SINGLES - Me, Myself, I and God

LIVING SINGLE - Rutendo P Mugadza

Singleness is one of the most talked-about topics in our society today. Single people are often seen as lonely, unfulfilled, incomplete, and these are certainly feelings that some will go through when they are in a season of singleness. I thought God intended for everyone to get married and created marriage with all people in mind because, lest we forget, He is the author of the marital relationship. In Genesis when Adam was lonely God made him a helper suitable for him, one who would keep him company whilst helping with the workload, Genesis 2 verses 18-25. However, we are not talking about marriage today, we are talking about being single, yet the relationship that began the marriage institution as we know it today is what causes most single people to feel like something is missing when they are not in a relationship. I have now experienced being single more than I had expected, as my husband passed away after nearly sixteen years of marriage, and I now feel like yes marriage is optional, I can live single, fulfilled, and happy just me, myself, I and God. Let me give you a little insight of how I got to this perspective on relationships and singleness. God has always existed as a triune God, in relationship as Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, companionship is therefore the norm for Him. When He created Adam to have a relationship with Him, that is why we were created to enjoy God and glorify Him, God could not spend all His time with Adam, however He gave him chores in the garden, the animals to look after and I guess that kept him somewhat busy but there was no one Adam could enjoy companionship with after he was done with his work. The animals were not of his kind, that is created in God’s image, and so God created Eve to fill that gap. Had God been with Adam 24/7, as we can experience the

Holy Spirit now, the need for Eve may never have arisen in that way, because Adam’s relational needs would have been totally fulfilled by his constant presence with God. Let us keep in

mind that God throughout the Bible reveals Himself to us in various relational roles, Father, husband, friend, brother, mother, lover, ME, MYSELF, creator, the different facets of how God relates to us are unending and would need a whole other article to cover. I AND GOD Moving on lets fast forward to this modern age, we are struggling with our singleness, yet Jesus seems to call it a gift in Matthew 19 verses 10-12, as does Paul in 1 Corinthians 7v7. You may wonder how this could possibly be a gift, when you feel

lonely and unfulfilled or incomplete. I have seen how it would be a gift though, because when you learn the constant presence of God as Jesus had with the Father and Holy Spirit and as Paul had come to know and seek after his conversion, the need for spousal relationship becomes less of a concern and one may even begin to see it as a distraction in the pursuit of relationship with God. When you allow yourself to know God intimately, to seek him desperately and enjoy him unreservedly, the spouse you think will fulfil you, will pale in comparison. He can meet your every need in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. Jeremiah 33v3 encourages us to call to him and he can show us great and mighty things which we do not know, and who better to ask than the one who created you when you are struggling with singleness. Where does this then leave us and what does it mean for us as single people you may wonder? Well, singleness can be a time of immense personal growth and discovery, a time when we can be the most ourselves, and who God created us to be. It can be a season where we are closer to God than we can ever be at any other time. Paul points out in 1 Corinthians 7v32-34, your concern when you are married is definitely about how to understand, get closer to and please your spouse a lot more than how to do the same with God, because more often than not our whole identity becomes tied up in who we are as married people instead of who we are as God’s children. So now having seen where our deep need lies, that is in having companionship and that it really can be fulfilled with our relationship with God, does it solve all the issues we face as single people.

The unfortunate answer to that is because of our humanity, it does not, for just as married Christian people still face struggles in their married life, single Christian people also face many struggles. What we however always need to keep in perspective is that no state is better than the other, each has its advantages and its disadvantages. Allow yourself to be at peace whatever situation you find yourself in and focus on what is important at that time to ensure you glorify and enjoy relationship with God always. As a single person especially do not be striving with God about getting married, be patient and wait on him if it is your deep desire, he will bring the right person at the right time for you.

Psalms 37v4 says when we delight ourselves in the Lord he gives us our heart’s desires. I hope that we have laid a good grounding of where we are as single people, that we are not lacking anything and in God we have and we are enough. We can therefore begin to discuss the issues we struggle with and how we can begin to live victorious single lives. We will explore the many facets of singleness: how to make friends; how to date; what it means to be single in Christ; how to make peace with your singleness, raising children as a single parent and so much more!

We will also speak about all these with a view to meet the different needs of different single people who have been generalized in terms of their outlook on life thus far. So, to get an understanding of what we are saying when we mention single people, I will leave you with these few statements about the different types and point of views of singleness that we will over time explore with this column of Living Single. Divorced people who are seen as more likely to experience loneliness, but they also feel a sense of freedom. Widowed people who are more likely to be lonely than married people, but they also experience a greater sense of meaning in their lives. Nevermarried people who tend to be the most content with their lives because they never had to deal with the emotional trauma of divorce or the death of a spouse. Don’t worry though if you don’t see yourself in any of these descriptions, the Bible says that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalms 139v1317 and to me it’s always spoken of “it okay to be different” because God did not use a cookie cutter when he made each one of us and we are so very precious in his sight. So, until we meet again in the next issue and begin to delve deeper into the issues of singleness, stay content and stay growing in relationship with God, xoxo.

Rutendo