2013.0510(4) What would you say to parents who find out that their child thinks he or she is homosex

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What would you say to parents who find out that their child thinks he or she is homosexual, or is in fact living a homosexual lifestyle?

Thomas Lickona Here I hope you’ll find good help in the counsel of Rick and Elena. To whatever they send, I’d would add the long excerpt below from a paper, “Tolerance, Diversity, and Respect for Conscience: The Neglected Issue,” that I wrote a few years ago.

One thing I’d stress with a young man who thinks he is gay is this (cited in that article): Roughly ten of every 100 males will have sex with another man at some time. turning 18, most of these males will identify themselves as gay.

Before

But by 18, fully half of

them no longer identify themselves as gay and will never again have a male sexual

partner. By age 25, the percentage of men self-identifying as gay drops again to 2.8%. This means that without any intervention whatsoever, three of four boys who think they’re gay as teenagers aren’t by 25.

In short, 75% of self-identified “gay”

males become “non-gay” spontaneously.

Elena and Rick may know the data for girls.

The other thing is that, according to at least a couple of studies, teens increase their risk of depression and suicide the earlier they “come out.” See the article I’ve attached to the email for that research.Here is the relevant passage: The long-range welfare of students who are confused about their sexual identity may be best served by helping them delay self-labeling.

In a study by Gary Remafedi, M.D. (Pediatrics, 89:4, 1992) of 34,707 Minnesota teens, 25.9% of 12-year-olds said they were uncertain if they were heterosexual or homosexual. (By adulthood, only about 2% will self-identify as homosexual.)

Another study by Remafedi (Pediatrics, 87:6, 1991) found a significantly higher risk of attempted suicide among teenagers who identify themselves as homosexual or bisexual. However, "for each year's delay

in bisexual or homosexual self-labeling, the odds of a suicide attempt diminished by 80%." These data suggest that schools should avoid doing anything that would

P.2 lead a young person to prematurely (and perhaps erroneously) self-label as homosexual or bisexual.

In their 1995 Handbook of Child and Adolescent

Sexual Problems, psychiatrists M. Lundy and G. Rekers point to a second danger: Once an adolescent male identifies himself as gay, he is likely to initiate sexual activity that involves life-threatening health risks.

And, of course, there’s a chapter—written for teens, as is the whole book—on homosexuality in Sex, Love, & You. Okay, here’s the long excerpt from the “Tolerance, Diversity, and Respect for Conscience” article: What Major World Religions Teach What Does the Research Show About the Genesis and Modifiability of Homosexuality?

Research on Health Risks Associated With Homosexuality

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What Major World Religions Teach Young people should know a central moral tenet shared by most religions, including Catholicism, traditional Protestant Christianity, Islam, and Orthodox Judaism: namely, that sexual intimacy is reserved by God for the marriage commitment. Here are three expressions of that view.

Rabbinic teaching for at least 2,500 years has consistently opposed premarital sex. Judaism enshrines sexual intercourse as a sanctified element in the most intimate and meaningful relationship between two human beings: the sacred marriage bond.—Rabbi

Isaac Frank

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The promise of two people to belong always to each other makes it possible for lovemaking to mean total giving and total receiving.

It’s the totality of married life that makes sexual

intercourse meaningful.—Father Richard McCormick

Islam views sexual love as a gift from God. It is a sign of God’s love and mercy. Islam limits sexual activity to men and women within the bond of marriage.—Muzammil Siddiqi,

Islamic teacher

Each of these faith traditions holds that marriage must be the union of a man and a woman. In this view, the two purposes of sex—the expression of faithful, committed love in the complementary union of man and woman and the procreation of new life issuing from that union—can be fulfilled only in heterosexual marriage. This is not a prejudice but a deep belief about God’s purposes for sex.

If one holds this view of God’s plan for sex, then it logically follows that homosexual sex is not permissible. Again, this is not a judgment of persons, but of behavior. Dennis Prager, founder of the Micah Center for Ethical Monotheism, presents the traditional Jewish teaching on this matter in his article, "Judaism's Sexual Revolution: Why Judaism Rejected Homosexuality" (Crisis, September, 1993):

The Torah's prohibition of non-marital sex—forcing the sexual genie into the marital bottle—made the creation of Western civilization possible. It ensured that sex no longer dominated society, heightened male-female love and sexuality, and began the arduous task of elevating the status of women . . . . The revolutionary nature of Judaism's prohibiting all forms of non-marital sex was nowhere more radical, more challenging to the prevailing assumptions of mankind, than with regard to homosexuality.

Much of the ancient world, Prager points out, had accepted homosexual practice. By sharp contrast, the Hebrew Bible condemned it:

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Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is an abomination.

Here is the reasoning of a Protestant perspective, expressed by Dr. Stanton L. Jones, chairman of the Psychology Department at Wheaton College (Christianity Today, July 19, 1993):

It is striking that every time homosexual practice is mentioned in the Scriptures it is condemned. There are only two ways one can neutralize the biblical witness against homosexual behavior: by gross misinterpretation or by moving away from a high view of Scripture.

Important as they are, however, these passages are not the cornerstone of the Christian stance that homosexual action is immoral.

The core of Scripture’s negative vision of

homosexual practice is the positive biblical vision of sexuality . . .

The heart of Christian

sexual morality is this: God made sexual union for a purpose—the uniting of husband and wife into one flesh in marriage . . . . Marriage is to model concretely here on earth what God wants in the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church. the Father and he tells us that we can be one with him.

God, but he wants to unite with us (1 Cor.6:17).

Jesus is one with

We are utterly different from

This reality can be uniquely modeled on

earth through the union of two different kinds of human beings, male and female.

Outside of marriage, the proper use of sex is to honor God by costly obedience in living a chaste life. Through this difficult commitment, we learn to value obedience over gratification and to serve God instead of ourselves. Heterosexual or homosexual, the call

is the same: If you find yourself unmarried, God wants you to lead a chaste life.

And, finally, here is a Catholic perspective (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1997):

P.5 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. genesis remains largely unexplained.

It has taken

Its psychological

Basing itself on Sacred Scripture . . . tradition has

always declared that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.” They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sex act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity.

Under no circumstances can they be

approved.

The Catechism continues:

The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination . . . constitutes for most of them a trial. accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity.

They must be

Every sign of unjust discrimination in

their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives, and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

Homosexual persons are called to chastity.

For persons outside a faith tradition, such teachings may seem oppressive and almost impossible to follow. And so it’s important to hear, from within the faith tradition, the voices of people who have—through what they experience as God’s grace—found freedom and peace in following the call to live chastely. To take just one example: Vera describes herself as living a celibate lifestyle even though she still has homosexual inclinations. She is part of a Catholic support group, Courage, that ministers to persons experiencing same-sex attraction, helping them to lead a chaste life. Vera says:

A homosexual tendency is not who you are; it’s a tendency in a person.

There is a whole

deeper reality to who you are. The more you grow internally, the more you can know yourself as you are known by God. the way God intended you to live.

The deepest peace you can have is when you are living

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What Does the Research Show About the Genesis and Modifiability of Homosexuality?

Some dismiss religious prohibitions of homosexuality by saying, “Religious beliefs are based on ignorance.” Science and scholarship are often assumed to be on the side of those who regard homosexuality as a healthy variant of human sexuality, something that, like left-handedness, is in the genes.

The monograph Homosexuality & Hope (2000) challenges that assumption. Published by the Catholic Medical Association, an organization of Catholic psychiatrists, physicians, and psychologists, this monograph, with 131 citations of varied psychological and medical studies, concludes that the empirical evidence does not support many popular conceptions about homosexuality—such as that it is genetically determined and not open to change.

The authors write that it is “probably best” not even to use the noun “homosexual” to describe a person because that term suggests a fixed state, and that it is more accurate to speak of “persons who experience same-sex attraction.” Homosexuality and Hope’s table of contents conveys its essential points:

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Not born that way

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Same-sex attraction as a symptom

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Same-sex attraction is preventable

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At risk, not predestined

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Goal of therapy

The authors of Homosexuality and Hope explain:

P.7 While many men and women who experience same-sex attractions say that their sexual desire for their own sex was experienced as a “given,” this in no way implies a genetic predetermination or an unchangeable condition.

Some surrendered to same-sex attraction

because they were told they were born with this inclination and that it was impossible to change the pattern of one’s sexual attraction. Such persons may feel it is futile and hopeless to resist same-sex desires and embrace a “gay identity.”

These same persons

may then feel oppressed by the fact that society and religion, in particular, do not accept the expression of these desires for homosexual acts.

The research referenced in this

report counters the myth that same-sex attraction is genetically predetermined and unchangeable and offers hope for prevention and treatment.

These conclusions have been reached by other researchers as well. ColumbiaUniversity investigators William Byne and Bruce Parsons (Archives of General Psychiatry, March 1993), on the basis of 135 studies, concluded:

There is no evidence at present to substantiate a biological theory, just as there is no evidence to support any single psychological explanation.

Similarly, the Jewish psychiatrist Jeffrey Satinover, author of Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth (1995), cites data from The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (1994) in support of the argument that “being gay” is not a fixed state:

Roughly ten of every 100 males will have sex with another man at some time. turning 18, most of these males will identify themselves as gay.

Before

But by 18, fully half of

them no longer identify themselves as gay and will never again have a male sexual

partner. By age 25, the percentage of men self-identifying as gay drops again to 2.8%. This means that without any intervention whatsoever, three of four boys who think they’re gay as teenagers aren’t by 25. males become “non-gay” spontaneously.

In short, 75% of self-identified “gay”

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Is “same-sex attraction� (SSA) modifiable through therapeutic intervention? Many take offense at such a question, but it is obviously important to raise if one operates from the premise that heterosexual functioning is desirable. The Homosexuality and Hope monograph offers a summary of the research on this issue:

Studies in motivated patients have shown that 30% of those with SSA experience a freedom from SSA fantasies and behaviors, and another 30% experience an improvement in reducing unwanted same-sex attractions. A recent study (R. Spitzer, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 32, 2003) of 200 men and women who reported a substantial change from homosexual to heterosexual orientation for at least five years, concluded that 61% of males and 44% of females met the criteria for heterosexual functioning.

Research on Health Risks Associated With Homosexuality

While some persons disapprove of homosexual sexual relations for religious reasons, others do so for health reasons. Few would dispute that public schools should educate students about what constitutes a healthy life style, encourage them to avoid practices hazardous to their health, and certainly not mislead them by withholding the truth about risky behaviors.

The monograph The Health Risks of Gay Sex (2002) by John Diggs, M. D., cites evidence of heightened risks to physical and psychological health associated with homosexual practices. Diggs states:

Common sexual practices among gay men lead to numerous STDs and physical injuries, some of which are virtually unknown in the heterosexual population.

The monograph also documents higher rates of depression, drug abuse, and suicide attempts among gays and lesbians, even in the Netherlands, where there is greater acceptance of

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homosexuality and same-sex marriage is legal; and, according to one study, a significant reduction (8 to 20 years) in the life span of gay men (International Journal of Epidemiology, 26, 1977).

Another publication, Getting It Straight: What the Research Shows About Homosexuality (2004) cites the following findings and points out that many of the health risks described below have been confirmed by organizations such as the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association in bulletins alerting the gay and lesbian community to “things you should discuss with your health care providers”:

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According to the Centers for Disease Control, homosexuals comprise the single largest exposure category (63%) of the more than 600,000 males with AIDS in the United States. Young homosexual men are at highest risk.

Homosexual men with HIV have “a

37-fold increase in anal cancer, a 4-fold increase in cancer of the lymph nodes, a 2.7-fold increase in cancer of the testicles, and a 2.5 increase in lip cancer.”

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As reported by the Canadian Medical Association Journal (144, 1995), the incidence of throat gonorrhea among homosexuals is 3.7 times higher than the rate found among heterosexuals.

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A study of male twins in Archives of General Psychiatry, 56, 1999, found that a twin who had same-sex sexual partners over his lifetime was 6.5 times more likely to attempt suicide than the co-twin who reported no same-sex partners.

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The book Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them: Battered Gay Men and Domestic

Violence (1991), by D. Island and P. Letellier, estimates that “the incidence of domestic violence among gay men is nearly double that in the heterosexual population.”

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Sexually Transmitted Disease Infections reported that women who have sex with women show “a higher prevalence of bacterial vaginosis, hepatitis C, and HIV risk behaviors” (such as having sex with HIV-infected men).

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“Is Sexual Orientation Related to Mental Health Problems and Suicidality in Young People?”, a study published in Archives of General Psychiatry (56, 1999), followed 1,007 individuals from birth and found that “gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual young people were at increased risks of major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, conduct disorder, nicotine dependence, other substance abuse/dependence, multiple disorders, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts.”

A New Zealand study found that youth who self-identified as gay, lesbian,

or bi-sexual were six times more likely to attempt suicide.