Balanced Family Winter 2017

BALANCED

WINTER ISSUE | 2017

FAMILY BALANCEDMAG.COM

HEALTH | WELLNESS | PARENTING | LIVING

Giving voice

The women behind

She In The CLE

are providing a platform for other women in the CLE to connect, learn and grow together

INSIDE: CHILDREN AND SMARTPHONES 6 | ONLINE SECURITY 14 | PAYING FOR CHILD CARE 20

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BALANCEDKIDS

Family Matters

4 LOOKING BACK, LOOKING AHEAD Editor Michael C. Butz looks back at 2016 and ahead to 2017

Feature story

22 GIVING VOICE

The women behind She In The CLE are providing a platform for other women in the CLE to connect, learn and grow together

Closing column

34 SHOW YOUR VALUE

Columnist Beth Kuhel shares successful techniques jobseekers can adopt to land the job they want

On the cover: From left, Amy Martin, Shibani Faehnle and Gabrielle Gentile are three of the women behind She In The CLE, a blogger collective through which local women write about their personal and professional experiences. When the three break from their full-time commitments to work on She In The CLE, they occasionally do so at coffee shops like Pour Cleveland in downtown Cleveland. Photo below and cover below by Michael C. Butz.

22

6

CALLING THE SHOTS

Parents need to play it smart – and stand firm – when deciding whether their child should have a smartphone

GENEROUS, 10 RAISING THRIFTY CHILDREN

Teens aren’t known for philanthropy or their ability to save, but parents who teach these skills early on provide their children lifelong benefits

BALANCEDADULTS 14 SECURE CONNECTION

As recent large-scale cyberattacks suggest, there’s no time like the present to focus on online security

18 FIGURING OUT FURNITURE 20 BREAKING THE BANK

Planning and budgeting can help newlyweds furnish their first home together

Child care costs are rising, and though parents have options for choosing a system that works for them, the impact on families – financial and otherwise – can be substantial

BALANCEDBODY&MIND GLOSSING OVER 26 NO FLOSSING

Dentists and oral hygienists agree on the importance of flossing despite a recent government report that seemed to diminish its importance

28 WEIGHTY CONCERNS

Obese patients can face challenges in obtaining medical care that thinner patients don’t, and not necessarily due to their weight

30 TUMBLE TROUBLE

A number of different factors can lead to falls, but there also are many preventative steps families can take

balancedmag.com

WINTER 2017 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 3

BALANCED

FAMILYMATTERS FROM EDITOR MICHAEL C. BUTZ

I

The year will long be remembered in Northeast Ohio as the year our region – synonymous with sports misery – earned its first major sports championship in 52 years thanks to the Cavaliers.

Delirious with excitement, more than 1 million fans took to the streets as the NBA championship parade snaked through downtown Cleveland. And in an effort not to be outdone, the Indians made a memorable run at the World Series, falling just a game short of winning it all.

Further, in the months that preceded the Cavs’ big win, mixed martial arts fighter Stipe Miocic punched and kicked his way to the Ultimate Fighting Championship heavyweight title, and the Lake Erie Monsters (now the Cleveland Monsters) skated circles around the competition en route to hoisting the American Hockey League’s Calder Cup.

Beyond sports, two major public projects were completed. Over the summer, Public Square was transformed from a pavedover park to an open and inviting gathering place, and in the fall, five years of construction on the Inner Belt bridge came to a close, opening up five eastbound and five westbound lanes for the busy Interstate 90 thoroughfare.

Last but not least, the eyes of the world were on Northeast Ohio in July when the Republican National Convention came to town.

Whether you’re celebrating or condemning the results of November’s presidential election, I suspect we can all agree that hosting the RNC was an opportunity for Cleveland to shine – and shine it did, as visitors and national media alike heaped praise on our hometown.

While it’s fun to reflect, it’s also the time of year when we should be looking ahead to 2017.

4 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

Editor Michael C. Butz editor@balancedmag.com Art Director Stephen Valentine

Looking back, looking ahead

t almost goes without saying that 2016 was a big year in and around “The 216,” but why not say it anyway – and take a quick look back in the process.

FAMILY Contributing Columnist Beth Kuhel Cleveland Jewish Publication Company President & CEO Kevin S. Adelstein

I’m mostly hopeful we can build on the momentum gained last year, not just in terms of experiencing more highprofile accomplishments, but also in helping others in our community.

For all of its successes, Northeast Ohio continues to face significant hurdles when it comes to issues like housing, education and employment, and however large or small, we all have a role we can play in helping those around us.

A great example of helping others can be seen via the blogger collective She In The CLE, a website where local women write about their personal and professional experiences, in part so that other women can learn from them and share a sense of community.

You can read about the women behind She In The CLE starting on page 22, and I encourage us all to follow their lead in making a difference in our community in 2017 – in whatever ways we can.

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BALANCEDKIDS

Calling the shots

By Hannah Edelman

Parents need to play it smart – and stand firm – when deciding whether their child should have a smartphone

S

aying “no” to one’s kids isn’t always easy for parents. Although it usually catalyzes an argument, refusing pleas for sugary cereal and a DIY haircut at least come with the comfort of having logic on one’s side.

But what about when a child starts to beg for a smartphone? What does one do without an established limit on something so integral in today’s world?

The answer, according to pediatric physician Dr. Shelly Senders, is still to say “no.” The founder of Senders Pediatrics in South Euclid explains that parents have a responsibility to raise and educate their children, and that they shouldn’t apologize for acting like a parent.

“We see a lot of older kids who have become essentially emotionally shut in because they’re constantly on their phones,” he says. “If you do that too early in a child’s life, they don’t develop the relationships that are critical to being healthy teenagers and adults.”

Dr. Jan Kriwinsky of Pediatric Place in Beachwood expresses similar concerns about the social development of children with smartphones, especially after witnessing kids as young as 9 using cell phones at the office.

6 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

Kriwinsky

Senders

“I think you lose the ability to communicate and use the English language, and it’s important to learn those skills – especially at an early age,” he says. “They don’t need a phone. They don’t need all the electronics.”

It’s face-to-face personal interactions, not textual interactions or social media interactions, that improve social connections, Senders says.

“When you don’t see a face or talk to someone, you miss out on nuances in behavior,” Senders explains. “It’s those nuances that are really critical for developing social interaction.”

However, extenuating circumstances may be grounds for a smartphone at an earlier age, Senders says. For example, if a child is traveling alone or out late because of school and needs a way to communicate with his or her parents, a cell phone can be a way to ensure safety and communication.

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BALANCEDKIDS “We have to consider the importance of having a cell phone for safety’s sake and that outweighs any other concerns,” Senders says. “I think a lot of it is really determining if the child really needs a cell phone or simply wants a cell phone.”

Just as safety concerns vary from child to child, so does a child’s maturity. While one child will use a smartphone responsibly to communicate with friends and search for information online, another may use that same phone to text during class or make the impulsive decision to sext. It’s up to parents to assess each child’s maturity level and tailor the cell phone age accordingly.

“I think it’s individual and up to every parent to decide,” Kriwinsky says.

Even after parents allow their children to own smartphones, the question of safety and monitoring comes into play. Kriwinsky recommends setting restrictions on internet usage and limiting text messages. If parents “fear their child is doing something they shouldn’t be doing,” looking at the phone and messages sent is OK, Kriwinsky says.

“It might be the child’s phone, but the parents are paying for it,” he says. “Who runs the household? We might live in a democratic society, but the home is a dictatorship. The parents set the ground rules.”

Senders suggests monitoring frequency of usage and encouraging kids to engage in nonelectronic social activities such as play dates, sporting events and group projects.

“Those are things that have been around for a long time and they develop deep social interactions rather than the superficial interaction that sometimes come with cell phones and social media,” he says.

However, he cautions against overly supervising older teenagers’ phone usage. Instead, parents should lead by example and promote morals and responsibility at a younger age. They should also exercise caution in regards to recent research suggesting links between radiation emitted from cell phones to increased risk of cancer.

“Our job is to role model for our children,” Senders says.

“Even if a child is offered a cell phone, I think there’s some very important rules that should be kept in mind.”

So what is the magic age? Kriwinsky recommends waiting until at least “the teen years,” while Senders suggests around middle school age.

However, both pediatricians offer the same piece of advice: consider your own child’s maturity level and outside circumstances. No two children are exactly the same, and not all children can appropriately own cell phones at the same age. BF

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BALANCEDKIDS

Raising generous, thrifty children Teens aren’t known for philanthropy or their ability to save, but parents who teach these skills early on provide their children lifelong benefits

By Amanda Koehn

F

or teenagers growing up today, it can be difficult amongst peer pressure and always-changing tech toys to save money and develop philanthropic habits. However, local experts agree that learning savings from a young age and modeling parents’ examples is key.

“Every kid is different but I think if you start early, you are open with your finances, (and) you are open with how important savings are and distinguishing between needs and wants … it could really help with adulthood,” says Marla Petti, director of financial planning services

at HW Financial Advisors in Beachwood.

She said helping teens open bank accounts and get their own debit cards lets them understand money better and develop a sense of responsibility. With her own daughter, she helped her open a bank account after her bat

10 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

mitzvah, since it was the first time she had a good amount of money to save.

“Now she gets her paycheck and a portion goes to the bank,” she says.

Once teens or young adults start making money on their own, she suggests creating an automatic savings plan so

it is less tempting to spend everything. Being aware of the potential downsides to credit cards is also good to explain to teenagers.

“You teach them a portion going into the bank, a portion going to others and a portion going to themselves,” she says.

Kathy Kessler Overbeke, founder of Generation Planning Strategies in Beachwood, says with regard to money, three main qualities are important to instill in children.

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First, it is important to teach kids what purpose money serves — when it is best to save, and when a cause is good enough to give it away.

Second, she says instilling selfefficacy is essential, especially when kids become teens and they begin making decisions about education, career potential and finances.

“I think it is important to develop a sense of selfefficacy, so when kids grow up they believe they can make money (and) execute skills.

So, when they are older, they won’t make decisions from fear but from self-confidence,” Kessler Overbeke says.

The third point is collaboration, which can impart a sense of giving. She advises families begin volunteering together while kids are young.

“After the family engages in the work together, talk about

why it was important to do it together, what each person did individually and what the group accomplished from that effort,” Kessler Overbeke says.

At Generation Planning Strategies, Kessler Overbeke works specifically with family businesses and says that when a family business is involved, she recommends parents take time annually to talk to kids about the business and the value it holds within the family.

“Make this an annual discussion so kids can keep a log or memory book,” she says.

Moreover, parents can model good financial behaviors. Petti says that poor money management can be a result of many generations not understanding or developing good financial habits.

“They don’t really teach it in school, and if their parents

saving, parents should be forthcoming with kids and share their money-managing mistakes and successes.

“I think it’s good for parents to be open about their finances,” Petti says.

Although financial advisers and parents are likely to deal with generational differences and priorities shifting as kids grow, Petti and Kessler Overbeke agree that developing a sense of financial responsibility will carry throughout kids’ lives, regardless of wealth or age.

“You need money for certain things, and then there is the philosophical (question), how important is it to you?

And that changes with age,” Kessler Overbeke says. “I think this comes back to purpose: What are you saving it for and why would you give it away?”

BF

didn’t teach them, they are kind of winging it and it’s like a snowball effect,” Petti says.

However, now more than ever, there are resources available for everyone to learn, including websites like Mint. com to keep track of finances, books and articles online.

Petti also suggested finding a good financial adviser who will engage the kids in financial affairs as well.

“The earlier the better, but it’s never too late,” Petti says.

In terms of being generous with money, both Kessler Overbeke and Petti stress that parents make sure kids understand when it’s appropriate to give money away. Those who may not be intrinsically philanthropic can also consider tax benefits to giving money away.

However, whether concerning philanthropy or THE

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BALANCEDADULTS

As recent large-scale cyberattacks suggest, there’s no time like the present to focus on online security

By Doug Vehovec

E

xperts called it a “potential disaster for smart home devices.”

The complexity of the disruption challenged governments across the globe, and the scope of the attack was “unprecedented.”

On Oct. 21, Domain Name System (DNS) provider Dyn was the target of the largest cyberattack of its kind on record. The attack on Dyn, which manages internet services for some of the world’s biggest companies – Amazon.com, CNN, Starbucks and Netflix to name just a few – highlighted how connected today’s world is, and how disruptive and dangerous an assault on the infrastructure of the internet can be.

The cyberattack, and others like it, leave consumers and individuals feeling helpless and wondering what they can do to protect themselves in an online environment that’s constantly evolving and growing more complicated. With personal information at risk through not only e-commerce but the ubiquitous “internet of things” age, there are steps to take that can minimize dangers for online users.

“One of the greatest things you can do is take responsibility and educate yourself,” says Kevin Goodman, managing director and partner at Blue Bridge Networks, a technology solutions provider in Cleveland. “It doesn’t have to be very complicated, or one doesn’t have to be really tech-savvy in order to focus and get up to speed.”

14 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

Goodman recommends one of the best resources for this is staysafeonline.org, a website that both businesses and individuals can use that offers tips and news for cybersecurity and privacy to help mitigate online risk. He likens the possibility of online danger to a bad neighborhood, noting that there are often legitimate reasons for going there, but keeping common sense in mind to reduce risk.

BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU CLICK ON Particularly during the holiday season, malicious hackers will use emails for online scams, phishing and malware distribution.

“Think before you click,” Goodman says. “People are really prone to click right away without thinking what they’re doing, and they open themselves to a very vulnerable state. So if an email looks too good to be true, it’s most likely too good to be true.”

READ THE FINE PRINT Consumers should always be mindful of the fine print on all online contracts and transactions. Although it may seem boring and mundane, getting into the habit of reading the details can help avoid unwanted monthly charges.

“Also, read very carefully the privacy policies and understand them,” Goodman said. “If you click the link, does it allow that company to sell your information for any purposes whatsoever?

Be mindful of that.”

LOOK FOR THE ‘S’ Web addresses can show you ahead of time how safe your information will be. In order to show how secure a website is,

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BALANCEDADULTS the address should have “https” and not just “http” at the beginning.

“If you watch for that, then you know your personal information is encrypted,” Goodman says. “You’d be amazed how many sites don’t have that.

“And if you’re using a site, make Goodman sure you’re using a two-factor or multi-factor authentication. They should not only want your username and password, but an additional security code like answering a question, or something that’s unique to you.”

private network) vastly increases online shopping safety.

Avoiding debit card use online also decreases risk. Instead, use a credit card, making sure to be aware of the card’s levels of cyber protection.

“When you get a credit card, compare what is the cyber security and cyber protection just as you would look for interest rates and other terms,” Goodman says.

NOW IS THE TIME

AVOID PUBLIC WI-FI FOR TRANSACTIONS

While brick-and-mortar stores are still here, e-commerce continues to grow and shows no signs of slowing down.

The National Retail Federation forecasts online sales this year to increase between 7 and 10 percent over sales from 2015.

Paralleling that growth is an increase in cyber breaches, making it more important to educate, train and become aware of tools and practices to protect our privacy and cybersecurity in the digital age, now more than ever, Goodman says.

“It’s really important for people to spend a little bit of time to familiarize themselves with good cultural practices that can keep them safe and protect their identity,” he says. “If you haven’t taken the time to brush up on safe navigation in the web- and data-centric world, now is the perfect time.” BF

“Simply put, your connection can be intercepted,” Goodman says. Using a known, secure connection like a VPN (virtual

Doug Vehovec is a freelance writer from Willowick.

PRACTICE GOOD PASSWORD HYGIENE A low-hanging fruit of online safety is ensuring your passwords are more difficult to hack. Creating passwords that are at least eight digits, utilizing random mixes of upperand lowercase letters, including symbols and numbers are all good practices, says Goodman. It’s also worthwhile to keep passwords written down and under lock, separate from computers and other devices.

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BALANCEDADULTS

Figuring out furniture

Planning and budgeting can help newlyweds furnish their first home together

By Kristen Mott

D

ecorating a recently purchased house can be an exciting experience for newlywed couples.

From picking out bedroom sets and dining room tables to selecting paint colors and artwork, there are plenty of fun decisions for couples to make.

However, the process can have its stressful moments, too, especially when it comes to meshing décor styles and working within a budget. Heidi Summers, a designer at Wayside Furniture in Akron, offers tips for how newlyweds can make their new house feel like home.

CREATE A GAME PLAN Deciding which rooms to furnish and decorate first is an important step of the planning process. Summers recommends starting with the family or living room, which serve as gathering spaces for friends and family.

“I generally tell people to start with their main pieces, like their sofas and

18 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

chairs,” she says. “I also tell people don’t paint first. If you paint and you go out looking for a new sofa, you might not find one that goes with the paint you just picked. Start with the upholstery and go from there.”

The next major room to decorate is a formal or casual dining area, Summers says, so that guests will have a place to sit down and enjoy a meal when they visit.

As for pieces to hold off on, Summers says furniture for a guest bedroom or children’s bedrooms can be purchased down the road.

BLENDING STYLES Picking out furniture can prove

challenging when one person prefers a shabby chic style while the other is a fan of mid-century modern. Flexibility is key when it comes to blending two different tastes.

“You’re joining a house with somebody else now. I often ask people, ‘What is your connection with this piece?

Does it mean something to you?’ Is it worth arguing about? Some pieces are sentimental, so we can try to work those into the design scheme,” she says.

Mixing together two different décor styles may not be as hard it as sounds. In fact, Summers says the trend over the last decade or so has been to not have every home item perfectly matched together.

The secret is finding items to tie the different styles together.

“Maybe you’ve got a brown leather sofa and your husband has a gray recliner,” she says. “People don’t generally think brown and gray go together, but you can

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add throw pillows that have both of those colors and maybe another color to bring it all together.”

Area rugs and artwork also can be used to bridge the gap between different styles, Summers says.

“As long as you’re trying to blend the items together and not just ignoring what’s in the room, then you can make it work,” she says.

SEEKING HELP While some people tend to shy away from interacting with salespeople at furniture stores, Summers recommends doing the opposite.

“Our sales associates are our educators,” she says. “They’re really here to help the customer. If you work with a salesperson, you can tell them upfront what you’re looking for or if you’re on a budget. Then they’ll know exactly where to take you and can save you a lot of time.”

Store associates also can provide information about designers and manufacturers and explain why some items are priced differently, which can be helpful for couples on a budget.

“You can go one of two ways. If you can’t afford an expensive sofa or maybe you don’t want one right now because you’re going to be in a better position five years from now, you can purchase something very inexpensive that probably won’t last very long, or you can invest in a more expensive piece that will last for a longer amount of time,” she says.

PLANNING AHEAD Taking a few actions before shopping at a furniture store can save time and make the process go more smoothly.

Browsing online can give couples a better idea of the styles and color of furniture they prefer, as well as help them create some sort of budget.

Summers Summers also encourages couples to take measurements of each room in their house and any existing furniture so that they can create a blueprint. Taking pictures can serve as a visual aid, too.

“Taking measurements is the best thing you can do before you go shopping,” she says. “Take measurements of your walls, mark where your windows and doorways are, and actually draw it out on a piece of paper because it’s easier to see. That way you won’t spend money on delivery, get the furniture at your house and find out it doesn’t fit.” BF

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The David and Freda Robinson Residence at The Weils (left and center) and The Willensky Residence on the Montefiore campus (right).

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WINTER 2017 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 19

BALANCEDADULTS

BREAKING

THE BANK Child care costs are rising, and though parents have options for choosing a system that works for them, the impact on families – financial and otherwise – can be substantial

T

By Amanda Koehn

he average cost of child care in Ohio yearly is $15,627 – or 31 percent of the median household income, according to a recent report from New America, a Washington, D.C.-based think tank. Increasing costs around the U.S. have caused some to say that it is now comparable to the cost of college. While this may still be an exaggeration, it’s an expense parents need to plan for in order to find high-quality care that is right for their children.

CHOOSING HIGH-QUALITY CARE Debbie Fodge is assistant director at Starting Point, a Northeast Ohio child care referral agency that helps families find and access child care options that fit with their financial needs.

“I think the sticker shock comes once you have decided to have a family and begin researching what

20 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

you are going to do for child care,” she says.

Fodge says in searching and saving for child care, quality is one area that cannot be compromised.

“Children are often in that setting for an extended part of the day, it could be from six to 10 hours. During the course of that period, hopefully children are having the opportunity to have

varied experiences, (and) the programs and activities being offered are age appropriate,” she says. “All of that is able to happen when you have qualified staff and use research-based curriculums that support children’s growth.”

She recommends checking out the Step Up to Quality voluntary ratings system, which can be found on the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services website, to get a sense of where local child care centers rank. However, to get high-quality care, parents have to pay for it.

PAYING FOR HIGH-QUALITY CARE While considering the cost and how to balance work and family life as early as possible can help parents plan, high-quality daycare will likely be a burden for most middle-class families.

“If you look at government data at who

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uses institutional child care, it tends to show that it’s bimodal.

Low-income people often consume that kind of service because they have subsidies,” says Peter Meiksins, vice provost for academic programs and a sociology professor at Cleveland State University. “But also, really high-income people use it – and that tells you something.

“To afford really high-quality day care, the kind that most people would like, is beyond the means of most people,” he says.

Thus, in order to make child care work, many parents need to use it in conjunction with other sources of help, like having family members or neighbors help out, if possible. Both Meiksins and Fodge also say they have seen parents stagger their schedules to minimize the hours parents are away and would need to pay for care.

“What we have heard from families who have had to navigate this cost issue, in a two-parent family one parent may work one shift, (and) the other parent may work a different shift so they can manage child care at home,” Fodge says.

Government assistance programs can benefit some families, as can sliding scale day care centers, both of which Fodge helps families with.

“If cost is a factor, we look for programs that might offer sliding fee scale or scholarships within that program,” she says.

While in-home care is usually more expensive – the average cost of home care yearly is $26,898, while child care in a center is $8,322 in Ohio, according to the New America report – it is an option for parents who may need more flexibility and are able to pay for it.

BALANCING THE BURDEN Fodge also notes that parents need to have a backup plan for situations like illness and bad weather.

“You never know, if your child is ill, child care providers cannot take children that are sick. You really need to have a backup arrangement for that situation,” she says.

Moreover, for families having discussions about child care, it may be worthwhile to consider to which parent the burden may inadvertently fall.

“When this turns out to be hard for people, it’s often the mothers who wind up shouldering the burden of dealing with it. So if you can’t find good child care, or somebody has to fiddle with their hours to make this work, mothers are kind of the ones who do the most adjusting, so this has real implications for women’s ability to work and women’s earnings,” Meiksins says.

“In people’s heads, it’s the mom’s income that pays for the child care.” BF

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440.543.4221 | theweils.org WINTER 2017 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 21

Giving voice

The women behind

She In The CLE

are providing a platform for other women in the CLE to connect, learn and grow together

Story by Kristen Mott | Photography by Michael C. Butz

As a partner and head of marketing at JumpStart, Amy Martin is used to working and collaborating with women in high-power positions. Even in her own personal circle, many of her close friends and peers are female leaders in the community.

Martin seems to thrive off of connecting with these women, discussing lessons learned from shared experiences and exchanging new ideas.

So it came as a surprise to Martin when she moved to Northeast Ohio about 11 years ago and discovered there was no existing outlet for these women to share their stories and wisdom. Rather than waiting for someone else to create such a space, Martin decided to take the matter into her own hands. After sitting on the idea for several years, she finally took the plunge and presented it to the world last year.

Martin, together with Shibani Faehnle, initiative development manager at KeyBank, and Christina Klenotic, senior

22 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

vice president, head of digital marketing at KeyBank, co-founded She In The CLE in August 2015. The online blogger collective covers topics from entrepreneurship and lifestyle trends to the challenges of motherhood and Cleveland-centric issues.

Over the last year-and-a-half, the trio’s site, SheInTheCLE.com, has garnered national attention. Even more importantly, women in Northeast Ohio are using it as a platform to find their own voice and share stories they feel need to be heard.

STARTING OUT After working in Cleveland for a couple years, Martin, who resides in Westlake with her husband and two teenaged

children, said she had a strong knee-jerk reaction when she realized there was a lack of women in power positions.

“When I moved here, I was in a business development role and I was constantly meeting with heads of companies and influencers, and I found myself being one of the only females in the room. I remember asking somebody, ‘Where are all of the women?’ and just being a little dumbfounded by that,” Martin says.

That business development role was at Dix & Eaton in downtown Cleveland, where Klenotic, who lives in Rocky River with her husband and two young children, also worked at the time. The two instantly clicked, and they began to talk about creating a website that would allow women in Northeast Ohio to have a space to share their stories and offer advice to others.

“When I started building my female network, I realized how many amazing

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women were here and had helped me find jobs and mentored me,” Martin says.

“I was just frustrated that there wasn’t a platform to showcase more women.”

After deciding on a domain name and logo, Martin and Klenotic got the push they needed to make the site official when they met Faehnle, a native of Mumbai, India, who moved to Cleveland’s West Side about 12 years ago when she married her husband. Faehnle had connected with both of them on social media, and she met Martin in person in June 2015 in the parking garage of the Cleveland Museum of Art. Later that month, the two met for lunch in downtown Cleveland, and Martin decided to share her idea for the blog.

“Amy tells me this idea and I’m like, ‘I’m in, let’s do it,’” Faehnle says. “And she goes, ‘what?’ and I’m like, ‘No, let’s do it now. What are we waiting for?’”

Between working at their full-time jobs, Martin, Faehnle and Klenotic found time to meet at various coffee shops, bars and at each other’s houses to put the finishing touches on the website.

The site launched in August 2015 and quickly gained momentum. Since its creation, more than 100 women have written blog posts for the site.

“Some of the women who have blogged for us have proved that they have had something to say and they’ve drawn quite an incredible audience with their stories,” Klenotic says. “We try to bring different types of content to the table, and we do work really hard to recruit women and kind of convince them that they should have a voice, that people need to hear what they have to say and to help them, in many cases, blog for the first time.”

Overcoming hurdles Much of the feedback regarding the site has been positive, and several of the posts have attracted national attention.

In fact, a post on balancing parenting and work written by Sharon Sobol Jordan, chief of staff for Cuyahoga County Executive Armond Budish, received close to 80,000 page views on the site and was picked up

by Today.com.

Faehnle believes the concept for the website works well in Northeast Ohio due to an underrepresentation of female voices in the region.

balancedmag.com

Opposite page: From left, Gabrielle Gentile, Shibani Faehnle and Amy Martin are three of the women behind She In The CLE. Above: When the women work on She In The CLE, they occasionally do so at coffee shops, including Pour Cleveland in downtown Cleveland.

“There’s this gap in what people are consuming and how much of it is coming from women and how much of it is coming on topics that are not just lifestyle or just fashion or just food. I think that’s the niche that we occupy. It’s a little bit of everything all in one place,” she says.

Some of the posts, however, have received negative comments, both on the website and via social media. Posts related to feminism seem to draw the most negative attention, Martin says.

Fear of scrutiny is one of the reasons Klenotic believes more women are not currently writing for the site.

“We would all meet these amazing executive women who would talk to us in small group fashion and you would be so inspired by what they were bringing to the table and the advice

that they were giving,” she says. “The minute that you would bring up the notion of a public platform or blogging, one by one they would say, ‘No, I can’t do that’ or ‘Oh, I wouldn’t know what to say.’”

Receiving negative comments online can feel extremely personal for some people and may hinder them from sharing their stories, Faehnle says.

“It’s different when you’re in a group of five people talking. Suddenly you’re putting your thoughts on this public platform that gets over 5,000 page views per month and a Facebook page that has over 3,000 followers and an Instagram and a Twitter account. That voice that was for five people is now for thousands of men and women. I think it’s scary, but my message to women every day is be less afraid.”

WINTER 2017 | BALANCEdfamily | 23

It’s different when you’re in a group of five people talking. Suddenly you’re putting your thoughts on this public platform that gets over 5,000 page views per month and a Facebook page that has over 3,000 followers and an Instagram and a Twitter account. That voice that was for five people is now for thousands of men and women. I think it’s scary, but my message to women every day is be less afraid.

Shibani Faehnle She In The CLE Time also can be an issue, Martin says, especially for women who are balancing a full-time job with raising a family.

“This takes courage and it takes time,” she says. “I think there’s a huge population of women that want to write. Over time, I think we’ll convince more and more to, but it will be an ongoing conversation.”

REACHING THE NEXT GENERATION Gabrielle Gentile, a senior studying public relations at Kent State University, became a She In The CLE intern in January after learning about it through a professor.

“One of the original founding partners, Allison Peltz, is an alum of Kent State,” Gentile says. “When she could no longer be involved with the project, she reached out to some of the faculty that she was still connected to at Kent and the project floated my way.”

The 23-year-old, who became a partner of the site in August and handles most of its backend development, says she was drawn to the mission of She In The CLE. “I was really interested in the women’s empowerment aspect of it.

That’s something I’m involved in at school and I was interested in having more of a professional involvement,” says Gentile, who lives in Rocky River and works as a marketing and sales intern at GE Lighting.

Gentile is responsible for scheduling all blog posts as well as working oneon-one with contributors to offer them constructive feedback on their writing.

Being able to make connections with professional women and business leaders in the region has been a valuable experience, Gentile says.

24 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

Beyond just a space for women to connect and share stories, Gentile views She In The CLE as a sort of mentoring tool, especially for recent college graduates who are just beginning their careers.

“Some of our posts are lighthearted, but I think we have a pretty good collection of articles that are very career-driven and talk about how to further yourself in your career or how to handle a difficult work situation as a woman,” she says.

LOOKING FORWARD Part of the success of She In The CLE is due to the positive dynamic between Martin, Faehnle and Klenotic. Not only do they work well together in a business sense, but the three have developed genuine friendships and are each other’s biggest supporters.

“We’re exceptionally collaborative, we’re honest and frank, and we’re realistic,” Martin says. “We’ve all been through enough in the workplace and our personal lives and our relationships that we know how to treat each other well. There’s nobody more happy for each other’s successes than us because we’ve all worked in places where that didn’t happen.”

The website has grown organically, Martin says, and they are now at a point where they plan to explore the next phase of She In The CLE. In the next year, the women will look into creating podcasts and video series, and they hope to monetize the site through advertising.

For Faehnle, the site has already far surpassed expectations.

“I did not appreciate how cool this would be,” she says. “The women who

contribute are amazing. They have these stories and they’re funny and they’re smart and they’re articulate. It’s a joy to read their pieces.”

One major area all three women feel is lacking on the website is developing a more diverse group of writers. Martin says she has several meetings with women of color whom she admires, and she understands the hesitation and fear of scrutiny they face.

Not having more types of women represented on the site is frustrating, Faehnle says.

“I can’t be the only nonwhite female voice,” she says. “I’d love to hear from women who have different backgrounds, women who are immigrants, women who are of different races, women whose families are not man and woman.

I wish we had more of that.”

The site has been successful, though, in attracting women of varying ages.

Klenotic says she finds it refreshing to visit the site and read blogs by women who have had different experiences depending on their stage of life.

“What I love about this is it’s such a great reminder that there are so many different perspectives,” she says.

“Everyone has a different background to bring to something. Sometimes you get caught up in people who think like you, but it’s important to be mindful that there are always many sides to a story.”

For many women in the community, She In The CLE serves as their sole outlet to express their opinions and their feelings in a safe space, Martin says, especially as the local media landscape continues to evolve and change.

“There are times we’re not solving major crises in the world and we’re just writing for fun. There are times we’re writing because there’s something burning inside of us that if we don’t say it and we have no other place to say it that we have to get it out. There are times we’re just promoting women businesses and entrepreneurs and we’re letting moms speak in a way that hopefully they can connect and learn from each other,” Martin says.

“How long will we do it? For as long as people want to read it.” BF

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Advertorial

‘Living is my aim’: retired doctor takes ‘NuStep’ in right direction

By Sherry Gavanditti In his elegant South African accent, Dr. Dennis Israelstam, a retired OBGYN, will tell you he’s 21 going on 80. His sense of light-hearted humor is refreshing and admirable, especially after one learns his story. As a health maintenance client at Menorah Park’s Peter B. Lewis Aquatic & Therapy Center (LAC) for a couple of years, he has found hope, healing and humor in the relationships he’s formed with staff. Although Dr. Israelstam has had bilateral shoulder replacements, has severe osteoarthritis of the knees, has had a hip replacement, and has suffered a loss of some of his toes due to infection from some of his illnesses, he will not let anything slow him down. “I will be 80 – that gives me hope for the future; it gives me something to look forward to. Living is my aim.”

But it hasn’t been easy. “I had a pretty serious illness that disabled me in my lower limbs. I wasn’t able to walk properly and was generally unable to do much,” he says. “I’ve been going to the Center for rehab for a couple of years now.

Slowly and methodically, I’ve been working with Lisa Altenbaugh, mainly using NuStep equipment for a half an hour twice a week, and it has made a difference to my general well-being and strengthened my legs and arms. I am very happy!”

“I wanted to believe I would become an Olympic athlete, but I was never one before,” he jokes. “My hope at the moment is to be an ‘Olympic athlete’ for walking. I do use a walker, but my legs are getting stronger, and I am working on my one knee.”

Progress is good. Dr. Israelstam can now use his arms and is generally stronger than before.

“I’m doing a series of limited exercises that Lisa designed for me. It’s not strenuous but it’s important, and it is helping me, slowly but surely. Yes, it’s slow methodical work. Lisa is very competent and she knows exactly what I can and can’t do. She’s instrumental in helping me do what I need to do. She’s amazing at what she does.”

Dr. Israelstam moved to the area about seven years ago to be closer to his family. He has been married for 52 years. He has four children and 11 grandchildren. When asked how long he intended to utilize the LAC, he replied, “How long do I intend to live? I have no intention of leaving the LAC, as long as I can walk and breathe. It’s helping me. I enjoy it. I don’t feel I’d be strong, or be the same person I am today, without it. I need it mentally and physically. It’s important, it really is. They’d have to kick me out for misbehavior to get rid of me.

Seriously, they are going to have to kick me out!”

“Two things to say to others considering therapy: Go for it, go for it! Life is very short. I’m in a situation now that I can’t play golf or tennis, but as long as I have the need be active, to do simple exercises, and to be with people, I’ll go there.”

Lisa Altenbaugh, LAC exercise specialist, works to help Dr. Israelstam become stronger utilizing NuStep

The Peter B. Lewis Aquatic & Therapy Center at Menorah Park

NuStep, Inc. has recently named Peter B. Lewis Aquatic & Therapy Center in Beachwood the 2017 Silver Pinnacle Award winner in the Senior Center division.

The NuStep Pinnacle Award® is a national award that champions wholeperson wellness for older adults and recognizes excellence in whole-person wellness programming in senior living communities and senior centers.

Peter B. Lewis Aquatic & Therapy Center, which opened its doors in 2000, is located on the campus of Menorah Park, a senior living community in suburban Cleveland.

NuStep Vice President of Sales and Marketing Steve Sarns, says, “We’re so pleased to recognize Peter B. Lewis Aquatic & Therapy Center for their exceptional efforts to support healthy aging.

“The center is an outstanding example of how education, encouragement and empowerment can motivate older adults to take ownership of their health and wellness. The exciting result is that program participants remain vibrant and independent longer and continue to make meaningful contributions to their community.”

216-595-7345 27300 Cedar Road, Beachwood www.lewisaquaticcenter.org

BALANCEDBODY&MIND

No glossing

over

flossing

Dentists and oral hygienists agree on the importance of flossing despite a recent government report that seemed to diminish its importance

By Doug Vehovec

T

here’s evidence of it in prehistoric times, hinting that horse hair was used. In the early 1800s, the notion of waxed silken thread was introduced. Nylon took over due to economic reasons and, more recently, Teflon was introduced. Beyond these are a host of interdental brushes and other products designed to tackle one of the pillars of oral hygiene: flossing.

But a recent report brought to light that the latest Dietary Guidelines for Americans published every five years, and last released in 2015, made flossing conspicuous by its absence. Acknowledging that because the guidelines must be based on scientific evidence, the government cited a lack of required research on the effectiveness of flossing for the omission.

Despite this, dentists and oral hygiene professionals like Dr. Wayne Aldredge, president of the American Academy

26 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

of Periodontology, maintain the recommendation to floss to help avoid gum disease. Likewise, the American Dental Association and federal government continue to extol the importance of flossing and use of interdental cleaners.

The National Dental Association addressed the report in an August statement, advising that flossing maintains an important role in regular oral hygiene routines that includes brushing teeth at least twice a day with fluoride toothpaste, as well as regular visits to the dentist for checkups and professional cleanings.

“Omission in the dietary guidelines should not imply reversal of long-standing recommendations from the Surgeon General, Center for Disease Control, (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) and oral health professionals. Oral health providers have consistently seen the positive effects of this tool as an aide in establishing good oral hygiene,” the statement said.

Northeast Ohio dentists just as enthusiastically urge including flossing as a regular part of oral hygiene.

“The U.S. Dietary Guidelines decided not to keep flossing recommendations in the new protocol because they wanted to

balancedmag.com

concentrate more on American’s food and nutrient intake at this time,” says Dr. Margaret Frankel, of Richards Frankel Dentistry in Lyndhurst. “The American Dental Association still recommends flossing as part of regular oral hygiene routine.”

She also pointed out that people may be using incorrect methods of flossing.

“There is a specific technique to floss properly, and it requires hugging of both aspects of teeth and using a gentle motion to loosen food particles and plaque from between each tooth,” Frankel says. “The goal of flossing is to remove plaque and food debris from the surfaces of the teeth that toothbrushes cannot reach.”

Frankel notes challenges associated with flossing research.

“The current research done on the benefits of flossing have been difficult to quantify, as there is human error,” she says. “It has to rely on the anecdotal evidence of those enrolled in the study to report their flossing habits.”

Frankel says dental hygienists and dentists will happily go over proper techniques and other ways to maintain oral health with patients, who should have checkups at least twice a year.

“An individual’s dental health plays an important role in one’s overall health,” she says. “The bacteria and inflammation in a person’s mouth can contribute to chronic diseases such as diabetes or heart disease. Flossing aims to lower overall inflammation on the mouth.”

Dr. Dina Fixler, of University Heights Dental in University Heights, who also maintains the benefits of flossing, believes

studies are often skewed, and that the report was largely “misleading to the public.”

“I disagree with the methods of the study that say flossing isn’t as effective,” Fixler says. She pointed out both that a study cited to question the usefulness of flossing was designed to measure bacteria without considering gum disease, and reiterated that the goal of flossing is to remove plaque and debris – which it has been proven effective at doing. Fixler recommends flossing twice a day, but if patients only floss once a day to do it at night.

She says the study’s results were skewed by another factor, too: incorrect flossing methods. Many people mistakenly use a sawing motion, which is not the goal of flossing and may cause harm. Improper technique can damage gums, teeth and dental work.

“Really, proper technique is using the floss to cup the teeth and sweep around both teeth – not dig into gums,” Fixler says.

“Don’t use a sawing motion. Just gentle sweeping to loosen or remove particles and debris from between both teeth.”

Buildup of plaque bacteria between teeth and beneath gum lines can lead to tooth decay or cause inflammation that ultimately leads to gingivitis. If left untreated, this can lead to tooth loss and increased risk for other systemic disease. Flossing and interdental cleaning between teeth removes plaque bacteria and debris from areas that brushing doesn’t reach. BF Doug Vehovec is a freelance writer from Willowick.

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WINTER 2017 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 27

BALANCEDBODY&MIND

Weighty concerns

Obese patients can face challenges in obtaining medical care that thinner patients don’t, and not necessarily due to their weight

By Amanda Koehn

A

patient is having knee problems and goes to her doctor, who tells her while she could need a knee replacement, she needs to lose weight first. Another patient has an array of symptoms and doctors tell him it is because he is obese, but the patient believes something else is going on.

Dr. Eileen L. Seeholzer, an associate professor of medicine and at Case Western Reserve University and director of weight loss surgery and weight management at MetroHealth Medical Center, says patients tell her about such experiences “every day of my practice.”

Nearly 30 percent of Ohio adults are obese, according to a 2015 study by Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. However, societal stigmas associated with obesity often infiltrate the medical system, which doctors and experts say are problematic not just from the standpoint of helping people lose weight, but also that all of a patient’s health concerns may be dismissed simply based on his or her weight.

OBESE PATIENTS FACE STIGMA Seeholzer says the assumption that weight loss is the only fix for a patient’s concerns can be problematic for several reasons. First, people who are obese face a higher risk of some medical conditions that may then get overlooked.

28 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

Second, if they have a condition that is equally common in thin people, initially overlooking the problem could take Peterson Rao longer to diagnose and start treatment.

“Third, that disrespect makes them more likely to avoid seeking medical care later,” she says.

With additional Seeholzer Stevens problems like blood pressure cuffs being too small and waiting rooms with narrow armchairs, obese patients face challenges and embarrassment in accessing health care that are vastly different than a thin person’s experience.

“One thing that disturbs me about some of these stories is just that I think when a thin person goes in for something like a knee issue, there is knee replacement, but there are also things like physical therapy a doctor may try,” says Corey Stevens, a doctoral candidate in sociology at the University of Akron whose focus is on fat/critical obesity issues and medicine.

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WHY THE ROOT OF STIGMA IS WRONG “When we look at the research of people losing weight in the long term, it’s not very well-documented that people can lose weight. In fact, it’s well documented that very few people do,” Stevens says.

Evidence that losing and keeping weight off is incredibly difficult for many people is becoming increasingly prevalent.

One high-profile example is a May 2016 study in the journal “Obesity” which found that contestants on the “The Biggest Loser,” a television weight-loss competition, gained the majority of weight back, despite keeping up healthy lifestyles.

While part of the reason is that people have a lower metabolism after dieting, genetic components and other factors also influence weight more than is usually assumed.

“Because it’s a chronic disease, if you tell somebody to just lose weight, that would be the same for me saying ‘you have diabetes, go lower your sugar,’” Seeholzer says.

PATIENTS CAN ADVOCATE FOR THEMSELVES There are several things patients can do if they feel a doctor is dismissing concerns due to weight.

Ninoska Peterson, a Cleveland Clinic clinical health psychologist, said that while patients should work with their doctors to try to lose weight, they also should not be afraid to seek a referral.

“If they feel like they are not getting enough or they feel their provider isn’t on the same page with the concerns they mentioned, it’s OK to ask for a referral,” she says.

Dr. Goutham Rao, chairman of family medicine at University Hospitals and board certified in obesity medicine, said patients should find a physician who can help them better understand health as it relates to weight and body mass index.

“I think that there is a lot of misinformation out there about who is overweight or obese,” Rao says. “A BMI of 30 in one patient is not the same as for another, depending on their frame and level of muscle mass and those types of things.”

Moreover, in a situation where a doctor only describes treating obesity — like the knee pain example — patients can ask concrete questions.

“If you receive that kind of advice, you should demand they tell you what they would say to a thin person,” Stevens says, attributing the message to Linda Bacon, an internationally recognized professor, author and Health at Every Size advocate.

Obese patients also can seek support and educate themselves with sources like the Obesity Action Coalition.

Moreover, the American Board of Obesity Medicine trains physicians like Seeholzer to look past weight when treating obese patients, which is a certification patients can look for when choosing a doctor.

“Do not apologize, but be curious and confident,” Seeholzer says, “which I know is very, very difficult.” BF

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BALANCEDBODY&MIND

A number of different factors can lead to falls, but there also are many preventative steps families can take

By Doug Vehovec

T

he first day of fall has come and gone, but Sept. 22 marks more than just the transition of seasons bringing cooler temperatures and spectacular colors in Northeast Ohio.

The National Council on Aging chose the date to also raise awareness about how to prevent fall-related injuries among seniors through the annual Falls Prevention Awareness day, first observed in 2008. The NCOA offers resources, tips and tools to minimize risk, help in your community and involve policymakers

as an advocate for falls prevention.

According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, falls occur with a third of those 65 and older in the U.S. annually, with about 20 percent of falls causing serious injury.

But there are plenty of methods that seniors and their families, friends and caretakers can use to reduce the risk of falls both inside and, especially with winter now upon Northeast Ohio, outside the home.

One of the most common causes of falls is inadequate lighting, says Kris Rosenfeld, director of nursing at Senior Helpers of Northeast Ohio, which offers professionally trained home health services.

“As we age, our sensory perception is diminished,”

30 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

Rosenfeld says. “Good lighting is crucial to safety, inside as well as outside.”

Inside the home, differences in flooring – like moving between carpeted and tiled areas – can pose a challenging transition.

This goes hand-in-hand with lessened visual acuity, as seniors sometimes don’t see that there’s going to be a change. Steps and stairways can present risks for the same reasons.

One of the biggest things home care practitioners see that causes falls are scatter rugs that are often used on top of tiled floors in rooms like kitchens and bathrooms.

“Elderly people are very prone to trip on those, especially if they’re using any sort of assistive devices like walkers or canes – they can

Rosenfeld get caught up on throw rugs,” Rosenfeld says. “Those are one of the first things we try to pull up (in home care).”

An up-to-date eyeglass prescription is another big factor in fall prevention. Lost glasses, or not replacing old ones because of cost concerns, is something Rosenfeld monitors in home care. Seniors who try to navigate with missing or incorrect eyewear stand a greater risk of falls.

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Remaining aware of medications and conditions is another area that Rosenfeld says is important.

Some medications can cause orthostatic hypotension, decreasing the body’s ability to regulate blood pressure with sudden changes in movement. To counteract this, patients are taught to get up slowly from a chair or out of bed, for example. Getting up too quickly can cause fainting or dizzy spells.

Rosenfeld recommends older patients at least once a year have a wellness evaluation with their primary care physician, going over all of their medications.

Many patients see several specialists, who may be unaware of medications

prescribed by other doctors and the interactions between different medications.

The advent of mail-order pharmacies adds additional challenges, as there is often not a single pharmacist reviewing all of a patient’s medications.

“Usually, people that have chronic diseases are supposed to be in education programs through their primary care physician or their home care agency,” she says. “Sometimes their physical therapist will provide a lot of education and training on what we call ‘activity spacing’ so that they don’t do too much at one time.”

At any stage of life, staying fit and active helps contribute to overall health,

32 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

making one less prone to injury, Rosenfeld says.

Home care professionals like her try to promote physical activity, from simple chair exercises with arm and leg weights.

“It should be a lifelong commitment to fitness and wellness,” she said. “There’s certainly no downside to that, ever.”

Seniors who live alone should also have a life alert system of some sort, she advises. Along those same lines, she notes one of the biggest dangers for those living alone is dehydration, which can cause lightheadedness and fainting.

“Making sure they’re committed to staying hydrated, even if it’s just taking a cup with a straw

and telling your grandpa ‘I want you to remember three times a day to fill this up and drink it,’” says Rosenfeld, adding that visiting older relatives who live alone is a great time to check on other hazards around the home, like lighting, area rugs and other potential obstructions.

For an extra measure, there are medical equipment companies that perform free home safety evaluations and recommend things like ramps and bathroom grab bars.

“You look at things, and they seem like common sense, but common sense isn’t always that common,” Rosenfeld says. BF

Doug Vehovec is a freelance writer from Willowick.

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CAREERPATH BETH KUHEL

Show your value Successful techniques jobseekers can adopt to land the job they want

S

uccessful job candidates do three things better than anyone else: They send a clear message about how their qualities match an employer’s needs, communicate those messages clearly and come across as likable. Further, they’re prepared to answer every prospective employer’s key question – “Why should we hire you over other candidates?” – as soon as they walk through the door, and just as importantly, they communicate in a way that supports, defends and complements this main message.

Does that describe your approach to landing your dream job?

Whether you’re seeking a job yourself or you know a family member who’s on the hunt, like a recent college graduate navigating the job market for the first time, the following tips can help put you in a position to succeed.

Use strategic empathy: The key to being likable is showing genuine interest in the other person. When you show sincere interest and concern for another, it makes you more likable. This holds true in all relationships and certainly applies to winning over a prospective boss. Being a good listener isn’t only about being quiet.

It’s about hearing the other person’s perspective and reflecting on it so you can show empathy by offering your skills to help.

Gain a competitive edge in your interview: The ideal job candidates come to interviews prepared to answer what they know about the organization’s culture, why they would fit in there and how they could contribute to the culture.

Can you use your skills to fill a void at that firm? What do you know about the hiring manager’s biggest challenges?

How can you demonstrate from previous accomplishments that you could help them tackle his or her problems?

34 | BALANCEDFAMILY | WINTER 2017

Show you’re an enthusiastic learner and a self-starter: Prepare an example that demonstrates you’re an enthusiastic learner and passionate about all you do. Your example should show your eagerness to pitch in and find areas where you could be of use. It should also indicate that you ask good questions and strive to find the right balance between what to push yourself to do on your own and when to ask for guidance.

Use simple and clear language and offer help: Good communicators are also astute listeners. They actively seek to understand the other person’s needs. They select their words carefully, offer direct answers and speak in a nonthreatening, supportive way. A persuasive style comes from finding commonality rather than from bullying or insulting. Strong communicators address questions directly and don’t interrupt or ramble off topic. You become more likable when you show genuine concern for your audience and when you choose a message that addresses their needs in a caring and succinct way.

Write your own mock recommendation: The process of writing your own letter of recommendation could actually help you gain clarity on your strengths and how they apply to your

prospective new employer. Showcase a clear story about your personality, skills and abilities that demonstrate why you’d be a great fit for a certain job and how you could be an asset to a firm. Before each interview, tweak your story so it applies to that employer’s job description and pain points. Highlight only those accomplishments and personality traits that would make you an asset to that particular team.

Writing your own letter of recommendation will deepen your appreciation for why you are (or in some cases, aren’t) the ideal candidate for a particular job. Even though you won’t be sending your own recommendation out to employers, crafting it will force you to think more specifically about your prospective employers’ goals and how you could help the firm advance them.

You may also learn where you have gaps in knowledge, skills and education, or in personality traits that would make you a good fit for that job.

Doing your research prior to an interview should boost your confidence in your interviews. Prepared messages that show genuine understanding and concern for the employer will display conversational competence and emotional maturity. Developing these strong skills takes practice and could tip the scale in your favor to get hired.

Beth Kuhel, M.B.A., C.E.I.P., is a Forbes, Business Insider, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur magazine contributor, and an executive and millennial career coach. Kuhel is also a member of the Forbes Coaches Council. Follow her on Twitter at @BethKuhel and learn more at fromdiploma2dreamjob.com.

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