Delayed Gratification

The UK’s quarterly almanac | Last to breaking news

Oct Nov Dec 2010

'Freedom of the Press' by Shepard Fairey

WHAT’S THE

BIG IDEA? Print is not dead.

For all the wily charms of the digital world with its tweets, feeds, blogs and apps, there is still nothing like the pleasure created by ink on paper.

T

he server farms and all their delights cannot replace time spent in the company of something you can actually hold, whose pages you can turn down and whose spine you can crack. We believe in magazines which engross, inspire and induce guffaws at the end of a long week. We have no interest in creating throwaway media – we want to make something which is treasured, which ends its days making the bookshelf, coffee table or toilet just that little bit prettier and more civilised.

And we believe that everyone needs a screen break.

Perspective, too, is not dead. Kneejerk punditry, live-blogging and the pounding waves of the 24-hour news cycle have their appeal. But there’s also joy in getting your head above the water, sucking in a lungful of clear air and taking your bearings.

This is our starting point. With our belief in print and perspective we bring you , a quarterly almanac that looks as good as it feels as good as it reads. A handsome devil that curates the news and captures the times, written by smart minds armed with three months’ worth of hindsight, and without the albatross of an hourly deadline around their necks.

As the weeks and months zip by, we will be keeping track, picking out the patterns, and seeing what is left after the dust has settled. We will strip out the white noise and give you the intelligent, witty essentials, telling the story of the UK and the world over the last quarter.

This publication, then, is our flag in the sand – a magazine of record from editors determined to swim against the electronic tide.

We don’t think we’re alone.

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AR smart specs, ocular technology Biodegradable chocolate wrappers, packaging Black squirrels, rodent Curaçao and St Maarten, countries The Endobarrier, health product Eye secrets, beauty product Frontal enhancement pants, intimate clothing i, newspaper Laptop thigh, ailment Malt salt, foodstuff Pot Noëldles, foodstuff Robot soldiers, military hardware The sexomnia defence, legal strategy Test tube livers, biomedical product Tianhe-I, super computer The Tipsy Gene, scientific discovery Wonka gum, confection

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Ari Up, singer Bob Guccione, publisher Chimp Charlie, primate Claire Rayner, campaigner and journalist The Exmoor Emperor, stag The GAP’s new logo, branding Gregory Isaacs, singer Grey squirrels, rodent The Horserace Totalisator Board, bookmaker Joan Sutherland, singer Limewire, software Malcolm Allison, football manager Multikulti, concept The Netherlands Antilles, country Norman Wisdom, actor Paul the Octopus, cephalopod The PG Tips chimp, primate Tom Bosley, actor The Vice Squad, police department The Walkman, electronic product

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DIED

Oct Fri 1st The Equality Act comes into force across England, Wales and Scotland.

The Daily Mail declares it "The End of the Office Joke."

Manchester City announces losses of

“It’s only 2,000 years too late…”

Controversy has been caused by the Charity Commission’s granting of charitable status to the Druid Network – one of numerous British druid organisations – and its recognition of druidry as a religion. We canvass the opinion of King Arthur Pendragon, a senior druid, Stonehenge resident and – according to him – a reincarnation of the original King Arthur.

Fri 1st

£121 million for the year running to May 31 2010.m Oct 15th

Council of British Druid Orders has no intention of being recognised as a charity.

Druidry is recognised as a religion by

Has the ruling given druidry greater legitimacy in the eyes of the public?

It’s always good to have approval but we didn’t need it. We have our belief structure and we carry on regardless. The reality is our religious belief structure already had legitimacy – it’s the pre-Christian religion of these isles

The Charity Commission.g

Latest Ministry of Justice figures show the UK’s prison population has hit an all-time high of 85,495.

Chevron are given the green light to start deepwater drilling off the UK coast: their ‘Lagavulin Prospect’ will open 160 miles north of the Shetland Isles.

Tens of thousands of copies of

Jonathan Franzen’s new book,

‘Freedom’ are recalled for pulping after it is discovered that the British printers sent the wrong draft of the book to press.g Ex-President Pervez Musharraf launches his new party, The All Pakistan Muslim League, from the National Liberal Club in Whitehall.

Burglar Jason Williams is sentenced to two years and five months in jail for stealing items including a pair of net curtains from the house next door – and then putting the curtains up in his own window, where they were duly spotted by his neighbours.

The Times reports that Zimbabwean medium Nomatter Tagarira has been jailed for convincing government officials that she was able to produce pure diesel oil from a rock, and receiving £1.7 million in cash to develop the industry.

Sat 2nd

IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn urges major economies to strive to avoid a currency war. g The 10:10 campaign pulls an advert

by Richard Curtis featuring Gillian Anderson, David Ginola, office workers and schoolchildren being blown up for refusing to cut their carbon emissions.

King Arthur Pendragon

What does the Charity Commission ruling mean to you?

It’s good to see the Commission recognising druidry as a religion – it’s only 2,000 years too late. But the ruling was about giving a specific order, the Druid Network, charitable status. My order hasn’t applied for that status.

How do your aims differ from the Druid Network’s?

We’re the warrior arm of the druids, the political activists. And I also represent the Council of British Druid Orders which is 21 different orders including my own. We all celebrate the same religion. I don’t want my order being recognised as a charity and the

Extra pulp

Were the Druid Network more interested in recognition or tax breaks?

I really don’t know, to be honest. For most druids in Britain it [the ruling] won’t make one iota of difference. It just means the media will take us a little more seriously. At the end of the day, it’s just nature worship. None of the authorities or other religions have any reason to fear paganism at all.

Are you playing a role in preserving British heritage? Is there an argument that you should receive funding?

Yes, but that would be down not to the Commission, but perhaps the Arts Council or another body. We’re keeping alive ancient British traditions – that’s got to be good.

Three books that preceded 'Freedom' from shelf to sludge

The Charles I Bible, 1631 A regal print run was recalled and torn up after a misprint left the 7th commandment declaring ‘Thou shalt commit adultery’ – much to the dismay of King Charles I. The 11 known surviving ‘wicked Bibles’ are valued at £50,000.

Operation Dark Heart: Spycraft and Special Ops on the Frontlines of Afghanistan, 2010 One of the US military’s more unusual search and destroy missions saw them paying publisher Macmillan $47,000 (£30,000) to destroy the entire first run of Lt Col Anthony Shaffer’s Afghanistan memoirs in September. The Pentagon claimed the book published classified intelligence: a new, censored version was released later.

The Pasta Bible, 2010 Earlier this year Penguin Publishing’s ‘Pasta Bible’ faced the grinders after having listed "salt and freshly ground black people" in its Lecter-esque recipe for spelt tagliatelle with sardines and prosciutto.

Fri 1st

How to start a currency war Sat 2nd

Feeling in the mood to send international tensions skyrocketing and throw the money markets into turmoil? Allow us to point you in the right direction.

1. Identify a competitor nation in whose markets you wish to stimulate demand for your products.

2. Start buying large quantities of their currency on the international markets.

Stockpile it.

3. Watch as their currency becomes stronger against your own currency, thereby making your products more affordable in their market.

4. Sales of your nation's products should now increase.

5. Buy more of your competitor’s currency.

Stockpile it.

6. Watch your sales increase still further, while sales of your competitor’s products in your own country decrease.

7. Your competitor should now be angry.

8. Your competitor may demand that you re-value your currency in the interests of free trade. They may hint at tariffs and sanctions should you refuse.

9. Refuse.

10. Your competitor may now start to print money, to flood the market and bring down the value of his currency.

11. Respond by buying and stockpiling more of your competitor’s currency.

Your competitor may now redouble his money printing.

12. Repeat this process until the global economy breaks down or you are reprimanded by the G20.

pm

Sun 3rd Oct 2010

The moment that mattered

by Colin Montgomerie “There were two decisive moments of the Ryder Cup – both on the Sunday. The first was Lee Westwood’s putt on the 10th hole playing with Luke Donald against Tiger Woods and Steve Stricker. He made that putt to go five up. I think it hurt the USA Team seeing Woods five down and Lee and Luke eventually won that match six and five.

But the key moment was on the 18th green when the Molinari brothers made a birdie for a half to take the overall score to nine and a half to six and a half as opposed to nine to seven.

That putt on the 18th really swung the match in our favour.

I was actually praying it was Edoardo Molinari to take the putt as he is the better putter, but it was Francesco’s turn. I was inside the ropes at the back of the 18th to see the Molinaris get their half point. I spoke to them straight afterwards and they were delighted. I don’t know if he knew how important that putt was going into the singles the next day but I certainly did.”

Oct Sun 3rd

Germany makes a final payment of ÂŁ59.5 million in war reparations from WWI. A tube strike called by RMT under Bob Crow brings London to a standstill for 24 hours.

Europe edges ahead of the US in the Ryder Cup.f Commonweath Games boss Suresh Kalmadi opens the event to boos at Delhi's Jawaharlal Nehru stadium.

The Guardian reports on a new exhibition which suggests that Hitler promised Von Ribbentrop Cornwall as a gift after the Nazi conquest of Britain.

Born: Malt Salt, a powdery new condiment which combines the flavours of salt and vinegar, potentially bringing an end to soggy fish and chips.

Mon 4th

Just after midnight, a bomb goes off at a Derry branch of the Ulster Bank.

No-one is hurt.

In a speech at the Conservative conference, George Osborne announces that as of 2013 child benefit will no longer be paid to families in which one adult earns over ÂŁ44,000. m Oct 6th The Nobel Prize in Medicine is awarded to Professor Robert G. Edwards for his work in developing in vitro fertilisation.

Actor Tony Curtis is buried with a series of possessions including his iPhone, driving gloves, Stetson, Armani scarf and Anthony Adverse, his favourite book.

Europe wins the Ryder Cup by 14.5 points to 13.5.

Actor Norman Wisdom dies in a nursing home on the Isle of Man, at the age of 95.m

Pitkin behind the Iron Curtain James Montague on how pratfalling comic Norman Wisdom became a talisman for the oppressed masses of Communist Eastern Europe...

Mon 4th

I

t was an unusually busy October for His Excellency Zef Mazi. Rarely does the Albanian ambassador to the UK have to deal with scores of urgent requests from the media. But when the news came through that Sir Norman Wisdom had died, his office went into overdrive.

Telegrams detailing the grief of the Albanian people had to be sent and TV interviews from the likes of BBC News had to be accommodated. Even the Albanian president was called into action, with a personal statement published on the embassy’s website next to a picture of him embracing a frail-looking Wisdom.

In his home country, Wisdom was affectionately seen as a lovable fool – the rubber-faced funnyman who made post-war Britain laugh by falling down gracefully, an anachronism from the faded music hall past.

Even his most famous epitaph, that he was Charlie Chaplin’s favourite clown, was delivered as if it were a back-handed compliment.

Yet those who grew up on the Soviet side of the Iron Curtain during the Cold War have a very different view of Wisdom and his downtrodden alter ego Pitkin. From Moscow to Zagreb, he was one of the few Western film stars allowed to be seen by the public. This virtual monopoly saw him revered as the most unlikely of class warriors, an allegorical everyman who used humour and humanity to pull off small but unlikely victories over the petty impositions of those in authority. And nowhere did Wisdom’s films strike more of a chord than in Albania, Europe’s most isolated and ideologically pure Communist dictatorship, run by the hard-line, paranoid Enver Hoxha.

“We had the typical life of a country that was under Communist rule… and over time things got a lot harder,” explains Ambassador Mazi.

“Lack of freedom of movement and expression, no human rights. People would risk their lives for expressing the concerns of the market. People went to jail for eight years for saying: ‘How come we can’t have olive oil?’”

But for the isolationist Albanian government, who viewed even China as being too politically liberal, there was one major threat to their rule: foreign TV networks.

Albania is sandwiched between Italy and Greece, and the Communist Party was constantly battling a public who used hidden TV aerials to find out what was going on in the outside world. By the 1970s the regime officially blocked all outside signals, sanctioning the broadcast of only those foreign films that posed no political threat. When the censors came across Norman Wisdom, he appeared to tick all the right boxes.

“Norman Wisdom’s films were shown because it was decided they were typical English humour that could

do no damage,” Mazi recalls. “They were not films that could contribute to bringing down the system. Rather they would amuse people. Then the regime could say: ‘OK, we are even showing Western films here.’”

Whilst the Communist Party saw Wisdom’s films as a fig leaf for its repression of foreign artistic influences, the Albanian people immediately connected with Pitkin’s struggles against seemingly unbeatable foes.

“The Albanian people have a very good sense of humour, very similar to the British, and we immediately got the message from the films of Norman Wisdom,” says Mazi. “Pitkin’s role playing tricks on policemen, and on his boss Mr Grimsdale and so on. And getting away with it! People liked this because it was how they cheated their own system. There was a joke we had back then [about the Communist Party] that summed it up: ‘You pretend to pay us and we pretend to work.’”

The official imprimatur on Wisdom’s films saw him become one of the country’s most popular stars, embraced by even highbrow critics. Rudolf Marku is one of Albania’s greatest living poets and a former editor of the the officially sanctioned culture newspaper Drita (“Light”). “One of my books had been banned for ‘ideological errors’ and I was sent to the countryside for re-education,” he explains. “I don’t know if you’ve seen the film ‘Cinema Paradiso’, but this was a small town with the cinema at its centre. In the cinema you could see for the first time the world outside the walls.”

It was here that he saw a Wisdom film for the first time. “Such beautiful films, and he was immediately attached to the viewers. Why? Norman had the human touch and was always on the side of the vulnerable people. He tried to make fun out of those in power. The government showed the films but the common people saw the code: he was one of them, against the directors, the police. In translation, for the common people, it was to be against the government.”

When Enver Hoxha died in 1985, sparking the beginning of the end of the regime, Wisdom’s popularity endured. On his first visit to Albania in 1995 he was mobbed everywhere he went. In 2001 when he returned and made an appearance with David Beckham at a football match between Albania and England, it was perhaps the first and last time Beckham was overshadowed at a public appearance.

Whilst in the UK Wisdom’s death was met with the usual glib obituaries proffered to the elder statesmen of entertainment, in Albania his passing was met with sadness across the country. “People really loved him as a human being, an actor, a comedian who touched a chord in those difficult times,” says Mazi. “He gave our people a reason to laugh at a time in our history when it wasn’t very easy to laugh.”

“The common people saw the code: Pitkin was one of them, against the directors”

Oct

Key quote:

Key quote:

Not many concrete policies: this is more of a regrouping conference and speeches tend to be very broad brush.

Ed Miliband promises to tackle immigration worries, to oppose irresponsible strikes and to limit David Cameron’s time in office to one term. He also criticises supermarkets that sell cheap alcohol.

Andy Burnham underlines the importance of opposing the reorganisation of the NHS while shadow culture secretary Ben Bradshaw calls on the coalition to ban Rupert Murdoch from buying out BSkyB.

The launch of the Yes campaign for the AV referendum, motions carried on marriage for gay couples and civil partnerships for mixed-sex partners and Vince Cable announces that a minimum of 10 per cent of Royal Mail shares will be available to employees on privatisation. A diluted motion to increase the number of Lib Dem candidates from ethnic minorities is also passed.

‘We’ve always been the face of change, now we are the agents ‘Let’s be honest, politics isn’t working.’ of change.’

LEADERS’ SPEECHES

The International Citizen Service is introduced. Simon Schama is to consult on the review of history-teaching in the National Curriculum. George Osborne announces the introduction of a cap on benefits. Headteachers are to be allowed to discipline students who behave badly outside of school. Iain Duncan Smith sketches out his ‘welfare contract’.

Kenneth Clarke intends to make prisoners work for 40 hours per week.

Eric Pickles recommends mayoral Home Rule for big cities.

‘We are the radicals now.’

Nick Clegg highlights the Freedom Bill, the end of ID cards, the new bank levy and the AV referendum as reasons for the conference to be proud of the Lib Dem role in the Coalition. He ducks addressing tuition fees or Trident, both big conference topics. The only policy announcement is a relatively minor one on tax increment financing. Nevertheless, he enjoys a three minute standing ovation.

Ed Miliband’s speech is generally credited with putting some sheen on an otherwise downbeat conference. It starts with a story about his father and grandfather’s flight from the Nazis and Ed’s consequent love for the UK then lists successes and failures of the last government. He claims that the Iraq war was wrong but says it is not possible to blame anyone who took the decision to start it. His biggest applause comes when he lists ‘some of the names I’ve been called’* and tells people to ‘come off it’

David Cameron defends the formation of the Coalition, lists its achievements to date and attacks the ‘complete mess’ of Labour's defence budget as well as the size of government debt repayments.

He talks about local projects like NHS nurses co-ops, residents’ street patrols in Balsall Heath and plans for a ‘Citizen University’. He thanks a six-year-old girl who sent him her tooth money to help pay off the deficit. He defines Big Society as ‘government helping to build a nation of doers and go-getters.’

THEMES

Key quote:

The view from within: Nick Clegg tells the conference to ‘stick with us’ and to take ownership of decisions made by the Coalition. Despite falling ratings and rumblings from some delegates about the loss of Lib Dem identity, the party is generally positive about being in government.

Dealing with the fallout: Fresh from being appointed leader, Ed Miliband says New Labour is now being run by The New Generation. There are apparently no age limits to this generation: Ken Livingstone claims to be a proud member, as does 77-year-old conference attendee Doreen.

Liberal Democrats

Celebration, big society and CSR: Self-congratulation about being back in power, the formation of the Coalition and its achievements, plus lots of New Labour-bashing. There’s also a focus on deficit reduction and changes to the welfare state, and attempts to capture the meaning of the ‘Big Society’.

Labour

As the Tory conference ends we boil down 14 days' worth of political grandstanding, intrigue and backbiting from three parties to the bare essentials.

Conservatives

Wed 6th

Conference Season digested

Didcot by Centrica.

The first reprocessed methane gas from sewage is delivered to homes in

Five suspected German militants are killed by a drone attack in Pakistan.

Born: Laptop Thigh, also known as ‘erythema ab igne’ a rash-like condition identified by the Pediatrics journal and affecting people who work with laptops balanced on their legs.

North America.

According to a BBC report, hundreds of grey squirrels are being wiped out by black squirrels brought in from

In his conference speech, Justice Secretary Ken Clarke suggests that prisoners should work for 40 hours a week. f

Former Société Générale trader Jérome Kerviel is found guilty of fraud, committed to three years in prison and told to repay £4.25 billion to the bank.

The Real IRA claim responsibility for the Ulster Bank Bomb and are condemned by Martin McGuinness as ‘conflict junkies’.

Hungary declares a state of emergency as a tide of poisonous red sludge from an alumina plant pours through three western counties, inflicting chemical burns and killing three people on the way.

1am – Hastings Pier is consumed by fire.

Tue 5th

Oct

MAJOR POLICY ANNOUNCEMENTS

Vince Cable on the Coalition.

‘Spivs and gamblers who did more harm to the British economy than Bob Crow could achieve in his wildest Trotskyite fantasies.’

‘If you really want to strike a blow against the surveillance state you should sack Andy Coulson.’

Alan Johnson to David Cameron.

David Cameron on Labour.

George Osborne on the idea that he and Vince Cable would stab each other in the back.

‘Who do they think we are? Brothers?’

Boris Johnson compares Boris Bikes to the Parisian Vélib.

Gromit), ‘Forrest Gump’ (allegedly coined by members of David Milband’s campaign) and ‘Red Ed’ as nicknames he had been called.

He has also variously been dubbed Super Ted, Death Ray Panda (The Guardian), Steady Ed (Telegraph Blogs) and Neil Kinnock’s Kid (Evening Standard) and compared to Tweedledum (Private Eye), Sarah Palin (Telegraph Blogs), Steve Ovett (The Daily Telegraph), Niles Crane and Margaret Thatcher (The Independent).

‘The only Cabinet minister you can ‘I don’t want to violate It’s real political hokey cokey.’ spot on Google Earth.’ the entente cordiale but it Alastair Darling on Vince Cable in Nick Clegg on Eric Pickles. seems to me that there government. are obvious comparisons to be drawn between our *A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME population and the light-fingered Parisians.’ In his leader’s speech, Ed Miliband listed ‘Wallace’ (from Wallace and

Vince Cable on bankers.

‘What is it like being in bed with the Tories? First, it’s exhausting; it’s exhausting because you have to fight to keep the duvet’.

Nick Clegg on New Labour diaries.

‘Never in the field of political memoirs, has so much been written by so few about so little.’

Miriam González Durántez, aka Mrs Clegg, claims not to know who Cherie Blair is after being compared to her during an interview with The Times. MP Mike Hancock sends an open letter to Nick Clegg, urging him to avoid ‘dictatorship of the party by 20 Lib Dem ministers’ and suggesting that he should try living on benefits, if he thinks it is easy. YouGov release a poll of Liberal Democrats which shows David Cameron has a higher approval rating than Simon Hughes. The Conference passes a motion to boycott the establishment of free schools – despite the fact that the Coalition is committed to the policy and Lib Dem MPs have already voted in Parliament to let such measures go ahead. Charles Kennedy pulls out of a rally, claiming problems with his train and later leaves the conference

Eddie Izzard denies that Ed looks like Wallace.

‘He’s Gromit... The very cool dog who flies to the moon and beats the penguin.’

Harriet Harman on Jack Straw. It’s not clear whether it is a dig or an attempt at praise.

‘The thinking woman’s oatcake.’

It's all about the Miliband brothers.

David's wife Louise Shackleton fails to disguise her upset at David's loss of the leadership election, allegedly crying backstage before his speech. David refuses to clap during Ed’s speech when he claims the invasion of Iraq was ‘wrong’ and is caught on camera asking Harriet Harman – who voted for the war – why she is applauding. There is unrest brewing about Ed’s election in the first couple of days of the conference and Decca Aitkenhead (The Guardian) reports Neil Kinnock vowing of dissenters that ‘we’ll track the bastards down and we’ll stamp on them’. Lord Sainsbury, one of the biggest donors to the party, decides not to come to the conference after Ed’s victory, citing ‘stuff to do’ as the reason. Ed Miliband dismisses the chief whip, Nick Brown.

‘They left us a legacy of spinning, smearing, briefing, back-biting, half-truths and cover-ups, patronising, old-fashioned, top-down, wasteful, centralising, inefficient, ineffective, unaccountable politics, 10p tax and 90 days detention, an election bottled and a referendum denied, gold sold at half price and council tax doubled, bad news buried and Mandelson resurrected, pension funds destroyed and foreign prisoners not deported, Gurkhas kept out and extremist preachers allowed in.’

George Osborne’s announcement of a change in child benefit is criticised by groups including the Child Poverty Action Group and the Institute for Fiscal Studies, which publishes an analysis claiming it will ‘seriously distort incentives for some families with children’. Tory party officials allegedly ban ministers from being seen drinking champagne, although Work and Pensions Minister Chris Grayling is photographed sipping something suspiciously bubbly.

David Cameron sits in the audience during speeches rather than on the platform, telling ITV ‘Let the leader go and sit in the audience with everybody else, instead of trying to hog the limelight… I want people to get to know the team, and not just the team captain.’

DRAMAS IN QUOTES

Gap unveils a new logo. m Oct 13th

Halifax reports that house prices have dropped by 3.6% in the last month.

Peruvian novelist Mario Vargas Llosa wins the Nobel Prize in Literature.

English swimmers Fran Halsall and Rebecca Adlington report suffering from ‘Delhi belly’ at the Commonwealth Games.

It is reported that Cyril Howarth of Chorley has built a working replica of a U-Boat, using it to patrol the Leeds-Liverpool canal. He faces inspection by British Waterways.

Scientists working in Papua New Guinea’s Southern Highlands and New Britain Island announce the discovery of 200 new species.i

BP sifts through hundreds of wrongful American claims for compensation from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, including some from landlocked states.

from her flat when her flatmate accidentally loads them into the wrong car, which then drives off.

In Bristol, chef Faye Pounder loses all her possessions while moving out

Thu 7th

52-year-old Chimp Charlie, famous for being a heavy smoker, dies in Mangaung Zoo in Bloemfontein, South Africa.

Cheryl Cole receives a ‘Death threat’ from a new Facebook group entitled 'cheryl cole to die a painful death for being a T**t and blasted into space'.

The Conservative conference comes to an end in Birmingham.f

France raises its threat level warning for citizens travelling to the UK.

Wed 6th

New species

Thu 7th

Conservation International's Stephen Richards guides us through the pick of the 200 recently discovered new species. Illustrated by Cloé Gillies Pheidole sp. nov.

Common name Ant. Remarkable characteristics Its head – the large majors have heads that are several times the size of those of the workers.

Then there are its huge mandibles – the majors’ giant appendages are controlled by powerful muscles which allow them to crush food that the workers bring back to the nest. And its distinct shiny, spiky spine, which is thought to defend it against predators.

Prey and predators Prey as yet unknown.

Main predator is thought to be birds.

Where to spot Foraging on the forest floor at mid-elevation plateaux (circa 1600m) in the Muller Range, in Papua New Guinea.

Choerophryne sp.

Common name Frog.

Remarkable characteristics An exceptionally long snout, which protrudes well past its jaw.

Its size – it is tiny (it could sit on your thumb-nail). Its call – it has a distinctive soft scratching call during heavy rain.

Prey and predators Almost certainly eats tiny insects and other tiny invertebrates.

Predators will include anything larger than it, which is pretty much everything, including larger frogs, large insects, centipedes etc.

Where to spot In pouring rain on and near the ground in steep gullies in dense rainforest in central Papua New Guinea. Bring a strong torch.

The Tube-nosed Fruit Bat Nyctimene sp.

Common name Fruit bat.

Remarkable characteristics Tube-like nostrils.

Prey and predators Eats fruit. Predators as yet unknown.

Where to spot Hill forests in Papua New Guinea.

The pink-eyed Caedicia Common name Wood cricket / katydid.

Remarkable characteristics Striking pink eyes.

Prey and predators Eats flowers from the tall trees of the forest. Predators as yet unknown.

Where to spot The forest canopy in the Muller Range mountains.

Feather-tailed Possum, Distoechurus sp.

Common name Possum.

Remarkable characteristics A feather-like tail.

Prey and predators Eats small fruit and insects and possibly nectar. Predators as yet unknown.

Where to spot The Muller Range and Mt Sisa in central Papua New Guinea.

PJ O’ROURKE ON THE US MID-TERMS THE END OF BIG MONEY FOOTBALL BEHIND THE NOBEL PRIZES WHAT HAPPENS WHEN COUNTRIES GO BANKRUPT THE CANOE MAN AND HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY Every news story that mattered And a huge amount more

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