santa on reindeer : special thanx to didlier ruef / www.didierruef.com
Baby Blue Bird : Pais de Azevedo
EDITORS The Translucent Amoebae Consortium with Chrstphre Campbell with Tiny Wanda Contact : firstname.lastname@example.org Contact : email@example.com Contact by Text Messaging : firstname.lastname@example.org Troublesome Rants : http://transamoebae.blogspot.com Pictoglyphs : http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrstphre Flickr Favorites : http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrstphre/favorites/ Family Snapshots : http://www.flickr.com/photos/harvey-marie Original Music : http://www.icompositions.com/artists/chrstphre Scratch Programs : http://scratch.mit.edu/users/tinywanda
CONTENT PROVIDERS Most of The Prose is Comparatively Original, Having Been Produced by The Translucent Amoebae Consortium. Additional Material may have been gleaned in All or in Part from Wikipedia or Other Internet Sites without Permission. Most, But Not All, Illustrative Content has been Stolen without Permission– In The Form of Extracted Images to be ReAppropriated into Collages or As Autonomous Floating Images. Santa on Reindeer : Didlier Ruef / www.didierruef.com Baby Blue Bird : Pais de Azevedo Angels : The Abby E. Sanborn-Glenn Angel Museum Various Illustrations : Fortean Times Magazine Yardenxanthe Polyhedra : FDecomite Flyman : Alexeizm Fallen Angel : Crazy-Clayz BVM Pretzel : Artamnesia Superman : Siegel & Shuster Special Thanx to All UnAttributed Sources ! THE Z-MASS PROJECT is An Initiative from The Translucent Amoebae Consortium to Return The Lost Souls of The Damp Masses to A Semi-Balance of The Ideals that were Originally Set Down in A Verbal Agreement with The UnNamed, Unknowable Creator of Our Local Universe which Contains an Unspecified Number of Sentient Entities Searching for The Hand Papered Hat Box of Pure Vanilla Repose; Which will Signal The End of The Struggle for One Additional Teaspoon of Vicks VapoRub on The Coldest Morning of An Eternity without Dry Socks.
Specifically ; Use & Distribute with Attribution Modifications, Additions & Deletions are Allowed So that this Agreement Of Creative Commons is Extended to Any Future Republishing Ventures of This Content. Modifications, Changes & Mutations of This Work are Permitted So Long as All Such Changes are Made Clear At The Point of The Revisions, Or within The CopyLeft Memorandum, Which you are Now Examining ( ! ) Commercial Usage is Permitted So Long as All Prior Creative Commons Stipulations are Extended to Those Reproductions.
This Issuu Zyne is Available for Unlimited Redistribution Under The Principle Tenets of The Creativity Commons Anti-Capitalism Movement to Turn Western Civilization Inside Out.
The Abuse of Any Prior CopyRights are Not Nullified by Their Misuse in this Zyne. All of The Original Copyrights on Stolen Material Remain Intact.
ERRORS : This Issue contains numerous Errors which i hope to Correct in Next Years Z-Mass Exposition ( ! )
INTRODUCTION Last January or so— i installed an alarm on my computer calendar that would go off every day starting in July to remind me to work on my Z-Mass Card for this year, & while i dutifully noted them when they went off, i did very little work on it. i made a few notes from time to time, Things like; maybe this would be fun, sorts of things, but i didn’t actually get any formatting done until around October, which would seem, i think, to most people, like i’d really gotten a handle on it, & i’d be able to achieve my long standing ideological goal of getting this Z-Mass ( Chrstmsa ) Card out in The First Week of December. The Second Tier Deadline would be The Day that i’d gotten a Chrstmsa Card from Someone, & ( Thankfully ? ) that Deadline hasn’t been breached yet ! i was thinking though; Since i always make such fabulous Z-Mass Cards, i should have gotten a lot of Chrstmsa Cards by now, With The idea that other people would send me a Card; A Lame Store Bought Card, as Inducement to make sure that i’d send them one of my Fabulous Homemade Cards—
gold & red polyhedra: special thanx to fdecomite
But i’m now thinking ( realizing ! ) that The reason that i’m Not getting any Chrstmsa Cards is because everyone has always hated my Chrstmsa ( ZMass ) Cards. ( ? ) !!!
This same School of thought has been creeping into my thinking this last year or so, & there is some additional evidence for it— In that i have selfAuthenticated it when looking through some of my older writings & projects; And That is; They are just Gibberish ! They Don’t make any sense at all. That is what i’ve been thinking lately; When i talk or write anything, it will seem for a few moments as if i am being intelligible; but then, moments later when i go back over it, i will realize that i have been typing random characters or random sequences of words ( ! ) With this in mind; This introduction is certainly — completely impenetrable gobbledygook. Another thing that i’ve been thinking about more recently; Concerns Buildings & Automobiles, or Anything with Sufficient Complexity that it required dozens or hundreds, or thousand of individuals, working together to finish it. The problem with this is that i have never personally witnessed this sort of cooperation anywhere, under any circumstances. It has always been The Complete Opposite actually. Whenever i see people trying to work with one another, they bicker & argue & disagree with anything or everything. It is completely incomprehensible to me how anyone could ever get more than one or two people to work together on anything to get something so mind bogglingly complex as a toaster or oven-mitt from it’s conceptualization to finished commercial product.
This i think; is another irrefutable argument for either Angels or that we ( or just me ) are living in a Screen-Saver Reality. That is; This Reality is An App on someones ipod or android phone. ( or Some Equivalent in One Dimensional Reality Up ) Anyways. As Muddled & Bewilderingly Disorganized as this is; It’s still better than last years. ( ? )
T h e P r e c i s e A r r a n g e m e n t o f Fe s t i v a l D a y s f o r Z - M a s s V a r i e s f r o m Ye a r t o Ye a r, o r f r o m F a m i l y t o F a m i l y , According to Several Preferences which Each Z-Mass Celebrant is Allowed to Select ( ! ) Such as :
various angels throughout this issuu : special thanx to the abby e. sanborn-glenn angel museum
Your Particular Rest Day. This is The Day of The Week that you Abstain from your Daily Labors & Worship The Smell of Gravity, The Tingling of Magnetism &/or The Sour Crisp Agony of Electrical Arcs jumping from Paper Thin Axons along your Damp Inner Thighs. The Phases of The Moon. Several Festival Days are Scheduled to Occur on Specific Days & Nights in which Our Local Moon is Either Full or New. Given how These Particular Festival Days Interlock with One Another; They may Squeeze Other Festival Days Off of The Seasonal Calendar ( ! ) The Z-Mass Season may have as Many as 84.5 Festival Days; Or Considerably Fewer ! Adzent Extends for Potentially Four Weeks Prior to Z-Mass Specifically; The Rest Days – ( Sunday, Saturday, Wednesday or Whatever, According to your Personal Religious Beliefs or Work Schedule ); Define When The Adzent Period Will Begin. The First Adzent will Be on A Rest Day, So that there will be An Additional Three Adzent Rest Days Prior to Z-Mass Eve. The First Three Adzent Rest Days are Separated by Six Adzent WeekDays; Resulting in 21 Full Adzent Festival Days; Which is Then Followed by The Fourth Adzent Rest Day, Which may be Followed by Fewer than A Full Six Days, Or Until Z-Mass Eve.
Z-Mass Eve ( An Entirely Separate Festival Day Reserved Principally for A Leisurely All Day Period of Gift Exchanges ) Z-Mass Z-Mass is Technically The True Midnight of The Year; Or The Moment of Winter Solstice, When The Sun is At Its Lowest Point along The Horizon, Or When Nights are their Longest & Daylight Hours are at their Shortest. Since this Event Takes place Simultaneously Throughout The World, This May occur At Any Time during Your Local Daily Measurement of The Day or Night ( ! ) Consequently; The Period from The True Midnight until your Local Midnight, Or The Start of The New Calendar Day, May be Substantially Less Than 24 Hours. Z-Mass is Required to Be at Least 18_hours long, So that If The Winter Solstice is After 6am According to Your Locally Referenced Z-Mass Clock, Another Full Day is Allocated as Z-Mass as well ( ! ) For 2014; The True Midnight will Occur on December TwentyFirst at 03:03 am, Pacific Standard Time. So that; This Year; Z-Mass will Be for One Calendar Day Only !
Following Z-Mass; The Twelfth Night is Held on The First Night of The Coming Full Moon. If The Next Full Moon after Z-Mass is On Boxing Day / Saint Stephan’s Day; Then There will be A Full Lunar Cycle of Festival Days Until The Twelfth Night ! For The Next Day after Boxing Day to Be The Twelfth Night; It has to be The First Night of The Full Moon. Full Moons are usually Considered Full Moon Nights for 2 in a Row ! For These Periods in Which Festival Days are Knocked Off of The Calendar, The Z-Mass Celebrant & Their Family may Mix & Match, Pick & Choose Which of The Canonical Z-Mass Festival Days are going to be Celebrated ! For 2014; There are only Eight of The Potential Fifteen and A Half days ‘till The Full Moon ! After The Twelfth Night; There are An Additional 15 or 16 Days of Festivals Days Until The New Moon ( Busójárás ) Which Marks The End of Winter. Fuzziness Regions : The First Adzent Rest Day The Number of Days between The Fourth Rest Day & Z-Mass Eve The Date & Time of The Winter Solstice ( True Midnight for The New Year ) The Number of Days ‘till The Coming Full Moon ( The Twelfth Night )
multilayere cake : special thanx to yardenxanthe
An OverView of The Z-Mass Season for 2014
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Adzent Proper Preparation for The Festivities of Z-Mass This is essentially a Starting Line for All The Festivities of The Z-Mass Season; Which Include all The Well Delineated Festival Days, But More Tacitly; All The Little Details which Need Doing. Making The GingerBread House, which is Large enough for everyone in your family to nibble from, every day, until Z-Mass.
Putting up The Z-Mass House Lights, which would also include Laser Light Show, Electrically Animated Styrofoam Figurines, External Sound System & Such. The Wearing of Z-Mass Sweaters, Pants, Scarves, Mittens & Coats. Being of Pathologically Abnormal Good Cheer. Inviting Hoboes to live in your Garage for The Winter Season.
The Circus of A Presiding Sovereignty Each Z-Mass Family requires A Shrine to The Seasonal Potentate. This Figure is merely, benignly worshiped, & It is Not called upon to make decisions which would be revealed to a surrogate priest or hermit. No.
This Perfunctory Tabernacle; Usually within or Beside The Crèche, Is Available for Daily Blessings or Giving Thanks, Benedictions, or Consecrations of Household Items; Such as Newly Purchased Mittens, Underwear or Unfamiliar Food Stuffs.
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Alchemists, Oracles or
The Carnival of The Crèche Within The X-Mass Traditions; The Nativity Diorama or Tableaux is used as A Forum for A Congress of Representatives to Pay Homäge to Their Seasonal Maharaja. The Z-Mass Crèche is very much The Same; Although The Assemblage of The Diminutive Aggregate of Highly Symbolic Figures & Allegorical & Archetypical Artifacts is much less dependent upon a Cohesive or Restrictive Theme.
T h e D a n c e o f T h e Wr e a t h This is a Community Activity in which many Adults & Children gather together, bring all sorts of accumulated Gee-Gaw, Evergreen Branches & Boughs, String, Wire & All Manner of Whatever else may seem appropriate or inappropriate for Wreath Making.
The Chasing of The Gnome At the Evening Festival, all the children would be wildly encouraged to prodigiously drink their fill of Grog, Wassail, Fermented Bear Urine, Soapy Wine or The Blood of Their alcoholic Relatives. This Activity Requires The Implied, Implicit or Inferred Consent of The Shortest Adult in your Neighborhood, which is then Chased around all Evening.
The Gala of Constellations This Event takes place when certain Conditions are met. The Time is after Nightfall. It is a Clear Night in which The Stars are easily seen. If it is possible to relocate to an area where there are fewer city lights, all The Better. There are several Children Present, of Mixed Relations. That is; Cousins, Friends & such.
Pieces may be added, removed, switched around or severely modified throughout The Z-Mass Season. A Traditional Character which absolutely Must be included; Is a Ceramic Figure of The Caganer, which is A Peasant with his Pants down, taking a Crap ( ! ) This statuette signifies The Unexpected Nature of your Circumstances, Petty Inconveniences, Common Annoyances, Irritable Burdens or The Sudden End of The World, When you will be Summarily Judged rather Harshly, while a long line of of The Condemned Fidget Nervously behind you. The Crèche should be placed in a Large Window, overlooking a public space, so that it may be enjoyed & interpreted by guests & passerbys.
Although Wreaths are typical Circular; As with all Things pertaining to The Making of Wreaths, Do Not Allow this to Influence your Wreath Making Delimiters. There are No Delimiters !!! After making 20 or so Wreaths for Each Participant. Choose The Best ones to Give Away to Elderly Neighbors, Shut-ins, Local Businesses, Schools or Ship Overseas to your Pen-pals— while keeping The Lamest ones for yourself. With any Luck, You will be The Recipient of someone else’s Wreath Making Project !
Care must to taken to never catch The Gnome, as The Treasure that you hope it possesses will evaporate The Moment The Gnome is Caught.
A Crazy Uncle or Aunt is Available. The Selected Adult then takes The Warmly Dressed Children out to Explain The Majesty of The Twinkling Heavens. Individual Stars are Identified, Constellations & their Histories are Explained. Astrological & Astronomical Facts are Revealed. Popcorn should be bought out. Accuracy is Not Required or Encouraged.
A Banquet of Kings, Alchemists, Oracles or Haruspexes A Celebration of All Things that Portend to The Future. Soothsaying & Such. Although Tarot Cards may be Brought out;
Ouija Boards are Strictly Forbidden, as they are Portals to The Nether-Worlds. Once such a Doorway is opened, it may be very difficult to close it & expel any daemons that may have snuck through while you thought that you were enjoying a simple evening of merriment.
Epiphany An Acknowledgement of Those that have shown us The Way, Whatever that Way may be, & however incomprehensible it may be, Even after a considerable period is spent trying to explain it to you. Dancing is Encouraged. --Technically of course, we all know that there were no “Three Kings”; But rather, An unspecified number of low level administrative bureaucrats that sought out The Chosen One, from which, they hoped to consolidate their constitutional & regulatory authority in what they believed would be The New World Order.
Nevertheless; This day is meant to symbolically reinstitutionalize the manifestation of a greater sovereignty by supernatural forces; vis-à-vis; The Appearance of Deified GawdKings from Far Away. These GawdKings are arguably The Ego, SuperEgo & Id of our Singularized Modern Santa Claus.
SnowDay Go out with The Kids & Make something unexpected out of The Snow. Not Snowmyn ! They’ve been done to death. ! Sledding & Friendly Snowball Fights are Allowed as well. If you’re having a remarkably Snowless Season; Use Cornstarch, Playdough or Mashed Potatoes to make some miniature Landscapes & Figures.
Ersatz Linguistics Observance Teach your Children how to Induce A Trace State with Drugs, Yoga, Dancing, Sleep Deprivation, House Music, Whale Songs, Doodling, Repetitive Crafts or Lego Building, Card Playing or Zen Meditation— Then Participate in Trance Exercises; Such as Glossolalia, Self Mutilation, Schizophrenia Painting, Wood Working, or Modern Origami.
F e s t i v a l o f T h e S a c r e d Tr e e Various Civilizations have Considered several different Trees as The Definitive Tree Species; California Redwoods, Oak, Ash, Evergreen, Fir, Yew, Maple, Cedar, Spruce, Holly, Laurel & Pine. Or The Jesse Tree; Which refers to The Bloodline of Christ, leading to The European Royal Families, The Rothschilds & Merovingians.
This Celebration is An Homäge to The Little People, Ancient Ancestors, Buried Treasure or Alien Technologies that Embrace The Holistic Reality of Gaia, Dream Time or What is Thought to be Natural; Which many Technologically Fluent People Secretly Embrace as their own Soft Version of Neo-Ludditism.
F i e s t a o f C a r e l e s s Ve n i a l S i n s Venial Sins are Petty Transgressions of The Sort that Even Jesus Routinely Commits. Take pride in your Venial Sins, Share them with Others, Adopt some from your Friends & Relations, & Then Renounce those that are Detrimental to your Immortal Soul, Vowing to Refrain from such acts & deeds in The Coming Year.
bvm pretzel : special thanx to artamnesia
Regalement of Bizarro Caroling Go out throughout your neighborhood, or neighboring neighborhoods, or distant neighborhoods, & Regale hapless HomeOwners with a Wide Spectrum of Seasonal Carols that aren’t quite right. Sing Contemporary Pop Tunes to Christmas Music or Vice-Versa, Singing Traditional Christmas Lyrics to Popular Rock Melodies.
Sing with a Burlesque Foreign Accent; Russian, Italian, Japanese or Inuitish. Feature a Tap-Dancer that stands in Front. Wear Garish Costumes. Make up your Own Lyrics for Familiar Songs. Have a Small Band come along with curious instruments.
Hogmanay Celebrated on The Full Moon Before Z-mass In some places; New Year’s Eve is celebrated with more vigor & enthusiasm than New Year’s Day Proper, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day or The Epiphany. Which basically means that more unrestrained violence is perpetrated & such crimes, murders & sexual deviancies are severely overlooked or moderated into venial indiscretions.
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SnowDay s e c o n d secd adzent -oc
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Festival of The Sacred Tree
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Mardi Adzent Exercise The 31 Beatitudes for One Day. ( Collected By TinyWanda ) Harvested from Exodus, Matthew & Luke 1) Blessed are The Leptons & Quarks that Worship only The Masculine Yang of Gravity & Rest in The Bosoms of The Feminine Yin which we feel every moment as The ElectroMagnetism of Faery Love— This is The Dao; Which is The Foundation of our Freewill & The Light of Vision. 2) Blessed are The Odylic Winds of Consciousness that See The Great Beauty of All Creation; In The Vast Expanse of The Celestial Firmament, In The Gardens of The Earth & Its Roots, Along with The Unseen Swarms in The Ocean Depths, That are Our Ancient Cousins. All of These Mittens are Made from The Star Dust of Reality, Which are Our Brothers & Sisters; Equal in Kind— Not To Be Adored with Veneration, or Enslaved with Disdain. 3) Blessed are The Existentialists that Embrace every stone that they stumble over, Every wet egg that drops upon their heads by Aerial Dragons, Every Folly inflicted upon them by their Unkempt Brethren as The Natural Order of Lilith’s Father— Whose Fate NeverEnding will Be Equal to All. 4) Blessed are The Mennonites & Pharisees that Remember to Occasionally Rest along The Side of The Road & Smell The Lilies, Gardenias, Cherry Blossoms, Swamp Cabbage, Fellenwort, Huckleberry, Maple Sap, Deer’s Breath, Poor Annie, Sweet Rocket, Perennial Thistle, Wooly Yarrow or Take up a Fresh Carrot from The Ground & Bite into it each New time as if A Tiger were about To Eat Them without Warning. 5) Blessed are The Electrons that Hold tight to their Nuclei, Even as A Raging Stellar Furnace Bakes them for Eons without any reprise for a salty cracker or small interruption from The Roaring in their Ears. 6) Blessed are The Diners that put upon their Plates Only that which they may Consume in one sitting. 7) Blessed are The Sons & Daughters of Mephistopheles that Keep their cabinets stocked with only those Items that their own Damp Toiling has brought to them in Reusable Shopping Bags. 8) Blessed is The Angel of Apostasy & Her Socialist Comrades for Speaking Only Those Truths that The Disheveled Feudal Serfs may Overhear & Believe to Be Reasonably Accurate. 9) Blessed are The Depleted of Humor— As in some Unspecified Future Time; Theirs will be Likened unto The Volcanoes of Mars. 10) Blessed are those who Mourn— Who Will find in A Shoebox, thought to have been lost in The Last Move; A Treasure that will Return them to A State of Security that only A Bowl of Cornflakes on a Spring Morning can Bring to An Unwashed Hutterite. 11) Blessed are The Meek— For they will someday be burdened with The Administration of A Utopian Paradise run by Silent Creamy Teal Boxes that Blink like The Wet Dew of Children’s Tears.
12) Blessed are they who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness— Who will find Justice when They Least Expect It. 13) Blessed are The Merciful— Poor Saps, By most Cynical Accounts; That Will be Shown Clemency, Forbearance, Sympathy & Lady Luck when All they are holding is Their Last Well Worn Penny. 14) Blessed is The Pure In Heart— Who have what World-Weary Psychologists call A Fantasy Prone Personality Type; Which allows them to See Faeries, Flying Saucers, The Vital Spirits of The Recently Dead, Both Benevolent & Odious Quixotic Animals, As well as The Cool Breezes of Higgs Bosons passing by their Damp, Grimy Faces. 15) Blessed are The Peacemakers— For those that are Not Run Over by Tanks or Beaten to Death By Sociopathic Police Officers; Will be Elevated to Decorated Platforms & Given Sashes with Sincere Platitudes Embroidered upon them. 16) Blessed are those who are persecuted for The Sake of Righteousness— That will Step Briskly Up The Escalator & Bounce Merrily through The Archway to The Palace of The Troll Queen, Where Every Mystery is as Soft as Fresh Snow. 17) Blessed are The Poor— Who Will Find that Great Wealth Provides only Heartache for Kings, While all The Simple Pleasures reside in The Lunch Pails of The Proletariat. 18) Blessed are The Cannibals that Hunger Now— For They Will Find A Bounty of Jello Pudding waiting for them at The Pearly Gates. 19) Blessed are The Wretched Housewives & Spineless Cowards that Weep Now— They will someday find themselves Laughing & Laughing at The Riddles, Jokes & Puns of The Maitreya, until they Puke upon his Well Stained Sandals. 20) Blessed are The Simple Handimyn that Silently Endure their Peers that shall Hex them, & Take them into Unlit Alleyways where they will find their pants soaked with Alcoholic Urine & Vomit from Tossy Haired Fools that Renounce The Magic of Refrigerator Magnets & Have Ill-Conceived Notions of The Color Force or How CellPhones Connect with One Another in The Darkness of Rainy Nights. 21) Blessed are The Rich that have Received their Consolation in Goods & Services & The Services Eagerly Given by Them to The Beavers & Artisans that are Glorified with The Gift of SelfActualization under Their Patronage. 22) Blessed are The Gluttons— Who will Find Salvation & Comfort in Narrow Chairs & Long Walks to The Library. 23) Blessed are The Self-Indulgent Comedians that Mock our Fragile Infrastructures & Media Whores— For they will Soon Feel The Stinging Lashes of Audience Indifference, Mortification & Shame; Leading them to a Renewed Life of Community Service for Hobos standing in Soup Lines.
24) Blessed are The Flatters that Are Lost in their Own Confusion of Merit, Worthiness or The Value of Handmade Ceramic Vases; They will be Equally Dumbfounded by their Own Judgement & Find Tranquility in The Purgatory that they are given. 25) Blessed are The Diners that Wipe their Silverware & Wooden Platters of Every Crumb, While Neglecting The Filth in their Dark, Unseen Colons— They will Find that The Sticky Adhesive of Gravity will show them at their appointed hour; The Pale Yellow Interlining of every Electron, Revealing to them What even Butterflies have never dreamt of. 26) Blessed are The Crossword Puzzle Makers that Give Alms & What Services they May Offer from Their Hearts— Such that Their Shallow Souls will be Sufficiently Bathed for The Aquatic Womb of Their Next TransMigration. 27) Blessed are The Clerical Assistants that Understand that By offering only what is required, Their service to The Will of Gravity is no more Significant than A Gargoyle falling from A Cathedral in Portugal. 28) Blessed are The Baptists in Wool Suits, That By Taking The Choicest Strawberries from The Serving Bowl & Leaving only The Dredge for Their Cousins; They are Harvesting The Dredge for Their Service in The Eternity that Follows, Where None will remember their Fancy Shoes or Writs of Flowery Banditry. 29) Blessed are The Operators of Leaf Blowers that Speak Highly of The Dead that their own Kin has laid to Rest, And Speak of The Living as Good Brothers that thou will walk with side by side, proudly blocking a pathway as They meander through The Market Place. 30) Blessed are The Public School Teachers for all The Wisdom that they have Put Aside & Burnt in Ritual Barbecues— The Resulting Foolishness that They have sown will be Their Burden of Karma & Providence that will Provide unto them The Anguish of Drowning Kittens as The Blood on their Hands of Innocence Lost. 31) Blessed are The Damned— For it is their Endless Screams that Maintain The Eternal Vibrations that Allow Freewill to Jiggle Away from Causal Determinism.
A Thrift Store Escapade Find a Well Behaved & CoOperative Hobo, Shopping Cart Lady, Drifter or Regional Hermit— And Escort them to your Garage, where you can hose them down with AntiBacterial Dishwashing Liquid, Find them a Clean T-Shirt & Shorts, Then take them on A $20 Shopping Spree at Your Local Thrift Store.
Then upon returning to your Garage, you can wash all their old things in A Commercial Washing Machine; Then Sort through all their things to determine which may be kept, & which should be discarded. If its after dark by then; You should let them spend The night in your Garage, but make sure they’ve left by noon The Next Day.
Childremass This day is a wild reinterpretation of the slanderous myth that King Herod had all the first born ( in some traditions; The most attractive, tallest or any wearing striped diapers ) babies taken from their cribs and sold to Egyptian Adoption Agencies; when he heard that A New Bureaucratic Administrator was born in his provincial region.
The Modern Celebration of Children Abused by Delusional Adults, Teenagers & Larger Classmates is to Teach These Smaller Children that are Ripe for Victimization; Simple Techniques of Self Defense, Such as Slipping a Sharpened Pencil under their Selected Ruffians Sternum into The Heart, Which results in The Tyrant’s Nearly Painless Death before They Hit The Ground.
Netflix Day There are so many Z-Mass & otherwise Seasonal Films that this Activity should fill nearly every evening of The Z-Mass Season.
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Our Lady of Guadalupe Hobo Circus Organize a Barbecue down by The Train Tracks where Hobo’s Gather, With An Emphasis on The Participants Showing Off their Special Talents & Skills. Prizes should be Awarded; Such as A Clean Pair of Socks, A Box of Crackers, A Stack of Old Magazines, Rocks with Cheerful Faces Painted on them, A Star Trek Lunch Pail Full of Diagonally Cut Sandwiches, Or A Sewing Kit with Extra Spools of Brown Thread.
The Jamboree of Saint George A Once Popular Festival in which All the children of The Village would be Blindfolded & have their feet bound together so that they could only hop, and then a Blinded Elk, Moose, Bull or Wildebeest with a sack of hot coals tied to it's genitals, Would be released in their midst. The tradition states that Those Trampled would invariably be the naughty children, While those that survived would be the good children, That would then be given special favors by everyone. The Animal would then be slaughtered To provide a feast for everyone afterwards. In modern times there has been a trend towards softening many of these Archaic Carnivals;
Such that; Since The Children are Blind-Folded; Adults now Stamp around The Children, making Loud & Rude Animals Noises amid The Hysterical Screaming. After about 20_minutes or so; The Selected ‘Good’ Children are unbound to witness The ‘Bad’ Children laying amoung them, mildly beaten & bruised by Plastic Bats or Canvas Sacks full of oranges. A Large Ham is Then Grilled & There is Lots of Alcoholism & Dancing.
Saint Lucia’s Day This is a Very Odd Holiday in which Candles are Worn in Hats by A Young Girl selected for her Especially Frizzy Hair & Paraded around a Church until something Horrific Happens. Historically; Saint Lucia’s Accomplishments are Completely Undocumented, So it’s Not suspected why Lutherans Celebrate this Holiday.
Io Saturnalia This is an Ancient Holiday celebrated by Druids or Norse Vikings, which was Filched by The Catholic Church & Turned into Their Modern X-Mass. Many of The Pagan Rituals involving Mistletoe, Holly, Fir Trees, Stockings, Tinsel, Bread Pudding, Garish Sweaters, Electrical Lights, Ribbons & Christmas Cards were Subtly Changed from their Gaian Roots into The Travesties that we’re Familiar with Today.
To Return to The Original Celebrations; Obtain A Large Quantity of Wicker Branches, Select A Black Sheep from your Family & Hold a Barbecue.
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Caroling Night seventeenth last adzent -od
Nocturnal Revelry of Sour
Confessions eighteenth last adzent -oe
Kalends n i n e t e e n t h
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Little Chrstmsa Little Chrstmsa is A Peasant Holiday for Paupers, Chicken Farmers, MailArtists, English Majors, The Good Natured Feeble Minded & The Divorcees Who Miscalculated The Advantages of Becoming A Bachelor Again. It is Celebrated by lighting a Scented Candle & Weeping into a Bowl of overcooked Marconi & Cheese.
Caroling Night Dress up in your most Festive Clothing, Hats, Mittens & Scarves; Then visit The Elderly in their unkempt homes of disreputable Institutions & Sing Traditional Songs without any unexpected Surprises.
A Nocturnal Revelry of Sour Confessions A Large Number of Participants is Required so that A Reasonable Expectation of Anonymity may be preserved with everyone wearing A Paper Bag over their Heads. When Everyone is Assembled; The Electrical Lights are Extinguished, But Candles are lit & Arranged Behind The Circle of Contestants.
Then everyone reveals something from their Past that has Haunted their Every Waking Moment since their Childhoods. The Teller of The Saddest Anecdote is Rewarded with a Box of Festive Donuts.
T h e K a l e n d s / Fe a s t o f Fo o l e s All Roles are Reversed, The Young Take on The Roles of Their Elders, Men wear The Dresses, The Smart become Imbeciles, The Dull Witted are Treated with Reverence, And there is every kind of Sexual Perversity performed openly on Animals & Any Stranger Lured into Your Home. All things will be done Backwards.
Wa g z g o o s e o f I m p r o p r i e t i e s Traditional X-Mass Conventions Mix & Match both Vices & Virtues Seemingly without bothering to interweave them into a Coherent Aggregate. We are told to Love our Fellow Myn, Be of Good Cheer, Wish for World Peace; All The While embracing all of The Iniquities of Classical 18th Century Capitalism. What is Wrong with a Stasis Economy ( ? ) Why does it have to grow, grow, grow all of The Time ( ? ) Why can’t we just live like peasants in a Tiny European Village ( ? ) This may allow for New Technologies to be introduced from time to time, but The Frenzy of Constantly Purchasing more Crap is by most evaluations; Purely Evil. But— This approach requires a complete refutation of Western Civilization; So this Tiny Festival Day instead entirely Embraces Blind Avarice & Malice Towards The Infirm. Be all That Western Civilization Requires of you, for one day.
Including all the things that most reasonable people would consider impossible to do backwards. Anyone that has learned to speak backwards, as demonstrated to be Reliable with Electronic Devices, will be treated as Incarnate Gawds, Royalty or Above The Law Divine Masters which are allowed to perform any Rebellious or Blasphemous Acts with Impunity. -At Midnight leading into the Fourth Day of Christmas, All Roles are Reversed, The Young Take on The Roles of Their Elders, Men wear The Dresses of Women, The Smart become Imbeciles, The Dull Witted are Treated with Reverence, And there is every kind of Sexual Perversity. At The Striking of The Hour of 12 Midnight, All Roles are returned to Normal, But Financial Transactions, Persons sold into Slavery, Children Conceived & The Consequences of Crimes are Held as they have been Altered by this Day’s Activities. Persons that have committed crimes, and not yet held responsible however, are pardoned & forgotten. --The Kalends are The Seven, Twelve or Fourteen Days leading up to the Ides. These Kalends would be counted backwards, and for the duration of this Day, As a Singular Holiday Gratuity, All things would be done Backwards. Including all the things that most reasonable people would consider impossible to do backwards. Consequently; Adherents to this Feast Day would either be Intellectually & Physically Challenged by The Kalends, or Surrender to The Irrationality of The Day, and Sleep Through it.
Z-Mass Eve If you’re still Exchanging Gifts, This is Done in The Evening of Z-Mass.
t w e n t i e t h z-mass eve
An All Out Bash of Family Activities, Usually Celebrated Off-Site, At An Elderly Relatives Home, Where Large Numbers of Relatives Gather, Along with Friends & Neighbors. Everyone then Stays at any Given Meeting Place for an Hour or So, Then Get back into Their Cars & Gather Somewhere Else with an Entirely New Group.
Since Considerably Alcoholism is Involved; Z-Mass is Remembered by most Families as The Afternoon or Evening in Which Various Relatives were Killed in an Horrific Inferno on a Freeway Overpass.
B o x i n g D a y / S t . S t e p h a n’ s D a y december twentisecond Boxing Day The Wren is supposed to have betrayed Saint Stephan, The most holy bureaucratic accountant in biblical times. The Wren went to King Herod and told him that Saint Stephan was embezzling money for The Western Palestinian Independence Front, and was consequently beaten within an inch of his life. Then beheaded. The detached head then sang bawdy sailing tunes until sunset. Alternatively; Boxing Day is Celebrated by handing down all of your lame gifts to your Servants or Community Hobos.
one of the ideas that i had for this year was to anthropologically explain some of the most popular chrstmsa traditions in terms of : Cannibalism Blood Sacrifices Monster Worship Belief in Vampires or WereBeasts Child Exchanges ReIncarnation Karmic Justice The Wrath of Insane Gawds The Chaos of The Universe that must be Mediated by means of (x The Containment of True Human Nature Sexual Perversions The Elementals of Water, Fire & Earth The Loss of Innocence The Subjection of Lesser Human Species The Belief that Children are Chattel that were once considered as Food & Bred in Great Numbers Ensuring That The Dead remain Dead Giving up The Old, so that The Young can live The Belief that Animals once Ruled The Earth & That they Forced Humans to Administer it’s Maintenance, while they remain secretly in Control.
Do Not Use ! ! ! styrofoam pellets crumpled butcher paper glass christmas ornaments uncooked hamburger pushpins, thumbtacks or sewing needles old batteries live parakeets, hamsters, gerbils or fish sand --Preferred Packing Materials dry popped popcorn crumpled tinsel tangled lights balled socks ( new ) crumpled pages from a discarded bible, koran or children’s books. helium filled ( & tied ) condoms small stuffed toys ( new or antiques )
twentisecond twelfth nite -om
twentithird twelfth nite -ol
Yahshua’s AfternoonTea twentifourth twelfth nite -ok
fly man : special thanx to alexeizm
Redemption Brokenof Toys Jubilee twentififth twelfth nite -oj
The Night of
Virginity Amnesty twentisixth twelfth nite -oi
twentiseventh twelfth nite -oh
twentieighth twelfth nite -og
Carnival of UnIdentified Kitchen
Utensils twentininth twelfth nite -of
Ya h s h u a ’ s A f t e r n o o n Te a A Perfectly Ordinary Afternoon Tea in which The Theme of Discussion is Restricted to An Argument over What is The Christ’s True Name, Skin Pigmentation, Height, Length of Beard, & Habits of Promiscuity &/or Bathing.
T h e L a m e n t a t i o n & R e d e m p t i o n o f B r o k e n To y s J u b i l e e All The Broken Toys are Brought Together & Reassembled into Dysfunctional Sculptures with SuperGlue, Wire & A Dremel Tool.
The Night of Virginity Amnesty Any Grrrl or Womyn That Desires to Reclaim their Virginity would be Granted this Once in their Lifetime, After submitting to A Penance of Trimming Old Peoples Toenails &/or Washing their Windows Or Emptying all their Drawers & throwing out The Dead Mice.
It’s Never; A Guy walks into a Bar— Its Correct Form is; My Father Walked into A Bar last night & Found A Horse Sitting on The Stool Next to The One he Favored. After ordering a Regional Beer in A Frosted Stein, He Earnestly Asked The Horse; ‘Why The Long Face?’ It is often Prudent to Chose a Non-Existent Sister, Cousin or Neighbor to Stand in for Blonde, Polish or Regional Shanty-Town Jokes. It is However somehow Desirable to place yourself into these Jokes, As Self Depreciation is Thought to Be A Comforting Act of Inclusive Fellowship, Where you are Prostrate yourself to your Peers as you are Demonstrating a Superiour Skill. ( ? ) ! I asked My Sister why she wouldn’t Starve to Death if She Crash Landed her Personal Airplane in The Middle of The Sierra Desert—? And She Immediately Replied that it would be because of all The Sand Which is All Over. ( ! ) -Last Halloween I was trying to Think up A Scary Costume to Wear, So I asked my Mother to Name A Wicked Thing— And She Replied; A Candle ! -One of my Neighbors is A Petty Thief; A Shoplifter of Women’s Undergarments, CandyBars & Single Serving Cans of Corn mostly. While he was down being booked for one of his Afternoon’s of Criminal Anarchy, He was discussing a Recent Crime at The Police Station Itself with A Familiar Sargent ! The Officer Revealed that Someone had Stolen The Only Toilet that they had in The Restroom! Despite & Extensive Ongoing Investigation, they had Nothing to Go On. -Using this Template; It requires little Imagination to Flip Through a Typical 300 Page Joke Book & Transform it into A Chronicle of Your Families History ( ! )
The Semi-Annual Carnival of Book Burning Each Year a Particular Theme should be Selected for The Semi-Annual Carnival of Book Burning. Obviously; Commonly Nominated Themes are for Gathering Books which Feature Witchcraft, Magic, Fantasies with Gratuitous Royalty or Mythical Creatures which Contradict your Local Zoo’s Captive Residents.
Fr o l i c o f B l a s p h e m i e s Everyone must spend The Entire Day Swearing like a Proverbial Drunken Sailor. Study Middle Eastern Curses, Foreign Maledictions, Druid Hexes & Jinxes, Applications of The Evil Eye, Aboriginal Profanities, Nerd Expletives & Racial Obscenities for Weeks Prior to This Day to be Suitably Prepared.
Other Themes may be of Books which feature Anthropomorphized Bears or Other Wild Carnivores, Books with Know-It-All Scientists, Books with Children that Disobey their Parents or Teachers, Books with Self-Sufficient Children, Books with Children that Accomplish Things, Books with Children that Too Assertive, Books with Children that make you’re own Family Dynamics seem Dysfunctional, Books with Surrealistic Illustrations, Books that Feature Bad Grammar, Books that have Pop-Up Buildings or Mechanical Devices, Books that Encourage Children to Read too Much, Books that include Scientific Dogma or Books that have Color Combinations that induce Migraine Headaches.
Carnival of UnIdentified Kitchen Utensils After Dinner, And after The Family has Collectively Washed & Dried The Dishes; Everyone cleans out all The Drawers & Cabinets in The Kitchen, Throwing out long forgotten cans of Lithuanian Beets, Russian Strawberries &/or Bottles with Labels so Faded that only Speckled Splotches Remain.
Riddle Gras Most Children Pass through a Period or Phase in which they Love to Tell Jokes &/or Riddles, but aren’t very good at it. If your Child demonstrates that they have A Natural Propensity for Generating Original Puns, You will begin to Wish that they had Autism instead. To Tell A Joke; The Simple Rule is To Take a Raw Form & Personalize it.
Amid all of this Reformation; The Objective is to find Utensils that are UnIdentifiable. Over The Years, most families collect Curious Items that are Intended to Express some Unique & Infrequently Used Functionality; Such as; Coring Cherries, Shaving Peaches, Removing Cancerous Fatty Tumors from Pork-Chops, Celery Straightener, A Device that Promises to Remove The Shell from An Uncooked Egg, Popcorn UnPopper, Tea-Bag Revitalizer, Radish Slicer or a Decorative Two Minutes & Fourteen Second Timer. Lay out all Found Items on The Dining Room Table & Divine their True Spiritual Purpose. Rather than Throwing them away afterwards, They will usually fit quite nicely into a Collection of Legos, where they may find New Meaning as a Rocket Booster, Star Evaporator or An Emergency Escape Pod.
The Judgement of Lost Souls Most Children are Haunted by Secrets that They are Bound by Friends, Relatives, Strangers, Hobos, Teachers at School, or At Sunday School; To Keep in Perpetuity. The Keeping of These Secrets may be Tied to Believable or Fanciful Threats which Confuse Even Adolescents as to Their Practical Applications for Harm that may come to themselves or Their Families. Obviously; Any Time that a Child is Obligated to Keep any Secret under some Penalty of Harm to Themselves or Others; It is all The More Compulsory to Get them To Reveal these Secrets ! Even if A Child may Not Really Believe that An Otherwise Trusted Sunday School Teacher would actually Murder their Parents in their Sleep or Burn The Child’s House Down; They may possess an Intuitive Understanding that whatever The Nature of The Secret Is; It should be kept a Secret under The Far More Real & Believable Consequences of Exposing it. That is; If such a Secret were Divulged to Their Parents; It would result in A Cascade of Unfortunate Consequences, Some of Which would be Inflicted upon The Child Themselves &/or Adults or Other Children that they Would Choose to Protect. This may sound overly Complicated for A Child’s ‘World View’, But even small Children have an Understanding of The World that they may Not be able to Describe or Articulate; But is Surprisingly Accurate ! So How Might you Wrangle these Secrets from your Children ( ? ) ! Group Participation. The Judgement of Lost Souls is A Party Game of Sorts, In which Everyone is Arranged in A Circle with Soft Drinks & Popcorn, The Lights are Turned Low, And Subtly Mysterious or Mystical Music is played at a low Volume — Then Everyone is Encouraged to Disclose some Real Secret that they’ve Previously had Every Intention of Taking to The Grave with Them ! The Adults may be thinking that they can Make-Up Dark Secrets to Seed This Ploy, But Children; Even Very Young Children will often pick up of this; & Simply Make-Up their own Dark Secrets— So it’s Important for The Adults to UnVeil Real Dark Secrets. This will Not only Encourage The Desired Result, but also show your Children
G h o s t Fe a s t There should be at least one bonafide haunted house somewhere in your neighborhood. It might Not be a Deserted House with decaying floors & knocked out windows. It might be a perfectly ordinary looking house with a family of 5 living in it, but it also has at least one ghost in it. Convince The Parents to invite a dozen or so young adolescents over to spend The Night, Prepared to record EVPs, Take Pictures of Ghost Lights, Search for Messages written in The Dust under Beds, Search The Basement for Graves under piles of Old Boxes, Or The Attic for Family Albums featuring Odd Characters with MisShapen Limbs. Use A Ouija Board only within A Certified Alchemist’s Containment Circle! Be Prepared to have anyone exhibiting Automatic Writing to undergo an exorcism ritual.
or The Neighbor’s Children that were invited over— That you are A Real & Complex Individual, & Not Merely; As many Children Perceive Adults— As Card-Board Cut-Outs, or Wooden Puppets that perform a multitude of Incomprehensible Acts, & Enforce Capricious Rules whose Sole Purpose is to Generate Sorrow & Misery, Which All Adults find Irresistibly Jolly Fun !
Witch Burning Although there are Real Witches in The World; Witches that are Capable of Performing Feats which Defy All The Rules of Physical Reality that we Mortals are taught are Immutable, As well as using these Powers for Evil— It is unfortunately Illegal to Burn Old Hags or Community Mis-Fits. But still— A Faux Witch Burning can be a lot of Fun, Especially if you take The Time to make some reasonably authentic looking papier-mâché Witches, which you attach to Tall Wooden Poles & Pile up Bundle of Hay around Them. Everyone is Encouraged to Scream Pitifully as The Bon-Fire is set Ablaze & then Seasonal Carols are Sung until The Witches are reduced to Ashes.
Be sure that everyone is wearing a Talisman, or has had one tattooed onto The back of their neck, that was created by an actual white Witch. Bring a Scrying Vessel to Gaze into. Any Murders committed during The Sleep Over should be carefully investigated by unlicensed Ghost Hunters or Discredited Catholic Pedophiles.
Macaroni & Cheese Circus i could never understand how anyone could eat Mac & Chz straight out of The Box, without adding something to it. It seems to me that Mac & Chz is like A Coloring Book, No One, But The Dullest Child would color a Page in a Coloring Book by filling in each Enclosed Region with an Invariant Contiguous Hue. That’s Crazy! The Way that you’re supposed to Color The Pages of a Coloring Book is to let go of all of your PreAssumptions & Break Every Rule that you Can Imagine. Every Rule that you’re sure you Can’t Break, Break them !!! The Same thing applied to Mac & Chz. It is a Base for you to Add things to. Like Wieners. Or A Burrito. Or Ground Fried Hamburger, Jalapeño Bagels, Vegetables, More Cheese, Tunafish, Boiled Salmon, Anything in a Tupperware Container in The Refrigerator, Canned Ravioli, Spices or Cocoa. Try everything & expect it to be pretty awful more than half of The Time.
Picnic of Artifacts Everyone has a Box or Jar of Sacred Artifacts. Bring yours out & show them off to The Infidels in your family that will probably mock their Importance.
T h i r t i e t h twelfth nite -oe
thirtifirst twelfth nite -od
f i r s t twelfth nite -oc
Feast s e c o n d twelfth nite -ob
t h i r d twelfth nite -oa
f o u r t h twelfth night
f i f t h busojaras -op
Carnival of Venial
s i x t h busojaras -oo
T h e Tw e l f t h N i g h t
The Biggest Bash / Lavish Costumes, Extravagant Foods, Sacrifices of Large Animals, Live Music, A Huge Bon-Fire, Naked Dwarf Servers, Circulating Balloon Artists, Magicians, Jugglers, Unicyclists & Gymnasts, A Laser Light Show, Dangerous Wild Animals, Huge Bowls of Caviar & Cocaine, Celebrity Media Whores, & The
C a r n i v a l o f Ve n i a l S i n s Venial Sins are Different than Venal Sins. Venal Sins are The Comparatively Serious Ones having to do with Bribery. Venial Sins are Nearly Insignificant, Not sufficient to even Raise an Eyebrow of Celestial Angels, But Enough to Annoy a Parent, Teacher or that Odious Woman that keeps turning up in Elevators, No matter When or Where you take one from one Floor to another.
Potlatch Tradition of The Parties Host Burning down their own Home to Demonstrate their Own Spiritual Enlightenment ( Detachment from Material Possessions ) & Regional Prestige via Opulent Excess. Not so very long ago; The Twelfth Night was very popular, More popular than Z-Mass itself. George Washington held 12th Night much more important than Z-Mass, Doing little to Celebrate Z-Mass, But holding a Huge Bash in which Martha made a huge cake, In which a Bean & Pea were hidden; If A Man found The Bean, He would be King of The Following Year, & The Woman that found The Pea would be Queen. These Tutelary Roles would allow The Winners Carte-Blanc for many regions Crimes, Genuine Prestige amoung preadolescents & The Authority to Collect Special Taxes. Additionally: This is The Day that You would required ( Advised ) to take down your Decorations, Otherwise risk bad luck for The Following Year.
Yo u r L o c a l Yg g d r a s i l Tr e e Identify your Local Yggdrasil Tree a huge ash tree located at the center of the earth, with three roots, one extending to Niflheim (the underworld), one to Jotunheim (land of the giants), and one to Asgard (land of the gods).
seventh busojaras -on
Shave a Mammoth Day In Place of a Mammoth; Choose an Especially Hirsute Adult & Shave their Entire Body down to below The Dandruff.
Mammoth Day e i g h t h busojaras -om
Media Whore Day Celebrate The Life of Local Media Whore, Such as The Quirkiest TV Weather Girl.
n i n t h busojaras -ol
Depravities t busojaras e n t-ok h
Ye s t e r d a y ’ s D e p r a v i t i e s Go Visit some Elderly People; Such as Curmudgeonly Old Men that were Involuntarily Consigned to A Rest Home that Conflicts with their Long Developed Sense of Interior Decoration. Gain their Trust with A Box of Almond Rocha & then Ask them about their Personal Depravities.
Bodhi Day This is a Buddhist Holiday & is Celebrated; i think— by sitting under a tree ( a Bodhi Tree ) all day, or until your experience Enlightenment. You’ll know that you’ve experienced Enlightenment when Either; All The Mysteries of The Universe are Clear to you, Or; You no longer care about knowing anything at all. Either way; That’s Enlightenment.
listen to me you old
The spoken Dao is not the eternal dao !
Sixteenth Night Sixteenth Night Varied from Family to Family, But for The New Englanders that First Celebrated The Sixteenth Night; They’d make Cocoa with Tea, & Work their Way through Several Boxes of Ritz Crackers & A Jar of Peanut Butter, While Telling Native American Folk Stories.
K i n g S o l o m o n’ s S u p p e r
Readings from The Necronomicron
A Discussion of Philosophical Treatises that are Intended to Be Befuddling ! Are there really any Smart Questions? How much Magic is there in The World? Which of The Prophets Beards was The Longest; Jesus, Moses or Muhammed ? — Why can’t gawd create only Good Angels or Myn ? Even if you take into consideration; freewill— couldn’t gawd create only beings with sufficiently rational thinking that they would always choose the right way to believe, think & act ? — What is Worthwhile? Is the universe so cruel, that it allows us to be aware that we are robots? Why do smart people let dumb people run the world? What is The Best Way to Tell If An Idea is A Good Idea or A Bad Idea? What is Human Nature? Is DNA a Red Herring...? What would you have to add to a thinking machine to make it Conscious...? What is Being Smart...? Is it possible to Experience Satori ( Enlightenment )? Is there a simple principle to know what is Right or Wrong, Without having to refer to A List of Do’s & Don’t’s? If you could take a pill to be The Best Artist in The World, or The Best Musician, or The Smartest Person in The World, or The Best Looking Person in The World; but it would take 20 years off of your life, would you take it?
There are many heretical Books that may be chosen from : ( Just a Few ) Apophthegmata Patrum The Apocrypha The Epistle of Barnabas Gospel of Thomas The Didache Q The Gospel of The Egyptians Progigiorum ac Ostentorum Chronicon The Pseudepegrapha Lunch with Melchizedek The Book of Mormon Have lunch with somebody that is really, Codex Seraphinianus really old. Aufbrunch ins dritte Jahrtausend Voynich Manuscript The Oera Linda Book Borgesian Orbis Tertius Any Given Grimoire Epistola de Cynocephalis Dæmononlogie Naturfenomen Beyound The Spectrum Wahrheitsgesellschaft The Gospel of Barnabas Joseph of Arimathea’s Memorial Quest De Præstigiis dœmonum Walk to someplace in your Town that you’ve never Been too before.
t w e l f t h busojaras -oi
Necronomicron t h i rt e e n t h busojaras -oh
Melchizedek fourteenth busojaras -og
The Book may be Either a Real Contemporary Book, Obscure Book from Ancient Times or A Completely Fanciful Title that was Created by Randomly Arranging Scraps cut from A Newspaper or Magazine.
fifteenth busojaras -of
Ghost Hunt There is a School of Thought that Ghosts are much more common than they are usually perceived as being. Many Ghosts appear as Perfectly Tangible People standing at A Bus Stop or Wandering Aimlessly through a Supermarket.
Imaginary Book Club Gather together A Group of Housewives, Attentive Adolescents & UnEmployed Singles to An Imaginary Book Club Meeting. It’s very much like a Real Book Club Meeting, Except that everyone Discusses A Book that No Ones Read.
If we Disregard The Question of What Ghosts Are; The Souls of The Dead, Autonomous Daemons, Aliens that Penetrate our Reality from Another Dimension or Delusions projected from Ailing Human Minds— Go on A Ghost Hunt & See how many you can Identify ! ( ? )
sixteenth busojaras -oe
Hunt seventeenth busojaras -od
eighteenth busojaras -oc
of Cult The
The Cult of The Cave Bear Gather together in a Closet & Shiver in Terror at every Sound or Bump that is heard in The house or Neighborhood.
nineteenth busojaras -ob
twentieth busojaras -oa
Alexandrina da Costa’s
R o l l U p Yo u r O l d S h a d o w s Break A Taboo, Make a Taboo Most Taboos are founded on some Mercurial Rule which nearly always has some slight variation which is Not merely Not a Taboo, But is Somekind of Preferred Behaviour; Such as— Women’s Areola’s & Nipples being Extremely Criminal to Expose, While Men are Encouraged to Exhibit their Nipples whenever Possible.
Saint Alexandrina da Costa’s All Mor ning Fast Go without Breakfast & Endure a Light Lunch.
t we nti f i rs t busojaras -oo
Busójárás The Busójárás (Hungarian, meaning "Busó-walking") Is an annual celebration held at the end of the Carnival season ("Farsang"). The celebration features Busós (people wearing masks) And includes folk music, masquerading, parades and dancing. Busójárás Traditionally lasts six days, Overlapping other Feast Days. It starts on a Thursday with a Full Moon Or A Wednesday After a Big Family Argument. / According to the more popular legend, during the Turkish occupation of the territory the people of Mohács fled the town, and lived in The nearby swamps and woods to avoid Ottoman (Turkish) troops. One night, while they were sitting and talking around the fire, An old Šokci man appeared suddenly from nowhere, and said to them; "Don't be afraid: your lives will soon turn to good, and you'll return to your homes. Against that time, prepare for the battle— Carve various weapons and Scary masks for yourselves, and wait for a stormy night when a masked knight will come to you." He disappeared as suddenly as he had come. The refugees followed his orders, and some days later, on a stormy night, the knight arrived. He ordered them to put on their masks and go back to Mohács, Making as much noise as possible. They followed his lead. The Turks were so frightened by the noise, the masks, And the storm in the night, that they thought demons were Attacking them; and they ran away from the town before sunrise. / In the older, less popular story, The busós are scaring away not the Turks but Winter itself.
If you’ve been properly Enculturated; It will be very hard for you to make A List of Taboos, As These are Things that only A Crazy Person ( or Foreigner ) would perform. You might be able to Hone in on Some of them, by simply thinking of Things that Rude People ( Quasi-Crazy ) Do, that Annoys you. One of The Many Curious Things about Taboos, Is that while they are often codified as A Culture’s Most Serious Laws, The Question Remains that if Only Crazy People would do these Things, How can anyone be Culpable of Their Criminality ( ? ) Incest is A Nearly Universally Held Taboo which is also A Universally Prohibited Crime, that again; Only Crazy People would Engage in. It is widely disseminated that There is A Natural Aversion that Brothers & Sisters, Mothers & Sons, Fathers & Daughters Share, As Well as A Natural Aversion for Anyone’s Attraction to Anyone that is Not of Their Particular Age Group— But why would these Acts be Codified into These Most Serious Legal Prohibitions if Only Crazy People would ever Enter into Them ( ? ) A Cursory Examination of Taboos will reveal that Most Taboos are Based on Acts which Most People Eagerly Want to Participate in, But Someone, Somewheres, has decided that These Deeds are Rude or UnCivilized & The Best Way to Get People to defer from Doing them, Is to Convince The Population, with Intense Schooling & Indoctrination that these Acts are ‘Just Wrong’. To Test Whether something is A Genuine Taboo or Not; Ask someone why some Prohibited Action is Forbidden. The Resulting Response for a Taboo will be; Confusion, Flustering & Then Blind, Angry Hysteria. Any Conceivable Reasons for why The Activity is impeded will Not be forthcoming. For this Carnival of Fun; Pick a Taboo & Publicly Perform It, Then Codify one of your Own Pet Peeves into A Taboo & Promote it as a Culturally Disdainful Venture.
Normal Time Resumes If there are no signs of Winter abating after Busójárás; This is Considered To Be A Very Bad Omen.
Things to do to Appease The Gawds. Buy all New Socks & Underwear. Spend Extra Time with your Children helping with their Homework. Adopt Another Kitten from The Animal Shelter. Cruise your Neighborhood Late at Night, Looking for Petty Vandals, & Giving them History Lessons from The Spanish Inquisition. Make A Biographical Video of A ‘Character’ or Hobo in your Community & Post it Online. Take Responsibility for your Flatulence. Clean out The Areas under your Sinks. Talk Regularly to Your House Brownies. Always carry some Toenail Clippers with you, & Offer to Trim Elderly Peoples Toenails in The Park.
is santa claus really real ? is santa claus good or evil ?
The Bible Defends The Existence of Santa Claus ! Zechariah 2: 6 ( Translation by Tiny Wanda ) â€œHo Ho Ho ! Jolly Old Elf ! Go forth from The NorthPole; Like The Four Virtues of Heaven; Prudence, Charity, Resilience & Binge Gluttony, I have Sent you forth to all The World with This; The Will of Gravity & ElectroMagnetism, So Saith The Maker of Every Nogged Egg & Stick of Barber Pole Candy.â€?
The End of Faith Project may easily be Misinterpreted to Suggest that it’s Anti-Religion or Anti-Gawd or Some-Such. But Actually— The End of Faith Project is Intended to Convey A New Paradigm of Confidence for What was Previously Only Faith Based Beliefs ( ! ) It is No Longer Necessary to Merely Believe Things in A Fanatically Amorphous Manner or With A Fundamentalist Militant Zealotry ! Using The Methods of The End of Faith Project; You can Use The Ancient Hermetic Theosophical Gematria & Q’Ballah to Know things with A Sigma Certainty Index that Exceeds The Level of Authentication & Proof that Physicists use When Discussing Quantum Mechanics, Or The Certitude that Astronomers possess when They Claim that Future Astronomers will be able to Travel Backwards in Time by Skimming Over The Event Horizons of Black Holes.
Todays Examination of These Esoteric Methods Concerns Santa Claus.
Long Believed to Be A Mythical Being by Most Adults, It is Possible to Prove Santa Claus’ Existence By Demonstrating that Such A Being Must Necessarily Exist; Because this Entity is in Fact The Anti-Christ ( ! ) While It is Also Thought this Additionally Folkloric Creature is Only A Metaphor for Ideas Used Exclusively By The Christian Church; The NonDenominational ArchAngel Lucifer is In Fact A Celestial Being which Transcends All Religious Theological Belief Systems or Philosophical Doctrines.
This Method of The Gematria is So Elegant & Authoritative, So Demonstrative of Irrefutability, That It Necessarily Proves that Both Lucifer - Satan & Santa Claus - Father Christmas Must Exist as The Nucleic Cynosure of this Demonstration. That is; This Proof is So Strong & Its Truth is So Undeniable That All Elements of Its Construction Must Be True as Well; It is Ludicrous to Imagine how A Proof This Compelling could be Merely a Fanciful Construction of Jiggery Pokery — A Surrealist Chimera of Logic & Rationality. If This is Argument is Fallaciously Erroneous, A Spurious, Disingenuous Concoction of Malarkey & Impish Shenanigans; Than How Can Rational, Sentient Humans Ever Believe that They Know Anything ( ? )
FatherChristmas A Cabbage Codes ( End of Faith ) Project for
little devil : special thanx to crazy-clayz
The Divinely Revealed Cabbage Code Key
12 25 37 A C E H K L O P S V Y
49 62 B D F I M Q T W Z
74 86 G J
Father Christmas = 666 666 666
This Is The Good Guy Is This Santa Claus?
The Troll Queen Is Mostly Santa Claus
666 666 666
= = =
The Devils Rapport Creature Who Lives Pulled His Chariot
666 666 666
= = =
Good Behavior And Merry Jolly Happy Cards Carols Feast
Receive Lump Of Coal Good Behavior Of Some
666 666 666 666 666 666 666
= = = = = = =
The Bloodline Tree Menstrual Blood Pedigree Of The One Who Is Called Christ The Leaping Lords Having Heritage The Aquatic Stars
666 666 666 666 666 666
= = = = = =
Christ ⇢ Christmas Next To God; Heaven The Evening Star The Bloodline And The Catholic Church All Saints; All Souls
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The Roman Empire Disbelief In God Journeyed To Hell As Far As That Is Evil
The Second Coming Destroy The Planet
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The Mystery After Ghosts Of Christmas Or Land Of The Dead The Political System
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English Speaking Ersatz, Spurious The Akasha Library Free Encyclopedia The Akasha’s Contents Related Articles Poet: Clement Moores Past And Present
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Ideogram Magic Television Parade Secular Western
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Such Dark Doings Visa Credit Card Card Spending Beggars Night Christmas Truce
Everything Real The Beauty Of Earth
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Classic Turkey Day Is My Freedom To Eat Creep Of Christmas
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Abominable Things Nothing Is Known Can’t Break The Rules
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The Solstice The Holiday Cold Season
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The Lord : Peace On Earth Decorate Their Trees Carnival Atmosphere Wholesome Celebration Include Children Reindeer: Rudolph
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Us Holiday Presents The Hat Box
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Particles Made From Gingerbread Cake Holds Quark Together
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The Pharaoh The Evil One Teleclones Darkness Prophecies
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Theosophical Bloodlines Holy Joseph Of Arimathea Character Archetype The Swimming Swans The Salem Witch Trials
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The Mother The Witches Blood Red
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Earliest True Name The Holy Catholic Church The Shining Angels
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The Whole Jewish Thing The Busiest Writers Mysterious Watchers The Hidden Atlantis
America And Europe Reversing Climate
The Bible Defends Christmas Trees Deuteronomy 20:20 “You May chop down The Fir Tree which bears no Fruit for your Corn Flakes or To Make a Salad for A Summer Book Reading. You may then use this Tree to Create a Edifice against The Morlocks that Enslave The Eliom & Do Not Provide them with Full Medical or Dental Care. And you must Then continue to Light The Plumb of Forbearance until All of your Presents are Opened.” :---------------:o The Bible is Ambivalent about Christmas Trees Judges 9:47 - 49 Abimelech & All of The Villagers from Shechem went up to Mount Zalmon; Then took out his Axe with a Single Powerful Arm, Swung out & Took a Small Tree, Throwing it over his Shoulder; Saying to The Men, ‘Quickly ! Do what you have just seen me do !’ So they took The Small Trees & through The carelessness of Lighting The Trees with Open Candles, The Trees caught fire, killing everyone in The Village of Shechem, thought to be more than a thousand souls. :---------------:o
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Really Real Mysterious Other Rules Higgs Boson
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Dark Gawds The Good Guy President The New Year
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Candy Cane Pudding Small Gifts Time Travel Reindeer Market Place Jedi Powers
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Not Just True It’s Wonderful Days Of Creation Birth Of Christ Winter Holiday Fairy Mythology Occult Practice
The Bible is Decidedly Against The Pagan Rituals Involving Christmas Trees Jeremiah 10 : 1 - 6 ( Tiny Wanda’s Translation ) Let me Tell you The Law Given to The Damp Masses by The Irresistible Force of Gravity, ElectroMagnetism & The Holy Dao; Abstain from The Lessons of Liberal Arts Majors that are Ignorant of The Ways of The Universe; Whose Truth is Irrefutable ! Do Not become Confused by The Subtleties of Falling Stars, Frogs or Car Keys down Street Grates. These are All Things Natureal to The Eyes of The Moon & Befuddle The Guitar Street Musicians that See The World through The Tines of Salad Forks. The Mores & Rituals of These Painters & Craftsmyn are for The Exultation & Jubilation of Worthless Vanities; One Rite Consists of Using an Axe to Cut A Tree from The Forest, Then Working it with The Hands of Guileful Cunning. They Then Decorate Their Handiwork with Silver & Gold, Then Fasten it with A Hammer & Nails to Keep it from Wandering Off or Tipping Over. It is Then Upright like A Topiary Penguin, GreenMyn or Refrigerator with an Ice Dispenser; But it Does Not Speak Any Human Language, Squeak Like a Mouse or Growl like A Old Tractor. The Tree must be Watered by The Children because
it lacks The means to lunge at Cats & Feast on their Blood. Thus; Do Not Fear these Standing Trees, They are Harmless ( Unless they Catch Fire ) & Can Not Perform Evil by their Own Will, Likewise they Can Do No Good, Provide Luck, Protect Your Family from Disease or Scare away Burglars. Be Mindful of The Warm Glow of The Never Resting Pull of Gravity or Tingling from Magnets. :---------------:o
special thanks for the geometrical polyhedra by fdecomite
My Most Favorite Things. Ear Plugs Zinio Tea with Cocoa Autonomous Rolling Balls SketchUp Garageband Free Pass Something that Spouses give one another. In The Event that one Spouse gets into some Horrific Mischief, Possibly even Criminal Acts; The Free Pass may be Turned in, Which mandates that The Offended Spouse may never mention The Fiasco again. Depending upon The Generosity of The Spouse, Stacks of These Cards may be Boxed & Given on NewYears.
Most Favorite Cinematic Films 2001: A Space Odyssey A Clockwork Orange A Fistful of Dollars ( 1964 ( Per un pugno di dollari Aliens / Aliens 4 ( Best Monster Film(s Aliens : The Directors Cut — is much better than The Theatrical Release American Psycho An American Werewolf in London / This was on Cable while i was living with The Rodney, when he was living in Alki Beach, in Seattle; And they were replaying it 5 times a day for about 2 weeks, and i’m sure i watched it at least 40 times. Being John Malkovich / Best Main Stream Surrealist Film Being There Blood Simple / i always seem to confuse this film with ‘Choose Me’ ( ? ) Brazil / Best Terry Gilliam Film Cabin in The Woods / 2012 / Best Teens with Cthulhu Mythos Monsters in The Woods Film Charade (1963) The only flaw to this film was when James Coburn uses the phrase ‘Greenhorn’ twice in one sentence. Charlie’s Angels I ( i very rarely watch any film more than once, but i watched this one about 5 times, The night i got it. Choose Me ( This is an excellent genre film in which the lead character is thought to be quite mad, but later, we discover that his insane world is the true reality. Another example of this is; Time Bandits. Crank / Crank 2 : High Voltage ( Best Remake(s of DOA Day The Earth Stood Still Delicatessen / Very Good Cannibalism Film Despicable Me District 9 ( Best Alien Film Ever Django Unchained / 2012 / Best Nuevo ( Black ) Spaghetti Western Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story ( Best Sports Film Donnie Darko: Director's Cut Down with Love Equilibrium / Best Revelation of Satori leading to Best Gratuitous Violence Eraserhead ( Best Surrealist Film Ever Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed ( Best Intelligent Designer / Intellectual Freedom Film Festival Shorts Collection / Film Movement / No Bikini / Aided Migration / 2008 Fido ( Best Zombie Film Ever Fight Club / Made Several Years before 911 Final Fantasy ( Series For a Few Dollars More ( 1965 Forbidden Planet ( Best Skiffy Film before 2001: A Space Odyssey Frank Capra’s WWII : Why we Fight ( 7 1_h± Films Terrific Historical Analysis of WWII Groundhog Day ( Best Time Travel Film Gummo Hail the Conquering Hero / 1945 Hang 'Em High ( 1968 Happiness / Excellent Pedophile as The Hero Film
Harvey / The Only Pooka Film ever Made ( ! ) ? Hero at Large ( Delightful little film featuring John Ritter High Plains Drifter ( 1973 Howl's Moving Castle Hugo ( Very nice Film on The History of Film In the Realms of the Unreal ( Best Documentary of a Naive Artist Film Inglorious Bastards ( Remake ( Brad Pitt ( Very Good ( Amusing ) War Film Ink / Very Good Aliens Kidnapping Children Film It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) Kick Ass ( Best Super Hero Film; Along with _My Super Ex-GirlFriend_ Kicking & Screaming ( 1995 ) One of The Few ’Talking Films’ that i enjoyed. Killer Joe / 2012 Kingdom of Heaven Kingpin / This film seems to have entriely disappeared ! ? Kung Fu Hustle ( Best Kung Fu Film ( Terrible Title ! Lawrence of Arabia (1962) / One of The most delicious Bits in this film is when Lawrence is confiding to a superiour officer that he may be unfit to serve any longer as he is beginning to enjoy The Sadistic Bits of War. Naturally; His Superior assures Lawrence that this is quite normal and sends him back into battle. Little Dieter Needs to Fly ( Best Documentary of Vietnam War Little Miss Sunshine / Best Junior Pageant Film LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring: Extended Ed. LOTR: Return of the King: Extended Ed. LOTR: The Two Towers: Extended Ed. Love Me If You Dare ( Best Love Story Léolo (1992) / Classic ‘Odd’ Film Major Barbara / 1941 / Best AntiWar Film with The Prince of Death as it’s Hero MegaMind ( Slightly Different Formula for an Animated Feature ) Miami Blues ( Best Petty Criminal / Chase Film Money Ball / 2011 ( Very Nice Alt. Anti-Orthodoxy Baseball Film My Super Ex-Girlfriend ( Very Good Superhero Film No End in Sight ( Exposé of The Ongoing Iraq War ( Circa 2001+ Nosferatu ( 1922 O' Brother; Where Art Thou? Oldboy ( Very Good Surrealist Mystery Once Upon a Time in the West (1968) ( Fabulous Epic with 3 Bad Guy Cliques Our Man Flint / In Like Flint Paint Your Wagon ( 1969 ( Best Musical Comedy Pale Rider ( 1985 Panique au Village / A Town Called Panic ( Best Stop Action Film Payback ( This is a perfectly mundane little film with Mel Gibson, before he went crazy; Who plays a petty gangster that was sent up the river for his part in a heist of somekind, and is now out, and goes to the underworld boss to collect his share of the robbery. Curiously; The underworld boss & others don’t understand that all he wants is a reasonably small, fixed amount, that he’s calculated is due to him. And so he, The Mel Gibson character, reeks terrible havoc on these people, because they just won’t listen. This is a theme that i am haunted with constantly; The Problem of wanting to get some simple thing done, and no one will listen to me. It’s very frustrating. Pushing Daisies ( TV Series Pygmalion ( 1938 ( NonMusical Original Version to ‘My Fair Lady’ Rabbit / 2005 by Run Wrake / Short Animation Red Cliff: Theatrical Version ( Best Chinese History Epic Resident Evil ( Series Romy & Michele's High School Reunion ( Best Gay/ Lesbian Film Rope / Excellent ‘One Set’ Film Run Lola Run ( Best Recursive Time Loop Film Save the Green Planet! ( Excellent Mystery/Crazy Person Film Searching for Bobby Fisher Shakes; The Clown / Answers: Why Clowns hate Mimes Sick: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, SuperMasochist ( 1997 / As a Documentary, this lags quite a bit from time to time.
Source Code / Excellent Time Travel ( ? ) Film Strictly Ballroom Tae Guk Gi : The Brotherhood of War ( Best Korean War Film Taxi Driver (1976) Ted ( 2012 / Best Film of a Stuffed Animal Magickally Endowed with Life Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) Best of Series The American Astronaut / 2001 / Very Odd Film, made very cheaply, with inexcusably bad special effects, that is partly salvaged by its extreme disregard for reality. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari The Emerald Forest ( Best Amazonian Aborigine Film The End of Love The Good Fairy / 1935 / “I’m going to buy a pencil sharpener with a handle!” Dr. Max Sporum The Green Hornet ( 2010 / This is another film that watched over & over, The first night, & i’ve since checked it out from The Library twice more, & watched in several more times than that. The History of Violence ( 2005 ) The Hobbit ( Series ? / 2012 / Just as nice as The LOTR The Host ( Very good Monster Film ( Terrible Title ! The Hudsucker Proxy / Best New Invention Film The Jacket ( Best Psychological Time Travel Film The Lady Eve The Life of Brian ( Best Monty Python Film The Lord of the Rings ( Best Epic Series The Lost Room The Nightmare Before Christmas / Best Halloween/ Christmas Cross Over The Notorious Bettie Page ( Best Historical Autobiography of a ‘Porn’ Star The President's Analyst / 1967 ( Best Political, Military Industrial Complex Film Ever The Princess Bride The Prisoner The Rocky Horror Picture Show ( Best Song & Dance Film The School of Rock The Skin I Live In The Teletubbies The Thing ( John Carpenters The Usual Suspects (1995) / Very Nice Twisted Ending Film The Wicker Man ( w/Christopher Lee ( Best Druid Film The Wizard of Oz / Watched on TV Every Year for about 15 years. There's Something About Mary They Live Time Bandits ( Best ( ? ) Terry Gilliam Film Toy Story ( Series True Grit 2010 ( Wonderful Dialogue Two Mules for Sister Sarah ( 1970 Underworld i, ii, iii Unforgiven ( 1992 Upside Down ( 2012 / Two Planets are Connected to one another by Repellant Gravity Wells, such that their cities are buttressed up against one another top to top. Then there’s a love story, & A Madcap Invention, which somehow plays a role in The Salvation of Both Worlds, but it never really explained how that Helps anything, & it’s also very vague as to why The ’Upper’ World has so completely Enslaved The Lower World ( ? ) There’s a Lot of Unanswered Questions which gets in The way of Suspending all The Layers of DisBelief that’s Necessary to Immerse one’self in this film. Uzumaki ( Spiral ) V for Vendetta / Celebration of Guy Fawkes Wallace & Gromit ( Series Watchmen ( Best Over The Top Epic Scale Superhero Film Whale Rider ( Best Native American Aborigine Film Wreck-It-Ralph ( 2012 ( Best Remake of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer Zardoz Zero Effect / Best Crazy Detective Film/ i really like films in which The ‘Hero’ is completely Crazy ( Genuinely Insane ), & this is a very good example of this. Zombieland ( Very Good Zombie Film.
Decorations are Also Bad !
Vanities, Boastfulness, Arrogance & Foolishness are Found Amoung those that Worship The Festival of Lights, Roof-Top Decorations & Ostentatious Knitted Sweaters ! Jeremiah 10 : 8 - 16 ( Tiny Wandaâ€™s Translation ) When They ( The Liberal Arts Majors ) Gather together; They Express their Brutish Nature & Foolishness; Their Stock is in The Doctrine of Vanities. They Coat their Plates with Silver from The QuasiMythical Land of Tarshish, Gold from The Faeryland of Uphaz, Then Work Their Creations to A Fine Cunning with Cyan & Fuchsia Fabrics. But The Force of Gravity will Know The Impotence of their Labors, Great is The Electricity of Spinning Electrons. Thus we shall Reveal unto The Heathens; Their Efforts are Dust & will Wash Away with a Spring Rain. The Will of Gravity, The Structure of Quarks & The Light Wind of Leptons are The Foundation of The Heavens; Not The Shiny Gleam of Gold or Silver ! When The Winds of Gravity Shout through The Earth, When Magnets Stick forever to Refrigerators, When Tireless Atoms keep your Rubberbands Snugly around your book Report; This is The Voice of The Universe Ringing in your Ears. All that The Heathen knows is like a speck of Chocolate in The Eye of A Flea compared to The Wisdom of One Red Giant SuperNova that Blasts away An Entire Solar System of Sultry Gas Giants and Clouds of Frozen Comets. All that they Strive for will be like a damp napkin discarded with UnOpened Packages of Soy Sauce & Grains of Hard Rice picked from between The Teeth of The Righteous Myn. All that is Great is Held True by The Sticky Gum of Gravities Desire for Yellow Suns to be Burning The Breath of The Universe for Ever & Ever; Time without End. ( Amen ) A forest of trees Become gay joyous papers & Then damp brown sludge.
Predictions for The New Year 2015 Flying Saucer Sightings, Alien Abductions & Cow Mutilations will fall off— While Sightings of Grimalkins will Start to Pick Up. Several Long Held Dogmas concerning Mathematics will be Discarded. A New Kind of Grass that Doesn’t need Cutting will become Popular. Some Famous People will Die. An Entirely New Kind of Vacuum Cleaner will Revolutionize Housework. This won’t simply be a Robot Vacuum Cleaner, But a Completely New Underlying Principle to How Floors & Other Surfaces may be Cleaned. The New LED Lightbulbs will be Superseded by A New Kind of Light Making Device. A Plague that will Infect only people of Spanish Decent, But Instead of making them Sick, It will make them much Smarter. France will outlaw their own Language & They’ll all Switch to Italian.
Video Displays will begin to Wane as Visual Information, Movies, Magazines & Be Plugged Directly Into our Brains, Bypassing our EyeBalls. Things like Roller Coasters & Other Such Carnival Rides will be made Obsolete by Capsules that you can Put into your Ears. Snowflakes with Seven Sides will begin appearing. A Simple & Inexpensive Machine that can make any Molecule will Overturn The Illegal Drug Cartels. This Machine will be made Available by obtaining Instructions for how to make it from the Interweb, Which any Conventional 3D Printer can make. This will force The World Governments to Crack Down on Both 3D Printers, which will be Illegal to Own, As Well as Instructions that will Tell 3D Printers how to make Anything. The Very Idea of Making Anything will become Illegal. Anyone with The Knowledge of How To Make Things on Their Own will be The New Terrorists. There will be Community Festivals that will Gather together Children’s Crafts Projects & throw them into BonFires. Only Commercially Made Greeting Cards & Knitted Sweaters will be Allowed.
Wall Displays will Begin to Appear. These are Entire Walls that will Become an Image Display Surface, Which will Require an Entirely New Kind of Visual Presentation to Make The Best Use of This Medium.
It will be Discovered & Widely Accepted by Doctors, Psychiatrists & Politicians that The Color Red is making people Crazy, & will be Banned from All Public Spaces or On Clothing.
The Right to Wear Clothes ( Or Not ) will be Widely Tested in The Courts. We’er supposed to be living in This Amazingly Free Country, But we don’t even have The Freedom to Dress The Way we’d like to.
It will be widely rumored that Doctors are Diagnosing Brain Tumors as Other Ailments to Protect The Cell Phone Industry.
Several American Politicians will be Kidnapped by European Governments & Charged with A Wide Variety of Crimes against those Nations. Very Large Aircraft Carriers & Battle Ships will be shown to be Surprisingly Vulnerable if They’re Attacked in Creative, Imaginative Ways.
It will Be Discovered that The Dental Guilds have been Suppressing A Vaccine for Tooth Decay for more than 60 years. Transexuals will begin fighting for their Rights & it will become more & more acceptable for Men to have Breasts, Dress as Women & Bake for community events.