ISSUE 26, 2010

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NZ's #1 student mag

Issue 26 / OCTOBER 4th / 2010

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FEATURES 18 Dunedin's underbelly 22 dunedin's dark past 26 port chalmers 28 mothras

Schmack 30 - 41

CRITIQUE 42 - 53

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Cover illustration by Edwin Ouellette

Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington.

56 DUNEDIN'S NEXT MAYOR

Critic – Te Arohi PO Box 1436, Dunedin (03) 479 5335 critic@critic.co.nz www.critic.co.nz Editor in Chief:

Ben Thomson Designer in Chief:

Gala Hesson Features Writers:

Susan Smirk Caitlyn O’ Fallon Thomas Redford Sub Editor:

Marie Hodgkinson

his week we take a look at our home, Dunedin. Like most of you reading this, I’m not from Dunedin and in a few weeks time I’ll be heading north again. Most of you will probably be coming back next year, whereas I won’t. But I am going to miss the place terribly. Dunedin has given us all a lot. We leave here with fond memories, great friends, and an independence that the sops who never left home could never understand. Now is our chance to give back to this city. We are being asked this week to vote in the leaders who will guide Dunedin into the future. The city we love is not in good hands at present, and it is not heading in the right direction. This is our chance to say so. I don’t know Aaron Hawkins very well, and I often find myself disagreeing with him when we find ourselves in awkward social situations, but in his campaign for Mayor he has really impressed me. He is passionate about this city and he has some great, workable ideas about how to improve the relationship between students and the rest of the city. Hawkins points out that in recent surveys Dunedin residents rate the University as one of its best assets, but us students as one of its worst. He has real vision and real ideas about how Dunedin and the students can more than just tolerate each other – how they can really work to benefit one another. Our current Mayor, Peter Chin, has no time for students and he vilifies us at any opportunity which he thinks will give him a bump in the polls. He told me last week that “no students are remotely interested” in these elections. When I asked him for 300 words on what he wanted to do for students, he put me in touch with his PR person (p57). Sadly, Hawkins has no chance of winning, but he deserves your vote – if not for Mayor, then for Council. It is important that students have a voice on the DCC. After all, we do make up a fifth of the city’s population. Dave Cull is a candidate with a real chance of winning and I believe he also cares about the relationship between town and gown. Read his blurb and hear from the other six candidates themselves on p57. We also have news coverage on p13. Chin is not good for this city and he is not good for us. Let’s show him this week that we do care by throwing him out of office. If you have received your voting pack in the mail fill it out now and send it back. If you have found that you forgot to enrol, you can still fill in a special vote. Head on down to the DCC Customer Service Centre in the Octagon before 12pm Saturday, October 9. Dunedin is also home to an award-winning student magazine. Last week Critic was awarded Best Student Publication, Best Editorial Writer (weird, huh?), Best Paid News Reporter, Best Illustrator, and Best Series at the ASPA Awards in Auckland. I’m very proud of the magazine the team has produced this year, and our staff and volunteers are the greatest. Thank you all very much.

Creative Director:

Dreke Verkuylen News Editor:

Gregor Whyte News Reporters:

Rory MacDonald Julia Hollingsworth Feature ILLUSTRATOR:

Tom Garden Music Editor:

Sam Valentine Film Editor:

Max Segal Books Editor:

Jonathan Jong FOOD EDITOR

Tien-Yi Toh ART EDITOR

April Dell Performance Editor:

Jen Aitken And a substantial army of volunteers xoxo Advertising:

Kate Kidson Tim Couch Dave Eley Logan Valentine Ad. Designer:

Daniel Alexander PH: (03)4795361 kate@planetmedia.co.nz WWW. planetmedia.co.nz

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Google has been convicted of defamation after the search engine’s “suggest” function linked an accused French sex offender to the words “rapist,” “satanist,” “rape,” and “prison,” among others. Although the man has been accused of “corrupting a minor,” he hasn’t yet been convicted – except by Google, apparently.

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A three-year-old’s birthday party took a turn for the worse, when 75 people began brawling, using beer bottles as their primary weapons. 15 people were injured in the attack, with five hospitalised. However bystanders were most concerned about the poor young tot, who was up long after his bedtime.

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Germany officially closed the ledger on WWI, after paying off the last of its reparations bonds on the weekend. And you thought a mortgage sounded bad.

4: Average life expectancy of a bad guy in a Chuck Norris film. In seconds. 13: Essential minerals for human health that most alcoholic drinks contain. 1980: The year that a LA hospital suspended staff for betting on when patients would die.

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A man’s ingenious scheme of getting away with drink driving by pretending to be deaf has come to an end, after he ran into an officer fluent in sign language. Unfortunately the fact that the man had no idea what the officer was saying was a tiny bit of a giveaway.

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An American man received a prestigious Darwin Award after his tiny one-man boat, loaded with two men and a hundred or so kilos of equipment, and holes expertly patched up with duct tape, somehow failed to survive rough weather.

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Drunk girls: “SAMUEL, COME WITH US!!!!” Guy: “I’m not Samuel.” Drunk girls: “Don’t be boring!” – From the Overheard @ Uni of Otago Facebook page

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A recession-struck Pennsylvanian town has been forced to shed staff, including the sheriff office’s loyal drug dog. The dog, named Wando, was a victim of circumstance, as record rises in pet food saw him become a financial burden to the council.

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A judge in the US has sentenced a man to five years of Christmas holidays in jail. The sentence, a really pretty lenient alternative to ten years in jail, is designed to keep the man out of trouble over the “difficult holiday period,”

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An American reality show focused on a man, his four wives, and 16 children, has sparked a criminal investigation. Polygamy being illegal in America, the obvious way to avoid prosecution is clearly starring on national television.

VSM looks virtually certain to be introduced after the Education Select Committee recommended the Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill be passed into law with only minor changes. The Act Party Bill is almost guaranteed to become law after the National Government indicated it would support the Bill through its second and third readings in Parliament. Student associations and leaders around New Zealand condemned the Committee’s decision, which came despite 98 percent of submissions opposing the legislation. The Committee considered 4837 submissions after submissions closed on 31 March. Committee members visited Dunedin to hear oral submissions in the middle of the year. Most student leaders were outraged that despite widespread opposition to the Bill it was endorsed by the Select Committee. “They have not listened to the voice of students. Overwhelmingly, students did not want it,” Otago Polytechnic Students Association (OPSA) Meegan Cloughley says. 08

OUSA’s President Harriet Geoghegan was also disappointed about the progress of the Bill, telling Critic that “it was surprising and disappointing that they choose to recommend it through without any changes.” However, the Young Nats issued a press release in which they were strongly supportive of the Committee’s decision, saying, “This Government is giving choice back to students, and for that it should be applauded.” In the same vein, Act’s Heather Roy, an active promoter of the Bill who is due in Dunedin this week, told the New Zealand Herald that “making membership voluntary will ensure associations are more accountable to those they claim to support.” The reality of VSM is that many smaller and less financially secure students’ associations are unlikely to survive in a meaningful form. A PriceWaterhouseCoopers study commissioned by the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations reported that revenues from membership fees would

all but dry up, leaving smaller associations without significant asset bases at risk of collapsing. Concerns have also been raised in several quarters that the only real effect of the Bill will be to shift the costs of student services and make them less transparent. Auckland University Student’s Association (AUSA) led the outcry over the shifting of costs, saying in a press release that VSM is a failed model which will ultimately end up costing students more for the same service levels. AUSA Education Vice-President Alex Nelder says “to provide the services we used to provide, the University of Auckland has one of the highest student services levies in the country. Students have no say over how high this fee is set, or where the money goes. The fee is much higher than at other campuses nationwide.” The effects of VSM on students’ associations will not become apparent until at least 2012, as the Bill is not intended to pass into law in time to affect operations for 2011.

The burning question of the moment is how, and in what form, OUSA and the Otago Polytechnic Students’ Association (OPSA) will be able to survive once VSM is in place. Research shows that voluntary students’ associations will likely struggle to gain members. A recent report commissioned by PriceWaterhouseCoopers suggests membership would drop significantly if VSM happens, citing evidence from Australian universities, where, post-VSM, revenue reduced by more than 95 percent on average. OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan is worried about the Association’s future. The fact that members are required to sign up individually and pay an upfront fee, currently $179.59, will create problems for essential membership numbers. “Not all students are able to pay for an upfront levy amongst all of the other costs at the beginning of the year. Furthermore, as we do not have direct access to all students (email addresses, for example) it is really hard for OUSA to get any information to students [about VSM], let alone sign them all up at the start of each year.” Anecdotal evidence from students around the University suggests Geoghegan’s fears are well founded. Pippa Sherratt, a fifthyear student, says that while she appreciates the work OUSA does, if she was to return next year she would not likely sign up. “There are just too many other costs at the start of the year. Becoming an OUSA member would be pretty low down on my list of important things to do.” Geoghegan says that OUSA has to be realistic, and realise that under VSM the number of students who would be willing and able to pay for membership would likely be only a fraction of current membership. Geoghegan believes that once income declines, OUSA’s ability to continue to provide services will seriously erode. Furthermore, OUSA’s priority is to retain legitimacy as a representative body for students, which means they have to get high membership numbers in order to be able to advocate students’ views.

“It is really disappointing that the Government is looking to ignore the 98 percent of submissions that were against this bill to uphold an ideology that has so many clear and obvious impracticalities, plus has not been asked for by students.” Between them, OUSA and OPSA collected more than $3.7 million this year from almost 30 000 student members. Membership fees are used to fund services such as tenancy advice, budget advice, hardship grants, common rooms, lockers, campaigns, events, contributions to the Unipol gymnasium, and contributions to Student Job Search. OUSA also owns Planet Media and the University Bookshop. OUSA is currently considering a number of survival options for 2012 when VSM is likely to come into force. OUSA is already moving to minimise potential damage, with President Harriet Geoghegan and General Manager Stephen Alexander meeting Vice Chancellor Sir Professor David Skegg Thursday last week to discuss saving vital student services. Geoghegan tells Critic that Skegg expressed his disappointment that VSM was now almost certain to come into effect, and added that the meeting had been very positive, with Skegg clearly indicating that the University would work with OUSA to retain student services. Geoghegan says that the initial “preliminary” meeting was to assess the overall situation, and that specific details would be ironed out in negotiations in the coming weeks. The first priority was to work out how the University and OUSA could work together to retain service levels, and what arrangements would need to be put in place to ensure OUSA’s continued legitimacy as the voice of Otago students. Geoghegan says the Vice Chancellor said the University was “definitely not interested” in subsidising Critic. That’s just mean.

The Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) has revealed financial data that shows Government funding has not adapted to an increase in costs and demand for places at universities and tertiary institutions around New Zealand. Despite government funding failing to cover both an increase in costs and demand for places, universities and other tertiary institutions around the country have managed to stay above TEC guidelines that require them to return a surplus of three per cent. “TEC guidelines require universities to return a surplus of 3 per cent and this is what we’ve delivered, despite the decrease in total government funding during this period,” says Derek McCormack, Chair of Universities New Zealand–Te Pōkai Tara. McCormack believes the government was being unrealistic and unappreciative of the annual increase in costs for universities and the investment that ensues.

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“While we appreciate that the government’s budget is limited, annual increases in funding for our universities need to keep pace with the real increases in costs that we face. “Universities are uniquely placed to contribute to a better future for New Zealand. We are committed to continuing to work in partnership with the government to achieve these goals.” Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce believes universities are “generally in strong financial positions and are well placed for future challenges and growth”. Funding shortages in the tertiary sector have become particularly apparent this year. In May, Victoria University had to turn away thousands of students as it closed undergraduate admissions for the rest of the year after student numbers were predicted to be 110 per cent of the cap funded by the TEC.

Monday Youth (Juventude) - Latin American Film Festival Screening 6pm, Burns 2

Tuesday “Surviving Endemic Disease: Malaria, Terraced Irrigation, and Chiefdoms in Solomon Islands” 5.15pm, Archway 2 Mothra Screenings 6.30pm and 8.30pm, Church Cinema, Dundas St

Wednesday “Responses of Different Life History Stages of Macroalgae to Climate Change Related Stress Factors” 12pm, Union Street Lecture Theatre Mothra Screenings 6.30pm and 8.30pm, Church Cinema, Dundas St

Thursday

New Rules Officially Incomprehensible In anticipation of the upcoming referendum Critic had planned to bring you an incisive, clear, and concise summary of the new process of submitting motions to OUSA. We failed. Instead we present our diagrammatic interpretation (see right) of what we think the process is, maybe. Note the sheer number of decision trees and arrows involved. Critic understands the previous way of doing things might have been a little old-fashioned. After all, where’s the fun when any old person can simply submit a motion and it gets voted on? Nevertheless, even we are not convinced that the new route, and the Dan Stridesque constitutional knowledge that is now required to submit a motion, are a real improvement. Taking to the streets, we first canvassed the opinion of a fifth-year law student, who freely admitted to Critic that he had no-fucking-idea-what-the-fuck-is-up-with-that-shit. A first-year tourism student questioned by Critic was non-responsive, instead drooling quietly onto the corner of the proffered paper. A third-year medical student claimed to understand the process perfectly, but in true spirit refused to explain it to Critic, telling us there was no way anyone outside medical school had a hope in hell of comprehending it.

“Modelling Prehistoric Agricultural Productivity throughout the Leeward Kohala Field System: Lidar and Geochemical Analyses” 5pm, Moot Court Mothra Screenings 6.30pm and 8.30pm, Church Cinema, Dundas St

Friday “Islands: The Myth of the Primitive Isolate” 3pm, Moot Court Mothra Screenings 6.30pm and 8.30pm, Church Cinema, Dundas St

The winners of OUSA’s Next Top Flat Competition were announced last week, with two flats receiving prizes for finishing first in their respective categories. The title of Best Flat went to ‘The Picnic Table’ on Albany Street, with the inhabitants taking home $150 worth of grocery vouchers. Worst Flat was awarded to the ‘Bonnie Doon’ on Union Street, which will now receive a (much needed) five-hour professional flat clean courtesy of OUSA. Altogether there were 14 entrants into the Best Flat category and six flats competing in the Worst Flat category. These were narrowed down to a short-list and then individually inspected by the judging panel, which included OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan, Accommodation Office manager Adele Evans, and Local Council Body candidates Jinty MacTavish and Jono Clark. OUSA Welfare Officer Clare Jackson said the purpose of the competition (previously known as OUSA House and Garden Landlord of the Year Contest) is to highlight the generally sub-standard living conditions of student flats. Jackson told Critic that with rising rent prices, and

the Local Body elections pending, it is that important people are aware of the state of many student flats, which generally would be classed as uninhabitable if situated in other suburbs. For example the tenants of the ‘Bonnie Doon’ had a backyard that resembled a landfill, damp and sticky carpet in the lounge, and a drain that overflowed when the toilet was flushed. A notable entry to the Worst Flat category was 17 Ethel Benjamin Place, which will likely be removed from the Accommodation Office flatting list due to its terrible condition. Apparently the flat’s landlords have converted one of the bedrooms into two

by sticking a piece of wood into the centre of the floor and the lounge door is so small and stiff that furniture had to be brought in through the window. Jackson expressed dismay that students would be willing to pay $110 per room for a flat in such a state; however it was ultimately pipped for the title of worst flat by the rodent-infested ‘Bonnie Doon’. On a brighter note the sunny Best Flat winner, ‘The Picnic Table’, boasted 13 couches, four of which had been converted into a lounge grandstand, and a vegetable garden. Flash.

The 2010 DCC Mayoral Candidates gathered in the University’s Main Common room last Tuesday, to speak to a small crowd of around 60 students. Mayoral favourite Cull, who sat at 45.9 percent in the latest ODT poll, didn’t show, claiming he was stuck in traffic in Waikouaiti. Second-in-line Chin, who polled at a promising 37.4 percent, arrived ten minutes late, pleading “traffic lights” as an excuse. The debate was chaired by former Mayor Sukhi Turner, to whom candidate Jimmy Knowles made subtle racist slurs. Despite Turner’s best efforts, the debate was farcical, with few of the candidates taking the meeting seriously or respecting the intellect of the students present. Port Chalmers resident and candidate Kevin Dwyer began the introductions, comparing Chin’s current structure to a “feudal empire.” The rest of his contributions were completely unmemorable, as he chose to stay seated and mumble incomprehensibly. Chin was a little flustered and unprepared, seemingly taken aback by the large audience turn-out. He later told Critic “no students are remotely interested. That forum was a farce from every angle.” Later, when Critic asked Chin where his blurb was, he said absently, “I thought I forwarded it to the person who does my PR.” Hawkins implored the audience to vote for new faces who would make a difference, rather than “stagnating with the current councilors,” saying “I can’t do it alone.” Knowles introduced himself as single, and claimed he had an advantage over “Joe Average” as he has had a few run-ins with the law in the past. Lequeux said his main focus for students was bettering the recycling system, reversing the rates for flats, reducing the rates for landlords, and improving standards of housing with OUSA’s STAR rating system. Candiate Lee Vandervis emphasised “fun,” and said he would hold “marvellous loud parties” in a cordoned-off corner of Logan Park for students to have fun and burn couches to their hearts’ content. The standard of student flats and of

housing in general was a big issue for some of the candidates. Hawkins discussed the need to raise the standards of housing and to improve public transport to give students the option of better, cheaper housing outside of North Dunedin. “I never asked to live in substandard housing,” he said. Olivier Lequeux agreed, but added, “there are lots of words, and no solutions.” By contrast, Chin advocated using consumer pressure to force landlords to improve their flats. “It’s up to students to choose what conditions to live in.” Vandervis agreed, claiming he enjoyed living in substandard flats when he was a student, and stating that students just need to have more fun. Knowles added, “Flats should be over 18 degrees Fahrenheit.” It was difficult to tell whose response was the most bizarre. The candidates were asked whether the DCC would take on the burden of some of OUSA’s services if VSM passed. Bar Chin and Hawkins, who were saddened by the

bill, the rest were surprisingly dismissive. “OUSA is self-serving and self-centred,” said Vandervis. “They’ve had it coming for years.” Soon afterwards, the debate descended into barely more than a brawl when Otago Polytechnic Student Association President Meegan Cloughley began attacking Vandervis for his callous remarks, claiming, among other things, that Vandervis had “turned her lesbian.”

If you have received your voting pack in the mail fill it out now and send it back. If you forgot to enrol, you can still fill in a special vote. Head on down to the DCC Customer Service Centre in the Octagon before 12pm Saturday, October 9. There will be a visual display in the Link all week showing the policy stances of the Mayoral candidates on key student issues. 13

Critic cleaned up at the ASPA Awards last weekend in Auckland, taking home a swag of awards including Best Student Publication in New Zealand. At the annual awards, which celebrate the 15 student magazines around the country, Critic took home Best Publication, Best Editorial Writer, Best Paid News Reporter, Best Illustrator, and Best Series. The unanimous winner for 2010, Critic received the highest possible score from all judges. Critic was praised for being “The only magazine this year that didn’t just ask the audience to notice how smart it was; instead, it went out and proved it by doing smart, creative, interesting things.” Critic’s editorial and feature writing was described as “stellar,” and one judge summed it up: “The clear winner lies in the following: an engaging and fantastically written feature about socially responsible investments was preceded by an article on Dunedin’s homeless that opened with the suggestion that Pam Corkery may have swallowed tampons to gain the confidence of gang members. Basically, the Editor knows what he’s doing, he knows who is audience is, and his contributors are good at their jobs.” Editor Ben Thomson was also named Best Editorial Writer, despite the judges agreeing he isn’t actually that good at writing. Waikato Times Editor Bryce Johns said Thomson is “almost certainly not the best writer of my three finalists, but equally almost as certainly the most sure about what an editorial is for; and the best connected with his readership. [Thomson] picks subjects readers cares about, explains them well, and forces people to have an opinion – sometimes not one you’d expect them to have started with.” Up-and-coming student media star Julia Hollingsworth was named Best Paid News Reporter after the ceremony, as the judging panel for that award had not come to a decision in time. 3 News Chief Mark Jennings cast the deciding vote. Critic’s extensive coverage on the changing face of Scarfie culture in Dunedin was also recognised. Thomas Redford, Gregor Whyte, Rory MacDonald, Gala 14

Hesson and Hollingsworth took home the award for Best Series. NZPA’s Kevin Norquay said the fivesome’s “series on the sale of student pubs and whether Otago University was out to erase the hard-drinking Scarfie culture went well beyond the basic cover, examining the possibility Dunedin was going through a cultural shift and what this might mean. It canvassed the issue from several angles in a balanced way, and was well written and informative.” The National Business Review’s Matt Nippert said, “With an equal mix of hard-nose news-breaks and a stroppiness that can only come from seasoned Scarfies, Critic delves into the heart of Otago University to ask whether their institution really cares about student culture. And they got answers. For digging deep with the Official Information Act, not taking official comment at face value, and never forgetting their readership, Critic can declare their paper ‘best-educated’.” Tom Garden was named Best Illustrator for his stunning work, which accompanies many of Critic’s feature articles. “Garden’s

work shows versatility in mindset, consistency in visually answering the storyline, good composition and colour usage and versatility in stylistic approach.” In addition to the first placings, Critic came close in other awards. In an extremely close call, Critic’s Political Cartoonist Edwin Ouellette was narrowly beaten by Auckland’s Craccum. Bro Town’s Ant Sang said Ouelette showed “sharp humour on topical issues.” Hilariously, Critic’s Facebook page was named second-best website. Kiwiblog’s David Farrar was initially sceptical of entering a Facebook page as a website, but said he found it the most effective site for interacting with students: the “key of online media.” Thomson said the magazine’s success was due to the hard work and dedication of the staff and huge volunteer base who work tirelessly on Critic each week. “No one here takes themselves seriously, we’re all here to have fun and make a magazine that Otago students enjoy reading each week,” he said. “I’m really stoked to see that reflected in our success at these awards.”

Photo: Rosabel Tan

from left: Creative Director dreke verkuylen, feature writer thomas redford, news editor gregor whyte, editor ben thomson, news reporter julia hollingsworth, designer gala hesson

Postgraduate Representative Candidates Announced

University of Otago Top Dog

The candidates for the General Executive Post-graduate Portfolio position have been announced. The two people standing for the position are Stacey Lauren Bloom and Stephanie Ruddock. The election takes place online from 9.00am 11 October 2010 until 4pm 14 October 2010.

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The University of Otago recorded the highest surplus of any university in New Zealand last year, posting a healthy $31.1 million surplus when figures were released by the Tertiary Education Commission. The University of Auckland was second, posting an operating surplus of $28.5 million. Otago’s result was a recovery from 2008’s result, where the surplus fell to $18.5 million from $32.1 million in 2007. Most universities in the country mirrored this trend, with five having significant rebounds from 2008 results.

A story in the Briefs section last week about Exec resignations was, well, completely wrong. Critic reported that Education Officer Stephanie Reader resigned from the OUSA Executive for reasons connected to a job in Auckland. That information was incorrect and we apologise for the error. Critic went on to report that International Rep Art Kojarunchitt had gone overseas and needed to submit a resignation. Kojarunchitt is now back, but his future on the Exec is unclear.

Once again shit was super dull. Yeah, Critic’s a whiner, but this time, all the Execcies looked pretty over the whole shebang as well. It is almost painful for Critic to relive this, but OUSA undertook four mindnumbing phone interviews with NZUSA presidential hopefuls, so that they could decide who to vote for at the upcoming NZUSA conference. As expected, none of the candidates support OUSA’s proposed motion to limit the NZUSA withdrawal period to three months. James, the grump, was all for voting no confidence, or at the very least blackmailing the candidates to get what OUSA wanted, which the rest of the Exec admonished. Said Dan wisely, “You can’t let the perfect be the evil of the good.” Frustratingly, after the tortuous process had

concluded, OUSA’s top picks were the very same ones Harriet had suggested an hour and a half before. Critic spent a good portion of this time pondering why Brad, aka next year’s Finance Officer, was in the meeting once again. Did he not notice how boring it was before? Did he get his dates mixed up? Is OUSA Exec meeting the new pint night? Is he just that lonely? Next the ‘Young Labour’ club was affiliated, although Dan was quick to make it clear that it isn’t a Young Labour club, per se, but more a club of Young Labour supporters, so only those 25+ (Dan?) can join. Another club, Vision, was sadly pronounced deceased, supposedly having been made redundant by Student Life. Midway through snacks were produced,

and Critic and the others leapt on them in a crazed frenzy. Next up, the third-quarter Exec reports. More time was spent considering whether to consider Harriet and Dan’s late reports, than was spent considering the reports themselves. Tension was in the air as James flatly said he wouldn’t consider late reports. Michael said if James wanted to be pedantic, he shouldn’t print the reports, as it is against the environmental policy, to which James snarkily retorted that all printing is against the policy. Eventually Harriet and Dan’s reports were passed without James’ support. As fascinating as the Execcies’ drama, is Critic was relieved to escape back to NZNTM. 15

Dunedin is voting in a new Council this week, but if you only get your news from the evening bulletins on TV you could be forgiven for thinking the only election going on was in the big smoke. At the time Critic went to print, Len Brown was paying .8411 on a contract of $1 on iPredict.co.nz to be elected Auckland’s Mayor. His counterpart, John Banks, was paying a lowly .1503. Assuming nothing goes horribly wrong in the next week or so, there is no sex scandal or dance video à la Pete Hodgson, Brown is well-placed to take the Super City mayoralty when polls close on 9 October. Georgie Fenwicke spoke to him last week about his aims and intercity relations.

So, election papers have been sent out, how are you feeling at this stage? Good. The Auckland region is notoriously bad at getting out and voting at its local election, why do you think this is? I think some Aucklanders see the local elections as not as important as the nationwide elections, we are working to improve that. Voting turnout in the past has been patchy, but in Manukau we have an extremely good rate and I think it will still be up as it has been previously. What are your methods regarding motivating a somewhat benign voter population of 1.5 million? Facebook and social media. Currently, we have the second-largest political Facebook fan site in the country behind the Prime Minister with about 7000 fans and friends. It would probably have been more, but we started out with the wrong sort of page. Although a figurehead of the city as a whole, the structure of power in the Supercity is such that your vote is equally weighted to the other 20 councillors’. Are you concerned that if you are voted in, you may not be able to achieve all of your election promises if the other councillors disagree with your ideals/aims? No, I am not. For a start, the type of leader that I am I build alliances anyhow and I do so as the Mayor of Manukau. It is just the nature of our political structure, there is no party or strong ticket affiliations in our Council so I work with everybody. I think that the community is going to send into our Council a disparate group of representatives from all sorts of political backgrounds and tickets and parties and stuff like that. If I list an issue in the Auckland area, can you give me a brief description of your policy towards it – transport? By far and away, the most significant aspect of my policy is at last to deliver on the vision of a rapid rail system in Auckland, rail to the airport, complete the inner city loop area for the suburban area and rail through to the North Shore by way of tunnel. $7-$8 billion worth of work over 15 years and we are going to do it.

Are you yet seeing any parallels with the Rugby World Cup preparations in Auckland and the Commonwealth Games in India? No, the total opposite of what has been going on in that we are totally well forward in our arrangements and preparations, the infrastructure will be ready. Auckland will be an outstanding host for the Rugby World Cup. We are renowned in this country for putting on the friendly games, and that is what we will pre-eminently be. Our culture is, our communities will be in high organisational mode and I will be leading the band. You have never seen anyone lead a celebration like I can; I am half Irish so look out. What is your contingency plan if you were to lose the election? I have no B-plans, no contingency plans, I am focused totally on winning this election and I am confident that that is what will occur. Have you been paying attention to other political candidates around the country? No, not really. Although, obviously we are keeping an eye on Christchurch. So you don’t have any picks? No, crikey, no. I am too busy focusing on what I am doing. I have Mayoral colleagues all around the country, I am a member of the New Zealand local government council and have huge regard for what all the councils and my colleagues do around the country. I love local government, absolutely love it. I never, ever wanted to contemplate going to parliament, it is such important and crucial work that we do and I love every minute of it. But in saying that, you are not really keeping in touch with what is going on in the rest of country? I just don’t have time, but I am keeping a wary eye out, but really I am just so focused on what I am doing here. I’m sure they’ll understand.

The privatisation of public assets? No. Not the strategic assets, airport shares, port shares, our water and waste, our housing for the elderly, we will not be privatising those.

By Thomas Redford Busy days at the Dunedin District Court are a big excited reunion. On Tuesday 19 September, the hallways and waiting rooms were packed at the start of the day, so nods, big reverse-nods, winks, and arm-wrestle-angle-handshakes abounded, and were remarkably shared across all of the courtroom subcultures; metal-detecting security guards welcomed regularly appearing defendants by name, 40+ defendants wassuped to their much younger counterparts, and the duty solicitors nodded their recognition to everyone. It soon became clear that it’s not only court employees that are familiar faces to the Court’s doorways: a significant proportion of Dunedin’s criminal club are regularly in and out. One of the ODT’s court reporters later told me that she can tell when some of these familiar faces have recently been in prison because they look so much healthier. As the beginning of proceedings drew closer, the day’s defendants settled into groups of varying levels of acquaintance. Most spent the time boastfully recounting the events that explained their presence in court. Almost everyone seems to wear their presence with pride. There is no hint of the injustice or innocence that the old jail-movie adage, “Well every man in Shawshank is innocent,” would make you expect. But as I found out, this was probably due to most cases being fairly minor. Only one jail sentence was given in the five hours of court hearings I witnessed.

in my notebook that began “the filthy character to my left.” Deciding that my pussiness made the exercise pointless, I wandered back down to the building’s entrance. There the kind man who matchmakes first-timers with duty solicitors gave me the compliment of asking if I was a witness. I explained that I was there trying to write an article for Critic. He greeted this concept with enthusiasm, and introduced me to the Registrar, who registered my presence with the Judge and positioned me with the ODT’s court reporters, ‘in front of the bar’ in Courtroom One. The reporters were two very accommodating ladies, who between them had 60 years of experience reporting the daily activities at Dunedin Court. Christchurch’s Judge David Holderness was presiding. The first case was also the only one of the day to involve a University of Otago student. James Frick, a 19-year-old second-year, pleaded guilty to supplying the Class-A drug LSD. At 10.15am on 2 September Dunedin police raided Frick’s flat on an unrelated matter. They found in his desk drawers enough of the drug for around 50 tabs, which they estimated had a street value of around $900. Frick admitted the drugs belonged to him, and said that by supplying some to friends, the tabs that he took personally were free. Bail was granted, and the case transferred to his hometown of Hamilton for sentencing. Frick exited the dock and was taken to a seat in front of the bar, right behind the ODT reporter who was typing up a report

I took up my position in the crowded hallway, hoping to document the spectacular hustle-bustle taking place. Standing opposite me was a bulky young man with peroxide hair, a fluorogreen marijuana leaf stud in his left ear, and a black hoodie, the front of which read: “God made grass, man made weed. Who do you trust?” I recall this alarmingly bold fashion statement only from memory, as I was too scared to take notes. I thought that retribution might await if the filthy character to my left, say, oversaw a sentence

of his case, which would appear in the paper the next day. Margaret Rose McKeich, a 72-year-old recidivist offender, was next in the dock. She pleaded guilty to the charge of theft. She had tried to hide $16 worth of groceries ‘about her person’ while paying for other items at the checkout at Countdown. The explanation relayed through her duty solicitor was that she had missed her bus, so tried to steal a few of the goods on her list so that she’d have money left over for a taxi home. During his plea for a lenient sentence, her 19

solicitor acknowledged McKeich’s recidivism but vowed that this time she was ‘making significant progress’ to change her ways. A few assault cases followed in which the defendants were given interim name suppression. Young Sam Oliver was given a fine of $1200 and disqualified from driving for nine months after recording a 1200 mcg breath test result when the limit for someone his age is 150mcg. The unemployed Paul Jeffery was given 10 hours’ community service and a 12-month disqualification for a charge of aggravated drink driving, aggravated because his front-seat passenger was an infant. A 19-year-old male took the stand on four charges of entering a building with two accomplices (one his father) with intent to commit a crime, but his duty solicitor explains that he ‘may not be fit to plead.’ The ODT reporter tells me that this is probably because he might have some sort of intellectual disability. The case is delayed for a month while an examination and report is conducted. A case then followed which was instantly startling in its relative ghastliness. A 69-year-old man was charged with seven cases of performing an indecent act on a boy between seven and ten years of age. All seven charges related to two brothers who at the time, 1965, lived on the Ranfurly farm on which the man worked. The man pleaded guilty to all seven charges. He was granted interim name suppression, given the fragile state of his wife’s health. Penelope Leith, a part-time cleaner, part-time student, pleaded guilty to three charges: wilfully and without excuse opening a postal article not addressed to her, drink-driving (628mcg, limit 400mcg), and not accompanying an officer to the police station when required to do so. The summary of facts was read out as the defendantleaned forward on the dock, with embarrassment and remorse struck across her face. The court heard that Leith had been in an argument with a flatmate who was planning on moving 20

out without paying her share of unpaid flat bills. Leith picked up a piece of mail addressed to her flatmate from the Land and Transport Authority and told the recipient that “you won’t be getting this anytime soon.” Leith duly opened the envelope, found it was a new drivers’ license, and cut it into pieces. Leith’s duty solicitor then described in detail to the Judge Leith’s profound remorse, and how “she has realised that she has a significant problem with alcohol, and is taking steps to address that.” While this plea for a smaller sentence took place, the duty solicitor whispered to the law student next to her, “Look at the Judge, you can see he isn’t even listening.” After a long deliberation period, Judge Holderness condemned Leith’s “entirely inappropriate” actions, and fined her $300 and ordered reparations of $31 for the letter-opening saga, and sentenced her to 65 hours of community work, and 12 months without a drivers’ license for the drink-driving dramas. After another eight cases, Judge Holderness declared a 30-minute break from proceedings. The ODT ladies invited me to tag along on their regular visit to Café Rue, but I declined, preferring to take opportunity to try to soak up some more of the vibe in the waiting rooms. After my earlier failed attempt, I was determined this time to actively go undercover amongst the uncalled defendants. Still slightly fearing that the large notepad bulging in my pocket meant that people would not be happy to see me, I sat near a ratty little man maybe 30 years of age, with the skin of a heavy smoker but the lingering, observing eyes of a man open to some chat. Check this for an opener: Me: It’s taking fuckin ages today eh? Him: Yeah … they fuckin’ tell you to come at ten but then you don’t even have to do anything until like 12 or something. All good though, get off work! Hahahaha. Me: Ha yeah, mean, I got off a few lectures, don’t go anyway though hahaha … where do you work? Him: Ah painting, just interiors, like doing a kitchen right now eh. Me: Oh yep, sweet as, why’d you gotta come to court today? Him: Man, just got shitloads of unpaid fines eh. Me: Aw, gay. Him: Yeah all good, it’ll just get changed to a bit of community service, clean up stuff at SPCA or something. Me: Oh true, hopefully that won’t be ratshit. Him: Nah should be sweet, my mate done it before, said you just put on your form extra hours and no one even knows about it. Me: Hah, mean. Silence attacked the conversation briefly, during which I debated first of all the age-old question of whether he didn’t acknowledge my ratshit joke because he didn’t get it, or because he just didn’t think it was funny, and second of all whether asking the obvious question of how he got his license suspended would be too much of a grilling. Luckily at this point the painter took the initiative. Him: So do you students watch much of the pornos? Me: Yeah quite a bit eh Him: Yeah ‘cos a guy I live with, he has one of the fastest computer set-ups in Dunedin, he hacked it so that we get our internet bounced off the highest tower on the top of Signal Hill, so it’s like a personal satellite pretty much; real fast. Me: Whoa! Mean! Him: Yeah so we download all the best videos first, only takes like a few seconds. Seen the Kendra one, the Kim Kardashian one, got the Catwoman movie, so knew that was a piece of shit before it was even in any of the movies here. Me: Haha, stoked. Him: So yeah, we can put those straight onto a CD, like the Paris Hilton one, or the Mini-Me one, on CD for anyone, sell it to them for ten bucks.

Seduced by the smooth sales pitch, and the undeniable appeal of watching Mini-Me humping a lady rather than a laser, I got the painter’s number and then excused myself, hopefully never to see him again. Courtroom proceedings soon started again; unpaid fines were next on the agenda. My porn-dealer friend had his $2300 of fines converted to 75 hours of community service. The young man who had earlier in the day stood opposite me wearing the jacket that advocated weed appeared, having taken off his jacket. We heard that he owed $7195 in fines and $2367 in reparations. He told the judge that his only income was $20 a week from his Mum, and he could only put $10 a week towards the fines. The $7195 of fines was converted to 75 hours of community work, and he was ordered to pay off the $2367 of reparation at $10 per week. After nine cases of unpaid fines, the case of Donald and Damin Birchall vs. the Ministry of Fisheries was called. Donald and Damin were a father and son team, each charged with the unauthorised taking of marine life from a marine reserve, and obstruction. The room heard how the pair was confronted by a Fisheries officer when they were found fishing inside the Whangarei Harbour Marine Reserve. When asked to stop fishing and hand over their rods, the father, Donald, became aggressive, told the officer “No one’s taking my rods: and threw them all into the water. His son, Damin, told the officer to “Fuck off” and tried to start his boat’s motor. Both of the men had previous convictions but leniency in the sentencing was requested based on the facts that Donald had just started a job, and the unemployed Damin would struggle to pay a fine. Judge Holderness deliberated the facts for a lengthy period before summarising the case and sentencing Donald to 85 hours’ community service for taking marine life, and 50 hours’ for obstruction, and Damin to 70 hours’ for taking marine life, and 40 hours’ for obstruction. The final case of the day was a sentencing, and was moved to the room that usually holds High Court proceedings. Six men from Southland ranging in age from 20 to 24 had pleaded guilty to, between them, 32 criminal charges, 30 of which were for a joint attack on four youths, three males and one female, in Cromwell in October 2009. During a road-trip from Southland, the six became involved in an altercation with a group of youths from Balclutha at the Cromwell BP. Some of the Balclutha youths pulled into a carpark not far down the road, as they were waiting for friends to catch up by foot. The events from that point were summarised by Judge Holderness: “The various charges you face arise out of your joint attack on the occupants of a car parked in the carpark of Cromwell Mall. Cameron Lynch was the driver, he pulled up behind some bushes, in an attempt to conceal your arrival. The six of you then got out, and the vehicle in which the Balclutha group sat was approached. Those subsequently attacked were 18 and 19. You smashed the rear windows, and three males were punched while still in the car. Two of the group managed to get out and escape. One of you then got in, and while the victim was sitting down punched him several times in the face. Another of the victims fell out of the car; he was kicked several times on the ground by the group. Another victim tried to intervene, he was punched on either side of the head by two of you, and then kicked and punched while on the ground. The other victim was kicked and stomped on the ground, and fell unconscious. The female was warned that she would be hunted down if she went to Police. The group suffered numerous injuries and the car was damaged. Reparations of $2877.78 are sought.” Each of the defendants were charged with three counts of Crimes Act assault (except for Cameron Lynch, who only received

one assault charge), one count of intentional damage, and one count of disorderly conduct likely to cause violence. Quintin Souness was charged with threatening to do grievous bodily harm to a police officer for telling an arresting officer eight to ten times that he would “stab her eyes out.” Tamati Pennicott was charged with the further offences of unlawful assembly, breach of community work, failing to attend court, driving at a dangerous speed, failing to stop for police, driving recklessly, and intentional damage, all committed while on bail. The six men all had previous convictions: their combined total was 65 previous convictions. In addition to being ordered to pay their $479.63 share of reparation, the men’s respective sentences were: Regan Black, five months’ community detention, nine months’ supervision, 120 hours’ community work; Shannon Lynch, five months’ CD, nine months’ SV, 120 hours’ CW; Cameron Lynch, five months’ CD, nine months’ SV, 200 hours’ CW; Ricky Tippett, five months’ CD, nine months’ SV, 150 hours’ CW; Quintin Souness, five months’ CD, nine months’ SV, 200 hours’ CW; Tamati Pennicott, 19 months in prison. Pennicott’s sentence was the last to be read. He stood in a dock which could be reached by stairs that led underground to a holding cell. When his jail sentence was announced, a woman, presumably his partner, came from the public seats to try to give him a hug; the bailiff who stood with him in the dock prevented the contact by standing between the two, but a simultaneous sidestep by the young lovers allowed the woman to plant a quick kiss on Pennicott’s lips before the displeased Bailiff led Penniccott away.

Dunedinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dark Past

Dunedin’s quaint architecture and quiet suburbs hide a dark past. This small southern city has had more than its fair share of brutality, with some of the country’s most high-profile crimes and horrific happenings occurring right here in the Edinburgh of the South.

The axe

murderer

that got away with it The Dewar family massacre. The Dewar family lived on the northern end of Cumberland Street, which in 1880 was described as “a large and broad thoroughfare on the outskirts of town.” James Dewar, a butcher by trade, lived with his young wife and their baby daughter. Their lives were brutally cut short on March 14, 1880 when an intruder broke into their home, used Mr. Dewar’s own axe to hack him and his wife to death, ransacked the cottage, and attempted to burn the evidence. The baby suffocated in the smoke. No one was ever convicted of the Dewars’ murder. A man called Robert Butler was tried, but found not guilty, despite very strong evidence against him. There was speculation at the time that the jury were influenced by the politics of that period: capital punishment was in force, but unpopular with many people, and there was suggestion that the jurors were unwilling to send a man to his death Robert Butler, even if he didn’t kill the Dewars, was no saint. He arrived in Otago after a criminal career in Australia, having been born somewhere in Great Britain. Soon after his arrival, he was sentenced to four years’ hard labour for burglary. After his acquittal, he spent another 16 years in penal servitude for burglaries committed at around the same time as the Dewar murders. On his release he returned to Australia, where further crimes led to another 13 years in prison. Finally, he was hanged in 1905 for the murder of Mr. William Munday in Queensland.

Colin Bouwer. Colin and Annette Bouwer seemed like the perfect couple. Married for nearly twenty years, they moved to Dunedin from South Africa in 1997 with their two teenaged children. He was Head of Psychiatry at the University; she was a homemaker. But a few years after their arrival in New Zealand, Annette started to get sick. Mrs. Bouwer suffered from hypoglycemia, condition where blood sugar levels can fall low enough to starve the brain of fuel. Her husband would bring her into the hospital very ill, often in a coma. Doctors could not figure out what was wrong. They thought it could be a tumour in her pancreas making insulin. Eventually, Mrs. Bouwer underwent major surgery to remove part of her pancreas. Afterward, she made a rapid and thorough recovery – but two weeks later, she was dead. Colin Bouwer almost got away with it. The coroner wasn’t willing to give Mrs. Bouwer a forensic autopsy based on her doctor’s suspicions, and her medical history was consistent enough with her death that if Dr. Andrew Bowers hadn’t pushed the matter, she could have been buried before anyone questioned the way in which she died. Fortunately, the autopsy was completed, and Bouwer’s story began to unravel. Tests done during the police investigation showed that Annette died of an overdose of anti-diabetic drugs – the same drugs that must have been causing her previous illness. Chillingly, Dr. Bouwer had led a class discussion in 1999 about how it would be possible to commit the perfect murder, using exactly these drugs. He had even called the National Poisons Centre to find out how long the drugs would remain traceable in the body. Having made his plans, Bouwer set about acquiring the drugs by writing prescriptions for past patients, not one of which was diabetic. He then slowly poisoned his wife to death.

He almost committed

the perfect murder

It’s not a real castle without some

good ghost stories The tragic tale of the Larnachs. All great castles have a few ghosts. Although Larnach Castle is only a great castle of New Zealand by default, being the only castle in New Zealand, its history has enough sadness to warrant a haunting. The castle was built in 1871 by William Larnach, a banker, merchant and politician, for himself and his wife Eliza Guise and their six children. As anyone who has visited it will know, the castle is a beautiful building. The Larnachs’ happiness in their new home did not last long, however: Eliza died at the age of 38, when their youngest daughter Gladys was only a baby. After her death, William married Eliza’s half-sister Mary Alleyne. Five years later, Mary was also dead, also at the age of 38. Larnach’s third and final wife was much younger than him, a woman by the name of Constance de Bathe Brandon. Following this marriage, things started going downhill for William Larnach. His favourite daughter died in her early twenties, his business endeavours were failing, and there were rumours that his son was having an affair with his young wife. He committed suicide by shooting himself in the head in a locked room in the New Zealand Parliament. Larnach Castle’s history continued to be interesting: it has served as a holiday retreat for nuns, a mental hospital, and accommodation for US soldiers, among other things. But the ghost stories tend to centre around the Larnachs. One story is that Kate Larnach haunts the ballroom her doting father built for her twenty-first birthday. She died of typhoid shortly after the party. Her mother Eliza is said to haunt the doorway of the room she died in, the South Bedroom. Eliza was said to have died of ‘apoplexy’, an old word that probably suggests that she died from a stroke or heart attack. William Larnach’s ghost has been blamed for the mysterious opening and closing of doors in the castle late at night.

The Aramoana massacre. In November 1990, as it is now, Aramoana was a peaceful seaside town near Dunedin. There was no warning that it was about to become the scene of the worst mass murder New Zealand has ever seen. On 13 November, David Gray went on killing spree, taking thirteen lives and wounding three others. The dead included four children, the youngest of whom was just six years old. The most terrifying thing about the Aramoana massacre was that it happened with no warning and no apparent motive. David Gray was said to be a quiet animal lover, eccentric but not dangerous. The killing started when he had an argument with his next-door neighbour, Garry Holden, about Holden’s daughter wandering onto his property. Gray responded by shooting Holden dead. He then proceeded to kill apparently any person at random that came into his path. During the manhunt and gun battle that eventually led to his capture, Gray shot and killed Sergeant Stewart Guthrie. The Aramoana tragedy was brought back into the public view recently with the release in 2006 of the film Out of the Blue, a dramatisation of the events of that day.

New Zealand’s most

horrific shooting

New Zealand’s most horrific shooting:

Madness, cruelty, and

death by fire Seacliff Asylum. Seacliff Asylum was in operation between 1884 and 1973. These years, particularly the early ones, were not good years for the mentally ill, and those who were brought to Seacliff were no exception. The asylum is particularly famous for being the institution that almost gave Janet Frame a lobotomy, a procedure that involves having the front part of the brain destroyed and which generally left the patient permanently impaired. Frame was saved when her first collection of short stories won a major literary prize, which her doctors must have considered evidence that she was not a suitable candidate for the procedure. As well as lobotomies, the medical staff at Seacliff performed a number of other treatments that would now be considered inhumane. One such treatment was the ‘unsexing’ operation performed on some female patients, involving the removal of the ovaries and clitoris. According to some residents, beatings were routine. On the other hand, Seacliff was considered in its time to be a very forward-thinking and humane institution, where the residents were well fed, participated in many activities including working, and could wander the grounds at will. In 1942, disaster hit Seacliff. One of the newer wooden ward buildings caught fire, possibly due to an electrical fault. It happened at around 9.45pm on 8 December. Because of a nursing shortage, all the patients were locked in their rooms for the night when the fire broke out. Only two of the 39 women in the ward survived.

The Bain family murders. The Bain family murders need no introduction. The massacre of Robert, Margaret, Laniet, Arawa, and Stephen Bain on 20 June 1994 is one of the most infamous crimes in New Zealand history, and the aftermath of their murders has continued even into this year. The evidence in the Bain case is complex and sometimes contradictory. What is certain is that five members of the Bain family were shot that morning, and eldest son David Bain was the only survivor. David Bain was tried for the murders in 1995, found guilty and sentenced to life in prison with a 16-year non-parole period. David has always maintained his innocence, and he and his supporters have been appealing his conviction ever since his sentencing. Until 2007, none of his appeals were successful. Finally, in his second appeal to the Privy Council, it was decided that a substantial miscarriage of justice had occurred, and a retrial was ordered. The second trial happened in 2009, and was in the news constantly throughout the three months of testimony. There a considerable amount of previously unseen evidence presented to the jury. The verdict of ‘not guilty’ was a huge victory for David and his supporters. If David is innocent, then the most likely alternative theory for the murders has always been that Robin, David’s father, killed his wife and children and then himself.

Innocent or guilty 25

Long, long ago Post Chalmers has certainly played its part in Dunedin’s more dramatic historical moments. On 23 March 1848 the ship John Wickliffe rocked up to the friendly bay to unleash the first shipment of fiery Scottish settlers onto the unsuspecting landscape. The lucky newcomers were treated to a long row down the harbour to a scanty settlement and the task of building settlers’ barracks on the foreshore, near what is now the Exchange. The next batch arrived on the Port Chalmers Phillip Lang in April. In 1882 New Zealand’s first refrigerated meat shipment left the Port is a funky little port on the ship Dunedin, destined for London. It was also this fair port that farewelled Captain town full of historic Scott on his last Antarctic expedition, in November 1910. There is a large stone monument buildings and artsy stores. above the town to commemorate this. For the academically inclined the local museum will be It’s the perfect day trip, rain more than happy to saturate you with local salience. Today the historic deep-water Port still or shine, just 20 minutes of receives most of the city’s larger ships. It plays proud host to a parade of luxury cruise liners water and sky away from in season, and tonnes of rusty container ships the rest of the year round. When ‘Cruise the city centre. Ship Season’ hits, Dunedin is inundated with excitable, chubby Americans wearing fannypacks and impeccably clean sneakers. We bring busloads of them into town, often only for the day, when various cruise ships dock at Port Chalmers. They are greeted on arrival by a variety of sturdy southern teen buskers, whom they more often than not ignore as they scurry for the nearest souvenir stand. Dunedin has grown more and more desperate since opening its shores to passing cruisers in the 1990s to secure these fat-walleted foreigners. More than 60 ships are booked to visit in 2011 so while Port Chalmers may be quietly quirky most of the time, it will really bustle when the wind blows right.

To do

As these fringe ‘burbs so often are, Port Chalmers is a hub for all things a little bit alternative and artsy. There are a few great little cafes, and a corner store if you require a big old-fashioned ice-cream cone to top off your day’s outing. You can rummage through some great vintage stores and second-hand stores – all packed to the rafters with historic flotsam and jetsam. There is also some very original hand-crafted jewellery by local manufacturers available, and several art galleries with a variety of great local work, often incorporating the stunning landscape of the harbour, to stir the sentiments of locals and the wallets of visitors. One of the 3000 local residents is contemporary artist Ralph Hotere. Hotere and other artists of the region are known for continuously kicking up a highly artistic fuss about the continuing industrialisation of the beautiful spot. There is no doubt that the epic cranes, stacks of containers, and mountain of sawdust do make somewhat of an impact on the idyllic hill-sheltered bay. If you make a visit, don’t forget to walk/drive the small hill to the Lookout Memorial to get an awesome view out towards the ocean, and back across the town. Port Chalmers is also the gateway to many a gorgeous beach and scenic harbour drive.

Rock on

There is Chicks. Not the short-skirted kind, or the squawky, feathery kind ... the kitchlittle-historic-hotel-with-a-happening-music-scene kind. Chicks Hotel, established in 1886, boasts itself as being famously the destination for “the cheapest booze, the nastiest slags, and the most fun times to be had this side of the Pacific.” Their colourful history is full of stories of secret tunnels, opium dens, and vengeful murderers. Today’s proprietors have seen fit to slot into the lively Dunedin music scene. Dunedinmusic.com describes the place as “a well known haunt of various iconic Dunedin artists.” They say that Chicks has seen “A heady mix of crazy locals, wharfies, and students” over the years. Much like Port Chalmers as a whole, actually.

Get there

It’s about a 20-minute drive to Port Chalmers, which is 15km from the city centre, and a very scenic one too. Head past the stadium towards the smell of fertiliser and you’ll get there eventually. Alternatively, a bus leaves Cumberland Street Stand 4 (outside Countdown) 17 times daily on a weekday, seven times on a Saturday, and three times each on Sundays and public holidays. NB: When (or ‘if’, for the pessimists) the Council ever cottons on to the idea of public transport, they might listen to the plea of the masses and once more start up a passenger train from Port Chalmers to the City, which would be completely awesome.

DANCAN I

What’s a ‘Mothra’ anyway? twi n s

The original Mothra was a Japanese horror film about a giant moth that destroyed Tokyo. Continuing along in the tradition of low-budget filmic wonder, the OUSA Mothra film-making competition allows students to exercise their creative genius each year by entering films of varying quality in the hopes of receiving a shiny award at the Oscars-style awards night. Susan Smirk entered the event this year, and provides an inside look into the most glamorous of OUSA events. Following on in the trend of ‘wood’-ing anything with a slight link to film production, Critic would like to propose that Dunedin henceforth be referred to as Dunny-wood.

Dunny-wood Conquers 1960's vintage ad

the lady and the living dead

BITTER SWEETNESS

alic e d

Dunedin has a pretty strong tradition of film-making. For a start, we are home to Natural History New Zealand (NHNZ) the fine folk who produce many a cheesy educational documentary for the likes of Animal Planet or the Discovery Channel. As well as this, the University itself stakes a strong claim to successful film-making ventures. The Science Communication Programme, with the help of strong links to NHNZ’s ecpertise and equipment, gives a few lucky postgrads full-on documentary film-making training, and many graduates move on to an internship with NHNZ. Students on the two-year film-making course make one short film, and then one full-length documentary. Last year SciCom graduate Jinty McTavish’s second film, Lesson’s from a Melting Icecap, recently won Best NZ Film at the Reel Earth Environmental Film Festival, while another Science Communication student Nick Holmes came runner-up in the same category. Two other Otago films were shortlisted, giving Dunny-wood a pretty impressive portion of the glory, really. What’s more, Carving the Future, made by Nick Holmes and Guy Ryan last year, has just won the Platinum Best Film Award at the 2010 Colorado International Film Festival.

Your turn

But you don’t need this kind of experience to make a Mothra. All you need is an idea – OUSA can even lend you some equipment. The sad news is that it is too late for you to enter a Mothra this year! But fame and fortune beckons you for the 2011 Mothras ... so whether you have an agenda to push, an itchy funny bone, a vision of artistic splendour or just a hunger for fame and almost-fortune, don’t miss next years Mothra competition. Till then, you can soak up the filmographic wonders of this year’s entries at the screenings 5-8 October. Screenings are at 6.30pm and 8.30pm each day, and are held at the Church Cinema (previously the Academy Cinema) at 50 Dundas Street. Tickets to view these awesome student creations are available, at only $3 each!

My Mothras

This year I finally got off my butt, sat down at my computer, and began the epic task of cutting, pasting, editing, and generally massacring the many hours of footage I took overseas a year and a half ago. After wrestling with rebellious sound-bytes, whipping wobbly visuals up to shape, and pinning many a way-ward title-card into place, I finally produced two short films of which I am tempted to feel severely ashamed. A few award nominations (in likely scanty categories such as Best Documentary) soon took the edge off my narcissistic anxiety, and I realised that I was indeed following a noble tradition in presenting my rants-ofdubious-quality to the art-starved student audiences. As unlikely as it is that my cheese-filled narrations will rip open the hearts of every cynic within a five-mile radius, or that my dramatic slow-motion sequences will be forever imprinted on the retinas of impressionable young sycophants in the audience, I’m pretty stoked that I actually managed to complete a film or two. It’s a good feeling.

The pull out

tuesday

Fashion Watch – 4 mins Kotomor: 3 stories – 5.5 mins For Your Pies Only – 7 mins 1960’s Vintage ad – 3.5 mins The Sipowicz Split – 6 mins The Ice Cream Man – 2 mins Sugar – 2 mins Grandad’s Army – 5 mins 1+2 = sheep – 2 mins Cruise Thompson Presents – 7 mins Thin Walls – 5 mins Scarfies on the Piss – 9 mins Total length of screening: 58 minutes

thursday

Duncan II – 4 mins Bobbo Ahiagble:

West African Master Wearer – 4.5 mins

Down in Dunsterdam – 2 mins Twins – 7 mins Jealously – 5 mins Murder Night Mystery – 1.5 mins Go Away – 2 mins Vanitas: You Told Me So – 2 mins Redshirts and Plot Devices – 7 mins Scott and Mark go to the Park – 7 mins Post Present Future – 5.5 mins The Empty House – 3 mins Total length of screening: 50.5 minutes

wednesday

Lord of the Gings:

The Fellowship of the Gings (Pt 1)

friday – 7 mins

Lord of the Gings:

The White Lady (Pt 2) – 4 mins

Lord of the Gings:

The Elven Princeling (Pt 3) – 3 mins

The Wall that Jack Built – 3.5 mins Departure – 4 mins Today – 2 mins Lord of the Gings:

No-mance – 6.57 mins Alice D – 5 mins The Stag Do – 6.5 mins Mummy Doesn’t Like It – 3 mins Bitter Sweet Revenge – 5 mins The Relationship – 7 mins Intimate Kiss “Lynchin’ Bitches” – 7 mins Pens vs. Crayons – 6 mins Killer Heals – 5 mins Total length of screening: 51.07 minutes

The Tree Shepherd (Pt 4) – 4 mins

Lord of the Gings:

Return of the Ging (Pt 5) – 4 mins

Pengjuan Pengwang – 4.5 mins To Anna – 4 mins Let Me Have My Fun – 2 mins The Lady and the Living Dead – 4.5 mins Beerbies – 7 mins

MOTHRA STUDENT FILM FESTIVAL

Total length of screening: 53.5 minutes

PENGJUAN PENGWANG

THE FELLOWSHI P OF THE GI NG

1+2 = SHEEP

the ic e cream man

Schmack OPINIONS AND STUFF...

31 SOAP BOX

32 COLUMNS

32 left / right 33 DEBATABLE 34 ODT WATCH 35 THIS WEEK.. / Sport 36 top 5 / APOCALYPSE 37 OUSA / TE ROOPU

38 BOFS

39 RETINA

40 LETTERS 30

Shit things about

Dunedin:

South Dunedin. Critic challenges you to find a more depressing place.

The so-called best bakery in town only opens on Friday mornings.

No visible high society.

If you’re in the market for tasty pastries, a trip to Roslyn at sparrow’s fart is necessary. Why?

Seriously, you can get a booking at the ‘nicest’ restaurants in town any night of the week. Get some exclusivity and remove the proletariat. And get more than one nice suburb.

Shit DJs. You could write a thesis on Dunedin’s DJ/promoter ‘scene’. Give. It. Up.

Lack of a waterfront. With such an ideal harbour for waterfront cafes, why is the town centered around the Octagon, with industrial sites left to border this beautiful body of water?

It’s filled with South Island drivers. Where do we start? South Islanders simply cannot drive. Critic assumes this is the product of inbreeding.

The fact that Shane Cortese has turned his back on Dunedin. The once self-proclaimed ‘King of Dunedin’ is now nowhere to be seen on the city’s fair streets, instead preferring to spend his days chasing younger women in our nations’ largest city.

People roll their ‘r’s, even when they’re not from Southland. Perhaps the most annoying habit of all time, ‘r’-rolling is apparently not limited to Southlanders. Some Dunedinites have taken it upon themselves to adopt this habit, and Critic can only assume it is to develop a bond with the almighty Stags.

Those Speights thermals all jocks wear. Steaze. No-roots motherfuckers.

The Richardson building. As if the carnies that inhabit Union Lawn weren’t enough, this monstrosity looms high above, ensuring their pasty thighs stay engulfed in shadow.

The abundance of reasonably attractive girls but lack of genuinely hot ones. While Dunedin itself is severely lacking in attractiveness, the University tends to do okay. But sometimes outstanding would be nice. Just sayin’ is all.

Half the city is built on toxic waste. Despite the horrific consequences of Love Canal, Dunedin is still dealing with its very own Hooker Chemical.

The lack of all-night bars. Fat people get the 24. What about alcoholics?

The fuss locals kicked up over the new stadium. Think outside the square and heed the advice of Obama, Shapeshifter, and countless others. Change is good.

The weather. Mitch Hedberg once said that talking about the differences between bears and frogs is cliché. We think we’ve one-upped him.

The current state of Otago Rugby. Once the pride and joy of a region, glory days have the tendency to pass you by. In the wink of a young girl’s eye.

Those kids that hang around outside Macca’s in town. White trash. Pure and simple. Go home you little cunts.

Distance to the airport. If this list has really scared you off, then we have some icing on the cake. The airport is halfway to Invercargill. Rumour has it that the son of the biggest taxi owner in town designed it. Good luck escaping any time soon, sucker.

Dunedinites consider the city ‘quirky’. Why? Other cities have art galleries and second-hand bookstores too. These don’t suffice, people. 31

portion of you will have noticed billboards, posters and leaflets scattered around recently; of that portion, a few of you may not know what they are for. The rest of you will not have noticed anything. Take a look, they are everywhere. They are shiny endorsements of people young and old who believe they have what it takes to lead Dunedin. Some will lead it up the garden path (and have been doing so), some will lead it ‘into the future’ (whatever that means), and some won’t lead it at all. But how do you know? With all of the political rhetoric floating around, many people will simply close their eyes and ears and get on with cramming for that degree, and/or working to put food and booze on the table, and/or just having far too many life-dramas to even think about something that boring. And it is made boring. We are not informed of what our local bodies do for us; we are scarcely reminded that they even exist, and then once every three years we are lobbied by inspired people who have to spend thousands of dollars to get our attention away from the banalities of our individual everyday lives and on to the possibilities for running our city. These are communal matters and we are not really communal people anymore. We have become individualised to a fault. We cannot be pigeon-holed anymore, as we are all collections of fragments of cultures that were previously designed for us. We are constantly reminded by the various media that we are each on our own path aiming to strive for our own, and our family’s, personal fulfilment. That is what ACT is based on, and that is what is overloading the planet past capacity. That is precisely why we need to start caring, and start electing decent people to posts of authority. But as I said before, how the hell do we know who they are?! If all we see and barely notice are billboards and leaflets; if all we hear are unknown voices of people parroting that they want to make a difference, even if we notice anything at all, how do we differentiate? We have to rely on the word of others sometimes. We have to listen to those who can take the time to learn about the candidates. This time in the Central ward there are 39 candidates for 11 positions! There are seven candidates for mayor! It is so overwhelming that many will just rank the people they recognise the names of – if we even understand the STV voting system. As a result I am forced to give you these names (in reverse alphabetical order – for fun) of people I endorse: Geraldine Tait (for Waitati Coastal ward), and for Central ward: Teresa Stevenson, Steven O’Connor, Olive McRae, Samuel Mann, Jinty MacTavish, Hendrik Koch, Aaron Hawkins (for mayor too!), Shane Gallagher, Andrew Eames, Tracey Crampton-Smith, Jono Clark, and Fliss Butcher. We have until Wednesday to send in our voting papers.

eachers are claiming far too much. But then that’s a given as they already get more than enough, with their average wage being around $70 000. This is more than appropriate, given the money that the Government has and the current economic recovery we are still going through. Teachers sit in the highest tax bracket, and therefore they are rich compared to much of society, in fact banks often target them, along with lawyers, doctors, and police officers, as good customers with lots of money. But the PPTA wants more. Non-monetary demands are by and large a side-show. Time and again when teachers, junior doctors, teachers, or any public service union begins to make noise about industrial action, the first demands laid out are based around the rubric of patient safety, or better education. But when it comes down to it, they settle for what their bottom line really is – more cold hard cash. So, limits on class sizes is pretty much a distraction; everyone can support smaller classes, so it’s calculated to gain public support and to be conceded in the quest for money. To be cynical, for just a minute, if teachers are so very concerned about educational outcomes, are stop-work meetings and strike action actually going to help promote learning? A demand for a four percent pay increase is just not realistic; it’s not something that can be justified. Some teachers are going to be worth a lot more than what they are actually paid, but the opposition to performance-based pay is strong. So, to get paid more, to climb the ladder of their career they have to move from teaching and into management positions. That’s not really going to help students, as it’s rewarding good teachers by taking them out of the classroom, removing any benefit they have. It’s a problem, as those dedicated to their students can put in long hours, work weekends, and do the hard work, and some of their peers can turn up, do the absolute minimum and get paid exactly the same. Sound fair? So, the Government has a limited amount of money to spend on teachers. We want good teachers, who are skilled and can motivate their students and drive achievement for our future. So, do we give every teacher a 1.5 percent pay increase? Irrespective of their ability and the effort they put in? Or do we give the top teachers a massive pay rise, one they deserve for the work they do? Pay should be based on more than just seniority. Currently teaching is a very well paid, safe profession. We always need more teachers, and once you are in your pay rate increases to a very healthy amount. The PPTA should seriously consider the state of the average wage in New Zealand, how much money the Government is borrowing, and the interests of their students before their own pockets.

Alec: Dunedin’s artistic heritage is extraordinary for such a small city. We’ve had an entire movement of music named after us, led by the Chills, the Verlaines, and Chris Knox. We’ve been the home of numerous writers (James K. Baxter, Janet Frame, Hone Tuwhare) and now artists (Ralph Hotere) who through their work have helped define New Zealand. The value of these artists has been to provoke thought, entertain, and develop a sense of cultural pride. Art has these values and more – it can make a place simply much nicer to live in if there are public artworks, free concerts, and a clear path to success for local artists. Art inspires people and genuinely gives a place character. Yet the DCC does no more for the arts than run an art gallery and a library, and even then if you read the annual plan (go on, I dare you) they begrudgingly describe these as ‘legal obligations’ and for ‘education and learning purposes’. The arts are worth far more than this. There are numerous local bands, writers, and artists, and it would hardly cost the DCC much to simply provide more promotion and support to these people who can and do make the city a better place. If you read the promotional material of prospective Councillors, they all say that they want to keep Otago graduates here. The reality they’re facing is that (unless you’re a first-year getting on the piss because you’re away from home for the first time) Dunedin just isn’t a very exciting place to be. A vibrant creative arts scene is exactly what excites people about places – and draws them to them. It doesn’t matter how bad Lou Reed made New York sound, his music still made people want to be there. I didn’t want this to be an anti-stadium rant, but over $200 million of our money is being spent on a foolish attempt to restore pride in Dunedin rugby (forget the nice noises the Council makes, it’s about rugby). This is misguided. Dunedin rugby is unsuccessful because you can’t be both a professional sportsman and a university student. If you’re a musician, a writer, or an artist, university is exactly where you want to be. The DCC should recognise this, and put some effort into Dunedin becoming a centre for creative arts. The current Council thinks that their efforts with the stadium are ‘visionary’. Saving $100 million dollars on not building a plastic roof and putting the money towards the arts would benefit locals, give the students something to do other than break glass, and be true vision.

Is t he D CC D Prom oing ote Enou the gh T Arts o in D uned in

Paul: Funding for the arts is just another example of why governing bodies spend money inefficiently. Despite left-wing rhetoric of rates and taxes being used to fairly redistribute wealth to the poor, the reality is politicians and councillors are captured by middle-class lobby groups. Funding arts is essentially taking money away from the poor to fund the indulgences of the rich. Firstly, the idea that art is some inherent good that needs to be spread is ridiculous. At least when taxed money is spent on roads, education, and health, there is broad agreement these are services people want. Art is just one of many leisure activities people can enjoy. I like to ski, why doesn’t the DCC subsidise producers of ski equipment? The point is that it’s a subjective value judgement that individuals are best placed to make in a free market. It’s just wasteful for someone who doesn’t know me to take my money, and then try and guess what I want it spent on. And don’t say there’s some positive externality (something no individuals in a market will recognise) from art’s educative function and the heightened publicity Dunedin will receive. Anyone can construe a positive externality from anything. Skiing attracts people via Dunedin en route to Queenstown, after all. Secondly, the market will provide. There are no significant barriers to producing art as there are to, say, a traditional public service like education. Sure, there are lots of struggling artists who could use a leg up. But if they can’t raise capital privately, either they will go and improve their product until it’s good enough, or the market is signalling it’s more efficient for their time to be used elsewhere. Thirdly, what exactly is ‘good’? Art is also incredibly subjective. This means bureaucrats have to make arbitrary decisions about which art to fund. Usually this will result in funding to either whatever the Councillors’ favourite art is, or jumping on the back of an already successful artist to claim publicity – exactly what the last Labour Government did when it gave that really poor Peter Jackson millions of dollars.

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. They meet every Tuesday at 7pm in Commerce 2.20.

So, it comes to pass that my Year 12 Math skills > Alison Rudd’s journalistic investigatory skills. “Students attending the University of Otago could be paying about 6.5%” Ooooh, no. Cost of levies in 2010 = $179.595 (General levy $79.86 + Building levy $79.78 * 12.5% GST). Cost of proposed levies in 2011 = $190.521 (General levy $120.36 + Building levy $45.31 * 15% GST). Percentage of increase in levy = (($190.521 $179.595) / $179.595) * 100 = 6.08% “About $3.50 of the increase is because GST is rising to 15%.” Wrong again! With no GST increase to 15%, levies for 2011 would be $186.379 ($120.36 + $45.31 * 12.5% GST). Thus, the increase due to GST = $190.52 (2011 Levies with 15% GST) – $186.379 (2011 Levies with 12.5% GST) = $4.14. How about when you write a piece showing numbers as though they have occurred, at least use numbers that are real, not those that are forecast (and also incorrect)?

“Income from student levies: $3.6 million.” Nope! Income from student levies is projected in the proposed 2011 Budget to be $2.9 million. And in 2010 it is projected to be $2.8 million. In 2009 it was $2.5 million. “Expenditure: $3.8 million” Nein. 2011 expenditure (spending which has not even occurred yet) is budgeted for $3.1 million. 2010 expenditure is budgeted at $3.2 million. And 2009 expenditure was $2.6 million. “Cash reserves (approx): $1 million.” Unless ‘approx’ means ‘let’s pick a random figure’, OUSA’s cash reserves are ‘approx’ $4 million. Sorry for nit-picking. I guess they are only out by a range of a few cents to millions of dollars. 34

The THEATRE STUDENT

hakespeare may be long since dead and buried but the followers of his art are still very much alive. It’s rather hard to miss them, considering that they’re all attention whores. Yes, without this demographic the world would likely be less colourful, more boring, and a lot quieter. But society would be nothing without its jesters, dramatists, and fane junkies; and as much as it might pain us to admit it, we need our entertainers. So this week, Matthew, I’m going to be a theatre student. Being noticed is the ultimate goal of any theatre student, so a good place to start is your wardrobe. I’ve yet to meet a theatre student whose style isn’t in direct defiance of societal fashion trends. This is not necessarily a bad thing – I’m friends with some extremely attractive and well dressed theatre students – but creating your own colourful style and flair goes a lot further towards getting you to Hollywood than simply following everyone else. Wear bright colours, shiny things, silky stuff, and things from op shops; the modern theatre student is half ‘60s hippie, and half GQ ponce. Be retro: wear things that nobody really wears anymore – fedoras, chuck taylors, tie dye, and wayfarers. You should end up looking like a walking museum of fashion antiquity. Don’t be afraid to over-accessorise, it’s no longer a privilege reserved for only gay men. THE NEXT BEST WAY TO GET YOURSELF NOTICED IS TO BE LOUD! Be loud in volume, loud in dress sense, and loud in attitude. Inside voices are for people who don’t want to be famous. Shouting at people shows that you have an agenda; that you want to go places. Be dramatic. After all, you study drama, so you may as well display it. You don’t even need to wait until you’re on the stage – you can find and create drama in every part of your daily life, be it a break up, a poor test result, a great test result, or your best friend misplacing your pet iguana. Shout, scream, cry, laugh, defecate, and shout some more. People need drama in their lives, it keeps things interesting and stops them from falling into a pit of self loathing after realising that gender studies isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. Now, obviously if you’re going to be a theatre student you need to spend some time in an actual theatre, so you’d best pick out some productions you’d like to star in. Classic productions such as Macbeth and Les Miserables are great, but they do make you seem a bit dry and boring. The best performance for getting yourself noticed is the OUSA Capping Show. You can be loud, dramatic, over-accessorised, and a complete wanker all at once. No one really cares about serious acting; get yourself into a production filled with swearing, toilet humor, and copious amounts of nudity and I guarantee you’ll have more job offers than you can shake a stick at. Or should I say, shake-a-speare at?

he past few weeks have been a series of field days for New Zealand’s sporting journalists: the state of the Commonwealth Games has given them something more to talk about than just rugby. Even the news media is getting in on the act, stretching out the seven o’clock current affairs shows so they could cut live to the press conference at which it was announced New Zealand will still be going. Basically, the Games are all the Commonwealth of Nations actually does these days, so you can imagine the pressure that Indain government was under to ensure they didn’t mess it up: unfortunately they did. A lot of people they already had their tickets and MySky booked to watch the games, and if the games didn’t go ahead they and many sponsors would be a bit pissed. For others the Commonwealth Games are a bit of a novelty, a sort of baby Olympics, where nations are bought together on the basis they were once the property of good old England – except for Rwanda and Mozambique, who for some reason just chose to join. New Zealand rates itself as having a chance at the games, mainly because we are one of the big players out of the 78 countries that are competing. This is due the fact that may of the nations competing are still developing, just like the host nation. These countries’ competitors will be the ones to watch out for as the games mean just that little bit more to them. Already a few top level athletes have pulled out of this year’s Commonwealth Games, citing concerns about safety and unsanitary conditions; terrorist attacks will also be in the back of many minds. Except, it seems, for the NZ Bowls team, who didn’t appear to have the slightest worry about anything – mainly because any terrorist that would choose a bowls tournament to get their message across really doesn’t understand bowls or terrorism. I’m in two minds about those who have chosen not to compete. This is India, after all, and in any case a dirty hotel room in a developing country isn’t the end of the world. I can however sympathise with the athletes that have decided to forgo the event. For most of them their sport is their job: it’s how they make a living, and they do have the right to turn down any competition where they think the negatives outweigh the positives. No doubt over the next few weeks there will be news coverage of the poverty that is all too apparent right next to the slightly shiny and new buildings which have gone up in time for the Games. There might also be some sport on.

Hangover Cures Around Dunedin Normally I’d write about some useless information or go on a rant and turn an otherwise trivial issue into the biggest ordeal since the OUSA elections. But at this very moment I’m too hung over to function properly, so I thought I might actually give you some useful information for once. I know I’ve left some goodies out and the reason for that is fuck you, that’s why. 5. Friendly Khmer Satay Noodle House – Satay Burgers: This isn’t just your average Khmer Satay Noodle

House, it’s a goddamn friendly one! Like a meal from a Hall of Residence, these amazing $3.50 burgers come in the choice of either beef of chicken. But don’t let that put you off – they are fucking awesome. Personally, I prefer to get two beef burgers but the chicken ones are still pretty good. 4. Willowbank Dairy – Chips: Unfortunately I haven’t been there for a while since I don’t live near it any more, but needless to say their chips are fantastic. If you want, take the risk and get some fried chicken with it. However, eating fried chicken is kinda like having a one-night stand – it seems like a good idea at the time and you sort of enjoy it, but after you’ve finished you feel violated and dirty on the inside. 3. Nesli Turkish Kebabs – Doner Kebabs: Sure, they may

cost $10 but my God they are good. Normally I just demolish these fuckers at some ungodly hour in the morning and the only way I remember this happening is by finding the remnants of tin foil and lettuce in my pockets the next day. But having one of these bad boys in the morning is divine if you’re craving something greasy and taste that isn’t Macca’s or BK. 2. Squiddies – Super Burgers: We all know and love Squiddies, a.k.a. The Flying Squid for those of you are foreign, which is just across the road from Uni on Albany Street. While many of you would argue that the $2 shoe-string chips are the way to go, you’re wrong. Get one of their burgers. Not a normal one but a super one. It is fucking massive for what you pay. I think they just double the size of it or something. One time I got one and it was so big, it was difficult trying to fit it into my mouth. *insert ‘that’s what she said’ joke here* 1. The Good Oil – Mixed Berry Smoothies: Fuck paying $4 for a blue Powerade, at only $5 this is one of the most costeffective hangover cures I’ve come across. It’s a good size and tastes incredible when you’re hungover. Not only that, but they’re probably quite good for you, and give you vitamins and shit. It’s also great when you know that your stomach cannot handle eating food and at least it’ll taste good if you throw it back up. That pretty much doubles its value!

stupidity

e’ve all been there: you’ve just seen a particularly brain-dead report on the evening news or read a poorly-spelled diatribe on why Obama is a socialist Muslim Nazi and you sit back and wonder, “Is it just me, or is the world getting stupider?” Well, you’re not alone, my friend, and even experts have noticed a steadily increasing global trend in the amount of incredibly stupid shit that goes down. Just a quick glance at the internet, television, or even the people around you reveals a terrifying abyss of incoherence, aggressive ignorance, and jokes about being kicked in the balls. Why, it even seems that most people are having ability to not writing the full sentences properly. As we all know, this deluge of stupidity can lead to a lot of exasperated sighing and foreheads rubbed raw from constant facepalming. However, it could lead to something even worse: if the human intellect continues to descend at this rate, it could easily bring on the downfall of society itself. At first the changes will be subtle, as we start to see less innovation and development of technology as the number of people with the required skills begins to drop. Then things will break and no one will be able to fix them: buildings will crumble due to lack of maintenance; raw sewage will run in the streets as people forget how to flush toilets. Within the next hundred years we could be reduced to a society of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging simpletons living in piles of rubble mixed with our own filth, before finally succumbing to scurvy and disappearing for good. So, how did we get to this point, facing imminent extinction at the hands of mass stupidity? Sure, I could just sit here and blame all the old scapegoats: the proliferation of reality TV; puerile YouTube clips designed to hold our attention for no more than a few seconds at a time; pandering, hacky ‘current affairs’ shows that assume all their viewers are slobbering imbeciles; bland, cliché pop hits shat out by slick-haired, dead-eyed record executives; various forms of entertainment that are constantly vomiting up bite-sized chunks of mindless crap designed to assault your senses, drain your intelligence and incinerate your soul. But that would be too easy. Perhaps people aren’t actually getting stupider, and it’s just that the internet and other forms of media are spreading stupidity in a way that was never thought possible. Complete cretins can now broadcast their mind-bogglingly stupid thoughts to the entire world, whereas in the past they were just made to sit in the corner in silence with the dunce cap on. Anyway, it’s not as if people were exactly that clever back in the old days, what with all their feudal systems and castles and stuff. That was some dumb shit. I mean, they didn’t even have electricity. So perhaps we’re as stupid as we’re ever been and there’s no need to panic just yet. Still, we should probably bomb all the people responsible for producing Rock of Love, just in case.

lecting a good Council is really important if we want to get the many issues facing students addressed. In a punditesque column, here’s my commentary on the candidates and my voting picks, based on personal interactions with candidates and the debate held last week. Lee Vandervis and Olivier Lequeux proved to be insensitive jerks with no understanding of student issues or even pretended support for students. Both candidates used the phrase “Back when I was at University ...” to tell us what was wrong with students today. Shit guys, things have changed! It is totally inappropriate for a Mayor to tell their constituents what to think! Both Vandervis and Lequeux showed a total inability to listen to what the real issues are or what students want. Vandervis even informed the crowd that we like our substandard flats. They both rank below no confidence for me. Peter Chin didn’t seem to want to be there at all. Sure, he’s done the job before, but it has been a constant battle throughout his reign to get student voices heard. When questioned about the relationship between the University/Students and Council, Chin seemed to think no improvement is necessary. As well all know he is an avid supporter of the ‘beat the devil out of them’ approach to student misbehaviour. Jimmy Knowles and Kevin O’Dwyer were lovely. They seemed sympathetic to the cause and had all the very best of intentions. However, they both displayed an absolute lack of understanding of the real issues, and a lack of leadership potential. Aaron Hawkins absolutely stole the show. He was the only candidate who understood all of the questions, let alone having the answers to them. He supports improving student housing standards, improving the public transport system, and thinks students should be welcomed and respected in the city and more efforts made to retain them after graduation. Dave Cull couldn’t make it but was sent the same questions as were posed in the debate and had some pretty positive responses. He seems to care about students and genuinely wants to hear our views and solve our problems. He supports requiring minimum standards across all housing (not just having the voluntary STARS scheme), running a licensed Undie event at Logan Park, and free buses for everyone around the central city. To me it comes down to Hawkins and Cull. Cull has been on Council already, and that experience is putting him far ahead of Hawkins in the ODT polls (in which he comes first, followed closely by Chin and then Vandervis). As I would rather have Cull than Chin or Vandervis, he gets my number-one vote for Mayor. I think he’d do a pretty good job too. Aaron Hawkins absolutely must get elected to Council, and thankfully he is running for Central ward also. So he’s my number two for Mayor, and number one for Central ward. As for the rest of the Council candidates, names that stick out include: Jinty MacTavish, Lynn Tozer, Kate Wilson, Andrew Eames, Richard Thomson, Andrew Whiley, and Craig Watson.

ia ora whanau, First I would like to apologise for not having an article in last week’s Critic. As some of you may have been aware, Otakou held Nga Whakataetae mo Nga Manu Korero National Speech Competitions, which saw the Edgar Centre full with rangatahi Maori from all over the motu. I was one of many Dunedin based Maori to be overwhelmed with excitement for the event, which resulted in me partially neglecting my role as Tumuaki, for which I sincerely apologise. Right-oh, to the good stuff. Te Roopu Maori would like to thank the Scarfies Pay it Forward committee on the excellent job they have done of organising the Christchurch Earthquake Charity Concert and all the performers on the night. It was good to get together and strut our stuff for a good cause – well done! Other good news is TRM finally has a new whare – if you didn’t read your emails last week, TRM and Te Huka Matauraka are the new residence of 523 Castle St (the two-storied building between the Maori Centre and TRM). This whare will provide the whanau feel our current whare has, but will also provide warmth, security, a computer suite, post-grad offices, a fully equipped kitchen, wireless, extra study space, and support for Maori students. TRM would like to thank all staff and students who supported our whare proposal in particular Space Allocation, Diana Reid, David Richardson, Te Huka Matauraka, and the divisional Maori Students Associations. Without your support my dream of providing better facilities for our tauira would remain just that. Final, most important notice:

TRM MAORI ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING (AGM) TODAY 4:30pm AGENDA: • 2009 AGM minutes • Te Rito Reports • Financial Reports • Budget Setting 2011 • General Business - Whare Progress - VSM - Constitutional Changes

Letter of the Week wins a $30 book voucher FUCK NO. COME BACK TO US.

Hi Critic, I was going to write you a letter, but then I decided to write on your Facebook page instead. Is that what we’re supposed to now? In The Future? FUCKING HELL

To the people who organized their ball at Friday September 24 2010, It is incredibly dumb and stupid to be hosting a ball in the Commerce building! Next year please pick a better place to host a ball. It is annoying to some people in the building who is currently rushing to finish their assignments and all they hear is the music banging loudly and the smell of alcohol and puke all over the building. Plus its currently 12 fucking am in the commerce building and you guys have not FINISH with your ball! THINK LOGICALLY NEXT YEAR! And don’t repeat the same fucking mistake again! Fucking pissed student who is currently having a headache from all the music!

CAN’T BE FUCKED

Hi there, Just wondering if you could explain the ODT Watch in issue 25 - I don’t get it. Are you taking the piss out fo the ODT for stopping the delivery? Seems a bit weird, but your explanation may shed some light on the piece. Regards, M Hathaway

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Dear Editor, I just want to say fuck the university computer systems and printers. If I had an axe I would smash them all. What is with the yellow coat people? What is the point in their existence if the computers are slow and going ADHD 40

and they say they can’t do anything? Don’t look so goddam blasé. ISN’T IT YOUR JOB? I mean don’t look at me. I usually just hit my laptop, press as many keys as possible and then sometimes (if I’m lucky) it turns back on. Fuck, I don’t even know where the on button is most of the time. I don’t know anything!!!!!!!!!!!! Do something!!!!!!!!! All I can do is CTRL ALT DELETE CTRL ALT DELETE. I mean could you fucking be bold enough to do something other than stare at me! PLEASEEEE make some kind of suggestion. I mean I really don’t want to hear your life story ‘the server problems computer blah blah blah’, just try and fix this piece of shit? I have an essay due. If you can’t fix the fucking thing, then just kill me now. Why is it I pay this mediocre university thousands of dollars every year and the resources I need the most don’t work? Lots of love, Kylie Minogue.

FUCK THAT SUCKS

To, The kind person at one of the private functions at South Bar on Saturday 25 Sept, that very kindly picked up my girlfriend’s silver-with-blue-topaz ring, thank you. I commend your willingness to watch over the ring yourself - I’m sure you didn’t want to risk giving it to those dodgy bartenders. I can assure you though, that if you hand it in to the OUSA office, or to South Bar asap, they are more than capable of looking after it. Your honesty is appreciated, Adam

FUCK YEAH

Thanks to Jonathan Jong for his thoughtful and interesting review of G.W. Dawes’ “Theism and Explanation” in Critic #25, and particular kudos for not cramming it into a half-page format. Great job at showing that stretching your mind is a thrilling thing, not a chore. Now to get the book... florian weller

WHAT ARTICLE YOU FUCKER?

dear critic, i really enjoyed your article last week. anonymous

FUUUUUCK

To Austen Kingsbury, creator of the Made for Each Other comic, Ever since your comic started to appear in Critic this year, I’ve wondered – are the worn stereotypes you write about being played straight, or is there at least the tiniest hint of satire hidden in there? Every time I think I see some glimmer of authorial awareness that your characters and storylines are treading the same dreary road that hundreds of male comics creators have trodden before you (though you yourself are apparently a woman, if Facebook is to be believed), there you go and produce a handful that get me doubting again. Please, end my speculation. Your cartooning skills are great, and I love how perfect your characters’ expressions are (even if you do copy-paste the rest of them a bit), but I can’t get past how male-gazey the script of “Made for Each Other” is. Is it deliberate? Is it meant to be an ironic deconstruction of gender stereotypes, couched deeply within representations of the cliché harpy ice-queen and the loveable but hapless bloke? Hoping to hear from you soon, Fan of the Female Gaze (Seriously, can we at least get a bit of it in there?)

FUCKERS

Dear Critic, There are two types of women that work at the campus shop. One is the type that studiously ignores you as you stand at the counter, patiently holding your Freddo Frog, while they finish their fascinating conversation with their fascinating coworker. It’s awkward. The other is the type who screams welcome at you from the moment you step through the threshold, wanting to know every detail about your day. That type is slightly worse and the author of this letter

AUSSIE RULES CLUB AGM The Otago Australian Rules Football Club will hold its annual general meeting at 5.30pm on Tuesday 5th October in commerce 2.01. Nominations are open for President, Secretary and Treasurer. Please contact afl.otago@gmail.com for the full agenda. wishes she’s tone it down a bit, as it is very frightening. The man that works there is nice though. Yours Sincerely, Freddy Frog Lover.

fat ppl are real lazy and the fat cells also clog up their brains so they dont work properly. The exception is culinary school. Fat ppl are good at that. Taylor Harrington (Fat Hater)

FUCKING ANIMALS

LITTLE FUCKING SKATERS

Dear Editor, As you and probably all proud New Zealander’s know, the Commonwealth Games in Delhi could (will) be a debacle. The faecal matter of subcontinent minions has become too common in the purpose built western accommodation and apart from these guys no-one seems to be able to get their shit together. The bowls facilities are made from astro-turf with festering mosquito pools in abundance, the weightlifting arena had its roof collapse and we were told not to fret because it was only a trespasser walking on the roof (what the fuck kind of excuse that is, I do not know..If that happened during an event, shit certainly would hit the fan back in the village). So after all this uproar about the safety of our athletes, the fact that a New Zealander is the games CEO and has been lambasted for assuming his role as the much needed colonial influence in India..There has been no mention whatsoever about one of our precious Red Pandas called Khosuva being sent to India for an “arranged marriage”... These wee guys are Listed as ‘’vulnerable’’ by IUCN (International Union for Conservation of Nature) and once he hits India I have no doubt in my mind he’s done for. So all I ask is that fellow scarifies spare a thought for Khosuva.

To the little fuckers skating outside commerce, FUCK OFF! Despite the fact that you’re probably high school wieners and probably won’t be reading this, I still feel compelled to vent some anger. While you’re outside screaming and yahooing and ollieing the stairs, I’m inside trying to listen to my eastern European lecturer who is hard enough to understand at the best of times. In all truth I don’t mind a kick, push every now and then, but I do it away from where people are trying to learn. In the future, please refrain from being such an inconsiderate prick. Yours truly, Distressed Steven

FUCKING FATTIES

Dear Critic, Everyone should just chill out bout this whole loans thing. Its only the dumb ppl who are gona miss out and in the scheme of things dumb ppl are almost as bad as fat ppl. In fact i bet its mostly fat ppl who are the ones who arent gonna get loans anymore cos

WRITERS’ GROUP A new writers’ group has started on campus. Writers of all genres, styles, and experience levels welcome. Email Alec Dawson at thelonelyowl@gmail.com for more information. OTAGO UNIVERSITY CANOE CLUB AGM The OUCC AGM will hold its AGM on Friday 15 October. It will be at 6.30 pm in Castle B. Voting for executive positions and showing of club DVD. Contact theoucc@gmail. com for more information.

CIRCUS FUCK

Dear Critic, One thing what I will never understand is the circus freaks on Union Lawn. They are always there, practicing their various circus tricks. Juggling tenpin bowling pins, tightrope walking between trees, firedancing etc. These activities are all good and shit. They have their place in the world. Obviously. It’s just, why do these strange people need such a large audience? Surely if you’re learning such a complicated skill as swallowing fire, you would want to practice somewhere secluded, where there is no shame when you fuck up. But fuck, nah you all do it right out in the most public part of Dunedin ay! All I really want is answers from one of these inexplicably exhibitionary carnies. Why you do man? Why you got to do it in front of everyone even when you’re no good? Are you expecting money? Who is King of da Carnies? Hit me back, And keep up the good work. NOT.

STUDENTSOUL Café-style church for students. Sunday Service 10 October 7pm at George Street School Hall. Theme: Living within Boundaries. Speaker: Rev Helen Harray. Contact Helen on 027 473 0042.

NOTICES POLICY Notices must be fewer than 50 words in length and must be submitted to Critic by 5pm on Tuesday before you want it to run. You can get notices to us or by emailing critic@critic.co.nz e. bringing them to the Critic offic We accept up to five notices a tions week from non-profit organisa ps and other student-related grou bit a e mak to g lookin ’t aren that of dosh. 41

Critique Analyse this...

43 GAMES

44 music

47 PERFORMANCE

48 FILM

50 BOOKS

52 ART

53 FOOD

Dragon Age: Origins

PS3/Xbox360/PC/Mac

Dragon Age: Origins (DA:O) is a fantasy role-playing game by BioWare, one of the most respected RPG developers. They’ve done the Mass Effect, Knights of the Old Republic, and Baldur’s Gate series, and more. DA:O is another, excellent addition to their stellar line-up. The PC/Mac versions differs from the PS3/360 versions in how they are played. The computer versions give you a birds-eye-view camera with pausing combat to get spell and skill combos queued up (the traditional RPG set up). The console versions use third-person cameras (more prevalent among action and sneaking games), and use buttons to quickly execute common attacks or spells, while allowing you to pause and enter a menu to select unmapped actions. From what I’ve played of the PC version, it is an outstanding RPG; however, I find the console versions more engaging, probably because I’m more familiar with games that use that style of interaction. The quest-lines and story behind DA:O are outstanding. You start the game as a human, elf, or dwarf from one of a variety of backgrounds specific to the race and choose fighter, mage, or rogue for a class. This boil-down of the traditional Dungeons and Dragons classes provides an interesting simplification; however, there is still plenty of variety as each arch-class has a root tree, a variety of specialisation trees, and can have one or two specialisation trees added as the game progresses. The story is amazing, with twists and turns throughout and a myriad of options that affect how other characters interact with you, what is available to you, and how the story unfolds. The sheer amount of dialogue is astounding! The idle chit-chat of your companions rarely repeats and is far from annoying, and every NPC you interact with is well voiced. This game is amazing! It sucks you in within minutes of starting, and is still driving me forward after over 30 hours of game-play. The combination of story, characters, combat, and visuals gives an experience every gamer should at least try. If you’re not a hard-core RPG fan, I’d recommend one of the console versions; if you are, you’ve probably already played this on your PC.

The Naked and Famous

Passive Me, Aggressive You

Passive Me, Aggressive You is the debut album from New Zealand’s own The Naked and Famous. The album starts off with the extremely catchy song ‘All Of This’, setting the scene for the remaining 12 songs which echo the sentiments of being young, carefree and living in the moment. Amongst the synth beats of the album, jangling melodies and catchy hooks the creative duo for the band. Alisa Xayalith and Thom Powers share vocal duties which works well for this industrial, electronic heavy genre but also makes some of the subtler nuances of the album be drowned out amidst the eighties-style drum machine. Opener ‘All Of This’ sets the tempo into which the newest single ‘Punching In A Dream’ segues perfectly. The insanely captivating and simple chorus of ‘Young Blood’ provides an anthem-like quality to the album and the songs ‘Spank’ and ‘Girls Like You’ provide fast beats with a single-like quality about them that are easily countered by the less chaotic and more mellow songs like the tranquil ‘Frayed’ and the leisurely pulsating ‘Eyes’, which allow for a balance which is really what makes this album work as a whole. Passive Me, Aggressive You is a brilliant start for the clearly ambitious Auckland band (who have already supported the likes of Nine Inch Nails) and have a unique and catchy sound about them. I only hope that they haven’t peaked too soon and get swept up in the hype that the industry has placed upon them.

OK! Crazy Fiction Lady

Mystery Dinosaur Railroad

When young bands build their reputation almost exclusively on fun, participatory, and engaging live shows, the studio can be a dangerous place. With many crucial elements missing, bands may find themselves (and consequently their songs) lacking energy, passion, and the ability to connect with their audience. Dunedin’s OK! Crazy Fiction Lady are in part one such band. Over the course of this year, the trio has gained a deserved reputation for some of the most entertaining and exciting shows around with chanting party-poppers and ridiculous amounts of smiling. These facts weighed heavily upon my mind as I begun to listen to the groups full studio debut Mystery Dinosaur Railroad. However, as the self-titled opening track began, I had a strong feeling this EP would leave me with a smile upon my face. With punchy, upfront radio production, ‘OK! Crazy Fiction Lady’ is a simple piece of catchy pop, its self-referential nature falling safely on the fun side of pretentiousness. Its chant filled ending losing none of its live excitement, giving the listener the almost unstoppable urge to sing along. Unfortunately, follow-up ‘Fuck Pop’ does not survive the shift from the stage to the stereo in the same manner. Its chorus (bearing similarity to TFF’s ‘Fucksurf’) continues past the point of enjoyment reached in the live setting losing impact and taking away from the frantic versus and superbly buzzy, almost Tom Morello-styled guitar solo. Thankfully the final two studio tracks on the EP align themselves with ‘OK! Crazy Fiction Lady’ with their vitality and fun. EP centerpiece ‘Books’, easily the mellowest component, is a shimmering respite although it suffers from some slightly frustrating audible bass audio clipping. It probably seems overkill to mention the word ‘fun’ again, but in summation: fun is the essence of OK!CFL. While they’re not going to be making a life-changing opus anytime soon, they will be having serious amounts of fun. And if you give this EP a listen, you might just too.

OK! Crazy Fiction Lady celebrate the release of Mystery Dinosaur Railroad while sadly bidding farewell to Dunedin at their final show ever on Saturday 9 October at Re:Fuel. 44

T54 Julie K.

Julie K is the advance single from T54s upcoming EP. It was recorded last month down in Dunedin with Dale Cotton. Lead singer and guitarist Joe Sampson got a bit scared by Dale’s crashing-brilliance when it comes to production. I think Joe parks cars at an airport during the day, so maybe he likes order (?), but Dale knows a thing or two about the aesthetics of violence and volume. Consequently Julie K (and by extension the whole EP) has great contrast between volume, huge guitars and soft vocals. It’s reminiscent of Bailter Space/ The Gordons playing in the production style of My Bloody Valentine. Compliments aside, I’ve seen T54 play a few shows up in Christchurch (their home town). The live show is brilliantly loud: guitar amps on the ground face away from the audience so they can be turned up louder than rocket-ships, as chords, harmonics, and overtones spark around the venue. No PA required. The drums and bass punch out the low end. I’m writing about the T54 for two reasons. First, they’ve just been signed to a small label I can’t even remember the name of – so this stuff isn’t readily available and you need to track it down. Second, T54 provide a reminder that music is a physical experience; so don’t listen to this stuff at low volumes. See T54 w/ Piha Rescue / DJ Time Life / Dan Solo @ Re:Fuel Wednesday October 6th. Free. 45

LTT Review: Moonscapes

By Jo Bond Directed by Janis C. Y. Cheng Starring Hana Aoake, Rimu Donovan, Lyndon Katene and Miriam Noonan

In last week’s Performance section, a formatting error caused some confusion. The last sentence of the review from Issue 24 was left over as the last sentence of the Issue 25 review. For the record, the performance of Lunch, directed by Hannah Gould was excellent (receiving 4.5 thumbs) and the last sentence of the review was in no way a reflection of her show – but rather a reflection of The Cyclops from the week before – which was not so excellent. Critic apologises to everyone for the fuck up.

s we entered the theatre everything was still. The actors sat in the middle of the space covered from head to toe in dust – moon dust. The dust wafted off their bodies and mingled with the luminous rays of light, moonlight. They sat in the dusty moonlight and slowly they began to move ... The actors were set up in the middle of the space; this was theatre in the round. The audience was encouraged to move about the space, glancing at the piece from every angle, sitting, standing, observing. Just as I am content with only seeing one side of the moon I was content with only seeing one side of Moonscapes. Like viewing a painting in an art gallery, I was delighted to discover everything about the image in front of me, I liked the mysteriousness associated with only seeing it from the one perspective. Every time someone in the audience moved I shuddered. The creaking of the floor masked the voices of the actors, who rightfully could have spoken up – but I was more annoyed by the movement of the audience than the actors’ volume. The stillness of the actors became the focus when the audience moved around. Instead, I craved the small movements of the actors to be the focus as everything else in the room was eerily still. I think the focus needed to be on their movement, not ours. In saying this I also feel like the actors needed to invest more in the movements they did make; they needed more control and focus. I wanted them to move as if they were slowly breaking free from a plaster cast, a cliff face, the surface of the moon. Covering the actors in talc was inspired. What could have been a potentially unexciting piece was propelled into the realms of the mystical and the artistic. Every second of the performance was intensified by the dancing of the talc. If the actors had just sat still and not spoken for 40 minutes I would have been content. This idea was stunning, and the most innovative idea I have seen on the LTT stage all year. I wish I had thought of it. The lighting, another Martyn Roberts masterpiece, was completely cohesive with Cheng’s vision. Roberts works well when he is inspired by the work he is lighting, and I think it is safe to say we were all inspired by Cheng’s work this week. Every time the lighting changed the image was illuminated anew (literally and metaphorically). Each gel focused my attention at something different in the image. The lighting changes were enough to make me feel like the images were changing, I simply did not need to walk around. Each change transformed the space and the image. Moonscapes, for me, was all about what I could see, not what I could hear. The script was not cohesive with the performance; the links between the two were tenuous at best. The script hinted towards a narrative but this was never quite realised. The script needed more of a narrative, or a more obvious refusal of a narrative. This piece was stunning and it completely exemplified all that Cheng is capable of. She has stunning visions and the skills to pull them off. Today I was completely inspired by her creativity.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Directed by Oliver Stone Hoyts, Rialto

The ghost of Gordon Gecko has been slithering around in the back of Michael Douglass’ mind for over 20 years, plotting his comeback to Wall Street. The long-awaited sequel to Wall Street, in which Gecko was brought down by the young Bud Fox, begins with Gecko being released from prison to a world that has changed. He pens a book, Is Greed Good?, putting a twist on his classic catchphrase. Meanwhile a hungry young trader, Jake (Shia LeBeouf), is playing in the big leagues as Wall Street teeters on the edge of the 2008 collapse. He’s in a relationship with Gecko’s estranged daughter, Winnie, who runs a leftist website. Jake’s bank is crushed in the crisis and when his mentor, the head of the bank, steps in front of a subway Jake tracks down Gecko, giving the impression that he is trying to reconnect father to daughter. But it seems that Jake is attracted to Gecko’s seductive allure. Douglass lights up the screen, as sleazy and beautiful as ever, he pulls the impressionable Jake into his world while grooming him to take on Gecko’s former rival Bretton James (Josh Brolin) who is the head of a Goldman-Sachs type institution. If you’re looking for historical accuracy, Wall Street: MNS has little to do with explaining the facts behind the financial meltdown. But you don’t go to the cinema for the ‘accountant’s truth’ anyway. WS:MNS is wildly entertaining and thoroughly satisfying and could be Oliver Stone’s best film in a while.

Picture Me

Directed by Ole Schell and Sara Ziff Rialto

Picture Me is a documentary about the world of modelling, directed and produced by model Sara Ziff, who is the star of the film, and her boyfriend Ole Schell. It’s good to see a film on models that isn’t as nauseatingly synthetic as America’s Next Top Model. The frankness of the film brings to your attention how very empty the career is. Models’ lives revolve around their appearance and their huge cheques. They endlessly take pictures and walk down runways. The life frustrates Sara, who’s obviously an intelligent girl. But although she’s very likable, she does complain a bit much. She’s walking down a runway and pocketing thousands of dollars for it – you wonder if the side-effect of tiredness, which at one point makes Sara break into tears, is really that big a drawback in this dream career. Sara decides she wants to leave the industry, because she wants to go to college. But it is uncertain whether she will work up the strength to leave in the face of the temptations of money and the modelling lifestyle. There are many poignant moments in Picture Me, during interviews with other models and behind-the-scenes footage, which give snippets of the dirty side of the industry. But Ole and Sara have been too half-hearted in their exploration. Although cases of sexual abuse, drug use, and bulimia are mentioned, that is as far as the documentarymakers are willing to go. Nothing new is really said, unfortunately, by the end of the film. But it’s still an enjoyable ride, perhaps only because it’s fun watching such beautiful people for a couple of hours.

BookGem

bookgem.com

Alex’s Adventures in Numberland

Alex Bellos Bloomsbury

I arrived home tonight to discover that, not to be outdone by The Bookseat (Issue #19), BookGem had decided to send me a unit of their book holder to review. So, here goes: BookGem is the quintessential portable book-holder. It folds neatly into a plastic rectangle, no thicker than most cellphones and smaller than most sunglass cases. It seems to be very well-built and sturdy, and is light enough to carry around in your bag or back pocket without being much of a burden at all. In that regard, it’s got an upper hand on The Bookseat. However, its convenient tininess comes at the cost of not being suitable for larger books like textbooks and cookbooks. That said, it deals with small but thick books (e.g., Bibles) remarkably well. This is mostly a function of its book-holding mechanism: a pair of spring-loaded page clips. The page clips are impressively strong; they hold books open more sturdily than does The Bookseat’s plexiglass, elastic band, and toggle mechanism, but are also therefore much worse for your books’ spines. Bookholders are inevitably bad for book spines, I guess, but BookGem really, unapologetically forces books to stay open flat, even if they don’t want to. One of the BookGem’s cleverer features is that has two height settings, depending on where you clip the BookGem. Most of the better book holders have multiple height settings, of course, but they’re also larger and much less portable. BookGem, like The Bookseat, managed to build in multiple height settings elegantly, without additional moving parts. Still, two height settings isn’t a lot. It’s enough for most circumstances, I think, but you might desire more flexibility. Indeed, The Bookseat’s flexibility does come at the cost of its sturdiness; compared to BookGem, books are held more precariously in The Bookseat. So, is this a Bookseat killer? I don’t think so. BookGems are not as versatile in many ways: they’re not as comfortable to use on your lap or in bed, they’re not as height-adjustable, they’re more damaging to paperbacks, and they’re not as easy to turn pages with (which, if you recall, is my pet peeve with most book holders). However, they are a very handy size for carrying around, and they hold regular-sized hardbacks remarkably well.

Chances are, you’d be hesitant to invest your time in a 400-page book about mathematics. If so, however, I urge you to take a chance on Alex Bellos’s Alex’s Adventures in Numberland. Despite its formidable size, apparently dry subject, and uninspired title, this book is actually incredibly engrossing. While he has a degree in mathematics, Bellos has worked primarily as a journalist, and so is able to spin an interesting yet informative yarn. Bored and unemployed, he decided to write a book about mathematics out of interest and enthusiasm for the subject, not necessarily out of some quest to educate the masses But educated you will be; and if you so desire, you will be able to wow your friends and family with interesting facts and anecdotes ... about maths. You’ll find out, for example, a barber’s red and white pole has in common with the word ‘algebra’, and why we find x and not p or m, and about the mathematical origins and applications of origami. There’s drama too: you’ll be captivated by the tragic story of how Sudoku ruined a man’s marriage! Don’t expect any hardcore formulae in the first chapter: it takes a broad, psychological view of humans’ and animals’ innate mathematical abilities before presenting a number of mathematical concepts in tidy, self-contained chapters. You will be utterly convinced of the importance of mathematics in every aspect of your life, only to have this blown away by tales of tribes with no words for numbers above two, who function perfectly well and don’t lose track of their multiple children. Bellos does delve into nitty gritty details about pi, Pythagorus’s theorem, and phi, but for those whose interest is less technical (or geeky...), he yarns about the historical and cultural settings that birthed these revolutionary ideas. There is, as you might expect, a lot of material in these 400+ pages, from the geometry to statistics, the golden ratio to hyperbolic crochet, abacuses to logarithmic spirals. If you don’t think you want to know about such things, Alex’s Adventures in Numberland might just have you surprised at yourself. Thanks to Bellos’ clear and witty writing, learning about math has never been so much fun.

Would You Eat Your Cat?

Jeremy Stangroom Crows Nest

This book promises to challenge your ethical foundations. Surprisingly, despite being such a slim and accessible book, it succeeds in doing just that. The book is structured to present series of scenarios followed by questions to ask yourself about the situation. Many of the scenarios appear to be clear cut cases of what’s right and wrong, but when you turn to the back of the book to the discussion, it becomes obvious that there’s almost always more to a situation than meets the eye. Would You Eat Your Cat? includes content on some of the great philosophers, their ethical theories, and a little history, but on the whole it is intended to make you think more critically about the assumptions you make about morality in everyday life. It’s no ethics textbook, of course; moral and/or political philosophy students might find that it oversimplifies very complex subjects, but this is the cross that any popularised subject has to bear. Stangroom is great as a populariser of ethics: his writing style is straightforward and witty. The scenarios laid out are sometimes clearly based on real-life situations with a few name changes. Ted Kelp of the Eastboro Ecumenical Church, for example, is clearly and sardonically Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church. Other times they are based on classic thought experiments (often used in psychological research on moral psychology, as it happens), like the one with the train that can be diverted onto a side-track, killing one person to save five. The remainder have been created specifically for the book. As I alluded to earlier, there is a discussion section for each scenario at the back of the book. This both analyses the situations in more depth, and tells you something about your own morality based on your answers to the questions in the text. Sometimes the analyses are genuinely surprising, often they expose inconsistencies in how we apply ethical principles in different situations. Overall, Would You Eat Your Cat? is a straightforward, well-written book that does exactly what it sets out to do. Not only will it challenge your ethical beliefs, but it will also make you think more deeply about how you make ethical decisions. Caitlyn O’Fallon

What the Dog Saw and Other Adventures

Malcolm Gladwell Penguin Books

If you want an author who provides random bits of knowledge – a bit of this, a bit of that – and answers questions you had no idea you had (on topics you had no idea you were interested in), then Malcolm Gladwell is your man. This book is a collection of his essays originally published in The New Yorker. A staff writer there since 1996, Gladwell, is also the author of the highly-acclaimed, best-selling Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking, The Tipping Point: How Little Things Make a Big Difference and Outliers: The Story of Success. Gladwell is unstoppably curious: he never tires of asking questions and usually about really quirky, seemingly (but only seemingly!) mundane things. Things you might notice, think about briefly, and then quickly dismiss, Gladwell sticks with, digging voraciously for an answer, finding all kinds of fascinating, complexly and wonderfully inter-related trivia as he does so. What the Dog Saw is split into three sections: the first is about obsessives and pioneers. The story I most enjoyed was about tomato ketchup, the people responsible for that classic Heinz flavour, and those who attempted to improve on it. Why, Gladwell asks, does there seem to be near-universal agreement about what ketchup should be like, while mustard (and pasta sauce, etc.) comes in a myriad of varied offerings? Another intriguing character he delves into is the inventor of the birth control pill, who was – did you know? would you believe? – a Roman Catholic! Part Two is about theories and predications. What do Enron, mammography, the Challenger disaster, and plagiarism have in common? Precious little, but his style of enquiry makes each topic fascinating, particularly when you think you already know all there is to know about the subject. Finally, part three offers personality, character and intelligence as well as the second dog-related essay titled Troublemakers: What Pit Bulls Can Teach Us About Crime. What the Dog Saw is a book worth having in the house for those times when you want to read something good, without committing to a whole novel. It is also very handy reading for anyone preparing for a quiz-night or to impress party guests with interesting but light chatter. Enjoy!

Tony Fomison

Brett McDowell Gallery Until October 7

urrently on show at the Brett McDowell Gallery is a collection of paintings and drawings by Tony Fomison, one of New Zealand’s most well known painters of the 1970s. The exhibition features works from across over 20 years of his career, exhibiting the progression and consistencies of his style, and his longstanding passion for portraiture. The range of works reveals Fomison’s exploration with the expressiveness of the human form, of the play between light and shadow, and the potential for using landscape for personal expression such as in the work Sea Cavern (1977). The lone tree stump in the foreground of this empty and shadowy landscape can be read as an allegorical expression of mortality, a sense that comes across in the dark palette and sombre expressions of many of his portraits. Fomison’s works are not of an overtly gestural expressionism, but rather works of emotional expression conveyed through use of heavy shadow and often a distorting of the human figure. The largest work in this exhibition, and for me the most iconic of the show, is Untitled #139 (1976). This work is an example of both Fomison’s affinity with portraiture and his strong acquaintance with Pacific Island culture and people. The subject’s face, with identifiable Pacific Island characteristics like many of his portraits, takes up majority of the canvas and is rendered with a heavy use of shadow against a dark and simplistic landscape. Though the face is expressionless, the brushwork is heavy, as is the use of black, giving the work its emotional weight. The curved edge of the top of the canvas imitates the curve of a horizon, to me suggesting the division of earth and the heavens, as mythology also plays an important part in Fomison’s works. Light pencil drawings bookend the chronological order of the exhibition, and appropriately so as Fomison considered drawing to be an end in itself and not necessarily merely a preparation for painting. The earliest works (and some of my favourites in the show) are very light pencil portrait studies depicting a playful couple and the blasé expression of a young man smoking through subtle shading and distorted proportions and perspectives. This small but engaging collection of works demonstrates Fomison’s excellent command of both brush and pencil, his interest in both people and myth, and pays homage to one of New Zealand’s best contemporary painters.

The Friday Shop/Bakery

300 Highgate, Roslyn Village

estled in Roslyn Village is a bakery that has built quite a reputation just from word of mouth, particularly through the locals. The regulars know that you have to get in early because the popular items can sell out before 8am, and then you would have to wait another week to satiate your cravings – it is open for business only once a week. By 7.30am, there is usually a small crowd at Highgate Bridge (300 Highgate, Roslyn Village), which is better known as The Friday Shop/Bakery, waiting to get their hands on the fruit tarts, croissants, pain au chocolates, meat pies, quiches, etc. that line the shelves and tables of this otherwise sparse, no-frills shop. I was after the pain au chocolates, madeleines, and of course, the croissants. I had heard from more than one source that The Friday Shop’s croissants are unquestionably the best in town. They did not disappoint – the pastries were light and flaky, and smelt heavenly, as freshly baked, butter-laden pastries often do. The almond croissant was filled from end to end with rich, melt-in-your-mouth, sweet almond butter and encrusted with almond slices, so from the very first bite you experience the intermingling of the different textures and flavours from the sliced almonds, the pastry, and the filling. In comparison, the pain au chocolate is not much to look at, but the winning contrast between the faintly salty, flaky pastry and the sweet, smooth strips of chocolate within, makes it my favourite item. At first glance, it looks as though there isn’t enough chocolate filling, but I think that, unlike the more common chocolate drenched pastries found elsewhere, they have intentionally restrained themselves with the chocolate in order to maintain the fine complementary balance where neither the pastry nor the chocolate is the dominant flavour. The distinctly, but not overwhelmingly, orange-flavoured springy madeleines were also very good. There were so many other things to scrutinise and contemplate trying but with the pressure of the crowd of people waiting in line behind me, I got what I was familiar with and got out quickly. There’s always next Friday … The Baker’s Dozen (43 Mailer Street, Mornington) is another, more accessible bakery that I go to for pies and chocolate lamingtons. That’s not all they have, of course, but I believe they’re known for their pies. Like The Friday Shop, you will probably miss out if you get there late, but here, ‘late’ is more like 2-3pm in the afternoon, not 8am. I always get the chicken curry and the mince pies. Their delicious pies are always hot and fresh, with nice, light-ish, flaky pastries and, tasty fillings with real, lean meat. You won’t be going back to supermarket pies once you’ve had one of these.

Peter Chin

s a city we are at a point where we must choose a shared vision for our future. We have made considerable investment in some aspects of our city. Yes, we do have debt, we do have rates increases signalled for several years, but we also have a plan in place to manage our way into a stronger position. So where do we go from here? In order to grow our ratepayer base and foster economic growth, thereby retaining the vitality of our city, we must proactively maximise the promotion of our city’s core advantages and our sustainable business opportunities. In the long-term investment in such strategies will see us in better shape than blindly slashing costs for minimal short-term savings. It has long been a priority of mine to advance Dunedin internationally as an ‘education city’ and to this end I have spent considerable time working with the University, Polytechnic and other organisations towards developing opportunities in China. My work on our sister-city relationship with Shanghai has put us in a unique position – it takes years to establish trust in Chinese culture, and we are now often received better as a city delegation in China than nationallyled delegations. We are making serious inroads towards creating greater opportunities for Chinese students to come to Dunedin, and Otago students to study in China. What’s more, Chinese education providers are interested in how we run our own organisations – there’s a huge demand for ‘education expertise’, and we are in a great position to deliver it. This is but one example of the kind of sustainable business which we can capitalise on for the benefit of our whole city. What is to be the vision for our city? I say an innovative city which grabs its opportunities with two hands, and in doing so makes it a attractive destination for students, business people, new residents and tourists alike.

Dave Cull

magine Dunedin without the University and the Polytechnic, and all of their students. The city would be totally different, less prosperous, less interesting and much less vibrant. Every year about a fifth of our community arrives from out of town. But sadly many students hardly engage with the rest of city outside of North Dunedin and George St. That’s partly because of the concentration of student flats in the north end of town, but also because of a “them and us” relationship between town and gown. The city fails to capitalise on the wonderful resource that the student and tertiary teaching body offers. I would like students to be formally welcomed into the Dunedin community each year, perhaps at the culmination of a resurrected Toga Parade. I would like students to explore and get to know all of Dunedin and the rest of our community. Council could partner with the University and Polytechnic in enhancing the streets and public spaces of North Dunedin for the use of the (mostly) students who live there. Some streets could be blocked to through traffic and facilities like basket-ball hoops, cricket nets and street furniture installed. The standard of rental accommodation is being partly addressed by the STARS scheme, but more should be done to lift minimum standards across the whole residential tenancy sector. Finally the city needs to capitalize more on the skills and knowledge of students, by encouraging business and job growth in sectors that might employ them and keep them living here after they have graduated. As Mayor, I will promote these initiatives. For their part students should realize they need to vote to have an influence on their adopted home. Vote Dave Cull for Mayor and vote for the Greater Dunedin ticket of Councillors.

Kevin Dwyer

ince I have been campaigning for Mayor I have come to the conclusion that many of the people making the decisions on the Council are not affected by them.How many of them use Public Transport, take their rubbish to the Landfill,or have to find a carpark so they can go to work. We need a Mayor who is not a scaredy cat when dealing with people who dont have the best interests of the Citizens at heart.I would institute a more open tendering process so that the ratepayers get a more value for their money. I would make Public Transport more affordable. I would supply rubbish containers around the University area to help reduce the squalor.I would like to create a Group representing the students along the same lines as a Community Board with Council funding to avoid the debacle of the Undie 500 and the Toga Parade. I would like the City Council to use more of the talent from the University. Ideas create wealth which creates jobs. Not all ideas are successful but the more irons there are in the fire the better. I hope you all get out and vote. There are some good candidates standing for Council this year. The hardest working of them is Olive McCrae by a contry mile.

Aaron Hawkins

n a recent survey of residents, the University of Otago was identified as one of the cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s greatest strengths, but the student population as one of the perceived weakness, and the current mayor and council have done little more than overreact and antagonize the situation when the Town & Gown relationship has been strained. If elected, I will make sure the DCC actively work towards a minimum standard for rental accommodation in Dunedin. The days of the absentee landlords and slumlords getting their money for nothing are over! Dunedin needs to be more internally mobile, allowing students to choose accommodation outside the North Dunedin area (and counteract artificially inflated rent levels), and this can be best achieved by the DCC taking a more active interest in the operation of our public transport services, and work towards making the City more cyclecommuter friendly. The DCC needs to work closer with the tertiary sector to provide incentives for the best and brightest graduates to remain in Dunedin and set up shop here, by broadening the limited Think Big scope of the aged Local Economic Development Unit, and offering cheap rent for new projects if they remain bonded to the City at the conclusion of the start up programme. The tertiary education sector is one of the great economic assets this City has, both in terms of employment and the money pumped into the local economy by the student population, but for too long the Dunedin City Council has taken that for granted. They are happy to have your money, but are less keen on making students feel like valued citizens of the City they choose to study in. If you pay rent, you pay rates, and the local government you elect this October have a daily impact on your lives, and your place in this great City of ours.

Jimmy Knowles

eneficiary / Student 45 years I thank you for letting me take this opportunity to convince you (or us) why you should vote for myself. I was born and raised here and have so much local knowledge in so many areaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s of our society as a whole that I have to keep learning. Your our future leaders so to speak so just imagine if all this voting system stopped because of the oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s who simply did not vote. I need your votes especially so if your not intending to vote you might as well waste it on me ay! Some of my best education and teachers i have learned from at our unique university. So much of the previous negative events should and could have stayed positive, like the undie 500 for example with the right management from our end it could be still a major positive event for our people. Also the toga party and those problems associated with that. Another good reason for your vote is it equates to one dollar of the mayor salary and if i am elected then you can decide how it should be spent via a public competition. Let me walk the walk and talk the talk on your behalf vote now and please vote. Democracy or anarchy you choose.

Olivier Lequeux

ayoral blurb Or â&#x20AC;&#x153;why I believe the University of Otago students should vote Lequeux for Mayorâ&#x20AC;? Surely, a double chin is bad enough. voting for either Thompson or Thompson (c.TINTIN)-ie. Cull or Chin, will put all of us, whiny newcomers in our place as suggested by a recent OFT poll. Nonetheless, Otago students should not be swayed by phony arguments. The main job for the next Mayor-myself- and the Mayor after that, and the Mayor after that, is managing change for all Dunedin residents, like climate change. As for students, yes, there will be reduction in funding to Universities and skyrocketing debt as there is potential of adding interest to student loans as mentioned by Mr. Key. The current Council is a bit like OUSA where voting numbers are consistently @ less than 20%: no mandate. It is my hope the students who dislike either organization or couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care less, will realize that public policy matters a lot more than the most idiotic communications. By voting Lequeux for Mayor, I will work closely with ALL, ancourage free bus, flat signs, the STARS rating, sports, work experience for students, freeze the rates for the next few years, help sort out the Code of Conduct debacle, welcome the Undie 500 and embrace student culture. I am a decent man. I will not embarrass you as I have managerial toughness and personal ruthlessness. The current Council is full of jerks. But they are your jerks. Vote Lequeux for Mayor.

Lee Vandervis

tago Students should vote for me because I am the only innovative Candidate with business and political experience. My Otago degree was finally in Philosophy, after doing Sciences and Arts, so I have fond Otago memories and some understanding of student needs and aspirations. Dunedin needs a business head to pull it out of record debt, and it needs an innovator to heal the destructive divisions between town and gown, Stadium supporters and ripped-off ratepayers, and fun-loving students and besieged Dunedin North residents. Partying students need facilities and areas where they can socialize without destroying the quality of life of more restrained neighbors. Part of Logan Park as Party Central would be ideal for a number of events and a focus for raucous behaviour. I will offer students many more social opportunities that are safe, but I also promise to crack down on criminal behaviour irrespective of who causes it. By dealing with criminal behaviour sometimes wrongly attributed to students, I will improve the currently poor image of Otago students. The University Council needs to promote new knowledge economy businesses as has happened in Canberra. Benefits will include providing real jobs for students, and private investment in a University currently too reliant on Government funding. Otago students should also be employed by the DCC to provide survey and other services currently provided my expensive Northern agencies. Absorbing the Otago Redundant Council is a must for many reasons, not least being that our public transportation system is doomed as long as the ORC run it. It is vital to have a subsidized regular cheap ($2 max) Bus Service, which would open all of Dunedin rental accommodation to students, taking pressure off rents through greater competition, and relieving problems associated with crowding too many students in an expensive North End.