Cause and Effect by Scott Smierciak

Cause and Effect

Scott Smierciak

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

Cause and Effect Scott Smierciak

It’s hard not to be affected by the cause You know it’s funny how things can change in an instant, at the snap of a finger, or in the blink of an eye. My mental apocalypse.

My name is Scott Smericiak. . .This is my story.

It all started April 5th, 2022. . . the day was going great, it was a nice sunny spring day. My kids were outside playing at the neighbor’s house. Me and my lady were inside smoking a blunt laughing, having fun and being goofy. It was 5 days before my birthday so we were planning and making arrangements.

The T.V. was blaring the SVU theme in the background, my lady’s favorite show. As we sat at the kitchen table figuring things out it was around 4:45 pm, when all of a sudden my IPhone began to ring interrupting our conversation. As I looked down my best friend’s name came across the screen.

He was supposed to be on his way over to help fix my car and plan. But he was an hour late so the first thing that came to my mind was he was calling to say he was going to be late or maybe even to say something came up and he couldn’t make it.

Then I picked my phone up and my girl was in the middle of laughing as we cracked a joke about him always being late to everything, maybe his own funeral.

Then I swiped and answered, laughing until I heard an unfamiliar voice on the other end, a voice very low and hesitant to speak.

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sI es a ink of y e my the bl m nd o r f rou it h y a l W d n . u pi er ll ra aract and sp a f n ch to an d ow t of g u e e o b id ars acting d ups e t e nd nd pp c h a in g s a w a s f l i a th om ld y s t a k in g w or m y e o r t m d t, ,b p p e t h in g s in s t a n o r at rt d ng h e a u t h it t i e n t , t h y M o mom ed la s h e t h a t . do ey rna an o t a l ik e

Waves of feelings and emotions crashing down. My stomach was sick, my heart hurt and my feet dragged as I thought to myself nooooo. . . Not my A1, not my life long best friend, he can’t be gone forever! I went to bed very early that night.

My mind was racing with a million questions, but no one was there to answer any of them.

One thing I strongly remember about that night is I still have somebody by my side that loves me tremendously, my girl, who was trying her best to comfort me and help me get through this nightmare to the best of her ability.

I was so thankful to have her by my side. Frankly without her I’m not sure what would have happened or what I would have done that night.

Anyway the next morning rolled around. I opened my eyes, vision foggy and head pounding. I sat up, reality hit me fast, it wasn’t a dream. I turned to my left, eyes full of tears . . . again my girl was already awake. She pulled me close and hugged me tight, rocking and crying with me. She softly whispered “everything’s going to be okay, you gotta stay strong.”

By 11:00 that morning my emotions already had overcome the day and I found myself at the kitchen table popping a cork to a bottle of Henderson. It was some aged whiskey we had sitting around the house. I took shot after shot making it a quarter way through the bottle. My girl sat down and looked at me and said that’s what type of day this is going to be.

I looked back at her and mumbled yes and passed her the bottle. By 1:00pm we were both wasted. At that moment I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for her to deal with me.

The next couple weeks were wild and hectic as I began to heavily drink and swallow perc’s to mask and numb my emotions. From April 5th to May 5th I completely spiraled out of control losing myself within one month.

I blame myself because my lady did the same, but how could I blame her. She had to deal with me which was probably almost the closest thing to impossible. As I thought nothing could get worse, I was wrong. Me and my girl’s addiction was progressing. It was Sunday May 8th, sometime late night we both took a fake pressed perky. About an hour later she overdosed. She was blue in the face with no pulse. I remember thinking to myself asking, well more like begging, God please don’t take her from me, too.

I started to perform CPR on her as I called and waited for an ambulance to arrive. Sure enough the CPR worked. 2 minutes before they arrived I got a pulse, a heartbeat. Then they ran in, hit her with Narcan and got her coherent. They told me I saved her life, but at the same time I felt it was almost my fault for giving it to her in the first place.

Main thing is she was alive and that’s all that mattered in the moment. The hospital reported it straight to DCFS. 2 days later, May 10th, as my addiction was out of control, I left to go get more and within a few hours of me being gone, DCFS showed up and took all my kids and placed them in foster care.

I was now completely devastated, broken and that only made things worse. That week it was Friday the 13th, me and my girl hadn't slept in 3 days. We were up drinking and high until one of our conversations sparked, a wrong button was pushed or an emotion was pulled. It was like a scene from the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith that went on too long, so I left.

So I drove out to Maywood to my homie’s house that was also good friends with my best friend that passed away. I was out there all weekend running the streets of Maywood and Bellwood with him. Of course drinking and percs were involved again with no sleep, maybe just periods of naps. All I wanted to do was make the pain I had inside go away and forget about everything for just a minute. Nothing I did was working though. It was now Sunday night, the end of a wild, crazy weekend, so I thought. Until there was a knock at the door. My homie went and answered it. Before I knew it I glanced up and saw my older brother standing there smiling.

I thought I seen a ghost. It’s been months since I’ve seen or spoke to him. We really weren’t on good terms due to the fact that we both lived completely different lifestyles. We were the opposite of each other but the main thing is his girl didn’t like me and my girl didn’t want me around him. She always told me anytime he come around or we were together he brought nothing but negativity, bad vibes and trouble. Nothing positive ever came of it. Why was he there? Mhmm, not too sure, but I didn’t want to ask.

Monday evening I headed home. I had to apologize to my girl and have a real conversation with her, hoping it wasn’t too late or completely over with. I got home and spent the next 2 days talking, apologizing and making up with her and talking to her about my weekend. Before we could figure everything out it all blew up in my face.

It was Thursday night, May 20th, I stepped outside my front door to leave to be surrounded by what I thought could have been 100 U.S. Marshals with guns and lights in my face. They screamed “get on the floor, don’t move or we'll shoot.” So I listened carefully to what they were demanding me to do. Within little to no time back at the police station they were charging me with 1st degree murder by accountability. At that point and time I felt my life was officially over. So now a year and a half later I’ve been sitting, patiently waiting in the Cook County Department of Corrections for 18 months awaiting trial or for them to come to a conclusion or resolution. I believe they did so.

As for all that, it is now October 2023 close to another new year, but the moral of the story is in the past 3 years I’ve been through hell and back, ups and downs, twists and turns. I honestly deeply believe I hit rock bottom and lost it all. There’s a cause and effect to everything and therefore it’s hard not to be affected by the cause. One thing I can say and will say is I was tremendously affected by all the traumatic events in my life in the past few years, but I definitely learned from each and every one of them. WIth all that being said I can truly honestly say I have a completely different vision of life itself now.

I’ve changed my thought process and the way I carry myself. My actions, the way I speak and how I move is in a whole different manner. It’s most definitely safe to say my actions have spoken louder than my words. I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be, but as for all this it has deeply impacted my life and corrected me into a better man. I wouldn’t take any of this back, but I damn sure will never relive it. So now I ask, what is opportunity?

Opportunity is an amount of time or a situation in which something can be done, a favorable junction of circumstances or a good chance for advancement or progress. Now ladies and gentlemen, I believe this is my opportunity to shine, to make it count and to change my life around for the better. Something like from a boy to a man. Remember our thoughts become our actions, but uncorrected they become our destiny.

Again my name is Scott Smierciak . . . and that is my story!

Scott Smierciak I Am From I am from 29th and Normal, a place they call Bridgeport From White Sox Park and Maxwells I am from a black tall building, heavy staircases and smelly alleys I am from weeds and thorn bushes Both tall, green, sharp, and prickly I’m from my cousin Jason and my cousin Taylor From throwing rocks and busting windows And from funny and outgoing I’m from what you give is what you get And from you got to give respect to get it I’m from a broken family where I’m just trying to fit in I’m from Chicago, IL From tacos, italian beef, and breaded steak sandwiches From Blanco and Tim Folks I am from hurt, pain, and struggle that will lead to greatness

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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