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THE GRINCHY GHEY: How Julian Assange stole Christmas.

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IF Y TH HE TH TH PU

NEWS COMMENTARY

POLICE BRUTALITY IN THREE ACTS

BY AARON LOWINGER

THE VIOLENT WAYS OF CARIOLE HORNE’S ANTAGONIST, GREGORY KWIATOWSKI, HAVE FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH HIM ACT 1: THE BALLAD OF CARIOL HORNE The plight of former Buffalo Police officer Cariol Horne has been heard nationwide for more than 10 years, and even as her case has been strengthened by events that have transpired since, she appears no closer to resolving the Buffalo Police Department’s sloppy termination of her 19-year run as a police officer.

Eleven years ago, Horne was responding to a domestic disturbance on Walden Avenue.

When she arrived, she found a fellow officer, Gregory Kwiatkowski, punching a handcuffed suspect in the face. After Kwiatkowski along with other officers had dragged the man, Neal Mack, out of the home, Kwiatkowski, apparently still upset about whatever had happened before Horne arrived, began choking Mack.

Horne interceded physically, and was repaid with a punch to the mouth from Kwiatkowski that injured her. Subsequently she lost her job and her pension: Horne, an African American, was terminated from the BPD for helping a man being choked by a fellow officer, also an African American. Horne also lost a defamation lawsuit filed against her by Kwiatkowski.

In the protracted meantime, Horne has unsuccessfully fought for justice and Kwiatkowski has done more of the same. In a 2009 incident, Kwiatowski along with two other officers, confiscated a BB gun from a group of teens near Eggert road, handcuffed them in the car and shot them. In 2011, Kwiatkowski, then a lieutenant, chose to retire while facing an internal investigation into an incident in which he grabbed another fellow officer by the neck in retaliation for that officer’s request to placed elsewhere in the force, away from Kwiatkowski.

Further, Kwiatkowski was charged earlier this year on DWI charges stemming from an ATV event in the Watertown area.

Last week, Kwiatkowski finally pled guilty for the BB gun incident on the eve of the trial, convinced that his fellow officers would impugn him. “He admits using unlawful, unreasonable, excessive force,” Assistant US Attorney Aaron J. Mango told the Buffalo News.

Horne, who has moved back to the area to follow the trial and continue fighting for her case, expressed some surprise and relief that Kwiatkowski made any kind of admission. “Yes I am surprised. If he didn’t do anything then it doesn’t matter what someone else says,” Horne told The Public about Kwiatkowski’s co-defendants. “There’s no one to protect him from his wrongdoing, I’m surprised because of that reason. I thought that he felt he would get off like he got off with all the rest of the things he did.

“As far as the city is concerned,” Horne also

Neal Mack and former Buffalo police officer Cariole Horne.

said, “they could have chose to have done the right thing a long time ago, and they chose not to. So with him admitting that he did something wrong, maybe I can go back to them, but at the same time even if I go back they don’t want to admit they were wrong.”

Horne took her case to the Buffalo Common Council in 2014, but was rebuffed by the city’s legal defense and the state regulations which govern pension amounts. Horne has gathered nearly 164,000 signatures on an online petition calling for the restitution of her pension.

Horne still feels that the city punished her unduly for breaking the unwritten code of the police that seems to supersede the job’s oath, to serve and protect. About her treatment, she said the city “didn’t want to give officers the idea they could stand up against police brutality.”

“There is a culture within the Buffalo Police

Department that is not easy to change,” the FBI’s then Agent-in-Charge Brian P. Boetig told the Buffalo News in 2014 about a string of high-profile brutality cases, including Kwiatkowski’s.

The city has not responded to a request for comment on Kwiatkowski’s guilty plea.

ACT 2: THE SHAUN PORTER VIDEO Speaking of the FBI and the Buffalo News, this corner wishes to commend the News for taking the city to court over its refusal to release the cellblock video that allegedly depicts the brutal beating of Shaun Porter. The city has long lacked transparency in its criminal justice public relations, and it’s necessary that media companies with the resources to do so pursue Freedom of Information law.

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Real Possibilities is a trademark of AARP.

COMMENTARY NEWS Reporters are currently hard-pressed to get any vital information from the city including number of shooting incidents, number of “quality of life” tickets and summonses issued in poor, predominantly black neighborhoods versus more affluent white neighborhoods, the number of use-of-force complaints, and other internal affairs information.

The Public has also attempted to gain access to the video from the FBI and the city. A form letter dated October 13, 2016 asking for “20 days for a search and review of this request” to be followed by written notification has stalled.

Messages left for the BPD’s Freedom of Information office have not been responded to.

The FBI responded with a form letter asking for documentation “demonstrating the public interest in the operations and activities of the government outweighs the substantial privacy interest of the subject.” The Public responded with a letter describing the city’s racially biased police patterns, the city’s numerous use of force complaints in recent years, the city’s staggeringly low clearance rate for homicides, and recent surveys showing that many citizens don’t trust their police. The request was denied and closed on November 17.

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According to reports, Porter, an African American, was arrested at a domestic disturbance and was brought in handcuffed to the Buffalo Police cellblock. The attendant guard, Matthew Jaskula, took exception to Porter’s request for an attorney and pushed or tripped Porter so that his head struck a wall and he lost consciousness. The two arresting officers were also present during the alleged assault.

The cellblock attendant then dragged the limp, bleeding body of Porter into a cell until Porter’s injuries necessitated an emergency trip to ECMC. Porter contacted The Public in June and recounted the event. At the time, Porter said that on the way to the ECMC, those same two officers stopped the car and opened his door, causing him to fear for his life at the time.

According to Porter and other reports, the incident was reported to the FBI by one or several of Jaskula’s colleagues when they discovered the injuries and reviewed the video themselves.

CO M M U N I T Y A R T PA RTY D E C E M B E R 9 2 01 6 | 5 P M –12A M

Jaskula has since been indicted over the incident. The two arresting officers who witnessed the event and did not report it have escaped any such prosecution.

The city and FBI have steadfastly refused to release the video. In contradiction to practice elsewhere, Buffalo Corporation Counsel Timothy A. Ball has defended this to the News as being part of an ongoing criminal prosecution and arguing that the video should be considered a personnel issue, thus barring it from release.

Ball is the same attorney who provided the city with the legal framework to terminate Cariol Horne and subsequently deny her pension.

ACT 3: DO WHITE LIVES MATTER? The lead story on Sunday’s New York Times was a report on the state’s racially biased prison system. Not only are blacks more frequently arrested, prosecuted, and sent to prison for longer than whites, once they get there they are more likely to be punished excessively, denied parole, and placed in solitary confinement. It’s a harrowing report, one that illustrates that in many Upstate prisons, the guards are almost exclusively white.

We direct your attention to page 17 of the Erie County Legislature’s November 7 release of claims being made against the county. A man named Reeseie Nash submitted an affidavit against the Erie County Sheriff ’s Department that on August 25, after a strip search, he was beaten: Officer Moss did physically strike me several times with his hands and boots causing headaches, nose bleed, dizziness, swelling, Tooth loose, a hard time walking and neck/shoulder pain (L) side. The incident arose after citing racial inequality at a disciplinary hearing. During the beating he stated “Do White Live Matter” in question form. In retaliation, (2) misbehavior reports were drawn and Admin seg order written to hush and keep conduct of officer aware from population P and others.

Join us for this once-in-a-half century cultural happening celebrating the Burchfield Penney’s 50th anniversary. Live music will fill the galleries, hallways, and elevators. Site-specific installations by artists will appear in spaces you’d least expect. Come experience Western New York art and find yourself at The Center. GOLDEN is free and open to the public.

For info on all that’s going on, visit www.BurchfieldPenney.org.

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NEWS HOLIDAY GHOST STORIES

THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

BY MASON WINFIELD

DID ELBERT HUBBARD CURSE THE ROYCROFT INN? AND OTHER CHRISTMAS GHOST STORIES… Around 1900 a guest of East Aurora’s Roycroft Inn spotted an old employee weeping at her job. When asked what sort of tragedy had brought her to tears, she replied that they were tears of joy. By vouching for her son’s character and guaranteeing him a job, Roycroft founder Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915) had gotten him out of prison early to spend the holidays with his family. He had pulled one of his Christmas-season strings. This is the second in our series of seasonal Roycroft Campus ghost stories.

BORN IN BUFFALO of first-generation German-Americans, Lewis Valentine Fuchs (18971957) was one of those unusual people who was a veteran of both the World Wars. By the 1930s Fuchs was living in East Aurora. By the early 1940s, he was working for the Erie County Trust Company. Shortly after the end of the Second World War, his bank gained ownership of the Roycroft Inn in a foreclosure proceed-

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ing, and “Louie” Fuchs retired to become an innkeeper. Many people thought he was taking over a white elephant.

The inn had had some ill fortune in the decades since founder Elbert Hubbard’s disappearance aboard the Lusitania. Hubbard had been known for his dislike of alcoholism, and his inn had never sold alcohol during his span at Roycroft (1895-1915). People in the village were starting to gossip that Hubbard had placed a curse over the fortunes of any future proprietors of the inn who sold beer, wine, or spirits. Most restaurateurs will tell you that they would be cursed if they didn’t sell beer, wine, or spirits.

Even if you believe in hexes, evidence suggests that the legend was unfair. A number of owners have made a go of the inn with thriving pubs.

The Turgeon brothers enterprise owned the inn in the 1970s, and their thumping basement disco Ali Baba’s was a Southtowns legend. The inn does very well today, and it vends its share of spirits. Still, I am told that at the time the inn came to Fuchs, it was considered a dummy prize. Apparently someone at his bank who may not have liked him had the idea to foist it off on the near-to-retirement Fuchs in place of

There is a legend that Elbert Hubbard didn’t die on the Lusitania.

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GHOSTS NEWS a sizable retirement package. If joke it was, it was on somebody else.

Fuchs made the inn a great success. Every day at happy hour the bar was stacked five-deep.

The restaurant was packed on weekends. The Roycroft Inn was as much the centerpiece for the town’s recreation as it had ever been for its culture.

Fuchs was known not only for his savvy as an innkeeper, but for his acts of kindness, especially around Christmas. Every one of the years he owned the Inn he called a meeting of his employees and asked for the names and addresses of the worthy needy in the Town of Aurora. He had baskets made up of gifts, food, and clothing, and directed his employees to deliver them on Christmas Eve. “Don’t you ever tell them where it came from,” he told his drivers.

Fuchs’s charity is a direct echo of “The Christmas Miracle,” one of the grand gestures for which Elbert Hubbard was known in his two decades of stewardship of the Roycroft enterprise.

Now, Elbert Hubbard is East Aurora’s most celebrated late resident. It’s no surprise that when a villager spots an apparition and gives it a name, his is the one most often tacked onto it. Hubbard’s ghost is reported all over the town and not just on the Roycroft Campus. I haven’t heard about him much in the last two decades, so maybe he’s through coming back.

Other legends about Hubbard were even wilder than the chance that his form might come back as an apparition. A little cult of believers could be found in the 1980s to attest that the living Hubbard had been a wizard who had orchestrated his disappearance off the Lusitania so as to spring straight into the world-betweenworlds like an ascended master. For such a character, a simple curse ought to be kids’ stuff, and a few post-life reappearances to be expected.

The Harry Potter-style stuff probably started with Hubbard’s own interests. He was likely to have been a Rosicrucian, and he probably kicked the tires with Freemasonry, Theosophy, parapsychology, and Spiritualism. That’s a long way from the effective practice of magic, but the average American lumps all forms of alternative spirituality in with the sinister.

At least in the village folklore, Hubbard comes back as a confessor more than a haunter. He makes an exceptionally intelligent ghost. In some recountings he’s that oddest combination of an apparition and a spirit-guide who was said to join his confidants on the streets on their evening walks. He came to another disciple as a reflection in the broad mirror of the former bar at the inn, delivering side-by-side counsel that no others could hear or see. I was also told that Hubbard appeared now and again in quiet moments in the broad 1907 photograph of the inn that was once in place of the former bar mirror.

His tiny two-dimensional apparition came out the door of the inn like a figure on a TV screen, took a seat on the steps, and joined his living witness thus in dialogue.

The most developed of these tales are of course hard to swallow. Many people spot the occasional faint, flickering image we call a ghost.

Claiming to have held a series of dialogues with one is a very different thing. Fuchs, according to testimony, had his mind made up.

One of my late interview subjects, a former Roycroft employee, had congratulated Fuchs on his success at the inn. My subject asked him if he hadn’t been worried about the legendary teetotaler’s curse. Fuchs said he didn’t believe in a curse. “No?” said his companion.

“Hubbard didn’t mean it,” Fuchs was said to have said with a Saint Nick twinkle in the eye.

“He told me so.” He went on to say that the two consulted whenever Fuchs had a pivotal decision to make about the fortunes of the Inn. It would figure. Maybe that was how he got the pass on the curse, and the idea for his own Christmas Miracle.

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Author-researcher Mason Winfield is the author of 11, soon 12, books. He is the founder of Haunted History Ghost Walks, Inc., Western New York’s original supernatural P touring company.

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NEWS COMMENTARY

WILL GAY & LESBIAN NEIGHBORHOODS RESURGE?

BY ALEX BITTERMAN & DANIEL BALDWIN HESS

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certainly more gloomy days ahead for America’s LGBT community. President-elect Trump’s proposed policy agenda seems designed to marginalize minority groups, and Vice President-elect Pence has a demonstrated track record of vigorously working to restrict LGBT rights. The tone set by their transition team has already proven to be disappointing news for America’s lesbian and gay community members, many of whom live, socialize, and patronize businesses in or near gay neighborhoods in urban centers within progressive ”blue” territory.

IF YOUsquarely APPROVE ERRORS WHICH ARE ON THIS PROOF, THE

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PUBLIC CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE. PLEASE EXAMINE THEYork AD City), Gay neighborhoods—Chelsea and Greenwich Village (New THOROUGHLY IF THE AD IS AHollywood PICK-UP. (Los Angeles), South Beach North HalstedEVEN (Chicago), West (Miami), Washington Square West (Philadelphia), Dupont Circle (Wash� CHECK COPY (Buffalo)—along CONTENT ington, DC) TO andADVERTISER Allentown and Elmwood Village with MESSAGE Thank you forneighborhoods advertising in�mediumcountless similar and large-sized urban cenCHECK IMPORTANT DATES with areTHE PleaseAmerica. These neighborhoods emerged ters, vital PUBLIC. places in urban �concurrent CHECK NAME, review your sexual ad and check and after the 1960s revolution violenceADDRESS, against gay men for lesbian any errors.

The originallandmark events such as the Stonewall riand women, including PHONE #, & WEBSITE layout have arson in New Orleans, in which more ots in Newinstructions York and the UpStairs beenthirty followed as perished. closely as � PROOF CHANGES) than patrons A desire to liveOK in (NO accepting communities possible. THE PUBLIC offers galvanized gay men and lesbian women to become “urban pioneers,” the � PROOF OK (WITH CHANGES) design services with two first group to occupy older and declining central city neighborhoods as proofs at no charge. THE affluent cities for the suburbs. Gay and lesbian residents PUBLICresidents is not fled responsible established communities in these neglected areas, where rents were Advertisersurban Signature for any error if not notified inexpensive, space was plentiful, and safety was strengthened by numbers. within 24 hours of receipt. ____________________________ Over throughdepartment dedication, hard work, and often in the face of adverThe time, production sity, LGBT in these communities by renovating homes must have residents a signedinvested proof in Date _______________________ and apartment buildings. order to print.

PleaseNew signbusinesses and other investment were soon Y15W51 and fax this backvibrant or approve attracted to these neighborhoods, and the combined communiIssue: ______________________ by responding to this email. ty-building efforts richly enhanced social and cultural life.

The PROOF latest MAY trends, however, throughINdemographic data, ecoTHIS ONLY BE USEDmeasured FOR PUBLICATION THE PUBLIC.

nomic activity, and housing market performance, suggested the slow demise of gay urban neighborhoods for three key reasons. First, older gays and lesbians continue to assimilate in urban space and no longer feel a strong desire to live in gay neighborhoods, as fears for physical safety decrease and mainstream acceptance of homosexuality increases.

Second, millennial LGBTs, coming of age in a time or greater acceptance, show more interest in integrating rather than segregating and are content trading propinquity for digital connection. Third, long-established gay neighborhoods, in desirable locations with quality housing and attractive amenities resulting from significant neighborhood investment, became appealing to mainstream buyers and residents. In this sense, gay neighborhoods became victims of their own success.

The outcome of the 2016 presidential election has placed LGBT Americans on edge. Seemingly rational trajectories of mainstreaming LGBT

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Perhaps one of the more disappointing changes to come is the likely death of a quiet effort just getting underway by the Department of the Interior, on behalf of the Obama administration, to identify and designate historically significant LGBT heritage sites across America. This potential loss is significant and should motivate LGBT Americans and community leaders to unite and advocate the continuation of this little-known but important initiative.

Since November 8, there has been an outpouring of togetherness among LGBT community members via social media and public demonstrations.

While the LGBT community celebrates many advances against discrimination based on sexual orientation, greater integration into mainstream society, heightened visibility, and increased confidence, fear clouds the present frame of reference. Segregation is a natural human response derived from fear of others, and to imagine a future when urban American becomes more divided—whether people separate themselves into neighborhoods because they choose to or they are forced to—undoes advances our country has made in creating an open, accepting, and tolerant society.

People are again seeking kinship with others who feel similarly marginalized, and this might mean that gay neighborhoods, with their self-protective and sometimes outspoken nature, may again rise, but hopefully not as communities of last resort for America’s LGBT citizens.

Alex Bitterman, PhD, is professor and chair of Architecture and Design at Alfred State College. Daniel Baldwin Hess, PhD, is professor of Urban Planning at the University at Buffalo and visiting scholar at the Centre for Migration and Urban Studies at the University of Tartu, P Estonia. Originally published in the Washington Blade.

The Sterling Engine Co., 1270 Niagara Street, was one of America’s foremost makers of engines for marine and industrial applications.

Established in 1903, the engine manufacturer was part of a vast constellation of industries that once stretched along the New York Central Belt Line. Here, in a 1936 photograph, is one of the laborers who churned out thousands of gasoline and diesel engines in the course of the company’s existence. Sterling Engine was best known for its marine engines used by US and British forces in World War II. Coast Guard cutters equipped with Sterling engines rescued hundreds of survivors from stricken ships off the coast of Normandy in the initial wave of the invasion. The plant still stands along Niagara Street. Resurgence Brewing Co. and the Body of Trade and Commerce Gallery, among other tenants, now occupy the complex.

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When candidate Trump says on the stump that “inner cities are a disaster,” he stokes fears—among rural and suburban Americans—from decades past when cities were dangerous, and crime-ridden. The vibrant, successful cities that drive our American economy today demonstrate that this rhetoric is unacceptable, and propagating empty allusions represents a significant step backward for urban America and especially LGBT neighborhoods. Donald Trump and Mike Pence should visit gay and lesbian neighborhoods to acquire a clearer understanding of the positive impact that LGBT residents, parents, and families have had in fueling our American economy while ensuring prosperity in their communities for everyone to enjoy, regardless of sexual orientation.

LOOKING BACKWARD: STERLING ENGINE CO., 1936

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8

Americans—greater legal protections and equity under federal law, ever-increasing social acceptance, diminishing risk of discrimination, and increasing safety—are now seriously threatened as a new and evidently conservative regime takes control of the American government. Many fear that the hard-won social advances of the LGBT community will be rolled back. LGBT Americans are anxious because the incoming administration does not seem to subscribe to a predictable political ideology and the actions of its leaders are divisive and volatile.

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9

ARTS REVIEW

TOM HOLT: ROLL THE BONES

BY JACK FORAN

AT WESTER NEW YORK BOOK ARTS CENTER, THE ARTIST COMBINES HIS TWO LOVES: DRAWING AND SKATEBOARDING ART AND SKATEBOARDING SHARE THE LIMELIGHT in artist and inveterate boarder Tom Holt’s current show at Western New York Book Arts Center. A couple of drawings on paper, but most of the art is on skateboards or skateboarding ancillary items. Such as the one abstract example, a square of black grip tape—a kind of fine grade sandpaper material applied to the top of the board to make it easier for sneaker soles to grab onto—with a subtle wear pattern, the result of exactly one hundred “kick flips,” a standard maneuver in which boarder and board rise off the ground—the boarder separating from the board—and the board turns over completely—360 degrees—along its long axis, before boarder and board re-connect and return to earth. To perform the maneuver, the boarder simultaneously lifts his back foot and slides his front foot sideways and forward. The pattern on the exhibited grip tape is from the front foot movement.

The art on skateboards ranges from commercial work Holt has done for a skateboard manufacturer—decorating a board produced by the Estilo company with their name in a kind of Keep on Truckin’ script—to a skateboard version of an artist’s sketchbook, a board covered with a hodge-podge of drawing and writing in a range of styles from cartoon comic to art school serious, and subject matter with no noticeable common theme except possibly pizza. One of the more enigmatic images is a pseudo-Sebastian, shirtless, with a chest full of arrows, and more on the way. Another image looks like the artist at work sketching away at a table in a restaurant, maybe in a notebook, maybe directly on the table.

Another drawing on a skateboard amounts to a whimsical verbal/visual pun. The piece is called Coffee Break. The front end of a skateboard—personified, that is, with a face and hands and arms—planted upright in the ground, so that it readily transmogrifies into a marble slab tombstone—is enjoying a coffee and a cigarette.

On other board works, actual use scrapes and grooves and gouges—parallel to the board long axis, on the metal joins between the wheel pairs, or across the bottom of the board, diagonally to the long axis—the results of temporarily off-wheel advanced athleticism maneuvers such as “grinding” along curbstone or bench seat or other such substructure edges, or “sliding” on a stairs handrail or the like following a substantial “ollie” skater and board leap onto the handrail—translate conceptually into scrapes and bruises and occasional broken bones for the skater.

(Holt said he has broken several bones skateboarding, amid countless lesser injuries.)

A drawing on paper depicts the skater artist’s minimal sufficiency ideal world. A detached—floating in mid air— small city block comprising a little house—skateboarders have to come in off the street sometime—a “half-pipe” skating practice and performance structure in the back yard, a building representing the Pine Apple Company, an artists’ collective and artworks emporium Holt is a part of on Allen Street, and a pizza parlor.

“This exhibition is a love letter to skateboarding” Holt says in his artist’s statement on the show. And goes on to describe the yin and yang relationship for him of his dual passions of boarding and drawing. Drawing for him is a means of escape from the world, he says, whereas skateboarding puts him out on the streets, “interacting with my board and the world around me.” He even sees a connection between the two art forms in the way the skateboard traverse is like a drawn line on the world that the boarder artist controls, straight or curved or zig-zag, whatever.

Not really part of the show but included for good measure and background information is a photo from the artist’s personal archive showing him at his SUNY at New Paltz graduation exhibition, in mid-air at the top of a ramp set up in the gallery, executing an ollie for an admiring audience. No ramp in the WNYBAC gallery, but Holt said he did ride his skateboard to the show opening. Only appropriate.

The exhibit is called Roll the Bones. Obscure reference or cluster of references, but surely something to do with the aleatory aspect of skateboarding in general, and the bones at risk. The exhibit continues through December 15. P

IN GALLERIES NOW = ART OPENING 1045 Elmwood Gallery for the Arts (1045 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14222, 716-2281855, photographics2.com/store/welcometo-our-studio-1045-gallery-store): Thu & Fri 11-6, Sat 11-4 and by appointment.

Albright-Knox Art Gallery (1285 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14222, 882-8700, albrightknox.org): Rosalyn Drexler: Who Does She Think She Is? through Jan 29. Picasso: The Artist and His Models through Feb 19, 2017. Claudia Joskowicz: Every Building on Avenida Alfonso Ugarte—After Ruscha, on view through Feb 5, 2017. Stop if You’ve Heard This One Before: humor and satire from the collection, through Mar 19. Matt Hoyt: Recent Past, 2010–2016, through Feb 5, 2017. Tue-Sun 10am-5pm, open late First Fridays (free) until 10pm.

Amy’s Place Restaurant (University Heights Arts Association) (3234 Main Street, Buffalo, NY 14214, 716-833-6260, uhartsgroup.com/ amysplace): Every day: 7am-9pm.

Art Dialogue Gallery (5 Linwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14209, wnyag.com): Transitions, work

by Joyce Hill. Tue-Fri 11am-5pm, Sat 11am3pm.

Artists Group Gallery (Western New York Artists Group) (1 Linwood Ave, Buffalo, NY 14209, 716-885-2251, wnyag.com): 22nd Annual Artful Gifts Exhibition through Dec 30.

Tue-Fri 11am-5pm, Sat 11am-3pm.

Ashker’s on Elmwood (1002 Elmwood Ave, Buffalo, NY 14222, 716-886 -2233, ashkersbuffalo.com): Buffalo Imprints, Gary Wolfe & Rita Argen Auerbach, on view through Dec 4. Mon-Sat 7am-10pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Betty’s Restaurant (370 Virginia Street, Buffalo, NY 14201, 362-0633, bettysbuffalo.com): Revealing Intimacies, New work by Cindi O’Mara. On view through Jan 22. Tue-Thu, 8am-9pm, Fri 8am-10pm, Sat 9am-10pm, Sun 9am-2pm.

Benjaman Gallery (419 Elmwood Avenue Buffalo, NY 14222, thebenjamangallery.com): Artist to Artist, paintings by Robert & Jea-

nette Blair, Ray Bonilla, Tricia Butski, Charles Burchfield and Alberto Rey, on view through Dec 17. Thu-Sat 11am-5pm.

Big Orbit (30d Essex Street, Buffalo, NY 14222, cepagallery.org/about-big-orbit): Together We Can Carry the Weight, a solo exhibition by Zack Boehler. Fri-Sun 12-6pm.

Blue Plate Studio (69 Keil Street, North Tonawanda, NY 14120): Mary Louise Wyrick and Eric Evinczik.

BOX Gallery (667 Main Street, Buffalo, NY 14203): Untitled Film Stills, new work by Brian Milbrand on view through Dec 31.

Open 4pm-10pm daily.

BT&C Gallery (1250 Niagara Street, Buffalo, NY 14213, 604-6183, btandcgallery.com): Prototypes, wallpaper designs by Millie Chen. Fri 12-7pm select Sat 12-4pm, or by appointment. ¡Buen Vivir! (148 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14201, photolangelle.org): If Voting Changed Things, photographs of protests at the 1972 Republican National Convention and the 2004 Democratic and Republican National Conventions by Orin Langelle, on view through Dec 2. Tue-Fri 1:30-4:30pm, Fri 6-8pm, Sat 1-3pm.

Buffalo Artspace Gallery (1219 Main Street, Buffalo, NY, 14209): Group 263: Brian Boutin, John Lloyd, Kathleen Corff Rogers, Gethyn Soderman, Rick Steinberg. On view through Nov 19. Fri 6-9:30pm, Sat & Sun 11-2pm.

Buffalo Arts Studio (Tri Main Building 5th Floor, 2495 Main Street, Buffalo, NY 14214, 833-4450, buffaloartsstudio.org): GatherX25 holiday art sale. On view through Dec 22. Tue-Fri 10am-5pm, Sat 10am-2pm, Fourth Fridays till 8pm.

Buffalo Brush Paint & Sip (2533 Delaware Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14216, buffalobrush.com): Painting classes taught by Julia Douglas.

Buffalo & Erie County Central Library (1 Lafayette Square, Buffalo, NY 14203, 858-8900, buffalolib.org): Celebrating 400 Years of Shakespeare: Reflecting on the Life of the Bard. Milestones on Science: Books That Shook the World! 35 rare books from the history of science, on second floor. Mon-Sat 8:30am-6:00pm, Sun 12-5pm.

10 THE PUBLIC / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / DAILYPUBLIC.COM

ROLL THE BONES WNYBAC / 468 WASHINGTON ST, BUFFALO / WNYBOOKARTS.ORG

Burchfield Penney Art Center (1300 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14222, 878-6011, burchfieldpenney.org): GOLDEN, art extravaganza marking BPAC’s 50th year. Fri Dec 9, 5pm-midnight, free. Jozef Bajus: Nothing Is Going Away through Jan 29, 2017. Babs Reingold: The Last Tree through Feb 26, 2017. Artists Seen: photographs of contemporary artists by David Moog. Sequel on view through Nov 27 18. The Birthday Party: A Community of Artists, on view through Dec 11. 10am-5pm & Sun 1-5pm. Admission $5-$10, children 10 and under free.

Café Taza (100 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14201): New paintings by Bobby Griffiths.

Casa de Arte (141 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14201, 240-9248, casadeartegallery. com): Mexican Movements: Carlos Mérida and his Compañeros. Mon, Wed, Fri 103pm, or by appointment.

Castellani Art Museum (5795 Lewiston Road, Niagara University, NY 14109, 2868200, castellaniartmuseum.org): Sara M. Zak: An Overwhelming Familiarity, on view through Jan 11, 2017. Tue-Sat 11am-5pm, Sun 1-5pm.

CEPA (617 Main Street, Buffalo, NY 14203, 856-2717, cepagallery.org): The Structure of Things, Biff Henrich. monument, photographs by bobCollignon, both on view through Dec 17. Mon-Fri 9am-5pm, Sat 124pm.

Daemen College, Tower Gallery of the Haberman Gacioch Art Center (Daeman College Center for Visual & Performing Arts, 4380 Main Street, Amherst, NY 14226, 839-8241): Buffalo Society of Artists Past Presidents Exhibition.

Daily Planet Coffee Company (1862 Hertel Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14216, 716- 551-0661): Works

by Walter Terpin.

Dana Tillou Fine Arts (1478 Hertel Avenue Buffalo, NY 14216, 716-854-5285, danatilloufinearts.com): The Old and the New: 180 Years of Painting and the Arts. Wed-Fri 10:30am5pm, Sat 10:30am-4pm.

El Museo (91 Allen Street, Buffalo, NY 14202, 464-4692, elmuseobuffalo.org): Stacey

Robinson: Branding the Afrofuture, on view through Dec 30. Tue-Sat 12-5pm.

Eleven Twenty Projects (1120 Main Street,Buffalo, NY 14209, 716-882-8100, eleventwentyprojects.com). The Other Side: recents painitngs by William C. Maggio. Sat 11am4pm or by appointment.

Enjoy the Journey Art Gallery (1168 Orchard Park Road, West Seneca, NY 14224, 6750204, etjgallery.com): Member’s Exhibit on view through Dec 30. Tue-Fri 11-6pm, Sat 114pm.

Gallery 164 (164 Allen Street, Buffalo, NY 14201): Buffalo Benches Project, and exhibition and fundraiser of work by students in the UB Small Built Works Program, under the tutelage of Brad Wales. Working with the Old First Ward Community Center, the students aim to design, fabricate, and install more than 20 artistic public benches throughout the First Ward neighborhood.

The opening reception (Thu Dec 8, 7-9pm) marks the long-awaited return of an innovative art space. Read more about it at dailypublic.com.

Hallwalls (341 Delaware Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14202, 854-1694, hallwalls.org): Wayne Hodge: Skin Like Distant Stars, Tue-Fri 11am6pm, Sat 11am-2pm.

Indigo Art Gallery (47 Allen Street, Buffalo, NY 14202, 984-9572, indigoartbuffalo. com): Jozef Bajus, Lily Booth, Linda Collignon, Jack Edson, Ani Hoover, Barbara Murak, Dennis Nahabetian, Andrew Ooi, Kurt Treeby. On view through Dec 17. Wed & Fri 12-6pm, Thu 12-7pm, Sat 12-3pm, and by appointment Sundays and Mondays.

Jewish Community Center of Greater Buffalo Bunis Family Art Gallery (2640 N Forest Road, Benderson Family Building, Amherst, NY 14068, 688-4033, jccbuffalo.org): On view Nov 1-Dec 31, an exhibit of art work, created by JCC staff. Reception: Mon Dec 5, 5-8pm. Mon-Thu 5:30am-10pm, Fri 5:30am6pm, Sat-Sun 8am-6pm.

Karpeles Manuscript Library (North Hall) (220 North St., Buffalo, NY 14201): The invention of the telegraph and the railroad. TueSun 11am-4pm.

Karpeles Manuscript Museum (Porter Hall) (453 Porter Ave, Buffalo, NY 14201): Maps of the United States. Tue-Sun 11am-4pm.

Lockside Art Center (21 Main Street, Lockport, NY 14094, 478-0239, locksideartcenter. com): Niagara Arts Guild Exhibition through Nov 19. Fri-Sun 12-4pm.

Main Street Gallery (515 Main Street, Buffalo, NY 14203): Mind, Spirit and Vision, paintings

by Kerima Collier.

Meibohm Fine Arts (478 Main Street, East Aurora, NY 14052, 652-0940, meibohmfinearts.com): James Sedwick: The Amaryllis in Palladium, open Nov 26-Dec 31. Tue-Sat 9:30am-5:30pm.

Native American Museum of Art at Smokin’ Joe’s (2293 Saunders Settlement Road, Sanborn, NY 14123, 261-9251) Open year round and free. Exhibits Iroquois artists work. 7am9pm.

Niagara Arts and Cultural Center (1201 Pine Avenue, Niagara Falls, NY 14301, 282-7530, thenacc.org): Violet Gordon’s Art, artists and friends exhibition on view through Jan 22.

Opening reception Sat Dec 10, 6-8pm. MonFri 9am-5pm, Sat & Sun 12-4pm.

Nina Freudenheim Gallery (140 North Street in the Hotel Lenox, Buffalo, NY, 14201, 716-8825557, ninafreudenheimgallery.com): Duatne Hatchett retrospectove, extended through Dec 23. Tue-Fri 10am-5pm.

Norberg’s Art & Frame Shop (37 South Grove Street, East Aurora, NY 14052, 716-6523270, norbergsartandframe.com): Local artists: Kathleen West, Bradley Widman, Peter Potter, and Miranda Roth. Tue-Sat 10am– 5pm.

Parables Gallery & Gifts (1027 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY, parablesgalleryandgifts. com): The Gifts of Art Exhibit, featuring works by local artists & craftsmen through Dec 30. Tue-Thu, 11am-6pm, Fri 11am-7pm (11am-9pm on first Fridays), Sat 11am-5pm.

Pausa Art House (19 Wadsworth Street, Buffalo, NY 14201, 697-9069, pausaarthouse. com): Paintings by Gary L. Wolfe. Live music Thu-Sat. See website for more info.

IN GALLERIES NOW ARTS

ARTISTS SEEN: A PROJECT BY DAVID MOOG

VALERIA CRAY-DIHAAN Valeria Cray-Dihaan is an artist, activist, businessperson, and educator. She was born in West Palm Beach, Florida and holds a BFA from the University of Buffalo and an MFA from Pratt Institute in New York City. Her work as a sculptor incorporates such media as ceramics, metal, textiles, plexiglass, and wood. Cray-Dihaan has long been active in efforts to revitalize the East Side of Buffalo. Examples of her public art projects include a painted tile mural for Buffalo’s Apollo Theatre and exterior doors for the Merriweather Library, both located on Jefferson Avenue. She owns the East Wind hair salon. She is married to Sylvester Dihaan and has a son, Hiram, who is also a visual artist. For more information, visit burchfieldpenney.org.

Artists Seen: Photographs of Artists in the 21st Century is an ongoing project by photographer David Moog in partnership with the Burchfield Penney Art Center at SUNY Buffalo State. Moog has set out to make portraits of every self-identified working artist and arts professional in Western New York. To be included in the project, call David Moog directly at 716-472-6721 or contact the center at 716-878-4131. Artists P working in all media are welcome; visit burchfieldpenney.org for more information. -THE PUBLIC Pine Apple Company (224 Allen Street, Buffalo, NY 14201, 716-2753648, squareup.com/store/pine-apple-company): Work by Thomas James Holt, Yames Moffitt, Esther Neisen, Mickey Harmon, Mike West, and Sarah Liddell. Wed & Thu 11am6pm, Fri & Sat 11am-11pm, Sun 10am5pm.

Queen City Gallery (617 Main Street, Buffalo, NY 14203, 868-8183, queencitygallery.tripod.com): Neil Mahar, David Pierro, Candace Keegan, John Farallo, Chris McGee, Tim Raymond, Eileen Pleasure, Eric Evinczik, Barbara Crocker, Thomas Bittner, Susan Redenbach, Barbara Lynch Johnt, Kisha Patterson, Sara O’Brien, Michael Mulley. Tue-Fri 11am-4pm and by appointment.

Revolution Gallery (1419 Hertel Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14216, revolutionartgallery.com): Inception, work by Jennybird Alcantara, DK Burger, Vincent Castiglia Jeremy Cross, Jason D’Aquino, Katy D’Aquino, Daniel Martin Diaz, Damian Echols, Scott Holloway, Jack Howe, Craig LaRotonda, Mara Pabic LaRotonda, Sean Madden, Michael Mararian, Chris Mars, Fred Stonehouse. Opening show on view through Jan 2, 2017.

RO Home Shop (732 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14222, 240-9387, rohomeshop.com): Keith Walters, photography, through Dec 31.

Sports Focus Physical Therapy (531 Virginia Street, Buffalo, NY, 14202, 332-4838, sportsfocuspt.com): Jill Gustafson Glunz:Paintings and Drawings. Dec.1-Feb 28. On view through Feb 28. Mon-Fri 9am5pm, 6-9pm on first Fridays.

Spot Coffee (765 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14222): Abstract work by Stephen Coppola.

Squeaky Wheel (617 Main Street, Buffalo, NY 14203, squeaky.org): Soft Science: Science Fictions by Kathy High on view through January 10th, 2017. Tue-Sat, 12pm-5pm.

Starlight Studio and Art Gallery (340 Delaware Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14202, starlightstudio.org): Cocoa, Cookies & Doughnuts, Starlight Studio & Art Gallery Holiday Open House, Sat Dec 3, 1-4pm. Mon-Fri 9-4pm.

Studio Hart (65 Allen Street, Buffalo, NY 14202, 536-8337, studiohart. com): Art Toy invitational, holiday whimsy by Bruce Adams, Mary Begley, Bob Collignon, Linda Collignon, AJ Fries, Barbara Hart, Ani Hoover, Billy Huggins, Candace Keegan Masters, Amy Meza Luraschi, Kate Stapleton Parzych, Deborah Petronio, Chuck Tingely, Adam Weekley. TueFri 11:30am-3:30pm, Sat 12-4pm, and open every First Friday 6-9pm.

Sugar City (1239 Niagara Street, Buf-

falo, NY 14213, buffalosugarcity. org): Vispo: visual poetry exhibition with work from Charlie Best, John W. Bateman, Jordan Brown, Alana Kelley, Mark Laliberte, Jocelyn Marshall, Cole Pawlowski, Eric Schmaltz, Kevin Thurston, and Rachelle Toarmino. Open by event.

UB Anderson Gallery (1 Martha Jackson Place, Buffalo, NY 14214, 8293754, ubartgalleries.org): Situations: Lydia Okumura on view through Jan 8, 2017. Cravens World: The Human Aesthetic, on view through Dec 31.

Wed-Sat 11am-5pm, Sun 1-5pm.

UB Art Gallery (North Campus, Lower Art Gallery) (201 Center for the Arts, Room B45, Buffalo, NY, 14260, 6456913, ubartgalleries.org): The Measure of All Things, sixteen artists on view through Dec 10. Situations: Lydia Okumura on view through Jan 8, 2017. Screen Projects: Rodney McMillian on view through Nov 13. Tue-Fri 11am-5pm, Sat 1-5pm.

Western New York Book Arts Center (468 Washington Street, Buffalo, NY 14203, 348-1430, wnybookarts.org): Roll the Bones, work by Tom Holt. On view through Dec 15. Wed-Sat 12-6pm.

To add your gallery’s information to the list, please contact us at info@ P dailypublic.com

ON VIEW THROUGH FEB RUA RY 19, 2 017 O P E N U N T I L 9 P M O N T H U R S D AY S

This exhibition was made possible through the generosity of M&T Bank.

Additional support has been provided by Ferrero USA Inc. and Fondazione Ferrero Onlus; Superior Group; The Ralph C. Wilson, Jr. Foundation Funds at the Community Foundation for Greater Buffalo; Amy and Harris Schwalb; Woods Oviatt Gilman LLP; C2 Paint; and by an indemnity from the Federal Council on the Arts and the Humanities.

Pablo Picasso (Spanish, 1881–1973). Three Musicians, 1921. Oil on canvas, 80K x 74V inches (204.5 x 188.3 cm). Philadelphia Museum of Art; A. E. Gallatin Collection, 1952. 1952-61-96 © 2016 Succession Picasso / Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York.

DAILYPUBLIC.COM / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / THE PUBLIC

11

12 THE PUBLIC / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / DAILYPUBLIC.COM

ZACK BOEHLER’s multimedia show at CEPA Gallery, Together We Can Carry the Weight, runs through January 8. Read a review at dailypublic.com.

DAILYPUBLIC.COM / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / THE PUBLIC 13

EVENTS CALENDAR

PUBLIC APPROVED

THURSDAY DEC 8 Albert Cummings 6pm Buffalo Iron Works, 49 Illinois St. $15-$40

[BLUES] A longtime Stevie Ray Vaughn fan, blues guitarist Albert Cummings was paid the ultimate compliment when the remaining members of Vaughn’s Double Trouble stepped up to back him and produce his debut solo disc, From the Heart (2003). It was the band’s first formal recording project since Vaughn’s passing and landed him a multi-release deal with renowned indie blues imprint Blind Pig Records. His most recent disc, last year’s David Z.-produced Someone Like You, brings him to Buffalo Iron Works with local faves Freightrain on Thursday, December 8. -CJT

Pizza Party with the PizzAvengers 6pm Lockhouse Distillery, 41 Columbia St. $10

HUNS Autumnal Equinox album Recommended if you like: Torche, High on Fire, Mastodon

Released at the beginning of November, Autumnal Equinox by

BURCHFIELD PENNEY'S GOLDEN ANNIVERSARY PARTY FRIDAY DEC 9

Buffalo stoner-rock band HUNS

5PM / BURCHFIELD PENNEY ART CENTER, 1300 ELMWOOD AVE / FREE

is clearly timely, but probably not

[ART PARTY] Fifty years ago this Friday, December 9, the celebrated painter Charles Burchfield officiated at the opening of the art center that bears his name at Buffalo State College. To mark the anniversary, the Burchfield Penney Art Center presents GOLDEN. From 5pm until midnight, the center opens it doors to the public for a free art and music extravaganza. There will be installations by Avye Alexandres; Stanzi Vaubel, Carlie Todoro-Rickus, and Su Hyun Nam; Dorothea Braemer; Karen Buchner; Jennifer Seaman Cook; Dana Mcknight; Marc Tomko; Mickey Harmon; Sara Baker Michalak; and Ben Perrone. Musicians will perform throughout the building and include Zak Ward; Dashuri Egriu and Jenevieve; Tiny Rhymes; Alex Berkley; Jacob Peter; dev11n & Chōsho-Kō; 4 B-LO; Gabriella Carlo; My Rap Name Is Alex; and Seth Girod. It’s an art party for the ages—a fitting tribute to a remarkable institution that celebrates and elevates regional artists. Don’t miss it. -GEOFF KELLY

what one would expect from such a cozy-sounding title. Instead, the band has chosen to interpret that seasonal twilight time not as warm and inviting but as a time of mysterious change and transmission of dark energy.

The first track on the wholly instrumental album is titled “Walpurgisnacht,” which translates from Dutch to mean “Witches’ Night.” It’s a powerful, chugging

WEDNESDAY DEC 7

metal track that reflects rolls and

Buffalo Artists Market

smoulders as a crackling bonfire

4:30pm Ellicott Square Building, 295 Main St.

on Witches' Night might too.

[HOLIDAY] If your holiday weekends are starting to be overwhelmed with things to do and places to go, then Buffalo Artists Market is perfect for you. This market takes place on Wednesday, December 7, right as folks should be leaving work for the day. It’s in an impressive venue, Downtown Buffalo’s Ellicott Square Building, which will host a towering Christmas tree smack-dab in the middle of the vendor market, and there’s also a cash bar here, as well as food trucks, so you could make a whole happy hour of it.

-THE PUBLIC STAFF

The album progresses through epic stoner-metal build-ups on “Blitzschlagen,” raucous, shifting rhythms on “Kopfjager,” and finishes with the atmospheric, downtempo “Wotan’s Lament.”

The four-piece band—Brandon Schmitt, Jacob Whitefield, Frank DiMaria, and John Neiss—recorded the album at Rotten Metal Studios.

Jauntee and Imperial Brown 8pm Buffalo Iron Works, 49 Illinois St. $7

DO YOU MAKE MUSIC? HAVE A RECOMMENDATION? DO YOU MAKE MUSIC? HAVE A RECOMMENDATION? CONTACT CORY@DAILYPUBLIC.COM CONTACT CORY@DAILYPUBLIC.COM TO BE CONSIDERED IN OUR TO BE CONSIDERED IN OUR WEEKLY PUBLIC PICKS. WEEKLY PUBLIC PICKS.

[JAM] This jam band two-fer features Boston quartet the Jauntee, supporting their 2015 release Excelsior. And while we’d never want to overstate it, jam bands from Boston come with the bar set rather high. Why, you might ask? Well, Boston is the home of Berklee College of Music, which, despite a progressive trend in the school’s programming, is basically a jazz-nerd paradise. Long story short, lousy jam bands get laughed out of town rather quickly in a city that churns out well educated improv talent, but the Jauntee is known to hold their own with a mathy stew of psychedelically tinted musical elements.

They’re joined at Buffalo Iron Works on Wednesday, December 7, by our own Imperial Brown, featuring Rob Brocklehurst and Tom Danat from Twin City Kings and Brad Darrall from Aqueous. Wear comfortable shoes to help you keep moving. -CJT

14 THE PUBLIC / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / DAILYPUBLIC.COM

[HOLIDAY] Apologies in advance, but here is a joke from the PizzAvengers Facebook page: “What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas? CHEESUS CRUST!" If you’re ready for an entire night of unbearable jokes but delicious pizza, then the PizzAvengers Pizza Party is the party for you. And all of that cheese and grease and those cheesy jokes won’t be for naught; All door and raffle proceeds collected at the party will be used to purchase items off the Women’s and Children’s Hospital wish list. So make a child happy, make your tummy happy, make your head happy by partaking in some Lockhouse spirits (we recommend the classic Moscow Mule) and check out the Holiday Pizza Party with the PizzAvengers on Thursday, December 8.

Music will be provided by incredibly cheesy DJ Rick Jameson. PS: If you show up with a pizza of your own, there’s no cover and your first two drinks are on the house. -CP

FRIDAY DEC 9 Arkells 7pm Town Ballroom, 681 Main St. $26-$31

[ROCK] Arkells will take over the Town Ballroom this Friday and Saturday, December 9-10, for two shows. The boys from Hamilton, Ontario released their fourth studio album, Morning Report, in August. Their latest release opens with the track “Drake’s Dad,” which offers up humorous lines, a bouncy

CALENDAR EVENTS Buffalo’s Premier Live Music Club ◆ WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7 ◆ Coming of RAGE Productions Presents: Death Metal From Topeka, Kansas

PUBLIC APPROVED

Unmerciful

+ Seplophile, Nethergrave, Disrepair 8PM ◆ $8 (21+)/$10 (18-20)

◆ THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8 ◆

Bold Folly, Sonny Baker, Deadwolf From Detroit Handgrenades 8PM ◆ $5

◆ FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9 ◆

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Happy Hour: Sara Elizabeth

Cold Wave at the Cat Cave 8PM ◆ $5

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Tiger Sex + The Hovelists 8PM ◆ $5

◆ MONDAY, DECEMBER 12 ◆ FTMP Events Presents: Nashville Pop-Punk

Progressive Post-Hardcore From the Heart of Florida

5PM ◆ 10 ADVANCE/$13 DAY OF SHOW

PHOTO BY BOB KING

◆ TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13 ◆ FTMP Events Presents: New Jersey Pop-Rock

The Stolen

JOHN CLEESE FRIDAY DEC 9

From Nashville 4 Door Theatre

+ Connecticut Duo, The Sulls, Winski, Mindy Davey, Danielle & Joe, Scott MacCallum

7PM / UB CENTER FOR THE ARTS, 103 CENTER FOR THE ARTS / $45-$65

$8 ADVANCE/$10 DAY OF SHOW

[LECTURE] Actor, comedian, writer John Cleese is that special combination of both distinguished

◆ WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14 ◆

(as the namesake of this speaker series would imply) and goofballish. Typically the consummate gentlemanly character, his roles in the Monty Python series always tended to spiral into the absurd.

As writer he’s known for the critically acclaimed comedy, A Fish Called Wanda, in which he plays a witty yet uptight investigator. A younger generation might recognize him as Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter universe. The constant variable throughout his acting career, though, is his commitment to the absurd, silly, and farcical characters he’s gravitated toward. Throughout his career, the 77-year-old actor has also been a vocal activist for causes such as education, and workers rights.

The famous film and television actor will speak twice as part of the UB Distinguished Speakers series, this Friday, December 9 at 7pm and then again at 9:30pm. -CORY PERLA

The Industry of Life Divine + Resurection, Blue Lazer 8PM ◆ $5

47 East Mohawk St. 716.312.9279

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CEDAR GREEN pop vibe, and a choir backing up lead singer Max Kerman’s vocals. Songs like “Private School” and “My Heart’s Always Yours” have hit the radio as singles from the album, with the former reminiscent of the band’s usual jam-out rock style and the latter a romantic and upbeat ballad. The band has found success in Canada, and they’ve managed to stir up some interest in the States, too, especially in Buffalo, having played many free outdoor concerts at Thursday at Canalside. -VO

Hal Sparks 7:30pm Helium Comedy Club, 30 Mississippi St. $20-$28

[COMEDY] You probably recognize Hal Sparks from pretty much every early 2000s VH1 talk show, such as I Love the 70s, 80s and 90s. He was cast on those shows because of the quick wit he initially displayed on the E! Network show Talk Soup, on which he shared the hosting spotlight with guest stars such as Jon Hamm, Roaseanne Barr, and even Jerry Springer. Now, he’s back on the standup circuit with a stop at Buffalo’s Helium Comedy Club for four shows, this Friday, December 9 and Saturday, December 10. -CP

Shana Falana 9pm Nietzsche's, 248 Allen St. $5

PHOTO BY SHERI GIBLIN

____

[INDIE] Nietzsche’s should satisfy your new music craving with a solid lineup of fresh local and regional acts this Friday, December 9. The show, presented by Yace Booking, features the New York City-based experimental dream-pop band Shana Falana. The artsy pop duo recently released a new album titled Here Comes the Wave. They’ll be joined by local indie rock staples the Tins, art-pop propagators dreambeaches, and solo indie rock act Matt Script. -CP

CONTINUED ON PAGE 16 DAILYPUBLIC.COM / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / THE PUBLIC 15

EVENTS CALENDAR

STAY IN THE

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 15

PUBLIC APPROVED

SATURDAY DEC 10 Buffalo Anthology Book Launch 4pm Market Arcade, free

[BOOK LAUNCH] We've seen our fair share of anthologies of local writing talents over the years, but perhaps none as far-reaching or electic as Right Here, Right Now: The Buffalo Anthology, and newly produced compilation of stories, essays, photography, and creative work aimed at illustrating what it is to be a Western New Yorker in 2016. It includes a version of Julian Montague's work on the cover from the 2014 snow storm that first appeared in the centerfold of this paper, and written pieces by everyone from Marv Levy to Robby Takac and Wolf Blitzer, to a lot people you no doubt know personally. The book launch on Saturday, December 10 at the Market Arcade hopes to launch itself into your holiday gift-giving agenda. -AARON LOWINGER

THIS WEEK'S LGBT AGENDA FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9

RADICAL CAROLING 8pm at No Labels Clothing Cooperative, 224 Allen St.

Come sing radical carols to celebrate the end of a dumpster fire of a year, and to ring in the imminent devastation of 2017.

There will be warm beverages, and figgy pudding is banned this year!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10

CLAW USA

8pm at Dreamland, 387 Franklin St.

The Collective of Lady Arm Wrestlers is a national not-for-profit alliance of theatrical lady arm wrestlers that raise money for local charity. The phenomenon started in 2008 and has now spread to more than 25 cities. After a screening of the documentary, Grace Ravines of Rochester discusses the ins and outs of starting a local chapter.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10

WILLIE NILE FRIDAY DEC 9 9PM / BUFFALO IRON WORKS, 49 ILLINOIS ST. / $30 [ROCK] Buffalo-born Willie Nile has spent his 50s and 60s having a much deserved career renaissance after years of contractual issues that kept him from a rumored breakthrough going back to the 1970s. A consummate storyteller and urban poet, Nile comes from the Springsteen school of hard knocks, but he also pulls some of his musical energy from the scrappy downtown punk scene and the new wave that grew out of it. If the piano ballads of 2015’s If I Was a River left you cold, Nile’s latest, World War Willie (River House) comes galloping out of the gate with the power chords and cinematic glory of “Forever Wild.” He sneers his way through “Bad Boy” and channels George Thorogood on “Citibank Nile.” The closing cover of Lou Reed’s “Sweet Jane,” finds him paying tribute to another obvious influence while making it very much his own. Reed would approve, as does Buffalo, allowing Nile to play a two-night engagement at Buffalo Iron Works this Friday and Saturday, December 9 and 10. -CHRISTOPHER JOHN TREACY

PUBLIC APPROVED

9pm - 2am at Gypsy Parlor, 376 Grant St. $5

Tomoreaux

LOOPMAGAZINEBUFFALO.COM

Crooked Generation, Improbable Cause, Winski and The Black Hats.

6pm Sugar City, 1239 Niagara St. $10-$12

[ROCK] For the Music Productions, a music production company facilitating a wide array of performances by Buffalo-based artists, will present some local favorites at Sugar City this Saturday, December 10. Influenced by bands like Aerosmith, Black Sabbath and Green Day, Crooked Generation headlines the special event. Known for their “dirty, sexy, rock n' roll” the four-person band plays both original and cover songs from punk rock to the blues. They’ll be joined by alt rock bands Improbable Cause, Winski, and the Black Hats. -SCHONDRA AYTCH

8pm RivieraTheatre, $60

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10

The Imperial Court of Buffalo presents its annual canned goods drive to benefit a local food back.

Enjoy the drag show and tip performers with non-perishable food items, which can be purchased on site.

[ROCK] Three young, up-and-coming local bands come to the Music Room in East Aurora on Saturday, December 10. Newcomers A Little Too Long will kick off the night, followed by indie rock band Pterodactly Parade. The night closes out with a set by Single Grave Ticket. -CP

Kenny G

SHE lives presents a karaoke experience like you’ve never seen before, for those with an insatiable need to throw on a metallic fringe dress and roll down the river, or that want to don that black centerpart wig they haven’t had reason to wear yet. Hosted by Max Darling and Vidalia May. Sound and karaoke expertise by John Patrick and Ricky Wolffer.

10pm - 12am at Underground, 274 Delaware Ave.

8pm The Music Room EA, 609 Oakwood Ave.

TUESDAY DEC 13

#KARRIE

DIRTY CAN-CAN SHOW

A Little Too Long, Pterodactly Parade, and Single Grave Ticket

COLD WAVE AT THE CAT CAVE FRIDAY DEC 9 8PM / MOHAWK PLACE, 47 E MOHAWK ST. / $5 [DANCE PARTY] Cold Wave at the Cat Cave is a semi-regular dance party, usually held at Mohawk Place, and this time it's their one-year anniversary party. The master planner behind the event, Collin Gabriel, spins cold wave music—usually dark new wave music, mostly European in origin and usually from the late 1970s and early 1980s—and he’s always accompanied by a batch of fellow DJs playing post punk, shoe gaze, and punk. This time he’s also booked a band, post-punk shoe-gazers Tomoreaux. Additional DJs include Nicholas Reid, and Matthew Von Goethe.

There’ll also be some live art sessions with Catherine Prince, Kelly Kresconko, Manuel Barreto, Nikki Willsey, and Jen Janus Sintel—all of whom work in different media from acrylic painting to photorealistic charcoal and ink. This should be a fun one, and you can also get some holiday shopping done as the artists will be selling some of their pieces. It happens Friday, December 9 at Mohawk Place. -CORY PERLA

16 THE PUBLIC / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / DAILYPUBLIC.COM

[HOLIDAY] Known for his smooth jazz and signature instrumentals, Grammy award-winning saxophonist Kenny G will be at the Riviera Theatre on Tuesday, December 13. With a music career spanning over three decades, Kenny G holds a special place in Buffalo’s heart. Sparking a fire in our own performing arts community with two iconic performances back in the summer of 2015, it only makes the night even more special that he performs in the historic Riviera Theatre.

With his most recent album, Brazilian Nights, oozing with samba-like melodies, you can still expect some nostalgic Holiday tunes on this tour, dubbed the Miracles Holiday and Hits Tour. -SA

WEDNESDAY DEC 14 Hip Hop Night II 9pm Nietzsche's, 248 Allen St. $5

[HIP HOP] Allentown could use a regular hip hop night, and it looks like the second iteration of Hip Hop Night at Nietzsche’s means just such a thing has come to fruition. This edition will feature a solid lineup of well-known and new local hip hop acts. The line up includes Rodagues, the Little Cake Show, Jack Topht, I Am Tru Starr, Blacke and the Bad Motherfuckers, and Prime Example. Doors open at 9pm, Wednesday, December 14. -CP

CALENDAR EVENTS

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CINDY CHAN’S ROCK & ROLL BLUES SING ALONG & DANCE PARTY

Dec 8

8pm / free

1738 Elmwood Ave.

ALLENTOWN 166 Allen Street 716.866.8200

CHEVRON BLOOM @ 9pm / $5 Cover

Dec 15

DARTH NATER

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@ 8pm / $5 Cover

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Dec 16

TYLER MENDOLA @ 9pm / $5 Cover

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The ICTC 3 Play Pack is just $99! That’s only $33 a ticket!

Get 3 tickets to the Irish Classical Theatre Company to use as you please!* Choose your play or plays. Choose your dates.

Use them to see several shows, or use them all for one! * Sorry, 3 Play Pack tickets not good for Amadeus at Kleinhans Music Hall.

ICTC’s 3 Play Pack offers: FLEXIBILITY for the lucky recipient. SUBSTANTIAL SAVINGS for you.

BONUS! 20% discount at Mother’s Restaurant, good on dinner, drinks and dessert, before or after the show.

GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?

OH, COWARD!

WNY PREMIERE MARCH 10 - APRIL 2, 2017

Directed by Greg Natale Starring Chris Kelly & Kristen Tripp Kelley

Directed by Brian Cavanagh Starring Robert Rutland, Kate LoConti and introducing Collan Zimmerman as The Winslow Boy

JUNE 2 - JUNE 25, 2017

Directed by Gordon McCall Starring ICTC Artist in Residence Josephine Hogan & David Oliver

A WORLD OF THEATRE WITHIN REACH ANDREWS THEATRE • 625 MAIN STREET • BFLO 14203

7PM / THE WAITING ROOM, 334 DELAWARE AVE. / $20-$25

FOLLOW US ON

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ICTC gratefully acknowledges the generous support of the County of Erie.

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[PUNK] Hailing from New Jersey, Bouncing Souls is the punk band everyone can jam to. Formed in 1989 and the band released their tenth studio album, Simplicity, earlier this year. The veteran group has travelled all around the world the band has amassed an underground following and have also garnered an impressive resume of performances with bands like Green Day and My Chemical Romance. Bouncing Souls come to the Waiting Room on Monday, December 12 with self-proclaimed “genius core,” band Off With Their Heads, out of Minneapolis, and Masked Intruder, P who just released their new EP, Love and Other Crimes. -SCHONDRA AYTCH

APRIL 21- MAY 14, 2017

ORDER TODAY @ 853.ICTC (4282) • ONLINE 24/7 or MOBILE DEVICE 24/7 @ irishclassicaltheatre.com

UF

THE BOUNCING SOULS MONDAY DEC 12

Th PU ch ins as ser PU no pro pro thi em

Dec 10

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PUBLIC APPROVED

N. BUFFALO @ THE FOUNDRY

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[DANCE] Nancy Hughes and the Buffalo Contact Improvisation Community are hosting the (un) doing Balance benefit concert for the Mission Improvable Contact Improvisation Series.

The collection of pieces throughout the night will showcase an array of modern dance styles and choreography, “ranging from an exploration of how life will take one down unexpected paths to the apprehension of one’s identity and role in society.” Dancers featured in the event include Naila Ansari, Heather Roffe, Elyssa Bourke, Rachel Keane, and Vivek Patel. There will also be a silent auction raffle. The proceeds from the raffle and admission for the event will support dance in Buffalo through scholarship and low cost participation fees to the annual Mission Improvable Dance Series. At 7:30pm the night kicks off with the (un)doing Balance performance and at 9pm a dance party, with Stacy VanBlarcom from Verve Dance Studio first teaching an Intro to House Dancing class. Saturday, December 10 at Alt Theater. -VANESSA OSWALD

@ 9pm / $5 Cover

3

6PM / ALT THEATER, 255 GREAT ARROW AVE FL 3 / $20

THE WONK FACTORY

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(UN)DOING BALANCE BENEFIT CONCERT SATURDAY DEC 10

Mat, Reformer & Tower Classes Suspension Pilates Private & Duet Sessions GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE

Dec 9

PHOTO BY JIM BUSH

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The work of ICTC is made possible with public funds from the New York State Council on the Arts with the support of Governor Andrew M. Cuomo and the New York State Legislature.

Funded in part by the City of Buffalo.

DAILYPUBLIC.COM / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / THE PUBLIC 17

FOOD + DRINK FEATURE 5. In a food processor combine everything and puree. Scrape down the sides as needed. Slowly add the olive oil until you have a thick paste. Season with salt.

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THIS EASY-TO-MAKE NORTH AFRICAN SAUCE IS VERSATILE AND DELICIOUS

HARISSA

4 oz of dried chilies (mix and match) ½ bulb of garlic (6-8 cloves) juice from 1 lemon I’M OF THE MIND THAT the best foods everywhere in the world ½ tsp caraway seeds are the ones where there are lots of regional variation. Recipes ½ tsp cumin seeds with arguments about preparation that can only be solved by ¼ tsp coriander seeds appealing to a familial authority—the older, the better. For the ¾ tsp dried mint better part of my formative years, these were things like split-pea soup (what else would you do with the ham bone from Easter?) olive oil and Polish sausage (smoked and fresh). In different families, I salt to taste have seen heated arguments over red sauce. When I lived in Ko1. Remove the stems and seeds from the dried chilies, cover with rea I witnessed the jjigae (stew) wars. With that in mind, this hot water for 30 minutes to soften. week we are going to do a deep dive in the African coast of 2. Toast the seeds (not the mint) in a small sauté pan for a few the Mediterranean. minutes. Agitate them so they don’t burn. Once you can smell Throughout Northern Africa harissa (ha-REEE-sa) them, remove them and, along with the mint, crush them in a is quite a common condiment to see at the table. It is mortar and pestle or coffee grinder. Alternatively: Don’t have beautiful to look at, delicious, and surprisingly easy to seeds, just the crushed powders? No worries. Add a few drops of make. But before we get into the recipe, a few things: oil to the sauté pan and once the spices begin to bubble, remove from heat and add to the food processor later along with the dried mint.

1. No two harissas will be the same. This is fine. Celebrate the variations. Also, given the difference in peppers, trying to have it 3. Once they are cool enough to handle, remove chilies from be the same every time is a fools’ errand. water and rough chop. Save this water. You essentially have a chili tea that you can use to poach chicken in, use in a soup, add 2. It is supposed to be spicy! There are ways to tame it by flavor to rice, etc. combining it with other ingredients and, also, remember it isn’t something you are supposed to eat by itself.

4. Remove the peels and smash the garlic.

Sticking with the theme, the variations of hummus—and the spellings of it—are seemingly endless. Here is an easy hummus recipe that the addition of harissa will change from the same old vegetarian spread.

28 oz can of chickpeas juice from 2 lemons ¾ cup of tahini ¾ cup of olive oil (to start) 5 cloves of garlic harissa to taste (a few tablespoons) salt 1. Drain chick peas and reserve some of the liquid.

2. Remove peels and smash the garlic 3. Put chickpeas, lemon juice, tahini, and garlic in food processor and begin to puree. Add some olive oil to help ease things along and add some harissa. I like the hummus to change color and to see flecks of the chilies throughout. You do you. Also, add olive oil to achieve your desired consistency and then finally season with some salt.

SHAKSHUKA

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What about something more substantial? How about an egg dish that you can make for one person, or for a large group without scalability issues? How about shakshuka? This is the perfect dish to end our spice trade tracings with. Like hummus, shakshuka is enjoyed from Morocco through the Middle East. And, like the other two, spelling and preparatory variants abound.

4 eggs 1 medium onion, minced 1 shallot, minced 2 chopped Roma tomatos approx. ½ a sun-dried tomato, chopped handful of greens, chopped (I had collards on hand, but spinach et al is great) 2 tbsp of harissa 1 cup of tomato sauce 1. In a sauté pan, over medium-high heat, sauté onions in a glug of olive oil (official measurement) for 4-5 minutes.

2. Add the shallots and harissa and sauté for 2-3 minutes.

3. Add all the tomatoes and sauté for 2 minutes, then cover for 5 minutes.

4. Add the greens and tomato sauce and allow to simmer.

5. With a spoon, make divots in the sauce for each egg. Add the cracked eggs, then cover until the eggs are cooked—but you want the yolks to be runny!

6. Using a large spoon, scoop each egg along with sauce onto a plate. Eat it.

If you are cooking for a large group—say you’re hosting brunch over the holidays—multiply the ingredients and in a casserole P dish add the sauce bake the eggs beginning with step 5.

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SPOTLIGHT MUSIC

LIVEMUSICEVERYNIGHTFOROVER30YEARS! WEDNESDAY

DEC 7

Jacob Jay

THURSDAY

Bryan Johnson & Family, Corner, Toto Magic Show The Ithaca Bottom Boys

DEC 8

9PM FREE

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DEC 9

Shana Falana, The Tins, dreambeaches, Matt Script 10PM $5

ICKY REELS

PHOTO BY PHOTO BY JUSTIN GOETZ SATURDAY

DEC 10

BY CORY PERLA

MEET THE FOUNDER OF A NEW DANCE PARTY THAT DEBUTS FRIDAY AT ELECTRIC AVENUE FOR A MUSICIAN WHO PLAYS what most

would consider pretty chaotic and unrestrained music, Adrian Bertolone’s home studio space is surprisingly organized. On his dining room table an array of keyboards and synthesizers are neatly arranged parallel and perpendicular to each other like a life-sized tabletop game of Tetris. In his living room is a compact yet powerful soundsystem, a record player, a ton of records (though there must be hundreds or a thousand records on his shelves, he says he disposed of or gave away half of his collection in 2010 when he moved to Buffalo from Cleveland), a stereo receiver, and a relatively new MPC controller sitting atop it.

This MPC (for those who don’t know, an MPC is a stand-alone sampler) is the focus of Bertolone’s new project, which he calls Icky Reels.

Through this project, the 34-year-old producer is launching a new, hopefully monthly, dance party at Electric Avenue he’s calling Free. It’s called Free not only because there’s no cover but because you’re also “free to dance, free to be who you want to be,” says Bertolone.

He’s teaming up with Rick Platt, owner of Mohawk Place and Electric Avenue, to host the party on a regular basis. The party is inspired by parties in Cleveland like In Training, which Bertolone has played. The sense of community he felt at that party is part of what inspired him.

This first party will feature three artists from Cleveland, as well as Buffalo’s UVB76, and Bertolone performing under the name Icky Reels. The artists coming in from Cleveland include ADAB, a promoter behind a Cleveland dance party called Heaven Is in You; Kiernan Laveux, one of the promoters behind the aforementioned In Training party; and Moltar, who Bertolone refers to as “Cleveland’s answer to Aphex Twin.”

Folks around the local music scene, specifically the electronic music scene, know Bertolone under the name Ay Fast, but as he’s shifted his production methods, his alias has also shifted for now to Icky Reels.

Bertolone plays some of his new material, and while it’s quite clearly the same author as the Ay Fast material—it’s bombastic and somewhat unpredictable—there’s a straightforwardness at work that Bertolone has consciously worked to implement.

The musician walks over to his MPC and demonstrates some of his new beats, which he plans to play live at the party.

He also gives me a tour of some of his other equipment, like a custom synthesizer box that looks more like a control panel at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant than an instrument.

“When I got the MPC and started writing on it, it was sorta like immediately obvious that there was a difference in the way I was approaching [music],” says Bertolone about his new music.

To do this party, though, Berolone wants to make sure he’s not stepping on the toes of other organizers, especially those whose parties he enjoys and admires, such as the frequent Strange Allure parties, which are usually held at underground locations, and by which this party has also been inspired.

“A big part of Ay Fast is me trying not to hold back and really going balls to the wall, whereas with Icky Reels I’m really thinking about—I want people to get down at the shows and be able to vibe out on something for a while and not throw as many change ups in. With this I’m trying to write tracks that evolve.”

“Strange Allure is already such a cool party, I was like, maybe I could do something like that, something mid-level. Rick and I want to keep it free, but have just enough of a budget to bring some out-of-towners in, and people can just come in and dance for free and drink for cheap.”

He also wanted an instrument that he could bring out live that wasn’t a laptop. Something dedicated to music, like an MPC. He says that there was an intuitive aspect to his learning how to play the instrument, which he’s been working on for about six months. Of course synthesizers and samplers are inherently less

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DEC 14

ICKY REELS

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intutive than say, drums, or a bass guitar, and our conversation shifts in the direction of the evolution of musical instruments, and then to Bertolone’s first, admittedly unorthodox, experience with musical instruments.

“I got a bass guitar and I sort of learned to play it a little bit, but I would mostly just do weird shit with it like rub stuff against it and record it, make weird noise recordings.”

He quickly moved on to software music making programs like Fruity Loops.

As Bertolone taps away at the sampler, he mentions that his kids are napping right now.

The bassy music, turned down low, obviously doesn’t interrupt, however.

His older son, Dexter, age five, is just now starting to figure out how to play on his musical gear. Wesley, his three-year-old, isn’t quite there yet.

“Kids don’t have an idea of what music should be so you can play them anything. For them, it’s more about is the sound interesting or can they catch a rhythm.”

Back to the subject of the party, Bertolone humbly tells me that he doesn’t want his party to interfere with other parties.

“I don’t want to pull crowds in different directions,” he says. “I don’t want to have all three awesome things that are happening that month happen on one day. I come from Cleveland which is a similar vibe and I understand the P importance of doing that.”

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FILM REVIEW

LIFE, INEVITABLY

Casey Affleck in Manchester by the Sea.

MANCHESTER BY THE SEA NOCTURNAL ANIMALS EAGLE HUNTRESS

BY M. FAUST WE’RE ALMOST DONE WITH 2016, a year that just about no one is likely to look back on with a warm, nostalgic glow. Still, as the year staggers to an end, there is solace to be found at the movies, for those few of us who still enjoy filmgoing as a communal experience. The last month has brought to local screens three emotionally transcendent films of the kind you seldom see, reminders of what the limited canvas of a movie can do better than an open-ended television series: Moonlight, Loving, and, opening this Friday, Manchester by the Sea.

(One local theater is showing all three next week. If you haven’t seen any of them yet, what a wonderful day you might have.)

Manchester by the Sea is the third film by writer-director Kenneth Lonergan. The first, You Can Count on Me, starring Laura Linney and Mark Ruffalo as estranged siblings trying to re-establish some kind of a relationship, was universally hailed as one of the best films of 2001. Don’t feel bad if you never heard of the second one.

Filmed in 2005, Margaret was the subject of lawsuits that kept it on the shelf until a minimal release in 2011. We don’t have the space to discuss those here, but many consider it a masterpiece, even if Lonergan himself can’t decide which of the four versions is the best.

The trouble with discussing Manchester by the Sea is that there’s no way to describe the story without making it sound awfully mawkish: An emotionally scarred man is jolted out of his rut when he becomes the guardian of his nephew after the death of his brother.

Cue Wallace Beery and Mickey Rooney.

Try to ignore all the movies you’ve seen with some variation of that plot, as well as all the ones you avoided because of that plot.

Lee (Casey Affleck) is not a grizzled old curmudgeon but rather a guy in his 30s working as a handyman at a suburban Boston apartment complex. His days are spent like this: work, drink, pass out, repeat. He ignores the women who occasionally hit on him.

But he’s eager for any excuse to get into a fist fight.

when the family learns about his illness. Dying and death, we learn, have this in common: there are a lot of details to tend to.

mean? (The only answer I can think of is that Ford has watched too many David Lynch films.)

What is a surprise about Manchester by the Sea is its unexpected sense of humor. It’s certainly not a comedy, but it is often drily funny. (It runs two hours and 17 minutes, from which you will correctly infer that Lonergan takes his time getting to where he is going.) Nothing gets down without a maddening variety of details, from arranging a burial in New England in the winter (when you can’t dig a grave in the frozen ground) to trying to lose your virginity when your mom thinks that you’re having a study date. Or when you think your mom believes your story about having a study date. Or when your mom thinks you don’t know that she doesn’t believe your story about having a study date.

Amy Adams stars as the rich owner of a chic LA art gallery. She lives in a world that is (cliché alert) as heartless as it is beautiful.

One day she receives a package, the manuscript of a novel written by her ex-husband, whom she left when they were young and to whom she hasn’t spoken to in years.

(Some of the jokes are even drier than that. What teenager in 2016 makes out to Bob Dylan’s Blood on the Tracks?)

These characters are sympathetic without being particularly likeable. These are not people who talk nicely to each other. The default mode is snippy, self-defensive: You might think of it as a cliché about New Englanders. Their hearts aren’t actually as cold as the weather; it just makes things easier to act that way. Trouble is that that kind of behavior can become hard to break out of.

Manchester by the Sea is perfectly observed in every detail, from its writing and performances (Affleck and Michelle Williams as his ex wife are locks for Oscar nominations) to its set decorations (someone understands the clutter of real life). Lonergan only goes wrong once: the scene showing the experience that devastated Lee’s life is scored to Albinoni’s Adagio in G Minor, a piece of music so mournful that it has become something of a cliché. Not only is it unnecessary, hammering home something that is more than adequately detailed, but it goes on at great length. It stands out as one mistake in a movie that is, in just about every conceivable way, heartbreakingly perfect.

•••

The nephew is Patrick (Lucas Hedges). He’s a high school junior, big for his age, a roughneck on the school’s hockey team. He has two girlfriends and a band. When his father dies of congestive heart disease—not unexpectedly—everyone assumes that Lee will do as provided in his brother’s will: move up to Maine, take over the fishing charter business and act as Patrick’s guardian until he goes off to college. Why wouldn’t he? As Patrick points out, “You’re just a janitor.”

Nocturnal Animals is the second film by fashion designer Tom Ford, who likes to dabble in making movies in his spare time. His first, A Single Man, starring Colin Firth as a gay man mourning the death of his partner, was an elegant and controlled piece of filmmaking. Unfortunately that success seems to have gone to Ford’s head. From beginning to end, Nocturnal Animals, adapted from Austin Wright’s novel Tony and Susan, is filled with scenes and images that scream, “Look at me! Pay attention to me! Interpret me!”

That Lee has a dark secret in his past is no surprise. Lonergan’s carefully structured screenplay unfolds in flashbacks to different parts of the story, which often go counter to the tone you’re expecting. As Lee drives to see his dying brother, we see the day

It’s not as if you’re not warned at the very beginning: The credits unspool over the sight of two obese women dancing naked on a platform. In slow motion. What, you think, can this possibly

AT THE MOVIES A selective guide to what’s opening and what’s playing in local moviehouses and other venues

BY M. FAUST & GEORGE SAX

OPENING THIS WEEK BURN COUNTRY—Dominic Rains as a former war journalist who tries to start a new life on a small paper in northern California. With James Franco, Thomas Ian Ryan, and Melissa Leo, who will participate in a live streaming interview after the screening. Directed by Ian Olds.

Thu 9:30pm. North Park THE EAGLE HUNTRESS—Documentary set in Mongolia, where a 13-year-old girl is trained by her father in the family practice of using an eagle to assist in hunting. Directed by Otto Bell. Reviewed this issue. Dipson Eastern Hills HARRY AND SNOWMAN— Documentary about a Dutch immigrant in Pennsylvania who rescued a plow horse on its way to be slaughtered and turned it into a champion show jumper. Directed

by Ron Davis. North Park MANCHESTER BY THE SEA—Widely acclaimed drama written and directed by Kenneth Lonergan

(You Can Count On Me) starring Casey Affleck as a man tortured by his past who is called on to become his nephew’s guardian when his brother dies. With Michelle Williams, Lucas Hedges, Kyle Chandler, Gretchen Mol, Matthew Broderick, and Stephen McKinley Henderson.

Reviewed this issue. Dipson Amherst, Dipson Eastern Hills MISS SLOANE—Jessica Chastain as a DC lobbyist who becomes involved with an effort to pass legislation requiring more stringent background checks for gun ownership. Co-starring Gugu Mbatha-Raw, John Lithgow, Michael Stuhlbarg, and Mark Strong. Directed by John Madden (Captain Corelli’s Mandolin). Regal Elmwood, Regal Quaker, Regal Transit, Regal Walden Galleria NOCTURNAL ANIMALS—Drama starring Amy Adams as a gallery owner trying to figure out how a brutal novel written by her ex-husband (Jake Gyllenhaal) reflects on their life together.

With Michael Shannon, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and Isla Fisher. Directed by Tom Ford (A Single Man). Reviewed this issue. Dipson Amherst, Regal Elmwood, Regal Quaker, Regal Transit, Regal Walden Galleria OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY—It gets out of hand.

Starring Jason Bateman, Olivia Munn, T. J. Miller, and Kate McKinnon. Directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck (Blades of Glory). AMC Ma-

20 THE PUBLIC / DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2016 / DAILYPUBLIC.COM

The novel, which provides the bulk of the film’s story, concerns a man whose wife and daughter are kidnapped and murdered while they were driving through West Texas. (I give away a little bit of the plot here because this part of the film unfolds at a maddeningly slow pace and is excruciatingly painful to watch: I almost left the theater.) He works with a Texas cop (Michael Shannon) to bring the killer to justice.

As this story unfolds, we occasionally cut to Adams reading the manuscript and to flashbacks of her time with her first husband.

Both he and the fictional husband in the book are played by Jake Gyllenhaal. What, she wonders, is the relevance of this lurid story to that long ago marriage? We the audience, at the same time, find ourselves wondering what was going through the writer’s mind as he contrived this story. And then we wonder if we’re supposed to be wondering that: Is he meant to be unreliable narrator? Of course, once you go spiraling down that drain there’s no coming back. In the end, it’s hard to draw any conclusions about the nature of these two stories other than ones that are unpleasant and unworthy of the effort.

••• I have a weakness for movies filmed in Mongolia, a part of the world that I would probably never want to visit in real life. The terrain is breathtaking as much for its inaccessibility as its beauty.

Such movies, even if they tell fictional stories, tend to be at heart documentaries. The Eagle Huntress is the opposite, a documentary with a layer of near-fiction. It follows a year in the life of Aisholpan, a 13-year-old girl in a nomadic Kazakh family. Men of her tribe over the years have leaned to train eagles as hunting aides to find prey, and her father passes the skill down to her.

The movie tries to make Aisholpan into a feminist heroine by emphasizing that no girl has done this before, though its attempts to drum up some outrage from the tribe’s elders are clearly staged.

It’s unnecessary because it adds nothing to the film’s inherent power, both in depicting a vanishing way of life in a distant part of the world and in showcasing some glorious cinematography of that region. Like Seasons, which will be gone by the time this opens, Eagle Huntress is the kind of nature documentary you’ll be glad you saw on a big screen.

P

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ALTERNATIVE CINEMA CASABLANCA (1941)—Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in what is by general consensus Hollywood’s greatest romance, if not the most popular Hollywood film period. Call it a miracle of studio craftsmanship, a whole that exceeds the sum of its parts, and an almost mythological example of why we love movies so much.

Directed by Michael Curtiz. With Paul Heinreid, Claude Rains, Conrad Veidt, Peter Lorre, Sydney Greenstreet, S. Z. Sakall, and Dooley Wilson. FriSat 7:30pm. Screening Room A CHRISTMAS CAROL (England, 1951)—Originally titled Scrooge, this is generally considered the best film version of the classic Charles Dickens story, with Alistair Sim as the infamous miser.

Look for Patrick Macnee, The Avengers‘ John Steed, as the young Jacob Marley. Also starring Kathleen Harrison, Mervyn Johns, Hermione Baddeley, Ernest Thesiger, and Hattie Jacques.

Fri-Sat 11:30am. North Park; Wed 12/14 Screening Room A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983)—Admit it: This is the Christmas movie you’ve seen more than any other, and the one you’re most likely to watch

again. Humorist Jean Shepherd’s stories form this basis for this portrait of Christmas in a blue collar Midwestern city in the 1930s. Starring Darren McGavin, Melinda Dillon, and Peter Billingsley. Directed by Bob Clark (Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things). Free and open to the public. Sat 11am. Aurora DECONSTRUCTING THE BEATLES’ WHITE ALBUM—Abbey Road studios is the setting for this filmed adaptation of one of musicologist Scott Freiman’s popular lectures analyzing the music of the Beatles, in this case concentrating on the double album that represented to peak of their studio experimentation. Wed 12/7 7:30pm. Hallwalls THE LADY EVE (1941)—Barbara Stanwyck as a con artist who sets her sights on Henry Fonda, an innocent snake researcher and heir to a beer fortune. Preston Sturges’s classic comedy offers something new every time I see it, and I’ve seen it a lot. With Charles Coburn, Eugene Pallette, and William Demarest. Fri 7:30pm. Old Chestnut Film Society, Phillip Sheridan School, 3200 Elmwood Avenue, oldchestnut.com RUSSIAN ARK (Russia, 2002)—An amazing feat: a 96-minute film consisting of a single, unbroken shot, made in the massive Hermitage museum in St. Petersburg, Russia. (Cameraman Tilman Büttner, who shot Run Lola Run, covered nearly a mile in the process). The story is a shifting

AT THE MOVIES FILM

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720 Builders Way, Niagara Falls Yates. Dipson Flix, Regal Elmwood, Regal NiagThe character’s backstory unfolds along with ara Falls, Regal Quaker, Regal Walden Galleria, 236–0146 the present-day one that ties in mobsters, govRegal Transit ernment agents, and crooked businessmen, regmovies.com and the result is finally a bit overstuffed: It’s HACKSAW RIDGE—The story of World War II Amera 130-minute movie that you wish was longer, ican Army medic Desmond T. Doss, a Virginia REGAL QUAKER CROSSING 18 if only so that every member of the first-rate farmboy and conscientious objector who saved 3450 Amelia Dr., Orchard Park / 827–1109 cast could have more screen time. Along with the lives of 75 men at the Battle of Okinawa, regmovies.com Affleck, that includes J. K. Simmons, John Lithis so compelling that you wonder why it wasn’t gow, Anna Kendrick, Jon Bernthal, and Cynthia filmed long ago. As directed by Mel Gibson, REGAL TRANSIT CENTER 18 Addai-Robinson. Directed by Gavin O’Connor whose approach to violence in his previous Transit and Wehrle, Lancaster / 633–0859 (Jane Got a Gun). –MF Four Seasons, Regal Elmfilms can perhaps best be described as hysterwood, Regal Transit, Regal Walden Galleria ical, the result is better than you might expect, regmovies.com if not quite as good as it might have been. The ALLIED—Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard as spies faults are in the script: though the dialogue is who fall in love during a World War II mission— REGAL WALDEN GALLERIA STADIUM 16 strong (and all of the major cast excellent), it but is she secretly a German agent? Director One Walden Galleria Dr., Cheektowaga lacks too many seemingly important details.

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–MF SQUEAKY WHEEL Regal Transit, Regal Walden Galleria Dipson Flix, Regal Elmwood, Regal Niagara Falls, 712 Main St., / 884-7172 THE HANDMAIDEN—South Korean filmmaker Park Regal Quaker, Regal Transit, Regal Walden GalVISIT DAILYPUBLIC.COM FOR MORE squeaky.org Chan-wook made an international name for leria FILM LISTINGS & REVIEWS >> himself with a trio of lurid revenge thrillers, ALMOST CHRISTMAS—A battling family spends SUNSET DRIVE-IN the best known of which is Old Boy (remade their first Thanksgiving without Mom. Starring

by Spike Lee). His US debut Stoker didn’t do 9950 Telegraph Rd., Middleport Gabrielle Union, Jessie Usher, Danny Glover, too well, so he’s back to Korea for this inflated, 735-7372 / sunset-drivein.com Omar Epps, Mo’Nique, Kimberly Elise, John Mitwisty historical drama adapted from a British chael Higgins, Romany Malco, and J. B. Smoove. novel. Set in the 1930s, when Korea was under TJ’S THEATRE Directed by David E. Talbert (Baggage Claim).

Japanese control (the film assumes some hisRegal Elmwood, Regal Niagara Falls, Regal 72 North Main St., Angola / 549-4866 torical knowledge a lot of Americans may not Quaker, Regal Transit, Regal Walden Galleria newangolatheater.com VISIT DAILYPUBLIC.COM FOR MORE FILM LISTINGS & REVIEWS >>by a con man to seduce have), it enters on a plot ARRIVAL—A linguist (Amy Adams) and a matheand marry an heiress who has been raised in matician (Jeremy Renner) are recruited by the TRANSIT DRIVE-IN a secluded estate by her kinky guardian, who government to try to communicate with the oc6655 South Transit Rd., Lockport plans to marry her himself when she is old cupants of 12 alien spacecraft that have landed enough. The story is seen from three different 625-8535 / transitdrivein.com around the globe, hopefully before the rulers of perspectives, including that of the titular serany other country decide that the ships are a vant enlisted in the plot. But while the producevocation of Russian history, with which you need not be familiar to enjoy this: sit back and be enveloped in a dream—and do not plan to see it on video, where it is a greatly diminished experience. Directed by Alexander Sokurov, whose films are not widely known in the United States but who is considered the heir to Andrei Tarkovsky. Presented by the Roycroft Film Society. Sun 4pm. Parkdale School Auditorium, 141 Girard Ave., East Aurora SWAN LAKE—Live from the Bolshoi Ballet, the holiday classic set to the music of Tchaikovsky.

Dancers Mariya Aleksandrova and Ruslan Skvortsov head the cast. Thu 2pm Dipson Amherst WHITE CHRISTMAS (1954)—It’s hasn’t aged terribly well, the mawkishness of the plot is mitigated only by the film’s failure to pay much attention to it (though more than it would have had either Fred Astaire or Donald O’Connor, the first two choices, played opposite Bing Crosby instead of Danny Kaye), and the title song (which first appeared over a decade earlier in Holiday Inn) is framed with the reverence of a visit from the Pope. But who am I to argue with nostalgia at Christmas time? Co-staring Rosemary Clooney, Vera-Ellen, and Dean Jagger. Directed by Michael Curtiz (Casablanca). Sun 11am. Aurora-

CULTURE > FILM

CULTURE > FILM

tion is lavish and the actors suitably intense, the structure is overly complicated and dully resolved, and the filmmaker seems to regard it all as an excuse for softcore naughtiness that both wants to chide and embrace pornographic stereotypes. Starring Min-hee Kim, Tae-ri Kim, and Jung-woo Ha. –MF Dipson Eastern Hills ENDS THURS INCARNATE—Spooky stuff starring Aaron Eckhart as a psychiatrist who enters the subconscious of a boy possessed by demons. Directed by Brad Peyton (Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore). Regal Elmwood, Regal Niagara Falls, Regal Quaker, Regal Transit, Regal Walden Galleria LOVING—Virginia may be for lovers now, if the state’s tourist slogan is to be believed, but it wasn’t for the Lovings in 1958 whet it sentenced Richard and Mildred Loving to prison for violating the “Racial Integrity Act of 1924” against interracial marriage. Beginning with their marriage in 1958 and ending with the 1967 Supreme Court case that ended miscegenation laws in the United States, this enormously appealing film is less about their legal struggles than about the quiet, unexceptional dignity of their life together, largely spent in banishment from their rural home as a condition of avoiding jail. It’s this year’s Brooklyn, a deeply moving film about the recent past that resonates forcefully in modern America. Starring Joel Edgarton, Ruth Negga, Marton Csokas, Nick Kroll, Jon Bass, and Michael Shannon. Directed by Jeff Nichols (Mud). –MF Dipson Amherst, Dipson Eastern Hills MOONLIGHT is by an overwhelming critical consensus one of the best films of the year, which might be a bad thing to tell you; that kind of high expectation can blind audiences to the accomplishments of this deliberately paced, delicate film about a boy’s growth to adulthood.

And please don’t consider those adjectives synonyms for “boring.” Audiences are reacting as strongly to the film as are critics. If you can’t see a film without knowing in advance what it’s about, look it up. Otherwise, take a leap of faith and go see it. Starring Trevante Rhodes, Mahershala Ali, Naomie Harris and Janelle Monáe.

Directed by Barry Jenkins (Medicine for Melancholy). -MF. Dipson Amherst (ENDS THURS), Dipson Eastern Hills OASIS: SUPERSONIC—From the producers of the Oscar-winning Amy, a documentary about the 1990s band, enormously popular everywhere in the world except the United States, that was known as much for their music as for the incessant fighting between sibling leaders Noel and Liam Gallagher. North Park RULES DON’T APPLY—In concocting a movie about the notoriously nutso but uncommonly gifted and accomplished Howard Hughes, Warren Beatty, whose slow work pace and age (he’s 79) probably mean we won’t see another film directed by him, seems to have decided , “Hey, why ruin the fun with dreary details, or even truthiness?” This might have been justifiable if the movie was a lot of fun, but its amusements are too modest and infrequent. Beatty has conceived and played Hughes as a parody of the real man, a rather odd, perhaps self-serving creation. He’s rummaged in Hughes’s history, grabbing and transforming events and facts to produce a flamboyant star turn for himself.

But his movie is muddled and confusing, unmistakably more about him than Hughes. With Alden Ehrenreich, Matthew Broderick, Candice Bergen, Annette Bening, Lily Collins, Haley Bennett, Ed Harris, Amy Madigan, Oliver Platt, Martin Sheen, and Alec Baldwin. –GS Dipson Amherst (ENDS THURSDAY), Regal Elmwood, Dipson Flix, Regal Niagara Falls, Regal Quaker, Regal Transit, Regal Walden Galleria SEASONS—Nature documentary from the creators of Winged Migration and Oceans. Directed

by Jacques Perrin and Jacques Cluzaud. Dipson Eastern Hills, North Park ENDS THURSDAY SULLY—Clint Eastwood’s trademark low-key approach to filmmaking is pleasurably displayed in this thoughtful look at the so-called “Miracle on the Hudson,” the 2009 incident in which a damaged airplane made an emergency landing on the Hudson River with no loss of life.

Though pilot Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger (Tom Hanks) was lionized by a public that had long been starved of unambiguous heroes, behind the scenes he was subjected to interrogation by flight officials who questioned his judgment in the face of what their computer models say he should have done. It’s not hard to read a political subtext into this, that we should trust people of proven skill and experience instead of Monday morning micromanaging them (and at the age of 86, Eastwood is entitled to that opinion).

But if the story’s drama is built on a shaky pivot (was the second engine functional?), the way it unfolds is smoothly engrossing. With Aaron Eckhart, Laura Linney, Jamey Sheridan, Valerie Mahaffey, and Anna Gunn. –MF Dipson McKinley, Four SeasonsStreet, Angola (549-4866) P

CULTURE > FILM

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FAMOUS LAST WORDS BACK PAGE

THE GRINCHY GHEY:

HOW ASSANGE STOLE CHRISTMAS

BY CHRISTOPHER JOHN TREACY ‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, and nobody had done a

goddamn thing.

Santa Claus was in dire straits. The antidepressants were just barely working. Adding Abilify hadn’t helped. Operations at his storied North Pole headquarters had ground to a halt.

“I don’t understand how it all went to hell so quickly,” Santa said to his barber, Cole, who was busy combing the knots from an unusually matted white beard. “For the last two years, it’s been nothing but lawsuit after lawsuit. That Assange creep really screwed me but good. If only he’d come to me first, I could’ve explained it was all just a failed experiment. I meant no malice!”

It was a frigid early December afternoon, but Cole had been listening to Santa reflect on his demise since the weather was warm. Every few weeks the iconic holiday fixture would disguise himself as an aging hipster in ill-fitting skinny jeans and a modified fedora, making his way over from a rundown Anchorage motel for a beard trim and oiling. The professional grooming was the closest thing to a spa day that Santa could afford—a cheap way to momentarily make himself feel better. He’d been living on credit cards for months, placating himself with false hope that things would improve, that he could settle his financial burdens and rise above all the negative press.

His lawyers were doing everything they could, but the outlook was bleak. Cole, who’d promised never to reveal the portly man’s identity, would have tidied the beard for free. But Santa insisted on paying.

Julian Assange had started the avalanche. Almost two years to the day, he’d leaked information that exposed Santa’s complicit involvement in a covert government operation that spied on children, keeping records of whether they’d been naughty or nice and tracking their sleep patterns. It was unclear what the value of the information was to US officials, but tacking it on Santa seemed a plausible enough excuse to a public that’d elected a learning disabled buffoon as their leader.

People were horrified.

“Clearly it wasn’t working since those thankless little shits were getting showered with gifts regardless of how they behaved,” Santa exclaimed, wincing as Cole ran his comb through a particularly gnarly knot.

It was all true. Santa had reluctantly agreed to participate in Operation Comin’ to Town, a name chosen by President Trump’s cronies, who apparently thought themselves very clever. He’d gone along since it’d seemed like a possible solution to the epidemic problem of spoiled American children, an issue that’d been making him anything but jolly for many years. That and, if he’d refused, the government threatened to pull the plug on funding for his North Pole operations…monies which were badly needed to keep his workshop functioning.

It no longer mattered. After the Assange incident, the floodgates opened. It seemed that everyone had a grievance with old St. Nick. Suing Santa was the new black. That the Claus Compound barely generated any revenue and mostly existed on grants was completely lost on these people, who seemed to think the man in red must be loaded. Folks even tried suing for chimney damage.

The reality was that Santa and all of his workers had been doing it pro-bono all these years. The only money he made was from the use of his likeness, on the rare occasion that someone actually asked to use it and agreed to the standard fee. Most of the time, however, they didn’t ask. In the spirit of giving, Santa had kept his mouth shut.

Now he was sorry: The most recent slew of lawsuits were from angry department store Santas insisting that they’d endured trauma and had PTSD from being urinated on day-in and dayout by children believing they were actually him. Two-thirds of the disgruntled lot had also tried hanging their alcoholism on this premise.

Early on, the church had sued, followed by myriad other religious factions. The Catholics argued that Santa had misused a high holy day for his own gain, while the others maintained he’d ”twisted a Judeo-Christian concept into something more universal, resulting in a annual cash grab that saddles everyone, regardless of spiritual affiliation, with an unspeakable financial burden.”

“Best Buy, Wal-Mart, and Target all came after me, attempting to offset their own legal woes from Black Friday deaths and injuries,” he recounted. Cole remembered seeing the story on facebook and thinking it was probably fake news. At the time he’d never imagined he’d be shaping Santa’s beard, listening to him repeatedly reflect on the never-ending witch hunt story.

Santa went on to explain that big-box retailers were looking for compensation because, they insisted, the violent shopping frenzy could be avoided if the Claus workshop produced the high ticket electronic items people want the most—video consoles, plasma televisions, high-end smartphones, etc. That they profited mightily from Black Friday seemed to be a detail lost in the shuffle. It defied logic.

“Nonsense,” he’d responded in a formal statement. “My workshop has always been focused on producing toys for children, organically. If you want an electronic gizmo contraption, you’re on your own.”

But retail representatives were having none of it. “We wouldn’t have to endure this annual Black Friday massacre if that lazy fat slob did what’s expected of him. He had one job, and he blew it!”

He’d tried to keep up, he really had. In a last ditch attempt to boost morale, Santa had sent his entire fleet of elves to Amazon Fulfillment training sessions. The e-commerce mavens had agreed to train the elves for an exorbitant fee, provided that they all sign non-disclosure agreements. Santa had taken out a mafia loan to make it happen.

What he hadn’t realized was that Amazon’s entire operation was riddled with methamphetamine abuse as a result of the inhuman pacing the job required. When Santa’s crew returned from training, it quickly became apparent that the elves had learned a few things he hadn’t bargained for during their time away. Worse yet, the drug abuse fed right into the sexual ambiguity that was already a component of elfin life at the North Pole. But now, what was once something kept on the down-low was inescapably obvious: the elves were making their own meth and their own niche-market, drug-fueled, elf-on-elf pornography.

“The workshop is completely destroyed,” Santa lamented. “Long before they turned it into a sex dungeon, they’d begun taking the machines apart in a state of overstimulated psychosis. They’d tried to convince me it was all just about updates and repairs, but I caught on! Soon they were violating one another with giant wooden dowels and making slings out of reinforced felt.”

He leaned in a bit. “Elves don’t weigh that much, you know.”

Apparently not, thought Cole, resorting to cutting some of the forming dreadlocks with scissors.

The elves had taken to creeping around at night, twitching and acting strange. There seemed to be no end to their depravity, and they’d found a lawyer willing to try suing their employer for dental benefits to help deal with the damage the drug abuse was doing to their teeth. Unable to take it any longer, Santa traveled down to Anchorage for respite. Mostly he got Chinese takeout and holed up in his ratty motel room, guzzling cheap gin and watching reruns of Law and Order. He loved the synthesized gavel sound.

It wasn’t like there was much left for him up there, anyhow. Mrs. Claus had vacated a year earlier. All the stress had left Santa impotent, and the antidepressants had only made it worse.

In need of some affection, she’d begun chatting online with a Harley enthusiast who one day braved the cold on his Fat Boy and whisked her off. They couldn’t have gone too far, however.

A rumor was circulating that the leather-clad couple had been spotted creeping around the compound late at night, partying with elves at the workshop.

Santa couldn’t bear the thought. “It’s only a matter of time before the building blows to bits, and I pray she’s not in there when it does,” he cried in anguish.

“Hold still,” Cole said, scissors in hand. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally stab you.”

Even his beloved reindeer had turned on him, growing angry and self-righteous in recent years just as the Christmas season approached. Unbeknownst to Santa, the reindeer had gotten tangled up in a performance enhancing drug ring. At least it explained the change in demeanor. When the steroid use became fodder for the press, it was just one more thorn in Santa’s side.

The reindeer angrily pointed their hooves at him, characterizing him as a slave-driving egomaniac. In an exclusive interview with TMZ, Prancer came out of retirement to address the situation.

“I left years ago, before the doping,” she said. “They don’t like folks to know much about us given the propensity for animal rights activists to make a stink, but most of the original reindeer have been replaced by offspring. Even back then, though, Santa was insufferable…there was so much pressure for this one big night to come off perfectly. He was like a Bridezilla! Still, it’s a strenuous run, even for the young bucks…enough so that depending on a little chemical enhancement seems perfectly logical to me. Plus, have you ever galloped through polluted air? Girl, it’s like trying to run in a swimming pool!”

The scent of cedarwood brought Santa’s wandering mind back to the barber shop where Cole had just finished oiling his beard.

He handed over the credit card, noticing that the letters spelling Kris Kringle had become flattened. Cole went to the front of the shop to ring him up while Santa put his coat back on and admired his beard, now cut into a slimming v-shape, reflected in the mirror. When he waddled up to the counter, so much of himself spilling over the top of the skinny jeans, Cole whispered the bad news. “This one’s on me, buddy. Your card was declined.”

P “Jesus fucking Christ,” was all the old man could muster.

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