Catholic Charities ND Networker Fall 2012

Th e

Networker

Newsletter of Catholic Charities North Dakota Volume 26, Issue 2 Fall 2012

Child’s Play: Important Work When Jon bit a classmate and shoved and kicked his teacher when she tried to intervene, it was the final straw. His aggression in the classroom had been gradually building, from ripping one child’s artwork, taunting another child, to being reported for fighting on the playground several times. His classmates avoided him. Notes had been sent home yet his disruptive behavior continued. On this day, his mother was called to the school and told that Jon was being suspended.

As she talked with the principal and the teacher, she broke down and disclosed that she had similar challenges with him at home. She constantly monitored his aggression towards his younger brother to avoid someone being hurt, and he was disobedient and disrespectful with her.

She confided that Jon’s young life had included physical abuse by his father and sexual abuse by his grandfather. As a result, he and his younger brother were removed from their father’s home and placed in multiple foster homes. They suffered instability and chaos in their lives before moving to North Dakota and being reunited with her after she had successfully completed treatment at an addictions center.

The principal referred her to the Counseling Services of Catholic Charities North Dakota. Jon began weekly individual therapy and started Parent-Child Interactive Therapy with his See Child’s Play, page 5

Catholic Charities North Dakaota was proud to help the Minot area in rebuilding from the floods of 2011. Shown with the representation of a $1,000,000 check are Larry Bernhardt and Jerome Clark, Executive Director and Board Member of Catholic Charities Board of Directors; Mary Barker, Recovery Warehouse Manager; Gerald Dyke, Mennonite Disaster Services; Rev. Debra Ball-Kilbourne, United Methodist Committee on Relief; Pat Smith, Souris Valley United Way Director; and Shirley Dykshorn, Lutheran Social Services Disaster Response Director.

(See Story on Page 2)

P e g o n i ple, Ch p l . e H es an g i n g Li v

A Priceless Call Board of Directors

Bishop David Kagan, President Brian Herding, Chair - Grafton Jerome Clark, Vice-Chairman-Minot Mary Ann Votava, Secretary-Grand Forks Jim Laske, Treasurer - Fargo Rev. Msgr. Dennis Skonseng - Valley City

Liaison to Bishop David Kagan Joyce McDowall - Bismarck

Liaison to Bishop David Kagan Lynn Davis, Belcourt Sr. Maura DeCrans, PBVM, Fargo* Kaylin Frappier, Fargo L. Joe Fry, Fargo Rev. William Gerlach, Oakes* John Hardy, Rolla Agnes Harrington, Fargo Christopher Johnson, Fargo Aaron Krauter, West Fargo Deacon Doyle Schulz, Bismarck Thomas Vanorny, Oakes Diane Weir, Medora Deacon Bob Zent, Dickinson* *New Board Members

Executive Director Larry J. Bernhardt

Board Members Emeriti Tim Allmaras Toni Betting Sr. Lois Byrne Leon Comeau Deacon Ed Didier Sr. Joanne Graham Rev. Thomas Graner Michael Hagstrom Monica Hannan Kathy Hogan Betty Keegan Kate Kenna Jaselta Lorenz Sonia Lunardi Jim Lyons

Galen Mack Teresa Martinez-Gravelin Victor Mathern Fr. Bernie Pfau Sharon Pollard Diane Roller Leo Schmidt Deacon Conrad Schuster Mary Ann Schuster Jerome Schwartzenberger Cameron Sillers Sr. Suzanne Stahl Dr. Shantell Two Bears Msgr. Wendelyn Vetter

The Networker is published twice a year by Catholic Charities North Dakota.

Catholic Charities North Dakota is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

1-800-450-4457 www.CatholicCharitiesND.org

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Dear Friends, It’s not every day that you receive a phone call telling you that your Agency has been awarded a $1,000,000 grant to help with flood recovery in the Larry J. Bernhardt Minot, North Dakota area, but that is exactly what Executive Director happened for Catholic Charities North Dakota in August 2012.

We were contacted in May by Catholic Charities USA (CCUSA) and told they were issuing a second round of grants to member agencies in a few states which had been hit hardest during the disasters of 2011. We had already received $70,000 from them and applied for a $250,000 grant. In the surprise phone call in August, we learned that $1,025,000 would be given to us because CCUSA was impressed with the effective way the previous funds had been distributed.

Catholic Charities North Dakota collaborates with other Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster (VOAD) to help with the recovery of those affected by disasters. These funds were used to provide funds to the Souris River Basin Unmet Needs Committee, restock and provide building supplies for the Recovery Warehouse, purchase supplies for the volunteers of Mennonite Disaster Services to bring homes to completion, and to recognize and honor the volunteer case managers of Resource Agencies Flood Team (RAFT).

We have already heard from people who have benefited and their gratefulness is so inspiring. We are blessed at Catholic Charities North Dakota that we can play a small part in this recovery.

With blessings, Larry Bernhardt

When Disaster Strikes

When a disaster hits a community, the generosity of people throughout the state, region and nation is immediately evident as donations are made to local, regional and national organizations.

It is this generosity which helps Catholic Charities North Dakota assist individuals and families recover from the disaster.

Did you know that following the winter storms and floods of 1997, $1,732,713 was given ✶ for emergency Child Care in Grand Forks; ✶ to set up a Thrift Store in Grand Forks; ✶to sponsor Case Management which identified resources for families to rebuild and recover; ✶to aid families in rural areas with the Rural Support Program?

From 2000 to 2012 over $200,000 was used to address needs evident after the Northwood Tornado, drought conditions in the western part of the state, and direct financial assistance for floods which occurred in these 12 years.

The Price of Love When Heather glanced down the hospital hall and caught a glimpse of the adoptive parents gazing at her baby, she knew that this was what was best for her child.

As a 16 year old high school student, Heather had experienced some challenges in her life. The baby’s father told her to “take care of ” this unplanned pregnancy; by her divorced, alcoholic mother she was told “I’m not supportiing another kid,” and she faced the disappointment and anger of her father, though at least he was supportive of her. It was a high school counselor who reached out to Heather and connected her with a pregnancy social worker from Catholic Charities North Dakota.

Together, they discussed Heather’s plans for her unborn child. Heather desperately wanted to parent her child, thinking finally someone would really love her. At the same time she struggled with the fact that she did not want her baby growing up in a broken home as she had. After much soul searching and many tears, Heather decided she needed to look at adoption. She read the family profiles online (www.CatholicCharitiesND.org) and selected a family.

They met at the local Catholic Charities office and Heather asked them to come to the remaining doctor’s appointments with her.

In many ways, Heather felt like the adoptive family was the family she needed for herself, and so certainly they would be right for her child. She had the adoptive mom with her in the delivery room and they all spent a lot of time together in the hospital. However, when it came time for her to leave the hospital without the baby, she really struggled. The fact that a relative asked her how she could “give away” her child added to her struggle.

But that glimpse of the adoptive parents with the baby convinced her that she was doing the right thing.

There were some very tough moments for her as she went through the grieving process, but getting pictures and letters from the adoptive family, and having occasional visits, helped. Now 8 months later she says “I know I made the right decision. It has been the hardest decision, and most sacrificial decision of my life, but for Danielle it was the right decision. She is happy and healthy and in a loving family surrounded by so many of us who will always love her. Some day I hope to have the kind of family and home that she is in.”

What so many people fail to realize is that birth moms do not make an adoption plan because they do not love their child or want their child; they are not “giving them away”. Decisions about making parenting plans or adoption plans are not easy, but staff of Catholic C h a r i t i e s North Dakota’s P r e g n a n c y, Parenting a n d Ad o p t i on Services are available to help.

All services are confidential, free of charge, and available to Catholic and non-Catholic alike. For assistance or more information, call 1-800-450-4457 or go to www.CatholicCharitiesND.org

Mission Statement Guided by our values, Catholic Charities North Dakota serves people in need and advocates for the common good of all. three

We are Never Alone

G

oing on a pilgrimage to an apparition site of the Blessed Mother had long been a dream of mine, and it came true in one 10 day trip to Rwanda this summer.

There was a hurdle I needed to get over to make the trip, that of a fear of traveling alone to a foreign country. By joining a group, travel details in Rwanda were covered. I also connected with a couple who would meet me in Chicago and we would fly the rest of the way to Kigali together. I was ready to go!

Once seated on the plane in Fargo, the pilot informed us of a windstorm in Chicago. However, once we landed safely in Chicago, I learned my travel partners’ flight had been canceled. They were running a day late. This meant that one of my initial fears was a reality: I would be flying all the way to Kigali alone.

programs into one single sentence it would simply state: “We are never alone.”

Isn’t that the great fear that people face when they turn to us for help? A woman expecting a child without family support, finds a shoulder to lean on as she makes decisions for herself and her child.

Someone struggling with difficulties in life needs assistance to navigate the road ahead; counseling staff with a compassionate heart and ear is right around the corner. People with developmental disabilites sometimes is unable to make good decisions for themselves. This is where a court appointed guardian can help.

W hen the angel Gabr iel announced the birth of the Messiah, Mary and Joseph were told they should call him Emmanuel. The name means “God is with us.” God lives within our hearts and chooses to use our hands when we lift each ’ve been on the Board of other up during dark times. Being Directors of Catholic Charities the eyes and hands of Jesus should of North Dakota for the past 3 always be our goal so that people years. If I was to sum up all of the realize they are never alone. That

I

Remembered in Prayer

Brian Herding Chairman Board of Directors

is what Catholic Charities North Dakota is all about.

A

fter receiving the call in Chicago, I got a text message from my sister saying: “I’m glad you are not alone now.” I remained positive in my response even as my stomach churned. As I boarded the plane and sat down, God had a gift in store. Two young people in their mid twenties were traveling to Belgium, my first stop.

As the stories flowed about where we were going and why, my fears started to subside.

I left them after we landed in Brussels; on the airport shuttle, I started a conversation with the a woman who was the 1978 NDSU Homecoming Queen! She became my companion to Kigali.

One of my fears developed, but with the help of God, it became a memory of his grace and protection.

May we, at Catholic Charities North Dakota, be a sign of God’s grace and protection during the times of trial in people’s lives.

Fred Arnason, a Board Member who completed his second term on the Board in May, died August 15, 2012 after a fire in his home. Mr. Arnason was a retired attorney from Grand Forks. four

Making Dreams Come True The Adults Adopting Special Kids program at Catholic Charities North Dakota builds permanency for children from foster care through adoption by stable and nurturing families. Stability, consistency, patience, support and love are key ingredients for prospective adoptive families. To learn more about any of these three young men, and make their dreams of a Forever Family come true, go to the AASK website at www.aasknd.org and click on the Kids and Family tab, or call 701-235-4457 for more information.

Meet Austin, Michael and RJ. They are currently waiting for their forever family through the Adults Adopting Special Kids Program at Catholic Charities North Dakota.

Austin is a 12 year old boy who enjoys video games, swimming and riding his bike and claims to be a “meat and potatoes” kind of guy.

Child’s Play

Michael is a 15 year old who enjoys Batman and spaghetti. His dreams involve becoming a chef and hopes to cook for his forever family one day.

Raymond (RJ) is a big dreamer who loves basketball and dreams of being an NBA player some day. He’s excited about findng his forever family.

Continued from Page 1

mother. Later, his younger brother, mother, and he attended family counseling. After several months of play therapy, Jon learned how to express his feelings verbally.

With the help of his mom and the therapist, he applied his new skills in the classroom. He was able to decrease his outbursts in class and learned to express his feelings through play instead of yelling and threatening others. He even was more focused with the schoolwork and successfully completed the school year. In addition he had become friends with several of his classmates.

The services provided by Catholic Charities Counseling Services have a life altering impact on our clients.

Our comprehensive approach to mental health care is designed to not only treat the individual but to address the family as well.

See Child Therapy, Page 6

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Planning for the Future As we approach the end of the year, it’s a great time to look to the future and see how Colleen Hardy you can continue to help us in changing lives. In a study done in 2007, it was determined that Director of $308.61 billion will transfer to families, heirs, charities, estate taxes, estate fees, and accelerated Development lifetime divestiture of assets from 2007-2061. Including Catholic Charities North Dakota in your estate plan can have significant tax benefits for you and your family, while allowing your legacy of changing lives to live on. Some of these tools include bequests, charitable gift annuities, charitable annuity trusts and charitable unitrusts to name a few. Be sure to visit with your lawyer, tax planner or financial planner to come up with the plan that suits you best. To visit about ways you can help at our agency, call Colleen Hardy, Director of Development and Community Relations at 701-235-4457 or chardy@catholiccharitiesnd.org.

Annual Celebration takes place

Catholic Charities North Dakota’s Annual Celebration was held on Tuesday, October 9 at the Ramada Plaza Inn and Suites in Fargo, ND. The featured speaker was Miss North Dakota, Rosie Sauvageau, who spoke about what being adopted meant to her, and then performed her own piano arrangement of a selection by Elton John.

The 2012 Caritas Award was presented to Mary Pat Jahner from Saint Gianna’s Maternity Home in Warsaw, North Dakota, which provides a home for women expecting a child, and for the woman and her child for up to three years after the child’s birth.

The recipients of two $500 Hassing Scholarships, awarded to college juniors or seniors who intend to work in the Social Work profession, were announced. Rachael Ritzke is a senior at Minot State University and Nicole Badar is a junior at Minnesota State University in Moorhead.

Thank you to all who attended our Celebration!

What is Child Therapy?

When children experience trauma they are often unable to talk about the experience because their mental processes to judge, reason, perceive or remember are not fully developed. The unexpressed emotions are often expressed as aggression, emotional outbursts, lying, or withdrawal. Parents will bring their child in because of inappropriate behaviors. When we look at these behaviors as signals to what the child is experiencing, we can put together a treatment plan that fits their unique needs.

Children use play to process concepts that they cannot verbalize because play is the natural language of children (Landreth, 1991). Children use play to represent their experiences and views of themselves, others, and the world. In fact, Vygotsky (1967) found that children process in play at a higher level of cognitive development than what is consistent with their age. Therefore, play in therapy allows for higher level six

processing of troubling issues than would be available through talking alone. Play therapy is a process that involves more than just talking to a child while they play with toys. It involves advanced instruction in nondirective and directive play therapy approaches which may include sandtray therapy, art therapy, music therapy, or the use of toys such as dolls and puppets.

Mary Jo Andersen, LPCC, NCC has recently completed training in play therapy and is able to provide this additional therapy to Catholic Charities’ treatment of children and families. We have received generous donations of therapeutic toys, dolls, and art supplies.

In addition, the Knights of Columbus of Nativity Parish, Fargo, donated funds for the purchase of a Sandtray so that sandplay is available to Catholic Charities’ clients. Additional supplies are still needed for the play therapy room and donations are always welcome.

Thank you to All of our Donors We are grateful to the many individuals and groups whose generosity makes our work possible.

Annunciation Priory Bank of the West Diocese of Bismarck, Chancery Knights of Columbus, Nativity Steven Curtis Chapman Catholic Daughters

of the Americas FirstChoice Clinic Harvey Right to Life Holy Family Catholic Church IBM Employee Services Center Microsoft Corporation Matching Gifts Program North Dakota Catholic Conference St. Catherine Church-Valley City St. Gianna’s Maternity Home Sts. Anne & Joachim Church Sisters of Mary of the Presentation Sisters of St. Francis Village Family Service Center Loretta and Leo Althoff Marjory and Myron Atkinson Patricia and Ronald Barta Karen Bergstad Barbara and Larry Bernhardt Ms. Rebecca Bialosky Susan and Matthew Brandjord Fr. H. Gerard Braun Laura Breen Doris and Gib Bromenschenkel Carol Brooks Sylvia and George Calkins Geraldine and Darrell Cariveau Sylvia and Gaylord Carpenter Fr. Martin Cullen

Judy and Dale Degenstein Jane and Todd Dickerson Dora I. Diepolder Patrice and Daniel Dietz Rosalie and Patrick Dingus Christopher Dodson Virginia and Albert Dolajak Dorothy and Dave Downton Catherine Duffy Ms. Terri Eckroth Estate of Anne and James Ryan Ms. Casie Ewalt Joanne and Rodger Fewell Terri and Kaylin Frappier Ms. Delores Friedt Colette and Mel Gauslow Fr. William Gerlach Connie and Dennis Glueckert Ms. Nikki Goral Charlotte and Gary Griffeth Msgr. Val Gross Becky and John Halland Becky and John Hardy Linda Hastings Janet and Dwight Hendrickson Denise Henschel Louise and Robert Hesler Corliss and Joseph Hizinski Debora and James Hoffert Julie and Jefferie Hoffman Andree and Richard Horst Sharon and Jim Hughes Debra and Roger Jaeger Bridget and Daniel Jerome Karla and Jeffrey Johnson Delores H. Johnson

Tribute and Memorial Gifts In Honor of By Peter Edwards’ retirement from Catholic Charities ND Melissa and Brandon Johnson

Dolores Normandin

Lynn and Deacon Math Prom Megan Mei MiaXian Weiss Richel and Brian Weiss Bill Marti Joseph Donaldson Fr. Dale Lagodinski’s 40th Anniversary Mary Anne and

Deacon Conrad Schuster

In Appreciation of By Bishop Samuel Aquila, for his service to the Diocese of Fargo Carolyn Williams-Foell Lives saved from abortion Judy and Merton Beaudrie Staff of Catholic Charities and the good work they do Roberta and Richard Johnson

Gifts were given from April 16, 2012 through September 30, 2012.

Mavis and Harley Jundt Colleen and Paul Samson Fr. Jared Kadlec R. L. Sauvageau Lori and Elvis Kadrmas Mary Schmidt Yvonne and Tim Kapfhamer Connie and Jason Schneider Carol and Rick Kasper Patricia and Deacon David Keller Doyle Schulz Marcia and Ralph Kilzer Germaine Perkerewicz-Schultz Laurie and Phil Kraemer and Raymond Schultz Cindy and Aaron Krauter Jeanne and Gary Schumacher Cheryl and Gordon Krech Laverne Seefeld Linda and Albert Kuntz Marc E. Sheehan Sheila and Paul Leier Fr. Bill Sherman Fr. Donald Leiphon Jane and George Sinner Barbara A. Lies Clay J. Sobolik Shelby Loftsgard Sharon and Vern Solum Jr. Luther Family Ford Lisa and Marlyn Staiger JoAnne and Jim Lyons Rita and Donald Steidl Sharon Maier Bonnie Steiner Debby and Mike Marback Fr. Leo Stelten Sara Marcis Gail and Laurice Streyffeler Rev. T. Richard Marcis Alice and Don Such Thomas Marcis Mrs. Shirley Suda David Marcis Ms. Dorothy Taylor Tammy and Kevin Martian Pamela and Kenneth Tokach Susan and Douglas Mormann Elizabeth Tyree Mr. and Mrs. Paul A. Morth Gerald W. Vande Walle Carol and Robert Muscha Msgr. Wendelyn Vetter Msgr. Allan Nilles Sharmae and Richard Vetter Rosalyn Norstedt Stephanie Vetter-Topp Karen and Doug Olschlager Mary Ann and Cyril Votava Amy and David Overby Norma and Donald Wehri Marlys and Ronald Parrish Colleen and Charles Wehri Sarah and Eric Pegors Dianne and Patrick Weir Ruth C. Phalen Cindy and Rodger Wetzel Molly and Jacob Rodenbiker Barb and Kurt Witteman Margaret & James Rundlett-Doom Most Rev. Paul A. Zipfel In Memory of By Odell Mildenberger Arthur Mildenberger Dan Smith Diane and Howard Trapp Kenneth Kohler Diane and Howard Trapp Kenneth Kohler Margaret and Lloyd Thilmony Frank Wolf Margaret and Lloyd Thilmony Helene Arnason Fred Arnason John Sang Joan and Roger Kieffer Eddy Kline Elaine Kline Sharon Bonesness Marlene and Kevin Svingen Dean Calkins Anna Calkins Vince Steffan Karen and Michael Grosz Matt Grosz Karen and Michael Grosz Michael Bjorgen Lori and Wade Bjorgen Clara Ronningen Donna Mrozla August Smith Marion Smith Deacon Gerald Sobolik Shirley Sobolik Emma Rundlett Vicki and Ron Wiisanen Nancy Marsden Joan and Peter Edwards Doris Langowski Stanley Langowski Fred Arnason Jill Petersen seven

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Auction” features heirloom quality quilts and fantastic purses, as well as ser vice, sporting and entertainment packages in both live and silent auctions. In its 3rd year, this event hosted 130 guests and raised more than $12,000; and we continue to grow! This year our Auction will be held on Monday, April 8th, 2013 at the Fargo Hilton Garden Inn. Tickets for this fun wine and appetizer event are $20 each or two for $30. If you would like to reserve your tickets, make a cash or in-kind donation, or have any questions regarding the Auction or any of the programs of Catholic Charities North Dakota, please call Sarah Ries at 701-235-4457 or contact via e-mail at sries@catholiccharitiesnd. org . You may also visit our website at www.CatholicCharitiesND.org.