Reason's and Why's by Erick Ellison

Erick Ellison

Reason’s and Why’s

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

Reason’s and Why’s Erick Ellison

Birth in life is unpredictable, not knowing the reasons, whys and purposes behind situations. Life sometimes isn’t always picture perfect. What looks good on the outside might not always be good on the inside. Coming up in life I was once in a functional family to a dysfunctional one. From my opinion I believe the reason why is because of greed and jealousy.

It’s sad when you have to go out into the world, whether it’s work, school or wherever it may be, dealing with humans in society and having to put up with greed and hate. For a family to act in that character is truly sad and is not good for the kids to grow up seeing the adults gossip and bicker with each other.

As kids get older and pay attention to certain things that goes on within the family, and affects them in different ways. For instance, I became a loner and turned to the street to block the vision of the chaos amongst something that's supposed to be a Temple, and that’s family.

As I got older, I got wiser and always was a competitor not meaning I was in competition or was a hater, it was just that anything that I’ve learned I wanted to do or be the best at it and was willing to always help another. Even though my family was or I say, some of my family, was dysfunctional, I’ve always had family that stood on my neck and disciplined me, whether it was from lectures, to leather belts, to even fists. The disciplining from my mom, Granny and my mom’s siblings made me tougher, stronger and respectful, ah yeah smarter!

I started to pay attention to characteristics from my mom’s and dad’s side of the family, from attitudes whether if they were good or bad, so I try to weigh the good with the bad because I’m a firm believer in genetics. Through genetics, good and bad ways could be passed down to the kids, and as kids get older, those attitudes start to show in the youth as they get older. So on my behalf, I started to see those traits and characteristics and as I got wiser I acknowledged the good and the bad and self-disciplined myself to be genuine and great.

I grew up in the ghetto, so you could imagine the things I’ve seen and been through.

Growing up in the hood, we made the best of things whether it was from riding bikes, playing sports or catch a girl kiss a girl.

I’ve always been attentive coming up. I’ve seen violence and a lot of drug dealing in my neighborhood, so I wasn’t blind to certain things; and me being a young man learning right from wrong, I gravitated to certain things.

My uncles and cousins always made me tough and kept me on point about a lot of things whether it was my clothes and hygiene being up to par or taking care of my clothes or keeping my room clean. When I left out to go to school or coming, I seen the drug dealers with the bankrolls, nice cars and beautiful women. Come on man, what average young king growing up wouldn’t like getting some money and having a nice car. So in life you could say I was exposed to a lot within and out.

I have a big family with a lot of cousins and I’ve alway looked up to people who were older than me and ran up behind. I had people around me who did positive things and also things that a child shouldn’t see, but that’s life. No one’s perfect.

In life coming up and going through elementary school, you’re faced with a lot of tests, and those tests can predict what type of person you’ll sort of be. When you’re in school you’re dealing with different personalities amongst your classmates, and you might have someone test you to see if they can get over on you or bully you and that can lead into adult life. So you could learn from your test from grammar school and apply it into your adult life because life is about tests and will build your character to be a better person.

Me, as a child and a teenager, you’ve seen your friends do things that your parents or family members wouldn’t allow you to do, whether it's staying out a little late or riding your bike around the corner instead of one end of the block to the other end. So when I saw my friends do things that I wanted to do but couldn’t, I began to take chances.

I was the first child, born December 14th 10:39 a.m., and I was raised in the Lawndale area on the West side of Chicago, known as the Holy City, on 16th and Hamlin. Later my mom gave birth to my two brothers and my little sister. By me being the first born, I’ve seen and witnessed so much and that made me outweigh the good with the bad, and that’s what molded me to the growing man I am today.

In life I took chances and made sacrifices, for instance when I was told as a child my curfew was 9 pm and I came in later because I couldn’t miss that house party all my friends was going to. So that was the chance I took, getting an ass whooping and going on punishment, but that didn’t matter. I still took chances.

My mom was a hard worker and made sure we had what we needed, but growing up I always gravitated to people who was older than me, which I’ve learned a lot from but still had to learn on my own. So what I’m getting to is what my mom did for me wasn’t enough because I wanted those shoes every week and outfits, to even as a teenager buying my first car and that all came from selling drugs.

It all started when I was in elementary school, going to William Penn. I met one of my best friends and he moved to our neighborhood and became my classmate at William Penn. So being the leader I am, I seen the member in him and introduced myself and asked him what he was, and he was a GD and I was a Vice Lord. He was from K-Town and knew my kin folks but just off the strength of the way he carried hisself, we locked in and it was on from there. I asked him did he smoke and we got blowed after school.

When my homie Snuk use to go to the K and come back to the Holy and we would link and kick the bo bos. Snuk would have a bankroll along with his two lil brothers, Blue Shoe and Funk Funk which was my lil homies as well. Me and my homies was like “Damn Jo, yall got it on yall” and they would respond “that’s that K-Town money” and since then it was on from there. You know being the lil playas we were, we wanted in. Me and my best friend Terrance cut right into Snuk and from there we was going to the K. Snuk introduced us to Blood who joint (block) it was, and he told me and Terrance to basically chill throughout the day and see how the block is ran and showed us ways to slot our packs, in which right now to this day the Police wouldn’t find it. At the end of the day, he had the runner give us a hundred dollars a piece.

Around that time which was 1999 that hunnit felt like a G ($1000) but not only that block was smacking harder than Burger King and McDonald’s put together. From that day forward, me and my boi Terrance would take turns riding each other on the stunt nuts on my bike from the Holy to the “K” until we started taking the bus. The second day me coming over there, my homie who block it was gave me and my homie 10 packs a piece, mind you we was only thirteen around that time and besides this time I’ve only sold some nickel bags of weed and I’ve upgraded to crack for ten dollars a bag. That was a big upgrade but low key gave me the bubble guts, but it was either having a bankroll in your pocket and buying what you want or asking with your hand out, and that shit was dead.

Me and my homies was leaving the joint (block) at the end of the night with three, four hunnit a piece, sometimes better. Ever since then it was on, full time crime! You couldn’t tell us shit. We was staying on the regular, going half on a GMC G20 van to buy your own whips, and you know what come with that. Jay-Z & DMX couldn’t have said it better, money, cash, hoes, money, cash hoes. We were young but didn’t move like it, Big Facts. Ever since I felt that fast money it was on.

Mind you I grew up around it and was exposed to it, now I was actually getting it and I fell in love with the dough.

I started catching cases and that went from getting signed out from the Police Station to going to the Audy Home (Juvenile Detention Center). Every time I caught a case it seemed like I knew what not to do which made me a better hustler. I never dropped out of school. I made sure my grades was together because my mom and the rest of my family stayed on my back. They wasn’t fo none. When I was hustling on the block my homies knew to let me know if they see any one of my family members, so you could say I had to watch out for the Police, stick up man and my family. I really didn’t give a fuck because I was addicted to checking a bag, so I would take whatever they had for me. It was nothing.

I graduated from grammar school and attended North Lawndale College Prep, which was kind of dope because I can honestly say I met the love of my life besides my family and money. Her name was Josephine Carter. We met in high school at North Lawndale our freshman year orientation. She made me sweat for a statement I made, which was I told her I could get her, if I wanted her, but eventually, maybe weeks later, she was all mines. Josey was chocolate like 5’4” petite, pigeon toes, long hair, sexy AF. Coming up through life I always stayed in my books and maintained good grades. My only problem was that I got addicted to fast money and grew up too fast. Even though my people stayed on me about my grades, at the end of the day it was up to me to make it happen. Whatever I start I finish. Coming up in school I never wanted to know the answer to a question to any type of problem with any subject. So I did the studying and comprehended to get good grades and carried that same mentality through life.

I ended up having to do four months my sophomore year in Juvie. The Deans and Principals from school were at every court date and I ended up getting probation for the drug case I was incarcerated for. Through the little time I was gone Josie stood ten toes by my side. When I came home I went to our school around last period and surprised Josey. She was in Spanish class and I peeped into where she couldn’t see me. She was running her mouth with her friends. I crept in on her and she was soo shocked. She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried tears. She made me feel some type of way because I never knew I had that type of effect on people.

I ended up getting Josey pregnant when I came home from juvie, but she ended up getting an abortion behind my back, because she said she wasn’t ready for no child and wanted to finish college. I was salty because that would’ve been my daughter and only child. I felt where she came from, but still think about that situation right now today. Me and Josey ended up splitting up later down the line, but after Josey, my heart became cold to the Game. I ended up getting kicked out North Lawndale because I came to a basketball game smelling like weed, and Mr. Horan was at the door. He was like a principal or something. But by them coming to court for me, I was on probation with the school as well as craziest shit ever.

Coming up I made more friends than I made enemies. I might’ve had some haters. I wasn’t tripping as long as they kept that shit to themselves. I wasn’t tripping. Not to sound cocky or anything, but I wasn’t scared to take a punch or connect some, simple. Growing up in the Holy

City, which was the Lawndale area, it was either roll or get rolled over; and the Holy didn’t birth too many pushovers. Overall it was a nice place, but it could also get treacherous.

But that was Chicago period, Home of the Gangstas. I’ve always did more listening than I did talking, and looked up and hung around the OG’s.

I ended up going to George W. Collins high school in the same area as North Lawndale.

I wasn’t tripping. All my people were there. It was a ball. I’m not going to lie. My cuddy rate went up with the females, if you know what I mean. Even though I was going to school, I still made time to hustle when I got out of school. So I most definitely was pulling up to school flee (dressed) with them bank rolls. Everything was going good at school until a tough group of haters wanted to test my gangsta. Mind you, I be humble, laid back, macking and hanging. But at the end of the day, I’m a man before I’m anything. Around that time we had them bangers (guns) on deck.

Me and my homie Nate (nephew) sent that bitch to the moon and prepared for gunplay if they wanted to take it there. That was just how we was taught to move, but this type of shit went on when my uncles, cousins, aunts, mom, and dad went to that high school.

Mind you, Collins sat between the Breeds, GD’s, and BD’s hood, but the Vice Lords was in the area as well. So it was numerous times when it would really get like that. We ended up getting taken to 23rd and Damen police station. Our parents had to come get us, and I ended up getting a ten day suspension. I ended up saying “fuck school” and was full time trapping.

My moms and family always stayed on my bumper, and when they thought I wasn’t listening I was listening. I applied what they taught and instilled in me throughout my life. It’s just that everyone don’t move at the same time, and what may happen for the next, might not happen for you, even when you put forth an effort. This world wasn’t designed like that, but what I do know is if you continue to chase your dream, and never give up, and stay ambitious, good things come to those who stay positive and ten toes down. My cousin ended up having to take some time. He was out on a conspiracy bond, and when he left, the block slowed up.

I ended up moving to the Dirty (Mississippi) in 2002, after cuzzo turned himself in, with my aunt and my pops’ mom and other sister. My Aunt Kay-Kay had just got out of the feds halfway house. I enrolled in Oxford High in Mississippi. When I say their school was like some shit you see on TV, with mixed nationalities, majority of all the students drove to school, got dropped off, or rode the school bus, and MAN, there were some fine female students. It was a little different, but it was something I could get used to.

I was already loving my new school, and they embraced me with welcome arms and Southern Hospitality.

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I was never a stranger in Mississippi. I had friends and known people for years from coming down on holidays and summer vacation. Mind you, I mentioned that I’ve never been an average teenager. My aunt’s friend Penny was definitely much older than me, but I was smashing her ass on the low. She had kids and her own everything, so I was definitely upping the score, and not to mention, she was bad with a banging ass body.

When I mentioned to her that people

were looking for the smokes, she had some three blunt sawbucks ($10 bags). So what I would do was sell them to the white boys for dubs ($20), and it was up from there. I ended up buying one zip (ounce) to two zips to Penny giving me a quarter pound. It was on from there. Once I got my clientele up, I stopped going to school. I got my first job at Taco Bell. It was up from there. Everything else was history in the making. I ended up linking with a few more real niggas down there and more doors opened up.

I ended up rotating with my homie Suave, who was older than me. He had clientele and was on the same page as me. He grew up in Memphis and had plugs on the smokes, and my aunt had been gave me a 1996 black Grand Am, clean! Because you know living in the south, if you didn’t have no whip, it was tight on. My Lady Pumpkin had a two door Cavalier. I would drop her off at school and me and my boy Suave would shoot to Memphis and come back with those Pings (pounds). I was back in mode. The difference was when I was in the Chi, I was selling D and C. Now in the Dirty, I was selling weed and going to work.

Overall, besides what I was doing in the South, especially in Mississippi, I think it’s a great place to live and raise your kids and build a family. You’ll learn how to become responsible, work, get an education, etc. You’ll learn different outdoor activities and get a piece of mind. Mississippi would determine whether you’re a man or a boy, a woman or a gal. I ended up popping my homie Suave’s sister off in May or June of ‘03.

She had been trying to get me to fuck her, but I wasn’t interested, so my homie Shawn started rotating with her, which really didn’t mean nothing.

She ended up coming to the crib one morning for whatever reason, and it was raining.

She had her one year old son with her. She had some leggings. Mind you, she is thicker than anything. I smoked a blunt with her, and baptized her in the name of Jesus. I ended up moving back to Chicago in June of 2003, and she told me she was pregnant before I left. I wasn’t thinking nothing of it, because I wore a rubber. The rubber did break, but at the same token, it was just a one hit wonder. Nine months later, D’Anthony Jones was born on January 13, 2004. I ended up getting a DNA test. It came out 99.9%. There it was, I was a father. I was surprised, but happy as well. Since then I’ve been trying to be the best father I could be, especially since I’m in Chicago and he’s eight hours away in Mississippi.

As he got a little older, he started coming to Chicago, and has gotten to know my side of the family, and most importantly, his Grannies. It is now 2023 and D’Anthony will be 20 years old. In January, he graduated from high school and is working legitimately. After my oldest son, he now has two little brothers and my first daughter I made with three other strong women. Their names are Caden (11), EJ (10), and Kendal Reign Ellison (1).

I love all my kids equally, and in life you are going to run into potholes and bumps in the road, but you have to stay strong and keep on pushing, learn from your mistakes, and become a growing man, a better father, etc. because a dog learns a new trick every day that you could apply in life.

I’m a firm believer in signs and symbols, and the creator puts you in certain situations because he has a better plan for you to become stronger and wiser. I am family oriented and believe in helping and uplifting family. I love and treat all my siblings equally. I am the first born on my mom and pops’ side. My pops didn’t live under the same roof with me and my mom, but he was in my life and I don’t discredit anything from him raising me. I think him and my mom did a damn good job teaching and encouraging me.

I was shot twice in the stomach in March of 2021, and I’m here telling my story.

The Creator kept me in this world for a reason, because I serve a purpose. That is why ever since I was able to understand and stand on my own, I’ve always sat back and observed, listened, learned, and most importantly, respected those before and after me. I never glorified bullshit, taken from others or disrespected.

I was always willing to help if needed. The Creator has a different plan for each and every last one of the people of all ethnicities, and those who think they’ve lost the battle or have become hopeless is when things are going to get better.

He put his children through the storm to teach you how to move when it’s light.

Despite how many times I’ve been arrested or incarcerated, I’ve learned from my mistakes and every false move I’ve made. Even though I wasn’t free in society, I’m always free minded, and that’s more powerful than anything. Because with my mind, I could tear down a lot of bridges and rebuild them. Life has taught me to live and learn. Each one, teach one. Be patient, respectful, and mindful. When you think it’s over, it has just begun, because there are reasons and why’s.

Erick Ellison I Am From I am Erick known as Lil E I am from Chicago the Lawndale area known as the Holy City I am from shooting marbles to hooping full court in the alley on crates I am from if you think it’s sweet, you won’t get a chance to think twice I am from Martin Luther King Jr to Pierre Mahone I am from playing sports to pitching defense on the block I am from William Penn Elementary to graduating to the Penitentiary I’m Jean and Nora Mason grand baby I’m from soul food meals, salmon croquettes and hot water cornbread I am from business men who sit at the round table and make business plans I’m from Loyalty and Respect I am Love, Truth, Peace, Freedom and Justice I am me I am from strong Black Queens I am from Johnnie Ellison and Erick Johnson I am a King

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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