Session 8 - Building self-regulation, relationships and resilience through play by Cambridge International Education

Building self-regulation, relationships and resilience through play

March 2026

Dr Janet Rose

“Self-regulation = the ability to adapt your physical, emotional and mental state so that you can focus on and adapt to the demands of a task or situation, resist distractions and persist even when things get challenging.”

Centre on the Developing Child, Harvard

Self-regulation and play

• Vygotskian concepts of self-regulation (1978) and the work of Bodrova et al (2013).

• How pretend play promotes cognitive control over thoughts and actions.

• Subordinate immediate impulses to ‘obey’ the rules and roles of the game.

• Gap between actual and symbolic actions.

• Mental separation between symbol and reality develops the ability to act against one's own wishes.

• Play internalizes these skills moving from spontaneous actions to consciously controlled behaviour.

The neuroscience of play

• Neuroplasticity and neural connections – multimodal and multisensory.

• Neurochemical release – play is joyful!

• Executive Function development.

• Cognitive flexibility.

• Enhanced self-regulation.

• Emotional and social well-being.

“Play is a highly complex social interactive activity that activates a combination of sensorimotor, cognitive and socio-emotional neural circuits.”

Neale, et al, 2018

The neuroscience of play

• Through play, the process of neural integration occurs – play is dynamic and stimulating to foster growth but has sufficient safety to allow stability/order to enable the brain to focus on stimulation (learning) vs protection (survival) or take risks within safe boundaries.

• Recent research in neuroscience has suggested that play behaviour is based around three neural circuits controlling motivation and affects motor performance and executive functions.

• When a child engages in a learning/play experience, multiple areas of the brain are activated simultaneously.

• E.g. a child playing in wet sand stimulates the motor cortex, the occipital (visual processing) lobe and the prefrontal lobe.

(see Hamilton and Rose, 2021).

Relationships are the key

“To connect and to co-regulate is our biological imperative”

(Porges, cited in Delahooke, 2022)

• We have social brains - we’re wired to connect!

• Brain and body designed to attune and to interact with others and to ‘attach’.

• Every encounter you have with a young child will elicit a response in their brain even if you can’t see any evidence of that response.

Community School Family

Individual and Peers

Practitioner Role in playful learning

= developing the ‘see-saw’ of:

Soothing/Calming (CARING) and/or

Stimulating/Challenging (DARING)

Caring and daring practitioners provide:

• A secure base offers a sense of protection, caring and safety AND

• A source of inspiration and energy for learning and exploration, risk taking, challenge

= The safety/risk paradox –caring and daring

(Kohlrieser et al, 2012)

How adults set the emotional climate for play

“Regular practice with attunement strengthens your ability to recognize and respond to a child’s unique communication style. This responsive dance creates the conditions for secure attachment and optimal development.”

Siegel and Hartzell, 2003

Relational attunement

Attunement—the process of tuning in to and responding appropriately to a child’s emotional, physical and mental state.

• Observe carefully: Notice subtle changes in facial expression, body tension, and vocalizations.

• Wonder with empathy: Ask yourself, “What might they be experiencing right now? What might they be needing now?”

• Match appropriately: Adjust your own facial expressions, voice tone, and energy level to meet the child where they are.

• Follow their lead: Allow the child to direct the interaction when possible.

• SERVE AND RETURN

Activities: Bonding/connecting games

• Pass the smile

• Meet and greet

• Pizza/weather report/ski report/skateboarding

• Feather and cushion (back and forth/serve and return games)

• Clapping games

• Mirroring games

• Holding in mind – touching base, pebble with heart etc

• Sense of belonging activities

“Research using neuroimaging technologies has shown that infants who experience responsive caregiving tend to develop stronger neural networks in regions associated with emotional regulation, empathy and social cognition”.

Schore, 2001

Playful learning can be stressful!

• When something goes wrong during play, children can have a stress response.

• They require a caregiver’s help to regain their equilibrium.

• Even brief periods of caregiver unresponsiveness can trigger significant stress reactions.

• Responsive caregiving helps establish stress response systems that react appropriately to genuine threats while maintaining equilibrium during minor stressors — a key component of selfregulation and resilience.

• Practitioners play a critical role

The Hand Model of the Brain and vagal

(Adapted from Siegel, 2012)

“Neuroception describes how we distinguish whether people or situations are safe, dangerous, or life threatening via neural networks, before conscious awareness.”

Stephen Porges

Neuroception and play

• Neuroception = helps us to ascertain what is safe and what needs a survival response.

• Constant sensory information is taken in via our senses from the environment, people around us, own internal bodily states.

• Play triggers neuroception.

• Through play, a process of neural integration occurs.

• This elicits up-regulatory or down-regulatory responses.

• The brain is primed to seek safety through social engagement and other sensory information that can help the brain and body return to the ‘just right’ state to allow for learning and growth.

The neurophysiology of getting the ‘lid put back on’

• When distressed, the brain is primed to respond to responsive, attuned adults via its social engagement system.

• Repeated experiences of adult

• co-regulation helps to trigger the child’s vagal system, assisting them to physically and emotionally calm down and ‘put the lid back on’, building selfregulation and resilience.

Stress optimal playful learning

• Peak performance learning requires a balanced brain – the Goldilocks Principle.

• The right neurochemicals and the right parts of the brain firing.

• Children need to be in a ‘just right’ state for optimal learning (Rock, 2020).

• i.e. stress optimal (Hohner & Murphy, 2016) in the ‘zone of tolerable stress’.

• This is particularly important for children who have additional needs (SEND/neurodiverse etc.) and/or have experienced trauma or they may struggle to be in the ‘just right’ state.

The Just Right state

• Hyperarousal – too much stimulation

• Hypoarousal – too little stimulation

• Aim for optimal play arousal – provide just enough ‘daring’ and switch to ‘caring’ when child becomes distressed

• i.e. the Just Right state

(Kestly and Badenoch, 2014)

The power of ‘repair’ for self -regulation and the ‘just right’ state

• Warm, responsive interactions which provide support, coaching and modelling to help others understand, express and regulate their feelings, behaviour and thoughts.

• Co-regulation is an interpersonal experience and involves being present and attuned to a child’s needs in the moment of stress.

• Contingent, repetitive, moment to moment, reciprocal, sufficiently consistent, with opportunities for the child to practice regulating themselves, creating the building blocks for resilience.

• But what matters most for regulation and resilience is how the relationship with the practitioner helps the child to recover from distress – i.e. repair helps to ‘put the lid back on’.

• This provides a ‘buffer’ enabling the child to ‘practise’ calming down and cope with life.

• When children are distressed, we need to help get them back to the ‘just right state’ so they can maximise their learning through play.

Activities: Breathing - let the out breath be longer than the in breath

Breathing buddies: Child sits or lies down. Put the breathing buddy on their tummies and ask them to inhale and exhale watching how their tummy goes up and down to support deeper breathing. Focusing on the teddy provides new sensory input and re-directs.

Breathing basket: create a breathing basket with items to support breathing e.g. stars/flowers etc to trace around, squeezy toys, bubbles, expanding/contracting toys, other things to blow etc.

Rainbow breathing: Inhale and exhale whilst moving your arms up and down to the shape of a rainbow – holding breath briefly as you move to the up or down position.

Bumble bee breathing: Inhale through your nose and exhale slowly making a (soft and quiet) humming sound (like a bumble bee makes). Place your hands over your ears to enhance the vibrations, providing a calming and soothing space.

Activities: Calming corners

• Calming corners

• Calming baskets

• Basket of hugs

• Soothing, sensory input

• Sniffing boxes

• Sensory spa

Activities: Fiddle toys

Some research suggests fiddle/sensory toys appear to help children get to the ‘just right’ state

• The rhythmic/repetitive/sensory input/movement is soothing.

• Movement stimulates the brain to ‘wake up/sustain alertness’.

• Uses different parts of the brain to promote integration which improves concentration/cognitive control/modulation (‘priming brains’).

• Focuses attention on particular sensory input which helps to filter, controlling/directing movement also sharpens focus.

• May ‘burn off’ energy, may alleviate hyper/hypo sensory sensitivity etc.

• Other benefits e.g. fine motor, hand-eye coordination.

Calming and alerting strategies to support regulation

• Push/pull games.

• Red light, green light.

• Stop/start games.

• Spaghetti.

• Pace/freeze games to music.

• Don’t pop the bubble.

• Hug rocks.

• Chair push and pull ups/hand squeezing.

• Power up/power down.

Activities: The power of rhythm for regulation

• Brain is wired to respond to rhythmic, repetitive, patterned activities.

• Rhythmic movement/beat synchronisation seems to play a powerful role in supporting children with sensory processing difficulties.

• These activities require attention, memory, self-control, cognitive flexibility, beat saliency and motor coordination – all laying foundations for self-regulation.

• Beat sychronisation is correlated with speech encoding and reading readiness in pre school children.

• Jump for joy!

References

• Beckes and Coan (2011). Social Baseline Theory: The role of social proximity in emotion and economy of action. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5.12, 976–988.

• Bodrova, E. et al (2013) Play and Self-Regulation: Lessons from Vygotsky. American Journal of Play, 6.1, 111-123.

• Bradbury and Grimmer (2024) Love and Nurture in the Early Years. London: Learning Matters.

• Conkbayir (2021) Early Childhood and Neuroscience: Theory, Research and Implications for Practice. London: Bloomsbury

• Cozolino (2014) The neuroscience of human relationships. New York: Norton and Co.

• David (2017) Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life. New York: Better Books

• Delahooke (2022) Brain-body Parenting. New York: Harper Collins.

• Gilbert, Gus and Rose (2021) Emotion Coaching in Schools with Children and Young People. London: Jessica Kingsley.

• Gottman and DeClaire (1997) Raising an emotionally intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting. New York: Simon and Shuster

• Grimmer and Geens (2022) Nurturing Self-Regulation in Early Childhood: Adopting an Ethos and Approach. London: Routledge.

• Gus, Rose, Gilbert (2015) Emotion Coaching: a universal strategy for supporting and promoting sustainable emotional and behavioural well-being. Journal of Educational and Child Psychology, 32.1, 31-41.

• Immordino-Yang and Damasio (2007) We feel, therefore we learn: The relevance of affective and social neuroscience to education. Mind, Brain and Education Journal, 1.1, 3-10.

• Kestly & Badenoch (2018) The Interpersonal Neurobiology of Play: Brain-Building Interventions for Emotional Well-Being. New York: Norton.

• Kohlreiser et al (2012) Care to Dare. San Francisco: Wiley and Sons.

• Lieberman (2013) Social: Why our brains are wired to connect. Oxford: Oxford UP.

• Lieberman et al (2005) Angels in the nursery: The intergenerational transmission of benevolent parental influences. Infant Mental Health Journal, 26.6, 504-520.

• Murphy (2024) 50 fantastic ideas for co-regulation. London: Bloomsbury.

• NSCDC (2011) Building the Brain’s “Air Traffic Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function, Harvard: CDC.

• O’Connor and Daly (2016) Understanding Physical Development in the Early Years: Linking bodies and Minds. London: Routledge.

• Pianta, R. C. (Ed.) (1992) Beyond the parent: The role of other adults in children’s lives. San Francisco: Jossey Bass.

• Porges, S (2017) The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe. New York: W W Norton & Co.

• Rock (2020) Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. New York; MacMillan.

• Rose and Wood (2016) The role of child development in early years and primary teaching. In Wyse and Rogers A Guide to Early Years and Primary Teaching. London: Sage.

• Rose, Gilbert and Richards (2015) Health and Well-being in Early Childhood. London: Sage.

• Rose and Rogers (2012) The Role of the Adult in Early Years Settings. Maidenhead: Open UP.

• Rose, McGuire-Snieckus and Gilbert (2015) Emotion Coaching: a universal strategy for supporting and promoting sustainable emotional and behavioural well-being. Journal of Educational and Child Psychology, 32.1, 31-41.

• Siegel (2012) The Developing Mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. New York: The Guildford Press.

• Sroufe and Siegel (2011) The Verdict Is In: The case for attachment theory. Psychotherapy Networker, 35. 2, .

• Sunderland (2015 ) Conversations that Matter. London: Worth.

• Tronick, E and Gold, C. (2000) The Power of Discord: why the ups and downs of relationships are the secret to building intimacy, resilience, and trust. New York: Hachette.