For Adults with ADHD: Let’s Make Now Better So Later Is Easier

By Tom Scott, M.S. L.P.C.

Have you ever wondered what happens to the millions of children who’ve been diagnosed with ADHD? Well, they grow up to be the millions of adults with ADHD. But being diagnosed as an adult can feel different. It can be disconcerting, or perhaps a relief because the diagnosis explains a lot of frustrations adult ADHDers continually encounter.

Understanding the diagnosis

However, diagnosing ADHD in adulthood can be difficult because certain ADHD symptoms are comparable to those caused by other conditions, such as anxiety or mood disorders. And many adult ADHDers, whether diagnosed in childhood or adulthood, have at least one other mental health frustration like depression or anxiety. But who hasn’t been depressed, or experienced anxiety in some form or another? With adult ADHDers depression can come and go, but anxiety and apprehension seem to lurk in their minds’ stairwells.

Anxiety is permeated with “what if” questions, stoking worry and ruin about their future. Unfortunately, we believe that if we worry enough things won’t get worse. But note: We are the only species who bring the future into the present. My cat isn’t thinking about next Tuesday.

Getting our minds on our side

We can’t believe everything our minds tell us because the mind is capable of automatically turning on us. We’re all influenced by our past, subconsciously reliving it, and acting it out. Present-day difficulties snag memories stored in our subterranean implicit memory system.

Traumatic memories get seared into our brain then embodied cellularly. These memories unknowingly activate our physiology, directly affecting our ability to cope in any particular moment. Corrosive tones of disapproval, or a displeasured glance, can flood the mind and body with angst and trepidation. But the adult ADHDer does not consciously connect the present feelings to the past.

Rather than pause and reflect, they react.

ADHD adults build their defenses around their weaknesses, not their strengths. Such defensive postures make it difficult to express themselves in ways where they “feel felt.”

A painful hyperconsciousness of injustice, futility, rage, or shamed silence make adult ADHDers feel forever the victim, while their partner may feel forever victimized. With my patients I find it very productive to help them discover these ingrained responses so they can begin to dislodge them.

Hope management

Good news abounds. Even as adults we can learn to develop, renovate, and install new beliefs and generate new behaviors. For most ADHDers, young or old, it’s very painful knowing you’ve “been a disappointment” to yourself or others. The adult ADHDers I see in my office are not there because they’re running in the hallways, spinning in their chairs, or creating uproarious sounds with hand-toarm pit. They’re seeking help because of relationship and career issues, along with a distorted sense of self. Distractibility, impulsivity, and bumbling emotional moments provoke an already overactive central nervous system. But here’s more good news: self-regulation can be learned. What a relief that is for everyone involved. But to notice it takes self-awareness to “still” one’s mind and body. ADHD adults are forever rushing around, often tardy, and disorganized, torpedoing healthy relationships, and fomenting poor job performance. These aren’t just fleeting states that have been acquired after the diagnosis, but rather ancient, calcified traits, that with the right help can be therapeutically resolved.

As adults, we can outgrow many of these early challenges by first acknowledging them, then celebrating the numerous pluses adult ADHDers possess: drive, resilience, generosity, empathy, spontaneity, great sense of humor (up for debate), romantic, tenacious, and creative. But these attributes can be systematically whittled away when one’s not loved for the very person they are. Being shamed into compliance, repressing our true selves, being over-medicated, which can suppress our instinctual data and unique proclivities, does not produce cheerful, insightful adults.

When looking for help

Never go to a therapist who never goes to a therapist is something I believe. I can’t take people places I’ve never been. My therapist helped me learn from my mistakes. He wouldn’t just let me accept my dog Tucker’s approval as irrefutable evidence of my wonderfulness. He helped me understand that it’s better to change before you have to. This I learned, but often after the third or fourth lesson. What can

I say?

If there is no struggle there is no progress. What consumes your mind, controls your life. My therapist helped me imagine things actually getting better. When looking for help, ADHDers possess great sensory acuity, sensing whether or not their therapist is safe, sincere, and competent. A therapist must be willing to understand the ADHDer by meeting them on their map of development. As a therapist, I would never expect patients to contort themselves to be as I need them to be. The therapist should never be wedded to one approach. The truth of who we are is found at the intersection of many diverse beliefs. Avoid “paragons of virtue” who are appalled by your perceptions, proclivities and indiscretions. I always accept the wild with the mild. Don’t tolerate a know-it-all. I recommend that medication be the last option. The best way to cushion apprehension and self-doubt is to help the individual feel better about themself. Moment-to-moment

Gentle Inner Corrections

Since “right now” is truly all we have, learning to be aware of our awareness, and doing moment-to-moment gentle inner corrections will make now better, so later is easier.

We can learn to nurture a committed curiosity, noticing our habitual thoughts, reactions, and behaviors that don’t serve us or others well. If it’s not rewarding, then why perpetuate it? When we view

TMS: An FDA-Approved, Non-Drug Therapy for Chronic, Treatment-Resistant Depression

For Veterans and Civilians struggling with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, research has identified a specific region of the brain that is involved in depression and mood control called the dorso-lateral prefrontal cortex (DLPFC), which is located near the temple. Patients who suffer from depression show decreased blood flow in this region, as shown in fMRI and PET scans. Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) is an FDA-Approved, non-invasive treatment that is an alternative or augmentation for antidepressant medications and psychotherapy, when those have not been effective. TMS also has open-label applications for treating anxiety and PTSD.

In TMS treatment, the patient is awake and seated in a comfortable chair. A module is placed near the patient’s temple to painlessly deliver a magnetic field that stimulates specific regions of the brain to increase neuronal activity that can alleviate depression. Leading neurology and psychiatric hospitals in the US, including the Mayo Clinic, Massachusetts General Hospital, Stanford, and Johns Hopkins incorporate TMS in their treatment of depression. our curiosity as a superpower, we then begin to see what’s really transpiring inside. It’s not always about breaking bad habits, but rather learning to develop new ones.

Precision TMS is a clinic in Creve Coeur founded by a former DOD traumatic brain injury (TBI) and PTSD researcher who integrates TMS with traditional psychiatric treatment. Our state-of-the-art facilities and dedicated staff are recognized as the leading TMS clinic in the St. Louis area with the best outcomes.

TMS is FDA approved and covered by most health insurance and VA benefit plans.

We all can learn to take better care of our inner world by grounding our emotions, continually resuscitating our spirits, focusing on positive behaviors, and keeping our minds flexible and accepting. I daily embrace a mantra that keeps this adult ADHDer going, and that is, “Much good still lies ahead.”

TOM SCOTT, M.S. L.P.C., a licensed psychotherapist and educational consultant for 35 years, has presented on ADHD, addiction, anxiety, depression, trauma and parenting nationally and internationally. His new book, When Living & Learning Hurt: Making Now Better So Later Is Easier, is an authentic, informative, and hopeful read from the author, who is ADHD himself.