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November 2012 No 68

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Bar & Restaurant Guide Puzzles & Quizzes What’s On Guide Horoscopes Local Info Kids Page Jokes

BLOCKED DRAINS

952 885 661 630 200 600

fanta or see s

fun visit ticage 50 p

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Covering the Costa del Sol

Including: Fuengirola•La Cala•Calahonda•Elviria Marbella•Puerto Banus•San Pedro•Benahavis•Cancelada Estepona•La Duquesa•Sabinillas•Sotogrande•Alhaurin•Coín


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A big welcome to the November issue of The Costa Link… Have you noticed it’s getting darker much earlier now? It seems that the weather knows that the clocks have gone back and now it’s got a bit colder, it really feels like winter is on its way! One of the things I miss about living in The UK that I miss is bonfire night, all wrapped up, eating jacket potatoes in front of a bonfire and watching the fireworks. So I hope you will join me by having a Jacket potato on the fifth!! Speaking of winter, I know you will hate me for saying it, but Christmas will be here before you know it, so if you need to boost your business for the festive period, give us a shout, we have some great deals on advertising for the winter and with the coverage and popularity that we have, what would be the point of advertising anywhere else? I would also like to say congratulations to Christine Edmonds, who won the meal for two at Santiago’s In Alhaurin, I hope she and her guest enjoyed their dinner, and I shall announce the winner of last month’s Party Party competition here next month. Remember to remember on the 11th and wear your poppy with pride!

Nearly Christmas...

Link! Everyone Loves the Costa

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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2012.

costa link magazine will no longer accept advertising from the following businesses or individuals: wCLAUDE SEYFFERS - FINCA LA CAPUCINE, MIJAS wToNY BEDwELL - ThE oAk RESTAURANT wRESTAURANT EL FogoN DE LA ALDEA - BENAhAvIS wA1SSE ELECTRICIANS wFRENk kERENS - BICAR IMPoRT/ExPoRT SL, MIDoS 6

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 663 061 669


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A W o m a n’ s W o r l d It’s all about the shopping... A woman was in town on a shop-

ping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realised she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful slice complimentary cake from the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her Husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!

While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead andfinished, because it will be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his full time carer!' The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.The female doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. What'd you buy?'

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hoT goSS!

The X FACToR 2012... Ella Henderson is having it tough on X Factor:

The 16 year old singer might be bookies favourite to win the ITV show in December and it’s been reported that if she makes it to the final she’ll even get the chance to perform with legendary singer Beyonce , but while she loves the experience and the opportunities that have been presented, the teenage performer is also struggling with homesickness. Are you an Ella fan? Who do you think will win this years X Factor? Let us know why not leave a comment on our facebook page… www.facebook.com/costalinkmagazine

STRiCTly Come DAnCing 2012... Well since Strictly hit our screens in September it’s been ups (in the form of Victoria Pendletons skirt) and all downs for Halls & Balls….. Tess Daly has admitted that she just can’t keep her eyes off some of the contestants on Strictly Come Dancing this year. We have found ourselves ogling Louis Smith, James Jordan and the lovely Artem week in, week out on the BBC series to date but it seems that married star Tess has more of an eye for the ladies. In an interview with The Daily Star Daly claimed that bosses had landed their ‘fittest lineup’ to date for the 2012 series, adding: Robin Windsor has admitted that he is finding it hard to keep up with the big ball of energy that is Lisa Riley. Many viewers were shocked by Lisa’s dance skills and underestimated her. Robin, Lisa’s partner said, “She is killing me!” Yesterday I was lying asleep on the floor, because she had exhausted me and Lisa was going “let’s go again!”. I was like “I need ten minutes.”‘ Bookies have slashed her odds for winning and it seems to be a fair bet that she will make the final at least. Do you think Lisa can win Strictly Come Dancing? Texan model Jerry Hall left the competition last month, and it seems that she was so furious at being voted off, she threw a “strop” backstage. Con’t on page 12...

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HOt gOSS!

CONtINUED StrICtly COmE DaNCINg 2012... The Sun reports that Jerry “stormed off” into her dressing room and refused to give any interviews to the press. Meanwhile, Denise Van Outen has revealed that her two year old daughter Betsy is less than impressed with her mum’s participation on the show, and would rather watch Peppa Pig! Denise if course still very much a favourite to win the show. Who’s your fave at the moment? I’m a CElEbrIty 2012 ... is about to explode back onto our TV screens.

X Factor is wonderful and we love watching the singing hopefuls each weekend and Strictly is a delight….who doesn’t love watching James Jordan and Artem in those tight trousers on a Saturday night? But for us, nothing can quite beat the sight of a so called celebrity gagging on a piece of kangaroo penis, or a camel’s testicle, or an elephant’s boob (we don’t know if that even exists, but if it does, we want to see Simon Cowell eating one!). We know that you reality TV fans love your annual jungle adventure as much as we do, so we’ve taken some time out of our hectically busy schedule and interrupted our TV critiquing and reviewing (ie we turned Eastenders off for ten minutes) and put together a list of all the stars rumoured to be heading into jungle camp next month and details of the tasks and twists that we know about so far. So far the celebrities linked to the show are: Trinny and Susannah |TOWIE’s Maria Fowler |Coronation Street actress Helen Flanagan | Eastenders star Ricky Groves | Singer Grace Jones | Kate Middleton’s cousin Katrina Darling | Comedian Brian Conley | Author and MP Louise Mensch | Olympic swimmer Rebecca Adlington | Medal-winning cyclist Bradley Wiggins & Darts player Eric Bristow. It is claimed that bosses have spent a whopping £60,000 on rats and cockroaches for the series and are planning a challenge named Midnight Express. In this one campmate will find themselves locked into a a dark carriage, which will be full of all sorts of frightening delights... So excited!

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A Tale from the Cock & Trumpet PET

COCK

It was a slow night down at the Cock & Trumpet only four customers in the bar. At eight thirty sharp Paddy O'Brien came in and ordered a pint of Guinness and a doubly Irish whiskey and went to sit in a corner of the lounge. On his fourth trip to the bar, another customer entered the bar, "Evening All" he called in a heavy Dublin accent. "Are you from Dublin?" asked Paddy. "Why yes I am" replied the newcomer. "Would you take a drink with a fellow Dubliner?" enquired Paddy. "Why that's very civil of you sir, I'll have a Guinness" "What part of Dublin do you come from?" asked Paddy. "Up by St Stephen's Green" was the reply "Why that's remarkable" said Paddy, "I'm from that part of town too. Have another pint" "What school did you go to" asked Paddy . "St Mary the Blessed Virgin and Holy Mother of Jesus Christ"

& TRUM

"Holy Mother of God! I went to the same school" replied Paddy. " Have another pint my friend" "What years were you there and who was your teacher?" asked Paddy. "Oh I was there from 1956 until 1960 and I was in Miss O'Farrell's class" "Jesus Christ!!" exclaimed Paddy me too. " Landlord fill these glasses up again would you?" The door opened and another thirsty customer entered the pub, " Evening George. How're things going? Much happening tonight" George the Landlord replied, "Nothing much Bill. The O'Brien twins are in again and hammered as usual"

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1) Rick Stein’s cookery programmes usually revolve around which type of food? 2) What is the fifth book of the Old Testament? 3) Which 80’s TV detective series was set on the island of Jersey? 4) Name the 1980’s hit sung by Tina Turner and Rod Stewart? 5) Which type of monkeys lives on the island of Gibraltar? 6) In which county is the port of Felixstowe? 7) Who played Rick Blaine in the film Casablanca? 8) Who were the runners up in the Euro 2012? 9) In heraldry, what does ‘Argent’ mean? 10) What does the chemical symbol ‘U’ represent? 11) In which country is Mandalay (as in the song – road to Mandalay)? 12) Which BBC Radio station (1, 2, 3, 4 or 5) is broadcast solely on medium wave? 13) In which country was former motor racing driver Ayrton Senna born? 14) How many feet are there in a nautical mile?

15) Which TV show used to give away cabbages as the booby prize? 16) What is the currency of Pakistan? 17) Which member of The Royal Family won a medal at the London 2012 Olympics? 18) A lift used for food in a restaurant is known as what kind of waiter? 19) What colour are the triple word score squares in the game of Scrabble? 20) In which month is VE Day? 21) In Billiards, how many points are scored for a cannon? 22) Libra is the starsign that covers which 2 months of the year? 23 ) Where is Parkhurst prison? 24) In which country was George Best born? 25) Ronan Keating headed up which band? 26) What is the study of handwriting known as? 27) Which wooden puppet did Carlo Collodi write about? 28) What do the initials ISBN stand for? 29) What is a natterjack? 30) Who lives in a Manse?

TRIVIA QUIZ

Answers on page 96

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for all you lexiophiles ….Meaning a play on words to the rest of us • A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. • What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway) • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. • A backward poet writes inverse. • She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. • If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. • With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. • Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. • The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. • You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. • In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes. • Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN downunder.

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con’t

for all you lexiophiles • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart. • Every calendar's days are numbered. • A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine. • A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. • He had a photographic memory which was never developed. • A plateau is a high form of flattery.

• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was small medium at large. • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. • When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. • When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. • Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. • Acupuncture is a jab well done. • He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. • Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

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THE CApTAIN & THE CAMEL A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel." The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

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Bra sizes explained…

A Man’s World

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for.

It is about time you became informed: A: Almost Boobs, B: Barely there, C: Can’t Complain!, D: Damn!, DD: Double damn! E: Enormous!, F: Fake. * See pic A: The advantages of a big chested lady can be many – To shield from rain (cough, cough)! Can also work in opposite as shade from sun, for human man or for beer / lager…

Things not to say during childbirth… • Do you think the baby will come before Match of the Day starts? • If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing football. • When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar. • That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner? • You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment. • Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there.

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GROUND CONTROL TO... Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. • Pilot: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. • Pilot: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Engineer: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. • Pilot: Something loose in cockpit Engineer: Something tightened in cockpit. • Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineer: Live bugs on back-order. • Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineer: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. • Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineer: Evidence removed. • Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineer: DME volume set to more believable level. • Pilot: IFF inoperative. Engineer: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. • Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineer: Suspect you're right. • Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineer: Engine found on right wing after brief search. • Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineer: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. •Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineer: Took hammer away from midget.

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Did you know...! Last year there were over 200 accidents, some fatal here in Spain, that a dog loose in the car was a major contributing factor in the accident! So the Spanish police have proactively issuing heavy fines to dog owners that allow their dogs in their cars without any form on restriction although restrainers that clip to the dogs harness then into the seat belt are a good thing for some it should be said that the police still have finned owners because the dog is sitting on a seat. As it stands the only guaranteed way for drivers/dog owners to not be fined is to install a cage / crate in their car. Cages/ travel crates nowadays come in a vast array of shapes and sizes for estate or hatchbacks but remember to always secure the cage to the anchor points in your car and if you are using a collapsible cage make sure that you strengthen it with good strong cable ties. We transport pets through Europe on a regular basis; providing a compartment for pets is not only a legal requirement for us but it also ensures pets are totally free to move around, feel safe & secure without feeling bound & attached.

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Medical Tips

Lymph Network Spain WHAT IS LYMPH NETWORK SPAIN? Lymph Network Spain is a physiotherapy clinic specialising in the treatment of lymphoedema. WHAT IS LYMPHOEDEMA? In simple terms lymphoedema is a chronic swelling. It most frequently occurs in the arms and legs but can occur in the head, neck and genitals. Lymphoedema can be divided into two types Primary and Secondary. Primary lymphoedema there is congenital malformation of the lymphatic system. Secondary lymphoedema the cause is usually known e.g. Chronic Venous Insufficiency (CVI), cancer, trauma or infection. In medical terms lymphoedema results from a ‘mechanical failure of the lymphatic system’. WHAT IS THE LYMPHATIC SYSTEM? The lymphatic system is an extensive network of vessels and nodes and organs throughout the body. It transports fluid called lymph. Lymph contains fluid from the body’s tissues, fat cells, protein and foreign substances e.g. bacteria and toxins. The constant formation and movement of this lymph keeps the human body in a state of equilibrium. In an intact lymphatic system the ability to transport lymph fluid is greater than the amount of lymph fluid present therefore the state of equilibrium is maintained. In a poorly formed or damaged lymphatic system the equilibrium is interrupted. The amount of lymph fluid present exceeds the transport capacity resulting in swelling lymphoedema. SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF LYMPHOEDEMA • Slow, progressive onset of swelling • Swelling typically starts at the distal part of a limb e.g. hand or foot • Swelling that is easily indented • Swelling that does not respond to elevation, cold therapy or medication • Rarely painful • Heavy, uncomfortable • Skin changes may occur • Infection of the skin (Cellulitis) WHO IS AT RISK? • Family history of lymphoedema or unexplained swelling • Chronic Venous Insufficiency (CVI) as a result of Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) • History of varicose vein stripping • History of treatment for Cancer – lymph node dissection and/or radiotherapy (If you have had treatment for cancer and have not received any information on how to reduce your risk of developing lymphoedema it is strongly recommended that you have a one off appointment for all the relevant advice and education) WHAT CAN LYMPH NETWORK SPAIN DO TO HELP YOU? If you have already had a diagnosis of lymphoedema, are concerned that you may have it, or worried that you may develop it Lymph Network Spain can help you. A thorough assessment will be carried out, all the necessary advice and education will be given and if necessary treatment carried out. The treatment available is Complex Decongestive Therapy (CDT). This consists of Manual Lymphatic Drainage, Compression Therapy, Skin care and Exercise. Kinesio taping is also available.

Kirsty Cooke is a Preferred Partner of “medilink” and is a qualified Lymphoedema Specialist. For more information on Kirsty or any of our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on 952 93 38 76 36


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Are you fed up with trying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

…solving the puzzle of healthcar e in healthcare Spain! Tel: T el: (0034) 952 93 38 76 Email: medilinkspain@gmail.com only you'll ever medilink the onl y tel no y ou'll e ver need

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Contact your English Agent, Susan Warner T: 951 272 124 M: 615 655 348 www.healthinsurance-spain.com info@healthinsurance-spain.com


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Health & Well Being

WHY ARE ATHLETES WEARING COLOURED TAPE? WHAT IS KINESIO TAPE...

In the Euro 2012 Championship, Italian striker Mario Balotelli was sporting three tramlines of blue sticky tape on his back. And at Wimbledon, Serbian tennis player Novak Djokovic has had his elbow patched up with the same stuff. So what's behind this latest sporting fad? The Japanese makers of Kinesio tape say it gives players an edge by mending injuries. Kinesio Taping gives support and stability to your joints and muscles without affecting circulation and range of motion. It is also used for Preventive Maintenance, Edema, and to treat pain. Kinesio Taping is a technique based on the body's own natural healing process. This Kinesio Taping exhibits its efficacy through the activation of neurological and circulatory systems. This method basically stems from the science of Kinesiology, hence the name "Kinesio". Muscles are not only attributed to the movements of the body but also control the circulation of venous and lymph flows, body temperature, etc. Therefore, the failure of the muscles to function properly induces various kinds of symptoms. Consequently, so much attention was given to the importance of muscle function that the idea of treating the muscles in order to activate the body's own healing process came about. Using an elastic tape, it was discovered that muscles and other tissues could be helped by outside assistance. Employment of Kinesio Taping creates a totally new approach to treating nerves, muscles, and organs. The first application of Kinesio Taping was for a patient with articular disorders. For the first 10 years, orthopedists, chiropractors, acupuncturists and other medical practitioners were the main users of Kinesio Taping. Soon thereafter, Kinesio Taping was used by the Japanese Olympic volleyball players and word quickly spread to other athletes. Today, Kinesio Taping is used by medical practitioners and athletes around the world.The Kinesio Taping Method is applied over muscles to reduce pain and inflammation, relax overused tired muscles, and to support muscles in movement on a 24hr/day basis. It is non-restrictive type of taping which allows for full range of motion. In contrast, traditional sports' taping is wrapped around a joint strictly for stabilization and support during a sporting event obstructing the flow of bodily fluids as an UNDESIRABLE side-effect. Kinesio Tape is used for anything from headaches to foot problems and everything in between. Examples include: muscular facilitation or inhibition in pediatric patients, carpal tunnel syndrome, lower back strain/pain (subluxations, herniated disc), knee conditions, shoulder conditions, hamstring, groin injury, rotator cuff injury, whiplash, tennis elbow, plantar fasciitis, patella tracking, pre and post surgical edema, ankle sprains, athletic preventative injury method, and as a support method. If you would like to know more about Kinesio Tape and how it can help you please call me on: 606 867 821 / 952 937 301

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HA,HA,HE,HE... A Penguin walks into a bar: Penguin walks into a shop and asks the assistant: 'Do you have any grapes?' 'No,' he replies. The same thing happens the next day and on the third day the assistant replies: 'No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor!' Next day the penguin walks in and asks: 'Got any nails?' 'No,' replies the assistant. 'Got any grapes?' the penguin asks. ANALYSE THAT: My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that. The Parisian arT Thief: Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only streets away when his Eco car ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied; (brace yourself, this is really bad.) “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.” (Told you!) Bobby V’s Ms.Smith: Finding one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

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November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/12 8:57 PM Page 44

A ONE CAKE RACE... Jennifer Brown, aged 62, a grandmother was thrilled to win second prize in a baking contest until she found that her cake was the only entry. She was awarded second place for her Victoria Sponge in the competition, reports the Mirror. She was intrigued to find out which cake had beaten her to the top spot and it was then that she discovered the truth. Organisers had spotted her sponge had rack marks from where it had been in the oven and decided it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t up to the standards demanded for first place. But grandmother-of-four Jennifer said she was not browned off and chuckled, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I must admit I have never heard of coming second in a one horse race before. When a friend of mine told me I had come second I was quite pleased, both for getting a prize and also because I just assumed they must have had more entries. The cake hadn't been judged good enough to win the contest, but it was soon polished off and there were certainly no complaints.â&#x20AC;? Jennifer, who had entered the competition organised for her village carnival in Wimblington, Cambridgeshire, added, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Although I have never heard of anything like this before I certainly didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take offence. I had a good laugh with the organiser about it. It certainly wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t put me off baking cakes.â&#x20AC;?

Giving GGivin iving Santa iving Santa Sa anta a Helping HHelpin He elpin elpin lpingg Hand HHaand and Christmas is Coming

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November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/12 8:57 PM Page 46

Some thoughts . . . • Can you cry under water? • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? • If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? • Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? • Why do you have to "put your t wo cents in".... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? • Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? • Why does a round pizza come in a square box? • What disease did cured ham actually have? • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea a to put wheels on luggage? • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every t wo hours? • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? • If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? • Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? • Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Australian Court Docket 12659 ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused when on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said: "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said: "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it." "CASE DISMISSED!!"

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WHEN THE BEST ISN’T ENOUGH... If the top of the range Ferrari or Rolls Royce not unique enough for you, speak to the manufacturer and see what they can do for you, if your pockets are deep enough! McLaren Special Operations presented a breathtaking one-off supercar in August. Called the X1, it has been created for an anonymous car enthusiast. It shares the same the major mechanical components as the 12C, including the twin-turbo 625BHP engine, and design inspiration came from Facel Vega, Chrysler D'Elegance Ghia, a Buick Electra, a Citroën SM. There were various examples of architecture including the Guggenheim museums in New York and Bilbao - plus a Jaeger LeCoultre art deco clock, an Airstream trailer, a Thomas Mann Montblanc pen, a grand piano - and an aubergine. Eric Clapton is such a huge fan of the Ferrari 512 Berlinetta Boxer, he asked Ferrari to make a oneoff tribute to the car called the SP12 EC. Essentially a heavily re-worked 458 Italia it reportedly cost nearly 4 million Euros to build. It contains several visual cues that evoke the original including two-tone paint, a wire-frame grille and silver vents on the front hood. Porsche created this car in 1983 for Mansour Ojjeh, the CEO of TAG Group, when TAGPorsche made engines for McLaren cars in Formula 1. They modified a 911 Turbo to look like one of their famous 935 "slant nose" racing cars and upgraded the engine to make more than 400 horsepower. Porsche also loaded the car down with luxury features like a high-end stereo. The Sultan of Brunei has thousands of cars many being designed and built specially for him, one of the most interesting is this Rolls Royce DC Coupe built in 1996. He also has a fleet of both Bentley turbo R shooting breaks and Ferrari 456 shooting brakes.

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Bentley are on the verge of Launching the EXP9-F and they say it is the first ever Bentley SUV – they must have forgotten about the seven SUVs they built for The Sultan in 1994 called the Dominator…………..


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con’ t

Some thoughts . . . • If a 999 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? • Why is "bra" singular and "knickers" plural? • Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? • When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! • What do you call male ballerinas?

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OAPâ&#x20AC;&#x2C6;Dating... A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married.

She put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's ), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON." On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you . . . you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

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con’ t

Some thoughts . . . • Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream? • If Wyle E. Coyote had e enough money to buy all those ACME products, why didn't he just buy dinner?

• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? • Is Disney World the only company operated by a mouse? • Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? • Why did you just try singing the t wo songs above? • Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your bottom? • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets annoyed, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

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What’s On

November 1st : Tres Divos return for a fantastic night of Opera and classical music @ Mijas Playa. November 7th & 15th : Arran Harding sings and entertains you music to suit all @ Mijas Playa. November 8th : Vikki Reid will sing a wide range of music to suit everyone @ Mijas Playa. November 22nd : RAT PACK live from Las Vegas Trio @ Mijas Playa. YOUR NIGHTLY ENTERTAINMENT @ Mijas Playa: Mondays: Frankie Valentine, Sings Swing - Tuesdays: Steve Summers from the 60s to Michael Buble - Wednesdays: Changes weekly Thursdays: Cabaret Evening Entertainment changes weekly - Fridays: Piano Man, David Mairs from Rock n Roll to Love Songs - Saturdays: David Mairs and Peter Brooks Rock n Roll to Love Songs - Sunday day: Frankie Valentine Sings Swing - Sunday evenings: Peter Brooks entertains with Soul, Motown and Swing. Mijas Playa Restaurant, paseo Maritmo, La Cala De Mijas (0034) 952 493 749 Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Tuesday: Mum & Baby Pilates class at 11am at the San Roque International Nursery, Sotogrande with stimulating toys, ball pool and much more. www.pilatesparati.es Every Wednesday: Mums and Tots group in Coin will meet every Wednesday 9.30am-11.30am at Educanima Ball Park (opposite Mercadona). Play facilities for the kids and cafe for the parents. All welcome from any area and €1.50 per hour with monitors. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda Every Saturday: Costa All Stars Cheerleader classes now running Coin at Aqua Gym in La Trocha. All ages in one class from 10.30am-12pm. Call Vanessa on 677 493 280. Every Saturday: The Wildside Forest School for Kids held every Saturday. 10am-12pm for aged 4-7 years and 1-3pm for 7-10 year olds. Two hour classes for children in nature. Tree rubbings, building a camp, safety, insects etc. See www.wildsidesurvivaleurope.com for info. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00 Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112. Las Casitas: Entertainment: Sunday: David Mairs - Keyboard/Guitar/ Vocals - Tuesday: Sean Muray - Irish Guitar Vocals - Wednesday: Franki B - (Heatwave) Soul Motown - Friday: Karaoke Sunday Lunch: 1:00pm - 10:30pm.

Guide

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know… email: edititor@costalinkmagazine.com or phone 951 216 131

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Castle Green Consultants S.L. are a claims and wealth management company based in Riviera del sol. W We e are next door to opencor just off the N340 with ample free parking in front of the office. One of the areas we specialise in is claiming compensation for our clients for their mis-sold UK mor mortgages. tgages. This has ed to nothing to do with PPI (although we can also do those claims) it is solely link linked your mor tgage. mortgage. If you have taken taken out a mor tgage or re-mor tgage in the UK af ter 1998 you could mortgage re-mortgage after be due £000’s in compensation compensation.. This is because in October 1998 the sale of mortgages mortgages in the UK became regulated for the ver very y first time but a lot of financial institutions, financial advisers and brok brokers ers continued to sell mor mortgages tgages as they had done previously therefore breaking many of the new rules. Most people believe that this will not apply to them but don don’t certain. ’t be so cer tain. Ask yourself the following questions. Did you arrange your mor mortgage finan-tgage through a finan as it an interest only mor tgage? Wa er? W cial adviser or brok broker? Was mortgage? Was as it with a sub-prime ty? Did the as it a council right to buy proper lender(not a high street lender)? W Was property? ere you receiving state mortgage go beyond your planned retirement date? W mortgage Were benefits at the time? If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you could be owed started. Call Castle take about 30 minutes to get the process started. £000’s. It will only take today. green Consultants on 952932 563 today.

Call us on 952 932 563 today www.castlegreenconsultants.com www .castlegreenconsultants.com

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On a weekly basis, stories are appearing that there is a very real problem with our pensions. “The Telegraph” reports that due to falling investment returns and annuity rates, many are delaying their retirement as they simply can’t afford to stop working. “The Express” is even more chilling in its reporting, stating that millions face a retirement of poverty as annuity rates were cut 24 times this summer alone. The question you must ask is what can be done about it? There is good news! As a British or Irish citizen now living in Spain, you can take a simple action to rectify your situation, which unfortunately your friends at home cannot. By transferring your pension to an overseas pension, fully approved by the UK and Irish governments, then you can start to take far more control of your future. Not only will you be able to take a larger tax free lump sum on retirement and receive your income gross of tax but you will also be able to choose how your money is invested – and therefore see better returns. If your pension pot can grow at just a few per cent more per year as a result of your investment choices, then this translates to a far higher income in retirement. The larger pot alone should be enough to convince you to act and transfer your fund. In addition however, you can see the balance of your fund transferred to your loved ones at death, which often isn’t the case with UK and Irish pensions. This can also be done tax efficiently, depending on the funds you have chosen. All in all, the argument for transfer is overwhelming. In fact, the opportunity to do so is one of the very real benefits of having an ex-pat life. The final and concluding point is that this transfer if done through ABD World Group is absolutely free – we will even give you an IPad for using our service! For those of you who may be suffering financially during these difficult economic times, ABD World Group can help release funds from your pension. Up to 89% of your pension pot can be released to you if you need help with your business or due to redundancy. The details of this plan are in the advertisement on the facing page. It is time to act to secure your future. Whether you require a release of funds or a simple transfer to a better pension product, please contact ABD World Group by phone at 952 768 316 or by e-mail at infospain@abdworldgroup.com


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When it comes to heating, the company on the coast to contact is: EnviroCare covering the whole coast. Suppliers of quality heating and cooling products since 1996, at competitive prices. Their engineers are compliant with the latest F registration certification, and are fully trained. Now is swimming pool heat pump season: make full use of your pool, or maximising rental potential with a heated pool. Pool covers, rollers, and filtration systems can be supplied too. October - is the time when guttering becomes very popular, minimising the water damage on properties, helping to keep paintwork in great condition avoiding damp inside the property. Air Conditioning, gives heating, cooling and dehumidifying in one slim-line unit. The inverter models offer the latest technology, with low consumption. Instant heating, room by room. Or full property climatisation with the ducted systems. Ask about the range of Spanish basket gas fires, installed to the latest Spanish gas regulations. Central heating gives wonderful background warmth. With a boiler and radiators, these installations, planned by technical engineers to give optimum output and high performance. Solar water heating, free hot water! Servicing and repairs are a large part of the work carried out at EnviroCare. All products carry a long guarantee, but they continually repair makes and models fitted by other companies. And when any machines are serviced regularly, the fact is, they become more economical to operate, and have a longer life expectancy. Envirocare: 00 34 952 663 141 or 00 34 670 409 759 info@envirocarespain.com

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Crushed sCrotum... During the service, the vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered. A lady stood up and came forward. She said, "I have a reason to thank the Lord." "Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed." "The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced. She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain.""We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation." "They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.A man rose and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Jim and I would like to tell my beautiful blonde wife, the word is 'sternum."

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HA,HA,HE,HE... run You.”

A LAWYER HIS BROTHER & A LION: A lawyer and his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling. The brother said “What should we do?” The lawyer said “I’m gonna run for it.” The brother said “You can’t outrun a mountain lion!” The lawyer said “I don’t have to outrun him... I only have to out-

How was I born?: A schoolboy was assigned an essay on childbirth and asked his parents "how was I born?" "Well son..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

POOR GEORGE: A fellow comes home after golf one Sunday afternoon, falls asleep on the couch, and doesn’t wake up until about 9 pm. His wife asks why he is so tired. “Well, You remember George, my golfing buddy? He died today, on the fourth green.” “That’s terrible, it must have been awful” she says. “It was,” he says, “For the next 14 holes it was drive, drag George, chip, drag George, putt, drag George...”

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ocal Info ---

Emergency Numbers

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro 70

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Transport

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates November 1st: All Saints day (Todos los Santos) November Giving

25th:

Thanks

November 30th: St. Andrew's Day (Scotland only) - national celebration of Scottish identity and culture

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669


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November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/12 8:23 PM Page 72

Strange but true... On November the 5th, people across the United Kingdom will become pyromaniacs for the evening, lighting bonfires and setting off fireworks. This annual tradition is a way of remembering the events of November 5th 1605 when a plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament, killing all inside it including the King, was foiled. One of the most famous conspirators of what became known as the Gunpowder Plot was Guy Fawkes. Here are five fascinating facts we bet you didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know about himâ&#x20AC;Ś FACT ONE Guy Fawkes, or Guido Fawkes as he also liked to be known, was born on April 13th 1570 in Stonegate in York. He was educated at St. Peter's School in York. FACT TWO Guy Fawkes was an experienced soldier. Although he didn't fight for his country, he fought for the Spanish against the Dutch in the Netherlands. This is where he gained experience with explosives, and also where he decided to call himself Guido, probably because it sounded Spanish. FACT THREE Although Guy Fawkes wasn't the main conspirator in the Gunpowder Plot, he probably had one of the most important roles. A cellar below the Houses of Parliament was rented by the members of the plot which was filled with 36 barrels of gunpowder. There was enough gunpowder that it would have completely destroyed the building and caused damage to buildings within a one mile radius of it. Guy Fawkes was in charge of guarding the gunpowder, and, if he hadn't have been caught, would have been the person that lit it. It is claimed that, although there was enough gunpowder to cause quite considerable damage, the gunpowder had actually "decayed" and, if it had been lit, would not have exploded! FACT FOUR During his involvement in the Gunpowder Plot, Fawkes called himself John Johnson and when he was arrested and asked to give his name, this is the name he gave. FACT FIVE An uninhabited island to the north of Santa Cruz Island in the Galapagos Islands is named Isla Guy Fawkes, or Guy Fawkes Island. Who knows why? Maybe he planned to escape there?

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during November.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

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Capricorn, as November kicks off it’s brings a busy and progressive phase when friendships, new contacts or more involvement within a community or a group of kindred spirits is highlighted. This is period when you can further things which have been on the back burner for a long time. The Solar eclipse on the 13th brings new beginnings. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means the green light for improvements related to daily duties, work and health matters. From the 17th Mars enters your sign, which means your energy and decisiveness begin to increase. It also starts to increase activity around you. Vitality begins to improve and, whether you like it or not you now know what the objectives are and what you have to do about them. Until the 22nd Venus is at the top of your Solar chart. Authority figures, parents or guardians will tend to see you in a good light and there could be an ally to help you with your goals. Aquarius, this month, you will probably be more conscious of your overall direction and how it may be affected by circumstances, other people and actions you are taking right now. For some reason you may be more aware of your reputation or image, and how well you project yourself or package something. You’ll be keener to make the right impression in certain situations and come across well in the eyes of others as you may feel a bit under the spotlight at times. It might mean you are dealing more with officialdom or bureaucracy. The Solar eclipse on the 13th opens the way to change and improve in this area over the coming months. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th signals a fresh start. Long-distance relationships, publications or education could encourage an area of interest, a relationship, or benefit you materially at this time. Pisces, this month, the Sun has entered a more adventurous, expansive area, which tends to raise the spirits and helps you see outside of the box. Some of you may have itchy feet, and with increased opportunities to escape the daily grind this is a good time to get out and about more. The Solar eclipse on the 13th is in a good angle to your Sun sign and signals change happening through this area of your Solar chart over the months to come. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th offers the chance to rebalance your family commitments and your worldly obligations over the coming month. Until the 22nd Venus could manifest as an influence, which helps you out materially to some degree. It’s probably a more financially or materially brighter time, it’s also a good time to collaborate and pool resources. From the 22nd you will be taking your worldly responsibilities more seriously. Aries, this November is an important gear-shifting phase, you’ll probably feel a little tentative or self-protective at times as you intuitively gauge where your priorities lie and how best to move forwards. The Lunar eclipse in Gemini on the 28th may have you learning something new or seeing a change in your daily life. From the 22nd lucky Venus will help you out materially in major or minor ways. Any negotiations or one-to-one work will go well, and, some of you will shift into more commitment in a material or emotional sense, depending what you want. From the 22nd you’ll be in a less emotional, in a much more outgoing mood and ready to checkout fresh possibilities and launch into new things. The end of the month could bring a flurry of invitations meaning you meet new people, if you are single you may be involved in a hot new romance by January 2013…

Taurus

Taurus, this month, it’s not a time to be going it alone, so try and get the best out of partnerships and co-operative alliances. You and someone could be hitting it off, bonding, negotiating a deal, forming a united front or maybe it’s another type of alliance! Basically you cannot go forward as successfully on your own. Love relationships and friendships will receive a boost this month your feelings may deepen this will bring intimacy. The Solar eclipse on the 13th brings a new beginning to close relationships meaning you taking the initiative or being content to compromise. From the 22nd Venus is in her favourite place. You and a special someone could be bonding you will benefit from their presence, practical contribution or loving attention. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th brings material issues to mind: finances, property or possessions need to be integrated or put on a new footing.

Gemini

Gemini, there’s a practical feel to this month and the physical aspects of life on earth will be highlighted. It might mean dealing with more chores or niggly details, or, this may be the moment to get to grips with health issues (yours or another’s) maybe a better diet and exercise regime. The Solar eclipse on the 13th and the Lunar eclipse in your own sign on the 28th signals new beginnings for you personally and professionally over the following month. Communications – personal or professional, in close interactions and collaborations are highlighted and you’ll probably be playing with ideas this month. Venus’s position until the 22nd can mean more connection with young people, pets or partners and for some, it may mean sharing admiring glances with another. Socialising may bring a romantic encounter if you are unattached, if you are in a relationship why not treat the one you love to a night out on the town….


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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, for much of this month there’s a brighter more spontaneous vibration around. This could manifest itself as an opportunity to do the kinds of things you enjoy, or things, which let you shine in your own unique way. It could even put you at the centre of attention at times, so all eyes on you Cancer! More contact with children or animals is likely for some of you and for others; there could be more romance. The Solar eclipse on the 13th is in a great angle to your Sun sign and means new beginnings affecting this creative area over subsequent months. Get the ball rolling with things that (you hope) let you express the real you! The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means you may be doing more supportive work or tucking yourself away and getting on with things in a private bubble over the 4 weeks following the Lunar eclipse. Leo, the focus this month will be with family matters or social relationships. In some respects your gaze will tend to be more inwards and you may be pondering things and feeling things more deeply. For some of you, links with the past may be felt in the present. The Solar eclipse on the 13th highlights change over several months to come, meaning the chance to make a fresh start. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th could bring new beginnings connected to friends and socializing lucky you Leo. From the 22nd Venus beams a friendly sociable light into the root of your chart. It could be a good time to benefit through a property deal you will also do well when negotiating, buying/selling/promoting etc you’ll be very persuasive and Venus here can bring ‘grace, flow and fluency’ to your thinking and speaking. You will find joy getting more access to the beauties of nature, decorating a space or digging a garden. Virgo, this month, the Sun is in a sociable mood until the 22nd and you could be busy connecting with faces and places, corresponding, gathering/sharing information and probably running around more and more. The Solar eclipse on the 13th means a fresh start with communications or creative self-expression. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means a clear path to push forward with your aims and ambitions. Until the 22nd Venus is in a materialistic area, which is about money and property, among other things. Overall, it means you can do well if you play your cards right and even better if you know how to manifest what you want. Venus tends to ease things materially and gives access to the path towards money or other goodies! Teamwork could result in better health, an ego-boost, and a fatter piggy-bank – or both! Libra, this month, finances, goods, property or anything, which affects your material security or physical wellbeing, is likely to have your attention. You may be considering financial priorities, and casting around for ways to stretch what you have or make more from it. Maybe some project or chore is on-going, developing, but it needs your continued practical, nurturing attention to succeed. This may also be a good moment for you to consider how to make the most of the patch of earth which is you Libra! The Solar eclipse on the 13th will bring new beginnings over the next few months. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means a fresh start related to higher education, publication or foreign connections. Fortunately for you, the planet of love, material success and physical balance, Venus, is in your sign until the 22nd and there could be treats in the pipeline - You will be more welcoming and attractive, good news for business as well as your personal life. Scorpio, this is a powerful month for you with the Sun in your sign until the 22nd also the Solar eclipse on the 13th. The eclipse signals something big with a chance to make a new start related to your personal life and professional aims and ambitions. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means a new cycle connected to who shares your personal life or whomever you rely upon for assets or financial security. You may be watching the piggy bank, but you also may be striving to manifest whatever would be best for yourself or others. Buying/selling, renting/leasing may also be on your mind. This would be a good moment to capitalize on assets or to maximize your natural gifts. Venus is in the background until 22nd. You are more likely to have to do things on behalf of others at this time or you have to socialise when you really aren’t in the mood. Sagittarius, until the 22nd of November energies pull you towards things going on behind the scenes in your private life – perhaps to do with the past or maybe something you are working on right at this moment. The Solar eclipse on the 13th signals a new beginning. Listen to your dreams, imagination and spiritual guidance to lead the way. Until the 22nd friends and acquaintances are supporting you as you move forwards with something you have hoped for, maybe for a long time. Fresh associations, networking, group gatherings or team efforts benefit from Venus’s sociable, helpful mood. From the 22nd Venus is in a more background area. You are more likely to have to do things on behalf of others you have to socialise when you really aren’t in the mood. Make the most of the positions you are thrown into, it may be that lady luck is popping her head up to bring you very favorable chance meeting.


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Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 92

Crossword Across: 1 Consternation (6) 4 Announce (8) 10 Clams, crabs and lobsters for example (9) 11 Labor organization (5) 12 Lubricated (5) 13 Exciting (9) 14 Cold-blooded (7) 16 Make a melodic noise (4) 19 Skim or dart (4) 21 An ancient Egyptian musical instrument (7) 24 Lip service (9) 25 Rot (5) 26 Enlist (5) 27 Naivete (9) 28 Hold spellbound (8) 29 Came up (6) Down: 1 Dictatorial (8) 2 Sneaky (8) 3 Afflicted (5) 5 Engages for work again (7) 6 Matings (9) 7 Proofs of innocence (6) 8 Be in charge of (6) 9 Nipped (6) 15 Elemental (9) 17 Diagrammed outlines (8) 18 The highest heaven (8) 20 Of little importance (7) 21 Expression (6) 22 Cheddar or gouda, for example (6) 23 Any incorporeal supernatural being (6) 25 Furnishings of a room (5)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser The Lost Man... A man gets off the bus looking for an address and approaches a couple walking in the same direction for directions. The woman says they're going that way and take him. Along the way the man asks if they're related. The woman grins and says, "We're not strangers. This man's mother is my mother's mother-in-law." The man is confused but doesn't say anything. When he gets back home he tells his wife about the conversation and she can't figure it out either. They decide to ask their lawyer and he eventually works it out with pen and paper. How are the couple related?

Say What You See...

JACK 76

GRA 12â&#x20AC;?VE


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November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/12 8:24 PM Page 78

F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News... The Euro Crisis

A new source of bailout funds The European Stability Mechanism formally superseded the euro zone’s temporary rescue fund the European Financial Stability Facility in October. In September, the euro zone was hugely relieved when the German constitutional court turned down pleas to block the ESM. Yet there was little fanfare about the launch of the ESM. As he arrived, Olli Rehn, the European Commissioner in charge of the euro, could summon no more enthusiasm than to say: “I am less pessimistic for the moment for the euro zone than in the spring.” As so often in the course of the euro’s crisis, removing one obstacle only reveals the other blockages that lie beyond. Yet nobody is quite sure of the real power of the ESM, or of how and when it will be called into action. Klaus Regling, the new head of the ESM, said a final decision had yet been taken on whether the ESM could, like the older EFSF, leverage its lending capacity by means such as providing partial insurance against losses for those buying the bonds of vulnerable countries (one option being examined to help Spain while preserving funds for other uses). More seriously, Germany, Finland and the Netherlands are resisting the idea that the ESM could be used directly to recapitalise troubled banks in Spain and Ireland, thereby lifting the debt burden on their governments. For now, the ESM will probably start lending money to the Spanish government in November so that it can recapitalise banks on its own tab. The euro zone has already agreed to lend Spain up to €100 billion, but Spain now reckons it will need only about €40 billion of public money to fix its banking sector, or about 4% of Spanish GDP. Funded by paid-in capital rather than sovereign guarantees from states with a mixture of credit ratings, the ESM is supposed to provide a more powerful tool than the EFSF. Its decision-making system is also meant to be more flexible, permitting action to be taken in an emergency with 85% of votes cast (ie, only Germany, France and Italy could block a decision). The EFSF will continue lending to existing programme countries— Greece, Ireland and Portugal—and will run alongside the ESM while the new fund’s capital is built up to its full lending capacity of €500 billion in 2014

Written by our financial expert James Alexander.

If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us: sales@costalinkmagazine.com or on 951 216 131.

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Another bank!!! Well the wheels are in motion to establish a new bank that will monitor and regulate all Euro zone banks, including banks in the UK, this in theory will stop the EU falling into the same crisis as it is now!!! All this will be in place by 2015, due to this news the Euro zone seems to have gone a little quite. Spain maybe asking for a bailout on November, however this bailout will not come with further austerity as it did with Greece, who are now imploding as a nation. Madrid has played a very clever game, however AndalucĂ­a as a region needs a few billion to keep it going, even with this news the Euro has held its own against the USD and the pound. Spain is cutting more jobs in the public sector, will there be anyone left working? Or perhaps every month will now be like August!! To maximise the exchange on your funds and put more money into your pocket not the banks, speak with the experts Moneycorp and see how they can help you. Moneycorp are now based in La Cala and welcome clients to their new office. To find out how Moneycorp can help you when transferring funds overseas contact them on 034 952 587 657 or email costalink@moneycorp.com Please mention Costalink Magazine when contacting Moneycorp.

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

A woman was depressed at the fact she had not had a date, nor any sex for quite some time. Afraid she might have something wrong, she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her personal physician recommended Dr Chung, a well-known Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him. On entering the examination room, Dr Chung took one look at her and said, "Hokay, take off aw your crows."She quickly disrobed and stood naked before him. "Now," said Dr Chung, "get dow on your knees and craw reery reery fass away from me to other side of room.Having done that Dr Chung said, "Hokay, turn row and craw reery fass back to me." Once again, she obliged. Dr Chung slowly shook his head and said, "Hokay, your probrem vaywe, vaywe bad, you got Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see, that why you have no dates, that why you no get sex."Confused the woman asked, "What is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr Chung replied, "It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your @rse!"

I rang up Telephonica and said: "I want to report a nuisance caller." The operator said: "Not you again."

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.” The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.” The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is colour-coded.” The fourth one said, “I like to operate on MP’s. They’re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable.” I went to the doctor the other day and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" So he gave me a kite.

Ms Pear & Ms Strawberry fled they just weren’t in the mood for getting fruity...

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November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 12:10 PM Page 84

KIDSâ&#x20AC;&#x2C6;STUFF

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BAR & RESTAURANT

Guide.....

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Thai pumpkin soup Easy - Serves 6

Make the most of autumn's harvest with this warming, seasonal soup

Ingredients: • • • • • • • • • •

1.5kg pumpkin or squash, peeled & chopped 4 tsp sunflower oil 1 onion , sliced 1 tbsp grated ginger 1 lemongrass , bashed a little 3-4 tbsp Thai red curry paste 400ml can coconut milk 850ml vegetable stock Lime juice and sugar, for seasoning 1 red chilli , sliced, to serve (optional)

Method: 1. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Toss the pumpkin or squash in a roasting tin with half the oil and seasoning, then roast for 30 mins until golden and tender. 2. Meanwhile, put the remaining oil in a pan with the onion, ginger and lemongrass. Gently cook for 8-10 mins until softened. Stir in the curry paste for 1 min, followed by the roasted pumpkin, all but 3 tbsp of the coconut milk and the stock. Bring to a simmer, cook for 5 mins, then fish out the lemongrass. Cool for a few mins, then whizz until smooth with a hand blender, or in a large blender in batches. Return to the pan to heat through, seasoning with salt, pepper, lime juice and sugar, if it needs it. Serve drizzled with the remaining coconut milk and scattered with chilli, if you like.


November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 12:11 PM Page 90

Golden­Sun

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Harrys­Sports­Bar

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November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 9:34 AM Page 92


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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 18 & 76

Just Say What You See Jack in the box One foot in the grave

Brain Teaser The couple is either a man and his daughter or an uncle and his niece.

Crossword Solution

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Fish 2) Deuteronomy 3) Bergerac 4) It Takes Two (baby) 5) Barbary 6) Suffolk 7) Humphrey Bogart 8) Italy 9) Silver 10) Uranium 11) Myanmar (Burma) 12) 5 13) Brazil 14) 6080 15) Crackerjack 16) Rupee 17) Zara Phillips 18) Dumb 19) Red 20) May 21) 2 22) September / October 23) Isle of Wight 24) Northern Ireland 25) Boyzone 26) Calligraphy (Graphology) 27) Pinocchio 28) International Standard Book Number 29) Toad 30) Vicar

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Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.


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November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 9:35 AM Page 98


November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 9:35 AM Page 99


November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 9:35 AM Page 100


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