LUV CRICKET, 'ATE SURREY ATE

The home countiest of all the home counties, Surrey is famous for its gorgeous country homes, rolling hills, and capacity to contain all the nation’s worst bellends in one convenient location. Their cricket club, aptly, is so flush with cash that they can’tgoaweekwithoutmakinga signing, and every evening during Blast season Ralph Lauren and gilet clad bussinesspeople flock from the city to Kennington to babble incoherently through 6-12 pintswhilstcrickethappensinthe background.

So Surrey is terrible, and the cricketclubisterrible.Sowhat?

Well, because they’ve got all the money,theyalsohaveallthejobs. Cricketfansfromthenorth,east, southandwestmovetoLondonin search of better lives, often exilingthemselvesfromtheirlocal clubs. There are options to scratch the leather-on-willow itch. One is Middlesex, playing at the home of cricket will cost you £20 per day of county championship cricket if you haven't got *checks notes* 29 years to wait for an MCC membership. The other is… well, Surrey.

Despite all the terrible people, places,organisationsandI’msure evenanimalsthatfindthemselves inSurrey,thecricketclubactually hasalotgoingforit.TheOvalisa lovely ground, accessible and pretty, despite some of its clientele.Thecostofmembership is pretty cheap, especially as a young’un (cheeky price hikes for 26-year-olds notwithstanding), andyougetalotofbangforthat buck. As a result, those exiled fans,stuckbetweenarockanda poshplace,traipsetoKennington intheirdozenstogettheirfixof this silly, silly game, and to cheer on whomever is playing against the team in maroon that given day.

But no longer does this experience need to be dourintroducing Surrey Haters With Memberships! Banding together under the flag of hatred, fans of all17othercountiescancheeron theoppositioninoneproudvoice. Avoicethatwillnotbendtheknee tothecash-splashing,commutertown-having, 85k-a-year-isn’tactually-a-lot-after-tax-thinking outfit. We look forward to you joiningus,admissionisfree.

Sean Williams