Feb 2022 Volume 4 Issue 6

Volume 4 Issue 6 • February 2022

published by ZX Media Corporation

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2 // Community Now!

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INNOVATION AND COMMUNITY COLLIDE TABLE OF CONTENTS VOLUME 4 ISSUE 6 Featured Community Member::

P. 4

The Seniors Solutions

P. 30

Building Community with Integrity & Grace:

Q & A with Kyle Tally, Senior Solutions

The Honourable Lois E. Mitchell, CM AOE,

Director.

LLD: Biography.

Who is a Caregiver?

Q & A with The Hon. Lois Mitchell. & CN! • Founder Krista Malden Superpower Project:

Aging Well P. 10

Realistic Representation.

P. 39

• Joanne Newduk

Neuroscience, Aging & a Healthy Brain P. 18 • Ty ‘The NeuroGuy’ McKinney. Ph.D

Let’s Talk About Bullying:

P.42

Not in the same way everyone else does.

Tech Isn’t Going Anywhere, Time to Make P. 24

• Al Del Degan

• Kelly Karius Welcome to HOPE”S Corner;

P. 48

• Kimberly Dawn

How to Get Over Getting Older: An Exploration of Resilient Aging

P. 36

• Joanne Neweduk Mental Health Tip of The Month

• Blaise Hunter

Friends with It.

P.32

• Christine Henderson

Telling It Like It Is P.26

• Patricia Morgan

P. 50

Featuring Dan Olesen; Senior Program Director at Careers.

• Jade Alberts

Subscribe for your free issue of Community Now! at www.communitynowmagazine.com Copyright 2019 ZX Media Corporation, Calgary Alberta Canada Community Now! Magazine Copyright 2018, published by ZX Media Corporation.

Volume 4 Issue 6 | February 2022 All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher and writer.

This grassroots magazine is a platform for, about and by the community.

STORY TELLER & COMMUNITY CONNECTOR: Krista Malden CREATIVE DIRECTOR: Kenzie Webber

Community \\ 3

Featured Community Member

The Honourable Lois E. Mitchell, CM, AOE, LLD

Building Community with Integrity & Grace: The Honourable Lois E. Mitchell, CM, AOE, LLD

T

he Hon. Lois Mitchell is a career businesswoman and a proud, longstanding member of Canada’s dedicat-

Her belief in the value of amateur sport, to both individuals and the community as a whole, prompted volunteer service as a Di-

ed corps of community volunteers. She served as the 18th Lieutenant Governor of Alberta from June 12, 2015 until she completed her five-year term on August 26, 2020.

rector of the Hockey Canada Foundation, Ambassador and Governor of the Canadian Women’s Hockey League, Co-Chair of the Gold-Medal Plates dinner in support of aspiring Olympians and was the Chair for the inaugural World Women’s Under-18 Hockey Championships. She has long been a proud supporter and advocate of the Special Olympics Canada Foundation.

During her tenure in office, she chose to make history education a priority and became founding patron of the History and Heroes Foundation, of which she is now the Chair.

The Hon. Lois Mitchell is currently Vice-Chair of the Global Business Forum, Co-Chair of Ignite Calgary, and a Governor of the Royal Canadian Geographical Society. She is also a board member of Football Canada, the Canadian Paralympic Foundation and the World Literacy Foundation.

Prior to becoming Lieutenant Governor, she spent many years working as an entrepreneur, developing and growing successful marketing and corporate training firms. Her résumé as a community volunteer includes service in a wide range of areas, including sport, education, the arts, national unity and support for Canada’s men and women in uniform. She is a past Board Chair of the Calgary Chamber of Commerce, past Board Chair of the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra and a past Board Director for UBS Bank (Canada) and Mitacs.

The Mitchells have extended generous patronage over the years to a variety of programs and scholarships to support Canada’s athletes and to foster opportunities for women in amateur sport. The Doug and Lois Mitchell Trophies are presented annually to the top male and female Canadian university athletes as part of the U SPORTS Mitchell Family Athletic Awards which have been championed by the Mitchells since 1993.

In 2015, Hon. Lois Mitchell received Honourary Doctor of Laws degrees from both the University of Alberta and the University of Calgary, became a Dame of Justice of the Order of St. John and received the Alberta Order of Excellence. In 2012 she was named a Member of the Order of Canada. (continued on next page)

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(continued from page 5...)

Q & A with the Honourable Lois E. Mitchell, CM AOE, LLD 1.) Why do you give back to the community?

I was brought up with the thought that if you’re a fortunate person you share that gratitude by giving back. It doesn’t matter how you’re able to give, through volunteer hours or monetary support, everyone has something to offer.

I learned from my aunt who had nothing but was always happy to give - if she only had $10 she’d give $5 away. She was such a happy and kind person, she taught me a lot about the value of giving back no matter what you have.

You can also give by simply sharing your ideas. Perhaps you don’t hear anything back and you assume nobody liked the idea but it could be that 6 months later it comes back to you as an idea that gained momentum. It may have sparked something bigger. It’s not about getting credit but knowing that it did make a difference.

2.) Why do you encourage generations to work together?

I believe collaboration and mentorship are the most important things. In my experience, I have found that often the mentee is also the mentor – you can always learn from each other.

For example, I’m currently the Co-Chair of Ignite Calgary with a mission of keeping our young people (aged 21-46) in Calgary.

We have a lot of the younger generations on the board and on different committees.

We also have a lot of fun learning from one another.

6 // Community Now!

3.) When we talked we discussed the importance of listening… but more importantly understanding what you are listening too… how can people be better at listening I believe in active listening, which is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen can have an impact on a person’s effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others. Active listening means you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, the complete message being communicated. And then, taking the time to really understand and reflect on the message they’re sharing. You may not agree but you do have a better understanding of their position.

4.) What’s next for you?

I plan to continue on for the next ten years in a positive and effective manner. I hope to continue creating an impact for different causes. I love connecting people and hope to do more of that around my wonderful boardroom table at my downtown office (in Calgary).

5.) What advice would you give the next generation as they head into the workforce? a. One important thing to do is informational interviews. All you need to do is ask a busy person to give you 20 minutes of their time to talk about their company and themselves. It’s really important to do your research and find people and organizations that share your values.

“It doesn’t matter how you’re able to give, through volunteer hours or monetary support, everyone has something to offer. “ b. Take time to understand the needs of others. Everybody has different needs, and the most important thing is to understand those needs and whether or not you can help fulfill them. It’s always important to think about the other person.

You can’t always fulfill those needs. If you can’t, be honest with them and try to connect them with other people who may be able to help. They will often come back to you and remember you for your honesty. c. I also believe in the 3 A’s: adaptability, authenticity, and attitude.

• Adaptability - Challenges are always going to be on the horizon, and we need to ask ourselves: how quickly can we rethink, regroup, respond? In answering these questions, we need to remember

that adaptability is not just about being resilient but being willing to change your approach and thinking. For example, many of us are watching football right now – if you’re knocked down but go back again and repeat the same play, you won’t succeed.

• Authenticity is about being honest.

Doing the right thing for the right reason.

I feel strongly that you need to stand up for what you believe in. Be solid in your beliefs and if your motive is to help others, and not do things for your own edification, people will trust you and work with you to achieve the goals set out.

(continued on next page) Community \\ 7

(continued from page 7...)

• Attitude is seeing possibilities in everyone and not being judgemental. Being open to someone can bring about a positive attitude. If someone has skills or an idea better than yours, make sure you give them the credit. You don’t have to be perfect. Admit your mistakes to others, and being able to laugh at yourself is also really helpful.

6.) What do you consider your biggest or best achievement in life?

The role of Lieutenant Governor was an amazing privilege, and I continued to learn something new every day. If you love learning and meeting new people, there couldn’t be a better opportunity than being the Lieutenant Governor. I met so many amazing people who live all over Alberta, from small rural communities to the cities. I became very proud of the riches of Alberta, which are found within the people.

I’m very proud of the two Commonwealth Walkways I helped to create in both Banff and Edmonton. The Commonwealth Walkway is an initiative that started in the UK that is connecting the Commonwealth through pathways linking 100 cities. Banff was the first in Canada and we unveiled it as a gift to the Queen for her 90th birthday in 2016.

It was so successful, we formed a committee and asked Dave Mowat (past President and CEO of ATB Financial) and Carolyn Patton (Creative Strategist) to be Co-Chairs and created another one in Edmonton. We established interactive apps for both walkways and contests to create excitement. Albertans are able to 8 // Community Now!

follow along on the app and read or listen to different storylines aligned with special points of significance and the history of the monarchy. I encourage everyone to explore the Walkways in both Banff and Edmonton.

I am also very proud of the History and Heroes Foundation, which I started as Lieutenant Governor (a lot of credit for the formation of the Foundation goes to the late, great Stan Milner and past Chair of the Foundation (and current Vice Chair), Ralph Young). The Foundation strives to ensure Alberta’s students have an appreciation and respect for Alberta’s rich history and the heroes who contributed to it. We developed many different contests and events for young people to expand and share their knowledge. We also created an awards program for graduating teachers. It’s wonderful to continue to see the impact of their efforts as they lead their students in a lifelong discovery of history and heritage. The award itself is an owl in crystal, representing knowledge and positive change in the world.

7.) 3 fun facts about you?

1. I love to laugh. Whether it’s laughing at something I’ve done or being able to share a laugh with someone (never at someone). I try to make sure I have a good laugh every day.

2. I love all sports and especially like to pick out the score of football games and challenge my grandsons to see who comes closest to the result.

3. I have a wonderful collection of teddy bears from our travels over the past 40 years. They are a fond reminder of the many exciting places we’ve visited.

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The Superpower Project: Realistic Representation Blaise Hunter | Human Rights Consultant | Heroine

“I may be a senior, but so what? I’m still hot.” Betty White

A

t 99 Betty White left this earth but her legacy of saucy cheerfulness will live on forever. For decades, she was a beloved star and a role model for how to grow old blissfully. If only women of all ages could live like Betty, we would be able to see the beauty in ourselves and in others. Her beauty was timeless.

We are in a world where every woman fights for their own immortality. Early on, we are pressured to set off on a quest for the fountain of youth. Day after day we take steps and extraordinary measures to defy time. Betty White was a rarity. She wasn’t a rebel instead she allowed us to glance through an unfiltered lens of what realistic representation looks 10 // Community Now!

like. The Superpower Project is about highlighting various challenges or “kryptonites” facing people and helping us neutralize their effect on us. A deadly kyrptonite facing us these days is women believing aging is ugly.

Betty once said, “Don’t try to be young, just open your mind.” She expanded the definition of beauty and embraced the evolution of a woman. Betty didn’t hide or reject her mortality; she just added some twinkle to her wrinkles.

These days every woman’s body at every age is a façade. Filters, photo-shop, shapewear, hair dye, hair extensions, microblading, fake eyelashes, boob jobs, tummy tucks, facelifts, lip fillers, Botox, and clothes all modify what

a real woman looks like. Do we even know what real is anymore? At what point does a woman accept reality and embrace her body for the perfection it truly is as it is? Is there an age or stage where a woman thinks screw it, I’m beautiful?

I asked various women aged 50-75 about what their thoughts are on body image and how it’s changed for them over the years. One lady said she didn’t feel the same pressures as a young mother to be fit and sexy but

struggles to recognize this new version of herself in the mirror. Another woman told me she accepts herself as she is but couldn’t say out loud, she is beautiful. They all had let go of various expectations of things but none of them truly embraced the beauty they posses with their bodies now. All these women have survived and thrived. They are gifted and brilliant. These women have careers, passions,

(continued on next page) Community \\ 11

(continued from page 11...) mind-blowing accomplishments, partners, friendships, children, and grandchildren and yet none of those things make them feel beautiful. The sagging skin, extra rolls, grey hair, and wrinkles speak louder to them. I can’t judge them for that, we aren’t given any other voices to listen to. Our culture is noisy with the message that anti-aging is our mission. There were groups of women who felt like they were finally coming into their own and harnessing the beauty within their aging shell but confessed they still wrestle with negative thoughts about their bodies and their whole identity.

While you might expect attitudes around body image to relax as we get older, the reality is that most women struggle with self-esteem and body positivity throughout their lives.

Older people are either invisible in this conversation or excluded entirely. It’s as if when a woman reaches a certain age, there’s just

12 // Community Now!

“

This woman is the epitome of wisdom, power, beauty, and confidence. She’s standing in a superwoman pose owning a bikini in her

eighties for goodness’ sake. no hope in being beautiful and sexy so they should just accept that. I call bullsh*t. Women, it’s time to push back and create a new voice that drowns out the anti-aging message. We need the older generation to continue blazing the trail just like Betty. I am issuing a call to arms for all the glorious Golden Girls of our time to own their bodies and show us how to age with moxie, joy, and playfulness. (continued on page 14)

“She is my hero.“

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“Let’s start today at whatever age we are and continue to carry the torch for generations to come. Let us light the path of what realistic representation is supposed to look like.”

(continued from page 12...)

I saw this picture on social media recently and I have saved it in my favourites folder. This woman is the epitome of wisdom, power, beauty, and confidence. She’s standing in a superwoman pose owning a bikini in her eighties for goodness’ sake. She is my hero.

We all need this photo as a reminder what aging with conviction means. At 40, I found a new lease on life where I really don’t care what people think anymore. I didn’t believe that would happen, but it really did. I found myself doing and saying things I wouldn’t have done two years prior. It is my goal to evolve through each decade with a fresh flare of “I don’t give a crap” attitude. Let’s start today at whatever age we are and continue to carry the torch for generations to come. Let us light the path of what realistic representation is supposed to look like. Want to join the mental, emotional, and physical freedom fighters but don’t know how?

14 // Community Now!

Here are my top 5 ways to age with grace and gumption: 1. Going Grey: What Should We Do? “Grey hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”—Proverbs 16:31 Be a Silver Foxy Lady and crown yourself with splendor. Even when the celebrity fad evaporates, go grey. I dye my hair regularly because I love playing with colours, but I haven’t had any grey hairs yet. This is something I want to display when I do. Let it be your mark of maturity.

2. Yes, you can wear that!

Who says you can’t pull that off anymore?

Wear bold colours and sexy outfits. Put on that damn bikini and let the world see how you own it. Play with styles and express yourself through your clothes. When in doubt, just try it on. (continued on page 16)

“My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get.

Unless you’re a banana.’”

-Betty White

Betty_White_1989_Emmy_Awards.jpg: Alan Lightderivative work: César, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

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(continued from page 14...)

your eyes and the weight of your heart by wagering it all on forgiveness. Risk is safe.

3. Laugh & Play

5. Give Back

Don’t take life so seriously. Laugh at yourself and be the source of happiness in your circle.

You might get more laugh lines, but you will live longer by being young at heart. Engage in childlike play and be curious. Prescribe the fun factor in your daily intake. Laughter is

We live in a hoarding culture. We hoard our money, our wisdom, our vulnerability, our time, and our love. Tapping into the elusive fountain of youth only happens when we give of ourselves. That is where we transform into ageless beauties. Leave your experiences and

truly the best medicine.

4. Take Risks “The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” — Stephen McCranie Many of life’s greatest treasures require going outside of our comfort zone. Whether it means overcoming fear to be in front of a crowd, going on a trip, or putting your heart on the line, some of life’s most rewarding experiences come because of taking risks. Defy time by releasing regrets. Want an instant facelift?

Forgive. Grudges, bitterness, and resentment are the foes of the face. Unload the bags under

knowledge of what it means to be beautiful to the masses. Bestow your joy, passion, and fire to everyone you meet. Let that be the measure of your beauty and character. Give so much that when you leave this world, your contributions never die.

Let’s pick up the mantle of everlasting youth and be the example in our lives. Betty paved the way for us. May we be a living representation of what real beauty means. In honour of Betty White 1922-2021.

The Woman, The Myth, The Legend.

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“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.

The second-best time to plant a tree is today.

The worst time to plant a tree is tomorrow” – Chinese proverb 18 // Community Now!

Neuroscience, Aging & A Healthy Brain Ty "the NeuroGuy" McKinney, Ph.D

W

hile this proverb has obvious applications for trying to grow a forest, it also applies to our brain health. If you look at brain cells (neurons) under a microscope, they resemble trees with branches that reach out and connect to other brain cells. These connections create neural networks that enable us to do all sorts of complex tasks, like reading written language, coming up with a persuasive argument, and remembering what was for breakfast last Tuesday. Like a healthy tree, healthy brain cells have tones of branches that make these neural networks strong and resilient. In contrast, when these connections between the neurons wither away as we age, so too does our capacity for complex thinking and the memories stored in those neural networks.

Continuing the brain-tree analogy a little further, the key to healthy brain aging is to make sure that the forest of neurons inside our head is as thick and thriving as the complex ecosystem of an ancient forest. This is where the

analogy of planting a tree 20 year ago circles back. But first, let’s step back and learn about why an effective brain health strategy needs to be planned 20 years in advance.

This decade, nearly all the Baby Boomers are going to pass the retirement threshold of age 651. While this is a cause for celebration in one regard (they deserve their retirement!), it is also a warning sign that an epidemic of dementia could be round the corner. According to The Alzheimer's Society of Canada2, approximately 564,000 Canadians are currently living with some form of dementia and that number is expected to almost double within the next 15 years to 937,000. Alzheimer’s Disease is just one type of dementia that impacts a part of our brain called the Hippocampus, which is critically important for learning new information and retrieving old memories.

Anyone who has a family member diagnosed (continued on next page) Community \\ 19

Alzheimer’s Disease is just one type of dementia that impacts a part of our brain called the Hippocampus, which is critically important for learning new information and retrieving old memories.

(continued from page 19...) with Alzheimer’s Disease knows that the memory challenges present in these patients requires extra resources. In fact, it’s estimated that between those living with Alzheimer's, their families, and other caregivers, over 1.1 million Canadians are impacted by dementia with an annual cost of $10.4 billion dollars2.

To put that in perspective, Canada spent $24 million on COVID vaccines in 20213 and as more Baby Boomers enter the higher risk age bracket for dementia, this societal cost will continue to grow.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for Alzheimer’s Disease and currently available drug treatments only delay the onset. In a meta-analysis of over 3500 patients, these drugs only prevented 25% of people at risk for Alzheimer’s from transitioning into an official diagnosis4. Despite this grim statistic, a 20 // Community Now!

different meta-analysis of over 430,000 people found one protective factor that we can work with to improve this situation: Education5.

To illustrate this finding, imagine you have a room with 100 older adults (aged 75-84) that have high school education. In this room, we would expect 19 people to have Alzheimer’s disease. In contrast, in a room of 100 people the same age who have a university degree, we would only expect 12 people to be diagnosed with dementia. What’s so special about that piece of paper from a university that it lowers the risk for dementia?

This is where the brain-forest analogy comes back into play. Neuroscientists believe that those people who pursued a university degree are probably more intellectually curious people than their high school-educated (continued on page 22)

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(continued from page 20...) counterparts. This curious disposition then leads people to seek out learning opportunities across their lifespan, not just during the 4 years of their university education. Every time you have a novel experience or learn something new, the neural forest inside of your Hippocampus gets a little thicker and your memory networks become more resilient. If a brain is starting to develop dementia, all the extra synapses created from this life-long learning process provides a buffer against the damage caused to our Hippocampus by Alzheimer’s Disease. As a result, people with higher levels of education often have a delayed onset of dementia. However, neuroscientists believe that education is just a proxy variable for this curious disposition and a university degree is not actually needed to reduce your risk for dementia.

Much like planting a tree, however, this protective factor is most effective if it was implemented 20 years ago. For all the “young Canadians” reading this article, this means that your dementia-mitigation strategy begins now so that in 20 years your Hippocampus has lots of extra synapses ready to help you age gracefully. For any Baby Boomers reading this article, the second-best time to start a dementia-mitigation strategy is also right now.

One study found that for people at age 60, the longer someone had been inactive from their professional life, the worse their memory scores were6. Thankfully, in case going to get a university degree is not feasible for you, there are plenty other ways to “plant trees.”

Here are a few suggestions that anyone, of any age, could begin today: 1.

Work towards learning a new language.

This could be for either professional or personal reasons but being bilingual can strengthen our brain power.

2.

Broaden your cultural perspective. One of the most beautiful things about Canadian culture is that all the new immigrants bring their culture with them as a learning opportunity. Learning about their differing perspective on everyday topics such as food, family, and entertainment is an exciting and opportunity to boost your brain’s resilience.

3.

Start a new hobby. The keyword, however, is “New.” It matters less what the hobby is, be it a starring new sport or becoming an artisan basket weaver, so long as you dedicate the time to mastering a new skill.

4.

Get musical. The emerging field of musical neuroscience is showing several brain health benefits for creating and experiencing music, even as we enter advanced age.

References 1. OK, boomer! The future for Canada's soon-to-retire demographic | CBC Radio 2. https://alzheimer.ca/en/Home/About-dementia/What-is-dementia/Dementia-numbers 3. Coronavirus: Canada spent $24M on COVID-19 vaccines received in January, StatCan reports | CTV News 4. Diniz, B. S., Pinto, J. A., Gonzaga, M. L. C., Guimaraes, F. M., Gattaz, W. F., & Forlenza, O. V. (2009). To treat or not to treat? A meta-analysis of the use of cholinesterase inhibitors in mild cognitive impairment for delaying progression to Alzheimer’s disease. European archives of psychiatry and clinical neuroscience, 259(4), 248-256.

5. Meng, X., & D’arcy, C. (2012). Education and dementia in the context of the cognitive reserve hypothesis: a systematic review with meta-analyses and qualitative analyses.

PloS one, 7(6), e38268.

6. Adam, S., Bonsang, E., Grotz, C., & Perelman, S. (2013). Occupational activity and cognitive reserve: implications in terms of prevention of cognitive aging and Alzheimer’s disease. Clinical interventions in aging, 8, 377.

22 // Community Now!

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Tech Isn’t Going Anywhere, Time To Make Friends With It Al Del Degan

W

hen my father was alive, he was one of those “old school” folks. He grew up in the days of Frank Sinatra and his first brand new car was a ‘56 chevy. He was a very intelligent man, but he grew up long before the transistor had been invented. Technology, to him, was always something he didn’t understand, didn’t want to understand, and didn’t want to be bothered with having to understand. He only got Internet service because he won a free iPad and wanted to be able to use it. He was practical that way, but his overwhelming fear of technology left him feeling inadequate.

You would often hear him say things like “you young people understand this stuff, I was born too long ago.”

When I think back on it, I am frustrated that my father never wanted to learn. About all I could teach him on his iPad was to scan

24 // Community Now!

Al Del Degan and his dad, Alido Del Degan

his lottery tickets to see if he won anything. Multiple family members and friends, including myself, tried to show him how to use email and find videos on YouTube, but it was a lost cause. He just had a fear that he could not overcome.

It would have been great if my dad was more comfortable with technology though. When he was stuck in the hospital, he could have talked with people over video conferencing and even ordered delicious food to be delivered to him. Instead he was very lonely, staring at the wall and waiting for people to come and visit him. People could not come though, due to the lockdowns.

A few years ago, I remember reading a story about an 82-year-old woman who learned how to program a computer on her own. She got her first computer at age 60, and immediately took to it because she was curious. She learned how to chat online, and says it gave her a new sense of purpose. Ultimately she got frustrated with the lack of games that are tailored to seniors so she taught herself how to write code, and created her first iPhone app. She even did a TED Talk in the hopes

You would often hear him say things like “you young people understand this stuff, I was born too long ago.”

of inspiring other seniors to embrace technology and never stop learning. (https://bit. ly/3ugLoC4) That’s not to say that everyone needs to become a software developer. If you can just motivate yourself to not be afraid of technology, there are so many amazing things you can learn. If you can learn to use a computer, you can take free online courses on any topic you can imagine, from gardening to astro physics. Being able to use video conferencing on a computer can allow you to meet and talk to people anywhere in the world while being able to see their faces. Having the knowledge to use email and being able to search for information on the Internet could help you fix a leaky faucet without calling an expensive plumber. Or you can learn what herbal supplement could help you with your dry skin instead of paying for expensive prescriptions.

If you haven’t already figured it out, the goal of this article is to make it clear that you are never too old to be curious, never too old to enjoy learning. Technology is here to stay, so it is time to make friends with it. In fact, using computers can boost your brain and significantly reduce memory loss and cognitive decline. (https://bit.ly/3uopAEy) If you don’t use it, you lose it.

See you online!

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How to Get Over Getting Older: An Exploration of Resilient Aging Patricia Morgan

I

f you are over age 40 or 50, do you remember the defining moment when you realized you were older? Did you wonder, “How did I get here?” and then realized you were blessed with waking many mornings to be a day older. Did you become curious about how old became a bad word? Did you ask yourself, “When or who decided wrinkles were ugly and that 19-year-olds would model the wonders of wrinkle cream?

Old is not a Bad Word

1.

Lack of lubrication is a common issue with old engines. Some days I could use a good lubricant.

There is a weird, cultural unconscious denial about aging and a worship of forever young.

I’m told, “You are as old as you feel.” Some days I feel silly but that doesn’t make my bones limber enough to suck my big toe. I’m told “You’re young at heart.” Well, my heart is as old as I am. The fact is all my body parts are 75 years old.

2.

Pay attention to piston and valve noises. Both my hubby and I, in our 70s, increasingly have valve noises along with some suspicious odor.

3.

Some problems can be fixed with a part replacement. I’ve still got all my parts, my hubby is missing a prostate and my brother has replaced hips.

26 // Community Now!

Old cheese, old wine, and old cars are valued.

The older the better. Owners of vintage cars value them and are not in denial of the aging, wear, and tear process. Just notice some of these sound bites:

4.

Decades of wear on original engines can create leaking at the rear main seal. My bladder is worn thin!

5.

Take good care of your car regardless of it running smoothly, sort of runs, or does not run at all. I am at the sort of runs stage.

So, let’s keep running and stop saying “It’s my 29th birthday” when we have had the opportunity of running decades longer. And by the way if you make that fib, you risk people wondering if you have an illness. Now for the serious stuff of resilient aging.

Take Care of Your Vintage Body It was Maya Angelou who said, "The breasts are very interesting because they are in an incredible race to see which one will touch my waist first!" Statistics Canada is aligned with Angelou’s observation that changes happen during the aging and sagging process.

Thirty-five percent of people over age 65 live with some kind of pain. Imagine a meeting of three people over 65 and the probability of one of them being in pain. Show kindness and encourage your children and grandchildren to do likewise.

Seventy-five percent of people over 65 years have vision loss. It’s important to have your eyes regularly checked to prevent problems such as glaucoma.

Too many older people neglect their hearing.

Forty-seven percent of us over age 65 have hearing loss and that rises to 67% after age 71.

Hearing not only affects your ability to comfortably watch Netflix but it can affect your brain’s neurons and your ability to have conversations. That leads to lack of socialization, which can increase your chance of dementia by 30%.

I realized I needed to have my hearing tested when I asked my hubby, “Did you say, ‘I love you Pat’ or did you say, ‘I love your fat’?”

Most audiologists provide hearing tests for free. I have worn my aids for over four years.

I discovered, if you wear them, they work.

Mind Your Mind It is estimated that about two-thirds of our self-talk is negative. We may engage in fruitless worry, catastrophizing, self-put downs, criticism, and grumbles about our loved ones, the government and the neighbour’s yappy dog.

For many, during Covid-19 negative self-talk has become out of control. Ruminating on the dread of illness, conspiracy theories or worstcase scenarios has led to increases in mental health issues such as anxiety, anger bouts, and depression. Older people are not immune to these distresses. Here are some common and stinkin thinkin thoughts I have heard from my older clients.

•

I am not safe to do anything because I might get infected.

•

I have no control over anything.

•

I should be coping better.

•

Other people are dealing better than me.

•

I can’t take this anymore.

•

I am too old for this.

Because what we focus on expands in our awareness, it is wise to challenge unhelpful thoughts. Do yourself a favor and catch the stinkin thinkin. Then ask yourself, “What affirming thought will I think?”

Consider these thoughts: •

I’m coping the best I can.

•

I keep myself as safe as I can. (continued on next page) Community \\ 27

(continued from page 27...)

Maintain Social Connection

•

I have 10,000 ways I can demonstrate control over my life from what I eat in the morning to what time I go to bed.

•

I also have control over my thoughts, which control my feelings, which control my behaviours.

•

I’m old and will do what I darn well please, especially that which brings me health and joy.

We humans are hardwired for relationships, for connection, for conversations. We wouldn't survive if we didn't have one another. Yet, during Covid it has been challenging to feel socially connected. Loneliness researcher Julianne Holt-Lunstad concluded that when we lack connection we are at significant risk for mental and physical illness.

•

I’m old, curious, continually learning, and spunky.

Find ways to nourish your brain. Cognitive reserve refers to filling up our brains with stimuli, that is, keeping our minds active. I sometimes hear older people say, “I’m retiring. I don’t want any more responsibility or challenges.” They may retire to the couch and TV. There is a time for rest and relaxation, but it is a dangerous lifestyle at any age. To keep your brain’s neurons healthy, learn something new. You could learn a new technology, another language, or how to play an instrument.

An active mind will give you a sense of life purpose. Meaning and purpose will support your longevity. So, keep honing your skills and contributing whether in a volunteer capacity or for payment. Both you and the world will benefit.

One little change we can make is avoid saying social distance and use the term physical distance. Even more impactful is to pick up the phone and use technology such as Facetime and Zoom to make meaningful connection.

For grandparents there are helpful ideas on the Canadian website The Long Distance Grandparent https://thelongdistancegrandparent.com Physical contact is important and often lacking in the life of older people. Since the skin is our largest organ in the body, it too, requires attention, that is touch stimulation. When you can, get your touching needs met through pets, friends, and family, and consider asking your designated hugger or huggers, for extra doses.

In the end, I recall our 95-year-old neighbour, Izora Fraser saying, “This gettin’ old thing is not for sissies.” All the best getting over getting older!

Patricia Morgan is often referred to as a Spunky Senior. With a master’s degree in clinical psychology, she provides bite-sized nuggets of insight that has helped many people emerge stronger after facing unthinkable challenge.

With a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology, she works with people who want to build their personal resilience to flourish at work and home with joyful vitality. Audiences describe Patricia’s message as meaningfully fun, surprisingly insightful, and delightfully uplifting.

Her eight books include From Woe to WOW: How Resilient Women Succeed at Work and the Canadian bestseller, Frantic Free: 167 Ways to Lighten Up and Calm Down. Patricia was named a Woman of Vision by Global TV and is a recipient of the Spirit of CAPS (Canadian Association of Professional Speakers) for her contribution to the Canadian speaking industry.

To learn more and see Patricia in action go to https://solutionsforresilience.com

28 // Community Now!

We are a community instilling hope and connection in the lives of young people, exiting street life.

Change is Possible. www.thedoorway.ca - CRA 13140 1226 RR0001 W O R D S

O F

W I S D O M

F R O M

Y O U N G

P E O P L E

You can't fight the cold and you can't bargain with hunger.

A T

T H E

D O O R W A Y

Ignore those who take kindness for weakness.

Take care of people that take care of you.

Homelessness is not easy.

Prejudice & assumptions make it harder.

Don’t be afraid to live and to try.

Look inward at what you can do better, not what other people haven't done or should do.

B A Y

1 0 ,

2 8 0 8

4 0 3 - 2 6 9 - 6 6 5 8

O G D E N -

R O A D

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C A L G A R Y

F R I E N D S @ T H E D O O R W A Y . C A

Community \\ 29

Keeping Your Loved Ones Safe.

Senior Solutions Worries about the Details, So that You Don’t Have To. The Seniors’ Solution is dedicated to providing seniors with a high quality of life, without compromising their ability to live freely in their own homes. They achieve this through a combination of dedicated in-home care and retrofitting services to ensure that any senior can live happily in their own home.

Q & A with Kyle Tally, Senior Solutions Director.

Why is it important to offer care for seniors in different ways?

Why is it important for you to incorporate healthy seniors living into Tally Construction?

We don’t want people to be grouped together, we need to provide care for the individual.

To help people.

Taking people out of their community has a big impact on them and that includes seniors. Imagine being taken out of your community after 60+ years. We give up on the older generation and we leave them in jail, when we should be celebrating them and keeping them in their/our communities.

Providing a service that will help people live a healthier longer life and helps relieve the stress on seniors and family members will help set standards for how we look at and treat seniors for generations to come.

We want to be a one stop shop because it is so hard to figure out all of the steps and we need to help ALL generations.

Are your services affordable?

How did this idea come about?

Our services are catered to help fit people’s budgets. We do our best to work with you and work in various situations. Sometimes we help people find funding and other times we cater everything to fit their budgets.

I worked on commercial buildings for my mentor, and he asked me to come in to make his bathroom accessible. Making his house accessible made me realize I can contribute to the community and I can feel good about what I am doing.

We all need to find a way to make an impact and help people have an easier, happier life.

Why do you offer in-home renovations?

Being able to utilize your house is just as important as getting the right care.

People think about services but never about renovations and if we can help eliminate some of the stress by keeping the house accessible, we can eliminate some of the services.

Why is it important to keep seniors in their homes? a. Home/Community b. Mental Wellbeing c. It’s their home. (we forget how important a home is sometimes.) d. Cultural gap

www.theseniorssolution.com 30 // Community Now!

CONTINUOUS CARE Our personalized care plan is tailored to your senior’s specific needs. With over a decade of care experience, we know that one size doesn’t fit all.

IN-HOME RENOVATIONS What sets us apart from our competitors: we keep people in their homes.

Our construction services will transform any home into a senior-safe space.

ACCREDITATION CANADA Our services are fully certified through the rigorous quality standards of Accreditation Canada, so you can be certain you are getting the best care.

COMPANIONSHIP & RESPITE Whether you are looking for short-term respite or longer-term support, we can help. Our care network means your senior will never have to feel alone.

Tally Construction is a company that offers construction management and general contracting services.

We cater our services for office, commercial, retail, and medical spaces.

We commit to finishing projects on time, all while being able to deliver safe, high-quality build standard that exceed expectations.

Maximizing our clients’ return on investment by working closely to better understand their needs is a must.

SAFE. ON BUDGET. ON TIME.

Community \\ 31

Who is a Caregiver?

Christina Henderson

I am a caregiver I hold your hand when you are in pain and hold you close when you need comfort.

I am a caregiver I drive you to doctor’s appointments and celebrate each goal that you reach.

I am a caregiver I make your meals; I make your bed and I make mistakes when I care too much.

I am a caregiver Whether you are young or old, physically, or mentally ill, or just need support without judgment I am a caregiver

Mental health support for caregivers and youth. I offer a FREE drop-in group for caregivers as well as fee-based one on one and group coaching options for both youth and adults.

Book a FREE 30 minute coaching session: https://calendly.com/christinapeerspectiveconsulting/free-coaching-session Peerspectivesconsulting.ca 32 // Community Now!

I

became a caregiver 26 years ago when my twin boys were born. They were 13 weeks premature and weighed just over a pound each. They spent the first three months of their life in the Neonatal Intensive Care unit. It was there that I began my journey of understanding the needs of my boys and planning for their arrival home.

population self-identified as a being a caregiver. Many people do not see themselves as a caregiver because they are simply taking care of people they care about. In reality, 1 in 4 people in Canada, aged 15 and older, provide care or assist a family member or a friend with a long-term health condition, a physical or mental disability, or aging-related needs.

At the age of 18 months one of my sons was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. This began my journey to understand the special needs system for children with cerebral palsy so that I could give the best care possible to my son.

The Mental Health Commission of Canada states that caregivers are critical in fostering recovery within those that are suffering from

At the age of 8 my other son was diagnosed with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This began my journey to understand the mental health system for youth as it pertained to my son’s needs. I needed to understand so that I could support my son to be as successful as possible.

When I had been married for 16 years, my husband turned to drugs which ended our marriage. This began my journey to understand addiction as well as the court system.

I needed to understand what had happened to my family so that I could best care for my boys as we all dealt with the trauma.

So, who is a caregiver? A caregiver is just that, a giver of care. A more formal definition from Caregivers Alberta is: Anyone who supports someone with an illness or disability (mental or physical), or who is caring for an aging friend or family member, is a caregiver. This position can be paid or unpaid and can be as intensive as living with the person you are caring for or as simple as driving the person to a doctor’s appointment or sweeping their steps.

In a recent study done in 2018 by Caregivers of Nova Scotia, only 28% of the Canadian

a mental health or addiction concern. Responsibilities of those caring for a loved one with a mental health and/or addiction concern include, navigating the mental health system, transportation, advocating for services, and social, financial, and emotional supports.

On average, caregivers in Alberta spend 20 or more hours a week providing care. That’s approximately 619 million hours per year in unpaid care. If this time had a monetary value, it would add up to $11.5 billion dollars each year.

Although most caregivers are happy to support their loved one in whatever way necessary to ensure they have everything they need, this can sometimes have very negative consequences including developing their own mental or physiological concerns, financial stress, isolation, and possibly damaging their relationship with their loved one due to over involvement.

Caregiving can have ripple effects over other areas of a caregivers’ life too. As a result of less free-time, caregivers often experience strained relationships with family and friends, and they don’t have free-time to spend enjoying hobbies or social activities—all of which are necessary outlets for positive well-being. The (continued on next page) Community \\ 33

1 in 2 caregivers report being tired due to sleep disturbances 2 in 5 are overwhelmed and as a result are short tempered or irritable.

1 in 4 report that their physical health has suffered

(continued from page 33...) risk of burnout and the rates of stress, anxiety and depression are high among caregivers.

the caregiver’s spouse who may modify their life and work arrangements to help.

Further research from the University of Alberta in 2021 demonstrates the impact of caregiving on the caregivers well being. 1 in 2 caregivers report being tired due to sleep disturbances. 2 in 5 are overwhelmed and as a result are short tempered or irritable. 1 in 4 report that their physical health has suffered.

Financial support most often comes from friends and family. A small percentage (8%) of financial support comes from federal tax credits and even less (6%) comes from government programs.

On the positive side, many (70%) caregivers receive help or assistance for their caregiving duties. This support comes in different forms.

Social support might look like a friend or neighbor providing a meal or a partner to walk with to get a break. Caregivers may receive support from their children or extended family members. The most common form of social support is often provided by

As caregivers we are called upon to wear many different hats including cook, cleaner, nurse, driver, financial planner, advocate, and comforter. With love and empathy, we wear these hats with the hope that our loved ones will heal. Through fatigue, frustration and yes, sometimes judgement we hold onto these hats because the road to recovery, no matter how long or short or how difficult, is so worth it when we know our loved ones are cared for and not alone.

References: Caregivers in Canada, 2018 Retrieved February 5, 2022, from https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/200108/dq200108a-eng. htm Caregivers Nova Scotia https://caregiversns.org/ Caregivers Alberta https://www.caregiversalberta.ca/about-caregiving/who-is-a-caregiver/ Mental Health Commission of Canada (n.d) National Guidelines for a comprehensive service system to support family caregivers of adults with mental health problems and illnesses. Retrieved February 5, 2022, from http://www.mentalhealthcommission.ca/sites/default/ files/Caregiving MHCC Family Caregivers Guidelines ENG0.pdf

34 // Community Now!

Critical Incident Stress Management ("CISM") for Communities

Calgary Royal Canadian Legion Chapelhow Branch 284

Calgary - March 3 - 5, 2022

M M ee n nt ta a ll H H ee a a ll t th h E Ev v ee n nt t ss Saturday, March 5th

5:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m.

Full attendance is required in order to receive certificate. Lunch is included both days. Trainer: Steve Horner For Tickets & more Information on this 2-day course please visit our 'Events' page Tickets $350** but only until Feb. 23 @ 8:00 p.m.

Assisting Individuals in Crisis*: Thu, March 3 & Fri, March 4 - 8:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Location: Royal Canadian Legion Chapelhow Branch 284 - 606 38 Ave NE, Calgary only 200 spots available for each event

Ticket Link

Mental Health GALA!: Sat, March 5 - 5:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m.

GALA!

ONLY 200 tickets!

>> cismforcommunities.org <<

Doors open 5:00 p.m.

Dinner 6:00 p.m.

Keynote Speaker - Kaleb Dahlgren - former Humboldt Bronco & #1 national bestselling author Guest Speaker - Robb Befus - retired Staff Sergeant Calgary Police Services Silent Auction; 50/50 Draw Tickets available on our 'Events' page - Early Bird $125* until Feb. 10 @ 8:00 p.m.; $175 until Feb. 23 @ 8:00 p.m.

M M ee n n tt a a ll H H ee a a ll tt h h

C Ca a ll g ga ar ry y

KEYNOTE SPEAKER

Former Humboldt Bronco & #1 National Bestselling Author

*Completion Certificate will be provided **Ticket processing fees will be added at checkout PLEASE NOTE: current AHS vaccination requirements and Covid protocols must be adhered to in order to attend

CISM for Communities

KALEB DAHLGREN

Community \\ 35

Aging Well

Joanne Neweduk

H

ow often have you heard or perhaps uttered yourself…

“My knee hurts, I’m getting old.”

“My back hurts, I’m getting old.”

“I have diabetes, I’m getting old.”

“I’m getting fat, I must be old."

Growing older has become the convenient scapegoat for all sorts of ailment but the reality is that there is a difference between aging and illness. Yes, as you grow older, you are more susceptible to certain conditions but lifestyle, and undo wear and tear, are more often to blame than aging alone. Let’s look at how aging and illness are different and why it is important to understand these differences.

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Aging, refers to the inevitable physical and mental changes that will happen to everyone as they grow older albeit at different rates.

“Illness" (representing a wide range of conditions) only happens to certain people. Age being only one contributing factor, while lifestyle usually being the major one.

Why is it important to know?

Well, if you understand what is natural verses what is illness, you can seek proper treatment for yourself and loved ones. You can make lifestyle changes like improved: exercise, eating, stress management, and positive thought actions in order to take charge of your health,

and more it is evident that many aches and pains are from general inflammation caused by the convenient western diet. Typically, people consume excess carbs and processed foods with too little whole foods such as vegetables and high quality protein. My clients are shocked and delighted when they have far less general aches and pains after only a couple weeks of proper eating.

How about knee pain? My friend who is a chiropractor shared a story that has really struck home for me. When a client states they have a painful knee and they are upset at getting old she playfully asks how much older their right knee is compared to their left. Hmmm. This is and eye opening thought. She further explains that most knee pain is from injury or wear and tear over time from improper alignment.

Correct the alignment early enough and the pain resolves. Wait to late then management is harder. The point is though that the pain is from injury not age.

possibly even reverse conditions often blamed on age. I support women do this through my Fabulous Fresh Start programs all the time.

They overcome conditions they thought were just part of aging and menopause then go on to live a more healthy and vibrant life doing the activities they love.

When you understand your body and your mind, you can take action to slow down the aging process but most importantly you DO NOT need to put up with ailments and conditions that are not inevitable.

For example, let’s look at general aches and pains. This is the most common ailment blamed on age. It’s true that wear and tear from age can contribute aches, but more

So many of the conditions that are blamed on age, are really a lifestyle condition, significantly impacted by stress: abdominal obesity, Type 2 diabetes, mental health issues, high blood pressure and the list goes on. Eating styles, insufficient activity, unchecked stress and the list goes on as to contributing factors.

All of these types of illnesses and conditions leave people feeling aged and vulnerable with a lack of energy.

I could easily go through every system of the body to list what is typical with age and what is actually a manageable condition.

Interestingly though, many have the same advice to reduce the rate of aging and the risk of illness. Aging well techniques shall we say.

(continued on next page) Community \\ 37

“Do not complain about growing old.

It is a privilege denied to many." Mark Twain

(continued from page 37...)

Here are 5 to focus on: Eat Well - I call it high octane eating. Lots of vegetables (about half of your plate) good quality protein (quarter plate) the last quarter can be a starchy carb plus some fruit for dessert. Of course drink lots of water between your 3 meals a day. You might notice this is back to our grandparents advice of 3 square meals a day. I have to agree. It works. I am happy that the newest Canada food guide promotes this type of eating too.

Sleep Well - Sleep is so very important. Get 7-9 hours a night to be at your healthiest.

Your body repairs and resets at night so it needs adequate time to do this. To sleep this much is not lazy, it’s smart.

Think Well - Your subconscious believes what you tell it. Be mindful of your thoughts to keep them healthy. There are so many resources out there to support you with this.

Pick at least one to practice regularly. Eg: mindfulness, mediation, positive thought coaching, Belief Re-patterning and more.

38 // Community Now!

Move Well - The best way to wreck a car engine is to leave is sitting for long stretches of time. It will siege up! Your body does the same thing. Keep it moving!. Walking has been shown time and time again as one of the best exercises.

Live Well - The best way to make a difference in your health, rate of aging, and positive impact on the world, is to grace the world with your, unique you. Be kind to yourself and others. Choose friends of likemindedness. Do things you enjoy. Find a moment to be playful and mindful on a daily basis. And use gratitude to infuse energy into all you do. Create your own joy for no reason, but to simply be.

I shall end this article with the famous quote from Mark Twain “Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many."

Joanne Neweduk

The power of laughter is paramount. As a release of all those feel-good endorphins, laughter makes us feel alive, more youthful and happier. When we feel happier we are healthier plus it gets us breathing more deeply. It universally connects us as well on a social level. We just don’t let loose, let our spirits soar and laugh enough as adults, so give it a try.

Laughing, like exercising, gets better with practice.

Challenge: Purposefully take note of your laughter (or lack thereof). Intentionally seek out ways to laugh. Maybe even attend a laughter yoga class to get things started.

You can "fake it 'till you make it" to get things rolling.

MENTAL HEALTH TIP OF THE MONTH

Laugh Abundantly

Critical Incident Stress Management ("CISM") for Communities

M M ee n nt ta a ll H H ee a a ll t th h E Ev v ee n nt t ss Calgary - March 3 - 5, 2022 Location: Royal Canadian Legion Chapelhow Branch 284 - 606 38 Ave NE, Calgary only 200 spots available for each event

Assisting Individuals in Crisis*: Thu, March 3 & Fri, March 4 - 8:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Full attendance is required in order to receive certificate. Lunch is included both days. Trainer: Steve Horner For Tickets & more Information on this 2-day course please visit our 'Events' page Tickets $350** but only until Feb. 23 @ 8:00 p.m.

Mental Health GALA!: Sat, March 5 - 5:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m.

Doors open 5:00 p.m.

Dinner 6:00 p.m.

Keynote Speaker - Kaleb Dahlgren - former Humboldt Bronco & #1 national bestselling author Guest Speaker - Robb Befus - retired Staff Sergeant Calgary Police Services Silent Auction; 50/50 Draw Tickets available on our 'Events' page - Early Bird $125* until Feb. 10 @ 8:00 p.m.; $175 until Feb. 23 @ 8:00 p.m.

>> cismforcommunities.org << *Completion Certificate will be provided **Ticket processing fees will be added at checkout PLEASE NOTE: current AHS vaccination requirements and Covid protocols must be adhered to in order to attend

See Alberta Through the Eyes of a Tourist

https://rumblealberta.com/

40 // Community Now!

FEBRUARY 23, 2022 ANTIBULLYING AWARENESS DAY Where it started: Pink Shirt Day began in Canada in 2007 when two students took a stand against homophobic bullying after a new grade 10 student was harassed and threatened for wearing pink. These students bought dozens of pink shirts and distributed them to their classmates to wear the next day. The word got out online and hundreds of students showed up in pink, some from head-to-toe, to stand together against bullying.

Community \\ 41

LET’S TALK ABOUT

BULLYING:

Not in the same way everyone else does.

Kelly Karius.

L

et’s talk about bullying. Not in the same way everyone else does though.

In the past we’ve acknowledged bullying as a problem with children. Kids are mean.

Kids are bad. Boys will be boys and there will always be mean girls.

We’ve acknowledged bullying as a problem with schools. We have speakers in to talk with them and share stories. Sometimes we leave students with more trauma than they walked in with…and we don’t follow up properly.

We’ve acknowledged bullying as a problem with families. Families with problems, parents 42 // Community Now!

who aren’t involved enough, parents who are using poor conflict management skills and passing them on to their children.

What we haven’t done is acknowledged that bullying is a problem with behavior. Not one person’s behavior - as has happened so often in the past - let’s change the “bully”! Let’s train some empathy into this person! Let’s confront their family and make them do better!!

We haven’t acknowledged that bullying is a problem that includes everyone’s behavior yes, of course the person using bully actions, and yes, of course their family. But there is more.

We ALL use both bully actions and victim responses at times. Everyone. From professional to pre-school student. I’m here to encourage parents and teachers to examine this idea. To look at the dynamics differently.

child by the label bully. They can, however, acknowledge that at times their child can use antagonistic or difficult behaviours.

This is a true story. I’m presenting to a grade five room. I start off by asking, “Who in here is a bully? Put up your hand!”

It’s the same presentation and my time is completely melted away so I close the presentation. I go up to one boy who had his hand up and said, "Sorry I didn't get to your question...what's up?"

One hand flies up. Someone else’s hand starts to raise, then lowers. Then the snickering

"You know how people want you to tell the truth and then get mad when you do?"

starts…kids pointing at other kids, some heads nodding, some heads shaking…this is embarrassing! What a crazy question!

Then I start again. “Okay! Not too many hands raised! Let’s try something else! Who in here has ever…” and I begin my list of bully actions….

•

left someone out on purpose?

•

hit someone?

•

kicked someone?

•

called someone a name?

•

talked about someone behind their back?

And the hands go up and up and up. So we know that children can acknowledge their individual bully actions, even if they don’t claim the label of “bully”.

When we remove the labels of victim and bully, focus on behavior, and clarify the definition of bullying, we change the dynamics.

When a school contacts a parent to tell them that their child has been labelled a bully, a mismatch of perceptions is instantly created.

A parent gets defensive, wonders what the school thinks of their family, and resists solutions. Rather than the label, when a parent is approached with facts about the bully actions their child is using, a different dynamic is achieved. Most parents will not see their

"Yeah, that can happen for sure."

"Well, what do you do?"

"Can you give me an example of what you mean?"

"Yes, I'm supposed to tell my mom when I have a problem with my sister. So I do, I say 'she's a retard, or she's stupid,' and my mom gets mad." "okay, so it's your truth that she's a retard, or that she's stupid, right?" "right." "but it's not your mom's so then she gets mad."

Thoughtful look...."right."

"I'd like you to try this, when something happens, describe EXACTLY what happened.

Don't use any words like stupid or retard, but just say...my sister broke my game, or my sister went in my room. Just exactly what is happening."

Finger to his lips...thoughtful look. "Hm. That's a good idea. I'll try that."

It’s possible to get so disturbed by children’s behavior that we attach the behavior to the

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(continued from page 43...) child. That’s a label, and it’s hard to shake off.

The more clearly we are able to communicate about bully actions and victim responses, the more of a handle we can have on the whole situation.

Victim responses can be seen when people feel and act in ways that promote helplessness.

“There’s nothing I can do”, “Nothing will ever change.” This happens when thought patterns are pervasively negative and skills are lacking.

No matter what types of behaviour are being used, the answer is to develop skills that promote communication, balanced thinking, internal and external calmness. These are strategies for confidence.

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We all have the capacity to bully others in particular situations and under certain conditions. But few of us will actually identify ourselves as bullies. For this reason, the phrases HBV Frame of Reference and HVR Frame of Reference are used here, rather than the words bully and victim. This provides a way to assess which behaviors and attitudes constitute the Frames of Reference, and eliminate these actions and attitudes. In this way, we work to eliminate negative behavior, rather

They need skills that help them positively build their self-concept, balance their thinking, increase their self-confidence, gain empathy and understanding, and learn superior communication skills.

Welcome to a new way of thinking about bullying, and a brand new bullying definition.

An HBV Frame of Reference contains the aspects of having a desire to hurt, and using harmful actions to create a sense of superiority and to control situations and people around them.

When the HBV Frame of Reference is combined with hurtful and repeated action against someone who carries or may be prone to a HVR Frame of Reference, a bullying situation takes place. The HVR Frame of Reference contains a sense of vulnerability and helplessness.

They feel incapable of protecting themselves and they portray responses that entertain and contribute to the illusion of the other person’s sense of power and control.

than eliminating or denigrating people.

The definition illustrates a fundamental power imbalance. It is when the power between people is unbalanced that bullying actions can escalate to a bullying situation.

Bystander behavior is a bully action when it supports negative power. Some bystanders feel the same emotions and intentions as the person using the bully actions. These are active supporters, and they are using bully actions as well. Some bystanders do not feel the contempt, control, desire to hurt and enjoyment that is required to define a bully action, but they may not stand up in defense of others because of fear, lack of self-confidence, or lack of knowledge about what to do.

Ultimately, children need to know about all three of the groups of behavior – HBV Frame of Reference, HVR Frame of Reference and bystander behaviors. They need skills that help them positively build their self-concept, balance their thinking, increase their self-confidence, gain empathy and understanding, and learn superior communication skills.

It’s time for a change. Time for adults to learn all these skills so they can share them with those in their care. Learn more about The No Such Thing as a Bully System at nosuchthingasabully.com

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Black History “I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound

to

the

starless

midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality…. I believe that unarmed truth and

unconditional

love

will have the final word.”

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

46 // Community Now!

“Never be limited by other people’s limited imaginations.”

—Dr. Mae Jemison, first African-American female astronaut

“If the only time you think of me as a scientist is during Black History Month, then I must not be doing my job as a scientist.”

—Neil deGrasse Tyson

NASA, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”

—Coretta Scott King

“In recognizing the humanity of our fellow beings, we pay ourselves the highest tribute.”

—Thurgood Marshall, first African American U.S. Supreme Court member

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” —Barack Obama Community \\ 47

Kimberly Dawn

S

ometimes our articles may be found upside down or even sideways; where everyone else's words are presented the normal way.

We are OK to be a little bit different; as authentic leaders we hold innovation & the sprint;101 mindset close to our hearts; forever!

A space where our words bounce around to find HOPE; scattered with the letters which spell it. If people stop, reflect & choose to look up into our endless; sky after big storms sometimes; rainbows whisper feathers of hope around within our communities. It is by chance, if you are looking up; that will you find the invisible hope feathers falling from above. So I hope;

Welcome to HOPE’S Corner;

48 // Community Now!

if your someone who is struggling right now to hold on for more tomorrow's watch this video ; (see below). So if your seeking a reason; to stop & enjoy the mindful moments with peace from within, it's now! https://youtu.be/xJbnve9sJ9o Not tomorrow; today & that may be why we call it the PRESENT; { moment }¿ This month our focus is on aging & the difficult parts of patient journeys when it's interweaved between different systems & specialities.

Trying to navigate between hospital {Emergency}, community & home ; is like trying to build a puzzle face down.

Not impossible however pretty much impossible, confusing right?

Check in with us in March to hear more about, next steps HOPE is taking to help others hold;on for more tomorrow's.

One sunrise at a time!

Let's talk about palliative supports.

The Alberta Health Services website page at; link below is seeking feedback about palliative & end-of-life care. https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/info/ page14778.aspx Got Feedback?

We would like to hear from you on your experience with this website. Please take a few minutes to complete a brief online feedback survey.

This next article; is from White Coat Black Art & separate from above links. https://www.cbc.ca/radio/whitecoat/theseparamedics-are-helping-give-canadians-thechoice-to-die-at-home-1.6155242 [[ Palliative care, which aims to ease suffering and improve quality of life, is in short supply both in sparsely populated areas like the one where Hobbs lives and larger urban centres.

A Canadian Institute for Health Information report found that most Canadians with a terminal illness would choose to die at home if they could access palliative care, but only 15 per cent are able to do so.

"If we're behind in one area, it's really giving the support to family caregivers that is required to allow a successful home death," said Prof. Barbara Pesut, who studies equitable access to end-of-life care and holds the Canada Research Chair Canada in health, ethics and diversity. ]] February is a different month; then the rest within a calendar. It's shorter then the others & for three years, it's missing number day #29; ending at day #28. YET, when we least expect it day #29 appears on calender. Only to disappear for another three years, returning again on the fourth. Luckily it's only within this month; where dates tend to run away.

I am inspired by runner & advocate Dave Proctor ~ 2018 ~ ~ [#Outrunner] ~ Rare Disease Foundation Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

https://survey.albertahealthservices.ca/TakeSurvey.aspx?SurveyID=PEOLC_website#

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Telling It Like It is www.PeerGuidance.ca Featuring Dan Olesen Senior Program Director at Careers Careers play an essential role in helping teens choose a career. Please share how your program works?

A simple 3 part process: Awareness, Exploration, and Experience. CAREERS watches job trends to find in-demand opportunities. In collaboration with our schools, we increase awareness of careers in areas of skill shortages and connect students to industry with camps, tours, and other exploration events. Student recognize the resources available to guide their career education development; in turn, they’re inspired to connect to employers for paid internships, “on-the-job” experience, as part of their high school curriculum. Students get paid, get credits, and get experience. Linking classroom learning to the workplace builds a bridge to employment opportunities, post-secondary education choices and a commitment to life-long learning.

There are a few traditional industries that use you. With the changing tech scene, are you hitting that up?

CAREERS is best known for our work with the registered apprenticeship program (RAP) and the skilled trades.

CAREERS and our partners applied the best parts of the apprenticeship model 50 // Community Now!

and work integrated learning to build the framework for the tech sector and careers related to information and communications technology (ICT). Alberta’s tech sector is already demanding a larger, local, and better talent pool, in a wide range opportunities with varying levels of skill and focus. Today, students have access to courses, clubs, and dual credit options, that increase the caliber of technical skills already developed in high school that rival post-secondary classes.

The CAREERS ICT Internship program, positions employers to cultivate that talent with our emerging best; in turn, students are better positioned to learn and adapt skills to the changing needs of the industry with a fit-for-purpose.

How does a company and student go about applying to you?

CAREERS is an industry led, not-for-profit, foundation. Our services to the student, school, and employer are free, because of the support of our partners. Every student and employer needs 3 things to apply: 1) a computer or device to access our website, www.careersnextgen.ca, to contact the CAREERS Program Coordinator in your community. 2) An interest to develop

skill potential in Business and Marketing, Software Development, Information Systems, Infrastructure, Data and Security, or Digital Design beyond the curriculum, to increase local innovation. 3) Courage to take on the future. CAREERS and our partners in education, government, and industry are inspiring that higher level of collaboration to expedite the probability of success. 93% of students and employers will go on to recommend CAREERS programming, after the internship.

If you had one piece of advice for a startup or entrepreneur, what would that be?

It is time that employers, teachers, parents and students stop the rhetoric of starting your career “from the bottom.” It implies that those in entry level positions are in a hole that they must climb or scratch out of to earn any self-respect. We can change the message and instead we can emphasize the importance of learning the culture of work, to develop key employability or soft skills in tandem of the technical skill development. Entry level roles help one evaluate career decisions and choices with those working professionals in the sector they are most interested in.

Ultimately, it is the value and willingness to start… from the “BEGINNING!”

Every Generation should be included.

Empowering every generation is important.

Connecting generations together is valuable.

Knowledge sharing can happen across every generation.

In our March issue we will be discussing youth in the community along with organizations, businesses, and people who encourage youth to be involved in the community in various ways.

Telling It Like It Is took the time to interview Dan Olesen from Careers the Next generation. Make sure you check out our March issue to read features from the students who participated in the Careers program.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR

Proud Community Supporter Standing up for Change, Truth & a Stronger more Vibrant Community!

403-660-6778 grace@topglobalrealestate.com TopGlobalRealEstate.com

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Our Mission: Promoting curiosity, communication and engagement in making Alberta a stronger and better place to live, to be educated, do business, promote innovation and community celebration. www.communitynowmagazine.com Facebook: @communitynowmagazine Twitter: @communitynowma1 Publisher@CommunityNowMagazine.com