Page 1

Coronado Coronado’s Explorer Got Talent “For the Coronado High School community”

Glass Onion Edition 2010 Cost: Priceless

Final ‘09-10 talent show set for April 9th. by Daniel Nemet

In this Issue News to Us -Butter Side Up… -News Shorts -Marco vs. Polo -My Rights Ad Opinionation -He Said, She Said -Letters to Editor -Poll -“Way to go, morons” Academia -Fernwalt Aura… -Department Beats -Uncle John’s Mad Lib -Tutoring Time Log Deportes Aqui -Failing and Quitting -Foreigners invade -Check it out! Campus Happenings -No Emo? -Seriously? -Healthy Dons Still Happenin’ -Improve Senioritis -Fernwalt -Reality TV Quiz Devious Art -Obsessed -Don Deviations -Favorites -Watchers In da Club -Adopt a Hallway! -Advice from Hathaway -Fight Club -Join our group -Lexi’s Got Talent Entertainment Land -Evolution of Dance -The wait is over -You need to hear this Entertainment 2 -Cute Teenage Love -To learn or not? -Romeo at it again -Alice in Wonderland The Back Page -The Anthonology -The Sleuther -Horoscopes!

Weather Report Better than Boston.

Stock Report Don’t ask.

Check out For the latest news on...



Campus Happenings

Academia Contact Info

& smore!

Above: Reid Blakey (10) and Spencer mons (10) put their hands together to SPEID. The duo is practicing their talent cannot be disclosed until performance What does Coronado have in common with Jerry Springer, David Hasselhoff, and Nick Cannon, and Sharon Osborne? No, not some weird

Simform which time.

primetime about someone’s baby daddy. These celebrities have all worked on the reality show “America’s Got Talent.” Although Coronado can’t

be part of Coronado’s Got petition etiquette. Please afford to hire celebrity Talent. The sponsors need go to CoronadoExplorer. emcees and judges, we can your help deciding who com to help us decide who host our own version. the final judges should be. to accept by voting on the Thus, the “Coronado’s After all, this is your talent home page. Got Talent” show will be show! If you are still on hosted April 9th at 7:00, The choices are the the fence about if you want sponsored by various CHS Fernwalt, DMX, and Mike to go or not, just read a few clubs. Tyson. These judges have of the talents that CoronaCoronado’s Got Talent been hand selected because do students have. Spencer is to help students who they each have special Simmons (10) and Reid haven’t had a chance to Blakey (10) perform now known as or see the “Finding someone wh has unique SPEID put “on previous talent shows. talent and discouraging them” is key. amazing shows and amazing People adventures for performing ~Mrs. Griffin all who want to are encourcharacteristics they can watch.” aged to go outside of the add to the show. Remember what box. We all know that Mr. Fernwalt has some is most important in the students can sing, play guipretty “solid” talents and end. It’s all about supporttar, dance, and those other has been coaching the con- ing your school and showtalents that are normal, but testants on their talents. ing some Coronado Don we want to see who can Ya boy DMX will be spirit. And the best way play the violin with one reppin’ AZ, by showin’ up to do that is by coming to arm! That’s right, if you to judge the CGT. His mad come to Coronado’s Got Coronado’s Got Talent. flow, will make ya’ll go, to Talent, you’ll see a onesee that talent show. Mike armed violinist. To vote for judges, Tyson’s hunger to help When the Explorer enter your talent, or local schools is immense. asked the sponsors what procrastinate to fulfill Whenever he hears about goes into planning a talent an offer, he is always willyour next show, the main consensus ing to give a little bit of was that “finding someone responsibility go to his time. Tyson is a judge who has unique talent and discouraging them,” is key. to motivate students to believe that they can win. He Many judges have acalso coaches them in comcepted their nomination to

Uncle John’s Readers Placed in School Bathrooms Reading material meant to elevate social studies interest, promote reading across the curriculum. by Daniel Nemet

Birds flying backwards? Popes serving in the military? Origins of Oscar the Grouch? President Wilson’s lucky number? Number of vending machine deaths per year? What’s the common thread? You can learn these educational facts by relieving yourself in CHS bathrooms.

You can learn on the toilet. Recently CHS educators decided to place Uncle John’s Bathroom readers in school bathrooms to elevate social studies interest, promote retention of historical knowledge, and to promote reading across the curriculum. “If it’s funny I’ll read it,” commented Matt Lagana

(11). and stare at graffiti.” Hanks When asked if he’d read also cited a desire to read educaa b o u t t i o n a l I’d love to read “sitting on my s p o r t s material and movin our throne.” ~Victor Hanks (9) ies while school in the bathrooms, Victor Hanks (9) lavatory. replied that “if I’m sitting on So when nature calls, my throne it’d be relaxing open your... minds don’t let because I have something to your education go down the do rather than just sit there toilet.

“D.A.D.” Knows Best? An open proposal for the Disimprove-a-Don Program

Above: a copy of the Uncle John’s reader that will be posted in CHS bathrooms to improve reading.


by Mrs. Webb-Jones

prove-a-Don won’t cease, to watch ESPN instead of Last November CHS valuing your yearning for actually play CHS sports, introduced the “Improve- freedom I propose to let you and to work for a retail store a-Don” program aimed, at engage in the Disimprove-a- instead of for a career. your teacher’s will, to pro- Don or“D.A.D.” program. W hen asked about vide a “structured, D.A.D., Ashley success-oriented” Riddenhour (10) environment to make “Power Hour sux; I wanna watch Jersey said “Power Hour up work, absences, sux. I want to and atone for objecShore.” ~Ashley Riddenhour (10) watch Jersey Shore tionable behavior. anywayz.” Some of you in To learn more turn objected to this proD.A.D. is an unstruc- about D.A.D. look for the gram, voicing the need to tured, free alternative to computer screens in this isbe who you want to be. mandated study and living sue like the one to the right As an adult and former habits with no mentorship as they’ll give advice meant teen, I can respect that it’s whatsovever. Core princi- to respect your wisdom. all about you. ples of D.A.D. embrace your Does D.A.D. know best? Whereas 2:47 PM Power right to choose X-Box over We’ll let you find out. AfHour reminders and Im- knowing X-Y axis in math, ter all, it’s all about you.

Disimprove-a-Don Advice Teen-centered multimedia productions lack educational and entertainment value. Students and teachers harnessing collective intelligence by participating in your school’s journalism production isn’t worth it.

Disimprove yourself by going to

Coronado Explorer Online

News to Us

2 Butter Side Up, Butter Side Down

Yooks and Zook gang conflict foreshadows next pointless strife between CHS groups. by Alyssa Johnson

According to the Wayside News Report, recent trends of catty teen behavior foreshadAbove: freshman and ow pointless school-dividing junior dancers give the clashes as exemplified by re- stare-down over which cent Yook and Zook gangs in dance club is best, escalating words to stareSeussville, Oklahoma. “F those Zooks. They’re downs. like emos; they’re just just Right: The Yook and Zook trying to be different by eat- conflict has escalated ing their bread butter side from heated lunchtime down,” stated Yook member conversations to an arms and Oklahoma native Tony race with weapons such as the “Triple-Sling JigIpswitch (11). ger.” Early this year Yook and Zook gangs started talking smack at lunchtime but began tensions brewing between clashing due various CHS to f ighting “I’m a pulled quote dance groups. over whether from the story At year’s to eat bread meant to shock beginning, with the but- and be read out of for example, ter side up or context.” CHS’s “Don butter side Fusion” group down. attempted to Such behavior, for ex- promote school unity by ample, can be observed by wearing purple to symbol-

group and others, Nizhoni Cooley (11) had the following to say: “Other dance groups may try and act like us but they will never dance like us. They don’t got the skills we do.” Whereas “sticks and stones may break [one’s] bones but words will never hurt,” language between feuding teen groups can create divide, analysts say. In Seussville Yooks are doggin Zooks as “fake”, “uncouth”, “you’re such a [expletive]”, “who dat, who dat hoochie mama,” and other expressions are breaking down self esteem. Divide by skin color? Lunch table? Dance group? Music taste? Religious belief? Romantic preference? As questions arise about teen behavior, how do teens know that butter doesn’t taste just as good if ize Coronado’s scarlet red not better on the other side and navy blue of the bread if coming to- “I could give him they’ve never gether. a twitch with tried it? That’s my tough tufted Obviously until the “she prickley Snick- there’s nothing said, she said” Berry Switch.” to learn from tensions came Seussville, about. Oklahoma. Commenting on relations between her dance


KNOW YOUR RIGHTS by Cora Rodgers

“Sadistic Soda Pop.”

News Shorts

Drinking Fountain Prank Making a Splash

Sophomore Melanaie Foral gets soaked from a prankster who messed with the water fountain head near the foriegn language wing.

Slacker Tries Disimprove-a-Don

First Disimprove-a-Don to embrace new rules with answers to a missed test scribbled on freshman Frank Fortworth’s wrist. “I’m determined!” said the cheater.

Mrs. Kemp Related to Elvis

Returned government teacher and new mother of four month old, Braden Presley Kemp, Mrs. Kemp reveals that it has been a well known fact in her family’s geneology that Elvis Presley is a part of her family tree.

Junior Gets Arm Stuck in Vending Machine

On Monday, T.J. Kittle (11) injured himself while struggling to retrieve a bag of Corn Nuts from a campus vending machine. Said Kittle, “I was willing to do anything for those nuts.”

The Coronado Explorer Staff

Message to Our Readers: The Coronado Explorer is published by the students for the Coronado High School community in south Scottsdale, Arizona. The Explorer staff created our 4th annual “Glass Onion Edition” in the spirit of April 1st. None of the content in this issue is true. Each media message on campus, in print, and online at is printed in the spirit of satire, parody, and purely for entertainment purposes. Views in the Glass Onion Edition are not necessarily those of the CHS administration, faculty, staff, student body, or community. Have fun and unless you want permanent social status as a freshman, stop trying to scratch-&-sniff the Scratch-and-Sniff gag. “April Fools.” ~The Explorer Staff

Editorial Staff

Advisor: Mr. Convergence Chief: Daniel New Media Literacies: Dreylon Head Grapher: Rene Romero……………… Head Web Editor: Daniel Head Lens: Qori News Editor: Alyssa Johnson Opinionation Editor: Madi Campus Happenings Editor: Hannah Clubs Editor: Briana Academia Editor: Daniel Sports Editor: Andrew Fayez..................................... Entertainment Editor: Andrew Fayez..................................... Deviant Art Editor: Cora Rogers............................ Back Page Editor: Anthony

Contributors: Dreylon Dupas-Vang, Katie Hoye, Dean Pizarro, Jessica Reed, Steven Slover


Although the Coronado Explorer has been published since 1961, this year’s staff is working hard to provide our community with a quality production that embraces journalistic integrity. If you have any questions or concerns about this or future issue content, please e-mail them to Any story or advertising inquiries should be sought out through the appropriate channels below.


Marco vs. Polo

Alyssa Johnson yook&

Coronado High School Attn: Billy Gerchick 7501 E. Virginia Ave. Scottsdale, AZ 85257

Uncle Jo

Journalism Room: B244 Telephono: (480) 484-6800 ext. 6751 Web: (Go on, it won’t hurt... much. >=D)

d hn’s Fun Factoi

At least 10 people die of vending machine-related accidents per year. TJ Kittle is a lucky soul.

Madi Cooper


He Said...

An alpha male perspective on lessons learned from Tiger Woods.

SoWhat?:The Controversy of Tiger Woods Warning: The following views and statements are from a male perspective. Try not to be so easily offended. by Dean Pizarro

The media immediatley jumped on the story, and In the world of sports before the year ended, male athletes that are conTiger had fourteen women stantly in the spotlight, confessing that they had drawing previous, um, attention to “With Tiger Woods, “relationships” he simply raised with the golfer. themselves the bar that was While most mostly from super hot previously set by would think women. former president that the athlete However, Bill Clinton...” reached an allwhen the time low, what Michael it really did was Jordan of golf, Tiger prove why being a huge Woods, got into a suspect sports star is the best job car crash in November of to have. 2009, many people in the Among many other media and beyond noticed perks in the sports busia few suspicious actions of ness (money, cars, clothes, Woods. endorsments), women keep Soon after, news started the wide world of sports to surface that Tiger going. Woods might have been True dat. having an affair behind With Tiger Woods, he his wife, Elin Woods’, simply raised the bar that back. Most notably, with was previously set by forspecially talented actress mer President Bill Clinton Joslyn James, according to and showed the world how much action you can get in What was even more a matter of years. surprising was the saved Time to tee off... voicemails and text messages left on Tiger’s phone.

The Zollinger-Goat-Nestoria-Martinez Poll By Marucs Martinez

What should Elin Woods do next?

12% Hit Tiger with a 9 Iron 40% Call Chuck Norris 15% Take the money and run 13% Eat some chocolate 20% Forgive Tiger. He’s a celebrity.

Student Opinions

Brett Farfetch (9): “How does Tiger do it? My dreams of mistresses are just that... dreams. I should try out for golf.” Trey Barcowitz (10): “He lives up to his name, after all...” Brittany Ary (11): “They should make a video game out of the whole situation... Like on South Park.” Allison Johannsen (12): “Elin should work on being less dependant on men for her happiness.”

...She Said

A feminist perspective on lessons learned from Tiger Woods.

14 Holes-in-One

Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with 14 different women and, in a patriarchal society, expects forgiveness. Because he’s a man. If a woman were in Woods’ How many holes-in-one shoes, she’d be expected does a man need to make to grovel for forgiveness. fulfilled? Woods just gave a public Apparently, in Tiger apology and went to sex Woods’ case, fourteen therapy and just like that, relieves him. everything is Woods man“If a woman were okay with him aged to cheat in Woods’ shoes, and his public. on his wife, she’d be expected His home life Elin Nordeis a different to grovel for gren, with story although forgiveness.” fourteen difNordegren ferent “womhas allegedly en” before he got caught. dropped her divorce lawNow I’m sure he’s yer. soooooo sorry. “I’m deeply sorry,” There many theories claimed Wood during a about what happened the press conference. “[My night Woods was exposed, actions were] irresponsible and selfish.” the most exciting of which Why apologize to the include Nordegren chasing public, though? What Woods with a 9-iron and good is that for his marsmashing in the back winriage? Sure, his image dow of his car as he sped away frantically from their has been ruined but he’s still one of the best golfFlorida mansion. Howers of his time. But really, ever Woods was caught, it shouldn’t he be at home doesn’t change that he is begging his wife for foran abomination to the hugiveness? Shouldn’t he man race. be on his knees, possibly His many indiscretions crossing shards of glass to have caused quite the upregain her trust and heart? roar but people are mostly Girls go for that stuff. forgiving. Why is that? by Madi Cooper

“Way to go, morons.”

A thank you letter to America’s adults. by Qori Krog

Dear Adults, You always instilled in us kids a sense of what was right, helping us in ways that you often think we took for granted… You always held our hand and knew when we needed to be taught a lesson, telling us to share, cooperate, and not call each other bad names. Now, as us teens get ready to become adults and deal with the world you’re handing to us, we thank you for everything you have taught us about cooperation during a challenging time in our nation’s history. Thank you for flying to South America to have affairs. Thank you for spending more time, effort, and money on criminals rather than our education. Thank you for giving us doublestandards. Thank you for making car companies with brakes that won’t stop. Thank you for outsourcing jobs to India and the Third World. Thank you for giv-

ing up the campaign and becoming a reality show host. Thank you for teaching us survival of the fittest through Survivor, not experience. Thank you for “Hanging Chads.” Thank you for creating the ear bud for music players so we can focus. Thank you for indecent behavior casted during the Superbowl. Thank you for another and another and another social networking site. Thank you for pumping steroids and raising ticket prices. Thank you for using cell phones and other TMZ style media to communicate world events. Thank you for all parties acting like the kids who got sent to the corner in kindergarten. Thank you for upholding the everlasting and prolonged image of the United States. You’ve taught us so much. Sincerely, The Voice of Our Generation.


Letters to the Editor Brilliant thoughts from our readers. Dear Explorer: The article by Hannan Collins on senioritis is disgusting. Why would you encourage senioritis? You’re basically telling the students to be lazy and not care about school. As a teacher, I am appalled. I encourage my students to stay focused and motivated until the very last day despite their wishes. If you encourage them to just give up now, even if that’s what some do after the senior research paper. Sincerely, CHS Teacher Dear Explorer: Eat me. Sincerely, anonymous reader Dear Explorer: Coronado Explorer’s “Seriously?.com” is like soooooo funny. Reading about other people’s trauma reminds me of how messed up others lives are and how like amazing mine is. People are like so stupid with the things they do and reading about their idiocy is a great pick-me-up. Sincerely, Amanda Crawford Dear Explorer: “The Anthonology” has been the reason I’ve read the Coronado Explorer all year. It always delivers the humor I need and the bite of sarcasm that makes attending school worth it. However, I think the rumors about Constantini being insubordinate are completely false. Free Constantini! Free Constantini! Sincerely, Mandy Carey

D.A.D. Disimprove-a-Don Advice Always accept convenient truths such as quotes out-of-context and never form opinions that weigh complex circumstances or the notion that people can eat bread with both the butter side up and the butter side down.

Disimprove yourself by going to

Silvae Rhetorica



Daniel Nemet


Uncle John’s Politically Incorrect Mad Lib by Jennifer Smith Subject-verb agreement? Parts of speech? Practice these & other valuable English skills by filling in the blanks.

Top: Daniel Leavy (11), Steven Slover (11), the great Fernwalt, Adam Dickerson (12), Kaleb Cisneros (12), Jesse Barber (11). Middle: Zack Chavez (11), Jeff “Jefe” Ramirez (12). Front: Trevor Elworthy (12).

Fernwalt Aura Distracting Social Studies Students Some students encouraged to read in bathrooms to stay up on content by Steven Slover

Throughout the halls, there’s an underlying problem with students as the attention span of history and geography students spirals downwards at an alarming rate. The reason behind all of this is quite simple: the Fernwalt is too cool for school, towering over his students with the “SOLID!” musculature of

Genghis Khan and the rugged facial features of a modernday Marlon Brando. Fernwalt never needs disciplinary action. His broad shoulders and stern glances can turn even the most tenacious of troublemakers to stone. This is a man with such an aura of greatness that he unintentionally created a cult of devoted followers. Although his cur-

Department Beats News from what’s happening around our campus academic departments.

Gallery Space Proposed for Bathroom Artists

My freinds are cooler than ur friends.

Noooooooo! My freindz R cooler than you’re friends.

For a good time, call 631-403-2022. Above: A few artistically talented students display their talents on the bathroom walls. Coronado is implementing a new policy. Go to to read more about it.

Mathematical Thinking by Daniel Nemet

In the run long, don’t we all need math? I mean whenever I go to the store I see people with the TI-84+’s and graphing the optimal time to buy strawberries. And I remember the last time I went to Castle N

Marco vs. Polo

by Cora Rodgers “Absent from school; participating in Disimprove-aDon.”

Coasters I saw people with protractors measuring the angles of the coasters to calculate G-Forces. Oh wait, all that was me. But you guys do that too, right?

riculum is comprehendible, only those not captivated by his very presence can make it through one day without being engulfed in his glory. Therefore, it’s encouraged that all students sporadically excuse themselves for a trip to the lavatories in order to read Uncle John’s Readers to stay up on their social studies.

Once upon a time, in a __________ (Verb) far far away. There lived a _________ (Pronoun) knight named (Verb), who, by his __________ (Noun) wisdom, saved the kingdom from the purple (Verb), while rescuing the __________ (Adjective) in the nick of time. He than rode his ___________ (Noun) horse from the _________ (Adverb) upon which the kingdom was built,and beginning his journeying into the __________ (Verb). He was mortified and did not stop for fear the __________ (Verb) would eat them all. As time went by, ___________ (Verb) came upon a giant ______ (Pronoun) link which blocked his path. He stopped and pondered _________ (Noun) to himself. Then with much __________ (Noun), he summoned his _________ (Noun), he ______ (Pronoun) the cuff link out of his way and continued onward with his ______ (Noun). At last, he had reached the sharp _________ (Verb) of the __________ (Noun) dragon. The dragon ______ (Pronoun) at his approach. They fought with all there ______ ____(Noun). The battle was __________ (Adjective) and __________ (Noun), raging a whole nanosecond, until at last, the knight seized the dragon by the eyelid and ______ ________(Noun) him in the stomach. The princess was of course, ______ ____(Noun), and the knight ______ (Pronoun) her over his shoulder and returned to the king. The two promptly __________ (Noun), and they lived happily ever __________ (Noun).

D Lang Dept 0ffers a new Class 2 students by Katie Hoye

Wit d mny struggles this sk00l yr, budget cuts being d biggest, d district had a difficult time c0ming to d c0nclusi0n 0f adding a new lang class. It t00k a l0t of th0ught n discusion, bt dey finly came 2 d decision of tsting 0ut dis new class @ CHS. D class is Txt 101. It teaches students how 2 keep updated with what technology has become. It even demonstrates how 2 use this form of language on a phone. “I fnd d class 2 B a complete relief.” said Davey Sanchez [12]. “I always had a

diFicult tym keeping hip with my friends and would constantly be called a n00b. Not nemore :)!” 0thers th0ugh arnt as thrilled ab0ut the class. “Lyk 0mg I alrdy kn0w h0w t0 d0 dis. Dey stuk me in hre coz I had n0 ch0ice. Txt 101 is just sucha wste 0f my tym. Ugh FAIL!” said Kayley Smith [9] As a student taking Txt 101, I can say that d class is a gr8 way 2 stay 0n the up n up with techn0l0gy. It is having its difficulties th0ugh so intrested ppl n33d to hurry n sign up!

by Dreylon Dupas-Vang


Twilight Series Rumored to be cheap knockoff of Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.” by Heather Kruse

Montagues. Capulets. Vampires. Humans. Apparently freshman English students aren’t the only ones plagiarizing in print.

3:07 PM Show up w/ hat & iPod on. 3:08 PM Don’t sign in. 3:21 PM Refuse help from tutor. 3:25 PM Open text book. 3:27 PM TXT FRND TO CMPLN :( 3:40 PM Realize u 4got assignment. 3:32 PM Go to vending machine. 3:48 PM Surf Internet looking for Facebook proxy. 4:02 PM Get warned for drinking liquids by computer. 4:18 PM Check clock. 4:19 PM Check clock. 4:23 PM Discover comfy beanbags on the floor. 4:27 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... 5:28 PM Cell phone rings. Parent just checked ur grades online. 5:29 PM Ask tutor for help. 5:31 PM “Hmm. This isn’t so hard and it’s kind of fun...” 5:34 PM Incoming Facebook update... 5:57 PM Begin packing up. 5:59 PM “Yes Ms. Winget. I finished.” 6:00 PM Pack up and leave. Don’t sign out.

Science Department Zoo Trip Scandal by Briana Lucero

Technology Department Just Google it.

After-School Tutoring Time Log

While teary-eyed teens lament Bella’s death to vampiredom, statistics show most don’t get that Bella’s really Juliet. And Edward’s a tool.

Marco & Polo are absent from school today. Write your ideas on how you can disimprove yourself. ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

The Zoology and AP Environmental science classes went to the World Wildlife Zoo. Chy Sheldon and Alyssa Johnson wanted to make sure all animals got attention. When walking around the zoo they noticed that some of the animals in the back don’t get attention and the enclosure

was dirty where they are kept. One animal they especially noticed was mixed with other animals like emu, while its parents where on display. The two animal lovers gave their attention to that lonely animal and gave her a kiss at the risk of getting in trouble.

Students show honesty by returning iPod left out in Boys P.E. Locker Room by Daniel Nemet

We all know that if “ya snooze, ya lose.” This saying is applied to the Boy’s Locker Room with people’s personal items. If any item of value is left exposed, it will most likely get stolen. However, last week, three students gave a coach an iPod that didn’t belong to them. Coronado Explorer got the exclusive interview with these three students who wanted to conceal their identities. CE: How brave you three are! What did it feel like to rebel? Do Gooders(DG): Well... I mean we just did the right thing.

Uncle Jo

CE: Well “the right thing” around here is a little different. But anyway, do you know how much an iPod goes for? DG: Uhmmm, not really. A few hundred? CE: Yeah! C’mon guys! DG: Well we knew that someone would be missing their iPod, and we would want someone to do the same for us. CE: Well yeah, I’d want my iPod back too; but it wasn’t me, it was them! So in conclusion these do gooders turned in a found iPod. I guess they “did the right thing,” but who’s heard of that kind of thing around here?

hn’s Fun Factoi


Russia’s February Revolution was in March; the October Revolution was in November.

Andrew Fayez

Deportes Aqui



Danish pastry and CHS soccer player Rassmus Olson (12).

Foreigners Invade Sports Above: Dean Pizarro (12), President of the Anti-Titan Fan Club.

Failing and Quiting

Students that quit sports while failing a class. By Xavier Alejandro

Student athletes are team.” Being on the bench known for being able to is useless and time conjuggle sports and class suming. “I could be doing work fairly well, but there something else.” are a few To know times where you can’t help that is not the “I should have your team, case. an exception to because of There are failing a class. I’m your grades some students the best player on is the “worst that may have the team.” feeling,” said slipped up Brandon Villa and failed a class. An ath(11).“It wasn’t my fault. I lete that has a failing grade didn’t want to quit.” Villa at the end of a quarter has just wanted to play but to sit for a minimum of his parents wanted him three weeks. They are still to make sure that he can expected to go to practice walk his senior year. So and put in just as much in order to make sure that effort as the other players he has enough time his that made the grades to parents made the decision play. for him to leave his team“Why go to practice mates behind and focus on when all I do is ride the schoolwork instead. “In bench?” questions freshthe long run it’s the best man Andrew Lowery (9). thing for me,” he said but He feels that since he is the he expressed it’s one of the best player that it shouldn’t hardest things that he has matter what his grade is, had to do all school year. that it should be whoever Even harder than that math the best player who plays. test that he did not study “I should have an excepfor because he was taking tion to failing a class. I a few extra ground balls to am the best player on the make him a better player.

Hit off the season & make a difference by helping Dons pay $125 athletic fees. Next year’s fees will go up to $150.

“Pay to help everyone play.” March 31st - April 8th Purchase goodies in the lunch lines.

Coach Tsorin rumored to be a KGB agent even beat them in their own sports,” commented ‫ىلع نولوتسي بناجالا‬ Rasmvs Aleksander Olson ‫ةسردملا‬ (12). Yabancıların okul üzeriThere is also a language nden alıyor barrier between the ath‫םירזה‬ letes. “Land of freedom ‫לע םיטלתשמ‬ There have my [butt], how ‫רפסה תיב‬Οι been many could this be the arguments ξένοι έχουν land of freedom between the την ανάληψη if I can’t even του σχολείου athletes about speak my own If one thing secret conlanguage?” is for certain versations it is that forin their own eign students are taking language. “This is [freakover Coronado sports. ing] America, speak some Amid a recent trend [freaking] English or don’t of more American-born even come here,” fumed students trying out for, Dale Martins (10). staying eligible for, and “Land of freedom my not quitting CHS sports [butt], how could this be teams, foreigners are takthe land of freedom if I ing over. “They are taking cant speak my own lanover every single place in guage in the field?” said the team,” said ex-football soccer player Mostafa player John Michaels (09). Ahmed (12). “I should “I had to even leave the have stayed in Afghaniteam because I heard evstan. ery single language except Not everyone has a negfor English, even though,” ative view of the foreignremarked Micheals,” they ers however. definitely carry a lot of “We should always be responsibility and enduropen-minded and welcome ance.” all the foreign athletes Without a doubt, most in sports so we can learn of the foreign athletes are more and more from more enduring than the them,” said coach Tsorin other kids. For example, who was accused of being when 75 percent of the a KGB agent after somefreshmen football team one caught him lurking in quit, the students that the school’s basement. stayed were not American. ‫بناجالا كش نود نم‬ ‫ناكم لك ىلع نولوتسي‬ “They are awesome, lets ‫نأ انل يغبني ال نكلو‬ face it they are definitely ‫نأ بجي اننكل مهدض لعفلا‬ solid on the field,” said jgħinuhom fl b’kull Coach Tsorin. Many of mod. jekk inti tista ‘taqra them are just more agile dan u ma tbiddelex then the normal athletes. moħħok imbagħad inti “The Americans should idjota. be scared, I mean we will By Andrew Fayez

To learn more about the Jane Schaffer Creative Writing Contest, go to

Check out For the latest news on...



Campus Happenings

Academia Contact Info

and More! D.A.D. Disimprove-a-Don Advice It’s okay to avoid being a responsible, ethical student-athlete, especially at the frosh and JV levels. It won’t affect your team or school if you quit or blow off grades. You can “just try out for varsity next year.”

Disimprove yourself by going to

Site of Coach John Wooden

Campus Happenings Students crushed to learn that ‘emo’ look no longer stands out by Madi Cooper

The original “emo” look is not actually original, according to various sources. Since the rise of inane bands like Flock of Seagulls and the Cure in the 1980s. tlhe style of “emo” has been around for years, adapting to the time period but keeping its overall edge. It has also always been a trend for the “original” person. They were wrong. Emo isn’t original. The style evolved from the traditional punk-rock style of the eighties, according to It went through many adjustments throughout the years and now it’s called the “emo” look. The “emo” persona is stereotypically emotional, non-conforming, and misunderstood. A person could be considered “emo” and “original” if they fit all of the requirements but unfortunately, the look has turned Above: Although Brittany Cook into a trend and now every other teenager you see has (12) pulls off the look, the taut, side-swept bands, strange piercings, skinny jeans and some slender ‘emo look is really a random “Hello Kitty” accessory on them. recycled fashion trend from the 1980s. It’s fading as fast Jenny Takaki (12) would be considered a “true emo”. Her as you can say “My Bloody freshman year was the beginning of a still declining downValentine” and “Hello Kitty.” fall for her yet she considers “emo” an insult, however. “Emo is a type of music,” she commented. “Not a style. Scene is the trend’s name.” While that might be true, some would classify the entire trend as being “emo” and those people would classify the music and a subgenre of rock, “screamo”. “I feel the trend violates what scene people are. The trend has taken something that was original and allowed the few of us to show who we really are and turned it into a waste of time, money and clothing.” Alicia Stanton (10), on the other hand, believes the “emo” trend is the “most “[Emo] allows us fantastical” trend out there. “It allows those of us with with no particular no particular niche to find something we enjoy. Like, niche to find some- I like anime and things like that. The emo society has thing we enjoy.” accepted me for who I am when other groups turned their backs on me... Being emo has allowed me to shine!” The “emo” trend, while it might allow Stanton to shine, has had a negative effect on many of the other students of Coronado. Many “emo” people started wearing the clothes and acting “emo” by shopping at Hot Topic.

Seriously?! My Life

“[Forget] my life.” Some Dons share their thoughts to make you feel better about yourself. For my SML submissions, go to “Today, I got a craving for some Fiesta. A friend suggested we skip lunch and grab a breakfast burrito. Normally, I’d say no but was so hungry! So, we went. It was so good. Then we came back to school only for Mr. Olson to catch us sneaking back on to campus. I’m writing this while sitting in TMR where I will be for the next three days. Seriously?”

test. Last night I had stayed up late studying for my history test. There was no way I could cram both math and history. It just wasn’t going to happen! Then, it turns out I picked the wrong test to study for because our history test was canceled. Seriously? Today, I decided to


school after being sick with the flu last week. I have two essays, four math assignments, three tests and a biology lab to make up. Due in three days. Seriously? Today, I failed my math

because my mom found the four unpaid speeding tickets in my room. I tried to say they weren’t mine, but then I saw the pictures. There was me with my CHS baseball hat on. I’m an only child. Tomorrow, my mom is forcing me to go to the courthouse and


n o or

e r lo

p x oe

of myself in basketball class. I’m a pretty tall guy and can dunk. I thought I would be a show off today and show everyone my moves. As a ran to dunk the ball, I completely missed and landed on my shoulder. IT HURTS. I write to you all from the nurse’s office. Seriously?

m o c r.

dye my hair blonde. I had always wanted to go lighter! I was so excited. Plus, my friend who goes to EVIT said she would do it for free. Rad! Right? WRONG. She mixed up the dye. Tomorrow I will be going to school with cherry-red hair. Seriously? Today, I got grounded

“Today, I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me. Deciding to end things, I went up to her to break up with her only for her to respond, “Oh, we’ve been over.” This happened in front of my entire English class. Seriously?” Today I came back to

‘turn myself in’. Turning myself in will cost me over five hundred dollars. Thanks mom, seriously? Today, I made a fool out

Today, I had to an essay due sixth hour so I decided to write it during lunch. After playing on the computer for a while, checking my grades and reading the latest and greatest news at, I only had ten minutes left to finish my essay! Then, the computers were taking so long by the time I typed the heading then bell had rung. I now have no essay to turn in. Seriously?


The Habits of Highly Healthy Dons by Summer Contreras

The following is a health-assessment test. You are encouraged to take it. You may be surprised at how healthy you are! Directions: Write the appropriate number next to each statement (2=Always, 1=Sometimes, 0=Never) and then total the number of points for your raw health score.

Write here!

Physical Activity and Exercise: 1. You accumulate less than 30 minutes of moderate physical activity (walking, yard work, etc.) at least 5 days week or engage in 20 minutes or less of vigorous activity (jogging, aerobics, etc.) three times a week. You’re lazy. 2. You avoid exercises (weight lifting, yoga, etc) that enhance muscle tone or flexibility. 3. You take elevators instead of staircases and drive around the grocery store parking lot for five minutes to get a closer space. 4. You avoid doing recreational activities (sports, hiking, etc.) with your friends and family. Forget walking the dog; Jersey Shore is on. 5. You play video games, watch TV, and/or surf the Internet at least three hours a day. Eating Habits: 1. You eat fast food such as Fiesta Burrito at least once a day. 2. You eat a combined 5 servings of meat every day. 3. You make an effort to limit the amount of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains in your diet. Health food sucks. 4. You maximize your salt intake by eating salty snacks and salting your pizza, soups, vegetables, etc. 5. You maximize your sugar intake by consuming frequent servings of candy and/or soft drinks (Coke, Gatorade, Monster, etc.). Study Habits: 1. You procrastinate on assignments likely to be stressful for you. 2. You sacrifice sleep to study for an exam, complete a project, and/or finish homework . 3. Your most efficient way of studying consists of glancing at your notes (or your friend's) the period before the test. 4. You prefer doing your homework the period before it's due. 5. You tell yourself "I'm going to fail" immediately before a test.


Score of 26 to 30 - You’re a beast! By practicing good health habits you are setting an example for your fellow Dons to follow. Keep it up! Score of 16 to 25 - Your health practices are decent, but there is room for improvement. Consider playing more video games, splurging at Fiesta Burrito, and eliminating exercise. You will be surprised at how healthy you feel once you make these changes! Score of 5 to 15 - Oops! You're one step away from being an unhealthy Don! Maybe you're doing good things like avoiding exercise but aren't procrastinating enough. Try studying the morning of your tests. You'll feel relaxed and ace them every time. Score of 0 to 4 - Obviously, you care enough about your health to take this test, but your score shows that you seriously need to make changes. Maybe you don't realize how dangerous exercising, avoiding sugar, and sleeping more than seven hours are to your health. If you want advice, just ask your fellow Dons who scored high on this test.

D.A.D. Disimprove-a-Don Advice Reality TV and other fandom forms improve your life so much so you can live vicariously in lieu of getting off the couch to do the things you want and live the life you’ve imagined. Don’t research PHX activities to do.

Disimprove yourself by going to

Things to Do

Happy 18th Birthday to my Best Friend Amanda Pixley! Love you!



Still Happenin’

Improve your Senioritis! by: Senioritis Success Story

As the last quarter comes upon the class of 2010, we all have one thing on our mind. Graduation. We just want to get there. We don’t care how and we don’t care why. We’ve slaved away in desks over boring assignments for the past twelve years. We’ve made it this far. Why should the last quarter matter? Besides, most of us (the smart ones, anyway) took the ‘easy A’ classes. No offence to teachers but we’re not looking to pay attention, we’re looking to get by with as little work as possible. Seniors, if you’re reading this, you are silently screaming “YES!” or laughing it up with your friends because deep down, no matter what you tell yourself, this is the truth. You just want to graduate. That’s it. Oh, and go to prom (Arabian Nights, in case you didn’t know). But graduation takes work and no one wants to work for anything, right? RIGHT. By now, unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past six months, you have caught it. What is it, exactly? It is known as senioritis. A plague-like condition that slowly consumes all seniors at some point. If you’re late to class? DON’T CARE! Get a C on a test? DON’T CARE! Forget about your homework? DON’T CARE. It’s just that, you simply don’t care, even though you know you should. As freshmen, we all wondered what exactly senioritis was. We had no clue. We watched our class of 2007 suffer through it and we wanted to know exactly what it was. Was it even real? Well, as we finish our last year at Coronado, we’ve come to find that seniori-

tis does exist. You’re lazy, silly, anxious, excited, happy and sad. And everything in between. You can’t help it or stop it, you’re a sen10r. Get used to it; we still have quarter to finish. But if we scare you with this reality, we apologize. Senioritis shouldn’t be feared, but celebrated. Now we are all aware it’s hard to celebrate your last days on campus if you’re still on

“We’re looking to get by with as little work as possible” campus. But there are ways to get around it, you are a senior, you should know these things. But if you missed the memo, we’re here to get you caught up. No worries. Literally. Be dramatic. No, we don’t mean spread gossip like a wildfire. We mean when you are practically dying to get out of class, ask to go to the bathroom the right way: Student: “Can I go to the restroom?” Teacher: “Can you wait? There’s only ten minutes left.” Student: “But I really have to go! You don’t understand! I have so many things to do, so no, I don’t have time to go during lunch! I have too many meetings and recommendations to get to spend my own time in the restroom! Please!” Teacher: “Oh I forgot, you’re a senior, go ahead!” See? That easy and you’re

on your way out of class ten minutes earlier than all those other kids. Late? No problem. We all have a little trouble waking up early for school. Especially since we’re seniors. If you end up not coming until later and someone dares to ask you why you’re late? Your excuse should be “I’m a senior; I don’t have a first or second hour”. Done. Take this as your ‘get out of jail’ free card. Forgotten homework. This shouldn’t be a problem, because I thought you forgot your homework at your house? Oh wait, no, you were absent and didn’t get the assignment. No, no, actually you left your whole binder in your friend’s car. Whoops. You can turn it in tomorrow. These are only a few situations you’ll encounter as your journey through the rest of your senior year. We hope that you will know how to deal with other obstacles such as ruthless teachers, long assignments and extreme fatigue. Let senioritis become your best friend. We know you two can make it; May 26th 2010 is right around the corner. Just remember to sleep in class, take some sick days (senior ditch day, anyone?), relax, but most importantly have FUN. Make this an adventure. Class of 2010, you got this. And you know it.

Disclaimer: Senioritis is not a medical condition but an ingenious excuse seniors will use to their ultimate advantage. Stay in school, do your homework and be on time. And Seniors, don’t forget about your new friend: College. Say hello.


The Man, the Myth, the Guy on the T-Shirt An interview with Art Fernwalt by Steven Slover

Many know of him, few know of his greatness. The being that I speak of is none other than the titan of World History himself, Mr. Art Fernwalt. In order to tap the well of knowledge that flows from Ferny’s pores, a task was given to me to try and communicate with this king of kings. My methods are but of a simple engineering. I sat down and shot a little Q and A with Master Fernwalt. In order to truly comprehend the glory of Fern, one must first understand where his exalted self originated from. The stories you boys and girls have heard about Fern dog in the 76’ Olympics in Montreal are one hundred percent valid! He competed as a gymnast where he befriended the highly esteemed Nadia Comaneci, who later married American Bart Connor bringing our young Fern through his first romantic upset. It was also brought to my attention that the Canadians did not, I repeat did not win a single gold medal… Sorry Mrs. Willis. His Olympic career ended in 1980 with the big Olympic boycott.

Here is a close up of the shirts that the 2009-2010 swim team sports around campus. After reading this article, there is no question as to why Fernwalt is so popular among students. Jeepers!

From there he enjoyed Canada so much he established residency a solid two kilometers from today’s Simmons’ Island. While in Canada he took up several hobbies, first of which was curling. When asked about this strange choice in hobby he replied “well I’ve always been fairly neat, so this was right up my rink!”. Fernwalt occasionally enjoys a bout of friendly, but competitive curling from Mrs. Willis. Perhaps the Fern’s most interesting hobby however is dog sledding. His lead dog, Buck, was a solid Siberian Husky that led a team of five, including one blind dog by the name of Scout. While in Canada Fern-

walt begin his coaching of swim. He was one of the coaches for five different Canadian Olympic swimmers, however sadly none of them ever medaled in an event. Moving back down into the U.S. Fern began coaching at a high school level. His first gig was at Bremerton High located in the Seattle area of Washington. Fern master isn’t out of tricks yet though. He met his wife while he was working a gig for the circus. He elected not to elaborate on this one but he leaves us with the remark “I was solid at what I did, but I was no Ms. Vickers”. Since then, he and his wife moved to Arizona and have lived quite happily. Until recently when Fernwalt tried out for Dancing with the Stars, only to be turned away. Apparently an Olympian without a medal doesn’t necessarily fit the persona for the show. However Buzz Aldrin made the cut. Fernwalt is perhaps the single most interesting man on the planet. His life should be documented on stored. The myth of this man will stand the test of time, through documentation and modeling our lives after him the facts of his legacy live on!

“I was solid at what I did, but I was no Mrs. Vickers.”

Where do you belong?!

Circle the answer that’s most like you then see which number you answered most to find out which famous reality TV show you should be on! What is your favorite style? 1. Open button-down shirt or short dress 2. Semi-formal wear 3. Ed Hardy and dark jeans 4. A shirt you’ve made 5. Anything sports What could be found inside your car? 1. White tank tops and hair products 2. CD’s, iPod, stereo, you name it! 3. What car? I get rides from friends 4. Clothes, shoes, socks…my closet 5. Gym bag and bathing suits What is your favorite color? 1. Gold 2. Blue 3. Red 4. Silver 5. Pink What is your favorite activity to do on weekends? 1. Go clubbing to practice your fist pump! 2. Sing your heart out with karaoke or Rock band 3. Go out on a date. Make that a couple dates. 4. Hit the mall for a new outfit 5. Spend quality time with your boyfriend/girlfriend

Your friends would describe you as? 1. Conceited/Driven 2. Outgoing/Confident 3. Sly/Smooth 4. Creative/Skilled 5. Competitive/Thoughtful What’s the best thing about you? 1. My hair and abs 2. My voice 3. Everything 4. My style 5. My personality! Where would you go on vacation? 1. Back East, where all the parties are! 2. Hollywood. It’s where I belong! 3. Miami, where all the singles are! 4. Paris, they have the best fashion 5. Las Vegas! That’s where the fun is! If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy? 1. Buy my own dance club 2. Tons of music equipment 3. Spray tan and highlights 4. A new wardrobe 5. My own place to entertain friends What’s your fave reality show personality? 1. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (Jersey Shore) 2. Simon Cowell (American Idol) 3. Terry “T-Shaw” (Tool Academy 2) 4. Heidi Klum (Project Runway) 5. Kendra Wilkinson (Kendra)

If you answered mostly 1’s, you belong in Jersey Shore!

You are a confident and curious person with a “hot bod”. Did I mention your gorgeous hair? You pride yourself on your amazing dance moves and tend to be the life of the party. However, some people might find you obnoxious, but why should you care? You’re the hottest thing around and you know it! So pack your bags and head to the Shore, it’s where you belong!

If you answered mostly 2’s, you belong in American Idol!

You are a strong and determined person with an amazing set of pipes. You love music more than life itself and don’t know what you’d do without it. One day you’re gonna be a rock star! You’re waiting to be discovered, so don’t let your shy attitude hold you back. Get out there and belt out some tunes! Who knows, you might be the next Kelly Clarkson! Here you come, Hollywood!

If you answered mostly 3’s, you belong in Tool Academy!

Overconfident, party animal, and attractive are a few choice words used to describe you! You have great taste in fashion and are the center of attention. Awesome, right? Plus, you usually have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but don’t treat them like you should. You might wanna reconsider that; otherwise your sweetheart will take you to the Tool Academy for an attitude makeover!

If you answered mostly 4’s, you belong in Project Runway!

You fluently speak Prada, Gucci, Juicy and more! Fashion is your calling and you’re fully aware. You have the best style in school and are always creating new looks that everyone wants to try. Your creative, artsy and super passionate about everything you do. You are set to be successful and you don’t give up easily. So treat yourself to a vacation to somewhere fashionable (LA, New York, Paris, anyone?)!

If you answered mostly 5’s, you belong on Kendra!

You’re the life of the party, the person everyone wants to be around. Silly and exciting, being around you is always an adventure. When you’re not hitting the town, you’re with your family or friends relaxing and having a good time. People might try to start controversy with you but ignore it! They’re just jealous because they don’t have such a sweet life as you do! So enjoy it!

Uncle Jo

d hn’s Fun Factoi

The hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards. It achieves this feat by beating its wings up & down at a rate of 80 beats per second. Try it.


deviousART ~mesounique8675309

Approve of Me.

Watch Me

Man Behind the Magic by~axlluvr1324

Totally...TOTALLY obsessed... Wed Mar 30, 2010, 9:59 PM

Mood: Devious Listening to: Alt for Norge! Reading: Cliffnotes to Shakespear Watching: not watching, I’m STALKING you! Playing: With the Foreign Athletes! Avoiding: The security guards, press and you. Eating: Girl Scout Samoa Cookies Scheming: for Marco and Polo to rule the world & give me free Girl Scout Samoa cookies. Drinking: New Jersey-bottled AriZona Iced Tea Hoping: you will go to “Create” on to submit original work. Mission: dA - AF Currently stalking my Danish mama as well as my Chinese papa. You can go to Google and type in any name and find a person and their artwork, u can also message them and request a picture or just to bother them. And as a bonus, after you submit your art, another page pops up and tells you to size your image. And just to inform you: I am stalking all of those who read this. Sorry to tell you this at last minute, and by the way, you are out of milk in your fridge. Oh, I want you to give me Girl Scout Cookies... End Transmission.

Don Deviations

JacksonPollack by~mesounique8675309

White Christmas by~mesounique8675309

Plain Plane by~mesounique8675309

Mostest Oldestest Favourites

Box Car by~numbr1don

Fred the Flapper by~Angel Perez

Talk Show by~proudDON364


Al Capone

Marco vs. Polo

by Cora Rodgers

“Having a ball at the art museum.”

Art Fernwalt

George Lopez

Mila Kunis

Grouchy English Teacher

Uncle Jo


d hn’s Fun Factoi

At Oscar’s Tavern in NY, Jim Henson and Sesame Street director Jon Stone were waited on by a man so grouchy that they kept coming back to Oscar’s Tavern and requesting the same waiter for entertainment. They immortalized the waiter by naming the character “Oscar the Grouch.”

In da Club

Briana Lucero


Some Clubs Neglecting Adopt-a-Hallway Responsibilities by Briana Lucero

Conflict Resolution Tips by Officer Hathaway

Due to my unique position on campus as not only an officer but a mediator, I have been asked to provide some tips regarding how to handle and defuse conflict on campus. 1. If you hear a rumor about someone talking trash about you, don’t confirm it. Instead, jump to an irrational conclusion that it must be true and pick a fight with the subject. Afterward, tell the Police Officer that your brother’s, cousin’s, best friend’s, sister can always be counted on as an accurate source of information. 2. Always treat people with contempt and disrespect. That is a guaranteed way to avoid conflict. 3.Never, ever, be helpful to people, and if someone is ever helpful to you, don’t thank them. Instead conclude that they are obviously up to something and cannot be trusted. 4. If there is someone you don’t get along with on campus, never, ever, avoid them. Instead, go out of your way to seek them out and be near them as much as possible. Then tell the Police Officer that they won’t leave you alone. 5. If you recover a lost item, never, ever turn it in to lost and found, instead keep it as your own. Then report it stolen after you eventually lose it and complain about how people never turn in lost items. 6. Get a boyfriend/girlfriend. 7. Never try to look at a situation from someone else’s point of view. Make the assumption that you are the center of the universe and that all other people on Earth were divinely placed here with the sole purpose of serving you. 8. Even though most things in your life have been given to you by others, assume you still “deserve” more. 9. Make the assumption that all adults in your life are liars. The only reason adults tell you not to drink, smoke, or do drugs is not because they have life experience and are looking out for your best interests. Instead, they just to make sure there is more alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs for them to secretly use. 10. Bring all of your most treasured life possessions to school with you and leave them unsecured in the P.E. locker rooms. I hope this information is helpful.

by Zach Cheek

According to various sources, 85% of young adults (ages 14-24) join at least three Facebook groups per month. Laura Dell commented “Facebook is like the

most agreeable thing that has ever happened to our young people. Just think, what type of world would this be if we couldn’t become a fan of a group that ‘Uses LOL after everything’.” Some mothers have started turing against Facebook. In order to stop this Facebook addiction moth-

Coronado's Adopt a Hallway is a program to support a better community and to help your environment. Clubs such as Key club, NHS, and Service Learning singed up for the Adopt a Hallway program to get attention from students. NHS sponsor, Mrs. Willis says that this year NHS members "have been following up on their requirements." The NHS students rotate Adopt a Hallway responsibities on "every third day as long as it isn't a Thursday." Some join program just to put it on their resume to make it "look good". The whole point of the Adopt a Hallway is to give back to your community, not to just join it for the experience. Then again, some of the ‘volunteers’ don’t even show up to the hallway cleanings. Specifically, the Senior club. It was the Senior Club's responsibility it was

The Senior Club continues to neglect their hallway in the math wing. to keep the math wing organized, but they have abandoned their hallway, whether it was intentionally or not. One reason for the thrown away hallway is The Senior Club decided to meet with the Seniors Leave Early club and delegated the responsibilities of maintaining their hallway. Unfortunately, the seniors left at lunch and the meetings

D.A.D. Disimprove-a-Don Advice Clubs and other forms of school-affiliated extracurricular involvement aren’t really statistically proven to increase your grades, happiness as a teen, and sense of place in your own high school. Don’t get involved.

were never held. Another reason is that it is the fourth quarter of the school year and most seniors have caught a fatal disease. Doctors call it Senioritis. This causes the seniors to become very forgetful and fall asleep in class. So the Adopt a Hallway program would like to send out a big thank you to all of the clubs who have maintained their responsi-

bilities. If you would like to learn more about this program you can go to to read more about it. And as for The Senior Club... We recommend that you read the Improve your Senioritis article in Campus Happenings.

Fight Club

Txting Club Will avoid face-to-face communication this quarter; check your phones for updates. :)

Club Idol

Seniors Club

Will meet at Fiesta Burrito on weekdays at lunch. "The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club."

Anti-Titan Club Will meet at future rivalry events.

Disimprove yourself by going to

Coronado High School

ers have started the Moms Against Facebook Groups (MAFG) has been created. Here are some of the posts from their wall. “I will not have this outrage! I am furious that my children can press one button on their computer device and join groups with strangers!” “I hate when I see my

children become a fan of a group such as 'What’s on your mind?, Hmmmm food!', or 'S.C.H.O.O.L.: ‘seven crappy hours of our lives'.” MAFG has been growing since conception in January of 2010. Currently the group is at 24,578 members. This group caters to more than just mothers though. Mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, students of all ages, certain animals and other groups have all joined this group. So students, if you don’t want your mother to become against Facebook, lay off adding the groups, won’t ya?

Junior Lexi Doak’s talent is playing the Quads also known as a Tenor. "I enjoy playing the quads because its stress relieving." says Lexi. Lexi came to Coronado last year, and was in Drumline in marching band this year she was playing the Bass Drum. She would like to play quads next year. She says "some can’t handle how heavy quads are." being in Drumline isn’t for wimps and you must know how to count. when marching on field there are certain ways to march and the rest of the band is different. The importance of Drumline is that they are the heartbeat of the band. Lexi puts her heart in what she plays and enjoys the simple things involved with band.

Le xi’s

nt e l a G ot T

Welcome to Entertainment Land.Down the rabbit hole...

The Wait Is Over

Unknown DJ makes the ultimate mash-up By: Xavier Alejandro

enough he has the amazing beat of Tone Loc’s “Wild Thang”. Then as if to pour salt in an open wound for all the other Djs that have not made it to this level he found a way to put none other than the famous song “Push It” by Salt n Pepa. These song molded together in a way that blows the mind to the average listener one has to sit back and enjoy the time and effort that DJ Plaid Shorts has put into this work of art. “It tickles the musical nerve to the point where you can’t help but ask for more” (Ashley Cade 11). The listeners shall be given more as he hopes to continue his career. Keep looking out for more hits from this amazing artist. Curious about what the song sounds like? Then quit staring at this article and go listen to it yourself on the Explorer’s website at coronadoexplorer. com in the Entertainment section.

The songs that need to get more playing time on the radio By: Dean Pizaro

1. DJ Plaid Shorts- Release Wang Chung to Tick Tock Sweetly (E-minor) “Nothing is boring about this perfect song, except for the songs they play after it.” 2. Lady Gaga- Bad Romance “What else is there to say about this perfect song, except that we don’t get enough of this song!” 3.David Guetta featuring Akon-Sexy Chick “You just won’t cheat on this sexy chick. It just doesn’t get old!” 4.Ke$sha- Tik Tok “Time goes by so slow, but this Tick Tock isn’t annoying.” 5.B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars- Nothing On You “Solid. Nothing else should be said!”

YouTube has always been a site for moronic people to make moronic videos of the moronic things they do. But there is still one video on the site that shows the pure and genuine side of film media, and that is the Evolution of Dance. According to, Jud Laipply, the star of the Evolution of Dance, is a comedian, motivational speaker, and dancer from Bucyrus, Ohio. His extraordinary work of art became an instant success and eventually became the #3 Most Viewed By: Katie Hoye

Video, the #1 Most Favorited Video, and the #9 Most Discussed Video. In the video, Laipply wears an orange Crush Soda shirt which already makes him easy on the eyes as soon as you begin watching. As the video continues, Laipply performs amazing dance techniques with today’s most popular songs. The combination of the two will leave you feeling breathless. Laipply claims that he created the video for comedic purposes, but fans and viewers say he is a

“It just came to me”, said DJ Plaid Shorts. At the age of 25 this “musical genius”, (Alex Dente 10) has made the world’s best mash-up. “I was in my mom’s basement, that I moved into after I got dumped by my ex, and it just kind of happened”(DJ Plaid Shorts). Going through his usual routine of video games, Facebook, and junk food this dynamo got smacked by a musical angel and now is being recognized for it. This young man has found a way to mix songs in a way that creates beautiful melodies to anyone who is lucky enough to hear his song. DJ Plaid Shorts has named the track “Release Wang Chung to Tick Tock Sweetly”. The beautiful acapella of the artist Agnes, is laid over a variety of beats taking the risk for the reward. Adding the vocals of the artist Wang Chung from their song “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” DJ Plaid Shorts gave the mix the power to knock the listener of their feet. Just to name a few of the instrumentals used, the new hit by Kesha, “Tick Tock” which is placed after the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams”, and as if that is not good

You Need to Hear This!!!

6. Ke$sha featuring !3OH3!- Blah Blah Blah “It should be called Amazing Amazing Amazing

Yea She Has Talent With scientist saying it’s very terrible and can ruin your brain for life Freshman Sally Monroe says “I do it a lot just when I am at home, when my mom is talking to me and when I am hanging out with my friends. I know how to control my ability!” So what exactly is her talent when I asked she told me “I don’t really know what it’s called but I can do a lot of things at one time.” Another word for that is multi-tasking. In science journals all over the world scientists say that doing tasks all at the same time that your brain starts getting unfocused and you starts doing the actions wrong. When I told her the same statistic she flat out told me “Not all scientists are right! Just look, I read this article on my BlackBerry that states most Physics said that Brad and Angelina were go ing to break up last year and did they no.” Sally tried out for the Coronado Show Your Stuff show but didn’t make it. When I ask why she didn’t make she said “Mrs. G told me that the talent is so good that she didn’t want me to be in the talent show!” So check out Freshman Sally Monroe in Coronado Explorer Presents: Talent Show!


lly M

t l en a T onro es’s Got

real genious and that his video is what the world needed to begin solving problems. Laipply though, isn’t necessarily happy with his success. “I just wish I never had this kind of claim to fame. People constantly stop me on the streets asking if I’m the guy from Evolution of Dance. I can’t even purchase groceries anymore without at least one fan stopping me. It’s unbearable.” Laipply regretfully did make another Evolution of Dance which is named Evolution of Dance 2. Al-

though fans aren’t as impressed with him the second time around, they still continue to grow and expand the Judson Laipply Fan Club. “He is such an inspiration to my husband and I. We already decided that our first born would be named Judson after him.” said one member of the club. So, in conclusion, Evolution of Dance is one of the most remarkable videos I have ever seen and will ever see. It will always remain popular in the hearts of Judson Laipply fans.

Evolution of Dance: YouTube’s Savior

Alex Orozco

Spencer Toupal Amanda Russell

Eduardo & Ricardo Santos

Cute Teenage Love Typical teenage craziness By: Jennifer Smith

When you hear of Romeo and Juliet, you think of your Freshman year in High School. For some the book is a devil in disguise. To others the book is the gateway into the way of Shakespeare. The story begins with a small argument between the loving peasant families of the Capulets and Montagues. Capulets were minding their own business, when the Montague started talking trash about the Capulet family. With nothing else to do, the Capulets took offense. Within minutes, they gently disagreed by hitting each other. Of course they were only lightly bumping each other with long sharp swords, that were a breath away from hitting a vital part of their bodies. Due to the delicacy of their disagreement, the townspeople were observing the cat-fight with frustrated minds.After much time had passed Prince Escalus strolled over into the scene with mild interest. With nothing better to due, Prince Escalus decreed death to any individual who disturbed his peaceful town walk in the future. Life went on as normal in Verona, the Capulets threw an awesome bash.

To Learn or Not To Learn?

Teachers are outraged due to students reading poems and novels outside class. By: Andrew Fayez

About a month ago, a video game that was based on a medieval poem called Dante’s Inferno was released. Because the student gamers were satisfied with the video game, they decided to read the poem in the newer and easier translation. The real problem started when the teachers asked, “how do the students know about the poem ?” the answer, “from the video game.”, this lit the teachers own personal “inferno”. “She gave me a power hour and a whole week of TMR”, said Steven Hamilton (11) while angrily expressing his feelings, “this sucks, all what we wanted to do was to read.” “It was the only way”, said substitute teacher Amanda Marks, “Students have to realise and know good sources of education from the bad ones. They can NOT learn information from video games. How would an ancient poem, modern war, or sports based game give them information? What Idid was necessary to help them know that the only good source of information is from school.” Many students are angry because the teachers are thinking to banning all the books that have any video game related text. “[They] believe that the only way to learn is by reading and writing information that was given by them” said Cristen Peterson while giving her opinion about the teachers. How else are we supposed to know good reading from the boring reading unless we play a few games here and there?

Jennifer Bain

Romeo At It Again

Romeo of the Montagues fell in love with Juliet of the Capulets. They continued with normal teenage love stuff, like trying to fake death, going agaist daddy’s wishes the usuall. However do to a slight miscalculation her secret messenger to Romeo that was goes telling him about her fake death was kept in quarantine. As she was only looking ahead of their endless love and was not really thinking of a backup plan the mad sitiuation went to worse. The messanger did not inform Romeo of her “death”. In a fit of rage, Romeo with rash thoughts he committed suicide, again nothing out of the ordinary. As she wakes up from her nap Romeo layed dead at her feet she has no reason to keep going she takes his dagger and kills herself. The end.

“You grow up the day you learn to laugh... at yourself.” ~Ethel Barrymore

The Back Page

The Anthonology Ruminations and Deviations

The Sleuther By Daniel Nemet

by Anthony Costantini

Welcome once again, Coronado staff, students, and community members, to the Anthonology. However, the greeting is bittersweet; I regret to inform you of rather unfortunate circumstances regarding this column’s previous author, Anthony Costantini. After exhibiting all the signs of “insubordinate and/or disrespectful behaviors,” the student was promptly removed from the Explorer, and entered into the Improve-a-Don Program. Relocation was messy, and the enraged young writer was dragged kicking and screaming through the halls, as peers looked on in amusement. Later that day, Costantini was charged with several counts of “interrupting the learning process of a classroom setting.” Sentenced to daily Power Hours, Principal Biera additionally ruled “as many Saturday Schools as it takes. I’ll break this one myself.” Coronado Explorer will now post all future Power Hour/ Saturday School dates in the Anthonology’s place, a subtle jest at the author and a solemn reminder to any other pupil threatening disobedience. We see you. You are the cancer, and the cancer must be purged. Hello? Shh, keep it down! Greetings Coronadians, and welcome to the newest edition of my column, the Anthonology. I’m writing to you from deep inside the Coronado gulags of the main library. I don’t know how many more Saturday schools I can last, and I’ve lost all track of Power Hours. However, I won’t let Administration take away my own editorial; I started this, and I’ll finish it. Somehow, I managed to hack in through a spare library computer, and I’m presently overtyping the Improve a Don schedule. Not only has the Coronado HS staff failed to censor my article – they failed to censor my pride! But time is of the essence, and Highly-Qualified Teachers are everywhere. What the office doesn’t want parents to know: Powers Hours are lies. A more appropriate title would be “Power Hour, and sometimes several extra minutes that don’t even count as part of your time”. I’m completely serious – one afternoon, I spent a horrifying seven minutes after the clearly denoted time slot. Just because some teacher wanted me to learn “something”. But I’ve already typed too much – who knows which quiet study environment I might be put in next…. Umm, hey? Oh, hi there. This is Justin Slover. You may recognize me from such classic articles as “The Slovereign” and “Spotlight on Justin Slover”. I’m not just a Coronado Explorer celebrity, though. Lately, I’ve become quite the computer techie at ASU, and I just discovered how simple Coronado’s firewalls are. One prank led to another, and somehow I found myself smack-dab on the Back Page. That’s right, I’ve come to retake what is rightfully mine. In an era where little Dons must hide in fright of after-school assistance, I shall be your guardian. This column doesn’t belong to teachers, and it certainly doesn’t belong to a smug wannabe. This is a place for funny, not fear. This is The Slovereign.

Anthony Costantini

Dear Coronado Community, How are you? It’s been quite some time since we’ve talked. I know that you have been waiting quite some time now for another Sleuther, and I’ve got some pretty good obvious news for you! It’s here! But it’s not here here. It’s online at! HA! For those Sleuther addicts that need there monthly fix you will need to go find the Sleuther online. From there on you will be given clues on where to go and what to do next. Your first clue is to go to Entertainment. Sincerely, Daniel Nemet, Your Sleuther Friend

Horoscopes of Predestination By Sarah Hagerman

Aries (March 21 - April 19) - This is not your month, with your teachers being hyper-critical on your tests and homework. All you wish for is Spring Break to come again! But with AIMS, finals and Senior-itis setting in all you need to do is wait. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - Friends and family are going to get on your nerves this month, so go get your Snuggie and get your Adventures in Wonderland and lock yourself in your room. Cancer (June 22 - July 22) – Listening to the radio is not a good idea this month, you will probably go Britney Spears (via 2008) with your annoyance of the songs that stay in your head all FREAKING day! Better just to pick up that book you should be reading than going on Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) - Do not step on any cracks you should be very superstitious this month not only with April Fool’s but everyday you never know if you will be being made a fool of at and out of school.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) – Spring is finally here and you parents are telling you to clean your room. But watch out for spiders and cockroaches under that shirt you haven’t picked up in weeks. Plus Febreeze is need after cleaning believe me! Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20) – It is going to get hot out so you are finally ready to get the sunscreen and bathing suit out. But make sure you take a double take before you get out of the pool just in case you leave some thing in there! Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) – You are going to have a great time playing pranks on the 1st but later on in the month you are going to get rewarded with students playing pranks on the teachers and so they will give you power hours when they mistake you as someone else.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) – Your life sucks. Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) – You will need a person to be there for you this month because you need to get pick-me ups all month. You will have really embarrassing things happen to you like; falling down the stairs loosing one sock in P.E. and forgetting that the presentation is today! Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) – Thinking about prom lets just secure a date before it’s too late (like 2 weeks before). Or you might have to go with the boy/girl that you can’t stand. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) – Watch out for great opportunities to waste your money like the Avatar DVD or Muse tickets this month yes they are fun for the day but then next week you can’t buy a ticket for Coronado’s Got Talent!

Uncle Jo

d hn’s Fun Factoi

Former U.S. President Woodrow Wilson believed 13 was his lucky number. He once ordered a ship to slow down so he would arrive in Europe on the 13th instead of the 12th. Oh well, he’s dead now.

2010 Coronado Explorer Glass Onion Edition  

Please enjoy.