To The Mother Who Can’t Breastfeed
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Speak of motherhood and quite a few images come together to capture the joy and special bond it entails; etched into human consciousness and memory, these images symbolize the sanctity of this relationship and its experience. Prime among these is the vision of the breastfeeding motherwhether we look into antiquity to find Madonna and child, or touch upon the echoes of modern day women’s lib. A lot of our conceptions about early motherhood center on the act of breastfeeding. We view breastfeeding as a tangible representation of the selflessness and nurturing a mother offers; here forms the physical connection between one soul and another, one generation and the next. As women thus the expectation to breastfeed our kid is great, even when supermarkets are stocked with a wide variety of formulae. To choose not to breastfeed is a controversial choice, no matter what the cultural, social, political and economic background. But this article isn’t about the independence of choice in the modern day; it is about the anguish a woman- a young mother- undergoes when she is unable to breastfeed her child, even when she deeply desires to do so. For starts we all tend to blame the mother for her inability to do so; judgments are quick to form and the ostracizing is much too common. But very often the mother is just as helpless and innocent as her child. You don’t always have to drink or smoke your way into a situation such as this- often it is as unexpected as any other condition we may encounter with our body. Yet other times, it is the baby that just can’t manage to latch on properly and ends up requiring formulae to supplement his
poor breastfeeding skills. So let’s stop blindly blaming mothers and start extending a little compassion to them. To the mothers out there who can’t breastfeed, I offer my deepest respect. For it is you, and others like you, who constantly remind us that motherhood is not a singular experience or an established set of expectations. You stand testament to the fact that motherhood is a multifarious experience that is sacred and special in each of its shades and hues; and that no matter what its outward manifestation, it always holds the best interests of the child at heart. For really if you think about it, breastfeeding may be one of the earliest and most tender of shared experiences between mum and child, but it is extremely short lived in the grander scheme of things. A couple of months down the line, breastfeeding is the last thing a mother has on her mind; infact every year and month brings newer challenges, experiences and definitions of motherhood. I am not trying to undermine the experience of breastfeeding for mums who do feed their babies- it is and will always be a special sharing. But this sharing is not all motherhood is about, and to label it as that is not only unfair but grossly inappropriate. The fact is motherhood is personal, and no one except mum and child can put any labels, adjectives or expectations to describe their mutual bond and sharing. So all the mums out there who can’t breast feed, let me take this moment to remind you just how perfectly unique and personal your motherhood is. Allow me to honor the beauty of your sharing, which exists independent of convention and clichés- still doused in the love and selflessness that sets motherhood apart.