How to Tell Your Wife She Needs To Lose Weight
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Dear concerned husbands the world over, welcome to one of the trickiest challenges of married life- telling your wife she needs to lose weight… without upsetting her! As a woman I empathize with just how difficult this can be for you, especially as we tend to rely on our partners for positive reinforcement and unmoving appreciation. It doesn’t matter if you still find us attractive; knowing you think we are much too ‘overweight’ as to warrant an alarm makes us doubt ourselves, our marriage and our love. Call it a silly fantasy, fed by scores of teenage novels, childhood dreams and mass media, but we hope for you to be mesmerized with us- for life, even after you have seen us burp, fart or lose all sense of elegance as we go about our daily chores. Knowing that you can see us as anything but ‘ideal’ not only means the enchantment has faded, but that we are now utterly exposed to your personal opinions, judgments and evaluations. Be assured that we know it isn’t you who is really judging us; we ourselves are our own worst critics. Yet, sooner or later we do need you to take on this role of our inner critic and help us face the realities we are much too nervous, or even lazy, to confront. In helping us change the way of things- including just how much we weigh- you are helping us rise in not just your eyes and appeal index, but our own as well. And therefore whether you like it or not, as our partner it does fall on you to tell us when we need to lose weight. So here is the thing- why wait till it’s too late? Must you put off an inevitable conversation till the elastic on our pants and your patience with us is stretched to its very limits?! In many ways this topic requires the mastery of timing- when you tell us is about just as important as how you tell us.
This conversation isn’t an off-the-cuff kind of moment; it requires consideration and thought to ensure not just that we get your message, but that our dialogue is constructive and pleasant. So for all you hassled husbands out there, here are a few tips on how to tell your wife she needs to lose weight. 1. Weight isn’t everything! Instead of using weight as an index of health, focus on fitness and let it be a shared passion with your partner. You are bound to upset your wife a lot more if you comment on her weight while you gorge on unhealthy fast food. Instead integrate a healthy diet and an active lifestyle into your marriage, using this as a platform to discuss any undue fluctuations in weight. She won’t worry about appearances, and appreciate your concern for her wellbeing. 2. Location. Location. Location. Choose where you are going to tell her wisely. A public space such as the grocers, mall or a social occasion is not a good idea, neither is anything utterly private like your bedroom or the bath. Find neutral ground, especially one that warrants a discussion on health and weight. The kitchen is one such space, or you could have a conversation in the car on your way back from the gym. 3. Start positive. Don’t dive into a list of complaints and possible scenarios. Go easy on her, just as you would like her to go on you. Take your time getting to your point, taking the scenic route- even when it means you might have to come back and resume your journey another day. 4. Not all conversations require words. I love how forthright men can be- they don’t beat around the bush and speak their minds out honestly. But not all topics are open to that unabashed blunt delivery- weight in particular. You might want to try hinting that your wife needs to get healthier and lose a little weight, without saying as much as a single word. For instance when she sees you shift to a healthier diet, it may remind her of a need to do so as well. Or you can buy her a killer dress in the size that is just tight enough to give her a silent incentive to shed some weight. 5. Double Up on the Appreciation. Telling your wife she needs to lose weight is probably going to blow her insecurities wide open, so double up on the appreciation and little gestures. Don’t wait till after you have told her- keep the love coming in steady doses at all times. She may not question your love and devotion to her this way, especially as it can soften the blow of being physically criticized. 6. Act, Not Nag. While men are typically linear in their thoughts, actions and behaviors, women are cyclic beings. We tend to go through highs and lows, and may not always exhibit the kind of consistency you desire. Be patient with your wife and her attempts at losing weight. At no point is nagging a good idea as this does little to reinforce our rhythms; instead when we seem to waver, use those silent gestures to remind us and give us incentives to dive right back in.