Stooshie Issue 14 Published Aug 23 2014

august 23 issue no.14 ❘ £2.50

W NE NE AZI G MA

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A new declaration

Stooshie Salmond plants his flag in Arbroath

T h e b e s t o f S c ott i s h m e d i a – n e w s

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opinion

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Who are you looking at?

Capaldi takes The Doctor into darkness

You know the drill Is this the start of a new oil boom?

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Woods not along for the Ryder

£2.50

Should Scots worry about Ebola?

23-Aug-14 34

Tiger misses big game

Recall: R35 – 29-Aug-14

Scotland in days

Gone viral

www.thestooshie.co.uk

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Alex Salmond makes a stand at Arbroath

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What’s been making the headlines near you?

Whose oil is it anyway?

Should Scots worry about Ebola?

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The best and the rest at the Edinburgh Festival

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Stooshie Editor’s Round-up: That was the week that was

Welcome to another issue of The Stooshie, the magazine that brings you the best of Scotland’s news from the last seven days.

We’re now less than a month away from Scotland’s independence referendum and First Minister Alex Salmond was in Arbroath trying to summon up the spirit of secession by launching a new Declaration of Arbroath. Some called it inspirational, others called it desperate: we’ve got the Scottish media’s take on it all right here. And with Mr Salmond preparing for round two of the TV debate with Alistair Darling in the coming days, currency is once again top of the agenda – although the NHS’ future runs a close second.

Elsewhere, there’s been some disappointing news on legal high statistics, while our Seven by Seven looks at the Ebola outbreak in Africa and examines whether or not Scots should be worried.

Scot Peter Capaldi is making his much-anticipated debut as Doctor Who this weekend so, as you might expect, we’ve got the lowdown on the new Time Lord. And apparently fans can expect a darker, more mysterious Doctor.

The future of North Sea Oil and the woes of a Port Glasgow shipbuilder are featured in our business section, while Tiger Woods’ troubles and Celtic’s bid to save their Champions League blushes are documented in sport.

Read, digest and enjoy!

SCOTTISH WORD OF THE WEEK

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ming noun ❘ ming ❘ 1. An unpleasant smell, a stink.

Usage: “The infamous Methil Ming could soon be a thing of the past” (see page 12)

we really like...

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Fred Said: Our man MacAulay on Fringe fibbing

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Contact the Stooshie Mail:

The Stooshie, 80 Kingsway East, Dundee DD4 8SL

Email:

editor@thestooshie.co.uk

Visit:

www.thestooshie.co.uk stooshiescot

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■ Arachnophobes (and No voters – see page 7) got a bit of a fright when this spider made a cameo on a BBC Reporting Scotland bulletin.

Editor-in-chief: Richard Neville Editor: Steve Bargeton Deputy editor: Catriona MacInnes Art director: Aileen Wilkie Content manager: Rory Weller Editorial: Craig Smith, Stefan Morkis, Alastair Bennett Contributors: Brian Donaldson, Robert McNeil, Jonathan Trew, James Williamson, Graham Huband

Advertising & Commercial Opportunities: Bryn Piper: 0207 400 1050, bpiper@dcthomson.co.uk Circulation: Iain McKenzie: imckenzie@dcthomson.co.uk Subscription Sales & Customer Service: 0844 826 5009, thestooshie@dcthomson.co.uk 23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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MAIN EVENTS

Salmond seeks Bruce inspiration in Arbroath First Minister marks final countdown to referendum vote with visit to Arbroath Abbey ■ As the referendum campaign entered its final month, First Minister Alex Salmond made what he described as a “new Declaration of Arbroath”.

His “Declaration of Opportunity” said that if there is a Yes vote the SNP will protect the NHS from cuts and create a fairer society.

Written in 1320 the Declaration of Arbroath affirmed Scotland’s right to be a sovereign nation following the Wars of Independence.

However, Mr Salmond appeared more Sir Francis

Drake than Robert the Bruce as he took part in a bowls match ahead of a Scottish Government cabinet meeting in Arbroath.

He said Scotland may use the pound as a “transitional option” for currency after a Yes vote (see more on page six).

The SNP sees the NHS as a key issue and Mr Salmond is likely to focus on it in the next leaders’ debate.

Prime Minister David Cameron said Mr Salmond was a “desperate man” peddling a “desperate argument” as health is fully devolved.

EDITORIALS SAY

COMMENTATORS SAY

First Minister Alex Salmond sought historical inspiration at Arbroath Abbey and The Scottish Sun was pleased he learned at least one lesson from Robert the Bruce: that Scottish independence does not come easy.

The paper said it was “refreshing to hear” Mr Salmond admit “Vote Yes and it’s going to be hard”.

It added that independence “was never going to be an instant ticket to full employment, a booming economy, crime-free streets, no queues for hospital appointments or perfect schools”.

It concluded that Mr Salmond’s admission makes “the choice clearer” for voters, if not actually any easier.

The Scottish Daily Mail said with less than a month to go until September 18, time is running out for Mr Salmond and Yes Scotland.

“Mr Salmond is under increased pressure – even from some of his own supporters – to deliver clarity over currency at next week’s final televised showdown with Alistair Darling,” the paper said.

It added the First Minister’s comments on currency are “causing more confusion and concern”.

The paper concluded his “rhetoric smacks of desperation” and that Mr Salmond is “quickly running out of time to persuade voters he has any cogent answers”.

Failing to admit until late on that Scottish independence wouldn’t be “plain sailing” has taken the wind out of the Yes campaign’s sails, said The Times’ Magnus Linklater.

He said Mr Salmond has been “forced on to the defensive” over issues like currency and Europe but that Alistair Darling’s standing has been “enhanced” by his diligent questioning.

“The fable of the hare and the tortoise has been brought to life,” he said.

The Daily Record’s David Clegg said that “it is clear the SNP are now trying to scare Scots into supporting them”.

He pointed out that although cuts to NHS spending in England would affect Scotland, “none of the major parties are suggesting cutting the health budget”.

And he warned any that tried to do so would “find voters deserting them”.

The NHS may be a key issue for women voters but The Herald’s Colette Douglas Home doubted Mr Salmond’s pitch warning of possible funding cuts would convince many to vote Yes. She said cancer mortality rates are falling faster in England than in Scotland and added: “Instead of Mr Salmond warning about the consequences on the Scottish NHS of privatisation in England, shouldn’t he be telling us how he intends to improve Scottish mortality rates?” she asked.

Edinburgh hears of Ferguson anger Author Bonnie Greer claims US society still infected with “inherent racism” despite six years of Obama presidency ■ Playwright, critic and author Bonnie Greer told the Edinburgh International Book Festival that racial unrest in the US following the shooting of unarmed 18-year-old black teenager Michael Brown is the worst she has seen in her lifetime.

Brown was shot multiple times by police in the Ferguson suburb of St Louis the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

and Greer told the audience the current situation has parallels with the aftermath of Martin Luther King’s assassination.

Protestors have clashed with police every night since the shooting. Tensions rose further when police shot and killed a 23-year-old man who was said to be carrying a knife on August 19.

EDITORIALS SAY Black people in the United States have made great advances since 1964 but The Guardian said “race was a fundamental factor in the killing, the rioting and the response”.

But despite the advancement of a black middle class, it said “millions of other African Americans remain left behind in places like Ferguson”.

It said that “racial injustice” in the United States “remains the great enduring national wound”.

The Daily Record contrasted the situation in the US with that

MAIN EVENTS

Rising toll of “legal high” drug deaths Number of deaths involving New Psychoactive Substances doubles ■ A 16-year-old girl died at a Rutherglen house party after possibly taking an “ecstasy style” legal high.

Jodie Muir’s death came the day after it emerged the number of deaths in Scotland involving so-called legal highs has more than doubled in a year.

Police said further tests are needed to determine if drugs played a role in Jodie’s death or if it was the result of a congenital heart condition.

However, across Scotland, new figures show there is a rising number of casualties caused by legal highs.

There were 113 deaths in 2013 where New Psychoactive Substances (NPS) were present, Overall, the number of drug-related deaths dropped by nine per cent to 526, according to the National Records of Scotland.

The statistics also revealed the average age of drug casualties in Scotland is now over 40.

Just 32 of the deaths involved people under the age of 25.

in Scotland, where the decision to routinely arm police has caused a public outcry and is to be investigated by two watchdogs.

The Scottish Sun noted that President Barack Obama has ordered a third, independent autopsy on Michael Brown’s body. It is thought the teenager was shot at least six times by Officer Darren Wilson, with at least two shots to the head.

The paper added: “Ferguson is 67% black and 29% white.

“But this racial mix is not reflected among the Ferguson police force, with just three black cops among 53 commissioned officers.”

EDITORIALS SAY

COMMENTATORS SAY

While the number of drugrelated deaths in Scotland may be falling, The Scotsman said there is a “disturbing trend” in the number of deaths where so-called legal highs were involved.

It said the number of fatalities more than doubled in a year, from 47 to 113.

The paper said politicians need to find a way to ban untested and possibly dangerous drugs which are created to mimic the effects of other substances.

“The time of endless quibbling over framing a law has to stop,” it said.

Although legal highs were a contributory factor in many deaths, The Herald said there were only five cases where it was the only substance which had been abused.

This, it said, implied the “problem may have been overhyped” It said while the overall fall in drug deaths is welcome, it is too soon to “cheer”.

Many people believe that just because it is not against the law to sell legal highs, they are somehow safe, said The Scottish Sun’s Martin Geissler.

But he said “the opposite is the case” and warned the number of deaths is “set to increase”.

“Surely we can come up with some way of combating this phenomenon and the scumbags who run rings around the law to get youngsters hooked,” he said.

Writing in the Daily Record, Labour MSP Kezia Dugdale said doctors are struggling to keep up with the effects of these drugs just as politicians struggle to ban them. She said information on how to treat overdoses comes “largely” from one medic.

“There’s no central reporting system for these drugs, no comprehensive screening or testing, no big picture stats for Scotland about their prevalence,” she said.

COMMENTATORS SAY

path” may end up pleasing no one.

In Edinburgh, Bonnie Greer told an audience at the International Book Festival said the killing of Brown, or even mass school shootings such as Sandy Hook, will not change gun culture in the US. “Americans believe that God gives you a right to bear arms,” she said.

“The West was won at the point of a gun. To disarm America would be to dismantle the constitution of the United States.”

The Guardian’s Gary Younge said riots are the voice of the politically disenfranchised.

The Times’ US editor David Taylor said many black Americans have been disappointed in President Obama’s response to the disturbances in Ferguson.

He said: “In making a nuanced argument – that police have a difficult job, but must not deny the right to peaceful protest; that people are hurting, but looters must not set back the cause of justice – he seems not to have taken a side.”

But Taylor said this “middle

news l 5 on the bright side ■ More than £45,000 has been spent on “hair straighteners, massage oils, dyes and varnish” for Scots prisoners in the last three years, revealed the Scottish Daily Mail’s Rachel Watson. Critics branded the spending “ridiculous”.

■ Aberdeen City Council’s newsletter went viral after a blunder changed its name to “Newsh*te”. The Scottish Sun reported how the ‘b’ on the cover of Newsbite was partly obscured by its main image.

■ Andy Murray’s mum Judy has confirmed she will be taking part in the new series of Strictly Come Dancing. The tennis coach described herself as a “total armchair dancer” but said she “can’t wait to get started”.

■ Comedian Tim Vine’s oneliner about a vacumn cleaner was voted the funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe. “I decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust” polled almost a fifth of votes in the annual competition run by TV channel Dave.

■ Violinist Nicola Benedetti ended up rehearsing in an airport toilet after a three-hour delay to her flight. The Scot shared a bathroom selfie with her 17,000 Twitter followers.

■ Usually a marriage proposal is an intimate affair, but not for Royal Scots drummer Trooper William McDowell.

For the brave man popped the question to partner Monica McElwee in front of more than 9,000 people at the Edinburgh Tattoo. The Edinburgh Evening News said there was “thunderous applause” as Trooper McDowell dropped to one knee and gave Miss McElwee a ring (below).

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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POLITICS

Plan B or not Plan B is still the question

indy BRIEFS 1. National Australia Bank, the owner of the Clydesdale and Yorkshire banks, has said contingency plans are in place to move operations south of the border if Scotland votes Yes. 2. Former Scottish Enterprise chief executive Jack Perry has said a currency union between Scotland and the rest of the UK after independence “would not work”.

3. Diana Gabaldon, creator of the Outlander series of novels, has said there is no evidence a television adaptation has not been screened in the UK because of the referendum.

rises and public spending cuts.

In The Herald, political editor Magnus Gardham said Professor MacDonald had “torn Mr Salmond’s proposals Currency continues to dominate as Darling and Salmond to shreds” but that nothing prepare for second television debate on August 25 he had said “economically, or philosophically, challenged the ■ First Minister Alex Salmond idea of independence”.

COMMENTATORS SAY has admitted failing to explain The Sunday Mail found not his position on currency in an one but three experts to ask Nevermind Plan B, Plan independent Scotland properly about the crucial currency during his first televised debate A could be disastrous for question. the Scottish economy, with Better Together leader Brian Quinn, a former according to Professor Ronald Alistair Darling.

Bank of England executive MacDonald.

Mr Darling was widely and honorary professor Professor MacDonald, who thought to have won the of economics at Glasgow holds the Adam Smith chair of debate after Mr Salmond University, said a formal political economy at Glasgow refused to explain what currency union or continued University, wrote in the his “Plan B” is if a formal Scottish Daily Mail that Plan A use of Sterling would be wrong currency union is rejected by could see £100 billion lost from for Scotland and that a new Westminster. currency is the best option. the Scottish economy.

Mr Salmond has been But he warned such a solution He said Scotland would continually pressed on what his has “its own problems”.

Plan B is since the STV debate. have no control over its Dr Angus Armstrong, Although he has said Scotland exchange rate, which would from the National Institute will continue to use the pound, be necessary to boost of Economic and Social he has not officially stated competitiveness, in a formal Research, agreed that a new Scotland would do so without a currency union.

Scottish currency “would be formal union, a process known “Either productivity would the best option”, while politics as “sterlingisation”. have to go up massively lecturer Matt Qvortrup said Other options for currency to offset the loss, which the refusal by opponents of post-independence include is extremely unlikely, or independence to countenance creating a new currency or wages and prices and/or a currency union is “political joining the Euro. unemployment would have to positioning”.

Bank of England governor adjust,” he wrote.

He said a currency union Mark Carney meanwhile denied He said an entirely new and the removal of Trident there had been talks with the Scottish currency is the only from Scotland would be up for Scottish Government about realistic option but this would post-independence currency. negotiation after a Yes vote. require high interest rates, tax

4. Polling expert Professor John Curtice has said Yes Scotland cannot rely on winning over the majority of “don’t knows” to win the vote. He said they will have to convince No voters to win.

5. The Department of Work and Pensions denied telling staff to vote No. It said guidance issued to civil servants had been “badly worded”. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

“The First Minister has given up on giving people the answers they need about what independence would mean for them.”

“True popular sovereignty will come to Scotland.

This will be our moment – our time.”

Willie Rennie,

Alex Salmond,

Scottish Lib Dem leader

First Minister

POLITICS Aussie ruled offside over referendum

Watchdogs on high alert ■ Scotland’s two police watchdogs are to carry out a joint review into the effects of allowing Scottish officers to routinely carry firearms.

HM Inspectorate of Constabulary in Scotland (HMICS) and the Scottish Police Authority (SPA) – the formal ruling board of the new national force – will work together to “examine public concerns” over officers regularly carrying guns.

The reviews were announced just days after Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill (above) dismissed calls from opposition MSPs for a full review into Chief Constable Sir Stephen House’s decision to routinely arm police.

The HMICS review will include an examination of how the firearms officers are deployed on regular patrols and tasks.

There has been growing criticism since it emerged Chief Constable House had issued a “standing authority”, allowing a number of officers to carry guns.

Offices carrying Glocks have attended minor incidents such as an argument outside McDonald’s in Inverness and even a bus that had braked sharply in Glasgow.

■ Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbot (below) said Scottish independence would only be welcomed by countries that oppose British values and freedoms.

In an interview with The Times, Mr Abbot said: “As a friend of Britain, as an observer from afar, it’s hard to see how the world would be helped by an independent Scotland.”

He went on to say that those who want to see the break-up of the UK “are not

the friends of justice, are not the friends of freedom”.

Mr Abbot’s comments are the most strongly-worded intervention from another world leader into the referendum debate and The Times’ leader column said he was right to voice concerns about the international consequences of a Yes vote.

US president Barack Obama has said it is in his country’s interest for the UK to be a “strong, robust, united and effective partner”.

But a spokesman for Yes Scotland said: “Independence seems to be working well for Australia”.

Tributes to Sam Galbraith

NATO membership in doubt

■ Better Together leader Alistair Darling led the tributes to former Scottish Executive Education Minister Sam Galbraith, who died at the age of 68.

The former neurosurgeon served as both an MP and MSP and was Education Minister in Scotland’s first devolved government.

Other politicians, including Scottish Labour leader Johann Lamont, First Minister Alex Salmond and Conservative leader Ruth Davidson also paid tribute to Mr Galbraith.

■ An independent Scotland would have to apply to join NATO and all other members would need to agree it should join.

The organisation’s secretary-general Anders Fogh Rasmussen told The Times there would need to be “unanimous acceptance” amongst all 28 member nations.

The Scottish Government has said an independent Scotland would join NATO despite its determination to remove Trident nuclear submarines from Scottish waters.

“What the people want isn’t so much a new Declaration of Arbroath but... answers on the currency, on Europe, on the additional costs and consequences of independence.”

“The union of England and Scotland was not a marriage based on love. It was a marriage of convenience. It was pragmatic.”

“I’ve always said Scotland could go it alone, however you’d have to cut your cloth according to your means.”

Douglas Alexander,

Tom Devine,

Alistair Darling,

Shadow Foreign Secretary

Historian

Better Together leader

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indy BRIEFS 1. A YouGov poll found support for Yes has risen to 43% with support for No at 57%, excluding undecided voters. It is the highest support for Yes in a YouGov poll.

2. Former Scottish Enterprise chief executive Crawford Beveridge has said a currency union makes sense for both Scotland and the rest of the UK if there is a Yes vote.

3. People who are scared of spiders are more likely to vote No according to psychologists at the University of Essex.

4. First Minister Alex Salmond has said he would “retire from politics tomorrow” and accept the demise of the SNP if it would mean a Yes vote.

5. Better Together removed a blog post from its website written by supporter Yvonne Hama after it emerged she had compared the SNP to Nazis. Hama also retweeted former BNP leader Nick Griffin.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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SEVEN BY SEVEN

Deadly disease – could the Ebola virus come to Scotland?

SEVEN QUESTIONS YOU REALLY WANT TO ASK 1. What is Ebola?

First discovered in the Democratic Republic of Congo in 1976, Ebola is a severe viral illness with initial symptoms including sudden fever, intense weakness, muscle pain, headache and sore throat. These are followed by vomiting, diarrhoea, rash, and impaired kidney and liver function. In some cases, there will be both internal and external bleeding.

Ebola is introduced into the human population through close contact with infected animals (living or dead) such as chimpanzees, gorillas, monkeys, fruit bats, forest antelope and porcupines. It’s then spread among humans through contact with infected blood, saliva, semen or vomit, or from environmental surfaces contaminated with such fluids. Contact with a corpse is also dangerous.

2. That is very scary. When and where did this latest outbreak start?

The first case occurred in February, in Nzerekore, a remote area of south-eastern Guinea (where fruit bats are considered a delicacy). The disease then spread to the Guinean capital Conakry, and after that into Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Nigeria.

According to the medical charity Médecins Sans Frontières the outbreak is “unprecedented” in the way cases have been scattered across multiple locations hundreds of miles apart. Many health workers treating sufferers have been among the victims.

3. How many lives has it claimed so far?

It’ll have gone up by the time you read this figure, but we’re looking at well over 1,000 in the four countries mentioned above. At least 1,800 more people are known to have been infected.

4. Is it restricted to Africa at present?

Yes, although BBC News reported that one strain had appeared in the Philippines. At the time of writing, one European has fallen victim – Father Miguel Pajares, a Spanish missionary priest, who caught the disease while working for a

ebola IN NUMBERS

55%

Of people infected in the current outbreak have died

90%

Fatality rate in previous outbreaks

12

Total number of doses of ZMapp drug available initially

3

Types of antibody are contained in the ZMapp serum

7

Number of weeks after recovery that victims can remain infectious

2

Lower incubation period – days before virus shows symptoms

21

Maximum incubation period – days before virus shows symptoms

non-governmental organisation in Liberia. He died in hospital in Madrid five days after bring airlifted out.

Two American aid workers were also infected but, as The Independent reported, were said to be improving after being repatriated to the US. The Scottish Daily Mail said their recovery was being described as “miraculous”.

5. What are the chances of it reaching Scotland?

“Very low”, according to Health Minister Michael Matheson. He told MSPs at Holyrood that Scotland had “well developed procedures” in place. In addition, a poster has been designed for display in airports and ports with advice for travellers to affected areas.

6. Is there no cure?

Nothing proven. The two American aid workers who showed signs of improvement were treated with experimental serum ZMapp, but so was Fr Pajares – to no avail (though he was considerably older). The World Health Organisation (WHO) has ruled that, given the gravity of the situation, there was no ethical problem with offering unproven drugs to deal with the outbreak.

Though it has been tested on monkeys, ZMapp has not yet been trialled scientifically on humans.

7. But we’ve been working hard to get this under control, right?

Arguably, though that’s not how everyone sees it. Africans have expressed anger that ZMapp seemed to have been reserved at first for Westerners. One WHO official said there had been a “market failure” to get the drug to Africa.

The World Bank has pledged £120 million in emergency aid. But Scotland on Sunday’s Anna Burnside said: “It’s hard to avoid the conclusion that the current response to the Ebola epidemic is little more than fire-fighting, panicking and hand-wringing.”

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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AROUND SCOTLAND

1 HIGHLANDS & ISLANDS Ticks on shopping list

Memorial to Caithness Ripper detective installed

More shops in the Highlands should stock tools to remove ticks, a GP has said.

Fort William-based Dr Jim Douglas said the devices should be more readily available.

Ticks can transmit Lyme Disease to humans.

A memorial has been unveiled in a Scottish town in honour of the police officer who investigated the murders of Jack the Ripper.

Donald Swanson was born at Geise, near Thurso, and went on to become one of the country’s top detectives.

Jack the Ripper killed at least five prostitutes in the Whitechapel area of London. Although he was never caught, Swanson named Pole Aaron Kosminski as the killer in a private note released by his family in 2006 (right).

2 GLASGOW & WEST Pub fears for Victoria Park

Largs reward for Clyde

Campaigners fear a pub could be built on part of Victoria Park in Scotstoun.

Glasgow City Council wants to rent out the former blaes playing fields in the park.

Consultants Ryden have suggested the land may be suitable for a commercial development including a pub or restaurant.

Councillor Feargal Dalton said he was award of residents’ concerns about a pub being built on the park and said he would not want any development contrary to their wishes to be given the goahead.

The City Council said it will consider Ryden’s report.

A Largs businessman is offering a £1,000 reward for the safe return of a statue of Commonwealth Games mascot Clyde stolen from Glasgow.

Gary Ennis, the owner of web design firm NS Design has put up the reward.

He is also campaigning for all the statues of Clyde to be left on display in Glasgow.

The theft of the Clyde statue prompted Glasgow City Council to remove all the others 24 installed around the city in case they were also stolen.

They were originally supposed to stay in place until the end of the school holidays.

Mr Ennis said: “I’m a big fan of public art”.

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Commonwealth sell off The last remaining homes in the Athletes’ Village built for the Commonwealth Games (letft) will go on sale to the public later this month.

The first batch of 242 homes were snapped up in January and now the final 52 properties are being put on the market.

Prices range from £123,000 to £175,000.

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3 SOUTH SCOTLAND Murder charge over drowning A three-year old Galashiels girl died after being pulled out of a hotel swimming pool in St Annes near Blackpool.

Jane Bell was taken to Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital in a critical condition and later died of her injuries.

Her 40-year-old mother Sarah the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

was arrested on suspicion of murder and child neglect.

Det Insp Nick Connaughton, from Blackpool CID, said: “We are now treating this sad death as suspicious and are investigating just how the child has come into difficulties in the pool.”

The three-tar Dalmeny Hotel refused to comment.

Dumfries chosen as severe weather response centre A national resilience centre to help co-ordinate the response to severe weather incidents is to be set up in Dumfries.

The Crichton Campus site will help communities and local emergency services prepare for a predicted increase in severe weather.

Environment Minister Paul Wheelhouse said recent experience of flooding made Dumfries and Galloway the ideal choice to become home to the new centre.

news l 11

AROUND SCOTLAND 4 NORTH EAST, ORKNEY & SHETLAND Anger over theft of historic plaques from Orkney chapel Thieves stole three carved wooden plaques from Orkney’s historic Italian chapel.

Built by Italian prisoners of war during World War Two, the chapel on Lamb Holm attracts more than 90,000 visitors per year.

It is the second time this year that the chapel, which does not charge for entry, has been targeted by thieves.

John Muir, secretary of the Italian Chapel Preservation Society, said they are now considering installing CCTV cameras and may have to appoint full-time caretakers and even begin charging for admission.

The plaques are part of a series of 14 panels depicting Christ’s journey to the cross.

Mr Muir said they have sentimental rather than monetary value.

5 TAYSIDE & CENTRAL

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Unfinished defences work Moray Council said unfinished flood defences prevented hundreds of businesses and homes from flooding when the area was struck by the remnants of Hurricane Bertha.

Flood alleviation schemes are being constructed in Elgin at a cost of £86m and in Forres at cost of £44m.

Council leader Allan Wright said there had been potential for severe flood damage.

Dundee’s party problem

Residents in the West End of Dundee are demanding a Bad jams could cause chaos at new T in the Park venue A traffic expert has said the road network around the new home of public meeting to discuss the T in the Park at Strathallan Castle may not be able to cope with the number of HMO (Houses in Multiple Occupation) licences expected volume of traffic.

Andrew Carrier, a fellow of the Institute of Civil Engineers and the begin granted by the City Council.

Chartered Institution of Highways and Transportation, said roads They claim not enough is surrounding the site, such as those pictured left, are unsuitable being done to clamp down on landlords who let their for “intensive” bus use and properties out to anti-social said he doubts they could cope tenants. with the number of large lorries HMO licences are required required to move equipment to for all properties with three and from the site. or more unrelated tenants.

T in the Park organiser Residents say their lives DF Concerts said a traffic are being ruined by tenants, management plan is currently being drawn up. The festival was many of whom are students, staged at Balado by Kinross for throwing late-night parties, the final time this year. shouting and swearing.

6 EDINBURGH, FIFE & EAST End of the ming

Burning bridges as Scotland celebrates together

The infamous Methil Ming could soon be a thing of the past.

Councillors in Fife have approved plans lodged by Scottish Water to construct two “odour control” stacks at its wastewater treatment plant by Leven.

Residents have long held the treatment works responsible for the smell, which they say is so bad it affects their quality of life.

Two years ago, a petition urging Scottish Water to take action gathered 1,000 signatures from local residents.

Thousands of torch-bearers will form a kilometre-long river of fire during celebrations to mark the 50th anniversary of the Forth Road Bridge next month.

South Queensferry will also host a live concert headlined by Scottish rock band Big Country and guests Bwani Junction before the event is capped with a massive fireworks display.

The procession party will take place on September 13.

Lesley Hinds, convener of the Forth Estuary Transport Authority, said: “The Forth Road Bridge was a huge engineering achievement for Scotland and has provided fantastic service.”

Tram bill keeps growing Edinburgh City Council is paying nearly £16,000 a day to cover interest fees on loans taken out to complete the tram network.

The total annual bill for interest on loans needed for the £776 million network comes to £5.8m.

Annual income from the trams is only expected to be £7.9m in their first year of operation. The council had to borrowed £231m to complete the network.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

12 l news

AROUND BRITAIN

1 NORTHERN IRELAND

2 NORTH ENGLAND

One handed landing

Fort job cuts

Grave kisses banned

Manchester moves into the slow lane

A pilot lost control of a FlyBe passenger plane after his artificial arm became detached as he was coming in to land at Belfast City Airport in February, an accident report revealed.

No one was hurt despite the plane’s heavy landing.

Staff cuts at an historic military fort have been branded “crazy”.

Robin Masefield of Friends of Grey Point Fort in north Down said visitor numbers to the fort, which has the best preserved coastal battery in the UK, have been rising in recent weeks.

A number of seasonal workers have been laid off in an attempt to slash costs.

An inscription reading “sleep tight Dad xx” has been banned from a churchyard in Bamber Bridge in Lancashire for being “inappropriate”.

Mike Howsley’s family was told the wording on his headstone was not suitable for the graveyard at St Mary’s Roman Catholic Church.

The words “sleep tight” and the two kisses are to be blacked out.

A third of Manchester’s roads have had 20 mile per hour speed limits introduced.

More than 1,100 streets covering 111 miles have been included in the scheme, which is aimed at making streets safer.

Introducing the new limits has cost £500,000.

3 MIDLANDS & EAST Birds killed by rotting bread

1

People have been asked to stop throwing bread for ducks in a Leicester park after 47 mallards were found dead.

The ducks in Braunstone Park died from suspected avian botulism said Defra.

City council parks officer Anita Robinson said a combination of warm weather and rotting bread may be spreading the disease.

2

4 WALES

Church thief jailed

Swansea office blamed for road tax woes The DVLA office in Swansea has been accused of “dropping the ball” after motorists struggled to renew their road tax online.

Northern Ireland environment minister Mark H Durkan said “several hundred” customers had been “badly” affected by the transfer of driver and vehicle licensing functions to Wales in July.

3 4

Human remains found in Roman mine Police are trying to determine the age of human remains found in an old Roman copper mine.

The bones were found at Llanymynech caves near Welshpool in Powys.

The site was used for copper mining over 4,000 years ago and was taken over by the Romans when they arrived in Britain.

5 SOUTH WEST ENGLAND University in crisis A power struggle in Plymouth University’s boardroom has left it in crisis, a Higher Education Funding Council report has said.

University vice chancellor Wendy Purcell was suspended from her £288,000 a year post in June following undisclosed allegations about her behaviour. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

A thief who stole more than £37,000 from collection boxes at three separate churches has been jailed.

Fifty-five-year-old Stefan Bodnarczuk, from Coventry, was sentenced to 20 months in prison by Northampton Crown Court. He admitted three counts of theft from churches in Fotheringhay, Lincoln and the west Yorkshire Dales.

5

6

6 LONDON & SOUTH EAST Daughter kept mum’s corpse Mother kills daughter parking A daughter found dead in her Oxfordshire home had kept her mother’s corpse in her bathroom, an inquest heard.

Pauline (78) and Caroline Jessett (50) were discovered at the home they shared in Littlemore. Pauline died in March 2012 but her daughter was unable to cope, continuing to live in the house until her own death in 2013. Both bodies were then discovered.

A six-year-old girl died after being hit by a car being driven by her mother.

Bolutito Shodipe was hit by the vehicle as her mother attempted to park it outside West Hounslow tube station.

She received medical treatment at the scene but died later at hospital.

Her family said they are trying to come to terms with the “terrible tragedy”.

PEOPLE

news l 13

Paxman tries his hand at comedy Former Newsnight host proves a big hit at Edinburgh Fringe ■ Former Newsnight frontman Jeremy Paxman has been packing them in at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival after swapping the BBC political hotseat for a hilarious new one-man show, Paxo. Billed as a “spontaneous roller-coaster ride inside the mind of a broadcasting icon”, Paxman has been taking to the stage at the Pleasance armed with only his unmistakable wit and a spinning wheel featuring letters of the alphabet.

The Daily Telegraph revealed how Paxman “joked that he wants to set up a franchise of Dignitas clinics on the High Street because Britain has too many old people”, described Tony Blair as “slightly dangerous” due to his “amazing command of detail and a messianic faith”, and revealed he would be “very happy to go cycling” with dream woman Sigourney Weaver. However, he admitted he was unsure how to describe his occupation these days, although he is available “for barmitzvahs, weddings, supermarkets – anything, really”.

Panda problems ■ TV archaelogist Neil Oliver sparked a social media row after moaning about Edinburgh’s pandas.

The Coast presenter was inundated with angry responses after Tweeting: “Pandas are beginning to get on my nerves.”

Bizarre booby-trap

While Wullie’s mum may have wanted him to smarten up, Wullie was proud to be a mucky pup.

Ditching the dungarees clearly didn’t work!

■ A priest booby-trapped a church house to prevent people from evicting him.

Bishop Joseph Toal told a court that Father Matthew Despard rigged up a device to shower “liquid or powder” on anyone who opened one of the doors.

The Daily Record’s Stuart Macdonald said it was the “latest bizarre twist in the long battle between Despard and Toal over a book the priest wrote alleging that a gay mafia were operating at the top of the Church”.

Bishop of Motherwell, Toal removed Father Despard from his parish last year over the book and ordered him to leave the parish house, although Father Despard refused. Bishop Toal is taking court action to evict him.

Gay couple forced to flee home Homophobic campaign by youths prompt Edinburgh solicitor and his partner to seek pastures new ■ A gay couple are being forced to flee their Edinburgh home after being subjected to a campaign of hate by local youths.

The Independent told how solicitor Daniel Donaldson (34) and his partner Arran Southall (28) had “lived happily” in the Drylaw area of the city for the past three-and-a-half years, but things took an ugly turn when a number of new families moved into the neighbourhood. And after enduring “months of misery”, the paper revealed that Mr Donaldson (left) has now written an open letter to the Scottish Justice Secretary, the

Lord Advocate and others urging them to review current laws on hate crime which he feels are ineffective against children.

“We have had enough,” he told the Edinburgh Evening News, adding that he had been branded a “paedo” and a “beast”. The couple’s car windscreen has been smashed and stones, bricks and other missiles have all been thrown.

“I hope that when we move, we get to enjoy the peace and quiet in our own home, and the freedom from abuse, harassment and vandalism, that we should expect,” he concluded.

Killer sues NHS ■ An Invergowrie man who killed his wife is suing the NHS after claiming they failed to properly treat his mental illness.

Neil Cumming stabbed wife Jane at their home in July 2011 before crashing his car into a lorry at 100mph near Dundee.

Big shoes to fill ■ The great-grandson of music legend Jimmy Shand has followed in the famous accordionist’s footsteps by choosing a career in music. Lewis Noble (12) has been playing the blues guitar on the streets of Edinburgh.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

14 l news

BEST OF SCOTTISH COMMENT

Holidays are litmus test for love

Not quite Devine inspiration

Fiona McCade

David Torrance

The Scotsman

The Herald

■ Admitting that she “once climbed out of the window of an expensive Paris hotel” because she wanted to escape the person she had gone on holiday with, The Scotsman’s Fiona McCade said she has not always been convinced that holidays can help save a relationship.

She said that if asked what was key to a happy marriage, her answer would once have been something mundane like “love” or “both addicted to Game of Thrones”.

But McCade said she has reconsidered and now believes holidays together can “revitalise – and maybe even save – flagging relationships”.

She said even negative experiences, such as “trying to find somewhere romantic to eat in Fort William”, can “strengthen” the bonds between a couple as it shows their relationship can survive anything.

And although romantic holidays become less important once people become parents, McCade said it is important couples find ways to escape their everyday “domestic routine”, even if this is just “spending the whole day in Ikea and having the meatballs for lunch”.

■ The arguments put forward by Scotland’s leading historian for his conversion to the cause of Scottish independence were put under the microscope by David Torrance in The Herald.

Torrance said many of Sir Tom Devine’s arguments were “curiously vague and contradictory for such a rigorous academic”.

At the Edinburgh International Book Festival, Sir Tom said Scotland has a greater “social democratic agenda” than England.

Torrance said it is wrong to boil down the argument to Scotland being more left-wing than England when both countries “contain multitudes”.

And he said Sir Tom’s praise for the diversification of Scotland’s economy away from heavy industry is contradictory. “The historian both disapproves and approves of a major (not to mention painful) political and economic shift away from the 1980s,” he added.

And he said claims Scottish “self-confidence” will lead to independence are flawed as “equally that confidence could manifest itself as a growing ease within an ever-changing Union”.

Safeguards needed on Israeli arms sales

Douglas Alexander Sunday Mail

■ The UK Government failed to show any real leadership during the recent crisis in Gaza, Shadow Foreign Secretary Douglas Alexander claimed in the Sunday Mail.

He said that while “all of us hope the current fragile ceasefire in Gaza will now see all sides engage in a fresh push for peace” the carnage caused by the fighting has “shocked and outraged people across the world”.

Alexander said that while many international voices condemned Hamas for firing rockets into Israel and the Israeli government for its disproportionate response, Prime Minister David Cameron “inexplicably failed to speak up about the scale

of Palestinian suffering as we saw repeated strikes killing and injuring Palestinian children”.

He said the Government had been “too slow to investigate if UK arms or military equipment” had been used by the Israeli military in its attacks on Gaza.

Over the last four years, £42 million worth of arms have been exported to Israel, with equipment ranging from “components for drones to military radars”.

Alexander said threatening to suspend 12 export licences if violence flares up again does not put enough pressure on Israel. Instead, he said a “method of prior scrutiny” for arms export licences should be introduced.

And Alexander said the UK must work with other EU countries to “strengthen the humanitarian response to a Gaza devastated by bombs”.

He concluded that the UK should also “be working with US Secretary of State John Kerry, and the Arab league, to turn a temporary ceasefire into a permanent peace”.

HAUD YER WHEESHT! ■ A nationwide manhunt was launched for a prisoner who tried to kill three women by setting fire to an Edinburgh flat – only for the culprit to be found behind bars after all.

The Edinburgh Evening News reported how Darren Clark was declared to be “on the run” from Castle Huntly prison, with the public warned to stay away because he posed a danger to them.

However, by the time Clark was reported as an escapee he had already walked back into the jail and was no longer missing. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

Police issued an urgent plea for help in finding 26-year-old Clark and officers and resources were mobilised to try and track the ‘escapee’ down.

But the paper reported how officers raced into action “unaware that prison chiefs had found him back inside Castle Huntly several hours earlier”.

Clark is serving 10 years after attempting to murder three members of the same family by torching a ground-floor flat in Leith back in 2009.

16 l news Scotland can rid UK of unwanted albatross

Simon Jenkins The Guardian

■ The rest of the UK may yet be giving thanks for Alex Salmond’s “posturing” – if it rids the country of Trident submarines once and for all.

That was the view of Simon Jenkins in The Guardian, who stressed the debate over a nuclear deterrent in Britain has not been about “defence, just prestige”.

He cited defence pundits discussing Mr Salmond’s plan to remove Trident from Scotland by 2020 – a pledge that spread “an outbreak of panic among the normally somnolent dogs of war”.

“The world in which these people move is not one of soldiers, guns and bombs but of think tanks, travel grants and seminars,” he said. “The only power they know is PowerPoint.”

BEST OF briTISH comment Citing the Royal United Services Institute report that said relocating Trident would not be impossible, he pointed out that “security can always be waived in the interests of security”. He went on to claim that no “sensible” defence expert he had met had “any time for Trident” and said sole supporters of the programme – described in the paper as “a £100bn albatross” – were those who “had money in the project”.

But even though Chancellor George Osborne can sometimes be “ruthless” towards current government spending – “he can guard a candle-end” – Jenkins questioned why the sight of a “truly daft megaproject has him rolling on his back with his feet in the air, cash oozing from every pore”.

“If the Scottish referendum does indeed force the absurdity of Britain’s nuclear deterrent out into the light of day, it is worth it for that alone,” he continued.

“If it were to go further and kill Trident stone dead, it would be thank you, Salmond, thank you, Scotland.”

Why does Salmond want independence?

Doing business with Iran

Adam Tomkins

Sir Malcolm Rifkind

The Financial Times

The Daily Telegraph

■ He may have “dedicated” his political career to Scottish independence, but, writing in The Financial Times, Adam Tomkins wondered what it was Alex Salmond actually wants from independence.

Tomkins, a professor of public law at Glasgow University, said that Mr Salmond’s vision of independence lacks any desire for change.

He said the First Minister seems to want most of what the UK offers: the Queen, the “social union” with the UK, a common travel area and to keep the border between England and Scotland open.

“It is striking that the nationalists’ argument in the independence referendum campaign is unravelling over their commitment to another British institution: the pound,” he added.

And he said that the Scottish Government’s inability to articulate what “institutions” Scotland would have and what their functions would be means that, “paradoxically”, it is the unionist parties who have been clearer over what powers Scotland could gain in the future.

This, he said, will deliver the greater autonomy Scots want.

■ As UK planes take part in reconnaissance missions to spy on Islamic State extremists in Iraq, Sir Malcolm Rifkind said it is no surprise the Iranians are, quietly, supporting Western efforts.

The former Foreign and Scottish Secretary wrote in The Daily Telegraph that there have been “no protests” over US jets carrying out bombing raids in Iraq or for arming Kurdish rebels.

And Sir Malcolm said that there have been several times since the Iranian revolution in 1979 where the two countries have worked together “because national interests have coincided on specific issues and co-operation has been a logical consequence”.

He said that as a Shia state, Iran had given “covert support” to the US as it worked to “oust the Taliban and destroy Al-Qaeda”, which are both Sunni organisations.

Sir Malcolm said: “The threat to Iranian interests is, today, far greater from Isis and the Islamic ‘caliphate’ than it ever was from al-Qaeda.”

But he said that does not mean “my enemy’s enemy is now my friend”, even if the West can “do business” with Iran on jihadi terrorism.

HAUD YER WHEESHT! ■ Holidaymakers are becoming infected with bacteria as a result of a sickening new craze sweeping boozed-up Scots abroad, the Evening Express revealed.

For instances of logging – “the name given to the act of deliberately defecating in hotel pools” – have risen in recent years, prompting one hotel in Egypt to issue a warning to its guests.

In a letter to holidaymakers, bosses at Holiday Village Red Sea hotel in the resort of Sharm el-Sheikh said: “There have been the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

numerous instances of excrement being found in the pools lately.

“We understand that accidents can happen, but the frequency of this suggests that it no longer remains accidental.”

The paper added that guests have now been threatened with a £1,400 fine for floating faeces. It went on to say that pools at the Holiday Village Turkey in Sarigerme, Turkey, have “reportedly been closed up to nine times in the last few weeks due to unwanted floaters”.

18 l news

everybody’s talking about...

It’s about time...

The wait is over as the less “user-friendly” Peter Capaldi mans the Tardis 1. Who, what, when, where, why?

Peter Capaldi makes his debut as Doctor Who on Saturday. For the third time.

The Scottish actor, a lifelong fan of the programme since it was first aired in 1963, plays the 12th incarnation of the Time Lord. Or 13th if you count John Hurt. It’s complicated.

2. What do you mean third time?

It might be Scottish actor’s first episode as star of the BBC’s flagship, worldconquering sci-fi show, but he’s already appeared in character twice before.

There was a fan-pleasing glimpse of his eyes in last year’s 50th anniversary special and then, of course, he popped up at the end of Matt Smith’s swansong on Christmas Day, complaining about the colour of his new kidneys.

In real life, Capaldi’s the third Scot to play the Doctor, following in the footsteps of Sylvester McCoy (the seventh) and David Tennant (the 10th).

And he’s not the only Scot involved. Paisley’s Steven Moffat (below) continues as showrunner, responsible for the bulk of the scripts and general direction of the programme.

3. So what can we expect from the new Doctor?

6. Where have I seen him before?

Well, plenty of jokes about Capaldi’s Scottish accent for a start and maybe even a wry nod to a certain referendum taking place in his home country (Scotland, not Gallifrey). Capaldi is also promising a more prickly version of the character, although whether that is down to his Scottishness remains to be seen.

His first episode, Deep Breath, involves a Tyrannosaurus Rex running amok in Victorian London and has been directed by the acclaimed Ben Wheatley. Typical Doctor Who fare, in other words.

Inspired to get into acting by Doctor Who, he got his big break in Bill Forsyth’s Local Hero and went on to feature in a host of films and television programmes since.

These range from the TV adaptation of The Crow Road to vampire movie The Lair of the White Worm, which also starred a pre-Four Weddings Hugh Grant. That was directed by Ken Russell though, so if it pops up in the television schedules best not let any kids watch. They may never come out from behind the sofa again.

Doctor Who fans will also be keen to tell you that Capaldi previously appeared in the series as a Roman back when David Tennant was the Doctor, and also in spin-off series Torchwood: Children of Earth. He also appeared in World War Z alongside Brad Pitt. Amusingly, his character was credited as WHO doctor.

4. So anticipation is fairly high then?

Perhaps just a little too high.

Since its return in 2005, Doctor Who has become a key part of the BBC schedule so no expense has been spared on the opening episode and the pressure is on Capaldi to deliver.

Whereas his predecessor Matt Smith was a relative unknown when he first crossed the Tardis threshold, Capaldi has a CV as long as a Sontaran’s arm and is generally regarded as the bee’s knees.

7. Is that it?

Of course it’s #&%£@! well not.

What turned Capaldi into a household name was his unforgettable turn as the foul-mouthed spin doctor Malcolm Tucker in The Thick of It. Again, not for kids but great for improving any adult’s vocabulary.

8. Isn’t he a bit old to play the Doctor?

Recent Doctors have been younger but the original, William Hartnell, was the same age as Capaldi – 56 – when he was cast.

And, as Capaldi pointed out, the Doctor is supposed to be over 2,000 years old.

Doctor Who IN NUMBERS

800

Number of individual episodes of Doctor Who

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

97

Number of episodes from the 1960s missing from the BBC archives

news l 19

BOFFINS

Mysteries of Dandaleith Stone

Aberdeenshire Council Archaeology Service

Archaeologists study important find’s symbols

App for IBS ■ A team of graduates has helped develop a digital programme that encourages sufferers of irritable bowel syndrome to use their minds to cope with the condition, The Scotsman reported.

The team, from Edinburgh Napier University, worked with sufferer Valerie Walker to develop the mobile phone app, which utilises neuro linguistic programming (NLP) techniques.

Ms Walker explained: “NLP is about recognising that we often have a lot of negative thought patterns and beliefs. It is about helping uncover these and changing any negative beliefs.”

■ Archaeologists have described a Pictish stone unearthed in Moray as one of the most important discoveries of its kind in decades.

Dating from the sixth to eighth centuries, the Dandaleith Stone was uncovered in May 2013 by a farmer ploughing a field near Craigellachie.

But, as BBC News reported, sensitivities about the location and moving of the artefact led archaeologists to reveal little about the 1.7 metre stone – until now.

Photographs show incised decoration on two adjoining sides of the stone. On one side are a large eagle, a crescent and a classic V-shape known as a V-rod. On the other are a circular shape with a thick stem (known as a “mirror case”), a notch rectangle and Z-rod symbols.

The stone has been moved to a workshop in Leith for conservation work, after which it will be put on display at Elgin Museum, possibly next year.

Serengeti road plan ‘catastrophic’ ■ A Scottish scientist has warned that a proposed new highway through the Serengeti could block forever the migration across East Africa of more than a million wildebeest and zebra.

Dr Grant Hopcraft, of Glasgow University’s centre for population and ecosystem health, said the Tanzanian government’s road plan would have a “catastrophic” effect on one of the most spectacular sights of the natural world.

He told the Sunday Herald only a handful of places remained in the world where animals can still migrate.

“The Serengeti is one of the last strongholds.”

The road, which would cut straight across the migration path, is designed to create a trade route from Dar es Salaam.

■ Experts from Stirling

University have joined a group formed to fight animal diseases, The Courier reported.

Stirling’s Institute of Aquaculture has helped produce bacteriacontrolling fish vaccines, and is one of the major research players that the UK Veterinary Vaccinology Network is bringing together to capitalise on new technologies.

Announcing a research project to tackle middleaged spread, Aberdeen University scientist Lora Heisler said clinical obesity now affects

25%

of the UK population.

Prof Heisler’s team is investigating ways to boost brain signals that tell us to stop eating.

SCIENTIFIC SOLUTION TO CONSERVATION V SHOOTIN’ ■ Scientists have proposed a solution to the deadlock between people who want to shoot grouse and conservationists seeking to protect hen harriers.

The two groups are often at loggerheads because hen harriers are predators of grouse. But, as The Press and Journal reported, the solution could be simple: move raptor chicks from grouse moorland when their numbers become a threat.

Researchers for the British

Ecological Society said 70 pairs of hen harriers could co-exist on the moors with a “relatively low cost” to grouse shooting.

Professor Steven Redpath of Aberdeen University, who led the study, said any decision about the model depended on politics as much as science. “If both sides are interested, this model provides a framework for this dialogue to take place. Ecology has a vital role to play in understanding and tackling these conflicts.”

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

20 l news

LETTERS TO THE EDITORS Will independence have a northern knock-on effect?

best of the week

Give us something worth watching ■ When we have another independence debate on TV, Mr Salmond and Mr Darling should be instructed to give straightforward answers to each other’s questions.

Alex Salmond should be able to say what the currency situation would be and Alistair Darling should tell the Scottish people exactly what guaranteed extra powers will be given to the Scottish Parliament, otherwise the debate will be another complete waste of time.

Both of them should show a little more respect to the viewers.

■ In the 1980s, I worked offshore and on one occasion I was stranded in the Shetlands for five days due to fog.

Even back then the SNP was waging its campaign for independence. All the Shetlanders that I met during those five days were adamant that if Scotland gained independence, those in Shetland would want the same.

Now there are rumours of a large oil find west of Shetland.

It would be interesting to hear what present day Shetlanders’ thoughts are on the impending referendum.

Would they be happy to remain part of an independent Scotland, would they want to align with the UK or would they also want to go it alone?

As there are less than 25,000 of them, it would make them very wealthy people.

Could an independent Scottish government deny the islanders the same rights?

David Hall, Dundee Scottish Daily Mail

Praise where it’s due ■ Walking down Princes Street following a trip to the dentist (just a check up, thank you for asking) I spotted a stall under the banner:

John Tallan, Hamilton The Scottish Sun the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

“Everyone who believes in him will have eternal life” and my heart sank at the thought of more Yes campaigners praising their leader Alex Salmond.

But fortunately I was saved that annoyance and it was just some nice Christians.

Neil Sinclair, Edinburgh The Scotsman

Mass panic or conspiracy theory: which is it?

■ I am still one of the undecided as far as the forthcoming referendum is concerned, but the recent controversy over armed police in the streets has got me thinking that perhaps it’s one of two things: 1. The Chief Constable of Police Scotland is anticipating that the run-up to and after the referendum will turn out like what is happening in the Ukraine at present where neighbour has turned against neighbour.

2. A conspiracy theory that the UK Government has instructed the Police to do so, so as to create fear in the population that this will be the norm if they vote “yes”.

Just a thought.

John Ritchie, 131 Bridge Street, Montrose The Courier

Flag wavers just can’t just stop with one ■ Since Fife Council has decided to participate in international affairs by flying flags of parties it approves as a symbolic gesture of support for their cause, can we now also expect the flag of Ukraine to be flying over Glenrothes to show support for the there being bullied and killed by aggressive actions and terrorism formented in Russia? And while we’re at it, how about the Kurdish region in northern Iraq being terrorised by Iranian-armed proxies?

If the council wishes to show tacit recognition of the sufferings of people whose politicians resort to military aggression, then why stop at Palestine? There are thousands being killed elsewhere in the world by the same brand of religious and tribal zealotry that has been evident in Palestine for the past 60 years.

Derek Farmer, Knightsward Farm, Anstruther The Courier

Short but sweet ■ Currency Plan B. Tunnock’s Tea Cakes.

Malcolm Parkin, Kinnesswood, Kinross The Scotsman

that’s debatable ■ George Byron, referring to possible Scottish independence within the EU, states that “new members must adopt the Euro”.

My understanding is that new members have to wait at least two years before joining the Euro, even if they want to. There is also the question of whether Scotland, having been in the EU for 40 years as part of the UK, would be considered a “new” member.

If Mr Byron looks at the currencies list which you publish most days he will see rates for the currencies of Poland, Sweden and Denmark, all EU members which have avoided, so far, joining the Euro – though they joined the EU when the “rule” to which Mr Byron refers was in force. Whatever its failings, the EU appears fairly flexible and pragmatic over the application of rules.

■ David Stevenson suggests that I was wrong to say that new members of the European Union must adopt the Euro.

The European Commission’s website is clear: “All Member States of the European Union, except Denmark and the UK, are required to adopt the Euro and join the Euro area.”

Poland, Romania and others are being allowed time to bring their economies into shape first.

This is delay, not exemption.

But Scotland’s finances will be rosy, say the Nationalists.

We shall have no excuses.

And since Eurocrats detest the United Kingdom’s opt-out, why on earth would they grant us one too?

David Stevenson, Blacket Place, Edinburgh The Scotsman

George Byron, Comely Bank Ave, Edinburgh The Scotsman Letters have been edited

news l 21

THE WEE PAPERS

A taste of...

Highland News

Charity doubts ■ Generous Inverness householders were allegedly duped when donating to a charity bag collection, Eilidh Davies reported.

A British Heart Foundation survey found only £90 per tonne of items collected by the Recycling Clothes Company Ltd went to the Against Breast Cancer charity, when the resale value was £1,800.

Fined for tirade

SPORT Survival first ■ Inverness Caley Thistle’s first priority this season is to stay in football’s Scottish Premiership, according to midfielder Ross Draper.

Draper told the Highland News’ Paul Chalk this was a realistic target for a club of its size. “People might laugh it off, but the first step for us is survival,” he said.

Three fine courses ■ Three Highland golf courses have been named among the 100 best places to play in Europe.

German publication Golf Journal ranked the Championship Course at Royal Dornoch third in its list, with Castle Stuart 33rd and Nairn Golf Club 81st. All three courses are part of the Highland Golf Links partnership.

■ An offshore worker who shouted homophobic remarks at two men walking arm in arm has been fined £750 at Inverness Sheriff Court.

Russell Ferguson (22) grabbed one of the men by his shirt and shouted that they were “disgusting”. He was fined £300 for the assault and £450 for the abuse.

Mercury fears ■ An Inverness woman claims to have been left debilitated by mercury poisoning from dental fillings.

Natalie Smith (29) said the treatment had left her with uncontrollable tremors, pins and needles, and heart palpitations.

She was the second person in a month to

have approached the Highland News with such claims.

visits for e-books and e-audiobooks.

Busy bookworms

■ A care worker who dragged a naked autistic man across the floor has been ordered to do 150 hours of community service.

Inverness Sheriff Court heard that Leslie Poole (61) had repeatedly asked the man, who was sitting naked on a kitchen floor at the Richmond Fellowship Home, to put clothes on.

■ Highland library users are the biggest bookworms in the country, according to research by Audit Scotland.

While other parts of the country have seen library usage decline, libraries in the north received 2.15 million visits during the last financial year. The figure includes online

Naked man dragged

The big story Call for cull of the gulls ■ An online petition has been started to cull gulls from Inverness city centre, Laurence Ford reported.

Inverness resident Danielle Morrall (34) had hundreds of signatories backing her campaign for something to be done after Highland Council refused to take action.

Danielle said of the gulls: “They are becoming more and more aggressive, attacking people and dogs, damaging cars, ripping refuse bins apart creating mess, not to mention leaving their mess everywhere.”

Meanwhile, a BT engineer has spoken of how his lunchtime burger was swiped by a gull, which bumped the back of his head and nipped his finger in the process.

Will MacGillivray (29) said: “At the time it was quite amusing, then I thought that some people could be really fearful about something like that.”

He said the council should take action.

However, Highland Council said: “We have no statutory duty to take action against any type of gull.”

EVENING ALL Edinburgh Evening News

Evening Express

Evening Times

Greenock Telegraph

Evening Telegraph

■ A mother of two with a

■ The owners of an Oldmeldrum hotel admitted in court to a safety breach after a oneyear-old child fell through an open upstairs window.

At Aberdeen Sheriff Court, sentence was deferred against Meldrum House Estates after the incident at Meldrum House Country Hotel. The child was not seriously injured.

■ Two Dumbarton

■ The Scottish

twin buggy was asked to leave a tram by a ticket inspector who said there were already too many prams on board.

Catering manager Louise Brook refused to leave and the tram worker backed down.

Transport for Edinburgh deny there is a pushchair limit and are investigating.

■ Dundonians want

neighbours have celebrated their 100th birthdays. Doris Turnbull and Julia Baird have lived side by side in Bield’s Church Court housing development for 23 years.

Manager Sandra Wilkie said: “No matter your age you can still be independent and free spirited.”

Environment Protection Agency has come to the aid of Kilmacolm residents about foul-smelling waste on farmland.

Contractor James McCaig Farms deposited 800 tonnes of sewagebased fertiliser on the land. SEPA has given the firm an ultimatum to remove it.

more things to do in the city, according to a survey for the Evening Telegraph.

A concert venue like Glasgow’s Hydro was on the wish list for 51%, while 33% rated family entertainment in the city “poor” or “very poor”.

However, the pubs got a 60% approval rate.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

22 l

VIEW POINTS: THE BEST OF THE REST

NEWS BLOGS Passionate debate is a good thing

By Andrew Tickell ❘ Lallands Peat Worrier Concerns that Scotland may be permanently scarred by the referendum debate should not be taken seriously wrote Andrew Tickell on his Lallands Peat Worrier blog. He said that whatever side you are, “there’s something down-heartening about the uptight longing for the days when we railed pointlessly about politics in private, and took no action to transform it in public”. Tickell said the idea that there is a “better kind” of politics when people keep their heads down is “utter chicken-heartedness”.

■ Young and old alike turned out on the streets of Glasgow to salute Team Scotland’s athletes after a successful Commonwealth Games.

■ First Minister Alex Salmond played bowls on a visit to Abbey Bowling Club in Arbroath while out campaigning.

www.lallandspeatworrier.blogspot.co.uk

Yes campaign has only itself to blame

By James Maxwell ❘ The Staggers Confusion over what currency would be used in an independent Scotland is “eating away at the SNP’s economic credibility” wrote James Maxwell on the New Statesman’s rolling blog, The Staggers. He said the argument in favour of a currency union makes voters wonder what the point of independence actually is. However, he said the independence campaign is now changing strategy, raising concerns about the NHS and giving Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon far greater prominence as the referendum draws nearer.

■ Councils across Scotland put up formal Notices of Referendum ahead of September 18’s vote.

www.newstatesman.com/the-staggers

Far-right stymied by old prejudices

By Ruari Shaw Sutherland ❘ The Conversation Graham Main’s play Blood Orange at the Fringe explores the rise of the far-right in Scotland but Ruari Shaw Sutherland said on The Conversation it over-exaggerates their prominence. He said this is because sectarianism is an insurmountable “stumbling block” to the far-right, who try to recruit supporters from among football casuals.

Shaw said the far-right is “terminally unstable” in Scotland. www.theconveration.com

Time to scrap Named Persons Scheme

By Alan Grant ❘ ScotsPolitics The Scottish Government’s Named Persons Scheme, which gives a state guardian to every child, is a waste of money, said Alan Grant on ScotsPolitics. He said children’s “life chances” would be better improved by investment elsewhere. www.scotspolitics.com the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

■ The town of Moffat in Dumfries and Galloway held its third annual Sheep Races, which attracted hundreds of spectators.

■ Former England cricketer Freddie Flintoff tried his hand at caber tossing as he appeared at the Crieff Highland Games.

NEWS TWEETS #currency There are more pandas than currency options for Scotland. #indyref

All NO have to offer is pure demonisation of FM & scaremongering over currency. Positive vision for Scotland?

Here we go again, this time for simpletons.

Yes, indy Scotland can “keep the pound”.

No, sterlingisation is not the same as a currency union.

Euan McColm @euanmccolm

Michael Stewart @mstewart_23

Alex Massie @alexmassie

l 23

VIEW POINTS: THE BEST OF THE REST good week Back on the rails The first rails have been laid on the Borders Railway, which is due to reopen in 2015 after a gap of 46 years.

Network Rail said the laying of track in a tunnel near Galashiels was a “major construction milestone” in the £350 million project.

Power to the people The highest electricity pylon in the UK has been completed 2,500ft up in the Highlands.

The Scotsman revealed the pylon, which is part of the Beauly-Denny project, sits on the Corrieyairack Pass near Fort Augustus.

■ Our word cloud amalgamates all the week’s top stories from the Scottish papers, with greatest prominence given to the most frequently used words.

GOSSIP OF THE WEEK

bad week

But Harris hit back by tweeting that he had “a damn good reason”. The Scot has to approve TV performances as he wrote and produced the track.

Pipe down, pipers A famous Scottish pipe band was ordered to “pipe down” after a noise complaint.

The Shotts and Dykehead Caledonia Pipe Band were left “reeling”, said the Scottish Daily Mail, after being told to practice elsewhere.

Rail fares on the rise Peak time rail fares in Scotland are to go up by 2.5% next year.

ScotRail blamed the increase on the Retail Price Inflation (RPI) figure for July, but said fares for off peak journeys – around four out of every 10 made – will not rise.

McAvoy’s a role model

Lily to headline Hogmanay

Calvin’s right good rift Scottish DJ Calvin Harris defended his decision to stop ex-girlfriend Rita Ora from performing her number one single at this year’s Teen Choice Awards.

Ora, who split from Harris this summer, told US radio host Ryan Seacrest to “Ask Calvin” when asked why she couldn’t perform ‘I Will Never Let You Down’.

Lily Allen is to headline Edinburgh’s Hogmanay celebrations in Princes Street Gardens. The 29-year-old said she “can’t wait” to bring in the New Year in Scotland.

Get yer kit off, says Guetta DJ superstar David Guetta promised Scots fans tickets to his gig at Bellahouston Park if they “got their tackle out”.

Guetta told The Scottish Sun: “I’ve been flashed by girls many times. But a guy getting naked, my offer is there... they can come to any of my shows for the rest of their lives.”

Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe says Scot James McAvoy inspired him to develop his career further.

The pair are working on a movie adaptation of Frankenstein and Radcliffe said: “As a teenager, I idolised him and as I neared the end of Potter, I paid a lot of attention to what he was doing.”

One Direction towards goal One Direction singer Louis Tomlinson will play football at Celtic Park for the second time in as many years.

The 22-year-old, who was famously sick on the sidelines during a charity game last year, will turn out for former Manchester United captain Rio Ferdinand’s All-Stars side, who take on Paul McStay’s Maestros in a fund-raiser on September 7.

FM said that currency union would give Scotland full fiscal freedom. BoE says a fiscal pact would be required. Who’s right?

Salmond quite right.

Best option for Scotland is pound in a currency union.

Commonly known as the ‘United Kingdom’.

Listening 2 Alistair Darling on GMS. We all get he has strong views on currency.

Anything else tho?

Empowerment, equality, democracy?

Fact #56 All three main UK parties have ruled out a Eurozonestyle currency union with a separate Scotland.

Mr Darling and his partners have yet to reveal what their Plan A is for Scotland if there’s a No vote.

Duncan Hothersall @dhothersall

Eddie Barnes @EddieBarnes23

Lesley Riddoch @LesleyRiddoch

Better Together @UK_Together

Yes Scotland @YesScotland 23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

24 l

Stooshie of the week

aye or ay ❘ eye ❘

1. means yes.

Usage: “Aye, Auld Lang Syne and that.”

■ The independence debate can get pretty heated and temperatures will no doubt rise further as September 18 draws nearer.

Supporters on both sides are often prickly – keen to take offence at perceived insults while blind to the misbehaviour on their own side. It’s unseemly and childish but we should be wary of putting too much stock on the behaviour of a few illtempered and misguided souls.

Speaking at the memorial service for his wife Margo McDonald in April, Jim Sillars said it was her dying wish that Scotland should not allow disagreements over independence to prevent Scotland seeking a “unity of purpose” once the referendum is over, whatever the result.

She was, he said, concerned at the “bitter antagonism” tainting much of the debate and fearful the constitutional question could tear Scotland asunder for good.

But is must be remembered that most of the aggressive behaviour, the dripping disdain for anyone who holds a different viewpoint and endless streams of invective are largely confined to an online ghetto.

There, Yes and No campaigners knock verbal lumps out of one another in a

bid to prove the old adage that whoever makes the most noise has the least to say.

These keyboard warriors are not interested in convincing others, preferring instead to have their own prejudices reinforced by their own side.

It’s ugly but hardly indicative of wider Scottish society.

Scotland gained her parliament without a single drop of bloodshed and, mercifully, despite the robust nature of the independence debate so far there have been only one or two violent incidents connected to the debate.

Both Yes Scotland and Better Together honestly believe they are arguing for what is best for Scotland and her people. It is inevitable that passions will run high.

In Scotland, the maxim that one never talks about religion or politics still holds largely true. Social media has allowed people to advertise their beliefs in a way that was not possible before but most adults understand that people are allowed to hold different opinions.

Come September 19 there will be regret and recrimination, celebration and schadenfreude, whichever side wins. But Scotland will move on – in one direction or another.

Can indyref divisions ever be healed?

With tensions running high, will Scotland return to ‘normal’ after September 18?

AS ITHERS SEE US!

O wad some Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us!

To a Louse ❘ Robert Burns Whatever the outcome the aftershocks of either a Yes or a No vote”. in next month’s Clarke said there would be independence referendum, a “deep shock”, given the the vote itself will “have a strong links Northern Ireland profound effect on Northern has with Scotland “dating Ireland”. back to the Plantation of That was the view of the Ulster and beyond”, if there Belfast Telegraph’s Liam was to be a Yes vote, while George, who questioned “whether Stormont can handle the UK would be “changed the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

and weakened in a way that would encourage republicans and nationalists”. He added that Scotland has been a “net contributor” to the UK exchequer while Northern Ireland had been a “steady drain”.

“The loss of Scotland would make Northern Ireland

an even greater burden on English taxpayers at a time when the whole notion of the UK would be up for debate as never before,” he surmised.

Pointing out that all the polls suggest a No vote, he sounded a word of caution by saying even that would “send tremors” through Northern Ireland’s “fragile political and economic system”.

He noted that the likely high Yes vote – estimated at between 30% and 40% – will “mean that the option of independence will remain on the agenda, and the debate on the future of the UK will not be over”.

l 25

Stooshie of the week

naw

❘ naw ❘

1. means no or not.

Usage: “Naw, too much water’s gone under the bridge.”

For a city whose tagline is “People Make Glasgow”, a “cheeky, colourful and confident Commonwealth Games certainly showed why”, said The Straits Times’ Wang Meng Meng.

Reflecting on last month’s sporting spectacular, the paper said visitors from Singapore had been “so warmly received by the local residents, it would take a hard soul to dislike the Glasgow Commonwealth Games” when looking back on the event.

The paper said it was “easy to feel gloomy” because of the weather towards the end

of the 11 days of competition, but the people who make Glasgow “made sure life was always cheerful, always fun and always optimistic with their banter and their warmth”.

The paper also quoted Tunku Imran, president of the Games Federation, who said the event had been the “best Games ever – pure, dead brilliant”.

“If the London Olympics proved to be a delicious main course, the Glasgow Commonwealth Games served as an accompanying dessert,” the paper noted.

“And how sweet those two weeks were.”

■ Earlier this summer, Her Majesty The Queen sent a message to the Church of Scotland asking it to recognise the role it can play in helping to heal divisions caused by the independence referendum.

One needn’t have wasted one’s time. It is going to take much more than divine intervention to fix the rifts caused by what is becoming an increasingly bitter debate.

When we all started on this road towards September 18, there was an argument that a landslide victory would be best for everyone. If Scotland wanted to go it alone, then make it decisive; if Scotland wanted to stay, show the Yes voters they are in the minority.

Now though, as polling cards start dropping through our letterboxes in readiness for a vote less than a month away, the fact that it seems too close to call will do no-one any favours. Three hundred and seven years is a long time and, when you get so close to breaking up a relationship that has lasted this long, neither side is going to go peacefully – whatever the outcome.

Let’s face it, if the Better Together campaign comes out victorious, there is as much chance of Yes campaigners downing tools and saying “well, that’s that” as there is of

Alistair Darling running down the Royal Mile shouting “I told you so”.

The Yes movement is precisely that: it’s a movement, a tsunami of opinion that is on the verge of changing the face of these isles forever. And while tsunamis don’t always sweep away everything in their path, there’s almost always some irreparable damage.

If it’s a No vote, the case for devo max will have been made, and it’s fair to say Wales, Northern Ireland and even parts of northern England will be monitoring post-referendum negotiations will more than a passing interest.

But if Alex Salmond et al are celebrating with a dram or two after a Yes vote, you can be sure Messrs Cameron, Clegg and Miliband will be on hand to water that whisky down as much as possible.

It boils down to human nature. Leo Tolstoy hit the nail on the head when he said: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no-one thinks of changing themselves.”

One look at some of the bile and hatred spouted from both sides on social media would suggest camps have become firmly entrenched. And while humans can forgive, you can bet your bottom dollar they will not forget.

After spending more than a month in the UK, the Deseret News’ Mike Sorensen returned home to Salt Lake City thankful he could watch some American sports again.

Highlighting a “different world” in Scotland, he said there was “never a story about (US) football or basketball or baseball” but he was instead treated to a “daily dose of offseason soccer moves, the never-ending cricket “test” between England and India and the horse racing results”.

He said he enjoyed watching The Open golf at Hoylake, the one sport where the US and

UK had “equal interest”, but expressed his shock at finding one TV station “devoted almost entirely to darts – darts!

– a popular game in pubs in Britain with professional competitions also”.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

26 l

REVIEW & Preview

EDINBURGH FESTIVAL COMEDY

Tim Key PLEASANCE GRAND Until August 25 ■ The winner of the 2009 Edinburgh Comedy Award, popular poet Tim Key (and recent sidekick to Alan Partridge) has followed up his last Fringe hour in which he had a bath on stage with his ‘bed show’. He has clearly cemented his reputation as

Jim Davidson

Average rating 8/10

ASSEMBLY HALL Until August 25 ■ The most eyebrow-raising appearance in the Fringe programme undoubtedly belonged to old-school comic Jim Davidson. Perhaps he wanted to tick this off his bucket list, more likely he saw it as a perfect platform to air recent grievances over his arrest and subsequent release without charge in Operation Yewtree. No Further Action brought the critics together in praising his technical skills while recoiling from the content.

The Guardian’s Brian Logan caught that feeling with this comment: “love or loathe his material, you can’t deny he’s a supremely capable comedian”, while Bruce Dessau of the Evening Standard was moved to report that, “the Celebrity Big Brother winner can certainly time a line and there is some astute attention to detail as he recalls the police investigation, which was part-Keystone Cops, part-Kafka”.

Time Out’s Ben Williams focused on the lazier parts of his act: “if there’s any excuse to adopt an accent or perform a cheap impression, the former Big Break host will take it.” Murray Robertson at The List countered with this: “the stories are engaging and his jokes are precisely formed. After all, he’s been doing this for four decades.”

Celia Pacquola GILDED BALLOON Until August 25 ■ The Australian comic has earned the finest set of reviews in her career for Let Me Know How It All Works Out, the story of her visit to a psychic and the odd (and very funny) happenings that this event triggers.

Jay Richardson of The

Average rating 5/10

EDINBURGH FESTIVAL ART Exhibit B PLAYFAIR LIBRARY Until August 25 ■ As part of the Edinburgh International Festival programme, this installation from South African artist Brett Bailey is a hugely powerful damnation of historical and contemporary racism, featuring live, silent the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

one of the most endearing and innovative stand-up talents in the country with tales of official bed times throughout his life, bedding women and a flirtation (possibly made-up) with Anne Hathaway on the set of One Day. Matthew Sharpe at Edinburgh Festivals wrote that “you’ll spend most of Tim Key’s show one step behind him, hovering over the edge of a punchline that might never arrive, but that’s a marvellous place to be”, while at Fest, Jay Richardson reported that “rich, strange and ambitious, Key has delivered another novelty suffused with sly intent and mischievous wit”. Finally, Mark Monahan of The Daily Telegraph simply stated: “Trust me, it is all rather wonderful.”

Scotsman enthused “with her voice veering from girlish excitability to cold, clinical fury, to eye-watering pathos, she also deftly fielded a ‘psychic reviewer’ in the crowd. I predict this is one Fringe hour you’ll be recommending to everyone.”

Over at The List, Brian Donaldson concluded simply that “it takes serious hard work to make stand-up look this effortless” while Lyle Brennan of Fest wrote that “fortunetelling, with all its implications for fate and responsibility, neatly fits a shambolic 31-yearold trying to make sense of life. It’s also pliable enough for her to scuttle off on sillier observational tangents, then sneak back to the narrative at hand.”

Average rating 8/10 models in tableaux which depict various atrocities.

Neil Cooper in The List stated that “when these living statues – bound and gagged like the immigrant who died on an aeroplane in 2010 while being deported under the care of private security guards – blink back at you, defiant and unbowed, the guilt it

provokes is devastating”.

And Lyn Gardner of The Guardian shared that emotion: “confronting us with the appalling realities of Europe’s colonial past – the stuff I definitely wasn’t taught at school – isn’t just some kind of guilt trip. It reminds us that most history is hidden from view.”

Average rating 10/10

l 27

REVIEW & Preview EDINBURGH FESTIVAL THEATRE

FILM

The James Plays

Lucy (15)

FESTIVAL THEATRE

Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Pilou Asbæk

Until August 22 ■ With a cast including Sofie Gråbøl, Jamie Sives and Blythe Duff, Rona Munro’s historical three-parter about 15th century Scotland was a centrepiece of the EIF programme. As with most trilogies, its success was variable, with The Scotsman’s Joyce McMillan stating that “the plays are a mixed achievement, full of interesting incidents and insights... but often depressingly flat and banal in language”.

Writing in The Observer, Susannah Clapp believed that “This is an ambitious enterprise, studded with vivacious episodes. Yet it rarely startles with its view of Scotland and politics.” The Stage’s Thom Dibdin was the most effusive reviewer, hailing it thus: “In this referendum year, The James Plays are [director] Laurie Sansom’s square go, a loud proclamation that the NTS will bring the political agenda to the table.”

■ Following up her recent roles in Under The Skin and Captain America, Scarlett Johansson gets her teeth into another meaty part thanks to French director Luc Besson’s new sci-fi action drama. When Lucy is cruelly betrayed by the man she’s been dating (Asbæk aka Borgen’s Kasper Juul) and used as a drug mule, the contents sewn into her stomach start to leak. Rather than destroy her insides, they appear to give her superhuman powers.

Siobhan Synnot in Scotland on Sunday was frustrated by the script and some of the acting, stating that “although Johansson is terrific, her film is dumbed-down by other actors giving line readings that recall the glory days of 70s foreign-movie dubbing”, while for The List, Emma Simmonds wrote that Lucy is “immensely inconsistent and exceedingly daft and yet it remains a good deal of fun”.

Average rating 6/10

Average rating 6/10

Julie Burchill: Absolute Cult

What If (15)

Into The Storm (12A)

GILDED BALLOON Until August 25 ■ Highly opinionated journalist and commentator Julie Burchill is one of those individuals who splits opinion straight down the middle, making her ripe for dramatic purposes. In Tim Fountain’s follow-up to his 2004 monologue, she is played by comic-actress Lizzie Roper.

Nick Awde of The Stage believed that Fountain’s often acidic script helped to create “a darkly comic, even touching, portrait of this complex 55-year-old scourge of society”, while Alex Needham for The Guardian noted that “given the unflattering nature of this portrait, it’s just as well the real-life Burchill says she’s immune to embarrassment”.

Meanwhile, Billy Barrett in The Scotsman insisted that “Roper nails the part, playing her as an impulsive narcissist raking over her most recent career pitfalls”.

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Zoe Kazan, Megan Park

Starring: Richard Armitage, Sarah Wayne Callies, Jeremy Sumpte

Average rating 6/10

■ Dipping his toe into rom-com territory, Daniel Radcliffe emerges smelling roses-like as a guy coming out of a string of failed relationships who falls for his pal. For The List, Allan Hunter observed it squeezed “laughter and tears from the eternal dilemma of whether men and women can ever be just good friends”.

Average rating 8/10

■ A disaster movie that seems to live up to its billing, as the biggest tornado of all time heads for the fictional US town of Silverton. Scotland on Sunday’s Siobhan Synnot dubbed it a “by-thenumbers disaster pic” which pits The Hobbit’s Richard Armitage against a massive storm.

Average rating 4/10 23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

28 l THIS WEEK

SCOTS on the box

REVIEW & preview

Worth catching…

Peter Capaldi finally gets his hands on the Tardis while a new sitcom about older people hits the mark. Meanwhile, a crazy game show from the past is unearthed

TV: Boomers

BBC One ❘ Fridays 9pm ■ New BBC sitcom Boomers features a plethora of wellknown names from all our pasts. Alison Steadman, Nigel Planer, Stephanie Beacham, Paula Wilcox, Russ Abbot and June Whitfield all appear in this comedy about the ups and downs of three couples.

Reaction to the show was generally very positive, with Mark Smith in The Herald hailing it as “wonderful, mainly because the characters are instantly recognisable but also because it’s about older people and isn’t an episode of Last Of The Summer Wine”.

The same paper had another crack at it with Julie McDowall believing that the show harked back to the middle-class sitcoms of a bygone era: “But you can’t instantly create nostalgia and install it in a sitcom. Boomers will just have to be patient and maybe we’ll love it in 20 years.”

Doctor Who BBC One, Saturday August 23, 7.50pm ■ The long wait is finally over as Peter Capaldi goes from spin doctor to Doctor Who with his first full episode as the twelfth Time Lord. Deep Breath is the name of the opener as the Doctor arrives in Victorian London, only to find a dinosaur running rampant in the River Thames while a spate of deadly spontaneous combustions is causing some grief. But what is the story with the new Doctor and will his friendship with Clara survive as they embark on a terrifying mission into the heart of an alien conspiracy?

The episode is scripted by lead writer and Paisley boy, Steven Moffat, while following on from the success of the 50th anniversary special The Day Of The Doctor last November, this episode will also be seen in cinemas across the globe. Further Scottish representation for this eighth series come from Michelle Gomez as the Gatekeeper of the Nethersphere and Neve McIntosh as the Silurian, Madame Vastra. Other guest stars will include Frank Skinner, Keeley Hawes, Ben Miller and Sanjeev Bhaskar.

RADIO: Edinburgh International Festival

Bryan Burnett GET IT ON

Radio 3 Monday August 25, 11am

BBC Scotland’s request show played songs that are out of this world

■ Live from Edinburgh’s Queen’s Hall comes Swedish soprano Anne Sofie von Otter, violinist Daniel Hope, pianist Bengt Forsberg and Bebe Risenfors on accordion, double bass and guitar. This impressive collective will perform songs and instrumental music composed or performed in Terezin concentration camp.

RADIO: The 99p Challenge Radio 4 Extra, Friday August 29, 9am ■ Dusted down from the comedy archives is this 2000 broadcast of the daft panel show in which cash prizes of just less than a pound are dished out to guests who have included Armando Iannucci, Miranda Hart, Marcus Brigstocke, Simon Pegg and Sean Lock.

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

Rufus Wainwright Across The Universe

Jamiroquai

Cosmic Girl

David Bowie Starman

Ash

The B-52s

Beastie Boys

REM

The Police

Carpenters

Girl From Mars Intergalactic Walking On The Moon

Planet Claire Man On The Moon Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft

■ Get It On ❘ Weekdays at 6.10pm

Louise White morning call The following questions were asked on BBC Scotland’s weekday Morning Call programme ■ Why are people using their cars more?

■ Should children be stopped from heading footballs?

■ Do we expect too much from our GPs?

■ Will Robin Williams’ death help others open up about depression?

■ Are women less in favour of Scottish independence than men?

■ Morning call ❘ Weekdays at 8.50am

l 29

REVIEW & preview

The best of this week’s books

SCOTTISH BESTSELLERS

Another astute novel from one of Scotland’s finest authors heads to the top of this week’s Stooshie reading pile. There are also books about prisoners, lodgers and knights

HARD BACK 1. How To Train Your Dragon

RECOMMENDED

by Cressida Cowell

2. 101 Legendary Whiskies...

Their Lips Talk Of Mischief

by Ian Buxton

by Alan Warner

3. The Sex Lives Of Siamese Twins

■ The Oban-born writer was part of a 90s new wave of Scottish writers. Irvine Welsh was the gang member who went on to experience the biggest fame, but Warner has simply got on with his business of writing quality novels. For Their Lips Talk Of Mischief, he harks back to 80s Britain with a pair of unpublished authors trying to find a way in the harsh Thatcherite world.

Robert McCrum in The Observer wrote that Warner “weaves a strange, dark metropolitan story from the eternal love triangle”, while reviewing in The List, Richard W Strachan believed that “he is incapable of writing a dull book, and this is certainly as funny and poignant as anything he’s written”. And for Scotland on Sunday, Tom Adair insisted that the book “paints a sharp picture of deception, obsession and love and shows Warner at his finest, all his talents in cahoots”.

Escape

by Irvine Welsh

4. An Illustrated Treasury Of Scottish Folk And Fairy Tales

by Theresa Breslin and Kate Leiper

5. The Great Tapestry Of Scotland

by Alistair Moffat and Andrew Crummy

6. Where Memories Go

by Sally Magnusson

7. Finding Nessie

The Paying Guests

The Table Of Less Valued Knights

by Graeme Wallace and Robin Edmonds

8. Fatty O’Leary’s Dinner Party

by Alexander McCall Smith

9. Reflections Of Scotland

by Julie Davidson

10. Och Wheesht And Get Oan Wae It

by Dominique Manotti

■ Manotti is one of France’s top selling crime writers and in Escape, she turns her attention to late 80s Italy with two very different men breaking out from prison and going their separate ways.

For the Sunday Herald, Russel D Mclean wrote that “Manotti may have politics at heart, but she also creates vivid and complex characters, with whom she says she ‘lives’ during the writing of a book, exploring their personalities and tics and quirks”.

by Sarah Waters

■ While Waters earlier novels were inspired by the Brontës and Wilkie Collins, The Paying Guests is more of a nod to the early 20th century canon with its post-WW1 story of a woman taking in lodgers.

Kaite Welsh in The List believed that “Waters is at her best when she sends the plot on dizzying twists, and what seems at first to be a novel about repressed desire soon spirals madly into murder, adultery and betrayal”.

by Marie Phillips

■ The eponymous characters are those who work away without recognition behind Camelot’s more prestigious warriors and the author bends a lot of historical and literary myths to humourous effect.

The Skinny’s Alice Sinclair was certainly impressed by Phillips’ book: “From the bureaucratic difficulties of being Lady of the Lake to the inconvenience of questing in armour, it’s a real joy to read a novel that makes you snort out loud with laughter.”

by Lewis Dawson (ed)

PAPER BACK 1. A Song For The Dying

by Stuart MacBride

2. The Critic

by Peter May

3. Extraordinary People

by Peter May

4. There Was A Wee Lassie Who Swallowed A Midgie

by Rebecca Colby and Kate McLelland

5. Scotland’s Referendum

by David Torrance and Jamie Maxwell

6. Dead Men’s Bones

by James Oswald

LOOK OUT FOR...

7. Flesh Wounds

■ With a mere two million sales under their belts, the Hairy Bikers aka Si King and Dave Myers (right) are publishing the first of four new books at the start of October. The Hairy Dieters: Good Eating will later be followed by a joint memoir plus two more cookbooks.

8. Katie In Scotland

■ For those of you who need to keep up with the latest street-speak, the online Oxford Dictionary has some curious new entries such as binge-watch, clickbait, YOLO and humblebrag. Each month, Oxford Dictionaries collect around 150 million words in use around the world.

by Chris Brookmyre

by James Mayhew

9. Room On The Broom In Scots

by Julia Donaldson, Axel Scheffler and James Robertson

10. The Professor Of Truth

by James Robertson ■ Lists from Waterstones 23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

30 l CHEF’S CORNER

Garry Watson Chef proprietor of Gordon’s Restaurant, Inverkeilor

The West Coast of Scotland provides “some of the world’s best” scallops according to Garry.

Writing in The Courier, he suggested using hand-dived specimens as these tend to be harvested from hard to reach areas of the seabed and have had the time to “grow into wonderful, large, succulent delicacies”.

Garry attributed their quality to the clean, pure water of the West Coast which results in a “mild, sweetflavoured taste with a firm yet fine texture”.

Pairing them with pork belly, duck breast or braised beef cheeks works well, but the chef also advised serving them raw as a ceviche or chopped to make a scallop tartare.

tastiest FOOD & Drink Hop to it in the Highlands

Scots top tippers

■ Eden Court in Inverness will play host to the North Hop craft beer festival on August 29 and 30 August.

Billed as the ‘first festival of its kind to take place in the Highland capital’, the event will feature brews from 10 of the best Scottish craft beer breweries.

As well as two stages of live music and a selection of street food vendors, there will be bars serving cocktails, artisan gins and fruit-infused spirits.

Windswept Brewing Co, based in Lossiemouth, has produced an official festival beer for the event based on their Windswept Blonde ale.

Al Read, a Director of Windswept Brewing Co said: “In our experience, favourites at beer festivals tend to be light brews, so we have created a refreshing pale ale, with fruity Pacific hops at 3.7% ABV.”

■ A survey by finance company thinkmoney has found that Scots are the least likely to leave a restaurant without leaving a gratuity. Among the survey sample, just 13% of Scots said they did not leave a tip in restaurants. This figure was 10 percentage points below the UK average. The North East has the worst tippers, with over a third in the region (35%) saying they don’t tip. Londoners are the most generous with their tips, with almost half (49%) tipping between 10% and 20%, seven per cent tipping 20% to 30% and 1.7% giving more than 30%.

Anchor ready to drop in Glasgow ■ The Anchor Line Bar and Grill is the name of a new restaurant planned for Glasgow.

Taking shape in the building that once housed the offices of the Anchor Line Shipping Company, the St Vincent Street venue is scheduled to open in September.

The new venture promises to “serve great dishes from both sides of the Atlantic in a stunning environment”.

Two rosettes for Dundee restaurant ■ Dundee’s Castlehill restaurant is celebrating having been awarded two AA rosettes less than six months after launching on Exchange Street.

The kitchen is led by chef Adam Newth (23), a previous winner of the Young Scottish Chef and Young Scottish Seafood Chef of the Year awards.

The Courier reported that Castlehill is the first independent eatery in the city to hold two prestigious AA rosettes.

Reviewing the restaurant in March of this year, the paper noted: “Real thought and imagination has gone into these dishes. And for food of this class, it is exceptional value.”

WINE OF THE WEEK JUMILLA: 4 MESES MONASTRELL 2012 Spain’s lesser known wine regions offer value While tempranillos from Ribera del Duero and albarinos from northwest Spain are well known, Rose Murray Brown suggested that Scotsman readers should explore other Spanish regions as they offer “some of Europe’s best value wines”.

From the Jumilla area, this hefty red is “dark, plummy, rich velvet-toned” and made with monastrell or mourvèdre grapes from “40-year-old vines”.

Available from Aitken Wines, Woodwinters and Virgin Wines, Rose reckoned it is “a serious bargain at under a tenner” but warned of the wine’s potent 15% ABV. The Scotsman the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

RECIPE of the week

Roast scallops with summer vegetables and gremolata From Kevin Dalgleish, Executive Chef at IX Restaurant, Aberdeen.

Ingredients (serves four) ■ 8 large scallops, halved ■ 100g fresh peas ■ 100g broad beans ■ 50g tomato, peeled, de-seeded and diced ■ 100g cooked haricot beans ■ 20ml lemon oil ■ Pea shoots and chervil for garnish ■ 4 tbsp rapeseed oil ■ 2 garlic cloves, pasted ■ 1 red chilli, finely chopped ■ Juice and zest of 1 lemon ■ 100g butter ■ 50ml double cream ■ 100ml white wine ■ 1 shallot, chopped ■ 20g chopped flat parsley ■ 20g chopped chives Method 1. To make the sauce, cook the shallot in the white wine until it has reduced by two thirds.

2. Add the double cream and reduce by half.

3. Sieve the mixture into a clean pan, whisk in the butter and leave to one side.

4. To prepare the scallops, heat the oil in a non-stick frying pan.

5. Season the scallops and fry on one side for one minute, or until golden.

Remove from the heat.

6. To finish, put the butter sauce back on the heat, add the remaining ingredients and warm through.

7. Pour the sauce onto serving plate, arrange the scallops on top and garnish with pea shoots, chervil and lemon oil.

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THE BEST RESTAURANT REVIEWS Topolabamba 89 St Vincent Street, Glasgow G2 5TF www.topolabamba.com ■ Both The Scotsman’s Gaby Soutar and Dinertec of the Evening Times visited this colourful, new, Mexican tapas and street food restaurant. Gaby regretted ordering quite as many sharing dishes especially since too many of her choices featured cheese.

However, she relished a “dissolvingly soft Coca Cola short stack rib” and a flat iron steak with its “hot barbacoa crust rub”. Tequila-basted king prawns were the stand-out dish for the Dinertec even if they were “on the pricey side at £10 for two”.

His companion thought that her smoked chicken and red onion quesdadillas tasted fine but should have been warmer.

Thankfully, a portion of “crazy good” churros mollified.

For Gaby, Topolabamba had a “fun, party atmosphere” but thought the food was “slightly lacking in vibrancy”. The ‘Tec’s world was not rocked by the food but conceded that Topolabamba would be fine if “you are after a quick bite and a buzzing atmosphere”.

Average score: 14/20 | The Scotsman and Evening Times

Contrast Brasserie

The Kirklands Hotel

Hutchesons

Edenwater House

Glenmoriston Hotel, 20 Ness Bank, Inverness IV2 4SF www.glenmoristontownhouse.com

20 High Street, Kinross KY13 8AN www.thekirklandshotel.com

158 Ingram Street, Glasgow G1 1EJ www.hutchesonsglasgow.com

Ednam, Kelso TD5 7QL www.edenwaterhouse.co.uk

A long time regular, the reviewer found that the hotel’s brasserie was “still consistently good”. From the “surprisingly extensive menu”, the critic thought a dish of local venison was “perfectly medium rare” and not “overpoweringly gamey”.

A “deconstructed” pear trifle initially bamboozled but the writer recovered enough to investigate further.

Featuring a whole poached pear and “cubes of cider jelly”, the dessert’s presentation was unexpected but “fantastic”.

Glenmoriston has more competition than ever before but it is “as good as any and better than most”.

Passing swiftly over an attack of mushy pea-induced wind which the critic claimed he suffered, Tam Cowan greatly enjoyed his visit to this “proper family-friendly joint”. In particular, The Scottish Sun writer was impressed by an Aberdeen omelette starter.

Filled with lots of cheese and smoked salmon, it was, he wrote, “the best I’ve ever tasted”. The critic’s fish and chips were faultless. The haddock was “very fresh” and covered in a batter which was “beautifully light and crunchy”.

His companions enjoyed a wild garlic and pea risotto which was “lovely, light and creamy”.

While other critics have been enthusiastic about the recently opened Hutchesons, The Herald’s critic was notably cooler. Ron Mackenna loved the “stunning” decor of the “listed building status dining room” but thought the food “was not too memorable”.

With starters at around the £8-£9 mark, the menus should give more information on the provenance of ingredients, wrote Ron. Although he enjoyed a “meaty, rich, dark” game terrine, a tuna nicoise salad underwhelmed the reviewer.

The setting may have been “fabulous” but Ron wished that the food had been as striking.

It took Richard Bath several attempts to book a table but it was “worth the wait”. He wrote that the “fantastic” chef produced “classic Frenchinspired haute cuisine”.

A “flawless” fish course of rolled sole with a prawn mousseline was “classic Escoffier” while a beef fillet main course was “sumptuously tender” with a sauce that had a “gloriously subtle undercurrent of Madeira”.

The “old school country house dining” may not appeal to everyone, he noted.

However, it certainly pleased Richard as he sipped his coffee and “ruminated on a remarkable meal”.

Score: 4/5 | The Press and Journal

Score: 28/30 | The Scottish Sun

Score: 20/30 | Sunday Herald

Score: 9/10 | Scotland on Sunday 23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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PROPERTY

INSIDE OUT – our Pick of the Scottish Market

26/3 Simpson Loan, Edinburgh Offers Over: £745,000 Knight Frank ❘ www.knightfrank.com n Located within the original part of the former Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, this striking duplex conversion is spread over the ground and first floors. The areas occupying the turrets of the building and galleried living area are of particular note, the

latter providing a magnificent entertaining space. The apartment features state-of-the-art fixtures and fittings whilst retaining some lovely period detail, including the sash-and-case windows. The balcony overlooking the communal garden, secure underground parking and lift access further add to the property’s appeal. This is a stylish and easily-maintained property ideal for professionals working in the city centre, as well as families and investors.

BIG BUDGET

6 Ethel Terrace, Edinburgh Offers Over: £620,000

33 Comerton Place, Drumoig Offers Over: £420,000

Pagan Osborne ❘ www.paganosborne.com

Pagan Osborne ❘ www.paganosborne.com

n This well-proportioned four-bedroom Victorian terraced stone built villa offers excellent flexible family accommodation. The bay sitting room offers a living flame gas fire, with wooden mantel and marble insert and hearth. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

n This beautifully presented five-bedroom detached villa set within the prestigious village of Drumoig offers flexible accommodation and is within easy commuting distance of St Andrews and Dundee.

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PROPERTY

28a St Bernard’s Crescent Edinburgh

Coulters

Pagan Osborne

Offers over: £350,000

Offers over: £330,000

A simply stunning upper mews flat which is situated in a popular West End location.

❘ www.paganosborne.com

20 William Street North East Lane Edinburgh

This twobedroom Victorian flat is located on a prestigious cobbled crescent.

8 Quality Street Lane Edinburgh

18b Royal Circus Edinburgh

Strutt & Parker

Coulters

Offers over: £285,000

Offers over: £285,000

A charming and recently renovated three-bedroom terraced house which boasts a private patio garden.

❘ www.coultersproperty.co.uk

❘ www.struttandparker.com

❘ www.coultersproperty.co.uk

CAPITAL CITY LIVING

A rare chance to acquire a one-bedroom basement flat with separate box room in the city’s New Town area.

CLIMBING THE LADDER

Flat 1/2, 322 Kelvindale Road Glasgow Offers Over: £85,995

43 The Maltings, Linlithgow Offers Over: £84,995

McEwan Fraser Legal ❘ www.mcewanfraserlegal.co.uk

McEwan Fraser Legal ❘ www.mcewanfraserlegal.co.uk

n A spacious, but ‘cosy’ one bedroom first-floor flat presented to the market in good decorative order, it would be a super acquisition for a wide variety of potential purchasers looking for their ideal first home.

n A delightful third-floor flat situated within a popular residential area. The property is ideally placed for the commuter with easy access by road and rail. Accommodation comprises an entrance hall, bathroom, kitchen, living room and double bedroom.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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the best travel writing

TRAVEL BRITAIN

Mickey McMonagle Daily Record

Causeway Coast, Northern Ireland

■ A family trip to Northern Ireland’s Causeway Coast brought back memories for Irishman Mickey McMonagle.

Driving through the villages of Glenarm and Carnlough was like being “transported back in time” with pubs that looked unchanged since the 1800s.

The Giant’s Causeway is County Antrim’s most famous attraction and Mickey explored the basalt columns clambering over the stones just as he had when he was a child.

Although not a fan of heights, he crossed the Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge and felt “seemingly miles above crashing waves”.

The “traditional Irish seaside towns” of Portrush and

Portstewart offered “stunning beaches”. Whiterocks beach and the Strand were singled out as “amazing places to pass a sunny day”.

Mickey was based in Ballygally Castle Hotel. A “17th century castle overlooking the golden sands of Ballygally Bay”, it was “comfortable, stylish” and soundtracked by the “waves lapping on the beach”.

Breakfast is a major meal in Northern Ireland and the massive version served at the Ballygally did not disappoint.

Happily, Mickey’s appetite returned for dinner in the Garden Restaurant at the hotel.

The chicken liver parfait, smoked haddock salad and the sweet potato fries were all recommended.

TRAVEL BRITAIN

TRAVEL EUROPE

TRAVEL EUROPE

Holy Island, Northumberland

Alesund, Norway

Southern Italy

Alison Gray ❘ The Scotsman ■ Exploring Lindisfarne Priory and Castle were two of the highlights of a trip to the Holy Island by Alison Gray. The Priory is “one of the most important centres for British Christianity” while the Castle has “charming walled garden”.

“Fantastic local ingredients” were easy to find. In the village of Norham, Alison stumbled across RG Foreman & Sons, an award-winning butcher who also sells “fine wines and fishing flies”.

Bridget McGrouther ❘ Sunday Mail ■ The Art Nouveau architecture of Norway’s Alesund was influenced by Glasgow’s Charles Rennie Mackintosh, wrote Bridget in the Sunday Mail. Bridget recommended that visitors look upwards to spot the town’s “ornate turrets and decorated gables”.

Take the train up Mount Aksla, advised the writer. The views of Alesund and the surrounding fjords will “take your breath away”.

Kate Johnson ❘ Scottish Daily Mail ■ The “remarkable plaster-cast bodies” of those who died when Vesuvius erupted made an impression on Kate when she visited Pompeii. The contorted remains of one man still showed a “palpable” terror, she wrote.

Nearby Naples was enthralling and Kate enjoyed browsing the Via San Gregorio “where Christmas is a permanent affair” and resisted the temptation to buy a naked Prince Harry statuette.

TRAVEL NEWS Inverness Festivals

The Highland Homecoming Festival takes place in Inverness during September and October. Among the events is the new Highland Military Tattoo at Fort George which runs from September 4 to 7.

The next weekend, the the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

Highland Clans arrive in the town for the inaugural Inverness Highland Meeting and a torchlight procession on September 12. The Clans will be in Inverness to mark the 150th anniversary of the opening of the world’s oldest Highland Games Stadium Northern Meeting Park.

The stadium will host the 2014 Masters World

Championships – the world’s biggest Highland Games competition which will be contested by almost 200 Heavies from more than 13 countries.

The weekend will also feature the Kirking of the Council; the climax of the 2014 Blas Festival and shinty’s Camanachd Cup Final.

How is the weather?

According to a survey of internet travel forums the most widely discussed topics are air transport, travel companions and cruises. Us Brits are the only ones who have weather in our top 10 topics.

Apparently, we want to know the weather forecast for our destination before travelling.

THE BEST OF the great outdoors the garden experts Finding a thrill with blueberries in the garden

August allotments ■ Allotments look “their most” attractive in August, said The Scotsman’s Jenny Mollison.

She said one of the easeist ways of creating an “aesthetically pleasing” allotment is by planting in rows as it “is easy to distinguish between weeds and seeds”. Seedlings that appear outside rows can be “hoed out with impunity”.

■ Widely regarded as a “super fruit”, The Herald’s Dave Allan said blueberries not only have health benefits because they are “crammed with antioxidants” they are also easy to grow in a pot, so they “sit nicely on a patio”.

Allan said research has shown that the soft fruit can help “slow down or reduce the growth of tumours, lower blood pressure and help prevent obesity”.

He said that the berries are easy to grow “in the right conditions” but warned they “need to be well watered”.

And although he said blueberries that grow in the wild have more health benefits than cultivated crops, all “score well in antioxidant trials”.

Cannot beat a bit of beetroot ■ Healthy foods of a purple hue were seemingly the order of the day for many gardening experts.

Rather than blueberries, The Courier’s John Stoa said beetroots come out on top in terms of flavour and health benefits.

He said seedlings should not be “thinned initially but later on as roots begin to swell” and that beetroots prefer rich soil.

OOT AND ABOOT! Beating mackerel trauma ■ Trying fly fishing was not something The Courier’s Gayle Ritchie relished.

She said the only other time she had been angling, she felt “sickened” after catching a mackerel and then seeing it “clubbed to death” by her delighted looking friend had put her off the sport – even if she appreciated how the fish tasted when cooked with garlic and lemon.However, an evening spent fly fishing at The Glenfarg Fishery

taught her to appreciate the sport.

She said those who, like her, are squeamish about the thought of killing fish, can throw them back into to the water after reeling them in and was pleased to see barbless hooks being used.

She concluded that “whether you fancy a quiet evening meditating or are determined to catch a fish or two for dinner, there is something for everyone at Glenfarg”.

Corbetts trump Munros ■ Lorraine McCall from Inverness set out to conquer Scotland’s 221 Corbetts as she recovered from cancer, the Sunday Mail reported.

Corbetts range between 2,500ft and 2,999ft in height and, although less well known than the 282 3,000ft Munros, are said to be a tougher challenge.

She told the Sunday Mail she had “never imagined” how difficult the challenge would be.

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NATURE’S BEST ■ MSPs have debated a Plan Bee to save Scotland’s bumblebees.

During a Holyrood debate on the plight of bees, SNP MSP Angus MacDonald put forward a motion called for action to limit the use of pesticides that have been blamed for wiping out much of Scotland’s bumblebee population.

The Scottish Wildlife Trust believes pesticides known as neonicotinoids are largely responsible for a 60% decline in the bumblebee population.

The trust said that not only has there been a major decline in the number of bumblebees in the past 50 years, other important pollinators such as hoverflies and butterflies are also under threat.

Species such as the great yellow bumblebee have become rarer and confined to the north and west of Scotland while butterflies such as the marsh fritillary and the pearl bordered fritillary are also disappearing.

The Scottish Government said it is adopting a “precautionary approach” pending more research into neonicotinoids and the effect they have on pollinators.

Weather Sunniest

– Lerwick 7.4hrs

Coldest –

Aonach 1C (34F)

Wettest –

Aboyne 5.39ins

Warmest – Edinburgh 17.3C (63F)

Weather round-up: It has been a picture of doom and gloom in recent days with regard to the Scottish weather, with many newspaper predicting that the summer is over.

The Courier revealed that “two weeks of wet, windy and cool weather” would signal the end of the season, with forecasters suggesting there is “not much to be optimistic about” as temperatures look set to remain well below average with spells of rain expected throughout the rest of August.

The same paper said that “winds blowing from the Arctic” have made it decidedly cooler, with the BBC revealing that the position of the jetstream was pulling colder air down across the United Kingdom. There is even the chance of sleet or snow over the higher ground.

The Scottish Daily Mirror said the country could expect the “coldest August spell for 100 years”, and noted that it was particularly timely for parts of England ahead of a Bank Holiday weekend south of the border.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

l 37

CONSUMER

Three of the best... high-tech toys

TRIED AND TESTED

If you are fed up with the children having all the fun, why not fight back with these cool, clever and (inner) child-friendly toys?

Cool

BAKING GEAR

Bloomingville Kitchen Scale £35.00 John Lewis

Parrot Rolling Spider £89.99

MIP £99.99

Anki Drive Starter Set £179.95

A few years ago, the AR Drone quadricopter took the market by storm, but here is its younger, niftier sibling. It’s six times lighter, now with a set of wheels, but with all the same in-flight stability. The resulting mid-air acrobatics are quite something, a single on-screen swipe sends it into action and on-board accelerometers and gyroscopes mean it’s hard to crash, even for inexperienced ‘flyers’.

This clever fellow is controlled using GestureSense technology, so wherever and whenever you move your hands, off goes your little buddy. Make him dance, or give him a tray and make him collect something from the other side of the living room – best described as a robotic hybrid of Buckaroo and Jenga.

You can also plug him into your smartphone and control him from there instead.

The technology inside these cars means they have artificial intelligence (AI), reading the track with a built-in camera and processing 500 bits of information per second. All this information is then passed back to the driver’s smartphone where they can select weaponry to assist them in taking out other drivers: the more you take part, the more points you’ll gain to upgrade your arsenal.

www.firebox.com

www.menkind.co.uk

www.store.apple.com

This striking and vibrant kitchen scale (above) is perfect for adding a touch of colour to your home and a spring to your step while baking.

Baking Delight Aprons £19.95 Victoria Eggs

Why not have everything covered with a fashionable teal or yellow apron?

Cath Kidston Jug £20.00 Antique Rose

This beautiful ceramic measuring jug comes in Painterly Rose White.

Ceramic Cake Stand £15.00 Tesco

Tesco have a Pastel range which also includes flan dishes and mixing bowls.

DRIVE TIME

Ford Transit Courier Price from £15,546

Vauxhall Mokka Price from £16,000

Citroen C4 Grand Picasso Price from £26,855

Chris Russon ❘ Daily Record

Jonathan Crouch ❘ The Press and Journal

Jack McKeown ❘ The Courier

Everyone knows the Ford Transit range, but it has just expanded with a baby version of Britain’s top-selling van.

The Courier is “competitively priced and strong on economy”, and outstrips close rivals like “the Citroen Nemo, Peugeot’s Bipper and the Fiat Fiorino” for cargo capacity. It may be the smallest Transit produced but there is “nothing lacking in the performance from any of the engines”.

The handling, too, for a van, is “nice and neat”, while the inside is almost a “straight take from a Ford Fiesta, making it easy going and comfortable”. It may be ideal for commercial work but it also shows “great potential as a family all-rounder”.

If you like to get value for money and a little extra, the Mokka “makes fashionable sense”. It “isn’t the sharpest handling car of its kind” but Vauxhall have made it “as good as it needs to be”, while its price will only be an issue if you compare it with “something smaller, much less well equipped and probably more feebly powered”.

Buyers are “people likely to be enthusiasts for life rather than cars” and there’s a “potentially pleasing compromise” between being as sharp as a Nissan Juke and having “a big SUV polish” of a Skoda Yeti. It’s a car “with an appeal that builds as your interest in it grows”.

Can the C4 Grand Picasso cut the mustard in the multi-purpose vehicle market?

Looks-wise, “sharp lines and flowing contours give the eye something to linger on” and its futuristic headlamps lends the front end an “almost imperious air”. It’s what’s on the inside that usually counts in a people carrier though and “it can swallow mum, dad, gran, grandad and the kids without anyone complaining about being short changed”.

Handling at higher speeds is unfortunately a “big let down” but it is “remarkably smooth and comfortable” at normal pace. All in all, the Citroen C4 Grand Picasso “is one of the best MPVs”.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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BUSINESS & FINANCE Hired, Fired & RETIRED

Drilling down: big finds and new exploration amid politics As Scotland creeps closer to its independence referendum next month, the battle over oil reserves and revenues has intensified – but there is cheering news for the industry ■ As a mainstay of the independence debate, black gold has never been more contentious.

Aside from the big question of how North Sea assets might be split in the event of independence, the Yes and No campaigns are busy making claim and counter-claim over how much might be recoverable and where it is.

As usual, The Press and Journal was on top of the brief, reporting how the Bentley field could hold reserves lasting 35 years. Business editor Ryan Crighton followed the tale with news of Holyrood plans to kickstart oil exploration off Scotland’s west coast, a warning on soaring costs, and pessimistic revenue forecasts.

Meanwhile, The Herald told how income at EnQuest rose 11% during the first half of 2014.

Swiss petrochemicals and oil processing giant INEOS snapped up a

51%

interest in a shale gas prospect stretching across 329km2 of the Forth Valley after a deal with BG Group

COMMENTATORS SAY The news from the east of Shetland Bentley field was warmly welcomed in the north east, following what The Press and Journal’s leader called “a period of doom and gloom”.

And talk of drilling around the Hebrides was also welcomed just a few days later, with the paper noting that the Scottish Government had seized upon a recommendation made by industry grandee Sir Ian Wood in his review earlier this year.

It said the question over the scale of remaining oil reserves had become one of the indy debate’s most fiercely debated points, but concluded this was “no bad thing” if it brought new urgency to the industry’s search for “the next big oil field” around our shores.

The deal, for an undisclosed fee, hands the company at the centre of last year’s Grangemouth shutdown – “the most serious industrial crisis in Scotland’s recent history” according to The Courier’s Graham Huband – a majority stake in the exploration of the former Clackmannanshire coalfields.

Huband said moves to secure a local supply of shale gas placed it in “very rarified position”.

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

Business group N-56 claimed revenue estimates could be as much as six times higher than those mooted by the Office for Budget Responsibility – but The Daily Telegraph’s Alan Cochrane noted that, while the body claims to be neutral, it has been funded by “a leading separatist”.

On costs, The Scotsman’s George Kerevan trumpeted this week’s input from indysupporting “grand old man” of the oil business Sir Donald Mackay. He noted Sir Donald’s “colourful” views on the OBR and paraphrased his view of its forecasts as “mince”.

But the columnist went on to offer a “trite” explanation for an oil price which has stayed low, and therefore kept the tax take down.

“Everyone is pumping oil as fast as they can in a bid to create an artificial sense of calm,” he said, noting the inflationary pressures created by new sanctions in Russia, spiralling corporate debt in the sector and the impact of the rise of Islamic State in northern Iraq. “It can’t last,” Kerevan added.

■ Whisky and Irn-Brus all round after long-serving Diageo man Stuart Lorimer was revealed as the new finance director at soft drinks firm AG Barr.

Mr Lorimer (below) leaves a company perhaps best known for its spirits – and will replace a man switching from juice to the harder stuff.

As previously announced, current Barr FD Alex Short will move to whisky group Edrington shortly.

Mr Lorimer joins Barr from his current post in Diageo’s £4 billion global supply operation.

■ Donald Macdonald has joined Sandy Hay as joint head of agriculture at Bank of Scotland.

■ Tony Kitchener has been made non-executive chairman of Forfar-based oilfield services firm RMEC. He’s joined by new financial controller Andy Paterson.

■ TSB has appointed David Fenton as its new chief economist, after hiring him from RBS.

BUSINESS & finance WEEK IN NUMBERS

£25m

Edinburgh-based life insurance and pensions provider Aegon expects a £25m hit to its profits from new rules capping fees charged on workplace pensions at 0.75%. Boss Adrian Grace told The Scotsman the “income hit” would give way to the chance to grow its business overall.

520

The number of acres of prime real estate in which the luxury Fairmont St Andrews hotel stands. US property investor Kennedy Wilson bought the 209-bed resort for £32.4m and expects to “add significant value over the medium term”.

£6.4m

Former Diageo chief Paul Walsh picked up a total remuneration package worth almost as much as his successor last year, as he stayed on at the drinks group in a consultancy role. New man Ivan Menezes took home a pay and perks deal worth £7.8m.

Both benefitted from a longterm incentive scheme, though payouts were reduced following a tough year.

Rate of increase Stifling of interest ■ Interest rates might not go up this year after all, it seems.

After teasing us all with a “mibbes aye, mibbes naw” line on the vexed question, Bank of England governor Mark Carney now appears to have stalled a rate rise by lowering his expectations for wage inflation.

At least that’s what most pundits think – but then again

Footfall on Scotland’s high streets rose by a UK-leading

4.4%

during July, new figures have shown.

The increase has been put down to visitors to Glasgow’s Commonwealth Games, though bosses say there was evidence of an upturn at retail parks too.

£811m

Clydesdale Bank is to set aside at least a further £245m to meet customer compensation claims over mis-sold PPI and interest rate hedging products, taking its total spend on conduct matters to more than £800m.

Owner NAB said significant extra provisions will also be required for a string of expenses, including a new complaints procedure and archiving costs.

it’s only a few weeks since they told us the base rate would edge up before Christmas.

The Scottish Daily Mail’s Alex Brummer said businesses and households can now “breathe a little more easily”, while The Scotsman’s Martin Flanagan said Carney’s caution was “on the money” given any hike would hit us all in the pocket.

Rolling out the barrels ■ It was a boozy week for the business pages, with results from a string of whisky brands showing single malts continue to lead the way. Glasgow’s Morrison Bowmore, which makes Bowmore and Auchentoshan, saw pre-tax profits climb seven per cent last year, while French-owned Glenmorangie jumped by almost 18%.

The Herald had a particularly heavy session, with Scott Wright switching to gin for the weekend. He reported on a plan to build Glasgow’s first ever gin distillery following Asian backing for a multi-million pound venture. Makar gin could be in bars as early as next month, with its owners also looking to malt.

Wright also told how whisky veteran Stuart Nickerson has launched the Shetlands’ first gin. Shetland Reel is being made on Unst, the UK’s most northerly inhabited island.

COMMENTATORS SAY

67.3

The Bank of Scotland’s monthly ‘barometer’ of the jobs market showed a composite index reading at its highest-ever level, as it reported that employers continued to hire more staff on higher salaries.

l 39

Shipbuilder sinks ■ Port Glasgow’s historic Ferguson Shipbuilders sank into administration this week, with accountants blaming cash flow problems and a lack of orders.

Some 70 staff were made redundant on the spot. Finance Secretary John Swinney has pledged to set up a taskforce, while unions have called for the First Minister to intervene.

Owners of bus firm McGill’s, Sandy and James Easdale, are said to be interested in the firm.

The Herald said Ferguson’s “proud story” appeared to have come to an end – at least in the yard’s present form.

The paper’s main leader said the yard was trying to work in a “challenging” market, building small specialist ships like the two hybrid car ferries which would prove one its last major pieces of work.

It concluded that there was “an urgent need” for ministers to bring forward public work – and for a buyer to be found.

The Scotsman’s Martyn McLaughlin said the closure was “one of the last breaths of an industry which has been on life support for years”.

He argued that the future had never been “anything other than short term” since Ferguson lost two contracts to a Polish yard in 2005.

talking heads “It’s not the biggest date on the rota of special occasions, so for those of you who might have missed it, Friday is National Hug Your Boss Day.” Scotland on Sunday columnist Kristy Dorsey apparently took leave of her senses as she reported on a study which found 86% of workers reckon they are more productive if they like their managers.

“As a damage limitation exercise, it ranks alongside Rupert Murdoch’s shock closure of disgraced tabloid the News of the World in 2011.”

Sunday Herald’s Business Focus saw Ian Fraser tackle the closure of RBS’ controversial Global Restructuring Group, which has been accused of destroying viable businesses for profit.

“SSE is not involved in ‘coordination’ or ‘collusion’, tacit or otherwise, between energy companies.

Ofgem’s assertion of ‘tacit coordination’ in the GB energy market is neither valid nor wellevidenced.”

The Perth-based utility, headed by chief executive Alistair Phillips-Davies (above), roundly rejected claims that the UK’s ‘Big Six’ energy firms work together against the interests of customers.

23 August 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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SPORT

Scots help Team GB top the medal table at European Championships ■ Fresh from their success at the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, Scots produced arguably their best performance in a European Championships to help Team GB top the medal table in Zurich for only the third time in history.

Never before has a GB team won more than nine golds or 19 medals in total, but they left Switzerland with an overall tally of 23.

Scots were very much to the fore once again, and Eilidh Child (above) topped the list of Scottish success stories as she clinched gold in the 400m hurdles.

She held off Ukraine’s fastfinishing Anna Titimets to become Britain’s first female 400m hurdles champion since Sally Gunnell in 1994, and BBC Sport pundit Denise Lewis described the Kinross athlete as a “grafter” who deserved gold

after all the hard work she has put in. Child also helped Team GB to a bronze in the women’s 4x400m relay.

Fellow Scot Lynsey Sharp had earlier smashed her own personal best by 0.87 seconds and broke Susan Scott’s Scottish 800m record as she won a silver medal, while Chris O’Hare scooped a bronze in the 1,500m race.

The Guardian’s Sean Ingle said it was a remarkable achievement for Britain’s athletes, although he said “triumphalism had been tinged with realism” when looking back on the successes. But despite questioning if Child would have won the 400m hurdles if world champion Zuzana Hejnova had been competing in Zurich, he admitted athletes saw the Euros as “a stepping stone or a springboard, not final destination”.

Murray seeks to get back to winning ways

OTHER NEWS

■ Andy Murray launches his bid to win another major this week when the US Open gets underway.

And despite crashing out of the Cincinnati Masters in straight sets to Roger Federer, the Scot will be one of the more fancied players taking part at Flushing Meadows after winning the title in 2012.

That was his first grand slam victory, but Murray knows he will have to perform better than he has done of late to stand any chance of reclaiming his crown. Murray will be reunited with coach Amelie Mauresmo for the tournament and, as The Guardian’s Kevin Mitchell noted, they will have “plenty to discuss” after a “very, very up and down” few months.

Murray said: “It’s fine to have periods like that when you’re young and first coming on the tour, but one or two games max, really, when you let your level drop a little bit.

“Then you need to be able to find it again; I didn’t do that.”

Dry sets sights on Rio Commonwealth Games bronze medallist Mark Dry has set his sights on competing at the Olympics in Rio in 2016 after missing out on a place at the European Championships.

Hammer thrower Dry told Mark Woods in The Herald that he was “capable” of being the first Brit to throw over 80m, after a throw of 74.63m saw him win the Scottish Championships in Kilmarnock.

Di Resta’s top finish Former F1 driver Paul Di Resta achieved his best finish of the season in the DTM Championship when he crossed the line in fourth position at the Nurburgring, Germany.

The Scot said afterwards that he was “satisfied” with his team’s showing and suggested the finish proved his Mercedes team are “on the right track” after a difficult campaign so far.

Florence finishes in style Scottish canoeist David Florence added a bronze medal to his haul at the World Cup Finals in Augsburg, Germany.

Florence claimed third spot along with Rich Hounslow in the C2 doubles final – after claiming second spot in the C1 singles final.

Voice of football dies The man who read the classified football results on the BBC for over 40 years, James Alexander Gordon, has died aged 78. The Edinburghborn announcer had throat cancer.

HAUD YER WHEESHT! ■ Officials at Scottish Premiership club Hearts are looking into an alleged breach of copyright after supporters displayed proindependence banners which included the club’s famous crest ahead of last weekend’s Edinburgh derby.

The Edinburgh Evening News said the club had taken “a dim view” of “fans using the club’s insignia to promote their political views” prior to the game against arch rivals Hibs and stressed it was “completely nonpolitical as an organisation”.

The paper went on to suggest that Yes campaigners had been spotted handing out flyers featuring the club crest outside Tynecastle.

A club statement said the use of the crest had been done without its prior knowledge or consent.

“While we respect the views of our fans and their right to make these opinions known, we take a dim view of individuals or groups attempting to hijack the club crest to meet their own agendas,” a statement concluded.

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SPORT Warren wins in Denmark

Tiger turns tail and takes a break

Woods’ withdrawal gives Europe early Ryder Cup boost ■ It had been one of those ‘will he, won’t he?’ sagas as to whether US Ryder Cup captain Tom Watson would select former world number one Tiger Woods as a wildcard to face Europe at Gleneagles next month.

Woods had been struggling with form and a back injury which had plagued him all season, although Watson said he would be a “fool” not to pick the superstar if he was healthy and playing well.

But with just over a month to go before Europe’s best aim to defend the Ryder Cup on

Scottish soil, Woods himself ended all speculation on the matter.

“While I greatly appreciate Tom thinking about me for a possible Captain’s Pick, I must take myself out of consideration,” he said.

“I’ve been told by my doctors and trainer that my back muscles need to be rehabilitated and healed.”

Woods spoke of his “extreme disappointment” at having to make the decision and, although he has struggled of late, his absence will still be a bitter blow to the USA’s hopes

of reclaiming the trophy they relinquished in 2008. The 38-year-old has a wealth of Ryder Cup experience, having made seven appearances since 1997.

“My primary wish is for Tiger to be healthy and competitive, and I hope that he’ll return to the game very soon,” said Watson, who will name his three wild-card selections on September 2, Phil Mickelson, Bubba Watson, Jim Furyk, Zach Johnson, Rickie Fowler, Matt Kichar, Jordan Spieth, Jimmy Walker and Patrick Reed have already automatically qualified.

COMMENTATORS SAY Courier, said Woods will ■ The Herald’s Nick Rodger be missed by the US as a said the palaver surrounding “positive influence” but not for Woods had been “like being his current form. in the queuing system on The Daily Record’s the phone to an insurance company – after being on hold Michael Gannon echoed that sentiment and said “if for an eye-watering eternity anything the Ryder Cup will we finally have an answer”. be better without Woods”.

But he said he felt “sense, “We would have loved to finally, has prevailed”, as have had the 2005 Tiger in Woods’ decline as a “global town,” he mused. “Not a pale powerhouse” had been “sorry imitation.” to see”.

Across the pond, USA “Anyone who had watched Today’s Steve DiMeglio said Woods shuffling, wincing, there had been “presumed limping and grimacing pressure” to pick Woods for around... could see that the commercial reasons. But he ailing king’s gammy back stressed Watson “will not fret” was as sturdy as that of because he is a man who the camel’s that splintered “always has looked at the under the reckless addition of glass as half full, and will play straws,” he concluded. the underdog role to the max”.

Curler Eve Muirhead, who writes a column for The The BBC’s Iain Carter said the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

the “uncertainty over whether Woods would receive a wildcard was already starting to have a corrosive effect on the captain’s authority”, so Woods had effectively “done the American Ryder Cup team a favour” by withdrawing.

“It is a shame for the Ryder Cup that the game’s biggest name will be absent but the compelling nature of these contests should ensure that he will not be missed,” he added.

CBS Sports.com’s Kyle Porter congratulated Woods on his decision but suggested the move was perhaps done because he “didn’t want to be embarrassed by the fact that Watson was probably going to take guys over him that you’ve never heard of”.

■ There must be something in the Scandinavian air that Marc Warren likes, for the Scot won his third European Tour title when he clinched the Made in Denmark trophy by two shots from Welsh veteran Bradley Dredge.

But despite adding to the Scandinavian Masters title he won in Sweden in 2006, the 33-year-old immediately cooled talk of him potentially making Paul McGinley’s European Ryder Cup team at Gleneagles via the wildcard route.

“I think that ship has sailed, I’ve left it a little bit too late,” he told The Herald’s Phil Casey. “But I’ve been delighted with the summer I’ve had.”

Quick FIRE ■ BBC Two Scotland have agreed to show a number of matches from this year’s PRO12 rugby season live, including the New Year derby match between Edinburgh and Glasgow on Friday, January 2.

BBC Scotland

■ Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley in in talks to invest in Rangers, although that has not gone down well with some supporters.

The Union of Fans group said they were wary of Ashley due to his previous attempts to rename Ibrox Stadium after his sportswear firm Sports Direct.

The Scotsman

SPORT

good week

QUOTES

Darren Fletcher

“The US team and the Ryder Cup mean too much to me not to able to give it my best.”

The 30-year-old has made an astonishing comeback from a bowel condition to be named Manchester United’s vicecaptain.

TIGER WOODS The star will be a big miss at Gleneagles

Malky Mackay

The Scot, who was sacked

by Cardiff in December, was confirmed as Crystal Palace’s new manager after the shock departure of Tony Pulis.

Gordon Strachan

Ahead of Scotland’s European Championship qualifier with World Cup winners Germany, yet another German star decided to call it a day.

Per Mertesacker joined Philipp Lahm and Miroslav Klose in announcing his retirement from international football.

And Germany’s playmaker Bastian Schweinsteiger was also ruled out through injury.

BAD week

Robert Snodgrass

The Scotland international has been ruled out for six months after dislocating his knee cap on his Hull City debut. A huge blow for the player, club and country.

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■ Team Scotland were greeted by thousands of fans during a parade in Glasgow to celebrate their Commonwealth Games achievements.

Moyes: I needed more time at United ■ Former Manchester United manager David Moyes has suggested he was not given enough time to turn things around at Old Trafford.

Comparisons were inevitably drawn with Moyes’ reign after new United boss Louis Van Gaal lost his first competitive league game in charge at home to Swansea at the weekend.

And in an interview with The Mail on Sunday, Moyes revealed he had been left “devastated” at being sacked after less than a year in the job.

“In the end, I don’t feel I was given the time to succeed or fail,” he told the paper.

The Scot also revealed the circumstances behind his dismissal after news broke of his potential demise via Twitter.

The article explained how Manchester United executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward called Moyes in to a meeting at 8am the following day.

Moyes, who went into work early and had a jog around United’s training complex at 4am before clearing out his desk, said it had been “difficult” for his family to find out he was to lose his job via media reports.

“I’ll be giving it my all over the next few weeks.”

STEPHEN GALLACHER The Scot is still hoping to snatch a Ryder Cup spot automatically

“We must not accept the Africans are better than us.” chris o’hare The 1,500m bronze medallist laid down a gauntlet as the countdown to Rio 2016 begins

Mark Dodson

The Scottish Rugby Union chief executive delivered an upbeat assessment of the union’s financial state at the AGM, but he was criticised by The Herald’s Stuart McAllister for failing to acknowledge that everything is not rosy.

“Far from it,” he said, “in some cases, such as women’s rugby, it is not even rosy when looked at through rose-tinted spectacles.”

“I thought I’d won but I wanted to make sure before I properly celebrated.”

■ Lynsey Sharp claimed a superb silver medal at the European Championships in Zurich.

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SPORT

OFF

THE BALL

■ BBC Scotland’s hit show continued as Stuart Cosgrove and Tam Cowan welcomed Div McDonald, from the Pie and Bovril football website, and Raith Rovers fan Steven Lawther, who has just written a new book about the Kirkcaldy club, to the studio.

Can home comforts spur Celtic on?

■ Celtic’s 6-1 mauling of Dundee United in the Premiership last weekend proved it was back to business as usual on the domestic front for the Scottish champions, so Hoops boss Ronny Deila will be hoping a return to Celtic Park for European action will bring about a turn in fortunes when it comes to continental competition.

After an enforced move away to Murrayfield for the earlier rounds, Celtic are back at their spiritual home of Parkhead this week for the second leg of their Champions League

play-off against Slovenian side Maribor and will be hoping to use that home advantage to reach the lucrative group stages for the third consecutive season.

Of course, Celtic are where they are thanks to a technicality after being humbled 6-1 by Legia Warsaw over two legs in the previous round, and were only reinstated to the Champions League after it emerged the Polish club had fielded an ineligible player with just minutes to go of the tie.

Nevertheless, whatever the

rationale behind the decision, the Bhoys still have a chance of qualifying for the next stage.

Deila can only hope for a repeat of last Saturday’s stunning all-round performance, when his new-look Celtic team swept Dundee United aside after the Premiership flag was hoisted at Paradise once more.

Two goals from Jo Inge Berget, a debut strike by Jason Denayer, and further efforts

by Kris Commons, Stefan Johansen and Anthony Stokes had them home and dry.

COMMENTATORS SAY “Not since Marty McFly ■ The Scottish media has jumped into that silver had plenty to say on Celtic’s DeLorean has anyone had continued presence in the a better chance of rewriting Champions League, and it history,” he said, adding that remains to be seen whether the two legs could well “make they will still be in Europe’s or break” the Norwegian’s top competition beyond future.

Tuesday night.

The Daily Record’s Keith But while Legia Warsaw’s Jackson highlighted Legia’s expulsion for fielding an ongoing pleas for Celtic to ineligble player “spits in give up their Champions the face of Nyon’s Fair Play campaign and leaves their rule League spot, but said there is a difference between “sporting book open to ridicule”, The integrity and stark raving Scottish Sun’s Davie Provan stupidity”. said Celtic should take full While pointing out that Celtic advantage. chief executive Peter Lawwell “Celtic didn’t write the rule had played the “trusted trump book, nor make the most card” of sporting integrity expensive clerical error in football history,” he said. before, he said the fact “this Provan went on to suggest mantra has conveniently that the game against Maribor slipped from his vocabulary” was Ronny Deila’s “Michael J was simply Lawwell looking Fox moment”. after Celtic’s business. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

■ Topics this week included the Rogues’ Gallery, following Jim Goodwin’s recent misdemeanours; TV and football; and what does Raith Rovers mean to you?

■ Team of the week was hat-themed, with Borussia Monchenflatcap and Yaya Toure among the entries.

Referees in pay row “If there is a CEO who would not have grabbed this second chance on behalf of his club, he s in the wrong job,” he said. “With £20 million at stake, this is neither the time nor place to come over all Corinthian.”

Meanwhile, Celtic’s James Forrest will be a doubt after suffering a hamstring injury, and The Herald’s Graeme Macpherson said the club have to get to the bottom of Forrest’s persistent injury problems if he is to develop.

He can be a “thrilling” player to watch, he said, but his “explosive style, sudden acceleration and movement” can be his constant undoing.

And he added that the “lingering threat of injury is bad not just for his health but for his reputation”.

■ Former referee Stuart Dougal said match officials “would be justified in threatening strike action”.

Officials say the gulf between payments in the top two tiers is too large, with referees paid £840 for a Premiership game and just £195 for a Championship match.

But Dougal said games involving Rangers, Hibs and Hearts were “just like” Premiership matches.

The comments came as referee John Beaton (pictured) was criticised in the media for awarding Celtic a soft penalty in a 3-0 win at St Johnstone and failing to spot one at the other end. Saints’ Dave Mackay was sent off in the same incident.

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good week

QUOTES

Shelley Kerr

“I don’t see any reason why we can’t compete for the league.”

The former Arsenal Ladies boss has been named manager at Lowland League Stirling University, making her the first ever female to take charge of a Scottish senior football team.

MICHAEL NGOO Kilmarnock’s new signing aimed, er, high

Henrik Ojamaa

The Estonian striker had fallen out of favour at Legia Warsaw but is keen to prove a point after rejoining Motherwell on loan.

Scott Harrison

■ Hearts’ Sam Nicholson scored the pick of the goals in the Edinburgh derby, netting a superb 25-yard effort at Tynecastle. The Jambos visit Raith Rovers, who also have a 100% record so far, this weekend.

He may not have had his problems to seek away from boxing, but the Daily Record revealed the Scot will soon return to the ring.

The British Boxing Board of Control has reinstated the former world featherweight champion’s licence, potentially paving the way for a “tartan tear-up” with Ricky Burns later this year.

HEADLINES

Bragging rights for Hearts

BAD week Michael Ngoo

Kilmarnock’s new striker capped a busy weekend by ending up in the cells. After signing for the Ayrshire club and then making his debut, Ngoo was arrested in a bar in Ayr after allegedly arguing with staff and police.

■ Hearts took the spoils in the capital derby thanks to a 2-1 win over Hibs. Goals

by Sam Nicholson and a Prince Buaben won it, with Farid El Alagui’s late goal merely a consolation. Scott Robertson and Osman Sow were both sent off, while Liam Craig missed a penalty for Alan Stubbs’ side.

“A messy game, three points for Hearts and more derby misery for a Hibs team who can’t find a way to win this clash,” was how The Scottish Sun’s Michael Stewart described the match.

“This is the equivalent of forgetting to pay the electricity bill and being sentenced to 20 years behind bars.”

HENNING BERG Legia Warsaw’s boss is still smarting from his side’s expulsion from the Champions League

FOOTBALL: Hibernian confirmed that a £3.5m takeover bid by David Low was rejected on the grounds that it is “not in the best interests of the club”.

The Glasgow-based financial advisor tabled the offer on behalf of a consortium that reportedly included former Hibs chairman Malcolm McPherson.

FOOTBALL: East Fife fans have launched a bid to buy the club following the resignation of chairman Lee Murray.

Shinty: Newtonmore play Kyles in the Macaulay Cup final this weekend, knowing they could clinch a historic double on the same day.

A 2-2 draw with closest rivals Lovat meant Newtonmore had one hand on the Premiership trophy, meaning they could win the league depending on Lovat’s result against Kingussie this weekend.

“Welcome to the dark side.”

BARRY FERGUSON What Rangers boss Ally McCoist reportedly told the new Clyde gaffer as he started out in management with Blackpool

“An Old Firm striker should be getting 20 or 25 goals a season... if we don’t we’ve let the club down.”

KRIS BOYD ‘Gers hitman scored a hat-trick in their 8-1 cup mauling of Clyde

Jamie Walker

The Hearts youngster was handed a two-match ban after “appearing to stick the nut” on Hibs’ Lewis Stevenson during the weekend’’s derby, reported The Scottish Sun. Referee Willie Collum missed it but both players faced retrospective action.

■ Teenager Craig Wighton grabbed the equaliser as Dundee drew 1-1 at home to Partick Thistle in the Premiership.

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COMMENT

FRED SAID Comedian, broadcaster and presenter

FRED MACAULAY

Comedians ad libbing? This is more about Fringe fibbing Fred’s had a busy Fringe but the end is almost in sight

■ It’s the final week of the Edinburgh Fringe... when lies are told about intentions to see shows, lies which have more creative writing attached than the shows themselves.

It becomes an all consuming part of the comedian’s life, the Fringe. I’m a bit more philosophical nowadays than I was when I was young and fresh faced... if that was ever the case.

One of the most frequently spun lies isn’t about failure to see a friend’s show, it’s about whether reviews are read. “I never read them: pointless exercise.” This usually means they’ve not had a good one yet.

An old pal, the self-effacing Tom Binns (that’s him on the left), was a guest on my radio show last week. He’s an excellent stand-up in his own right and he has developed two equally hilarious characters over the years, namely Ivan Brackenberry and Ian D Monfort.

The former is a fake hospital

Clarifications and corrections The Stooshie is committed to journalism of the highest standards and we aim to produce our magazine with accuracy, honesty and fairness. Our journalists adhere to the DC Thomson company values of integrity, respect, commitment and creativity. We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice which is enforced by the Press Complaints Commission. It is our policy to publish clarifications and corrections when necessary and as quickly as possible. You can contact us by email at: editor@thestooshie.co.uk or by writing to: The Readers’ Editor, The Stooshie, 80 Kingsway East, Dundee DD4 8SL.

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

DJ who is hugely funny and errs delightfully on the very edge of political correctness.

The latter, a Sunderland psychic. Fake? How could one make such an allegation?

When Tom was on as himself he mentioned that he’d had two five-star reviews. Then, the following week, when visiting as Ivan Brackenberry, he mentioned that he’d heard Tom reveal that he’d had two five-star reviews, and went on to announce that Tom also had three three-star reviews which he had failed to mention!

The audience whooped with laughter at what amounts to self-inflicted heckling. I’ve seen both characters several times and rock with laughter every time I see them. As for the psychic, I KNOW it’s a trick, but even after seeing him about a dozen times I’m still no further forward as to how he does it.

If you get a chance to see Tom, Ivan or Ian when he (they) are out on tour, go!

There’s no smoke without ire...

■ Pretty much everyone I know will be heading off on holiday straight after their final shows in Edinburgh.

For anyone flying, the news of seismic activity under a volcano in Iceland is a worry. The last thing we need is another ash cloud over Europe. Well, maybe not the last thing, but it’s high up in the list of unwanteds.

A bit like the litter which I see strewn around the streets of Edinburgh’s New Town. I don’t want THAT either. This is a World Heritage Site, but the ‘system’ of dealing with household rubbish seems to involve throwing full black bin bags into the street, waiting until the seagulls and foxes have ripped them apart and then sending the bin lorries round to pick up most of the mess.

It angers me, as does any form of deliberate littering, and I highlight it as someone who loves Edinburgh.

Anyway, back to the Icelandic volcano... which is called Bardarbunga.

The only certainty is that if it erupts, and he’s trapped on holiday somewhere at the same time, Silvio Berlusconi will be organising a Bardarbungabunga party.

Information about the Code of Practice can be obtained from The Press Complaints Commission at Halton House, 20/23 High Holborn, London EC1N 2JD or email complaints@pcc.org.uk or call 0845 6002757 or 0207 8310022.

Published in Great Britain by D.C. Thomson & Co. Ltd, 185 Fleet Street, London, EC4A 2HS. © D. C. Thomson & Co., Ltd, 2014. Distributed by Marketforce, Blue Fin Building, 110 Southwark Street, London, SE1 0SU. Tel: +44(0) 20 3148 3300 Fax: +44(0) 20 3148 8105 Website: www. marketforce.co.uk

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