INDEPENDENT SINCE 1880
The Bill Nye Fan Club Vol. 69, No. 420
DON'T ASK US WHAT OUR GPA’S ARE
THIS IS A JOKE
Incoming Amazon Intern Forgets to Post LinkedIn Job Update, Kicked Out of Dyson By I. L. ARI Sun Staff Writer
On Saturday, April 16, a junior in the Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management, Bill N. Gai ’23, forgot to post an update on LinkedIn for his upcoming internship at Amazon. Gai’s failure to post, a requirement of the Applied Economics and Management major, prompted his removal from the school. Gai was immediately transferred to the College of Arts and Sciences to be an English major to match the level of activity needed on his LinkedIn account. The English Department accepted Gai with open arms, eager to finally have a male student. The LinkedIn post fulfills the AEM major’s “sell soul to corporate America'' requirement. By sharing their ridiculously overpaid entry-level job update with the world, the students help solidify their career goals and trajectory.
The requirement was also a push to garner a sense of community among the Dyson students. “By comparing yourself to other students, it is intended to give our students Imposter Syndrome. We want our students to bond over that,” said Prof. Morgan Stanley, applied economics and management. The requirement was also intended to connect with the college’s alumni and to show them how their donations continue to help grow the Cornell-to-Wall Street pipeline in Dyson. Only $56,398 was donated to Dyson as a part of Cornell Giving Day 2022. It is rumored that this is the same amount of money that a group of ten Dyson seniors spent on room service at Casa de Campo over Spring Break. Most Dyson students do not seem to mind this major requirement at all. “How else am I supposed to show my high school Personal Finance teacher that I would get to be within a five mile radius of Jeff Bezos? Facebook just doesn’t cut it anymore,” said Naugn F. Token ’25.
There has been some push-back against this requirement though, as there is with every new requirement. A group of students called “Lincoln LinkedIn” stated that LinkedIn posts are against their moral standard that the platform should only be used for advertising the Cornell Music Department and acapella groups. “We can’t have LinkedIn pages full of updates about your internship where you’re making coffee runs and standing at the copier for 10 hours a day. What the people really want to know about is the music on campus and supporting the music groups,” said the president of the group, preferring to stay anonymous to avoid the wrath of the Dyson students. For Bill N. Gai, the College of Arts and Sciences has been a fun new adjustment. In an interview on Monday, he said “I’m glad I’ll be able to take classes I really want. Next semester, I am going to take Oceanography and Wines, and I won’t even feel pressured to post about it on LinkedIn.” I. L. Ari can be reached at ilari@cornellsun.com.
Puerto Rico First U.S. Territory to Ban C.U. Spring Breakers By JAMES BOUFFET Sun Staff Writer
On Wednesday, April 20, Puerto Rico’s President of the State Joey Byron announced that the island would no longer accept Cornell students and alumni as visitors during spring break. With approv- a l from U.S. President Joe Biden and in cooperation with the local hospitality industry, Cornellians will no longer find relaxation and repose on this LUCKA NGO / THE island. NEW YORK TIMES “We’ve dealt with everything from loitering, littering, public indecency, loudness, complete disrespect of local customs and on top of everything, almost every resident has complained about Cornell students tak-
ing up the beach for bonfires,” said Sandra Lee, secretary to Byron. University President Martha Pollack was the first to make a statement on Cornell’s cooperation with Puerto Rico. This decision came just weeks before Pollack was set to announce the opening of Martharitaville, a student center exclusively for Cornell students vacationing in Ponce. “We know this is a tough decision, especially since Martharitaville was set to open its doors to another leg of the Cornell community this May,” Pollack said in an interview with CU Nooz. “But I understand that we must respect the island’s decisions and ask the Cornell community to be strong at this time.” Cornell students have been notorious for overfilling the island with sorority and fraternity trips and regular group getaways. According to local business owners, this influx of Cornellians has forced its regulars, who include undergraduates in University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business and Harvard
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“My big, Kevin, is a huge fan of the beach. Business School, to head to the Dominican Republic instead, leaving a significant deficit in I just really don’t know where we’re going to find another one this late in the game,” he said. Puerto Rico’s tourism revenue. However, students like Mienna Sae ’22 Puerto Rico is not the only vacation spot that has shut its doors to enrolled Cornell understand the restrictions and are not as disstudents. The states of Florida, California and appointed by them. Sae is currently dating her Massachusetts have also agreed to follow Puerto boyfriend, who resides in San Juan and rents Rico in imposing restrictions by the end of June out property on Airbnb to spring breakers. 2022. However, the states will “Yeah, he’ll make less begin with sophomores and money, but he’ll have more “We really are juniors. time to come see me,” Sae said. protecting our “We get many Cornell stuPresident Byron hopes dents every Spring Break so tourism, our beaches, that the restriction will benefit it will be hard to say goodbye our local culture and the island and other vacation hotspots by freeing up space to our favorite tourists and our sanity.” for other university students. residents,” said Gov. Weasley However, he sends a message to D’Alligator of Florida. “But President Joey Byron the Cornell community that if my family … we’re a Yale famthey are on their best behavior, ily, so I can’t say I’m too hurt.” The new rule goes into effect May 10, they may return. “We really are protecting our tourism, 2022, the formal end of classes for Cornell stuour beaches, our local culture, and our sandents before the study and exam period. Some spring breakers like Johann Schrœder ity,” Byron said at a press conference this ’25 are furious with this decision. Wednesday. “But as of now, the only exception Johan was looking forward to his first trip to is that science guy.” Puerto Rico with his fraternity, Kappa Sigma. He is disheartened that he will not be able to James Bouffet can be reached at spend time with his friends over spring break. jbouffet@cornellsun.com.
In Desperate Bid, Students Run into Parked TCAT buses For Free Tuition Page 3
Letter to the Editor: Why Don’t Students At This Hopeless School Get a Life? Page 2