The Elements of Z Mass

T heEl ements of

Mass • Z

figure 1 :

Krampus torments The Bad Children with Carols sung to The Melodies of Gilbert & Sullivan Show Tunes.

A TinyWanda Zyne

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Dewey Decimal : 238.0026 / TINYW / c. 003 Summary : Christmas & X-Mass have failed Western Civilization & have been providing The Damp Masses with a Tacit & Lurid Blachè Cheqüe to Spoil our Sunday Go To Meeting Underpants with The Foul Stench of Vegetable Based Feces for Five Generations.

It is Time Now to Return To The Old Ways of Doing Things; When Ω becomes α & Z-Mass shows us how Celebrate The Elegance of Gravity Waves from distant moons crashing into Long Forgotten Crystal Suns of Lithium & Sawdust with Sugarless Lemonade & Oatmeal Cookies fresh from A Wood Fueled Franklin Stove.

1. Winter / Solstice / Traditional NonSense 2. Ethics & Morality / Child Sublimation / Myths 3. Dietary Taboos / Figgy Pudding / Scientific Enquiry Printed in The Bowels of A Giant Yule Goat

introduction

i wanted to get this out in The First Week of December, & i wanted this to have all my own artwork in it, but i already realized a few years ago that i’m a terrible artist ( ! ) It’s gotten so that i dread picking up a pencil to make a shopping list. i hate making marks on paper now.

So i ended up stealing a bunch of images from Wikipedia & The Fortean Times; Which is The only magazine i read from cover to cover.

Although The Fortean Times is all about Quixotic Phenomena, It treats all it’s News Stories very Benignly & Doesn’t Sensationalize Anything. Like Charles Fort; It simply presents All its found accounts as they were found, from real news papers around The World, that really experienced these things, Even if All of The Principle Characters were Preliterate Hunter Gatherers.

That is What Z-Mass is All About : How Weird is The World, & What is The Best Way to Celebrate The Incongruities of FreeWill with The Experience of A Box of Kittens ( ? ) One School of thought that was adhered to by The Puritans & Others; Was that Any Special Celebration Day for Christmas was Very Bad, As they knew that These Traditions were Developing out of pagan Rituals, Not The Least of which was The Commercialization of Christ’s Birth.

From this School of thought; Every Day was Christ’s Day, Each day is given to gawd ( The Will of Gravity ), No Special Days are Needed.

In this Particular Chronology of Z-Mass; All Dates & Celebrations are Relative & Merely Suggestions of when Particular Venerations be Abided By, As they are Fixed to The Winter Solstice which Varies from Year to Year.

It is Also Necessary to Determine, or Discover The Precise Time of The Solstice; Which Marks Precise Moment of The True New Year.

For The Winter Solstice TwoThouand & Thirteen : True Midnight will be on The Twentyfirst; Nine Eleven Ante Meridiem This is The Moment of Z-Mass.

Gatherings The Secret of A Successful Gathering is To Have Plenty of Prepared Activities.

Don’t allow your Guests to just Sit around & Expect Unconditional Love to Come Pouring Out like Egg Nog from A Drunken Uncle’s Mork & Mindy Lunch Pail.

Things to Do :

Clean out a Closet or Attic— You’re sure to find lots of Interesting things besides The Scurvy Raccoon or Boxes of Maggot Nurseries.

Built a Snow Something, Anything But a Snowmyn.

Conjure up Elaborate & Gruesome Forgotten Traditions that Your Negligent Grandparents Never Taught you. · ·· ·· ·· ·· ·

The Choosing of The Cookies An Old Hag, Witch or School Marm would bake horrible tasting Cookies which would be offered to all the children.

Those that politely ate the cookies, and lived would be given great favor by the community. Those that spit out the cookies and Cursed the woman, would be severely beaten or sold to gypsies. · ·· ·· ·· ·· · Combine Two or More Board Games into One Board Game, Change all The Rules Around & Make up your own Fate Cards.

Make Up some New Jump Rope Rhymes & Be sure to Include plenty of Double Entendres. / Sing Holiday Tunes to Popular Melodies of The 80s. / Bake Elaborately Decorated Cookies or GingerBread Yule Goats. / Build something really Big from Legos.

Wander around The Neighborhood, Cutting between houses & peeking through Windows. If you’re Caught, Make sure Everyone will Run in a Different Direction !

Make a Deck of Family Tarot Cards.

Do Not Hold a Seance !

The Twelve

Z-Mass

Days·Elements of Line

Symbolism The Kitchen Floor A Rare Bowl of Bee Porridge Two Fertile Gloves The Top & Bottom of A Pancake Three Zen Wenches Past, Present & Future The DNA Bases Four Crawling Nerds A Hand Quieted Five Molden Kings

by Carpal Tunnel Syndrome Hours ‘till Dusk from Noon Six Sleighs a Greasing on The Equator Seven Salons A-Slimming Nostrils, Eyes, Ears, Mouth Eight Silk Straws Displaying Eight Bits in A Byte Nine Mercedes Romancing The True Planets The Akasha Library Ten Sheep A-Hoarding Eleven Snipers Griping The 11th Hour / Approaching Doom Twelve Plumbers Summering Sides on A Dodecahedron / Points on An Icosahedron Sing with the Appropriate 12 Days of (x-Mass Cadence But Choose Whichever Holiday Melody you’re comfortable with.

Non-Dated Z-Mass Activities At The Beginning of Z-Mass Time— Z-Mass Clothing Begins being worn, Z-Mass Talk is Spoken, Z-Mass Ethics are Adopted, Z-Mass Food is Eaten ( Along with Fancier, yet Modest Breakfasts ) Decorate your Automobile with Z-Mass Decorations & Speak only in Rhymes.

Create a Giant Adzent Gingerbread House which is then put on Display for Guests & Children to Nibble from throughout The Holiday Season.

Ridiculous Z-Mass Sweaters must be worn Indoors at all Times Get all your Homemade Cards out before The Minus 12th Day of Z-Mass Include a Personal Note !

Family Newsletters may be Included, But they may not Replace The Z-Mass Card, Zyne or PostCard.

Z-Mass Feasts may be supplemented with Dogs or Cats due to be put down at your local animal shelter.

No Tree ! But Z-Mass has a Z-Mass Conspiratorial Wall, To which everyone adds News-clippings from The Previous Year, connecting them with Push-Pins & colored Twine to make sense of what happened last year.

Push The Yule Log into The Fireplace every day from -12 to +12 Have A Full Fire Extinguisher on The Ready!

Z-Mass Foods Chrstmsa ( Raven or Crow ) Pie / Puddings of Fruits & Spices Wine & Brandy / Rum added to Cooking / Almond Baklava Apple Squares / Biscotti di Vino / Carmel Popcorn Turkish Baklava / Sour Cherry Bars / Peanut Clusters Nutmeg Rolls / Eggnog / Santa’s Punch ( Gallimaufry )

The Z-mass Ethicist Evangelical Activities for Adolescent Children This Missionary Work should be started in Late October to Early November & Continue Until The Pre-12 Days of Z-Mass.

1) Guide your Heathen Neighbors & Hobos living down by The Train Tracks as to The proper Z-mass traditions 2) Gently Shepard The Heathens away from Industrial Shopping & Adopt The Proper Z-Mass Presents to Exchange with your Closest Friends & Relatives 3) Help The Heathens to Manage How Much, Where & What to Decorate for The Winter Solstice 4) Be Sure to Counsel The Heathens as To When to Send Their Z-Mass Cards, How many Cards to Send & Who to Send Cards To.

Pre-Z-Mass AdZent Twelve Days Before Z-Mass The First Z-Mass ( A-Mass ) Celebration-Reflection Make your Adzent Calendar full of Personal Goals, Acts of Contrition, Sacrifices; Then Open One Window each day in front of Witnesses. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -11 ) Create a Shrine for The Family or Personal Deity that will be Overseeing this Years Festivities. This Patri or Matriarchal Deity may be of Any Archetype; Such as — Father Chrstmsa, Krampus, Black Peter, ChristKindl, Baby, Adolescent or Adult Jesus, Mother Mary, Any Dead Genuine Celebrity, A Commonly Worshiped Household Gizmo or Best Pair of Socks. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -10 ] Make an Adzent Wreath for Yourself & All your Lazy or Infirm Neighbors. Keep The lamest one for yourself. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -9 } Change a Hobos Clothes Day / Take all their Old Clothes & Wash them & get them some new underwear, Along with A nice Blanket Bag ( Homemade Decorative Sleeping Bag ).

You might also help hoarders glean Their Shopping cart full of crap Down to A single backpack full of genuine Necessities. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -8 = Adzent / Celebrated with Joyful Fasting, Wearing Purple, And Putting together The Nativity-Crèche Panorama Placed where it may be Shown Off to your neighbors.

Use Traditional Figures & Contemporary Media Whores That were Important throughout The Year.

Keep adding more to The Panorama all Season Long. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -7 )) Eve of Epiphany / Festival of The ( Three ) Kings Celebrates An unspecified number of low level Administrative Bureaucrats that sought out The Chosen One, From which, they hoped to consolidate their constitutional & regulatory authority in what they believed would be The New World Order with a Common Currency and An Open Boarders Free Trade Arrangement.

The Eve of The Epiphany is meant to symbolically Reinstitutionalize The Manifestation of a greater Sovereignty of GawdKings; Which We Recognize as The Ego, SuperEgo & Id of our Singularized Modern Sinter Claes, That are According to The Elements of Z-Mass; GrandFather Frost, ChristKindl & The Dark Lord of Enlightened Justice; Krampus. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -6 : Epiphany / Carnival Season / No Walking Permitted, Only Dancing !

The Miracle of The Wood Chips

This tradition consists of The Holy Saint; Sinter Clæs & Black Peter, Krampus or Belsnickel throwing wood chips to The Throngs of Children that Line The Avenue as The Patriarchs would ride Their giant tusked pigs through the township at midnight.

The wood chips would turn to delicious, Nutritious candy for The Good Children, and A horrifyingly painful poison for The bad children. The Parade would be followed by A large cart filled with The Corpses of Presumably Bad Children that ate The Candy. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -5 + Netflix Day / Watch all The Seasonal Holiday Films you can find together as a Family / Make Homemade Carmel Popcorn & Spiked Rum Punch for Everyone. The Proper Apparel for Everyone is to be Dressed in their Pajamas, Nightgowns or Nothing. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -4 = Mithras / Io Saturnalia Day ( Formerly on The Solstice ) Homagé to The Roots of Z-Mass / Includes a Stylized Festival of the Wickermyn. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -3 · Confessions / The Spirit of The Day is to Confess your Little, Family Chafing Iniquities that Result in Endless Squabbling, Rivalry, Acrimony & Acts which Cause Everyone to suffer from ‘Lost’ Items. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° -2 } Sacred Family Feuding Day Everyone’s Fingernails are Clipped to The Skin, Heavy Mittens & Soft Sneakers are Worn; Then Everyone older than 9 gets falling down drunk & they all fight to The Death or Thereabouts.

Z-Mass -1 == Z-Mass Eve If you’re into Presents, All The Presents are Opened on Z-Mass Eve so you can focus on Partying on Z-Mass.

You may wish to Sleep in late or Take a big nap in The Afternoon, so that Around 7:00pm you can Start Z-Mass Eve & Stay awake all The Way to The True Midnight on Z-Mass; December 21st 9:11am !

After which you can take a short Nap & Continue Partying until 12 MidNight on Z-Mass.

Then The First ( Secular ) Day Begins. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° °

0 · · Z-Mass / Natalis Solis Invincti / Winter Solstice The Moment of Solstice is Calculated for The True Midnight of The Year The True New Year Begins December 21st at 9:11am Celebrated by An Hour of Nudity & Running Around The Neighborhood; First An ½ hour before Midnight Of Screaming & Masturbating; Then An ½ hour after The Midnight of Breaking Windows ( Then Run Home )

Post Z-Mass 1 ] Boxing Day / From True Midnight + 24_hours New Clothes are Worn, Try a new Food, Tell Everyone that All their Sins are Forgiven, & That you will be a New & Better Person this year ! ( & you Will Be ! ) / Distribute your Unwanted Presents to The Poor or Your Underpaid Servants. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 2 = First Day / Snow Day / Anything & Everything having to do with Snow. If no Snow is Available; Then Use Cornstarch. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 3 · Broken Toys Day / All The Broken Toys are Brought Together & Reassembled into Dysfunctional Sculptures with SuperGlue, Wire & A Dremel Tool. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° ] 4 [ Mother’s Night / Saint John’s Day The Faery Host; Frau Gode, would go throughout the village, bidding her ghost dogs to leap through windows and take babies from their cribs. If the residents attempted to interfere, They would be saddled with misfortune for the coming year.

If they minded their own business, then sometime thereafter, A better, smarter, more attractive baby would be returned to the crib. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 5 )) The Chasing of The Gnome.

At the Evening Festival, all the children would be wildly encouraged to prodigiously drink their fill of Grog, Wassail, Fermented Bear Urine, Soapy Wine or The Blood of Their alcoholic Relatives.

Then— A Gnome would be released and whoever caught it, would be allowed to make a wish which is certain to be Granted. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 6 - Star Night / The Father, Patriarch or Principle Care Giver; Takes all The Kids outside after Midnight to Identify Principle Stars, Planets, Constellations, Satellites &/or Cloud Formations, Along with their Mythological Origins. Accuracy Not Required. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° °

7 :: Neighborhood Caroling / Mix up your Assortment with Old Favorites, Obscure Songs from The Old Country & New Songs that you’ve written yourself.

Dancing is Strongly Encouraged, Keep it Fun & Light Hearted! ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° { 8 } Opposite Day / The Feast of Fools / The Kalends All Roles are Reversed, The Young Take on The Roles of Their Elders, Men wear The Dresses, The Smart become Imbeciles, The Dull Witted are Treated with Reverence, And there is every kind of Sexual Perversity performed openly on Animals & Any Stranger Lured into Your Home.

All things will be done Backwards. Including all the things that most reasonable people would consider impossible to do backwards. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 9 ! The Stampede of Fate A Once Popular Festival in which All the children of The Village would be Blindfolded & have their feet bound together so that they could only hop, and then a Blinded Elk, Moose, Bull or Wildebeest with a sack of hot coals tied to it's genitals, Would be released in their midst. The tradition states that Those Trampled would invariably be the naughty children, While those that survived would be the good children, That would then be given special favors by everyone.

The Animal would then be slaughtered To provide a feast for everyone afterwards. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 10 = Virginity Amnesty Night / Any Grrrl or Womyn That Desires to Reclaim their Virginity would be Granted this Once in their Lifetime, After submitting to A Penance of Trimming Old Peoples Toenails &/or Washing their Windows Or Emptying all their Drawers & throwing out The Dead Mice. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 11 # Bringing in The Boar Ideally; A Very Large Wild Boar ( Tusked Pig ) Is hunted down and slaughtered for a Great Feast.

When no such animal is available; Considerable Divergence is allowed, So as to allow for an Unwanted Horse, Dog or Unpopular Bureaucrat to be used as The Festival Beast.

The Criminality of Cannibalism or Livestock Rustling ( Where Applicable ) for this day is set aside. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° °

12a ]] The Twelfth Night / The Biggest Bash Not so very long ago; The 12th Night was very popular, More popular than Z-Mass itself. George Washington held 12th Night much more important than Z-Mass, Doing little to Celebrate Z-Mass, But holding a Huge Bash in which Martha made a huge cake, In which a Bean & Pea were hidden; If A Man found The Bean, He would be King of The Following Year, & The Woman that found The Pea would be Queen.

Additionally: This is The Day that You would required ( Advised ) to take down your Decorations, Otherwise risk bad luck for The Following Year. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 12b )) The 12th Night Extends to The Next Day ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 14 = Evergreen Day This Is more accurately Held to as Sacred Tree Day. There were many Sacred & Magick Trees in Olden Times, Such as; The Oak, Yew, Maple, Cedar, Spruce, Fir, Holly, Laurel & The Many Variations on Evergreen & Pine.

These Trees would very often delineate the home of Faeries, Ancient Ancestors, Buried Treasure or Alien Technologies. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 15 :- The Midnight Earwax Hunt If enough EarWax is found; Candles are made which are then used In Ancient Druidic Rites to Rise The Recently Dead into The Bodies of Pets, Otherwise Inanimate Objects: Such as Kitchen Appliances, or Paintings which then act as Protectorates so long as they are kept Free from Water Damage Or Injury from small Rodents.

If Insufficient Earwax is found for Candles; Then small Animistic Figures are Created & Stored in The Freezer Where they protect The Family from Food Spoilage. ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° ° 16 - Last Epiphany that will be Allowed before The Judgement of Lost Souls / “Sixteenth Night” ° ° °°° °° ° °° °°° ° °

17 — Busójárás — The Busójárás (Hungarian, meaning "Busó-walking") Is an annual celebration held at the end of the Carnival season ("Farsang"). The celebration features Busós (people wearing masks) And includes folk music, masquerading, parades and dancing.

Busójárás Traditionally lasts six days, Overlapping other Feast Days.

It starts on a Thursday with a Full Moon Or A Wednesday After a Big Family Argument.

According to the more popular legend, during the Turkish occupation of the territory the people of Mohács fled the town, and lived in The nearby swamps and woods to avoid Ottoman (Turkish) troops.

One night, while they were sitting and talking around the fire, An old Šokci man appeared suddenly from nowhere, and said to them; "Don't be afraid: your lives will soon turn to good, and you'll return to your homes. Against that time, prepare for the battle— Carve various weapons and Scary masks for yourselves, and wait for a stormy night when a masked knight will come to you."

He disappeared as suddenly as he had come. The refugees followed his orders, and some days later, on a stormy night, the knight arrived.

He ordered them to put on their masks and go back to Mohács, Making as much noise as possible. They followed his lead.

The Turks were so frightened by the noise, the masks, And the storm in the night, that they thought demons were Attacking them; and they ran away from the town before sunrise.

In the older, less popular story, The busós are scaring away not the Turks but Winter itself.

---------[ Ordinary Time Resumes ]

Jeremiah 10 Hear ye the word which the Lord speaketh unto you, O house of Israel: Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of The heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; For the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of The people are vain: For one cutteth a tree out of the forest, The work of the hands of the workman, With the axe.

They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails And with hammers, that it move not. They are upright as The palm tree, but speak not: They must needs be borne, Because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; For they cannot do evil, Neither also is it in them to do good.

Forasmuch as there is none like unto thee, O Lord; thou art great, and thy name is great in might.

It’s been suggested that this ‘Process’ of cutting down a Tree with An Axe & ‘The Work of The Hands of The Workman’ Refers to The Making of an Idol, But this Passage seems to go A long way around to avoid The Term Idol or Revealing How or What The Tree was being shaped into ( ? ) Certainly — This passage was written long before The Tradition of Holiday Trees was brought into Popular Usage; But it is Not Specifically about Christmas Trees, It’s an Admonition against Worshiping False Idols that are Made, Carved, Decorated or Presented for Veneration — And if A Christmas Tree isn’t an Idol, Symbolic Totem of Veneration; Which is Specifically Forbidden by The 2nd Commandment; Then— What is going on here.

Continue Reading The Remainder of Jeremiah 10 To Decide for Yourself if Decorations are Also Bad !

Vanities, Boastfulness, Arrogance & Foolishness Are Found Amoung those that Worship The Festival of Lights, Roof-Top Decorations & Ostentatious Knitted Sweaters ! : appendix a :

Z-Mass Guidelines for Presents The 8 Simple Rules for Present Giving

1 Don’t Exchange Gifts ! Do something fun instead, Sing Songs, Play Games, Have Fun in The Snow, Clean Out Closets, Reupholster a Couch or Make Cookies.

2 Buy something Fun for yourself or for someone else When The Two of you are spending a leisurely afternoon together.

3 Never buy something as a Gift that you don’t understand.

This includes Music, Mechanical Toys, Cult Items, Popular Trinkets or What The Pundits insist is ‘Hot’ !

4 While buying an Inferior Version of A Desired Item is Obviously Extremely Bad, Getting a ‘Better’ Item might be equally Disastrous.

5 Never Give Money.

6 Only give gifts to people you’re close to.

This may mean excluding many people that you think that you Really should get things for ! Don’t get them anything !

Go & Visit instead & Share some Time with them.

7 Instead of using Disposable Wrapping Paper to Conceal a Gift.

Wrap the item in a = Fancy = Dish-Towel, Beach-Towel, or Bath-Room Towel, Baby or Adult Blanket, Pillow Case, T-Shirt, Sweater, Sock, Natural Box or UnExpected or Misleading Container from a Previous Purchase during The Past Year…

And then secure with Colored String, Yarn or Cloth Ribbons, Taking care that it may be untied without cutting it, So that it may be added to The Families Ball of Twine which is Brought out on Z-Mass morning and The Children are allowed To add The Strings & Ribbons to it. : appendix b-1 :

8 Presents should always be of The Highest Imaginable Quality.

But this doesn’t mean that it has to be expensive !

There are Plenty of very affordable items that are of The Most Splendid Craftmynship.

---

Receiving Guidelines

If you are going to ‘Exchange’ Gifts & Open All of them During a Frantic Period of Hysteria.

There are 5 Rules to follow thereafter : 1 If you hate The Present that you’ve just received; Don’t Hesitate to Tell The Gift Giver that that it’s Horrible !

Don’t Encourage them to continue giving Lame or Annoying Presents.

If you’re Enabling People to be Bad, Then you are Worse !

2 It is widely accepted that many gifts are going to be exchanged at The Store where they were purchased by The Gift Giver or Returned for Cash.

Why Not Re-Exchange Gifts with The People At your Initial Gifting ‘Ceremony’ ?

Find A Loving Home for The Present that you Hate !

3 Save all The Best Wrapping Paper for Making School Report Covers or Papering Shoe Boxes That will be Hidden in Clever Places; for Personal Secretive Items in The Coming Year.

4 Add all The Ribbon for your Big Ball of Twine that every Family should have. Display it Promently in the Living Room.

5 Share your Presents with Others.

: appendix b-2 :

The Creche

The Secular Z-Mass Nativity symbolizes The First Day of The Rest of This Incarnation in the Bowels of Purgatory.

The Epiphany Is a Rather Subtle Concept which is The Manifestation of The Christ to The Gentiles As Represented by The Magi, Or Secular Authoritarian Figures Which Know More than You Do. Figures that you may or should Include : The Blessed Virgin Mary, The Carpenter; Joseph, The Baby or Adolescent Jesus, The Shepards with Assorted Livestock, A Wide Spectrum of NonDenominational Angels, Any Number of Cross Cultural WiseMen in Their Regional Festival Costumes, A Shabby, Filthy Stable or Stylized Foundation for The Crèche, The Star Of Bethlehem or Some Other Astrological Bolide, Which may include Flying Saucer(s.

Non-Traditional Characters are Encouraged Any Suitably Sized Toys, Dolls, Robots, Cut-Outs from Magazines, Photographs or Drawings.

The Caganer

A Favorite Nativity Character or Archetype in The Nativity that has pulled his pants down & is Defecating to symbolize The Unexpected Nature & Timing of Gawd’s Incarnation Amoung The Damp Masses.

The Six Principle Characters of Z-Mass Belsnickel

The Myschivious ShapeShiftingGift Giver

ChrstKindl The Holy Ghost or The Dao of Z-Mass

Befana

Grand FatherFrost With His GrandDaughter; Snegurochka ( The Snow Maiden ) The Benign Dark Element of Z-Mass Whose Principle Function is To Give Life to SnowMyn.

Krampus

The Myschivious Witch Gift Giver

Sinter Clæs

The Principle Spokesperson for Z-Mass that doesn’t give presents or do much of anything.

Black Peter / The Coal Giver & Tormentor of The Bad Children