MOTHERING Heights
Are we fulfilling our potential or overfilling it? SHOULD I USE MY HOME EQUITY TO INVEST FOR THE FUTURE?
THE CAUSES OF AND HOW TO TRANSFORM HABITS
fussyeating
Welcome
A mother’s hands are caring hands that teach her child so much
How to play and how to pray, how to reach and touch.
A mother’s arms are loving arms that hold her child so close,
Yet always open gladly when her child needs freedom most.
A mother’s love is gentle love that helps her child to grow...
A mother’s love is everywhere her child will ever go.
With Mother’s Day next month, it’s the perfect time to reflect and show gratitude for the mums, aunties, grandmas and ‘mum like’ figures we are blessed to have in our lives.
Happy Mother’s Day Coasties – May you enjoy your special day and know how loved you are! And a special Happy Mother’s Day to my mum Lynn –you are the best mum and nanny in the world and we adore you!
Love and light always Coasties ;)
Art Director/Editor
Tanzie Carpenter tanzie@onthecoastpublications.com.au
Production Luke Carpenter luke@onthecoastpublications.com.au
Editor Jessica Sanford editor@onthecoastpublications.com.au
Publisher Tanzie Carpenter / 0414 611 851 Luke Carpenter / 0405 449 339 trading as On the Coast Publications ABN 52 212 212 482 PO Box 3251, Bateau Bay NSW 2261 onthecoastpublications.com.au
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Cover image
Crystal Gail Photography crystalgailphotography.com.au
Facebook – crystalgailphotographer Instagram – @crystalgail_photography Imagery freepik.com
Contributors
Alyssa Said, Sam Woods, Jordi Woods, Simon Tarrant, Louise Hurley, Mia Eddy, India Tarasin, Clare Marcangelo, Leisa Pritchard, Diana Arundell, Alex Wilson & Alice Worthy
(Poem resource – https://www.making-greeting-cards.com/mothers-day-poems.html)
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responsibility will be
Should I us e my home equity to invest for the future?
Pelvic floor tightness: Causes, symptoms, and stretches for relief
Family law myths busted
Mothering heights –Are we fulfilling our potential or overfilling it?
The caus es of fussy eating and how to transform habits
Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
Are supplements necessary?
Teaching teens to cope: Practical strategies for emotional resilience
How a birth c ourse will change your birth for the better
The importance of supportive food b oundaries for children
Whether it’s staying up too late, playing games instead of helping with housework, or refusing to brush their teeth, kids often go for the choice that’s most appealing at the time (and who can blame them?). So it’s up to us to help them by implementing supportive boundaries throughout their childhood that teach them how to set their own boundaries when they’re old enough.
Food boundaries are no different. Sure, they might not always love hearing “no dessert tonight” or “let’s wait until afternoon tea before grabbing another snack.” But the purpose of these boundaries is not about control – it’s about support. Without these gentle but firm guardrails, kids can grow into adults who struggle with impulsive decisions around food, constantly chasing instant gratification instead of tuning in to what’s right for them.
So, what is a food boundary? A food boundary is simply a guideline or limit, set around eating habits and food choices to create a healthy relationship with food.
It’s important to note that a food boundary doesn’t rely on the cooperation of your child, and it is not a request. For example, asking your child to eat one more bite before they’re allowed to eat dessert is not a boundary, because it is a request that relies on your child to meet your expectation, which may not happen.
Rather, a food boundary might be to say to your child that they don’t have to finish their lunch, but there will be no other food offered until afternoon tea.
Food boundaries are important for children because they teach them to listen to their body’s hunger and fullness cues and make balanced eating choices. When kids grow up with supportive food boundaries, they learn to trust their bodies, make thoughtful decisions about what, when, and how much to eat, and develop a balanced relationship with
food. As they become more independent, they’ll have the skills to navigate a world full of choices – from large cafe lunches to social events with an abundance of sweet food, without feeling overwhelmed or out of control.
Tips for boundary setting with food:
Boundaries should be realistic, suitable, and appropriate for your child’s age and stage of development.
Consistency is important with boundaries so your child can trust that you mean what you say and there is no confusion about whether you will follow through or not.
Be specific and communicate the boundary clearly with your child so they understand and don’t need to ask clarifying questions.
Don’t bring emotions into boundary setting. Stay as neutral as you can. Your child may be irrational and emotionally immature, so they need you to be in control of your emotions when setting boundaries.
Know your boundaries in advance and plan your boundary scripts so you are more confident in holding the boundary and being consistent with it. It also helps to eliminate any guesswork or uncertainty that will encourage a child to pushback.
Examples of supportive food boundaries:
‘I know you would like a snack, but lunch is in one hour and you still have your leftover morning tea if you’d like it. No other food is on offer until lunchtime.’
‘There will be no more biscuits on offer. I know you like them, and there will be more in future, but this is your final biscuit for today.’
‘You keep leaving the table even though you want to keep eating – the rest of the family are done eating. You have five more minutes before I clear the table and no other food will be available.’
‘I’ll keep your party bag in the pantry for you, and you are allowed to access it any time after breakfast, but not before.’
‘I know you don’t like carrot, and you
BY ALYSSA SAID, REDWOOD WELLBEING
don’t have to eat it, but I will be putting some on your plate just for you to get used to having it nearby.’
Your child may not currently see or appreciate your boundary setting practises, but you know that you have their best interests at heart. If they have big emotions about your food boundaries, validate their feelings while still holding firm to the boundary. It’s okay for them to not like what you’ve decided, so show compassion and understanding in their big feelings.
It’s a parent’s role to set supportive boundaries despite their child’s resistance because we guide them with the wisdom of knowing what they need to thrive. By fostering these habits now with helpful boundaries, you’re not just helping them eat well today; you’re setting them up for a future where they can confidently care for their health and enjoy food in a peaceful and balanced way.
Alyssa is a mother of two, a high school PDHPE teacher, and founder of Redwood Wellbeing as a certified body image coach and food relationship counsellor. Alyssa equips parents to support their child’s intuitive eating practice, and helps parents with modelling positive food and body image relationships to their child.
Magazines to MAINSTREAMdressing
BY SAM & JORDI WOODS
A comment from a client recently sparked a topic of conversation for us:
“I love some of the outfits I see on Pinterest, but executing them into a size 16 is challenging. Especially when I still want my style to reflect my soul but am adapting to a new body shape.”
We feel that many of the readers may feel the same way. Below we are sharing tips on how to translate the magazines to mainstream styling to ensure you are being true to you and also embracing your ever–changing silhouette.
Determine what it is you like from the magazine image i.e is it the accessories, colours, shapes, hair, make up?
Really sit down and ask yourself “what makes me like this look so much?” And see how you can adapt it to you. For example, if you love the combination of the colours, try and replicate with
pieces in your wardrobe or add a new accessory or item in to your existing pieces that suit your colour palette.
Seek professional help to determine what your evolving shape really is and how to style it. Many of us don’t truly see ourselves for what we are and often can hide an asset because we are so focused on hiding what we don’t like. Once you know what your body balance is, you can then look at a magazine style and determine how to adapt it for your silhouette. For example, if you like a relaxed pant and oversized shirt look and your silhouette requires for structured styling you can swap a baggy pant, for a tapered culotte and replace an oversized shirt for a relaxed, tailored blazer. There are always ways to adapt the trends to suit you!
Explore cheaper or more attainable options that align with your ethics, size and budget by searching online. There are some fabulous recreations of “trending pieces” hitting the budget friendly and “curve” stores, it just requires you to be savvy and spend some time researching (or let us do the work for you!). Tip: if you are going to invest in
embrace your own style and silhouette with garments that enhance your natural beauty, your silhouette and personal style words
anything, make sure it is right for your colour palette and body shape and that you aren’t just buying it for the ‘sake of something new’.
Remember: use magazines, Pinterest, social media and influencers as inspiration to elevate your style, but don’t try to be “mini–mes” – embrace your own style and silhouette with garments that enhance your natural beauty, your silhouette and personal style words.
Have fun!
Sam & Jordi xx
Understanding styling and fashion is one thing. Having a super natural flair for making everyday people look incredible is another. Once you’ve met Sam and Jordi Woods, it’s hard not to catch their infectious passion for dressing to match your own lifestyle, personality and charisma. Through their consultancy ‘Vibrant Concepts’, Sam and Jordi have transformed the lives of thousands. Let Sam and Jordi show you how to look and feel fabulous everyday at their Style Studio in Erina – learn the art of illusion dressing, colour matching, styling, translating fashion trends and savvy shopping with their unique VC Signature Styling Systems and services that are truly personal and really work! To contact Vibrant Concepts phone 0425 221 676
SHOULD I USE MY HOME EQUITY TO INVEST FOR THE FUTURE?
BY SIMON TARRANT – PRIVATE CLIENT ADVISER AT MORGANS FINANCIAL LIMITED
After several years of seeing their property values increase, many Australian homeowners are considering tapping into their home equity as a means of wealth creation. Using home equity to invest can be a powerful strategy, but it comes with a number of risks and should be carefully assessed based on an individual’s specific circumstances.
Understanding home equity as an investment tool
Home equity is the difference between your property’s market value and the outstanding balance on your mortgage. As property prices in Australia have surged over the years, many homeowners have built substantial equity. Accessing this equity through a loan allows you to leverage your existing asset to invest in shares, property, or other wealth–building opportunities.
The benefits of using home equity to invest
Access to low–cost borrowing
Home loans generally offer lower interest rates compared to other borrowing options, such as personal
loans or credit cards. This can make borrowing against your home an attractive way to fund investments.
Potential for wealth accumulation
Investing in growth assets, such as shares or property, can generate long–term financial returns that may exceed the cost of borrowing.
Tax advantages through negative gearing
If you invest in an income producing asset and the income is less than your expenses (including loan interest), you may be able to claim the loss against your taxable income. This can assist in reducing your tax burden and improve cash flow.
Diversification of wealth
Using home equity to invest can help spread risk across different
asset classes, rather than keeping all wealth tied up in a primary residence.
As property prices in Australia have surged over the years, many homeowners have built substantial equity
Opportunity to build passive income
Investing in assets that generate rental income or dividends can provide additional financial security and help support long–term financial goals, such as retirement planning.
Risks to consider
Increased debt levels
Using home equity to invest means taking on more debt, which increases financial commitments and repayment obligations.
Market volatility
Investments, whether in property or shares, are subject to fluctuations. A downturn in the market could reduce the value of your assets while you remain responsible for loan repayments.
Rising interest rates
If interest rates increase, the cost of servicing a home equity loan will rise, potentially straining household budgets.
Risk to your home
If investments perform poorly and you struggle to meet repayments, you risk losing your property as it serves as collateral for the loan.
Liquidity concerns
Property investments, in particular, are illiquid, meaning it may take time to sell and access funds if needed urgently.
Is home equity investment right for you?
The decision to leverage home equity for investment depends on your
financial situation, risk tolerance, and long–term goals. Here are some key considerations:
Do you have a stable income?
Ensure you can service the additional loan even in tough economic conditions.
Have you factored in potential interest rate increases?
Consider how rate hikes could impact affordability.
Are you comfortable with investment risks?
Be prepared for market downturns and ensure diversification.
Have you sought professional advice?
A financial adviser can help tailor strategies to your personal circumstances.
Using home equity to invest can be a powerful tool for wealth creation, but it requires careful planning and risk management. While benefits such as tax advantages and portfolio diversification are appealing, it is essential to weigh them against the potential downsides, including increased debt and market risks. Seeking professional financial advice is crucial to ensure this strategy aligns with your financial goals and risk appetite.
Simon Tarrant (AR: 001270872) is a Private Client Adviser at Morgans Financial Limited (AFSL 235410 /ABN 49 010 669 726). Simon is passionate about creating quality financial strategies that are tailored and customised to a clients’ lifestyle, financial goals and risk profile. Disclaimer: While every care has been taken, Morgans Financial Limited makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of the contents. The information is of a general nature only and has been prepared without consideration of your individual objectives, financial situation or needs. Before making any decisions, you should consider the appropriateness for your personal investment objectives, financial situation or individual needs. We recommend you see a financial adviser, registered tax agent or legal adviser before making any decisions based on this information.
Investing in assets that generate rental income or dividends can provide additional financial security and help support long–term financial goals, such as retirement planning
If you would like to discuss your family’s financial strategy, please contact Simon at simon.tarrant@morgans.com.au or via (02) 4325 0884
Morgans Financial Limited 1/6 Burns Cres, Gosford NSW 2250 morgans.com.au/gosford
Pelvicfloor
TIGHTNESS:
causes,
symptoms, and stretches for relief
BY LOUISE HURLEY, MUMSAFE TM TRAINER OF THE YEAR 2022
A tight pelvic floor can be a real pain – literally! Many women experience pelvic floor tension, discomfort, and even pain due to a variety of factors. If you suspect your pelvic floor muscles are tight, you’re not alone. This common issue can arise at any age or stage of life, affecting everything from bladder function to sexual health and overall wellbeing.
Many women believe that a tight pelvic floor is a good thing, a bit like a strong pelvic floor. However, pelvic floor tightness means that these muscles are not functioning as they should and can be the cause of a range of uncomfortable and painful symptoms. The good news? Stretching and relaxation techniques can help relieve tension and improve your quality of life.
Do you have a tight pelvic floor?
The pelvic floor is a group of muscles that supports the bladder, uterus, and bowel. Like any other muscle in the body, these can become overly tight and create a range of uncomfortable symptoms. Some signs of pelvic floor tightness include:
Difficulty fully emptying the bladder or experiencing frequent urges to urinate
Pain during intercourse or tampon use
Lower back or pelvic pain
Constipation or difficulty passing bowel movements
A feeling of heaviness or tension in the pelvic region
If you recognise any of these symptoms, you may have pelvic floor tightness. Understanding the causes and incorporating appropriate stretches can help you find relief.
Common
causes of pelvic floor tightness
Several factors can contribute to an over–active or tight pelvic floor, including:
Chronic stress and anxiety
Many women unknowingly clench their pelvic floor muscles in response to stress, much like holding tension in the shoulders or jaw.
Posture and movement patterns
Poor posture, excessive sitting, or repetitive movements can lead to pelvic floor dysfunction.
Pregnancy and childbirth
The pelvic floor undergoes significant changes during pregnancy and delivery, sometimes leading to imbalances in muscle tone.
Excessive core or kegel exercises
While strengthening the pelvic floor is important, too much focus on contraction without relaxation can result in tightness.
Injury or trauma
Past surgeries, pelvic injuries, or even emotional trauma can cause the pelvic floor muscles to stay in a contracted state.
Stretches to relieve pelvic floor tightness
If you’re struggling with pelvic floor tightness, incorporating gentle stretching
and relaxation techniques can make a significant difference. Remember, every body is different, so listen to yours and stop if you feel any pain. If you’re unsure which stretches are right for you, book an appointment with a pelvic floor physiotherapist who can guide you through this.
1. Deep squat stretch
This stretch helps lengthen the pelvic floor muscles and improves mobility in the hips and lower back.
Stand with your feet slightly wider than hip–width apart.
Slowly lower into a deep squat, keeping your heels on the ground if possible.
Rest your elbows on the inside of your knees and gently press outward.
Breathe deeply and hold for 30 seconds to one minute.
2. Child’s pose
A relaxing yoga pose that gently stretches the pelvic floor and relieves tension.
Start on your hands and knees.
Sit back onto your heels, reaching your arms forward and lowering your chest to the floor.
Take slow, deep breaths and relax into the stretch for 30 seconds to
one minute.
3. Butterfly stretch
This stretch helps open the hips and release tension in the pelvic region.
Sit on the floor with your feet together and knees bent outward.
Gently press your knees toward the ground while keeping your back straight.
Hold the stretch for 30 seconds, breathing deeply.
4. Supine happy baby pose
A great stretch for releasing the pelvic floor and promoting relaxation.
Lie on your back and bring your knees toward your chest.
Grab the outside edges of your feet and gently pull your knees apart.
Hold for 30 seconds, keeping your breath steady.
5. Diaphragmatic breathing
Proper breathing can significantly help relax the pelvic floor muscles.
Lie on your back with your knees bent.
Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly.
Breathe deeply into your belly, allowing it to rise as you inhale and
fall as you exhale.
Repeat for several minutes to encourage relaxation.
When to seek professional help
While these stretches can provide relief, persistent pelvic floor tightness may require professional intervention. A pelvic floor physiotherapist can assess your muscle function and provide tailored exercises and treatments. If you experience ongoing pain, difficulty with bladder or bowel function, or discomfort during intercourse, seeking professional support is highly recommended.
It’s never too late to seek help
Pelvic floor tightness is a common but manageable issue at any stage of life. You don’t have to have had a baby to experience pelvic floor issues and it’s never too late to get help. By incorporating regular stretching, mindful breathing, and addressing lifestyle factors, you may find relief and improve your overall quality of life. If you’re unsure which stretches are best for you or need further guidance, don’t hesitate to book in with a pelvic health physiotherapist – your pelvic health matters!
Check out Louise’s podcast or visit her website for more info strongmums.com
Strong Mums Gosford strongmumsgosford
is on a mission to help mums to return to exercise safely and realise that they are so much more than what their post–baby body looks like, at any stage of motherhood. Find out more at www.strongmums.com
Louise Hurley, owner of Strong Mums and the Body Resilient Mum podcast
Familylaw
MYTHS BUSTED
BY MIA EDDY, PARALEGAL, ORBELL FAMILY LAWYERS
When navigating the complexities of family law, it’s easy to fall victim to common myths and misconceptions. These misunderstandings can cause an already stressful and overwhelming time to be more confusing, potentially impacting the important decisions you make. Inaccurate information can create unrealistic expectations, cause unnecessary conflict and delay a desirable outcome.
Mia Eddy, Paralegal at Orbell Family Lawyers, sheds some light on the most common family law myths to provide clarity and empower you to make well–informed decisions.
MYTH 1 – Children get to choose who they live with
It’s a common misconception that children get to decide where they live at a certain age.
In reality, the Family Law Courts prioritise what’s in the child’s best interests. While a child’s views are taken into account, they are considered alongside many other factors, and their safety and meaningful relationships with both parents are the primary considerations.
Courts carefully weigh each case, ensuring decisions are made logically
and in the child’s best interests, not just based on their preferences. We encourage families to resolve parenting disputes outside of the Court process where it is safe to do so.
MYTH 2 – My ex did the wrong thing, so I will get more of our assets
Wondering if your ex’s bad behaviour will affect your property settlement? In Australia, you don’t need to prove ‘fault’ to get a divorce or divide up your property. To get a divorce the only requirement is being separated for 12 months. This no–fault system simplifies the divorce and property settlement process, making it quicker and less adversarial.
Several factors determine who gets what in a property settlement. These include the financial contributions of both parties, non–financial contributions (like homemaking or caring for children), the future needs of each party, and the overall fairness of the settlement.
While fault doesn’t affect the divorce or property settlement itself, issues like mental health, substance abuse, or family violence can be important to consider when determining parenting arrangements or a property settlement. The focus is on creating safe, fair outcomes without assigning blame.
MYTH 3 – I need to take my ex to Court
It is a common misconception that taking your ex to Court is the only way to achieve a final outcome.
Family Law encourages separating
couples to explore alternative dispute resolution methods such as mediation or negotiation before starting a Court case. In parenting matters, unless there are safety concerns or other exceptions, you are required to attempt mediation before you are able to make an application to the Court. Alternative dispute resolution allows parents more control over the outcomes and can result in more flexible solutions tailored to the specific needs of parents and their children.
Withholding child support can also damage trust and cooperation between co–parents, potentially leading to a more strained relationship and negatively affecting the children
The majority of family law matters settle outside of Court, reducing costs, saving time and minimising further conflict and stress. Court is typically a last resort, when other methods fail or in cases of urgency, family violence or significant conflict.
MYTH 4 – I’m not seeing my children, so I don’t need to pay child support Child support and parenting arrangements are separate legal matters. Even if one parent is not
spending time with their child, the obligation to pay child support remains. Similarly, a parent cannot withhold access to a child if the other parent is not paying or is behind with child support payments.
If a parent refuses to pay child support as a way to protest reduced or denied access to their children, they could face serious consequences, including debt collection measures, garnishment of wages, and in some cases, not be able to leave Australia.
Withholding child support can also damage trust and cooperation between co–parents, potentially leading to a more strained relationship and negatively affecting the children. It’s essential to address these issues with the children’s best interests in mind.
MYTH 5 – If we’ve separated for more than a year, the divorce is automatic The process of divorce is not automatic, even after the required 12 months of separation. While it may seem like the dissolution of a marriage should automatically follow a year of living
In Australia, you don’t need to prove ‘fault’ to get a divorce or divide up your property. To get a divorce the only requirement is being separated for 12 months
apart, there are still legal steps and requirements that must be fulfilled for a divorce to be granted.
Even after the Divorce Application is made and approved, a Divorce Order will only become final one month and one day after it’s granted by the Court.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Understanding the complexities of separation and family law can be tricky, but it’s important for couples going through a separation to focus on achieving fair and practical outcomes. By clearing up common misunderstandings and focusing on
working together, we can make the process smoother, reduce conflict, and find solutions that work for everyone.
If you need legal guidance and assistance navigating your family law matter, please contact us.
Mention this article when you call to receive a free 15–minute discovery call with one of our experienced family law solicitors.
Phone (02) 4314 6080
Website orbellfamilylawyers.com.au
info@orbellfamilylawyers.com.au
Liability limited by a scheme approved under Professional Standards Legislation.
The information contained in this article is provided for information purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice.
Mothering heights
Are we fulfilling our potential or overfilling it?
BY INDIA TARASIN, CENTRAL COAST WRITER
When I was young, the ‘successful image’ of a woman were characters straight out of rom–coms. It was Elle Woods completing a law degree with a bobble pen and winning her first court case. Quick–witted Andie Anderson pursued a career in political journalism from the desk of a cult women’s magazine, and Jenna Rink sought to transform her life as ‘a big time magazine editor’ with a penthouse in Manhattan.
They weren’t Emmeline Pankhurst or Betty Friedan, (although they would come later), but these women were the epitome of success and power to a 13–year–old girl in the mid–noughties. They were driven, career–focused, sharp, witty, and very, very beautiful. They had left the 20th century behind and all of the restrictions based on their sex. Granted, these women were characters, but for millennial girls, they were the delivered image of female heroism.
Now as a 31–year–old working mum with two children under four, I can’t help but feel that I’m missing the sparkly life that I saw other women leading. When I glance at myself in the mirror, I am shocked to see the person looking back at me. Her eyes are dull, she has sunken grey eyebags and her hair is thin. It didn’t used to be thin? And wasn’t she in her late twenties like, last week? The wardrobe is mostly a collection of polyester–blend, and there are stains and marks on almost every item of clothing. In fact, she doesn’t even bother to buy anything nice for herself anymore, because, what’s the point?
She’s not alone, either. In fact, in the last three weeks there have been over 10 requests for help posted in local mum’s’ Facebook group. Some are bravely sharing their feelings of isolation, loneliness, and financial hardship in this increasingly expensive time to be alive. Nappies, groceries, help towards bills are all common weekly requests. These women are all proud mums, so much so that they post anonymously so no–one can identify them.
We do all the right things and take all the right steps to reach what we’ve been told is happiness; study, work, marry, buy a home, create a family. But when I speak to my cohort of brilliant, passionate, intelligent, kind, driven mothers, not one of us can say that we are feeling successful. In fact, we are drowning. Why is that?
While more women than ever are joining and staying in the workforce, 62.4% of us, to be exact, it doesn’t necessarily mean we are working harder and longer for the sense of autonomy. We’re in a cost–of–living crisis, with over 40% of Australian households struggling to pay for essentials. In 2024, 73% of families were dual–income, a 5.8% jump from 2019. The average working mothers I speak to aren’t feeling burnt out just because they are working, it’s because they simply can’t afford not to.
Laura is in her early thirties and has been a frontline emergency services worker for 12 years. She is a local mum who has always been driven and career–oriented, however, no amount of experience could prepare her for what would be her biggest job yet.
“I didn’t have a perception of motherhood before having kids,” she says, “but I didn’t think it would be this hard. I’m just trying to survive.”
While women have been having babies since the beginning of time, the somewhat new ability to ‘have it all’, of maintaining a career and raising children is both empowering but quite frankly, exhausting.
“The majority of the time I feel like I’m just going through the motions and stuck on the hamster wheel,” Laura says. “I have ambitions to move into other roles within my field, but I just don’t have the time or energy to study again. I need to work to keep a regular income, but it starts and ends there.”
Does this affect the desire and ability to grow a family? Is that what we want anymore? Birth rates have been steadily declining since 2008 with a current ratio of 1.5 per woman.
“I feel incredibly torn about having another child,” Laura says. “While I have always imagined having multiple children, I feel that if I had another child now, it would impact so much of my life.”
While Laura is open about her struggles, it wasn’t always the case.
“I didn’t have many mum–friends before, so I didn’t know if what I felt was normal,” she says.
But since speaking with other mums, she has found a whole new power bank that drives her.
“Working mums, single mums, basically any and every mum –they’re my idols,” she says. “They’re my secret weapon.”
And she’s right. The mum handing you that extra wet wipe, the coffee date when you haven’t left the house all week, the glass of wine on a teary day, the funny meme, the best hugs that refuel you after a gruelling night. That’s what motherhood is about. India is a writer with nearly 10 years of experience in digital and print publishing. She has written across lifestyle, TV, entertainment, design, e–commerce and most recently, food. India has two young children and lives on the Central Coast.
THE CAUSES OF AND HOW TO TRANSFORM HABITS
fussyeating
BY CLARE MARCANGELO, EARLY CHILDHOOD NUTRITION AND BEHAVIOUR EXPERT
Idon’t usually use this term, as I feel “fussy eating” does children a disservice. 20 years ago I was working with kids who just needed a bit more structure, or some clever strategies to help them through their unwanted eating habits. What I see these days is not this, and it’s important we give this issue the attention it deserves.
More often than not nowadays, it is not a choice, my patients are not being “fussy” and it can become a debilitating issue. The old advice of “leave them they will eat eventually” (which I used to successfully apply!) seems to be
becoming less and less accurate. Every day I see children who when given this “tough love” approach, just do not eat.
This leaves parents in a flurry of stress and worry, and when reaching out for advice they either find absolutely nothing that works or worse still – the dreaded judgement. Part of the problem is that one of the drivers is anxiety. As having even just one restricted eater in your household can take over everyone’s lives causing immense stress, our stress as parents and caregivers feeds our child’s anxiety around mealtime even more and so we stay on a roundabout
ride we never wanted to be on, with no idea how to hop off.
So, what are some of the reasons for this kind of issue and what we do as parents?
A very high percentage of children that I see started to stop eating foods around two and a half years old. That is partly due to this being a normal, developmental stage where we start to develop specific tastes. When it goes beyond this and your child loses whole food groups or you find they mainly eat a “beige diet” – relying on plain starchy
foods and not being able to stomach most coloured foods (other than fruit) then we know we must act.
This can be triggered by a number of things, and like I always say – it’s never just one thing. So, let’s break it down.
Your child may have been born with an already slightly imbalanced gut, meaning that there may be a little too much of a potentially problematic bacteria and/or not enough of some of the beneficial bacteria. A trigger during those early stages of eating such as a virus or contracting a parasite can then start to really imbalance everything within the gut.
Because they are reliant on starchy, sugary foods to survive and proliferate, bad bacteria can sometimes start to send messages to the brain that these are the foods we crave. Instead of bacteria –the kind we need fibre; rich, antioxidant rich, prebiotic foods. (All the colourful veggies your child now does not eat.)
The unfortunate truth is that many veggies can be perceived as too bitter, or lack the sweetness of other foods, and so those messages die out and get replaced by the ones for our beige foods. Once we have a true imbalance in the gut, anxiety often increases. Remembering that 90% of Serotonin alone is found in the gut so it makes sense that if it is not quite functioning how we would like it, feeling relaxed may be difficult under stress. Or perhaps your child has had an unpleasant experience with food, a texture that made them gag, a food that got stuck in their throat or a night where they unconsciously connected their sore tummy with the dinner they ate. Or they may have sensory or proception issues, not tasting properly or not experiencing hunger cues the way that you do.
Additionally, they may have an existing deficiency, which can impact both taste perception and appetite. So anxiety around trying to eat unwanted foods can quickly skyrocket, and if we couple this with sensory issues, we
really have a reason to avoid the dinner table.
This is just the start, and I explain the mechanisms of how and why this develops and what we can specifically do about it to all my families. The good news is we can turn it around. It does take time, and each child’s story is unique. But given the right tools we can reverse this for even the most restricted eater. So please don’t worry, it can be done. It’s about working out specifically what your child’s drivers are because there is never just one, this is how such a straightforward issue can become so complicated in short amounts of time.
And then making a plan that addresses this, bearing in mind that they may need baby steps and any progress at all (even if it’s eating something that isn’t that nutritious but is a totally different texture/taste/food group to what they have been choosing) is a big win.
Clare Marcangelo is an Early Childhood Nutrition and Behaviour Expert with over 20 years experience working with local families. She has 3 children of her own and has been reading and contributing to Families on the Coast since the very beginning! Email e-thechildrensnutritionist@gmail.com | www.thechildrensnutritionist.com.au
Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
BY LEISA PRITCHARD, NEURODIVERSITY–AFFIRMING PSYCHOLOGIST AT THE HEART & MIND COLLECTIVE
Pathological Demand Avoidance, also known as Pervasive Drive for Autonomy (PDA), is a term gaining more attention, but it is far more than just a buzzword. PDA is a complex and often misunderstood profile of autism that can be exhausting for both children and parents. When not well understood, it can also be confusing for professionals trying to support PDA individuals.
WHAT IS PDA?
PDA is characterised by an extreme need to resist everyday demands. This resistance is not about defiance or choice – it is driven by anxiety and a fundamental need for control. Understanding PDA as a nervous system disability or difference rather than a behavioural issue is crucial. Although it usually occurs with neurodivergent brain types, it is the nervous system that is influencing different behaviours and impacting a child’s ability to access their basic needs and engage in daily life.
While PDA is generally considered a profile of autism, research is still developing. What we do know is that traditional behavioural approaches often fail because they do not account
for the child’s nervous system responses.
WHAT PDA ISN’T
PDA is not a standalone diagnosis; rather, it is a collection of traits that some autistic individuals display. It is not simply oppositional behaviour, stubbornness, or defiance. Instead, it is a deep–rooted neurological difference that requires a unique, understanding–based approach.
SIGNS YOUR CHILD MAY HAVE PDA
If you are struggling with traditional parenting strategies or find that conventional autism supports do not seem to fit your child, you may want to consider these key indicators of PDA:
A survival drive for autonomy
Your child’s need for control is so strong that it overrides basic survival instincts like eating, sleeping, hygiene, or safety awareness.
The need for constant undivided attention
Your child struggles with you being engaged in anything else, like phone calls, and may escalate to regain your attention.
“Equalising” behaviours
When faced with a boundary or demand, your child attempts to
Understanding PDA as a nervous system disability or difference rather than a behavioural issue is crucial
control the situation, often escalating into oppositional or fight–flight responses.
High masking
Your child presents very differently outside the home, often appearing calm at school but experiencing meltdowns at home.
Unpredictable dysregulation
Your child’s nervous system activation builds over time, leading to seemingly sudden and intense emotional outbursts.
NOT ALL PDA LOOKS THE SAME
Not all PDA children exhibit explosive behaviour. In fact, many are high–masking, and use subtle social strategies to avoid demands without obvious resistance. Because PDA presentations can differ from what is typically associated with autism, some children
– especially autistic girls and PDA individuals – are often misdiagnosed (e.g., with Oppositional Defiant Disorder) or overlooked entirely, leading to poor long–term outcomes.
UNDERSTANDING NERVOUS
SYSTEM RESPONSES IN PDA
Children with PDA typically respond to stress in one of two ways:
1. Internalised nervous system response
These children appear to manage well in public but struggle significantly at home.
They may have meltdowns after school or resist attending school altogether.
Their masking can make it hard to access support since their struggles are not always visible to educators or professionals.
2. Externalised nervous system response
These children are more visibly reactive.
They may abscond, display verbal or physical outbursts, or struggle to follow instructions.
Their behaviour is often mistaken for defiance rather than a nervous system overload.
WHERE TO FROM HERE?
Many parents of PDA children feel isolated and misunderstood. Educators, professionals, and even extended family members may not see the daily struggles that occur at home. It’s important to remember that the behaviours associated with PDA are driven by a nervous system response, not by choice or bad behaviour.
Traditional behavioural strategies based on compliance, rewards, and consequences typically backfire. Instead, PDA children and teens thrive in environments that prioritise:
A sense of safety Building trust and minimising stress is key.
Collaboration over compliance
Working with the child rather than enforcing rigid expectations.
Flexibility
Adapting approaches to meet the child’s nervous system needs.
Low–demand environments
Reducing unnecessary pressures to create a more manageable daily life.
Communication strategies
Give choices and use declarative language (“Hmm, I notice you forgot something”) rather than imperative language (“Get your backpack”).
Early identification and tailored support are the strongest predictors of positive long–term outcomes for PDA kids and teens. By shifting our understanding and approach, we can create environments where PDA children feel safe, understood, and empowered to engage in life on their terms, and help the parents and carers supporting them feel seen, heard, and adequately supported.
Leisa Pritchard is a neurodiversity–affirming psychologist at The Heart & Mind Collective. Leisa has a special interest in providing neurodiversity assessments, and working with parents of neurodiverse children, or who are neurodivergent themselves, supporting them to transform their relationships with their child and stabilise the home.
supplements
Are necessary?
BY DIANA ARUNDELL, UNIVERSITY–QUALIFIED NATUROPATH AND NUTRITIONIST
If Hippocrates was right in saying ‘let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food’, then why are we confronted with shelves of supplements, advertisements enticing us to add protein powders to our smoothies and commercials telling us to take a probiotic to make sure our digestive system is filled with ‘good’ bacteria?
Many orthodox medical practitioners and dieticians firmly believe that supplements are both unnecessary and a waste of money, whereas integrative doctors trained in nutrition and environmental medicine and most naturopaths, view supplements as an integral part of their treatment protocol.
Certainly, one size doesn’t fit all, and many aspects need to be considered when working with someone’s health goals. Food and nutritional education always is the first port of call to enhance the health of my clients, however I also believe nutritional supplements are very effective at times, to bridge a gap between a person’s diet and their physiological needs. Accurately prescribing nutrients and herbal
medicine based on both therapeutic activity as well as scientific evidence, can hugely assist individuals in achieving their health goals.
It’s important to acknowledge that one person’s nutritional gap can be very different to another’s – even if they are related or married and eat the same things. So many things need to be taken into consideration when evaluating nutritional requirements, such as what is included or excluded in the diet – meat eaters vs vegetarians or vegans. Vegans may need extra supplementation of iron, zinc or B12, especially at times of conception and pregnancy. Food allergies need to be considered because if whole food groups are eliminated, it may mean essential nutrients are also depleted. Men and women may have different nutritional requirements based on activity levels, presence of disease (auto immune, infection, allergies, cardiovascular, cancer etc), digestive capacity (post gastric band/bypass surgery), hormones and their age.
As we age, it is also important to remember that our digestive tract also ages and may not absorb nutrients both dietary and from supplements as effectively. Drinking lemon juice or apple cider vinegar in warm water before meals to encourage digestive function can work for some, whereas others may do better taking digestive enzymes to enhance nutrient absorption. If we combine an ageing digestive tract with food that is much less nutritionally dense (due to modern farming practices – fast turnover of crops, pesticides etc) than a few decades ago, it makes sense that we may need additional support at various times in our life.
As people age their nutritional requirements may also change. For example, as a woman’s menstrual cycle ceases, low iron levels may be less of an issue, whereas her requirements for calcium and vitamin D may increase
Men and women may have different nutritional requirements based on activity levels, presence of disease (auto immune, infection, allergies, cardiovascular, cancer etc), digestive capacity (post gastric band/bypass surgery), hormones and their age
post menopause. As people age, wear and tear on joints may become an issue and nutrients such as glucosamine/ chondroitin, curcumin and high dose essential fatty acids can make huge difference to reducing pain, inflammation and protecting joint function so exercise can continue for as long as possible. The ageing brain may also benefit from additional nutrient support.
If pharmaceuticals have been prescribed, it’s worth considering what influence, if any, they may have on nutritional status. For example ‘statins’ prescribed for lowering cholesterol can interfere with the body’s production of Co–enzyme Q10 which is a powerful antioxidant and involved in cellular energy production. Similarly, if a course of antibiotics has been taken, a probiotic may be useful to support the gut microbiome. Pharmaceutical drugs to reduce stomach acid can also affect the absorption of nutrients such as iron, zinc and calcium, which are absorbed via the stomach, so supplements to improve mineral absorption may help nutritional status when taking these medications. The impact of stomach ‘antacids’ on calcium absorption is particularly a consideration for women with bone density issues.
Physical, emotional, mental stress, as well as exposure to toxic chemicals/ electromagnetic fields can lead to cellular oxidative stress, so keeping antioxidants flowing abundantly into the body can be protective. Ideally these should come from the diet – lots of leafy green, red and orange vegetables and berries – eaten as well as juiced will make a good contribution, however if there is higher oxidative damage occurring from exposure to toxins (chemicals and heavy metals) or due to high inflammation or stress, then considering supplementing with an antioxidant such as resveratrol (red grapes/berries produce this substance to protect themselves from damage) or additional amounts of vitamins A, C and E may help.
If you are wondering whether your body may benefit from taking a supplement, rather than guessing and buying an over–the–counter product which may not add any value to your body at all, see an experienced health care provider who has professional training in nutritional medicine. When it comes to supplements you generally get what you pay for, and many over–the–counter supermarket and health food store products could be comprised of cheaper ingredients, fillers, binders, flavours and colours. These things may even worsen people’s conditions. Your healthcare practitioner should have access to practitioner range supplements which have been clinically trialled and manufactured under the strictest guidelines.
Regardless of our age we do need to consider food as our primary healthcare, and we can’t expect to take a tablet for a health condition we have eaten ourselves into. Modifying our diet to enhance our health will also take longer than a quick fix tablet, but long term, food really is our best medicine and you are what you eat, what you drink and what you think.
By Diana Arundell, university–qualified Naturopath and Nutritionist. She has a special interest in fertility, digestive health, immune function and mental health. She was a lecturer of nutrition at Macquarie University for 10 years and currently consults from her Avoca Naturopath clinic.
TEACHING TEENS TO COPE: Practical Strategies for Emotional Resilience
BY ALEX WILSON, ACCREDITED MENTAL HEALTH SOCIAL WORKER
In today’s world, many teenagers struggle with emotional resilience. Faced with academic pressures, social media influence, and shifting friendships, teens are more vulnerable than ever to emotional overwhelm. As a parent, understanding why resilience is lacking and how to foster it is key to supporting your child’s mental wellbeing.
Why are teens struggling with resilience?
Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to stressful situations and bounce back from adversity. However, research suggests that today’s teens are experiencing higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression than previous generations.
Several factors contribute to this trend:
Digital overload
The constant presence of social media exposes teens to curated realities, peer comparison, and cyberbullying. A study by the American Psychological Association found that heavy social media use is linked to increased feelings of anxiety and inadequacy among adolescents.
Academic pressure
Increased competition and expectations in education have created an environment where many teens feel immense pressure to perform, often fearing failure or falling behind.
Reduced coping opportunities
Whilst increased focus on gentle parenting techniques are helpful in many ways, the urge to protect can unintentionally prevent teens from learning to cope with setbacks and discomfort.
Mental health knowledge
Teens have access to more language around mental illness than ever before, however most of them don’t have knowledge of skills or strategies to increase mental resilience.
How psychological skills training can help
Individual counselling or mental health support can be very helpful for teens who are struggling, however it can be costly and time consuming.
Another option for teens is psychosocial skills training in group settings. Groups are usually more affordable, and give participants access to large amounts of information, guidance and support that is practical in building long–term skills.
Participating in a group provides an added layer of support. Teens realise they’re not alone in their struggles, fostering a sense of belonging and shared experience. Group discussions offer a safe space to practice skills, receive feedback, and learn from others’ perspectives. This collective learning environment can be particularly empowering for teens who feel isolated in their challenges.
How DBT skills training works
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is an evidence–based approach designed to help individuals manage intense emotions, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and improve relationships. Originally developed for adults, DBT has been adapted for teenagers and has shown promising results in enhancing emotional resilience. DBT programs utilise group skills training sessions to maximise positive outcomes.
Teens have access to more language around mental illness than ever before, however most of them don’t have knowledge of skills or strategies to increase mental resilience
In a DBT skills training group, teens learn four core skill sets that are practical, actionable, and empowering:
Mindfulness
Teens are taught to stay present and aware, helping them recognise and
Distress tolerance skills help teens cope with uncomfortable feelings in healthy ways, reducing the urge to escape through harmful behaviours
manage their thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed. This skill encourages better emotional control and reduces impulsive reactions.
Distress tolerance
Life is full of challenges that can’t always be fixed right away. Distress tolerance skills help teens cope with uncomfortable feelings in healthy ways, reducing the urge to escape through harmful behaviours.
Emotion regulation
This skill set teaches teens how to identify, understand, and manage their emotions. By learning techniques to reduce emotional intensity, teens can approach challenges more calmly and thoughtfully.
Interpersonal effectiveness
Building strong, healthy relationships is essential for emotional wellbeing. Teens learn communication strategies, assertiveness, and boundary–setting,
which help them navigate social situations with confidence.
The role of parents
While teens practice these skills, parents also play a crucial role. Understanding the DBT framework allows parents to reinforce these skills at home, modelling healthy coping strategies and encouraging open communication. Many programs offer parallel parent sessions or resources to help families integrate DBT principles into everyday life.
Building long–term resilience
Developing emotional resilience is a gradual process, but one that equips teens with lifelong tools to handle stress,
setbacks, and emotional challenges. DBT skills training offers a structured and supportive pathway, empowering teens to approach difficulties with confidence and balance.
If you’re concerned about your teen’s emotional wellbeing, exploring DBT skills training could be a meaningful step. It’s not about eliminating discomfort but helping teens navigate it with strength and self awareness – an essential foundation for a healthy and resilient life.
Alex Wilson is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Director of Mindful Recovery Services and the Central Coast DBT Centre, providing psychological treatment and support for adolescents and adults. Alex is passionate about dispelling myths about mental illness, and is highly skilled in dialectical behavioural therapy. She is an experienced public speaker and provides training to other professionals on managing difficult behaviours in teens. Alex lives on the NSW Central Coast with her partner, 2 young boys, 2 goats, a bunch of chickens and a cheeky puppy named Axel.
How a birth course will change your birth for the better
BY ALICE WORTHY, THE MODERN DOULA
For many expectant parents, the thought of giving birth brings up more anxiety than excitement—I know it did for me when I was pregnant! Thanks to Hollywood’s overly dramatic birth scenes and well–meaning horror stories from friends and family, it’s no wonder so many people fear birth. It’s all we’ve grown up seeing, and for many of us, we’ve never actually witnessed a normal birth before.
But here’s the truth: birth doesn’t have to be scary. With the right education, preparation, and support, you can replace fear with confidence. A thorough birth course is designed to give you the tools, knowledge, and mindset shifts that make labour feel less like a terrifying unknown and more like an experience you can navigate with calmness and confidence.
Most of us grow up thinking of birth as painful, chaotic, and completely out of our control. We’re conditioned to believe it’s just something we have to endure. But the reality is, our bodies are designed for this. We know it rationally—after all, we got here somehow! The problem is that no one teaches us how to actually work with our bodies during labour. We’re just told to “go with the flow” and hope for the best.
That’s where a birth course comes in. It bridges the gap between fear and confidence by teaching you what’s actually happening in your body and how to stay in control. When you understand the process, the fear of the unknown fades, and you step into birth feeling prepared and empowered.
One of the biggest game–changers you’ll learn in a birth course is how to use your breath. Your breath is your superpower in labour, and the right techniques can help you manage contractions, stay present, and avoid panic. Instead of shallow, frantic breathing that makes contractions feel worse, you’ll learn how to harness deep,
controlled breaths that support your body through each wave.
Birth positioning is another crucial tool. Lying on your back isn’t your only option—in fact, it’s often one of the least effective positions for labour progress. A great birth course will teach you optimal labour positions that help open your pelvis, encourage baby’s descent, and reduce pain. Whether it’s rocking on a birth ball, lunging, or using a rebozo (a favourite tool among doulas), movement can make a huge difference in how labour unfolds.
Relaxation techniques also play a key role in making birth easier. Tension creates pain, and pain creates fear, which leads to more tension—a cycle that can make labour much harder than it needs to be. A birth course teaches you how to break that cycle using visualization, guided relaxation, and hands–on techniques to keep your body soft and open during contractions. When you know how to stay calm, labour becomes way more manageable.
Equally important is understanding your birth options and how to advocate for them. Whether you’re planning a hospital birth, a home birth, or something in between, knowing your choices helps you feel in control of your experience. A birth course gives you the evidence based knowledge and resources to make informed decisions, communicate your preferences with confidence, and work with your
healthcare provider to create a birth that aligns with your vision.
A birth course bridges the gap between fear and confidence by teaching you what’s actually happening in your body and how to stay in control
And let’s not forget about your birth partner. They aren’t just there to hold your hand (though that’s nice too!). A good birth course teaches them exactly how to support you—whether it’s through counterpressure, massage, encouraging words, or helping you stay focused when things get intense. Having a partner who knows what to do can make a huge difference in how supported and safe you feel during labour.
Birth isn’t just something to get through – it’s something you can experience with confidence and it can be the best day of your life! With the right preparation and education, labour can feel less like a battle and more like a powerful, transformative event. If you’re ready to step into birth feeling prepared, informed, and empowered, it’s time to enrol in a birth course!
Alice, The Modern Doula, helps modern women get what they want in birth & beyond, without the woo–woo! Creator of Birth Different, the birth course without the boring bits, she’s now increased her client load for 2025. Ready to birth differently? Contact Alice today.
