with a berry smoothie.
“Avocado is a great source of antioxidants and maintains moisture in the epidermal layer of the skin”
Green Tea Whilst a steaming cup of tea is a necessity for those long university days, green tea is proven to work wonders for your skin! Not only does caffeine-free tea relieves stress (a common acne aggravator), at the same time is helps fight inflammation and redness, particularly on the face. Known for its calming properties, drinking antioxidant polyphenol-rich green tea will improve your skin and boost your beauty. Catechins like EGCG (an-
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Lucy Cochrane discusses everyone’s much loved bathroom hoard and considers whether it’s really something to be that excited about aloe vera and witch hazel. It immediately leaves agitated skin feeling much calmer and refreshed. If you fancy a special bath time treat, Lush is definitely the place to go. You can choose from their wide selection of bath bombs, bath melts and bubble bars for a luxurious bath time experience. The bubble bars are great because you crumble them under running water and just watch the bubbles and colour emerge. They are great for those times when you need to seriously relax and deep clean, however as one bath bomb or bubble bar lasts only one bath, these aren’t exactly the cheapest per bath. In terms of everyday bathing I would say Lush is not worth the hype, as other more purse-friendly products do just as good a job, albeit without the fancy exterior. Their shower gel is around £15 for
L
ush is known most recognisably for their handmade, ethical products in which they believe that ‘fresh is best’, but I’ve never personally understood the immense hype surrounding it. Besides the decorative look of their products which look fabulous, I have never actually been overly tempted to buy too much from there. Aside from their novelty bath products which both look and smell amazing, there are two products from Lush which I do rate as firm favourites in my routine. Their Bubblegum lip scrub has been a favourite of mine for years; it smells exactly like candy and also tastes great, being essentially just sugar. I use this before applying lip balm before bed for a really smooth finish, it strips away all dead skin cells and leaves a great base for lip balm. The only downside to this is that it can be quite messy as opposed to other scrubs which have a balmier texture, this one is prone to go all over your face, hence why I only apply it at night. I also really rate their spot treatment, Grease Lightning, which is a really gentle way to help with breakouts, containing all natural ingredients such as tee tree, organic
“While their products are aesthetically and fragrantly pleasing, some of the time this is all you are paying for”
a full size bottle, which is just not worth it, in my opinion, for day to day use. While their products are aesthetically and fragrantly pleasing, some of the time this is all you are paying for as what is inside does not always equate. I have found that Lush can be fairly hit and miss; you may find a great nourishing bubble bar which smells fantastic, or it may just leave your skin feeling dehydrated. Or rather, they do the job but for the same result is it worth splashing out? I would say they are fairly overpriced; one bubble bar is around £4.75 which for one bath is quite a lot, hence why I opt for this kind of thing as a special treat as nothing beats a pamper session. I would recommend their holiday collections, particularly Christmas and their Valentine’s Day limited edition collection which is currently out now, featuring some really cute stuff such as the Unicorn Horn bubble bar, and the Lonely Heart one which are perfect for a Valentine’s pamper treat. You can’t go too far wrong with Lush if you want a super-relaxing pamper treat now and again, but as for investing into the brand as a whole, I don’t see the hype beyond the odd bath bomb or two.
The morning after the night before Phoebe Bower explains how to do the ‘walk’, without DOO WKH VR FDOOHG µVKDPH¶
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et’s be honest! We have ALL been there, and if you haven’t, you will at some point in the future. Whether the audience be your university, the people out doing their shopping, the commuters to work or (and if you’ve made it this far without being spotted, I am VERY impressed) your flat, I guarantee there will have been someone watching. Textbook look: A rumpled LBD. Pale complexion. Smudged mascara, eyeliner or eyeshadow. Messy mane. A pair of peep-toe heels in one hand. Your clutch in the other. Hugging yourself to keep warm. It’s not the most appealing picture. It’s a classic, and one where it is clear what you have been up to. A difficult dilemma, but not impossible. A tip or two for how to style the Walk of Shame. Be prepared I understand we don’t all have a MASSIVE clutch to carry the inventory of Boots and Superdrug inside. But, there are ways of getting around this. Buying travel size will save you space, and have you looking fresh faced to begin the day. Always pack a makeup wipe (Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes, £1.32). It’s small, slim and will leave plenty of room in the smallest of a clutch. Packing a primer (Smashbox Travel Size Photo Finish Foundation Primer, £12.50), mascara, and lip-gloss will make you look good as new, and no one will be the wiser. A change of clothes Let’s be realistic. None of us are going to hit the Toon with our suitcase in hand filled with potential outfits. However, a light top or jumper can be folded into your clutch, or tied around the strap of a bag. You can slip it on and shield the skin on display from the night before. Another possibility is to borrow some clothes from the person whose bed you’ve just left. Most, I assume, aren’t unreasonable and would lend you a tracksuit or jacket. You may risk looking like you can’t dress yourself, or that you are wearing a size too big. But, if it gets the job done! Plus, there is nothing wrong with looking a little MC Hammer in the trouser department. You can return the clothes later in an awkward encounter that you’ll wish you’d have never agreed to. Also, Primark is an option. However, the crowd is large and judgemental on Northumberland Street and should only be a last ditch attempt. The attitude The main problem with this whole enterprise is the name. Why does it have to be shameful? There is nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve just gotten some! Enjoy it! Unfortunately, we live in a society where you have to tread a thin line as a woman. If you don’t have sex: frigid. If you do: slut. Men get encouraged and praised for being promiscuous; women are ridiculed for it. Shake it off and continue your day: brush your hair, put on your shoes (I don’t care if they are high heels - turn your swag on, you can take the pain), plug in and press PLAY on your iPod, and strut. Now is the time for the stride of pride. Don’t bow your head in shame.
Tip of the Week
Got a load of Vaseline you don’t know what to do with? Or maybe you have that pair of killer heels that you just can’t break in? As it’s Valentine’s day, why not marry the two together? Rub a large blob of Vaseline onto the inner soles of your shoes and leave them somewhere dry over night. The next morning they’ll be comfier than your slippers and good to go for Valentine’s.
22.arts
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Arts Editors: Lucy Chenery and Becka Crawshaw Online Arts Editor: Jess Harman
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s the Greek myth goes… Pygmalion, a famous sculptor sees such beauty in his latest creation that he wishes to turn the product of his own imagination, beautifully carved marble, into something of flesh and reality. Falling in love with his own artistic skill, his hands ‘shape’ the form of his muse, a woman whom he names Galatea: translating to “she who is white like milk”. The Goddess Aphrodite sees beauty and likeness in Galatea and grants Pygmalion his wish - as narcissistic as it is - breathing life into the marble figure.
“It seems the word muse is in fact a rather complex one towing the line between lover, inspiration and support - rather a lot of roles to play for one woman”
An interesting short story, it’s telling of an assumed masculine need to rule, educate and desire women. With artist and sculpture as polarities its possible a gendered muse could be just as much a burden as an inspiration. There are a lot of well know female muses: Patti Smith for Robert Mapplethorpe: Gali Dali, muse and wife to Salvador Dali: Edie Sedgwick to Andy Warhol: Vermeer’s girl with the pearl earing (unfortunately but unsurprisingly anonymous). A particular case is Camille Claudel, thought of as painter Auguste Rodin’s muse, she was a talented sculptor herself. From student to lover to studio assistant it seems their relationship went beyond artistic production into life; albeit that’s often one and the same. It seems plausible there existed a mutual dialogue between the two of them; Rodin’s piece titled Galatea (sound familiar?) looks remarkably similar to Claudel’s sculpture Young Girl with a Sheaf (1887), yet interestingly Claudel’s preceded it by 2 years, yet her name is not as common place as Rodin’s. It seems the word muse is in fact a rather complex one towing the line between lover, inspiration and support - rather a lot of roles to play for one woman (but hey if history is anything to go by, we are pretty good at it). It’s a known saying that ‘there is a great woman behind every man’ and of course there are many ways a woman can inspire an artist, but suggesting that its in the shadow of a successful man where a woman can be most inspiring seems old fashioned. Lacking personality and ambition the female muse can been seen as the one to provide what Francesca Steele for The Telegraph calls, an ‘aphrodisiacal ego boost’ (at least when discussing literature and film). Similarly to the muse, I think the female artist has been hidden from the forefront of art history’s trajectory for sometime but nonetheless, their bodies and ‘inspirational’ existence has certainly been around for as long as male artists have been successful. What is Pygmalion’s sculptural muse was a man? What if Pygamlion was a woman - lets call her Pygmalionette - and sculpted a man with her bare hands, would it be as convincing if she fell in love with her own creation? Is there such a thing as the male muse? Image: Holly Argent
fter last week’s RAG activities and in the spirit of raising awareness I looked into art’s ability to encourage solidarity and improve knowledge to both social and political issues. Art and by extension artistic expression serve many functions in political and social awareness ranging from literary works and theatre, such as the touring production of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time raising awareness for Asperger’s Disease and Autism, to works of visual representation that are important in creating collective account, articulating who we are and what we stand for - seen by the vast support for the people involved in the Charlie Hebdo tragedy and the sketches that were produced in solidarity. The importance of the relationship between art and protest has been acknowledged and examined for the first time through objects by the display of “Disobedient Objects”, a V&A exhibition examining the powerful role of objects in movements for social change. With pieces ranging from makeshift tear gas masks to suffragette teapots. The display focuses on the period from the late 1970s to now covering the extreme political, social and technological changes that have taken place over the last 4 decades. The objects found in this exhibition form part of the texture of political protest as participants review textiles bearing witness to political murders, defaced currency and altered barricades. The history and context of these events have been objectified and serve as both a symbol of rebellion
and the role of making grass roots movements for social change, whilst also creating a bridge between past and present movements. Similarly, an organisation, Noise, has created a platform for current youth issues and concerns to be voiced through art. Motivated by iconic protest art over 50 years, they have created an exhibition movement called The Art of Protest. This exhibition combines creative, non-violent protest pieces by young artists from their arts portfolio with the
iconic work from leading international artists including Banksy, Gillian Wearing, Stella Vine and Katharine Hamnett. The pieces in this exhibition consist mainly of photographs and protest signs questioning the powers of social control, particularly unemployment. The items in the exhibition although are clearly motions of protest beg the question: “Can political art be good art, can good art be political?”
Affairs of the ‘art Maxine Davies RQ KHU WKUHH IDYRXULWH ORYH LQVSLUHG ZRUNV Jeff Koons Sacred Heart (Red/Gold) 1994 – 2007
I
t wouldn’t be Valentine’s Day for some people without something shiny, red, and a little bit kitsch, would it? Made from high chromium stainless steel, Koons’ foil wrapped heart looks very much like it contains a giant chocolate truffle; finished off with a ruffled bow, it wouldn’t look out of place on the shelf of a card shop, next to all of the (vomit-inducing, for some) mushy, lovey-dovey cards. Aw.
Nicky Peacock / Miranda July / Harrell Fletcher Learning To Love You More 2009
A
s anyone who used to use LiveJournal might already know, Learning To Love You More was a website and series of travelling exhibitions, workshops and lectures (and afterwards a book) that asked people to respond creatively to assignments; it invited members of the public to ‘take a picture of strangers holding hands’ and such. Whilst it might seem odd to include LTLYM in a Top 3 Valentine’s Day artworks list – some of the assignments were very explicitly non-romantic, such as ‘write down a recent argument’ – the active engagement required on behalf of the audience seems to exemplify everything that is real about actual-real-life-living-in-the-real-world-oflove. As a side note, Miranda July is amazing, and her husband, Mike Mills, directed one of the most touching films of the last decade, Beginners (2010).
Gustav Klimpt The Kiss 1908-9
S
o iconic that even IKEA sell a print of his painting, Water Snakes, Klimt presents a romance of lyrical and extravagant excess. Our two lovers are almost collapsing in gold leaf, Art Nouveau pattern and flowing florals. The male figure is positively doting upon the female figure in the painting, caressing her face as she relaxes in a look of sheer pleasure (even though she’s kneeling, it reminds me a lot of foot popping… Kudos, or perhaps pitying looks for both of us, if you get the reference here). The key thing here is the extravagance; even if it is just a capitalist Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to buy yourself a bunch of flowers on your way home from your last seminar or recline on your bed and force your significant other (or your friends) to feed you grapes. You’re worth it.
The Courier
arts.23
Monday 9 February 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierArts
Je Suis The Curious The Chimera of Accessible arts Jennifer Hopps Incident of the Charlie: The Stand M by Sebastian RIIHUV DQ DOWHUQDWLYH WR Comedy Club Dog in the Buerkner VRSS\ 9DOHQWLQH VQRJJLQJ Night-time: VHVVLRQV ZLWK D PRUH DUW\ urrently showing in Tyneside CinH[SHULHQFH Theatre Royal ema, is Sebastian Buerkner’s The Chiast Tuesday The Stand held a charity comcouple of days ago I went into Clinton’s to mera of M, a thought-provoking piece
C
urious Incident is a play with big boots to fill. An adaptation of the novel by Mark Haddon, the play mesmerizes the audience with technical wizardry but finds it difficult to live up to the reputation of the book. The play tells the story of Christopher, a boy with Asperger’s syndrome, who finds a dead dog in his neighbour’s garden and embarks upon an investigation to discover its killer. What made the novel so fascinating was its ability to tell the story from the perspective of someone with Asperger’s. On stage, this is lost - the originality of the story was the experience of being bound by Christopher’s limited and distorted perspective of characters, which the show cannot replicate. Christopher’s performance is also more brash and confident than expected, leading to some uncomfortable and insensitive humour. Whenever the characters make a joke at Christopher’s expense, they distance the audience from the character of Christopher and the reality of autism. The show has some redeeming qualities. The ending line completely reinterprets that of the novel, giving the play a degree of pathos which the book lacks. The physical theatre is flawless, and the modern and minimalist set is used to great effect. Considering the incredibly complex source material, the adaptation is as good as it could be. If you haven’t read the book, Curious Incident will captivate you with its story and style. If you have, then you may find that style takes the place of substance. Rebecca Harrison
Jesse Wine: Baltic
D
isplayed on Baltic’s ground floor, Jesse Wine’s exhibition of ceramic sculptures dominates the room. The Chester born artist, known for his traditional methods juxtaposed with experimentation and chance, introduces the viewer to the art of ‘happenstance’. Wine’s courageous use of chance creates a sense of rawness; he is allowing the art to drive him and is putting faith into his materials. I found this very refreshing.
“Traditional methods are juxtaposed with experimentation and chance, introducing the viewer to the art of happenstance”
One of the first things that struck me was the extreme sense of motion which embodied the work. The feet would be half way through a step and the red jacket, a motif throughout the exhibition, would be ruffled as if catching the wind. This created an intriguing sense of life in such an inanimate medium. The domesticity of the work also sung out to me. As we all know, ceramics were originally used, and still is used for pots, bowls and the like. The fact that Wine has used this material to create suggestive human forms adds a sense of the everyday to his work. Lastly I read the blurb on the wall, something I always leave till until the end. It just so happened that Wine’s work explores commonplace activities which periodically completes such as eating, using tools and choosing his shoes in the morning. Reflecting the ‘quirks of modern life’, this exhibition is a must see, catch it before April 19th and prepare not to be disappointed. Lucy Chenery
L
edy show for the victims of the Charlie Hebdo and Kosher supermarket shootings. The turnout was small but the comedians were unperturbed, using audience participation to change the crowd from “small” to intimate. Carl Hutchinson broke the ice, ad-libbing with ease when a woman to my right asked him a question, which he answered and then readdressed to the floor. While his act may have lost a few minutes of prepared material, his amiability resulted in a night that sometimes felt (not unpleasantly) like a pantomime for adults. But the most respect must be given to the comedians that took the topic of Charlie Hebdo and incorporated the sensitive subject into their routines. By comparing young radical Muslims to Radgies, Dave Johns combatted the stigma that one specific race or religion is inherently violent. Following Dave Johns, Nicola Mantalios finished off her act with an offensive joke and answered the audience’s surprised (and slightly uncomfortable) laughter by saying tongue in cheek, “If you were offended you’re wrong”. Her joke drew attention to the debates about the content of Charlie Hebdo, considered by some to be needlessly inflammatory. She followed this by emphasizing her right to freedom of speech, a line recognizing that material, even offensive material, cannot be met with physical violence. The show closed with Gavin Webster, who mined topics from 9/11 to Adolf Hitler for material and combatted terror and tyranny with humour in classic Charlie Hebdo style.
C
of 3D- animated film. Originally a painter, Buerkner is a front leader of the animation game, with ‘Chimera’ picking up awards and nominations at various art festivals last year. The short film is shown on a loop in The Gallery of Tyneside Cinema, a small space dedicated to animated pieces of art. On entering The Gallery, 3D glasses in hand, I was a little unsure of what to expect. I’d experienced 3D cinema before, but that seemed more concerned with shooting objects out of the screen rather than creating a ‘mesmerising, virtual space of stereoscopic digital animation’- as promised by the synopsis. On entering the room I was greeted by a confusion of shapes and lines, which didn’t actually become much clearer when I put the 3D glasses on. The animation is undoubtedly abstract, with various shapes floating across barely recognisable scenery, making it heavily reliant on background noise. Throughout, we are treated to snippets of conversation between three characters, two men and a woman. There were hints at some romantic interests and tension between friends but, try as I might, I struggled to follow any kind of progressive story- especially when they started comparing sofas to dismembered cows. Perhaps I’m being obtuse or even artistically ignorant, but I certainly left the cinema feeling more confused than enlightened. Saying that though, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I’m actually considering going to the talk with the artist because, confusing as it was, I am still intrigued. Emily Jeffrey
Hannah Goldstein
A
get my mum a birthday card. This sounds like a relatively simple task, yes? Trying to buy a card in a card shop – easy peasy. And yet… I took one step inside and was confronted with a wall of garish red and clashing pink, which blinded me so much I nearly took out a rather menacing looking giant teddy bear that was balanced precariously by the door. I dodged it just in time and instead crashed into a stand of plastic roses – thank god they weren’t real. (Whilst we’re on the subject girls and boys, if you can’t afford roses, just don’t buy them – the plastic alternatives are not the same, they are cheap and s**t.) I then attempted to find the birthday section, which had been squashed to the back of the shop in favour of countless rows dedicated to Valentine’s Day cards,
“Instead of pursuing the giant teddy bear and tacky card route this year, why don’t you try something a bit different?”
bringing me to the point of this column. Instead of pursuing the giant teddy bear and tacky card route this year, why don’t you try something a bit different? Steer clear of Clinton’s and breathe a sigh of relief – you don’t have to spend hours deciding which stereotypical gift your partner would hate the least. Instead, why not try giving them an experience? No, not a sexual experience, an ‘arty’ experience. I’ve got a couple ideas which you might like to try for an alternative artistic Valentine’s Day.
Fluxus: Long Gallery
L
ucy Chenery and Callum Todd’s exhibition Fluxus previewed on the 2nd February in the Long Gallery in the Fine Art Department. The space was perfect for the exhibition, a long flowing gallery which perfectly mirrored its contents. The work presented showed a capturing of those materials which work in a state of flux such as water and gas; those materials which flow freely and uninterrupted.
“The work presented showed a capturing of those materials which work in a state of flux such as water and gas; those materials which flow freely and uninterrupted”
Chenery’s work employed the use of everyday materials such as: balloons, the inside of a bean bag and clear plastic bin bags, to great effects to show the containment of flux. Not only did her work beautifully show the simplicity of this action, but also the drastic transformation caused. There was also a certain playfulness to the pieces on display. As people passed the helium filled plastic bags a rippling like movement occurred as though they were caught in a brief wind. The huge water filled plastic balloons placed in Chenery’s selfconstructed pool, vibrated as the speakers placed underneath played music, all creating a fantastic sense of movement and flow. The combination of the pieces was enchanting and furthered by the incorporation of Todd’s work. Less tangible than Chenery’s, his paintings depicted a colourful representation of movements of flux contained in varying sizes of canvas. All in all, a great show, worthy of great praise. Kathryn Sarah Holland
Number one: a good ol’ black and white film. Instead of going to the cinema and being surrounded by couples with shifty glances, sweaty palms and sickening snogging sessions, cuddle up at home (kick your housemates out) and stick on an old (and I mean old, not something ‘so last year’) romantic film, like A Brief Encounter. Yes, it might be about infidelity (and if your partner is slightly unreliable on the monogamy front this may be a bad idea) but it is also about true love – appropriately soppy, beautiful acting, stunning filming… What more do you want?
“Instead of being surrounded by couples with shifty glances, sweaty palms and sickening snogging sessions, cuddle up at home and stick on an old romantic film”
Number two: go to the Saturday comedy night at The Hyena. Avoid the intense (and potentially uncomfortable) meal for two in a pricey restaurant and escape the hordes of people crowded in the posh cocktail bars. The comedy night is the best of both worlds: it gives you something to talk about, you can still get drunk and the attention of your date won’t be focused solely on you, allowing you to go to loo/sort out your hair/breathe freely without feeling awkward. There are three great comics performing on Valentine’s day and if you don’t sit too near the front, you should escape without being picked on. Tickets are £12.00 and doors open at 6:30pm.
22.arts
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Arts Editors: Lucy Chenery and Becka Crawshaw Online Arts Editor: Jess Harman
,V DUW WKH EHVW PHGLXP IRU EXLOGLQJ VRFLDO VROLGDULW\" Jess Harman GLVFXVVHV DUW¶V UROH LQ UDLVLQJ VRFLDO DQG SROLWLFDO DZDUHQHVV
A Holly Argent PXVHV RQ WKH ¿ JXUH RI WKH PXVH LQ DUW
A
s the Greek myth goes… Pygmalion, a famous sculptor sees such beauty in his latest creation that he wishes to turn the product of his own imagination, beautifully carved marble, into something of flesh and reality. Falling in love with his own artistic skill, his hands ‘shape’ the form of his muse, a woman whom he names Galatea: translating to “she who is white like milk”. The Goddess Aphrodite sees beauty and likeness in Galatea and grants Pygmalion his wish - as narcissistic as it is - breathing life into the marble figure.
“It seems the word muse is in fact a rather complex one towing the line between lover, inspiration and support - rather a lot of roles to play for one woman”
An interesting short story, it’s telling of an assumed masculine need to rule, educate and desire women. With artist and sculpture as polarities its possible a gendered muse could be just as much a burden as an inspiration. There are a lot of well know female muses: Patti Smith for Robert Mapplethorpe: Gali Dali, muse and wife to Salvador Dali: Edie Sedgwick to Andy Warhol: Vermeer’s girl with the pearl earing (unfortunately but unsurprisingly anonymous). A particular case is Camille Claudel, thought of as painter Auguste Rodin’s muse, she was a talented sculptor herself. From student to lover to studio assistant it seems their relationship went beyond artistic production into life; albeit that’s often one and the same. It seems plausible there existed a mutual dialogue between the two of them; Rodin’s piece titled Galatea (sound familiar?) looks remarkably similar to Claudel’s sculpture Young Girl with a Sheaf (1887), yet interestingly Claudel’s preceded it by 2 years, yet her name is not as common place as Rodin’s. It seems the word muse is in fact a rather complex one towing the line between lover, inspiration and support - rather a lot of roles to play for one woman (but hey if history is anything to go by, we are pretty good at it). It’s a known saying that ‘there is a great woman behind every man’ and of course there are many ways a woman can inspire an artist, but suggesting that its in the shadow of a successful man where a woman can be most inspiring seems old fashioned. Lacking personality and ambition the female muse can been seen as the one to provide what Francesca Steele for The Telegraph calls, an ‘aphrodisiacal ego boost’ (at least when discussing literature and film). Similarly to the muse, I think the female artist has been hidden from the forefront of art history’s trajectory for sometime but nonetheless, their bodies and ‘inspirational’ existence has certainly been around for as long as male artists have been successful. What is Pygmalion’s sculptural muse was a man? What if Pygamlion was a woman - lets call her Pygmalionette - and sculpted a man with her bare hands, would it be as convincing if she fell in love with her own creation? Is there such a thing as the male muse? Image: Holly Argent
fter last week’s RAG activities and in the spirit of raising awareness I looked into art’s ability to encourage solidarity and improve knowledge to both social and political issues. Art and by extension artistic expression serve many functions in political and social awareness ranging from literary works and theatre, such as the touring production of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time raising awareness for Asperger’s Disease and Autism, to works of visual representation that are important in creating collective account, articulating who we are and what we stand for - seen by the vast support for the people involved in the Charlie Hebdo tragedy and the sketches that were produced in solidarity. The importance of the relationship between art and protest has been acknowledged and examined for the first time through objects by the display of “Disobedient Objects”, a V&A exhibition examining the powerful role of objects in movements for social change. With pieces ranging from makeshift tear gas masks to suffragette teapots. The display focuses on the period from the late 1970s to now covering the extreme political, social and technological changes that have taken place over the last 4 decades. The objects found in this exhibition form part of the texture of political protest as participants review textiles bearing witness to political murders, defaced currency and altered barricades. The history and context of these events have been objectified and serve as both a symbol of rebellion
and the role of making grass roots movements for social change, whilst also creating a bridge between past and present movements. Similarly, an organisation, Noise, has created a platform for current youth issues and concerns to be voiced through art. Motivated by iconic protest art over 50 years, they have created an exhibition movement called The Art of Protest. This exhibition combines creative, non-violent protest pieces by young artists from their arts portfolio with the
iconic work from leading international artists including Banksy, Gillian Wearing, Stella Vine and Katharine Hamnett. The pieces in this exhibition consist mainly of photographs and protest signs questioning the powers of social control, particularly unemployment. The items in the exhibition although are clearly motions of protest beg the question: “Can political art be good art, can good art be political?”
Affairs of the ‘art Maxine Davies RQ KHU WKUHH IDYRXULWH ORYH LQVSLUHG ZRUNV Jeff Koons Sacred Heart (Red/Gold) 1994 – 2007
I
t wouldn’t be Valentine’s Day for some people without something shiny, red, and a little bit kitsch, would it? Made from high chromium stainless steel, Koons’ foil wrapped heart looks very much like it contains a giant chocolate truffle; finished off with a ruffled bow, it wouldn’t look out of place on the shelf of a card shop, next to all of the (vomit-inducing, for some) mushy, lovey-dovey cards. Aw.
Nicky Peacock / Miranda July / Harrell Fletcher Learning To Love You More 2009
A
s anyone who used to use LiveJournal might already know, Learning To Love You More was a website and series of travelling exhibitions, workshops and lectures (and afterwards a book) that asked people to respond creatively to assignments; it invited members of the public to ‘take a picture of strangers holding hands’ and such. Whilst it might seem odd to include LTLYM in a Top 3 Valentine’s Day artworks list – some of the assignments were very explicitly non-romantic, such as ‘write down a recent argument’ – the active engagement required on behalf of the audience seems to exemplify everything that is real about actual-real-life-living-in-the-real-world-oflove. As a side note, Miranda July is amazing, and her husband, Mike Mills, directed one of the most touching films of the last decade, Beginners (2010).
Gustav Klimpt The Kiss 1908-9
S
o iconic that even IKEA sell a print of his painting, Water Snakes, Klimt presents a romance of lyrical and extravagant excess. Our two lovers are almost collapsing in gold leaf, Art Nouveau pattern and flowing florals. The male figure is positively doting upon the female figure in the painting, caressing her face as she relaxes in a look of sheer pleasure (even though she’s kneeling, it reminds me a lot of foot popping… Kudos, or perhaps pitying looks for both of us, if you get the reference here). The key thing here is the extravagance; even if it is just a capitalist Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to buy yourself a bunch of flowers on your way home from your last seminar or recline on your bed and force your significant other (or your friends) to feed you grapes. You’re worth it.
The Courier
arts.23
Monday 9 February 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierArts
Je Suis The Curious The Chimera of Accessible arts Jennifer Hopps Incident of the Charlie: The Stand M by Sebastian RIIHUV DQ DOWHUQDWLYH WR Comedy Club Dog in the Buerkner VRSS\ 9DOHQWLQH VQRJJLQJ Night-time: VHVVLRQV ZLWK D PRUH DUW\ urrently showing in Tyneside CinH[SHULHQFH Theatre Royal ema, is Sebastian Buerkner’s The Chiast Tuesday The Stand held a charity comcouple of days ago I went into Clinton’s to mera of M, a thought-provoking piece
C
urious Incident is a play with big boots to fill. An adaptation of the novel by Mark Haddon, the play mesmerizes the audience with technical wizardry but finds it difficult to live up to the reputation of the book. The play tells the story of Christopher, a boy with Asperger’s syndrome, who finds a dead dog in his neighbour’s garden and embarks upon an investigation to discover its killer. What made the novel so fascinating was its ability to tell the story from the perspective of someone with Asperger’s. On stage, this is lost - the originality of the story was the experience of being bound by Christopher’s limited and distorted perspective of characters, which the show cannot replicate. Christopher’s performance is also more brash and confident than expected, leading to some uncomfortable and insensitive humour. Whenever the characters make a joke at Christopher’s expense, they distance the audience from the character of Christopher and the reality of autism. The show has some redeeming qualities. The ending line completely reinterprets that of the novel, giving the play a degree of pathos which the book lacks. The physical theatre is flawless, and the modern and minimalist set is used to great effect. Considering the incredibly complex source material, the adaptation is as good as it could be. If you haven’t read the book, Curious Incident will captivate you with its story and style. If you have, then you may find that style takes the place of substance. Rebecca Harrison
Jesse Wine: Baltic
D
isplayed on Baltic’s ground floor, Jesse Wine’s exhibition of ceramic sculptures dominates the room. The Chester born artist, known for his traditional methods juxtaposed with experimentation and chance, introduces the viewer to the art of ‘happenstance’. Wine’s courageous use of chance creates a sense of rawness; he is allowing the art to drive him and is putting faith into his materials. I found this very refreshing.
“Traditional methods are juxtaposed with experimentation and chance, introducing the viewer to the art of happenstance”
One of the first things that struck me was the extreme sense of motion which embodied the work. The feet would be half way through a step and the red jacket, a motif throughout the exhibition, would be ruffled as if catching the wind. This created an intriguing sense of life in such an inanimate medium. The domesticity of the work also sung out to me. As we all know, ceramics were originally used, and still is used for pots, bowls and the like. The fact that Wine has used this material to create suggestive human forms adds a sense of the everyday to his work. Lastly I read the blurb on the wall, something I always leave till until the end. It just so happened that Wine’s work explores commonplace activities which periodically completes such as eating, using tools and choosing his shoes in the morning. Reflecting the ‘quirks of modern life’, this exhibition is a must see, catch it before April 19th and prepare not to be disappointed. Lucy Chenery
L
edy show for the victims of the Charlie Hebdo and Kosher supermarket shootings. The turnout was small but the comedians were unperturbed, using audience participation to change the crowd from “small” to intimate. Carl Hutchinson broke the ice, ad-libbing with ease when a woman to my right asked him a question, which he answered and then readdressed to the floor. While his act may have lost a few minutes of prepared material, his amiability resulted in a night that sometimes felt (not unpleasantly) like a pantomime for adults. But the most respect must be given to the comedians that took the topic of Charlie Hebdo and incorporated the sensitive subject into their routines. By comparing young radical Muslims to Radgies, Dave Johns combatted the stigma that one specific race or religion is inherently violent. Following Dave Johns, Nicola Mantalios finished off her act with an offensive joke and answered the audience’s surprised (and slightly uncomfortable) laughter by saying tongue in cheek, “If you were offended you’re wrong”. Her joke drew attention to the debates about the content of Charlie Hebdo, considered by some to be needlessly inflammatory. She followed this by emphasizing her right to freedom of speech, a line recognizing that material, even offensive material, cannot be met with physical violence. The show closed with Gavin Webster, who mined topics from 9/11 to Adolf Hitler for material and combatted terror and tyranny with humour in classic Charlie Hebdo style.
C
of 3D- animated film. Originally a painter, Buerkner is a front leader of the animation game, with ‘Chimera’ picking up awards and nominations at various art festivals last year. The short film is shown on a loop in The Gallery of Tyneside Cinema, a small space dedicated to animated pieces of art. On entering The Gallery, 3D glasses in hand, I was a little unsure of what to expect. I’d experienced 3D cinema before, but that seemed more concerned with shooting objects out of the screen rather than creating a ‘mesmerising, virtual space of stereoscopic digital animation’- as promised by the synopsis. On entering the room I was greeted by a confusion of shapes and lines, which didn’t actually become much clearer when I put the 3D glasses on. The animation is undoubtedly abstract, with various shapes floating across barely recognisable scenery, making it heavily reliant on background noise. Throughout, we are treated to snippets of conversation between three characters, two men and a woman. There were hints at some romantic interests and tension between friends but, try as I might, I struggled to follow any kind of progressive story- especially when they started comparing sofas to dismembered cows. Perhaps I’m being obtuse or even artistically ignorant, but I certainly left the cinema feeling more confused than enlightened. Saying that though, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I’m actually considering going to the talk with the artist because, confusing as it was, I am still intrigued. Emily Jeffrey
Hannah Goldstein
A
get my mum a birthday card. This sounds like a relatively simple task, yes? Trying to buy a card in a card shop – easy peasy. And yet… I took one step inside and was confronted with a wall of garish red and clashing pink, which blinded me so much I nearly took out a rather menacing looking giant teddy bear that was balanced precariously by the door. I dodged it just in time and instead crashed into a stand of plastic roses – thank god they weren’t real. (Whilst we’re on the subject girls and boys, if you can’t afford roses, just don’t buy them – the plastic alternatives are not the same, they are cheap and s**t.) I then attempted to find the birthday section, which had been squashed to the back of the shop in favour of countless rows dedicated to Valentine’s Day cards,
“Instead of pursuing the giant teddy bear and tacky card route this year, why don’t you try something a bit different?”
bringing me to the point of this column. Instead of pursuing the giant teddy bear and tacky card route this year, why don’t you try something a bit different? Steer clear of Clinton’s and breathe a sigh of relief – you don’t have to spend hours deciding which stereotypical gift your partner would hate the least. Instead, why not try giving them an experience? No, not a sexual experience, an ‘arty’ experience. I’ve got a couple ideas which you might like to try for an alternative artistic Valentine’s Day.
Fluxus: Long Gallery
L
ucy Chenery and Callum Todd’s exhibition Fluxus previewed on the 2nd February in the Long Gallery in the Fine Art Department. The space was perfect for the exhibition, a long flowing gallery which perfectly mirrored its contents. The work presented showed a capturing of those materials which work in a state of flux such as water and gas; those materials which flow freely and uninterrupted.
“The work presented showed a capturing of those materials which work in a state of flux such as water and gas; those materials which flow freely and uninterrupted”
Chenery’s work employed the use of everyday materials such as: balloons, the inside of a bean bag and clear plastic bin bags, to great effects to show the containment of flux. Not only did her work beautifully show the simplicity of this action, but also the drastic transformation caused. There was also a certain playfulness to the pieces on display. As people passed the helium filled plastic bags a rippling like movement occurred as though they were caught in a brief wind. The huge water filled plastic balloons placed in Chenery’s selfconstructed pool, vibrated as the speakers placed underneath played music, all creating a fantastic sense of movement and flow. The combination of the pieces was enchanting and furthered by the incorporation of Todd’s work. Less tangible than Chenery’s, his paintings depicted a colourful representation of movements of flux contained in varying sizes of canvas. All in all, a great show, worthy of great praise. Kathryn Sarah Holland
Number one: a good ol’ black and white film. Instead of going to the cinema and being surrounded by couples with shifty glances, sweaty palms and sickening snogging sessions, cuddle up at home (kick your housemates out) and stick on an old (and I mean old, not something ‘so last year’) romantic film, like A Brief Encounter. Yes, it might be about infidelity (and if your partner is slightly unreliable on the monogamy front this may be a bad idea) but it is also about true love – appropriately soppy, beautiful acting, stunning filming… What more do you want?
“Instead of being surrounded by couples with shifty glances, sweaty palms and sickening snogging sessions, cuddle up at home and stick on an old romantic film”
Number two: go to the Saturday comedy night at The Hyena. Avoid the intense (and potentially uncomfortable) meal for two in a pricey restaurant and escape the hordes of people crowded in the posh cocktail bars. The comedy night is the best of both worlds: it gives you something to talk about, you can still get drunk and the attention of your date won’t be focused solely on you, allowing you to go to loo/sort out your hair/breathe freely without feeling awkward. There are three great comics performing on Valentine’s day and if you don’t sit too near the front, you should escape without being picked on. Tickets are £12.00 and doors open at 6:30pm.
24.filmfeatures features
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Film Editors: Rosie Rosie Bellini & David Leighton Online Editor: George George Smith
Oscars: pale, male and stale?
Pleasure Island
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Jumper
umper is, somewhat disappointingly, not a film about knitwear, but about teleportation. David Rice (Hayden Christensen), is a teenage boy who discovers he has the power to teleport – ‘jump’ – when he falls in a lake and finds himself washed up in his local library. Does David use his newfound skill for good in his local community? Does he fuck - he robs a bank and runs away from home. Viewers then catch up with him a few years later, living in a swanky bachelor pad, jetsetting around the world to pick up chicks and using his power to avoid walking from the sofa to the fridge. By rights, he should look like the subject of a Channel 4 documentary about people so fat they haven’t left their house in 38 years, but instead he’s played by Anakin Skywalker. Unfair. David’s idyllic lifestyle doesn’t last, though: a bloke called Roland (played by Mace Windu) rocks up and starts trying to kill our favourite protagonist...presumably in revenge for David cutting his arm off in Revenge of the Sith. It turns out Roland is a member of a hardcore religious unit called ‘The Paladins’ who believe that jumpers are an abomination against God. (Their attitudes towards cardigans are as yet unknown.) David falls in love with Summer from The OC (Rachel Bilson) and comes across another jumper, played by Billy Elliot (Jamie Bell), who these days is more into killing Paladins than practicing his pirouettes. In time, more Paladins turn up and Summer’s put in danger, and the whole thing becomes a set up for a Mega Mace Windu vs Anakin Skywalker vs Billy Elliot Showdown. There’s no reason for me to enjoy this film as much as I do. It’s repetitive, weirdly paced, special FX-heavy and plot-lite. David has literally no personality. Roland has a really tragic hair/beard situation that’s totally unbecoming to a character played by Samuel L. Jackson. There is more sexual chemistry between me and a bag of frozen parsnips than there is between Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson. (I mean, I like parsnips, but I wouldn’t want to have sex with one.) But despite all this, there’s something bizarrely compelling about Jumper. The teleportation is undeniably very cool, and brilliantly depicted on screen. Samuel L. Jackson is understandably phoning his performance in, but then I’d watch Samuel L. Jackson trading insults with a piece of rubbery, melted Camembert, such is his menacing gravitas. And then there’s Jamie Bell’s character Griffin, a baseball bat-wielding, morally ambiguous, slightly unhinged jumper with a Boro accent, who lives in a cave and makes inappropriate jokes to cover up his INNER PAIN. Don’t watch Jumper for thought-provoking, beautifully filmed cinema. Watch it for the sight of Billy Elliot jumping on a quad-bike and flipping the bird at Mace Windu before chucking a double-decker bus at him. Not actual characters from Jumper Kate Bennett
With the Twitter-verse crying ‘#OscarsSoWhite’ after this year’s nominations, George Smith talks about the truth behind the prestigious awards season
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y midnight on Thursday the 15th of January - the day the Oscar nominations were released - Twitter was crawling with the hashtag #OscarsSoWhite, generated by the sudden realisation that Hollywood is really a quite prejudiced place. The target of this outrage seems to have been the Academy Award voters, almost entirely male, white and middle aged. But who is really to blame for the monochromatic Oscars, whose lack of diversity goes beyond race in to gender and sexuality? The truth is that it’s a bit of a cluster fuck, with blame falling in part on
every cog in the Hollywood dream machine, even down to us. What these nominations have done is no more or less than make people suddenly aware of the atrocious historical lack of diversity we have seen in 87 years of Academy Awards. In the first 74 years of the Oscars, there were two African-American winners of Best Male Lead, Sidney Poitier (1964) and Denzel Washington (2001). For black women, the facts are even worse with Halle Berry being, to date, the only black woman to have won the Oscar for Best Actress (it is worth noting that there have been a handful of Best Supporting winners). If this shocks you, it should. But this is only part of the story. Think back over the big-money spinning movies of 2014, use Google if you have to. Note how many of them have black, female or gay leads/ directors. The answer really is that Selma
was the only feasible choice for racial diversity in best movie. None of the top-ten highest grossing have female or non-white directors. The fact is that it is not just the voting body of the Oscars that neglect diversity, but Hollywood in general. It seems that cinema is a white, middle-aged, heterosexual boys club. The poor demonised Academy voters have very little in choice in the movies they select as they traditionally must be blockbusters: an obscure art-house Oscar winner would cause rioting in the streets of LA.
“Halle Berry is, to date, the only black woman to have won the Oscar for Best Actress”
And now we have to point our little fingers right back at ourselves. Without Googling (I’ll know if you cheat) try and remember who won the Oscar for Best Leading Male. Having done that, see if you can bring to mind the winner of Female Lead. I’d be willing to bet my larger, more attractive testicle that the latter question made you scratch your noggin far more than the former. And therein lies the problem. In seeming to value the male over the female, we create an inequality which translates to fewer great female performances being appropriately recognised. So what’s to be done. Well, short of designating separate awards for racial minorities as we do with gender (and it will be agreed that having the host say “and now presenting the award for Best Non-White Male Lead” has a dystopian feel to it), it starts with the people that make the money - us the viewers recognising that there is a problem. Although, the times are changing in the Blockbuster, with the new Star Wars lead being a young black man, and Idris Elba in position to slot right in to the role of James Bond once Daniel Craig has left it vacant. In the near future, cinema may lose its monochromatic aspect in favour of one more all encompassing.
The fast and the curious
Louis Francis examines homoeroticism in the action genre: From Top Gun to Tarantino and all the hairy, panting, saucy sweaty moments in-between
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omoerotic relationships in film is a whole genre of hidden subtext. Twenty years before we had Brokeback Mountain, there was Top Gun, a film which is easily three to four times as homo-erotically charged. Don’t believe me? Google ‘Top Gun volleyball scene’, then come back here. During that scene, with the background ditty of ‘Playing With The Boys’, there’s an extraordinary amount of broon-bro and the song includes the lyrics: “I’m moving in slow motion / Feels so good / It’s a strange anticipation / Knock, knock, knocking on wood”. Believe me now? Top Gun’s’s homoerotic subtext is buried beneath a swathe of machismo and steamy heterosexual sex scenes, despite the fact the female lead in Top Gun is significantly less important than even the fighter jets. The entirely unrelated Sleep With Me gueststars Quentin Tarantino as a long-winded film buff, who goes into something of a rant on this very subject: “You think it [Top Gun] is about a bunch of fighter pilots? It is a story about a man’s struggle with his own sexuality [...] the whole idea is subversion, you want subversion on a massive level”. Cinema is drenched with manly men who are exceptionally manly and definitely straight, but also drowning in homoerotic subtext. For every one Brokeback Mountain, we get seven The Fast And The Furiouses. At least we can now name the genre: it is the ‘Bromance’. The ‘Bromance’ will include two ultra-manly men, involved in an
equally manly pursuit, surrounded by beautiful, ideally semi-naked women...who will be virtually ignored in the course of the film to focus on the burgeoning relationship between the two – definitely straight – main characters. What’s the deal with this, Hollywood? Despite our professing to live in a more
open-minded and tolerant era, are we still secretly not okay with something being more than a little gay? Are we only okay with something having homoerotic elements if, at the same time, it has plausible deniability? Or maybe there’s just something about the trying-too-hard machismo seen in film that is unavoidably laced with homoerotic undertones. The finest example of this isn’t actually Top Gun; it’s much, much better. Yes, it’s Point Break. Point Break stars Keanu Reeves as an FBI agent hunting masked bank robber Patrick Swayze. They meet; they surf together; they skydive together wrapped in each other’s arms. It’s beautiful. At one point, Keanu Reeves’ Johnny, after staring into the soul of his frenemy Bodhi (Swayze) rolls onto his back and starts screaming as he wildly discharges his weapon in the air. Yes, really. The film ends with a tearful Keanu Reeves letting the caught Swayze go surf himself to death; it is wonderfully, gloriously dumb. Directed by The Hurt Locker Locker’s and Zero Dark Thirty irty’s Kathryn Bigelow, it’s really quite difficult to tell if the undertones of Point Break are intentional or accidental. Perhaps the same could be said of all the Hollywood bromances; it’s difficult to tell if they are defiantly gay, defiantly straight, or somewhere in between.
The Courier
reviewsfilm.25
Monday 9 February 2015
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‘I love you. I really love you.’ ‘Ditto.’- Ghost (1990)
Birdman (15)
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irdman is a stroke of genius. A film so unique in its one take illusion and satirical storyline, which mocks the cast, that it has become an instant hit. Not just in my eyes, but also in the eyes of many critics resulting in it being nominated for numerous awards this season. It focuses on Riggan Thomson (Michael Keaton), a washed up movie star famed only for playing the iconic superhero ‘Birdman’. He is haunted daily by his old character as he attempts to shake his celebrity image and become a celebrated artist by writing, directing and starring in his own Broadway show. As more pressure is placed upon Riggan by his co-star Mike Shiner (Edward Norton) and various critics, particularly Tabitha (Lindsay Duncan), and his recovering addict daughter Sam (Emma Stone) becomes more difficult, his mental health begins to crumble, resulting in some of the more interesting aspects of the film. Michael Keaton gives an outstanding performance as Riggan. Unlike his character, who desperately tries to change his image, Keaton actually manages to succeed. He is perfectly cast due to his past as ‘Batman’ which very much, and very hilariously, parallels Riggan’s past as ‘Birdman’. Edward Norton also shines as the problematic Mike, a successful and critically acclaimed Broadway actor who attempts to influence Riggan’s play for his own selfish gain. His performance, charged with theatrical aloofness, changes the tone of the
Indie Slot Trash (15)
film as the introduction of his character sends Riggan into a downward spiral. Emma Stone gives a career best performance, earning herself her first Oscar nomination for ‘Best Actress in a Supporting Role’. She portrays the fresh-from-rehab daughter of Riggan, Sam. Stone’s angst soaked portrayal of the twenty-something tearaway perfectly satires this generation. All that matters are views, likes and followers. They are power in this modern world which Riggan is unfamiliar with. A real highlight of Birdman is its one-take illusion. Most of the film appears to be in one single take which replicates the fluidity of theatre as well as a nightmare from which Riggan cannot escape. This results in some interesting effects, especially later in the film. However, there are downsides to this brilliant idea, one being the frequent and slightly lazy time lapses. Birdman does not take place in one day, which explains the difficulty -
when you are not cutting you have to find a way to elapse time. Another highlight of the film is its soundtrack which is very much a jazz drumming score. It replicates the hive of activity that is found backstage as well as successfully building tension and quickening the pace when appropriate. There are a couple of comical shots when the drummer is actually seen which creates the sense of surrealism, which is craved for a film like Birdman. Birdman is a feast for the senses and the mind. Its one-take illusion creates surreal sequences to the beat of a drum whereas the story itself is a genius satire on modern life, society and most of all, Hollywood. This is definitely a film worth seeing, or rather, experiencing.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (15)
The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies (12A)
More like this: Mr Nobody (2009) Emma Allsopp
Love in the time of cinema
With Valentine’s Day approaching,Film Editors Rosie Bellini and David Leighton pick out the cheesiest declarations RI ORYH RQ ¿ OP
Frodo & Sam The Lord of The Rings trilogy contains extreme amounts of guy-on-guy-bromance. However, no pair really fills the cheesy void in the toastie of romance quite like Sam and Frodo. Despite the fact Frodo is consistently an absolute dick (which I suppose we can blame on him being in possession of the ring), Sam puts himself in harm’s way to save his old boss, time and time again; drowning, orcs, Andy Serkis, evil Aragogs – you name it and Sam’s done it. It’s only at the very climax of the film that the longing looks and emotion-laden words of love and friendship are all consolidated into one single action: carrying Frodo up the side of a fucking volcano. He wasn’t the only one who cried. Truly nothing can come between those bonds of brotherhood … well apart from lembas bread, but that shit is damn tasty.
Love Actually
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wasn’t entirely sure what to expect from Trash but I guess I was hoping for Billy Elliot with a Brazilian twist, perhaps the story of a slum child who sambas himself out of poverty. Instead, I got a diluted City Of God, a sort of Diet Coke version that quickly cloys and leaves you feeling enervated. When the fourteen year old Raphael (Rickson Tevez) finds a handbag amongst a mountain of rubbish, he quickly finds out that he’s stumbled across more than a bit of sodden cash. Police soon arrive in the favela looking for the mysterious purse. With his friends Gardo (Gabriel Weinstein) and Rato (Eduardo Luis), Raphael makes it his mission to pull the political scandal from the bottom the bag before he’s snagged by corrupt law enforcement. The visuals are generally fantastic throughout, with captivating shots of a slum literally built upon trash and litter laden waters, however, the overall story drastically lacks the same elegance. Aside from a cliched and generally implausible plot (a plot that leaves audiences asking why Raphael holds onto the emptied handbag rather than collecting the sizeable reward?) the tone of the movie is skittish to say the least, with the protagonist being violently beaten by police when he fails to comically dodge their bullets. It would seem that the film doesn’t quite know what tone it’s going for. It’s apparent that some scenes desperately try to make an emotional impact a little too prematurely. While the three untrained actors playing the leads are surprisingly impressive throughout, Rooney Mara and Martin Sheen put on average performances as a teacher and a priest, respectively, whose fumbling white presences are ultimately unneeded. I don’t doubt that there are some who would be entertained by this film, but for me, I feel there are only so many chase scenes you can follow before you’re trudging along, slurping at the flat dregs of your Diet Coke. More like this: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) Jack Dempsey
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ick-Ass with a vodka martini, Matthew Vaughn’s return to supremely zany filmmaking blazes even more of its barrels than anything the British genre filmmaker has come up with before, and his reunited bromance with Mark Millar’s demented graphic-novel material emerges as Kingsman: The Secret Service, which is frankly the most Bondian film since Die Another Day. The opening 10 minutes are something of unbridled twisted genius, combining Dire Straits, titles being formed out of flying rubble and a surprise appearance from Mark Hamill. It’s the spirit of Kingsman that it finds early on, but forgets for a spell when it concerns itself with above-par Eastenders antics when it introduces ‘Eggsy’, our chavvy protagonist with a ton of untapped potential. Things take a turn for the better when Colin Firth’s refreshingly posh Harry Hart snatches Eggsy away from his troubled homelife and makes him into a Kingsman; a whip-smart gentleman spy who can date a fine whiskey to its exact year from a mere whiff. If Kingsman wears its heart on its sleeve, it does so with the finest cufflinks and as a Bond spoof, it works marvelously in Vaughn’s own hyper-violent stylisations. The final act combines the mountainset lair of the arch-villain with enough near-worldsaves to put you on the edge of your seat again and again. Yet Kingsman knows it knows it’s completely predictable fluff in its narrative, but the free-wheeling morality of the film keeps you guessing as to just who is going to be gorily killed next. One particular action sequence, scored to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Free Bird’, is the most glorious thing Vaughn has ever given us. It goes a long way towards making up for the shortcomings of the punishing running time. Although more toothless than Kick-Ass, Kingsman is a deliciously entertaining subversion of the modern spy genre, but respecting and lampooning its own painfully British origins at the same time. More like this: Agent Cody Banks (2003) Simon Ramshaw
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s a perpetual cynic, for me, The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies was a little bit buggered from the start. Whilst Jackson’s formula of epic soundtrack, epic battles, epic speeches, epic effects and general epicness is one that has me grinning like a boy-child (see, Lord of the Rings: The Twin Towers) by the time it came to the final installment even I was growing a little weary. It’s not that the previous two Hobbits weren’t good, but both contained scenes and characters I just didn’t really care about and it all felt a little stretched - an inevitable outcome of stretching a children’s story into three lengthy motion pictures. Past material - and cynicism - aside, however, Five Armies is a testament to 21st Century digital film-making. Visually stunning as ever it shows that, after five films, Jackson has really mastered the aesthetics of Tolkien’s world. Unfortunately Bilbo (played by the ever adorable Martin Freeman) does seem a little lacklustre and out of place in the bigger battle scenes - which is not due to his status as a hobbit because Merry & Pippin excelled in their battle scenes in Lord of the Rings. Freeman’s performance is of course spot on, and most of the acting is top-notch. The narrative is less bloated than the previous two instalments, there’s more action and considerably less toasting, but for those of us who need to wee it does become difficult to wait through the final battle without having to nip to the lav. I would argue that even those like me who a) struggled to enjoy the first instalment and b) enjoyed the second but were angered by it ending when stuff was just hotting up, will find the third a viscerally pleasurable smorgasbord of Jacksonesque tropes. Really, it’s Jackson’s formula, and it’s a bloody good formula. One thing you won’t find in Five Armies, however, is anything remotely new and after investing ten hours of my life into this trilogy, I find that at best, problematic. More like this: King Kong (2005) David Leighton
Love Actually is a classic and, despite the haters it remains our Christmas number one (aside from The Muppets: Christmas Carol) purely for the b-ea-u-tiful romantic moments. These are moments that will stir the cockles of even the grumpiest bastard and for those who have a penchant for soppiness - tears, like the vino, will flow. Although less tacky than most, Love, Actually’s Rick Grimes makes for a rather beautiful busker.
After filming Keira Knightley in a sequence of horrible close ups this zombie-killing-love-machine pops round to her house complete with W3 card (we can only assume he’d found time to visit a craft shop for CORAL’s birthday or something) and gives her the lowdown on how his low-downs feel. This poignant, and fresh approach to romance leads to a genuinely beautiful scene in which our favourite survivalist declares: ‘But for now let me say - without hope or agenda - just because it’s Christmas and at Christmas you have to tell the truth... to me, you are perfect’.
Lizzie & Darcy Even though the 1995 BBC version is classed as the bona fide adaption of classic literature, I’m focusing on the 2005 Joe Wright adaptation where Mr Darcy’s initial proposal takes place in the unusual location of in the middle of a thundering rainstorm. The pathetic fallacy is enough to give anyone the shivers. Matthew Macfadyen is soaked through and quite literally looks like every word he is saying is causing him pain; fancying someone below his class, family obstacles and generally just being a prejudiced ass towards the heroine of the film. Lizzie of course takes none of crap and shoots him down immediately. What we can definitely take away from this entire situation, is how ridiculously difficult it must be to fancy someone who is poorer than you. Bloody hell, Darcy, sort your shit out mate.
26.tvhighlights
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
TV Editors: Helen Daly and Ellie McLaren Online TV Editor: Rebecca Rebecca Dooley
The land of trope and glory
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Tria Lawrence
The Love Story
his week, we’re going to explore the way TV depicts the blossoming romantic relationships that their characters never see coming. Well, unless they’re everyone but the couple-to-be. Our hypothetical coupleto-be will, in this case, be called Rory and Jess (which is absolutely nothing to do with my Gilmore Girls obsession or the gender ambiguity of their names…). I also feel I must apologise in advance. I am a natural cynic as the following article will make more than obvious. Rory and Jess begin as two friends (or enemies) who have an increase in ‘Unresolved Sexual Tension’ (UST). This usually comes in the form of constant bickering, longing glances and obvious jealousy they won’t admit to. Everyone else can see it but Rory and Jess refuse to give in to those feelings. They repress them deep inside and manage to piss off everyone around them. Think Mulder and Scully in The X Files. Seven seasons of petty arguments and gazes that do more to the room temperature than the radiator in the corner. They of course don’t realise that they’re suffering from a chronic case of UST and instead simply decide the other person is simply insufferable. Which isn’t frustrating for us in the slightest. Soon however, Rory begins to realise that Jess isn’t quite so bad. Actually, all those irritating personality traits are quite endearing. Queue the hilarious scene full of wide eyes and stuttering when Rory comes to the realisation of ‘I’m in love!’ The next few episodes follow Rory running around like a headless chicken trying to avoid Jess at all costs: what if they bumped into each other and everything was blurted out?! Once Rory has finished panicking, it becomes time to talk to Jess. This is the Anguished Declaration of Love. This declaration doesn’t come out quite as planned for Rory, and can go one of three ways. First is the HIMYM route, where Robin misses Barney’s confession, thinking it is part of their conversation. Second is The Office route, where Jim admits his feelings to Pam when she is still very much in a relationship. Third is where Jess is caught entirely off guard and refuses to reciprocate Rory’s feelings, either due to fear or actual dislike.
Better Call Saul
Netflix UK, Monday, from 7am
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ome may argue that it began with a trouserless Walter White, driving a poisoned RV through the Albuquerque desert. Or perhaps when the mild-mannered chemistry teacher received the terminal diagnosis of lung cancer, making those money-making gears snap into place. But for Heisenberg’s slimy lawyer, Saul Goodman, it all started many years beforehand, and that is exactly what Breaking Bad creator, Vince Gilligan (in collaboration with Peter Gould), is about to show us in AMC’s hotly-anticipated spin-off, Better Call Saul. For those who didn’t follow the critically-acclaimed meth-fuelled drama series, Saul Goodman is effectively Breaking Bad’s comic relief, played with oily charisma by Bob Odenkirk. It’s undeniable that the intensity of Walt and Jesse’s surrogate father-son relationship could become a
tad overbearing at times, so there was always room for a healthy dose of Saul to lighten the mood. Chock-full of colourful metaphors and cockamamie schemes, the criminal lawyer was sorely under-appreciated by his volatile clients. So, Gilligan and Gould are giving him the time to shine by showing us the tumultuous years leading up to his fall from grace as Albuquerque’s sleaziest lawyer. Specific plot details are immensely sketchy; not even in the seemingly final extended trailer, wherein Saul (going by his real name, Jimmy McGill in this series) attempts to get his brother his fair share of a company. Judging by Saul’s furious tone, it’s far removed from his mellow equilibrium in Breaking Bad. It seems that not only can we expect Odenkirk to show a more passionate, layered performance, but it also marks the show as more tonally. Channelling high tension without the constant threat of bloody violence that Breaking Bad had, there’s no reason why Better Call Saul couldn’t be just as subtle and skilful as its legendary predecessor. The new cast is a fascinating entity, with Bob Odenkirk being joined by new canon characters
However, over time the Anguished Declaration of Love starts to affect Jess. Rory finds a new job in another city and this starts to work on Jess’s mind. Jess suddenly can’t deal with the idea of losing Rory. It is at this point that the gods conspire together to create the rainstorm of the century (or as big as the studio budget will permit). Jess battles against the elements to find Rory, proving both depth of love and a complete inability to dress in a weather-appropriate fashion. Rory is driven to tears and they finally have their Big Damn Kiss out in the Romantic Rain, just like Ross and Rachel. At this point the episode will end with a crane shot zooming away from our new lovers. Everything we’ve been hoping for since the two characters first came together on screen has finally happened. The future awaits and at the moment it looks good. Of course the future actually holds two idiots who caught colds from being in the rain too long. At least we know they’ll last: they’ve already got past the ‘in sickness’ part of the wedding vows.
ITV, Monday, 9pm
Sky Atlantic, Thursday, 9pm
ITV, Saturday, 8.05pm
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Broadchurch
Fortitude
Take Me Out
here is only one way to watch Take Me Out - through the gaps between your fingers whilst you simultaneously cringe and laugh. The new series is currently being aired on ITV, making Saturday night the place to be for the ultimate date show. Take Me Out is an undeniably guilty pleasure to watch and the strangest mating ritual on television, presented by the irrepressible Paddy McGuiness who by now must be immune to all the weird and wonderful confessions and habits. From the frankly embarrassing dancing of the men to the truly terrible one-liners, you cannot help but admire the total lack of shame the contestants display. I’m not sure us lesser mortals could answer such questions as ‘if you were an animal/vegetable/household item what would you be and why?’ and keep some semblance of dignity. The new feature, ‘Love at First Light’, is the perfect opportunity to undermine any tenuous future the hapless couple might have. After all, nobody wants to hear that they weren’t first choice before they have to climb all those stairs in heels, hand in hand with a complete stranger who has just demonstrated their special skill, which nearly always involves Lycra. And what doesn’t scream romance like Fernando’s? Pronounced with your best Northern accent of course, the island seems only to be populated by the couples, which is either a blessing or a curse depending on the level of awkward that the dates achieve. Personally I’ll be tuning in next week. The heels are higher, the tans more luminous and the jokes even more silly - Take Me Out is back, and we are all the better for it. Fiona Callow
Howard Hamlin and Chuck McGill. Played by TV stalwart Patrick Fabian and This Is Spinal Tap star Michael McKean respectively, these two will likely form Saul’s antagonists from both sides. His arch-nemesis colleague and his seemingly overlydependent brother appear to be mounding pressure left, right and centre on our anti-hero, and the presence of Breaking Bad favourite Mike Ehrmantraut (a marvellously grumpy Jonathan Banks) will most certainly not help Saul’s predicament. Banks will likely be a recurring cameo, and with an appearance from Walter White’s first antagonist, Krazy-8, this only proves Better Call Saul will be a fascinating balance of sweet references and the impressive ability to stand on its own two feet. Without hyperbole, Breaking Bad might well be the greatest TV show ever created. So, without hyperbole, Better Call Saul has a very tough act to follow. Yet, with the key components for a great new series, it might not be able to escape the shadow of Breaking Bad, but it may well function perfectly in its own unique, personal way. Simon Ramshaw
I
’d not heard much about Sky Atlantic’s new drama, Fortitude, but had been intrigued by an atmospheric advert and reports of a polar bear traversing the tube in a publicity stunt. I didn’t expect it to open with Dumbledore mercy killing a man with his hunting rifle. Unfortunately for me, the feeling of vague confusion this invoked persisted through the entirety of the 90 minute episode, making for unsatisfying viewing. The show follows the lives of the town of Fortitude, a remote place on Svalbard. This allows for a large cast of characters from scientists and spouses to opportunists and a worryingly large police force, considering the town has no crime. People were introduced but only shallowly, and I was left not particularly caring about them. If you add to that the tangled web of plots such as adultery, a mysterious case of maybe-polio, the discovery of a maybe-mammoth, an ice hotel and finally a maybe-murder, maybe you may see why I found the story such a slog. It seems that Fortitude tried to be as good as Scandinavian crime dramas, but veered wonkily off course. They even hired Sofie Grabol, who lacked her usual ferocity as a tourism planning mayor. Everything about Fortitude screams that Sky just tried throwing fistfuls of money at it. The cast is excellent, but trying to explain why the Stanley Tucci came to work for the British police verged on ridiculous. Of course London would send an American to a Swedish police matter, right? The first episode was unimpressive, but I’ll try to give the series another go. Perhaps shorter episodes will be the way to go. Laura Staniforth
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efore I proceed I must forewarn that this article will contain spoilers from Season One of Broadchurch. ITV’s smash hit from 2014 has returned for a second season, much to the surprise of its following. So for those who are planning to start watching from season two, I must tell you that it is a terrible idea as it will remove all tension from the previous season when you finally catch up on it; and second that you should stop reading this immediately! The writers dropped a huge bombshell in the opening episode with the revelation that they would continue to follow the Latimers. During the Sherlock-esque wait for season two, many speculated about which characters would return and if Hardy/Miller (Tennant/Colman) would start on a new case. The return of all our favourites and Hardy’s continuing demons in the Sandbrook mystery wasn’t something many people had expected. With no current investigation being followed due to Miller’s removal from Broadchurch DI to ‘traffic cop’, and Hardy’s illness, the scene has been set nicely for Sandbrook to be fully spread on the table. This, and Joe’s trial, make-up the new plotline. There are twists as per last series, but the episodes are starting to take on a familiar pattern: it seems to be that at every episode ends with a bombshell revealed in court followed too quickly by the closing credits. That said, leaving us on tenterhooks does ensure I’m always back for the next episode. I’d definitely still recommend Broadchurch for fans of the first season; even if some of the ‘edge of the seat’ excitement has been lost, I’m still waiting for Monday evenings with anticipation every week. Kassie Hopewell
The Courier
featurestv.27
Monday 9 February 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv
Which TV couple are you DQG \RXU VLJQL¿ FDQW RWKHU" Start here:
Ew, being single on Valentine’s Day is a crime
How single are you?
Fabulously single, darling
I will go down with this ship 'DYLG /HLJKWRQ explores the Tumblr world of Shipping and discusses his favourite ships
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s a long-time obsessive of many, many TV shows I have spent many a lonely eve fantasising over my favourite ‘ships’. The art of ‘shipping’ requires placing two (usually) platonic characters in a completely imagined relationship. Or, at least, wishing that said two characters were together. So yes, I ship hard.
Scrubs: Dr Cox and JD It’s complicated
What do you love the most about your S/O?
Their sense of humour
London
Their emotional unavailability.
Las Vegas
Would you double date? No
Where would you minibreak?
This, I know, is probably one of my more messedup suggestions, what with their relationship being seemingly paternal. But to me there’s really something special about the unique relationship these two characters share. Perry Cox, constantly annoyed by his young, more caring protégé, JD. JD constantly wishing for Cox’s approval and (finally) managing to achieve a hug in the ending montage – it’s a beautiful eight season long relationship that often ends with me screaming ‘JUST MOVE IN TOGETHER ALREADY’
Do you prefer takeaways or home-cooking together?
Yes
Where will you and your s/o be living in 10 years?
Miami
Get that greasy parmo in us ASAP
DIY FTW
House: Dr Wilson and Dr House I’m not sure why I have such a penchant for medical bromances. Possibly, it is because Dr Cox is much alike to House – Scrubs even mentions this in one episodes as JD wistfully ponders for a real life House, only for Cox to limp in the room and start making deductions. House M.D overtly flaunts the nearly homosexual relationship shared by Wilson and House, some episodes containing scenes in which the two try to ‘pull’ only to be rejected because they must surely be gay. This, combined with their intelligence, inner turmoil (drool worthy inner turmoil) and sassy attitudes makes them my favourite imaginary couple.
Pokey London flat A flipping lovely house
Where would you rather go on a date?
What’s your opinion on 50 Shades of Grey? Coffee shop Oooh, saucy
Sherlock and Irene You’ve been SherLOCKED. The power conflicts between you are intense and you both think you’re right, all of the time. When you two are in the room, all eyes are on you. You’re extremely passionate and would risk your life for each other.
Definitely not
Pub please
Ross and Rachel
Homer and Marge
You’re the lucky ones - you’ve found your lobster in each other. Yes, you’ve had your fights, and yes, you have probably been on a break, but you two are meant to be together. You’ve got a whole bunch of Friends, but you only ever need each other.
You’re TV’s sweetest married couple, Homer and Marge. You have family values at heart and you love nothing more than each other’s company. You’ve got a lovely house in a lovely town and a lovely family who you have lovely times with. Lovely.
Mark Francis You’re Mark Francis. You’re fabulously single, and far too busy shopping for the latest designer threads to adorn your body with. The only date you have is with the hairdressers, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sherlock: Sherlock and John :DWVRQ Like practically all of Tumblr, I ship these two with a passion. Martin Freeman’s inspiring portrayal of the adrenaline-junkie-cum-medical-officer perfectly complements Cumberbatch’s portrayal of the high-functioning, sociopathic Sherlock. Not only do both actors kill the roles, but the characters are beautifully written as the most loyal friends. Whilst it’s a little silly to pretend these two could be anything other than mates, the episode ‘The Sign of Three’ features John and Mary’s wedding whilst (somewhat oddly) focusing a great deal on the relationship between John and Sherlock. So maybe it’s not just Tumblr that likes seeing the dashing duo do their thang.
28.music
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Music Editors: ditors: Jamie Shepherd, Dominique Daly and Chris Addison
Electronic Blanket Everyone’s favourite electro know-it-all Max Palmer- Geaves is back for another year, giving you the inside track on the latest bangers and happenings Electronic Goings On
If you haven’t noticed already, D’Angelo is back and in my opinion better than ever. For those of you not acquainted with him: until recently he was famous for producing two records considered to be possibly the two finest neo-soul albums ever written, though due to various problems relating to his new fame he began to step into the shadows during the Noughties. Finally though, after a wait of fourteen years, he has returned on storming form with new album Black Messiah, a swaggering exercise in down-tempo grooves, which oozes funk and cements his position as one of the classics of R&B. The record’s production is one of its key selling points, it adds innovation to classic songwriting and its mixing is really interesting, as rather than present the songs in smooth-as-silk form D’Angelo has chosen to present much rawer versions which have the feel of demos, a trick which keeps the sound interesting. If you need any convincing go and listen to ‘Sugah Daddy’ which is already being hailed as a classic. The return of a truly great musician in a sonic world now populated by mixloving morons, where everyone and their nan is a laptop DJ. Listen To: D’Angelo – ‘Sugah Daddy’
Preview: Pirate Material presents Woz @ World HQ 12th February
Expect an evening of some seriously heavy bass lines and tight clipped percussion from Black Butter Records’ Woz. Employing gorgeous rolling synths and a writing style that clearly draws on classic UK artists such as Inner City, tracks such as ‘Keep’ have an inescapable beauty in their simplistic aggression, underpinned by razor sharp production. He is one of the finest young talents on the UK bass scene, seamlessly fusing garage and 2-step influences with a heavy rolling house sound, this is evident on his track ‘Feel’ which can be downloaded for free off Soundcloud. Being young and talented and a Producer/DJ he does of course hail from Bristol and all those sounds can be heard in his latest release ‘Cherry Hill’, a track which sounds like the moment when you realize you’ve taken it slightly too far, just before the strobe goes off and you fall over because you’ve lost the ability to see, not that it mattered anyway. To be honest Pirate Material always put on a good night, there aren’t likely to be any schweffes wearing an outfit made up entirely of Le Coq Sportif and Fila, who just love ‘Garaaaaaaage’ music and think Loefah is something you use in the shower. Listen to: Woz - ‘Keep’
You Need To Hear This: Mo Kolours
Sunday is my favourite day of the week, a day for chilling, recovering, sorting your shit out and surrounding yourself with all the good people you love. London based producer Mo Kolours provides the perfect soundtrack. His debut album essentially consists of a collection of MPC jams comprised of rhythms made up of recordings of organic percussion, this gives it a certain charm and is evidenced by every off-kilter clap and offbeat finger click. His soothing vocals gently lead you through the messy beats adding just the right amount of soul to tracks, which have an inescapable groove. Mo Kolours’ sound is influenced by the Sega music of his African roots, a percussive music made up of rattles, triangles and hand drums. Its influence can be heard in all of his recordings, which otherwise lean towards mellow hip-hop and soul. Points of note on the record are the sampling of some steel drums on ‘Little Brown Dog’ which sounds like the feel of grass between your toes, and the sun-drenched house vibes on ‘Mike Black’. If I were to invite my friends over in summer with a view to barbequeing a load of delicious fresh fish, this is what I would put on. Listen to: Mo Kolours – ‘Mike Black’
Girls in Peacetime Want to Dance Belle and Sebastian
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irls In Peacetime Want to Dance is the ninth studio album by Glasgow indiepop band Belle and Sebastian. For nineteen years the band have established themselves as a stalwart of the Glasgow music scene, enjoying consistent admiration from major music critics. As an avid follower of their work, it’s not difficult to understand why. The group have a distinctively mellow and sweetly nostalgic sound, described by critics as ‘wistful pop’, but while their songs are instantly recognisable, they playfully explore a multitude of genres and cross-cultural references. This album is no exception. They maintain their distinctive style despite branching further into the realms of dance music. Opening with familiarly folksy ‘Nobody’s Empire’, said to detail front man Stuart Murdoch’s personal struggles with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, the listener is immediately reminded of some of the band’s earliest songs. The sweetly recurrent hook and Murdoch’s amiable vocals are distinctly reminiscent of classics like ‘The State that I Am In’ from debut album Tigermilk (one of my personal favourite albums of all time). The album, however, makes a deft transition to bolder dance music with bright synthetic rhythms such as that found in ‘The Party Line’. This is the first single released from the album; a bold statement from a group who have been established for almost twenty years in a very different genre. ‘The Party Line’ is heavily influenced by disco, and the lyrics, in an unusual move for Belle and Sebastian, take a back seat against the heavy kick-beat of the drums and hazy synthesizers. A personal particular favourite from this album is ‘The Cat with the Cream’, a sweeping melan-
cholic song where aching escalating strings arc above the harmonising vocals of Sarah Martin and Murdoch. It’s beautiful, atmospheric, and very much old-school Belle and Sebastian. The band are clearly enjoying playing around with their image and reputation in this album, and this is clear in the transition between ‘The Cat with the Cream’ and ‘Enter Sylvia Plath’. I actually laughed out loud when the tracks switched, and the reverberating string work of the first song was replaced with peppy Pet Shop Boys-esque intro for ‘Enter Sylvia Plath’, an exuberant seven-minute electro-pop extravaganza.
B4.D4.$$ Joey Bada$$
Sauna Mount Eerie
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hen Joey Bada$$ burst onto the scene with the 1999 mixtape, he was praised for being old. His entire sound was based off of the 90s rap he grew up with, a sound he’s carried on into B4.D4.$$. The last few years have changed his style and delivery with the death of friends and collaborators burying their way into his work. On 1999 Joey used a flow that was soft and understated, melding with the beats to make a relaxed vibe. He’s got something to say now, so the softness is gone and he’s adopted an edge to his voice. The beats are similar to old ones he’s used, but they make use of sombre notes to punctuate Joey’s changed mindstate. This carries on the 90s feel that surrounds his work, and he wears his influences openly, paying homage to the Wu-Tang Clan in ‘Paper Trail$’ and Nas in ‘Hazeus View.’ Other New York legends are referenced throughout, with the up-and-comer Action Bronson having a verse in the album’s closing, placing B4.D4.$$ firmly in New York’s legacy. His altered mindstate is best shown through the delightfully unsubtle, politically charged ‘No.99’ In this, Joey assumes the role of ‘Badmon’, black vigilante fighting against the supremacy. This is the furthest departure from Joey’s prior LPs, and is where he comes into his own. He’s remained within the 90s, giving falling back to political themes they often explored, but he has stepped out from his usual Daisy Age zone. It’d be easy to criticise the content of the album as ‘more of the same’ regular hip-hop content, but that’s probably the point – issues explored are still exactly the same. Joey’s matured to face that, and adding his voice to the mass can only inspire change. Scott Reid
“They maintain their distinctive style despite branching into the realms of dance music”
This album is something special. The band has demonstrated great skill, moving deftly across genres and styles with a playful exuberance and a cheerfully self-referential wink to their loyal fans. Still distinctly Belle and Sebastian, the band has carried their strengths and influences into a whole new realm of electro-pop dance music. The richness in the detail of their production makes me wonder if this album might be the one to expand their success further into the commercial. Honestly though, it seems barely relevant. For nineteen years now the band has been creating innovative, unusual and beautiful music, and this album shows they have no intention of slowing down now. Leila Nashef
More than this Let’s Get Out of This City - Camera Obscura Another Scottish indie-pop classic from a band that knocked about in the same scene as Belle and Sebastian, Let’s Get Out of This City is full of whimsy and woozy. From opener ‘Lloyd, I’m Ready to Be Heartbroken’ to closer ‘Razzle Dazzle Rose’, this is music for the most earnest of hearts. Fin de Siècle - The Divine Comedy Neil Hannon’s been constantly compared to chamber pop troubadour Scott Walker since they made it big in the heady days of Britpop. With lyrical witticism evident on ‘National Express’ the album plays with melancholia, psychedelia, and sweet, sweet nostalgia.
Computer Controlled Acoustic Instruments Pt.2 Aphex Twin
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F
omplete with rushing water and crackling fire, it first appears that Mount Eerie’s latest LP Sauna, is settling us in with the opening title track for a nice relaxing listen set deep in quiet and peaceful woods. This is then, however, followed by two very neat tunes in ‘Turmoil’ and ‘Dragon’ that are, unfortunately, overwhelmed by the sounds of that forest. There are a few times when Sauna does sound a little cluttered. It presents a more introspective approach not seen on previous Mount Eerie efforts. This album sounds like an experiment in sound, but possibly at the expense of the songs themselves. Sauna is still, however, a fascinating listen. It gets darker the deeper into the woods you go. At first it seems a shame that the varied, complex and dark later tracks should be shrouded in what seems to be just a distracting noise. On more listens, we find that this noise actually adds an impressive layer of depth to the music. This is epitomized on the wild album closer ‘Youth’, which demonstrates Phil Elvrum’s magnificent, chameleon-like musical talent. ‘Youth’ surges from quiet ballad into raging guitar riff and then turns up the distorted doombass for one final surge of gothic epic. What better way to end this wild and unexpected ride? From its atmospheric beginnings Sauna descends on a breathtaking spiral down the Devil’s staircase and it is in its weirdness that it truly shines. It’s almost as though, by making his music extra difficult to listen to, Phil Elvrum has actually stumbled upon a sound that adds a uniqueness and charm to what first appears as indie buffoonery. Hats off to him, whether intentional or not this charm and craziness makes Sauna a diamond in the rough.
ollowing the re-emergence of Aphex Twin in September of last year, it seems the producer is making up for lost time. Barely six months after the release of his hotlyanticipated and well-received LP Syro, he’s released a 13-track EP Computer Controlled Acoustic Instruments Pt.2. He is even rumoured to have been releasing a plethora of previously unreleased music via Soundcloud, under the anonymous moniker ‘user48736353001’. He released 70 tracks over a few days, with the prospect of more to come. A remix of Computer Controlled Acoustic Instruments Pt.2’s first track premiered earlier this month. ‘diskhat ALL prepared1mixed 13 [snar2 mix]’ is an intriguing layering of dark synths and restless percussions which served as a promising preview for an EP that didn’t quite deliver. The EP has received mixed reviews to say the least; it has been lauded as ‘perfectly engineered’, and denounced as ‘the compositional scribblings of a sleepless man’. Whereas this EP definitely doesn’t showcase the same flow and trance influences as Syro, significantly decreasing its danceability, it does explore a more disjointed approach to percussions and avant-garde jazz. The shorter tracks, such as ‘piano un10 it happened’ and ‘0035 1-Audio’ are short bursts of frantic robotic jazzy energy, but it is the longer, more layered pieces that make the EP worth listening to. The original ‘diskhat ALL prepared1mixed 13’ is just as interesting as the reworked preview, and an equally standout track is the EP’s closer ‘hat5c 0001 rec-4’. In conclusion, I’d say that the EP is certainly worth checking out.
Liam Keeble
Iqra Choudhry
The Courier
music.29
Monday 9 February 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music
Lay Lady (P)lay(list) The scene is set: lights are dimmed, rose petals are scattered on the sheets. All that’s missing is the sound of seduction. Connor McDonnell selects a mixtape for lusty lovers this Valentine’s Day selects a mixtape for lusty lovers this Valentine’s Day
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t is often said that the eyes are the window to the soul, so Nicolas Jaar’s slow burner ‘Balance Her In Between Your Eyes’ sets up intimacy through this ethereal soundscape. This intense opening track will slump any listener in to a daze of pure amore. Flying Lotus’ lo-fi, experimental nu-jazz single ‘Putty Boy Strut’ picks up the energy through sharp bass interjections and a rampant combination of snares and hi-hat percussion. This one is for limbering up before the magic happens. Prince is the best (and probably only) little purple man in music, especially when it comes to dousing the air with that thing we call love. ‘Kiss’ is imbued with uplifting chatup lines, like the first line ‘you don’t have to be beautiful to turn me on’ and the infamous sweet, jangling guitar before Prince shrieks “Kiss!” with high-pitched conviction. There’s only one thing that’s happening after hearing Prince’s godly voice. When things are getting a lil bit s t e a my, who bet-
ter to listen to than Jazz man John Coltrane with ‘Up ‘Gainst The Wall’. His sax spurts will certainly keep you pinned you up against the wall, or surface of your choice for that matter. James Brown delivers the epic 8 minute ‘Sho Is Funky Down Here’ for when the wall becomes boring, and things should be taken under duvets. It is an instrumental, with the occasional James Brown wail. It is very much an obligation to include the Godfather of Soul and Funk in a mixtape of this sort, and ‘Sho Is Funky Down Here’ will get you on the scene, like a sex machine. Keeping it strictly funky, Californian band !!! (Chk Chk Chk) and their eccentric groover front man Nic Offer bust out the shapes with ‘Bend Over Beethoven’ as Offer sings “don’t, don’t stop”. This is another 8 minute tune so, guys, hopefully your stamina is on point. Typical Hot Chip chimes
Hipsters are Thinking of asking out that Mac DeMarco fan in your seminar? An doing it for writer explains why not anonymous, lovesick to bother themselves
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ever fall love with a hipster rocker, I tell you the truth, the reality’s a shocker. They’ll act all laid back, without manner or care, But when you’re together they’ll only be high as the air. He’ll spend all his time with the guys and his guitar, So don’t you ever expect him to ask how you are! When you first laid eyes on him, you thought he was a regular Mac DeMarco, But your friends said he looked like a lumberjack, so a definite no no. You worry in the middle of the night he’ll steal your bobbles for a topknot, and the artisan coffee he orders is the only thing in your relationship thats hot. If you really want love, you should go with a punk. With his leather and safety pins, you can’t deny he’s a hunk! He’ll take you to gigs to see all the aggressive bands, And he’ll get your name tattooed all over his hands. For a punk is a guy who will make you feel fine, And a hipster is a whinger and all he’ll do is whine!
and twinkling keys welcome the song ‘Atomic Bomb’. Hot Chip are complimented by William Onyeabor’s Afro-beat melodies and a catchy bass. In the chorus, Hot Chip’s Alexis Taylor drools “I’m gonna explode like an atomic bomb”, and the song ends with the sound of an explosion. Yeah…this is not a dignified choice of song, but it is a great tune. When the postcoitus tenderness sets
“Why wouldn’t you want to imagine Mick Jagger’s dusty hips, gyrating to this Stones classic, after making love to your significant other?”
in, Todd Terje’s reworking of Chaz Jankel’s ‘Glad To Know You’ soothes sweaty bodies. Let the piano chord progression and the echoing vocals wash over you in your idyllic stupor. Rolling Stones finish off the mixtape with ‘Miss You’. Why wouldn’t you want to imagine Mick Jagger’s dusty hips, gyrating to this Stones classic, after making love to your significant other? With disco undertones and Sir Mick’s falsetto “ooohs”, this one will coo you in to a romantic disposition, as though whispered to by Cupid himself but please don’t actually imagine Jagger swaying about; that can be quite off-putting.
Killing me softly with his song Tackling the sinister side of love songs, Music Editor Dominique Daly gives us the low down on why you should be more afraid than weak at the knees when someone serenades you with love songs
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ave you ever dreamt that someday a talented and hunky love muffin with a persuasion for musical expression will come and sweep you off your feet, a la Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything? If said hunk did feel the need he would have any manner of love song at his hand to express his lusty feelings. As a nation we are hooked on love songs and every heart bursting cheesy line that comes with them. However, have you ever thought about how crazed and obsessive the lines of your favourite heart filled expression of desire actually sounds? Take The Cure’s declaration of unending, unyielding love ‘Love Song’. It may sound wonderful when in the throws of passion however, five months down the line when your sick of his morning breath and Robert Smiths words “However far away, I will always love you” are ringing in your ears, you may start to feel a little trapped. This is just the start my friends, sift through the mountain of undying love metaphors and you may just start to see a pattern and I’m here to finally say what we’ve all been thinking deep down. Love songs aren’t sweet! They’re the demented ramblings of obsessed madmen who seem to be teetering on the edge of sanity, leaving the beloved with no other choice than to return said undying love or face the consequences. Listen to Harry Nilsson’s terrifying ballad ‘Without You’ if you’re not convinced.
Valentine’s venom
Sick of soppy love songs? In need of an injection of anti- romance, Iqra Chroudry has a top 5 just for you right in time for the most lovingly horrid day of the year
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Taylor Swift - We Are Never Getting Back Together What would this list be without T Swizzle? The drama of the on-again, off-again is well The will documented. they-won’t-they. The backand-forth. The mistake of sticking with something familiar instead of dressing up like hipsters and making fun of your exes. With the Queen of Getting-Backat-Your-Ex on your side, who needs love? RIGHT?
Kelly Clarkson - Never Again
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Arctic Monkeys - Snap Out Of It We all want to grab a loved-up friend we’ve not seen in forever and give them a good old dose of reality. In the honeymoon phase of a relationship, people are blind to all that’s bad about their significant other, but when those faults are glaring you in the face, you’re ready to be done with love and all its stupidity.
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Kelly can do a great antilove song. Heck, she can pen an entire ALBUM of them, and this bitter pop tune is a good way to vocalise all those things we all know you’re thinking when you’ve realised just how much of an arse your ex was. Those days are over. You’re moving onwards and upwards and you’ll never make the same mistake again, because you now have the perfect dose of selfishness.
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All Time Low - Thanks to You No-one does those teenage angsty feels like All Time Low. A single off their 5th album, this is a tune perfect for having a good old ‘you messed me up, and now I’ll hate you for- ever’ wail. Because we all get gloriously messed up; we all lose a little bit of our romantic idealism. Go on, let it out because being jaded and resentful may be teenage in the extreme, but at least you can soundtrack it.
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Slipknot - Dead Memories When you’re in that ‘I HATE LOVE AND EVERYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH IT’ mood, you want to get angry. You want to pound your fist in the air. Slipknot have the melodic, heavy rage that perfectly reflects just how you feel when you realise that sometimes, love means wasting a silly amount of time on someone who totally wasn’t worth it.
30.gaming
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Gaming Editors: Sophie Baines and Ben Tyrer
The top 3 dating games No date? No worries. Settle in with one of these for company
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Review: Grey Goo
Louis Francis does a gaming review of Grey Goo - and, yes, we do love that pneumatic rhyming and alliteration
ou know, nothing quite says romance like staying inside playing video games instead of interacting with other human beings. They call it the game of love for a reason, and that reason is the veritable smorgasbord of virtual romancing available to us gaming fans in 2015 - what a time to be alive. Yes, it’s time to eschew the needless complications and heartache of actual romance in favour of these, the best dating games. I can only apologise in advance.
3. The Sims Let’s be honest, the first step in any proper relationship involves careful simulation in Maxis’ extremely realistic relationship stress testing environment. Before you can be sure you want to commit to a life in the company of another, any sane person fires up The Sims and puts the potential courtship to a rigorous course of testing. Just how would the relationship hold up if suddenly the house had no doors and it felt like an external force was determined to start a fire in every room? How exactly would the marriage survive constant drownings in a pool with no ladder? Thank goodness The Sims exists to inform us of the important things. If only life had relationship moodlets that gave detailed real-time information on your standing with other people. And the contents of your bladder.
2. World of Warcraft They say home is where the Hearthstone is, and if the endless popularity of heart-shaped Hearthstone charms on Etsy is any indication the old adage still rings true. Yes, many stalwart adventurers find their love in the rolling bluffs and frigid wastes of Azeroth, and the game has played host to a frankly disturbing number of in-game weddings over the decade it has been available. What better way to tie the knot than while queuing for dungeons, slaying monsters and spamming trade chat with “WTB Gold Wedding Band pst me ASAP!” Truly, any couple whose love is forged in the fires of Blackrock Foundry are evidently Soulbound.
1. Hatoful Boyfriend The first game in this list to truly conform to the dating sim genre, Hatoful Boyfriend is perhaps the epitome in Ornithological relationship simulation. Indeed, no other game simulates the highs and lows of feathered romance quite like this landmark visual novel. As the only human accepted at the prestigious St. PigeoNation’s institute for talented birds, you are tasked with finding love in between classes at the world’s greatest pigeon high school. With such technical innovations as pigeons rendered in 1080p at a stunning 60 flaps per second, it’s hard not to recommend this imPECK-able hoot of a game. Ben Tyrer
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f you’ve heard anything about Grey Goo already, chances are good you’ve heard something about it being a “new Real-Time Strategy game by the makers of Command & Conquer”. Petroglyph Games have been living off the name recognition of this pedigree since they formed in 2003 to create the not-that-great Star Wars: Empire at War, and for Petroglyph it’s basically been downhill from there, with a succession of unpopular games and aborted projects. Backed by new mysterious publisher Grey Box, Petroglyph return with the atrociously named Grey Goo which, while it isn’t the only RTS released since 2010’s Starcraft II, is one of the few releases in a genre that has had a remarkable fall from grace. Is Grey Goo the game strategy gamers deserve, destined to be a new franchise in an ailing genre? Well. Uh. It’s impossible to talk about Grey Goo without comparisons to Starcraft II, the game which revived the RTS genre only to watch it slowly die a second time. Like Starcraft II, Grey Goo has three factions; the humans, the grey goo itself, and a species of aliens called the Beta who appear to be predominantly South African.
While the single-player campaign attempts to inject more personality into the races beyond these rather limp names, it’s a struggle to identify any real differences between the three factions. While they look vaguely analogous to the Terrans, Protoss and Zerg of Starcraft II, there is a rather unpleasant homogeneity to the three factions of Grey Goo. Yes, they look different; yes, they have some dif-
“While the campaign attempts to inject some personality, it’s a struggle to identify with factions”
ferent units – but there is nothing like the diversity in play style. This compounds the rather basic problem with Grey Goo, which is that while it may look nice, it plays like an RTS from an earlier era. At least in the time I spent with it, I felt it lacking in strategic depth. Both in terms of micromanagement and overall strategy, it suffers when compared to any other RTS released in the past
Top 5 couples in games Michael Hicks cherry picks gaming’s best relationships
5. Master Chief and Cortana Yes, there’s a bit of a physical (and dimensional) barrier between these two, but they deeply trust each other and are devoutly loyal, and would follow each other into Hell and back regardless of the circumstances. The Gravemind took control of Cortana and used her to lure Chief into a trap of zombie-like Flood monsters, he still followed her even though he knew he might die, as there was a chance to save her. If firing your way through a zombie-filled level that looks suspiciously like an anus to save a woman who is constantly nagging at you isn’t love, I don’t want to know what is.
3. Tidus and Yuna The Final Fantasy series is no stranger to romance, but Tidus and Yuna are, in my opinion, the best. Yes, he is a whiny brat, and she is duty-bound to a fault and forced into marriage for political and not-dying reasons, but it’s the sum total of the journey that makes these two the best. In an end-game plot twist, it is revealed that they cannot be together as fulfilling the mission would result in Tidus vanishing. While they follow the mission through, the anguish is real and the sequel to X (named X-2 in dumb Final Fantasy tradition) has Yuna searching for her lost love. With these two, you don’t have to be told they’re a couple. You simply feel it.
4. Nathan Drake and Elena Fisher Despite the insanity that Uncharted sometimes revels in, the series has mostly stayed grounded in reality, mainly thanks to some great performances by the actors and some great scriptwriting. When you put these two together, it’s no wonder such a good gaming couple emerged from this series. Even in the first scene of the first game, it’s clear there’s a connection and it only grows stronger throughout the series. Yes, while Drake does have to save Elena in traditional video game tradition, she is more than capable of holding her own in both firefights and in the tricky climbing sections.
2. Ico and Yorda Trust is a central part of any successful relationship, and these two have it spades. Both outcasts, poorly equipped to deal with not only the maze-like prison they find themselves in, but also the horde of smoke demons and their foul queen (Ico’s main weapon for most of the game is a stick, that’ll give you an idea of how poorly equipped they are). They don’t even speak the same language, but that doesn’t stop them running hand-in-hand in defiance of their fate. It’s impossible for the player not to become engrossed and feel a genuine connection to both the romance and their plight.
The relationship between these two is literally a fairy tale. A lowly plumber
the princess from a fire-spewing dragon, turtle thing, only to receive a 1. Peach saves thank you and do it all again next week. Gradually, the gratitude that the Pringives Mario becomes less platonic as the series goes on; a kiss on his freakand cess ishly large nose here, some “cake” there, it’s easy to see a connection growing the two, a connection that can never be released due to the rigid class Mario between system of the Mushroom Kingdom. Still, these two are gaming’s golden couple.
five years. It feels, in all respects, almost exactly like a not particularly fresh Command & Conquer. The lack of unit abilities give the game an atavistic quality, where armies are just mashed together and the larger force triumphs. Grey Goo struggles to feel unique in any real context; even the “epic”, oversized and overpowered units you can build are only an interesting diversion from the basic RTS experience. The game has neither the creative flair that a new entry to a genre should have, nor the polish of its contemporaries. It’s also, incidentally, one of the worst optimized games I have played for quite some time – if you’re planning to try it on anything other than a cutting edge computer, beware. Perhaps the nicest thing I can say about Grey Goo is it made me think fondly of the time I spent playing Starcraft II, and resurrected in me a tiny bit of excitement for the eventual release of the next Starcraft II expansion. While Grey Goo isn’t an awful game, for most tastes, nor is it particularly good. It is archaic where it should be sleek, and sluggish when it should be quick. All this makes for a game that feels about as bland as its name.
Too Steamy? Rosie Bellini has a bone to pick regarding the newest additions to Steam’s library
W
ith the most recent change to Steam’s terms of service, it appears that a sub clause stating that any game that is uploaded “must not contain offensive material” no longer justifies the removal of explicit nudity, prompting the introduction of the latest category to Steam’s online library; Mature Dating Simulators.
“With the introduction of these graphic novels, Steam’s curation can hardly be called tasteful”
Most of these so-called ‘graphic novels’ include nudity, sexual acts and fetish play with young anime girls possessing GG-cups yet only look like they’ve only just reached puberty so it’s unsurprising that users are a little bit perturbed at the sudden change of scenery. Now sex, as we know kids, isn’t offensive but with the introduction of ‘graphic novels’ such as Nekopara Vol. 1, Huniepop and Sakura Angels that have no narrative, poor translations and submitted reviews such as “best played one handed” and “has a great ‘plot’,” it’s hard to take Steam’s new change to its moderating as “tasteful”. Unsurprising, as with the majority of adult content on the internet, it’s entirely aimed towards the (seemingly ever horny) male gamer that can cause the constantly growing and thriving community of female gamers to feel alienated and uneasy. Miriam Bellard, developer of No Reply Games, makes a good point in pointing out that “many people still view games as ‘for children’ in spite of the fact that the average gamer is 30 years old”. It may initially appear Steam is fine with graphic depictions of violence and gore but appears uncomfortable with dealing with sexual themes. However, I don’t think that’s the real issue here, in the same way that a lot of online services do not sell porn, it just doesn’t feel appropriate that a mainstream gaming service like Steam should do it either. If erotic gaming is to find a market - and let’s face it, the market it out there – it’s in banding together to create adult gaming portals and not through a highly regarded digital game store.
The Courier
gaming.31
Monday 9 February 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk @Courier_Gaming
Mod Spotlight: New Vegas Bounties In this new feature, we’ll be taking a look at some of the coolest, most complex and often downright ridiculous mods for games. Christopher McCann checks out a mercenary new adventure for Fallout: New Vegas able from that of the base game. The characters are fully voice acted to an extremely high standard and the quest line is fantastically written, with its fair share of suspense and betrayal which will leave you looking over your shoulder for weeks.
Reload: Resident Evil
-DFN &DXO¿ HOG braves comically stilted dialogue DQG WKH OLYLQJ GHDG WR ¿ QG out if the seminal survival horror holds up
“The quality of the mod is indistinguishable from the game”
I
breathe a sigh of relief as I finally arrive at the familiar and reassuring walls of Camp McCarran after an excursion into fiend territory, inventory laden with loot and caps. I stop for a moment in front of the gates for a drink of water when all of a sudden a sniper shot rings out and rips through my leg. Managing to crawl behind the burnt out shell of a car, I pull out my hunting rifle and frantically check nearby rooftops for my assailant. After a few tense minutes I spot him in the window of a nearby ruin, line up my shot and pull the trigger. I see my shot hurtle towards him and plough straight into his head, splattering his brains on the wall behind
him. Getting up, I limp back towards the gates – safe, for now. Such is the life of a bounty hunter in Someguy2000’s New Vegas Bounties series for Fallout: New Vegas. This quest mod allows you to take up the noble and astonishingly well paid career of ridding the Mohave of evil-doers in a winding quest chain that fits the theme of New Vegas perfectly. Starting as nothing more than a hired gun, the mod sees you rise through the ranks of a bounty hunter service to become a legendary vigilante inspiring terror in those you pursue. What really sets this mod apart from others is the quality of its content, which is almost indistinguish-
An enormous part of the enjoyment for New Vegas Bounties comes from the targets you face, with bounties ranging from the serious and calculating leader of a crime syndicate to a psychotic killer clown with a penchant for murdering children. Each criminal has a deep and engaging back story which makes hunting them down and killing them all the more fun and satisfying. Especially that damn clown. Sick bastard. This mod is not for the faint of heart. The description boasts that ‘You will be harried, ambushed, outnumbered, and outgunned’, and it’s definitely not lying. The story above is an example of how the mod reacts to your actions – as you build a reputation as a bounty hunter, criminals often seek to get the drop on you, attacking you while you sleep or in your house. The mod ensures that you never feel safe; when you think you’ve completed all it has to offer you’ll suddenly find a gun toting maniac coming out of your cupboard. The mod is a fantastic addition to Fallout: New Vegas, providing hours of premium content, and is a must have for anyone looking to enhance their experience in the post-apocalyptic Mohave. Anyone wanting to download New Vegas Bounties 1 or 2 can find them on the New Vegas Nexus.
What I’m Playing: Metroid Prime 2: Echoes James McCoull is bang-smack in the middle of Nintendo’s Metroid Prime trilogy
A
s the middle child of a truly beloved trilogy, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes occupies an uncomfortable space in the set. Is it possible to follow something as singularly successful and satisfying as the original Metroid Prime? On the same system as its predecessor, is it possible to live up to the name as Corruption did by retaining Prime’s formula but tweaking and refreshing to make something new yet familiar? Well, yes and no. Opinions are divided. But for me, there’s no better example of what Metroid is all about than Echoes. Responding to a distress call on the planet Aether, Samus discovers a world split in twain: a dark side and a light (Nintendo really love that duality theme, guys), a race on the brink of extinction, and a sinister Arandoppelgänger killing everything in its path. Alone, ill-equipped and surrounded by the corpses of those who arrived before her, Samus resolves herself to saving this strange world for the good of the galaxy. If that last sentence sounds familiar, you’ve probably played literally any Metroid game ever. But where Echoes truly shines (ironically) is that
it is unrelentingly dark. Before anything else, you must gun down the possessed corpses of soldiers whose dying moments you can read through their personal logs – one particularly harrowing log documents an already unstable soldier slipping fully into insanity moments before being torn apart.
“A daunting, ominous soundtrack follows you everywhere you go, reinforcing the feeling of constant attack”
Later, as eldritch beasts scurry in packs on scythelike legs through air that corrodes your armour by the second, you’ll feel more alone and outmatched than ever, and in a series devoted to capturing that feeling I think Echoes stands out as doing it best. A daunting, ominous soundtrack follows you everywhere you go on Aether, and the environments reinforce this feeling of being constantly attacked. There’s not a single body of water in the Torvus Bog that doesn’t contain at least two things that
want to kill you – and this chapter forces you to dive to the very depths of it. In the Agon Wastes, the ground itself is barren and lifeless, leaving you alone against deadly beasts and the tattered scraps of flora that manage to survive here (and yes, even some of this will hurt you). The Sanctuary Fortress is a labyrinth of engines and computers, droids and turrets around each and every corner, leaving you feeling like nothing more than a virus in a system. This is not a game that does isolation and persecution well: this is a game that defines those terms. I’ve never felt more victimised in a game than when two Grenchlers trapped me on a ledge in the Torvus Bog with no missiles and no beam ammo, chipping away at me with lightning attacks and charges. Aether is a dying world and it is determined to take you out with it. A soundtrack to die for, a fascinating setting and an entire game world that seeks your death make Echoes more than worth playing – as a Metroid game, an adventure game and very occasionally a damn good piece of survival horror, its unmissable.
R
esident Evil set the template for survival horror back in 1996. Since then it’s had various ports, a director’s cut, an excellent GameCube remake, and now another update on that remake for current-generation consoles. The updates to this version are fairly minor shinier character models, achievements, and a less archaic control scheme - but it’s as good an opportunity as any to talk about what made the original game so special. At first glance, a lot of things about this game have aged very poorly. The voice acting is comically bad, making the characters feel like robots attempting to imitate human emotion (and this is with the updated voice acting; it used to be worse). The script matches the quality of the voice acting, seeming to be ripped out of a low-budget ‘50s B Movie. Spooky mansion, zombies, shocking betrayal(!) that isn’t all that shocking. You’d think all of this would stop the game being remotely scary, but it doesn’t. Because the game’s horror lies not in its premise but in the way you play it. The more polished action gameplay of Resident Evil 4 onwards hasn’t made its appearance yet here. You have a punishingly tiny inventory in which to carry weapons, ammunition, medicine, keys, puzzle-related objects, and the ink ribbons used to save the game (of which there are scarily few). When you encounter an enemy, the combat goes very simply. You can aim up, down, or straight ahead, and you empty enough rounds into it that it drops dead, hopefully before getting grabbed. Limiting what you can do in this way is how Resident Evil creates fear. You’re probably not very scared of zombies, but when you know your combat abilities are so weak, you’re running low on ammunition and/or health, you forgot to burn the corpse of the last zombie you defeated, and you ran out of ink ribbons an hour ago - suddenly a zombie bursting through the window is a genuinely frightening moment, instead of a cheap jump-scare.
“Limiting what you can do is how Resident Evil creates fear. It’s about genuinely frighting moments instead of cheap jump-scares”
The mansion itself, clichéd as it is, is one of the most interesting aspects of the game. Its layout and the mechanisms which are used to access new areas make no sense. Nobody would ever design a place like this, where sometimes you need to play Moonlight Sonata on a grand piano to open a door (leading to what turns out to be a trap anyway). The mansion’s contents are equally ridiculous, ranging from a shark-tank to a giant man-eating plant. But you’re forced to backtrack over and over while solving the game’s puzzles, considering at every step of the way which enemies are still around, which might come back, how well-equipped you are to fight them, and what you might need to solve this next puzzle. By the time you near the end, you haven’t just run through various distinct areas, shooting whatever you find there - you’ve spent the whole game in this mansion, and you feel like you’ve genuinely learnt to survive in this place.
32.science&technology
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Science Editors: Laura Staniforth and Penny Polson Online Science Editor: Jack Marley
Playing the mating game Michael Hicks looks at the cool, strange and downright disgusting mating habits of animals
1.
Praying Mantis
Many species of Mantis practice sexual cannibalism. This is mainly observed in captivity, but also can be seen in the wild. This horrifying practice begins with the female biting off the male’s head as she would with prey. At this point, rather than re-assessing his life choices and running away, he decides that it’s time to go hard and the movements become much more vigorous. Scientists are unsure as to why Mantis practice this but, in my nonprofessional opinion, it’s purely to freak out everyone involved.
“Research has changed my perception of ducks to the point that I never want to set foot in a park again”
Image: CaPro
Bonobos
2.
Where as the mantis decided to turn love into war, the bonobo just decided to make love all the time. I’m not joking, they have so much sex that it would make the most ardent swinger blush. Bonobos have sex as a means of saying hello, solving disputes and as a favour in exchange for food. They also engage in tongue kissing and other fun things such as oral sex and mutual masturbation. The best part is that the males engage in something that is actually scientifically known as “penis fencing”. I bet you didn’t think you’d read those words today!
Hyenas
5.
Just a pre-emptive warning; read on at your own risk. Researching this has changed my perception of ducks to the point that I never want to set foot in a park again. Most duck sex is forced. This can get incredibly violent, cases where multiple males have pecked a female to death are not uncommon; one researcher cited a male having sex with a deceased female for seventy-five minutes. As a result, a “sexual arms race” is occurring between the different genders. Males have penises, which are corkscrew-shaped, and can grow up to seventeen inches. But that is not all: they are also spiked, and sperm travels not inside the penis, but via a groove on the outside. Females have labyrinthine vaginas, which contain false passages and dead ends in order to prevent pregnancies; they also spiral in the opposite direction to that of the male’s penis.
It’s common knowledge that the girls wear the trousers for quite a few species, while the males laze around, like lions for example. The female hyena takes this principle up to eleven. The female is not only bigger and stronger; they also have more balls. I don’t just mean that they’re more aggressive than the male (they definitely are), I mean the female hyena literally has balls. Female hyenas have a ‘pseudopenis’, which is basically an extended clitoris they can erect at will. To mate, the male has to insert his penis into her pseudopenis and yes, before you ask, the females do have to give birth through a penis.
4. Image: Itshears
3.
Ducks
Image: Adam Jenkins
Giraffes
There’s no way to pretty this up, the first step of the mating process involves the male rubbing his head under the female’s behind in an effort to make her pee; when she does, he drinks it to tell if she is in heat or not. If she is, the male will proceed to stalk her. She responds by continuously walking or even running away, and during this time the male fights off other competing male giraffes in “necking” fights. After this, males sometimes caress each other and then proceed to have sex; this is so common that an estimated ninety percent of giraffe sex is male on male. When giraffes finally do pair the sex lasts only for a few seconds, while the gestation period can last up to four hundred days.
Don’t go breaking my heart
Does heartache cause damage to our favourite circulatory organ? Steph Rosewarne investigates Steph Rosewarne investigates
A
s cheesy as the idea of a broken heart may sound, an unexpected and stressful situation such as a divorce or the loss of a loved one can actually have potentially fatal cardiac consequences - even for those with no family history of heart disease. Broken Heart Syndrome (or Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy) seems to affect women more than men, but the good news is that the condition is rare and the damage is reversible in just weeks. Typically when facing stress, the body goes into a state of shock with a rapid increase in circulating adrenaline. Those who have been unfortunate enough to experience Broken Heart Syndrome (BHS) report symptoms such as chest pain, shortness of breath and sweating - much like a heart attack. The key difference is that BHS lowers blood pressure and does not involve coronary artery blockage, although this means the syndrome can be easily misdiagnosed as a myocardial infarction. Adrenaline usually prepares us for a ‘fight or flight’ response by increasing our cardiac output and total peripheral resistance, leading to an increase in blood pressure. On the other hand, research from Professor Sian Harding of Imperial
College London suggests that at a high enough level, adrenaline can have the opposite effect to be protective of the heart: “In patients with Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, adrenaline works in a different way and shuts down the heart instead. This seems to protect the heart from being overstimulated.”
“Those who have been unfortunate enough to experience Broken Heart Syndrome report symptoms such as chest pain, shortness of breath and sweating - much like a heart attack”
Despite this protective characteristic, there is nothing good about having a broken heart. Emotional stress often comes with physical consequences, and in the case of BHS, arrhythmias and cardiogenic shock (weakened heart muscle) are common outcomes. When the heart muscle becomes temporarily weakened, the apex of the
heart develops into a ‘balloon-like’ shape, hence the name “Tako tsubo” - which means octopus pot in Japanese. This swelling results in symptoms of congestive heart failure. Several tests can be done to confirm the diagnosis of BHS, including carrying out an ECG to check for irregularities in rhythm, and chest Xrays, echocardiograms and angiograms to see if the heart has taken on the aforementioned balloon-like shape. Angiograms are particularly useful for detecting any blockages in the heart vessels and can clearly discriminate between heart attacks and BHS. Although there are no set treatments, broken heart syndrome patients can sometimes be given ACE inhibitors, beta-blockers or diuretics in order to reduce the work for the heart until the muscle has healed. Because of the reversibility of the condition, however, treatment is not always necessary. For many patients, simply resting is enough to solve any issues. Perhaps time really is the best way to heal a broken heart.
Image: trustd4
The Courier
Monday 9 February 2015
technology&science.33 thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science
Single? There’s no need to mingle Sad and lonely this Valentine’s day? Kate Bennett has your solution: parthogenesis
F
eeling lonely this Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you’re sick of hearing your housemate copulating with their other half through a paper-thin bedroom wall every night, or fed up with your best mate constantly zoning out during conversations because they’re engaged in saucy Facebook banter with some vacuous hunk or hunkette they met in ‘da club’ last week. The dark commercial forces behind Valentine’s Day like to try and convince you that if you’re not spending February 14th holding hands over a table for two in Pizza Express and planning the name of your firstborn, then you’re destined to spend the rest of your existence in a state of never-ending, barren solitude, stuffing fistfuls of Doritos into your mouth while crying over the bit at the end of Love Actually where that prick with the forgettable face tells Keira Knightley he loves her through the medium of cue cards. But never fear! As always, the natural world is here to help you through this difficult period – this time with the comforting knowledge that it is actually possible to procreate without having sex. This phenomenon is known as parthogenesis (‘virgin creation’, for those who aren’t down with their Greek), and occurs in many plant species, a number of invertebrates
(such as nematode worms and water fleas), and a few vertebrates (including some amphibians and fish). It’s different from the self-fertilization found in hermaphroditic species such as snails, where the creature essentially has sex with itself (if only…) to procreate; parthenogenesis is where procreation takes place without any fertilization at all. Some species procreate exclusively through parthenogenesis, others switch between it and regular sexual reproduction, with the switch often caused by a change in season or by a dearth of suitable males to mate with. (We know dem feels.) For the benefit of any broody women out there who’re stricken by a dearth of suitable males to mate with, let’s have a look at the possibility of human parthenogenesis. For a woman to give birth without her egg being
fertilized by a sperm, a series of extremely rare abnormalities would have to take place. The first of these is the induction of egg cell division. Eggs only divide after a spike in calcium levels, usually brought about by the introduction of the sperm. Abnormal calcium spikes in eggs do, however, happen naturally to one in every
“The natural world is here to help you through this difficult period – this time with the comforting knowledge that it is actually possible to procreate without having sex”
thousand women – so it is technically possible for the egg cell to start dividing in this way, without having met the sperm of its eggy little dreams.
Whale of the Week Valentine’s Day Sei whale (Balaenoptera borealis)
When the egg cells begin to divide, a process called meiosis II takes place, where the egg ditches half its genetic material to make space for the sperm’s genetic material. If meiosis II were to happen without a sperm, the budding embryo wouldn’t contain enough DNA and would die - so in order for parthenogenetic reproduction to continue, the egg cell would have to skip the meiosis II process. This abnormality happens naturally to around one in every thousand women; the likelihood of an egg cell starting to divide due to an abnormal calcium spike and then not undergoing
Image: yzx
Meet in the Grindr Jamie Shepherd provides a user’s guide to the tech- savvy, single, gay man’s best friend
F
or those looking for that elusive four letter word ‘love’, Grindr probably isn’t the place you’re gonna find it. Instead, you’ll probably find a plethora of other four letter words messaged to you by faceless profiles as a one word question- “Suck?”, “Fuck?”, “Meet?”. For those of you not in the loop, Grindr is a geosocial dating app that uses GPS technology to show the distance another user is from you, aimed exclusively at males. It claims to be precise to the nearest metre however from my own experience I don’t seem to believe that. When I moved in to my new flat in Heaton I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I had a hunk living in the flat next door to me. I was not pleasantly surprised to find out that according to the GPS system he was actually 2m away from me, which would have placed him inside my bedroom. Similarly, me and my friend were comparing fellas on Grindr and when we were both logged on it said we were 37 metres away from each other despite being sat on the same couch.
meiosis II is one in a million – so not beyond the realms of imagination. That’s not the end of it, though. Embryos inherit two copies of each gene, one from each parent. Some of these genes only require one of these copies, with the sperm sending out signals that ‘switch off ’ the extra copies. Without a sperm, though, this ‘switching off ’ doesn’t happen, which will cause the embryo to die after about 5 days. Theoretically, abnormal random gene deletions could take place, creating a viable embryo, but this is incredibly, incredibly unlikely – a chance of around 1 in a billion. Overall, the probability of a woman giving birth parthenogenetically is around 1 in a million billion; for reference, only (only!) around 107 billion people have ever been alive in the whole of human history. So if you think having a baby might assuage your loneliness this Valentine’s Day, possibly consider just borrowing one off a friend. Leaving the GPS aspect of Grindr to one side for the moment, the subculture of Grindr users is a hell of a lot weirder than your average Pink Triangle user. Because Grindr allows for anonymity and more clandestine hook-ups, it allows for people to find willing participants in sexual fantasies that normal society might find pretty fucking creepy. I’ve been messaged by people asking me to tickle them, draw on them with marker pen, and even by a guy in full Nazi regalia (I nicknamed this guy Reich Said Fred) and as for the sheer amount of dick pics! I knew when I signed up for this site I wasn’t going to find some glorious romance a la Kate Winslet and Leo but the amount of decrepit penii I’ve been sent by middle aged men would make even Dr Christian blush.
“I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I had a hunk living in the flat next door to me”
Illustration by Becky Irvine
The etiquette of Grindr users is questionable at the best of the times, but what can’t be discounted is the fact that Grindr has become a universal part of 21st century gay life. Every spectrum of gay identity finds a space to self-represent themselves from the ‘pretty boy’ twink to the overtly masculine bear that you might argue that Grindr has become a homosexual utopia, but I’d argue that the reality is far from the homotopian ideal. Body policing, misogyny and internalised homophobia is rife and a massive onus is placed on self-identification as “straight-acting” with anything even slightly “gay” being derided as a negative. What these Grindr users seem to forget is that they’re using this app to find sexual encounters with other men, which essentially fucks up the whole “straight-acting” thing massively.
The Courier
sciencefeature.35
Monday 9 February 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science
The eyes have it Can you fall in love simply by answering 36 questions and then staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes? Iqra Choudhry lays down the science, before we put some of the questions to the test using two of our science editors
I
t’s THAT time of year again; the shops are full of pink and red heart-shaped bits; restaurants are shamelessly promoting themselves; those in relationships are freaking out about what on earth they’re doing on the 14th; and the single amongst us are not bothering with the whole affair (unless we’re doing something to make a point about how little we’re bothered about the whole affair, of course). But here at The Courier, we like to ponder on the science behind the big L-word, from all the chemicals racing around our bodies that give us those characteristic thumping hearts, butterflies Q1: When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? Jack: When I got up this morning, the house was empty. I’ve never serenaded to anyone, I don’t know? I don’t r e memb e r. Maybe when I was drunk. L au r a : I was in the bath, Tay l or Swift was on. In the car on the way home, I duetted with my dad. We sang ‘I Believe in a Thing Called Love’. Q2: Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? Jack: Fucking hell. Short answer is no. I mean I feel pretty ill today but death hasn’t crossed my mind so far. Laura: Probably of one of the health issues t h a t plague m y family, like a heart a t t a ck ?
and feels like nothing else – to what makes us likely to fall in L-O-V-E to begin with. In 1997, in a study termed ‘The Generation of Interpersonal Closeness’ Dr Arthur Aron and his team devised 36 questions, in 3 sets of 12, designed to make the participants vulnerable to partners of the opposite sex. At the end of the questions, Dr Aron asked the participants to look into each other’s eyes for 2-4 minutes, in silence. This study followed several previous studies with same-sex partners. Based on the results from previous studies, the team were expecting the participants to form bonds of friendship and
were surprised when two of the participants fell in love, got married and invited the entire lab to the ceremony. Last month, The New York Times ran a series entitled ‘Modern Love’, which included Mandy Len Catron’s piece on entitled ‘To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This’. She wrote about attempting a recreation of the experiment whilst hanging out one-on-one with a guy she didn’t know very well. After the three sets of 12 questions, each set being more probing and personal than the last, and 4 minutes of looking into each other’s eyes, she and her fellow participant fell in love, too.
The test subjects
The science editors participating are Jack and Laura. Despite being on the same sub-editorial team for The Courier, they hardly ever speak. This is because Laura leads the glamorous life of a print editor, working in the bright sunlit days, laughing with fellow sub-editors in her floral dresses, and pointing/winking at everyone that she knows – including her reflection. Jack, on the other hand, is the online editor,
working mostly in the shadows of weekend evenings. He’ll only come out at night, speedily clicking through header images and posts. He hyperlinks, he’s a Wordpress machine, but he needs the warm arms of a strong northern woman. Can Laura be that woman? They worked through the questions of the test, in the hopes that they can find the mutual love they so desperately crave.
“I once stood behind a group of girls for about ten or fifteen minutes because I thought they were queuing. They weren’t. They were just talking while I loomed over them ominously” Christ that’s depressing. Q3: Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. Laura: We both like Walk The Moon (he’s wearing their jumper right now), we really like marine governance and we like tea. Jesus we’re both quite boring. Jack: Erm we’re both Northern but don’t like chips and gravy (this counts as two) and we have a natural aversion to toasting stotties, as seems to be the custom in Quilliam’s. Q4. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. Jack: Everything that has lead up to this moment is irrelevant, there is now simply ‘before Laura’ and an ‘after Laura’ here in my life. Laura: I’m…not sure how to respond to that. Q5: What is your most terrible memory? Jack: The one that sticks out most was when I went out on the boat and it was choppy as fuck, so for six hours straight I was throwing up over the side and there was literally no escape from it. Laura: When I was fifteen we had to make the decision to put down my childhood pony. It was pretty horrific. Jack: Oh, my gerbil died once. Q6: Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Jack: Google conscientious and we’ll find out if you’re it. Laura: Fuck’s sake *Laura googles conscientious and shows definition to Jack* Jack: Yep, there we go, I’d agree, I’d say you’re that. Laura: You’re always willing to help me academically, especially when I don’t bother taking notes. Jack: Aw, that’s nice, thank you. You keep horses and I’d imagine you’re pretty nice to them. If I was a horse, I’d think I couldn’t go far wrong with you. Q7: How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Jack: Great, yeah. Me mam is lovely. 10 out of 10, would recommend. Laura: Same, I have no complaints. Would be parented by my mother again. Q8: If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. Laura: I quite like being alone a lot, so if you think
I’m avoiding you I’m actually just chilling watching Netflix. Jack: I mean I don’t think I ever get moody? I think I’m pretty annoying when I’m drunk. Not nasty, just quite loud and jumpy and running around-y. Q9: Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. Jack: Once stood behind a group of girls for about ten or fifteen minutes because I thought they were queuing. They weren’t. They were just talking while I loomed over them ominously. Laura: This is a horrible question for me. I’m such an embarrassed person. I hate this! Erm, maybe the night on a field trip when I was so drunk I fell into a table, then a railing, and was carried home by my friend James. There’s worse times but I’ve literally blocked them from my mind. Q10: What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Laura: I’m sick of rape jokes, you know, or comments when people are like ‘the other team raped us’. Jack: I would just say anything that Dapper Laughs has ever joked about. Laura: Is he still about? Jack: He came back, he did a bit before Christmas where he said ‘Dapper Laughs is over’, but then he did a video where he was all, “I’m back, haha, moist, etcetera”. Laura: Dick. That rounded off the interview, at which point Jack and Laura were invited to stare into each other’s eye for four minutes. How do you feel after starting into each other’s eyes? Laura: First minute and a half was really tough - one of us would smile and that would set each other off. The third minute I started planning my wedding to Jack because I knew there was no way we couldn’t end up married after this and in he fourth minute, I was wondering how to make buttered leeks, because I think I’ll cook them later. Jack: I have a cheese and leek thing from Linda Mccartney. It was really nice. How do you feel about each other after the question set in general? Laura: I do feel like I know you better now - there are questions in there that I would never have
The three sets of questions are designed to increase the vulnerability between participants, and are peppered with small tasks that ask participants to reinforce the things they admire and appreciate in each other. With each set of questions, a greater degree of trust is forged between the participants as they talk – it is based on ‘an escalating degree of self-disclosure’. The questions can be found on the internet – ideas for what to do on Valentine’s Day, maybe? After all, what’s the worst that can happen? Iqra Choudhry known the answer to for you. Jack: Yeah, I feel like I have a greater appreciation of Laura now. I sort of feel that it’s a good question set for anyone though, like not just strangers. It was quite fun, maybe couples could do it to find our more about their partner. Final verdict: It didn’t make them fall in love, but a ‘mutual appreciation’ did blossom. Maybe The Courier will celebrate it’s first inter-editor wedding before too long...
The Courier
Monday 9 February 2015
Interview: Lauren Laverne
The announcement that the BBC 6Music Festival is coming to Tyneside was pretty much the most exciting thing that’s hap- pened to Tyneside’s cultural scene since Jimmy Nail released ‘Crocodile Shoes’. When the lineup was announced, Editor Tom Nicholson and Music Editor Jamie Shepherd had a chat with presenter The Courier: Hiya Lauren. Lauren: Hi, you alright? [Becoming concerned at MensBar’s seating arrangements] Have we got enough room? Eee, it’s like The Big Breakfast in here. So, how has the North East’s cultural scene changed since you were growing up round here? It’s always been interesting, but now I think it’s much more vibrant and diverse than when I was growing up. My band [Kenickie] were very much the odd ones out in the scene at the time, and now the music scene is so much more adventurous and I think probably welcoming. We had great support locally and lots of friends, but then, equally, some people thought it really wasn’t a cool thing to be a girl playing the guitar, and they’d say, “Who writes your songs for you?” and things like that and I don’t think that would happen now. I hope not, anyway. I’m really proud to come back to the North East and discover new artists like Suntrapp, or great new music by [Field Music’s] the Brewis brothers, or Paul and the Maximo boys, Lulu James who I had in for a session on 6Music. It’s a really broad, exciting mix of music here at the moment, and for a wider perspective the arts, culture, photography, you mentioned Pop Recs and the exhibitions that they have, it just kind of feels… I’m not saying people aren’t up against it, because it’s tough times in the North East as well, but the other side of that is that people are still being creative even under difficult circumstances, and that just makes me so
proud. Would you say you were, at heart, a home bird? Oh definitely. I love where I’m from, and I’m incredibly proud of where I’m from. I’m happy in London and I love me life and I’m so happy to have a job that lets me do what I’m most passionate about, so I feel comfortable with both things. I love my life now and I’m proud of where I’m from too. Is it even possible to get hold of stotties in London? No, it’s not. They opened a [NAME OF POPULAR NORTHERN BAKERY CHAIN REDACTED BY BBC REQUEST] underneath 6Music and I was incredibly excited, so obviously went to Twitter straight away, I was like, “Excellent, does this mean I can get a cheese savoury stottie”, but people were like, “No chance”. Then there was a whole thing about where they do them; Bristol and some other places, they do a cheese stottie. But in London, nah. Unbelievable. Sunderland Echo reporter: Do you come home to Sunderland much? I do, yeah. As often as I can, and me mum and dad come down to me a lot as well. Sunderland Echo reporter: What do you think of the regeneration? It’s nice what they’ve done around the beaches. It’s beautiful, yeah, absolutely beautiful. And there’s the new bridge going up in Sunderland which is going to be fantastic. Sunderland is just,
musicfeature.37 I think, going from strength to strength, really excited about the regeneration around Londonderry and that part of town, the Edwardian Quarter, the plans for that look really exciting. To go back to [NAME OF POPULAR NORTHERN BAKERY CHAIN REDACTED BY BBC REQUEST] momentarily… Yeah, let’s stay on topic, shall we? What’s your favourite item on the menu and why? It’s got to be… hmm. Difficult. Classic cheese pasty is me favourite on the menu, but what I have most often is a slightly different question. That would be a classic egg mayo sandwich. Just because I like the plainness of it, and I think [NAME OF POPULAR NORTHERN BAKERY CHAIN REDACTED BY BBC REQUEST] do the best one. You can’t always splash out and go for molten cheese and pastry, sometimes you have to be a little bit healthier and go for a leaner, protein-based option. How do you feel about [NAME OF POPULAR NORTHERN BAKERY CHAIN REDACTED BY BBC REQUEST] diversifying, and starting to do hummus? [Genuinely thunderstruck] What? Have you not heard about this? Lauren: I have not heard about this. I mean it’s not very good hummus, but they’re doing it. Lauren: Well this is a bombshell. I’m just hearing this now, I can’t react to this news at this time. I really, I… I’m going to have to sit with that information for a while. They’re doing flatbread and all. Lauren: Well, a flatbread… a stottie’s a flatbread, so they’ve got form on that front. But, you know, I didn’t know they had facilities to grind up chickpeas and add delicious spices and herbs. I’m prepared to give it a go, I trust them implicitly. Also, our Friday Desert Island Disco feature on the show is run almost entirely on yum-yums or jam doughnuts. That is our weekly treat, Ash [Clivery, 6Music producer] goes down to the [NAME OF POPULAR NORTHERN BAKERY CHAIN REDACTED BY BBC REQUEST] under 6Music Towers in London and comes back with something sweet and we cut loose with some serious bangers. And lots and lots of fat and sugar.
The Courier
puzzles.39
Monday 9 February 2015
Puzzles 1
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Puzzles Editor: Kate Bennett
Courier Catch- phrase
See if you can guess (catch) the common idiom (phrase) shown in these picture combos?
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“I’m Roy Walker and I heartily endorse this event and/or product”
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Across
1 Comical root vegetable (6) 4 Moan (6) 8 Amelia _ _ _ _ _ _ _, first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean (7) 9 Bifurcated (6) 10 Cut-price supermarket (4) 11 Jewish state established in 1948 (6) 12 Yoko _ _ _, artist and musician (3) 13 Text messaging service (3) 15 Ancient Greek goddesses of literature, science and the arts (5) 18 State of meditative or hypnotic consciousness; dance music genre (6) 20 Titled upper class (8) 21 Flowers symbolising innocence, often used in funerals (6) 22 Gymnastic position where legs are in line with each other (6) 23 Lorde’s debut single (6)
For even more news, views, sports and culture, make sure you head over to thecourieronline. co.uk
Down
1 Three-shot drink; higher musical notes (6) 2 Philosophical position holding that life is meaningless (8) 3 Hotel employee who carries bags; type of beer (6) 5 Enemy of the titular character in Othello (4) 6 American pro-wrestler with distinctive moustache (4, 5) 7 Dingy bar in Twin Peaks where many significant events happen (9) 9 2000 single by Finnish hip-hop group Bomfunk MCs (10) 14 Sam _ _ _ _ _ _, director of films including American Beauty and Revolutionary Road (6) 16 Elevate (6) 17 British state broadcaster (3) 19 Mixture of metal with either another metal or another material (5)
Word Link
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Find the word that con- nects these three words. Hint: Popular Newcastle comedy club
40.sportfeatures
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
Lose  your  head,  lose  the  game ,Q OLJKW RI $QG\ 0XUUD\œV FROODSVH LQ 0HOERXUQH ZH H[DPLQH VRPH RWKHU KLJK SUR¿ OH VSRUWLQJ PHOWGRZQV
Zinedine  Zidane What is it with footballers losing their heads? Well, French legend Zinedine Zidane did more than lose his- he put it straight into the chest of an opposition header in the World Cup Final. The 2006 World Cup was held in Germany, but it was France and Italy that reached the final looking to add to their glittering international pasts and with the score 1-1 after 90 minutes, the captive world audience were stuck to their seats for a further 30 minutes of action. Coincidence strikes that the two goal scorers, Zidane and Italy’s Marco Materazzi, were the two players involved in this sporting meltdown with around 10 minutes of extra time to go with the game glued at one goal apiece. Rumour has it that Materazzi had shortly earlier insulted the France captain’s sister, however during a pause in play there was no doubt about Zidane’s actions as he turned and plunged his freshly shaven noggin square into the Italian’s ribcage, sending him sprawling to the floor. Of course, being a professional footballer this is no indication of real pain, however it really does look like it would blooming well hurt. The 69,000 strong crowd in Berlin’s Olympiastadion saw it with their own eyes, and following replays 300 million more saw it on television. However, Argentinian referee Horacio Elizondo missed the coming together and relied on the fourth officials judgement to rightly give the Real Madrid midfielder a straight red card. What makes Zidane’s headbutt even more‌ well, hilarious, is the fact it was his last ever game as a professional footballer having later announced he was packing his boots away after 108 appearances for Les Bleus and
Jean  Van  de  Velde Strolling down the last fairway on the final day of The Open is often of a victory procession. Tiger holed out on 18 and won by 8-strokes at St Andrews. McIlroy had a 2 shot cushion last year at Hoylake. This should have been the case for Jean Van de Velde in 1999 – all he needed was a double-bogey 6 to lift the Claret Jug and claim the Open title – what would have been his first and only major championship win. The Frenchman not only failed to convert this opportunity, but also choked in the most spectacular fashion imaginable.After a wayward drive, he had the chance to chip back onto the fairway, go for the green and 3-putt for the win. Instead, he went for glory. Van de Velde aimed at the green but his shot
Shin sits in despair waiting for the judges’ decision Photography by Getty Images
Gabriel Pennington
Referee Horacio Elizondo shows Zidane the red card Photography by Getty Images 95 club goals for giants such as Juventus and Madrid. The influential midfielder had opened the World Cup Final’s scoring with a seventh minute penalty, and due to his red card missed the chance to put one away in the resulting shoot-out after neither team managed a breakthrough in the added half an hour of play. French
substitute David Trezeguet rattled the crossbar with his penalty in a shoot-out where the Italians fired every single one past Fabian Barthez, leaving Zidane to mull over his frankly ridiculous violent conduct mixed with the taste of World Cup defeat.
Van de Velde tries to find his lost ball in the water Photography by Getty Images
Alex Hendley
Shin  A  Lam An Olympic Games is always a whirlwind of emotions for all involved, but London 2012 provided us with a moment that was every bit as heart-breaking as it was comical, for the neutral viewers at least. Shin A Lam, a South Korean fencer, made headlines with a childish tantrum when things didn’t go her way. The 25 year old, broke down into tears and began a 70-minute sit down protest on the Piste. Whilst the world number 12 sat and sobbed, the judges deliberated before throwing out the complaint. Inside a packed ExCel Arena, Shin A Lam was deep into a hotly fought Individual Epee semi-final against the
swerved and ricocheted off one of the galleries into heavy rough. He then hacked the ball into the water, which he considered playing his fourth shot from, before seeing some sort of sense and taking the drop. Of course, his misery did not end here - his next stroke landed in a bunker, before managing to get up and down for a triple bogey 7. Somehow, this got him into a 3-way playoff. Inevitably, he didn’t win – Paul Lawrie, who began his round 10 shots back, achieved one of the most unlikely comebacks ever. BBC commentator Peter Alliss pleaded, “Someone please stop him�. If only they had.
Serena  Williams
reigning gold medallist, Britta Heidemann. The German and the South Korean were tied at 5-5 with a second left on the clock, with Shin set for victory through the ‘priority rule’. As the desperate Heidemann lunged forward to make a final hit, the match was stopped and restarted on 3 occasions. After the first, the clock remained at 1 second much to the excitement of the crowd. The second attack was equally unsuccessful from the German and as the clock ticked down to zero, Shin wheeled away in celebration and the crowd applauded. Joy soon turned to bemusement as the judge stepped in and added the second back onto the clock, sparking fury from the Korean and her coach. On the third and final attempt, Heidemann struck the torso of her opponent and sealed a controversial victory. The crowd inside the ExCel arena, previously largely unenthusiastic, began to boo and jeer the judges, like a good-old fashioned pantomime villain. After the lengthy sit-in, Shin was eventually escorted out of the arena (not quite kicking and screaming). In true panto-style, the crowd were soon cheering on their hero once more, as Shin returned to the Piste to compete in the Bronze medal match. The audience, now fully revved-up, oohed and aahed with every jab and swipe. Despite taking an early lead, there was to be no happy ending for the unfortunate Shin A Lam, the South Korean eventually going down 15-11. Calum Wilson
The first female tennis player to win over $60 million in prize money sinc e beginning her professional, Serena Williams is often considered to be the best female tennis player of all time. That comes as no surprise when taking into account the fact she has won three Olympic gold medals and ten Grand Slam female doubles titles as well as twenty Grand Slam singles titles since 1999. But whilst fame and success may have come relatively smoothly over the years for Williams it’s not been without
controversy. Just last year Williams whilst on Wimbledon’s Court No.1 playing doubles alongside her older sister Venus, Serena stopped half-way through a match against the Swiss-German combination of Stefanie Voegele and Kristina Barrois. Citing a ‘viral illness’ she pulled out of the tournament altogether, but media outlets speculating she was either on drugs, drunk or pregnant with the child of her coach Patrick Mouratoglou, with whom she has been romanti-
Williams was disqualified after her abusive response Photography by Getty Images
cally linked with for a number of years. It’s not just ‘illness’ which has seen Williams fall apart over the years. The feisty American is one of the most physically imposing athletes in sports history. Whilst serving against Kim Clijsters to stay in the match during the 2009 US Open semi-final, Serena was deemed to have overstepped the baseline by the lineswoman. A double-fault and Williams was out of the match with Clijsters progressing to the final. In response Williams who comes from a family of devout Jehovah’s Witness squared up to the lineswoman, waving her racket around decided to unleash a tirade of abuse at the official: “I swear to God I’m f**king going to take this f**king ball and shove it down your f**king throat, you hear that? I swear to God�. Nice. But that’s not the first time the Compton-raised star has lost her on court cool. Two years on from her previous US Open meltdown Williams screamed “come on� after battling to hang on to her serve during the start of her second set against Australia Samantha Stosur. The ball had not yet reached Stosur and under grand slam rules such a shout during a rally is deemed as intentional resulting in the perpetrator losing the point. Williams then proceeded to berate umpire Eva Asderaki whom she told to “look the other way� if she saw her in the hall after the game. The comment earned her a $2000 fine, not much when considering she pocketed a hefty $1.4 million for finishing as runner-up. George Clarke
The Courier
featuressport.41
Monday 9 February 2015
Eric Cantona It seems only fitting that twenty years on from that fateful day at Crystal Palace’s Selhurst Park, we look into Eric Cantona’s famous “Kung-fu kick”. The French forward had joined Manchester United in 1992, and went on to be one of the clubs most famous players scoring 64 goals in 143 appearances for the Red Devils, winning four Premier League titles in five years. “King Eric” was voted by fans as United’s greatest ever player, but perhaps his most famous moment was when he had his ultimate meltdown in 1995, assaulting Crystal Palace fan Matthew Simmons. Sitting two points behind Blackburn Rovers who were top of the Premier League at the time, victory at Selhurst Park would have taken United top of the table, and with Cantona having inspired his club to consecutive titles in his first two years at the club, fans would have been forgiven for thinking he would pull out something special against Palace. As it happens, he did pull out something special. Having been red carded in the 48th minute for a kick on Rich-
ard Shaw, who had been clashing with the Frenchman all game. When Cantona made his way from the field past a group of taunting home fans, Matthew Simmons ran to the front of the pack, screaming expletives at Cantona including abusive language directed towards the striker’s mother. All too much for Cantona, clearly still angry from his on-pitch altercation, the Frenchman jumped the barriers and flew in to the supporter, foot first, kicking him straight in the side of the chest. Mania ensued as players flooded the area with the referee attempting to control the situation, and worst of all for a true winner like Cantona, he was unable to aid his teammates as they were only able to draw the game 1-1 throwing away the opportunity to top the table. A meltdown to end all meltdowns, yet teammates claim Alex Ferguson was more bothered by the result than Cantona’s antics. The bizarre nature of the whole event just adds to its, and Cantona’s, legend.
Sports Editor Peter Georgiev inspects the most bizarre moments from the sporting world
Cantona is surrounded by Man United supporters Photography by Getty Images
Alex Hendley
Andy Murray
Murray’s form dropped fatally after the second set Photography by Getty Images
In his early years, Andy Murray was a bit of a ‘marmite player’, you either loved him or you hated him. The Scottish youngster excited crowds with energetic battling performances, but his habit of turning into a stroppy teenager when things weren’t going so well and a moody persona in front of the world’s media meant he didn’t quite capture the nation’s heart like fellow Brit, Tim Henman. When Ivan Lendl took over as Murray’s coach in 2011 it signalled a new era. Gone were the tantrums of old, coupled with major successes at the Olympics, US open and of course Wimbledon, and Andy Murray was suddenly a national hero (British not Scottish!). However, under the stewardship of new coach Amelie Mauresmo the trophies have dried up and the Australian Open Final last week saw the return of the Murray madness. After two hard fought sets had left the match level at 1-1, Murray struck an early advantage in the third set, breaking the Serb and taking a 2-0 lead. Just when it seemed the Scot had rediscovered his form of 2012 and 2013, it all went spectacularly pear-shaped just at
the wrong time. Murray lost 12 of the last 13 games and 36 out of 49 points, sparking an on-court meltdown. Clearly aggrieved by the manner in which he collapsed the world number 6 resorted to the tactic of sulking and shouting, although let’s face it we’re all prone to the occasional fit of rage. For Murray though, the anguish could be heard by 15,000 inside the Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne, the many more watching on the tele and of course will be ‘expertly’ psychoanalysed by the media. Critics have been quick to point to the correlation between the drop in form and Mauresmo’s appointment as coach, but we must take into account the Scot went through some heavy back surgery in 2013. Team Murray will want to focus on his early tournament form which saw him ease through to his first final under the new coaching setup. All eyes will be on Andy when he returns to the court at the next tournament, it will be interesting to see if the tantrums are back for good? Calum Wilson
Rory McIlroy Sunday 3rd August 2011, Augusta Georgia saw Rory McIlroy encounter his first taste of a fourth round breakdown. McIlroy started the final round of the Masters Championship at 12 under with a four shot lead over the trailing pack. He had led the tournament through the previous 63 holes and this was the best chance of winning the coveted major the Irishman had so far in his career. He was at the peak of his game, dubbed the future of the golfing world, taking over the reigns from the likes of Tiger Woods. However the nightmare started swiftly. Nine holes in and McIlroy’s lead had already been diminished down to a mere 1 shot lead with his score being 11 under. The South African Charl Schwartzel was steadily making his move up the leaderboard, taking full advantage of McIlroy’s fading effort. Hoping to make a recovery in the back 9 and stand any chance of winning his first Masters title. McIlroy hit a triple bogey, racking his shot tally on
the ninth to a staggering 7 and his score down to 8 under. The number 10 hole proved to be the catalyst of his infamous collapse as it took him an embarrassing 5 shots to reach the green from his tee shot. McIlroy’s demise was greeted with the surge of various other players up the leaderboard, taking full advantage and seizing the opportunity. McIlroy finished the day tied 15th at 4 under, racking up a score of 80+ and finishing 10 places behind the Championship winner Charls Schwartzel. The McIlroy meltdown may have been deemed to be the contribution of many factors, the pressure of the big occasion, his naivety and inexperience and most importantly his age. At the age of 21 McIlroy was able to experience defeat on the largest and most dramatic of stages, which as it is clear to see now may have benefitted him more than if he had won the competition. Lynsey Brownlie
McIlroy waves to his fans in Augusta, Georgia Photography by Getty Images
Until only recently, the Asian Cup was one of those things that arouse less interest in me than the Commonwealth Games or the new episode of Two and a Half Men. For some reason, the event has always reminded me of an absurd Galactik Football championship where the laws of physics simply don’t apply. Which sounds pretty interesting except that Japan wins every time. It was indeed Japan who denied Australia with an acrobatic extra-time winner four years ago. The Socceroos must have been truly invigorated by that misfortune because they just set up and triumphed in one of the best Asian Cups in history. Champion of two continents sounds like a preposterous fictional title that not anyone could acquire. So, the Australians would be delighted to represent the first country with such an achievement. The dramatic victory over South Korea in front of a picturesque 76,000 crowd served as the fitting end to a memorable campaign that brought together over half a million fans of Asian football, this time, outside of Asia. The Socceroos lifted their first ever Asian Cup trophy Photo: Getty Images
The tournament down under featured much of the excitement of the summer in Brazil where goals were falling like sweets in a Skittles ad throughout the group stage but then suddenly disappeared once eliminations began. In contrast to this downfall, the remarkable games in Australia just kept coming one after another not allowing for a sense of boredom to settle in even for a single moment. Both the astonishing game between rivals Iran and Iraq as well as the final itself should be regarded as instant classics to be recalled for years to come. At the same time, Australia turned out to be an exquisite host providing comfort and media coverage which inevitably strengthened the authority of the Asian Cup as an institution. Of course, the controversy of whether Australia should even be in that confederation will always trouble the minds of sports geeks. Almost ten years ago, the Socceroos were allowed a transfer from Oceania where they dominated the Nations Cup on four out of six occasions (1980, 1996, 2000, 2004). The incredibly low reputation of the region, however, permantently damaged Australia’s prospects of qualifying for the World Cup which forced their move to the Asian league where they do not seem to belong at all. Yet, this bizarre circumstance is what in many ways enhanced the romanticism encompassing the entire competition. Thus, even if you shared my skepticism in the beginning of January, this Asian Cup should have proven you wrong. As far as I am concerned, it definitely made say ‘Wow, let’s do that again’.
42.sportbucs
Monday 9 February 2015
The Courier
181& ¿ QG MR\ LQ ORZHU OHDJXHV Netball
By Abi Dodwell at The Sports Centre
NUNC 1st 22-51 Loughborough Playing against Loughborough truly is a testing match but Newcastle went out on court with a positive attitude and still aimed to take home a win. Loughborough came out string with perfect timing and a physical game, however Newcastle put up a fierce fight as Farah Hasan made some incredible interceptions and allowed Newcastle to make crucial turnovers. But despite this great effort Newcastle trailed behind by a few goals going into the second quarter. As Newcastle approached half time they really kicked into gear as Jasmine Whitlock pressured her opponent and made spectacular interceptions meaning that Newcastle almost drew the quarter and began to make up the goal difference. The centre court made a huge impact in the second half as Alice Hagyard and Laura Brady linked well together and allowed fluid movement down the court allowing the team to keep the pressure on Loughborough. However unfortu-
nately Newcastle’s determined efforts were not enough and they lost the game 22-51. But Captain Jo Murnane came away from the game with a very positive attitude stating that their performance was ‘a great improvement on last years’. NUNC 2nd 70-16 Hull 1sts From the second that the whistle was blown it was evident that Newcastle had Hull in the palm of their hand. Shooter Tesni Felows played a great game as she held her space in the D not allowing her defender to interfere with her solid play. By the end of the first quarter Newcastle were up 16-5 and were determined to increase their lead further. Then defence played a spectacular second quarter with Sadie Neve intercepting practically every ball which was passed to her shooter and Annie Bolle-Jones winning every rebound. This strong defence put intense pressure on Hull causing them to throw loose balls and allow Newcastle to pull away further with their lead. Entering the second half Newcastle were winning 33-9 but still fought for every ball as if there was only one goal between them. Georgia St Rose continued to have a stormer of a game
as she made numerous tips the whole way down the court, until a knee injury forced her to swap off. Steph Garfield made a superb debut for the second team as WA and from the second she stepped on court she got many tips and put pressure on her opponent. The final quarter reinforced Newcastle victory as
keep up with Leeds score at half time as they only trailed by a few goals. Player of the match Florence Bauer kept the team going with her accurate shooting and great movement down the court. This coupled with Sophie Houghton’s solid play a she stayed close to her centre and put lots of pressure every player
“From the second that the whistle was blown, it was evident that Newcastle had Hull in the palm of their hand” every member of the team pulled together and demonstrated their superior fitness and skill over Hull. Yet another win for the second team and definitely not the last! NUNC 3rd 42-21 Leeds 2nd This was always going to be the hardest match for the thirds as they faced the top team in the division. But they played a strong first half and thanks to the tight defending from Charlotte Pickard who held off her shooter and caught every rebound. The team continued with their fighting spirit and managed to
which she picked up. The whole team was clearly playing with a positive attitude as they fought to make every pass count. By the final quarter Leeds were still up by nine goals and unfortunately this lead was too great to overtake. In the last fifteen minute Leeds had a surge of energy as they were hungry for the win and Newcastle were not quite able to keep up. The final score stood at 4221 to Leeds but vice-captain Charlotte Pickard believed that ‘it was not a true reflection of our game whatsoever!’ she went on to say that ‘we played a very controlled game and passing was much stronger and has improved a lot since
last week.’ So although not a win today for the third team, they certainly came away knowing they had fought hard and given Leeds some fierce competition. NUNC 4th 41-18 Huddersfield 1sts Newcastle fourth team dominated the game from the very first centre pass as Isa Telford took control of the game and made solid drives for every pass. The attack worked well together as the new shooting combination of Jess Wheeler and Tabitha Nelham Clark moved smoothly around each other and put up accurate shots. By the first half Newcastle were up 18-10 and continued with their positive momentum as they went into the third quarter. With Rachel Dawson making countless interceptions and moving well up the court the fourth team was truly unstoppable. The centre court really made a brilliant final push in the last quarter as Poppy Briggs at centre held the game at great pace and marked her opponent out of the game, consequently earning herself the player of the match. Newcastle finished the game with a solid win and Captain Isa Telford was happy to admit that it ‘was the best we have played all season’.
Newcastle boing ‘Boro before BUCS Trampolining By Jack Marley at Teeside University The Newcastle trampolining club emerged victorious from a North East varsity contest in Middlesbrough last Sunday night. Judged by a six-person panel of experts, Newcastle placed first overall, beating Sunderland and Teeside to the top spot. Since Northumbria don’t have a trampolining society, the men and women of the Newcastle team are the only competitors to represent the city in regional and national competitions. Going into the Teeside varsity contest, the home side needed to place well in all leagues to be in with a chance of delivering a win for Newcastle at the national BUCS contest in Sheffield at the end of the month. They would be competing in BUCS 6, 4, 3 and the advanced Guests league (which includes competitors from BUCS 2 and above), which meant Newcastle also had a legacy to protect, having won in these leagues overall at the North East university bout last year. Despite the pressure, Newcastle were in good spirits at the team warm up and demonstrated good cohesive technique in their practising. It had been a long time since the pre-Christmas bounce-athon that had seen many of the players honing their skills on the trampoline over the course of a 24-hour period, but time hadn’t impaired their ability. As the competitors split into their respective league groupings for the controlled warm-up it became apparent that the varsity competition itself was essentially one big warm-up for the nationals in Sheffield, and any pulled muscles or sprained joints at this stage would threaten their chances in two weeks’ time. Nothing less than a clean, confident win would do for the Newcastle side. One player who certainly stepped up to the challenge was 3rd year student and BUCS 6 competitor Lucy Gorman. Since the inception of the BUCS 6 league this year, the competition has now opened up to a diversity of skill sets and experience levels. As a first-timer,
The bouncers will need all their talent in the league Photography by Lucy Gorman Lucy had more riding on her shoulders than most to continue the stellar reputation of the club, earned from successive wins in previous years. As a result, she jumped right in with a fairly complex routine that began with a full body twist and ended with a half twist back to her feet and a solid out bounce that showed great poise and control. In between that, Lucy pulled off pike jumps, tuck jumps
and seat drops that kept the judges satisfied and secured her an average score of 7.2, allowing her to finish in 4th place out of 20, a flicker away from the top 3. It was a similar story of success for the rest of the team. Rosie Dalton shored up Newcastle dominance in BUCS 6 by taking first place while Kyle Neil and Frankie McKever tied up first and second place for BUCS 4,
with Hannah Taylor coming fifth, Vince Pietersz sixth, Anna Walmsley seventh and Geovanny Branco tenth. The higher leagues echoed the positive results with a straight flush in BUCS 3 as Ali Hardy placed second and teammates Chloe Ashley and Emma Barry came third and fourth. In the highly competitive Guests league Newcastle reserved the majority of the top 5 spaces, with Greg Lymar
winning second, Stu Walker third and James Webster fifth. The results from the individual sets were enough to push Newcastle over the line, and they left Teeside with their record as best North East university intact. Looking ahead, the team are buoyant about their chances in Sheffield, as Lucy maintains “our team have never looked stronger, so bring on BUCS.”
The Courier
sportbucs.43
Monday 9 February 2015
Wildcats  sweep  Poly  off  the  ice Women’s Ice Hockey Newcastle Wildcats
4
Northumbria Kings C
3
By Jack Marley at Whitley Bay Ice Rink The Wildcats women’s ice hockey team set the stage for an exciting season ahead with a breath-taking victory over Northumbrian rivals on the first Saturday back after the Christmas break. This victory allayed fears that the hockey-free holiday season may have rusted their skates and cooled their resolve since their last encounter with the Kings, the girls overcame a second period shortfall to storm to a 4-3 triumph in the second game of their premiere season. The day began amiably, with the scheduled midday face-off yielding to families enjoying a morning on the ice at Whitley Bay. The rink cleared slowly and the Zamboni made idle progress but the placid pace of affairs masked a sense of urgency on both sides. The Wildcats had shaken the confidence of the Kings C team in their first game, offering them their first taste of meaningful resistance in a season that had otherwise seen them walking all over lesser sides. A convincing performance was needed on their part to quash further dissent from the Newcastle challengers. The ladies meanwhile had proven last time that they weren’t a team to be pushed around, and in their finer moments they had even hinted that a Kings-free league top spot was possible. With nothing less than the balance of power to play for, the two teams took to the ice and at the dropping of the puck, shattered the easy atmosphere to commence round two. With a coordinated pounce the Wildcats forced the Kings off the break and drove play into their half. Attempts to wrestle control from Newcastle mostly floundered in the face of a solid centre, exemplified by Emma Painter’s steady stopping power and the sweeping turns
of Amy Hopley. Together they blocked breakaways and set up chances for the forwards to test the reach of the Kings’ goaltender. Captain Hannah Maurice and winger Steph Towns were, as ever, ready to capitalise on the Kings’ leaky defence with tightly linked forays behind their blue line. Their cohesion was justly rewarded with a goal ten minutes in that saw Towns thread the puck through a loose back three and into the reach of Maurice. Killing a penalty in the process, the captain delivered a blistering finish and hurled her team into the lead. Without a minute to spare Towns returned and sewed it up herself at 2-0 with a neat drive beneath the goalie’s blocker side. The goalie himself, who had somehow always managed to compensate for the defensive errors of the Kings in the previous game, was now bowing visibly beneath the pressure of the Newcastle onslaught. Starting nerves were meanwhile nowhere to be seen among the Wildcat pride- the ladies in white were dominating play and enjoying every second of it. The second period saw the Kings steel themselves for a tougher fight than they’d originally anticipated. To their credit they used the intermission wisely, reassembling on the ice sterner and more reserved than at the outset. It would prove to be fruitful, as a pokein at the 24th minute legitimised their newfound cautiousness in the Wildcat half, testing the speed and reach of the back 3 and the reaction time of net minder Sarah Jayne Boulton. It may have been fatigue or complacency that saw the Wildcat head start ebb away into the mid-game slump, but what was clear was that the rivals had ditched their earlier inattentiveness and were now steadily redressing the statistics. First the lead
Newcastle Wildcats won a second competitive match Photography by Stephanie Towns turn into the Newcastle half yielded a second goal for Northumbria and despite offside suspicions, the Kings got their way with an equaliser. 2 minutes
“Now firmly in possession of varsity bragging rights, the North’s only all-female team turn their attention south, to Birmingham� that the ladies had maintained in shots on target was eaten away and then devoured entirely by the 26th minute. At 28 minutes in another inconspicuous
later and the ascendant royal challengers confirmed their return to form with a lead-opening strike into the netting. The reversal of fortunes would soon be
NUWRFC  fall  to  Leeds  Beckett
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made all the more unbearable by the disallowing of Rachel Sinclair’s wouldbe score leveller- denied by the referee’s premature whistle. A lesser goalie
With  six  new  players  in  the  squad,  Newcastle’s  Women  Rugby  team  was  defeated  by  Leeds  Beckett  who  put  in  a  superior  performance.  Despite  the  OLQH XS GLI¿ FXOWLHV WKH ODGLHV PDQDJHG WR SXOO WKHPVHOYHV WRJHWKHU ZHOO DQG PDNH KDUG ZRUN IRU WKHLU RSSRQHQWV 7KXV 1HZFDVWOH ¿ QLVKHG WKH VHDVRQ LQ ¿ IWK SODFH LQ WKH 3UHPLHU 1RUWK GLYLVLRQ ZLWK SRLQWV
might have allowed her performance to slip away with the game, but Boulton refused. Aided by an increasingly defiant defence, consisting of invaluable back checking from Helen Collins and Elizabeth Bates, the Wildcat rear shored up a disappointing second period through their denial of any further serious attempts on goal. As time slid towards the inexorable klaxon, they were deflecting breakaways with a cold confidence that seemed to promise retribution once the break had passed. That was one promise the girls would definitely keep. Invigorated by a new strategy that saw Maurice, Towns and Kirsty Ballard take charge of inside play with a central attacking formation, the Wildcats took the fight to the Kings. The arrival of a powerplay in Newcastle’s favour gifted the girls with a golden opportunity to recover their earlier form, and only a goal would do. With the pressure on, the Wildcats tightened their offensive play to deliver considered runs and clinical passes into the Kings’ half. What felt like minutes passed agonisingly as both teams battled at the edge of the slot. The Kings held onto their slender lead with white knuckles while the Wildcats loomed at their door, eager for a way in. Ballard stepped up at the 42nd minute to slip in a rebound and notch up her first goal for the Women’s team with perfect timing. The ladies were back in the game and from then on, momentum would carry them like an avalanche. Successive Wildcat attempts held an air of inevitability, including a calculated clearance from Jessica Ward that set up a straight drive by Beth Harris. At the back and in
the centre, the forwards could depend on the fore checking of teammates to force errors from Northumbrian attempts to regain their lead. The consistency of Victoria Scudamore and Lauren Bilby at this critical stage maintained the team’s standing and fed offensive play that would give the Wildcats the edge. The game-winning goal arrived via cast-iron linkage between Ballard and Towns that yielded a wrist shot into the top left corner from Steph. With that, the home fans leapt to their feet and stayed there long after the buzzer had proclaimed the game’s end and the neon board had announced the final scores: Northumbria Kings- 3, Newcastle Wildcats Women- 4. In the crowd that day were A and B team goalies, Nick Smith and Sam Henderson. “The game was going to be tough with the Kings leading in the league� said Nick, “and they put a hole in the girls’ potential with those three second period goals. But the Wildcats battled hard and they got some clinical goals. There’ll be tough road games ahead but if they play like they did today they could definitely challenge the title. They can be champions if they work hard.� Sam meanwhile praised net minder Sarah Jayne’s performance: “she had a good rally. It’s not easy to come back after conceding goals to save several later on�. Ever available for post-match analyses was coach Stu Tomlinson. “The girls did very well to fight through the disallowed goal and go from an early lead to 3-2 down, and then recover to a 4-3 finish. They kept their heads up and didn’t panic. They’ve had good results so far and if they keep it up they’ll get plenty more.� Now firmly in possession of varsity bragging rights, the North’s only all-female team turn their attention south, to Birmingham. There they will go boldly into the Lion’s den at Solihull and seek to bring back confirmation that they’re the only big cats this league has room for.
Sport
www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 9 February 2015 Issue 1304 Free
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TRAMPOLINERS SPRING TOWARD BUCS CHALLENGE p. 42 Stan Calvert Newcastle University
32
Northumbria University
35
By Jonty Mawer at Druid Park Another year, another victory: for the second consecutive year Northumbria have bested Newcastle in the Stan Calvert fixture. In terms of their respective league or cup campaigns, nothing was to be gained at Druid Park on Wednesday. However, these teams battled for something far greater: pride, both for themselves and for their respective universities. The game began at a furious pace with huge hits flying in left, right and Centre. The ferocity of the defence, however, was more than matched by both team’s temerity in attack. Newcastle by far looked the more dangerous in the opening exchanges; messieurs Tisdale and Teasdale in the Centre’s seemed to have the edge over their opponents from the very beginning, making ground at every possible opportunity. Uni looked certain to strike first and after an intricate and devilish move started in the centers, Jordan Tisdale broke through the Poly backline and shifted the ball wide to the left-winger who was on hand to finish off in the corner. Despite the class exhibited by the uni backline, it was clear that Poly’s defence had let themselves down. Newcastle was playing with high levels of skill and assuredness. They were composed in defence and incredibly incisive with the ball in hand. The Newcastle pack were a sensation; their mobility and dynamism at ruck time was only surpassed by their commanding presence at set piece. The tight five were especially impressive; Piers Goodwill made mincemeat of his opposing prop at every possible opportunity, relishing every scrum and every lineout. Unfortunately, Uni’s momentum was somewhat thwarted by the untimely injury to fullback George Adams. In the process of yet another assault on the Poly try line; Adams seemed to fall awkwardly on his ankle, causing him to be stretchered off. This break in the game allowed the Poly to regroup; despite the point’s deficit being increased to eight points, after a converted penalty from fly half Ollie Wear, they seemed galvanized and began to exert pressure on the Newcastle defensive line. With renewed endeavor, Northumbria started to make inroads into the Newcastle 22, causing mistakes from the leaders. Not too long after a successful penalty kick from the Poly fly half, it was their chance to register a try with a customary narrow forward move. With the scores now level at eight-all, the game dynamic had shifted, promising for a tantalizing second period. As half time approached, Newcastle made another attack on the Poly half, forc-
Sports Editors: Peter Georgiev, Jonty Mawer & Huezin Lim Online Sports Editor: Josh Nicholson courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport
SPOTLIGHT ON THE ASIAN CUP p. 41 TRAGIC MELTDOWNS p. 40
Uni hearts broken by late winner
This was the opening match in Stan Calvert’s long schedule with many more in other sports yet to come Photography by Josh Nicholson
ing a penalty that Wear converted with consummate ease to put his team on the front foot at the break. Despite the late surge by Poly, Newcastle seemed the more dominant of the two sides at the break; they were ro-
decided. From the first minute of the second half, the game seemed to open up dramatically. In a flash, both sides had scored points; scrum half Tom Banks, with a delightful solo effort from just
and the lead, scoring under the posts. Uni, however, were equally energized; after a successful penalty goal attempt, they sought to immediately regain possession off the kick-off. After a brilliant interception by blindside flanker James
“Newcastle was playing with high levels of skill and assuredness. They were composed in defence and incredibly incisive with the ball in hand” bust at set piece and looked by far the more penetrative in the loose. Meanwhile, Northumbria seemed lackluster in defence and lacking in inspiration in attack. Newcastle, therefore, was in a very strong position but, as so often is the case in close matches, the second half would be where the game would be
inside the opposing half, and the Poly from a quick penalty from the Newcastle five meter. Poly seemed reinvigorated and keen to make their mark on the match, putting immediate pressure on the Newcastle defence from the getgo. After a quick tap from a penalty in the Newcastle 22, they took their chance
Phillips under the high ball, the Newcastle backs division initiated a string of quick and clinical phases that unlocked the Poly defence. With another precise finish from the left-winger, Newcastle led by twenty-six points to twenty entering into the final third. The game was showing no signs of
slowing down as both teams scored again, leaving a one-point gap between them. Newcastle simply had to hold on and victory would be theirs. In a nailbiting last ten minutes however, Poly had the last laugh; following a break into the Newcastle half, they forced a crucial penalty in front of the posts which ultimately caused their opponent’s demise. The game was lost, Northumbria again reigned supreme over Newcastle’s rugby kingdom. Despite the result, Newcastle have a huge amount to be proud of. Their first half performance was very promising and the freedom with which they played throughout the game was exciting for coaches and onlookers alike. Lets hope that they finish the season with the same level of enthusiasm and build toward a Stan Calvert resurgence in 2016.