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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 2:49 PM Page 6 Did father Christmas bring you all that you wanted, if not its sale time so I’ll see you at the shops…
I hope you have eaten all the turkey, Christmas pudding and mince pies that you can and are now looking forward to all the sweets at Three Kings. It looks like last year is going to be a hard act to follow after the Olympics in London, Spain winning the UEFA cup and the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, but there is a future King on Queen of England on its way this year… I would like to say - big congratulations to Rita Murray, the winner of the Indian Ocean competition, I am sure she and her partner would have enjoyed the food – it is excellent there! Don’t forget to get your entry in for the Buggy Safari competition this month; it’s a great experience and one that you really should not miss out on! Now I’m off to try to lose a few kilos that I seemed to have picked up over Christmas…
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The Fallen Lady...
A W o m a n’ s W o r l d
I was walking through town when a dirty, shabby-looking woman asked me for a couple of euros for food. I got ten euros out of my purse and asked, “If I give you this, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop drinking years ago.” the woman told me. “Will you buy clothes instead of food?” I asked. “No, I don't waste time with new clothes.” the woman said. “Will you spend it at a hair salon instead of food?” I asked. “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!” she replied. “Instead of giving you the money,” I said “I'm taking you out for dinner with my husband tonight.” The woman was shocked. “Won't your husband be furious? I know I'm dirty, and smell disgusting.” “That's okay.” I said, “It's important he sees what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”
Dieting Rules For January...
• If you drink a diet coke whilst eating a chocolate bar, the calories in the chocolate bar are cancelled out by the diet coke. • If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. • If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you automatically look thinner. • Movie-related foods (Donuts, buttered popcorn, Subway, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. • Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
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'X FACTOR' STAR ELLA HENDERSON SIGNS SONY RECORD DEAL... Ella Henderson has signed a record deal with Sony. The former X
Factor contestant confirmed the news during an appearance on Ireland's The Saturday Night Show. Henderson told host Brendan O'Connor: "Today's the first day I can announce I'm signed with Sony. "The 16-year-old also revealed that she had doubts about her singing before entering the reality show and would wonder when she would get her big break.
SHARON OSBOURNE APPROACHED FOR 'X FACTOR' RETURN? Sharon
Osbourne is reportedly being lined up to return to The X Factor next year. The TV judge, who was on the panel from 2004 to 2007, met with Simon Cowell's representatives two weeks ago to discuss rejoining the show, The People reports. It is thought Osbourne is on board with making a comeback and will replace Tulisa Contostavlos.Louis Walsh can't contain his excitement, he has been begging Sharon to come back for years so he is desperately hoping it all works out.
COULD KATE MIDDLETON'S MORNING SICKNESS MEAN SHE'S PREGNANT WITH TWINS? The intense excitement
surrounding the news that Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and wife of Prince William, has a royal bun in the oven is dulled only by the fact that the poor mum-to-be is suffering with hyperemesis gravidarum, severe and persistent morning sickness that often leads to dehydration. The crazy part? It's thought that this type of morning sickness is brought on by a boost in hormone levels which could be due to multiple babies! Yes, it could be royal twins! We want to know NOWâ€Ś. Roll on May or June 2013!
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ICE ICE BB! NEW CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER HOUSE WILL FEATURE A GARDEN IGLOO MADE OF REAL ICE BLOCKS...
With Rylan Clark rumoured to enter: In the Celebrity Big Brother house, things are bound to get a little steamy. So Channel 5 bosses have come up with the perfect solution to cool off the future housemates by building an igloo in the garden made out of real ice blocks. The rest of the house will follow the chilly theme and is set to be transformed into a Swedish ice hotel, complete with fur rugs and blankets.Get ready for the icebox! Rylan Clark is rumoured to enter the Celebrity Big Brother house, which is transformed into a Swedish ice hotel including garden igloo. This year's contestants: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, formerly on The Hills, are also said to enter the house. As well as the igloo, the garden will house a hot tub, swimming pool, silver birch trees and a mural of the Northern Lights. But as always, the housemates will have no place to hide as the hightech ice hotel will be equipped with 45 cameras, including infra-red ones for night time filming, and 67 camera mirrors. Getting ready to enter the house in 5, 6, 7, 8? Steps singer Claire Richards is also rumoured to take part in the new series of Celebrity Big Brother. Though the new celebrity housemates have yet to be confirmed, the rumour mill predicts this year's contestants will include X Factor reject Rylan Clark, as well as former The Hills reality stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Steps singer Claire Richards is also rumoured to be entering the house, alongside glamour model Lacey Banghard.
The new series of Celebrity Big Brother starts on January 3rd on Channel 5.
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A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and sits down whilst he is drinking, the monkey starts jumping around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives from the bar and eats them. Then he grabs the sliced lemons & eats them, and then to everyoneâ€™s amazement he jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the man, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table WHOLE" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, "replied the man, "he eats everything in sight, the little tike. Sorry I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and pays for all the things the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he says. "No, what?" replied the man. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bottom, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the man. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
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ALL NEW mircle cure 路 Do you have feelings of inadequacy? 路 Do you suffer from shyness? 路 Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine. White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine. However, White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
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1) What is Brighton Pier also known as? 2) What is the birthstone for January? 3) Which footballer’s autobiography was entitled ‘Where Do I Go From Here’? 4) Who won X Factor 2012? 5) Which paper size is 210mm x 297mm? 6) In which card game can you ‘Peg Out’? 7) Which superhero’s wife was played by Terri Hatcher in the TV series? 8) Who was the first presenter of Celebrity Squares? 9) Which cows produce Gold Top milk? 10) The Queen’s ship Britannia was preceded by 3 letters – which ones? 11) David Beckham is famous in which sport? 12) Which company was the first to introduce travellers’ cheques? 13) What was the name of the ranch in the TV programme Bonanza? 14) Who was the first jockey to ride 7 Derby winners? 15) What is the plural on the word Mongoose? 16) Which TV character lived in PontyPandy?
17) Which country’s capital city is San Salvador? 18) In which UK city is the Abbey theatre? 19) In Morse Code, which letter is represented by a single dot? 20) What colour was Moby Dick? 21) Is Brian Lara left or right handed when batting? 22) Which is the deepest land gorge in the world? 23 ) How would Del Boy order a curry? 24) In the NATO phonetic alphabet, which word represents the letter ‘F’? 25) Where are all British monarchs crowned? 26) Which is the world’s longest mountain range? 27) How many edges does a cube have? 28) What colour is the tongue of a Chow Chow? 29) Who wrote Tosca? 30) Granny Smith and Braburn are types of which fruit? Answers on page 88
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ALL NEW WARNING
The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not. The consumption of White Wine is a major factor in dancing like a idiot. The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing. The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. The consumption of White Wine may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. The consumption of White Wine may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.
NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE!
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Ever Wonder WHy...
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word? ...why doctors call what they do "practice"? ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? ...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker? ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new and improved" flavor? ...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? ...why they sterilie the needle for lethal injections? ...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box? ...why sheep don't shrink when it rains? ...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? ...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe? ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while washing-up liquid is made with real lemons?
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Stocking only the very best in ladies fashion including leading quality designer labels Sizes from 10 to 20
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A Man’s World
Fishing... Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following
conversation took place. First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realised that the fourth guy has notsaid a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear sun-block."
A Few Funnies... • The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!” • In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested. • My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four Guardia Civil and a dog. • Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. • Young son: “Is this true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: “That happens in every country in the World son.” • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. • How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. • If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. • Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.” • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.
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2013 May bring a new rescue dog into your home. Talk his language!! Your body language can often affect a dog’s behaviour and the way a dog feels towards you. Here are a few tips on how to use body language successfully.
Meeting a Dog • Use slow, calm movements, no quick or erratic movements with your arms & legs • Turn your face away from the dog so you are not making eye contact • Move into a curve • Let the dog make the first eye contact move
Approaching an overexcited dog • Move slowly • No direct eye contact • Slowly turn to the side of the dog • Yawn • If he jumps up, turn your back on him and out of his reach if possible. If on return the dog becomes wound up again, repeat the process. He will learn when enough is enough. • If barking in excitement, do not distract him with food or a toy......This is a reward – distract him from the situation!! Encouraging a dog to come to you • Reduce your height and turn side on • No direct eye contact • Use a calm low voice to re-assure him • Do not lunge or make quick movements towards the dog
We do hope you consider adopting a rescue dog in 2013, for a list of local animal charities please do not hesitate to contact us via the website www.poshpetsspain.com
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Pet P et Relocation specialists to & from the UK, France Chauffeur driven, F rance & Spain. Chauff eur driv en, accompanied pets by land. Customised vvehicles ehicles for for your pets comfort safety. comf ort & saf ety. For quotation contact F or a quot ation please cont act us: 0034 952 597 035 www.poshpetstravel.com www .poshpetstravel.com
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" Doggy Playground" A full 3000 sq m etr Organised es playtimes Full agility course Socialisation
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Is my gum disease stopping me from controlling my diabetes?
Gum disease is also called periodontal disease. This is a chronic bacterial infection that affects the gums and bone supporting the teeth. Periodontal disease can affect one tooth or many teeth. While the early stages of gum disease are reversible (gingivitis) in the more advanced stages there can be loss of bone, mobility of the teeth and pain.
Everyone should aim to effectively remove plaque from their mouth to prevent the development of periodontal disease and it’s consequences, but people with diabetes should pay extra attention.
Patients who have diabetes mellitus either have a total loss of insulin secretion (Type 1) or are resistant to insulin (Type II). Insulin is used by the body to help the transfer of glucose from the bloodstream into the target tissues, such as muscle, where glucose is used for energy. In diabetes there is a decreased capacity to transfer glucose into target cells and chronically high blood sugar levels (hyperglycemia) develop.
If you are diabetic you could be more at risk of gum disease. However if you are not treating and controlling your gum disease you are also more likely to have difficulty controlling your diabetes.
As patients struggle with medication and diet to control their diabetic condition, medical practitioners often overlook the extremely important link between periodontal disease and the effects on the treatment and control of diabetes.
Periodontal disease triggers the body’s inflammatory response which can affect insulin sensitivity and ultimately lead to unhealthy blood sugar levels. Studies have provided evidence that treatment of periodontal infection has an impact on improvement of diabetes and glycemic control as seen by a decrease in demand for insulin.
If this well established association is overlooked then the susceptible patient they will suffer not only from the negative oral effects of gum disease but may also never quite get a handle on controlling their diabetic condition which of course can lead to more serious medical systemic conditions associated with uncontrolled diabetes. Establishing routine periodontal care is one important way to help keep diabetes under control. Seeing your dentist and or hygienist regularly could help not just to keep your mouth healthy but have an important effect on keeping your body healthy too.
Dr Nina King, is a Preferred Partner of “medilink” and a well respected and highly qualified Dentist based in Marbella. For more information on Dr Nina or any of our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on 952 93 38 76
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Are you fed up with trying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...
…solving the puzzle of healthcar e in healthcare Spain! Tel: T el: (0034) 952 93 38 76 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org only you'll ever medilink the onl y tel no y ou'll e ver need
SANITAS HEALTH PLAN Promotion: From 1 to 4 months free Depending on number of insured persons. All waiting times except childbirth to be waived. Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution The Xanit & The Hospiten Estepona are now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets
Contact your English Agent, Susan Warner T: 951 272 124 M: 615 655 348 www.healthinsurance-spain.com email@example.com
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AN INTRODUCTION TO MASSAGE... CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL IN 2013 BY LOOKING BACK OVER 3,000 YEARS…
Massage is one of the oldest healing arts: Chinese records dating back 3,000 years document its use; the ancient Hindus, Persians and Egyptians applied forms of massage for many ailments; and Hippocrates wrote papers recommending the use of rubbing and friction for joint and circulatory problems. Today, the benefits of massage are varied and far-reaching. As an accepted part of many physical rehabilitation programs, massage therapy has also proven beneficial for many chronic conditions, including low back pain, arthritis, bursitis, fatigue, high blood pressure, diabetes, immunity, suppression, infertility, smoking cessation, depression, and more. So What Is It Exactly? Massage, bodywork and somatic therapies are defined as the application of various techniques to the muscular structure and soft tissues of the human body. Specifically: Massage: The application of soft-tissue manipulation techniques to the body, generally intended to reduce stress and fatigue while improving circulation. The many variations of massage account for several different techniques. Bodywork: Various forms of touch therapies that may use manipulation, movement, and/or repatterning to affect structural changes to the body.
Somatic: Meaning “of the body.” Many times this term is used to denote a body/mind or whole-body approach as distinguished from a physiology-only or environmental perspective.
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'History' of the world Continued from last month... Here are some great albeit unbelievable history blunders from students throughout the United States submitted by their teachers, from eighth graders through college freshman level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. • Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery. King Harold mustarded his troops before the battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged t wice for the same offense. • In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’ s head. • The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’ s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was the age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. Continued on page 54...
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MIND THE GAP
A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers... • “Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause.) "Let the passengers...Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home.” • “Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open.’ The two are distinct and separate instructions.” •“To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don't you understand?” • “Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”
• “Please move all baggage away from the doors.” (Pause...) “Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.” (Pause...) “This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways!”
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HA,HA,HE,HE... CROSS EYED TEACHER: Did you hear about the cross eyed headmaster? He couldn't control his pupils
Two Men on a bench: Two old guys suffering from Alzheimer's are sitting on a bench when an ice-cream van comes down the street."Do you want one?" asks the first guy. "Yes, I'll have a cone, but write it down or otherwise you'll forget" says the second. "No I won't" says the first. "Look, I want a cone with a flake, and I know you'll forget, so write it down" says the second. "I won't forget" says the first guy, getting slightly irritated. "OK then, look - I want a cone, a flake and strawberry sauce. Now write it down or you WILL forget" says the second. The first guy is getting quite miffed now and still argues that he won't forget. The second guy says irritably "I want a cone, a flake, strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands sprinkled all over. You won't remember all that so WRITE IT DOWN!" The first guy, now really annoyed, walks off and five minutes later comes back with a meat pie. The second guy looks at him and says "Where's my chips?" ITâ€™S SNOW JOKE: What did they sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 5:54 PM Page 54
'History' of the world ’t n o c
• The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
• The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made money and is famous only for his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear’ s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attaching his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cer vantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. • During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was called the Pilgrim’ s Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 5:54 PM Page 55
Your own UK address with Post & Parcels couriered weekly to Spain for only 5€ + 2.50€/kg and no registration fee.
Why do you need a UK address? For all sorts of reasons. Sensitive documents like bank statements or credit cards; inter net shopping at ASDA, Sainsbury’s, Argos or hundreds of UK stores; many eBay sellers only deliver to the UK; magazine subscriptions are far cheaper in the UK; Driving Licenses; Family presents and communication; Businesses who need a UK address; Many UK items (car parts etc.) are much cheaper; other things are not comparable in Spain like toasters and irons - so many reasons.....
Tel: 952 839 074 Email: email@example.com
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New for 2013...
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There are so many new cars due out this year; here is a selection of things to come…
BMW is replacing the 3 Series Coupe and Convertible with the 4 Series, based on the next generation 3 series, it will go on sale towards the end of 2013. There will also be a high performance M4 model and a 4 door Gran Coupe version.
Up market and funky small cars are very popular , we see here the new Mini Paceman – yet another model in the Mini range a kind of small SUV Coupe, watch out for the Fiat 500L – L for large another mini MPV, and the Opel Adam – which may win the silliest name of the year award!
The car we are most looking forward to is the Jaguar F-Type. Even the name is exciting suggesting a successor to the legendary E-type. The two seater will rival the likes of the Porsche Boxster, Power comes from a 3.0-litre engine with 250bhp while supercharged versions will have up to 375bhp. The all new Range Rover will have a sleek look inspired by the Evoque. The ultimate 4x4 will be unrivaled in both luxury and off road capability. The Cascada is Opel's new four-seat convertible with a fabric roof and although it may resemble an Astra from some angles and an Insignia from other, it's about the size of the Audi A5 Convertible.
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 5:54 PM Page 58
Having ow ddifficult ifficult itit is H aving llived ived on on the the Costa Costa del del Sol Sol for for nearly nearly two two decades, decades, I know know hhow is to to find find reliable reliable trades trades men when m en w hen yyou ou nneed eed them!! them!! And And Not Not just just reliable reliable enough enough to to arrive arrive on on time time to to give give a quotation, quotation, but but also also eople rreading eading tthis his w will ill rrelate elate ttoo w what hat hhaving aving tthe he trust trust in in their their ability ability to to carry carry out out a professional professional job! job! Most Most ppeople I am am ssaying!! aying!! was with MasterBuild he yyear ear w when hen I nneeded eeded ssome ome ggeneral eneral SSoo iitt w as ssoo rrefreshing efreshing ttoo bbee pput ut iinn ttouch ouch w ith M asterBuild eearlier arlier iinn tthe Masterbuild rrived oonn ttime, ime, bbut ut ttheir heir aarrival rrival w was as hhousehold ousehold rrefurbishments efurbishments ccarrying arrying oout. ut. M asterbuild nnot ot oonly nly aarrived mee ffully ate oonn w were ere tthe he m men en w were ere aand nd w what hat aannounced nnounced bbyy ttheir heir ooffice ffice aadministration dministration sstaff, taff, keeping keeping m ully uupp ttoo ddate would with enerally m missing issing hhere ere oonn tthe he ccoast. oast. ttime ime tthey hey w ould bbee w ith me. me. A small small touch, touch, but but something something tthat hat iiss ggenerally Masterbuild myy m master lways tthought hought I hhad ad a llovely ovely llarge arge aarea, rea, M asterbuild rreformed eformed m aster bbathroom athroom aand nd bbedroom edroom aareas. reas. I aalways wasn't Masterbuild, nder uutilised tilised tthe he aarea rea aactually ctually w was! as! bbut ut iitt w asn't uuntil ntil I sspoke poke ttoo PPhil hil aatt M asterbuild, tthat hat I rrealised ealised how how uunder with modern hat TThey hey tturned urned my my bathroom bathroom iinto nto a lluxury uxury aarea, rea, w ith a m odern corner corner JJacuzzi acuzzi bbath, ath, and and walk walk iinn shower, shower, tthat most would m ost ppeople eople w ould ddescribe escribe as as a wet wet room, room, and and changed changed all all the the fixtures fixtures and and fitting fitting to to bring bring my my bathroom bathroom into into the the 221st 1st Century! Century! While work was W hile tthe he w ork w as bbeing eing ccarried arried out out I ddecided ecided also also to to have have my my villa villa painted, painted, and and the the bedroom bedroom and and baloney baloney aarea rea ccertainly ertainly did did benefit benefit from from being being tidied tidied up up with with new new paintwork. paintwork. The The ppainter ainter tthey hey ccontracted, ontracted, tthey hey ttold old mee hhad worked with And work m ad w orked w ith tthem hem ffor or oover ver 1100 yyears. ears. A nd llooking ooking aatt tthe he qquality uality ooff tthe he w ork pproduced, roduced, I ccan an understand understand why why they they will will nnot ot uuse se aany ny oone ne eelse! lse! myy pprivate windows I nnow ow eenjoy njoy ssitting itting oonn m rivate tterrace, errace, I cchanged hanged tthe he w indows ttoo oover ver ssized ized ssliding liding ppatio atio ddoors, oors, ccomplete omplete with mosquito months. w ith m osquito bblinds, linds, aand nd covered covered the the area area for for shaded shaded rrelaxation elaxation oover ver tthe he ssummer ummer m onths. TThis his hhas as worked wonderfully w orked oout ut w onderfully as as I now now can can use use this this area area in in all all weathers, weathers, and and ifif itit is is a bit bit chilly chilly just just use use my my outdoor outdoor heater. heater. What with would W hat a ggreat reat eexperience xperience I hhave ave hhad ad w ith tthis his ccompany. ompany. I rreally eally w ould not not hesitate hesitate in in recommending recommending MasterBuild MasterBuild ttoo aanyone nyone tthinking hinking of of having having a pprofessional rofessional jjob ob ccarried arried oout ut oonn ttheir heir pproperty. roperty.
WOODS LAW - Asbestos Related Diseases Woods Solicitors specialise in claims for asbestos related diseases and have noticed an increasing number of enquiries from ex-pats, particularly in Spain. They have successfully dealt with claims for clients in Almeria and Orba and are currently dealing with claims for people throughout Alicante province â€“ Torrevieja, Denia and Javea. One of the reasons for the increase in claims is that, as people get older, it is not unusual for breathing problems to develop or to become worse. With investigations, problems with shortness of breath are sometimes attributed to exposure to asbestos. Exposure to asbestos can cause a number of conditions: mesothelioma (a specific type of lung cancer), lung cancer, asbestosis, diffuse pleural thickening and pleural plaques. Asbestos was widely used in the UK in circumstances where workers were not given any protection. All sorts of tradesmen including plumbers, electricians, carpenters and plasterers were exposed to asbestos because they worked on sites where asbestos was commonplace. It is not necessary for a worker to handle asbestos himself, he can be exposed to large amounts of asbestos dust just by working close to others. If you or someone you know has been diagnosed with an asbestos related condition or has breathing problems and has come into contact with asbestos in the UK, it may be possible to claim. They are happy to talk to anyone free of charge about their individual situation on 0044 1244 340560, at firstname.lastname@example.org or you can visit my website at www.woodslaw.co.uk - See our ad on page 51. 58
January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 5:54 PM Page 59
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 5:54 PM Page 60
SO VERY TRUE...
• Moles are always smaller than you imagine.
• At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying. • Whatever your age the desire to make plastic toy figurines assume intercourse positions is almost impossible to resist. • One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with that of a complete stranger. • You've never quite sure whether its OK to eat green crisps. • Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. • Reading when you're drunk is horrible. • Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. • You're never quite sure whether its against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. • Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. • Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a flat ball. • Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218
Free advice on how to care for your floors at 60
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:08 PM Page 62
January 5th 2013: Is the eve of the Three Kings Day, Dia de Reyes. There are parades throughout Andalucia: The biggest are in Marbella, Fuengirola also in San Pedro and up and down the Costa. January 6th 2013: Three Kings Day / Public Holiday thoroughout the Costa del Sol Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Tuesday: Mum & Baby Pilates class at 11am at the San Roque International Nursery, Sotogrande with stimulating toys, ball pool and much more. www.pilatesparati.es Every Wednesday: Wednesday night is QUIZ NIGHT with the excellent quiz master Marco Nardone, entrance is only €2 and first prize is nothing less than a bottle of VEUVE CLICQUOT CHAMPAGNE - IGLÚ CHILL LOUNGE, El Pilar, Estepona. Every Wednesday: Mums and Tots group in Coin will meet every Wednesday 9.30am-11.30am at Educanima Ball Park (opposite Mercadona). Play facilities for the kids and cafe for the parents. All welcome from any area and €1.50 per hour with monitors. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Saturday: Atletico Las Chapas, Football Academy meet @ Aztec Country Club, Riviera. Call for moe information on: 685 448 083. Every Saturday: Costa All Stars Cheerleader classes now running Coin at Aqua Gym in La Trocha. All ages in one class from 10.30am-12pm. Call Vanessa on 677 493 280. Every Saturday: The Wildside Forest School for Kids held every Saturday. 10am-12pm for aged 4-7 years and 1-3pm for 7-10 year olds. Two hour classes for children in nature. Tree rubbings, building a camp, safety, insects etc. See www.wildsidesurvivaleurope.com for info. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00 Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.
If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know… email: email@example.com or phone 951 216 131
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GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA
Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206
HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS
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ocal Info Emergency Numbers
Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica
112 091 092 062
Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267
Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100
Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A
952 952 952 952 952 952 952
Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro
952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252
352 475 226 604 212 226 474
300 108 373 383 442 590 891
Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026
Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700
Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona
All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well
as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622
24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89
Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593
1st January 2011 - New Years Day / Public Holiday
5th January 2011 - Is the eve of the Three Kings Day, Dia de Reyes. There are parades throughout Andalucia. 6th January 2011 - Three Kings Day / Public Holiday
25th January 2011 - Burns night.
if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:08 PM Page 66
r!Strangebuttrue... a e Y w Ne On New Year’s Eve, my grandmother used to force the youngest person in the house to carry coal from the front door and out of the back door, claiming that it would bring good luck and health for the upcoming year. I don’t know if that is a true story, but here are some other weird and wonderful ways other countries bring in the New Year…. • In Spain, New Years Eve is synonymous with grapes. When the clock strikes midnight, Spaniards eat a grape for each chime. This tradition dates back to the early 1900s and is thought to have been a gimmick to reduce a grape surplus. And if you’re in Madrid, expect to stay out clubbing into the wee hours of the morning (plan ahead to get yourself on the guest list or you’ll be stuck on the wrong side of the velvet rope). • In France, New Year’s Eve is known as la Saint-Sylvestre and is celebrated with a late-night feast called le reveillon de Saint-Sylvestre. The meal can consist of several dishes, but chances are you’ll be feasting on pancakes—washed down with champagne, of course. When in Paris, if you can handle massive crowds, head over to the Eiffel Tower to catch the end of the two-day New Year’s parade,
which features thousands of singers, dancers and entertainers. • Long before December 31 in Japan, locals gear up to welcome in the New Year. They send one another celebratory cards, clean and deck out their homes, and dine on traditional New Year’s cuisine known as osechi-ryori. At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, Buddhist temples ring their bells 108 times. Each ring represents the release of the elements of bonno—the Buddhist concept of mortal passions or desires. Japan’s version of New Year’s Rockin’ Eve is known as Red and White Song Battle, a 50-year-old tradition in which famous pop stars go head-to-head in a singing battle. In Tokyo, head out after the show for the all-night party scene. • Make sure to bring colorful underwear when you head to Mexico. On New Year’s Eve, people wishing to find love wear red underwear and those seeking fortune wear yellow. Make sure to put on other clothes too, then head out to the zocalo (the main square) in Mexico City for a giant street party. Restaurants stay open for the traditional New Year’s late-night dining scene.
WISHING YOU A HAPPY 2013!
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:08 PM Page 68
S TA R S I GN S
A look at what's in store for you during January.....
Capricorn you have an extremely busy and powerful start to the year. Mars is in your sign all January, which gives a big increase in energy and enthusiasm. Self-confidence and sexual attractiveness is boosted, people will be drawn to your directness and strong desire to succeed. You will be very competitive but this attitude will not threaten others, in fact you should gain support for your actions. This also means that your birthday should be very good. A promising omen for the year ahead and you should take advantage of this to start new projects, be more daring and go for what you truly desire, compete to win! With Mercury passing through your sign from January 22nd to 27th, your mind will be extra sharp. Now you can put the extra confidence and energy to use in interacting with others to get even more support for your plans. Aquarius you start the New Year with Mercury in your sign from January 1st to 8th. This will broaden your mind and also your interactions with others. You will have a busy week catching up with friends and family also traveling around. You will be more communicative and have piles of paperwork to do. You should be mentally focused to handle the increased information coming in and may find yourself playing a more active role in conversations, even acting as a negotiator. Venus in your sign from January 6th to 14th brings the activity into personal relationships where more closeness gives warm feelings. You will be radiating more love which others will find attractive, so compliments and gifts may come your way. This is also a favorable time financially to invest in you, your image, clothes, jewelry, makeovers etc. Pisces you may have some tension to deal with as Mars is opposite your sign throughout January. There could be challenges you have to overcome in order to achieve a certain goal or simply just to be yourself. You will have a lot of energy, but it will be hard to channel constructively. Anger or frustration is likely and especially from January 1st to 8th you will need to show restraint in dealing with other people. This will increase your impulsive urges and a tendency to react in a hostile manner. Sharp words could inflame delicate situations. Your thinking will be more erratic and rushed, so avoid confrontation or making important decisions this week. Things will improve with the Sun over your sign from January 11th to 20th then Mercury rising from January 22nd to 27th. You will be able to think more clearly and express yourself much better now. Aries you will be busy from January 8th to 15th with Mercury in your sign. The increase in communications and rushing around on errands will leave you a bit stressed and the hectic mental activity may also lead to some miss-communication with the chance of some arguments. Better to delay important decisions if you can and try not to sign anything too important till later in the month. Things look much smoother with the January 11th new moon; this energizing and creative force will last for the next four weeks. Now is the time to initiate important projects because you have extra self-confidence and will promote yourself very well. Your career, home life and personal relationships should all benefit, as people will tend to assist, more than resist your efforts. Taurus you have a promising start to the New Year from January 8th to 15th Mercury will be in your sign. Conversations should be rewarding and pleasant as you can express yourself confidently and clearly. Your mind will be sharp as a tact, which means you can attend to paperwork with ease and also negotiate a better deal at work and clear up any relationship difficulties. From January 14th to 22nd, these relationships will go through a period of warmth and affection where your attractiveness draws compliments and favors from others. Making new friends through increased socializing is possible, and spending money at this time should not hurt the bank balance too much. However, a more defensive attitude will be needed for the coming weeks with the January 11th new moon. Gemini you may have a few tense days in relationships with Venus in your sign from January 14th to 22nd. You will be seeking more love and affection, but may not always get exactly what you want. There can be a tendency to expect too much without making the effort during this time, as you would rather avoid hard work right now. Overindulgence with money is something to be careful of at the moment, as racking up unnecessary debt on the credit card is a real temptation. Overall though, this month is really good with the January 11th new moon. This harmonious moon will last for a number of weeks into February and give you a feeling of emotional balance and calm. Plans should work out fine because others are more likely to help you. This is an ideal time to promote your ideas, make new friends or contacts.
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Cancer you will have a busy week from January 8th to 15th with Mercury opposite sign. This hectic time with increased running around and communication is likely to cause some nervous tension and scattered thinking. You may find that because you mind is so busy, it is more difficult to express yourself clearly. This could lead to some conflict as others misunderstand your intentions or plainly work against you. You may not think so, but others could see you as being selfish or not thinking rationally this week. Things quickly get more peaceful with Venus progressing into your sign from January 14th to 22nd. Relationships run more smoothly under this influence with a lot less friction and a general feeling of harmony and inner balance. You also have a calming influence on those around you, and look and feel more beautiful.
Leo you have no real action till later in the month so enjoy the break because the January 11th new moon opposite your sign will create some tension in your life for a few weeks. The difficulties arise as your ego comes up against resistance from others, it seems like they just make things harder for you. The problems are more likely to come from men and authority figures, but relationships in general can also be the source of discord. This will be especially true from January 27th to February 3rd with Mercury passing opposite your sign. For this week, the tension and frustration is more likely to spill over and cause arguments. After a week of ego conflicts etc you will feel a little touchier and defensive, you will have a strong urge to speak your mind. This is not the best time for signing contracts, making important long-term decisions or making deals. Virgo you have energetic and sexy Mars in your sign for all of January. There are positives to this such as increased sexual attractiveness, physical strength, and ability to get what you want. Mars stations retrograde on the 24th, which can mean the more negatives sides of being self assertive and aggressive can be problematic, such as disregard for others in the quest for victory. However I think the very helpful supporting transits will mean you can have great successes this month. From January 1st to 8th with Mercury in your sign you will need to restrain yourself a bit to avoid arguments and temper tantrums. Your mind will be too rushed to make important decisions, so hold back a bit and wait. From January 11th to 20th, the sun will be in Virgo which is most fortunate, indicating harmonious relationships, increased confidence and personal power.
Libra you can look forward to a nice start to the New Year, though later in January some tension may pop up. From January 1st to 8th, Mercury in your sign should bring pleasant communications and an alert mind. Your clear thinking means that you can project your thoughts and plans in a way which wins approval, and this also makes social situations more comfortable, a good time to make new friends. From January 6th to 14th Venus will really improve the chance of more loving and warm relationships with partners, friends and family. If you are single then it also increases you chances of attracting a mate because of increased charisma and social skills. Tension arises later this month coming from Mercury rising from January 22nd to 27th. Think twice before entering into arguments, as you are likely to be on the back foot and open to disappointment.
Scorpio you have the action planet Mars in your sign for all of January. This will increase your self-confidence and energy levels, and also your magnetic attractiveness to others. Especially later in the month this influence means this is the time to start new projects and go for what you desire, because you will face little opposition. Promote yourself and climb the ladder of success. The only hurdle will be in the love department from January 6 to 14 with Venus square your sign, but with Mars working for you, any relationship difficulties can be sorted out through your passionate enthusiasm and willingness to please. From January 11th to 20th, the Sun is over Scorpio which intensifies the passion for victory from Mars. Definitely a week to play your hand, as your confidence and energy will be soaring.
Sagittarius you start the New Year off with the harmonious transit of Venus in your sign from December 29th to January 6th. Warm and loving relations with friends and partners means you will want to enjoy socializing this week and attending parties, good timing! The perfect week for a holiday or some retail therapy purchases of luxury or beauty products favored, lucky you! However you may have to be more careful with your money from January 22nd to 31st because Venus will be with your sign. Overindulgence this week will be more costly in the long run, both on the bank account and the waistline. The desire for love and affection will be strong, but this will only be met if you make the effort to share and give love yourself.
Puzzle It Out
January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:08 PM Page 70
Solutions on page 88 Across: 1. Domesticates (5) 4. Dingo (anag) (5) 7. Article of clothing (8) 8. WW2 alliance (4) 9. Mathematical product (8) 11. Object (4) 12. Dairy product (6) 14. Relative (6) 16. Tread (4) 18. Dental development in babies (8) 20. Volcanic rock (4) 21. Month (8) 23. Board (5) 24. Concede (5) Down: 1. Finished (7) 2. Horse (5) 3. View (3) 4. Critical (9) 5. Modern Persian (7) 6. Coast (5) 10. Copious (9) 13. Clarify (7) 15. Pushed aside (7) 17. Vargrant (5) 19. Abode (5) 22. Alcove (3)
ONe DARK NIGHT...
A man is running across a field at night clutching something in his arms as several other men pursue him. He looks back and sees they're getting closer. In a final burst of effort his pursuers catch up and bring him crashing to the ground. His pursuers stand over him but do not touch him or take what he was carrying. Why not? Who was the running man?
Say What You See...
ALL EARTH 70
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:14 PM Page 72
F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...
Has the Spanish property market found a floor ?
At the time of writing, the Department of Housing has released it's Quarter 3 statistics for 2012. There was a 1.2% reduction in home sales compared to last year at 75,642. This was a significant improvement on Q1 and Q2 figures where the market shrank 6.8% and 7.1% respectively. Most of the sales have been along the Spanish coast line, where foreign buyers have been lured by dramatically falling prices. French and Russian buyers are thought to be behind the first sign of rising house prices, a local real estate publication has indicated prices have risen fractionally in some costal areas. Russians favour holiday-homes on the Costas, whilst the French go for homes in the Alt Emporda, close to the French border. The property crisis is approaching itâ€™s 5th year now, and on average prices have fallen by around 50%. Strict lending criteria from the banks, disappearing equity, and problems in the job market have all added to a lack of demand in an oversupplied market. The point where supply will equal demand, and peopleâ€™s ability to buy, is still being discovered.
Written by our financial expert James Alexander.
If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us: firstname.lastname@example.org or on 951 216 131.
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:14 PM Page 74
All quite on the euro block front
Things seem to have settled a bit for the euro zone, according to one E.U. top official "Europe must continue with its far reaching structural reforms that have helped to rebalance the euro zone economy, decisions made so far have began to rebuild confidence, calm markets and counter fears of the collapse of the euro. - for folks on the street I am sure they are thinking when did this happen, we must have been asleep or blinked too quickly. Apparently Euro zone sentiment has improved for the 4th consecutive month in December, maybe for investors, however ask a person on the street and I am sure you will hear a different story. E.U finance ministers have met and have agreed to empower the European Central Bank to supervise the euro zones biggest banks and to intervene in case of trouble at the smaller ones. Germany and the UK will probably receive "special terms" for their banks. Back in blighty, house prices are falling, George Osborne has said that the austerity in the UK could continue until 2018, that's 6 more years of tightening belts, budget cuts, salary freezes tax, food and utility price rises. UK firms are hiring permanent and temporary staff and the jobless figures are on the decrease, and we have a non brit soon to be in charge of the Bank of England. If you would like to receive more money on your exchange of funds, why give it to the bank????? Talk to our currency partner Moneycorp to see how they can help you. Its worth a call to them. Moneycorp Commercial foreign exchange have been in business since 1979 and have the highest credit rating that can be given to an FX company. TTT Moneycorp Limited is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority for the provision of payment services. To find out how easy it is, pop in for a chat or call on +34 952 587 657 or email email@example.com Please mention Costalink magazine when contacting Moneycorp.
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The Jokes page
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment". The husband replies, "Your eyesight's 100% perfect". Ageing Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, Earl. She decided that she would kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was already so badly broken. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, “Your heart would be just below your left breast.” Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left kneecap.
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man-you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But, every once in a while, he’d hear that soothing voice trying to reassure
him: ‘Howard. Don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won’t be the last.’ But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: ‘Howard.You’re a veterinarian.’ Two married friends are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!” His mate looks at him and says, “Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's bum and say, ‘How about a bit?...’ and she's always sound asleep.”
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:14 PM Page 79
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 3:14 PM Page 80
con’t SO VERY TRUE... • Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
• The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had their arm (or neck) broken by a swan. • Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. • There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you you've got your hand or head stuck in something. • It’s impossible to look cool while picking up a frisbee. • Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. • You never ever run out of salt. • Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. • The most painful common household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. • People who don't drive slam car doors too hard. • You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with.
666 089 427
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BAR & RESTAURANT
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January 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/18/12 2:42 PM Page 83
Creamy Sausage & Rocket Linguine Easy - Serves 4
Comfort food with a kick, this creamy pasta has just five ingredients
• 8 pork sausages • 400g linguine • 1-2 red chillies , seeds in or out (depending heat), finely chopped • 100g rocket • 150ml single cream • PLUS 2 tsp olive oil
1) Squeeze the sausagemeat out of the skins, breaking into grape-size chunks. Heat the oil in a frying pan. Fry the chunks for about 8 mins until crisp and golden. 2) Meanwhile, cook the pasta and chop most of the rocket. Add the chilli to the sausages, fry for 30 secs, then tip in the cream and chopped rocket. Season and heat until the rocket has just wilted. 3) Drain the pasta, reserving some of the cooking liquid, then mix the pasta through the sauce with a splash of cooking water. Top with remaining rocket
Sausage & rocket wraps Fry 2 sliced onions in oil until golden, add the chillies for 30 secs, then stir through 6 tbsp tomato chutney. Cook the sausages as above. Spoon the chunks onto 4 warmed flour tortillas. Add the onion relish and a handful of rocket then roll up.
PER SERVING: 825 kcalories, protein 29g, carbohydrate 81g, fat 45 g, saturated fat 19g, fibre 3g, sugar 6g, salt 1.72 g
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Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only â‚Ź6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737
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Harrys Sports Bar
Indian Cuisine in Andalucia
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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 24 & 76
Just Say What You See All Over the World Within Reason
A rugby player who has been tackled
Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Palace Pier 2) Garnet 3) George Best 4) James Arthur 5) A4 6) Cribbage 7) Superman 8) Bob Monkhouse 9) Jersey (or Guernsey) 10) H M Y 11) Football 12) American Express 13) Ponderosa 14) Lester Pigott 15) Mongooses 16) Fireman Sam 17) El Salvador 18) Dublin 19) E 20) White 21) Left 22) Grand Canyon 23) Ruby Murray 24) Foxtrot 25) Westminster Abbey 26) Andes 27) 12 28) Blue / Black 29) Puccini 30) Apple
teleweb internet & telephone just got better!
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Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions 88 ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-
Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.
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