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May 2013 No74

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Kids Page Local Info Horoscopes What’s On Guide


fanta or ee s



Puzzles & Quizzes


Bar & Restaurant Guide The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

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IRONWORKS High quality metal at factory prices Established since 1989

Protect Your Home Windows Door Rejas

Protect Your Family Patio Rejas Drive Gates Etc.


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It’s hotting up!

We are going football crazy this month, it’s the FA Cup Final on the 11th with Wigan making their first ever appearance in the final against their neighbours Man City – this is going to be a good. Then the UEFA cup final on the 25th again at Wembley, at the time of writing this, the semis haven’t been played but we are rooting for an all Spanish final…

This month we have a meal for two to give away at the new Masala restaurant in Elviria, having only opened last month, this fantastic restaurant joins the hugely successful Masala restaurants in Estepona and Marbella as one of the best Indian restaurants in the area. And while we are on the subject of competitions, congratulations to Jackie Murrell, the winner of the Diva competition. I love this time of year; summer is on its way, the evenings are getting warmer and lighter, everyone is in holiday mood, time for an ice cream – I think…

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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A Woman’s World Rules for Wives

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Leicester and had told her that she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Watford. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a girl from Liverpool He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either, but luckily, by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher. “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains: because the average man can see better than he can think.� Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?" "Yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker." Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?" "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."


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It’s a royal ruckus! The Duchess of Cambridge will be breaking tradition when she moves back home with her parents after her baby is born. Her shocking decision will result in the future monarch starting a life in a commoner’s home instead of in a royal residence. Kate Middleton, 31, has the royal palace all shook up after making an incredible decision to move back home with her parents after her baby is born. The wife of Prince William will be first to break another royal tradition by not having the future monarch be rasied in a royal residence as soon as it is born. Instead, the baby will be will staying in a commoner’s home (Kate’s parents’) in Berkshire. Kate Middleton’s Change of Plans — Kensington Palace Apartment Not Safe... Kate has told her friends she will be living with her parents for a least six weeks after giving birth at the hospital, the Daily Mail reports. The Duchess has also decided not to hire a maternity nurse and instead will lean on her mother for help with her newborn. The couple’s plans to move into their apartment at Kensington Palace came to a halt because they found asbestos in the home. And as Prince William returns to work as a helicopter pilot, Kate will most definitely need a place to stay with tons of privacy while raising their child. So the Duchess’ parents decided to welcome their daughter and their granddaughter to their new 7 million euro home with open arms. We don’t know about you folks but we can’t wait to see the new bundle of Royal joy....


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until the birth of her first child, Kim Kardashian is finally realising what a huge impact having a mini Kimye isn't going to have on her socialite life. Better late than never, hey! The reality TV star spilled all on Ryan Seacrest with the Kardashians: An E! Presentation, an hour-long telly spesh on the famous family, saying, ''I think that's why I was so anxious for a while, just because people will say 'Your life is totally going to change'. Obviously you want to evolve and your life to change and it will be an amazing thing but the way people freak me out all the time with all their advice, sometimes I'd rather just go through it and experience it on my own.'' When asked whether she thought it would alter her glamour-filled lifestyle Kanye West's baby mama said, "I do. I think I'm realising that it really is." Always on hand to lend some LOL-tastic insight was younger sister Khloe who is doubtful her preggers sibling is aware of how different her life will be saying, "She doesn't think it's going to change anything." We have a feeling she’ll be changing her tune soon...

HALLE BERRY’S PREGNANCY ... Halle Berry, 46, shocked everyone when announced that she was pregnant with her second child with fiance Olivier Martinez. As a mum to daughter Nahla Aubry, 5, Halle revealed that her second pregnancy was a complete shock. Whether she was actually surprised or not, there are definitely a few things the former Bond girl must keep in mind in order to keep both her and her child healthy, especially at her age.


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A man goes to the doctor's, feeling a little ill. The doctor throughly checks him over and says, “I’m so sorry to say but I have some very bad news. You have a rare condition called Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it rapidly eats away at your blood cells turning your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure, so I suggest you go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.” The man trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, they decide how to spend their last day together and she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before although she has always wanted it to be something they did together They arrive at the bingo and with his first card, he gets four corners and wins €35.Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins €320. Then he gets the full house and wins €1000. Then the National Grid comes up and he wins that too winning a massive €380,000. The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, “Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the national grid on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!” “Lucky?!!!” he screamed. “Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24.” “I’ve never seen this happen before NO WAY,” says the bingo caller. “You've only just gone and won the raffle as well !!”


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The Brothel The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie (near Glasgow) and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, goodlooking man in his late forties or early fifties. "May I help you sir?" she asked. The man replied, "I want to see Suzy." "Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam. He replied, "No, I must see Suzy." Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy. Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. "There are no discounts. The price is still £5000. "Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs. After their session, Suzy said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The man replied, " Edinburgh ." "Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ." "I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her solicitor She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance." The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain: 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Being shafted by a solicitor!


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1) Which ex-Prime Minister died last month? 2) Who or what killed Eva Peron? 3) What is the name of Switzerland’s largest city? 4) Which book features the character Magwitch? 5) Who sang the theme song for the film Absolute Beginners? 6) What is the name of the Toll bridge over the River Severn? 7) What was the name of Steptoe and Son’s horse? 8) In which country is Transylvania? 9) On which river is Sheffield built? 10) How many dominoes are there in a double 6 set? 11) Which element has the Atomic number 1? 12) What is the birthstone for October? 13) Who has the most teeth, Mammals or Reptiles? 14) Who wrote Frankenstein? 15) Which is London’s oldest theatre?


16) In what year was VAT introduced into the UK? 17) How many episodes of Fawlty Towers were made? 18) If A is for Alpha and B is for Bravo, what is V? 19) Which corrie star got hitched last month? 20) The Loganberry is a combination of which 2 fruit? 21) Where is Madison Square Garden? 22) In which county is St Michael’s mount? 23) Whose best friend was Piglet? 24) Who sang the 1990’s hit ‘Back for Good’? 25) What colour is 20€ note? 26) What planet was Mork from? 27) Which animal follows the Rat in the Chinese years, is it the Rooster or Ox? 28) How many holes are major golf tournaments played over? 29) Who played Indiana Jones in the films? 30) In which city is the DVLA main office? Answers on page 96

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• A hooker once told me she had a headache.

• My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

• It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

• Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. • I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

• I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

• I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off. • My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the cockroaches hang themselves.


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• I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

• The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, “Why?” He said, “Because you came home early.”

• My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

• I'm so ugly ...My mother had morning sickness ...AFTER I was born.

• I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling. • My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

• My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

• My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

• I’m so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get. • A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There's nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!


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For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce...


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Stocking only the very best in ladies fashion including leading quality designer labels Sizes from 10 to 20

(other sizes can be ordered)

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Opening Times: Monday - Friday 11am - 6pm Saturday 11am - 3pm

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A Man’s World

IMPROVE YOUR GAME A sign posted at a golf club in Scotland, UK:




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Collars & Tags for Cats...

Looks alone should not be the main reason for your purchase : When you are choosing a cat collar it is important to pick the one with a " quick release safety buckle" which will snap open if it gets caught on something. A cat collar can: • Help aid cat flap access if you have a magnet /tag operated cat flap • Enable your cat to be easily identified with an attached identitag • To scare off wildlife if fitted with a bell When fitting collar you should: • Be able to get two fingers the width of two fingers between it and your cats neck • If it is too loose he may be able to get his leg caught in it • If your cat is still growing check the fit of the cat collar on a regular basis • A kitten should only wear a collar under supervision

Bells & Tags: Bells & Tags can pose a potential hazard as active cats can get them caught as they wander through their territory. There is always a risk that the cat claw will be caught on the bell. Check the grooves in the bell are large enough to prevent this from happening. You may think that cat collars are just another fashion accessory, but as you can see there is much more than meets the eye!

On a different note, a friendly reminder: This is the season when your DOG should now be wearing a “scalibor” collar or be using a “spot on” treatment that covers for the sandfly/mosquito & ticks!! We have both types in stock in our shop. Scalibors from only €21.90. or telephone: 952 597 035

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" Doggy Playground" A full 3000 sq m etr Organised es playtimes Full agility course Socialisation

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RINTERS IN SP SPAIN AIN Or Order der Online NO NOW!!!! W W!!!! 500 - Business Cards From €37.55 2500 - DL Fly Flyers ers Double Sided From From €55.08 1000 - Letterheads From €65.18 ers 5000 - A5 Fly Flyers Double Sided From From €104.20 FFRE REE Delivery in Spain sales@ndi3pr sales

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Health Problems

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course, she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, “Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?” Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, “Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.” She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. “Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?” His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, “Listen Barry, I'm not being funny... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.”

Are you fed up with trying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

…solving the puzzle of healthcare e in healthcar Spain! Tel: (0034) 952 93 38 76 Tel: Email: medilink the onl y tel no y ou'll e ver need. only you'll ever


Please don’t forget that the medilink service is provided FREE of charge to the community (a local call rate may apply).

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Medical Tips - Strokes Did you Know that 150,000 people a year in the UK are affected by strokes…

20% of these will be below the age of 40; the majority will be over 65… The speed in which we react to the symptoms will have a huge in-pact on the quality & time of the recovery.

Stroke symptoms typically start suddenly, over seconds to minutes, and in most cases do not progress further. The symptoms depend on the area of the brain affected. The more extensive the area of brain affected, the more functions that are likely to be lost. Some forms of stroke can cause additional symptoms. For example, in intracranial hemorrhage, the affected area may compress other structures. Most forms of stroke are not associated with headaches, but this can be a symptom in certain types.

Recognising the Symptoms: The best rule of thumb is FAST (face, arm, speech, and time) no doubt most of us have seen this in the recent UK TV ad campaign. Is there a drooping of the face, a loss of control of the arm (s), is the speech slurred or disoriented. Time is key, the earlier an assessment is carried the sooner treatment can start and this can affect the long term recovery for the sufferer.

In most cases, the symptoms affect only one side of the body. Depending on the part of the brain affected, the defect in the brain is usually on the opposite side of the body. However, since these pathways also travel in the spinal cord and any lesion there can also produce these symptoms, the presence of any one of these symptoms does not always indicate a stroke.

Symptoms can include: • Altered smell, taste, hearing, or vision (total or partial) • Drooping of eyelid and weakness of eye muscles • Decreased reflexes: gag, swallow, pupil reactivity to light • Decreased sensation and muscle weakness of the face • Balance problems • Altered breathing and heart rate • Weakness in neck muscle with inability to turn head to one side • Weakness in tongue (inability to protrude and/or move from side to side) • Difficulty with verbal expression, auditory comprehension, reading and/or writing • Memory deficit • Visual disturbances • Trouble walking / altered movement coordination

Associated symptoms: Loss of consciousness, headache, and vomiting usually occurs more often in hemorrhagic stroke than in thrombosis because of the increased intracranial pressure from the leaking blood compressing the brain. We can reduce the risk of having a stroke by making small changes to our lifestyles. Prevention is always better than cure… Written by David Donaldson, Clinica Medicare, La Cala


Please don’t forget that the “medilink” service is provided FREE of charge to our community.

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SANITAS HEALTH PLAN Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution The Xanit & The Hospiten Estepona are now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets

Contact your English Agent, Susan Warner T: 951 272 124 M: 615 655 348

Health & Well Being

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It's important to protect your and your children's skin in the sun to avoid sunburn and heat exhaustion.

WHAT SUN PROTECTION FACTOR (SPF) SHOULD I USE? Use sunscreen with a sun protection factor (SPF) of at least 15. The higher the SPF, the better. Go for broadspectrum sunscreens, which protect against harmful UVA and UVB rays. Make sure the product is not past its expiry date. Most sunscreens have a shelf life of two to three years.

WHAT IS BROAD SPECTRUM AND THE STAR-RATING? Broad-spectrum products provide protection against the sun’s UVB and UVA rays. The sun protection factor, or SPF, is a measurement of the amount of UVB protection. The higher the number, the greater the protection. In the UK, UVA protection is measured with a star rating. Sunscreens has from 0 to 5 stars. The higher the number of stars, the greater the protection.

HOW LONG CAN I STAY IN THE SUN? Don’t spend any longer in the sun than you would without sunscreen. Sunscreen should not be used as an excuse to stay out in the sun. Instead, it offers protection when exposure is unavoidable. The summer sun is most damaging to your skin in the middle of the day. Spend time in the shade between 11am and 3pm, under umbrellas, trees, canopies or indoors. SHOULD I REAPPLY SUNSCREEN IF I SWIM? Water washes off sunscreen and the cooling effect of the water can make you think you're not getting burned. Water also reflects UV rays, increasing your exposure. Even "waterproof" sunscreens should be reapplied after going in the water.

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I GET SUNBURN? Painkillers, such as paracetamol or ibuprofen, will ease the pain by helping to reduce inflammation caused by sunburn. Sponge sore skin with cool water, then apply soothing after sun or calamine lotion. If you feel unwell or the skin swells badly or blisters, seek medical help. Stay out of the sun until all signs of redness have gone.


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A MAN, HIS DOG, OH & A SHEEP! A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get ‘those feelings’ again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear, “Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?”


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V’ V’s


A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is far smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense! The Glasgow cop says, “Licence and registration, please.” The London lawyer looks innocently at the cop and says, “What on earth for?” The Glasgow cop replies, “Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” The lawyer says, “I slowed right down, and no one was coming.” The Glasgow cop sighs and says, “Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please.” The lawyer, getting even cockier now, says, “What's the difference?” The Glasgow cop says, “The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that's the law, licence and registration, please!” The lawyer with a smug grin on his face replies, “I tell you what, if you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.” The Glasgow cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle please Sir.” As the London lawyer climbs out of his car, the Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the tripe out of the lawyer and says...... “Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?”



Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206



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PRISON OR WORK? In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of. In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars. In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic. At work we have managers.


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F1 cars

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not as you know them

So you thought that F1 Cars were constructed from carbon fibre – how about these alternatives? 14 liters of water, 15 kg of yeast, 2 kg of salt, 10800 ml of food varnish and 549 hours of hard work created this life-sized Formula 1 race car out of different types of bread in one of the top Singapore hotels.

The PUMA retail team has created an almost perfect replica of a Ferrari F60 Formula 1 car out of clothes, caps, shoes and bags and it sat in London’s Puma flagship store as a showpiece.

A German racing fan with a lot of time, spent 6000€ on almost 1 million matches and 1,686 tubes of glue to construct the life-size model, which he put together in his kitchen.

A life-size chocolate model was created in Italy. Made out of Belgian chocolate it weighed a whopping 1999 kilos, it is entirely edible, and has a red, edible coating.

Visitors to the Williams HQ in Oxfordshire, are stunned by this hedge, shaped as mechanics changing a car's wheels during a pit stop. It took two-and-a-half years for the plants to weave around their metal. 56

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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:37 PM Page 58

And they are being paid millions... Footballers Say the Stupidest Things • “The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European.”- Phil Neville •“All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.” - Mitchell Thomas •“One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.” - Alan Shearer •“Sometimes in football you have to score goals.” - Thierry Henry •“The World Cup is a truly international event.” - John Motson •“The important thing is that he shook hands with us over the phone.” - Alan Ball •“They didn't change positions; they just moved the players around.” - Terry Venables •“What disappointed me was that we didn't play with any passion. I'm not disappointed, you know, I'm just disappointed.” - Kevin Keegan •“The new season will be all about scoring more goals than the opposition.” - Alvin Martin •“We deser ved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.” - Kevin Keegan •“He has got his tactics wrong tactically.” - Mick Quinn •“If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus.” - Ron Atkinson •“I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.” – Ian Rush •“Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match.” - Ian Wright


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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:37 PM Page 60


• Um Bongo, Um Bongo, They drink it in the Congo

• Friendship bracelets were ties that couldn't be broken. • You know all the words to "Ice Ice Baby". • You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off". • You can remember watching Saved by the Bell • You remember Madonna in her cone stage outfit. • You knew "The Artist" when he was humbly called "Prince." • You wore fluorescent-neon clothing... (if you can call it clothing!) • You could break dance (ok, you wished you could) • You remember when Amiga was a state of the art video game system. • You had one of those T-shirts that changed colour with heat (Global Hypercolour). • You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before he had plastic surgery. • You were upset when She-ra, Princess of Power and He-Man got cancelled.


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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:39 PM Page 62


• You remember M.C. Hammer.

• You can still sing the rap to "Fresh Prince of Bel Air".... • You own any cassettes. • Big wheels and BMX's were the way to go. • My Little Pony, Gummy Bears and Transformers are familiar to you. • You have ever pondered on why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf. • You actually spent countless hours trying to perfect the "Care Bear stare." • You can remember when it was Jazzy Jeff & The fresh Prince and NOT just plain Will Smith! • You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins, ALF or ET lunchbox. • With your pink (or blue) portable tape player, you sang to Kylie and Jason! • You owned Polly Pocket or Micro Machines. • You made Ken fall in love with Barbie.


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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:39 PM Page 64


ONE CLEAVER CAT: A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him twenty streets from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat forty streets away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?” “Yes,” the wife answers, “why do you ask?” Frustrated, the man answered, “Put that son of a b*tch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!”

TEACHER TALES: During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.” The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Paul, how would you say it?” Paul said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.” “That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?” “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner.” The teacher fainted.


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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:39 PM Page 66

are being C o n’ t And they paid millions... Footballers Say the Stupidest Things

• “My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7.”- David Beckham •“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”- Mark Viduka •“Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.”- David Beckham •“If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.” - Neville Southall •“I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.” - Paul Gascoigne •“I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.” - Alan Shearer •“I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.” - Mark Draper •“You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.” - Peter Shilton •“Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.” - Jonathan Woodgate “I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.” - David Beckham

Become a fan /

join us on our main page

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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:39 PM Page 67

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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:39 PM Page 68

IT’S PLANE TO SEE Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to take off. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them that the pilots will be there soon and the flight could then take off. The entrance opens, and two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people at the windows realise that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die.�


May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:39 PM Page 69

Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218



Free advice on how to care for your floors at

May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:39 PM Page 70

GIVE YOUR CHILD THE X-FACTOR THIS SUMMER WITH MARBELLA STAGE SCHOOL SUMMER SCHOOL Last week in August 26th to 30th - Monday to Friday, QI SPORT, Urb. La Alzambra, near Iceland store,4 hours per day, singing, dancing, acting and end of week production in a real theatre. Call 952906865 for further details or look at



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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/13 8:56 AM Page 71

May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/13 8:56 AM Page 72

What’Guide s On

Thursday 9th May at 12pm: “LADIES LUNCH/FASHION SHOW” at the Avanto Restaurant, Torrenueva, La Cala de Mijas. Fashion show will have new plus nearly new clothes all of which will be on SALE at fabulous prices. Lots of jewellery belts and bags available too. Come along and join us bring your friends and help to raise much-needed funds for a fabulous cause. Welcome drink on arrival and a beautiful 3-course lunch for just 25 Euro.Visit our website at for more details, or contact Pat on 620 354 885 regarding tickets. 1st & 2nd June 2013: Golf and ball in aid of Butterfly Children.The Butterfly Children charity (DEBRA Spain) prepares the 11th edition of its annual charity golf tournament and ball, which will be held on the first weekend of June at the Aloha Golf Club in Marbella. The event will kick off on Saturday (1st June) with a golf tournament at the prestigious Aloha Golf Club. Players will be welcome by the lovely staff of the charity with strawberries and champagne. 10.000€ worth of prizes for ladies and gentlemen’s teams, as well as prizes on each hole are to be won in a fantastic atmosphere. There will also be wine tasting and other surprises. On Sunday night (2nd June) a delicious meal will served under the stars at the terrace of the Aloha Club House. After that, a spectacular show will be put on by the big T.A.P.A.S. Choir , the fabulous Ratpack, with their Vegas tribute and finally the “Impossible not to dance to” Mel Williams. Amusement and the feeling of contributing to a worthy cause are guaranteed.Golf and dinner are sold separately. Green fees (65 € pp) reservations 952 90 70 85. Dinner reservations, including 3 course meal with wine and live entertainment (60€ pp) 952 812 390. Funds raised will be dedicated to projects of The Butterfly Children Charity (DEBRA Spain) such as the “Respite Home in Marbella”, “Hospital visits for families with new born babies” and the “Annual Families Gathering”. More info at or contacting regarding tickets. 15th June 2013: Karting Challenge for Positively Pink all welcome. To take part please email the charity ( Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Saturday: Atletico Las Chapas, Football Academy meet @ Aztec Country Club, Riviera. Call for moe information on: 685 448 083. Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00 Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know… email: phone: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669


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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/13 8:56 AM Page 74

ocal Info Emergency Numbers


Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica


112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information


Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700




Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona



All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622


24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89


Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

1st May - Labour Day (Public holiday). 5th May - Spanish Mothers Day.

30th May - Spring Bank Holiday (UK).

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/13 8:56 AM Page 76




Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. 21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man. 85% of men don’t use the slit in their underwear. 67.5% of men wear briefs. The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B. 85% of women wear the wrong bra size. 3 out of 4 of us store our euro notes in rigid order going from low to high. 13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring’s homework. 91% of us lie regularly. 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz. 29% admit they’ve intentionally stolen something from a shop. 50% admit they regularly sneak food into a movie to avoid the high prices of snacks. 82% believe in an afterlife. 45% believe in ghosts. 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail. 29% of us are virgins when we marry. 58.4% have called into work sick when we weren’t.



May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/13 8:56 AM Page 77

Tel: 952 56 39 39 / 636 82 96 31 Minerva Complex (inside, at its back), 29630 Benalmádena Costa



BENALMADENA (STEVE: 636829631) 156,000€

































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A look at what's in store for you during May.....






Gemini 78

Capricorn, expect a lot of passion this month. Mars, the planet of desire, will be in Capricorn's house of love until May 9th 2013, together with Mars there will be Venus, the planet of sensuality, May will be full of games and flirting. The above-mentioned configuration will especially affect hot relationships in their initial phases. If you are single now is the time to go out and find that love you’ve been looking for. Relationships will be connected to work or to other daily tasks: you might start an affair at the office or at school drop off. In May 2013, the work will look flourishing. There is the promise of new horizons: a more convenient or better paid job, some work which you'll do with pleasure and which will stimulate you to prove your creativity. Financially, a situation may develop and you could even experience some rather unpleasant moments. Properties and accommodation could also cause you troubles. Aquarius, May 2013 promises to be the month in which dreams come true. But only after the 15th… Mercury will be in opposition with Saturn and in conjunction with Mars, and the eclipse on May 10th 2013 will affect the Sun, so that the perspectives of the first part of the month will not be encouraging at all. Keep your head down for the first two weeks remember things will get better. In the second part of May 2013, the picture will change radically: Venus, Mercury and the Sun, together with Jupiter will form a rare combination capable of bringing extreme happiness. At work the first part of the month will be oriented towards practical aspects. The second part of May 2013 will be much more relaxed and richer in opportunities. You’ll be in the right place at the right time, you will have the necessary enthusiasm and courage for some new beginnings. Be flexible & avoid professional and family conflicts this May! Pisces, in the first part of May 2013, Pisces people will tend towards irritation, which could obviously affect your couple relationship. You'd better be careful not only during face-to-face conversations, but also during phone conversations, in e-mail exchanges or when text-messaging. Think twice before speaking or bringing up delicate subject matters! The second part of May 2013 will be much quieter; a feeling of peacefulness, safety and privacy will surround you. On the work front there ideas will come that need to be put into practice immediately, everything will move very fast, you'll take a lot of trips, you'll meet a lot of people. Communication will be difficult, creative work could be extremely demanding, there will be complications related to courses, exams or interviews. Try something different this month why not redecorate, buy something new for the house or do some gardening! Aries, May promises to be a bit more peaceful than April. By no means will it be lack luster, but your attitude towards your partner and towards relationships in general will be more relaxed, more optimistic, more open-minded. You'll always be ready to flirt, to meet people you might get sentimentally involved with, May is more a month of conversation. May 2013 will be favorable to negotiations, to coming to an agreement and sorting out contracts. Regardless of what you're up to, when it comes to money you don't have to hurry, risk or allow passion to dominate you. With Mars plus a Sun eclipse in Aries' house of money, there could be higher expenses, unexpected emergencies or even losses. After two rather hectic months, the pressure will go down and the stress will start to go away. Going out in the middle of the nature will do you good. Spend the weekends in the park, in the countryside, in the mountains!

Taurus, May 2013 will be a passionate month. With Mars in Taurus, the blood will be pumping faster in your veins. The first two weeks of May will be an interval in which love will be the master: it will dictate and you'll obey. You may experience sublime moments, but guard yourself as you can also experience troubles. The last two weeks of May will be very temperamental, yet somehow more reasonable. The attitude towards relationships will be a bit more practical, reasonable and flexible. At work you’ll make a lot of progress. You'll develop very well and you'll have valuable allies. May 2013, will lend you energy, ambition and enterprising spirit. You'll have a lot of vitality, and even extra energy. Channel your strength towards well-defined purposes, exercise, and get involved in vigorous physical activities. Keep calm this month, don't make plans in haste, and avoid risks and tension!

Gemini, May will tempt you and make you fall in love. All the signs are feeling it but Gemini people are the most receptive to it. Get ready for a magical period, of shared feelings, of sensuality and total harmony. On May 9th 2013 Jupiter and Venus join forces bringing passion, romance and then love. Under this Venus-Jupiter combination new loves are born, the old ones are re-launched, make-ups take place, joint projects and proposals come along and the most romantic and voluptuous moments are enjoyed. Reach out your hand and take everything you're offered by Jupiter and Venus! At work you’ll have a profitable month ahead of you, which promises welfare and opportunities. Take care of yourself this month, stay away from potentially risky circumstances. Enjoy your accomplishments this month, but also guard your back!

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Cancer, you will eventually come to enjoy May 2013 but you still have a many obstacles to overcome. Get psychically ready for challenges, contradictions, suffering or even hate. Everything will be more serious and more visible in the first part of May 2013. It might be about misunderstandings with the partner; about some failed sentimental initiative you had high hopes for, some external hardships that you will have to cope with or about a difficult period for the loved one. Even if things calm down in the second part of the month, you'll still not find inner contentment. The period could be marked by a sensation of loneliness or disappointment, and in some cases even by the sensation of giving up. However, you shouldn't lose hope: as June 2013 will be amazing. Just keep your head down this month and plough throughâ&#x20AC;Ś Help your friends in need, understand them and be patient with them!

Leo, the first part of May 2013 might not seem very auspicious: the oppositions Mars and Mercury will form with Saturn may cast a shadow on close relationship in the first couple of weeks. In time, things will settle down, and in the second part of May 2013 the climate will become really pleasant. You'll socialise a lot and the opportunities for fun will become more frequent, with beneficial effects on the couple. You'll have good fun together and friends will contribute to the good development of the relationship. If you're single, you might meet somebody on the occasion of one of the parties or through a friend. At work there will be a lot of motivation, a lot of ambition. You'll feel the need to stand out, to prove what you're capable of. To get over all this set your objectives; think about the steps you need to take to reach them. Try to avoid excesses and risky circumstances this month!

Virgo, May will bring a rather insecure, confusing or changing period. Venus, Mercury and the Sun will form inharmonious aspects with Neptune. Neptune has the talent of misleading you - May 2013 may therefore, bring misleading, ambiguous, doubtful circumstances. You could end up being in the wrong relationship, or in more than one relationship at the same time, or you could be tempted away or even cheated on. In conclusion, keep your eyes wide open and try to judge things reasonably! On the work front the stars will be much more generous success will come almost effortlessly. Be careful about collaboration this month! It's important to associate with honest people, and the terms of contracts to be very clear. If you're made tempting offers, ask yourself whether or not they are too good to be true! Money will come to you easily throughout the month May 2013, but mind the way you spend it! Libra, after the turmoil of the last 6 or 7 weeks, your relationships will start a more peaceful period. Although something will still be bothering you this may be something from your past. This feeling will only last for the first two weeks of May 2013. After the 15th of May. Mars will gradually move away from the harming influence of the opposition with Saturn, and Venus will enter Gemini. Life will seem beautiful and happy opportunities will start coming to you in almost all areas. Financial preoccupations will be the top priority. There will be a real interest in money, business or other issues of a material nature. Think twice before making a financial decision! It'll be the beginning of a phase favorable to professional success. This is a great time to diet or go to the gym your shape will get better progressively, and by the end of the month you will be in the best shape youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been in for years.

Scorpio, with Mars in Scorpio's house of couples, the next weeks will be quite challenging. Mars is not very patient and not endowed with a lot of diplomacy either. Episodes of possessiveness, jealousy or stubbornness, arguments are not excluded, especially in the first part of May 2013, when Mars is in opposition with Saturn. It'll be a period in which you'll have to behave prudently, calmly and patiently if you care about your relationship. On the work and financial front almost everything will concentrate on professional relationships: association, collaboration, contacts with clients, contracts this month. Try not to disagree with colleges this May, as you won't stand the best chance of winning. Besides that, with the Mars-Saturn opposition conflicting with the Sun, there's a risk of injuries, accidents health. Take care of yourself! Avoid potentially risky circumstances!

Sagittarius, goods times are in store this month. On May 9th 2013 Venus will enter your house of couples and will make clouds fade away, making you smile again. With Venus in Sagittarius, relationships will be warmer, closer, more affectionate; the desire to share will become deeper, the sentimental availability will grow; new relationships will start more easily, make-ups will happen more smoothly. Professionally, you'll have to cope with a busy, pressing, tense, hectic interval. You might even face some troubles in the first part of May 2013. You're recommended to make your to-do list carefully, so that you don't get pressured by time, and to avoid misunderstandings with colleagues and bosses with diplomacy. Financially, you'll need prudence. For now, the situation is rather tense. Try to cut down on expenses, don't go into debt and first and foremost, avoid speculations this month!

Puzzle It Out

May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/13 8:56 AM Page 80


Solutions on page 96 Across: 1. Popular garden bird (5) 4. Gardening implement (5) 7. Spring-flowering bulbs seen in gardens and grass verges (8) 8. Species of pig (4) 9. Person who marries someone while already married (8) 11. Traditional, often ancient, fictional story (4) 12. First name of detective story authoress (6) 14. Set alight (6) 16. Very great in size (4) 18. Housing that someone is living in (8) 20. It indicates tiredness (4) 21. Unmarried man (8) 23. Hollow or crevice (5) 24. The prize for winning the Test cricket series between England & Australia (5)

Down: 1. Berkshire town (7) 2. Organisation which presents British TV and Film awards (5) 3. Move head in agreement (3) 4. A gem set by itself, or a game for one person (9) 5. Egg white (7) 6. Precise (5) 10. Cannot be heard (9) 13. Ship which sank in 1912 (7) 15. Slight, lacking substance (7) 17. Once more (5) 19. Blood sucker once used for medical purposes (5) 22. US espionage organisation (3)


Brain Teaser

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of ÂŁ50 notes out of his wallet. He turns to the rich man and says to him, "I have an amazing talent; I know almost every song that has ever existed." The rich man laughs. The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it." The rich man laughs again and says, "OK, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?" The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich. What song did he sing?


Say What You See...


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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:42 PM Page 82

F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...


News, what news the merry go round is still in operation where it will stop for the Eurozone and Cyprus in particular we are not sure. There is a lot of talk that Cyprus will face a "greek style" meltdown now that ministers from The European Union and IMF have confirmed that the country must find the additional 5.5billion euro shortfall itself. The question is how does a country that does not have any money find 5.5 billion? The big issue certainly seems to focus on the original need for funding which has increased from c17.5 billion to a new figure of 23billion. We know of course that Cyprus raised around 400million euros selling gold but the number is now insignificant in relation to the extra it has to find and unless it can do so it may very well be that 10biilion from the original sum may not be released. With Portugal raising new concerns over their original bailout terms when its constitutional court blocked austerity measures the eurozone is once again dealing with matters previously thought to be on a road to recovery. If you add production numbers across the zone taking a hit and manufacturing seeing a 4.8% drop compared to February and the powerhouse of Germany stuttering then you can understand the volatility of 3 cents plus against the pound during the last month. Going forward keep your eyes open for issues arising in Slovenia and discussions around secrecy banking laws in Austria. Interestingly the UK has also experienced weak growth at construction businesses in February and this has cast doubt over the possible economic recovery in the first quarter of 2013. Here's the thing, the sector grew by 5.5% on the previous month failing to recover the ground lost in January and is running at 7% below that seen in February 2012. There was some light on the horizon however when the services sector increased to a seven month high reading of 52.4, anything above 50 represents growth but this figure indicates a solid rather than spectacular recovery. Continuing the "light" theme RICS published early readings indicating an increase in property enquiries and this was supported by data by Nationwide and Halifax showing an increase in house prices across the UK. It maybe the news next month will be even better particularly as Nationwide have announced their lowest interest rate mortgage for those lucky enough to have 40% to place as a deposit. If you would like to find out how our currency partner can help you achieve more for your money, contact Moneycorp on 0034 952 587 657 or email


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May 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/13 5:42 PM Page 84

The Jokes page

Jokes page

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her four year old son, Sam, out shopping.A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. “Yes,” he said. “I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we’ re going to call it Quits.”

Q: How do you get a one-handed idiot out of a tree? A: Wave!

Two good old boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sittin' around talking one afternoon over a cold beer After a while the first guy says to the second, “If I was to sneak over to your trailer on Saturday and put it to your wife while you was off hunting and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?” The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says. “Well...I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even.”

A teacher is explaining biology to her fourth grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says. A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.” The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. “Well,” she began, “I was in the back garden with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!” “That must've been scary,” said the teacher. “It sure was,” said the little girl. “My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss and before she could say ‘S**t’, the Rottweiler ate her!!!” The teacher had to leave the room.


A blonde woman was in a competition to swim across the English Channel. Her competitors in the Breast Stroke division were a brunette woman and a redheaded woman. The brunette came

in first, the redhead a few minutes later. Just as the sun was setting, the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it. "Hey, what's that?" "A foot high pianist. You see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a foot high pianist." "Can I try?" The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room. "Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!" "You think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"

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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy. "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy. "I want water, lots & lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The drinks are brought out & the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a root beer float," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter! to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered water all evening?" You're gonna LOVE me for this.... Hold on to your seat...

The third piggy says... "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"


666 089 427

private buyer



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INDIA IIND NDI ND N DIA D DI IA LU LUCIA LUC UC U CIA CI C IA IIndian ndiiiaan Cuisine nd Cuiisiine in n Andalucia And An nd daallucia

Good Quality Quality, y, Great at VValue alue Calle Jerez Urb. T Torrenueva or o orrenue va

Tel: T el: 951 40 76 95

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Golden Sun

Catering for AGM’s and Parties with group discounts. Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only €6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Mama Nostra

Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

Harrys Sports Bar

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda


Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant Call: 951 216 131

Cocktail Recipe Lime, raspberry & vodka cocktails

Keep summer entertaining cool and creative with these vodka cocktails the perfect party drink

Ingredients: 150ml vodka 60ml lime juice 1l lemonade 12 lime slices 12 raspberries


Place a couple of handfuls of ice in a large mixing jug, add the vodka, lime juice and lemonade and stir well. Fill 6 highball glasses with ice, lime slices and fresh raspberries. Pour the cocktail over and serve.

Nutrition per serving

96 kcalories, protein 0.2g, carbohydrate 10.3g, fat 0.1 g, saturated fat 0g, fibre 0.3g, salt 0.03 g

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ChiCken biRYani

A great one-pot rice dish that can still be served up a few days later... perfect for leftovers



300g basmati rice 25g butter 1 large onion , finely sliced 1 bay leaf 3 cardamom pods small cinnamon stick 1 tsp turmeric

4 skinless chicken breasts , cut into large chunks 4 tbsp curry paste 85g raisins 850ml chicken stock chopped coriander and toasted flaked almonds to serve

1) Soak the rice in warm water, then wash in cold until the water runs clear. Heat butter in a saucepan and cook the onions with the bay leaf and other whole spices for 10 mins. Sprinkle in the turmeric, then add chicken and curry paste and cook until aromatic. 2) Stir the rice into the pan with the raisins, then pour over the stock. Place a tight-fitting lid on the pan and bring to a hard boil, then lower the heat to a minimum and cook the rice for another 5 mins. Turn off the heat and leave for 10 mins. Stir well, mixing through half the coriander. To serve, scatter over the rest of the coriander and the almonds.



Left over rice the next day, enjoy a Coronation chicken rice salad for lunch. Mix the cold rice with mayonnaise and a squeeze of lemon juice and serve with Baby Gem leaves and sliced cucumber.

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 22 & 80

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See Neon Light Half Time

Brain Teaser

"Happy Birthday" This song can be sung with anyone's name in it.

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Baroness Thatcher 2) Cancer 3) Zurich 4) Great Expectations 5) David Bowie 6) Severn Bridge 7) Hercules 8) Romania 9) Don 10) 28 11) Hydrogen 12) Opal 13) Mammals 14) Mary Shelley 15) Theatre Royal, Drury Lane 16) 1973 17) 12 18) Victor 19) Helen Worth 20) Blackberry and Raspberry 21) New York 22) Cornwall 23) Winnie the Pooh 24) Take That 25) Blue 26) Ork 27) Ox 28) 72 29) Harrison Ford 30) Swansea

teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?


teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet


Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

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Costa Link Magazine May 2013  
Costa Link Magazine May 2013  

The best and most popular A5 magazing on the Costa del Sol for English speaking people.