Coronado Explorer Glass Onion Edition 2008 - 2009

Coronado Ups E xplorer &RECESSION “For the Coronado High School community”

Glass Onion Edition 2009 Cost: Priceless www.coronadoexplorer.com

In This Issue: News...........................2 - C.F.F.F. - Making the Most - Coronado Explorer - SCC Ad

Downs

of A

Message to Our

Readers:

[you know you want to]

SCRATCH-NSNIFFABLE

The Coronado Explorer staff created this “Glass Onion” edition in the spirit of April 1st. With the exception to pages 1&2, none of the content in this issue is true. Each story is printed in the spirit of satire, parody, and purely for entertainment purposes. Views in this newspaper are not necessarily those of the C.H.S. administration, faculty, staff, or student body. Have fun and unless you want to earn permanent social status as a freshman, don’t look for the swimming pool on the roof.

“April fools.” ~ The Coronado Explorer Staff

ALL AROUND

Effects of the current economic recession being felt by citizens across the nation

As many already have heard of or experienced, the U.S. ecomony has been in a slump.

We’re all feeling the ups & downs of this recession.

Jobs are being lost, homes are up for foreclosure, and the pressure is on our government more than ever to start pumping money into the economy.

Even teachers, educating the youth that will be the future leaders of our country, are being pink-slipped.

With turnover of a new president, the nation’s taxpayers are eagerly awaiting a fundamental macroeconomic change.

According to economichelp.com, “a recession is when other people lose their jobs. A depression is when you lose your job.”

Given that, many are pondering where our economy will go: up or down.

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Although many are losing their jobs, work is often available. A depression would imply wide-spread layoffs and trickle-down effects.

In our current state we are experiencing pay-cuts, elimination of positions (otherwise known as demotions), and in the case of small businesses, shutting down of stores. Many big companies, however, are staying on top, some-

By Amber Erickson

*photo credits to: jasonvon.info/?p=3

times with taxpayer help case-in-point: AIGK).

Their size, popularity, and overwhelming corporate backing prevent most franchises from going under.

One anonymous south Scottsdale franchise owner shared that although he doesn’t have to worry much about shutting down his businesses, “[he] does have to worry about paying [his] employees with the decrease in sales.”

Some businesses are under-staffed or even having their owners come in and work full-time. In the case of several small/privately owned businesses in Tempe Marketplace, many

owner/operators are seen behind the counter working on a near-daily basis due to the lack of funds to pay employees.

Much of the closing in stores is due to a lack of consumer confidence which is most easily explained as the consumer (any one who buys anything that contributes to the ecomony) not being willing to make big-ticket purchases (buying things that are expensive enough to pump money into the economy) due to a lack of trust in the unsteady economy.

Consumers are unwilling to spend money in a time when excess money is scarce and the stock market

is down.

As alluded, many corporate executives are trying to pressure the government to pump money into the ecomony to help raise consumer confidence and ultimately boost our economic slump. Essentially, they are looking for a government bail-out.

In response to this pressure so soon in office, President Obama is in a tight position negotiating between competing political parties in Congress and constituent sentiments.

However, Obama’s hesitation in bailing-out GM and Chrysler may reflect the administration’s growing impatience with execu-

tive greed and inefficient companies.

There are, however, silver linings in a recession.

Economics teacher Ms. Brodison has said, “[we’re] experiencing a bear market.” What this means is that there are lower interest rates (better for borrowers) and lower inflation rates (better for savers). With so many homes going under and being bought out by banks, it is a “buyer’s market.”

Prices are low and many people are taking advantage of the decrease in pricing to invest in real estate, which is good for the economy. Some people are buying second homes just to rent-out until the ecomony restabilizes itself for extra money.

In short, our economic slump has increased unemployment rates, led to falling profitability of businesses and a falling stock market, and decreased consumer confidence.

Steps to recovery?

While nobody has a crystal ball, losing political bickering in a time of national need is a good start.

This goes from the national to local levels. Also, boost consumer confidence to get money flowing into the economy again and create jobs for the unemployed throughout the nation.

Like what you’re reading?

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be there to Cheer on your team.

...And watch faculty lose.

to see stories published EXCLUSIVELY on the web, as well as continuations of stories not printed.

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Pg. 2

Coronado Foundation for the Future

By Strawberry Squid

Coronado Foundation for the Future is planning on having their next meeting in April. The main point of the upcoming meeting is planning to reveal scholarships for Coronado students and grants for teachers. The money for these scholarships and grants is coming from the $100,000 check that was donated during football season.

February ESP

Congratulations to the following students, all nominated as “Extra Special” for February: Stefany Alcocer Abarca Brenda Alvarado Cinthia Arellano Danielle Brandseth Hillary Bru Jessenia Delgado Maryza Diaz Amber Erickson Angela Escober Dulce Figueroa Taylor Furcolowe Joseph Garcia Zoe Hazon Daniel Holguin Tierra Huff Brandon Jones Natan Juarez Zachary Kadera Mi Ri Kang Chris Kearns Sanjana Khanna Shelby Landolt Joseph Lara Wendy Montes Max Morales Daniel Nemet Kristy Ochoa Ricardo SAntos Lucia Serna Ramirez Miranda Settles Smart, Molly Smart Nicole Starr Cristal Trevizo Onome Uwhuba Emily Valdespino Sean Essary

News

Midnight Muskrat journalisticladydon@gmail.com

THE CORONADO EXPLORER

The Coronado Explorer is published by students for the Coronado High School community in south Scottsdale, Arizona. Views in this newspaper are not necessarily those of the C.H.S. Administration, faculty, staff or student body.

Editorial Staff

Advisor: Mr. Gerchick....................................................wgerchick@susd.org Editor-in-Chief: Amber Erickson....................................journalisticladydon@gmail.com Business Manager: Mr. Gerchick....................................wgerchick@susd.org

Layout Editor: Amber Erickson......................................journalisticladydon@gmail.com News Editor: Amber Erickson........................................journalisticladydon@gmail.com Nuestra Voz Latina Editor: Ashley Miranda...................lildrmer@yahoo.com Opinionation Editor: Qori Krog......................................journalismchik@hotmail.com Campus Happenings Editor: Hannah Collins.................iluvmyclydsdale@yahoo.com Clubs Editor: Madi Cooper.............................................musicjunki778@bresnan.net Academia Editor: Ashley Miranda.................................lildrmr@yahoo.com

Sports Editor: Mr. Ger.....................................................wgerchick@susd.org Dontastic Creations Editor: Gabriela Cardenas..............alaris_24@msn.com Entertainment Editor: Sean Essary..................................essary1@gmail.com Back Page Editor: Amber Erickson.................................journalisticladydon@gmail.com Staff Photographer: Erick Beltran...................................erickbeltran@gmail.com Staff Cartoonist: Nestor Martinez...................................nmartinez712@yahoo.com

Reporters

Sarah Bacon

Robert Pizzi Melissa Shaw

AJ Steward

Nicolle Brent Outside Contributors James Burkhardt

Maryza Diaz

Matt Henricks Chris Kloskin Jason Kurtti Justin Slover Tori Sullivan

TO REACH US

Although the Coronado Explorer has been published since 1961, this year’s staff is working hard to provide our community with a quality newspaper that embraces journalistic integrity. If you have any questions, comments or complaints about this or future issue content, please e-mail them to wgerchick@susd.org. Any story or advertising inquiries should be sought out through the appropriate channels below.

We’re looking to release our next issue, our P R O M P R E V I E W E D I T I O N, on May 7th. So please make all inquiries as soon as possible.

Mail: Coronado High School Journalism Room: B224

Attn: Billy Gerchick Telephone: (480) 484-6800

2501 N. 74th St.

Scottsdale, AZ 85257 Story Ideas: E-mail the appropriate section editor, wgerchick@susd.org, or journalisticladydon@gmail.com Advertising inquiries: E-mail wgerchick@susd.org

Making the Most

Parent-Teacher Organization has many plans for fourth quarter

By Strawberry Squid

PTO is making the most of the fourth quarter. First and foremost, they are having their meetings the first Wednesday of every month at 6:00 P.M. in the library.

PTO has created a Facebook, with about

1,200 friends. They have also passed that starting in the Fall of ’09, they will have video broadcasting of their meetings.

On April 25th, PTO is sponsoring the Spring Fling carnival.

The organization is also looking to have

a movie night where a movie would be displayed in the mall area.

The event that seniors should be looking forward to is Project Grad. PTO is sponsoring Project Grad at the Boys and Girls Club this year.

Meetings are open to all parents and if you have any questions, or are looking to join in on the planning, please contact Mrs. Beracy, President, or Ms. Winget, Vice President, for more information.

“Hey guys. oh, big gulps, huh? Alright! well, see ya later!” ~Lloyd of Dumb&Dumber

By Justin Slover

The Third or Third-to-Back Page Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)

You’re in need of a good friend or close relative to let you borrow money, but you have no one to turn to and once you get some time alone with their wallet, you should start to feel a lot better.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)

If you’re flat-broke, try something a bit more daring than usual. Ask a total stranger for some spare change or try the streets -- you need to find some mulah somehow!

Gemini (May 21-Jun 21)

You’re far more broke than usual and might want to devise a new task for getting some cash. You don’t have to rob a bank, but you do need to find some money!

Midnight Muskrat journalisticladydon@gmail.com

The Conspiracy Theorist

The Conspiracy Theorist

The Slovereign

“50 Uses for a Dollar Bill (Other than Spending it)” In these dire economic times of bargain crunching and bargain buys, that weathered dollar bill in your pocket is probably looking a lot more valuable than it did this time a year ago. To many, however, a dollar bill is still nothing more than a value menu convenience. But what you may not realize is a dollar bill is far more versatile than the Treasury Department makes it out to be. I’ve compiled for you here a list of fifty cost efficient uses for a dollar that may not have initially crossed your mind as you watched your 401K plan explode in a fireball of swooning stock brokers. This is The Slovereign...

1. A little scotch tape and a lot of creativity and your rolled up dollar bill becomes a fully functional straw.

2. Build off of the previous straw idea and you have a funnel to be used when fixing up the car that you can no longer afford.

3. Drink coaster.

4. Weapon. Intruder in the house? Nothing says “BE GONE!” like a nasty paper cut.

5. Cat toy.

6. Tinder.

7. Lens cleaner for glasses.

8. Floss.

9. Gift wrap.

10. T.P. You figure it out.

11. Chewing gum wrapper.

12. Chewing gum.

13. Garnish.

14. Scratch paper.

15. Thong ornament.

16. Apparatus to fold George Washington’s head into a mushroom 17. Wishbone.

18. Blanket for smurf.

19. Kitchen towel.

20. Burn it and you got an incense burner.

21. Self Portrait…if you’re George Washington.

22. Arch support insoles.

23. Grind it up and you have some fine dining seasoning. BAM! 24. Band aid.

25. Can serve as a friend if you’re feelin’ blue. Lay those struggles on old Georgie boy.

26. Cut it into ten equal pieces and you have ten dimes.

27. Paper airplane. A classic form in pre-pubescent entertain.

28. Promise ring.

29. Engagement ring.

30. Wedding ring.

31. Mood ring.

32. “Sorry I cheated” ring.

33. Confetti.

34. Pacifier.

35. Fly swatter.

36. Loin cloth.

37. Bingo card.

38. Bill for a hat. Ha! Get it? Bill. I crack myself up.

39. Book mark.

40. Trash can basketball.

41. Stick two rolled ones together and you have a poor man’s binoculars.

42. Oven mitt.

43. Hood ornament.

44. Wallpaper.

45. Glue your loose change onto several dollars and you have a quality wind chime.

46. Plate.

47. Put it on a stick and tickle people with it.

48. Pooper scooper.

49. Fake facial hair.

50. Treat your teachers to a pay raise.

So you see, don’t let the foreclosure signs and looming economic turmoil get you down. You have a gold mine of opportunity right there in your pocket.

Don’t look upon your dollar with feelings of shame and insignificance. Take pride in the fact you know what that dollar is capable of. Treat it with tender love and care, as that single dollar may someday multiply and sprout little dollar cousins once this economic storm has been weathered.

Go to Academia page on the website for the next clue.

The Conspiracy Theorist

The Conspiracy Theorist

By Chris Kloskin [photo credits to: www.timeinc.net and www.glenngarrypedia.com]

Cancer (Jun 22-Jul 22)

Find out who shot JFK

You feel as if you’ve got massive pockets, even if you’re broke. It’s a great time to spend money you don’t have, as After years of searching the Explorer has finally stumbled across most bill collectors can’t afford to call you. the identity of the true killer of John F. Kennedy. However, I cannot Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22) reveal this information to just anyone. If you really want to know Your bills are higher than you might think today, so give them you will follow the clues I have left. I am warning you, this will not their due and see if you can pick up on any spare change be easy. This will put your mind and body to the ultimate test. If coming your way from your mate. you can somehow finish this test you will know the true identity of Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) JFK’s assassin. I will say this, it wasn’t Oswald and it had nothing to do with the grassy knoll.

Your bank account is draining, so spend as much time as you can working hard for the money You should find your personal checking account recharging more quickly when you’re over-exerting yourself and avoiding family.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)

You need to show that you’ve got what it takes to deal with life as it happens and today should bring at least one check for a large sum of money. It’s PAYDAY!

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Try a new approach to getting your money, maybe look for a new or second job. Your need to spend money in the world is running a bit stronger than usual right now.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Someone close needs to borrow money from you, so make yourself available. It might not be the one you expect, so be sure not to let the wrong person borrow it, cause you might not get it back!

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

Money flows freely through your wallet. You spend it as you earn it and you earn it as you spend it. Keep your mind open for new investments, as they can come at any time.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)

Today is all about getting money and buying things. No matter how expensive, you can manage to pay for at least some portion of it.

First clue: Go to the coronadoexplorer.com. Go to the campus happening page, look under the clubs section for the next clue.

[Ignore this for now. It will come in handy later, but you need to make the journey to understand this part.]

GDHSGHRDGDDBCETUODFHEWBNCDRY FOFJYTDSSAQXCHNYRFHKLPJGFRDCBR FDTDTHWTUFSGHVCRYWSHBMUGDRCY FETOTIJLFCXETHFNHUJWQAXFHGNUNB DEREOFGHTVUODFHEWBUODFHEWBDFS FGJUTFDGHBCSWTHUIOGESXTHGCYITH THDCBFFRESFGOLMNGHJUYBCFESCTU ASCVGYHINFRHBCCDXDXWECTRYUHY GBYTRHUOICTEAZCJUYTFVBNUIWEDGT EDTBCIDOYRESCVTESCTOYTHBXECRHU 23 This is the final clue, the answer is right in front of your face, you just have to look for it.

Fun with Photoshop

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)

Listen to your bank account tonight -- it’s telling you what you need to hear and then some: You’re broke, you need a second job, and you’re spending too much money!

By Erick “The Photographer” Beltran

Issue Statistics with Absolutely No “Journalistic” Value

# of hours spent in the lab: Ha. Counting the missed classes?

Hours of sleep lost: surprisingly, our lack of sleep has little to do with this issue. # of Unnecessary Print-outs: surprisingly, limited.

Tunage for D-Day: Playlist made for Madi, Gabi, and Qori, off Amber’s iPod Word of the Issue: onion. ha. by default Something no one realized this issue: where did the brain go?

How many times Erick’s name was called out for pictures: “Ahh! A lot!” (Says Erick) # of missed deadlines: ...let’s just say some grades were dropped. ;) $ raised from car wash: $73.75

Spring themed Mad Lib for one to do while extremely bored!

Spring time is a time for ________________. Everyone can get together and

(adjective) _____________ times of pure _________________. The _____________ is shining, the (adjective)

(preposition)

(adverb)

birds are ________________ and all the children are out and about __________________

(plural noun)

(proper noun/boy’s name)

happily. Spring is definitely the ____________ season of the year. It means schools will

(adjective)

soon _______________ and summer is amongst us. No more boring lectures about

(adjective)

_____________, or homework where ______________ has to _________________. (adjective)

(type of food)

(mode of transportation)

Relaxation is _____________ and everyone is ready to have fun. Girls can start getting

(noun)

their _______________ tan while boys work out to look _____________. Our

(number)

(verb)

__________________ will be graduating, and a new shipment of ________________ (adjective)

(animal/plural noun)

will be arriving. All in all, spring is really something to _________________.

(noun)

Scarlet Cougar journalismchik@hotmail.com

“We Won!” Na, na, na, na, na, NA! *entire Junior class sticks out tongue*

Opinionation “We said, they said.” Class viewpoints on last Friday’s Pep Assembly

Pg. 9 “We Don’t Need it!”

Na, na, na, na, na, NA! *entire Senior class sticks out tongue*

By Midnight Muskrat

Juniors, acting as sore winners, launched their anger at the mourning senior class. Expected to be the learning upperclassmen of the school, they showed no consideration for the people which they were victimizing.

Claiming rigged judgment for the victory of the senior class; the junior class threw a temper tantrum after the winter pep assembly, demanding a new judge.

What started as an innocent pep-rally; soon escalated into a life or death battle. All because the class of 2010 couldn’t accept the fact that they just can’t compete with the class of 2009 and insisted on a unbiased judge.

Even when the judge is changed, we find effective ways to defend ourselves using whatever we can at the moment.

Our offense consisted of water balloons stuffed in backpacks, rocket-launched from the center of the gym.

What happened to the juniors being the leaders of the school?

They planned their win, and once again lost to the almighty senior class.

By Officer Bacon

Seniors, acting as sore losers, launched their anger at the rejoicing junior class. Expected to be the leaders of the school, they showed no consideration for the people which they were victimizing.

Attempting to blame rigged judgment for the victory of the class to 2010; the senior class threw a temper tantrum, and water balloons.

What started as an innocent pep-rally; soon escalated into a life or death battle. All because the class of 2009 couldn’t accept the fact that they just can’t compete with the class of 2010.

Even when caught off guard, we find effective ways to defend ourselves using whatever we can reach at the moment. Our defense consisted of; Algebra II textbooks, skateboards, water bottles and McDonald’s Coffee.

What happened to the seniors being the leaders of the school?

They planned their attack, and once again lost to the almighty junior class.

“Laziest Class”

“Non-Participants”

Class of 2012 perspective on last Friday’s pep assembly

Even though the juniors and seniors had a dispute at the assembly, the sophomores to stay out of it because it wasn’t cool.

By Turquoise Penguin

So at last Friday’s pep assembly my class was labeled as “laziest class.” Hmm. While the upperclassmen fought over a stick during Friday’s pep assembly, we kicked back and got along. The freshman may be lazy, but doesn’t that make us smarter? The upperclassmen fought over a friggin’ stick while we pondered such deep thoughts as, “What time does lunch start today?” “What episode of Spongebob is on tonight?” “I wonder if my friend texted me back?” “Why are the upperclassmen still fighting over a stick?”

As we looked out at yelling teenagers pounding their fists through the air, the cheerleaders started a color shout. What’s it really all about? Red, red, red? Blue, blue, blue?! What is the significance of these colors? What about maroon and gold?

Aren’t those our school colors? While the cheerleaders chanted, some more deep thoughts came from us freshman: “Why won’t the vending machines give us Snickers bars?” “I want to play with water balloons.” (Hmm. If we shout at pep assemblies do we get to play with water balloons?) “Who’s on World of Warcraft now?” “What did Coach Holmes just say about us?

We’re not lazy; we’re just, umm, too… tired to stand.”

By Midnight Raccoon

The epic battle between the juniors and seniors occurred on Friday the 27th. The problem however, was the sophomores.

Even though the chants and screams for each year were echoed through the gym, the sophomores did not participate in the battle they would not forget.

“We didn’t cheer because it’s just not cool, you know,” replied Joel Henderson (10). The question is though why isn’t it cool?

The Coronado Explorer found the answer through the eyes of sophomore Joann Hashbrown, “We chose not to cheer because we feel that the responsibility of the spirit stick is too great for us, and we are not mature enough to handle these situations without acting inappropriately.” Heck, most of us can’t even drive.

So there you have it, the reasoning behind the quiet, lonely, cheers of the sophomore class. Remember the next time you see a sophomore not cheering know that the reason is because they cannot handle the pressure and responsibility of being mature partakers of school activities.

The AJ/Goat/Biscuit/Zollinger Poll “ Ablee-blee-ablehh, That’s all

What do you think will start the fall of mankind?

21%

“I could use a tan.” - Paris Hilton (10) “Been there, done that.” - G.I. Joe (11) “Where’s my space modulator?”

- Marvin the Martian (9)

By Scarlet Cougar

fries. You love em’ at Mickey D’s, and Wendy’s, and you love the mass sodium intake here too.

That’s just to name a few of the amazing options we have in our cafeteria. But then there’s salad. The ugly duckling, the oddball, the different one. Its leafy greenness and glop of tomatoes, olives, feta cheese, with the dressing tucked in at the bottom of the bowl.

That’s the normal kind, there’s Thai Salad, Chicken Caesar Salad, Greek

Salad, Spicy chicken salad, let’s just say that there are a variety of different salad choices. Some have a fluffy yellow egg yolk shoved in the side while some have mozzarella string cheese on top.

“I have never even had a salad,” said junior Davis Enas, “I usually get fries, chicken sandwich, a bag of chips, Gatorade and stuff.” Pretty normal, generic, right? Well think of 1300 students, give or take a few, which eat that same exact meal with

Coronado officially becomes a ghost town Due to Budget Cuts, Coronado is switching to a four lunch system in 2009-2010

folks!!” - Porky the Pig. (9)

“I could totally snowboard in a poltergeist bro!” - Shaun White (12) “We would never do such a thing!!” - Commander Spock (12)

22% Global Warming Eternal Warfare Poltergeist Alien Attack 26%

31%

“It’s cold outside” - Ludacris - (11) “I was the first one who wanted to go to war!” - Dick Cheney (10)

Salad Revolt

Why eat a salad when you can eat something “better?”

I vote that salads go bye-bye. We have plenty of choices already. Like the delicious burgers they serve every day. When you tear it apart to put ketchup on it, the bun tears apart and sticks to the cheese. Why would you want to eat a salad over that?

Better yet, what about the bag with a “Hot” Pocket? The pepperoni pizza inside is just a mush of brown goodness for your taste buds. Or, think about the good ol’ French

small variations.

How many of them eat the salad? Very few. Salad is like the outcast when the captain is picking teammates. When you’re running late to lunch, salad is the last man standing.

But, you would never pick it otherwise. It makes sense to get rid of them, right? They are useless, undesirable, and ucky.

Why eat a salad when you can eat something “better?”

By Midnight Owl

“It makes our school feel like a ghost town,” said Kim Williams (11) at the beginning of the year. Well if you think the lunch situation makes the school feel like a ghost town now, just wait until next year.

To add to the proposal for a four-day week, a proposal is on the table to have four different lunches: freshman lunch, sophomore lunch and junior lunch, which will be ten minutes long to cut lunch staffing overhead.

Senior lunch will be thirty minutes long because they will have the privilege of going off-campus. Because the school week may be narrowed down to four days, our school day will need to be longer, making the lunches shorter.

However, since many of the seniors won’t have classes after their lunch, they don’t fall prey to this injustice. Seniors will be going off-campus so there will only be three lunches that the school has to pay for. Making lunches shorter will minimize payment for the lunch helpers.

As if we have a lot of choices to begin with, the food selection will be limited. Paying for those muffins, slushies, cookies, juicy burgers, fries and those delicious goodies has been costing the school a fortune.

Therefore ,they’ve been cut out. Students will be provided with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some type of fruit and a drink. Hello? What if you don’t like peanut butter? Or are deathly allergic?

However, in order for students to force-feed themselves they will be expected to have their I.D. on them. This will cut down the time students spend typing their number in.

They’ll just flash their card to the lunch attendant, pay and move on. So if you don’t have your I.D. don’t expect to be fed.

After last Friday’s pep assembly you would think that individual lunches would be a fine idea. In this case though it will only escalate the already enormous rivalry.

So let’s think this over: last year we were united as one lunch period, this year we’re separated by two lunch periods, and next year we will be split into four lunch periods. How much more disconnected can we get? We might as well put bed sheets over our heads and greet each other with a “boo” to this idea.

Royal Leopard alaris_24@msn.com

snoitaerC citsatnoD

Pg. 8

Spotlight On... Marcus Cano Outstanding Closet Artist

By Royal Leopard

When you see Marcus Cano in the hallways you can’t even imagine that he once won an award for his talent in art, or that one of his paintings was featured in a modern art gallery at the Phoenix Art Museum.

But alas! Marcus has come clean and confessed to his exceptional skills in art in an exclusive interview with the Coronado Explorer.

“Yes, I am an art genius, are you happy now?” he finally said after constant badgering on our part. We then continued to ask if he ever planned to make public his art genius. “No, and I would have gotten my way if the Coronado Explorer hadn’t meddled in my privacy.” Knowing that he didn’t mean any of the coldness in his voice we continued to ask how much time he had been

Marcus Cano is proudly holding his award winning “birds upsidedown” a modern art drawing for the Phoenix Art Museum.

drawing, “All my life, but I started to get serious in kindergarten when I was introduced to finger painting.” And then what did he prefer, paint or color pencils, “Both, but my award winning drawing was in color pencils, so I think that is my especially.” Feeling that we were

making some progress we asked him what or who inspired his art, “The world inspires me but my role model is Picasso.” We were curious to see what this closet artist planned on doing for a career, so we asked him. “I haven’t really planned it, but maybe something to do with

Close up of the award winning drwaing “Birds Upsidedown” by Marcus Cano.

art or sports, when I was little I wanted to be a Spy, maybe I’ll do that.” Trying to stay on topic we asked him what he liked to draw and or paint. “The world.

My famous drawing was called Birds upside down.

I was inspired by a duck swimming upside down, I also like to draw people,

Celebrity Look-Alikes Rodney Koenig

it’s hard but fun.” Interested by his answerers we asked what he thought what his style was. “My style is modern art, what I am feeling, and the World.

Nothing is more beautiful than the world.” We also asked him if he thought his art was influenced by his personality. “No. My

personality has nothing to do with it.” Taking his word for it we questioned him what were his feelings when his famous drawing, Birds upside down, was chosen to be hanged in a museum and when he won “The Most Talented Modern Artist Award” last year. “That was great honor, but I was not surprised, I knew it would win from the moment my mom put it on the refrigerator.

Though, I was honored all the same.” We asked if he had any last words left for the Coronado Explorer.

“Yes, it was very hard to get where I am right now, but I owe it all to my kindergarten teacher, Ms. Susie, who introduced me to art, and that anyone who wants to be successful, to take me as an example, and start big while dreaming bigger.”

ATTENTION CORONADO

Andy Warhol

GENIUSES Are you talented with writing? How about drawing? Or maybe painting? Perhaps photography? Or is it sculpting?

Do you identify yourself as an artist?

Are you interested in seeing your work in the Coronado Explorer?

If so, contact Section Editor Gabriela Cardenas via email at alaris_ 24@msn.com, Mr. Gerchick at wgerchick@susd.org, or stop by room B244 with any SCHOOL APPROPRIATE submissions

“April Fools Revenge”

By May Cheevasittirungruang

In the picture to the left a girl paints the face of her classmate in revenge for a past April Fools prank.

S vs. S

Angry Suns Fan wgerchick@susd.org

Sports

WANTED

Pg. 61

The Wide, Wide, Wide, World of Sport Shorts

“BigPapa”

Papua New Guinea to replace Australia as “down under” region for 2012 World Baseball Classic

By Midnight Raccoon

For destroying a dynasty Name: Robert Sarver Age: too mature to dunk off a trampoline... nevermind.

Occupation: Banker, towel waver, Phoenix Suns owner, Mark Cuban wannabee Accomplice: Steve Kerr Crimes 2004 Bought Suns from the Colangelos; soon fired NBA Exec of the Year Brian Colangelo; dealt #7 draft pick (Andre Iguodala or Luol Deng) to Chicago for cash, a nobody (Jackson Vroman), and Chicago’s 2006 1st round pick (see 2006) 2005 Over money, gave away Olympian/All-Star JoeJohnson for future draft pick (see “2008 Draft”) and Doris Diaw

2006 Drafted Rajon Rondo at 24, then sent him to the Celtics for cash; passed on Leon Powe, sent pick Sergio Rodriguez to Portland for... salary cap relief.

Then signed Marcus Banks for $24 million?!

2007 Dumped starter Kurt Thomas AND two future first-round picks to Seattle for a conditional second-round pick and... hmm... cash (Thomas now plays for the rival San Antonion Spurs); sold 1st round pick Rudy Fernandez to Portland for... frequent flier miles 2008 Drafted “Sideshow Bob” (see pictures at right), err, Robin Lopez; in Shaq trade, got no draft picks in return for picking up “the Big Cactus’” ginormous contract

Potential Starting Lineup with a competent owner PG: Steve Nash SG: Joe Johnson SF: Andre Iguidala PF: Amare Stoudemire C: Shaquille O’Neal Potential Bench with a competent owner Rajon Rondo (PG), Leandro Barbosa (SG), Raja Bell (SG), Rudy Fernandez (SF), Lou Admundson (PF), Kurt Thomas (C), Leon Powe (PF) Reward Upon capture, Sarver and Kerr will be banished from the Valley and stricken to a lifetime of managing fantasy hoops teams and fledgling college basketball programs (see U of A).

Paper Football Game Interrupted by Math Class

By Turquoise Penguin

On March 26th Math Teacher Mr. Chrisman interrupted the freshman paper football players by trying to teach about multiplying polynomials.

As star quarterbacks Qadir Holloway and James Parkman (9) lined up for flick-off, Mr. Chrisman confiscated the ball. “Detention.”

After five minutes of math, Parkman then distracted Chrisman with the question: “Will this be on AIMS?” Then, Qadir blitzed the teacher’s desk and to retrieve the ball.

Here are the results of the game. First Quarter: James in the lead with 6 points while opponent Qadir only had 2. Second Quarter: Qadir took the lead with a whopping 10 points while James still only had 6.

Third Quarter: Qadir keept the lead with 12 points, James cought up with 9 points. Fourth Quarter: James won the game with a whomping 19 points.

For information on math, err, paper football summer school, contact Dr. Hayes in room E216 or Mr. Chrisman in room E222.

Pictured above: the ‘08-09 cheerleading squad, just one of many teams speculated to benefit from raised athletic fees.

Sports Participation Fees to Increase by 200% Experts speculate the economy as a factor

By Copper Cougar

Due to economic status and the, um, wisdom of our budget decision makers, 2009-2010 sports participation fees will be raised to $300 per student/athlete, per sport.

In the best interests of moving forward, lower public education funding and increased fees are nonnegotiable; negotiation shows an open mind; an open mind shows weakness; no budget flip-flop-

pers allowed.

“I think [the increased sports fees] are complete and udder [horse excrement],” exclaimed Xavier Alejandro (11). “Students have a hard time paying for overpriced gas, let alone bailing out these money-hungry moochers trying to pick our pocket.

Picking our pocket is like playing with our emotions. And you know this, maaaaaaaaaaan!”

With the raised money, however, controversy is arising with how the money will be spent. The increased revenue is projected to cover uniforms, transportation, books for athletes, and intimidating facial paintings. Coach’s

There has been recent speculation that the primitive tribe of Papa New Guinea, have set their sights on the next world baseball classic. Seeing that the tribe is entering the next tournament, they seem to have a confident outlook towards the games.

“Whee…..whill…dominate,” Acopolo, the tribal leader remarked. The team says that they play something similar to baseball, called “baitsvill”. The only differences are: the gloves are made of bison skin, and the bats are just a 33” long club. Also their fields are 500 feet to center, left, and right.

Other countries such as the USA think that “Big Papa’s” primitive ways will not only embarrass them, but it will hurt their chances of victory. Then again, Team USA has yet to win the tournament. salaries are not factored into the revenue increase.

Regarding how the money will be spent, cheer and track will wisely spend the money on just what they need: new uniforms.

Participants in the “fat man” relay will even get get 14k gold-plated shoes to build leg strength.

Some programs, for example, are buying hundreds of copies of stretching books in a joint effort to improve at sports and meet the school improvement plan’s goal to read across the curriculum.

As an incentive to increase fan participation and revenue, the fees will cover the hiring of two face painters per season to paint fan faces at athletic events. In particular, the Athletic Department hopes to raise revenue through increased fan attendance to ‘09-10 badminton matches.

Although athletes are outraged in the fee increase, face painting, stretching hand books, and shoe shining, can potentially bring home a state title in any sport.

Simpsons cast member Sideshow Bob to try out for the Phoenix Suns. Stated Bob, “I can outshoot Robin Lopez any day.”

In two head-to-head matchups this year versus Coronado, Arcadia High School football lost by a total of 53 points. “Just the facts, fans, just the facts.”

President Barack Obama plans bowling as post-presidential hobby. High score to date? 129.

After David and Victoria “Posch” Spice’s journey to America has revealed that Americans really don’t like soccer and the city of Los Angeles got just what it desires: two more people obsessed with their own image.

Building on last summer’s success, Chinese Olympic gymnasts to compete in K6th grade gymnastics competition.

Cardinals QB Matt Leinhart embraces backup role, content to be a benchwarmer: “I like wearing a baseball cap, not getting hit, and making millions.”

Phoenix Suns Center Robin Lopez to audition as “Sideshow Bob” for the Simpsons. Stated Lopez, “I can out-act Bob anyday.”

After after a recent string of street fight KO’s, singer/ performer Chris Brown is crossing over to professional boxing. As contract negotiations are ongoing, there’s still questions if Brown will enter the man’s or woman’s division.

S vs. S

Pg. 17

Entertainment

Olive Impala essary1@gmail.com

Critics’ CORNER

Red Fish, Blue Fish

By Midnight Muskrat

Family Guy Cancelled

By Olive Impala

The plot line began innocently enough with Louis and Peter facing financial issues in their own home, Peter opened the episode losing his savings in a volcano insurance scam. Unfortunately for “Family Guy”, the financial issues began to expand across the borders of cartoon animation into the real world.

As the song, “When You Wish upon a Weinstein” was dubbed into the show. Bourne Company, the original publishers of the classic Disney song, “When You Wish upon a Star”, began to file suit. Fox executives took no responsibility for what they considered to be anti-Semitic material.

With no chance of a corporate bailout to aid them, “Family Guy” was left to its own defense. As the lawsuit was settled, “Monday, March 16, 2009 U.S. District Judge Deborah Batts ruled that creators of the U.S. television show “Family Guy” infringed copyrights when they transformed the song “When You Wish upon a Star” for comical use in an episode”. This however did not appease those who continued to feel violated as the episode was added as bonus material to the newly released season DVD. Still fueled, fired up fans took further action. Those who saw no fault with “Family Guy” quickly became overshadowed by those who still felt violated. In order to avoid serious socio political issues, the following proceedings were ruled, “In accordance to the higher U.S. courts, Season 8 of ‘Family Guy’ will be cancelled until further review”. Fans will just have to cope with this adjustment to their daily life and find something new to watch next season.

Be sure to check out the new series coming in to replace what was once “Family Guy”.

[April Fool’s Pranks] {Gone Wrong}

By Black Penguin

1. Shaving cream with the feather prank.

- What if the person you prank inhales the cream?

2. Hand in warm water while sleeping prank.

- What if they do something worse than ruining the thier pants?

3. Classic jumping from behind a corner to scare someone.

- Person being pranked faints.

4. Putting a foreign liquid into someone’s drink.

- The person ends up being allergic to the substance.

5. Saran wrap over toilet seat prank.

- Person (parent) actually has to throw up.

6. Drawing on someone who falls asleep .

- Sweating causes ink to stain their clothes .

7. Depantsing someone in public.

- Wussing out at last minute and pretending to just be looking at their shorts.

8. Lighting a bag of dog poop in paper bag in front of doorstep prank - Nobody answers the door and an uncontrollable fire starts from the lit bag 9. Classic water bottle over the door prank.

- Victim opening door is teacher or officer. Still funny, but can cause problems.

10. Add large dose of tabasco to spaghetti while cooking.

- Friends pass out from overheating.

YeahYeahYeahs

By Black Penguin

“Dance till you’re dead!” commands Karen over the opening notes of “Heads Will Roll,” the second song on Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ third album Its Blitz! Anyone who has been to one of the Manhattan–born trio’s fans knows that life–and–limb–imperiling body–moving is central to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs experience. The sound that has heretofore powered the band’s art–punk dance party gives way to a new kind of thump.

Fans can hear it in the bass–keyboard surge of “Heads Will Roll” and in the shuddering synths of the lead single, “Zero”. It isn’t exactly a disco record, but its as close as Yeah Yeah Yeahs are likely to get.

Celebrity Gossip Exclusive

By Pacific Dove

“One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish” are the mantra words of the Coronado Honors English Program. Written by the great Dr. Seuss, these words were made for history and honors English books.

From the very start of his 50-something page, graphically illustrated epic novel, Dr. Seuss captivates readers young and old with his rhyming techniques and exceptional word choice. Using simple words, familiar to even the most simple-minded of beings, he weeves his story together and creates a tale many will recognize for years to come.

For those more inclined to visuals, every page of this novel is covered with images depicting the words. Even those of us yet to know how to read could follow his captivating messages in this fashion.

Young readers, unaware of the depth each of his rhymes carries with it bed and plead for “Red Fish, Blue Fish” to be read to them every night at bedtime. Dr. Seuss must have known when writing it that it would be the number one choice in the young hearts avoiding bed time and the fortunate individuals selected to read it to them.

A long-time favorite, re-reading the book always offers a reminder of the goodness of youth and awakens the child within. A definite choice among so many high school students, it’s even being considered as testing material for the upcoming English Literature and Language Advanced Placement exams in May.

10 Tips to Steal Edward from Bella

In this week’s all important celebrity news, since the estranged couple Rihanna and Chris Brown got back together, they are working on a new book entitled: Save the Love. After Chris’s recent domestic attacks, he’s learned his lessons and has come up with this idea for a best seller. And of course, Rihanna agreed.

The following features in the novel with are tips on how to suppress your anger in chapter one: I’m angry and it’s my spouse’s fault? This chapter describes how is isn’t your BF/GF’s fault your angry, but that you just are born that way according to Brown. Chapter Two: Self Defense is Key discusses how one should take defense classes “not only to protect yourself from muggers but people like Brown”, stated Rihanna. Obvious much?

Anyways, Chapter Three: Tips to Keep out of Harm’s way warns about how to stay away from angry people when they’re…uhmm…angry? Chapter Four: Heal the “Wounds” confers about being able to talk with your BF/ GF about your relationship problems with ease. Whether this book will actually help couples become stronger or just provide the crazy couple with honeymoon money, it will be a definite interesting read.

Also in celebrity news, the Jonas Brothers; they aren’t even brothers! After being harassed by the paparazzi, the “Brothers” finally agreed to DNA testing. The results came in last Tuesday and the Jonas’s aren’t actually brothers! We’ve all been lied to! In fact, they have no blood relation whatsoever. “I can’t believe they lied to their fans”, said nine-year old Caitlyn. Yes, it is shock that such role models like the Jonas Brothers would even think of creating this scandal and believing “[they] could get away with it” stated youngest “bro” Nick.

According to Disney representatives, they had no clue the Jonas’s were liars and were “just as shocked as the rest of nation.”

By Royal Leopard

If you are one of those fans that hate the thought of Edward Cullen being with someone as plain and normal as Bella Swan and think you are worthy enough of his awesomeness? Then here as some tips so you can attempt to steal him away: 1. First, you must magically transport yourself into Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. After all, you can’t steal Edward if he doesn’t exist.

2. Buy and wear a ‘Team Edward’ T-shirt to you school in hopes that Edward sees it.

3. Block your mind and don’t tell him what you are thinking while you say cryptic things to keep him awake at night (not that he sleeps anyway).

4. Trip over your feet when he’s near so he can catch you. Unattainable stars think clutzy is cutzie.

5. Walk into the middle of traffic right in front of him (Everybody knows Edward loves a damsel in distress… hopefully he sees you walk in front of the Hummer) 6. Buy Freesia scented perfume and wear it to school (*whisper* its Edward’s favorite scent).

7. Blush every time he looks at you then look away (Note: Do this while blocking your mind) 8. Faint during blood typing in biology or at the sight of blood. This will amuse him to no end.

9. Read classics like “Wuthering Heights” or “Romeo and Juliet” then ask him what he thinks of the male protagonist just to hear his voice.

10. Wear Stilettos.

Smile George, you’re on reality TV! Reality TV and reality profiling get George Lopez

By Pine Monkey

During spring break, famous comedian George Lopez was caught on Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s new reality TV show and faced an arrest after failing to provide proper identification upon the request of one of the sheriff’s deputies. According to eyewitness sources, Lopez was found in the town of Guadalupe driving below the speed limit and speaking Spanish to ladies on the street. Upon getting pulled over, the sheriff’s deputy asked Lopez to provide Identification. Lopez then said “I don’t have any, I forgot it in my hotel room, but I can’t find it cause’ I’m lost! Then, when the deputy asked Lopez to step out, Lopez saw the cameras that were part of the sheriff’s new reality TV show, and begun to laugh. Lopez than said “Orale, Ashton, you got me! I’ve been punked! Puzzled, the deputy asked Lopez to settle down and be quiet. Lopez, still thinking he was being punked mooned one of the camera guys. The deputy then asked Lopez to provide his full name. Lopez answered “I’M RICK JAMES B****! The deputy then hand cuffed Lopez and took him downtown where he stayed in jail for 24 hours. According to one of the inmates that shared a cell with Lopez, they said that Lopez kept repeating “dude, Ashton, okay I get it I’ve been punked, I got punked!”

Esteemed Metal Award Given to newly labeled band

This year the top determinant for international metal recognition was awarded through the 2009 Australian Metal Awards. There was fierce competition this previous recording cycle from top performing bands that played shows across the nation to display their talent and build up

reputation. Various competing bands included Lamb of God, Job for a Cowboy, Bring Me The Horizon and other upcoming U.S. metal bands like All Shall Perish, Throwdown, and As Blood Runs Black. This year however there is a familiar contestant new to the genre taking home one of the years

By Olive Impala

highest honored metals.

In an upset that may have had a larger impact on the metal industry than Jethro Tull’s 1989 Grammy Award for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance over Metallica and their “…And Justice for All” album. Nickelback will

be taking home the “Overall Best Band of 2009”. Many metal fans may not agree that this band deserves this position above the rest, but songs such as ­­ “Something In Your Mouth” and “Gotta Be Somebody” off of their November 18, 2008 release of Dark Horse speaks

for itself. Then again, how could judges John Howarth from “Riot! Entertainment” or Glenn Dyson, representative for “Prime Cuts / Soundworks Touring” not be persuaded through Nickelback’s precise use of classic guitar riffs, and face melting solos.

Pick up the re-release of

Nickelback’s newest album, debuted as a collector’s edition now covered with stickers and journals from how Nickelback found their inside inspiration needed to receive “Overall Best Band of 2009”. See online edition for information on runner-up bands and other awards received this year.

Pacific Dove iluvmyclydsdale@yahoo.com

Campus Happenings

New Kid on the Block Unknown student impresses CHS girls

By Pacific Dove

A good-looking, mysterious, new student at CHS is wandering these halls this last quarter. Girls, keep an eye out for senior Kale Wheeler. Word on the street this womanizer was quite the stud back in the OC. Maybe those who are prom dateless can snag Wheeler before anyone else can. Wheeler agreed to an interview so girls can learn a little more about this blond-headed beauty.

CE: You’re from the OC, what’s it like there?

KW: Uhmm, it’s all right I guess.

CE: Why did you move to Arizona?

KW: My mom’s worksomething. I don’t really know.

CE: Well, how do you like it so far? What about Coronado?

KW: Scottsdale is OK, and Coronado is like, just another school.

CE: Do you play any sports or participate in extra-curricular activities?

KW: Well I used to… not anymore. I don’t feel like it. I go to school, eat and sleep.

CE: That’s it?

KW: Yup. CE: OK, well for all the

What do you think of the ‘Berry’ Explosion?

“My RaspBerry is by far the best phone ever created by creature” -Ray Jones (11) “Berry phones are sooooo over rated, its all about the SwipeKicks” -Harlie Haiden (12) “Addicting? I think not.

Just another scandal created by the Hallmark Co.” -Redd Francisco (10) “i luv my fone is ahhhmazing, its a BleuBerry... idk. Ya” -aonoymous freshman “Children don’t deserve phones. If they want something get a beeper like a normal person” -Mr. Coulson Well, you’ve heard it from our classes themselves about what they think about this Berry crazy. However, when we asked them about mobilitious communicatious, they all answered: “What?”

curious girls out there, do you have a girlfriend?

KW: Uhmm, well I’m not too big on the whole “girlfriend” thing. Takes too much time.

CE: But all you do is go to school, eat and sleep?!

KW: So? CE: So you don’t do anything with your life?

Switching subjects… well, do you at least think you’ll go to prom?

KW: Prom? Yeah…NO. I don’t do dances or anything like that. It’s kinda lame.

CE: Lame? Prom is NOT lame. Maybe if you stopped being so lazy you would actually have an interesting life to explore and discuss for the paper! You don’t have school spirit, you’re very lazy, and you can’t speak more than ten syllables…

UGH! This interview is over!

KW: Uhmm…whatever…

Sorry to mislead you girls! Obviously, Mr. Lazy isn’t a good candidate for a boyfriend, friend or even a Prom date...maybe next time.

Warning Bells Get Musical Today

By Pacific Dove

“Ding! Ding! Ding!”

This is usually heard in the hallways, signifying “Hey! Get to class.” Since last year students have been annoyed by the “warning bell”. Now, an organization restarted this year called Students Against Bells (S.A.B.) have had enough.

Starting today, CHS Administration has agreed to play some popular songs instead of the normal bells as a warning to head to class.

The play list includes the following: “Barbie Girl”

by Aqua , the infamous Cha Cha Slide, a country favorite “Our Song” by Taylor Swift, the everpopular “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, “Whalin’ Up” by the Whale Brothers, “Kiss Me Through the Phone” by Soulja Boy, a blast from the past with “Mickey” from Toni Basil, and lastly but not least “Bye, Bye, Bye” by N’Sync.

The S.A.B. is a new DJing club on campus who wants to compete in the National Teen Music Awards, taking place May 3rd this year. The section they’re competing for is the ‘Teen DJs of the Year’.

“We have brilliant DJs

in our club with amazing ideas. We just need equipment to show everyone how good we are”, said the S.A.B. president, “we just don’t have the money to send us there”. Placing in the National Teen Music Awards competition means that the members of the S.A.B. club can receive a college scholarship to any school in the US of their choice. “If the students don’t like hearing the songs all day long, day after day, week after week: they’ll pay to make it stop”.

Dons, do us all a favor and donate to the S.A.B. Club to make the music stop! Send our students to the National Teen Music Awards! *Coffee cans for donations will be placed in every English and Fine Arts classroom*

Addicted to Berries?

New study shows that the ‘Berry’ phones are contagious and addicting Recently at SUSD schools, is the wave of high-tech phones have captured students and faculty.

Amongst the most popular phones are the BleuBerry, B1, and the infamous bPhone. New studies show that these phones have “ingredients” that can lead to a dangerous new disease “mobilitious communicatious”.

“The phones are truly dangerous to users, especially the younger generation,” stated Dr. Mary Webster. Dr. Webster is in charge of the studies with cellular devices at the University of Technology and Computer Science of Alaska in Alaska City. The study first took place after reported incidences of people getting extremely sick without their phones in a 10-feet radius. Dr. Webster and her team of highly trained phonologists began to study the effects on people when their phones were separated.

Results show that 96% of people became very ill, reporting symptoms of

By Pacific Dove

headaches, blurred vision, constant ringing in ears, and urges to communicate or be around some sort of technology invented after 2005. “We’re still developing the cure for ‘mobilitious communicatious’, but so far we predict it will be a series of 24 shots over a two week period for the full cure”, stated concerned Dr. Webster.

Not only is this disease affecting the world, but it is also affecting Coronado.

Many students and faculty

own similar phones, and are bound to be affected in anytime of absence of a communication device.

Two anonymous students agreed to be interviewed: CE: So you got your phone taken away as punishment, what happened shortly after?

AN: Well, I got pretty sick; I had constant headaches and could not stop thinking about the day I would get my phone back. It was the worst.

CE: What about you?

You say you lost your phone at the park?

OY: Geez, I would sneak out at night to go the park to look for it, all I could think about was getting my B1 back, most awful experience of my life, I swear!

So Coronado, take a doctor’s, your fellow students, and my advice: Get rid of your BleuBerries, B1s, and bPhones as soon as you can before mobilitious communicatious creeps up on you, because no one wants to get 24 shots!

Pg. 4

Stephanie Meyer Looks for New Bella Twilight sequel postponed due to search for a new Isabella Swan.

By Gabriella Cardenas

Stephanie Meyer signs books for teachers when she comes to Coronado for a meeting with Administration before casting begins in May.

CHS Girls, your dream might soon become reality. On May 1st Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight saga and director Chris Wietz, The Twilight Sagas: New Moon, will be coming to Coronado looking for a new Bella in replacement of actress Kristen Stewart. Stewart, who resigned as the 17 year-old star-crossed lover stated in an interview, “It was a honor to work with Robert Pattinson and the rest of the cast, but after much thought I decided I wanted to move on to new things, and I apologize to anyone who takes offence for my leaving but I know they will find a great replacement.”

In an article recently released, Smashmovie. com states that Stewart left because of all the attention her ex co-star Robert Pattinson was getting.

“Kristen was tired of being

in Roberts’s shadow, she felt that they were making the movie about Edward Cullen, and not the love between him and Bella,” said an anonymous source.

On the bright side, it is a known fact that Meyer and Wietz are coming to Arizona in search for a new Bella, and guess where there first spot will be? Coronado of course!

Stephanie Meyer announced on her blog she plans to come during May. “We are all very sad to see Kristen go, but I am also exited to look for a new Bella in the city where I grew up.”

Wietz said he is looking for a normal looking girl, at least 17 years old with some acting experience. More information on the casting call will be announced soon, but in the meantime, girls have to start preparing their resumes.

Free Prom Dresses!

Need a dress for Prom?

The first four to come to C254 after school today will receive these free Prom dresses courtesy of CoronadoExplorer.com

Be there to snag your swag!

S vs. S

Pg. 5

“Democracy for the Spirit Stick”

Freshman Suffrage Association established to end senior totalitarian rule of Spirit Stick Award.

By Action Jackson

“The F.S.A.was started to end the freshman stereotype, and let them be involved and keep this club alive at Coronado so future generations will be able to operate the F.S.A themselves,” commented club president Angelo Deluca (9). “The freshman are about to get some well deserved respect on campus.”

Upperclassmen beware as the freshmen finally take control of Coronado. School spirit is definitely a factor, and they are ready to go all out. The F.S.A is associated with student government and does most of its work by going through higher appointed officials on campus.

The F.S.A actually has been able to move the senior class from their usual pep-assembly bleachers to make way for the class of 2012. The freshman class plans on showing some serious school spirit at future pep-assemblies. Members of the club plan to monitor just how much spirit is being displayed. With the spirit stick at stake once again, the main goal of the F.S.A is to ensure that the freshman class “color shouts” their way to success. Freshman will sport more scarlet red and navy blue than any student at Coronado, with help of the efforts made by the F.S.A and the desire for the spirit stick award. However, there is one student who thinks otherwise. Jesus Palano (9) states, “I think it’s kind of bad.

Seniors have done the whole four years, so they have the right.” Still the F.S.A fights for the freshman class and the spirit stick.

As for club progress, F.S.A officers have acquired teachers lounge access in order to hold more proficient club meetings, and though they’re now making great progress, there are still small adjustments to be made.

The F.S.A is still in search of members; the only requirement is you must be a freshman attending Coronado.

Additional information regarding the F.S.A or any other clubs can be found at coronadoexplorer.com.

Something to Talk About

By Carnation Kitten

Starting this month Coronado will be welcoming a new club called The Breakfast Club. Students will not only be eating their breakfast together from 7-8 a.m. but they will be discussing the gossips and drama of Coronado’s campus. Special days will be chosen to talk trash about their dreaded classes and annoying teachers. As always the Coronado lunch ladies will provide the breakfast and of course expect no special “thank yous”. The CHS club department is welcoming you to sign up and join your fellow class mates in this thrilling new club. For any more details visit room B122.

Fighting for the Right

By Officer Bacon

With the recession in full swing, budget cuts have not only been effecting teachers, but students as well. With money being taken from the schools budget every year, many neighboring schools have been forced to close down and feed into other schools.

“I will not let my school be shut down!” said junior Peter Lanning, President of Coronado’s debate team. “I’ve been here since freshmen year, and I wouldn’t want to go anywhere else.”

On April 15, 2009; Coronado’s debate team will be going to a debate competition at the City of Scottsdale Courthouse. They will be arguing against the budget cuts, and school closings that have been happening recently.

Not only are they protecting our local schools, they are stopping the city from completely tearing down Coronado, and feeding the students into other high schools within the same district. We can only hope that Coronado’s debate team will let our school survive another school year.

S vs. S

Clubs

Conflict Resolution for Catty Teenagers

By Scarlet Cougar

C.R.C.T. will be meeting Wednesday’s after school in room E271, with club sponsor Danard, the Security Guard. C.R.C.T. was made for the very boys and girls that students crowd around to watch a good fight. This club offers a better way for these students to release anger and find alternative ways to deal with the problems they encounter.

Students are chosen to be in the club by the amount of conduct referrals, fights, and amount of absences. If a student feels he or she would like to be a part of this club to find a better solution to handling life, don’t hesitate to talk to counselors in the office who can give you more information.

As said by good ol’ Abe Lincoln “No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.”

COPS...Hallway Edition

By Navy Squirrel

Coronado’s NHSHMDEHL (The National Honor Society Hallway Monitors Division to Enforce Hallway Laws) is re-uniting and changing their club name to Coronado Explorer Team of Trained Hallway Law Enforcement Enforcing Hallway Laws or better known as CETTHLEEFL. The new team went through a rigorous hall monitor training program at the Scottsdale Academy for Nationally Accredited Hall Monitors on March 20.

“These students are highly trained individuals who went through a vigorous Hall Monitor training course just so they could make the environment of Coronado High School and the rest of the world a safer, more organized place,” said Coronado’s CETTHLEEFL director, Mr. Troutman.

The students plan to implement new rules today. So watch out Coronado and make sure you have your hallway passes.

NEW RULES: -Must walk in correct lanes at all times -Hall passes and ID’s have to be presented when asked for -All noise in the hallway during passing period must be lowered from current levels; hopefully the warning bell music helps to entertain students

Vegetarians United Club

By Midnight Owl

Because of the latest Salad Revolt happening here at Coronado, the vegetarians of Coronado have decided to stand together to keep the leafy goodness going. They have kept salads at the school for the time being but the Salad Revolt still has its effect.

Vegetarians United are currently planning on holding a protest on April 23rd against meat-eaters.

“This has gone too far with this way of thinking. We who stand strong against meat will not take it,” said club sponsor, Jessica Kempton.

If you wish to be part of this club you can contact Kempton for details.

Horticulturist Club

By Midnight Owl

“We in this club are striving to improve the environment of Coronado, Arizona and of the world, starting with the Coronado Explorer’s classroom,” says Horticulturist Club president, Heather Risinger. Steph Scarano (12) failed to keep the Explorer’s favorite plant alive over spring break so they turned to the club to grow them a new, healthier plant. The club has been engaging in heated debates for the past couple of weeks over what plant they should grow. It has boiled down to: Dahlia, Bleeding Heart, Football Lily or Firecrackers. There are ups and downs to the plant they chose but whatever it be it’s “sure to bring joy to the souls of the Explorer’s staff.”

The Horticulturist Club is also participating in an annual flower-growing contest. There are different types of contests to enter such as the prettiest flower, fullest garden and brightest color contests. They have entered the brightest color contest. For the past couple of weeks they have been researching different types of brightly colored flowers to see which ones they think will be the best to grow. The contest will take place on April 7th so hopefully the Horticulturist Club has everything ready in time.

Midnight Owl musicjunki778@bresnan.net

GET INVOLVED! Join A Coronado Club!

There are many to choose from to fit your interests.

A.C.E. - Brauer A.D.L. - Kunitzer Ambassadors - Mack Athletic Lettermen- Slater B.A.C.H. - Bennet Best Buddies - Hughes Buddy Club- Schmidt C.A.S.E. - Brauer C.D.C. - Griffin Chant- Lewis Cheer - Mack CHSazz - Griffin Class of 2009- Kemp Class of 2010- Winget Class of 2011- Winget Class of 2012- Winget Computer Gaming Club- Farretta Coronado Explorer - Gerchick Coronado Lookout- Mazur Def Slamaz - Wallen Don News - Carey F.C.A. - Kemp Girls for Change - off-campus advisor Global Citizens - Conrady G.S.A. - Gerchick International Club - Pasek J.A.G. - Mortenson J.A.M. - Farreta Key Club - Ferwalt Library Club - Hibbert Marching Band - Bennet Mentadons- Weisneck N.H.S. - Willis Ping Pong - Gerchick Service Learning- Weisneck Science Club- Mills/Stephan S.O.H.A. - Knapp StuGo - Winget Thespians - Carey Unitown- Gerchick/Iglesias VICA Job Prep- Schmidt Voice of 2009/2010 - Winget Yearbook- Nelson

BlackBerry Club

By Midnight Cheetah

Do you have a BlackBerry phone? Do you like texting besides talking? Starting late April there is going to be a BlackBerry Club. Instead of putting out flyers, the president of the club will text each other. If you are interested in joining in this club come to room E133 and sign up with your number and name. Once the meeting starts, all of them will start texting each other about what they want to do. “I think this will be a great chance for people to meet each other. You can use email, text messages, or BlackBerry chat through cell phones!” stated senior Steph Scarano, long time BlackBerry user. “So many of us are already chatting and texting to communicate, why not let clubs go digital too? You won’t have to worry about ever missing a club metting if it’s on your phone!”

The “meetings” will be held in late-April during second lunch.

YEARBOOKS MISSING!!!

The books are in!!

But there’s a problem: NELSON LOST THEM! Search for Yearbooks is on. First student to find the ENTIRE missing supply gets their’s FREE!

Pg. 3.14

March ESP Congratulations to the following students who were recognized as “Extra Special”: Stefan Abdo Chelsea Arambula John Belak Scott Breckenridge Richard Breese Rosalio Castro Christy Contreras Kaya Cortese Matthew Couch Chase Davidson Nick Gannon Jason Garcia Omar Gomez Erika Gonzalez Amanda Jones Malasha Jones-Wilson Jazmyn Kadera Nathan Kaim Jelena Kolomejac Libby McCreary Guinevere Michelson, Julio Rivera Jose Rosas Shelby Rose Jaziel Salgado Denisse Santos Zachary Smith

“Mr. Technology”

By Turquoise Penguin

The best student around today is DJ Johnson, or better known as Mr. Technology.

In Technology DJ does all of his work without looking up things like YouTunes, Meg list, or MyFace and Space book. In his class the students look up to him as if he were god. In an interview with him he said “all the other students are jealous of my good grades and my great personality, but I am still the master of computers and no one can beat that.”

Later, he stated that he thought he did the least amount of work when really

he is the best student in that class. In the tech classroom he sits and does his work and finishes before all the other students, so he has more time to read about more technological things like how to build a computer or how to hack a school WiFi network. In his spare time he said that he loves to work on computers and read books about them because they are his favorite thing in the world and also stated the he will continue taking computer classes or Technology for the rest of the 3 years he will spend at Coronado.

No Mas!

Spanish classes canceled due to xenophobia

By Shadow Squirrel

Due to budget cuts, Foreign Language classes (German, Latin, and French) will be combined, exluding Spanish.

Alle drei fremasprachen werden in dernselbern klassenzimmer unterrichtet das beginnt dieses viertel.

“We are going to start this year so all the students will accommodate for next year,” said Mrs. Wood. Par allieurs, Coronado n’offrira plus de classe d’espagnol. There was a vote in every Foreign Language class on what class would go. Hispanicus

classis intercessirit et non docam in Coronado Schola Amplus Hispanice loqui vetat est. Und jetzt die schlechte und traurige nachricht mnser neues sprachlabor wird nach Arcadia geschickt.

“Comment mettre ensemble tous les étudiantes de langues étrangéres dans le laboratoire de langues? C’est impossible!

Je pense qu’il est préférable de le donner à une ecote qui va l’utillser.” A declaré Lily.

Be prepared fellow students more drastic budget cuts to come!

SOH CAH TOA Dontcha Knowa

By Black Penguin

The popular term “Soh Cah Toa” is used in a majority of math classes and is an acronym that is used to remember the trigonometry function meaning sign cosign and tangent. In preparation for this week’s AIMS exams, math teachers are extending the acronym. “TAO BAC FES ATAS MEIM” was recently discovered by one of the leading trigonometry teachers

at the math academy in New York. It stands for: The Area of Basic Angles Coordinate from Equilateral Shapes and Triangles and Squares Mean Everything in Math.

This clever little acronym is proving to be helpful to many math teachers and is inevitably soon to be coming to a math classroom near you.

Academia Back to Art Basics

By Royal Leopard

The fine arts department is going old school, quite literally. When you think about your childhood one of the first things that comes to mind is finger painting and playdough, the messes you used to make with paint all over your face and clothes, and the many times you left playdough stuck to the carpet. But the Fine Arts department has decided to make a finger painting and playdough activity project between all of Mr. Knapp’s and Mrs. Riccio’s honor classes. Sometime in April the students will have to choose whether to work with finger paint or playdough,

to then draw out their plans, the theme of the project is to communicate your feelings towards the world in a modern arts context. “The students are very exited.

This project will be good for them, it’s fun, creative and counts for a big part of their grade.” Said Mrs. Riccio when asked about it. The project is designed to help the students go back to the basic, when art wasn’t as complex as it is now; it will stimulate their imagination and maybe stir some lost memories from their childhood. The final products will be shown in the library after the teachers finish grading them.

Burnt and Blistered

While Joe Rivera (9) ran on the track and his feet began to blister and burn.

By Midnight Raccoon

“Run, run, run,” yells coach Pasquel as he harps on his PE class. The period three class gets off to a start to PE with the daily running. The only little problem, the track.

“Coach I’m dying,” Joe Rivera (9) screams as he lays on the track grabbing his feet. As coach approached he thought it was just whining, but in reality it was much worse.

After a few minutes Rivera takes off his shoes and socks and finds that his feet are dark red, and already blistering.

As the schools trainer comes out to help the blistering only gets worse. So even when asked for the cooling ice, Rivera responded “NO!” Within ten minutes Rivera is rushed to the hospital.

Lying in the hospital bed Rivera says the cause of all this is due to the, “heat off the track beneath his feet, with every step the burning became worse and worse. If I did not run that day I would not be in this hospital waiting for some nurse to take care of me.”

After the scene, other students were asked the question, “did you feel the same burning,” the students with a nervous “yes.”

So now the lingering question, “do we keep the heat absorbing track, or do we change to one less hurtful?” If in fact we do keep the track, then we risk our students of being “burnt and blistered” as well.

Jane Schaffer a Fraud

By Officer Bacon

Creating one of the most popular forms of writing, Jane Shaffer’s ways have been respected and used for many years. However, recent discoveries have dug up her dirty little secret: she can’t write.

Back in high school, Schaffer committing the following grammatical errors; improper use of commas, refusing to indent, and not knowing the difference between a CM and a CD. “I never expected anything like that from her.” said exclassmate Steven Hutchinson.

While the controversy rages,

English Department teachers are scrambling to find a new model for teaching paragraph writing. Expecting incoming freshman to know the difference between fact and opinion, topic sentence versus concluding sentence have been ruled out as potential solutions. Creativity has also been ruled out.

Schaffer’s fate remains undetermined until her meeting with the school board on April 10th.

Market going down due to econ students’ investing ineptitude

By Midnight Cheetah

“I swear I did not know what the students were doing!” stated Ms. Brodison.

Economy classes we are selling and buying stocks.

That is why the market is going down, because of them. They started selling and buying stocks with Ms. Brodison’s permission. What Ms. Brodison did not know is that the market was going down hill. “We did not know what we were doing. We were having fun selling and buying stocks. We love the market!” stated MacroEcon senior, Citlally Barajas.

With the market going down because of the teenagers in

class, there is also a challenge going on that might be World War III with Walmart and Target as chief adviseries. Mr. Troutman and Mr. Conrady’s classes are learning about World War II but they are having a challenge with each other. “We will beat Mr. Conrady’s class we know more than them,” stated Bob Long. The students wanted to learn more, so the two teachers wanted a challenge.

This challenge we do not know the outcome but who knows with those kids. You never know what will happen in this challenge it might turn out ugly.

Shadow Squirrel lildrmer@yahoo.com

Career Central American Fire Sprinkler Association Scholarship Program (Ten winners will receive $2,000 each.)

Due: Entries accepted from Aug. 1, 2008 through April 1, 2009 Criteria: Seniors who plan to pursue further education at a college/university or certified trade school in the U.S. in the fall 2009 semester. Students must apply online at www.afsascholarship.org where they can also learn contest details.

Ladies Auxiliary to the Veterans of Foreign Wars of the U.S. (Award amount not provided) Due: April 1, 2009 Criteria: Seniors (Class of 2009) who are residents of the State of Arizona and are sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters of a member of the VFW or its Ladies Auxiliary. Application forms are available in the Higher Ed. Center.

9th Annual 2009 ZGI Film Festival (Awards and eligibility criteria differ by category; grand prize is a full scholarship to attend Yavapai College’s Zaki Gordon Institute for Independent Filmmaking.)

Due: April 1, 2009 Criteria: Any student or group of students enrolled in grades 7-12. For details on competition categories, eligibility criteria and awards, visit www. zgi.yc.edu.

Nina Mason Pulliam Legacy Scholars Program (Full in-state tuition, fees and books, and a living allowance up to $2,750) Due: April 1, 2009 Criteria: Incoming freshmen ages 18 to 25 who have been raised through the child-welfare system and have no form of financial support. Must apply to Maricopa Comm. College District and/or ASU and be working toward their first undergraduate degree with intent to seek degree completion at the institution to which they are applying. Must be a U.S. citizen and AZ resident, and demonstrate financial need. Additional eligibility criteria are available at http://ninascholars.asu.edu.

American Indian Education Foundation Scholarship Program ($2,000) Due: April 4, 2009 Criteria: Students of Native American or Alaska Native descent who plan to attend FT at an accredited 2- or 4-year college/university or tech./ voc. School. To learn additional criteria, visit www. aiefprograms.org.

Civic Service Employees Insurance Company’s Youth Automobile Safety Scholarship – 2009 Essay Competition for Children of Public Employees (Scholarship awards from $500 to $1,500) Due: April 6, 2009 Criteria: Seniors who are residents of AZ, CA, NV or UT, have a cum. GPA of at least 3.0 and have been accepted to an accredited 2- or 4-year college, university or trade school in the U.S. Applicant’s parent or legal guardian must be currently employed FT by—or if retired or deceased, must have been employed FT by—a government entity. Definition of public employee includes, but is not limited to, peace officers, firefighters, educators, postal employees, military personnel, and federal, state and local government workers. Applications are available in the Higher Ed. Center or at www.CSEinsurance.com (under “About Us” and “Youth Scholarship”).

2009 Thacher Scholar Awards ($500 to $2,000 cash awards) Due: April 6, 2009 Criteria: Students in grades 9-12 who demonstrate the best use of geospatial technologies or data to study Earth. For contest rules go to www.strategies. org/ThacherScholars.

9 Beans and A Burrito Foundation Scholarship (Two $1,000 scholarships) Due: April 17, 2009 Criteria: Graduating seniors with a min. cum. GPA of 3.5. Further details and an application form may be obtained at www.9beans.org.

Midnight Muskrat journalisticladydon@gmail.com

News to Us

Pg. N

Student Teachers Cont’d. from FRONT slipped. The students will get paid less then the other teachers but they will still get paid.

These students are here to share their knowledge to the little kids.

The students want to help out and teach but some teachers do not like that. “Why put less experienced students with out jobs?” another kindergarten teacher asked. “They have the same experience as you, just in a smaller dose,” stated Long. “The teachers just do not know who to turn to, to get information on more about this. They want to teach but then again they are losing their jobs,” stated Billy. “Teachers think the students are not ready but then they haven’t seen what they can do. They had their

lesions planed and know what to teach just give them a chance,” stated McKallor.

With the end of the year coming up the students can’t wait to get more learning next year to continue their work at Yavapai next year.

With next year, they will be a full time teacher, unless the budget cut works out. If the budget cut gets better then the teachers will come back and the students will go through regular classes for training to become a teacher. They are going this year and next year till teachers come back. They will enjoy the experience and learn what teachers go through.

“We can’t wait till we start teaching it’ll be fun” happily responded

Celebrity Look-Alikes

President Barack Obama

AZ Schools to Four Day Weeks Education cuts lead to no more school on Monday

By Strawberry Squid

Everyone knows about the current state of the economy. If you believe that the economy hasn’t affected you yet, well here it is. Arizona schools are deleting Fridays from the school calendar, leaving four days to every school week.

The immediate cost reduction for school would be in electric, air conditioning, and transportation costs.

The cost to start to the lights, air conditioning, and other electronics raises the electric bill.

As of right now school is in session for six hours and thirty five minutes a day, five days a week.

When next year’s schedule takes effect, school will be eight hours and fifteen minutes four days a week.

With a 4:30 P.M. release time, students who have extra curricular activities will have busy schedules.

“Practice usually runs about two and a half hours,”

Ermias Meretab

Prom relocated?!?

By Officer Bacon

says Kevin Colewood (10), “so that means that we won’t get out of practice until 7! Then I’d have to do homework…” With practices running two to three hours, some coaches are debating about when to have practice.

Some students look forward to the new schedule.

With this new day off, students have many new plans. Jackie Jones (11) said, “The [four day] week matches my class schedule next year… I’m only taking four classes.” “I’m going to take this time to perfect my rocket ship!” says Mark Mayfield (9).

As for the rest of this year, no schedules are going to be changed. But when next year rolls around, expect there to be a whole new lifestyle to being a teenager in the Scottsdale District.

Anticipation for the end of the year floats on the air as prom rapidly approaches. Girls are scampering around the mall trying to find the “perfect dress” for this one time occasion. The boys are talking about their dates, renting tuxedos, and practicing their lines for the “lucky night.”

Said to be held at the Stonebridge manor at 8:00 pm on May 16th, 2009; students have been buzzing with excitement. However, due to recent budget cuts and the recession of our government, rumors are circulating about prom being relocated.

As the Stonebridge Manor simply cannot be afforded, Student Council is considering moving the 2009 prom to Coronado’s cafeteria with a mandatory school dinner. Ticket prices will be lowered to $30.00 for one and $55.00 for two; however, those who have already purchased prom tickets at the original price will not be reimbursed.

Students [especially seniors] are outraged at the schools decision to move the prom to the cafeteria.

“I paid eighty dollars for a lame dance in my school’s cafeteria?!” said senior Crystal Pearson, “I can’t believe they’re ruining my senior prom!”

Although students are very upset about the changes made to 2009 prom, the modifications are said to be final. Coronado’s budget will not allow a pay out as large as that of the Stonebridge Manor.

“In order to keep the school running properly, we have to watch what we spend,” said junior Michael Williamson, “If we want to keep the school open, we have to be careful with money, especially with the new budget cuts.”

Even though many students have complained to administration about the ridiculous idea, their minds seem to be unchangeable.

S vs. S

Dora the

In This Issue: No work, no cell phones, and more News to us............................2 - AZ Schools to four day...

- Arizona’s Beachfront - Celebrity Look-Alike - Nightmare on 74th Street Academia..............................3 - March ESP. - Jane Shaffer a Fraud - No Mas! - Back to Basics - Burnt and Blistered Campus Happenings............5 - Addicted to Berries?

- Stephenie Meyer to Look...

- New Kid on the Block - Warning Bells Get Musical Clubs.....................................6 - Vegetarians United - Something to Talk About - BlackBerry Club - Horticulturist Club - C.R.C.T. Club Sports....................................7 - Wide, Wide, Wide World...

- WANTED - “Big Papa” Entertainment........................8 - Critics Corner - Family Guy Canceled - 10 April Fool’s Pranks - 10 Tips How to Steal....

- Smile George, you’re... snoitaerC citsatnoD...............9 - Spotlight On... Marcus...

- Celebrity Look-Alike The Back Page.......Back Page - We forbid you from reading this page. Don’t turn to it!

Message to Our Readers:

The Coronado Explorer staff created this “Glass Onion” edition in the spirit of April 1st. With the exception to pages 1-3, none of the content in this issue is true. Each story is printed in the spirit of satire, parody, and purely for entertainment purposes. Views in this newspaper are not necessarily those of the C.H.S. administration, faculty, staff, or student body. Have fun and unless you want to earn permanent social status as a freshman, don’t look for the swimming pool on the roof.

“April fools.” ~ The Coronado Explorer Staff

“For the Coronado High School community”

Recession Special 2009

Explorer Cost: Priceless www.coronadoexplorer.com

LOW POINTS of the RECESSION The general public suffers greatly from the surrendering of their $300 electronics

As common knowledge to all in this day and age, the current recession is affecting citizens of the nation young and old. Senior citizens now living off of social security are worried about the value of the money they have accumulated, members of the workforce are concerned about losing their jobs, homeowners are concerned about losing, well, their homes and teenagers trying to find work are coming up emptry-handed. Believe it or not though, this isn’t the biggest concern for most. Actually, a recent poll has shown that the majority of the general public is fretting over the loss of their

expensive electronics.

Many parents are stripping their children of their BlackBerries, iPhones, mp3 players, and even digital cameras. Most parents are doing this to salvage getting rid of their own electronics, but in severe cases, the parents must give them up too.

One student, Chacha Haccah (12), complained to the Explorer that her mom “took [her] charger for [her] BlackBerry so that the battery would die and [she] couldn’t use it anymore.” Another student, a friend of Haccah, Kevin Cardenas (11), echoed Haccah’s complaint with his own, saying “my dad took away my iPhone

Student Teachers

By Midnight Muskrat

saying that bill was too expensive for the current time and the next day, I saw him using it!”

In some desperate cases, where parents are giving up their luxuries as well, many are found to be late to appointments without their BlackBerry to alert them in advance, bored at work without an iPod to keep them busy, and suffering all around general withdrawals from a lack of technological luxuries. Many psychiatrist’s offices are being swamped by people complaining of needing their electronic devices to keep their sanity. One psychiatist, Dr. Dylan Rio claims that most of his patients

suffer “genuine effects” from not having their cell phones, PDAs, and mp3 players.

When asked what she thought of the slump of the stock market, senior Sarah Gallagher simply stated “that sucks and whatever, but what I really care about is that I had to give up my Sidekick and get a pre-paid phone.”

Although economists are concerned over the poor state of our stock market and the ecomony, that is not a concern of many others. It seems that most of the general public is okay with it and isn’t at all concerned that the recession will turn depression. With the

distraction electronic luxuries provide, its a wonder they even notice it at all.

Many upper-class citizens really do have yet to notice. In an attempt to get the opinion of all economic classes, we asked upperclass mother of a Coronado Don, Valerie Smith, how the recession was effecting her and she replied, “Oh it’s terrible.

The maid has picked up other houses to clean and we’ve had to get our things ourselves. Just the other day, I left my BlackBerry at home because she wasn’t there to set it by the door for me.” Oh, indeed, the recession has gotten to all.

Due to budget cuts, Coronado students will be teaching at Yavapai Elementary

By Midnight Cheetah

www. coronadoexplorer .com

Advertise in the Explorer

“Where did all of these students come from?” asked a kindergarten teacher.

Scottsdale Unified School District answered with, “Due to the budget cuts we are having students from Coronado High School come over and teach and keep Yavapai going.”

Was the answer the teachers got at Yavapai.

The students in the Education Professions class has been studying their books and learning as much as they can, so they can teach at Yavapai. “I think they are ready to do it.

They have learned so much and know what they need to teach so the kids will what they need,” responded Mrs. McKallor. “We have done so much on

teaching skills, I think we are finally ready to teach over there,” happily said Carol Toll a student in the class.

The question that is on everyone’s mind is the students ready?

Are their minds out for what teachers have to do everyday? “I do not think they are ready.

They are still in high school,” responded a fifth grade teacher.

Teachers all around Yavapai are confused, they went through a lot of training which the students haven’t had yet.

So starting mid-April and next year, there will be brand new teachers at Yavapai. The classes they will be teaching will be kindergartenfourth grade classes.

Those teachers currently teaching has been pink

Arizona’s Beachfront

Major movie explosives speeding-up California’s sinking; real estate in Blythe worthy investment

By Carnation Kitten

Escaping from the heat on the cool beaches of Venice, Santa Monica, Malibu, has been the objective of many a resident and finally, the need to escape is no longer - Arizona’s Beachfront is rumored to hit the border before the summer heat can hit triple digits.

Common knowledge to many residents of Southern California, much of the state is already below sea level. For some time now, not a single person has thought twice about it. Well, not a single person until Geologist Kevin Reinfeld who has been studying seismic waves throughout So. Cal. since the earthquake of ‘94.

According to Reinfeld, aftershocks from underwater volcanic eruptions have been hitting the coastline of

Southern California for years.

He claims if you stand at the beach in the wee hours of the morning, you can actually feel the sand sinking beneath your feet. “If you stand in one spot all night, your feet will be almost completely covered in water,” explains Reinfeld.

Although many have laughed at him, the filming of a movie set to release in 2012, involving many explosives and several beach scenes has contributed to the sinking of the beach. Many are now thinking twice.

In the meantime, residents of Blythe are building docks to prepare for the break-off.

Homeowner Jessica Edison offered her opinion: “I figure, if it does happen, I want to be able to walk out on my own dock and dive out into the

ocean.” Many others agree with Edison’s statement. One resident, Jeremy Hudson expressed anger at the flock of Arizonans purchasing real estate in town. “I’ve lived here my whole life,” shared Hudson, “never before did so many stop longer than to fill up their gas tank on the drive between the two states. Why should I welcome them into my hometown?”

Although he was unavailable for commentary on how he planned on preparing half the state for this, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was rumored to be talking to a real estate agent about buying several acres of the land surrounding the border and has hired contractors for an “unknown project.”

A few things we know you missed in this edition...

Onion watermarks GALORE! to catch all that you missed, re-read the paper front-to-front.

Coronado/Dora the Explorer

Sleep Deprivation Story to read more about why this girl fell asleep in the hall, go to News to Us, Page 2

Brain INVADES the Campus to read about this raging brain dominating the school, go to Campus Happenings, Page 6

Coronado Dons go to Unitown old news rehashed cause you missed it the first time.. on Clubs, Page 7

South vs. South search through the issue to find them all (one on every page) Coronado/Dora the Explorer