are: e l fto– Ccreate SHow and maintain healthy boundaries Sometimes life’s stressors are overwhelming. An important part of looking after ourselves that is frequently discussed is self–care. Often self–care can be lumped in with selfishness or self–centeredness that is to the detriment of others. Self–care is neither of those. Self–care is focusing on our own social–emotional–wellbeing so that we may also meet the needs of others. Self–care can include fun, enjoyment and connecting with others or ourselves. It can be as varied as our individual needs. As a psychologist, I feel one common integral aspect of self–care are healthy boundaries especially when it comes to
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O N T H E C OA S T – FAM ILIES
BY SELINA CHAPMAN
family dynamics and relationships. There are many interpretations and it depends on how that looks for each of us. Exactly what are healthy boundaries? Well, they are most importantly NOT barriers. We all need barriers to protect us from threats, and sometimes we keep them around long after that threat has gone. In time our once protective shields can become fortresses that not only keep danger away, but can also keep us in, away from opportunity for growth and experiencing meaningful change. An example could be around “toxic” or difficult relationships. Healthy boundaries are like buffer zones, or breathing spaces. They’re not too rigid and solid that they cannot adapt and end up keeping us isolated. They are not so porous that every emotion within
our environment hits too close to home. Ideal healthy boundaries are ones that keep us emotionally safe, mentally well and allow connections in our relationships and interactions with others and ourselves. Healthy boundaries can be felt as well as being seen. It can be feeling safe and secure, allowing opportunities to explore personal growth, saying no, saying yes, being comfortable in our own skin, recognising our needs emotionally and mentally and meeting those needs even if we fear possible negative repercussions or judgments. Such as giving time limits on phone calls, or time spent at functions or choosing to attend or not. Healthy boundaries need to be created and maintained. They need to be able
