TRANSGENDER D AY O F
REMEMBERANCE
NOVEMBER 20th
“Living For Them.” by Ora Uzel For the second issue of Co-ZINE, I was asked to write about Transgender Day of Remembrance (November 20th). Transgender Day of Remembrance is a date when the community gathers to remember those lost in the last year, whether to murder or to suicide. While murders generally get more publicity and attention than suicide, suicides should not be dismissed. 41% of transgender people succeed at suicide, with higher numbers having attempted. These are our siblings. Regardless of how they pass, the loss in the community is always too much. This day reminds me of my first days understanding that people are willing to kill over this. I remember reading the lists of causes of death of murdered transgender people. I remember watching Boys Don’t Cry, eventually curled up in a ball by the end of the film, unable to walk home alone. I recall fear of my peers on campus in college; the hushed jibes the guys in my dorm thought I couldn’t hear; the dead chicken in our suite tub; planning the fastest route to my dorm from the concert I performed in and wore a skirt… Fear can grip us, control us, and drive us. It’s all-consuming and prevents us from living our lives to the fullest. I have a diary that I carry around with me in my purse. It rarely sees the light of day, but inside is a picture of Gwen Araujo. She was a beautiful young woman about my age at the time. She was murdered for being trans. In the photo, she is holding her nephew. It’s always reminded me of the Madonna and Child icons. To me, her picture functions somewhat like an icon, a religious work of art that holds special significance. Gwen is someone who didn’t make it. She did not survive; yet here I am. I remain. I’ve seen darkness too: all the fear of undergrad, the dark figure that followed me one night in Chicago, the men I wondered might kill me if we got into a relationship, and most prosaically, all those years of suicidal thoughts. In such moments I would ask myself, “Why? Why did she go and I remain?” For me, she represents all the life I have to live for her, since she cannot. For each transgender person who has died prematurely, whether murdered or lost to suicide, we live for them, each of them, making the most of our days because they could not. While it is with heavy hearts that we remember these losses in the transgender community, I like to remember Gwen in this photo and think of all the life she might have lived that I can make up for her. Sometimes I’m still taking one day at a time – or even one hour or minute at a time – but I remain… for her. And that gives me hope for all of us who are living each day for the ones who didn’t make it. Here’s to the ones who didn’t make it. Let’s be amazing for them. Blessings, Ora Uzel
09
Nov. 2016
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