Fr ee
Free to be Yourself
Breast Cancer Awareness
October is
Gay History Month Issue no 12
OCTOber 2015
co py
Contact Details:
Editor: Larin Labuschagne - diversity@vodamail.co.za Sub-editor: Theresa Bosch - theresa.bosch@gmail.com www.facebook.com/diversitydurban
Enquiries and Advertising Sales: Larin Labuschagne - 072 186 8112 Theresa Bosch - 073 583 0518
Graphic Design: Kim Lithgow @ Sapphire Designs 084 700 2536
Cover page photographer: Kim Lithgow
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Disclaimer Whilst every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the contents of Diversity magazine, neither the editor, the publisher nor the printer can be held responsible for any omissions or errors or for any misfortune, injury or damages which may arise there from. We do not guarantee the quality of service of any of the advertisers in this magazine. Reproduction of Diversity magazine in whole or any part is prohibited without prior written permission from the editor. The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of Diversity magazine or the editor.
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Editor’s Note
October sees the celebration of LGBTI history month, which was first celebrated in 1994 in the United States, where it was founded by Rodney Wilson, a Missouri high school teacher. It is a month long observance of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender history as well as the history of gay rights. The intention being to encourage honesty and openness with regard to one’s sexual orientation as well as to raise awareness of and combat prejudice against the LGBTI community. The article “Walking in my shoes” offers some insight into the thoughts and feelings experienced by some members of the LGBT community, in the hope of altering the perception and pre conceived notions that often abound amongst straight members of society. October is also breast cancer awareness month and our two informative and thought provoking articles regarding this important topic are a must read. It only takes approximately fifteen minutes of your time once a month to perform breast self-examination and it could save your life. If you are able to provide a “forever home” to one of the adorable rescued puppies featured in this issue you will no doubt be rewarded with much love, laughter and loyalty and you will be making a huge difference to the life of one very special individual. Till next month, take care and God bless.
Larin
CONTENTS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS SELF-EXAMINATION INTIMACY & SEX AFTER BREAST CANCER WALKING IN MY SHOES FILM REVIEW EVENTS DIARY AND MARKETS
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Breast Cancer Awareness
O
Sel f E xamination
ctober is National Breast Care Awareness month and women need to be more pro-active in educating themselves on the facts of the disease, as the incidence of breast cancer among South African women is on the increase and it is one of the most common cancers among South African women. Early detection of breast cancer is paramount as it can lead to effective treatment and a positive prognosis. On average 90% of patients survive for many years when breast cancer is detected in the early stages. Regular breast self examination and regular mammograms are key to early detection. Every woman’s breasts are different in terms of shape, size as well as consistency and one breast is often larger than the other. Get used to the feel of your breasts at different times of the month as this can change during your menstrual cycle as well as after menopause. Breast self-examination should be performed every month. By familiarizing yourself with how your breasts usually look and feel you will be able to detect any changes more easily.
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Changes to look out for include the following: • A change in the size, outline or shape of your breast • A change in the look or feel of your skin, such as puckering or dimpling • A new lump, thickening or bumpy area in one breast or armpit that is different from the same area on the other side • Nipple discharge • Bleeding from your nipple • A moist, red area on your nipple that doesn’t heal easily • Any change in nipple position, such as your nipple being inverted or pointing in a different direction
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• A rash on or around your nipple • Any discomfort or pain in one breast, particularly if it’s a new pain and doesn’t go away.
How to perform a breast self examination: • Start by examining your breasts in the mirror with your shoulders straight and your hands on your hips. Check each breast for anything unusual (refer to the list above). • Now, raise your arms and look for the same changes. • Look for any signs of fluid coming out of one or both nipples. • Next, feel your breasts while lying down, using your right hand to feel your left breast and then vice versa. Use a firm, smooth touch with the first few finger pads of your hand, keeping the fingers flat and together, using a circular motion. Cover the entire breast from top to bottom, side to side from your collarbone to the top of your abdomen, and from your armpit to your cleavage. • Follow a pattern to be sure that you cover the whole breast. You can begin at the nipple, moving in larger and larger circles until you reach the outer edge of the breast. You can also move your fingers up and down vertically, in rows. This up-and-down approach seems to work best for most women. Be sure to feel all the tissue from the front to the back of your breasts: for the skin and tissue just beneath, use light pressure; use medium pressure for tissue in the middle of your breasts; use firm pressure for the deep tissue in the back. When you’ve reached the deep tissue, you should be able to feel down to your ribcage. • Finally, feel your breasts while you are standing or sitting. Many women find that the easiest way to feel their breasts is when their skin is wet and slippery, so they like to perform this step in the shower. Cover your entire breast, using the same hand movements as described above. Breast changes can happen for various reasons and most of them aren’t serious. Many women have breast lumps and the majority of the lumps are benign. If however you discover changes in your breast that aren’t normal for you, it is best to consult your doctor as soon as possible in order to rule out breast cancer. If cancer is detected, appropriate treatment should be planned as quickly as possible.
Think Pink Support Cancer Awareness
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Dr Charlton Butt MTech Chiropractic
Chiropractor For treatment and effective relief of back and neck pain, headaches, migraines and sporting conditions. We manage long and short term neurological, joint and muscle conditions and their consequences. DHS Sports Medicine Centre Tel: 031 - 201 1789
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Digital Skills Training Private Tuition Offered “Teaching people how to use
the Internet effectively�
Individual Lessons: R150/R200 per hour, location dependent. Outer Dbn suburbs, minimum of two hour lessons. Will travel to homes or businesses. Training Seminars: R500 minimum charge for 4 people. Rate negotiable as per quote.
Contact: David Walker 082 701 1817 davidr.walker@gmail.com
Viola and Owl Cottages Cape Town - Pet Friendly, Self-Catering Cottages. Beach 5 mins away. Private / Pet safe gardens with braais. Secure off road parking. Tel: 021 557 2899 / 082 698 1244 helen@violacottage.co.za
www.pet-friendly-accommodation.co.za
SERVICES OFFERED
Referrals Drama Support Groups Resource Centre Social Event Training and Workshops Victim Support Services HIV Counselling & Testing Telephonic & Face to Face Counselling 187A Burger Street, Pietermaritzburg, Kwazulu Natal Fax: 27 86 508 2203 Tel: 27 33 342 6165 info@gaylesbiankzn.org www.gaylesbiankzn.org Helpline 086 033 3331 or sms HELP to 079 891 3036( 9am to 4pm Monday - Friday)
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Intimacy and sex after breast cancer by Dr Lorraine Becker MB BCh (Rand) DCH (SA) Dip Ped (SA) FECSM Dr L. Becker (General Practitioner & Sexual Medicine Physician)
“Intimacy and sex are often casualties in the war against cancer.” This is the sentiment expressed by the carers who looked after cancer patients in a study in Australia. This is also true in South Africa and more particularly after breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. Breast cancer management often includes surgery, (a lumpectomy or mastectomy), radiation therapy and/or chemotherapy and hormone blockers. Obviously, all these treatments have side effects that have to be managed, as well as the emotional aspects of dealing with a life-threatening illness. Most patients are too involved with survival in the initial stages of treatment to worry about sexuality. However, after a few months, they may be ready to resume their sexual relationship. So…how do they overcome their reluctance to talk about sexual problems? Are there any tips to reclaim their sexuality? Where do they get help with sexual advice and dealing with problems like vaginal dryness? Firstly, you need to communicate with your partner. Start by telling her how you value the emotional support and that you would like to relearn how to touch, cuddle and be sexual. Explain how you feel, tell her when you are tired and when you feel OK.
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Spend some time on nonsexual touch. Perhaps have turns massaging each other or spend time cuddling and caressing. If you are embarrassed by your scar or feel uncomfortable being naked, wear some lovely lingerie. Tell your partner if it is OK to touch your chest or if you would prefer that she did not.
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Most women say that they do not want to cause pain or embarrassment to their partner which is why they avoid sexual contact. However, they would readily resume sexual contact if their partners were willing. If you are experiencing menopausal symptoms as a result of the treatment, discuss these with you Gynae or Oncologist. The lack of oestrogen causes vaginal dryness and atrophy which can make intercourse difficult or painful. A good water based lubricant or a vaginal moisturizer can help to solve this problem but sometimes an oestrogen vaginal cream needs to be prescribed. Sexuality is an integral part of everyone’s makeup. Sex and intimacy can be restored after breast cancer treatment and is an important part of overall health.
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Contact: Heather 076 479 5718 email: diversity@vodamail.co.za
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I
t’s a warm Saturday morning as we hover over the cake and tea table, and chatter while the tables are being pushed together. We are all here. Lesbian, gay, transgender, straight, gender-queer and more. We are here to discuss another aspect of our lives. The question of how to help others understand what it’s like to be LGBT. Below are some of the points we covered, compiled together as a letter to our straight allies. Dear Straight Ally, I treasure your love for me. Your empathy and your willingness to see me as more than “your LGBT friend” means more to me than you could possibly fathom. So today, I invite you, to take a walk in my shoes.
There are many things that I would miss, if I pretend to be straight. When I sit among straight people I am a mystery, a puzzle, a problem to be solved. But sitting in a room surrounded by my LGBT peers, I am understood. Strangers or not, they understand me. No explanations needed. As gay, I am invisible in any public place, most people smilingly assume that I am straight. It’s not malicious, it’s just a harmless assumption that renders me non-existant. But if there is one LGBT person in that mall, they see me and I see them. And I am so relieved. I exist. As transgender, I am invisble when I comply with the gender that other people give me. When I embody the gender that I identify with, that is when I introduce you to the person that was hidden. I too, am relieved to finally be seen now. “If you met the right straight person, then...” But I am looking for the right LGBT person! Preferrably good looking and great company. Someone to love me as I am. Why would I want to date someone who is less appealing(to me), who doesn’t understand me and who wants to change me?
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Some of my labels are harmless: daughter, brother, mother, father, friend, colleague, etc. If I reveal that I am also LGBT, then that is all they see. I become the “whatever LGBT label” that they assign me. Everything else is
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irrelevant. But in the LGBT community I am more than just my label. Nothing is certain in my life. “Until they find out” is a phrase I hear too often. They were my friends, until they found out. We were a close family, until they found out. I had a great job, until they found out. It doesn’t matter how hard we work, how kind we are, how talented we are...if we fall in love, or wear different clothes, or identify with a certain gender, then we are discarded. But my LGBT peers value me. My “gayness” does not negate my being. Within the LGBT community I find understanding, value, respect, acceptance and the ability to be seen and heard. This gives me hope which motivates me to follow my dreams, believe in my own judgement and to love with abandon. My LGBT community inspire me to live my own life, and to embrace my whole self, no matter the cost. I don’t have to wait for someone to find a “gay gene”. I am here now. I exist whether or not I can be explained or understood. Thanks to you, I know that straight people can also be a source of hope. So thank you for daring to see me. Thank you for celebrating what you don’t understand. Thank you for not waiting for anwers, and choosing to be kind anyway. Thank you for drawing me into your circle, and for being my straight friend, With much love, Your LGBT Best Friend Forever x Same Love Toti meets every month to have open discusions on different topics. All are welcome. LGBT, their parents, families, friends, allies. Follow us on Twitter @SameLoveToti, or like us on Facebook “Same Love Support Group Toti” or email us on samelovefamilies@gmail.com.
email: diversity@vodamail.co.za
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This Month’s Film Review:
The INTERN
Reviewed by David R. Walker Director: Nancy Meyers Cast: Robert de Niro, Anne Hathaway, Rene Russo, Nat Wolff, Adam DeVine, Celia Weston, Anders Holm, Andrew Rannells, Zack Pearlman
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merican director Nancy Meyers has always been brilliant at churning out a reasonable collection of romantic comedies touching quite often on the social nuances of contemporary American culture. The director of What Women Want and Something’s Gotta Give, now teams up two Oscar winners, the legendary Robert de Niro (Raging Bull, Silver Linings Playbook) with Anne Hathaway (Les Miserables, The Devil Wears Prada) in a wonderful romantic comedy The Intern, focusing on a widower, Ben Whitaker who finds after his wife’s death has far too much time on his hands. Whitaker, fastidious, presentable and dependable, expressively played by de Niro applies for a position as an intern at an online fashion site, which is a young chic start-up business which basically sells and delivers new clothing bought on the internet, much like the South African versions Zando and Spree. The start up aptly named About the Fit, is managed and owned by the driven entrepreneur Jules Ostin, played by Hathaway, who at first channels too much of her character from The Devil Wears Prada, but then finds her own form as the successful working mother with a stay at home husband, Matt, played by Anders Holm. Initially, the internship program is designed to give senior citizens a chance to work in the digital era and exposure to the 21st century work environment, in which Meyers accurately draws some brilliant observations between the baby boom (born during or after World War 2) generation and the millennial generation (born in the 1990’s), a divide made all the more problematic with the fast acceleration of digital and online technologies. The fact that Whitaker spent most of his career printing New York telephone directories and one of the naïve receptionists asks if they still make phonebooks, is testament to this generation gap. The narrative of The Intern takes on some more serious issues in the second half of the film, after a rather languid beginning punctuated only by some jokes and a caper involving stealing a laptop. The film is brilliantly enlightened
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by the accessible Rene Russo (Nightcrawler, Thor) as the company masseur Fiona, in a wonderful scene where she massages Whitaker at his desk, much to the delight of the twenty year olds sitting on either side of him. As the film progresses, director Nancy Meyers gives more scope for her two main leads to show some real acting talent, even though the script at times is slightly saccharine. De Niro’s character Whitaker really is used as a vehicle, both literally (he becomes Jules’s driver) and figuratively as a means of Jules realizing that her career is not as important as her marriage and that sometimes it’s wisdom not business acumen that can help save a company which is threatening to become too successful too soon. A pitfall of many start up tech companies, especially in the increasingly attention demanding digital age. The Intern is recommended viewing for those that enjoy romantic comedies with a bit more depth; it is reasonably well written and soothingly directed by Meyers. This is a great, feel good comedy without resorting to crude language or stupid antics. David Walker (Freelance Film and Travel Journalist) +27 (0)82 7011817 Twitter: @SouthboyD Email: davidr.walker@gmail.com Website: http://www.davidrwalker.co.za Website: http://www.davidrwalker.co.za
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AFTER
Events Diary 13 Oct- Vegas Rocks-What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas Jan 2016 a tribute to the artists who have performed here. The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Tel: 031-566 3045 21 Oct “The Tanya Visser Story: Lessons, Hardships and Blessings.” Tanya Visser, editor and publisher of The Gardener and Die Tuinier national lifestyle magazines, and well-known TV presenter of the Home Channel’s show. Held at Premier Hotel, Pinetown. Tel: Samla Morgan 031-335 1000 30 Oct – Good Food & Wine Show Durban - is the pinnacle culinary event 1 Nov of KZN at Durban Exhibition Centre. Contact +27 21 702 2280 / louise@fieramilano.co.za 27 Oct- Stay At Home Son - Simmi Areff brings his one-man show, to the 1 Nov stage at The Playhouse Company. Book at Computicket. 3 – 7 Nov What the EFF? - Satirical Comedy - It’s hard to live in South Africa for more than five minutes without looking around in wide-eyed bewilderment, and rhetorically asking/declaring: “what the EFF?” Sneddon Theatre. Book at Computicket. 7 Nov Winterton Festival 2015 -Food, Entertainment and Culture. Tel: 082 548 9910
Markets Essenwood Market, Sat from 9am-2pm, Essenwood Rd, Essenwood. Contact: 031 208 1264 I Heart Market, 1st Sat of every month, Moses Mabhida Stadium from 9am-2pm, Contact: 078 989 4432 Heritage Market, 9 Old Main Road, Hillcrest, Contact: 031 765 2500 The Food Market, 6 High Grove, Umgeni Park, Contact: 084 505 0113 Shongweni Farmers Market, Cnr Alverstone & Cassier Rd, Shongweni, Contact: 031 777 1554 The Golden Hours Family Market- Sun 10am-3:30pm, Uitsig Rd, Durban North, Contact: 083 262 3693 The Litchi Orchard- 1st and 3rd Sat of every month, Seaforth Ave, Umhlali, Contact: 084 205 6151 The Stables Lifestyle Market, (Wed & Fri 6pm-10pm and Sun 10am-5pm), Jacko Jackson Drive, Stamford Hill, Contact: 031 312 3058 or 084 353 5866
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