FR EE
Free to be Yourself
CO PY
Triple Joy Life with triplets
Creating Change Autism Awareness
in our Communities
Real-life struggles ISSUE NO 16
MARCH/APRIL 2016
Contact Details:
Editor: Larin Labuschagne - diversity@vodamail.co.za Sub-editor: Theresa Bosch - theresa.bosch@gmail.com www.facebook.com/diversitydurban
Enquiries and Advertising Sales: Larin Labuschagne - 072 186 8112 Theresa Bosch - 073 583 0518
Graphic Design: Kim Lithgow @ Sapphire Designs 084 700 2536
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Disclaimer Whilst every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the contents of Diversity magazine, neither the editor, the publisher nor the printer can be held responsible for any omissions or errors or for any misfortune, injury or damages which may arise there from. We do not guarantee the quality of service of any of the advertisers in this magazine. Reproduction of Diversity magazine in whole or any part is prohibited without prior written permission from the editor. The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of Diversity magazine or the editor.
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Editor’s Note As Christians we’ve just observed the time of Easter and Larin and I attended our church’s sunrise service, what a beautiful time of day it is, watching the magnificence of the sun rising as we celebrate the resurrection of our saviour, Jesus. We continued the day by spending time with Larin’s extended family and as we enjoyed the day it was a reminder to me of the importance of family and to appreciate those relationships and to never take for granted the loved ones in your life. Talking about family, in this issue we feature a couple who share about how they started their family, what a delightful surprise they got and how it has changed their lives, so do read the heart-warming article Triple Joy. We also take a look at Autism and what to look out for, this month is Autism Awareness month and we give our support to the families of children with this condition. We’ve started an “Out & About” page, which will feature pics of who’s been seen where and what’s happening around town! So feel free to send in your pic of what you’ve been up to. Keep safe and God bless.
Larin & Theresa
CONTENTS Triple Joy Autism Awareness Out & About Creating change in our Community Film Review - Room Events Diary
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by Roxy Furniss
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Roxy, Tarryn, Addison, Taylor and Paige .
e had been married a few years and decided it was time to start a family. With Tarryn being 33 we agreed she would have a baby first and in a few years’ time I would see if I wanted to try. The choice of treatment for us was an easy decision. We chose IUI (Intrauterine insemination) as it was less invasive and less chance of having multiples which was something we had decided we didn’t want.
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With all the tests and scans finally done we underwent our first insemination and didn’t break a sweat at all. We knew it would work, no doubt in our minds that our baby was on its way. It failed! I cried for 24 hours. I was
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more devastated than Tarryn. This not working had seemed like something that happened to everybody else, not us, but that is how IUI works. High expectations with approximately 15% chance of success. We picked ourselves up, carried on with the hormones and tried again. This time it worked. Tarryn came to me one morning before work with a pregnancy test, it was positive. The screen read 2-3, I asked if that meant number of babies, it meant weeks. Looking back, the “don’t be an idiot” look she gave me wasn’t necessary. I couldn’t have asked a more pertinent question now could I? Within days our house was filled with KFC and black forest cake, Tarryn ate it by the bucket loads, looking back this should have also been another warning sign of what was to come. At our first baby scan Dr. Naidu found 3 embryos and right at the top a fourth. I collapsed. My legs literally turned to jelly as I stared at that screen completely at a loss for words. This wasn’t the plan! Two weeks later we had to have another scan and one embryo had disappeared, but… one, two and three had taken root. The doctor confirmed there were 3 healthy babies and this was a high risk pregnancy. We became glaringly aware that this wasn’t going to be a normal pregnancy as Tarryn had to face every day knowing she was a prime candidate for preterm labour, Intrauterine growth restriction, preeclampsia, placental abruption, preterm labour or fetal loss. Those were the longest 35 weeks of our lives. Tarryn couldn’t do simple things like walk up stairs or get out the bath. As her cravings grew, so did she. On the 3rd of September 2015 we welcomed Addison, Taylor and Paige into the world weighing 2,26kg, 2,24kg and 1,98kg’s respectively. They spent the first 7 days of their lives in the Neo natal ICU. The day the girls were discharged, we felt as though we were moving under water, we were terrified that as soon as they were mixed up we wouldn’t be able to tell them apart and they were so small, what if we hurt them? It’s different when all the nurses are there to help you. How could we be trusted with 3 babies? We tackled it one problem at a time, in oreder to avoid mixing them up we left the hospital badges on, to not accidently damage these tiny little humans, we prayed. Within 30 minutes of getting them home all hell broke loose. My sister, our rock through it all only met the girls on the day they were discharged as she wasn’t allowed into the ICU. I had promised her that I would show her what to do and she could follow my lead. Instead I was shouting instructions on
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how to make a bottle while 3 babies screamed hysterically. That day my sister became their third mother. Together it was the 3 of us against the 3 of them. We had evened the odds however these 3 dictators ruled with an iron fist and we were buckling under the pressure. They had to be fed every 2 hours 24 hours a day. We became ninja mom zombies. There isn’t a position we haven’t fallen asleep in, sitting up, on the toilet, while feeding a baby. There came a time when we realised that even though each child had been attended to, twenty-four hours could go by, during which each of us hadn’t been able to touch all three of our children. We knew that something had to give, rotation schedules were put into place so every baby got equal attention, bottles were pre-made, nappy changing stations were set up and we moved from our bedroom to our lounge to be able to fit in 3 cribs. We have learnt so much from our experience so far, such as our house will always be messy and that’s okay. When people offer help, take it, if they don’t, ask for it. We are not supermoms. We are trying to raise 3 babies and work full time. We cannot do it all but we can give them 100% of our attention when we’re with them. No TV and no cellphones. Every few weeks we get cabin fever and decide to leave the house, easier than it sounds. When we leave the house it takes about an hour to get the girls dressed and bags packed. The prams don’t fit in one car so we go everywhere in two cars. Most of the time we don’t even bother trying to leave the house alone and always ask my sister and her wife to come with. When you are out in public people stare and they stare harder when all 3 start crying. By the time the outing is over we are exhausted, and swear to never leave the house again. Six months down the line our lives have now settled into a routine. We have time to enjoy our girls and are getting to know 3 profoundly different individuals. Addison, the leader of the pack, strong willed, stubborn and loving. Taylor, gentle, patient and sweet. Paige, cuddlesome, always laughing and playful. We have been phenomenally blessed to have the friends and family that we do. A sister and her wife who placed our children before everything in their lives, friends showing up just to drop off a meal. The biggest and smallest gestures of kindness have helped us in this crazy new life and we feel a gratitude we could never fully express. We thank God every day for the life He has given us and we have learnt that He has quite a sense of humour. 6
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AUTISM
Awareness
by By Theresa Bosch Theresa Bosch
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few days ago I was working from home and was suddenly startled by a child screaming somewhere out there, so I go out to have a look but it had stopped, I went back inside. Shortly after sitting down at my desk I hear this screaming again, now I’m thinking this child could be in trouble so I head back outside and make my way towards the screaming which was coming from the next door complex. As I look over the wall I see this young boy under a tree shouting and hitting himself in the face, I gently called out to him asking “what is wrong, can I help you?” He just kept going…, this woman then came out of one of the simplexes and was walking towards him so I asked, “Is everything alright” (silly question really…obviously it isn’t!). She barely looked at me and just said “he’s Autistic, he’s having a meltdown.” One of her neighbours had appeared and seemed irritable by all this, the boy’s mom was then apologising to this neighbour for the noise. As I walked away I felt such compassion for this mother and child as I thought about how stressful and challenging this condition must be for them. I recalled an incident from many years ago when going to visit my sister, my nephew was only two years old then and at that “tantrum two’s” stage, well this particular day was when he was putting this into action. As I arrived at her house I hear screaming going on, I entered the house with a panicked look on my face and said to her, “what’s going on, you’ve got to stop him, the neighbours are going to think you’re ill-treating your child,” she replied that she had informed the neighbours already about the tantrums. Now I’m not at all comparing this to Autism, but just giving an example of how easily people could get the wrong impression or misunderstand what is going on if not informed.
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I believe it’s always a good idea to educate ourselves about these types of conditions so if we ever do encounter such situations we have a better understanding about what’s happening. Especially since this month is Autism
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Awareness month, I thought I should read up about this condition. There is a website, www.aut2know.co.za, which belongs to Autism South Africa that is very informative, you can take a look and get answers to any questions you may have. Below are some possible signs of Autism to look out for if you have a child who is displaying abnormal behaviour. This may help in deciding whether a professional assessment is needed, if three or more of these signs are noticed then you should contact Autism South Africa (contact details are on their website).
• Little awareness of others. • Self-injurious behaviour, e.g. head banging, scratching or biting. • Imaginative play may be poor. E.g. cannot play with a wooden block as if it is a car.
• Unusual habits such as rocking, hand flapping, spinning of objects etc. • The development of speech and language may be atypical, absent or delayed.
• Indifference to, or dislike of being touched, held or cuddled. • Minimal reaction to verbal input and sometimes acts as though he/she is deaf.
• Sense of touch, taste, sight, hearing and/or smell may be heightened or lowered.
• Changes in routine or the environment may cause distress. • Sudden laughing or crying for no apparent reason. • Pursues activities repetitively and cannot be influenced by suggestions of • • • • • • •
change. Uneven gross/fine motor skills. Inappropriate attachment to objects. Abnormal sleeping patterns. Displays extreme distress and/or tantrums for no apparent reason. Prefers to play alone. Difficulty in interacting with others and little or no eye contact. No real fear of dangers.
May we all be aware of the special needs of those around us and show compassion to the Autistic and their families as they face these challenges daily.
Autistic today Genius tomorrow It worked for Einstein! email: diversity@vodamail.co.za
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Out & About
All over Durban, LGBTQI are doing what they do best! Living life, socialising and making a difference. To have your photo on this page, send your pics in to the editor.
Gillian & Hermine Coleman celebrate KZN Gay and Lesbian Tourist Association their 28th wedding anniversary at had a breakfast to discuss up-coming the Upper Room Communion Picnic. events.
Same Love Toti at their monthly meeting, creating awareness and providing a safe place for LGBTI.
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Sunrise service for Easter with St Wins Methodist Church.
KZN-GALTA had a 90’s Mania evening at the Barnyard Theatre.
Our sub-editor, Theresa Bosch, enjoyed her birthday with family and friends.
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Creating Change in our Communities
by Kim Lithgow e all want change. We all want there to be no more homophobia, or transphobia. No more discrimination. No more ostracism. The question always arises: “How?” How do we make these changes a reality in our communities? To be honest, the only ones who want these changes, and who will make these changes happen, are LGBT and their allies, so here are some things you can actually do to help these changes along:
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1) Be sure that you are fully informed about our legal rights, and the recourses available to us, in the event of homophobic incidents. Educate yourselves and each other, or find out from those who are clued-up! It is very empowering to be able to confidently silence agressors with simple legal facts, knowing that the law is in our favour! 2) In the next few months we will be having ample opportunities to voice our opinions, our dismay, our frustrations and our victories! a) International day Against Homophobia and Transphobia is on 17th May. Join us at various events to raise awareness and combat homophobia. b) Durban Pride follows in June/July, so we can simply be present, or make posters to make ourselves heard, or be even more outrageous than usual! c) If you need “gay goodies” for these events, contact us for a list of our items, and help us with our fund-raising. 3) If you prefer annonymity while combatting homophobia, there is something you can do too. Send us a story of an event that gave you hope, and we will use them to share real-life stories with other LGBT out there, some young, some not so young, who are needing to be encouraged. 4) Put your name down as an adult who is willing to help LGBTI youth, who have been ostracised/rejected by their families/communities. Or help in preparing for events, fundraising or other random acts of kindness. And finally, ACT. Knowledge is nice, but actions make the wheels turn! Same Love Toti meets every month to have open discussions on different topics. This is a safe space for LGBT, their parents, families, friends, allies. Follow us on Twitter @SameLoveToti, Like us on Facebook “Same Love Support Group Toti” or email us on samelovefamilies@gmail.com.
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This Month’s Film Review:
ROOM
Director: Lenny Abrahamson Cast: Brie Larson, Jacob Tremblay, Joan Allen, William H. Macy, Sean Bridgers, Wendy Crewson, Cas Anvar Brie Larson gives an Oscar-winning performance in director Lenny Abrahamson’s claustrophobic film Room about captivity, sexual slavery and the perceptions of children. Based on the novel by Emma Donoghue, director Abrahamson whose previous credit includes the bizarre Michael Fassbender film Frank, delves deep into the emotional and psychological trauma of those affected by a harrowing experience set in suburban Akron, Ohio. This experience is the abduction of Joy Newsome, known as Ma who is sexually abused and kept in a garden shed, which becomes the room of the title and stays there for seven years. During her incarceration she gives birth to a son Jack who becomes her world. Cleverly Room does not dwell on the horrors of captivity or sexual slavery, but follows more fluidly the perceptions of this enclosed world formed by the 5 year old Jack wonderfully played by newcomer Jacob Tremblay, who really is the emotional centre of the film and certainly should have won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Joy Newsome known as Ma, is superbly played by relative newcomer Brie Larson (The Gambler, Don Jon) in a stunning performance which has scooped every Best Actress award in 2016 from the Golden Globes to the Bafta’s to The Oscars. The exceptional depth of Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay’s talent is displayed in the first half of Room, which is entirely occupied by Ma and Jack as they eventually hatch a plan to escape when Ma realizes that Old Nick, played by Canadian actor Sean Bridgers, cannot really afford to keep them locked up forever.
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That escape and eventual discovery of Joy Newsome is thanks to the bravery of young Jack who must unwittingly go into a world he has never experienced
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and escape, find the police and alert them of their disappearance and capture. Brilliant shot, Abrahamson keeps the tension of the first half of the film and Brie Larson is extraordinary as she must now convince her young son, Jack that the world comprising Room is not the Real World and he must shift his expectation from fantasy to an altered reality of what the real world actually is. Audiences expecting a neatly tied up dramatic end to Room will be thoroughly disappointed as the second half of the film after their release dwells more on the emotional and psychological consequences of the mother and son’s shared trauma than on any legal or criminal investigation into their prolonged captivity. Joy’s estranged parents Nancy and Robert played by Joan Allen (The Contender, The Crucible) and William H. Macy (Fargo, The Sessions) are suitably good in a nuanced underplayed way, especially as Robert cannot bear to look at the product of sexual abuse, his grandson Jack. Room is essentially a parable about a mother’s bond with her child in a cruel and vicious world where each of them are confined by their own perceptions of the world and the roles they are meant to occupy as parent and child. Room is a thought-provoking and harrowing tale of survival which will keep audiences talking for years, held together by brilliant performances by Larson and Tremblay. Recommended viewing for those that enjoy an intelligent and emotional family drama. David Walker (Freelance Film and Travel Journalist) Cell: +27 (0)82 7011817 Twitter: @SouthboyD Email: davidr.walker@gmail.com Website: http://www.davidrwalker.co.za
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AFTER
EVENTS DIARY 12 April 16 April 16 April 29 April 29 April
30 April
30 April
Chris De Burgh & Band- ICC, Computicket 0861 915 8000 Into the Woods- Musical at Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre. Computicket, 0861 915 8000 Royal Moscow Ballet- LIVE in the Playhouse Opera Theatre for two performances only! (3pm & 7:30pm) Computicket 0861 915 8000 Mariah Carey- Moses Mbhida Stadium, Computicket 0861 915 8000 Durbanite Race- 5km Fun Run- designed for everyone. Be it your first race, an experienced runner or just looking for some healthy fun with your family. T-Shirts to the first 200 who register. Prizes for Open Athletes, over 50s and Kids up to 14 years of age. Spot prizes also available. R80 on race day (12pm until 5:30pm) or R70 on line. Contact: 071 521 2546 Spirit of Mzansi Music Festival- at The Playhouse. An evening of high-quality music featuring Committed from the USA, as well as Mahalia Buchanan, Intune, Legato from the Sing OFF, and poet Nokulunga Dladla. Computicket 0861 915 8000 Highland Gathering & Lifestyle Expo - 26 pipe bands and 100 dancers from around the country. Flea market Stalls, Demo Arena, Food and Drink Stalls, Kids Zone, exhibition areas in the Lifestyle Expo which include House & Garden, Outdoor & Leisure and Health and Beauty. Hutchison Park, Amanzimtoti, Cost: R 40.00. Time: 09:00am.
MARKETS
Essenwood Market, Sat from 9am-2pm, Essenwood Rd, Essenwood. Contact: 031 208 1264 I Heart Market, 1st Sat of every month, Moses Mabhida Stadium from 9am-2pm, Contact: 078 989 4432 Heritage Market, 9 Old Main Road, Hillcrest, Contact: 031 765 2500 The Food Market, 6 High Grove, Umgeni Park, Contact: 084 505 0113 Shongweni Farmers Market, Cnr Alverstone & Cassier Rd, Shongweni, Contact: 031 777 1554 The Golden Hours Family Market, Sun 10am-3:30pm, Uitsig Rd, Durban North, Contact: 083 262 3693 The Litchi Orchard, 1st and 3rd Sat of every month, Seaforth Ave, Umhlali, Contact: 084 205 6151 The Stables Lifestyle Market, (Wed & Fri 6pm-10pm and Sun 10am-5pm), Jacko Jackson Drive, Stamford Hill,
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