Appendix

An Intention for Thesis

DEAR NICK,

For me, design has always been about communicating a concept, eliciting an emotion, and creating (or identifying) common experience in a way that words alone cannot. Design is about the human experience — identifying it, acknowledging it, helping us understand our place in the world, and how we relate to each other. I always start with the concept, the ‘why’ behind my design, which is also largely how I live my life. The concept, or goal, drives my decisions related to materials and form.

A design thesis should define your place in the design world, at least at this point in time. A place in the world is an ever changing condition, but each of us has principles and ideals that make up who we are. A design thesis should communicate to the world, in a visual sense, an opinion or principle held by the designer, their unique view, a stand on the human condition, a novel idea. That idea or principle should be well researched, so the response the designer is putting into the world comes from a place of knowledge. The visual form should enhance the audience’s understanding of the topic and the designer’s opinion about that topic.

Design is about people. Designers share themselves as people with their audience and hopefully the audience uses that experience with the design to reflect on themselves, as well as connect to the designer and other people more deeply.

As always, I have varied interests (which is probably why I’m back in graduate school at 41). I’ve never been able to choose just one major or one professional role because it’s all so interesting. I have a lot of topics and ideas rattling around in my head right now, and not just because we’ve all been living the weirdest year anyone’s experienced to date. Honestly, the last three years have been the strangest and most surprising, both in terrible and wonderful ways, of my life. This year doesn’t even rank first for worst among them.

The topic that’s been frequently bouncing in and out of my mind, and that so many people have been talking to me about recently is the concept of impermanence and dealing with the impermanence that is life. Ironically, nothing in this life is permanent except impermanence, so we constantly live in an evolving state. Sometimes the changes are so slow we don’t notice at all, the concept of long days and short years, and sometimes it’s so abrupt that it upends everything, the call you get on a random Tuesday that shatters your reality.

The concept of impermanence is unsettling and humans struggle to fight against it all the time in the ways we construct our lives. We make schedules and five-year plans, we create patterns and form habits, we put down roots, get married, have children, and on and on. Yet all these actions that help us feel a

sense of permanence, do not, in fact, make anything permanent. I’m not saying any of these things are bad, or that we shouldn’t do them. The fact that life is so impermanent means that we should do the things we want, take the risks, embrace the actions that will make our life fulfilled.

Many people despair over the impermanence of life, but I contend that life’s impermanence is one of the best qualities about it. Impermanence holds a promise for a better tomorrow, a better future. If things were to always remain the same, there is no hope for something better, no reason to try new things, do more, or work harder. It won’t always be this way means that difficult and trying times cannot last, injustices can be changed, conditions can be improved, and life can improve. The converse is also necessarily true, your most joyful and exuberant times won’t last either, so pay attention to those things that are right and good and appreciate them, try to perpetuate them and identify what’s right about the place you’re in, even when things are falling apart.

The most content, clear-minded, purposeful, and present I’ve ever felt in life was the six months that my dad was dying from a brain tumor. Every day was the same, so it felt like nothing was changing, but each day he was slipping more closely toward dying. During those six months I never worried about what would happen after because I was too focused on the present. After he died, I worried so much about how impermanent everything in life is. I made lists and plans and routines, trying to grasp at a settled life. In the past two years since he died, I’ve tried to work at embracing impermanence as an opportunity, like I did in the six months of his illness, and accept the state of life’s impermanence free me from becoming anxious about trivial worries and serious problems and simply do something about them.

The impermanence of life feels acutely present around the world; sparking fear, apprehension, and worry. But what if, through a design thesis project, I could create an understanding of change that empowers people, frees them to embrace what could be and/or more deeply appreciate what is (or at least aspects of what is), because it will never be this way again. I’d like to find a way to visually, experientially, express that the impermanence of life is the birthplace of hope and promise, while permanence is the pressure cooker of stagnation and despair.

Related topics that may be part of this project, through research or visual exploration, include:

• Movement - Exploring the concept of movement as a way to visualize about the passage of time.

Movement of materials, the body, nature, both in video/animation and in a 2D space or environment • Delight, Wonder, & Enthrallment - Creating an intense emotional rush, a euphoria through an immersive experience. A visual, spacial, and auditory that triggers an emotional response, not necessarily sad, but that rush of adrenaline feeling where your emotions “well up” inside you to the point where they pour out physically or audibly, often triggered by a song, dance performance, a space, etc. • Incongruity - Mixing contrasting concepts as a way of relating how multi-dimensional individuals are and how they adapt to changing dynamics in their lives. Demonstrating how people and places embody contradictions. • Simplicity & Minimalist - What does it take to live, what do you really need? What is just noise that’s distracting us from being present and finding fulfillment? • Repetition - Why do we do the same things over and over, why will we play a song on repeat? Why do we repeat actions that don’t make us happy? Repetition compulsion.

Form and medium will necessarily be driven from the concept and message or feelings I want to the audience to explore. Methods and materials I’m thinking about and interested in include: • Creating an ephemeral work, an experience that only happens once. • Handmade materials, materials that will deteriorate. Potentially mixed into digital, but if impermanence is going to be a theme, digital potentially has too permanence… • Maybe mixing handmade and digital as the preservation/documentation method • Works on paper, watercolor • Work with textiles • An event or creation that is left to the elements • Geometric assemblies, straight lines, patterns.

Since this idea is nebulous in nature, this Fall I want to focus on research, collection, and refinement of the overall concept. I often have the most difficult time with the editing portion of any project, as I want to take it in all directions at massive scale, so I will need your guidance to help me think through things clearly and objectively. I will rely on you to challenge me to push further or through roadblocks that I encounter and to embrace an experimental and critical eye for my work. I’m excited to see what this could be and to have your mentorship as I explore the possibilities.

WARM REGARDS, CLAIRE

The Importance of the Words We Choose

Taxonomy

Claire Bula MFA Studio II Fall 2020 Professor Nick Rock December 12, 2020

Introduction

The words we choose are important. Precise use of language helps us examine the exact meaning we’re trying to convey and it helps listeners or readers understand that message without ambiguity. However, words can be defined differently from person to person. Definitions are often influenced by life experience and personal perspective. The intention of the speaker, or author, can be distorted based on the listener/ reader’s perception of the word and the dictionary definition doesn’t always align with the public vernacular.

This publication reveals the influence and importance of word selection in my Design Inquiry Presentation, as well as my personal perspective on specific definitions. It also includes an appendix of significant terms that helped shape this presentation, but were not actually spoken in it.

MFA Design Inquiry Presentation

Appendix - Influential Terms

A

Author - A writer of a book, article, or report.

Authority - Something people really only have over their own lives.

B

Brand - The totality of an entity’s (usually a corporation, but now also applies to individuals with the rise of social media) reputation including visual identity, action, and behavior.

C

Canon - An accepted principle or rule. A criterion or standard of judgment ‘the canons of good taste’. A body of principles, rules, standards, or norms

Codification - the action or process of arranging laws or rules according to a system or plan.

Control - An imaginary construct.

Cosmopolitan - Having wide international sophistication: Worldly. Composed of persons, constituents, or elements from all or many parts of the world. A city with a cosmopolitan population. Having worldwide rather than limited or provincial scope or bearing.

D

Decentered - to cause to lose or shift from an established center or focus especially: to disconnect from practical or theoretical assumptions of origin, priority, or essence

Deconstruction - A philosophical or critical method which asserts that meanings, metaphysical constructs, and hierarchical oppositions (as between key terms in a philosophical or literary work) are always rendered unstable by their dependence on ultimately arbitrary signifiers

Default - Failure to do something required by duty or law: neglect. A selection made usually automatically or without active consideration due to lack of a viable alternative. A selection automatically used by a program in the absence of a choice made by the user. Using the default settings

Design paradigm - The constellation of beliefs, rules, knowledge, etc. that is valid for a particular design community.

Determinism - the doctrine that all events, including human action, are ultimately determined by causes external to the will. Some philosophers have taken determinism to imply that individual human beings have no free will and cannot be held morally responsible for their actions. The opposite of determinism is some kind of indeterminism (otherwise called nondeterminism) or randomness. Determinism is often contrasted with free will.

Duality - A theory that considers reality to consist of two irreducible elements or modes. The quality or state of being dual or of having a dual nature. A doctrine that the universe is under the dominion of two opposing principles one of which is good and the other evil. View of human beings as constituted of two irreducible elements.

E

Epiphany - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

Euphemism - a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.

Experience - Something physically perceived through multiple senses. An event that is encountered over a period of time; which can be as short as seconds or as long as decades. Something - knowledge, skills, memory, feelings - carried with you throughout your life. Becoming better equipped to handle an event you encounter over and over again.

Explicate - analyze and develop (an idea or principle) in detail.

F

Floating signifier - signifier with a vague, highly variable, unspecifiable or non-existent signified. As such a 'floating signifier' may mean different things to different people: they may stand for many or even any signifieds; they may mean whatever their interpreters want them to mean. Such a floating signifier—which is said to possess "symbolic value zero"— necessarily results to "allow symbolic thought to operate despite the contradiction inherent in it".

H

Harbinger - A person or thing that announces or signals the approach of another.

Hegemony - leadership or dominance, especially by one country or social group over others. Leadership, dominance.

I

Inessential - Not necessary, extra, something able to be given up without feeling any sacrifice or loss.

Isotope - A series of visual symbols (pictograms) to convey information in a simple, non-verbal way

L

Liminal - Relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process. Occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

M

Make - To conceive, as an idea. To construct, in a physical sense.

N

Normal - The current state or stasis. A constantly changing state, although perceived as a static state of being; whatever currently is.

Nostalgia - A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.

P

Paradigm - Typical example or pattern of something; a model. A set of linguistic items that form mutually exclusive choices in particular syntactic roles.

Parergon - Something subordinate or accessory, especially an ornamental accessory or embellishment. Subordinate activity or work : work undertaken in addition to one's main employment

Pluralism - A condition or system in which two or more states, groups, principles, sources of authority, etc., coexist. The practice of holding more than one office or church benefice at a time.

Provincial - A person who lives in or comes from the provinces. A person who lacks urban sophistication or broad-mindedness. Only interested in what you already know, geographically, socially, and culturally. Incurious. Insular. Unwilling to learn about other people and cultures. Thinking the way it’s done where you’re from is the only way to be.

R

Reductivism - Another term for minimalism/another term for reductionism

S

Success - the accomplishment of an aim or purpose

T

Time - The system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another. Duration regarded as belonging to the present life as distinct from the life to come or from eternity; finite duration. A human construct that can feel limiting or eternal, depending on the circumstances. Elastic in nature.

U

Ugly - not preferred by an individual’s aesthetic. Not visually appealing from one person’s point of view. Whatever you think is ugly.

V

Vestige - Trace, mark, or visible sign left by something (such as an ancient city or a condition or practice) vanished or lost.

Vernacular - The language or dialect spoken by the ordinary people in a particular country or region. Architecture concerned with domestic and functional rather than public or monumental buildings.

W

Work - exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil. Productive or operative activity.

The Final List 10.1.20

1. What’s next? 2. How can I meld all my different facets? (Why do we say no to ourselves, limit ourselves unnecessarily? Why the pressure to focus on or choose one thing? 3. What can I do for the world? 4. What is a legacy? 5. What is impact? (What impact do I want to have? What do I want people to ask themselves based on what I make? How many does it take for impact, is it about quantity or quality?) 6. Can you re-frame a bad thing into a good thing? Can bad things, though they remain bad, still create or result in good things? 7. Is there a reason for everything? 8. How do you define a person? A life? (How do you encapsulate the totality of a life in words?) 9. Are the little things the big things? 10. Are we ever really in control? 11. What should I be noticing that I’m missing? 12. Why do I get paralyzed by analysis, can I get to action faster? (Analysis or action? Why do we always sit around and think about how instead of just doing something?) 13. Why am I so regimented? (How can I be more free/less restrained (Why do I care so much about the details? The way it’s done? How can I get to the ‘I just don’t give an F’ place (in a good way)?) 14. Is today always day one? 15. How are people able to adapt to any condition, good or bad, and survive? (Why are humans able to adapt to any condition/context and still survive (for the most part)?) 16. Why is the anticipation of change more traumatic than the change itself? 17. Why does tragedy often spur the greatest growth and achievement? 18. Should you just follow your intuition or logic? Why does everything always turn out better when you just follow your gut intuition, rather than try to analyze it and do the rational thing? 19. How come my dad isn’t here to talk to? What would he say? (How do I make sense of that?) 20. Are feelings facts? 21. Can I care for others through design? 22. Why is the world so ugly and so beautiful? 23. Is anything ever really finished? 24. If time did not exist, could you be present with anyone? (Be in a geographical place and meet up with someone that has already died? Or someone that you never even lived with at the same time as?) 25. Is a hot dog a sandwich? 26. Is everything at the expense of something else?

27. What is the American Dream? Will it/does it make people happy? 28. What is normal, is normal just the ‘current context’? (Was normal good? Is normal good?) 29. How will people perceive me through what I make? 30. What drives cycles of style? Do they matter? (How do design cycles drive progress and innovation Why do things go out of style? Why does something become popular?) 31. What is relevant, original and authentic? (and how do you make work like that?

Avoid cliché, replication?) 32. Why do we echo chamber the negative and forget the positive? 33. Does it matter how you define design? (What is design? Is it craft? art? commercial? What is the heart of design? Form? Beauty? Function? Utility?

User-friendliness? The idea? The concept? The maker?) 34. Can ideas be exhausted? 35. Answers or questions? 36. Are people lucky or do they just make the best of what they have? 37. Do the chairs at least all match? 38. What’s worth sacrificing for? 39. Are true and real the same thing? (If it’s real, is it true? If it’s true, is it real?

Are truth, reality, and fact objective or subjective? Are they the same thing or different? (Can something be a fact for one person and not another? Can something be real, but not true? Can something be true, but not real?) 40. How does memory work? Why do we remember/forget what we do (What is the value of memory/remembering? Why do we cling to the past/nostalgia? Why do we remember?) 41. Is asking why always good? (Is asking/dwelling on why always a good thing?) 42. What are the rules? (Why have I lived my life for so long by ‘the rules’? What are

‘the rules’? Why should we follow them? How do we break them? Who makes them? Who perpetuates them, and why?) 43. Is resilience only forged through hardship? (Are grit and resilience the same thing and how do you build them or support/encourage people in building them? What is grit? What is resilience? Why do some people seem to have more of them? Can you get more of them? How?) 44. Why isn’t the world just? 45. Why can we see others more clearly than ourselves? 46. What do I value most? 47. How can I be solid and elastic? (How can you be true to yourself and adaptable?

Ability to transition between spheres so easily?) 48. Which feelings are the most valuable? 49. Are things really any different today? (Are humans the same as ever?) 50. Will we ever stop asking unanswerable questions? (Should we ever stop asking questions? Why are there so many unanswered questions?

Fall 2020

9.11.20

I’ve been watching documentaries about Rolling Stone, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, CSNY, and Creem Magazine, etc. because I love the music, but there’s so much design inspiration in there too. It’s not necessarily my style (psychedelic, 60’s, counterculture), but I respect and am inspired by their creativity and innovation. What really intrigues me about these artists (I’ll just lump it together that way because we’re talking about everyone from musicians to writers to designers) is their ability to just do stuff. They didn’t wait for funding or analyze whether it was a good idea to start a band or launch a magazine. They didn’t care one bit that they had no experience or credentials, or really any ‘business’ doing what they were doing, they just did it. And their whys were really simple: ‘I want to’, ‘I like it’, ‘I want to be in this world’. They were ‘fill in the blank’ - photographers, journalists, musicians, artists, designers - largely because they said they were and then just did it - wrote or sang or took pictures, etc.

They didn’t need permission, they didn’t WANT permission. And they used what they had, they didn’t worry about what they didn’t have. Oh, no money for a professional printer and regular magazine paper and a perfect binder? So what, Rolling Stone was originally printed on tabloid paper and folded in half because that’s what they had. No professional journalists with big names? Find some friends or up-and-coming writers who want to contribute. No photographer, again, phone a friend. And what blows my mind is that these people became exactly what they set out to be, it’s like they willed it into being. They became some pretty big names - Hunter S. Thompson, Tom Wolfe, Annie Liebovitz, etc. (I’m sure there’s lots of stories about ‘failed’ magazines, bands, photographers, etc. who never made a ‘big name’ for themselves, but so what? Did they love it? Did they enjoy what they were doing. I’m gonna bet yes. Also, everything runs its course, nothing lasts forever, so if you can make something good, enjoy yourself, and stand for some principles while you do it, why not?).

I think there are so many ways that I hold myself back, follow the rules, etc., that other people just don’t subscribe to and sometimes I get a flicker of ability to just go for it, but lots of times I don’t, which, honestly, annoys me about myself. Sometimes I look at my classmates’ response to a brief, admiringly, and think, ‘oh I didn’t think we were allowed to do that’, which is pretty much BS (on my part). Of course you’re allowed to do ‘that’, who’s gonna stop you? The rules are only made by you,

the designer. This was something I saw a lot in Amsterdam, just a totally different attitude towards design. The designers there were always talking about how Americans are much more theoretical about design and they are not. One wasn’t better than the other, but just a different approach. In Amsterdam it seems they lean more towards just starting to make stuff and not necessarily having to define why or justify every decision, sometimes they don’t end up justifying or analyzing the decisions they made at all, it’s just they made them. It seemed like there were less rules there in the sense that I feel I can not make a design decision without having a very specific reason and when you would ask them what was the reason behind a certain decision sometimes they answer was simply, ‘I wanted to’ or ‘I liked it’ and that was totally fine.

I’m also really thinking about tools and production. My computer just straight up stopped taking a charge last Friday. Now it only intermittently works and it’s at Apple for repairs (cross your fingers…). So we got this assignment in Editorial to do a book layout of a Wikipedia article and I was kind of freaking out, like ‘what am I going to do if I don’t have InDesign to do this typesetting and layout, blah blah blah’. I actually thought back to my Amsterdam trip last Spring and thought about the Wim Crouwel show at the Stedelijk Museum (https://www.stedelijk.nl/ en/exhibitions/wim-crouwel). It was one of my favorite parts of the trip because you got to see behind the posters what he was doing to get to them - the drawings and compositions and how it actually worked, not just the end project. So I said to myself, well, Wim Crouwel didn’t have InDesign and when he started he didn’t even have a computer, so there is definitely a way to do this without a computer. He just drew stuff and did layouts and photographed them, so you could do that too. I started making plans to potentially do the layout by hand and scan it into the computer and just try my best to conform to the parameters of the brief.

Maybe I could use word, maybe I could use PowerPoint. I just made plans with other tools I thought I could rely on. Ultimately I was able to revive an old computer and use adobe cloud, BUT maybe it would have been a lot more interesting to try and draw it and scan it in. Probably an outrageous amount of work, but probably also just a great process and learning experience. Especially right now, where so many aspects of our lives are online and I’m seeing everyone do more digital drawings and motion graphics because of that restraint, it really makes me want to so something that is tangible - work by hand with real supplies that’s not an apple pen with procreate or a wacom tablet, or adobe projects. I want to make work you can hold

in your hands with tools (at least in part) that I held in my hand and used tangible supplies to make something. I’m not knocking the move by others to embrace digital more deeply during this time, I totally admire it and I want to work on those skills, but I think because the knee jerk reaction right now across our entire lives is to just ‘move it online’ - school, meetings, happy hour, interactions with family and friends, theater, dance, art shows, etc. it just makes me crave tangible reality and creations more. I just want to rebel against that situation and make things I can touch and experience off a screen.

I think a thesis should make a statement, stand for something, but I’m not sure that it has to be a ‘said’ thing or even a specific thing that I want to say. I watched Naomi Osaka win the US Open yesterday. Osaka has been wearing masks with names of black people who’ve suffered death due to police brutality including Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and Tamir Rice. In the post-match interview the reporter, Tom Rinaldi, asked Osaka about the message behind her wearing these masks and her response was perfect. Here’s the exchange:

Tom Rinaldi: ‘You said from the beginning you had seven matches, seven masks, seven names. What was the message you wanted to send Naomi?’

Naomi Osaka: ‘Well, what was the message that you got? Was more the question. I feel like the point is to make people start talking.’

Right now as I think about thesis, I don’t have a ‘thing I want to say’, like this burning statement I HAVE to get out in the world because it’s so unique and people don’t know it and they need to. But maybe it’s a little more subtle, like Naomi, and making it more about setting the stage for people to take away their own message based on what I’ve presented.

9.18.20

My Pilates instructor was talking about ballet and how it’s a regimented practice, you take class every day, it’s very sharp, precise, and highly structured. Then in rehearsals or performances you get to move intuitively. And we need that structure in order to trust yourself, let yourself go.

I have a hard time letting go, breaking rules. I have such an easier time following a structured process, I do specific things every day, not just some days, EVERY day. Often it’s just rules that I make for myself, but I like that structure and order and even when I try to ‘shake it up’ I end up with the same thing, especially in my design work. So, I’ve got the precision and structure down. So how do I get to the place where I can let go and ‘move’ intuitively? Am I just not there yet? Do I not trust myself? Will I ever be there, or are you always ‘getting there’? In classes with the BFAs I’m consistently challenged by them (in good ways, I love having class with them) because they seem so free. I’m not trying to compare myself to them, but just wondering when the ‘letting go’ will or can happen for me. But maybe I’m just not like that, maybe I need rules to function? So, should my thesis explore this concept of letting go of certain things and embracing others? People hang on to so much stuff. Literally stuff, like things, but also guilt, dreams, what could/should have been, what they wished for and they don’t do anything with what they have or what exists. It’s like when circumstances change they wish for them to be different, but they don’t embrace what they have. I’m not saying you don’t have to mourn a loss or recognize that you wished for things to be different, but that doesn’t change what is, and we have to function within what is. Wistfulness, nostalgia (in a, ‘I wish for this state to be again’, not the ‘I’m working towards this state’ kind of thing) just seem useless, maybe even indulgent - allowing yourself to put limits on what you are capable of because X didn’t happen, or Y isn’t the case anymore.

The other thing that ROYALLY pissed me off this week was an interview with Chris Rock in the New York Times this past Wednesday. Here’s what he said that got me all riled up:

The other day I realized I’ve never met an elderly person that was cared for by their friends. Every elderly person I know that’s got any trouble is cared for by a spouse or a child. Sometimes they have like five kids but only one helps. Where are your friends? Your friends are probably not going to be there when it really counts. [Laughs.] When my dad was dying in the hospital, where were his friends? My grandmother, where were her friends? Don’t get me wrong, you get sick in your 20s, your friends will come to the hospital. It’s an adventure. [Laughs.] You get sick in your 60s, they farm it out. ‘You go Wednesday and I’ll go Sunday.’

Enjoy them while you have them. But if you think your friends are your long-term solution to loneliness, you’re an idiot.

My reaction to that is just a big F YOU. I mean I get what he’s saying, ‘family is everything’ and I don’t disagree with that necessarily, but I hate the ‘rules’ or underlying societal context of American culture that basically says only people who get married and have kids ‘leave a legacy’ or ‘truly know what love it’, it’s such bullshit. And this is just perpetuating WASP colonial standards of what life means, what’s good, what’s not good. And, honestly, I expected more from him. I mean I get that friends often won’t come to your aid, but maybe they’re not really friends. AND, I’ve personally witnessed children not coming to their parents’ aid, through no fault of the parents. It’s not the name/label of the relationship that counts, it’s the quality of it. And that could mean a child to a parent, but it could mean a best friend, it could mean a grandparent, it could mean your dad’s college roommate, his wife, and their kids being closer to you and caring more about you than any blood relative, so I resent that Chris Rock. I’m offended. And I never thought you’d be part of the WASP patriarchy. Disappointing.

9.25.20

I have mostly been spending this week (and really each week) trying to make my life work - get my homework done, fit in time for physical activity and make a little time for my family. Honestly, when school starts I feel like I get selfish because I have to spend so much time on it that I feel like I’m ignoring my family and not participating in our life together. I know they understand, but also, it’s not really fair. So I did make time this weekend to go with my boyfriend to his son’s first college cross country race and it was so worth it, even though I probably should have done homework all weekend. But, then again, he’ll never have another first cross country race and he’s been away from us since August 2 and there will be plenty of homework, and time is elastic, so I’m glad I went.

I didn’t really get any ‘concrete’ thinking done about my thesis this week. I wish it was something I could just ‘do’, like reading things and responding to them, but it doesn’t seem to be working that way for me, it’s not a ‘task’ I can complete, if that makes sense, part of it has to be exploration and intuition driven and I feel like I haven’t had time for that, but the answer is, ‘make time’, because you have as much time as you need for things that are important.

I did notice something on our drive back. We were on the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut and every bridge that goes over the Merritt is unique in design. The decoration doesn’t have any ‘physical use’, it doesn’t make the bridge work better or more efficiently and the bridges aren’t correlated to exits, so they don’t necessarily serve as visual markers to indicate something to drivers about the route. However, they did make the drive more beautiful and interesting. I wasn’t sure if I was right, so I googled it when I got home and I was right that each bridge on the Merritt is unique and that was designed into the driving experience to make a more beautiful highway and driving experience.

‘The Merritt is significant in the history of transportation because it culminated a generation of experiments in combining the talents of engineers, landscape architects, and architects to create parkways that served recreational purposes and gave aesthetic pleasure while providing safe transportation. In it, all the best features developed in its predecessors were put together to create the quintessential parkway.’ - http://memory.loc.gov/diglib/legacies/loc.afc.afc-legacies.200002790/ default.html

Today it seems like everything is about efficiency and no one would EVER design a highway to infuse joy, beauty, and delight for drivers. So what about designing for joy? Or designing in joy? Why can’t that be part of the equation? I think it should be. You can accomplish all kinds of goals and design joy in as easily as you can leave it out, but wouldn’t it be better to infuse it? When did we forget about delight and surprise and joy? Or when did we decide those weren’t important? It’s like how STEM is all the rage, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not against science, math, or engineering at all, but what about beauty and emotion? Why are those seen as ‘lesser’, when they are more basic human experiences that everyone feels or desires?

10.2.20

So we watched this Nova episode on how writing and the materials related to writing, shaped so much about how information was disseminated and how people consumed information which was totally fascinating.

Back when papyrus was developed books were everywhere and people had regular access to them in a broad way throughout the Roman Empire because they brought it back from Egypt and disseminated it throughout their extensive domain. Papyrus was not only inexpensive, but physically really each to write on, so the writing process and reproduction process was faster and cheaper. Regular, everyday people owned books (at the time they were scrolls, not bound books like we know them) and more people could read because

Once papyrus became hard to get, because the Romans’ power started dwindling and they couldn’t get it from Egypt, Europe turned to parchment, which is made from animal skins. Making parchment is time consuming and EXPENSIVE. And, parchment is a really slow surface to write on so writing and copying took a really long time. So books became rare and expensive and less people were able to read.

But the lettering (blackletter) that they used in the middle ages was so regular and rectangular that Gutenberg was able to standardize it into movable type pretty easily. By contrast, Arabic was more lyrical and was much more difficult to put into a standardized movable type system. And because Gutenberg decided to print the bible, as opposed to a novel, poetry, or a science of philosophy book it was much more widely distributed and became the predominant language of printing, etc.

All of this is to say that the availability of materials drove a lot more than what books and writing looked like - it truly impacted people’s lives, what was expensive or valuable, and what languages were more widely distributed. It was really striking to me that the materials, not necessarily the content or the dominance of a society, were driving global trends. Things were happening, or not happening, that drastically changed and impacted the development of societies based on what kind of writing materials were available. It was materiality driving art and behavior, not the idea behind it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to make my thesis work a tangible/tactile experience, so I thought this was pretty interesting. It was a great show and I totally recommend it, I was riveted, which also makes me a total nerd, but, what’s new?

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/video/a-to-z-how-writing-changed-the-world/

10.9.20

I’m not really sure how I stumbled upon these OK GO videos, I think it was through research for my image essay for Theory or just the rabbit holes I’m trying to explore for ‘Words That Matter’ in Studio…? In any event, I’ve known the band for a long time, I like their music and I remember their Treadmill video for Here It Goes Again in 2006, but I didn’t realize they were upping the ante with every turn of the wheel. I mean, WHO ARE THESE GUYS?? They’re insane. Can you even call these guys a band anymore or are they performance artists? Directors? Set hands? Fabricators/ builders? Artists? Designers? I don’t know, which makes me love them more. I feel like they’ve evolved well beyond their original existence and become something undefinable. They’re figuring things out and creating one of a kind experiences and documenting them so they’re real, experience-able by larger audiences.

This one really got me - Obsession - they use printers, like hundreds of them to create a video screen behind the band and they use the sound of the printers and the paper falling to be part of the song and work with the back beat. I mean, how do you even synchronize that many printers and how do you account for the paper falling from different heights, I mean… come on…

I love how they are constantly creating unbelievable scenarios and then revealing the framework or BTS of how they did it, like exposing the magic of whatever incredible experience they created. It’s like an invitation to be an insider in the secret. Hilariously they now have to put disclaimers at the beginning of all of their videos stating ‘these are real, this really happened, it’s not CGI or Photoshop or whatever’, which is probably another reason they reveal something about the creation of them in the video as well.

And now they’re even making commercials for companies, so are they designers too? Who knows. But this is also a discussion we have in theory all the time, what is design, what is a designer, what is our realm. I think it’s anything and everything we want to get our hands on. OK GO kinda proves that.

The videos also have nothing to do with the content of the songs, they are not,

in any way, acting out the lyrics of what they are saying, so it’s kind of this weird combination of a song with asynchronous, incongruous imagery which leads you to watch more closely rather than zoning out. But it’s also a surprise, like a delight, because you think you’re usually going to just ‘see’ the song when you watch a video.

Part of me has no idea what this has to do with my thesis, but maybe I want to create the feeling I felt watching these videos for the people who experience my thesis - a sense of wonder, curiosity, enrapture, delight, exhilaration… Honestly I could NOT STOP watching these videos and I was, like, laughing out loud and smiling at them the whole time. I probably spent over an hour on their website just clicking through them. Their use of everyday objects and simple ‘tricks’ like alignment, color, or camera angles was just so clever. I really enjoyed the physical nature of everything and that not of it was digitally created, but it created a modern and innovative end experience. Maybe there’s something in that… or just bringing people delight and joy… maybe that.

But seriously, watch the videos…

Obsession https://youtu.be/LgmxMuW6Fsc https://okgo.net/2017/11/17/obsession-bts-paper-mapping/

Writings on the Wall https://youtu.be/m86ae_e_ptU

The One Moment https://youtu.be/QvW61K2s0tA

Here It Goes Again https://okgo.net/2006/07/31/here-it-goes-again-official-video/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OK_Go_videography

10.16.20

I think I’m just percolating on thesis lately. Like my classmates I feel the demands of the semester which are compounded by the stresses of life - the election, coronavirus, managing family stuff, etc. I feel like I’m the repository of everyone in my life’s stress, fear, anxiety, pain, sadness, etc. and when I need to help one of my family members manage that everything else takes a back seat, so I’m not even sure if I’ve made anything good, or, more importantly, been able to do what I need to for myself or my work or thesis. But, that’s life. You don’t get to choose.

I guess if our current situation, and really, the last few years, has shown me anything it’s that there are no rules, there’s no ahead or behind, there’s just what is. Given the LFA format and the fact that I haven’t seen my mom, sister, brother-in-law, or nieces since Christmas, when my boyfriend needed to drive to Flagstaff for work he suggested I go with him and surprise them. So, LFA has become LFE (learn from everywhere) and, for the most part it’s working out ok. I feel pretty behind, but a year is a lot of life to miss when kids are little and the longest I’ve ever gone not seeing my mom and sister. So... Making it work. It was pretty worth feeling a little behind to show up at my nieces front door and surprise them last Thursday. They couldn’t believe it.

Now on to Flagstaff and maybe some sort of inspiration will hit me on the trip or a project will come of it, not sure yet.

10.23.20

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of home lately. Everyone is talking about being at home, being trapped at home, being trapped with family (which I have a lot of feelings about…), so it got me thinking about home and place.

What is home anyway? Is it a place? Is it a feeling? How do you define it? How can a place feel like home when you’re in it for the first time? How can a place you’ve lived most of your life stop feeling like home?

I’m really thinking about home not so much as a place, but as feeling. So many people are stuck in places they don’t feel comfortable so they don’t feel at home. That could mean their actual home with their families or whoever they are cohabitating with, but it could also mean people who don’t feel comfortable in our country right now. You could be born and raised here and not feel comfortable. You could arrive here as an immigrant and not feel comfortable. And honestly, that sucks, I hate when people feel unwelcome or uncomfortable and that’s on me, on us as a society. So, how can I extend beyond myself to make more people feel welcome, comfortable, and ‘at home’ - in my personal life, at BU, in my community, and in the greater American society?

On a more personal level, I’ve had this weird opportunity given the LFA set up at BU this semester. I mentioned before, but I hadn’t seen my family since Christmas 2019 and my boyfriend needed to drive out to Flagstaff, AZ for work, so we took a detour on the way and spent four days in Madison, WI with my mom, sister, brother-in-law, and three nieces (who are basically like my kids). I love them all to death and I miss them so much all the time when I’m in Boston, I used to see them all every day and being with them again was so great, but I gotta say, it didn’t feel like home. My dad’s not there anymore and it just never will feel right without him. I feel more at home in Boston now and I’ve only lived there just over a year. That’s so weird. I wonder if I will ever really feel at home again on this earth without my dad here…

I don’t think so.

My dad used to say all the time, ‘It’s not where you are, it’s who you’re with’ and I’ve always ascribed to that philosophy but I think I really know it now. There are certain people in my life that when I’m with them any sense of anxiety or fear or uncomfortableness dissipates. My dad used to be that for me, and no one will ever give me that sense of utter calm and contentment, but there are some people that are pretty close. Even when we’re in a place I’ve never been, that’s completely foreign, as long as they are there, I’m good.

I’m not sure what this has to do with my thesis yet, but I think it has something to do with it. I’ve been thinking about emotion, inclusivity, place, installation, experience, shared experience and maybe this ‘home’ thing is relevant both in a timely way, given the current circumstances with COVID, BLM, immigration issues, etc., and in a timeless way - the search for ‘home’ - a place in the world, your place in the world, purpose, meaning, contentment.

10.30.20

I legit feel like I haven’t made anything this semester or focused on my thesis as in what the output should be. Sometimes I feel like I’m just better at helping other people in their design processes than helping myself. Like I can’t get out of my own way, I keep following rules that aren’t even there. I constantly feel like when I’m in class I’m thinking to myself ‘Oh, I didn’t know we could do that’, when the professor never made any rules like the ones that were in my head. Maybe that’s the challenge of coming back to school after working for so long, you just have all those BS corporate rules in your head. I need to find a way to just break that brain pattern. I think I’m a little better at it this year, but I need to, like, brainwash the corporate out of me…

I’ve also been worried, I was worried about flying home, worried about what I will do after graduation, worried about my family, just overwhelmed by all that. I really couldn’t shake the anxiety this week, everything that usually works (running, Pilates, working, being with my favorite people) just wasn’t and I had a hard time making headway on anything. So trying to think about some overarching project is, like, not on my radar when I feel like I’m more in survival mode.

I’m glad that I have more ideas for the Extreme Scale project than I had for Remix, which is probably NOT where I should be focusing my time, but I kind of want to make a couple things/try a couple things for Extreme Scale. I do feel like I can do something (maybe) interesting for that.

I feel like we had a good studio this week with a lot of discussion and suggestions of references and threads, so that felt nice. It’s been weird being disconnected from my classmates, even though I ‘see’ them a lot…

11.6.20

This week I’ve really been into my theory presentation and usually I kind of struggle to make sense of and understand theory. One of the articles I was responsible for dealt with how graphic design supported the taking of land from Native Americans in the colonial period. I dove deeply into the history of colonialism and traced it

back to John Locke and his philosophical writings. He’s said to be the father of liberalism and the American Revolutionary ideals and while some of these theories are well-intentioned, it’s also easy to see how he applied those theories to benefit English colonialism and his benefactor and deprive Native Americans of their land. From a graphic design point of view, there is a whole visual language that supported colonialism and perpetuated not only stealing land, but the stereotype of Native Americans as ‘savages’. It carried through so many marketing campaigns for weapons and ammunition, but also food and shoes and tons of products and it still continues today, most notably in my mind with regard to sports teams.

I never really thought about how graphic design reinforces authority when it comes to the law, but it’s so clear to me now - the visual language of legal power is all about intimidation and looking ‘official’ and grandiose: fancy typography - black letter, serif typefaces with lots of detail, maximalist typography; decorative borders with intricate detailing; seals - flat printed, gold foil, embossed, wax seals, etc. And mix that in with legalese which is another language and totally intimidating in and of itself because a ton of it is in Latin and you have a method of control.

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/16EbsyZIn2yk2sDIcgChooGSeVt3f2_6E2_ BPBQ5NsGQ/edit?usp=sharing

The other thing I’ve been thinking about this week is broken things and dying and loss. It’s coming up on the anniversary of my dad’s diagnosis with his brain tumor (it was right before Thanksgiving) and the days get shorter and the semester gets harder and it’s the time you just want to lay down and be done with it, but you have to keep going, there is no other choice. So, I was looking at Kintsugi ‘golden joinery’ or ‘golden repair’ - the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. It’s related to the idea of wabi sabi and promotes embracing flaws and imperfections to create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Every break is unique and actually highlights the ‘scars’ as a part of the design.

This is also a metaphor for healing - we will all break, we all have our struggles and our despairs, but in the process of working through being broken, we can realize new things about ourselves, find new joys, and recognize how truly resilient we actually are. Related to this I was thinking about how you generally don’t see the scars that

people carry with them, they are inside, on their heart or soul and everyone has them, they just don’t always share them publicly. This is one of the things that is a shared human experience - loss and suffering and I don’t know if there’s a way to express empathy not only for those hidden conditions of suffering, but also to demonstrate that ‘everyone has their shit’, you just don’t know their shit…?

11.13.20

I feel like water—spreading out, running in different directions - shallow and all over the place, unformed, unfocused, and constantly spreading further and further from the place I started. I’m not sure if that’s good, I mean it is good to explore, but this doesn’t feel like that. This feels like I’ve let something get too far away from me and I can’t reign it in. I had some ideas for thesis work, but they keep slipping away from my brain as I get overwhelmed. And, in an effort to help (in many ways, school, family, just other people), I’ve spread myself way too thin and potentially concentrated on things that I shouldn’t have. Well, that’s not true, it’s not that I shouldn’t concentrate on those other things, that’s life, but maybe I should be more selfish, or self-focused. But it’s just not my nature, it’s my nature to help where I can and give to the point where I then am a little overextended… it’s my own fault, well decision, because I feel like helping is not really a fault, but sometimes it does make my own life more difficult. But, it’s who I am, I will never change, I’d rather be over-extended than underextended, that’s proved itself over and over for 40+ years, so that’s not changing. And, I’d rather make sure someone I care about is ok, or the group is ok before my own personal endeavor being perfect… so…

With regard to thesis, I feel like I have a warehouse filled with filing cabinets of various notes and interests and ideas and I just emptied them out and spread them across the room and I can’t figure out how they thread together. I think they do, but the big picture is escaping me and I keep getting pulled too deeply into random elective class projects and not focusing on this, which should probably be my focus. I need to take a step back and stop worrying so much about the weekly grind and focus on the presentation. Not that I want to do work that isn’t A+, but I need to prioritize and I can’t go hard on every single project that I have right now and deal with everything with my family and still be a full, well-rounded person in life.

11.20.20

I made a bunch of progress in my presentation for the end of the semester. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that my thesis isn’t going to be a single project/ proof of a concept, but a more methodological approach, which of course, is more challenging for me, because I really like having a single goal to accomplish and just working towards that. This will be more chaotic, messy, experimental and complex… and the output could be nebulous… I really prefer order, clean, simple, but then again I make everything complicated for myself, so this is not really a surprise to me. My dad used to always say I had to do things the hard way/learn for myself, instead of taking his word for it… which makes me think that maybe I’ve always learned by doing? Or making? I always have to ‘see for myself’, whether something will work or not, before I know it to be true. Maybe this whole methodology thesis IS for me because it will give me a chance to see for myself about a lot of things. I’m curious if there will be a surprising outcome or some revelation once I look back across the work, or even my whole time in school.

In the process of building I found the word multipotentialite, which helped me actually understand my basic way of existing, or have a term to put to not ever being able choose a singular path in life. A multipotentialite has many interests, creative pursuits, and paths spanning multiple fields or areas. They have no ‘one true calling’ the way specialists do. Multipotentialites thrive on learning, exploring, and mastering new skills.

If multipotentialite is my approach to life, then design is a perfect fit as my approach to working. Design itself is a multipotential pursuit - the word itself encompasses an entire process from conceiving a plan, sketching, creating, executing, and constructing. The field of design, especially graphic design spreads far and wide along an ever expanding spectrum that reaches from hand lettering and installations to motion graphics and coding AI.

The methodology I’m swirling around is design is a process of evolution/evolving - a cycle of asking questions, making discoveries, and changing/growing/improving based on what that process reveals. And then asking, again ‘what’s next?’

My concern now is, how will I activate this into a thesis? Into work? I’m not sure... I’m better at responding to prompts than creating them, but it’s probably time to

move past a responsive/reactive design practice into a more causal/proactive/ self-initiated practice. A contributory practice that offers something to the design discourse rather than a siphon, sucking things out. Nope, I change my mind, it has to be siphoning out of the design discourse as an important part of learning, evolving, and growing, so it has to be both input and extraction…

11.27.20

I basically just kept editing my presentation - trying to hone it down to the essentials, but I keep running way over 10 minutes.

I’m also trying to figure out how to approach actually making work now that I have a ‘direction’. I guess that’s a problem for the break, haha. I feel like maybe that will involve going back through lots of theory readings, exploring things that professors and other people have sent me that I haven’t had time to parse through, etc. Maybe I’ll find some concrete projects out of that.

I tried to take a break over Thanksgiving…

12.4.20

I didn’t really find anything this week. It’s nice that the presentation is behind me, but I’m already trying to figure out how to tackle the challenge I’ve set out for my thesis. I’m going to need to put some more thought into what it means. Although this is exactly what I said I shouldn’t do, I said I should start making and see where it leads, not be analytical and all ‘planny’ about it. I’m just worried that if I go the ‘make work and see where it leads route’ that I won’t end up with anything. And that’s not really an option.

Kristen posed a question to me in the chat that I’ve been chewing on a little bit (while I stress out about rounding out the semester) - ‘I wonder, do you have to make objects? Can you design experiences? A workshop, a forum, a podcast? You have such a powerful voice and message, I feel the potential exists far beyond concrete

form. Make something serial. Invent the format for thesis. Make it your vocation after thesis. Why does it have to end in March? Think: Scratching the Surface podcast. Started as a thesis project examining design criticism. And three or four years later, he’s still at it.’

I’ve, at times, thought about making an experience. But what should it be? I mean everyone and their freaking mother, brother, and cousin’s girlfriend’s dog walker’s three-year-old child has a podcast… sooo…

I would want it to be an in person experience and… we’re in a pandemic. And I would want it to be accessible, but I don’t want to make digital stuff like an app or a website...

I kind of want it to be an installation, but that’s not necessarily widely accessible because it has to be a certain date, time, and location, so the audience is small.

Maybe I’m just feeling overwhelmed because I feel like so much is resting/riding on this and then I’m gonna have to figure out a job and I don’t really want to give up the freedom of my current life. I don’t mind working and working hard, but the idea of going back to an office is like… BARF

Honestly I wish I could feel relieved and thrilled about giving my presentation, but I don’t. Maybe it’s because it was over zoom so there’s no real reaction/feedback during or after the presentation. Maybe it’s just because I’m always ‘on to the next thing’ and whatever I did yesterday is just yesterday and you need to refocus on the next thing.

Maybe I just need a break, but I think I just need to get reinvigorated and I’m not sure a break is going to do that for me…

Appendix 313

Speech Full Text, Fall 2020

Where I've Been

Multipotentialite - How I Function

I never had an answer for the question, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ I’ve always had a hard time choosing just one, whether it’s a career or an ice cream flavor.

My life is a case study in the inability to choose: I’ve lived in 8 states; Competed in over 13 sports and tried nearly every extracurricular activity in existence. My undergrad major was a conglomerate of history, English, government, sociology, and anthropology.

This is my second stint in grad school and I’ve had 15 jobs spanning 9 industries.

Now, it’s not that I suffer from a lack of focus or commitment; It’s just that I don’t understand, why, with all the possibilities in this world, we’re encouraged to choose just one.

Why does it have to be this or that? Why not this AND that?

Learning about and trying new things fuels me and if something sparks my interest I’ll dive in head first. This is also probably why I’m constantly finding myself in over my head, but it’s never boring.

I’d call myself an expert in approximately zero fields, but I know just enough about a variety of topics to connect seemingly disparate ideas or people in synergistic ways.

And this semester I finally found a word for that, besides indecisive, it’s Multipotentialite. Multipotentialites thrive on learning, exploring, and mastering new skills; they have many interests, paths, and creative pursuits spanning multiple fields. Pretty much me to a T.

Something specific in the definition caught my eye - Multipotentialites are not polymaths, but potential polymaths. I’ve always liked the idea of potential. I never needed the assurance of success to entice me into trying something new, the potential to succeed was enough for me. Potential is the abundance of opportunities

and possibilities, some you haven’t even imagined yet, and all it’s right there for the taking, all you have to do is start.

Potential; however, by nature, is unrealized, so it goes hand in hand with hard work, discipline, and self-motivation. Potential applies to individuals and societies alike - everything can and will change, you just have to decide how you want to change it and go do it.

This personal philosophy aligns pretty tightly with a Dutch concept I discovered through the design studio Experimental Jetset, it’s called Maakbaarheid Maakbaarheid translates literally to ‘makeability’ in a physical sense, but in the Netherlands, in addition to meaning physical making, it also has strong philosophical, political, and sociological connotations around the malleability of society - the ability to make change in the world around you through social democracy. I have a strong interest in equity and justice (which is probably why, in a former life, I went to law school and was a prosecutor), so it makes sense that I align with the Dutch definition of makeability and why I bring that lens to my design perspective. Maakbaarheid, to me, radiates hope and the potential for change - that nothing is predestined or predetermined, we make it ourselves.

I used to be kind of embarrassed about not having a single path, like I was scattered or uncommitted, so I wasn’t very valuable, but I‘ve learned that it’s just a different worldview and set of experience that I bring to the table. It’s the view that potential is everywhere - what do other people know, is there a different way to do this, what else could we make, how can we change things? What else is possible?

Life Pause/Reflection

By 2017 I had a solid career in marketing and was just about to start a big job at a national corporation. Everything seemed pretty good, but I didn’t realize anything was wrong until something actually went wrong. I got a call at work the Wednesday before Thanksgiving,

My dad had an incurable brain tumor and he was going into emergency surgery, so get on the next flight home. I left San Diego with a suitcase packed for two weeks, but what I didn’t know when I got on the plane was, I was never going back. My life became completely focused on taking care of my dad 24/7. Days ceased to

exist and time became a series of hours plodding toward an unwelcome conclusion, marked only by treatments, appointments, meals, and medications.

Even though I was devastated by the prospect of my dad dying, I was content being with him all day, every day and knowing my exact purpose in life. So for the six months while I took care of my dad, I was literally inside the house nearly the entire time:

A) It was winter in Wisconsin (and you think Boston is bad...) and

B) Along with my dad’s cancer came extreme physical impairments and a proclivity for random and massive seizures prompting a 911-level emergency, so leaving for even 20 minutes was pretty tough.

When I found some old watercolors in the house I started painting, just kind of experimenting really, with some pretty not great results at first. But, slowly painting became a part of my daily regimen and then I started a creative challenge to watercolor 100 days in a row, because, well, why not.

My dad quietly noticed and one day he asked me why I never pursued a creative career I literally had no answer for him.

‘You’ve always been creative and you really seem to love it,’ he said, ‘you should do something with that in your career.’

And I said, ‘Dad, it’s too late. It just makes more sense to just get another job in marketing. I’d have to go back to school and I already went to grad school. What, I’m just going to start over?’

He looked at me, dead serious, and said, ‘Why not? I loved being an architect and work is such a big part of life. Life is short, you have time, you should find something you love as much as I did. Who cares if you have to start over, it’ll be worth it.’ That conversation watered the seed of an idea that had long been dormant.

In the void after my dad died I went from thinking hour by hour to constantly contemplating my future and how to rebuild my life. There were lots of questions, but I couldn’t really get stuck in the ‘why’ of it all, I knew the only way I could move forward was to ask ‘what’s next?’

I had basically hit the pause button on life, so I had the opportunity to do anything I wanted. Now, I’m not saying I was particularly happy or even excited about it really, I would’ve traded a clean slate to have my dad back in a heartbeat. I was exhausted and pretty lost. But I knew two things:

One - My dad wasn’t coming back and Two - Opportunities don’t always arrive at opportune times.

Over the course of that long goodbye I realized how unhappy and unfulfilled I’d actually been in my life. But the only person that could change that was me, and my dad was right, it didn’t matter if I had to start over.

Where I Am

Fast forward about two-and-a-half years and here I am making this presentation. I’ve tried to treat grad school this time around more like an adventure; a chance I could take on myself. I’ve embraced unexpected opportunities, asked every question (even the ones I thought might be stupid), and tried to free myself from perceived rules, pushing myself into uncomfortable places.

I’ve been more focused on trying interesting things instead of trying to be interesting. I’ve taken the artists and creative methods I’ve enjoyed for most of my life and merged them with my new discoveries; slowly connecting the dots to figure out where I fit in the matrix of design.

I’ve been soaking up knowledge from everyone around me, professors and classmates alike, and I’ve learned as much, or more from them, as I have from studying famous designers. Sometimes I get ideas from great feedback or learn about new methods, but other times it’s just figuring out to not be such a rule follower or take everything so literally.

Where I Will Go

I have never been very interested in defining myself by what I’ve done. I’d much rather focus on what I’m doing or what I want to do next. You are shaped, to a degree, by your past, but you are not your past. It’s important to choose which parts of your past to carry and consult, which to let go. Not all of it is worth the weight on your journey. The past is full of things you wouldn’t change for the world and things you can’t change, but, for better or worse, it’s gone. OK Claire, so what does any of this have to do with your design thesis? Well, pretty much everything.

If multipotentialite is my approach to life, then, design is a natural method of exploring for me. Design IS multipotentialite - its definition encompasses the entire cycle from idea, to planning and iterating, to production. And the field of design, especially graphic design, spreads far and wide along an ever expanding spectrum that reaches from hand lettering to installation to motion graphics and artificial intelligence.

My thesis exploration combines multipotentiality with the ideology around Maakbaarheid, the makeability of both items and society, the idea that nothing is predetermined, but created. My thesis will explore design as a conduit for discovery in pursuit of evolution and will consist of asking questions, making discoveries, and changing based on those revelations.

And then, continuing to ask again ‘what’s next?’

So, here’s what I know about what this looks like:

I don’t know what I’m going to make and that’s pretty scary, but recently I heard David Byrne of the Talking Heads discussing the development of his show American Utopia, and he said ‘It seems to me that in creating something a vision comes together intuitively, gradually, bit by bit, little by little, and we don’t always know the totality of what we’ve made until we can actually see, hear, and taste it.’ So, part of my challenge is to make work in a construct where the end is fluid and I’m not aimed at a specific conclusion.

This will not be a single project, but a series of endeavors resulting in a collection that illustrates an approach to design. In some ways it is nothing more than a snapshot of work from a specific period of time in my evolution as a designer.

The goal being the designer I am today will not be here next May, hopefully replaced with an evolved version.

I’m looking to involve the following three things in my process:

Rigor Leaning into my inclination towards a methodical approach to work. Can a practice in the ordinary, a daily repetition, produce something extraordinary?

Investigation Looking into questions that address subjective concepts or are unanswerable. Exploring things like:

What matters - Why do we value certain items or achievements more than others?

Why do we do the things we do?

Emotion - What is memory? Is grief the price of love?

Impact - What is it? How do we make it?

Power - How is it created? What does it look like? How can it be harnessed?

Humanity - What does it mean to be human? What pulls us together, what pushes us apart?

Hand Making Embracing my love for physical making and trying to upend my tendency to lead with analysis and start the process with the making. Exploring materiality, form, craft, scale, deconstruction, color, and type to discover the unexpected.

If in life everything can change and everything will change, whether we want it to or not, how do you embrace that reality with a sense of optimism, not foreboding, and view change as opportunity instead of obstacle? And how do you balance doing what you want to do (because life IS short, even if it is a cliche), and doing what you can for others with your talents and assets? Can those pursuits be merged?

At the end of the day the big question for me to explore will not revolve around ‘what kind of designer will I be or what will I make’, but more around ‘what of me can I bring to design and how can I help shape the world around me?’

I’m excited to find that out and I’m gonna start the way I always do, by asking, ‘what’s next!?’