little little jos jos buttler buttler

Jos Buttler is shorter than one wouldexpect.HowdoIknow?Well, *tokescigarette*Ionlyattempted to interview him after a Hundred gameatOldTrafford.

Attempted being the operative word.

AnynervesIhadaboutspeakingto thetaciturnEnglandcaptainfaceto-face (I’m a podcaster darling, I usually just send a Zoom link to these people’s agents) were quickly consumed by confusion: why is this cricketing Adonis, whose rear I admired so fervently from the 4th row of the party stand during the fourth Ashes Testin2019,shorterthanme?

Look, I can’t pretend I wasn’t delighted, proud even. I’m a white, British male, which makes me entitled to believe I should be at least 6ft, so considering I am as good as that (5ft 11.5 but we round up), it was infeasible to process this information. It was like showing up on a Hinge date withGod,whohadn’tliedabouthis miraclesorinnovativecreationism, but just… wasn’t who you thought hewas.

After the Hundred match, the Lancashirepressliaisonofficerled meandtwootherjournalistsdown to pitch-side. KP’s there, and leaving his abhorrent views on most things aside, he’s every bit the handsome alpha I’d grown accustomed to idolising in my youthonTV.Heactually superseded my expectations in both his height and aesthetic, but this wasn’t surprising: after working at BBC 5 Live for seven years, you find this is usually the casewithsportspeople.

We were asked if we’d be happy to speak to Jos as well as a South African hunk with arguably the best rig in cricket, Faf Du Plessis. Happy? Pharrell Williams couldn’t expressinsongformhowecstatic Iwas-thiswasmyfirstpitch-side experience in an official capacity and I’m about to ask questions about this silly sport to two of its pillar stones, both international captains.

Experienced sports journalist, Vithushan Ehantharajah, led the charge and me and matey boy from the local paper were happy to follow suit. Faf was fucking fit. Tall, but not intimidatingly so. Charming, charismatic, and unconventionally handsome. Boom, first interview’s in the can, and I evensnucksomequestionsin.

Jos is up next and he’s about a slip-cordon’s distance away. My depth perception isn’t the best, but his shoulders and presence suggested he was at least 6ft. Of course, his voice is to the contrary, and as he approached and his stature refused to grow. That mousy murmur whispered ‘heyguys’anditdawnedonme.

Jos Buttler, the best white ball batter in the world, my favourite player for Lancashire (when he bothers showing up) was… looking upatme.Sure,onlyatanangleof about 2/3 degrees, but I still felt likebloodybehemoth.

WhatJossaidtousthatdayison the record. It’s on the Murali End podcast, and you’ll hear me not ask a fucking question because I spent the majority of the Old Trafford pitch-side encounter processing, and ruminating, my internalmonologuescreaming‘ASK HIM WHY HE’S NOT 6 FT 3!’. I was RyanGoslingonthatgeniusSNL ‘Papyrus sketch’ (I’m not gonna explain it to you, go on YouTube nowifyou’venotalreadyseenit).

Lesson is, never meet your heroes… unless their name is Faf DuPlessis.