I'm Not Okay

JOHN MARK CATON, PhD

A Kingdom Perspective on Mental Health

I’M NOT OKAY

Copyright © 2024 Cottonwood Creek Church ISBN: 978-1-955362-20-7 All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

Although both the publisher and author have used reasonable care in preparing this book, the information it contains is distributed “as is” and without warranties of any kind. This book is not intended as legal, financial, or health advice, and not all of the recommendations will be suitable for your situation. Professional legal, financial, and health advisors should be consulted as needed. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any costs, expenses, or damages resulting from the use of or reliance on the information contained in this book.

Author Credits to Dr. John Mark Caton (www.johnmarkcaton.com) Cover design by Pie in the Sky Studios (www.pie-in-the-sky.com) Published by

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TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER ONE.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 Emma’s Breaking Point CHAPTER TWO. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Ten Reasons We’re Not Okay CHAPTER THREE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 The Weeping Prophet CHAPTER FOUR. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Depressed and Deeply Loved CHAPTER FIVE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Jason’s Restless Mind CHAPTER SIX. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 Three Common Sources of Stress CHAPTER SEVEN. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68 Unraveling Fear CHAPTER EIGHT.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80 Shedding Your Grave Clothes ABOUT THE AUTHOR. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86

Chapter One

EMMA’S BREAKING POINT

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Emma sat in her minivan parked in her driveway. Her heart raced as the weight of the world pressed down on her.

The mounting bills on the kitchen counter, the tension between her and her husband, Matt, and the constant demands of her young kids had pushed her to her breaking point. She was empty—emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

She’d always been a woman of faith. Sunday church services, life groups, devotions before bed—her faith was a part of her. But recently, every prayer she said at night felt like it bounced off the ceiling. “God,” she’d ask, “why does it feel like You’re so far away when I’ve tried to stay so close to You?” Emma’s disappointment cut deep. She’d been faithful, following the path she believed God had set for her: a loving spouse, children, a home in a safe community. Yet, it felt like her sacrifices, her faith, and her commitment to being a strong Christian were met with hardships she hadn’t signed up for.

In moments of bitterness, she found herself asking, “Is this the life I’ve been promised for following You?” Her phone buzzed, bringing her back to reality. It was a text from a friend reminding her about the Bible study group meeting later that night. With a sigh, she turned off the engine and headed inside, praying for the strength to face another day.

A World of Many Emmas As a pastor, I’ve met with many “Emmas” over the years. Her story is common. It’s not just suburban moms who feel this way. I’ve sat across from dads burdened with the expectation of being the family’s rock, teenagers who feel the pressure of social acceptance and future uncertainties, and high-powered executives who face the daily grind with determination but are crumbling inside.

And, of course, the past pandemic intensified those feelings. The isolation, the uncertainty, the persistent dread—it exposed vulnerabilities we didn’t

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even know we had. These stories have poured into my office and church community at an even greater volume since then. Dads who lost jobs, teenagers who lost a school year, moms who lost their sense of identity, and countless others grieving losses they can’t even begin to name.

All these stories, all these shared experiences, paint a picture that’s impossible to ignore. The facade of “I’m fine” has cracked, revealing the truth that many of us have been reluctant to admit: We’re not okay.

Americans Aren’t Doing Well I like to keep one eye on the Word and the other eye on research studies that help me understand our human experience today. And let me tell you—the results are in: Americans aren’t doing well.

Imagine walking into a coffee shop on a weekday morning. You glance around and see a group of friends laughing together at a corner table, a man intently focused on his work, a woman buried in her phone, and a barista calling out the next order.

Now, consider this: according to the National Institute of Health, an estimated 1 in 5 Americans live with a mental illness.1 This means that if twenty people are in that coffee shop, four live with a mental illness.

It could be the college student prepping for exams, feeling anxious and on edge. It might be the businessman in his suit, drowning in depression behind his professional exterior. Or perhaps it’s the mom with her kids, silently battling the highs and lows of bipolar disorder.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Key Substance Use and Mental Health Indicators in the United States: Results from the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (HHS Publication No. PEP22-07-01-005, NSDUH Series H-57) (Center for Behavioral Health Statistics and Quality, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, 2022), https://www.samhsa.gov/data/report/2021-nsduh-annual-national-report.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton You can’t see these struggles from the outside. After all, we live in a world that celebrates perfection, where social media highlights the best moments of our lives and hides our struggles. Many of us have been conditioned to see vulnerability as a weakness, something to be hidden or masked. We put on brave faces for our kids, spouses, coworkers, and even ourselves. We say “It’s fine, I’m fine” but bury our true struggles deep, thinking that if we can shrug them off, they’ll disappear.

But here’s the truth: acknowledging our struggles, admitting that we’re not okay, is often the most courageous thing we can do. Think about a wound that’s been covered up and left untreated. It festers, spreads, and becomes more painful over time. But when exposed to the air and given the proper care, it begins to heal. Similarly, when we expose our internal struggles, when we say out loud, “I’m not okay,” we open ourselves up to God’s healing.

According to the National Institute of Health, an estimated 1 in 5 Americans live with a mental illness.

Yes, it’s risky and uncomfortable. But it’s also liberating. When we confess our struggles, we often find that others are dealing with similar problems. We realize we’re not alone. There’s incredible power and comfort in that!

So how about I go first? I’ll admit it: I’m not okay. I experience anxiety and loneliness just like you.

Maybe you’re not okay either.

I want you to know that not being okay is okay. Admitting that doesn’t mean you’re weak or lacking faith. It just means you’re human. And it’s

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the first step toward finding the peace and strength that God offers to each of us.

Jesus’s Mission to Meet Us Where We Are When Jesus began His public ministry, He did so with a proclamation that was both profound and personal. He chose a moment during a Sabbath service in a synagogue, a familiar setting for the Jews. As He read from the scroll, He quoted a passage from Isaiah that would set the tone for His entire ministry.

In Luke 4:16, Jesus says, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” After reading this, Jesus rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the attendant, and sat down. All eyes were fixed on him. Then, with authority and clarity, He declared, “Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”

This was not just a proclamation of His mission; it was an invitation.

Jesus was announcing that His purpose was to reach out to those who felt broken, lost, and not okay. The “poor” He mentioned were not just those lacking in material wealth, but also those feeling spiritually impoverished.

The “captives” were not merely prisoners in physical chains, but people trapped by their struggles, sins, and the weight of life’s pressures.

Jesus was saying, I am here for you, especially when you’re not okay.

This message is as relevant today as it was then. Our world is filled with “Emmas” and countless others who grapple with struggles. For her and us, Jesus’s mission is a beacon of hope, assuring us that He sees our pain, understands our challenges, and is waiting to offer healing, restoration, and peace.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton

JESUS WAS SAYING:

I am here for you, especially when you’re not okay.

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When Jesus spoke those words in the synagogue, He laid a roadmap for us. A roadmap that shows that no matter how far we feel we’ve strayed, no matter how deep the pain, there’s always hope. He is the embodiment of that hope. He is our roadmap. In a world where it’s so easy to feel lost and overwhelmed, Jesus’s message in Luke 4 reminds us that He is ready to meet us exactly where we are.

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Chapter Two

TEN REASONS WE’RE NOT OKAY

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Amanda, a busy mom of three, had always prided herself on managing her household while balancing her career. Her schedule was organized, her kids’ backpacks were prepped and ready each morning, and her husband could count on her for his favorite meals on the table. For the most part, her life was comfortable, even appearing “picture-perfect” from the outside.

However, cracks began to show when her oldest, Ethan, became a victim of bullying at school. The emotional toll it took on him was clear in his plummeting grades and growing isolation. Amanda’s attempts to intervene led to meetings with teachers and counselors, but the issue persisted.

At the same time, Amanda’s husband, Mark, faced challenges at work.

Then a sudden layoff sent shockwaves through their stable life. The financial stress of mortgage payments, kids’ activity fees, and daily expenses became a looming cloud over the family.

Trying to cope with the mounting pressure, Amanda began taking prescription medication beyond the recommended dosage. It started innocently—just an extra pill to deal with the headaches and anxiety.

But over time, it turned into a dependency.

With Mark unemployed and searching for a job, Amanda had to start up a side hustle selling handmade crafts online, further straining her already low energy levels. One evening, returning from the post office, she found her home vandalized, a stark reminder of the growing crime and unease in her community.

The culmination of her son’s emotional struggles, their financial instability, her budding addiction, and the feeling of insecurity in her home caused Amanda to question everything. Her identity as a successful middle-class mom seemed to be unraveling fast.

Amanda’s story highlights an essential truth about the challenges we’re facing today. They rarely come one at a time.

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From addiction to financial pressure to relational stress, one problem can easily lead to another. And believe me—as a pastor, I’ve seen them all.

Based on my years counseling people of all ages and backgrounds, here are ten common struggles that come up again and again: 1.

Chronic pain

2. Relational breakdown 3.

Health issues

4. Loss of a loved one 5.

Financial problems

6. Career challenges 7.

Emotional burdens

8. Being a victim of a crime 9.

Abuse

10. Addiction How many of these are affecting your life right now, either personally or through a loved one? If you’re like me, you can circle more than one.

Let’s take a closer look at this list to better understand why so many of us are not okay.

One: Chronic Pain The research on chronic pain suggests that over 50 million adults in the US live with it daily.2 That’s millions of people who wake up every day with a pain that never seems to leave. And it’s not just the physical pain; it’s the emotional strain 2 Parker JD, Talih M, Malec DJ, et al., “National Center for Health Statistics Data Presentation Standards for Proportions,” Vital Health Stat 2, no. 175 (2017): National Center for Health Statistics.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton of always being in discomfort, of missing out on activities, of the endless doctor’s visits and treatments.

You don’t even have to be in pain to be impacted by this hardship. Nearly everyone suffering from chronic pain also has caretakers and other loved ones who feel the weight of their pain, too. The whole circle lives under the strain of restriction, regret, and the financial toll of treatment.

Two: Relational Breakdown I counsel many people in my role as pastor, and I can tell you that almost nothing hurts quite like a relationship falling apart.

Whether it’s a marriage, a long-term friendship, or a bond with a family member, feeling disconnected from someone you love is heart-wrenching.

Take Sarah and Mike, for example. Sarah and Mike were high school sweethearts. They shared dreams, ambitions, and a vision of a future together. However, as the years passed, small jabs became full-blown arguments. Over time, their trust eroded, their communication broke down, and they both felt increasingly misunderstood and distant. The close bond they once felt frayed, leading to divorce.

Sadly, relational breakdowns like this have a ripple effect. Children, mutual friends, extended family—all get caught in the crossfire, leading to more pain. And this pain bleeds into everyday life for everyone involved.

Three: Health Issues A sudden diagnosis can turn the world upside down.

The constant hospital visits, the uncertainty of the future, the side effects of medications…these struggles take a toll both physically and mentally.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), six in ten adults in the US have a chronic disease (like heart disease, cancer,

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and diabetes), and four in ten adults have two or more of these diseases.3 Not only does this lead to a decreased quality of life, but the financial burden is also significant. A study from the American Journal of Medicine discovered that medical expenses are a primary factor in two-thirds of all bankruptcies in the US!4 Even with insurance, high deductibles, co-pays, and unexpected medical bills can devastate families financially.

Joanna was a 42-year-old teacher leading a seemingly healthy life. She was physically active, ate a balanced diet, and regularly went for her medical check-ups. However, a routine mammogram revealed she had stage II breast cancer.

She underwent surgery followed by months of chemotherapy and radiation. While her insurance covered a part of the treatment, the out-ofpocket expenses started to pile up. The physical toll of the treatment left her exhausted, often making it impossible for her to teach. This led to less income at a time when her medical bills were skyrocketing.

Joanna’s struggle is not unique. It paints a picture of thousands of Americans grappling with the triple threat of health issues: the physical problems, the emotional toll, and the financial strain.

Four: Loss of a Loved One David and Laura had been married for 25 years when a sudden car accident took Laura’s life.

They had plans for their future together—vacations, grandchildren, and retirement. Overnight, David found himself in a silent home. His grief buried him.

3 QuickStats: Percentage of Adults Aged ≥18 Years with Diagnosed Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, by Urbanization Level and Age Group—National Health Interview Survey, United States, 2019, MMWR Morb Mortal Wkly Rep 70 (2021): 959, http://dx.doi.org/10.15585/ mmwr.mm7026a3.

4 Himmelstein D.U., Thorne D., Warren E., et al., “Medical Bankruptcy in the United States, 2007: Results of a National Study,” Am J Med. 122 (2009): 741–746.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Beyond the grief, David grappled with practical challenges. Laura had managed their finances, and now bills and paperwork piled up. Their dualincome household was now reliant on David’s sole salary. The burden of loss was compounded by these everyday stresses, making him miss Laura even more.

Like David, the loss of a loved one touches every aspect of a person’s life.

While the emotional and psychological pain is obvious, the physical and economic impacts are just as real. For instance, a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that individuals who lost a spouse had a significantly higher risk of major depression.5 Rice University revealed that the stress and anxiety from losing a loved one can also show up physically in sleep problems, changes in appetite, and immune system problems.6 There’s even a phenomenon called “broken heart syndrome,” where the intense emotional stress from a loss can lead to heart muscle failure, a condition that mimics a heart attack.

Regrettably, society often underestimates the time it takes to heal from such a loss. We are resilient, especially with God by our side, but that doesn’t mean that the journey through grief isn’t one of the most challenging paths we can walk.

Five: Financial Problems The challenge of managing finances is so common that it’s almost cliche.

Whether it’s the pressure of bills stacking up, the stress of looming debt, or the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck, financial instability is a 5 Hung YC, Chen YH, Lee MC, Yeh CJ. “Effect of Spousal Loss on Depression in Older Adults: Impacts of Time Passing, Living Arrangement, and Spouse’s Health Status before Death,” Int J Environ Res Public Health 18, no. 24 (December 10, 2021): 13032. doi: 10.3390/ijerph182413032.

PMID: 34948641; PMCID: PMC8700949.

6 Fagundes CP, Murdock KW, LeRoy A, Baameur F, Thayer JF, Heijnen C. “Spousal Bereavement is Associated with More Pronounced Ex Vivo Cytokine Production and Lower Heart Rate Variability: Mechanisms Underlying Cardiovascular Risk?” Psychoneuroendocrinology 93 (July 2018): 65–71. doi: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2018.04.010. Epub April 13, 2018. PMID: 29702444.

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heavy burden to bear. And financial struggles don’t just have an impact on your bank account; they seep into every part of life, from mental health to personal relationships.

A report from the American Psychological Association highlighted that 72% of Americans reported feeling stressed about money at some point within the last month.7 That’s an enormous number of people! Unsurprisingly, this stress can lead to sleep problems, anxiety disorders, and depression.

Financial struggles are more than just numbers on a page.

They embody real, tangible challenges that affect health, happiness, and relationships; and few of us are immune to them today.

And financial stress doesn’t just affect mental well-being.

According to a study published in the Journal of Community Health, people with debt were found to have a higher likelihood of experiencing health complications, including high blood pressure, heart issues, and migraines.8 The strain of financial stress often spills over into personal relationships, too. A survey

by SunTrust Bank found that 35 percent of respondents cited money as the primary cause of friction in their relationships.9

7 American Psychological Association. “APA Survey Shows Money Stress Weighing on Americans’ Health Nationwide.” Press release. February 4, 2015. https://www.apa.org/news/ press/releases/2015/02/money-stress 8 Soo Hyun Ryu and Lixia Fan, “The Relationship Between Financial Worries and Psychological Distress Among U.S. Adults,” Journal of Family and Economic Issues 44, no. 1 (2023): 16–33, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-022-09820-9.

9 Jessica Dickler, “Money is the Leading Cause of Stress in Relationships,” CNBC, February 4, 2015, https://www.cnbc.com/2015/02/04/money-is-the-leading-cause-of-stress-in-relationships.html.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Financial struggles are more than just numbers on a page. They embody real, tangible challenges that affect health, happiness, and relationships; and few of us are immune to them today.

Six: Career Challenges Daniel had always dreamed of climbing the corporate ladder.

With a degree from a prestigious university, he pictured himself in a highflying career, making important decisions.

However, ten years into his career, Daniel was in a mid-level management job, feeling undervalued and overlooked for promotions. The job he once jumped out of bed for had become a monotonous cycle of endless meetings and reports.

His performance began to slip as his motivation sank. Morning alarms were met with dread as he anticipated the day ahead. Daniel’s dissatisfaction with his career bled into his personal life. His marriage suffered as he withdrew at home; and he quit going to social events with friends and family, all leading to loneliness.

Daniel’s experience is relatable for any of us who’ve grappled with the realization that our career isn’t what we’d hoped for. According to a study in the Journal of Vocational Behavior, job dissatisfaction is closely linked with increased levels of depression, anxiety, and burnout.10 Those who feel stuck or unfulfilled in their career cite higher levels of job-related stress.

A study from Gallup highlighted that individuals unsatisfied with their jobs are more likely to report lower overall well-being and life satisfaction.11 10 Gary Morse, Michelle P. Salyers, Angela L. Rollins, Maria Monroe-DeVita, and Corey Pfahler, “Burnout in Mental Health Services: A Review of the Problem and Its Remediation,” Administration and Policy in Mental Health and Mental Health Services Research 39, no. 5 (September 2012): 341–52, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10488-011-0352-1.

11 “Job Unhappiness Is at a Staggering All-Time High, According to Gallup,” CNBC, August 12, 2022, https://www.cnbc.com/2022/08/12/job-unhappiness-is-at-a-staggering-all-time-highaccording-to-gallup.html.

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For many of us, our career isn’t just a way to make a living—it reflects our identity, our source of purpose, and our calling. When our career expectations don’t line up with the reality, the disconnect can lead to disappointment, frustration, and a significant blow to our faith.

Seven: Emotional Burdens In today’s fast-paced and high-pressure world, emotional problems have become an all-too-common burden for many.

The weight of emotions can sometimes feel suffocating, like being trapped in a storm with no rescue in sight. Emotional burdens, whether caused by chronic stress, feelings of inadequacy, or loneliness, are a widespread experience. A study by the American Psychological Association showed that nearly half of all Americans report lying awake at night due to stress.12 And as we’ve learned already, chronic emotional distress can have tangible physical repercussions. The Mayo Clinic states that prolonged emotional stress can contribute to health problems such as digestive disorders, headaches, and heart disease.13 Emotional burdens can strain personal relationships, too. According to the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people experiencing emotional distress may isolate themselves, leading to further feelings of loneliness and disconnection.14

“Stress Affecting Health,” American Psychological Association, October 2007, https://www. apa.org/news/press/releases/2007/10/stress.

13 “Tips to Keep Stress from Hurting Your Heart,” Mayo Clinic Health System, accessed April 10, 2024, https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/ tips-to-keep-stress-from-hurting-your-heart.

14 Raheel Mushtaq, Sheikh Shoib, Tabindah Shah, and Sahil Mushtaq, “Relationship between Loneliness, Psychiatric Disorders and Physical Health – A Review on the Psychological Aspects of Loneliness,” Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research 8, no. 9 (September 2014): WE01-4, https://doi.org/10.7860/JCDR/2014/10077.4828.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Eight: Being a Victim of a Crime Being a victim of a crime is not just a singular event that happens once and then ends.

For many, it’s the beginning of a long journey marked by a series of aftershocks that reverberate throughout their lives. The incident might have lasted a few minutes, but its effects can linger for a lifetime.

According to a study by the U.S. Department of Justice, crime victims, especially those of violent crimes, are at a higher risk for developing posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and substance abuse issues.15 The American Psychological Association notes that trauma from being a crime victim can result in chronic physical health problems, ranging from sleep problems to cardiovascular issues.16 The National Center for Victims of Crime states that victims often report feelings of isolation post-incident, with many altering their daily routines or avoiding social situations out of fear or anxiety.17 Being a victim of a crime is a harrowing experience that extends far beyond the actual event. It alters someone’s perception of the world, casting shadows of doubt and leaving emotional scars that require time and often professional help to heal.

“Trauma and Violence,” Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, accessed April 10, 2023, https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence.

16 Francesco Galli, Cristina Lai, Tommaso Gregorini, Chiara Ciacchella, and Stefano Carugo, “Psychological Traumas and Cardiovascular Disease: A Case-Control Study,” Healthcare (Basel) 9, no. 7 (July 12, 2021): 875, https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare9070875.

17 Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services: Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series 57, Part 3: A Review of the Literature (Rockville, MD: Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, 2014), https://store. samhsa.gov/product/Trauma-Informed-Care-in-Behavioral-Health-Services/SMA14-4816.

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Nine: Abuse Anna, a 28-year-old graphic designer, is the life of every party she attends.

With her easy smile and laughter, no one would guess the pain she hides— as a child, Anna endured years of emotional and physical abuse at the hands of a close family member.

The physical pain faded, but the emotional trauma persists. Intimate relationships are challenging as Anna grapples with trust issues and fears getting close to anyone. Nightmares disturb her sleep, and mirrors are her enemy because they remind her of the young girl she couldn’t protect.

In her quieter moments, Anna battles guilt, wondering if she was somehow responsible for her abuse. Shame keeps her silent, preventing her from seeking the help she needs.

According to the World Health Organization, people like Anna who have been abused, especially during their formative years, are more susceptible to depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders. They also face a higher risk of engaging in self-harm or even attempting suicide.18 Studies from the National Institute of Justice suggest that abuse survivors often face challenges in forming and maintaining intimate relationships, have higher rates of substance abuse, and may even perpetuate the cycle of abuse.19 Abuse is not just an event but a haunting presence in the lives of its victims.

The path toward healing is long and difficult, requiring immense strength and support.

18 Giuseppe Lausi, Jessica Burrai, Marco Baldi, Fabrizia Ferlazzo, Stefano Ferracuti, Anna Maria Giannini, and Benedetta Barchielli, “Decision-Making and Abuse, What Relationship in Victims of Violence?” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 20, no. 10 (May 19, 2023): 5879, https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20105879.

19 “Economic Distress and Intimate Partner Violence,” National Institute of Justice, accessed December 12, 2023, https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/economic-distress-and-intimate-partnerviolence.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Ten: Addiction Ryan was a promising student, always at the top of his class. But college introduced him to a world he was not prepared for—one of late-night parties, drugs, and alcohol. What started as “experimenting” soon became a need.

His grades plummeted, friendships faded, and the bright future he had seemed destined for fell away. The euphoria of the high was quickly replaced by guilt and shame, yet the escape from reality was too tempting to resist. Several attempts at rehab, interventions by loved ones, and neardeath experiences did little to break the cycle. Ryan became a shadow of his former self, trapped in the relentless grip of addiction.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), prolonged substance use can lead to changes in the brain, affecting areas responsible for judgment, decision-making, learning, memory, and behavior control.

This can worsen the cycle of addiction, making it harder to quit.20 The CDC notes that substance abuse, especially alcohol and drugs, can lead to a host of health issues, including liver disease, respiratory problems, cardiovascular disease, stroke, cancer, and infectious diseases like HIV/ AIDS from shared injection equipment.21 The National Libary of Medicine highlights that addiction can lead to societal problems, including increased crime rates, accidents, domestic violence, child abuse, and broader social disintegration.22

National Institute on Drug Abuse, “Understanding Drug Use and Addiction DrugFacts,” last modified June 6, 2018, accessed April 10, 2024, https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugfacts/ understanding-drug-use-addiction.

21 “HIV and Substance Use,” HIVinfo, accessed December 12, 2023, https://hivinfo.nih.gov/ understanding-hiv/fact-sheets/hiv-and-substance-use.

22 Laura Lander, Janie Howsare, and Marilyn Byrne, “The Impact of Substance Use Disorders on Families and Children: From Theory to Practice,” Social Work in Public Health 28, nos. 3–4 (2013): 194–205, https://doi.org/10.1080/19371918.2013.759005.

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Breaking free from addiction is a monumental battle, and too many people are waging this war.

Hard Pressed but Not Abandoned These ten common problems paint a grim account of our human experience right now. From the emotional and psychological scars of crime or abuse to the suffocation of financial stress, our pain is real. From the stronghold of addiction to the pain of relational breakdowns, we are broken. Our lives, or the lives of those around us, are overflowing with problems that can feel impossible to overcome.

You might be sitting there, a heaviness in your chest, reflecting on your own battles or those of your loved ones. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, sad, or even angry. It’s also completely understandable if a sense of hopelessness or despair is seeping in, thinking about the magnitude of these problems in our communities.

Let’s not get stuck in hopelessness. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 4:8–9 that, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

Simply put, our challenges are real, but we don’t have to be imprisoned by them. God never intended for us to remain stuck in despair. His plan for our lives is of healing, deliverance, and abundant joy! The trials we face are not signs of His abandonment but opportunities for His power to break through.

And here’s the best part: we, as the church, are His conduits of healing, too. We are the instruments God uses to bring restoration not just to individuals but to entire communities and the wider world. By intentionally deepening our faith and encouraging each other, we can transform these stories of pain into stories of redemption. That’s part of our mission, and it’s one that can fill us with hope.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton

Our challenges are real, but we don’t have to be imprisoned by them.

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Chapter Three

THE WEEPING PROPHET

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I’m Not Okay | Caton People call me by many titles, but “pastor” is the most common. One title that doesn’t get used much (if ever) is “Prophet” John Mark. I am perfectly okay with this for many reasons (have you read the backstories of our most famous biblical prophets? Not. Fun.).

But let’s say for the sake of our discussion that people did call me a prophet.

If that were the case, I confess that I’d want to be called the “courageous prophet,” the “well-spoken prophet,” or even the “tall prophet.” I would not, however, want to be called the “weeping prophet.”

I wouldn’t want to be Jeremiah.

Few figures stir up as much empathy in the Bible as Jeremiah (well…maybe Job). Nicknamed—you guessed it—“the weeping prophet,” Jeremiah lived in times that seem to eerily mirror our own; and his life was marked by both profound prophetic insight and deep personal pain. While many prophets had the privilege of proclaiming messages of hope and prosperity, Jeremiah’s calling was different. He was tasked with delivering hard, often unwelcome, truths to a people in rebellion against God. Like our world today, Jeremiah’s world was in turmoil. The people of Jerusalem, who once stood proud and invincible under God’s protection, were watching their world crumble before their very eyes. The Babylonians, a fierce conquering nation, had stormed into the city, tearing down its walls. These walls, which had for generations stood as a testament to God’s provision, now lay in ruins, a haunting signal suggesting that God had abandoned Israel.

But the Babylonians didn’t stop at mere destruction. They desecrated the holy temple, the very heart of Jerusalem’s spiritual life, plundering its sacred artifacts and taking them back to Babylon as trophies of their conquest. And, as if to add insult to injury, they captured the best and brightest of Jerusalem’s youth, taking them into exile and thus leaving behind a city without a future hope.

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Amidst this backdrop of devastation, Jeremiah remained in Jerusalem.

He wandered through the streets of the city praying and weeping. As he walked among the ruins of the once-impressive temple, memories of worship services, of a community united in their love for God, would have flooded back. But now, all that remained were ruins—a stark contrast to the glory days of old.

Every fallen stone, every burned gate, told tales of God’s presence that had once filled the city but now felt so distant. Jeremiah’s tears weren’t just for the physical destruction of his beloved city; they were for the spiritual decay that had set the stage for such a catastrophe.

The Book of Lamentations is Jeremiah’s poem from this time and stands today as a testament to his heartbreak. His writings are a raw, unfiltered outpouring of grief. They capture the desolation of a city and a people who had turned away from God only to face the consequences of their choices.

Today, we see parallels in our world. Broken relationships, financial crises, health issues, and a pile of personal challenges make many of us feel like we’re walking among the ruins of our own personal Jerusalem.

I’ll be the first to confess that weeping and writing dark poetry is not my favorite coping mechanism, but that doesn’t mean we all can’t learn something from Jeremiah. Specifically, we can explore his biblical practice of lamenting and how it can help us grieve and hope today.

Rediscovering the Biblical Response to Grief Lament is no longer a word we use much, but it has strong biblical roots.

In the modern age, where quick solutions and instant gratifications are the order of the day, the concept of lament—a deeply emotional expression of sorrow or grief—seems almost alien. Yet, it is a distinctly Christian response to sin and suffering, offering a bridge between heavy grief and divine hope.

Lament is a “divine sorrow” that’s the opposite of putting on a “positive mindset” or burying our heads in the sand. It’s a genuine expression of

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I’m Not Okay | Caton sadness when we think about how good things could be or how good they once were. The familiar story from Genesis chapter 3 reminds us of both.

Picture the scene with me now: The breeze is blowing, and the air smells fragrant. You look around and see everything in technicolor: every tree loaded with fruit, every flower blooming in vivid color, and every creature living in peaceful coexistence.

This is the Garden of Eden, and God, in His masterful design, had provided everything anyone could ever desire.

But of course, we know what happens. Adam and Eve, the first humans, encountered a cunning serpent who raised doubts about God’s good intentions. In Genesis 3:1 the serpent (Satan) said: “Did God really say you shouldn’t eat from the tree? But why?

You won’t die. Instead, you’ll be like Him, knowing good from evil.”

And so, the serpent seduced them. The temptation of the forbidden was too much to resist. And in a moment that would alter the course of history, Eve took a bite, then handed it to Adam, who did the same. That single choice, that one act of doubt and defiance, shattered the harmony of Eden. Sin entered the world, bringing pain, suffering, and separation from God. And thus, humankind started being “not okay” right from the beginning.

We just spent a whole chapter talking about the ripple effect of Eve’s choice to disobey God in the garden, and we know it isn’t pretty. What began as perfect harmony in the Garden of Eden is now the messy, uncomfortable, everyday reality we face today.

And so, we lament. Lament allows us to come before God with honesty and authenticity. It’s a way of saying, “Lord, things are not okay. I am hurt. I am angry. I am confused.” And in that honest space, we open ourselves up to God’s healing and comfort.

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The Bible is full of laments. The Psalms, in particular, are filled with cries of despair, questions, and pleas for help. They paint a picture of a God who isn’t distant or indifferent but deeply involved with the highs and lows of our human experience. David, a man after God’s own heart, often poured out his soul in passionate laments, crying out to God in his deepest despair.

Lament Doesn’t End in Despair Despite its roots in sorrow, a surprising thing about lament is that it is a distinctly Christian response because it doesn’t end in despair.

It begins with acknowledging our brokenness but then leads us toward hope. Through lament, we recognize our need for a savior. We affirm that God is with us even in our darkest moments. Lament is a declaration that even when the world feels chaotic and out of control, there is One who hears our cries, understands our pain, and promises to make all things new.

Remember this promise from Isaiah 61:3. God promises, “To bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning.” No matter how deep our grief is or the complexity of our challenges, our God specializes in turning mourning into dancing, despair into hope, and grief into beauty.

Looking back, I wonder what would have happened if Adam and Eve had immediately lamented after that first bite—if they had cried out in sorrow and despair, seeking to reconcile with God on the spot. Based on what we just read from Isaiah, they could have turned their mourning into dancing.

But that’s not what they did. Instead, they did what many of us are doing right now: Hiding from God.

Our Habit of Hiding After giving into temptation with a fruit-filled bite, Adam and Eve found themselves overwhelmed with guilt and shame. But instead of facing their Creator, they hid among the trees of the Garden of Eden.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton I imagine their anxiety, the weight of their actions pressing down on them, hoping that perhaps they could disappear into the trees. God pursued them, not out of anger or vengeance, but out of genuine concern and love.

His voice echoed through the garden, “Where are you?”

This scene from the dawn of humanity replays itself repeatedly today.

Ashamed of how we fall short, of our doubts, of our insecurities, we hide from God. We fear judgment; we dread the disappointment of others; and most of all, we’re tormented by our own guilt—the serpent’s voice in our heads, whispering accusations.

Now, we may hide in different ways than Adam and Eve. Today, No matter how hiding might look like avoiding or where you’re church, distancing ourselves from others, or burying our hiding, God is still feelings deep inside. But let me asking the same share a truth with you: No matter question that He’s how or where you’re hiding, God is still asking the same question always asked, that He’s always asked, “Where “Where are you?” are you?” He’s not asking in condemnation but in genuine concern. The same God who pursued Adam and Eve in their moment of downfall is pursuing you, too, inviting you to step out from your hiding place and into His presence.

Think about it: the very essence of the cross is God’s declaration of love and pursuit. Even as Jesus hung there, in unimaginable pain, seeing the callousness of those around Him—those who gambled for His garments, those who mocked and jeered—He looked up to heaven and pleaded, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” It’s a staggering display of grace, a testament to the lengths God will go to reach out to us.

So, if you feel like you’re too far gone, that your mistakes are too great, or that you’ve wandered too far from God’s path, remember this: God’s love

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knows no bounds. You don’t have to hide. He’s waiting, with open arms, asking, “Where are you?”

Where are You? What is your response to God’s question today? Where are you? Are you reaching toward Him, or are you distracted and bogged down by those challenges and struggles we saw in the last chapter?

It’s essential to understand that while God pursues us, He also respects our free will and personal boundaries. He doesn’t impose or barge into our lives uninvited. Instead, He stands at the door of our hearts, gently knocking, waiting for us to open and let Him in. The invitation is there, filled with promise and hope; but the choice to accept it remains with us.

We must make the conscious decision to open our hearts, to let Him in, and to allow His transformative power to work in our lives. Doing so leads us toward healing, redemption, and love.

You might be asking, “How do I do that?” As a pastor, I can tell you that there are many ways! You can read the Bible and let God’s Word soak into your life. You can pray, talking with Him daily about your thoughts, doubts, and fears. And you can certainly go to church regularly and stay plugged into the community of faith.

Now, I’ll admit that I might sound biased as a pastor when I encourage you to attend church but hear me out: church is a particularly powerful antidote to the challenges facing Americans right now.

Fortunately, it’s not just me saying this—even research supports the transformative impact of church in the face of our current cultural challenges. For instance, here are some studies on why church helps.

The Happiness Quotient Church’s Benefit on Our Well-Being: One of the most profound benefits of attending church regularly is its positive impact on our well-being.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton According to Pew Research (see—I promised research), those who are religiously active, attending church at least once a month, report feeling happier than those who aren’t as active.23 This isn’t about fleeting happiness; instead, it’s about a deep-seated joy derived from a sense of purpose, community, and a connection to something greater than ourselves.

The Health Benefits of Church: While the doughnuts and coffee after service might not be the epitome of a health regimen, the act of attending church has been linked to numerous health benefits. The Pew Research study also suggested that being part of a religious community can improve mental health, reduce stress, and even increase lifespan.

While churchgoers might not necessarily be physically healthier, the emotional and psychological benefits they reap contribute significantly to overall well-being.

Community Involvement and Altruism: Churchgoers aren’t just active within the four walls of the church building. Their involvement spills out into the broader community. The same Pew Research study found that religiously active people are more likely to participate in community aid and outreach programs. This sense of duty, driven by faith, pushes them to make a tangible difference in their communities, whether it’s through food drives, helping the vulnerable, or supporting local initiatives.

As a pastor, I’ve witnessed firsthand the transformative power of the church community. Beyond the sermons and worship songs, it’s about real people with real struggles coming together to support one another.

The church is more than just a building; it’s a living, breathing group that embodies the love and teachings of Jesus.

But of course, our journey doesn’t end when Sunday service lets out for lunch. The Bible, God’s living Word, fills the gaps in our week, offering daily guidance, comfort, and wisdom. It’s our compass in the chaos of life, 23 Pew Research Center, “Religion’s Relationship to Happiness, Civic Engagement and Health Around the World,” January 31, 2019, http://www.pewresearch.org.

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pointing us toward God’s truths, transforming our hearts, and deepening our relationship with Him. As Paul advised in Ephesians 5:15, “Be very careful, then, how you live— not as unwise but as wise.” This wisdom he refers to isn’t mere human knowledge; it’s a deep, spiritual understanding rooted in our relationship with God. This wisdom won’t automatically deliver us from challenges, but it will keep us from getting stuck and open us up to experiencing the joy and peace we desperately need.

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Chapter Four

DEPRESSED AND DEEPLY LOVED

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I’m Not Okay | Caton I want to dive headfirst into the rough waters of depression. A staggering twenty-one million adults in the United States have been diagnosed with depression.24 That is a massive number! An even harder reality to face is knowing that that number is only the folks who have been officially diagnosed with depression. It’s a dark cloud that looms over so many people in our nation.

Typically, when we talk about depression, we usually skip the part that many Christians stand under this cloud. I want to pull back the curtain on depression, shine the light of Jesus in the darkest corners, and show it for what it really is—a part of the human condition that doesn’t have to define us. Shining light on this topic is never easy; it’s messy and there’s no place for sugar-coating the pain and sorrow that the cloud of depression rains on far too many of us.

As we walk through this chapter, I’m going to dive into my personal experiences with depression and suicide. If you are currently walking through this and are not in the place to read about suicide, I want you to feel the freedom to skip the section “Suicide and Silent Suffering.” Whether you read on or need to pass over, I want you to remember this: We serve a God who is strong enough to lead us out of the deepest valleys and who holds us up when we think we can’t take another step. The Gospel stands true, even in the thick of depression.

Understanding the Depths of Depression Let’s get real for a moment. We’re diving deep into the topic of depression—with so many people who have been diagnosed, it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot but often isn’t fully understood. It’s not just a moment of weakness or feeling sad; there’s more to it. You might have looked at someone who battles with depression and thought, “Man, there’s no reason they should be depressed. They have a great life and so many people who love them.” The truth is depression is not just a feeling.

National Institute of Mental Health, “Major Depression,” last modified [Month Day, Year of last update], https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.

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It’s a mental illness that requires both internal and external support (we’ll cover what that support looks like in a bit). My goal here is to help you break down what depression can look like. If you know someone who struggles with depression, how can you support them with a Gospelcentered approach? Or, if you personally battle depression, I want to help you look it straight in the eye and say, “God is bigger than my depression.

I am not alone, and it doesn’t define me.”

Depression isn’t just feeling a little down in the dumps; it’s a relentless emptiness, a void that feels impossible to fill. It’s Michael Phelps, the Olympic champion, admitting he’s not okay even during his successful swimming career. It’s Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson who looks like he could fight and win any physical battle. And it’s Robin Williams, who brought so much laughter into the lives of many, ultimately losing his battle with this unseen enemy.

Here’s a hard truth: depression doesn’t care how successful you are, how much money you have, or how many friends you’ve got. It’s an equalopportunity destroyer. But, and hear me on this, it’s also something we can confront and tackle together.

You see, amid this struggle, there’s a powerful message in God’s Word that we’re not meant to go through this alone. David, the one we know as “A man after God’s own heart” deeply struggled with depression. We can turn to the book of Psalms where King David is crying out for God in the depths of sorrow. In Psalm 6:3–6 he’s crying out to God saying: “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. Among the dead no one proclaims your name. Who praises you from the grave? I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.”

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I’m Not Okay | Caton

I want to pull back the curtain on depression, shine the light of Jesus in the darkest corners, and show it for what it really is—a part of the human condition that doesn’t have to define us.

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This isn’t the only passage from the Psalms that addresses the way David felt in times of depression. Two-thirds of the book looks like this. Yet, even in David’s battle with depression, God was still faithful.

Whether it’s David, overwhelmed with grief and sorrow, or Elijah, who felt utterly defeated and alone, the Bible doesn’t shy away from the reality of depression. It shows us that even the strongest, the bravest, and the most faithful can find themselves in the depths of despair.

But here’s the kicker: their stories don’t end in despair. They’re tales of resilience, of crying out to God in the midst of pain and finding hope on the other side. It’s about not isolating ourselves, not letting the enemy convince us we’re better off alone. It’s about community, about sharing our struggles and burdens with those who can help us carry them.

I know, it’s easier said than done, right? But let’s start with this: You’re not fighting this battle alone. Whether it’s reaching out to a counselor, joining a support group, or simply sharing your story with a friend, taking that first step can be a game-changer.

And remember, during this fight, there’s a God who sees you, who knows your pain, and who is with you every step of the way. He doesn’t promise an easy path, but He does promise never to leave us nor forsake us.

So, as we move forward, let’s do it together. Let’s be honest about our struggles, let’s lean on our community, and let’s lean on God. Because amid our brokenness, there’s beauty to be found, lessons to be learned, and hope to be had.

Depression Has Many Faces When we talk about depression, we must understand that it’s not a onesize-fits-all kind of deal. It’s got many faces or layers, and it impacts everyone differently.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton First off, let’s get something straight: depression isn’t just about feeling sad. It’s about feeling empty, like nothing matters anymore. It’s like you’re in this deep pit; and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to climb out. It’s feeling alone in a room full of people. It’s losing interest in the things you used to love. It’s not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

But here’s where it gets tricky. Depression doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some, it’s lying in bed all day, unable to muster the energy to get up. For others, it’s putting on a brave face and going about their day, but inside they’re screaming for help. The world was shocked at the news of Robin Williams’s death. It was ruled a suicide, and the world couldn’t believe it. The Los Angeles Times even wrote a whole article on the shock his colleagues felt: “Robin Williams dead: Celebrities react with shock, disbelief, sadness.”25 For men, depression often looks like bottling up our feelings and pretending everything’s fine. We’ve been fed the narrative that being strong means looking strong 100 percent of the time. Hiding depression is only a temporary fix, and the things we try so hard to keep hidden start to creep out from under the door. Anger, insomnia, loss of interest in work, hobbies or family, and substance abuse are just a few recorded symptoms of depression in men.26 Even with all these signs, depression still goes undiagnosed simply because men struggle to seek help to save face.

If you are someone struggling with depression, I want you to know this: acknowledging depression—talking about it—is not a sign of weakness.

It’s a sign of strength. It’s the first step in saying, “I’m not okay, but I want to be.” And that’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay. Admitting there is an issue and finding resources to help is the strongest thing you can do. Not only

[Christie D’Zurilla], “Robin Williams dead; death reactions: Celebrity reactions,” Los Angeles Times, August 11, 2014, https://www.latimes.com/entertainment/gossip/la-et-mg-robinwilliams-dead-death-reactions-celebrity-reactions-20140811-htmlstory.html.

26 American Psychological Association, “Depression in Men and Boys,” accessed [November 15, 2023], https://www.apa.org/topics/men-boys/depression.

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does it help you but seeking help can also give you the tools to heal, even in the toughest moments of the battle.

Now, let’s look at Scripture. A prime example of someone in the Bible who struggled with depression was the Old Testament prophet Elijah.

In 1 Kings 19, the people of Israel were worshiping the idol Baal. Elijah challenged Baal’s prophets to see who could bring fire down from heaven to burn their sacrifice. When the prophets of Baal prayed, nothing happened. When Elijah prayed to the Lord, fire came down and consumed the sacrifice and destroyed the altar Baal’s prophets had built for the idol.

This angered the reigning Queen Jezebel, and she put out an order to kill Elijah for what he had done. In fear he ran into the wilderness and sat under a broom tree for days, praying that God would take his life because he couldn’t take the sadness anymore.

Elijah was the classic picture of someone depressed: he didn’t eat, he lacked energy, and he just wanted to sleep. Through all this, God sent an angel to provide him with food and water and to encourage him to eat even when he didn’t feel like it. As time passed, Elijah prayed for God to show up. He expected God to show up in a mighty and powerful way like He did with Baal. However, God showed up in a gentle whisper. He did not rebuke Elijah for his actions. Instead, He told Elijah to go back to his duties as a prophet and that God would be with him through the rest of his life.

This story is an example of how God shows up even in our darkest times.

He showed up for Elijah when he thought he couldn’t go on any longer.

And God will show up for you.

The Bible doesn’t shy away from telling the full stories of men like Elijah and David. Even people who walk closely with God can still experience deep sadness, pain, and despair. These struggles do not discriminate based on where you are in your walk with Jesus. If you are walking through a season of brokenness, join the club. As soon as sin entered the world through Adam and Eve, the world as they once knew it broke. And we still experience the side effects of their actions today.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Here’s some comforting news: We serve a God who loves us more than we could ever fathom. In Psalm 34:18 David wrote this: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Through David’s suffering, pain, and questioning, he was brought closer to the heart of God, who does not leave His children.

So, what’s the takeaway? It’s this: if you’re struggling with depression, you’re not alone. Not by a long shot. And this battle you’re facing, it doesn’t define you. It’s just a part of your story, a story that’s still being written.

And in this story, there’s hope. There’s healing. There’s a God who sees you, who knows your pain, and who’s walking with you every step of the way.

Suicide and Silent Suffering Now that we’ve walked through depression and how it can manifest in the life of a believer, I want to take some time to address the topic of suicidal thoughts and taking your own life. This is not an easy subject for most, including myself. Suicidal thoughts are a devastating side effect of depression that nearly 50 percent of people diagnosed with major depressive disorder experience.27 There’s a story I need to share with you—a story that’s not easy for me to tell, but one that’s crucial for our understanding of the silent suffering many endure.

I’d like to tell you about my brother, a man who, like many, found himself thinking that the world would be a better place without him in it.

My brother’s life modeled that of Samson’s in the Bible. He would do something great, then seriously mess up, then do something great again, and so the cycle went. He struggled with addiction; this took his mental health down a dark path that led to isolation. In the throes of addiction and isolation, he went through a divorce, which drove him deeper into depression. By the time he reached out for help and tried to address his depression, it was too late. He had walked so far down this path he couldn’t see any hope.

Centre for Suicide Prevention, “Depression & Suicide Prevention,” January 15, 2015., accessed January 5, 2024, https://www.suicideinfo.ca/local_resource/depression-suicide-prevention/.

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The night he chose to end his life, I picked up the phone after missing several calls from him. We talked for hours. He asked me, “When I commit suicide, will I still go to Heaven?” At that moment, I struggled to answer the question. If I said, “No,” I would be lying and unfaithful to God’s grace and forgiveness. I was honest and said, “Yes.” The moment that word left my lips I wanted to take it back. I drove home replaying the conversation in my head. I couldn’t sleep that night. As I was tossing and turning, I considered making the drive from Dallas to Houston to be with him, to make sure he wouldn’t harm himself. I ultimately decided not to make the drive since the next day’s work had a lot in store that I didn’t want to miss. The next morning, I sat at my desk exhausted from a sleepless and anxiety-filled night. The startling ring of my phone pulled me out of the fog. It was the Houston Sheriff’s Department. My brother had taken his life.

The four years following his suicide were the hardest of my life. I struggled deeply knowing I could never take back what I’d said. There were no chances to re-do the conversation and ask for his forgiveness. Since that time, I have done hours of research on suicide and how it impacts the lives of loved ones. When asked the question, “Is suicide selfish?” two common answers come up. One being, “Yes, suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do because all they care about in that moment is ending their own hurt and pain.” The second being, “Suicide is not selfish, it’s the most unselfish thing a person can do because they truly believe that the world would be better without them.” I want to offer you some insight: 1.

Suicide multiplies the pain; it doesn’t end it. The pain you are experiencing now that you want to end so badly will not disappear once you end your life. It only multiplies and gets passed to everyone you love.

2. Depression isn’t a sin, but suicide is. If you are a child of God, don’t ever forget that.

3.

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If you think your life does not matter, you are wrong. Your life is precious and invaluable. God has a unique plan for you to carry out His will on earth. Cutting your life short is interfering with His will for you.

I’m Not Okay | Caton 4. If you are currently struggling with suicidal thoughts, please share them with someone else. God did not create us to live in isolation. If you’ve already shared with someone, share with someone else. Surround yourself with a community that can fight this battle with you.

5.

If you have the ability, make a list of things you are thankful for.

Studies show that practicing gratitude can decrease depression and feelings of hopelessness.28

6. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you or someone else should remove anything from your home that would make it easy to end your life.

I know my response to these thoughts is straightforward, but each of these six thoughts are rooted in the truth of God’s Word.

The weight of my brother’s decision left a void in the lives of those he left behind. To this day, I still feel the ripple effects from our last conversation.

Suicidal thoughts often stem from a place of feeling utterly alone with no other options available. When we keep our thoughts isolated in the dark, they will deceive us into thinking there is no other solution except suicide.

Isolation is where Satan does his best work.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” When you find yourself in the dark with no light in sight, I encourage you to call out for help. Call on Jesus. Look for and pray for a community of people who will keep pushing you to the light. There is no shame in talking about your struggles, only healing.

28 Evan M. Kleiman, Andrew C. Adams, and Raymond P. Tucker, “Grateful Individuals Are Not Suicidal: Buffering Risks Associated with Hopelessness and Depressive Symptoms,” Journal of the International Society for the Study of Individual Differences (2013): pages 596–597, https://www.kleimanlab.org/wp-content/PDFs/Kleiman%20et%20al.%20-%202013%20-%20 Grateful%20individuals%20are%20not%20suicidal%20Buffering%20risks%20associated%20 with%20hopelessness%20and%20depressive%20symptoms.pdf.

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We Don’t Fight Alone Now, let’s shift gears and talk strategy because, let’s face it, knowing you’re not alone in the struggle is one thing, but working though it is another.

That’s where the rubber meets the road.

Leaning on Jesus Some people win the battle with depression, and praise God for that!

Others may fight the battle for a lifetime. The Apostle Paul is a New Testament example of someone who fought a lifelong battle. In 2 Corinthians he tells us about a thorn in his flesh; Scripture never clarifies what exactly the thorn was. I’d like to use the passage here to highlight what a lifelong battle with depression could look like for a follower of Christ. Here’s what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:6–10: “Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

My guess is that, if you’re battling depression, you’ve probably prayed more than three times asking for God to take it away. These prayers are different from blessing a meal. You’ve probably cried out to God pleading for Him to take it from you.

Something I want to highlight here is that, even after Paul pleaded with God, he was still left with the thorn. After some time, he realized God left

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I’m Not Okay | Caton him with that weakness because in the weakness, God’s power in his life was “made perfect.” I love this passage because it gives us some insight into why we experience hard things. It’s not so God can torment us. It’s because this life is filled with trials, and the Lord wants us to cling to Him for strength through those trials. Even in the pits of depression, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. If we abide in Christ, there is no trial where He will leave us on our own. Psalm 23:1–4 says: “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Walking in Community While leaning on Christ is important, it can be very healing to lean into our community for support during a season of depression. As believers we are called to live in community. James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Now, I did not pick this verse to make an argument that depression is a sin. It is absolutely not! I want to use this verse to show the power of prayer when a believer is in community. The second part of verse 16 says, “pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Confessing your sins, shame, sadness, and everything under the sun out loud to a few people you trust will not allow you to live in isolation. And from my brother’s story, we know that Satan does the best work when we live in darkness and isolation.

The importance of having community for someone struggling with depression is even backed up by the National Alliance of Mental Health.

They found that for someone who is depressed, having community can

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Psalm 23:1–4 says: The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

provide belonging, support and purpose.29 Being able to call a friend and chat about how you are feeling early on can stop your walk into isolation before it’s too late and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Finding Treatment While leaning on the Lord and community can be transformative, there is one more thought I want to leave you with: Seeking treatment is okay. In fact, it’s more than okay.

Major depression is more than just having a sad day here and there; it is an illness that not only affects your mind but your body as well. People who have been battling with depression for quite some time can also struggle with physical changes like tiredness, poor sleep, lack of appetite, digestive issues, and chronic pain.30 If someone is sick in the church, we pray for them.

29 Stephanie Gilbert, “The Importance of Community and Mental Health,” NAMI, November 2019, accessed February 19, 2024, https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/November-2019/ The-Importance-of-Community-and-Mental-Health.

30 Madhukar H. Trivedi, M.D., “The Link Between Depression and Physical Symptoms,” Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry., vol. 6. Issue 2004: Article Pages 12–14, accessed February 19, 2024, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC486942/.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton They lean into their community, but they also see the doctor. We don’t let physical illnesses go untreated even though we know the Lord can heal them. This is how we should treat our mental health as well. There are so many excellent resources you can turn to: a licensed therapist who is a follower of Jesus, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist if medication is needed.

Leaning on support in a season of depression does not mean you have given up.

God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. He uses the toughest battles in our lives to bring us closer to Him, so His strength can hold us up, not our own. Crying out to the Lord for help, talking a hard day through with your community, and working with a professional are all steps you can take to help you find the light of Jesus even in the darkest moments.

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Chapter Five

JASON’S RESTLESS MIND

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Jason looked at his alarm clock and groaned. He had hours before he needed to get up, but the dread of the coming day was already pressing on his chest, growing heavier each second.

Knowing that he’d never be able to fall back asleep, he got out of bed, his mind racing with worries and what-ifs. “What if I mess up the presentation today?” “What if the kids aren’t safe at school?” “How am I going to pay all those bills piling up?” With every thought, the pressure in his chest built.

He felt suffocated.

To distract himself, he streamed a few TV shows until it was time to get ready for the day. While pouring his morning coffee, his hands shook slightly. He could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. He barely tasted his breakfast. He absentmindedly said goodbye to his wife and kids before heading out the door. His commute was aggravating as usual. Every red light irritated him. Every slow driver offended him. Even the podcast he was listening to added to his agitation.

At work, Jason tried to focus; but every email notification, every glance from a coworker, every unexpected meeting request sent a pulse of adrenaline through his system. The restlessness, the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach, the tension in his shoulders had him always on edge.

By the time evening rolled around, Jason felt drained, as if he’d run a marathon without ever leaving his desk. He wished he could shut off his brain; but even as he lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, his mind continued its restless march, leaving him exhausted, overwhelmed, and desperate for relief.

What are Anxiety, Stress, and Worry?

Many people can relate to Jason. Perhaps you’re one of them. Anxiety, stress, and worry have become such common buzzwords today that it’s almost considered weird not to struggle with them.

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But what do we really mean when we talk about anxiety, stress, and worry?

What are we experiencing physically, emotionally, and spiritually when we’re anxious all the time?

Defining Stress Stress is defined as a response to an external cause, such as an upcoming deadline or a disagreement with a coworker. It tends to be short-term and goes away once the external factor has been dealt with.31 Stress activates the body’s “fight or flight” response. This ancient survival mechanism is triggered by the amygdala, an almond-shaped set of neurons found deep in the brain’s temporal lobe. The amygdala signals the hypothalamus (another part of the brain), which then stimulates the adrenal glands to release adrenaline and cortisol.32 Often referred to as the “stress hormone,” cortisol increases sugars in the bloodstream, enhances the brain’s use of these sugars, and increases the availability of substances that repair tissues. However, prolonged stress can lead to high levels of cortisol, causing health problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes, and suppressed immunity.

Think of it this way: Imagine you’re a bow and your string is being pulled back with an arrow. The tension in the string is stress. Once the arrow is released (i.e., the external factor is resolved), the tension goes away. That’s how stress works.

Jason (who deals with all three of our terms) felt stressed when he realized he had a presentation due the next day. Once he completed and delivered the presentation, his stress over that external factor went away.

American Psychological Association, “Stress,” in APA Dictionary of Psychology, accessed April 10, 2024, https://dictionary.apa.org/stress.

32 Meredith Patterson, “The Brain on Stress,” National Center of Continuing Education, Inc., Lakeway, Texas, 2016, https://www.ncce.com.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Defining Worry Worry on the other hand is defined as the act of feeling uneasy or being overly concerned about a situation or problem.33 While stress is caused by an external trigger, worry is internal. It lives in our thoughts about the future and often involves “what if” scenarios.

When we worry, our prefrontal cortex—a region in our brains responsible for decision-making, personality expression, and moderating social behavior—tries to find solutions to hypothetical problems, leading to overthinking.34 Think of worry like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

Think of worry like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

Jason was a worrier. He commonly woke up in the middle of the night with “what if” questions running through his mind. And they just built up throughout the day. For instance, even after successfully delivering his presentation, Jason began to worry about what his coworkers thought of him. “What if they found errors in it? What if they think I’m not competent?” This is worry.

Defining Anxiety Anxiety is the next level of stress and worry. Anxiety, in its clinical sense, is a sustained mental health disorder that can be triggered by stress and Merriam-Webster, s.v. “worry,” accessed January 3, 2024, https://www.merriam-webster.com/ dictionary/worry.

34 Shintaro Funahashi, “Prefrontal Contribution to Decision-Making under Free-Choice Conditions,” Frontiers in Neuroscience 11 (July 26, 2017): 431, https://doi.org/10.3389/ fnins.2017.00431.

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prolonged worry.35 It doesn’t fade into the background once the triggers are gone, and it can severely disrupt daily life.

The amygdala (remember—this is part of our brain) plays a crucial role in processing our emotions, especially fear. In people with anxiety disorders, the amygdala can become hyperactive, making them feel a constant, vague threat.36 If stress is the tension in the bowstring and worry is the rocking chair, anxiety is like an alarm that doesn’t turn off, even when there’s no threat. It’s a continuous hum in the background, alerting you to dangers that aren’t there.

For Jason, his stress and worry had become so ingrained that his whole body was constantly on edge. Even when things would go well, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong. He was constantly on alert, replaying parts of his day, and losing sleep at night. His everyday life started to be affected by this constant state of heightened alertness. That’s anxiety. And for many Americans, it’s become a chronic reality.

The Startling Statistics The prevalence of anxiety is on the rise, and the numbers are telling: According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the US, affecting 6.1 million American adults, but only 43 percent of this number receive treatment.

And for kids, it’s even more startling. A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that the percentage of US adolescents reporting symptoms consistent with major depression increased 52 percent from 2005 to 2017. Anxiety symptoms increased by a staggering 71 percent among the same group during that period (and this was before the pandemic).

National Institute of Mental Health, “Generalized Anxiety Disorder: When Worry Gets Out of Control,” U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health, revised 2022, www.nimh.nih.gov.

36 Kerry J. Ressler, “Amygdala Activity, Fear, and Anxiety: Modulation by Stress,” Biological Psychiatry 67, no. 12 (June 15, 2010): 1117–1119, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2010.04.027.

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According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the US, affecting 6.1 million American adults, but only 43 percent of this number receive treatment.

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Speaking of the pandemic, a recent poll by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that during the COVID-19 pandemic, about 4 in 10 adults in the US reported symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorder, up from 1 in 10 adults who reported these symptoms from January to June 2019.37 Needless to say, all this anxiety isn’t good for us: •

Chronic anxiety can lead to a host of health issues, including heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes.

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Anxiety can lead to other mental health disorders like depression.

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It can also cause chronic insomnia, leading to a vicious cycle where lack of sleep exacerbates anxiety, compounding the problem.

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Those with severe anxiety often find it challenging to perform everyday tasks, hold down jobs, or maintain relationships.

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Even those with less-severe anxiety are struggling to live day to day without feeling exhausted and burned out.

What’s going on here? Why are we all so much more anxious now than ever before?

There’s no single theory as to why Americans are so anxious, but certainly there are many contributing factors that I think we can all relate to. For instance, some experts believe that technology is to blame. The rise of smartphones and social media has reduced the amount of face-to-face social interaction we have, leading to loneliness and a spike in anxiety levels.38

Maddy Reinert, Theresa Nguyen, and Danielle Fritze, “The State of Mental Health in America 2022,” Mental Health America, October 2021, www.mhanational.org.

38 Gerrit W. Teepe, Elin M. Glase, and Ulf-Dietrich Reips, “Increasing digitalization is associated with anxiety and depression: A Google Ngram analysis,” PLoS One 18, no. 4 (April 7, 2023): e0284091, https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0284091.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Others point out that the modern world’s hyper-fast pace and the pressure to succeed contribute significantly to rising anxiety levels.39 Still others suggest that the continuous news cycle, where we are constantly bombarded with negative news, creates a heightened state of chronic fear and apprehension40 (a compelling reason for more Bible-reading and less headline-reading!).

As a pastor, I’ve seen all these factors ramp up in people’s lives in recent years. I’ve also seen the spiritual causes of anxiety, too. For instance, anxiousness is a common side effect when we forget to rely on God and instead start focusing on our own strength. Life today is stressful. When we try to manage everything on our own, we fall short. I counsel many hard-working people who are burned out because they’re putting too much pressure on themselves and they’re not giving God the opportunity to do what He does well: carry our burdens for us.

I also see people who have drifted away from God’s guidelines for good living, and they’re chronically anxious as a result. Sin is stressful! It creates chaos in our lives, and we’re forced to spend a lot of energy managing the mess.

Regardless of whether it’s sin, smartphones, news headlines, or all of the above, chronic anxiety is not God’s desire for us. I believe that He genuinely grieves over our stress-filled state and longs to set us free from the captivity of worry and fear. So how can we start partnering with Him to do just that? We begin by understanding the most common sources of stress and how to uproot them before they take hold.

Goodwin RD, Weinberger AH, Kim JH, Wu M, Galea S. “Trends in anxiety among adults in the United States, 2008–2018: Rapid increases among young adults.” J Psychiatr Res. 2020 Nov;130:441–446. doi: 10.1016/j.jpsychires.2020.08.014. Epub 2020 Aug 21. PMID: 32905958; PMCID: PMC7441973.

40 McLaughlin, Bryan, Melissa R. Gotlieb, and Devin J. Mills. “Caught in a Dangerous World: Problematic News Consumption and Its Relationship to Mental and Physical Ill-Being.” Health Communication 38, no. 12 (2023): 2687–97. doi:10.1080/10410236.2022.2106086.

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Chapter Six

THREE COMMON SOURCES OF STRESS

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I’m Not Okay | Caton I enjoy donuts, pies on holidays, and ice cream cones in the summer.

A little bit of sugar is a treat, an indulgence, a fun way to celebrate. But too much sugar…well, you know the deal. Too much sugar is diabetes; it’s pants that don’t fit any more; it’s lectures from my doctor about my lifestyle.

It’s the same with stress. Like sugar, a little stress is natural. It can even be a motivating spark, like the stress we need to punch through a deadline. But too much stress can lead to chronic problems over time. Too much stress, as we just learned, leads to health problems, and spiritual problems, and lectures from doctors about lifestyle.

But here’s the good news: if we can identify stress and deal with it before it builds up into a chronic problem, we can keep ourselves from an anxious lifestyle. To help us, let’s identify the top three most common sources of stress.

The first one is real problems.

Common Stressor #1: Real Problems Now maybe you’re thinking, “Duh, John Mark. Of course, real problems are a source of stress.” (Commence eye rolling.)

But before you blow me off, let me explain: The truth is that many of our “problems” aren’t real problems. Like Jesus said to Martha, sometimes we’re distracted by things that aren’t important (Luke 10:38–42). They’re pressures we’ve put onto ourselves, problems someone else is trying to put on us, or things we’re worried about that haven’t even happened yet.

For these “problems,” we need to switch from being like Martha to being like Mary. We need to slow down, stop all our racing around, and spend time with Jesus. When we do this, many of those “faux” problems fade away.

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But also, there’s no denying it; sometimes life throws us real, tangible problems. These challenges aren’t a figment of our imagination or a product of overthinking but genuine, pressing issues that demand our attention and action. The Bible is full of these kinds of problems.

Jesus’s disciples, for example, knew about real problems. One time, while traveling by boat across the sea, they were caught in the middle of a furious storm (Matthew 8:23–27). The waves were relentless, threatening to capsize the boat and drown everyone on board. This wasn’t an imagined scenario or a hypothetical situation; it was a real, life-threatening situation. And the disciples were seriously stressed out. Who can blame them?

Likewise, let’s take a step even further back in time and picture Moses, the great leader of the Israelites. After escaping the oppression of Pharaoh in Egypt, Moses and his people found themselves trapped between the Red Sea and a vengeful Egyptian army. With the sea in front and the enemy behind, the situation looked dire. This was a real problem Moses was facing; the threat was imminent.

Now, maybe we aren’t standing with our backs to the sea staring down a murderous army (thank God for that!), but we have real challenges, nonetheless. And some of them—like cancer or bankruptcy—can feel just as scary.

In these circumstances, it’s crucial to confront our genuine problems head-on. Just as the disciples faced the storm and Moses stood before the Red Sea, we can’t run away from stressors. Real problems require real solutions. Our next few chapters will help us with this.

As a pastor, I’ve seen many people through the years ignore their problems.

They procrastinate. They distract themselves with entertainment or alcohol. They deflect and blame other people. These tactics lead to exactly one thing: more problems, which then compound into the chronic anxiety we talked about earlier.

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But here’s the good news: if we can identify stress and deal with it before it builds up into a chronic problem, we can keep ourselves from an anxious lifestyle.

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To break this cycle, we must act—to press into our problems and do the next thing that needs to be done, especially when we don’t want to. And when our problems feel too big to handle (because let’s face it, it’s the big things that we want to run from), we confess that we’re outmatched and ask God to help. (In fact, even when you feel up to the challenge, it’s still a very good idea to ask God for help.) Problems in life are inevitable, but when a problem feels too big for you to handle, it’s never too big for God. Your situation may seem bigger than your resources, more significant than your ability to cope, but faith can bridge that gap. Especially when faith is paired with your action.

Here’s a quick exercise: type or write down all the problems you’re facing today. Review the list critically and ask yourself which problems fall in the “faux” problem category. Cross those off. With the remaining problems, identify the ones you’re avoiding or putting off (hint: they’re likely the ones causing you the most stress). For each one, write down the next thing that needs to be done. This can be the smallest next step you can think of. Then spend time praying about each problem, asking God for help. Repeat these two steps (identifying the next step and praying) until those problems are no longer stressors.

Common Stressor #2: People We love them. We need them. But let’s face it: other people cause us to stress. I don’t care if it’s our spouse or boss or the annoying neighbor who refuses to replace his muffler—it’s difficult to go through a single day without someone pressing our buttons. Yes, people bring joy, support, and love into our lives; but they also bring conflict, stress, and tension.

Everyone has encountered them—people who make life more challenging.

There are the chronic complainers, those who, regardless of the situation, find something to grumble about. There are the control freaks, those who feel the need to micromanage every detail, not just of their own lives but of everyone else’s too. There are the naysayers, the manipulators, the passive aggressive. There’s even the pathologically cheerful who refuse to see the reality of pain and speak only in platitudes when things get tough.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton More seriously, some of us have true adversaries—individuals who, for reasons we might never fully understand, seem to wish us harm or failure.

Think of Saul’s jealous hatred of David or the foes who got Daniel thrown into the lion’s den. These are the people who revel in our missteps, who spread rumors about us or undermine our work. Gossips, for instance, can be particularly damaging, constantly digging up the past and preventing us from moving forward.

It’s a tough realization, but for many, these “problem people” might not just be acquaintances or colleagues. They could be close friends or even family members.

So, what do we do? Cutting these people out of our lives with a swift slice doesn’t seem very Christ-like; and yet if we’re wanting to identify and remove stress in our lives, we have to figure out a way forward.

First, it’s essential to do some honest self-assessment. If we look around and find that we’re surrounded by controllers, gossips, or enemies, it might be time to reflect on our own behavior. Could it be that we are the problem? Are we attracting people who cause us stress because of our own dysfunctional needs? If you suspect that the answer is yes, a good next step is to find help from an outsider who can see your weaknesses better than you can. Professional counselors and therapists are great at this kind of help.

Even if this isn’t you, there are still steps we can take with problem people.

We can pray for them, asking God to give us empathy, compassion, and patience. We can shift the dynamic in the relationship by setting new boundaries. If we’re stuck in a standoff, we can seek mediation from a neutral third party to help negotiate a dispute. We can even distance ourselves in ways that create a healthy buffer. And finally, in some situations, we can end the relationship, leaving the person in God’s hands.

All these practices, and many more, can help us decrease the stress in our lives caused by others and open us up to stronger relationships and more joyful community.

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Common Stressor #3: Ourselves Let’s face it: we’re often the ones stressing ourselves out.

While it’s convenient to point fingers at bad circumstances or difficult people, more often than not, the root of our anxiety lies much closer to home.

We talked earlier about Martha and Mary, and our tendency to be like Martha—adding pressures to ourselves that aren’t necessary. We do this for many reasons: because we’re trying to please others, we’re afraid of failure, or we’re perfectionists run amok.

We can respond to our self-inflicted stress with more stress, or we can surrender ourselves to Jesus and receive His help.

Worse, we’re often our own worst enemies. We can relate to Paul in Romans 7:15–20 when he talks about being compulsively drawn to the very things he doesn’t want to do. We sabotage ourselves through bad habits, weak discipline, and garden-variety desires like lust and greed that lead us down bad paths.

Piling onto these problems, our minds have an uncanny knack for dragging up memories of past mistakes, regrets, and sins. We replay them over and over like a broken record, making us feel inadequate, guilty, and ashamed.

Yes—we are a problem. Often a big one.

The solution isn’t to try harder, to be better. The solution to stress from our own making is to let someone else handle it. And that someone is Jesus.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton We remember that we are redeemed by a Savior and that His power for overcoming our brokenness is alive within us.

Our choice, then, is simple. We can respond to our self-inflicted stress with more stress, or we can surrender ourselves to Jesus and receive His help.

I recommend the second option—it’s much easier.

Problems That Have a Purpose Of course, Jesus won’t automatically or immediately rescue us from our problems. Why? Because just like He let the disciples freak out on the boat during the storm for a bit without instantly calming the sea, so He will let us toss about in stress for His specific reasons. And usually, these reasons fall into three distinct categories: to correct, redirect, and perfect us.

To Correct Us As we’ve discussed, stressful times are often a direct consequence of our own actions and words. God’s help for us during these times usually comes by letting the problems persist. Think of it as His loving way of saying, “Hmmm, you seem to be struggling here. Maybe it’s time to slow down and ask yourself why.” By giving us a chance to recognize our part in the storm, we can understand that God might be using the stress to correct us, urging us to take responsibility and make amends. In cases like this, the storm isn’t a punishment but a nudge towards repentance and growth.

To Redirect Us Not all problems suggest that we’re avoiding personal responsibility or dodging repentance. Sometimes, they serve as God’s way of pointing us in a new direction. When we find ourselves constantly bumping up against obstacles, it can be God gently saying, “This isn’t the road for you. There’s another way, a better way.” These redirections might feel confusing at first; but with faith and patience, we’ll eventually see that they lead us to closer alignment with God’s plan for our lives.

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To Perfect Us Finally, there are storms that God uses to refine us—to test our faith, pushing us to question, reflect, and even doubt. These storms are stressful because they feel like punishment or rejection from God. We often find ourselves asking, “Why, God? What did I do? I don’t understand why this is happening to me.” But ultimately in our weakness, God strengthens our faith and deepens our connection to Him. Just as gold is refined in the fire, our faith is refined in these uncomfortable storms. If this is you, hang in there and ask for prayer support from others around you. The stress is real, but the result—greater faith—is even more valuable than gold.

The “I” in Anxiety: Why Focusing on Self is Not the Answer Here’s a paradox: the more we center our lives on ourselves, the more we drift into discontent and anxiety. This is a glaring contradiction to our modern, popular idea that preaches self above all else. However, the Gospel paints a vastly different picture, and there lies the secret to healing some of our anxiety.

Jesus, who arguably had more right to focus on Himself than anyone, showed us a radically different way. Instead of living for Himself, Jesus lived for us. He prioritized our well-being, our salvation, and our eternal happiness above His own comfort, even His very life. And He told us to do the same thing—to focus first on God and His Kingdom and to let our other worries take care of themselves.

Sadly, when we ignore this advice—when we buy into the belief that focusing on self leads to freedom—we’re inviting more anxiety into our lives, not less. By obsessively focusing on our wants, needs, and feelings, this “me-centered” life leads us into a spiral of guilt, pessimism, and fatigue. Before we know it, our freedom gets replaced by a prison of anxiety and depression.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Zig Ziglar, a renowned motivational speaker and a teacher, often emphasized a profound truth in many of his teachings: “The best way to get what you want in life is to help enough other people get what they want in life.” This perspective aligns with the Gospel’s message of death to self. Jesus, through His teachings and actions, consistently stressed the importance of serving others. Jesus declared in Matthew 20:28, “I did not come to be served but to serve.” This wasn’t just a theological principle but a blueprint for a fulfilled life.

Research corroborates this perspective. Studies consistently show that a heightened focus on “I” and “my” correlates with increased levels of anxiety and depression. On the flip side, engaging in others-centered activities, where the primary focus is on the well-being of others, tends to diminish feelings of worry and pessimism.41 By shifting our gaze outward, we not only lift the lives of those around us, but we also discover a profound sense of purpose and contentment.

I encourage you to pause for a moment to reflect deeply on your current storms and stresses. The weight of worry, stress, and anxiety can often feel overwhelming, like a downpour that never seems to end. But in these moments, it’s important to confront and identify the root of your anxieties.

Ask yourself, what keeps you up at night? What thoughts or fears incessantly fill your mind?

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Is it financial worries that cast a shadow over your every move?

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Are there rifts in relationships that you can’t seem to mend?

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Do concerns about your kids, parents, or other loved ones weigh on your heart?

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Does the state of your marriage cause friction in your spirit?

Jessica L. Schleider and John R. Weisz, “Reducing risk for anxiety and depression in adolescents: Effects of a single-session intervention teaching that personality can change,” Behaviour Research and Therapy 87 (December 2016): 170–181, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.

2016.09.011.

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Are health challenges stealing your peace?

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Are bad habits and strongholds of sin in your life holding you captive?

The Apostle Peter, in his first epistle, offers us remedy. He writes in 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxieties on Him.” But to do this, you first need to recognize and define what’s causing your anxiety. What is it that you’re truly anxious about? By pinpointing the root of our worries, we can better present them to God, allowing Him to carry our burdens.

Let’s pause for a moment of worship and reflection. Consider what you can lay down at the feet of Jesus. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, know that He is ready and willing to carry it for you. You are not alone in your struggles. Through faith and surrender, you will find comfort, peace, and a renewed sense of hope.

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Chapter Seven

UNRAVELING FEAR

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Our dog, Rex, is large and imposing. His sheer size makes an intimidating first impression. But if you’ve met him, you would know that he’s less of a dog and more of a gentle giant. Most days, you’ll find him either lazily lounging about or sniffing around for any hint of a treat. There’s a peculiar quirk about Rex that always leaves us both amused and slightly bewildered.

Just outside our laundry room is his “feed trough” where he comes for his daily meals. However, sometimes, especially during the summer months when our son, Jared, is back from college, we find the entrance to the laundry room barricaded by a towering pile of laundry. (Jared, like many college students, has a laundry philosophy: Wait till the last possible moment—a.k.a, when he’s down to his last wearable item—and then haul your mountain of clothes home to be washed all at once.)

Now, here’s where it gets interesting. Rex, the same dog who just the night before might have stealthily stretched his massive frame onto the kitchen counter to snag some lasagna dinner, suddenly finds himself paralyzed by this pile of laundry. The gentle giant, who can effortlessly scale countertops, is reduced to a whimpering, anxious mess, convinced that the path to his food is insurmountably blocked.

It’s completely irrational. But also, it’s a perfect illustration of how we sometimes perceive our fears. We falsely inflate obstacles, viewing them as unconquerable mountains, while in reality, they are minor barriers. Just like Rex’s apprehension about the laundry pile, our FEARS can often be described as False Evidence Appearing Real.

F.E.A.R: False Evidence Appearing Real Fear is a powerful emotion, one that can easily dominate our thoughts and actions. But fear is tricky because often its paralyzing grip comes not from genuine threats but from imagined ones. By understanding the acronym “False Evidence Appearing Real” (F.E.A.R.), we can learn to tell the difference.

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False Evidence So many of our fears feel real, but many of them are based on misinformation or a lack of understanding. Take the common fear of flying, for example.

Statistically, air travel is one of the safest modes of transportation. Yet, many people are terrified of it. Their fear isn’t based on the actual likelihood of an accident but on the dramatic and tragic nature of plane crashes when they do happen. The continuous media coverage amplifies this false evidence, making flying seem far more dangerous than it really is.

Appearing Of course, false evidence has a habit of appearing alarmingly genuine.

Our brains are wired to prioritize survival, so they often err on the side of caution, even when it’s not warranted. Think of a time you were walking in the woods and mistook a twisted branch for a snake. Your heart raced, your body tensed, and you might have even screamed. In reality, it was just a piece of wood, but at the moment, it appeared to be a threat.

Real The result of false evidence that appears genuine is a very real, physical feeling of fear. Our bodies don’t differentiate between genuine threats and perceived ones; the physiological response is the same.42 Consider public speaking. For many, the idea of speaking in front of a crowd creates genuine, palm-sweating panic. Yet, the audience isn’t a physical threat. So, where does the fear come from? Usually from a place of self-consciousness, the possibility of being publicly embarrassed, or the fear of being judged.

The brain can’t tell the difference between these threats, so it reacts the same way regardless: with palm sweat and queasiness. The physical threat isn’t real, but the physical feeling of fear certainly is.

42 Neil Schneiderman, Gail Ironson, and Scott D. Siegel, “Stress and health: Psychological, behavioral, and biological determinants,” Annual Review of Clinical Psychology 1 (2005): 607–628, https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.144141.

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We falsely inflate obstacles, viewing them as unconquerable mountains, while in reality, they are minor barriers.

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F.E.A.R—Forget Everything and Run Of course, sometimes a very different acrostic applies to fear: Forget Everything And Run. Life is often like a battlefield. We’re constantly navigating challenges, obstacles, and unexpected land mines. But contrary to what many might think, not every battle is meant to be fought.

There’s wisdom in recognizing when to engage with our armor on and when it’s better to simply walk away. Imagine being in a house that’s on fire. The flames roar, the smoke billows, and your instincts scream at you to escape. In a scenario like this, it’s not only wise but essential to “Forget Everything and Run.” Running isn’t an act of cowardice but one of survival! Some situations are truly beyond our control, too hazardous to confront head-on.

This type of retreat isn’t the same as abandoning responsibilities or perpetually avoiding challenges. Instead, it’s about recognizing our limits and the moments when stepping back is the most strategic move. It’s admitting, “I’m not ready for that confrontation,” or “I’m not prepared for that conversation.” It’s about understanding that some battles, if fought prematurely, can leave us more bruised and broken than if we’d waited, prayed, prepared, and approached them with a clearer mind and heart.

Let me reassure you: If there’s an overwhelming circumstance in your life and you choose to step back, knowing it’s the wise thing to do, there’s no shame in that. It’s not a sign of weakness but of wisdom. Retreating, especially when it gives us space and time to wait on God, can often mean returning stronger tomorrow, ready to face what once seemed impossible with renewed strength and perspective.

Strategies for Overcoming Anxiety: Guided by F.E.A.R. Maybe you’re thinking, “John Mark, these descriptions of fear make sense, but now what?” The truth is that whether the threat is real (like those Forget Everything and Run scenarios) or just feel real (from False Evidence Appearing Real), both create stress. A lot of stress. So, what next? Enter a new kind of F.E.A.R.—a guiding principle to help us combat anxiety with

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I’m Not Okay | Caton intention and faith. Instead of seeing fear as a paralyzing force, we can reframe it. Here’s the breakdown: •

F: Focus your thoughts.

•

E: Equip yourself for the battle.

•

A: Act on what you know.

•

R: Remember God is in control.

This approach to F.E.A.R. isn’t about denying our feelings or putting on a brave face. Instead, it’s about leaning on the strength God provides to face our anxieties head-on and watching Him lead us to victory over them.

Focus Your Thoughts Here’s a question: How many times have you had to reread parts of this chapter because your mind drifted or you were distracted? No judgment based on your answer! In our hyper-connected, always-on world, the challenge to keep a clear mind and focused thoughts has never been greater.

Distractions are everywhere: from the buzzing of our smartphones to the constant stream of emails and notifications. Research has shown that our brain is not designed for all this stimulation and multitasking, despite the clever advertising telling us otherwise. A study by Stanford University found that multitaskers are less efficient because they have more difficulty organizing their thoughts and filtering out irrelevant information.43 Considering that our smartphones are multitasking machines we carry around in our pockets all day, it’s no wonder that we’re more scatterbrained.

Did you catch that note from the study: “…they have more difficulty organizing their thoughts and filtering out irrelevant information”?

43 Eyal Ophir, Clifford Nass, and Anthony D. Wagner, “Cognitive control in media multitaskers,” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 106, no. 37 (September 15, 2009): 15583–15587, https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.0903620106.

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This irrelevant information is often the very same False Evidence Appearing Real. This means that when we’re busy multitasking, our ability to discern what’s real and what’s not is compromised. What’s real is God’s Word and His wisdom for us. That’s the relevant information we need. Yet focusing on it has gotten much, much harder.

I’ve been reading several articles and studies on the way the mind works, and one research finding stands out: Our minds create pathways of thought.44 These pathways can make it easier or harder to focus on the things we want to focus on.

Think of it like this: say you’re out in a field, maybe for hunting or ranching or farming, and you see where someone has driven through the corn or the hay. Seeing the path is obvious because the crops are flattened, and there’s a channel grooved into the otherwise smooth field. The more it’s been driven on, the clearer the pathway is.

The mind works the same way: it creates pathways when we “drive along” the same line of thinking again and again. Once a path has been formed, the mind will default to it. Like a tractor choosing a flattened path rather than plowing a new way through tall corn stalks, our minds will take the path of least resistance. This reinforces the path, making it easier and easier to follow afterwards.

Dr. Newberg, a neuroscientist, has done studies on the brain that reveal it takes about twenty-one days to create a neurological pathway in your thought processes. And if you continue to think that same way for sixty-three days, you will create such a strong pathway that you no longer have to think about thinking those thoughts—they’ll happen automatically.45 (This is the goal for our focus: for it to be so natural that we don’t even have to try!)

Drigas, Athanasios and Victoria Bamicha. “PoM & ToM—Harnessing the Power of Mind in Theory of Mind by shaping beneficial mental states in Preschoolers and the ICT’s role.” Research, Society and Development (2023): n. pag.

45 Lau, Hsien Lee, Lixandra Gonzalez, Melissa Bailey, Joshua Lukas, Whitney E Mayberry, Matthew Feldman and Neeta Garg. “Neurological Diagnostic Testing in Elderly Patients with Acute Altered Mental Status (982).” Neurology (2020): n. pag.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Paul even talks about this idea! In Romans 8:5–6 he says: “Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”

In A.D. 58 there was no science to back this up, but Paul makes it clear that the things we set our minds on matter. If we fill our minds with things of the flesh (selfishness, negativity, sexual immorality, etc.) our brain’s neural pathways will change in accordance, ultimately leading us down a dark path. A worry reinforced repeatedly will move you from being just a little stressed to living with chronic anxiety.

This is one reason at our church we break the year into three or four “spiritual growth seasons” each with its own theme. We preach about the theme on Sundays, and we teach it in our life groups. We provide daily devotions and Bible readings for people throughout the week. We intentionally create repetition because we know that, if you can hear it from the podium, then hear it in a life group, then read a Bible verse daily on it, and then follow a guided prayer about it, you’re going to form a pathway for it; and your focus on it will become automatic. Within just a few weeks (twenty-one days), your mind, heart, and life will have grown in faith.

Equip Yourself for the Battle Now that we understand how focus works and how to use our built-in brain behavior to make good thinking easier, the next step is to develop a plan. Planning is our “E” in F.E.A.R., that is, “Equipping ourselves for the battle.” Imagine you’re hoping for a new job or a promotion in the near future. For many, this can be an intimidating, stressful goal. Doubts and questions can surface, like Do I have the necessary skills? Am I qualified enough? What if they reject me? And so on, until you’re spiraling down in stress and doubt. Instead of letting these questions consume you, however, they can become a roadmap for you to equip yourself for the battle. By

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turning stressful doubts into a plan, you can overcome fear and experience a win.

Ask yourself: 1.

Is there a skill you need to improve? Or maybe a new skill you need to learn?

2. Is there a certification that you need to get?

3.

Do you need other people’s help—a referral, an introduction, some expert advice?

4. Do you need to ask for God’s people to pray for you? (The answer to this is yes!)

By focusing your thoughts and developing a plan, you turn overwhelming anxieties into structured steps toward healing. Then you will begin to act on them.

Act On What You Know A strange thing often happens when we’re focused and have a plan: rather than feel motivated, we get overwhelmed. Seeing the whole size and scope of the plan starts to feel daunting. We begin to overthink the plan, dissecting it from every angle, and we get trapped in a cycle of worry.

(Remember our pathway-of-worry problem?) This “analysis paralysis” can worsen our anxiety, sinking us deeper into inaction and procrastination.

The antidote? Act on what you know.

The Power of the First Step Taking the first step, even if it’s small, creates momentum. It’s like pushing a boulder—it may be hard at first, but once it starts rolling, it’s easier to keep it moving. And as we’ve learned, once we get our brain moving, it likes to keep moving along the same path. Studies have shown that taking

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I’m Not Okay | Caton small, actionable steps can significantly reduce feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. A study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that when individuals act toward solving a problem, even if the solution isn’t immediately clear, they feel less anxious than those who remain passive and stuck.46

Acting on Knowledge Sometimes our plans have so many actions that it’s difficult to know where to start. Here’s my tip: Start with the first right thing you know to do.

For instance, if you’re facing financial challenges, the first step could be as simple as keeping track of what you spend your money on for a day or cutting out a non-essential expense.

If it’s a strained relationship that’s troubling you, it might be sending the person a text asking them to coffee. The first right thing, no matter how small, is the place to start.

Avoiding Inactivity God has given all of us unique gifts, talents, and skills; and He means for us to USE THEM. Inactivity is not His desire for us; He’s designed us to move, to act, and to change.

The Journal of Counseling Psychology found that when individuals act toward solving a problem, even if the solution isn’t immediately clear, they feel less anxious than those who remain passive and stuck.

Heppner, Puncky Paul and Chris H. Petersen. “The development and implications of a personal problem-solving inventory.” Journal of Counseling Psychology 29 (1982): 66–75.

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I want to encourage you with this—Some of us have gotten so locked into certain thought processes that we’ve become like my dog, Rex, whining like a baby at a harmless pile of laundry. We’ve let fears, overthinking, and distraction drive our decisions, which then drive our life’s direction.

There might be some dirty laundry in your life—past mistakes, regrets, or misconceptions that you’ve been circling around, afraid to confront.

But God is urging you: get over it, move beyond it. Get active! While it’s important to acknowledge our fears and the roots of our anxieties, it’s equally crucial not to let them hold us hostage. The pile of laundry in our path isn’t the end of the journey; it’s just a small step we need to take. And with faith and a little courage, we can move past it.

Remember God is in Control It’s easy to forget during all this that we are not alone. Not only does God offer His help, but He is in control over every circumstance. This includes the stress you’re feeling, the plan you’ve put together, and even the victory you’re hoping for.

Let’s circle back to a story we touched on earlier from Matthew chapter eight. It’s been an exhausting day of teaching. Jesus and His disciples decide to cross the Sea of Galilee. On their way, a violent storm arises. The disciples, many of whom were seasoned fishermen familiar with storms, find themselves terrified as their boat is tossed around by waves. To their astonishment, Jesus is asleep.

The disciples’ reaction is natural and human: they panic. In desperation, they wake Jesus up, desperate for Him to do something. Their focus is on the immediate danger, the towering waves and howling wind. Jesus responds, though not in the way they expect. Rather than immediately calm the storm, He challenges them: “Oh you of little faith, why are you afraid?” This response might seem unsympathetic at first. After all, the threat was real. The storm wasn’t a figment of their imagination. But Jesus’s question cuts to the core of their fear: had they forgotten WHO was with them?

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I’m Not Okay | Caton In life’s storms, it’s easy to focus on our problems. But Jesus’s message is clear: the size of our faith in God’s control can surpass the size of our fears. The disciples had momentarily forgotten that God’s Own Son was in their boat. Their focus shifted from the Creator to the created, from the Almighty to the storm. This story begs another question: Are our worries and anxieties stronger because our faith is weak?

Do we remember God’s control only when times are easy and forget it when we’re stressed and overwhelmed? Focusing our thoughts, equipping ourselves for life’s battles, and acting on what we know are all crucial.

But without anchoring ourselves in the unwavering truth that God is in control, we can still react like the disciples in full panic mode when life gets choppy. My invitation to you right now is to strengthen your faith—to trust that, even when the boat rocks and the waves crash, God is with you. When we embrace this truth, we find a peace that surpasses understanding, even in the fiercest of storms.

The Thing We All Want is Peace “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

These words, spoken by Jesus to His followers, will be our closing thoughts on stress, worry, and anxiety. If you are in a space in your life today where you are stressed out or worried or anxious, I want to encourage you to step back and realize the peace that you have.

First and foremost, we have peace with God through faith in Jesus Christ.

And then flowing from that comes peace with ourselves and others. This peace is a gift from Jesus that we could not gain any other way. We don’t work for it. It’s not something we have to wait for. We have it now. Right now.

Receive the gift, and let it create a pathway in your mind and life that becomes so grooved—so entrenched—that being at peace becomes easier than being anxious. That’s Jesus’s promise, and it’s for you today.

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Chapter Eight

SHEDDING YOUR GRAVE CLOTHES

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I’m Not Okay | Caton One of the most compelling miracles Jesus performed was raising Lazarus from the dead. It was quite the scene because Lazarus had been in the grave four whole days.

John chapter 11 dives into the details of this miracle as Jesus was preaching and caring for people. Jesus was teaching in a nearby village when He received word that Lazarus, His friend, was sick and dying. He continued to teach and preach; and finally, after a couple of days, He made the journey to see Lazarus. In the middle of His journey, He gets word that Lazarus had succumbed to his illness.

When He arrived, the people were distraught with grief. Some even said, “Savior, had you been there, this wouldn’t have happened.” My guess is, when bad things happen to us, we stand there asking God, “Well, if You actually loved me, You would have answered my prayer, shown up quicker, stopped it from happening.” Shortly after this, Jesus took some time to visit the grave where Lazarus was laid. He wept at the sight of it. He loved His friend and felt the full weight of loss that any other human would feel in that moment. I want you to know, when bad things come your way, Jesus is right there with you in times of grief, sadness, and depression.

After grieving, Jesus stepped back from the tomb and asked the stone to be rolled away; and Lazarus, whose body was wrapped in grave clothes, came walking out. Now, I want to focus on the fact that he was still in grave clothes. If as followers of Christ, we have been raised into new life, then why are so many of us still walking around in our grave clothes?

Understanding Our Grave Clothes Now, we’re not literally walking around in grave clothes. If you are, I would encourage you to find the nearest washing machine, because they probably smell bad.

For some, the grave clothes we still wear look like burdens in our life, addiction, past hurts, fear, anxiety, and depression. For others, they could look like a divorce that ended in deep heartbreak or a health issue that you

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feel like God isn’t healing. If we look back to the story of Lazurus, after he walks out of the grave, Jesus tells him this in John 11:44: “The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, ‘Take off the grave clothes and let him go.’ ” The reason Jesus wanted someone to help Lazarus to remove his grave clothes is because he was now alive, free from the tomb that held him. All his grave clothes did was hold him back from moving freely (and make him smelly).

Removing Your Grave Clothes Something to know about grave clothes is they were not just loose cloth placed over the dead. A burial was performed with great care so that the body was treated with respect and dignity.

Lazarus was likely wrapped in multiple layers of shroud; his hands and feet would have been tied together with strips of cloth and his face had a special cloth laid over it. This was not something he could easily get out of alone.

After Lazarus walked out of the grave, Jesus asked the people around him to help take off his grave clothes.

The truth is, we are wrapped tightly in our grave clothes, and God does not expect us to take them off alone. We are encouraged to ask for help when the time comes to remove them. So, how do we take them off? By using God’s Word, His people, His church, community, prayer, the study of the Word, and the memorization of Scripture. I will tell you, in my time as a pastor, when we are confronted with the grave clothes in our lives, I have met people using unhelpful methods to try to get them off.

Coping With Your Grave Clothes Have you ever jumped into a pool with jeans on and then tried to get them off? If you have, you know that it’s not easy. As you try to work the jeans off, they stick to your skin like glue, leaving you exhausted and frustrated. Or you might give up trying altogether and just hope they dry before giving you a rash. Trying to live a redeemed life with our grave clothes on will weigh us down like sopping wet jeans. We must take the grave clothes off to walk into the life God has for us.

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If as followers of Christ, we have been raised into new life, then why are so many of us still walking around in our grave clothes?

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When we go through hard things, we can either turn to Jesus and ask for help taking off our grave clothes, or we can try to take them off ourselves.

Choosing to take them off ourselves is tough and usually ends up in us using coping methods while the grave clothes are still stuck to us like those wet jeans. Coping with the grave clothes can look like a few things: 1. Addiction: Alcohol, pain killers, and porn, etc.

2. Overeating or undereating 3. Overshopping that eventually drives you into debt 4. Being unfaithful to a spouse instead of turning to counseling That’s just to name a few coping mechanisms. Whatever you are using to cope with those grave clothes, I want you to know the only way to get them off is reaching out for help—not to just anyone but reaching out to people who love the Lord. Surrounding yourself with a Godly community means you’ll be in relationships with people who will point you to the truth. They will help you remove your grave clothes and keep them off.

Staying Out of the Grave What is an impactful change we can make in our lives? It’s staying out of the grave, walking away and finding people that keep us moving further away and closer to Christ.

If you are reading this and thinking “Man, I am actually not okay,” if you find yourself struggling with any of the things we’ve covered, the last thing I want you to do is close this book and go isolate yourself. Or go out and try to numb all the emotions that may have been unearthed.

Don’t live a life where you make decisions wholly based on your emotions.

I want you to go forward rooting your decisions in the Word of God and walking where the Holy Spirit leads. You must make these lifestyle choices to get out of the grave and stay out.

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I’m Not Okay | Caton Imagine a scenario where you go to the doctor for your annual checkup.

You walk in thinking you’re cruising through life the way you are currently living. You might drink moderately, maybe eat fast food here and there.

You work out sometimes, try to eat healthy here and there, and are living a generally healthy life. Then, all the test results come back, and you have high cholesterol. Your doctor gives you a list of lifestyle changes to make, but you are young and think, “Man, I still have time. I’ll get to making these changes when I start not feeling well.” Here’s the problem with that method. It won’t work because the bloodwork results will just keep getting worse with time if changes are not made.

This is the same situation for our spiritual life. To stay healthy, to avoid ending up in the grave, we need to make lifestyle changes early on, so we don’t end up walking right back into the place Jesus raised us out of.

Moving Forward Knowing We Are Not Alone As you close this book, my prayer for you is to let God move in your life.

I think we are all aware that life in the world is not easy. Sometimes we want to run away, escape from anxiety, depression, tough marriages, financial problems, or grief from losing someone.

I want you to understand that you are not alone.

There is power in being upfront and honest by saying, “I’m not okay.”

I want you to understand that you are not alone. There is power in being upfront and honest by saying, “I’m not okay.” As Christ followers, we need to walk down the path Jesus calls us to. That path looks like following Him with a heart of honesty and vulnerability. This life will make us feel weak, and we will be given problems that we can’t handle alone. Know that God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. If you lean on Him, He will fight every battle you face right there with you.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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I’m Not Okay | Caton John Mark Caton, Ph.D., is not only a seasoned pastor but also a widely recognized author and speaker.

With a profound commitment to guiding others through life’s challenges, John Mark’s influence extends beyond the pulpit of Cottonwood Creek Church to various media platforms, hosting his own podcast and as a featured guest on Fox News. As the senior pastor of Cottonwood Creek Church since 1995, he has exemplified steadfast leadership and unwavering devotion to his congregation. His tenure has been marked by a dedication to fostering spiritual growth and providing guidance rooted in the timeless wisdom of scripture.

Beyond his pastoral duties, John Mark is a dynamic speaker and author, sharing his experiences with a captivating blend of wisdom, humor, and authenticity. Through his speaking engagements, he inspires and empowers individuals to reach their full potential, offering insights into personal growth, leadership, matters of faith, resilience, and navigating life’s trials with grace. As an author, John Mark’s books build upon his life experiences and biblical knowledge to explore various topics including marriage, mental health, successful Christian living, depression, and suicide.

Through his writing, speaking engagements, and pastoral ministry, John Mark continues to inspire countless individuals to embrace faith, find purpose, and navigate life’s challenges with unwavering resolve. In his own words, he encapsulates his life philosophy: “There are times in our lives when we feel like things can’t get any worse. In these low points, it’s important to remember that your life always has purpose—God always has a plan for you.”

Outside of his professional endeavors, John Mark is a devoted family man, husband to his wife Jeana since 1990, and proud father of four children. His love for his family, combined with his passion for sports and unwavering faith, forms the foundation of his identity and fuels his relentless pursuit of spreading positivity and encouragement.

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