Contemporary Family - Spring 2024

POLICY | ADVOCACY | RESILIENCE

VOL. 4 - NO. 1 - SPRING 2024 ISSN 1939-0219

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Preserving Family Ties Media has the mission to provide research, news, education, consulting and training, and multimedia publishing opportunities for parents and family professionals to improve child outcomes when families are in transition.

Preserving Family Ties (PFT) is named for founder, Dr. Mark D. Roseman’s research-based book, Preserving Family Ties, An Authoritative Guide to Understanding Divorce and Child Custody, for Parents and Family Professionals.

His approach has been to incorporate the latest understanding of dynamics, feelings and behaviors when parents separate and how best to co-parent when separation and divorce ensues. Cultural context and court reform in historical context further distinguishes Roseman’s text.

PFT is the parent company for its flagship, Contemporary Family Magazine (www.contemporaryfamilymagazine. com) offering a venue for global writers and researchers on interdisciplinary topics addressing current family needs in order to foster universal understandings and interventions.

Additionally, PFT is the parent company for Mark David Roseman & Associates (MDR), a service enterprise specializing in support groups for parents suffering highly conflicted child custody matters, and experiencing the traumatic loss of children through their estrangement and alienating behaviors. MDR’s facilitators serve as consultants for individual coaching, and also assistance to companies’ human resources challenges with managing staff who are facing personal difficulties of divorce and child custody litigation.

Visit MDR online at www.Markdavidroseman.com for more details!

We want to hear from you!

Email Mark.roseman@preservingfamilyties.com!

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INSIDE this ISSUE From the Publisher

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Including News and Announcements from Romania, Norway, Iceland and the USA

Pages 6-9

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October 7th - Israel’s Wake-Up Call to Parental Alienation

Page 10

New Assessment Tool to Help Understand a Child's Perception

Page 12

POETRY CORNER

Page 14

Norway Battles Parental Alienation

Page 16

Examining Policy and Outcomes: Conversations with 2023 PASG Conference Presenters

C

Page 26-29 2024 Submission Guidelines for CFM

Page 30

Resources to Improve Outcomes for Children when Parents Separate Page 31

THE TEAM BEHIND EVERY ISSUE MARK DAVID ROSEMAN, PHD Publisher

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Contemporary Family Magazine is a unique publication for family professionals, advocates and legislators who have differing experiences, research findings and opinions that may be debated, and qualified. Our Editors strive to assure each reader that their voice is valuable and important. Therefore, please recognize that all content reflects but does not necessarily represent the views of the publisher or editors. All content is published in good faith, though we cannot guarantee nor accept liability for any loss or damages caused by the publication, its companion website, or its advertisers including content of other websites, advertising or resources.

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From the Publisher been since its founding in 1948 when six Arab nations attacked Israel immediately following the UN acknowledged Israel’s right to independence as a nation.

So why Gaza? The answer may be, why Hamas? Why not the Palestinian authority which Hamas brutally assassinated in Gaza when trying to offer governance there?

Why? On Yom Kippur, 1973, I was an MBA grad student at Syracuse University when the Arab coalition of Egypt, Syria and Jordan attacked Israel. Over 10,000 Israelis were killed and wounded, while the Arabs suffered nearly twice that.

As an undergraduate at Clark University, I participated in demonstrations against the Viet Nam War, but did not witness any takeover of a building accept that by the Black Student Union in their demands for a Black Studies program. As Hillel President, however, I felt that Israel was viewed both as a superpower, when in fact, its strength at survival was as Ukraine today, dependent upon the military support from the US. Israel was a homeland to the Jews, and also the Arabs who benefit from health services, employment, and higher education.

So, how do we grasp what is happening at Columbia and other campuses? As young people, who look to strength as symbolic of oppression. Who look to peace as alternatives to conflict, and who look blindly to the right of Israel to live in peace.

“Gaza” would not be without October 7.

The return of Israeli and other international hostages held by Hamas would have stopped the carnage.

Then ask, ‘what is Hamas’ objective?’ Why the ungodly sacrifice of Gazan residents?

Why the gross expenditures of resources to build elaborate networks of tunnels beneath Gaza?

Why? !

Dr. Mark D. Roseman Publisher and Founder

But why?

When I returned to classes the following day, I asked my international colleagues the same question, “Why?” The Syrian student told me he was told to return home; the Tunisian told me “don’t ask” and my Lebanese friend told me “Mark, I can’t be seen talking to you in public. Call me.”

The Filipino asked me if we should torch their homes.

Why the War on Gaza? Or is it the War ‘in’ Gaza?

Following the ’73 War, I volunteered in the Kibbutz Aliyah program, to work in the agricultural sector while the IDF remained on duty and reservists (obliged to serve till age 40) helped keep guard on Israel’s borders. The civilian militia walked guard duty evenings throughout the cities, as has

AI IMAGE MADE BY FREEPIK.COM

‘Dr. Mark’ is an author, international speaker and child custody expert with specialization in high conflict personality and parental alienation. He began his field work as Assistant Director for Child Access in Washington, DC with the Children’s Rights Council serving with its founder, David L. Levy, Esq. Dr. Roseman is Founder/CEO of The Toby Center for Family Transitions, a leading child visitation and child reunification agency based in Florida. He is founding Publisher of Contemporary Family Magazine, flagship of Preserving Family Ties Media, LLC, an educational consultant and publisher on family and social issues which he founded in 2020.

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CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

Helplines All Around the World

AUSTRALIA

A national charity providing all Australians experiencing emotional distress with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services. Lifeline 13 11 14 If life is in danger call 000 National family violence counselling service is on 1800 737 732.

UK The freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

USA The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the United States. Call 988 or 1-800-273-8255 Resources & support for anyone in the U.S. affected by intimate partner violence 24/7/365. 1-800-799-7233.

Chat at http://thehotline.org | Text “START” to 88788

Other international helplines can be found via https://www.befrienders.org/our-members.

PLEASE SEND YOUR COUNTRY’S EMERGENCY SERVICE NUMBERS FOR POSTING IN CONTEMPORARY FAMILY TO: INFO@CONTEMPORARYFAMILY.ORG. CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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INTERNATI NAL NEWS BRIEFS ROMANIA: Romania just passed an anti-alienation law!

Information sent on a PASG Newsletter Hello, fellow PASG members

PHOTOS BY WIRESTOCK AND FREEPIK.COM

We are glad to announce that Romania just passed an anti-alienation law. This was approved by both chambers of the Parliament and waits now to be promulgated by the Romanian President.

Here you can read the changes with some explanations provided in English. It is suggested to use Google or other translator to elaborate further.

Thank you, Cătălin Bogdan www.arpcc.ro ARPCC (Romanian Association for Joint Custody) Romanian link to news agency: https://www.agerpres.ro/viata-parlamentara/2024/04/09/camera-deputatilor-lege-privind-reglementarea-instrainarii-parintesti-ca-forma-a-violentei-psihologice--1278224 Translated link to news agency: https://www-agerpres-ro.translate.goog/ viata-parlamentara/2024/04/09/camera-deputatilor-lege-privind-reglementarea-instrainarii-parintesti-ca-forma-a-violentei-psihologice--1278224?_x_tr_sl=ro&_x_ tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=wapp Key changes that will be operated on the Child Protection Act (Law 272/2004 with all its subsequent changes): 1. The term “parental estrangement” is defined inside the Child Protection Act. As per the initiators, they preferred this legal term rather than the term parental alienation because parental alienation is more in relation with psychology . We, ARPCC, will add that sometimes the mild alienation does not become visible as “estrangement” .. so it makes

sense for the state to react to more complicated alienation cases and not to the mild alienation cases which likely will fade away). As per the definition of the law, the parental estrangement is that form of psychological violence by which one of the parents [or other people] intentionally, trough pursued or assumed actions, generates, accepts or takes advantage of a situation in which the child ends up showing unjustified or disproportionate restraint or hostility towards any of the parents; 2. The law makes explicit that the “parental estrangement” is important by listing

“The law makes explicit that the “parental estrangement” is important by listing it explicitly, immediately after “abuse”” 6

INT’L NEWS BRIEFS

it explicitly, immediately after “abuse”, “neglect”, “exploitation”. This appears in all places where abuse/neglect/exploitation enumeration happens. Such change was needed because the local Child Protection agencies used to ignore the parental alienation claims from the alienated parent, because the “alienation“ was not explicit in the law. The alienation was, of course, included in the very general term “other form of violence against children” but for the Child protection folks it was a nice pretext to ignore such requests from the alienated parents.

3. Because of point 2) very minimal changes were needed in the body of the text. As the child protection agency had procedures for intervention in case of abuse, CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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neglect, “exploitation” that can be activated also in case of alienation. This may include actions that start with counseling and monitoring up to taking the child in the custody of the Child Protection (if the child cannot be left with the alienator but also refuses to go with the alienating parent) and of stripping the alienator from parental rights.

4. In several articles the law makes gets stronger in term of replacing words as “child protection agency may do X” to “child protection agency is obliged to do X” – very important because in Romania we suffer mostly of incapacity and unwillingness of state agents (being them police, child protection specialists, city halls employees) to act and apply the law (on the principle you risk less if you do not act) when it was about the non-violent parental conflicts about visitation programs.

5. The law grew 3x the (already high) financial sanctions for the people who do not respect the contact orders (but the procedure was/is quite long, efficient in taking the money of the alienator but not into restoring the contact) 6. The law also comes with one innovation which we believe is a good one: the reversal of the duty for child transportation in case of visitation programs. Generally, is the non-residential obliged to go and pick the child for the visitation and return the child at the end of the visitation period. This historically prevented non-residential parent to see the child because residential parent could move the child to other address, not open the door or, worse, making child telling “I do not want to see my mother” – moment when even with the bailiff the procedure was cancelled (moving to the one described in point 5, inefficient to actually make the contact parent-child possible). Such a statement, from a child (“I do not want to see my mother”) was rarely or never considered by state authorities (judge, bailiff, police, prosecutor) that the alienator opposed. Now, the judges are stimulated to reverse this “obligation” making it simpler for State authorities (bailiff or child protection) to identify whether the alienator respected or not his duties. If the obligations are not respected than the very clear guilt (and sanction) will be with the resident parent.

CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

SAVE THE DATE

OCTOBER 4TH-7TH PA Consortium Summit Topic: Legislation

On October 4th –7th, 2024, PA Consortium will be having an end-of-year Summit in Southbury, Connecticut, USA. We will be looking for sponsorships and donations to help us keep the costs as low as possible for attendees and speakers.

The issues related to custodial interference, coercive control, parental alienating behaviors and domestic violence by proxy will require global legislative changes so that when we approach the UN, we are speaking with a unified voice about these worldwide systemic issues.

PA Consortium is a collaboration of organizations under one umbrella with a shared purpose to protect children and their fami-

lies. Our focus is on custodial interference, parental alienation, shared parenting, and related family court issues.

To Register: https://form.jotform. com/241036022662142 Contact: Joani Kloth-Zanard, info@paconsortium.org.

NORWAY: Equality’s Next Step With special thanks to Ed Bartlett, PhD, President of DAVIA, International Council for Men and Boys The Men’s Equality Commission in Norway has issued a report titled, Equality’s Next Step, that documents the many areas of male disadvantage and then makes specific recommendations on how to remedy the gap, such as: • Equal paid leave. Norway has very generous parental leave, but skewed towards mothers.

The Commission proposes that mothers and fathers have equal, independent leave rights: “Splitting the leave into two can act as a standard setting and is a clear signal from the public that mother and father are just as important as carers.” u Flexible school start. The Commission proposes that parents have right to delay school start for their children (or “redshirting” in U.S. terminology): “The committee considers that the measure has the potential to equalize gender differences in school results, as there are gender differences in the development of a number of characteristics that are associated with school performance, such as self-regulation.”

u More men studying for careers in health, education and social care. What’s needed, the Commission writes, is: “a comprehensive and long-term national initiative to recruit boys for health, care, social and educational subjects in higher education”. uMen’s Health Committee. This institutional reform has a timeframe: “A men’s health committee [should] be set up in the current parliamentary term to carry out a closer investigation of men’s health challenges and gender differences in health.” u Gender neutral equality law. The current Equality and Discrimination Act in Norway states that it is “particularly aimed at improving the position of women and minorities”.

The Commission believes that “this provision should be made gender neutral by removing the words ‘women’s and’ from the law. www.menandboys.net Contact: Men’s Equality Committee, email mannsutvalget@kud.dep.no INT’L NEWS BRIEFS

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USA: Wyoming County PA Bikers host Parental Alienation Awareness Rally Members of Pennsylvania Bikers for Justice gathered at the Wyoming County Court House on Saturday to show their support for children who are victims of Parental Alienation.

Pennsylvania Bikers for Justice is a community volunteer group that advocates for crime victims. Members have been working to create awareness of the harms suffered by children because of crimes committed in Parental Alienation cases.

Parental alienation is a strategy whereby one parent intentionally displays to the child unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent. The purpose of this strategy is to damage the child’s relationship with the other parent and to turn the child’s emotions against that other parent.

ICELAND: Confinement; Title of New Documentary Produced in Iceland

We have completed a documentary on Parental Alienation and wish to take part in the awareness campaign, which we hope is on the rise. This message is to draw attention to our online fundraising-rent. We hope to complete our project and make our documentary more accessible in all media, and eventually free of charge.

No funding is available for a project like this in our country.

We would be very grateful if you pass on the link to the film (below) to those who may be willing and able to support us, rent is; 25$.

Thank you!

Research suggests that exposure to parental alienating behaviors in childhood can have a profound impact on the mental health of those children later in life, including experiencing anxiety disorders and trauma reactions.

Dr. Petra Deeter, founder of the Victim To Hero Institute that provides resources and support for victims of dysfunctional family dynamics, raises public awareness, and champions system and social changes, joined the Rally by telephone and spoke about the public safety issues caused by Parental Alienation.

PHOTO BY ANTONI SHKRABA - PEXELS.COM

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More information about Parental Alienation can be found at https://victimtohero.com/ Dr. Mark Roseman, Publisher Contemporary Family Magazine Preserving Family Ties Media, LLC www.Markdavidroseman.com Child Custody and Reunification Expert, Co-parenting Consultant Author, Preserving Family Ties; An Authoritative Guide to Understanding Divorce and Child Custody (WestBow Press, 2018) Available at Barnes and Noble and online at www.preservingfamilyties.com

Subtitles in Icelandic. https://vimeo.com/ondemand/confinement2 “Parental alienation is a theorized process through which a child becomes estranged from one parent as the result of the psychological manipulation of another parent. The child’s estrangement may manifest itself as fear, disrespect or hostility toward the distant parent, and may extend to additional relatives or parties. Parental alienation can occur in any family unit, but often within the context of family separation, particularly when legal proceedings are involved, although the participation of professionals such as lawyers, judges and psychologists may also contribute to conflict.”

Contact: : Ian Kalfon <iankalfon@aol.com> CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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Info@thetobycenter.org or Dr. Mark Roseman, CEO, at tel. 855-862-9236.

Visit www.thetobycenter.org for more details!

Can you use a Toby Center in your community? Want to partner with us?

We are expanding nationwide!

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Contact: info@thetobycenter.org Tel. 561-265-5400 Visit us on the web at www.thetobycenter.org and Facebook /TobyCenter Est. 2000

USA: Associate Professor Jennifer Harman receives national award for new paper

by Lisa Streeb Case

A new research paper authored by Jennifer Harman, associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Colorado State University, has received the Ned Holstein Shared Parenting Research award from the National Parents Organization.

The paper, which was published in Children and Youth Services Review in December of 2023, took a data analysis approach to determine the accuracy of hypotheses that in court cases where parental alienation is claimed mothers lose custody of their children to abusive fathers at an “alarming” rate. Through analysis of 500 trial court cases, these claims were found to be false.

The impact of this research was recognized through this award that is given to authors of the best article or book published in the previous 12 months relating to the mission of National Parents Organization (NPO) – to CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

improve the lives of children and strengthen society by protecting every child’s right to the love and care of both parents when divorced or separated, through scientific research-based advocacy.

“Dr. Jennifer Harman is a world-renowned researcher on issues of parental alienation,” said Don Hubin, Chair of the Board of the NPO and Professor Emeritus of Philosophy at the Ohio State University.

“In an area of research sometimes marred by agenda-driven work, Professor Harman’s research is a model of objective, scientifically rigorous research. It sets a high bar for others to aspire to.”

The award was announced at the NPO’s Shared Parenting Day Event on April 25th.

“Dr. Jennifer Harman is a world-renowned researcher on issues of parental alienation” INT’L NEWS BRIEFS

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October 7th - Israel’s Wake-Up Call to Parental Alienation

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by Dr. R. David Weisskopf xactly 79 years after the Sonderkommando Uprising at Auschwitz on 7 October 1944 terrorists murdered, tortured, raped, and kidnapped over 1,000 unarmed Israeli civilians in the early morning hours of 7 October 2023. Not since the Holocaust has there been such a genocide against Jews in a single day. Horrific accounts of infanticide included at least one documented incident of cooking a baby in an oven. After murdering the parents of two terrified infants, terrorists used the babies as bait for hours to shoot at anyone who tried to approach them.

Additionally, the terrorists kidnapped over 100 Israeli civilians, including children as young as infancy. Families of the victims remain in anguish over the ambiguity of their fate. Meanwhile, Israelis ask why this happened and how to prevent such a horrific attack from ever happening again.

Though the horrific attack on October 7th motivated unprecedented (yet fragile) unity among Israelis, that was not the case in the months before October 7th. In fact, a threat of civil war loomed over the nation. The issue that threatened to tear Israel apart from within was judicial reform.

One side argued in favor of judicial reform because the Israeli court lacked democratic accountability – especially in the family court. The other side argued that the judiciary, though problematic, was the only check-and-balance against corruption in the parliament. While most Israelis agreed that both branches of the government abused their power, clashes turned violent over which branch was worse.

This domestic conflict left Israelis vulnerable to foreign threats. Israel National News (9 October 2023) reported, “Hamas Terrorist admits: ‘The protests in Israel encouraged us’”. While Israelis felt that leadership in all branches of government failed them, they also unified under a collective trauma to comfort the grieving and to reunite families that were split in the wake of this horrific event.

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PHOTO BY COLE KEISTER - UNSPLASH.COM

Six months into this collective trauma, thousands more Israeli families split as the military called up married soldiers to rescue hostages and defend the borders.

This exacerbated the collective trauma that also threatens to strain even more families to the point of ugly splits resulting in parental alienation.

In the days after October 7th, over 50,000 Israeli parents were wrongfully blocked from knowing if the fates of their children were among those murdered, tortured, or kidnapped. Leadership ignored most of these parents in distress. Despite the understandable collective trauma among Israelis, it is important not to ignore the ongoing trauma that

victims of parental alienation experience that gets exacerbated by the collective trauma.

Now that Israeli society is collectively experiencing the trauma of split families, there remains a struggle to address parental alienation. Some skeptics claim that parental alienation is not real. Others blame the victims. Such claims muddy the waters in family court where most severe cases arise. Historically, the result has been a 93.4% failure rate in the Israeli family court to even identify signs of parental alienation (Weisskopf, 20223) much less intervene in any manner.

A noticeable exception to the overall failure rate in the Israeli court system is a pilot conCONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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cept in Tel Aviv called ‫( דקומ טפוש‬specialized judge). This model provides a focused and expedited way to address parental alienation. This judge and all of his court-appointed professionals are familiar with the current literature and methods for treating parental alienation. They know how to weed out invalid claims of parental alienation and to effectively intervene in cases that they identify as parental alienation.

The first hearing of cases in front of this court must be within 14 days after opening a file and most cases resolve within a year.

The pilot has been so effective in Tel Aviv that its failure rate was 5.56% in contrast to the national failure rate of 93.4%. The results included a reduction in the time to handle cases by 650%. The level of severity of parental alienation in the pilot dropped by 135% compared to the national average.

In fact, the overall number of new files in the Tel Aviv family court went down by 20% since initiating this pilot. Whereas the other Israeli jurisdictions had increases in new cases during the same period.

The Israeli Supreme Court (8 October 2020)4 took notice and ordered the judiciary to roll out a national infrastructure that would provide all citizens equal access to resources that protect the parent-child connection. The Supreme Court’s order gave the judiciary until 2022 to roll out this

new national infrastructure. That deadline came and went.

The following year tensions rose as thousands of families were being split without accountability from leadership to protect the rights of these vulnerable civilians. Some citizens vented their frustrations by demanding judicial reform while others blamed the parliament for the injustice. Tensions boiled over into violence that caught the attention of Israel’s enemies. Terrorists exploited Israel’s vulnerability three years after the Supreme Court (8 October 2020) order - with horrific consequences for Israeli society.

Though the collective trauma united Israeli citizens to comfort each other, the strain of splitting so many more families during the next six months rekindled the prior tensions.

This has manifested in renewed protests and counter-protests over reuniting the hostages with their families. Israel’s enemies have taken notice again of this vulnerability. This time the stakes are higher – international war with Iran currently looms over Israeli society.

Israel has little control over foreign entities.

However, Israeli leadership has the resources and mandate to foster an environment of trust and unity within society.

Israel is strong when there is ‫( תודחא‬unity) in society – which starts in the home.

The spiritually-minded will appreciate a quote from the Ten Commandments, “Honor your father and your mother so that your life will be extended in the

land that the L-rd your G-d shall give you” (Exodus 20:12). This makes sense psychologically because teaching children to honor their parent-child bond also psychologically equips them to respect others in society who are different from them.

By contrast, Israel’s greatest weakness has always been ‫( םניח תאנש‬baseless contempt) for fellow citizens. This also starts in the home. The spiritually-minded will appreciate the biblical quote, “Behold, I will send you Elijah the Prophet before the great and awesome day of the L-rd and will restore the heart of fathers to their children and the heart of children to their fathers lest I will come and I shall strike the land condemned” (Malachi 3:23-24)5. This also makes sense psychologically because children who are alienated from their parents lack sufficient coping skills to build unity with others in society who are different from them. Thus, parental alienation can infest society like a virus. Unfortunately, the problem has festered unchecked in Israel for decades.

Now more than ever Israel needs to focus on building unity. That unity begins in the home. We have the mandate and resources to expand the pilot in Tel Aviv into a national infrastructure that reunites split families – including families that were split in the wake of horrific events on 7 October 2023 and afterward. Israel’s ongoing survival relies on being accountable to restore ‫ תיב םולש‬- peace in the home.

Dr. R. David Weisskopf grew up in Chicago where he worked in child welfare throughout his adult life. In 2006 he emigrated to Israel where he served as an adviser to the chairman of the Knesset Social Welfare Lobby. He learned about parental alienation through his personal divorce experience in the Israeli family court starting in 2009. In February 2020, he made a documentary on parental alienation that was broadcast on Amazon Prime. A free version of the documentary is available on Youtube at: https://youtu.be/f_7HkbVMPig CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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New Assessment Tool to Help Therapists Understand How a Child Perceives Their Parents and the Dynamics in Their Home

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hildren 4 Tomorrow (C4T) has been using the Structured Child Assessment of Relationships in Families (SCARF) since 2019.

The organization added this tool to give the Complex Family Assessment & Treatment (CFAT) program more validity. In 2017 the organization started the CFAT program as a pilot program and along the way there were many elements added to the foundation of the program. There have been many trials and errors but today the program is very sound with great success, especially using SCARF as one of its tools.

The instrument is used for every case with every child in the family.

Additionally, many times, the organization’s mental health professionals utilize SCARF with children in therapy. This gives the therapist an indication of how the child perceive their parents and what might be going on in the family dynamics. Especially the children that are living through a divorce and/or going through ongoing custody battles. This instrument gives great insight to a therapist.

C4T is now in the process of a research piece using the Structured Child Assessment of Relationships in Families to improve our assistance to families struggling with or going through a divorce. We have

two doctors that are our research managers for this project. We are seeking to find children ages 5 – 17 years old to take part as a voluntary participate through schools, churches, and collaborate partnerships. The research team and Children 4 Tomorrow are working to find out what is happening or what changes occur to parent/child relationship when divorce occurs. This is a very exciting time for the organization using this instrument.

Angus Strachan, PhD and Mary Elizabeth Lund, PhD the founders of the SCARF instrument have graciously helped with many aspects of the project. We are very thankful to them.

Dwilene Lindsey, life-long Houstonian, Executive Director and founder of Children 4 Tomorrow since 2009, the author of “Revealing The Scars” an inside look at “Parental Alienation””. Dwilene has researched and studied the pathology of psychological/emotional child abuse, high conflict divorce with children, and pathogenic parenting otherwise known as “parental alienation” for over 10 years. She has received the 2017 Leadership Award for Rising Star – NonProfit PRO, and Guilding Star award from Parents of Public Schools in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017 & 201.

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CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

PERFECTION IS ACHIEVED NOT WHEN THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO ADD, BUT WHEN THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO TAKE AWAY

Contact: navajo_joe2@yahoo.com Jerome Poyer +1 (469) 550-5183 www.mynavajosilversmith.net

CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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THE FUTURE CAN BE BETTER DR. ROSEMAN'S BOOK "PRESERVING FAMILY TIES" IS AVAILABLE NOW!

"The book will give the reader a historical background of Family Court was well as a direction for the future. It is a must reading for the professional and for the layman facing litigation. The summary of the research is excellent and easy to understand.”

Dr. Douglas Darnall Author, Divorce Casualties “The reference book by Dr. Roseman provides all readers with a common understanding of divorce dynamics, child custody variables, and opportunities for improved child outcomes when parents decide to separate and divorce. Parent alienation is included in the text but it should be avoided at all levels for each parent.”

Dr. Richard Sauber Founding Editor, American Journal of Family Therapy Co-Editor, The International Handbook on Parental Alienation Syndromes “Dr. Roseman has completed a very thorough and helpful guide for families of divorce as well as professionals. Very carefully researched and written. No matter how much you think you know about divorce and how to lessen its impacts, you will learn something here.”

Dr. Donald A. Gordon, Professor Emeritus, Ohio University Available from: Westbow Press, Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other retailers.

Poetry Corner

by Lena Hellblom Sjögren, PhD the question why does your child not wish to be with you any more was never asked

Lena Hellblom Sjögren, PhD, is the mother of 4 children, a grandmother of 5 and the oldest of 8 siblings. For more than 25 years, Dr. Sjögren’s focus has been on parental alienation and to try to put attention to the fact that many children and families – also grandparents and other family members - are harmed for life through this phenomenon to without a justified cause cut off a child from the child´s family roots. Dr. Sjögren is also a member of PASG Board of Directors 14

POETRY CORNER

CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

LISTEN TO OUR NEWEST INTERVIEW WITH PASG'S 2024 CONFERENCE PARTICIPANTS BILL BERNET (USA), EIVIND MELAND (NORWAY) AND SIGGA SÓLAN (ICELAND) Listen to our Podcast on: iHeart

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The Contemporary Family Magazine Podcast. Listen every week as Dr. Mark Roseman talk to key individuals from around the world discussing the current practices and the many changes that have begun taking place in Family Courts to give children a voice.

Each episode brings you key information for Practitioners and for Parents from around the world. This ground breaking format allows individuals and groups to come together from around the world and learn from each other on how to give children in the family courts a solid voice in their future.

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CF DIGITAL!

Norway Battles Parental Alienation Interview with PASG Conference’s staff Bill Bernet (USA), Eivind Meland (Norway) and Sigga Sólan (Iceland) With Dr. Mark D. Roseman, Host of CF DIGITAL

Mark Roseman: Welcome Everyone!

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Bill had just asked about the group context.

And I thought it would be really, really helpful if you had a chance to see my suggested agenda. And it's a suggested agenda, but I thought it will be helpful. And I appreciate you permitting me to record this because I want to be able to transcribe it and use it in different platforms. And you will also be welcome to do the same once it's completed.

I will forward it to everyone, the recording, and you're welcome to do as you may like with that. But having everyone together, I thought, would be really important because it invites conversation. It also helps bring in more clarity.

Eivind Meland: Summer has arrived here in Bergen, so we are very grateful today.

HEAR

Mark: Well, great.

Bill had asked about the conversation and the value of that. And I thought that it'd really be so helpful for people who would be reading about this, hearing the recording, and referencing it. Because there is a significant movement that has been around for 30 years, minimally. And certainly the catalyst of PASG in bringing forth that focus of the research of the emerging specialists of the commitment to understanding all of the impacts that brainwashing has on children, the role that courts have in mitigating it, and the fact that it's not unique to any one country but international, I thought that really brings the important depth.

So by having Bill, who has been instrumental in founding and leading the PASG, and also having the leaders, certainly, of the conference in Norway I think will be really, really important in now giving more context to this.

So Bill, kindly, if you would please introduce yourself. Because this is hopefully go16

the entire interview at CFDIGITAL

ing to be on our podcast, CF Digital. I want people to know who all of us are and the roles that we have. And so if we can do that, briefly, that would be wonderful. And Bill, if you could lead us?

Bill Bernet: Thank you, Mark. I'm Dr. Bill Bernet. I'm a child psychiatrist and a forensic psychiatrist in Nashville, Tennessee, in the United States.

So I was on the faculty of Vanderbilt University in Medical Center for a long time.

And now I'm a professor emeritus at Vanderbilt University.

I created this organization. I founded the organization in 2010. And it's wonderful that it has prospered and it has grown, and we have had wonderful conferences.

So we welcome and hope to see many of you at our conference in Oslo in September 2024.

Mark: Thank you, Bill. Well, Eivind, if you might. be kind to introduce yourself as well to all of us, that would be lovely. Thank you.

Eivind: Yes, Like Bill, I'm also an emeritus professor at the University of Bergen. I'm a medical doctor. And I've been a clinician in family medicine for 43 years. Although I have left my clinical work now, but I'm still a mentor for young doctors specializing in family medicine.

I joined this movement in 2018, and I've been a member of both PASG, and ICSP, the International Council on Shared Parenting, and I'm currently a board member ICSP. Mark: Thank you so very much. Sigga, would you kindly introduce yourself, please?

Sigga Sólan: Yes, yes, yes. Hi, I’m Sigga. I’ve been working with the concept of parental CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24 CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - WINTER 2022

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alienation for about 10 years. I’m on the board for [Inaudible 00:13:34] parenting. And last year, I graduated with a certificate course on parental alienation in [Inaudible 00:13:48].

And for the conference in Oslo, I’m on the PR as the communications committee.

Mark: Thank you. I know we're waiting for Lena. So when she's able to join us, then we'll invite her on to the interview.

Eivind: I just want to remind us, but I don't know why she is not with us.

Mark: I'll check my email just to see if she may have sent an email to me. She sent one earlier this morning with some data about the conference, but she said nothing about her attendance.

If you would, Sigga, you had been kind to identify your role within the conference organization for September in Oslo.

Eivind, could you share with us your role within the conference in September, and also why you are involved in this level, with respect to the conference?

suffer from this destructive kind of psychological violence.

Mark: You know, you bring up an important point. And Bill, I'd invite your input on that as well as Sigga. But you bring up a term that really is, I think, so vital in making whatever nomenclature is used to encapsulate the brainwashing of a child, the willful or involuntary or subconscious brainwashing of a child and this abusive behavior, but that is a public health issue.

So I think until and unless we, just my feeling, elevate it as a public health issue, that we're not going to succeed so readily.

I'm Dr. Mark Roseman. I'm a host of CF Digital and publisher of Contemporary Family Magazine. But I'm also a founder of one of what's become one of the largest providers of supervised visitation, family therapy, and child reunification in the state of Florida, which is called the Toby Center for Family Transitions. I founded that in 2010.

Eivind: Yes. I'm one of two coordinators.

So then [Inaudible name 00:15:57] is the person that contacted me with the request of organizing this conference two years ago.

So I thought it was relevant and also needed to focus on this more in our setting.

Now, what's so important I found is that after having many years as an advocate for child welfare and with respect to the behaviors of parents in high conflict and the abusing of a child is that 40% of kids in public school, research shows, are products of families who are divorcing, and 30% of those are engaged in high conflict to the extent that elements of brainwashing.

In the Nordic countries, we have worked quite uphill for many years. And we hope that this conference will Mark a tide shift for this important societal and public health issue, because it's many people that

As Dr. Bernet has held over these years and shared with other theorists and practitioners, you know, you've got mild, moderate, and severe manifestations of this abusive behavior.

And so is a public health issue.

CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - WINTER SPRING ‘24 2022

"40% of kids in public school, research shows, are products of families who are divorcing, and 30% of those are engaged in high conflict to the extent that elements of brainwashing"

Also, I will add very briefly that I held our first training with a Board of Education, one of the largest in the country, and that was in Palm Beach County, Florida. And I introduced the program called Budd Lunch.

It’s not very unique, but it is a peer support group for children in public schools, particularly for those who are products of high-conflict divorce.

The training was with practitioners, guidance counselors, therapists in school-based settings, about what they need to understand about these kids, and how they can develop a peer support group there as well.

And that, for me, has been an important accomplishment. Because we're now seeing that if we can bring mainstream the understanding of what the impacts are on children from these highly conflicted child custody matters in high conflict cases, parents, then we have a better chance of reducing the traumas that kids experience, depending upon their age and their intellectual ability and their and their understanding of their own self-control and self-will.

I love this. It's the first time I can recall, at least in recent times, that it's a public health issue.

Dr. Bernet, could you kindly weigh in on that?

Bill: I think that parental alienation is a public health issue for several reasons. One that you mentioned, Mark, is so many people are involved. There are thousands of children and families in the United States and almost every other country that are affected by parental alienation. So that's one issue; that there are so many people involved.

Another thing that makes it a public health issue is that for every case for every fami-

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pCONTINUED FROM PAGE 19 ly or every child, many other people get involved in the situation. Teachers and babysitters and other relatives and mental health providers; and ultimately, attorneys and judges in courts get involved in an individual family. So in other words, the effect ripples out beyond the family to many, many other people.

Another interesting thing that I think is consistent with being a public health issue is that to some extent, it seems to be contagious.

There are some situations in which parental alienation occurs in a family. And then as those children grow up and get married, it occurs in their families. It’s intergenerational because it's influenced not simply by the immediate person's family, but by grandparents and aunts and uncles and other people. So those are several factors that seem to make it a public health issue.

In terms of the prevalence, there are different ways to estimate it, and it's done somewhat indirectly. But one way, Mark, you alluded to. In other words, if you take the percentage of children who are living with one parent, in other words, whose parents are separated or divorced... And that kind of information is available in the Census Bureau statistics. And then of all the children whose parents are divorced, what percentage of those are high conflict? And if you take those high conflict families, what percentage of those have parental alienation?

And of course, of those, what percentage are mild, moderate, and severe? You mul-

Eivind Meland 18

tiply those numbers together and you can come up with an estimate.

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One estimate that we made was about 1% of children in this country, in the United States, are experiencing some degree of parental alienation. How many children is that? Well, you can calculate it out. There are 74 million children in this country, so I think that means 700,000 of those children have some degree of parental alienation. That's a lot of children and a lot of families.

Mark: Bill, thank you. It's a very important perspective. And also, I think that the listeners and those coming to the conference and those who will be reading about the importance of PA, parental alienation, also will begin to think, “Well, how do we view the impacts on kids?” How do they reflect the challenges at home, which are not often revealed, even through school guidance counselors? And that's why I felt that our program, the training program that the Toby Center has done with the Board of Ed in Palm Beach County, which by the way, is called Buddy Lunch. We got a great graphic for it, and it's really lovely.

That training also was conducted with three presenters; myself, Dr. Abel St. Amour, who's a therapy that is working within the Board of Ed and also for the Toby Center, and also Attorney Barbara Mel [phonetic].

Barbara Mel is a guardian ad litem. She works for the state of Florida in the guardian ad litem programs. Very few states have GAL programs.

Florida, as backwards as it is, I think, politically, is really very progressive when dealing with families.

Sigga Solán

Bill Bernet

Of course, I take liberty in sharing that view.

So when you look at the matters and the numbers of children impacted, I think those important nuances of the degrees of

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Regarding Oslo, here in Iceland, we also aired it on TV and we got huge response, also from people who recognized that this was a process. And they were sharing with us how it was an eye opener for them that this could actually be the way that a child would reject a parent. So getting the message out there in many, many various forms is so really, really important.

Regarding the conference and those who cannot attend. We have been since 2019 conferencing in Philadelphia. We’ve interviewed some of the specialists speaking at the conferences and we post those interviews, after they've been edited, on YouTube. So for those who cannot attend, this is a great way to catch up, at least with some of the speakers. We cannot interview all of them, unfortunately not yet. But we will be doing this in Oslo as well. So they will be just uploaded after the conference, after it has been edited, for people who want to catch up, you know, beyond the day.

alienation and also being able to identify the families so afflicted that really need intervention can best be done in an environment that acknowledges that children are impacted by the divorce of their parents or the separation of their parents, by the hostility, by the animosities, by the fears that are oftentimes fundamental in forming this discontent.

This is an international association. The PASG is having their conference in Oslo, and I want to discuss more of why in Norway, why in Scandinavia.

I would also suggest that the importance of being able to find those judicial circuits, whether they be countywide, statewide, national, provincial, however our country may be designated and have their family law, it would be really important with the acknowledgement that; number one, kids are impacted when parents separate and divorce; and two, we need a way to determine what is impacting them; and number three, what we can do to provide the interventions to improve their outcomes.

CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

Sigga, I was going to refer to you, because as a spokesman, as a publicist for the PASG conference in Oslo, what are some of your messages that you want to share to prospective attendees at the conference? And those who may not be able to come to the conference, but who you feel need to understand about the mission of this conference?

Sigga: Yes. Good question. To understand what we need to do. Also, if I may go back to your point on the children and how it affects them, to start with that. We did a commercial that was aired on April 25th that showed the process of the manipulation of a parent on a child. And it showed it's based on real events.

This commercial, we posted it on social media as well. And it shows, very clearly, how a child is forced to bend under the will of the alienated parents, and the consequences for that child having to be in that situation for many, many years, often until adulthood, and often their whole life without ever getting out of that. So the results are very, very bad, as research shows us.

Eivind: Just to add to that, regarding the Nordic countries like Norway, and in Sweden especially, we have had a kind of wishful thinking that we have super welfare state arrangements that we cannot compare with the damages and the side effects from this that they show in the US. But more than 10 years ago, we have revealed that we are just the same. And the numbers that Bill mentioned is corresponding with our numbers, although we have not measured it directly.

So it is a public health issue. It’s affecting, for instance, between 25 and 50,000 children in Norway, who don't see their fathers. By the age of 17 years, 20% will experience divorce, and every fifth or fourth of those lose contact with one of their parents, mostly their fathers.

For many reasons, this has been thrown under the carpet and tabooed in our welfare states. So we try, with this conference, to focus on it and get the child protective service, the family protective service, politicians aware of this. So I think it is very important that we can succeed on that.

Mark: Your numbers are very significant, Eivind, for the size of Norway, for sure.

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If I heard you correctly, you made reference to the welfare state? Is that the term that you used?

Eivind: Yes. Do you know that all over the world, they look upon Norway and Sweden as prominent states that take good care of people? But on this issue, we are just the same as in Harlem or other districts in New York.

Mark: Thank you. The welfare state, as a term, in the states, has sadly been a negative concept. But it goes against the founding fathers. The protestant ethic is, “If you work, you can achieve.” And so those who really needed help since the ‘60s... As federal law has recognized so much legislation that has been enacted to be helpful, and yet still fought against, and sometimes litigated, more recently as well.

Eivind: Yes. I accept that the notion is not always positive. But in Norway, we have this notion of the welfare state as a very important and successful achievement. But it is also true that we have closed our eyes and turned a blind eye to the problems also that we experience in the welfare state.

Mark: So let me ask you, then. As we look at Norway as a host for this conference and these very important messages and information, how then is that... And, Sigga, you spoke about how you'll be using content from the conference to be used in social media, to help through other platforms share this information. But what does Oslo, Norway, represent within Europe, or certainly within Scandinavia? I know you have mentioned comparisons just now, Eivind, to the Netherlands and Holland. But I'm wondering, how would you describe within family courts? If there’s a family court system in Norway. What is the court system that deals with child custody issues? How are they handled? How does the court evaluate or deal with any efforts to show that a parent may be blocked from a child's life or a child may be held hostage by another parent's deliberate actions?

Eivind: We have no separate family court system in Norway, so these issues are within the ordinary court system.

Our problem is that in our countries, the expert witnesses have a very strong influ20

ence on the court. And when this kind of domestic violence are turned a blind eye to, the expert witnesses would also stick their head deeply into the sand. And we get lack of recognition of very overt alienation cases. So we try to focus it also by inviting expert witnesses, psychologists that serve as expert witnesses.

We are fighting against opponents that are very hostile, but we also meet opponents that have some degree of willingness to listen. So that is why we try, with this conference, to have as much dialogue as possible.

Bill will address it in his opening lecture on how we can have a dialogue with positive and interested opponents that are willing to listen and learn. And I hope we can manage and succeed on that.

Mark: Bill, it might be interesting for you to comment on that, with respect to how Eivind has said, “Look, all right, if we have a category called opponents, people that are not completely supportive of our work to enable the courts to recognize kids are victimized in this way through alienation...”

However, there are some opponents who say, “Well, yes, that's our feeling, but we're open to hear.” I guess it's kind of twofold. Where are these opponents who are more susceptible, more interested, more willing to learn coming from? What professions or what schools of thought or other identifications label them? And secondly, what are messages that they would be willing to hear?

Bill, over these years, you've seen the same throughout the country and in other parts of the world where you've had that experience as well. How might you address that?

Bill: Well, the opposition to parental alienation theory has occurred ever since the very beginning in the 1980s and 1990s, when Richard Gardner wrote about parental alienation or what he called “Parental Alienation Syndrome.”

So I divide the opposition or the critics into two categories. I guess you could call them the hardcore critics and the soft core critics.

The hardcore critics are extremely opposed to almost any mention of parental CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

A big area of disagreement is the DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual on Mental Disorders. And our organization, PASG, has advocated from the beginning that parental alienation should be mentioned in the DSM. And that's a thing that even critics who believe in parental alienation, they don't think it should be in the DSM. So there are other things that soft critics might say as to, “What should interventions be?” “What should we do in mild, moderate, and severe cases when we try to create a treatment program?” So these are individuals that we can sit down, we can have conversations with. That's going to happen at the meeting in Oslo, and there are going to be people at that meeting who have different opinions about some aspects of parental alienation theory.

I think that's really good for us to sit down at the same meeting, and for them to listen to us and for us to listen to them.

I'm hoping that this is a movement that is going to progress.

alienation. There are people who want to have it eliminated. They want to want to have the concept eliminated from psychological discussions, and to have it eliminated from any kind of court proceeding. I mean, there are people who are explicitly trying to get parental alienation removed from any kind of court activity. We’re not able to reach them very well. I'd be happy to sit down and have a conversation with some of them, but they are pretty much determined to fight parental alienation theory.

So there's another group I call the soft core critics. And those people we can have conversations with. Typically, they're not totally opposed to parental alienation varieties.

They agree that parental alienation happens, that the phenomenon happens. They agree that one parent can indoctrinate or influence a child to be afraid of the other parent. They might disagree on certain minor points, like, “Well, what do you call this?

What should be the name of this phenomenon?” Or, “How exactly do we identify it?

What should be the criteria for identifying a case of parental alienation?”

CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

There are other organizations that are on the same wavelength here. Specifically, there's this organization called AFCC, the Association for Family and Conciliation Courts here in the United States, but they're also an international organization. So they also are promoting this idea that people with different opinions should sit down and listen to each other and talk to each other. And so PASG, we're not the only people who are saying that. There are other organizations that are promoting the same idea.

Mark: Thank you, Bill. I think that's really quite interesting. And I think that really speaks to perhaps an instructional book for those who are the gatekeepers in court systems, who have the major influence on directions families can go.

I got a couple of questions coming at me.

One, when you speak about the hardcore and the soft core critics, I think that is fantastic. And I think that needs to be really developed with maybe two references books that really look at, How do you deal when you don't believe? How do you deal when you partially believe? And how can we achieve the outcomes that are really in the best interest of kids, regardless of labels, as you're saying.

The AFCC, I believe, Bill, you said was an international organization?

Bill: Yes, it is. Sure. It's multidisciplinary in the sense that it has mental health people, and legal people, and so on.

Mark: Right. I didn't know it was international. I'd spoken at the AFCC in Florida.

I've been to a number of their meetings in Virginia. But I think they really have, at least on paper, a credibility and an opportunity to create even more more success in getting attorneys and judges to understand and to acknowledge the challenges that so many parents have when their kids are alienated.

Although there might be these groups, if not yet identified, Sigga, in Europe and in Scandinavia that perhaps we can give that opportunity to, to find out who these organizations may be if you haven't identified them all, because it's time to reach out to them and invite them.

In fact, maybe there's an opportunity to create a session where not only is there a dialogue, but there's more of a bully pulpit, so people can speak more safely and strongly on their opinion, and then be able to allow others to share similarly.

The AFCC is seemingly quite advancing well and addressing these issues as I've seen agendas over these last few years.

Sigga, you're in Iceland, you said, is that correct?

Sigga: Yes. Mark: Well, I met two gentlemen from Iceland at the PASG conference in Colorado, who really, at that point, were collecting interviews for people who have either experienced PA, or have been interventionists within it. And I've not seen their documentary yet. There had been so much resistance in Iceland in addressing these issues. But you have found that making a very public commercial on television, I think I heard you say, invited incredible responses from the public.

Could you speak to that a little bit more?

Sigga: Yes. The situation in Iceland is really, really bad when it comes to alienation.

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And there's a huge lack of specialist knowledge among the professionals who deal with these cases.

We also have a very, very wrong opposition group that is very effective at killing the conversation. So it's very important that we find other ways to get the message out there to the public, so that people gain more awareness.

And we are doing it in many different ways.

By the way, the guy you referred to in Colorado, he's on the board with me. So that was my team as well. So we are trying to do a lot of different things. We’ve interviewed lots of people: victims of parental alienation, both parents and children.

It’s just really sad that it's 2024 and Iceland is one of the leading countries in the world when it comes to equality. And we're still at this point where it is not widely enough recognized that women also abuse.

Mark: Right.

Sigga: And these opposition groups, they maintain that women do not abuse within the family, and people actually believe that.

We are so backwards when it comes to this.

Eivind: Yes. It corresponds with our experiences. It is the movement against domestic violence. And they convey it as a gendered issue that women are always victims.

Although as Bill said, the family therapists in Norway, they are more willing to accept that this process is happening in the family.

They use other concepts like triangulation and enmeshment. But they clearly recognize that these are phenomena that happens. And we have managed to have some family therapists with us in the conference that will have a conversation.

So I think that is very important that we can have a dialogue with the family therapists in the world and in each nation.

Jennifer Harmon has recently shown that this is not a gendered issue.

Today, I spoke with two women, a mother and a grandmother, who are victims of this kind of domestic violence.

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So I think that we have to show scientific results that makes it clear that this is not a gendered issue. It is hurting, damaging for mothers as well as fathers. So that is one of our main focuses, I think, in this conference.

The other focus we have is that we have to fill the concept of the child's best interest with content. Because it has been misunderstood and it’s being objected to misinformation as though the child's interests are antagonistic to parents interests.

During the last 15 years, we have had this misunderstanding. So we try, with this conference now, to fill the concept, the best interests of the child, with a content that is corresponding with the European Human Rights Declaration. (European Convention on Human Rights) And that is, a child is dependent on their parents, and they need contact with both parents to grow and to mature.

So Bill will have an introduction on the importance of creating dialogue and [Inaudible 00:56:28], and others will also have the the opCONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

portunity to try to fill the concept of the child's best interest with a humanistic content.

Mark: I think that's a really fine summary.

Research has found that a court’s decision will impact the family up to six generations.

That is, you know, 150 years. That's a pretty long time, and it’s why the process of litigation really needs to be very careful, and needs to be very gentle. Also, the issues that family court covers outside of financial interest should be resolved in other venues, not courts.

With respect to gender, what came to my mind that I wanted to share is that Dr. Sanford Braver, emeritus of Arizona State, had published a book about 20 years ago called “Shattering the Myth.” And it's using the research from his social psychology department, which looked at many issues that are gender based. One of them, of course, is domestic violence. And he found that the incidence of perpetration of domestic violence by men was actually mirrored by violence caused by women.

So the rates are fairly equal. Though there might be understatements of the reporting of domestic violence, particularly by men who would be more self-conscious about revealing, and women who themselves would be embarrassed by sharing, according to research as well.

Now, the matters of helping build resilience in children is something that I’m often thinking about, as yourselves over these years. And only this week, I created a new website I'd invite you to visit. It's called “TobysKids.com.” And I would really welcome yours and any listener’s feedback when you visit Toby's. That’s T-O-B-Y-S-K-I-D-S dot com. And it's a place I believe would be helpful for children of different ages, teenagers, preteens, and kids under 10; but also for parents and teachers and all those that are involved in children's lives, as Bill had spoken of before. It's in development, but it's another tool particularly for our clients that come to Toby Center quite often.

So I want to invite any listener that has interest in reaching out and learning more about PASG, learning more about the conference to visit the PASG resources.

"... we try, with this conference now, to fill the concept, the best interests of the child, with a content that is corresponding with the European Human Rights Declaration. (European Convention on Human Rights) And that is, a child is dependent on their parents, and they need contact with both parents to grow and to mature"

Bill and Eivind or Sigga, would you want to suggest what websites listeners and readers should go to for more details, and to register if they're interested?

Eivind: Yes, it's simple. P-A-S-G dot N-O, for Norway. Then there are resources, videos, scientific papers, and newspapers. And there is also a link to the conference, where they can submit abstracts, they can pay the fee and attend the conference. So they are all welcome.

Mark: Bill, did you want to add to that?

Bill: No, Eivind's right. He just described the website that is specifically about the conference. And to repeat it, it's P-A-S-G dot N-O. It's very simple. W-W-W dot P-AS-G dot N-O. We also have a website for PASG in general, which has lots of information. And if people want information about the organization, you're welcome to come to our big website, which is W-W-W dot P-A-S-G dot info, I-N-F-O. And both of these websites have links back and forth. So if you go to either one of them, you can connect up to the conference and look at the agenda, look at the schedule and register.

Mark: Wonderful. One thing that I would like to do first is thank you all so very much for making this time to meet together to discuss the importance of PASG and this conference in Europe specifically in Scandinavia and Oslo.

I do want to suggest that if anyone has an interest, as a professional, in submitting any articles, any research, any white papers, any monologue, visit “ContemporaryFamilyMagazine.com.” It's an international quarterly that I've published. And I want to invite more practitioners from different disciplines to submit their articles and their

research, particularly when peer-reviewed publications are rather limited in their space and also in the process of acceptance.

I serve on the editorial advisory board of the American Journal of Family Therapists, and so I understand the value of peer review.

But I also feel Contemporary Family Magazine can provide more opportunity for even students of psychology, students of law, students who are practitioners in pediatric medicine, and all disciplines to share their information. This is another tool, another platform for us to all share, internationally, what is working, what our challenges are, and what some solutions can be.

You are going to be bringing so many important solutions in this conference in September. So I'm very delighted for your time again and all the work that you have done in not only building the conference, but also building, Bill, the PASG and the positively impactful resources that are found.

So thank you all for being here now. And we invite the listeners to please share this recording with those who you think will benefit from learning more about parental alienation, and the role of the PASG in helping to ameliorate it.

Thank you all so very much.

Eivind: Thank you very much for the opportunity.

Sigga: Thank you. It was a pleasure. I’ll see you in Oslo in September.

Mark: Amen. Thank you all. I encourage family practitioners, researchers and policymakers from Scandinavia, Europe and globally to attend this important annual conference where ideas can be shared, and lessons learned.

VISIT THE CF DIGITAL! PODCAST SERIES ON ANCHOR.FM/MARK-ROSEMAN2 CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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pasg The Parental Alienation Study Group is an international organization of mental health professionals, legal professionals, targeted parents and grandparents, and child and family advocates who are interested in the study of parental alienation.

Do you want more information?

Visit our website at www.pasg.info.

Contact our president at william.bernet@vumc.org.

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CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

pasg

2024 Oslo Conference Promoting the child's best interests

Parental alienation represents a major threat to children’s interests, health, and wellbeing. It is inadequately recognized and managed in many countries, including Norway. The PASG’s 2024 conference will focus on international efforts to improve legislation, child protective services, family protective services and public awareness of the child’s human rights to stay in contact with both parents, even after divorce or separation.

September 4-6, 2024 Deichman Library

Sponsored by

Anne-Cath.

Vestlys plass 1, 0150 Oslo, Norway

Register at https://www.pasg.no/pasg-conference-registration CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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Examining Policy and Outcomes:

Conversations with 2023 PASG Conference Presenters

Adult Children Recounting their Alienation, and Reconciling Fate Discussion between Leslie Gebaide, Business Development Coordinator, The Toby Center for Family Transitions (Delray Beach, Florida, USA) and Dr. Ben Hine, Professor of Applied Psychology, University of West London (UK) and author of Parental Alienation: A Contemporary Guide for Parents, Practitioners and Policymakers, 2023 (London, UK)

Ben Hine: Someone asked in the family panel, “what's the key thing to take away and give to other people”? And I think it's just keeping the faith.

Leslie Gebaide: And hope.

PHOTO BY FREEPIK.COM

Ben: And the hope. Because so many kids do grow up and start to understand what's going on, and then reach out. But sadly, because of the lack of support maybe we sometimes put in place, some fathers don't get there because they commit suicide.

Leslie: And I was especially touched when you were talking about your son and how wonderful his relationship is with your dad. And sometimes, you find yourself a little jealous because you missed out on that time. And you were just so honest.

I cried. I'm just so impressed. And how you showed the arc of everything, and then now your life with your wife and your kids.

Ben Hine: And that's why Devon's [phonetic] presentation about the mapping, the kind of turning points, I thought was really interesting. Because there have been these different kind of turning points. The low points, like when I was with my mom in the hospital. And then the high points kind of now, because everybody's healing, hopefully growing. And like I said, you know, the relationship is amazing between my father and my son. But it has also triggered things that I go to therapy about and I talk about, because I'm, like, “Yes, I wish that was what we were able to have then.”

mother burned them so that my dad didn't have one. So then I've only got seven photos.

Leslie: I forgot. One thing you should know is I’m not trying to bring up sad.

Leslie: And then your grandparents came over and they unloaded the whole house, and took you, and left a note?

Ben Hine: No, no, no, it's fine.

Ben Hine: Yes.

Leslie: The story of when your grandparents came one day and took everything?

Your dad?

Ben Hine: Yes.

Leslie: Yes.

Leslie: They were still married then?

Ben Hine: I only have about seven photos of me and my mom. And I forgot to say why that was, but it was because my maternal grand-

Ben Hine: Yes, yes. Oh, yes.

26

Ben Hine: Yes.

Leslie: And he went to work?

EXAMINING POLICY AND OUTCOMES

Leslie: That’s what happened?

Ben Hine: Yes. They turned up in a van...

And this is the thing, the marriage had been deteriorating, sure, but they hadn't sat down and hadn't kind of decided that it was going to end or anything like that.

For all intents and purposes, my dad was going to work and just living his life, CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

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Leslie: She suffered a lot.

Ben Hine: Yes. I mean, MS is a horrific illness.

Leslie: I know.

Ben Hine: And it was...

Leslie: I couldn't believe the story you told, that your grandparents found out when she was 16.

Ben Hine: Yes. And she got married and fell pregnant, and did all of that without knowing.

Leslie Gebaide

Leslie: Without knowing.

Ben Hine: You know, it's not as if, “Oh, if they'd have known, they wouldn't have got married, or they wouldn't have done this.”

But the thing is, pregnancy complicates MS, massively. So they kind of allowed that to happen, with an extreme risk.

She actually fell pregnant again, but had to have a termination because it was too dangerous. Oh, and that was another kind of coercive control, because then my grandparents basically forced my dad to go and have a vasectomy. Because they said, “We can't risk this happening again,” and just pressured and pressured him. So he then had a vasectomy, which was subsequently successfully reversed, because obviously I have siblings now.

you know, frustrated and maybe sad and angry and that kind of thing, but he expected to come home to us. And then he came home and everything was gone. It was like a chair, and a note saying, “He’s better off with us; don't worry.” Almost just kind of, like, “You don't have to worry about it anymore.” And as a father now myself, you don't just stop worrying about your kids.

Leslie: How old were you when your mom passed away?

Ben Hine: Eighteen.

Leslie: Eighteen. Yes, she had MS .

Ben Hine: Yes. CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

So yes, it's a horrendous illness, and a lot of my trauma comes from having to deal with that on my own.

Leslie: I know.

Ben Hine: Because, especially past 2003...

And my mom passed in 2007, so those four years... When my maternal grandfather passed, he was the last kind of person who was looking after me on that side.

And I used to go and stay with him, and he would mostly let me do whatever I wanted, because it was a terrible situation. But then once he passed, I would have to... I remember going...

My family lived in a town called Southampton, and then my mother lived in a town called Andover, and it was, like, an hour on the train. And I would just have to go on my

Dr. Ben Hine own on the train, going back, and go and sit, and try and process all of these feelings about wanting to be there, because I wanted to be there because she's my mom. But also, not enjoying that experience, because it’s not nice and she was ill. And then in the last year of her life, she didn't recognize me.

And that's really tough, but I had no one to really speak about that with.

My friends were amazing at the time. One of my best friends I'm still really good friends with was amazing. But I ideally wanted parents to oversee a child, you know?

Leslie: How long were you actually with your dad?

Ben Hine: I’d obviously always lived with him since the custody arrangement was in place. So since I was eight, I've lived in the house, but it was a very complicated relationship.

My son was born when I was 28, and I think that actually triggered a lot of feelings that then started my personal journey. But it was

q CONTINUES ON PAGE 28

EXAMINING POLICY AND OUTCOMES

27

pCONTINUED FROM PAGE 27 actually only through the work that I was doing that then led me to kind of reach out.

There were conversations that I'd had previously where my dad was still protecting me.

I'd had therapy, and there was obviously a lot of anger there. And the therapist said, you know, “You should go and speak with him about it.” And even when I did that, he didn't then take the opportunity to say, “Yes, but this happened, and this happened, and this happened,” because he knew I wasn't ready, I wasn't in the right place. So he just said, “Yes, I'm sorry. My bad.” You know, he still was taking on everything and almost agreeing with this misrepresentation of him because he knew I wasn't ready to kind of hear.

Then I did more work, and then did my professional work. And I reached out and I said, “I feel I'm in a good place. I obviously have lots of versions of things going on. Can we have a chat? We just sit down, and you tell me what you think happened?” And we sat down, and he used a lovely phrase, he said, “I promise, in this conversation, I'm going to give you what I believe to be the truth, and that's all I can do for you.” And there were things in that conversation that were just mind-blowing, because it was completely contrary to the impression I'd been given or the version of the events that I'd been given, and things.

For a long time, I was under the impression that my dad left my mum, and it was because the illness was too much to handle. And that was the picture that was painted to me. And then my dad, when he talked about all this extra context, and the coercive control and the emotional abuse and blah, blah, I was, like, “OK, that makes a lot more sense, and, you know, you’re not a bad person for that.”

unable to kind of do the analysis a lot of the time because I was feeling very triggered. I then had a conversation with my colleague, which was actually a very emotional conversation. I said, “I feel quite embarrassed because I'm going to be a professional here, and I'm crying my eyes out.” She said, “No, no, no. I think... Have you heard of auto-ethnography, where you put your personal story into it? Because it seems like so much of this is chiming with your experience.” And I said, “That’s a really good idea.” And she said, “Oh, you can put a chapter in my book.”

I originally wrote that on my own, and I submitted it for a review at my institution and to her as the editor. Obviously, they said, “This is really interesting from your perspective, but fundamentally, the chapter is also about fathers. Do you feel in a position to do it with your dad?” So I reached out to him and that actually prompted the big conversation. Because I said, “Look I want to do this with you and I want to understand your experiences. Because I've been speaking with all these guys, and they’ve had this terrible time in custody. I know we had a custody battle over me. Do you want to talk about what happened with you?” Because he never had as it was so traumatizing.

Unfortunately, there was almost reverse alienation. Because from the moment I came to live with him, they just said, “We're happy now. None of that happened. Let's just move on.” Whereas, obviously, I still had a family to interact with.

So that big conversation then prompted the co-written chapter, where I said... And ba-

sically, I sent him just the academic side of the findings. I didn't put my stuff in there for his version.

Leslie: Do you have that, actually, like, somewhere where it can be read?

Ben Hine: Yes. It’s published in the book, but I can share the PDF. Leslie: Yes. Ben Hine: And then I said, you know, “If anything rings true for you, just write down your experience. And I've done the same.” And we did it completely separately. And then I put them together, and saw, sometimes, there were things that were important to me. And sometimes, there were things that we both remembered, like the pinning up against the car incident. That stands very clearly in our minds, but from the different perspectives.

So yes, it's been a really healing piece of work, I think, to do as well.

Leslie: What’s your book? I didn’t know...

Ben Hine: That chapter is in Liz Bates's book about into a part of violence towards men. So I wrote specifically around use of Children. Not that we need any more books, but I'm writing a book about alienation, as like a contemporary guide, bringing in all of the research and stuff at the moment. So yes.

Leslie: I so admire your healing.

Ben Hine: Thank you.

AI IMAGE MADE

BY FREEPIK.COM

So yes, it's still a journey, but.

Leslie: And how... I guess it goes with this, when your dad just...

Ben Hine: Yes. Leslie: How did that happen? [Inaudible 00:07:54] Ben Hine: Well, when I did the study with the alienated fathers, I was finding myself 28

EXAMINING POLICY AND OUTCOMES

CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

Conversation with Retired Judge Philip Marcus, Jerusalem and Attorney Øivind Østberg, Norway (at the PASG Conference at Colorado State University, June 18, 2023) Judge Philip Marcus: Israel is unique in terms of specialist judges, in terms of these social services as part of the court. There are three or four other places where they have that. Singapore for example, quite recently. In Portugal, they seem to have something like that. There’s a judge from El Paso here who says that they have that.

But it’s quite rare, and it’s something that really needs to be incorporated.

One of the most important things is the training of judges. And if possible, to have judges as specialists, who know the field and are prepared to work in the field.

Judge Philip Marcus: Right. So it’s not like in a big county where the judges are assigned to family court for two years, and they have no knowledge and no experience, and they don’t want to do it, and they go on to something else. These judges know they’re going to have to deal with family cases for many years, so they need training.

It’s better to spend time training them than it is to try to train the judges who are only going to be doing it for two years.

So that’s an insight I had from attending the conference. I think it’s a quite important insight, and I’m going to try and work that up.

Although I have to say, I was having a conversation just now with a gentleman from the Midwest of the United States. And he says that in the courts where he practices, the judges have to do everything.

Attorney Øivind Østberg: Yes. I think another aspect which is very important is that there is a dedicated judge to each case, even after judgment has been passed. That is what we’re missing.

Attorney Øivind Østberg: Yes, like in Norway.

Judge Philip Marcus: Yes. I had cases that went on and off for eight years. Because

"If you ask a Norwegian court leader in Oslo, for instance, he would say there’s not a single judge here who is not really interested and knowledgeable about child custody matters. He would say that, but that doesn’t solve the problem" these people with personality disorders, you know that they’re going to come back to the courts again and again. And it saves a lot of time if the judge already knows the family and already knows all the pressures.

Attorney Øivind Østberg: It’s much more authority when somebody is not complying.

And it’s quite simple to bring that before you’re in that given system. But it would be a huge step forward from my experience in Norway, where we don’t have that.

Judge Philip Marcus: I know Norway is very, very spread out. So if you do need a judge in the far north, he’ll have to hear everything.

Attorney Øivind Østberg: Yes. But this is the same in Oslo, in the capital.

Judge Philip Marcus: Yes. Yes. OK. Attorney Øivind Østberg: Although not quite, perhaps, but in principle it is. In principle, it is. So I would say that there’s a quite high level of dedication. If you ask a Norwegian court leader in Oslo, for instance, he would say there’s not a single judge here who is not really interested and knowledgeable about child custody matters. He would say that, but that doesn’t solve the problem.

Judge Philip Marcus CONTEMPORARY FAMILY MAGAZINE - SPRING ‘24

Attorney Øivind Østberg

Judge Philip Marcus: Yes.

EXAMINING POLICY AND OUTCOMES

29

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PODCASTS, WEBINARS AND WEBSITES: RESOURCES TO IMPROVE OUTCOMES FOR CHILDREN WHEN PARENTS SEPARATE Ask Dr. Mark: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJtrX7yAywkOL61o2LPuarQ

We the Parents Podcast: Visit: https://www.youtube.com/channel/ UCiou-plwSw8bS2CkTQ57B4Q

As Crianças Importam / Children Matter (Portugal): https://expresso.pt/podcasts/ as-criancas-importam

Truth Hurts • A podcast on Anchor: http://www.anchor.fm/wait--see-media

Broken Families: Conversations with Barbara La Pointe (Canada) and Andrew Folkler (USA): https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/ broken-families-conversations-barbara-la-pointe-canada/id1555956537 Fair Divorce: https://fairdivorce.co.za/ / https://www.youtube.com/channel/ UCAMUTpNrZUBwgywknoi5Uzw.

Mark David Roseman & Associates: Visit: https://www.Markdavidroseman.org Abuse Excuse: Visit: https://www.abuse-excuse.com Chai Talk With Laurel: Visit: https://anchor.fm/laurel-herman

Family Access – Fighting For Children’s Rights Visit: https://www.familyaccessfightingforchildrensrights.com

Sh*t I Learned From my Divorce Show with Trish Guise, MBA, PMDC: Visit: https://chestermereradio.ca/programs/sh-t-i-learned-from-my-divorce-10

Never Give Up!!!!: Visit: https://soundcloud.com/bailey-smith-69208333blogtalkradio.com/friendstalk

Parental Alienation Study Group (PASG): Visit: https://www.pasg.info

Parent Separation Support: Visit https://sites.google.com/view/parentseparationhelp/home SLAM THE GAVEL with Mary Ann Petri Visit: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1364944 Speak Life Into Strife with host Kindra Renee: Visit https://www.speaklifeintostrife.com/ Bristol Grandparents Support Group Visit https://bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk/ CF Digital!

Contact: cdoran@contemporaryfamilymagazine.org Families Divided TV International Webinar Presentations - Produced by Family Access Visit: https://www.thenownetwork.org Kids Need Both Inc. - Court Approved Courses, Help Line, and Community Visit: https://www.Hope4Families.net

Bamboo Tree Children’s Foundation: Visit: https://www.youtube.com/channel/ UCdUD5VvcQEoRa0vyQ-USsuQ Two Wishes: Visit: https://www.twowishes.org Eeny Meeny Miney-Mo Foundation.

Visit: https://emmm.org.au/ Alienated Grandparents Anonymous, Inc. Visit: https://www.AlienatedGrandparentsAnonymous.com La Dolce Vita Project Contact: http://www.la-dolce-vita-project.com Parental Alienation Europe Parental Visit https://parentalalienation.eu The Law Center -Free Legal Resources & Video Law Library.

Visit: https://thelawcenter.net/

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