You Know My Name Not My Story by Kenny

Kenny

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

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Kenny You Know My Name, Not My Story

Dear Past Self Thank You Hi, my name is Kenny. Thank you for reading this book. I’m about to tell you about my life. I was born in Hoffman Estates at St. Alexian Brothers Hospital in Illinois, living in Elgin, Illinois most of my childhood. As a toddler, my family has told me stories of my life. Once, another toddler pushed me into an air vent. I hurt my head. Now I have a scar to this day. Another time I dropped a heavy box t.v. on me. They picked it up, I stopped crying and crawled away like nothing happened.

Another time I was alone with my sister Natasia. I locked her in the bathroom and made a mess of the house. By the time she got out of the bathroom, my mom came home from work. My sister was punished. And the last story my family told me about myself was when I would run in the middle of the night to the kitchen to use the drawers as stairs to climb the counter. I would do all this to get to the cereal. I’d make a big bowl and eat a little then fall asleep at the table. Boy, I would waste a lot.

They had to keep buying cereal because of me.

Remembering a time as a toddler me and Tas got in a fight over the t.v. She had the remote so I pulled her across the living room floor by her hair. Good times. The stories make me laugh at how I was as a child. By the way, I have 3 sisters, Tas or Natasia, the oldest, Serena, the 2nd oldest, and Julia, the youngest of the three. I’m the youngest child and the only boy. Tas lived with my mom and me. Serena was put up for adoption before I was born. Julia lived on and off with us. She would go live with her dad a lot. Tas and Serena have the same dad. Julia and I have different dads. I grew up without my father being in my life. My dad left my mom and me when I was 4 years old, so I never really had a father figure growing up. I was sad as a child not having a dad.

Growing up my mom had a lot of friends. One is Sue. She gave us our 1st game system, a Nintendo 64 with the Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong, among other games.

We would watch scary movies at her parents’ home. Her mom was nice. She would watch me sometimes as a child. I learned how to tie my shoes while watching SpongeBob at her house. She would make Julia brownies with chocolate chips for her birthday. I would eat them whenever I could. They were delicious.

I remember being happy with Sue and her mom. Sue’s mom died from cancer a few years before the Covid 19 pandemic. Sue’s dad is an okay guy. He prosecuted Gacy, the serial killer. Sue had Gacy’s clown suit in her apartment on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago for a period of time. Later on the government needed the suit back but she did get to keep his painting of Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs. She is a great family friend.

Another friend of my mom’s is Adela. She lived with us for some time during my childhood. So Adela’s the mother of a guy named Josh. He wasn’t a good guy. He dated my mom for a small part of my childhood. His friends were not nice either.

They stole my Gameboy as a child when I wasn’t home. Josh’s crazy. He would abuse my mom physically. There was one time I tried to help her and he threw me at a metal bed frame while I was only a child. This wasn’t the first time he hurt her either.

He hurt her again at some apartment in Elgin, Illinois. I was in the dining room with Josh’s brother. My mom was in the bedroom with Josh. He’s hurting her. I hear her screaming. I tell the brother to go help. He says they're watching a scary movie. I say okay then when he doesn’t think I care anymore I ran in the bedroom and helped my mom.

I was worried about my mom but not scared. When we lived in Elgin, my mom broke up with Josh. He broke the window in the master bedroom before the break up. We had a piece of wood covering the broken window, with the bed frame keeping the wood in place.

One day, Josh was coming in through the window and my mom saw what was happening. She grabs me and a large kitchen knife, runs out the front door and hides behind a tree. I was scared for my mom because I didn't know what was going to happen. Josh found us but I yelled for help and luckily a neighbor saw what was going on and threatened to call the police. Josh left. Some time later Josh got arrested for some crime and I haven’t seen him since. While we were living in Elgin I went to Century Oaks Elementary school. My mom would buy me Nesquik chocolate milk and Lunchables before school. She would do this every morning before dropping me off and going to work. Doing this ritual before school made me happy.

While at Century Oaks I met this boy Christian Negrone. The teacher had made all of the kids put their heads down on the desk. Christian reaches out his hand and shakes mine and we became friends. Christian being my first friend in school made it easier being at school.

The teacher Mrs. Nebble yelled at me. I told my mom and she yelled at her.

The teacher never yelled at me again.

I had to take speech all through elementary school. I couldn't say words with S. During recess, I would play games and practice. I hated speech. I'd rather have been at recess with my friends. One year I had a birthday party at Gameworks in Schaumburg, Illinois.

There was a game I couldn't play because I was too small. All my friends and family were playing. I told my mom. She went and got the manager and I was able to play the game, but all of my family and friends were playing other games. So I didn’t care about that one game anymore.

School playgrounds were fun growing up. The equipment was fun to play on. We played a game where we would hang and use our legs to pull each other off the bars until someone fell. We played tag and even a game called nutcracker, where one person sat in between the divider of two slides. And we hung on the kid’s legs hurting the kid. I stopped playing the game quick because it hurt too much.

I usually fought kids when they bullied me or talked about my mom.

When I was at home, I’d hang out with my sister Tas. She introduced me to rock music on demand. I enjoyed the music but I didn’t understand it. One time my sister was fighting to close her bedroom door while my mom was trying to get in. I slipped through a crack into the room and helped my sister. What were siblings for.

Tas loved me and took me everywhere. I called her mom not knowing what the word meant. We went to the mall once and tried free samples and participated in a raffle for an Xbox 360.

We didn’t win but it was a great experience. One time we went to one of her friend’s house. I drank some lemonade and laughed so hard that the lemonade came out my nose. It burned. There was a pregnant cat there that I tried to pet and got scratched bad. I strongly dislike cats to this day because of that experience.

Tas was in a play that I went to as a child. All I remember was saying, “go Tas, everyone else sucks.” Tas had a boyfriend who breathed fire which was pretty cool. They eventually broke up and Tas met a guy named Juan who she married, but this happened when they were still teens. It didn’t work out, but they’re still good friends.

When I was with my sister Julia we would listen to rap on demand and clean the house before going outside. Hanging with her wasn’t as exciting as hanging with Tas.

Somewhere between 2nd to 4th grade, my mom dated a guy named Shyguy, he’s Lous. He owned 2 pitbulls, they were the first dogs I ever had. Their names were Queen and Baby, they were great dogs. I felt bad that they were in a cage, so I gave them my brown baby blanket. This was the only thing I had left from my dad. The dogs ended up ripping it up but I didn’t care cause they were my dogs.

We lived in a house in Carpentersville, Illinois that Shyguy owned. Shyguy was a good guy. He bought me my 1st fish, including a starfish in his aquarium. One day when my mom was at work and I was with Shyguy, a lady came to the door looking for Shyguy. He was asleep. I thought she was going to make my mom and Shyguy break up so I said he’s not here. Right when she’s about to leave Shyguy comes to the door. He serves her because she’s custy. She leaves. He tells my mom when she gets home from work and she yells at me. I go to my room and cry myself to sleep.

Little did they know that woman was a problem. I heard someone talking before I woke up. It’s my mom. Boom! I hear a loud noise. It’s the front door being broken. I woke up to that. My mom comes and takes me downstairs. I see cops in masks, one had a camera. I’m with my mom while Shyguy and his friend are shoving coke down the toilet.

The cops got us in the dining room. My mom’s in cuffs, telling me everything's going to be okay. I’m still trying to process what’s happening. My mom says that she’s going to be leaving. I scream, “Please don’t take my mommy,” but they take her anyway. I was sad and traumatized from this experience with the police. My sister comes home from school and waits with me until we go to my aunt’s home until my mom gets released. When my mom got out, we went home. We saw Shyguy from time to time but we moved around after that incident.

As a child, I would grab a blanket, sit over a vent and call it my warm spot when I wasn’t playing with toys or video games. Growing up I believed in Santa. My sister Julia woke me up on Christmas to catch my mom wrapping the presents. I never believed in Santa again and I would tell other kids that Santa isn’t real. Around this same time, I enjoyed missing school to play video games on the Xbox 360 or the Wii we had. One day at school I came home and Julia’s in the hospital. Turns out her appendix ruptured. I checked on her and played with toys in another room. She had surgery and eventually came home.

My mom started seeing a guy by the name of Rambo. He was an alright guy. I came home from the park one day and my mom and him got into it. She punched him in the nose. He was bleeding, holding ice on his nose. I stopped him from getting into another fight with my mom. He was mad and broke a chair. My mom was as good of a mom she felt she could be, but she had bad taste in men. Her and Rambo were married but he got locked up and they got divorced. I was about 8 years old when we moved to Streamwood, Illinois. I would play with kids older and younger than me. I knew all the kids in the neighborhood, we would have airsoft wars. Airsoft guns are like BB guns but they shoot plastic bbs instead of metal ones so they don’t hurt as bad when you’re hit.

One time in the middle of the night in winter some friends came to get me for a war.

We walked, then saw our opponents, but we were outnumbered so we hid behind a bush with no leaves but they didn’t see us and we got away. Later that night, I shot my friend in the cheek by mistake. I felt bad that I hurt him. I agree to let someone shoot me in the back of the head. What I didn’t know was what they were shooting me with, a semiautomatic. 3 shots hit me. I had 3 bumps on my head. It was an electric gun.

One day after school, I came home to a broken door. Someone had broken into my home. They had been there for money. Some old neighbors saw them and called the cops. They found one of the guys hiding in the woods. We had the door replaced.

My cousins had the life I wish I had as a kid. They had dads and moms who did everything legit. They never had to worry about the cops raiding their home or even anyone breaking in. Some of my cousins had a trampoline, pool and a jacuzzi. Plus they got to keep their pets. I always had to let mine go. Not being able to keep my pets made me sad.

My sister Serana reached out to my mom when she was a teenager when we lived in Streamwood. She didn't like me because I was always with our mom and she wasn't. One time living in Elgin she came to visit and was with my sister Julia. They snuck into the public pool and I wanted to go with them. They said if I could hop a fence in 5 seconds I could go. I did it and they still didn't let me go.

My mom dated a guy named Blue when we moved back to Elgin, after living in Streamwood. Blue had a daughter and 2 sons, David and Zae. I had been in DARE as a kid. DARE stands for Drug, Abuse, Resistance, Education, so I disliked drugs. David and Zae cornered me in my room and made me smoke weed with them. David was 12 and Zae was like 16. I smoked a blunt and threw up, then started feeling the effects. I felt tingling all over my body. I was giggling and happy. I’m high and got the munchies. While I’m eating, Zae tells me when he 1st got high he rolled on the floor. I laugh and start rolling on the floor.

My mom calls me upstairs and knows I’m high. She’s not mad because it’s not my fault. I was peer pressured into it. I’m only 9 years old and Blue sends me to go get a bag from his friend Money down the street in the apartments. Money gave me a pound of weed to bring to Blue. My younger friend Pacman asks me what’s in the bag under my coat. I tell him nothing and deliver the weed to Blue.

Blue was always letting us get high while we played Call of Duty, Black Ops, Zombies. I would go to school smelling like weed. Some kid was by me and a friend of mine thought he was the one who smelled. He went and talked to him. I just laughed and went about my day.

There was one time when my mom was at work and I was playing the Playstation. Me and David were playing Zombies and a friend of Blue’s, Sleezy, was in the front of the house. The door to the house was open, the screen door was closed. Someone tried to come in, Sleezy grabbed him and brought him into my room. He told us he’d be back.

He took the guy by the park and pistol whipped him. He told us what happened later when he came back.

I had a dog named Snoopy around this time. I remember carrying the dog up to my bunk bed to watch a movie and he peed on my bed. That wasn’t a smart idea. The dog peed a lot. I wasn't happy that I had to clean my bed afterwards. They sold my dog when I was at school. We got a new dog, a pitbull. I forget the name of the dog but as a puppy Blue gave my dog beer to drink. My dog was small and would dig under the wooden fence in the back and run away. So I was at school and Blue sold my puppy.

He said it ran away but I didn’t believe it.

My mom came home from work one day and told me we’re moving again. It turns out Blue owed Sleezy money and we were moving for this reason. We packed everything.

I was told to wait in the truck and keep a lookout for any suspicious cars. I wasn't happy we were moving but I had no say in the decision. We left and stayed in hotels for a week or 2, then moved into an apartment on 21st and California in Chicago. We moved in then ate some food from Church’s Chicken across the street.

I’m not in school for 6-12 months. I’m just at home smoking weed, cleaning the house, playing video games, and watching t.v. Blue took me one day to a flea market and bought me a jumpsuit like him. He also bought me my 1st pair of boxers and a game system for $20.

Blue ended up leaving to go be with his baby momma. My mom told him to leave. He had been in my mom’s old car in the past and been rammed by rival gang members so Blue left. He left his gun at the apartment, a glock and his hat. When he was in Texas, me and David were at the apartment. David’s mom picked us up cause my mom was gone for some reason. I put the gun at a spot in the apartment with David for Blue to get when he got back. I had a dog named Patches that I refused to leave behind. I was tired of losing my pets. I didn't want to lose Patches. David’s mom picked us up and dropped me and my dog at my aunt’s home.

I'm at my aunt's home with my pitbull Patches. She gets in a fight with my aunt's dog Harley. So my dog is put in the bathroom in the basement. I refuse to leave my dog and I sleep with her on the floor. My mom picks us up and drops me off at home. Blue comes while my mom is at work and she's on the phone with him and tells him to leave. He leaves and I stop smoking.

Since he's gone there's a school across the street and I'm craving human interaction.

My mom decided to put me in the school. They ask why I haven't been in school for so long. She has no excuse. I'm forced to wear a uniform for the first time, a white Polo and some blue pants. I had free lunch but didn't tell my mom. I used to ask her for 20$ a week for lunch. I would buy candy from people outside after school. I saved enough money one time to buy a new game for my xbox 360. This game was a kid game made for everyone and was filled with teddy bears but you played as a bear and had to kill other bears. All different types of ways to get farther in the game and receive achievements like trophies.

I was being bullied in school because I was the new Kid. Some kid smacked my back hard while we were in line. I was going to fight him but the teacher stopped me. I told the teacher what happened and he Just separated us. That same kid would talk about me not having a dad. I was emotional so I would cry. When someone would bring up I had no dad I would get sad.

I started hanging out with gang members in the alley with my dog playing football. My mom didn't like that. She wasn't paying her car bill so one day the repo man cut the lock off the fence that had the cars in it and towed the car. My mom had to find a new way to get to work.

We were moving again. This time we moved in with my mom's friend Jenny who had 2 Kids Christian and Alexis. They were both younger than me but were good kids and good friends. I had to leave the Mongoose bike my aunt got me for 1 year for my birthday in the apartment in Chicago. My mom said I couldn't take it cause the chain had oil and it would've stained the seats in the car my mom was driving. It was a brand new bike my mom never let me ride in Chicago.

The school in Lombard where we moved had 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade all in one middle School. This was my 1st experience going to middle school. I had my first experience with a locker in 6th grade. The kids I lived with were in elementary school.

We would play tag, hide and seek a lot. I would hide the best. There was a spot I found in the basement behind the water heater that was an opening to a crawl space. I eventually showed them the spot but I always was winning. Christian and Alexis' dad had gotten deported to Mexico while they were little kids. They usually had baby sitters, one was an old guy named Fran, and a former veteran named Scotty. They were good People. Me and Fran didn't really like each other. When the kids and I would play tag I would climb and jump off the garage roof. They had a trampoline we would play on and sometimes a small above ground pool when it was set up along with a fire pit.

In school I used a smart board for the first time. It's an electronic white board. Also I started my 1st ever cooking class. I enjoyed cooking. I made my 1st ever Snickerdoodle cookies. There was a time I had known a kid in the neighborhood, he lived across the street from where I lived. He was a good kid and gave me his old bike but he was riding it and I wanted a turn so I grabbed his hoodie when he wasn't moving. He took off fast and I fell face first and chipped my front tooth. My mom said if I ever lost any teeth I'll have to be toothless. I began to cry not because it hurt but because I thought I would have to go to school missing a tooth. Which I did.

My mom had me in speech at this school. The speech teacher said I was good just missing a tooth. Fran the babysitter was nice to me. That day when I lost my tooth he made me soup. He would buy the kids tiny planes to fly and I got nothing. Scotty was the cool babysitter. He taught us how to build model airplanes, which my mom would give to me from one of her friends. He showed us the difference between a longboard and a skateboard. He built a longboard in the garage too. One time Scotty had tried to speed up the process of a bonfire. He put gasoline on it from a used Lunchable tray.

The fire spread so quickly he was on fire in seconds.

I started the hose connected to the house. But instead of jumping in the pool, he stopped, dropped and rolled, took off his sweater and wasn't on fire any more. The next day his hands were filled with blisters but he was okay. There was another time he set up a trap because the dog Jenny had gotten sprayed at night. The Skunk was in the trap the next day Scotty managed to put a blanket over the trap. He put it in a kids wagon and we walked to the Forest Preserve down the street. He set the trap on the floor and used a water bottle to keep it open so the skunk could be free. He didn't get sprayed by the skunk so that was a win. The skunk looked happy to be free and hopped as it walked away.

Me and the kids began having problems. I ate a lot of snacks as a kid. Chocolate chip cookies were my favorite. Jenny told me I couldn’t eat the cookies anymore because her kids were complaining. I’d eat them all. So I told my mom and she bought me my own cookies. Chips Ahoy, my favorite. I didn’t have to share. They were acting differently. I couldn’t play on their computer, so they couldn’t play my Xbox 360. We kept going back and forth. My mom thought it’d be best if we move. So she told Jenny a month in advance so we moved again.

We moved to Wheeling, Illinois Pine Hill apartments into a one bedroom. My mom bought a futon that turned into a bed. I slept in the living room. We moved in the middle of my sixth grade year. I began going to Cooper Middle School. It was different from my last middle school. I no longer had a cooking class. I had to learn a new school layout and also make new friends.

My first day, at lunch I didn’t know where to sit. Some Latino kids invited me to sit at their table. I felt welcomed. But they thought I was somebody else. They started speaking Spanish to me. I didn't know any Spanish at the time. When I told them that they were confused, but they still accepted me. The kids were nice. It was just different. I guess that’s the consequence of moving around a lot but I learned to adjust and make the best out of it.

The end for now.

Kenny I Am From I am from Wheeling, the burbs.

From nachos, pizza, and wine tree apt.

I am from houses filled with food and clean.

I am from Forest Preserves, streams of water and trees.

I’m from Karla and Julia From roller coasters and support.

I’m from be patient, And from forgiveful.

I’m from Christianity.

I’m from St. Alexian Brothers.

From mostaccioli, mashed potatoes, and burgers.

From Karla.

I am from love that's unconditional.

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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