he mentioned playing tennis which I also love, so I asked him to play,” she says. “That day we also met a couple waiting to play tennis on our court, so we invited them to play doubles.” Once the game wrapped, the crew went for drinks— and stayed in touch thanks to a WhatsApp group they created. “The four of us still hang out all of the time,” she says. She’d been feeling low about her social life, but this turnaround boosted her self-esteem. “I felt like I looked desperate by reaching out to people,” she says. “But then I told myself, if you don’t do anything about this situation, you will never make friends.” Sometimes it takes an extra push, but Smith assures that it’s worth it in the end. “Feeling lonely and lacking friends is normal,” she says. “What is important is that if it is affecting you, you go do something about it. I promise that good things will come out of it.” n
The pandemic put a strain on both our lifestyles, and on our social circles.
PHOTO: BEARPHOTOS/SHUTTERSTOCK
Friendemic
Covid took a toll on many things, not the least of which were some friendships. B Y M YA F R A S E R
J
essica Ambrosio didn’t expect a global pandemic, but she also didn’t expect to lose her best friend while navigating the ways of the times. “During one of the most confusing and unforeseen times, it made me feel so lonely,” she says. “My person wasn’t my person anymore, and it happened so fast.” Twenty-one-year old Ambrosio, a university student at UBC-Okanagan, had a conflict with one of her childhood best friends last year. And the reason? Covid. While romantic breakups are heart-wrenching, watching your best friend turn into a stranger is a different kind of pain and loss. Platonic relationships play a significant role in our lives too, yet no one talks about the hardships they can have on us. Due to their differences in the way they each handled Covid, they didn’t see each other for a long time, which resulted in a strain within their relationship. After an awkward rendezvous months later, they no longer speak. “Covid was still spreading lots, especially amongst young people going out,” says Ambrosio. “She didn’t care that we were advised to not go out much and to keep our circles small.” And her friend was public about it too, posting on social media, and being careless about the number of contacts she had. “I needed to keep my circle small for the safety of those around me, and to contribute to stopping the spread of the virus,” says Ambrosio. “She didn’t care about having a bubble, so
she was very social.” When they met up, the conversation stemmed naturally toward Covid restrictions, and who was and wasn’t following the rules. “Once we did the small talk, it was pretty apparent we were about to address the elephant in the room.” Ambrosio told her friend that she felt they’d grown apart, and she agreed. Unable to understand one another’s side of things, it was apparent they would agree to disagree to leave things on a better note. “There were tears. It was awkward. We cared for one another, but our natural spark was gone, and you could sense that.” Dr. Lori Walker, an instructor at Capilano University who specializes in interpersonal communications and conflict, shares just how important these platonic relationships are in our lives. “Friendships are essential!” she says. “We know this because the mechanisms for building and maintaining close relationships are baked into our bodies and brains.” She also points to evidence that connection to others is actually essential for our survival. “From the Harlow Monkey studies to studies on isolation, we know good relationships give us better health, both physical and mental.” Ambrosio wasn’t the only one to lose friends throughout Covid. Findings from the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey state that almost 59 percent of young women, for one reason or another, have lost touch with at least a few friends, and 16 percent say they are no longer in regular contact with most of their friends. “It’s important to resolve conflicts,” Walker emphasizes. “There is evidence that those who can’t resolve conflict have fewer opportunities in life, receive below-average service (including health care), and have less support when they need it the most.” While maintaining healthy relationships is important, how you deal with conflict when it arises matters too. The ability to resolve conflicts is part of development and having healthy relationships. In Ambrosio’s case, she mentions she still feels sad about the outcome. “Do I miss our friendship? Sure,” she says. “Do I know we don’t get on the same way anymore though? Even more so.” She addressed how the overall experience felt fitting despite any feelings that are still arising. “Overall, it showed me what my values are and how strongly I feel about them. I also got the chance to connect with other friends more, which was pleasant and very necessary.” n MAY 2022 unspoken
31
