Paul Heiney Talk of a new National Ship representing Britain abroad has Paul dreaming of a tall ship - the sort of vessel that separates the political chaff from the wheat on a trade mission to foreign lands
W
e are going to have a National Ship, or at least it’s on the cards if not yet actually on the stocks. It is to be an emblem of Great Britain, proudly flying our flag around the world, carrying a bulk cargo of well fed business people hell bent on getting that elusive overseas contract for bed springs that will make us the envy of the world. I have no view on whether this is a good or a bad use of public money, but I’ll bet you one thing - they’ll get the ship wrong. The last thing we need is a poor man’s copy of an oligarch’s bath toy; heaven forbid we end up with a plasticlooking, multi-decked monster built in the style of a vulgar Dubai hotel and using, at a guess, as much fuel per mile as a moon shot. That is not going to win any hearts, nor any election for a government that cracks a bottle of priceless champagne over its bows. Anyway, some hipster, awash with a fortune from the invention of a ‘cool’ app, is always going to build one bigger, and how proud is our nation’s flag carrier going to stand when eclipsed by a monster built on the proceeds of an online betting game involving Smarties? Given the insistence that this is going to be an enginedriven ship, where should we look for inspiration? Might the fictional Vital Spark, the ever unreliable Clyde Puffer of Neil Munro’s stories, be a good working model? It may have been a pretty hopeless vessel but it was endearing, and there are more ways to win contracts than one, and a Puffer might at least produce a bit of sympathy for our cause. The purpose of this National Ship, as I understand it, is to turn heads, create admiration, rekindle respect, and generally make people feel good about Britain when she appears above the horizon. If so, may I point out that one of our strongest exports has always been our sense of history and tradition, and that the only vessel with enough symbolism to capture that is a Tall ship. Don’t groan, you modernists. Sails are on the way back. Only last week I read that in these ever greener times, sails are being seriously considered as additional propulsion
for cargo ships. Ship designers have finally taken a backward glance to the golden age of sail and, pretending it is a new idea all of their own invention, have embraced as a brave step into the future what we do most weekends, which is put up sheets of cloth to catch the breeze and thereby avoid burning up the diesel. We’ve been here before with this idea of using sails, I admit, but there’s a new urgency to reduce the burning of that filthy fuel that ships carry, so this time masts and canvas might just take off. But even if it doesn’t, a sailing ship does not have to be a throw back to the days of tarred hemp, scurvy and the lash. In the final days of the great square-rigged trading ships, the German-built barques were reckoned to be the most advanced ships of their day employing the best technology that was to hand. We could do the same, demonstrating that although we no longer rules the waves, we can be pretty smart at getting ships to roll over them. I’m afraid I would also keep the Navy’s sticky fingers off it. They are a fighting force, and a National Ship should be an instrument of persuasion and not intimidation. We want the countries we visit to be thrilled at our dignified and stylish arrival, not nervous. The National Ship sails in peace. So instead of gold-braided captains and crew let us seek out those who understand the practice and the strengths of sail training for young people - the Ocean Youth Trust comes to mind - and let them inspire those who might benefit most from learning to hand, reef and steer, acquiring much needed self-respect and dignity in the process. And there’s one other good use for a National Tall Ship. There is no better way to get the measure of a person than by sending them to sea. It has a way of washing away veneer to reveal the true person beneath. Blaggards can become cowards when faced with the ocean’s anger; yet the diffident and nervous can often find unimagined heroism. So if it should be anyone’s boastful wish to crave high office and run the country, might not a few hours lashed to the wheel while the barometer drops, reveal if they might, or might not, be up to the job. If it only achieved that, a National Ship would be well worth the money.
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OCTOBER 2021 Sailing Today with Yachts & Yachting
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ILLUSTRATION: CLAIRE WOOD
‘One of our finest exports has been our sense of history and the only vessel to capture that is a Tall ship’
