October 2024
Vol. 26 No. 1
Table of Contents
2 – Letter from the Editor
3 – My Interpretation of Matthew 6:28-30 by Nya Dubyk
5 – She’s Just Trying by Sofia Nast-Kolb
6 – Much to our Dismay there’s bed bugs in KFA by Tai Linklater
7 – The Fiery Heart of Jasper by Trisha Boodhoo
9 – For One Little Moment. Goose Fighting Part 1. by John George
11 – The Creation and Persecution of The Wood Giants -ABrief History (Part 1) by Morgan Z. Wilson
13 – It girl Monologue: How to be cool and unbothered while embracing fear by Trisha Boodhoo
14 – The Snow is Melting. byAria Klassen
15 – That Time I Gave Birth (Metaphorically) by Kyle ‘Populi’Wiebe
16 – 4:30 am by John George Nosferatu by Derek Thiessen
17 – The Doxascope
18 – Doxa Meeting MS Paint Prof Quotes
Cover design and pg. 10 illustration by Derek Thiessen
Letter from the Editor
Dear Readers,
AH!Autumn is a time of change, of transformation. Many of you are at university for the first time, away from home for the first time, navigating the tumult of adult life and forging a new identity for yourselves.At the same time, the weather is changing. Shoulders are rising in the cold. Leaves are yellowing. Projects and readings are piling up, socializing is getting harder and harder, and reading week seems ages away.
It’s in the wake of these changes that fear comes along, and it is the fear that the writers of the Doxa have chosen to examine. Whether your agent of fear is one deep in the mind, deep in the covers, or stalking you on the walk to North, this issue of the Doxa has somewhere for you to turn.
Have no doubt, there will be more fear coming to find you this semester. But when it does, remember that morning always comes, winter always passes, and professors (almost) always accept papers submitted after 11:59pm.
Stay brave,
Derek Thiessen, Doxa editor
My interpretation of Matthew 6:28-30
by Nya Dubyk
I woke up one day and was met by my Maker.
Are you afraid? He asked me.
I thought for a moment...
Yes. I am afraid that I will fall behind, I replied.
My maker placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, then turned and walked away.
Throughout the day, I hurried from class to class and task to task. I held the tears in when I needed to and let them fall when others’eyes were turned away.
While I buried my head in my studies, my Maker knelt outside over a flower bed. He sang to the lilies as they stretched towards His presence; He watered their roots and sat with them in the sunshine.
When my legs were too tired to walk, and my eyes were too heavy to open, I slept.
I woke up the next morning and was greeted once again by my Maker.
Are you afraid? He asked again.
I thought for less time than I had the day before.
Yes. I am afraid that I will not be enough. I answered.
My maker turned towards me, kissed my forehead, and once again walked away.
Like the day before, I hurried from class to class and task to task. I skipped lunch and dinner, feeding my hunger with crammed words instead of nutrients.
While I slouched over my computer, my Maker walked into the woods. He picked a small sparrow up off the ground and tucked it into his cloak to protect it from the wind and rain. When the rain had stopped, my Maker sat with the sparrow until the sun dried off its small wings.
When my head began to ache, and my fingers could type no longer, I slept.
For the next weeks, my Maker would greet me each morning and ask the same question:
Are you afraid?
And every morning, my answer stayed the same:
Yes.
I continued to rush between tasks and classes, and my Maker continued to kneel in the earth and care for all His creatures.
When my bones ached and my heart could take no more, I would sleep.
This continued for many days until one night my body was once again heavy with exhaustion, and yet I did not sleep.
I stared at the ceiling, letting the worries swim through my head.
Hours passed as I tried to swallow my thoughts.
1 hour...
2...
3...
Finally, I called out to my Maker:
Lord, please... I do not want to be afraid any longer.
Before I knew, He was at my side again.
He cupped my chin in His hands, wiped my tears with his thumbs, and smiled gently down at me.
He held me for a long while, and then He spoke:
My beloved one... have you not seen the hours I spend each day, caring for the small creatures that sing in the trees, and the blossoms that spread their roots into the earth? If my love runs so deeply for my smallest creations, how deeply must I love you? You truly think that I would let you fall?
My dear child, slow down... you are not walking alone.
The next morning, I awoke, and my Maker was not there.
I walked to class, and this time I knelt at the flower bed to drink in their beauty...
I listened to the sparrow and its morning song...
I took a breath.
“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”
Matthew 6:28-30
She’s Just Trying
by Sophia Nast-Kolb
Fear,
This creeping little monster which roams your pillows at night
Wiggles into your ear and settles in your stomach.
It bites you, causes great itching welts on your soul that no one can see. It can come slowly or quickly, stay for a long time or a little.
Some people have an on ongoing infestation,
And no matter how many exterminators come Fear adapts, but what if… but what if… but what if…
“If” is Her favourite word, and Fear squeals with delight when the “what ifs” become “it did.”
It revels in the satisfaction and grows rampant:
“I was right! Silly girl, you should know better than to ignore me.”
And you try and try to push it away. But She keeps coming back, relentless.
And you know Fear is just trying to keep you safe.
She has been right so many times, Trying to build up your amour through the tortures of middle school.
Forcing you to write that first essay whispering: “you will fail if you don’t start.”
Keeping you alert on those long dark walks home.
Making sure you don’t fall into the traps of broken love.
She is there to protect you, but sometimes you need to reminder her:
“Life isn’t as scary as you make me think it is.”
I made friends in middle school.
My papers got written and I did pretty well.
No one approached me on the way home.
And there is still beauty in the tattered mosaic of my heart.
Much to our Dismay there’s bed bugs in KFA
by Tai Linklater
The Fiery Heart of Jasper
by Trisha Boodhoo
Sometimes you have the chance to discover something incredible that can change your life in ways you did not expect. It can be as simple as reading a new book or as complex as meeting a stranger who becomes the most important person in your life. For me, that something was my summer in Jasper, a small and enchanting town inAlberta. I could rave on about Jasper, its people and its magnificent surroundings but I would not be able to do justice to this town with simple words. It is true that sometimes experiences cannot be described to anyone besides yourself, and I am nothing but just an artist with a pen which forces me to try.
I have always been a city girl, and I was skeptical, terrified, and excited when I embarked on this new journey, this summer with my two friends, Lianna and Clarissa. To tell the truth, I was just fleeing to another place and thought a fresh start would help me heal and mend my broken heart that I had been carrying for a few months prior. While change is not uncommon, the fear of a new place still sneaks inside of you like tendrils of a plant holding on until you cut it away with scissors of comfort and joyous settlement. However, I was not expecting to use the scissors in the second week itself. The charm of a small town is indeed so different. I started to work as a hostess at a cute little restaurant and soon enough I had a second family and had already found my favorite Cafe where I got hot chocolate during my time off.
The air of Jasper did indeed help me heal in an unexpected way. The city girl in me was so surprised that I was loving random walks and hikes where I could reconnect with wildlife or jump in an icy lake caused by melted glaciers before rushing to work. Running barefoot and feeling the wind brushing my face with the joy of simply feeling. Going up Maligne lake and Spirit Island, which just made me wonder about the generations of Indigenous people who climbed those mountains and did healing rituals for nature and Mother Earth. If I was a painter I would use green to paint, so many different shades of green and a sprinkle of awe. What I did not expect was for it to disappear and dissolve into red and black.
The wildfire came swiftly and abruptly. The sudden emergency of packing a few things and driving away while ashes fell like raindrops and smoke gripped your lungs to suffocate you is terrifying to say the least.As the wildfire made its way to the town like a giant monster eating everything in its pathway, you shrug it off as the reality of the situation does not strike you. I never understood the denial of reality until that exact moment where I thought all the people from town and I were just off on a forced vacation for a few days.And then, we found ourselves a few days later sitting in a circle, crying and waiting for news of whose house was going down next in the fire.
Heartbreak is not something I have mastered writing about. But this heartbreak was different. This was a heartbreak that made your heart whimper in pain while it beats, hurting and pleading to be comforted with something that no longer exists. Praying and begging to God would not make a difference, for it might have been his will all along after all. Returning to Jasper with half of the town gone and ruined buildings was heartbreaking. Only the stairs of a restaurant left and the trees you loved so much burnt to ashes or just standing there—not proudly with their green leaves, but like souls shriveled and having nothing more to give. Memories gone with
material things and silence instead of the happy screams of ravens on the streets. If I am suffering this much after only after three months, I do not know how the residents are feeling but I am weeping alongside them. I am mourning the loss of one of our firefighters with them.
I have always wondered what love is and I did feel it at one point. While it left me broken, it taught me resilience and risk. Someone dear to me said that they were afraid that I'd fall in love with Jasper and never come back. I did indeed fall in love with Jasper. Jasper glued the little shards of my heart together and gave it life again. My heart was beating with so much love for this town, it was as good as being in love for the first time. It was the joy of seeing the forests and the happiness of listening to small artists’music as love songs while feeling the water of the lake on my skin. Jasper was my town and the people there were my people. When Jasper burnt down, my heart burnt with it, and it was left just as shriveled as the trees. But I will never forget that this town was for me a healing town and while it will take time, I am leaving this town with its memories that will heal my heart.
Hope is a great thing, and I do believe that the most beautiful part, was returning to Jasper after the evacuation. Seeing the people coming together and supporting each other even during despair and loss was indescribable. The town might have suffered losses, but the people of Jasper are what makes the place so special. Seeing their hope and their willingness to rebuild the town is what makes it so much more meaningful. Besides, nature is also giving itself a chance for regrowth and renewal. The trees that were rotting away are now going to be replaced by new young trees full of life and joy.
I did leave this town, but it will never leave my heart or my thoughts. I lost Jasper but we parted on the terms that I am going to work on myself and wait for it to heal and regrow again.A scary experience turned into love and I'd gladly do it all over again for Jasper.After all, green is the colour of growth and renewal. I will be back there one day, once I find myself and give it my new patched up heart all over again.
“Pack up your car, put a hand to your heart, say whatever you feel, be wherever you are. We ain't angry at you love, you're the greatest thing we've lost.’’—Noah Kahan
For One Little Moment.
Goose Fighting Part 1
by John George
I’m angry most of the time but when it starts to come out my mouth like Rabie froth I know that’s when I have to relax—but how? it’s days like today where rage is not an option: I’m behind on all the readings, an essay needs to be done in a week and exams are coming up, a bruised heart and a fuzzy brain and a spirit that is trying to kill the hope—any hope.
The Fear has taken hold on this spring day. I see it grip the others in tears and rage. I see a friend’s face deserted of joy, now only displaying a face of destitute longing with two big red eyes like halved grapefruits as they vainly search for some monotony to hold to—or at least to believe in.
On a day that was kinder to me, a goose stood up and hissed as I was walking past. I showed ‘em the finger with the subtext of a slightly mad “fuck off.” It seemed to understand this as I walked past, and the goose sat down.
Conflict resolution.
Wendy would be proud of me, but that was a day that allowed patience.
My latest encounter with the long-necked birds was on the days of stress: no forgiveness, no patience, no grace. The day was against me. I was walking to north campus in a rush for a meeting with James Magnus-Johnston to propose a thesis when a goose stood up hissed and fronted me with a charged waddle. I was tired in the body but tired of spirit as well. When the goose hissed, I immediately ran at it saying “OK COME ON!”1
The goose saw that I had no means of peace and went acting virile^ waddled getting ready to fly instead of fight.
The Fear had taken hold; the rage came with it to.
I stopped and yelled, “if you’re gonna fight me, fight me!” I felt the pressure gritting my teeth and the breeze on my widened eyes of dilated pupils. I looked at the goose’s sternum where I could punt the motherfucker like a feather-covered rugby ball; I felt the blood in my toes, readied.
1 I do love Geese on normal days.
Outside my vision, as I went north, I saw the yellow hoodie of friend and peer from my neighbourhood leave the doors with a smile of disbelief. I looked back at the goose giving me evil eyes of fear and anger.
He started laughing and I did too with a wash of tranquillity that laughing brings. How much of that did you see, I asked.
I saw you run and then I saw the goose, or something, how are you doing?
I looked at my watch, I’m late. I ran with a smile to find my meeting, forgetting my stress for at least one little moment before I remembered everything to do.
The Creation and Persecution of The Wood Giants -A Brief History (Part 1)
by Morgan Z. Wilson
Before I, and the world, came into being, And the Snowbird was without seeing; Before the Void perceived what I was, There came a mighty applause. The breath of memory and thought, When I began unwrought.
— The Snowbird's song.
When the earth was still young, and the mountains were left untouched by greedy hands, before the trees knew where they came from, there was a great Void. The Void was but nothing, and yet it was something; it was chaos and order, the matter and antimatter, terror and peace, the beautiful and the hideous. The Void especially loved beauty and took an interest in the beauty withon earth, but it couldn't have the beauty for itself. Overwhelmed with unfulfilled desire, the Void became trounced with jealousy and anger for the earth’s beauty and wished for it to cease its existence. It desired to destroy the beauty and all that lived within, as though it must destroy all to create all, and to create and transform. So the Void ate half of the sun’s life force, and spewed fire from its gaping mouth, scorching the earth and burning nearly every living being under the sun (but those who were living in caves were the only lucky ones to have survived). This event is what is now known as the Great Flicker, or the Opening of the Void, as many were set ablaze and refashioned to ash in the twinkling of the sun.
Then the Void swallowed the stars and spat them towards the charred remains of the planet, as if they were cherry pits. The stars shook the earth violently as the mountains gave way and oceans were desiccated, the earth ruptured and the blackened trees were uprooted from the soil. Star after star was hurled at the planet in the Void’s envious frenzy until it ran out of cartridges. Then, all was still and the ash settled. It began to snow; tiny white specks of crystalized water fell upon the barren lands and blanketed the fallen trees. Then from the ground up there arose the terrible voice of the Void as it sang life back into the world, along with it a choir of ghosts.
Beneath the stars destruction came; Giant's cradle the ‘ternal flame, And trees their lives left unwrought, For wisdom was left untaught. Snow shall fall on barren land, Creatures far greater than the sands; Arise! Arise! The snow shall fall, Arise at once, the snowy call. When your wisdom was left unwrought, What wisdom calls you untaught? Thus once more the mountains reach high; The sun, the moon, the stars arise; Oceans, and trees, and skies, Never shall Préir die.
Thus it was so, and the trees of the world shuddered back to life—along with Nio the goddess of the wind, whom existed long before the Void manifested itself and made itself known. Seeing that she was made anew alongside the Wood Giants, she gained an intense love for them and sought to protect her companions with all that she could. Henceforth she banished the Void to prevent it from wreaking destruction upon the earth ever again. The Void objected to Nio’s harsh punishment and tried to strike a bargain with the goddess. It had promised to never destroy the planet ever again as long as she promised to never inflict harm upon the Unnatural and the Unearthly when they come out, nor should she try to interfere with their affairs, for the Void loved them very dearly. Nio agreed to these terms and the Void made itself scarce.
One day Nio had seen how distraught the Wood Giants had become in the strange, new land they found themselves in, and took pity on the poor creatures. So she gathered together the snow from the cold earth, and the charcoal from the blackened trees, forming a body. For the spirit she gave it the soul of Préir; and for the wings she called upon the Northern winds and granted it the ability to fly; and the face imitated the Unearthly. Lastly, she took up two of the remaining stars left over from the Cosmic Spit, the stars of thought and memory, and breathed life into her work, fashioning the Snowbird. In old tales, it was believed that the stars knew everything about us and have seen all that has happened here on our planet—including the Great Flicker—, and thus have become the eyes of the Snowbird. Nio sent forth her creation to the Wood Giants, as the Snowbird recalled all of the accounts on how they, and the world around them, came to be; and they knew where they came from.
Several years after the creation of the Snowbird, all creatures great and small, the Natural and Unnatural would disappear from hiding and start a new society; and those who were Unearthly would have yet to come out for many more years. But when they did come out, most of them became enthralled by the ways of the Unnatural. The Unnatural were vile and fell creatures with a deep lust of control, as well as an even deeper hatred for the Wood Giants. They saw that the Unearthly were feeble minded and easy to manipulate, so they whispered rumors to them that the Wood Giants were the ones who caused the Great Flicker, and were likely to start it again. Enchanted by their gossip, the Unearthly Ones become hateful, despising the giants for their suffering and anguish, and altogether they proclaimed violence upon them.As the skirmishes persisted, the Unearthly did everything they could to expel all the giants from the face of the earth. When Nio heard of this, she wanted to help the giants but remembered her promise to the Void, so she took up her physical form to protect them against the unearthly slings. But Nio, weakened by her promise to the Void, was easily overcome by the spells the Unearthly cast upon her that hindered her ability to take her physical form. In time, the giants dwindled in numbers as the Unearthly slaughtered them day and night, ceasing to show them mercy.Axes slashed at their wooded knees and torches burned their lofty leaves, nearly exterminating all of the Wood Giants. Frightened by their strength and growing numbers of the Unnatural, the Wood Giants turned to the earth and buried themselves beneath the ground, only allowing their brains to be perceived. For many years they would hide in this dormant state, waiting for the day that they too would emerge from the ground; waiting for the day that Préir would return.
It girl Monologue: How to be cool and unbothered while embracing fear
by Trisha Boodhoo
Fear is like getting hit by a thousand thorny roses in the face. You want to defend yourself, but you do not know which direction they are coming from.And the worst of it all, you realise that the roses being thrown are from the crowd you gave a performance to.
One thing to understand about the world; Everyone is wearing a mask. Yes, you are also wearing a mask and so is that annoyingly good-looking friend of yours who looks like they have their life figured out. Nobody knows what they are doing, and they are all trying to figure it out. I am both speaking from having lived the past twenty-one years of my life and from talking to seventy-year-old iconic dude that I had the chance to meet up with in my life.
“Damn kid, I am more than three times your age and I haven`t figured it out. Why are you , reckless youths losing your time by being cowards? Nobody cares that much about you except yourself lass, so embrace that fear and go kick some behinds’’(words have been altered due to inappropriate language).
That dear old man had some sense in him after all. He was, to be fair, a successful businessman making six figures a year. That conversation led me to understand a few things. I was always scared of people and the fact that I had to have it figured out. But two realisations :
You are actually, genuinely so cool that people do want to hangout with you.
You do not have to have it figured out nor do you know for certain that you`ll ever figure it out.
The first realisation may seem unbelievable. Trust me, it took me twenty years to figure it out. Even when other people said that I was cool, I snorted and waved it off. But you need to acknowledge this: nobody is you on this earth. Nobody else has your thoughts, your talents or your weaknesses. Why are you not embracing yourself?
The second realisation, well, sorry to rain on your parade mate but if you think you have it figured out, prepare to get yourself a good whooping from life.Accept your faults and use them to better yourself.
Once you do so, the process of life gets better. People who do not like you, well, they are like filthy parasites. Just discard them. They are not going to pay your bills. Once you stop people pleasing, you will be surprised by the amount of people who want to be around you just because you are you.
Buy a harmonica. Find yourself a new hobby. Become friends with people you want and if they are not what you really want, just walk away. Live your life fully and paint the canvas using your colours.
An example would be the CMU bands who are gaining popularity. The Freudian Slips are
like refreshing, fun and talented new comedians popping on stage and submerging the crowds with their fun music and cool musicians. The traditional Birdkill members are like the modern Dead Poet’s Society characters; cool, mysterious and makes you think of a glass of whiskey in a groovy cabin near the woods. Both are completely different, but this is what makes them thrive. They show who they are and embrace their individual talents on stage.
On a side note, Fall is here.Afew tips about this season`s trend in fashion to boost your ‘hot and unbothered’look : cherry red or wine-coloured shoes and purses, MaryJanes and slingbacks with socks and jeans, Faux suede bags and boots, Messy braids and ballet flats. Try the sandwich method for your outfit and the makeup combo to use : plum lip liner and wine red lip gloss, a faint trail of blush on your cheekbones and mascara to finish.
Fear? Nope, I am just vibing with my dad shoes and sunglasses.
The Snow is Melting.
The snow is melting, It's only December.
byAria Klassen
We ditch our biking, Our walking, and our hiking, In favour of faster travel And heated seats.
The ground is thawing
We near end of January.
How we yearn
For the heat of summer, When the nights are coldest And frost licks the windows.
We beg for the sun to come To turn snow to puddles, But now as we get our wish, We beg for the chilling kiss
Of a winter we once knew.
That Time I Gave Birth (Metaphorically)
by Kyle ‘Populi’Wiebe
As performed at CMU’s fall coffeehouse
Verse 1:
I remember way back when on a day in my youth, I got up to something quite uncouth, something that would haunt me till the day I die.
See here’s the thing, it’s never a fling, especially when it’s me and Populi!
Chorus:
That time I gave birth! (Metaphorically!)
Sound out the words! (Phonetically!)
Charm em with finesse, I might not be the best?
But I do set the stage! (On Populi!)
Verse 2:
I changed my bio and I made my first post, but the thing I enjoyed the most was the horrified looks of my peers!
But then I had a taste, the joy of first place, the peoples jeer, cheers, and praise.
Chorus
Verse 2.5:
Now here’s the thing about me, you see, I couldn’t make myself stop at three, so I went all the way round’the earth, but now it’s time to tell you about…
Chorus
Verse 3:
So out he came, I had no shame, my little baby boy.
You who were here, have no fear! I’m merely thinking of the shower, it filled him with so much power, he was gone the very next day.
Though it cuts like a knife he’s livin’his best life, shortly after that time that I gave birth.
Final Chorus (cue the crowd to shout out the words within brackets): (Repeat x3)
4:30 am by
John George
shaking in squander shakes in the cold, cold hell that my mind can bring me to like suffocating on dirt or chocking on air I face the wall and try to think think think of any other problem that doesn’t let the body spasm with electricity it’s a new beginning and in any place but this casket-sized bed would make this death rotation somewhat freeing or at least meaningful
by Derek Thiessen
No moon out tonight. And I wait for the shadow of something to come up behind me, move through walls, to take its teeth to my shallow skin and my blood to its throat.
Death after death after death, no one to bury the coffins even when they hold nothing but dirt and rats.
From the moment his white lips wrapped themselves around my thumb to when my own felt the nectar on them for the first time, I hungered and feared and waited for something I never knew to desire.
There is much to be done.
The Doxascope
Horoscopes from someone who is under-caffeinated and over-simulated
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
We're one month in, if you haven't cried yet you are overdue.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Have you ever seen the last leaf fall off a tree?
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Sometimes I order fortune cookies just so I'll have someone to tell me what to do.
Capricorn (Dec 22- Jan 19)
When was the last time you lit a candle and had a bubble bath? Not on campus of course... nobody wants that fine
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Maybe go sit in a pumpkin patch for a while and contemplate life or something.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
I think the apple's rotten right to the core, from all the things passed down from all the apples before…
Aries (Mar 21 -Apr 19)
It is almost time to go step in some crunchy leaves.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
It's that time of year again! Let's drown our sorrows in all the things that have no business being pumpkin spice flavoured.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Google "frog with a cowboy hat". You'll thank me later.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
Have you ever tried dumpster diving? I know it's illegal and all, but like the thrift stores are getting expensive.
Leo (Jul 23 -Aug 22)
Midterms are right around the corner, this seems like the perfect time to start that new hobby you've been wanting to try.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
"I don't care what people say the rush is worth the price I pay" – your lactose intolerant friends eating ice cream.
Doxa Meeting MS Paint
Prof Quotes
“I laugh because I don't want to die.”
-John Boopalan
“You could be mauled by wasps and overcome by the venom.”
-Chris Huebner
“I’m really hoping someone kills Gwenyth Paltrow.”
-Paul Dyck
“I wanna fight you so bad but we so don’t have the time.”
-Beth Downey Sawatzky
“5 pm hits, I’m deranged.”
-James Magnus Johnson
‘Til Next Time...