Domestic Violence
The Forgotten Victims
By Monica Soileau
My father shot my mother, and then committed suicide. Instantly, this was the pivotal point in my life, one that would change me forever. For years I have been unable to talk about this without fear, guilt, or shame, but now I am ready to expose the truth, because perhaps doing so will save someone else’s life! This book can allow someone else to be released from their silent suffering; speaking out can help heal the soul. Talking about it will help someone admit that he or she has a problem, and this may prompt them to take the first step towards getting help. I pray what I’ve written will free someone from the shame and guilt of ending up in a violent relationship. It can break the vicious cycle of abuse that is passed on to the next generation. This book will encourage the abused victims and prompt them to seek help so that they can truly live as God wants them (and all of us) to live -- abundantly. It will educate priests, pastors, ministers, and Christian counselors so that they can more appropriately deal with this real problem of abuse, instead of just telling the woman (who is usually the victim in cases of abuse) to pray about it or stay with her husband in bad times. The truths presented in this book will assist school teachers and leaders in addressing this
problem more openly. This will in turn help everyone understand how to better deal with the children from homes where domestic violence occurs. This book demonstrates how the exposure to violence can impact a child for the rest of her life. It touches on each of the following issues: • • • • • • • • • •
Domestic violence Domestic homicide Suicide Loss of both parents: one to suicide, the other to the injury and aftermath. Child self-esteem development Suppression of emotions and mourning Child assuming responsibility and guilt for abusive father’s behavior Dysfunctional relationships Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Recovery and accepting healing
This is a testimony that demonstrates miracles do happen— my mother’s survival of her gunshot wound to the head was a miracle—and that justice is real in the spiritual world. The devil’s attacks can be used as steppingstones as we cross over to the other side to a new place of emotional healing and living a fulfilling and functional life. With God’s help you can take what is bad and turn it into your strength. Your trials can be your opportunity to prove your faith to God. This book can provide a method of healing for those who have been abused, misused, and broken. In addition to healing, I
will demonstrate that the abused, misused, and broken can rise up out of the affliction, pain, and bitterness to live a functional life so that the generational curse/cycle of abuse can be and will be broken. I also expect the message of this book to jolt every stagnant muscle in the bodies of the victims in abusive relationships so that they will get up and save their lives and the lives of their children, and no longer be captives of the abuse! This book contains Visual Impact Pictures1 that depict more than words can describe. When I began to write this book, the song that best reflects the mood I was in was “Sitting here in Limbo,” written by Aaron Neville. I literally was in a state of limbo in my life. I was reflecting on the past and thinking about life as it was at that time. At that point in my life, I had just recovered from episodes of flashbacks of my traumatic experiences of witnessing violence as a child. During this time of flashbacks and recovery, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The flashbacks caused me to enter into a deep depression. After coming out of the depression, I was in limbo, stuck, trying to figure out how to leave the past behind, live a functional life, and not carry any hate, anger, or bitterness into any other area of my life. “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26). That was when I decided I had been silent for too long and that something must be said about the effects of domestic violence on everyone surrounding the abuser and the victim. I realized that no longer should I or anyone else be ashamed and embarrassed, nor should any victim or witness of abuse suffer
with feelings of guilt. I will no longer silently suffer, be ashamed, or carry any guilt! As I completed this book, the song that helped me recover and move on was “I’m Trading My Sorrows,” written by Darrell Evans, and it’s lyrics proclaim, “I’m trading my sorrows, I’m trading my pain; I’m laying it down for the JOY of the LORD!” I made the decision to forgive. I made the decision to let the past be the past and to move on. I made the decision to accept my emotional healing as I read Scripture, which showed me that healing was available through the Lord. Those steps for me were healing, and they allowed me to grow closer to the Lord. Everywhere I researched in the Bible for scriptures on healing, I found that healing had something to do with me forgiving others. I not only wanted to be healed emotionally, but I also wanted to prosper and move into the land of abundance. The Bible showed me examples of people who were stuck in limbo, but once those people made the decision to step out in faith (to move forward), and once they began to be obedient to the Lord, they did in fact begin to prosper. One such biblical example was when the Hebrew people were stuck wandering around the mountain, going monotonously in circles (in limbo) for forty years before they finally decided to move into the land of abundance, the Promise Land, which was already theirs based on what God had promised them. “For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace [forgiveness] and glory [joy, peace, and a functional life]: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).
May this book encourage and empower individuals who are in a violent relationship to rise up, take their mat, and walk away. This book is a tool to motivate people and allow them to see that nothing is impossible! It is my intention to motivate those who are weary and afraid, as well as those who feel the bondage of any given situation. Through God all things are possible. May you come to know what I know now: You CAN make things happen; you DON’T have to let things happen to you. God gives us a choice. He does not ask us to live in bondage to anyone or anything. There is a choice to be made in everything you do. The choice you make sets your destiny. You do have the ability to change your path as you walk through life’s journey. You can place your trust in God. Even with faith the size of a tiny mustard seed you can move mountains of violence and triumph. Monica Singleton Soileau Domestic Violence: The Forgotten Victims Christian Star News paper www.CSN-Paper.com (337)257-8972 Other email address: MonicaSoileau@ChristianStarNewsPaper.com
o good thing wil he withhold from them that walk uprightly